This is a lesson I learned a decade ago, and it made sense then, but as my life has become increasingly complex, nuanced, added responsibilities, stresses, variables, etc. it’s become all the more relevant. I was in the my early 20s and I was at a church leadership conference with my pastor and some other staff members, and the conference theme that year was “The Tension is Good.”    The Tension is Good.    It was helpful, although I didn’t have much tension in my life to apply the lessons to, but that’s just the way God works sometimes. Sometimes teaching is for today, and sometimes it’s equipping you for the inevitable tomorrow. Tomorrows always come, and they’re very rarely predictable.    So here’s what I’ve come to understand about tension. There’s a dualistic way to think about tension—that all tension is bad and that you should work with everything inside of you to resolve any and all tension. Tension—bad, Release—good. And this seems to be what’s sort of baked in with our culture. It’s at least what I was taught, whether directly or indirectly, that any tension I’m feeling is something that I need to focus on resolving. Life is supposed to be easy and clean and smooth and frictionless, so any snags along the way are to be treated as snags, and to get out your file and sand down the edges until everything is rounded and smooth and easy to be around.    Yeah, it’s a bit idyllic, but I think that’s what the human psyche sort of desires. At least in my corner of the world. But there’s a 3rd way of understanding tension. A way to look at it that doesn’t label it right or wrong, good or bad, but that elevates the conversation into more of a “wisdom” space—a space of necessary discernment. Because some tension is good.    Let’s say you work full-time, and you have a family at home. There’s a tension there between how you spend your time. Work requires time, family requires time. You might prefer one over the other, but you can’t argue that both are necessary, even though they’re in direct tension with one another. Too much time at work and the family feels it at home. Too much time at home with family and your work immediately notices. This is an example of a tension, not to resolve, but a healthy tension to maintain. If you had the mindset that this tension needs to be resolved, like all tensions in our lives need to be resolved, right? Then we’d constantly be stressed out by this tension. Why can’t we resolve this? Why can’t we just figure this out and release the tension between these two points? Because… the tension is good. If you resolve this tension, and all of a sudden give all of your time to your family, you’ll soon be unemployed. And, as a result, your family will suffer. Or if you resolve the tension by giving all of your time to work, after a while, you might not have a family around to come home to. The tension is good.    There are tensions to resolve, and tensions to maintain. And sometimes understanding the difference makes all the difference.    Understanding that certain tensions are tensions to resolve; they’re tensions that aren’t productive or healthy or necessary, and YES, those should be worked to resolve. But there also tensions that help create necessary balance in our lives.    Like the tension between extravagant generosity and wise financial practices. There’s a tension there that should be maintained. Sure, there’s a time to follow your heart and write a big check towards a cause that you believe in, but there’s always a time to tighten your belt and cut down on spending, and yes, even sometimes supporting causes you care deeply about. This is not a space of black and white dualism, this is a space of wisdom that changes day to day. This type of living requires paying attention.    Now, let’s talk for a quick second about tensions to resolve. There are a few different ways to resolve tension between two points. Imagine a bungee cord stretched between two points.   The most immediate, and drastic way to resolve tension would be to take out kitchen shears and cut it in half. Tension resolved. But then that connection is forever severed. That bridge is burned. That relationship is over. And sometimes that’s necessary. Rarely, but yes, sometimes that’s necessary.    Then there are times when you can resolve the tension by moving the two points closer together. If these positions are moveable, is it possible to move a bit closer to one another and release some of the tension in the cord… making life a bit more enjoyable; making that relationship a bit more long-lasting and fun to be around and flexible, allowing for greater movement.    Or, if those two points are immoveable, and should be immoveable, maybe it’s a tension to maintain. Healthy friendships require a bit of healthy tension in them… Tension between offering advice and being supportive, and on the other end creating space for people to make their own decisions. Tension between spending time together and also allowing people to have alone time. All of my healthiest, most fruitful relationships have an element of tension to them. A tension to maintain.    If you’re feeling tension in an area of your life, try to look at that thing objectively, and decide whether it’s a tension to resolve or a tension to maintain. Because sometimes the tension is good.    There’s a necessary tension between taking care of your body with paying attention to what you eat and exercising, and then enjoying all of the incredible foods the world has to offer and the luxury of sleeping in and skipping the gym.     There’s a tension in my marriage in how we parent. A necessary tension; in which we honestly switch roles in day to day. Sometimes she’s the good cop and I’m the bad guy; and sometimes it switches. When I’m feeling weak and wanting to cave into whatever’s easiest in that particular parenting moment, Elyse has a backbone and stands firm… and there are times when she’s making a decision out of sleep deprivation and I can step in with a fragment of clarity and help the situation. There are all sorts of tensions to maintain in parenting. Being around but creating space for kids to discover things on their own. When to helicopter, when to let them fly on their own.    There are tensions in ministry to maintain. The tension of moving forward and rustling the folks that have become to comfortable, while simultaneously not moving so quickly that people become disoriented and want out. It’s been said that good pastors comfort the disturbed and simultaneously disturb the comfortable. That’s a tension to maintain. A tension between grace and truth, invitation and challenge.    The tension is good. Tension is what’s holding it all together. And living a life of wisdom in the year 2020 requires a hell of a lot of tension.    I was leaving the gym this morning and read a quote on one of their white boards that says, “Whatever you’re not changing, you’re choosing.” If you have something in your life that is bothering you and you’re not changing it, you’re choosing to not change it. It’s a choice. It might not be an intentional choice, but it’s a choice nonetheless. And we typically don’t change something until the pain of staying the same begins to outweigh the pain of change.    All change has some element of pain to it. But when staying the same begins to create a pain for itself, and that pain grows to a place of equalling or outweighing the pain of change, that’s when people change.    Maybe today you’re not feeling much tension. Maybe you’re feeling pretty balanced with clarity about how to spend your time, how to spend your money, how to handle your most important relationships… That’s great. Maybe this lesson is one to tuck away and bring back out tomorrow; whenever that tomorrow is for you.    Or maybe you’ve already got something in mind. Maybe beginning to see that some tensions are good actually helps you give yourself some grace, and breathe a little in that space. The reason you feel tension in that area of your life is because there IS tension there, but the tension is good. It’s necessary. It’s holding the whole thing together. Without it, that space in your life would lose all its vibrance. The tension is what brings it life.    I love my family, I love spending time with my kids, but there’s necessary space, stepping away from the kids for an hour or two, so that when we come back together we’ve had space. There are a few times in the week when both kids are at school and Elyse has a few hours to breathe and be a human independent of these little leeches hanging off of her, and that time apart makes pick-up from school all the more beautiful.    There are tensions to resolve, and tensions to maintain. And sometimes understanding the difference makes all the difference.    What areas of your life do you need to unapologetically resolve? Cut the cable. Break the connection. It’s not a good tension and you know it. Burn the bridge. End the relationship. Find clarity there, and muster the confidence to do it. Your future self is already thanking you.    And then what areas of your life have a constant tension that you simply need to acknowledge, and more deeply understand. The tension is what makes it sing. A guitar with no tension isn’t much of a guitar at all. The tension is where the beauty lies.    And in those areas of tension to maintain, it doesn’t mean you never mess with it. It doesn’t mean there’s no room for rhythm. Flexing that tension, letting it swing over into a sweet season of family vacation and stepping away from work is wonderful. It doesn’t mean every day has to be perfectly balanced between the two points. Maintaining the tension doesn’t even mean balance; maybe it just means healthy rhythm.    Changing the point of tension on a guitar is exactly how a guitar works. 6 strings with different thickness stretched to different tensions, but all in harmony with one another, and more than willing to be manipulated, played with, changing the tensions, creating big, loud, sounds, and then sometimes resting all together.   The tension is good. And understanding the difference makes all the difference.    And so today, my friend, may you recognize the opportunity in front of you. May you see your life and all of its connections with clarity. May you not take today for granted, recognizing that even in this very moment, there’s a tension between life and death, lungs expanding and contracting, muscles being held in place with the tension of our tendons… And may we never waste it.   Thanks for taking a minute to spend with me. Make it a good day.