There’s been a theme in my life recently that I want to share with you guys, my Vertebrae friends… I don’t think it’s unique to me, and I know others have encountered much worse than I have… But part of my promise to you guys in the first episode was that I’d share exactly what’s going on in my life, and that I’d share what I’m learning, as I’m learning it. Also, that I’d never post anything if I wasn’t inspired and just filling your podcast feed with empty ideas… That’s why I haven’t posted in a week or so. Haven’t had anything to share!   But now, I do.    Over the past few weeks, I’ve encountered a good deal of criticism. Nothing that really matters, mind you. Not criticism in work, or family, or at church, or in friendship… but mostly criticism online. Folks a thousand miles away throwing stones.   People on Facebook or Instagram that disagree with an idea I have, or a belief I hold, or a piece of advice I’ve found helpful. And it’s hard to ignore, especially when people slide in the DMs and start blowing me up.    There’s a weird physiological response I have when someone start hijacking a post I’ve made or a picture I’ve posted. My heart starts pounding, quite literally, and I feel this visceral anger… I don’t think there’s any other way to describe it. It’s like when Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. I don’t get angry… You can ask anyone in my life. Anger isn’t something that I experience that often…. But when someone tries to hijack the platform I’ve built in people’s lives with conflicting ideas, or insulting other people on the thread… It’s personal. I know it shouldn’t be, but this is 2018, and the relationships I’ve cultivated online with people from different backgrounds are valuable to me.    The fact that I have conservative fundamentalist Christians and transexual pastors in the same place… Or cut-throat entrepreneurs and Trump supporters and progressive theologians from Australia all seeing my posts and commenting on them.    It’s a lot. I recognize that. But that’s a role I want to play. At least I think I do. Most days. Some days.    But whatever it is… This is a thought that I think applies to criticism across the board. If you’re a full-time mom and you catch little comments from other moms about parenting decisions you make… if you’re a student and you have other students or professors critiquing your work… If you’re a pastor and you believe you have a God-given dream to help grow and change your community, and long-time Christians light their hair on fire…    Winston Churchill has a great quote… He said, “Oh, you have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”    Here’s the point of this podcast: If you’re going to listen to criticism, and I think you should,make sure you listen to the right critics.    Pretty much anyone with a keyboard can throw shade nowadays, and they’re typically equally weighted with all the encouragement.    You have no idea what sort of day someone is having, when they see or hear about what you’re doing, or how self-righteous they happen to feel at any particular moment… I don’t necessarily care WHY people criticize; that’s up to them and how they want to spend their precious time. It doesn’t take much to elicit criticism. If you walk across the parking lot the wrong way, someone’s going to be judging you from afar. This podcast isn’t even for those that do the critiquing, necessarily. This is about when it’s directed towards you.    If you’re going to listen to criticism, and I think you should,make sure you listen to the right critics.   The right critics. This is how I determine whether someone is the right critic to listen to. I look at their lives, and I ask myself if I want my life to look MORE like theirs, or less like theirs.    If I want my life to look more like theirs someday, in some way, I listen. I appreciate it. I receive it and wrestle with it and often times it helps me grow. I change my mind. I transcend and include. My perspective broadens. My picture of God gets larger. It’s iron sharpening iron. It’s good, and I think quite often God is behind it. I’m grateful for those people in my life.    The other crowd, the people that I’d like my life to look LESS like, I don’t give the same platform.    If it’s online, I’ll click through to their profile and see a few recent posts, look at a few pictures of how they spend their time, live their lives, how they treat others… And it’s pretty easy to discern. I think that’s a gift of identifying as an Enneagram 3… I can read people in an instant. I can see their motives, I can see through flowery words or posturing…    If that’s used as a weapon, of course, it’s not healthy. But if it helps me understand where they’re coming from, what background, what set of beliefs, etc… I can discern whether their critique holds weight or not.    Father Richard Rohr has said, "The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better.” And there’s so much there to unpack, I’m definitely going to do an entire episode on that, but for this topic, it’s really helpful.    If someone is critiquing something you’re doing, look at their lives. Observe how they’re spending their one, precious life, and then decide if they actually have authority in that area of life or not.    If they don’t have kids, you probably don’t want to take parenting advice from them. If their finances are a mess, you probably don’t want to take investing advice from them. If their view of God makes them small-minded and judgmental and scared of other faiths, you probably don’t want to sit at their feet and learn from them about that said “God.”    If the person is completely anonymous, don’t even read it. It’s not worth the mental gymnastics trying to figure out context and what certain phrases might mean. To understand anything, we need to understand context.    Con-text, “con-textus” in latin, literally meaning “to weave together,” the circumstances, the setting for a statement or idea in which it can be FULLY understood and assessed.    We need context for everything to make sense. And we need critics… Don’t hear me wrong. We need people to hold us accountable, to be our guard rails when we need them, to encourage us towards truth when we’re dabbling with half-truths…    Proverbs 27 says “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” That’s beautiful, and I’m so grateful for the irons in my life that keep me sharp.   I guess my advice is simply to choose those irons carefully. The proof is in how they live their lives. If they’re admirable, then listen. If they love others better than you, listen. If they handle conflict better than you, listen. If they handle money better than you, listen. If their life is full of beauty and wonder and their kids love them, listen. That’s relationship at its best.    But if they’re a troll throwing stones, don’t listen.    This quote by Fulton Sheen, I love. “Criticism of others is thus an oblique form of self-commendation. We think we make the picture hang straight on our wall by telling our neighbors that all his pictures are crooked.”   In a word of jockeying and posturing, critiquing others is the easiest way of falsely elevating ourselves. Like if everyone’s drowning, you climb on top of someone else to feel better about yourself. You’re not actually lifting out of the water, you’re just pushing someone else down further.    Jesus’ words are appropriate here, for any of us that feel prompted to offer to critic in the coming days…   Matthew 7:3-5 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye[a] when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend,[b] ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”    If you’re going to offer a word of advice, be sure you’ve done your own work first. And then, and only then, ask permission of the person you’re wanting to help correct. If you don’t have their permission to speak into their lives, it’s not going to go well. That’s what my last few weeks has been full of. People assuming they have a platform to speak into my life, when in reality, they don’t.    Whenever I feel prompted to offer advice or comment a contrasting idea to the original post, or critique someone’s theology, or tell someone how to handle their money… I’m doing a lot of work prior to make sure I even have the right to speak into their lives. Quite often I’ll actually ask their permission, “Hey, can I share a different idea with you?”    Because, if you’re honest, you don’t want to offering your pearls before swine anyways. You don’t want to waste your time handing gems to a toddler.    The truth is, is that discouragement is always a click away. If you go looking for it, you’re going to find it. Whether it’s a personal attack or it’s just comparing what you’re doing to someone or something else… You can find something that will take the wind out of your sails in 10 seconds flat. And knowing that, you have to be wise with yourself. You have to guard your heart. You need to know that the internet can be an ugly, dangerous place, full of ugly, dangerous people, with ugly, dangerous ideas. Not always, but can be.    And the same is true for the playground and the church and family gatherings.    So today… Make yourself a promise that you won’t listen to the wrong critics, and that you WILL listen to the right critics. If you want something they have, at some point in your life, if they’ve got something going right, listen to them in that area of their lives.    I have friends that have quite literally a million times more money that I do… I listen to them about money, but not necessarily how to have healthy relationships or spiritual practices. I have friends that have no money but have an intimate, expansive relationship with God. I listen to them about spiritual practices and intimacy, but probably not how to handle my money.    And that’s fine. That’s good. That’s beautiful. That’s the point of it all.    Listen to the right critics. Be challenged, grow, and become more and more the person you dream of being someday.    I love you guys, make it a good day.