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2:30

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What's Crappin'

2:32

the podcast for all that crap we just

2:34

love to talk about on

2:37

Ye Olde Brob. So I'm Ronnie. I'm

2:39

here with my good friend, the love

2:41

of my life, Ben. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben.

2:43

Hi. Hi, how are you? Hi,

2:45

Ben. I love your shirt, guys.

2:47

Ben is wearing a shirt with cedar trees on

2:49

them. Do you know that that's the true... Well,

2:52

is that a cedar tree? It is, right? No.

2:54

I think it might be just like a regular conifer. Maybe

2:58

just a fir tree. I'm

3:00

going to look up cedar trees right now. This is the

3:02

tree of Lebanon. This is like my

3:04

Alpine kind of shirt. It

3:06

has like cabins on it and trees

3:08

on it. I want to go with

3:11

cedar tree because Ben is wrapping Lebanon

3:13

today. What? He's a

3:15

lovely hauler. Ben

3:18

is all dressed up and he's sitting in front of

3:20

a New York skyline because he's in New York City.

3:23

I am sitting in my regular house skyline,

3:25

so that's what I'm doing now. I'm staring

3:28

at cedar trees on the internet. Welcome

3:30

to the show, everybody. Today is

3:32

Vanderpump Rules Day. We're going to

3:35

get to that super-sized episode in

3:37

just a moment. But first,

3:40

come check us out, our live shows. We've got

3:42

an intimate live show for the Netflix

3:44

Comedy Festival. Comedy's a joke.

3:47

That's in Los Angeles in May,

3:49

and then in May we're going

3:51

to Europa, London, Birmingham,

3:53

and Dublin. So join us.

3:55

Get your tickets over at watchwhatcrapins.com. This

3:57

is a video recap. You can find it on Patreon. doing

4:00

for every show. You can also find them

4:02

a week later over on YouTube. If you

4:04

just, I don't know, want

4:06

to go through thousands of hours of archives,

4:08

you're welcome to do so. Also, bonus episodes

4:10

are on Patreon. This week is a trailer

4:12

trash. It's where we break down a trailer.

4:14

This week is Jersey, the new season of

4:17

Jersey. A lot of ruffles, a lot of

4:19

yelling, a lot of accents, a lot

4:21

of divorces, a lot of fighting, a lot of

4:23

food throwing, teeth, teeth,

4:26

huge teeth, huge, huge, bleach white teeth.

4:30

I'm not sure what's happening with the

4:33

teeth in this country, but it's

4:35

disturbing. I'm just at this point.

4:38

I would like to give also a shout out.

4:40

The reason why I put on a shirt

4:43

that's more interesting than my typical

4:45

generic t-shirt is because

4:47

I just did, I recorded

4:50

two podcasts here in the city.

4:52

First, I went on to the

4:54

Elvis Duran 15-minute morning show podcast.

4:57

That should be dropping. It

4:59

might already be out by now. I think it's a daily

5:01

podcast. Go check out Elvis Duran. If you

5:03

are a New Yorker and you listen to Z100, you know

5:06

Elvis Duran. Also,

5:10

I just did a guest spot on

5:12

a show called Serial Killers. We met

5:14

the Serial Killers guys at the I

5:16

Heart Awards. They do

5:18

a podcast about cereal,

5:20

trying cereal. I went

5:23

on, I tried a

5:25

cereal. It was a hybrid

5:28

episode. We just talked about Serial, we talked

5:30

about reality TV, we talked about board games.

5:32

It's kind of like a chat. Check out

5:34

both of those things. On Elvis

5:36

Duran, we talked about Real Housewives and all that

5:38

fun stuff. It was so fun. Thank you to

5:40

both podcasts for having me. Go check it out.

5:43

Are there women? Exciting

5:47

times over there. I'm glad you're

5:49

having fun in this open relationship.

5:52

I'm cheating on Ronnie with Elvis

5:54

Duran. Hope you're having fun with that.

5:57

Welcome to Vanderpump

6:00

Rules, this is one of those episodes where

6:02

nobody looks good. And I love that kind

6:04

of an episode where everyone's just kind of

6:06

an asshole in it. And it

6:08

reminds you why we watch a show. Because

6:11

you all suck, okay? All of you all suck.

6:13

And I fucking love it. I love it when

6:15

it's like that. I love when there's not just

6:17

one person to root for and

6:19

you're just kind of rooting against everybody. At

6:22

least that's how I felt. I was like, by the

6:24

end of this, I was like, oh yeah, you all

6:26

fucking suck. You're all fucking monsters. And I can't wait

6:28

to rip on every single one of you. This

6:30

was a great episode. It was really entertaining,

6:32

but it was also great because it

6:35

was our first true petty Vanderpump

6:38

Rules episode of the season. Because the first

6:40

half of the season has grappled

6:42

with, oh, Tom Sandoval. How do we

6:44

be friends with Tom Sandoval? How do

6:47

we be friends with Ariana? How do

6:49

we do this? What, how does this

6:51

group move forward from the trauma of

6:53

last season? But they've kind of

6:55

now like, they've established what the

6:57

group dynamic is and they're like, let's get

6:59

back to petty bullshit. So now we have

7:02

an episode that's just about gossip and

7:04

rumors and cheating and

7:06

indiscretions and it's classic Vanderpump Rules.

7:09

And hypocrisy and about holding things

7:11

against people from a fucking 12

7:13

years. I mean,

7:15

it's just everything that we love. And

7:17

a random below deck crossover that's totally

7:19

unexplained, but we'll get to that. Yeah.

7:24

And of course, of course, of course, of

7:26

course he's friends with Katie. I can't with

7:28

the fucking below deck guy who runs down

7:30

the street giving people high fives. I mean,

7:33

yeah, can it just, you know, everything just

7:35

comes together in this episode and he's like,

7:37

it's like the soufflé was finally baked. I

7:39

was like, thanks, God. Because you know, there

7:42

are so many seasons of Vanderpump Rules where

7:44

we're just like, oh my God, this is going to suck, isn't

7:47

it? And then as it starts to suck more, we're like, oh

7:49

my God, surely it's not going to suck the whole season. And

7:51

then it sucks the whole season. And

7:54

then there are seasons where you're like, this is amazing

7:56

and it stays amazing. You know, there's peaks and valleys,

7:58

you know, we all get it. relationships

8:00

with TV shows. Right guys? But

8:03

this one I was like I'm not sure about this

8:05

and it's pulling through you know it's pulling through.

8:07

I'm into this season I have to say I'm

8:09

really into it I think it's so good and

8:12

this episode was wonderful it's great it

8:14

was just it was the episode the

8:16

exact episode we needed we may have to

8:18

even bookmark this

8:21

episode as a potential live show down the

8:23

road like for those days where we need

8:25

like to do a vintage episode or like

8:27

we just have to like you know the

8:29

reason why here's the reason why

8:32

because the Tom Sandoval breathing

8:34

exercise moment was

8:36

so hilarious I was

8:39

literally laughing

8:41

out loud watching him doing his

8:43

breathing exercises. This was epic. Yes

8:49

definitely one of those episodes where you're like

8:51

well we're in LA this show

8:53

is definitely in LA. I was

8:55

reading Vanderp podcast

9:09

because everybody on the show has a podcast now. To really know what's going

9:11

on you have to go listen to 20,000 podcasts which of course I'm not

9:13

gonna do you know but thanks to this account I get to know but

9:15

this is another writer this is from Dana and Katie's podcast

9:18

which is called disrespectfully

9:22

there's something about disrespectfully

9:24

her so they

9:27

are talking about how Raquel's been

9:30

outing Logan like oh Logan knew like

9:32

Raquel is still Raquel is still finding

9:34

a way to make every single episode

9:36

about Tom Sandoval I don't know when

9:38

that why that's surprising since everybody else on the cast

9:40

is still able to do this every single day of

9:42

their lives talk about the Scandal but

9:45

they're talking about it Dana and Katie

9:47

how Raquel is blaming everybody else like

9:49

oh well Logan must have known so

9:51

Logan is a bad friend because Logan

9:53

walked him on us cuddling you've heard

9:55

this right So this line

9:57

is from it and it's just so.

10:00

L A. So they were under

10:02

a blanket and Bogan saw them

10:04

and Katie says in a social

10:06

media room not the bathroom and

10:08

Amos's yeah And a social media

10:11

room not the bathroom. A Social

10:13

Media room. For

10:15

the Earth people have a fucking twitter

10:17

room slow l a member of our

10:19

way. I do remember that Tom set

10:21

up a whole exam room and that

10:24

was like a thing during the pandemic

10:26

that he was like. Very proud of

10:28

his. like perfectly appointed social media room.

10:30

mm there's another what I'm here or

10:32

dame as skiing Damn really Malik Sina

10:34

because seen it went on. To.

10:37

See scoop. The. To see

10:39

Scoop podcast and see Talk about as

10:41

three Something almost happened and it didn't

10:43

almost happened. That really hurts my feelings

10:45

as you would go like to talk

10:48

about reset like dempsey me for a

10:50

three five since like here So this

10:52

whole thing off like it's like being

10:54

back in West Hollywood. Mmc says something

10:57

like a so eight when did that

10:59

happen Katie was it before after my

11:01

nose job of like oh my god

11:03

oh my not listening to this Oh

11:05

my god. Douglass.

11:08

so so. The episode opens

11:10

up places mass outlast as

11:12

mass. God bless Southwest Airlines

11:15

for their judicious. Flight.

11:17

Schedule that goes right over James Alleys

11:20

house because with the per person with

11:22

see is that airplane and. So.

11:24

Know we know where we're going. Max I'm

11:26

an average at Bally's house and run I

11:28

am. I see a Southwest plane fly overhead.

11:31

A much better go dress alley Bally. This.

11:33

Is literally the funniest thing that.the

11:35

post production department on the show

11:38

has ever done is dev repeated

11:40

visual cue. of

11:42

the southwest airline flight going overhead

11:44

it is just a cracks me

11:46

up every single time it it's

11:48

just say it's jams and alley

11:50

week after week after week so

11:52

james is aren't you know he's

11:54

putting another brick down on his

11:56

long and winding path to becoming

11:58

a creepy of a knife wielding

12:00

a lifetime husband, a

12:02

lifetime movie husband. And

12:05

we find out that James dresses Ali. And

12:07

she's like, yeah, I don't like picking on

12:09

my clothes because it's really hard. So

12:12

James does it. He's like, how about this

12:14

Ali Bali, little Barbie moment. Barbie's

12:16

here right now. I

12:19

think it's really cute on you. So

12:22

Well as I made for

12:27

the season, my dresses for me and he

12:29

doesn't curl my hair yet. But I always

12:31

joke because we're working up to that.

12:35

This guy, I mean, when you talk about playing house, he

12:37

is literally playing house. He is dressing

12:39

up his girlfriend, putting up their proverbial white

12:42

pick offense. It's

12:44

all gonna come shattering down. Like next season is gonna

12:46

be the James and Ali chaos

12:48

season. Yeah, I don't

12:50

know. I never see it coming. Like I really

12:53

never saw it coming with Raquel. I was completely

12:55

shocked by that one. So I

12:57

will be surprised. James is

12:59

still like James, talk about peaks and

13:02

valleys. James goes, he has his disaster

13:04

seasons and then he has his I'm

13:06

a good little boy seasons. And

13:08

in the good little boy seasons, he likes

13:10

to manufacture an image of

13:12

himself and his girlfriend and like whatever's

13:14

going on. Like we're just a perfect

13:17

family that's moved. We're moving

13:20

on and we're adults now and everything's

13:22

good and there are no problems whatsoever.

13:24

And then of course, it teeters into

13:26

disaster the following season. So next season,

13:28

like ice cream replacement therapy for addiction.

13:30

And it just all, I

13:32

mean, I've never seen somebody so sad eating ice

13:34

cream. Now I've seen somebody sad while they're eating

13:36

ice cream, but I've never seen

13:39

somebody eating ice cream in a way like

13:41

I have to eat this ice cream or I can't be happy.

13:43

You know what I mean? Like, I've never

13:45

seen somebody, usually people are sad and then they

13:47

eat the ice cream to feel better. James

13:50

was eating it, you know, because it was like

13:53

a replacement for drugs and stuff, which, you know,

13:55

don't, don't treat ice cream like that. I feel

13:57

like ice cream deserves its own respect and its

13:59

own addiction. It's not replacement therapy. It's not something

14:01

we shouldn't be grateful for whenever you fucking have

14:03

ice cream You need to be goddamn grateful for

14:06

it. I'm always grateful for ice

14:08

cream. I'm here. That's why we're so grateful

14:11

Yeah, I would watch it. I

14:13

would pick out an outfit for

14:16

my ice cream and curl its hair and

14:18

let that ice cream sing What was I

14:20

made for because I love it that much.

14:22

I would spend a million and a half

14:24

dollars to live under an airplane

14:27

Pass if it meant little

14:29

ice cream. Yeah, I would literally do everything

14:32

that James does for ice cream. I would

14:34

do it all Love

14:37

it. I love ice cream so much. I love I'm obsessed

14:39

with ice cream. I'm also he is I

14:43

Remember he was going to that place. It was like I Don't

14:47

know. I didn't trust the place that he was

14:49

going sweet rice cream or something. Yeah where they

14:51

would have like oh, it's like What

14:55

am I trying to say savory ice creams or

14:57

like they make mint ice cream? It's not like

14:59

the sweet mint ice cream. It's like natural mint

15:01

crushed up with No, give

15:04

me fucking real ice cream don't fucking fake fish

15:06

it you know I'm cursing like this

15:08

today you guys a part of the way any kids in

15:10

the car I'm gonna say this

15:12

cuz now you brought this up Don't

15:15

if you're making mint ice cream don't

15:17

make it from steep mint leaves No,

15:20

it's not gonna work mint extract. It should

15:22

taste like a Peppermint

15:25

patty People have worked

15:27

for literal how to use people have like worked

15:30

for literal centuries to process food, okay That's not

15:32

something that just happened. Can we stop shitting all

15:34

over processed food? They're making an effort Okay, you

15:36

know it's so funny that you just said that

15:38

literally as I'm recording here. I'm like hey I

15:40

just got an email from myself. How did that

15:43

happen? I forgot that I had scheduled an NBD

15:45

fancy where I talked about making grilled cheese and

15:47

I Am

15:49

putting forward that you have to make

15:51

grilled cheese with American cheese.

15:54

It's you know what process of anything

15:56

for No

16:00

That on the other hand is okay. You really

16:02

this whole segment real cheese I'm going to the

16:04

place is out to start with come here up.

16:06

We're going to Europe Valley Valley

16:10

never with American cheese, I live Bali

16:12

probably having a moment Bobby's having a

16:14

moment American

16:16

cheese on your grilled cheese everyone that's a place

16:18

for processed food I was trying to support your

16:21

processed food thing and you just

16:23

you shut me out But it has its place. You

16:25

know what I mean grilled American

16:27

cheese It'll grill cheese. I'm

16:29

sorry. I'm just fucking with you. You know, I'm a

16:31

big fan of el vida and mac and cheese Yeah,

16:33

I thought you were I thought you were gonna be

16:35

so a hundred percent in favor I think I just

16:38

wanted to watch you slowly spiral and then you were

16:40

like you're like no What

16:42

if you watch the video you can probably see me

16:45

look so confused like did Brian just say no to

16:47

American cheese on the grilled Cheese I

16:49

did I was gonna see if I could make you

16:51

spiral you did you start

16:53

starting and it felt good I'm not gonna let me American

16:57

cheese You're

17:01

okay, so James

17:03

stops for Ali creepy and Nobody

17:06

surprised so now the conversation

17:08

turns to Joe and James is like

17:10

so you're inviting Joe to hotel Ziggy

17:12

Which we're really making happen I

17:15

mean people are really making this hotel Ziggy happening

17:17

or happen on the show hotel Ziggy looks

17:19

like a best Western It

17:22

was about Is that what

17:24

it was? Actually, I think it was the Grafton hotel

17:27

Sorry, it's next with the Grafton a hotel

17:29

a best Western No,

17:31

it was a hotel that was based off of

17:33

the books of sugrafton No,

17:36

I'm just kidding. It's just it's like ages

17:38

for hotel room are

17:44

Earth for what room service? She

17:48

was killed by a for American cheese Ali

17:53

Ali, we don't eat American cheese. Yeah, we'll

17:55

try to be good family for TV. I

18:00

last time I came to LA I was like maybe I'll stay

18:02

in Hotel Ziggy because that would be camp you know it's like

18:04

it's always on VPR and that would be fine

18:07

I was reading the reviews and just laughing my

18:09

ass off because it's you know

18:11

a Best Western with a DJ stand in the

18:13

middle like I just said so as people like

18:16

so I'm staying in this hotel and they

18:18

were literally playing club music outside my door

18:20

like in basically

18:23

in the hallway you know I yeah

18:27

I don't know I want to check it out I want to

18:30

see it because it's now part of like band of pomper rules

18:32

but I have it reminds me of

18:35

that awful hotel we stayed in in Chicago it was like

18:37

a days in that was trying to be like Hotel Ziggy

18:39

it was like the worst hotel of all time the worst

18:41

that place is the worst okay

18:43

so um he's

18:46

playing a hotel ziggy and so James is

18:48

like tonight I'm DJing Hotel Ziggy it's a

18:50

party to be at the sunset Boulevard and

18:52

does not like oh it's not like oh

18:54

you can come and you can't come like

18:57

everyone can come it's everyone's invited to my

18:59

parties I show up a DJ crew DJ

19:01

equipment on the crowd you know Ali Bali

19:03

on my side ice cream on my hand

19:05

and you will have the best business your

19:07

place sad long time so get ready her

19:09

toes ziggy 13 more

19:12

people come into your courtyard tonight yeah

19:15

cuz always like did you invite Joe

19:17

to come to hotel Ziggy I hope

19:19

everyone's not mad about that and

19:21

he's like of course I invited her I'm

19:23

a fucking DJ okay a DJ is even

19:25

lower in the ranks than being an improviser

19:27

you're begging your friends to come to your

19:30

show give a fuck if somebody cheated on

19:32

you right in front of your fucking children

19:34

I'm inviting them to my show I have

19:36

to have people there okay improv doesn't run

19:38

itself need an audience

19:40

there it's not yes it's yes

19:42

and it's like your friends who

19:44

are comics which we have plenty

19:46

of who are just like you guys

19:48

want to come to my birthday it's

19:50

also a comedy show you're gonna do it you

19:53

trick me into this constantly

19:56

getting tricked my people and be going to their

19:59

shows yeah Yeah, so Ali's

20:01

talking about how the last time she was at her

20:03

tazigy She had that for

20:05

awkward first meeting with Raquel I want to see

20:07

that from a year ago and Ali's

20:10

like yeah Raquel I appreciate you guys

20:12

his relationship because he'd be a completely

20:14

completely different if he didn't have you

20:17

and Raquel's like, huh Wait

20:19

a second. That was actually me

20:22

wait a second and

20:27

So then James is like a lot

20:29

of change since then that's the damn

20:31

show right? She's like yeah a lot

20:33

has changed since then James is like

20:35

literally everything put on these shoes Okay,

20:38

this is so pincies of me

20:41

So then we go over to Tom and

20:44

Ariana's house and oh god,

20:46

what a gift It's Billy Lee

20:48

back on our TVs Jesus Christ speaking

20:50

of things nobody asked for okay I Get

20:54

off of my television. I did not

20:56

ask you here go go away shoot

21:00

Well, she is here. Billy Lee

21:02

has arrived and she's like hey

21:05

and Santa balls like making his bed and She's

21:09

like wow, it's like cleaning your and he's

21:11

like, uh, yeah And

21:14

she's like, you know, like every time I like come and

21:16

go from her house. I just got like so fucking nervous

21:19

He's like why? It's like

21:22

Ariana Everybody

21:26

has a roommate, right? My

21:28

roommate ten years get it get it You're

21:32

hilarious you're hilarious Tom so

21:35

they're talking about Hotel Ziggy the whole town

21:37

is a buzz with talk of You

21:42

know that the HZ tonight so You're

21:45

hilarious. You're hilarious Tom So

21:48

they're talking about Hotel Ziggy the whole

21:50

town is a buzz with talk of

21:52

hotel You

21:56

know that the HZ tonight so Billy

21:58

Lee is really really trying

22:00

to make her friend T a thing. She's like, yeah, I'm

22:02

bringing my girl T. You remember T, how

22:04

there's the girl you didn't talk to at your party. Let's

22:07

do it again, let's go try it a second time.

22:10

And we see a flashback of him doing

22:13

his line that you just did about like

22:15

having a roommate. This is my girl, my

22:17

ex-girlfriend, I'm 10 years. Which last

22:19

week he did the same line but

22:21

to girls in the pool. So he's just using this

22:23

line wherever he can. Yeah, this

22:25

is him like being hilarious. It's like I'm sure

22:27

you're all heard. And this time the girls

22:30

are like, yeah, we've heard. Like this

22:32

time they hated him, which I liked. Cause

22:34

last week they showed the girls looking awkward but they

22:37

were also like, oh, I mean, I guess we're on

22:39

TV. And these girls were like, we hate you. We're

22:41

just here to hate you on TV. So, yeah.

22:45

So by the way, did you hear that

22:47

he doesn't pay that? Remember how he had

22:50

that bartender last week? Well, she

22:52

apparently came out on, I don't know, a TikTok or

22:54

one of them internet sites, he

22:57

had them website on the internet. And was like, yeah,

22:59

Tom Centovall just calls you his friend so he doesn't

23:01

have to pay you. Cause I'm not even his friend

23:03

and he didn't pay me for bartending. Wow,

23:06

there you go. Shocker.

23:10

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23:12

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meta.com/metaverseimpact. So,

24:57

so that, so we talked with Billy Lee and

24:59

everything and he's like, well, I don't know what's

25:01

going on Ariana, but I love this house and

25:03

it's like a great house, but like, I mean,

25:06

the ball in her court, she has to just

25:08

like respond to an email, so we have like

25:10

some sort of like plan of action doomed. Yeah,

25:14

he wants to keep this house and

25:17

she does not want him to have it because

25:19

he wants it so bad, you know, but yeah,

25:21

kinda team Ariana on that one. Why should he

25:23

get the fucking house? What if that's her dream

25:25

house? He shouldn't. Yeah. Caffa that, sir. Although in

25:27

the news we found, I found out this week

25:30

that Ariana just bought a 1.6 million

25:32

dollar home in the Hollywood Hills. Yeah,

25:35

to which I say that's cheap. It's a

25:37

good deal. I know. I was like, enjoy

25:39

your shack. Enjoy

25:43

your decrepit garage with the bed in

25:45

it. There's 1.6 million in the Hollywood

25:47

Hills. Wow. That's cheap, right? I

25:49

think anywhere in LA that's pretty cheap. So,

25:53

yeah, real estate. Am I right, guys?

25:56

I'm a real expert, loving Redfin these

25:58

days. I was as... Zillow

26:00

person, then Zillow started fucking it up. Then

26:03

I became a realtor.com person and right

26:05

now I'm really into Redfin. So

26:08

I'd like to thank them for everything they do for me. Yeah.

26:10

It's great. They do great work. Great work. Did

26:14

I think that maybe they were a

26:16

website about seafood purveying? I

26:18

think I could maybe get some, order some scallops

26:21

from there perhaps, but it turned out Redfin

26:23

real estate. But only bullied ones, only

26:26

ginger ones. We're

26:28

only, we're only serving red headed

26:31

fish who were bullied in school.

26:33

I see. Very specific. Only

26:36

fish that have had a hard knock life. All right.

26:43

So scallops like, maybe far

26:45

away. I

26:48

don't know why I started that so high. It's like I don't even

26:50

know my own. Yeah. Come

26:52

on, Ronnie. My own range. Okay.

26:55

You gotta get yourself someplace to move into over there. You gotta, gotta

26:57

move. It's good. I know. We gotta

27:00

get to the big chorus people. So Billy Lee's

27:02

like, well, nothing. You need to jump into another

27:04

relationship with my girl T. You know, like she's

27:06

my girl. She's my girl T. So like, maybe

27:08

I should get one of my girl T. You

27:10

know what I mean? And he's like, well, I

27:13

did just wash my sheets. Oh

27:15

yeah. Now I'm in it today. Oh

27:17

well. Like, I mean, at

27:20

least if you didn't live with your ex-girlfriend

27:22

like you do, you know, you could have

27:24

people over. It's like, oh, roommate joke, roommate

27:26

joke. Sick over. You're so hilarious. Why

27:29

is Billy Lee so intent on getting

27:31

T together with Sandoval? I think as

27:34

it just makes, I guess it makes,

27:36

elevates Billy Lee's position a bit. Yes.

27:39

Because it gets her on the show. It gives

27:41

her an anchor on the show. You know, she got

27:43

them together. So she's the one that you go talk

27:45

to whenever something's wrong with T. You

27:47

know, you have a discussion with Billy Lee. What the

27:50

fuck is T hanging out with all these old

27:52

people for? That's a great question. That

27:54

does come up a little bit later. So

27:59

then on the other side of the house. We see Ariana

28:01

getting ready and she FaceTimes Anne It's

28:04

getting ready to go to Taylor Swift and it's like

28:07

hey Wow so sad

28:09

to get a phone call right now.

28:11

It's Ariana. Wow this is exciting Please

28:13

tell me I don't have to come over there and clean up dog

28:16

poop because I'm going to Taylor Swift that I spent $2,500

28:18

in the parking lot, please tell me you're

28:20

so beautiful my god I love looking at

28:22

you right now on FaceTime I'm gonna go

28:25

see Taylor Swift tonight, but I put your

28:27

face on her I put your

28:29

face on her body on this t-shirt Do you like

28:31

it? I hope you like it You

28:33

know what sometimes when I think of you, you know, I

28:35

do I say it's me. Hi.

28:38

I'm not the problem It's me cuz you're not

28:40

the problem. You're actually the hero not the anti

28:42

hero. Oh my god. Don't you love it? I

28:44

call myself weird weird and Yankovic sometimes when I

28:46

do this in songs I Am

28:51

a little weird Ariana's

28:53

like, oh love it lavender.

28:55

He's five Love

28:57

that so I wanted to ask you a couple

29:00

of questions anything anything you want. I will come

29:02

over you want me to come over I'll come

29:04

over right now. I'm under your desk. Look under

29:06

your desk. Just kidding. I could be though Wouldn't

29:10

you didn't invite me that would be weird. I want to

29:12

hear a bracelet. I made it a beaded bracelet for Taylor

29:14

Swift I don't know if I can give it to you.

29:16

Ariana, whatever you need. I don't need it I don't need

29:18

to I don't even like that Tara Swift anymore. You go

29:20

you go in my place It'll be like I'm there Lava

29:24

Okay, you're getting creepy right

29:26

now I'm just saying

29:29

I'm getting ready, but I'm gonna leave them 45 minutes.

29:31

So I just need to know is Tom

29:33

downstairs Oh for Christ's sake

29:37

Stop being scared of Tom downstairs. Here's

29:39

what you do get yourself a super

29:41

soaker or a stun gun, but I

29:43

was I

29:45

don't know this is going Leave

29:49

an alone It's bad enough that

29:51

an has to clean up Tom shit all over the

29:53

place without having to go spy for you and find

29:56

out if You have to walk in the same room

29:58

as Tom. Fuck that get you a super So

30:00

Chris spray is stupid ass whenever he's in your

30:02

way. He should be the one hiding not you

30:06

Yeah, so and So

30:09

like I feel like I'm on the

30:11

verge of full burnout, so I need

30:13

an assistant So I was

30:15

asked you know anybody. Oh my god an assistant.

30:17

Oh my god. Hey, can I be in the

30:19

running? Please can I do or can I just

30:21

run can I run am I allowed to run

30:23

right now? I forget am I allowed to do

30:26

this, please gotta be yours Tom's

30:28

I would love that so much Can

30:30

I be in the running like running to your house

30:32

which I am like I'm running to your house I'm

30:36

here Ever

30:38

ever ever be not Boston assistant because we're gonna

30:40

be Boston assistant That's what I'm trying to say.

30:42

Do you made a double negative? I'm so sorry

30:44

and she was like of course you can and

30:46

and she tells us and so sweet You know

30:49

she deserves more than having to put up with

30:51

Tom You know, but I don't

30:53

know if I'm the one

30:55

to do it someone used to save and

30:57

hashtag save am Save

31:00

her But you know

31:02

oh ariana's like, you know Look, I don't want him

31:04

to get pissed because that's not cool like poaching his

31:06

assistant You know and she goes I want to work

31:08

with you so bad Yeah,

31:11

I totally understand Yeah,

31:14

it's fine. I'm just gonna go

31:17

cry at the Taylor Swift concert now. It's all

31:19

totally ruined By

31:22

the way, I have to can't tell

31:24

you something can I confess something? So

31:27

I had a huge amount of FOMO that I didn't see that your

31:29

is to her and I I

31:33

just I'm like I I want to go

31:35

and And

31:38

she's going to New Orleans. There's the ears

31:40

tour is still gonna go keep going Would

31:43

it be wild if I bought myself a solo

31:45

ticket to see the Taylor Swift ears tour in

31:47

New Orleans? Oh my gosh, do

31:49

it. Is that wild? They're

31:52

so expensive but I kind of feel like when I

31:54

went to the Madonna concert I was like this concerts

31:56

amazing, but I can only imagine what it must have

31:58

been like to see Madonna at

32:00

her peak, like a blonde ambition. I was like, you know what?

32:02

I don't want to like see

32:04

Taylor Swift in 25 years and imagine what it

32:06

must have been like to have gone to an

32:08

iconic concert tour. So I think I'm

32:11

going to do something wild and take myself

32:13

to New Orleans and buy a solo ticket

32:17

off the secondary market. It's going to be a

32:19

huge amount of money. Is this wild? Is this

32:21

crazy? Should I do this? Go for it. Do

32:24

it. Live your best life. Okay,

32:26

I think I'm going to do it. Yeah, live

32:28

your best life. Okay, I'm going to do it. Yeah,

32:31

go for it. Or not. Okay. People

32:34

will now be like, hey, I live in New Orleans, but let's party. You

32:37

guys can like have a Taylor Swift party. I imagine

32:39

they'll be like a bunch of 22 year old girls

32:41

and you guys can go just like partying at. I'm

32:44

going to dress like Anne. Anne. It's

32:48

like, hey, Ariana, I'm at

32:50

the Taylor Swift concert. I

32:56

took a road trip one time to see Liza

32:58

Minelli in Atlanta with some girls from Into the

33:00

Woods. Listen, I'm

33:03

not going to tell you not to live

33:05

your dreams. I

33:08

will do it. I saw some amazing scarf

33:10

work that night. Was it Liza's best vocal

33:12

work? No, she's had a rough road, but

33:14

she did play with scarves a lot and jump

33:16

over them and twirl them. It

33:19

was amazing. And a hundred degree heat. She

33:21

still got it. And it's like Liza says,

33:23

you got to ring them bells. So I'm going

33:25

to ring the bell in the sub hub. Ben,

33:28

ring them bells. Okay. Okay.

33:31

Everyone in New Orleans, I'm going to Taylor

33:34

Swift. So Anne's like, please send

33:36

me work for you. And

33:39

then we go over to Schwartz, meaning

33:41

La La for Smoothies at

33:43

a place called Creation, but with a K

33:45

because God forbid you try and steal from

33:47

the Lord. No. No.

33:51

Well, you know, it's healthy for you because

33:53

they turn the C into a K and

33:55

K is an inherently healthier letter than C

33:58

apparently. Well,

34:01

it's not called Special C. So Schwartz

34:05

is a special. I

34:08

love this place. By

34:11

the way, I'm in the midst of a

34:13

sober bender. Isn't that crazy? Because, you know,

34:15

can we do some syringes? Yeah, get

34:17

it? Because it's a bender. It's a bender of sobriety. I

34:22

want to know who the shirtless guy was who was

34:24

in that creation. How do you just walk, just shortlist

34:27

into a juice shop? I mean, I

34:29

get it. But people in LA are

34:31

ridiculous. So... I'm sorry,

34:33

did that happen before or after my nose

34:35

job? Just trying to get the timeline down.

34:40

So they're ordering at

34:42

Creation. By

34:44

the way, I've been to Creation, and if

34:46

you get water there, it's green. It's

34:50

got chlorophyll in it. It's so LA.

34:52

Really? Yeah.

34:55

Wow. So he's like, you

34:57

should have some dry strawberries. They're so good.

34:59

They're like strawberries, but they're dried. And she's

35:01

like, okay, they look like dates. Sounds

35:04

like shits. Sounds like I'm going to

35:06

shits. Like, hey, can I order some? I'm going to

35:08

shits. And he goes, wait, well, we're on a

35:10

date? She goes, no, they look like dates. Not

35:12

we're on a date. He's like, just kidding about

35:14

it. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. Just

35:17

kidding. I was pretending like you were Joseph

35:19

for a second. Ah, joking, we're on a date. So

35:22

they go outside. They do these syringes that have,

35:24

I guess they're sober syringes. I

35:26

don't know what they really are. And he's like,

35:29

oh, let's do these because, ah, you can't do

35:31

jello shots across the street. Tell them I'm with

35:34

me. Oh, I'm a cute little boy. And

35:36

Lala's like, no, I cannot. So

35:40

they do it. And Lala

35:42

is like joking. He's squirted

35:44

on me. Whenever

35:47

I feel awkward, I talk about my

35:49

vagina. That's not a great quality. So

35:53

have you ever had sober sex? And

35:55

he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have sober sex.

35:58

Like when I'm a relationship, I have sober sex. Oh yeah, I

36:01

love sober sex. Wait a second. Did

36:04

you say sober sex or sobering sex? Because

36:07

Katie and I had very sobering sex. I

36:11

would have sex with Katie and then I would immediately

36:13

feel sober. Is that weird? I

36:16

would cry. And then

36:18

all of a sudden, all of my decisions I'd ever made

36:20

in my life would come into stark relief. Yeah,

36:22

very sobering stuff. Yeah,

36:25

you know, let's go more down the sobriety path

36:27

because it's hilarious. You know, when you're talking to

36:29

a sober person and just disregarding their sobriety, it's

36:32

so funny that you're sober because I'm kind

36:34

of sober too. I'm addicted to being sober

36:37

sometimes. Sometimes I'll be not sober, but then

36:39

I'm like, you know what's going to feel

36:41

like being fucked up? Being sober. So

36:43

then I get sober. Like right now,

36:45

I'm sober for like five minutes. It's so

36:48

hilarious. I'm like on a sober bender, right?

36:50

Isn't that so fun? Aren't I

36:52

just saying things that you as a sober person are

36:54

not going to get really mad at me saying with

36:58

my non alcoholism privilege? Isn't that

37:00

how you feel? My non

37:02

alcoholism privilege. I understand

37:04

what he means in a way because when I started

37:06

kind of sobering, it did feel

37:08

like a different kind of being wasted because

37:10

I just wasn't used to being awake all

37:12

day. I would be like, wow. I

37:15

would watch an entire show on TV at night and

37:17

be like, I

37:20

just watched a whole show. Like I have sleeping

37:22

issues. I can't sleep. I can't sleep. It's

37:24

like, babe. You're not

37:26

taking anything. I love that.

37:28

I love that. That's how you reason yourself.

37:30

Babe. I do. I

37:33

have to talk myself down. I'm single all the

37:35

time. I have to talk to myself. I have

37:37

to be like, this isn't that important. Everything is

37:39

okay. Your heart racing. Take your blood pressure. You

37:41

can do that. Choo choo choo choo choo. We're

37:43

going to have to see a room right now.

37:46

Choo choo choo. Specialty. I

37:51

just felt like I had to imagine that as

37:53

like to someone who is like a sober person and

37:55

putting in like the work and the effort of having to

37:58

be sober to like Lala to have someone be. to

38:00

say like, man, I'll have to binge on

38:02

like being sober in a way that's like,

38:05

I have to imagine that must be annoying to hear like

38:08

this, like acting like

38:10

you're going through, like

38:13

you're experiencing this novelty of an experience

38:15

when this is actually what like Lala's

38:17

life is now. I have to, I

38:20

personally think I would be annoyed, but then again,

38:22

I'm not in Lala's shoes, but. Well, yeah, because

38:24

people start flailing around acting like idiots around the

38:26

sofa first. Flailing like they're a hero. It feels

38:29

like you're judging that person. I think that to

38:31

a non sober person, it feels like, Oh, you're

38:33

sober. That means you think I'm an alcoholic, right?

38:35

So it's all this dancing all over it. Like,

38:37

Oh, well you're sober. I love sobriety. Like I

38:39

try that out sometimes. Yeah. Sobriety is

38:41

great. Love sobriety. You want to go across the street

38:44

and have jealous shots? Just kidding. We're going to do

38:46

shots here. Cause they're healthy. I love sobriety. If

38:48

you feel so fine, good. I love this. Like you

38:50

turn into fucking Shannon Bador, you know, being

38:52

across from a sober person. And I think

38:54

that's what he's doing. Also, I think that

38:56

like binging on sobriety, like

38:59

that is inherently not

39:02

sober to do that because the binge implies

39:05

that eventually like you stop being stopped doing

39:07

that. So that's inherently not like a sober

39:09

thing. It's just like you are just

39:12

not drinking for a few days. And like, that's,

39:16

that doesn't mean you've binged on sobriety. It just means

39:18

you just happened to try. You just, you're not, you're

39:20

just not drinking, but you're going to go back to

39:22

drinking. So he's just trying to be like, it's like

39:24

taking, it's, I just feel like for people, I imagine

39:26

that maybe I'm fighting a fight that is like not even

39:28

mind to fight because I don't, and I don't even know

39:30

why I'm doing this, but it's just the nature of an

39:32

opponent rules. Just like him saying like, wow, I

39:35

did like a binge of sobriety. I did, I was like

39:37

sober for like a week. It's like, yeah, congrats. I have to

39:39

do it for the rest of my life. So

39:41

shut up. Yeah, that's what

39:43

I would say personally. But

39:46

you know, you got to dance. Like I'm not

39:48

an alcoholic, am I? I'm an alcoholic. God, are you calling

39:51

me an alcoholic right now? I want

39:53

shots. I don't want shots. Why did I

39:55

say that? I'm sober. I'm sober right now. Totally

39:57

fine. Anyway, I don't know why I'm speaking on behalf of sober

39:59

people. I'm not sober myself. So I'll just be

40:01

quiet. Because it's Bravo right now and we're

40:04

fucking inundated with talk about

40:06

sobriety and drugs. And

40:08

this is a conversation on almost every show

40:10

right now. And so, you know, it's in

40:12

the conversation. We start thinking about it like,

40:15

am I sober? Like what is sobriety? Because

40:17

these shows have also redefined what sobriety means.

40:20

It's like there's a reality reckoning going on. For

40:22

me, I think it's more like the reason why

40:24

I started doing that little monologue. It's more like

40:26

it's just the shorts of it all that he

40:28

does this thing that's like cute and

40:30

like so like I'm on your journey with

40:33

you. And you're like, it's still bullshit though,

40:35

shorts. Everything you say is bullshit. Yeah.

40:38

So also the main

40:41

theme of this episode is these people don't like

40:43

each other at all anymore. They

40:45

used to at least have to work

40:47

in a restaurant together. And that's how they were kind of connected.

40:50

And then after that, they're like, well, we're still on the show together.

40:52

Let's still hang out. But now they don't hang out. They don't like

40:54

each other. They clearly all hate each

40:56

other. And so every time they get together, it's

40:58

so fucking awkward. And it's like they're starting over.

41:01

So when does Tom Schwartz ever hang out

41:03

with Lala? Never. So that's why

41:05

it's so fucking awkward. So

41:07

here we go. And that's almost every scene on the

41:09

show today is people who hate each other having to hang

41:12

out. And it's really fun. It's like

41:14

a fun experiment. Yeah. It

41:16

really takes us back to the roots of this show. So

41:19

Schwartz is like, so are you going to

41:21

go to Hotel Ziggy tonight? She's like, yes. I

41:23

think I'm going to go. Is Sandoval coming? And

41:25

he's like, yeah. Oh, James invited him? Wask.

41:28

Wask. Wask. That's

41:30

crazy. I can't wait to have

41:33

tacos. Pink tacos. Like my perfect.

41:35

Sorry, I'm feeling really awkward right now.

41:37

I'm awkward. I'm awkward. Hotel

41:40

Ziggy? More like Hotel Biggie

41:42

for vaginas. I'm

41:45

not going to Hotel Ziggy, but I'm going to Hotel Squirties.

41:47

You want to come up? Just kidding. I

41:49

don't know why I said that. Everyone bring a punch. I'm

41:51

going to be squirting all over Hotel Ziggy tonight. Sorry,

41:53

I'm awkward. I speak about vaginas when I get nervous. Last

41:56

time I was at Hotel Ziggy, I left that

41:58

bed. I was almost hired

42:01

to be the water feature in

42:03

the courtyard because I was sporting so much.

42:11

Frank Sinatra started playing because the hotel thought

42:13

I was a Bellagio fountain for a

42:16

second. Yeah, I was almost hired.

42:21

I was almost hired by the Groves

42:24

to take on my new

42:26

alternate personality. Frank Sinatra. When

42:41

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Hub at hubspot.com/Sales. So

43:11

it's like, yeah, yeah, you know,

43:15

Tom, Tom gets to come. Oh, we saw Jack

43:17

say Tom, Tom, you know, and Jackson Tom.

43:19

It's not like they hate each other or anything.

43:22

They just haven't seen each other in like,

43:24

I don't know, years. Yeah,

43:26

because they fucking hate each other. That's why. Yeah.

43:30

My God. And then we see Sandoval and

43:32

him having a dumpster talk at Sir. And

43:34

Sandoval saying, that's the kind of friend you want,

43:36

Jack, to kind of never question you and agree

43:39

with you all the time. Okay, fine. That's what

43:41

you want. Then go have them, Jack.

43:43

Go have them. Which is

43:45

so funny because that's exactly the line that

43:47

Jack sees is now all the time. Yeah,

43:49

I'm your friend. You're your friend. You're your

43:51

friend. Ask you the tough questions,

43:53

Kristen. Yeah. So

43:57

anyway, so Schwartz just says that they

43:59

persevered. They literally did not persevere.

44:01

No, they were tolerated. You tricked them into

44:03

hanging out together. They tolerated them.

44:06

Yeah. And so, and then,

44:08

uh, Schwartz was like, Yeah, it was

44:10

good. It was amazing. And, you

44:13

know, oh man, I think I have post-scanned

44:15

evolved brain fog. Not to be confused with

44:17

pre-scanned evolved brain fog. Not

44:19

to be confused with just the brain

44:21

fog I just live with every single day. But

44:23

what I see is that brain fog a reality

44:25

because I'm sober right now. I can't even tell.

44:28

I'm on a brain fog bender right now. So

44:31

addicted to brain fog. Hey, can I

44:33

have a straw? Because I want to snort up

44:35

this, um, what were we

44:37

saying it was? Brain fog.

44:40

Brain fog. I want to snort up this brain fog.

44:43

Straw. Who's not sober? I

44:45

can't even think of a word we said two seconds ago.

44:48

Brain fog. Um,

44:50

so Schwartz is being very sly

44:52

because what he's about to do, well, he's

44:54

then saying, I mean, when I see what

44:57

Tom did compared to what we've all done,

44:59

I know I feel like everyone's cheated in

45:01

some way, right? Like we've all cheated. We've

45:04

all done stupid shit. I mean, I cheated. I

45:06

was a make out slut. I mean, uh, I

45:09

mean, I was cheating 12 years ago in Vegas. Anyway,

45:11

God, I love this chlorophyll in this water. So he

45:14

just tried to slide that right in there while

45:16

the heat's not on him. Just slide it in.

45:19

Yeah. And she's like, what? And he's like,

45:21

no one even knows that. Oh my God, that

45:23

was so long ago. I mean, it was the most innocuous

45:25

thing, you know, I'm just saying, you know, we've all

45:27

done stuff. Just wait a minute. You made up with Sheena

45:29

Wentz. I just squirt it. Sorry,

45:33

I got nervous. I

45:35

don't know. I think it was somewhere in

45:37

Vegas. That's all pre-Katie. Pre-Katie.

45:39

It's like, no. Maybe

45:43

pre-drink. It

45:47

was a rocky moment. It was during a rocky moment.

45:50

Yeah. It was actually at the Rocky

45:52

Mountain Fudge store, you know, and I kissed her. Yeah.

45:55

So Schwartz is really working for the producers

45:57

this year. He's doing everything they ask. Joe

46:00

on camera, he's starting drama because nothing is

46:02

happening this season. So he's starting shit by

46:04

bringing Jax back and helping his show come

46:07

out. Now he's starting some more dramas so

46:09

Katie can get mad at him some more.

46:11

He's kind of producer planting and last year

46:14

he spent doing the Raquel storyline to get

46:17

Katie mad and keep talking. I mean this guy

46:19

is just such a fucker. You know he's just

46:21

doing everything. Him and Katie are still in a

46:23

relationship. I don't care what anybody says. They can

46:25

call each other single all they want to. They

46:27

are so codependent on each other on hurting each

46:29

other's feelings putting each other through

46:31

hell and torturing each other and then apologizing

46:34

later. Well Katie doesn't apologize. But

46:36

he gets off on pissing off Katie and

46:39

then Katie gets off on becoming this huge victim

46:41

and getting to mope around and cry and be

46:43

you know Katie be as Katie as she can

46:45

about it and then he gets to

46:47

grovel and apologize and pretend like he's a good

46:49

person until he kind of softens her up and

46:51

then fucks her over again. Yeah.

46:53

Cycle. I think he's punishing her. He's

46:55

punishing her because she didn't participate in

46:57

Tahoe and that she and Ariana are

46:59

like doing their own thing and like

47:02

I think he's punishing her because a lot of

47:04

people feel very caught. They're afraid that like people

47:07

are friends with them that then with them

47:09

as in the toms that then they're gonna

47:11

lose their friendship with Ariana and Kate. So

47:14

I think he's like he's angry and the

47:16

way he gets revenge is

47:18

he just says something that he knows will

47:20

be really hurtful to Katie and he enters

47:22

it right there in on

47:24

the gossip onramp with Lala and

47:29

because he's like oh yeah oh man

47:31

just small thing that's a little whatever

47:33

just brought it out whatever he's such a

47:35

piece of work. It's also he

47:39

doesn't have Sheena on their side right now. Sheena

47:41

is like kind of anti them at the bar

47:44

she's like you're bringing me I'm talking about this

47:46

animal you know instead of being completely on their

47:48

side because she's friends with Katie right now so

47:50

he's gonna throw a wrench into that one too

47:52

you know. Yeah exactly at the end of the

47:54

day. Mm-hmm so Lala's

47:57

like so are you seeing that Sheena

47:59

dappled and the group spits and Schwartz

48:01

is like, no, just like maybe a

48:03

micro-dose, something like that, you know, really

48:06

small, I'm a good little boy. Yeah,

48:10

and so she's like, um, I'm gonna

48:12

be straight up with you Schwartz, I'm

48:14

fucking over people lying to my face.

48:16

Okay? Which of course, all is gonna

48:19

make this about her. Right. The

48:21

truth is she might tell me that

48:23

she made out with Schwartz because

48:25

it's embarrassing. Would you fucking tell people?

48:28

Yeah, and she knows it would, she

48:30

knows it would actually cause

48:33

chaos, especially if it sounds like you, it

48:36

was like a big nothing, and so she

48:38

knows, Lala's like, she knows,

48:41

and I have gotten extremely close and

48:43

we've become each other's vaults, and

48:45

I just, just in strength to me that at no

48:47

point in time was she like Skurlsk. I've

48:50

got to tell you something, Sk, I got to spill

48:52

some tea skusks, like what Sk? So

48:55

Lala's, Lala's like, does Katie know? And

48:57

Schwartz's like, no, well, I

48:59

don't know if I told Katie. Oh, oh,

49:02

oh, oh, oh, oh, God, you're

49:04

not gonna gossip about this to everyone,

49:06

will you? Oh, man. Certainly,

49:09

Lala's not gonna tell anyone anything and

49:11

get me in trouble. What have I

49:13

done? Oh. Oh,

49:18

Katie doesn't get upset and have an excuse

49:20

to be a little hurt now. So

49:22

then we go to Lala's apartment and

49:25

Katie comes over and, you know, hates

49:28

her. It's another scene where people who really don't like

49:30

each other are being forced to hang out. So

49:33

Lala's like, um, hi, I'm just trying to

49:35

enjoy a little clean time when I don't

49:37

have a chance, because the second she comes

49:40

back, this entire area is gonna be a

49:42

fucking mosque. Yeah,

49:45

I feel the same way about the dogs. Both

49:49

of every parent loves. It

49:51

was when dog owners were like, yeah, I

49:53

feel the way that, I feel the

49:55

same way about my dogs that's usually about

49:57

your baby. They're like, uh, excuse me. Do

50:00

you know how many times I've gotten in

50:03

trouble with actual parents about that? I'm like,

50:05

yeah, Gilder's like my baby. They're like, no,

50:07

you don't get to do that. Okay? Yeah,

50:10

because you're robbing parents with the one thing that they have, which is

50:12

the ability to look down on you

50:14

for not having a child. Exactly.

50:16

Like you don't get to just have a

50:18

dog. Your dog shits outside. Okay? When

50:21

you have something shitting all over your face,

50:23

okay? And then their first

50:25

word is like, fuck you,

50:28

gaywad. Okay? I'm complaining to us.

50:30

But you have a dog. It can't talk. It

50:32

can't argue. It can't kick you. It

50:34

can't shit all over you. Stop it. No,

50:36

the best is I'll one up you when

50:38

you say, oh yeah, my plants are like my children. Oh,

50:41

my plants? Yeah, you can't do that with

50:43

plants. That's the best because it's so insulting.

50:47

Oh my God, your child reminds me of my ficus.

50:50

Oh my God, I have, it's so funny.

50:52

Like all the work. It's like,

50:55

oh my God, I was up all

50:57

night because my child had a fever and I just

50:59

had to take care of them and they just would not

51:01

go to sleep. It just requires so much work. I'm

51:03

like, I get it, girl. Totally. I'm

51:05

like growing some time in a little pot in my

51:07

kitchen and it is like not responding well. It's

51:10

like, it's like I'm putting all this energy into you. Just let

51:12

me sleep. Your

51:15

kid reminds me of my succulent because

51:17

it sucks. I've

51:20

got some aloe and it's just like dying.

51:22

And I'm like, you're supposed to be a

51:24

helpful plant and you're not. It's just like,

51:26

I totally get it. Kids, am I right?

51:31

So Katie's like, yeah, because dogs, they have

51:33

like all their stuffed animals and then they

51:35

gut them and they leave a mess and

51:37

they'll listen. Okay,

51:40

so you're

51:42

not dealing with the terrorism that is Ram's

51:45

memory on your child.

51:48

You don't have to look at Ram every time

51:50

your dog guts the toy. Okay, bitch. Let's

51:53

just change the conversation. So

51:56

I had smoothies with at creations

51:58

with the shorts. Yeah, it's the place

52:00

of the K and C, super healthy. And

52:03

so he drops on me, well he

52:05

actually dropped his entire milkshake on me, which was really

52:07

upsetting, but then after I dropped, he then dropped on

52:09

me. Then a few years ago, Sheena

52:11

and I made out in Vegas. And

52:15

Katie's like, what the actual fuck? Are

52:17

you kidding me? Oh.

52:24

By the way, Lala, what a great

52:26

friend Lala is. She's like, Sheena and

52:29

I are such good friends now. I'm

52:31

running straight to her enemy. Yeah.

52:34

With this information. And

52:37

she's like, yeah, Katie's like, I

52:39

just have so many questions. When

52:42

was this? And where exactly was

52:44

this? And was this the time that

52:46

Schwartz said he went to Vegas and made out with one

52:48

of Sheena's friends? And was it actually, in fact, Sheena? There

52:51

are just so many lies in this group. It's

52:53

hard to keep track. She sounds like she's starting

52:55

up a podcast, right? It sounds like a true

52:58

crime podcast. Like she said. Over the next seven

53:00

episodes, we're gonna dive deep into this mystery. Join

53:03

me, Willy, won't you? She could start

53:05

a true crime podcast based on all

53:07

the shit that Schwartz has pulled. Hi,

53:10

it's me, MusicKillsK. Today's

53:12

podcast is, where

53:14

did Schwartz go in fucking Mexico when he

53:16

just disappeared for a night and then turned

53:19

back the color gray? And

53:21

then the music just goes. It's

53:26

just a surreal theme song, but

53:29

with, instead of, ding. This

53:34

episode is brought to you by mail. This

53:39

is Katie, and I've been disrespected.

53:42

Let's go back. September 22nd, 1999. The

53:47

first time Schwartz said he would call me

53:49

back and didn't. Where was he? I'm

53:53

here at the Best Buy, where

53:55

I can prove to you that he literally did not

53:57

buy the best thing here. Now

54:00

here's the fun bit. I

54:03

noticed that Lala leaves out the part that it

54:05

was 12 years ago, right? So

54:10

making it sound like, oh, you know, this just

54:12

happened or it could have happened at your wedding,

54:14

you know, she was just leaving it, leaving Katie's

54:16

mind to run. So Lala

54:18

is like, I don't think you were there because no

54:20

one was really complaining about how annoying you were. And

54:23

she's like, well, I can't think of a time

54:25

he was in Vegas with Sheena and I wasn't

54:27

there. So I'm always

54:29

like, well, you're going to have to ask him

54:31

because I was in the rant that time. She

54:34

goes, well, did you ask Sheena? And she goes, no, I haven't seen

54:36

Sheena. I wanted to talk to you first. And

54:39

she tells us, I went back and forth like, so let's

54:41

talk to Sheena. But then I was like, I don't want

54:43

to give Sheena a moment to make this. Okay.

54:47

Well, my friend. Yeah,

54:51

you know, it's very important for me to

54:53

make sure that my best friends is

54:56

totally blindsided on television. And

55:01

also sending the most terrifying person

55:03

on the cast after them.

55:05

You know what I mean? So in

55:08

her eyes and Sheena's eyes, you know, like that's

55:10

the last thing Sheena wants is Katie on her

55:13

ass again. It's like, God, can I have five

55:15

minutes where Katie's not on my ass? Well,

55:18

let me realize at this point that Sheena

55:20

has her own bombshell to drop later on.

55:23

Oh, yes. That's the show, isn't it?

55:26

So DJ James Kennedy, he's

55:28

like, everybody's talking about it, guys. Everyone

55:32

at hotels like he's like, Oh, since when

55:35

did Southwest fly over this hotel? James

55:37

was walking down the street. It's

55:42

like, whoa, that plane is flying

55:44

really close to the building. I'm

55:47

trying to play here. You have to follow me

55:49

as well. Of course, this dance, sit

55:52

down. Some ice just falls from the plane.

55:55

I'm always imagining when the Southwest Airlines

55:57

little bag of. They're

56:00

just like dropping because I don't know like I have

56:02

it I don't think this is actually real, but I

56:04

have it in my mind that planes They

56:07

release like the waist Yeah,

56:10

like little frozen cubes or something cubes of ways

56:12

and I think if they do do that They

56:14

don't do it over residential areas, but my mind

56:17

are always dropping on James Because

56:19

that wasn't would do that Just

56:22

wait Southwest has to taste in me. They're

56:24

like, yeah save it off Bag

56:26

of peanuts balls on his head Okay,

56:33

so now Schwartz and Joe are coming

56:35

and Schwartz is like your name is

56:37

Joseph That

56:39

is hilarious. I call you Joseph. You want

56:41

a shot Joseph? Just um, I Don't

56:44

even know why you asked me because we always drink the same thing.

56:46

Wait, hold on. I can't see you. Hold on Let me look look.

56:49

Oh, I can see now You're behind

56:51

a hand bush Here's

56:54

the church here's people open the doors

56:56

inside is this my little

56:58

picture Oh my god, tell me the turtles back

57:00

ice in the church So

57:04

Joe is really Joe this episode by the way,

57:06

she literally is doing our impersonation of her I

57:08

was like that did not take a long time.

57:10

She really does the thing where she's like I'm

57:14

like, she really does it. She

57:16

does. Yeah, she's like Do

57:23

do do do So

57:30

they're doing shots and then on the

57:32

Brock and and She

57:35

knows friend Sheena and Brock and and

57:37

she's friend Madison Stroll up and

57:39

she was like, oh she you got dressed up Yeah

57:41

Well, it's like very much like the vibe like, you

57:43

know, like and I want to get like a cute

57:46

pic You know, like yours like a way and what

57:48

peace sign peace like hotel Ziggy like I'm totally happy

57:50

but like right guy to I

57:52

don't know. Yeah, cuz it's me tonight because it's like mom's night

57:54

out So I'm like looking like this like I'm

57:56

looking really good at hotel city and also it's

57:58

like I'm kind of drinking than I because like

58:01

I don't drink drink. You know, like I normally don't

58:03

drink drink anymore I'm like not sober, but I'm like

58:05

sober sober. You know what I mean? Yeah,

58:07

everybody's trying to convince us that they're

58:09

like not drinking for one episode is

58:11

their shot at sobriety Stop trying to

58:13

be sober. This is fucking Vanderpump rules.

58:15

Okay, let the sober people live their

58:17

best life and the rest of you

58:20

stay messes Yeah, do

58:22

you notice that her what Tori was there with

58:24

her Tori was with the Sheena's group so

58:28

and and Really,

58:30

don't you have a baby to take

58:32

care of? Yeah, you're supposed to have

58:34

like a super newborn baby. Yeah, that's

58:37

right Yeah, I

58:39

like you People who don't even have

58:41

baby. I feel like baby saving

58:43

nannies. What are you doing here without the baby? She's

58:46

like I have to know that you left the baby Tori's

58:50

like I have the baby right here. She like lifts

58:52

up a little potted plant How

58:54

dare you compare that? It's

58:58

not a real baby Okay,

59:01

so and of all and Kyle

59:03

Chan everyone loves a Kyle Chan

59:05

cameo and Ariana shows up and Instead

59:09

of all talking with Brock and

59:11

he's like, oh Ariana looks great Like that's a

59:13

good dress for her like I just just want

59:15

to say something to her tonight Like I'm afraid

59:18

you don't like I'm afraid I'm a victim here

59:20

man It's so hard

59:22

for me and Ariana looks amazing

59:24

by the way Yeah, holy crap

59:27

my god, so she is totally

59:29

revenge dressing it love it Which

59:31

works and Brock's like oh, I

59:34

feel like the first thing you go should draw

59:36

deduce figure out how to start a conversation It's

59:39

like you're Brock really you

59:41

were just yelling at your wife in a store the other day

59:43

I don't think you're the expert on starting a conversation All

59:47

right, here's my method you're having trouble

59:49

communicating I say all right when you're

59:51

holding the didgeridoo you get to talk

59:53

All right, but unfortunately you have

59:55

to talk to the didgeridoo. So a lot of

59:57

our conversations are like Wow Wow Wow Wow Get

1:00:00

a babysitter. Wah, wah, wah Talking

1:00:03

didgeridoo But

1:00:08

you got the didgeridoo if you

1:00:10

don't go to didgeridoo, it's a didgeridoo know what

1:00:12

I'm saying To

1:00:15

be fair, it's also a question that she asked me

1:00:18

a lot did you do in the bathroom yet? But

1:00:22

we have summer One

1:00:25

day she'll get it you gotta believe as a

1:00:27

parent. I know bros when I'm trying to tell

1:00:30

my my points out of ya Okay,

1:00:39

so then Shorts and Joe

1:00:41

go over and say Oh Tom Sandoval's like

1:00:43

oh dude. I'm getting ghosted left and right

1:00:46

over here You're not getting ghosted being

1:00:48

ghosted is when someone just stops talking to you

1:00:50

and doesn't explain why they just leave You've

1:00:53

been called a piece of shit and told to go die So

1:00:56

you're supposed to be the ghost Yeah

1:01:01

So really the same I mean I guess it's

1:01:03

been the same and like you've been figuratively

1:01:05

murdered and turned into a ghost So

1:01:09

shorts and Joe go over say hi to

1:01:12

James. There's like this bumps and James like

1:01:14

what's going on? Joe here to see the

1:01:16

magnificence of DJ James Oh

1:01:19

Petals this time. Oh damn it She's

1:01:23

like oh my god, Joseph Joseph. They all

1:01:25

call me Joseph. I

1:01:27

love DJing The

1:01:31

letters from my favorite things deals

1:01:34

and jobs You

1:01:37

can take advantage of deals when you have a job

1:01:39

it's crazy how that works out we keep we keep

1:01:41

we keep Do nothing

1:01:43

with the record do that thing with the record sometimes

1:01:45

short sounds like that when he's on my voicemail and

1:01:47

he's got Bad cell service. He was like hey Joe.

1:01:49

It's me short You

1:01:54

deal or a job To

1:01:56

be a breadsticks here unlimited so

1:01:59

then she does watching Yeah Meow

1:02:02

meow meow whoa whoa whoops like I'm a

1:02:04

cat that does all impersonations whoa So

1:02:08

she does like I'm there

1:02:10

like totally dating like why are they acting like

1:02:12

they're not dating I

1:02:15

love that. Everybody gets fucking energy from

1:02:17

Joe. She's like Whoa

1:02:20

look at me right now. I'm a record. I'm a record

1:02:23

Oh my Could

1:02:29

you imagine sitting around like a CD though you were so fast

1:02:34

So she was like I'm like right now

1:02:36

I really don't have a reason to like

1:02:39

Joe like she literally drove with Raquel to

1:02:41

go meet Tom's in Big Bear and then

1:02:43

she like left with Raquel with Santa ball.

1:02:45

That's Big Bear It's just like a little

1:02:48

homie hang like come on bitch, you know

1:02:50

Okay Now

1:02:52

here's my question. Who cares if Joe knew

1:02:54

if Here's and I know

1:02:57

this is gonna people are gonna get on my ass

1:02:59

about this because look it's hard for me not to

1:03:01

stick Up for Joe because people on this show are

1:03:03

so mean to her. I don't understand what she's done

1:03:05

Okay, so she knew that Tom

1:03:07

and Raquel were fucking was

1:03:10

she friends with these people? Was

1:03:12

she friends with Ariana because from what we

1:03:14

know from Raquel and everybody else Tom is

1:03:16

telling Tom was like Oh, we have an

1:03:18

open relationship. We're just together for the show

1:03:20

Or we're just together because we have a

1:03:22

brand or whatever he was telling people So

1:03:25

did he tell Joe and they

1:03:27

just she just bought that or I

1:03:29

don't know I'm all obviously later on we find

1:03:32

out that Joe went to Thanksgiving with Ariana And

1:03:34

so if she did know that's incredibly shitty I

1:03:37

don't know the question is I just

1:03:39

don't know enough the situation know what Joe actually knows

1:03:42

Because I can see Joe going to like Big

1:03:44

Bear and they're saying okay Joe you can go

1:03:46

now Okay, well, and you just

1:03:48

like drives off. I know we're

1:03:50

going to see a big bear. What is it?

1:03:54

I can I can see why

1:03:56

Ariana doesn't like Joe. I think that everyone

1:03:58

else dislike of Joe feels

1:04:00

tenuous. I just don't like it.

1:04:04

I don't see why it's

1:04:06

like they hate her. Like

1:04:08

they hate her. They hate her.

1:04:10

I just don't understand why she is like engenders

1:04:15

that kind of emotional response.

1:04:18

I don't either. I mean I understand the

1:04:20

whole like oh you guys knew she knew

1:04:22

she was dating shorts but if she was

1:04:24

dating if you're dating somebody and their friend

1:04:26

is cheating on their girlfriend and

1:04:29

that they're told that they're in a note I mean

1:04:31

I don't know I'm going in circles here and it's

1:04:34

not like I'm trying to defend Joe or anything I

1:04:36

just I think it's natural and what

1:04:38

the mistake that they're making on this show the

1:04:40

cast is making on this show whenever you bully

1:04:42

somebody on a show it doesn't matter if you're

1:04:44

right if you bully them the

1:04:46

audience is gonna go on that person's side because

1:04:48

they don't like to see that and that's what

1:04:50

these people are doing and you're you're wasting a

1:04:52

hero season with this. Katie.

1:04:54

I mean Ariana

1:04:57

has Ariana has I feel like

1:04:59

more of a say because

1:05:01

she was like fuck this girl she pretended to

1:05:03

be my friend she knew you know I get

1:05:05

that right but the whole like I'm gonna bully

1:05:08

her and I don't care if she's if she's

1:05:10

afraid of me it's like oh god here we

1:05:12

go again you know the audience does not like

1:05:14

that it's a huge it's a huge tactical error

1:05:17

well and also Katie did the whole thing of like

1:05:19

I don't care if you make out with people whatever

1:05:21

just don't do it in the friend circle and now

1:05:23

she's mad that he that she that Schwartz hooked up

1:05:26

with Joe I guess an argument

1:05:28

could be made that she's in a friend circle but I think

1:05:30

I took it as like don't do it with anyone on the

1:05:32

show and so like Katie just won't be

1:05:34

happy with anyone that Schwartz makes out with it seems

1:05:36

like but it seems like the thing

1:05:38

that they're all mad at is that she knew she

1:05:40

knew that Tom was cheating on Ariana which I get

1:05:43

why they would be like fuck that girl Mike

1:05:46

especially Ariana like you said my

1:05:48

question is was Tom

1:05:52

telling her it's no big deal I'm

1:05:54

just I just think it's like just saving this girl cuz

1:05:56

we're in an open relationship and whatever you know yeah I

1:05:58

feel like I would want to get my more information

1:06:00

to know what she really knew, etc. And

1:06:02

also I just feel like I just

1:06:06

think that like it's not fair

1:06:08

that Joe gets so much hate

1:06:10

but they're like pretty chill about

1:06:13

Tom Schwartz these days. It's like it's I don't know I

1:06:15

just feel like this is what always happens. It's like

1:06:17

the girl and Tom Sandoval. And

1:06:20

Tom Sandoval. She knows like she

1:06:22

knows in the process of being friends with

1:06:24

Tom Sandoval again but she's gonna hate this

1:06:26

girl who wasn't even fucking Tom Sandoval. He

1:06:28

was fucking Tom Sandoval's friend. Like that's it

1:06:31

just seems a little bit yeah hypocritical and

1:06:33

unfair of them to be and also I

1:06:35

don't like seeing Sheena and Ariana in this

1:06:38

bully group because we've seen it happen a

1:06:40

zillion times on this show and they're usually

1:06:43

the ones who it's against right mm-hmm

1:06:45

like Katie and Stasi and all those girls

1:06:47

the witches of WeHo used to do it

1:06:49

to the people that they didn't like and

1:06:51

now that they're gone it's still going on but there's

1:06:54

like new cast members in the bully group and I

1:06:56

don't like that it's like people that I like in

1:06:58

there now you know what I mean it's like Sheena

1:07:00

how many years were you fucking bullied by these people

1:07:02

and now you're just jumping on the other team I

1:07:04

don't like it yeah so

1:07:07

I'm not this girl that's right or wrong doesn't

1:07:09

even matter at this point Joe we don't know

1:07:11

shit about Joe except from what we've seen on

1:07:13

this show and that she went to Big Bear

1:07:15

with with those people

1:07:17

and I just don't think it's enough to

1:07:19

burn somebody at the stake sorry come get

1:07:21

me I'm willing to burn Joe

1:07:23

at the stake but like we just need more

1:07:25

evidence I need to be ready to burn her

1:07:28

at this time yeah

1:07:31

it has to be more than that Joe went to

1:07:33

Big Bear and then left Big Bear and left Raquel

1:07:35

at Big Bear and therefore they could make a healthy

1:07:37

inference that Raquel was sleeping with one of them so

1:07:40

I just need more need more

1:07:43

before I can hate but for right now

1:07:45

I just see this is like a quirky

1:07:47

weirdo girl who is

1:07:50

like coming on to the show and cannot

1:07:53

handle it at all here's what

1:07:55

I see a Muppet a

1:07:57

Muppet she's like that kind of a person

1:08:00

She's just kind of a muppet of a person and

1:08:02

I like her. She's like a weirdo. Okay, maybe she'll

1:08:04

prove me wrong later She probably will because this is

1:08:07

Vanderpump rules, but for right now there

1:08:09

we said it so and now we said it Well,

1:08:12

we said it every week actually, but Hello

1:08:16

there, this is a two-part recap. Okay, this

1:08:18

is the end of part one So thank

1:08:20

you so much for listening to this just

1:08:23

come back a little later for part two Watch

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