0:07

hey , friends , this is your host , mindy

0:09

duff , and you're listening to up level

0:11

your life with mindy , your number

0:13

one personal growth podcast

0:15

that will bring you closer to uncovering

0:18

your greatest self . As

0:20

a certified holistic health and nutrition

0:23

coach , I created this podcast

0:25

for anyone who desires to improve

0:28

physically , emotionally

0:30

and spiritually . I'll

0:33

be interviewing experts and sharing

0:35

tips and tricks that have helped not only

0:37

my clients , but that have guided

0:39

me on my own transformational

0:41

journey . I

0:44

believe that we all have a greatness that

0:46

lies within . We just need

0:48

to uncover it . Are

0:50

you ready to level up ? Then let's

0:53

begin . Hi

0:59

everyone and welcome back to Uplevel your Life with

1:01

Mindy . I am your host , mindy Duff , and

1:03

today I have a guest with me . I'm going to

1:05

be chatting with Julie DeLuca

1:07

Collins and we're going to be talking

1:09

about oh , all kinds of good stuff , confidence

1:12

and habits and all

1:14

the juicy things that I am really excited

1:17

to get into . Julie , thanks for being on the show

1:19

today .

1:20

Okay , I've been having so much fun

1:22

forward to your our

1:24

interview . Thanks for having me .

1:27

All right . Well , let's just get in here before

1:29

we do anything . How about you just tell

1:31

a little bit about yourself and what you do ?

1:33

Absolutely Well . I am a tiny habits coach

1:35

First and foremost . I also am a business

1:38

and life strategist . I help

1:40

women specifically in midlife

1:42

be able to build a brand

1:44

, a business they love , through podcasting

1:47

and getting their message out there , but also

1:49

creating the consistent income

1:51

we are all looking for from month to month

1:53

. So those are the things that I really specialize

1:56

, and I love working with individuals , with

1:58

yeah , and I think that I mean

2:00

for me as a entrepreneur

2:02

.

2:02

I think this is just right up my alley . But

2:05

I'm also going to just put a little caveat here for

2:07

people that are listening . If you are , if

2:09

you are a man or if you're not an entrepreneur

2:12

, everything that we're going to be talking about here today

2:14

is definitely applicable to

2:16

everybody . If you're a human on the planet

2:18

, this episode is going to be for you , but

2:21

if you are somebody who is an entrepreneur and

2:23

you kind of resonate with Julie , you might want to look her up here

2:25

after you finish listening to this podcast

2:27

.

2:28

Yeah , absolutely . And , by the way and I

2:30

want to make this clear for also for

2:32

other entrepreneurs , because they tend to get very

2:34

hesitant

2:37

to niche down , but I

2:39

also work with males but

2:41

once you create your message and is really

2:43

refined , then you're really resonating

2:46

with the person and the people that

2:48

you thought maybe wouldn't be resonating

2:50

with .

2:51

Yeah , absolutely so

2:53

. Let's talk a little bit about confidence

2:56

, because that's when I woke up this

2:58

morning and I was thinking what am I doing today

3:00

? Oh , I'm going to chat with Julie

3:02

today and we are going to talk about confidence

3:04

and I'm so excited for this conversation

3:06

. As a person , I

3:08

feel like I have probably an average

3:10

amount of confidence . I don't feel overly

3:13

confident . I don't feel super

3:15

meek and need to always hide in the shadows either

3:17

, but I definitely feel

3:20

I've been thinking about this a lot more lately that

3:22

more confidence just really could help

3:24

me in my own life in a lot of different

3:26

ways , and I'm sure everybody else too

3:28

. So I'm curious about your

3:30

take on confidence and how it

3:32

can help people in their lives .

3:35

Well , thank you for asking this . After

3:37

habits , confidence is my second

3:39

favorite conversation to have . I

3:42

think that there's a lot of misconceptions

3:44

when we are talking about confidence

3:46

. You tend to think that

3:48

confidence is a feeling that she's

3:50

got it . When I was in corporate America

3:53

and I got a promotion , a

3:55

lot of women would come to me and say , hey

3:57

, I wish I was as confident as you are . And

3:59

the reality is that there is a level

4:02

, like you said , of confidence there . I'm a

4:04

firstborn , so of course , I'm

4:06

very outgoing , I'm extroverted

4:08

, but the confidence level

4:11

really comes from finding evidence

4:13

that you're capable to do whatever

4:15

it is that you're doing . If you think about

4:17

when you learned to ride a bike or when you were

4:19

learning to walk , you

4:22

weren't a master

4:24

at anything , but the confidence

4:27

started as you started to see yourself

4:29

okay , I can do this a little bit more

4:31

, I can step out . And

4:33

for many of us , we're always looking for

4:36

the feeling as opposed to

4:38

looking at what we're capable of doing

4:40

and saying got it . This is what

4:42

I know , or this is where I want to be

4:44

and this is how I can move forward a

4:47

little bit more at a time . And when

4:49

you see someone that's very confident . The

4:51

difference is not necessarily that they have

4:53

more confidence than you do . The

4:55

difference is that they're willing to be uncomfortable

4:58

and do the work

5:00

and keep going and you persevere

5:03

and you're consistent in your actions and

5:05

that again sort of like it's a . It's

5:08

a little thing that feeds off of each other . The more

5:10

skills that you get , the more confident . The more

5:12

confident you are , the more motivated , and

5:14

that's what really sets confidence apart

5:16

and that's how I like to define it .

5:18

Yeah , oh , I love that . I just

5:20

I jotted down a little note here and I wanted

5:22

to share it , just to kind of highlight something that you

5:24

said Confidence comes from finding evidence

5:26

that you're capable . I really like that

5:29

and I think , if we all think about that , that's true

5:31

. I mean obviously very true . If you

5:33

think in examples in your own life , I've

5:36

even thought , like , because there's days where

5:38

you just you're not feeling it , you're

5:40

just feeling down . And

5:48

how many of us on those days when we're remembering ? what to do we call up our best cheerleader

5:50

or we , you know you've got everybody , hopefully has that friend or your

5:52

partner or a parent or whoever it is that

5:54

you can call to like kind of pump you back up

5:56

. I've even thought that

5:58

you know it wouldn't be a bad idea for me

6:00

to like have a little I don't know , like

6:02

a file on my computer or something

6:04

.

6:05

I keep a little , I don't know , like a file on my computer or something . I

6:07

keep a little book . I keep a little book and I call it my little

6:09

evidence book , and I make my clients do the

6:11

same , because there's going to be days

6:13

that you need to be reminded when

6:16

you call somebody . I like

6:18

to talk about that as being your believing

6:21

mirrors . Sometimes you just have

6:23

to borrow belief from somebody else

6:25

that knows what you're capable of , sees

6:27

things that we tend to kind of minimize

6:30

and feel that imposter

6:32

syndrome or that inner critic come out

6:34

. So it's a great , great tool

6:37

to be able to use , to have either a

6:39

little evidence book or

6:41

to write it down somewhere and

6:44

also to call someone that you care

6:46

about that can remind you of what

6:48

you're been doing and how good you are at it .

6:50

Yeah , I like that . I wrote that down too , boy , I'm going to

6:52

have a page full of notes . Julie we're only six minutes

6:54

in . I wrote sometimes

6:57

you have to borrow belief from somebody else . That's

6:59

absolutely true and I just like that perspective

7:01

of it and I like highlighting that and

7:03

making it known that , yeah , that's okay , that's a thing

7:05

that humans need to do sometimes , just

7:07

like you need to do everything else Absolutely

7:20

the potential in other people . So

7:22

I'm in a group and

7:24

I know a lot of women who maybe

7:26

they're doing X as a career

7:28

, but they really have this dream to do Y

7:31

right , and I can see it

7:33

like , yeah , you should absolutely do that , That'd

7:35

be perfect for you . I can just see it crystal

7:37

clear . But when it comes to my own life

7:39

, it's really hard to have that same

7:41

clarity and that same , you know

7:43

, confidence and belief in myself

7:45

. It's so much easier to see it in other people

7:48

. So I like that idea of , yeah , you might need to

7:50

borrow that belief from other

7:52

people sometime just to kind of get you going

7:54

. So , yeah , so that's one

7:56

one little way I guess that we could gain

7:58

some more confidence . But I'm really curious

8:00

to hear all of your tips

8:03

and tricks on gaining more

8:05

confidence in our lives .

8:07

Well , the topic of

8:09

confidence again is something that

8:11

we tend to not understand

8:14

100% , and there is an intersection

8:17

. Confidence is found in the intersection

8:19

of your consistent action and

8:22

that evidence

8:24

that you're doing For

8:26

me , one of the reasons I became a

8:28

Tiny Habits coach and Tiny

8:30

Habits is a book written by Dr BJ Fogg

8:33

. Most of the habit books that you

8:35

have read the Power of Habit

8:37

, Atomic Habits , all of the research

8:39

behind those books really come from

8:41

Dr Fogg's research . He

8:43

is the founder of the Behavior Lab

8:45

at Stanford University . He's been doing this for over

8:48

20 years . I knew that there was a piece

8:50

missing when it came to habits and

8:52

I wanted to learn more

8:55

. What Dr Fogg says is

8:57

that many times we

8:59

are relying on motivation to actually

9:01

get us to do the habit . Right

9:03

, that consistent action , but

9:06

when motivation leaves us , we

9:08

end up then not doing

9:10

the work or not showing up . Think

9:13

about what happens every New Year's

9:15

Day . Right , Everybody's at the gym

9:17

, I'm gung-ho , I'm going to lose that weight

9:19

? Oh no , but then when life starts

9:21

to happen , individuals start

9:24

not showing up and then , when you don't

9:26

show up and do the work , you are

9:28

not getting better , so you are not gaining

9:30

that confidence and at the same time

9:33

, that inner critic or that voice

9:35

or that sabotaging voice is

9:38

saying oh , you couldn't do it

9:40

. Look , you failed . And then we don't

9:42

show up because we don't like the discomfort

9:45

of doing something new

9:47

but also of not being as good

9:49

enough . So that motivation is not going to get you

9:51

to do the thing . So for that reason

9:53

, we want to go ahead and create habits that are sustainable

9:56

. The anatomy of a habit is

9:58

A , the action , B

10:01

I'm sorry , A is something

10:04

that's going to prompt you and B

10:06

is the behavior and C

10:08

is celebration . So we

10:10

want to go ahead and find the areas of our life

10:12

that we are already doing something that we've

10:14

automated . Our brain loves

10:17

to automate . Think about the times that

10:19

you've driven home and you're like how did I get here ? So

10:22

that's exactly what we want to do . We

10:25

want to find the areas of our

10:27

life in which we

10:29

are already doing something right

10:31

. So , for instance , if you are

10:34

getting dressed in the morning and

10:36

if you leave your shoes next to

10:38

where you usually get dressed for the gym

10:40

, then the tiny habit could

10:42

be I'm going to put my shoes

10:45

on for the gym and then you

10:47

celebrate . There's so many different

10:49

areas in which we can tack on the new behavior

10:51

, and the more that we continue to do that

10:53

new behavior , even though it might be tiny

10:56

, even though our brain is telling us

10:58

oh , how is that going to make a difference ? What

11:00

you're going to start to see is that we

11:03

feel a little more confident because

11:05

we did it . We didn't

11:07

have to rely on that motivation , we relied

11:09

on just automaticity , right

11:12

Doing . The actual behavior

11:14

and little tiny habits

11:16

are like plants when you

11:18

put these seeds down , they're going

11:20

to start to grow because you feel

11:22

, oh , I put my shoes . I might as well

11:25

, you know , go for a walk or or head

11:27

to the gym or do a little something

11:30

. That , again , you can build upon

11:32

and continue to find that evidence and

11:34

know that you can look back and

11:36

say , oh , look , what I've been doing . And

11:38

again , it's an automation and not something

11:41

that you're relying on , on that

11:43

motivation .

11:45

Yeah , oh , that's interesting . So really , when

11:47

it comes to confidence , we

11:49

just need to build better habits

11:51

, absolutely . And then in completing

11:54

those habits we feel more

11:56

confident . So

12:00

I'm assuming that this could go in any area of your life . So , and I'm just kind of thinking

12:03

out loud here area

12:06

of your life so , and I'm just kind of thinking out loud here

12:08

, so let's say if I am not very confident in my business , but maybe I just can't

12:10

think of a habit there . Can

12:13

it be that maybe my habits that

12:15

I'm creating in my

12:17

fitness life can also

12:19

help me creating more confidence into my

12:21

business world ?

12:22

Yeah , absolutely , and this is

12:24

behavior . Design is very important , and

12:27

this is one of the things that I do with my clients

12:29

, right , when we are starting to build

12:31

a business and you talked about the women who , maybe

12:33

, are sitting doing the thing and they want

12:35

to do something else , but they're afraid because

12:38

they don't even know where to start first , second or

12:40

third . Many entrepreneurs , as we're

12:42

starting out , we

12:46

want to do it all . We want to have big dreams that , oh , I should be doing

12:48

this already . Right , all of the things . The

12:50

first thing that we need to do is , again

12:53

, if you're finding evidence in another area of

12:55

your life that you're successful and you're celebrating

12:57

because , by the way , that is how

12:59

the brain automates behavior is

13:02

by making us feel good

13:04

. When we feel good , the brain says , oh , I

13:06

want to feel like that again , let me do that again

13:08

. So , if you start to look

13:10

at , oh , you know , I am capable and reminding

13:12

yourself of your wins when you're

13:15

starting to do some of the behavior that you need

13:17

for your business . So , for instance , I

13:19

hear from entrepreneurs I don't

13:22

know where my day went . I was so overwhelmed

13:24

I never got anything done , right ? So

13:27

then let's talk about . What are the things

13:29

that we can automate ? Well , the first

13:31

thing that you can do is your

13:33

action . Your anchor moment

13:35

when you come into the

13:37

office in the morning is that at

13:39

when I sit at my desk . That's

13:41

the behavior . That's already an automation

13:43

. Right , I am going to open

13:46

my calendar and look at my calendar

13:48

for the day . Right , that's the

13:50

little habit you're tacking on , and

13:53

then I'm going to celebrate . Now

13:55

, if I have my calendar open already

13:57

, mindy , I'm probably going to look at what's

13:59

ahead and kind of start to plan

14:01

out okay , what do I need to get done ? Right

14:03

, and this is how the habits

14:05

begin to spread and you begin to create

14:08

that new behavior . But

14:10

it's mostly about being

14:12

aware , finding the things

14:14

that you're already doing and

14:16

then really looking

14:18

at the person that you want to become

14:21

. If you want to be productive , if

14:23

you want to be someone that does XYZ

14:26

, find that vision

14:29

and begin to move forward

14:31

and work toward the aspiration

14:33

. If I want to be a healthy person , right

14:36

, I need to go ahead and

14:38

eat . Well , I need to drink water . Those

14:40

are very basic

14:42

things . So , for me , knowing

14:44

that I wanted to become that healthy person

14:46

and that drinking water

14:49

is part of it . I needed to automate

14:51

the behavior of drinking water , and that

14:53

was one of the first things that I started to do . So

14:55

now , if I'm drinking water , it becomes

14:58

very easy to look at the other areas . Well , what

15:00

else can I do to help me

15:02

continue to go in that new behavior

15:04

? And that's how we typically work

15:06

with individuals to help them achieve what

15:08

they want , by creating the

15:10

tiny behaviors that then spread and

15:12

allow them to feel confident and

15:14

help them be able to automate

15:17

it . So it's not something that it's hard

15:19

relying on motivation .

15:21

Yeah , yeah . So , and I just again want

15:23

to highlight that these are tiny behaviors

15:26

, it's not you know , a lot of times we think of like the

15:28

big goals and

15:30

you know , or maybe it's even something like working

15:33

out every day . I

15:35

suppose for some people could become a tiny habit

15:38

. But there's tinier habits you can break that

15:40

sucker down even smaller to

15:42

. If you're struggling to just do that

15:44

, like you say , getting putting your shoes . You

15:46

know , I think in the Atomic Habits book I know he

15:48

has some example of just

15:50

. You know , even if you want to start taking walks

15:52

after supper , you just start by putting

15:55

your walking shoes on after supper and

15:57

you don't even go for the walk until that becomes

15:59

like a normal thing

16:01

, and then you . Just that's what you do

16:03

you finish eating supper and you put your walking

16:05

shoes on . Well , okay , maybe now you just put them

16:07

in the driveway , but yeah , yeah , you got to

16:09

make it easy .

16:10

So , for instance , if you're finishing supper and

16:13

you have , like I have a two-story

16:15

home , right , so I may

16:17

be putting everything away , that's my

16:19

automation . I'm putting things in the dishwasher

16:21

. But if I don't have my walking

16:23

shoes where I can see them , then

16:26

it's not going to happen , even though that might be the little

16:28

tiny habit . And then when I'm

16:30

getting ready for bed and I see the shoes in the

16:33

bedroom , I'm like , oh no

16:35

, I didn't do it . So that's a little

16:37

bit also where people go wrong . So make

16:39

sure that whatever habit you're

16:41

doing is also the habit

16:44

that it's location-based

16:46

, right . So make it

16:48

easy for yourself and think about

16:50

if , for instance , I have

16:52

a client that wanted to practice

16:54

the guitar after supper

16:56

Very basic example but

16:59

again the guitar was in another room . So

17:01

she never , really , you

17:04

know , connected those . So then

17:06

I said well , what do you do typically , instead

17:09

of playing the guitar ? I go into the living

17:11

room and I watch TV . Perfect , leave the

17:13

guitar there . So then all of a sudden

17:15

, she walks into the living room . She's like , oh

17:17

, I'm going to open my guitar case and

17:19

start , and that little bit of

17:21

movement forward is

17:23

the one that then creates that automation

17:26

for you .

17:27

Yeah , yeah , I like that , I like that . You know

17:29

, it's just those tiny , tiny little

17:31

little habits and I think it almost it

17:33

sounds like you need to just make it too easy for yourself

17:36

, right ? Absolutely . Because , it

17:38

would be way better to go okay , well , that was

17:40

too easy . Obviously , I'm going to succeed

17:42

at this every single time . But

17:44

then okay , so now , when you're confident

17:47

with that , then you just make it a little bit harder , versus

17:49

, well , I'm going to stretch and grow

17:51

Like you're going to stretch and grow through this process regardless

17:54

. Yeah , but make it easy on yourself .

17:56

Absolutely and , by the way , this is one

17:58

of the things that Dr Fogg really talks about . Our

18:00

brain is going to say that's not enough . How is

18:02

that going to help me ? I'm never going to get it done , yeah

18:11

, yeah , the reality is that you want to set up yourself to not fail , right ? So if the behavior is tiny and

18:13

you're like , oh , I might as well do it , it's just , I'm opening my calendar . That's just

18:15

the basic thing . So , therefore

18:18

, you don't have to rely on that motivation

18:20

again for that . You're actually never

18:22

going to fail on not opening your calendar because

18:25

it's so , I might as well do it . I'm here , right , it's

18:27

sitting here , and that's what we

18:29

want to go ahead and create , so that , even

18:31

on the days that you don't even want to look at your calendar

18:33

, but you opened it , you're still successful

18:36

at what you set out to do and you're never

18:38

making yourself feel bad .

18:40

Yeah , I'm just curious . You

18:42

mentioned drinking water and

18:44

that you've started drinking more water through

18:46

. You know some tiny habits . I am wondering if you'd be

18:48

willing to share , because I think that's a really common

18:51

thing , that people don't

18:53

do enough . So tell us , tell us , yeah

18:55

. So this is my favorite thing .

18:57

I'm surprised I didn't even talk about it to

18:59

begin with . One of my favorite

19:02

habits is drinking water , obviously

19:04

, and it was one of the easiest habits to adopt

19:06

, mainly because I

19:08

have three dogs . So when I get up in

19:10

the morning , the first thing they want

19:13

to do is run outside . So

19:15

when I come downstairs to let them out

19:17

, my anchor moment is that I

19:19

open the door , let them out . So when

19:21

I let the dogs out , typically

19:25

nine times out of 10 , I

19:27

have left my water jug by

19:29

the sink next to

19:31

the door . So I open the door

19:33

I'm seeing it and then I

19:36

fill up my water bottle as my behavior

19:38

, and then I celebrate . And

19:40

now celebration is

19:42

the part that people don't understand . I'm

19:45

not having a dance party in the kitchen I could

19:47

, but I typically will say something

19:49

as simple as like good job , julie , you did

19:51

it . Or , alternatively

19:54

, I'll look at my dogs and I'm like

19:56

oh , look at them , how cute they are outside , right

19:58

, and then that makes me feel good

20:00

. And immediately my brain is like wow

20:03

, let's keep doing this . I like that

20:05

feel good , adrenaline

20:07

that I'm getting . So that's what we want to

20:09

do Now . Obviously , I

20:11

am only going for filling

20:13

out my water bottle . I am not

20:16

going for drinking all of it or getting that

20:18

first sip , but obviously , if

20:20

I fill it out , the first thing I'm going to do is drink

20:22

some of it . And then , of course , if

20:24

I'm drinking it , I'm going to celebrate that I

20:27

bring my water bottle here to

20:29

the office and it's sitting here

20:31

. The other thing that I tend to do

20:33

is another anchor moment for me is

20:35

when I finish a conversation

20:37

on Zoom , I drink water

20:39

. That's an end , of course . What's

20:42

happening is you are

20:44

then drinking water , you're going to the bathroom and

20:46

I have another bottle close

20:48

to where I will see it . So you

20:51

make it again . These clues for

20:53

yourself , that kind of prompt

20:55

you to do the thing , that are

20:57

the thing that pushes you forward . But

20:59

overall , don't

21:01

start big . Don't say I'm going to drink a gallon

21:03

of water . Maybe all you want to do is drink a couple sips of water before you have a meal

21:05

, and that's another anchor moment , too that you can use . Yeah , drink a couple sips of water

21:07

before you have a meal , and that's another anchor

21:10

moment , too that you can use .

21:11

Yeah , I like that idea of the

21:13

celebration and I think it's

21:15

interesting , as you were saying , that sometimes

21:18

you might say , you know , good job , Julie

21:20

, you drank the water . But sometimes you also might

21:22

just look at your dogs and and

21:24

I you know , on the one hand , you know , my first

21:26

thought is like , well , but that's not really

21:28

connected to your water . But then it doesn't matter

21:30

, does it ? It doesn't matter , it's like Pavlov's

21:33

dog it's , you know . You ring

21:35

the bell , you get the food . You ring the bell

21:37

, you get the food , you ring the bell and the

21:39

dog starts to salivate whether there's food there

21:41

or not , just because of that association . So

21:50

really you're just trying trying to invoke that feeling . Your brain doesn't care necessarily

21:52

what is causing that feeling , it's just the trigger moment happened , which was you took the

21:54

drink of water or filled up the water bottle or whatever it was

21:56

, and then you felt had a good feeling

21:58

right after it , exactly , and your brain doesn't know the difference

22:00

, right the same way in which you

22:02

could be really annoyed .

22:04

And then all of a sudden , you smile , and and

22:06

a lot of times I'll like start smiling

22:08

when I lived in New York City . This

22:10

is a really funny story . When I lived in New York City

22:12

, I had a car and I drove to work

22:14

back and forth and many times when

22:16

I got home I had to circle around

22:19

for a parking spot and

22:21

I remember being so stressed after

22:23

having to circle , maybe 20 minutes , 30 minutes

22:26

an hour at times , right , and then all of

22:28

a sudden I thought you know what I

22:30

am going to smile through the process and

22:32

every time I was driving around , oh , this is

22:34

so great , I'm looking for a parking spot , all it takes

22:36

is one . And all of a sudden

22:38

my brain is like taking away

22:40

some of the stress because I

22:42

was giving myself a little bit of

22:45

. It was annoying , it was not , it was

22:47

a little bit ridiculous , but I always tried to

22:49

smile .

22:56

And then my brain started to reset itself . Yeah , yeah , that's interesting , and yeah , our

22:58

brains are just fascinating actually when you stop and think about

23:00

it , and it's also interesting that I

23:02

can sit here and use my brain to have this conversation

23:05

about how my brain doesn't know the difference , when

23:07

clearly I mean what's going on here , but that

23:09

that is how it works . Yeah , but that's

23:11

absolutely how it works , so that's really

23:13

really interesting . So okay

23:16

, so the celebrations , I think that's and

23:18

there's 101 ways to celebrate

23:20

.

23:20

I'm sure there's more , but typically

23:23

you know little . Things like

23:25

think about the feeling that you get when you open

23:27

an email and you have good news . Things Like think

23:29

about the feeling that you get when you open an

23:31

email and you have good news . You're

23:35

like , oh good , Think about these little moments in which there's excitement . Right , you open the

23:37

window and the sun is shining . Oh good , it's not going to rain today . These are

23:39

the things you want to adopt into your life as

23:42

celebrations .

23:43

Yeah , yeah , I like that . I think that's probably what's

23:45

missing for most of us

23:47

is that ? I don't know very many people

23:49

that consistently . I mean , maybe

23:51

once in a while you might go , oh good job for me

23:53

.

23:53

I actually did what I said I was going to do

23:56

.

23:56

I think we're more likely to . Oh

23:58

well , finally , you did the you know have that

24:00

more negative like attitude , and that's

24:03

how our brain is wired .

24:04

Our brain is wired for the negative . So we need

24:06

to move past that negative

24:08

biases that our brain has and really

24:11

start to rewire it and create

24:13

some of these new neural pathways by

24:15

giving ourselves the opportunity to feel

24:17

good and then , rather than the

24:20

negative behavior running in a neural

24:22

pathway , that it's a highway in your brain

24:24

. You're starting to create new routes , new highways , and this is the one that you're going

24:26

to start using . You'll never delete or change the other one , but you're starting to create new routes

24:28

, new highways , and this is the one that you're going to start using

24:30

. You'll never delete or change the other one , but

24:33

you're really continuing to go

24:35

down the new path . And then , if , for

24:37

some reason , you revert to old

24:39

behavior , it is easy enough to jump back

24:41

to the new thing .

24:42

Yeah , yeah , oh , absolutely

24:44

, I love that . So talking

24:47

about habits makes me think of goals

24:49

and I'm just curious

24:52

as to know what you think about

24:54

this . Why don't people reach their goals ? What's

24:56

the number one reason ? What do you think ? What's going on

24:59

?

24:59

Well , number one , they don't write

25:01

them down . They have these goals

25:03

. They're like oh , I want to lose weight . Well , how much

25:05

? By when ? How are you going to do it ? There's

25:08

no plan behind it . Goals

25:10

are outcomes that you want

25:13

for your life . The outcomes

25:15

that you want for your life are also based

25:17

on the vision of what

25:19

you want the bigger picture to be

25:21

. So , for instance , for entrepreneurs , they

25:23

want to make a successful business . Well , what does

25:25

that mean ? Right , Because they want to have the freedom

25:28

and flexibility that their

25:30

own business brings them . But

25:32

maybe you want to go ahead and distill that

25:34

into what does successful mean

25:36

? What does that mean to me ? Okay , well , I want to have 10

25:39

clients by , you

25:42

know , maybe the end of the first 12 weeks , and

25:44

I love running my business

25:46

in 12 week years . If

25:49

anybody hasn't read the 12 week year , make

25:51

sure that you go and get that book . It's an amazing

25:53

book by Brian Moran and it really

25:55

helps you . Rather than going

25:57

big or go home right , Setting

25:59

a goal for the entire year Most

26:02

of us have set it in the past and then

26:04

come November , December , we're like oh

26:06

, what happened ? We've never revisited

26:09

right . November

26:11

, December we're like oh , what happened . We've never revisited

26:13

right . So if you create a goal that is based from your big vision , second

26:15

, you write it down and

26:17

then third and this is the main

26:19

key you want to go ahead

26:22

. And if this is the goal , what

26:24

are the actions that I need to take

26:26

to get to that goal ? So

26:28

, if my goal is to get 10

26:30

clients , well , let's see

26:32

, I'm going to need to maybe

26:35

do networking , Maybe I need to tell people

26:37

about what I do , Maybe I need to nurture

26:39

an email list and send emails . So you

26:41

write everything that's possible and

26:43

then you take those actions and

26:46

you actually put them into your calendar

26:48

. You decide when you're going to

26:50

do it and it's not by osmosis

26:52

that you do the thing right , Because we like to automate

26:55

things . So if I'm going to network

26:57

and I'm going to put in my calendar , I'm

26:59

going to network every Tuesday at 1 pm

27:02

and then at the end

27:04

of the week . You also measure

27:06

the progress of the actions , and

27:08

measuring progress is not about

27:10

beating ourselves up for

27:12

what we didn't accomplish . It is just

27:15

a number . It is data

27:17

. Data can drive your actions

27:19

and get you closer to the goals , and that's

27:22

where a lot of people go wrong with goals and

27:24

, by the way , if you're tracking

27:26

what you're doing , it can help

27:29

you course correct , right , it

27:31

can help you . Like , if you're

27:33

navigating with a GPS because you

27:35

have a goal of getting to , let's

27:38

say you know , a museum in another

27:40

town You're going to be navigating

27:42

. If you're not looking at the GPS and

27:44

you're just kind of driving in this road

27:46

, you may not get off the

27:48

right exit or you may go the wrong turn

27:51

. You need to be able to

27:53

look at where you are and recalibrate

27:55

to continue to go in the direction that you need to go

27:57

, and that's where goals tend to

27:59

be what people don't achieve

28:01

because we're not measuring , we're not writing

28:04

, we're not creating a very concise

28:06

plan and also fixing

28:09

the plan if it needs fixing .

28:11

Yeah , yeah , and I like that

28:13

emphasis on you know , looking

28:15

at the data and it's not to

28:17

say , oh look , you didn't hit your goal

28:19

. You suck at this Like that's not . Yeah

28:22

, absolutely .

28:23

And you know , mindy , a lot of people like

28:25

, for

28:30

instance , with a weight loss goal , people are like , oh , I'm going to weigh myself . And then they

28:32

look at the scale and they think , oh my God , look at that number . It's not where I

28:34

want it to be . And then you go into that spiral

28:37

of beating yourself up and

28:39

the reality is that the number and the scale

28:42

is very neutral . It's

28:44

not good or bad . What is

28:46

happening is that you are assigning

28:48

a feeling to what that number

28:50

means . You're assigning meaning the

28:52

same thing with anything else in your life or

28:54

any goals . The numbers

28:57

, the tracking of things is very

28:59

neutral . What you assign and what

29:01

you think about that number , about

29:03

what you're doing , is what really is

29:05

going to drive you as well .

29:07

Yeah , yeah , and really I

29:09

mean it's helpful to zoom

29:11

out and take kind of a more black and white

29:13

approach to reaching these goals

29:16

, because that's going to actually help you reach your goals more

29:18

easily If you can take some of the

29:20

emotion out of it and just look at it and go , ok

29:23

, how did I , how did I do ? At

29:25

the end of my week or three weeks

29:27

or whatever it is , and then go , wow , I didn't

29:29

know , it's not working at all

29:31

. That's where you can go , okay , why

29:33

isn't it working ? And you can go back like you say in course

29:36

, correcting okay , this , this doesn't work , let's

29:38

do something different and make those

29:40

changes . Otherwise , you're just going to

29:42

keep feeling bad about yourself

29:44

and beating your head against the wall or keep

29:46

doing the same things and being frustrated . Why

29:48

isn't this working ? We've

29:51

all been there .

29:52

As I'm talking , I'm like hmm

29:54

, pot kettle . Well , we've all been

29:56

there and it's human and we need to normalize

29:59

, right ? There's four N's , and

30:01

one of my coaches

30:04

and mentors shares this all the time

30:06

. Her name is Corinne Crabtree and she talks about the

30:08

four Ns . First , we have to notice

30:10

, right , notice that we're beating ourselves up . The

30:13

second thing is we need to normalize . Hey

30:15

, I'm human , this happens . And

30:17

then we need to neutralize those thoughts Like

30:20

neutralize the time that you're telling

30:22

yourself you're not good enough , or measuring yourself

30:24

based on somebody else's standards . And

30:26

last , you need to think about what

30:28

is my next best step ? If I messed

30:31

up , how can I get back on the wagon

30:33

and keep going ? The other thing when

30:35

it comes to goals is if

30:37

your goals are not aligned to

30:39

the vision , which I already said it's

30:42

not going to be easy for you to move forward

30:44

because , on a daily basis

30:46

, we are going to prioritize the

30:48

things that are important to us and

30:50

if that vision and that goal

30:52

are not aligned , your priorities

30:55

, to move forward in that direction is

30:57

not going to happen yeah

30:59

, yeah , oh boy , you

31:01

just gave me a lot to think about julie

31:03

, in

31:05

regards to my own goals and everything

31:08

I would encourage everybody that

31:10

is listening to this podcast .

31:12

Once it's done here , take just a hot second . Don't

31:14

just skip right to the next podcast

31:16

or scroll on social media . Take

31:19

just even just two minute pause

31:21

and think about how this whole

31:24

message sat with you and

31:26

what came up for you the most . Like

31:28

as Julie's sharing her examples . What

31:31

was the habit where you're like , ooh , that's

31:33

me in my weight loss journey , or that's me

31:36

in my business , or that's me in XYZ , you

31:38

know , think about that and then you

31:40

don't have to do it right now , but like , come back

31:42

to it and sit down and okay

31:45

all these things that Julia shared . How

31:47

can you actually start to make some of these

31:49

tiny changes in

31:51

your own life ? Yeah , absolutely

31:54

.

31:54

And you know , by the way , it's not just about

31:56

the actions that you know are

31:58

very concrete , it's also for

32:00

the actions that maybe

32:03

they're very ambiguous , right ? So

32:05

, for instance , one of the things and I talk about

32:07

this on my TED Talk is when

32:10

we are uncomfortable , that

32:12

could be an anchor moment that reminds us

32:14

, hey , I need to take a 1%

32:16

step forward , I need to try

32:19

this a little more . And then you're starting

32:21

to gain that evidence that

32:23

, oh , okay , I was able to take

32:25

that first step , Let me

32:27

keep going . And again , that discomfort

32:30

that we're all going to feel when we're trying something

32:32

new is a great way

32:34

to remind yourself that that's the

32:37

season or the time or

32:39

the moment to step out

32:41

a little bit more than before .

32:43

Yeah , oh , I really like that . I like that

32:45

idea of the 1% step forward

32:47

, because I've shared this before on

32:49

my podcast a ton , so I'll try and

32:51

do it quickly , but I had a mentor

32:54

share this with me once . That just

32:56

has really stuck with me in terms of

32:58

our comfort zones and our growth . So , again , if

33:00

you can imagine a rubber band wrapped

33:02

around each of your fingers and the one

33:05

is stationary and here's your comfort

33:07

zone , and as you're doing whatever it is that

33:09

you're doing make , doing these habits and working

33:11

towards these goals you're stretching

33:13

that rubber band . Well , at some point

33:15

it gets super stretched out

33:18

and that's uncomfortable

33:20

and so the tendency is to want to pull it right back

33:22

.

33:22

Pull it right back to the comfort zone .

33:24

But if you can shoot that rubber

33:27

band forward now you've created

33:29

a new set point , a new comfort zone

33:31

. You can keep going . But when you're at that

33:33

point where , like you say , it is uncomfortable

33:36

, the idea of

33:38

keeping to keep going forward

33:40

is sometimes too scary or

33:42

sometimes whatever . There's a lot of resistance

33:45

there , just like on that rubber band . But I like

33:47

the idea of just giving yourself permission to just

33:49

go 1% forward

33:51

, just like the time , just one thing I don't have to

33:53

do so . I had this goal

33:55

and I thought I was going to do like these five things . That

33:58

is just too much . I'm feeling super uncomfortable

34:00

. I'm just going to do one or half of one .

34:02

Yeah , absolutely . And , by

34:04

the way , mindy , I don't know if you've

34:06

heard of the book the

34:08

Gap and the Gain , and that's another book that I

34:10

would recommend to your listeners

34:13

. The Gap and the Gain the premise

34:15

, and that's by Dr Benjamin

34:17

Harding and Dan Sullivan . They co-wrote

34:19

this book and it's been really life changing

34:21

, not only for me but for my clients , because I love

34:24

teaching this . Now , the gap

34:26

is when we are at point A

34:28

and we need to get to point Z

34:30

. Right , that's the gap . And most

34:33

of us are going to get to point B

34:35

and say , oh , my goodness , I still

34:37

have all these letters to go to get

34:39

to Z . That's the gap . When

34:41

we're focusing in the gap and that

34:44

, all the things that we still get

34:46

to do , we're not going to feel

34:48

good . But the gain

34:50

is if I look back and I say , oh

34:52

, wait , a minute , point A is behind

34:54

me , look how far I've come , I've made progress

34:57

. Then that's what's going to keep you to

34:59

continue to show up , feel more confident

35:02

and move forward in

35:04

that direction . More

35:10

confident and move forward in that direction , and be okay with knowing that you're

35:12

only measuring how far you're come Now , how far you would still want to go

35:14

, because sometimes the horizon

35:16

keeps moving . So we can't

35:18

be focusing on that .

35:20

Yeah , I'm glad that you mentioned

35:22

that , because , yeah , that's so true

35:24

. How many times in our life have we set

35:26

this goal and we start going towards it and

35:29

then we realize , hey , I don't actually want that anymore

35:31

, because I want this other thing that I didn't even know

35:33

was a possibility until I

35:35

started on this journey towards this

35:37

first goal , and now I see , oh wait , though

35:40

, now I want to go that way . So you're right

35:42

, it

35:46

really is , I don't want to say pointless , but it's not to your benefit necessarily to be

35:48

focused on that end goal . And we all know that achieving

35:50

that end goal , you know when we're constantly just

35:52

well , when I get to this next thing , then I'll be happy

35:55

, then I'll be you know when you're doing that , chasing that

35:57

, that's not going to . That never works

35:59

. You never feel completely fulfilled when you get that

36:01

thing anyway . But I think

36:03

that we all will probably feel more confident

36:06

and happier when we can look back and

36:08

see how far we go . Again , that's

36:10

talking about building that confidence

36:12

, having that little book that you were talking about of

36:14

, like all the evidence of things

36:16

that you look at what you can do . You're amazing

36:19

. And look at the things that you already are doing right

36:21

now and that just

36:23

helps build . Yeah , oh , we came full circle

36:25

. Julie out and that just helps build

36:27

.

36:27

Yeah , oh , we came full circle .

36:29

Julie , absolutely

36:31

, you're a good question asker interviewer , I love this . Well , I do have one

36:34

final question for you . I've been calling it my

36:36

question of the month , but

36:40

I think it's been more than a month . But I don't care , because I love hearing people's

36:42

answers to this . So I've been asking everybody what is one thing you wish

36:44

everyone on the planet would do in regards to

36:46

their own well-being ?

36:48

You know the one thing that I feel

36:51

that makes a big difference in my life and

36:53

a lot of times we take for granted , and

36:55

that is to really just pause , be

36:58

aware , take a breath . And

37:00

we live in a world in which is a constant

37:02

go , go , go , go . And a lot

37:04

of times when we're moving in such a fast direction

37:07

and we're not pausing , we're not taking

37:09

that pause to see how far

37:11

we've come , or maybe like

37:14

where do I need to go ? Or okay

37:16

, this was just you know this crazy

37:18

thing . I need to take a pause and see what I'm

37:21

doing , right . When we don't

37:23

pause , then we continue to build

37:25

this . You know , just stress

37:27

for ourselves . Take the

37:29

pause , look at what you want to do

37:31

, look at what you're doing and just breathe

37:33

. Meditation I

37:36

know that for many years I thought

37:38

meditation was crazy . No way , no how

37:40

, I can't shut my brain off . But it's not

37:42

about shutting your brain down

37:45

. It's about allowing

37:47

your brain to be in the

37:49

moment . The only time

37:51

that we are in the present moment

37:53

, not in the past of what we did and not

37:55

in the future of what is yet to

37:57

come is when we sit still

38:00

and take a breath . That

38:02

breathing and being aware that you're breathing is

38:04

keeping you in that moment and

38:11

that will help you propel you forward . It's going to equip you for better relationships

38:13

. It's going to give you a little bit of peace , a little bit of bandwidth as well , if

38:15

you're giving yourself that pause .

38:17

Yeah , oh , I love that suggestion and I would

38:19

even say , definitely do

38:21

that . Do the pause regularly . But if you're

38:23

somebody that , after listening to this podcast

38:25

, is like , oh , I want to sit down and kind of reevaluate

38:28

some of my , my goals and whatnot , do

38:30

that pause first , because you're going to come at

38:32

it from a different perspective and with

38:34

a more clear mind .

38:37

So love that advice ?

38:38

Great Well , julie , I

38:40

am just wondering where people can find

38:42

you if they have listened to this and like maybe

38:45

they're like me and wrote a page of notes . I

38:47

have , like , let's see , I have three book suggestions

38:50

and two great quotes and a couple yeah , so

38:52

if they are like oh yes , this Julie lady , she's

38:54

, she's on it . Where can we find you ?

38:56

Well , easy enough . I'm Julie DeLuca

38:58

Collins on all of the social media platforms

39:01

and if people are interested

39:03

in learning more about tiny habits , they

39:05

can go to my website and that is go confidently

39:08

coachingcom , and I

39:10

have a couple resources there

39:12

that you can learn tiny habits . You can

39:14

actually do a five day coaching

39:17

session with any of the coaches from the tiny

39:19

habits academy and it's free and nobody tries

39:21

to sell you anything , but we can walk

39:23

you through that . So go confidently coachingcom

39:25

.

39:26

And if you want , the resources for tiny habits

39:28

is forward slash quick links , so

39:31

that's where you can find me , yeah , very cool

39:33

, and I will , of course , put some of those links in

39:35

the show notes so they can find you with the click of a button

39:37

. Julie , thank you so much for being on the show

39:39

today .

39:40

Thank you so much for having me , mindy . What a great

39:42

time . I'm excited that we have an opportunity

39:45

and I can't wait to see what amazing

39:47

things your audience are able to do , because

39:50

they got all this wisdom from you and

39:52

you having the show , yes .

39:54

And if you are someone that is

39:56

listening and making

39:59

some changes , don't hesitate to reach

40:01

out , even if it's boy . Reach out three

40:03

months from now and tell me how you're doing , tell Julie

40:05

how you're doing . We would love to hear all about the progress

40:08

that you're making on these habits based on

40:10

some of these things that we have talked about

40:12

today . So , wherever you're at

40:14

today , I hope you are having a fantastic

40:17

day and I will catch you on the next one . That's

40:25

it for today . Friends , if you enjoyed

40:27

this , this episode , don't forget to subscribe

40:29

or , even better , leave

40:31

a review and let me know what resonated

40:34

with you the most . The more

40:36

you tell me what you love , the better

40:38

I'm able to create future episodes

40:40

with even better content . I'm

40:42

sending you so much love and light

40:45

. I'll see you in the next episode .