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2:04

hello, welcome to Watch

2:06

What Crop owns, the

2:09

podcast about all

2:11

the crops we love to talk

2:29

about. My

2:32

name is Ronnie. I'm your

2:34

friend, Ronnie. And that's my friend Ben over

2:36

there, who's also your friend for old friends.

2:38

Guys, hi, Ben. Unfortunately, everyone, I hate to

2:41

break it to you all. I'm everyone's enemy

2:43

today. Yes. I'm

2:45

Ben. Hi, how's it going? Welcome

2:49

to your show, Ben. Welcome to your,

2:51

Ben Mandelger. Welcome to your life, everybody.

2:53

Thank you so much for being here.

2:55

It's a Below Deck podcast day. We're

2:57

very excited to talk about that. Come

3:00

see us in Europe, London, Birmingham, Dublin, any

3:02

of you out there, you coming, you coming,

3:04

you coming? We're going to be there. So

3:06

should you. We're going to be there in

3:08

May. Get your tickets at watchwhatcrapins.com. We're also

3:10

going to be in LA for a small,

3:12

intimate little gathering, a little

3:15

show we're doing at the Kookaburra

3:17

Lounge in Hollywood for the Netflix

3:19

is a joke comedy festival also

3:21

available on watch whatcrapins.com

3:24

as well as links to our Patreon,

3:26

which is where you'll get this video,

3:28

all our videos and our bonus episodes.

3:30

This week, we are going to do

3:32

a trailer trash preview of

3:35

the House of the Dragon

3:37

season two, which is coming out soon.

3:39

And we will be recapping for one

3:43

three plus on our show called Winter is Crapening. What

3:45

do you think of that? That was a mouthful. I'm

3:47

listing more than usual today. My

3:49

tongue has enlarged in my mouth for some reason,

3:52

and my face looks like raw meat

3:54

because I went to a severe micro

3:56

needling session with a girl who is

3:59

lovely, but. I must have had a terrible

4:01

morning because good God, she stomped on me. Look

4:03

at me. What's in me? Was

4:05

it the queen from House of the Dragon? No,

4:12

she did a great job. And I'm going

4:14

to look like a fucking baby next week.

4:16

So enjoy this meat face, everybody. Ben, how

4:19

are you doing today? I'm so good. I'm

4:21

so good. I'm feeling very fulfilled. I've been

4:24

like making healthy choices over

4:26

the past 48 hours, which is so

4:28

rare. I made lentils. I did yoga.

4:30

I did Peloton. I'm feeling

4:32

like I'm doing the right things in life, which

4:35

means that probably the second half of this week will

4:37

be a shit show. Which

4:39

means we're nearing record time. Okay. Which

4:42

means like, oh, that's how you always know I'm

4:44

about to go traveling again, because just

4:47

as I establish good habits and routines,

4:49

I leave. And then it all

4:51

goes to shit for then three months. So

4:54

I like it. I like that you can think ahead. Yeah.

4:57

So that's my life right now. I'm the opposite. I'm like,

4:59

we're going to be traveling to Europe. I'm going to eat

5:01

all of the processed foods I can, because I'm not going

5:03

to be able to get corn syrup for a while. Yeah.

5:09

I'm already like, I just, I had to buy

5:11

a new piece of luggage when I was in

5:13

New York. My other piece of luggage broke. And

5:16

so I was like, then I was like, okay,

5:18

so how's this going to fit? And then it

5:20

turns out that European airlines have

5:22

different standards for overhead and carry

5:24

on than American airlines. Of

5:27

course, American airlines allow for lots of big

5:29

stuff, but European is like small and petite.

5:32

So now I'm like, oh my God, like I'm already thinking about what am I

5:34

going to pack and how am I going to make it last? And how is

5:36

this going to work? And how is it going to fit in the

5:38

bag? And should I do carry on? Should I maybe have a, should

5:40

I have something that I check after

5:42

all, but what if it gets stolen? But

5:44

why am I thinking about it being stolen? Don't be such

5:46

a nervous Nellie and yada, yada, yada. So yeah,

5:49

I'm going down the path. Now

5:52

the spiral, it's going to be a month

5:54

long spiral. Coming to you

5:56

next on Watchful Crappins. Exactly.

6:01

Slowly spiraling day by day. Why

6:04

am I going to plug my computer into?

6:06

How do phones work? Gotta get your adapter.

6:09

Make sure. Make sure you do that. Well,

6:12

today, guess what, guys? Today

6:14

we have an adapter for those

6:16

of you who need to bridge

6:18

your citizenship from Housewives world into

6:21

the below deck world. And

6:24

that adapter is Jill Zavran.

6:26

Jill Zavran. From

6:30

Real Housewives of New York, possibly

6:33

one of the most grading human beings

6:35

to ever be born onto this beautiful

6:38

planet of ours. Okay. I

6:40

think no matter what part of the world you're in and

6:42

no matter where we hope to travel, you

6:45

would probably find this woman extremely annoying. And

6:48

that brings us all together, guys.

6:50

Yeah. So

6:53

the episode ended and my

6:55

reaction was basically like, God,

6:57

I love Jill Zavran. Oh,

7:02

God, I just really enjoyed her on this

7:04

episode. To me, it reminded me of the

7:06

first two seasons of Rony, this

7:09

overbearing Yenta, who I was like, everything

7:11

about her should make me just irritated

7:13

with her. But I just leave being

7:15

like, I really enjoy her. I'm like,

7:18

I don't disagree with anything she said.

7:20

Is she totally overbearing? Is she totally

7:22

excessive? Yes. But I was like, but

7:25

she's not necessarily wrong. Was she

7:27

wrong? Was she? Were any

7:29

of her notes wrong? I'm not

7:31

even saying wrong. I'm saying terrible. You

7:34

know what I mean? She's just terrible. Sorry.

7:37

She is, but I enjoyed it. She

7:40

made me realize what a quiet area I

7:42

live in. I remember when I first moved

7:44

to the country, I couldn't sleep because my

7:46

ears would ring because it was so quiet

7:48

at night. I had to use white noise

7:50

and stuff to go to sleep. And

7:53

once I finished watching this episode, I started

7:55

getting tinnitus again. It's like, wow, it's really

7:57

quiet with that Jill's errand talking. It's

8:00

too quiet, like I can't handle it anymore. That's

8:02

how much she gets in your fucking way. You

8:05

know what we need? Why aren't there forks here?

8:07

You know what we need? Something to wipe the

8:09

spots off of the fourth. I'm sorry I'm complaining,

8:12

but you know what? It makes it better. That's

8:14

why people have me around. She really was acting

8:16

like she was on some show, like on the

8:18

Travel Channel, if that even still exists, of like

8:20

where you go onto a yacht and you fix

8:22

it up. She was really thinking, it seemed like

8:25

she thought she was the host of some other

8:27

program. It was

8:29

definitely, it was too much.

8:32

But the thing is this is that other

8:35

yacht charter guests that we've seen on all

8:37

these shows come on and they complain about

8:39

things. And they're very, either condescending

8:41

or they're passive aggressive or they're just like

8:43

mean. And she's just like, no, let me

8:45

just tell you. You should do this. You

8:48

should fix this and it'll be better. That's

8:50

all. And I just, I kind of just

8:52

appreciated her directness. Just sort of like, yeah, you

8:54

should do this. Put out some crudites. That's, you know,

8:56

that's all I need, some crudites. A

8:59

good yacht, have toiletries over here. Yeah.

9:02

I really liked it. I know, I've been

9:04

everywhere. Okay, well, let's get

9:06

out. Let's get into it. So

9:08

I did not notice this line last week,

9:10

but when Zandy gets all pissed off at

9:12

the end because Sunny is crying, thinking that

9:14

Zandy is flirting with Ben. And

9:17

she's going off about

9:19

how annoying this girl is. She goes, like,

9:22

catch me outside. I'm done with

9:24

this shit. Like, yes, catch me

9:26

outside. Nice to see

9:28

that. I love it. I'm it.

9:45

Yeah. I love Zandy. She's

9:48

great. And I feel like she's so

9:50

patient because she is like a first-do

9:53

who's just like stuck in the third-do

9:55

position basically. And she's just like constantly

9:58

dealing with idiots. Yeah,

10:00

okay. So let's get to it. It's dramatic music

10:02

and Ben and Sonny have just had a little

10:05

spat and He's

10:07

like I'm touchy with her, but it's not sexual

10:09

at all Let me look deeply into your eyes

10:11

while I kiss you and then

10:13

outside Sandy is talking to Fraser and she's

10:15

like why do I need to change myself

10:17

to make a two-year-old kid feel better about

10:19

herself? Because that's the thing with two-year-old kids.

10:21

You have to be nice to them because

10:24

they're babies I'm least that's what everybody tells

10:26

me. I will argue with a fucking two-year-old.

10:28

I don't care Oh, I grow old

10:30

they are if you're wrong, you're wrong. Yeah.

10:32

Oh, I've argued with them I'll listen

10:35

I will argue with an old person. I will

10:37

argue with a baby I will because

10:39

those are two categories of people that I

10:41

don't feel like will beat me in

10:43

a fight. So Famous

10:47

I've been beat up by a two-year-old I

10:50

famously got into a fight with an

10:53

elderly lady at the pool at LA

10:55

Fitness once and But

10:59

but if you put me with a lady who's

11:01

maybe like, you know from age 18

11:04

to I'm

11:09

not done. Well not nothing Wow

11:13

They can all I love it. I love that we're

11:15

opening with elder abuse. I have to go listen

11:17

It's like the laws of nature. You just you

11:19

gotta go with what you can get You

11:22

got it. You got a pound on what you can what you can kill

11:25

So meanwhile sunny is now doing that

11:27

thing that really makes me crazy where

11:29

she is now in bed with Ben

11:32

Apologizing to Ben after he was just

11:34

all over Zandy to make her jealous.

11:36

What the fuck is wrong with this

11:38

girl? Okay, also Ben. Did you read

11:40

this thing that Ben put out where

11:42

he's like, oh, I'm super disappointed in

11:44

Captain Carrie for suggesting that you

11:46

know, I didn't you know, I didn't know how to

11:48

dock a boat. This could ruin my Reputation

11:51

in this industry like he's coming out

11:53

like trying to come against Captain Carrie

11:55

you fucking moron How do you think that looks

11:57

in the industry? Yeah, I think Carrie has been

12:00

Nothing but nice to you and gave you

12:02

an amazing fucking opportunity and now you're shit

12:04

talking him and then Sun Sun He's under

12:06

there telling people off in the comments. Oh

12:10

my god, you don't like it. I'm

12:12

a troll you sound like an ugly

12:14

troll to be mean to them on

12:16

Sunday. Oh god, Sonny you're a goddamn

12:18

mess. Okay, Ben That's so ridiculous especially

12:21

because captain Kerry could have hired another

12:23

bosun and demoted Ben back down into

12:25

Decand and he didn't he actually has

12:27

love like maintain that opportunity And

12:30

so he's gonna say like Oh captain Kerry made it

12:32

seem like I'm not like qualified that kind of thing No

12:34

one's listening during those scenes because they're all

12:37

the same It's always like if we don't

12:39

get this boat right into the slip not

12:41

only will it sink But it's

12:43

attached to the docks and it could cause all the

12:45

other beds to sink as well We've got to get

12:47

this, you know, it's fine. It's fine. We talked we

12:49

talked. Yeah, he doesn't said anything He said I don't

12:51

know if he's ready or something like that. He doesn't

12:53

know if you're ready He's just trying you out. That's

12:56

the whole point you ask and then he's worried about

12:58

how he's gonna look in the industry How do you

13:00

think it looks and you're coming out with

13:02

this the week that you're fucking your

13:04

subordinate on TV? Yeah, and you're concerned

13:06

about how you your professionalism. You don't like

13:08

your professionalism Questioned if you

13:10

were professional you would say listen I didn't

13:13

mean to flirt with her or hurt your

13:15

feelings But I'm your boss now and I

13:17

should probably not be fucking you on

13:19

national television at the same time This

13:22

guy talk about a fragile male ego. This

13:24

is the guy who actively undermined Jared

13:27

who Jared was not great But he

13:29

actually undermined him too and even undermined

13:32

sunny as well And then now

13:34

he is gonna complain that he feels a

13:36

little undermined I mean talk about someone who

13:38

is really only concerned about himself. Yeah,

13:40

he's gross So she anyway Sunnies

13:43

apologizing to him going. It's not on you.

13:45

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so

13:47

sorry It's not on you and he's like

13:49

you need to trust me which no you

13:51

don't you are you an idiot? Don't

13:54

trust him and so they start making out

13:56

and I just wrote you because that's how I

13:58

feel Thank you out. It's a

14:00

big you. So then Zandy

14:03

is like, Mike drop for

14:05

some reason. Because

14:07

she's just told off sunny in her

14:09

mind. Like, I'm

14:12

not taking cav to yield Mike

14:14

drop. cash me outside my

14:16

daughter said that to catch me outside. Mike

14:19

drop. So so

14:22

then Kyle comes up behind Barbie in

14:24

her cabin because they're sort of flirting and

14:26

everything. And she's like, I'm actually going to

14:28

bed actually it's like, don't touch me. Oh,

14:30

actually, that feels great. Because he then he

14:33

starts to massager. Yeah. And so,

14:35

you know, they're low, they're low flame, they're

14:37

low, low

14:40

wattage romance continues. They're simmering

14:42

if you will. And

14:44

so Zandy goes to bed and sex 30 years old

14:46

and I'm in front and chance play. And

14:48

then Kyle wakes up Barbie in the

14:51

middle of the night with his snoring and say, Okay,

14:53

then get the fuck out. You can get the fuck

14:55

out now. Okay, just shut the fuck up. I heard

14:57

you snoring right now. Go, just go. Yeah. And

15:01

he's like, Barbie night from the relationship

15:03

of that and through. But it's the

15:05

friendship. So I'm gonna can cry

15:10

out voice. I feel

15:14

like a tingle of joy inside what I

15:16

hear. Well, it's basically me doing this guy

15:18

Anton who's on Love Island and he was

15:20

Scottish. So I'm just doing Anton's voice. I'm

15:23

like, well, they're both Scottish. So they sound

15:25

exactly the same, right? So I'm so

15:28

upset. We're not going to Scotland on our tour. Hey,

15:31

we've got time we can go back. Well,

15:34

we could just go there. We just go. I

15:36

mean, I don't really understand geography or where anything

15:38

is, which is why I've made zero plans. Zero.

15:40

We could theoretically just go up there after

15:45

Birmingham, but nothing is locked in with with

15:47

any bar. We can do

15:49

whatever we want anywhere with the internet. We

15:52

can go everywhere, everywhere

15:54

in Europe, guys. Yeah, we

15:56

can do everything everywhere

15:58

all along. As long as there's some laundry. By the

16:00

way, I'm gonna go I'm gonna need a washing machine at some

16:02

point as in like I'm taking

16:04

tide pods And I'm counting on sink water

16:08

I'm just gonna wear the same thing every day.

16:10

So I don't have to carry anything around okay,

16:12

so 7 a.m. And it's 31 hours before charter

16:14

and Barbie's like,

16:16

oh my god. Are you still here? I'm not a morning

16:19

person. Don't even fuck with me Kyle I

16:21

was just saying good morning to die Kyle. This fucking

16:23

guys told you don't talk to me Good.

16:26

I'm going. I'm literally going pretty good to you.

16:28

See you in 12 years um

16:31

so Now

16:33

we see okay So Dylan the new guy

16:35

we in case anyone didn't listen

16:38

to our Vanderpump Rules recap or whatever

16:40

for some reason that is still yet to

16:42

be explained Dylan showed up

16:44

on Vanderpump Rules last week like a day

16:46

after he made his debut on below

16:50

deck and still very why

16:52

everybody is so shocked and Thrilled

16:55

that this happened that somebody from below deck

16:57

showed up as a background character Why

16:59

is that so weird to people? I mean, it's

17:02

like a lot of emails about I don't I

17:04

just don't get why it's so weird I mean

17:06

they met probably a Bravo con or something and

17:09

then they hung out for a drink or something

17:11

because I mean What would that keys deckies in

17:13

America? Linger in Fort Lauderdale.

17:15

Well, they hang out there. They they

17:17

become friends or whatever It's

17:19

just weird that there would be a deckie

17:21

that makes their way to Vanderpump Rules You

17:24

know and more people that hang on to

17:26

Vanderpump Rules people Tend

17:28

to just be in West Hollywood trying to make

17:30

it as something, you know, no You

17:32

know why this is why I'm not surprised then I

17:35

see what you're saying. I totally understand what you're saying

17:38

Because what might said I've been to pump

17:40

I've met below deck guys there They all

17:42

hang out with those all the tall one

17:44

allen out together Alex from season one. I think

17:46

works in Marina Del Rey I think he even was

17:48

like friends with Chris and he may have been shown

17:50

up on on Vanderpump Rules at one point Yeah,

17:53

they're around more than you think Everybody

17:55

but anyway Dylan's there probably because he's

17:58

like I work out Look

18:01

out. So I'll be there. I'll be there. I used

18:03

to be the fat kid but I'm not anymore. Now

18:05

I'm thinner than everybody. I can't wait to be in

18:07

West Hollywood. It's gonna be amazing. It's great! I'm

18:10

sorry I'm just laughing at your

18:13

ominous warning. They're around a

18:15

lot more than you think. They're below

18:17

deck man. Below deck people are everywhere.

18:20

This is gonna be like an article

18:22

on Collider that's gonna show up on

18:24

Facebook. Below deck man are more... Below

18:26

deck man are around more than you

18:28

may think. Here's what to look out

18:30

for. Yeah, they're everywhere.

18:33

When I saw them at

18:35

pump it was below deck

18:37

people, Vanderpump Rules people obviously,

18:40

and the Bachelor, a couple of the Bachelor guys. I

18:42

was like, oh my god, what a STD laden

18:46

crew. Like that? That

18:49

is a crew to have some hand

18:51

wipes around. Yeah, could

18:53

definitely use some Jill's Narrow tips on how

18:55

to keep that area. So Zandy is talking

18:58

to the captain because they like

19:00

love each other in

19:06

the mess hall. They love having conversations in the

19:08

mess hall. And so he's like, just shake it

19:11

in on you. She's like, I'm good today. I'm

19:13

in a good mood because I don't

19:15

know why. I think it's because before I went to

19:18

bed, I was feeling stressed

19:20

and then I dropped a mic. Catch

19:24

me outside. Catch me outside.

19:26

He's like, all right. What does I like to

19:28

say? Benny

19:31

de sorida, ya cala. That's

19:35

what we say in Turkish. Is

19:38

that Catch Me Outside in Turkish? Sure

19:41

is. I think it is. Well

19:43

maybe I just ordered a bagel. Either

19:45

way, I'll accept

19:48

it. So

19:52

he helps her unpack stuff, I guess. And

19:54

they're stalking the kitchen. And then Barbie and

19:56

Sunny are talking and Sunny's

19:58

like, oh my god. I need to get a

20:01

fucking grab pon. She goes, you seriously do, you seriously

20:03

do. You think people are chasing Ben? Ben,

20:06

seriously. And then Sunny gives us one of

20:08

these annoying monologues where she

20:10

says, whenever a couple of drinks in

20:12

alter ego comes out, her name is

20:14

Sabrina. She's a jealous bitch. The guys

20:16

I used to date were like little

20:18

assholes that would cheat on me, and

20:20

Sabrina's like my little protective shield. But

20:22

get her out of here. Sequila Sabrina,

20:24

no, no, goodbye. Okay, she's not your

20:26

alter ego, she's you, okay? Just

20:29

so you know, that's just you. And second

20:31

of all, she's not your protective shield. What should

20:33

be your protective shield would be higher

20:36

standards for therapy. Yeah,

20:39

I would say it's not your alter ego, it's

20:41

your ego. And your protection

20:43

needs to be condoms because you do not

20:45

need to be Xeroxing Ben for this world.

20:49

And also, speaking of Vanderpump Rules,

20:51

hangers on, Tequila Sabrina, no.

20:53

We have one Tequila Katie, ma'am. That's

20:55

all we need. Okay, goodbye. Bye.

20:58

Well, I mean, that's just like the way, just when people

21:01

do this, like I have this alter ego, like I got

21:03

BS about that. When

21:06

people do that, it's just their way of

21:08

actually abdicating any sort of responsibility for their

21:10

actions because it's like a funny thing, but

21:12

it's like I just become a different person.

21:15

And it's like I can't control, like whatever

21:17

I do, I'm not responsible for it because

21:19

that was Sabrina and that's not Sunny. It's

21:22

like, mm, no, it was you. It

21:24

was you. No, but that's, I mean, that's a legit

21:26

thing. That's why you should murder people drunk. And

21:28

I always tell my nieces, you

21:30

know, here's some advice, don't

21:32

murder people sober. You have no excuse. I mean, when

21:35

you're drunk, you can be like, oh my God, I

21:37

became Sabrina. Sabrina's been through a

21:39

lot of shit, you guys. She want me to tell you

21:41

what Sabrina's been through? And then you can unload all the

21:43

shit you see on Lifetime movies, probably, at

21:45

least get a suspended sentence or like a

21:47

lighter sentence, but kill people

21:49

sober, you're fucked. Sabrina,

21:52

the low self-esteem witch. That's just

21:54

color. It's

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Empathy is our best policy. So

23:33

now we're in the mess and Barbie's

23:36

like hey Dylan how are you? He's

23:38

like amazing! I'm amazing! How are you?

23:40

High five. High five. High five.

23:43

High five. Let's give high fives. She

23:45

goes I'm not really that fucking amazing

23:47

I'm hungover. So then Fraser is

23:50

in bed. And he's like I am so hungover.

23:55

Look at me I'm a hideous

23:57

disgusting awful fat mess. and

24:00

I'm hungover, awful. So then

24:02

Sunny goes up to Zandy and Sunny's like,

24:04

oh, I just wanna apologize. And then he's

24:06

like, it's okay, it's okay. I just, I

24:09

was irritated and she's like, I know, but

24:11

there's no reason to be. I

24:13

mean, does anyone actually ever want to

24:15

fuck that strange green bean up a

24:17

man? I'm done

24:20

eating, watching them. He's

24:22

like watching them try and get

24:24

over the drama that he helped cause on purpose.

24:27

It was just like sitting there watching it and

24:29

like it's a TV show, which it is. And

24:32

Sunny's like, but I'm sorry, that was just, you're

24:35

good. You can catch me inside. Okay.

24:37

She's like, oh my God, thank you so much. She

24:39

actually caught me while I was outside.

24:41

So we're all good. We're

24:44

fine now. So

24:46

then Ben's giving instructions to the

24:48

deckies about things, wipe this, pull the

24:50

anchor here. And then Fraser

24:52

is just like hoping that he has

24:54

a stew that comes in because they

24:56

haven't heard anything about any new stews.

24:59

And then Captain Kerry is talking to Norma

25:02

Dundee and he's like, I need a new

25:04

stew. Could you please send over some resumes?

25:07

Thanks mate. All

25:09

right, I'll get right on it. I've got

25:11

a gal named Cela and a Cela named

25:13

Cela and then another Cela named Gal. Who'd

25:16

you like to see first? All right,

25:18

we got a new stew. Her name is Nicole

25:20

Kidman. She really takes any role these days. Will

25:23

you accept her? She's like,

25:25

we come to the yacht for the experiences. So

25:31

now Sunny and Kyle have small talks.

25:33

She has where he's from. He's from

25:35

Edinburgh. And he's like, me and

25:37

my mom bought an Airbnb north of Scotland. I

25:39

have a room upstairs. I haven't seen

25:41

my mom in a donkey's ass. Say

25:44

that literally. Every day I'd wake

25:47

up, I'd go see the donkey and be like,

25:49

is my mom in there? Never in there. We

25:51

used to have a donkey actually. And

25:54

if you looked at it as close enough, you could see my

25:56

mom. Missed that donkey.

25:59

My mom raised me. until I was on my

26:01

own, until I was five. And then my stepdad popped

26:03

up, and then my biological dad popped up on Facebook

26:05

when I was 15, right? And

26:07

I spoke to him for maybe a day, and then I realized,

26:09

hey, fuck you. It's

26:12

not up to you to jump into my life whenever you feel

26:14

like it. So I told him to fuck off. And

26:16

my dad, my stepdad, isn't dad. He adopted me.

26:20

And fuck me on Facebook,

26:22

man. All these, I feel

26:24

like so many guys from below deck are gonna

26:27

be using Facebook in 10 years to be like,

26:29

hey, it's me. How's Alaska going?

26:31

I just wanted to check in on you. I've been

26:33

trying to call you for 10 years, but really haven't

26:35

had service. Great, not

26:37

the best on boats. So I hope

26:39

you're doing great. Maybe we can get

26:41

some coffee sometime. What

26:43

if this is one of those strange,

26:46

multiverse time traveling things, and Jared is

26:48

actually Kyle's father. He

26:51

was traveling back in time. Kyle was

26:53

like, we bought a room. We bought

26:55

an Airbnb with a portal to Alaska.

26:58

But I've been raised. Oh,

27:01

it's all sorts of funkiness. So it's like, Jared

27:03

went back in time, but Kyle also had a

27:05

portal across the world. I

27:07

go back there once a year, just to

27:09

see if the cricket rings. I

27:12

was a big fan of watching the movie, The Bear Growing

27:15

Up. So I sometimes go to Alaska to my portal just

27:17

to see if there are any bears that want to chase

27:19

me around. So he

27:21

has this like deep story. And then suddenly he's like,

27:24

I'm from Canada. And I went to

27:26

boarding school. He's like, oh, fascinating stuff.

27:28

Your mother. Do you ever see her in the

27:31

ass of an animal? She's

27:33

like, actually in a moose. In Canada it would be

27:35

a moose. And I actually have, it's weird. So

27:39

Fraser is talking

27:41

to the captain about the stew. He's like, are

27:43

we getting any stew? And he's

27:45

like, it's a busy season. They say I'm all

27:47

control. How's the chef doing? He's like, I think

27:49

he's just putting too much on his plate. No

27:52

pun intended. There's a shit

27:55

show in there. Filthy, filthy, floor

27:57

to ceiling filth. Everywhere I go, I just can't

27:59

handle it. I'm doing so much. I'm

28:01

doing so much delegating. I simply do not

28:03

have anyone else to delegate to Well,

28:07

you know ships shift artists and they can

28:09

be quite sensitive. I had a friend of

28:11

mine You came in big to me. She

28:13

was a mess over the whole of her

28:15

mole being in the house Okay, but I'm

28:17

a little that means that's what I got

28:19

to I went back like five times like

28:21

what was in her house She's

28:24

a mess over the mole. There's a mole. There's

28:26

a mole. Yeah, there's a mole in the house

28:28

Maybe that's an Australian saying like

28:30

oh Like if

28:32

you're in over your head you say she's got a mole in the

28:34

house She'll go to a mole in

28:36

the house I'm gonna look what it says it's unusual to

28:38

find a mole in the house, but it does happen Moles

28:41

create complex tunnels underground. Okay, but

28:44

it's in his name There's

28:47

a mole on the yacht dear Liza

28:49

dear Liza. There's a mole on the

28:52

yacht. Do you like the mole? These

28:56

are all about espionage everything I'm reading cuz

28:58

you know the mole Okay,

29:01

or Gretchen mole who you know was always

29:03

like oh my god This is

29:05

the up-and-coming actress of our time and it's like

29:07

I mean great job on Boardwalk Empire ten years

29:09

later What why haven't we given Gretchen a chance?

29:11

I love Gretchen. Well, that was the issue that

29:13

my shift head She was there. She was in

29:16

a mess over the fact that Gretchen mole never

29:18

became a thing And

29:20

I didn't see if she had to make one

29:22

more case idea for the Gretchen mole that never

29:24

showed up to Taco Tuesday. I Didn't

29:27

see what the big deal was thought. Let's come

29:29

style. Let's go. I mean, whatever happened to you

29:33

know Maria, can she

29:35

don't want so you know I'm saying so I'm not

29:37

well. How dare you I'd bury you out Looking

29:42

love mick to you. I

29:44

bet Valeria Galeno. All right, that's

29:47

a better question Not

29:49

offended by that way out of all but here's

29:51

the big here's the deal My chef friend was

29:53

very upset about Gretchen ball still being in a

29:55

house And I didn't

29:57

see what the big deal was. I didn't give a fuck actually

30:00

and guess what came from that I ruined

30:02

a friendship I can't even get a text

30:04

back from Gretchen herself and

30:06

it's because of the pressure that I put

30:08

on her now Anthony is a great chef

30:10

and I don't want to ruin him mostly

30:12

because he looks like the guy from traders

30:14

and he was great on the good world so

30:17

I don't want to mess that relationship

30:19

up to you listen Gretchen Moore may

30:21

not call me back but the MC from

30:23

Cabaret god damn will you

30:26

know it's funny sometimes when I look at Anthony old

30:28

chef I wonder was

30:31

he ever left in the middle of an

30:33

automatic door at the supermarket as a child

30:36

feels like those doors closed on his face a few times

30:38

am I right wow

30:42

what happened to you Bill he

30:44

has a lot on his plate that's what

30:46

he did whipped right in back straight up after the

30:49

abuse he has a lot on his plate servings

30:52

are too big too

30:54

much food they're too heavy stews can't lift

30:56

it up the stairs there's a mole Gretchen

30:58

mole has a as a potato woman she

31:00

eats small things can't

31:02

have too much on the plate I'm gonna

31:05

end this segment now all right this segment

31:07

is now over right call Norman

31:10

Dundee like like Gretchen

31:12

Moore's career this segment's over god

31:16

bless her rip Gretchen all

31:19

right so the chef is now in the middle now

31:21

he's in the kitchen and he's like it

31:23

is the middle of the season now I'm

31:25

tired but revenge is my biggest motivator and

31:28

then we see a clip of him

31:31

getting nagged over stuff like no fish

31:33

your kitchen is filthy what have happened

31:35

to Gretchen mole Gretchen mole since

31:38

I was working on a screenplay

31:40

this will be this will be

31:42

a vehicle for Gretchen mole since

31:46

I was kid a bunch of motherfucker make

31:49

laughing at you because you don't know how

31:51

to read it hurt me inside it's part

31:53

of dyslexia it makes this job more difficult

31:56

and what's the shame about it is every time

31:58

I write it down no one

32:00

can understand what the hell I'm trying to say

32:02

in my art. So I had to cook.

32:05

And this is what you really have to love

32:07

what you do. I cannot give up. I cannot

32:09

give up. I just cooked that salmon backwards. Damn

32:11

it! And

32:14

then we just see him washing out a

32:16

trash can. Whoa, that revenge. That

32:19

revenge is coming in strong. Wait, there's such

32:21

an out-soul while they serve the editors. You

32:23

have to love what you do. Do not give

32:26

up! Spraying down the inside of a trash can.

32:30

All right, everyone. I

32:32

want everyone to need

32:34

Ben and Fraser and Anthony.

32:36

We're going to have a preference sheet meeting

32:38

or as I like to call it. Gretchen

32:42

Moll is preferred not to be

32:44

in Hollywood at this moment. Hollywood

32:51

has a preference sheet meeting and Gretchen Moll is not on it

32:53

for a moment to say. Gretchen Moll.

32:56

Gretchen Moll is on the Cannot Habs. She's

32:59

right next to gluten. She's in

33:01

between gluten and dairy. What's the opposite of

33:03

the primary gist, that's Gretchen Moll? She

33:10

did my friendship with my chef friend, so I'll always have

33:12

a bitterness towards her. All

33:14

right, everyone worked extra hard on

33:17

that last charter on Extra

33:19

Impress. Now, Melinda Springer,

33:22

she was a former cruise director.

33:24

And Fraser's like, oh my God!

33:26

He's like, well, her husband is

33:28

Nella. And then we've got Gary,

33:30

who's a fashion executive, and his

33:32

girlfriend, Jill Zarin, one of the

33:34

original Housewives of New York. And

33:37

Ben goes, she looks like a Housewife. Well,

33:40

congratulations. Get ready for... You

33:42

think that based on the girls that

33:45

you're into, you think that... I'm

33:47

flummoxed. You're

33:50

going to have to react to Ben. I'm like,

33:52

I'm like, how the... I'm turning

33:54

to Shannon. You don't even know. You

33:57

think that Camille and Sonny are going to keep looking like this?

34:00

next 20 years of their life. And

34:05

Fraser's like, I know who she is, but he says

34:07

it in a way like he doesn't know who he

34:09

is and it disappoints me. And

34:11

Fraser, I think Fraser needs more gay

34:13

education. Who does that? People

34:16

who talk about Gretchen Bolz. I

34:18

know who she is. You don't know who she

34:21

is. You don't know who she is. She was on that court. That's

34:23

like what I say about Olivia Rodrigo. Like

34:26

when I first heard an Olivia Rodrigo song, I was like, I don't

34:28

know who she is. And I was like, I don't know who she

34:30

is. And then I Googled her. And then it

34:32

wasn't until a couple weeks ago that I was like, oh my God,

34:34

she's amazing. Because she came up on my feed and

34:37

I was like, hey, lady in the

34:39

computer box, who is this? And she's like Olivia

34:41

Rodrigo. And I was like, no one ever told

34:43

me I would fall in love with fucking Olivia

34:45

Rodrigo like I have. And I

34:47

would just play her on nonstop loops. She's

34:50

so edgy, Olivia Rodrigo. She has a lot

34:52

of things to say. She's like angry. She's

34:54

gonna speak up. She's gonna speak up. Don't

34:57

speak up. She's gonna speak up. Love

34:59

her. Okay. So,

35:05

Jill Zarin's coming. No one knows who she

35:07

is, which is hilarious. And

35:09

then they want to play pickleball because all

35:11

these guests met playing pickleball in the States.

35:14

And Fraser's like, may I ask, what is

35:17

pickleball? And Kerry's

35:19

like, oh, it's tennis for rich people. So

35:21

Gretchen Mold doesn't play it. High five. Anyone?

35:25

No. By the way, tennis for rich

35:27

people. And I love that this country has not

35:29

been affected. This is like watching a zombie movie

35:31

where they're like, oh, it's just affecting America. And

35:34

they all think that they're safe until that one

35:36

fucking zombie floats over on a leaf and then

35:38

boom, they're all dead. By

35:40

the way, you know what's tennis for rich people? Tennis.

35:44

Tennis. Yeah, tennis is... You think... You're

35:49

seeing Sal Montelaneri from

35:52

the Bodega go into Wimbledon?

35:55

Yeah. So tennis is for rich people.

35:58

Pickleball is tennis for lazy people. It's

36:00

for people with bad tum shorts. It's for

36:02

tum shorts. Yeah. It's

36:05

for the rams of the world. Yeah.

36:07

So, Melinda is allergic to

36:10

everything. Everything. By

36:13

the way, I just heard all the, I just felt

36:15

all the pickleball people get upset and guess what? I'm

36:18

not afraid of you because I know you're not going

36:20

to chase me with your lazy asses. Okay, then go

36:22

ahead. I'm literally not afraid of pickleballers. I'm starting a

36:24

war with pickleballers. Okay, I'm a team tennis. So,

36:28

Melinda, the primary is allergic to

36:30

everything and she's a vegetarian who

36:32

is now integrating fish, but

36:35

she doesn't want raw seafood, which

36:38

is like funny because it feels like this

36:40

person is very health-minded and yet raw seafood,

36:42

I feel like, is the healthiest of

36:45

the seafood in my mind. I

36:48

mean, if you really think that mercury is a building

36:50

block that we all need. It

36:52

is. It is. Just ask Jeremy Piven. Noah

36:55

doesn't like meat or fish and

36:58

Josh doesn't like vegetables. You

37:00

know, how do we even still

37:02

have chefs in the world? I would just fucking quit at

37:04

just some matzah. Just be like, everyone, here's

37:07

some matzah. You get it for the next three days

37:09

and that's it. Hey,

37:11

everybody, here's your bowl of yeast with

37:14

some raw tuna on the inside. Fucking

37:17

die. Okay, I just want to watch you all

37:19

fucking die. Honestly, you could probably

37:21

just make pasta the whole time. Just pasta,

37:24

pasta, pasta. Oh, but

37:26

then there's also someone who's gluten-free and

37:28

dairy-free and egg-free and yada, yada, yada,

37:30

but they also want a pina colada

37:32

inspired birthday cake, but

37:35

they also want a traditional birthday cake because the

37:37

pina colada one I think has to be gluten-free

37:39

and egg-free and fun-free. But dairy-free.

37:42

Just don't eat a cake. How about that?

37:44

Have an apple. Have a

37:46

fucking apple. Don't make somebody do that for

37:48

you. That's just fucking ridiculous. And I know

37:50

people have allergies and this and that. No

37:52

one has all of this. This is a

37:54

bunch of bullshit. This is some first world

37:56

privileged bullshit. And if you really do have all

37:58

of these things, then... But then have the

38:00

decency to be embarrassed and bring an apple.

38:02

That's what I say. And bring an apple.

38:05

I say just have a freaking pina colada at that

38:07

point. That was very,

38:09

unfortunately. Well then, I mean,

38:13

probably, but I don't know, pina colada inspired

38:15

cake. I don't know, I think it's just,

38:18

it's too much. So

38:20

of course Anthony is stressed and he's like,

38:22

every person needs to find, maybe it's not

38:24

real. Oh fuck, it's real. It's

38:26

real. Oh no. Oh no. And

38:29

they also want to have like a

38:31

beachside pickleball experience, which is weird

38:34

to me because don't you have

38:37

to bounce the ball? You can't bounce it on beach,

38:39

right? Yeah, I don't know how, I don't know what

38:41

these people are playing. Yeah. And

38:43

they want to do a sunset yoga flow. But also,

38:45

you know, they're trying to get rid of pickleball in

38:47

communities. Have you read this? Like a lot of communities

38:49

are fighting back because all these home

38:52

house community, community neighborhoods or whatever are

38:54

putting pickleball courts in there and it's

38:56

making the neighbors crazy because it sounds

38:59

like, like it's

39:01

a, it's not, that sounds more like tennis. It's

39:04

a horrible, horrible sound. It's like a

39:08

over and over and it's making people fucking crazy. So

39:10

of course these people want to go to someone else's

39:12

beach where everybody else is trying to relax and make

39:14

the most obnoxious sport sound of all time. Just choke

39:16

on your fucking pina colada cake. I can't with these

39:18

people. I already hate these people. I don't even know

39:21

who they are. So then they want,

39:23

their friend is going to be teaching them the

39:25

sunset flow. Tell us a person

39:27

with sunset flow hanging out with these

39:29

difficult people. It's not working.

39:31

Your yoga is not working. I'm telling

39:34

you that. Listen, we, this is clearly

39:36

a case where casting cobbled this charter

39:38

together. Like there's, these people are not all

39:40

friends. You cannot tell me that Joel Zarin

39:42

is friends with these people. Does

39:45

not make any sense. Yeah. We

39:47

met, we met playing pickleball. All right. So

39:50

now it's bedtime and then they go to bed and

39:52

then it's the morning and we get majestic music. And

39:55

it's because Dylan is working out in slow

39:57

mo. and

40:00

his insecurity is delicious to me.

40:02

I love it. His insecurity

40:04

is wild. I really got to it in

40:06

a moment, but I knew there's a scene

40:08

that's going to come up. I was like,

40:11

Oh, I bet Ronnie just let out a

40:13

belly laugh at that scene. I'm

40:16

literally dying watching this guy if he needs

40:18

the best comedy on TV. He's what Los

40:20

Angeles does to people. And I'm not, I'm

40:23

just saying, I'm not saying he's from LA or

40:25

he's to LA or whatever. Just in case people

40:27

are ever wondering what that experience is. If you're

40:30

not someone who works out or is known for

40:32

a good body or good looks or whatever, and

40:34

you go to LA to be

40:36

in that industry, this is what you

40:38

become. This guy, he's just like completely crazy

40:40

and he's completely mentally fucked for the rest

40:43

of his life. And it's, you know, it's

40:45

a study. It's a study guys study. Yeah.

40:47

We saw this last season with that guy,

40:49

Tony, who also was like, I have to

40:51

wake up at four in the morning. So

40:53

I have to work out if I don't

40:55

work out. I'm sad. And he was like,

40:57

so whiny about it, but like Dylan somehow

40:59

is even more extreme than Tony is. So,

41:02

um, and then he's

41:04

like, Oh, I love the feeling of getting a

41:06

pump. Like that feeling is the best feeling like,

41:08

and you get to feel so confident in yourself.

41:10

High five to myself. Haha. Just

41:14

like truly annoying. I love me. Oh

41:16

my God. And then he kind of messes up

41:18

a weight as he's bragging, which was funny. Yeah.

41:21

And, um, then the chef is talking

41:23

to himself and he's like, I

41:25

do not know what to make. I do not

41:27

know because how can he, you know, he's completely

41:29

fucked. Yeah. So then we

41:32

see him slowly start to unravel as

41:34

he's thinking over the list. And then

41:36

we go to the, uh, the mess

41:38

as Dylan comes in and he's like,

41:40

the protein, it's almost done. I'm scared.

41:42

I'm scared. Where's the protein? And so he's like,

41:44

there's protein bars there. So he reads it back and

41:46

he's like three grams of sugar, 14 grams

41:48

protein. This is honest. This

41:50

is honest protein. High

41:53

five protein. Oh, geez. So

41:56

then we go to everyone's

41:58

cleaning and And

42:00

now Captain Kerry's like, Ben Ben Kerry,

42:02

let's do a walk around, okay? Well

42:05

there's nothing left on the counter, like last time. And

42:07

this part was all shitty, that's better now,

42:10

good job. Alright, there's dust, there's a mark,

42:12

okay, there's a footprint, alright, pretty good. And

42:15

then we start getting the Captain

42:17

Dad jokes. He's like, alright,

42:19

let's get back in the Christopher, the

42:22

Christopher Walken. It's right. It's

42:25

right. And then Dylan's like,

42:27

oh look, there's, I want cabs because

42:29

they're doing provisions. So he's like, he's

42:31

like the only one who's actually happy

42:33

to be carrying, lugging in provisions. It's

42:35

like, I've said it a million times,

42:37

I cannot stand when they show provisions

42:40

because I imagine myself being

42:42

there having to bring in the provisions and you

42:44

know it's hot and you're carrying boxes and it's

42:46

just like endless and endless and you're so not

42:48

into it and then you walk

42:51

by someone and they're like, just a few

42:53

more. I'm like, I don't want your optimism

42:55

right now. This is what I keep doing.

42:57

I know. I don't want people's optimism

43:00

either in general. I just think it's so gross, such

43:02

a gross lifestyle. I mean, you guys do you. I'm

43:04

not going to pass, I'm not going to try and

43:06

pass laws to the legislature against it, but it's gross.

43:09

So Captain and Fraser, Captain's like, so

43:11

you checked everything, not the sink and there's

43:13

paper in the trash can already. What's up

43:15

with that, bro? Well,

43:18

you're looking in very fine detail today, Captain.

43:20

I don't know if I need that. But

43:22

oh, more detail every time, mate. This was

43:24

broken my strip. That's not fixed yet. This

43:27

toilet paper better do better, Fraser. I'm

43:30

definitely feeling a suit down. It's not

43:32

the level I like to work at. Like

43:35

withering things about anyone. And if he

43:37

doesn't have anyone to wither about, he

43:39

just withers about himself. Like he would

43:41

often be like, I'm disgusting. So

43:45

Captain, he's like, all

43:47

right, everyone. It's

43:56

game time. Guess the rival in 15.

44:00

Gretchen Moore's start of arrival

44:02

never. Oh, so

44:05

now the song is get out of

44:07

my way and stay out of my

44:09

way and get out of my way.

44:12

And slow mo the guests start coming

44:14

up the dock and we hear, are

44:16

we ready to have a good time?

44:18

Yeah, we are. Hell yeah,

44:20

we are. Can't

44:24

wait to make that sound on a private beach

44:26

in my rain. Hi. So

44:31

it's this group of like young people and

44:33

then like Jill and her boyfriend, Gary. And

44:37

hello, welcome. Welcome he is

44:39

your safety Fraser. He's going to take you on a

44:41

boat tour. I'm sure that none of

44:43

you will have anything to comment about.

44:45

So enjoy. Oh

44:48

my God, there's a big go. Jill has a comment

44:50

literally about every single thing. Oh, this boat is spotless.

44:52

Good job. Oh God, this is this is a hot

44:54

tub. I love a hot tub. You put my finger

44:56

in this hot tub. Ow, ow, ow. This hot tub

44:58

is so hot. Can you turn it down for now?

45:00

What if we come out to the hot tub when

45:02

we happen to burn ourselves? I don't like that. What

45:04

is this window look down into the bedroom? I'm not

45:06

going to have that. I don't like people looking at

45:08

the bottom of my feet. Could you put that on

45:10

the sheet? I don't think I remember to put that

45:12

on the feet. Can someone write that down on the

45:14

sheet that I don't like my feet? Okay.

45:17

Feet, feet, feet. It's very dangerous. I'm going

45:19

to have the window that goes right into window because you get the UV

45:21

rays. And if you're lying in bed, you're not going to remember to put

45:23

on your sun tan lotion. So is there any way to put a top

45:25

over this? Because otherwise it's very dangerous. I'm just giving

45:27

you some notes because I just want this to be the best yacht

45:29

for you guys. You know, going forward. And

45:32

Fraser is like, and this is your entrance into the

45:35

primary and hits everything you really need. The bar. Right.

45:37

That was the joke. You can all laugh

45:39

now. Now we all understand there are quite a

45:42

few dietary restrictions. It's not me, Fraser. Don't worry.

45:44

No one's going to go into anaphylactic shock

45:46

or anything. Okay. The worst that's going to

45:48

happen is they'll blow up and float away because

45:50

of the gluten, which could be hilarious, you know,

45:52

which reminds me. Do we have any strings

45:54

that we can kind of tie these people

45:56

to chairs with just in case they start

45:59

to go. the chair clinging on a

46:01

bar or something on the way out. You know,

46:03

I don't know. Like where I live that

46:05

we have a Thanksgiving Day parade. So I'm very used to this. Things

46:07

inflate again floating down the street. Okay, so I'm just giving you some of

46:09

my experiences and want to pass it on to you so that you know

46:11

what to do. I

46:14

love the way she said anaphylactic shock. There's something about

46:16

Jill Zarin when she says words with lots of syllables

46:18

in them. They

46:20

just are like so amusing to me. I

46:22

just remember there was one episode of Rony

46:24

early on where she went to a protest

46:26

at the UN and

46:28

it was about Iran. And

46:31

there was the leader of Iran at that time

46:33

was something, I forget his name, it was like

46:35

Ah Hermetabazad or something like that. I

46:37

just remember her saying... Akmehenajad?

46:41

I remember, but I forget. I

46:43

remember and I forget at the same

46:45

time. Yeah, he was like, he was a thing. He had

46:47

the beard and everything and like he was always in the

46:49

headlines. And just hearing Jill

46:51

Zarin saying his name always amused me. She was like,

46:53

oh, this is Akmehenajad. I

46:56

don't know her with syllables. It's just like a

46:58

thing. I can't describe it. I love when she

47:00

does lots of syllables. So when she said, well,

47:02

then no one's going to go into anaphylactic shock.

47:04

I was like, yes, this is Jill Zarin big

47:07

syllable. It's like they're playing her greatest hits for

47:09

you. I'm just an ecstasy in my front row.

47:11

You're like, yes, a multi-syllable word. Yes.

47:14

No. Don't

47:16

worry, you're Jill Zarin shirt. I

47:19

am really standing for her today.

47:21

Can't explain. So the captain's letting

47:23

Sunny call departure and then we get

47:25

some sunny background. Oh, well

47:27

first Melanie is like, oh, look at all this food you

47:29

guys have out on the bar. That's

47:32

cool. So which are the gluten

47:34

free things? The nuts,

47:36

Melanie. The fucking nuts. Okay.

47:40

So Sunny, so

47:44

Captain Kerry is going to have Sunny like

47:46

have a bigger role than usual for leaving

47:48

the dock. So this is what launches her

47:51

into her backstory, which is my

47:53

parents grew me up very comfortably and like,

47:55

you know, I lived outside Montreal and we

47:57

had a boat and water is definitely my

47:59

safe space. You know,

48:01

even though I could die in it, but it

48:03

reminds me of literally the unfaithful safe space I've

48:05

ever heard of you know what my safe space

48:07

is beds of mimes. I love to just You

48:11

know my safe space is barewire After

48:17

I've washed my hands Open

48:21

charges, okay. Sorry, babe. Go ahead. So she says

48:23

and University I didn't know what to do with

48:25

my life So I really tried to figure out

48:27

myself in those years and I really damaged myself

48:29

a theme But yachting was that

48:31

door that like opened up to myself and

48:33

my confidence has skyrocketed You

48:36

crawled into bed and apologize to Ben when he

48:39

was the one who messed up So let's

48:41

rethink that your confidence needs some

48:43

work. Okay so

48:45

she does great, you know and Dylan

48:48

says don't is saying things like oh

48:51

you want me to get the ropes

48:53

sounds Gucci sounds Gucci high fives Fucking

48:57

god, so then Dylan

49:00

is now kind of mansplaining a

49:02

rope technique to sunny He's

49:04

like this is called a cap stand people call it

49:06

winks Oh which is on the side and cap stand isn't

49:09

on the side you understand high five high five Give me

49:11

a high five right now right now Do

49:13

you need a hand with that you need the hand with that

49:15

should we hug it or high five it? What

49:17

you want to do with that Rob if you could take that

49:19

Rob to lunch or high five it what would you do? How

49:23

many calories are this rope just wondering so

49:26

Let's taste it Sally. Oh, why did

49:28

you let me taste that Rob? Oh I

49:31

mean the goodness is the rope is high protein and high

49:33

in fiber But

49:35

I think it's a lot of calories So

49:38

she's like no no no like no, it's fine Like

49:40

I'm a I'm a girl on deck and I gotta

49:42

prove myself, you know, it's like no you don't you

49:44

ain't gotta prove shit Girl, hi five.

49:46

Hi five. Come on. I

49:48

need to burn but three calories. Come on high-five me Did

49:51

you know that high-fiving burns calories

49:53

guess or no So

49:56

then Jill is like, oh my god. Let

49:58

me tell you something this ice machine Not

50:00

great. It's not the best. Take this ice

50:02

and dump it out. I need different ice.

50:06

I need Jill, Zarin, and Heather Dubrow

50:08

to have an awful

50:12

off. I need them to both

50:14

be on this boat, and they can

50:16

both complain about ice cube sizes. Because

50:19

Heather Dubrow also has an issue of

50:21

ice. Doesn't she have very specific tastes

50:23

about ice shapes?

50:26

Remember when she got her gigantic

50:28

ice machine? Doesn't it make huge

50:30

balls of ice? Like weapon size

50:34

ice. But Jill likes different.

50:36

She likes smaller ice, so they wouldn't get along.

50:38

Which would even be better, you know, if they

50:40

like different kinds of ice. So they were making

50:42

everybody make them each their own kind of ice.

50:45

I know. We've talked about the Jill

50:47

Zarin effect and how we

50:49

always have two different reactions because you are

50:51

brought back to your days as being a

50:54

waiter in New York, right? And you dealt

50:56

with Jill Zarin that is like a monstrosity.

50:58

And for me, it takes me back to

51:00

being just like, you know,

51:02

a Jewish kid in Westchester. And like, this is

51:04

just like how you heard people talk. This is

51:07

just the way people communicate. And so when she

51:09

says, you know, I have to tell you, this

51:11

ice machine, not the best ice machine. It's just

51:13

like comforting to me. It's just so funny, because

51:15

they're so I just feel like my

51:18

mom doesn't talk like that. But I just feel

51:20

like I was around just

51:22

Jewish ladies. I don't know how maybe it's

51:24

at Hebrew school, maybe it's just

51:26

at family functions or whatever, but you're just

51:29

around voices like this. And just

51:31

that the way that it's

51:34

not someone saying, Oh, God, this ice, this

51:36

ice machine sucks. It's just, you know what,

51:38

this ice machine, not the best

51:40

ice machine. It's like these little micro Yelp reviews. And

51:43

they just, you're right that I

51:45

am triggered because the waiting tables because I'm

51:48

Southern and I'm gay. And so I'm all

51:50

no matter how I talk here, my real

51:52

personality is always trying to please people. Right.

51:54

So and I'm a fucking waiter. So I

51:56

want to just get it right. And in

51:58

the South, even if you fuck. something up.

52:00

If you just go, I'm sorry, people are like,

52:02

no, you're great, honey. You do a good job.

52:04

I mean, that's how people tell you, you suck

52:07

here. They literally say, bless your heart. You know?

52:09

So I'm used to like being validated even if

52:11

it's not true. That's how it is.

52:14

And in New York, you never get that validation. It's

52:16

always, it could be better. How was your meal? It

52:18

could have been better. You know, this was fine. But

52:20

like the pizza was fine, but you know, the crust,

52:22

it wasn't as crunchy on the outside as it could

52:24

have been. It's been crunchier before. But you know, before

52:26

I had it was crunchier on the outside, but then

52:28

the cheese was kind of raw. You know what

52:30

I mean? Like, I don't know if you're putting

52:32

these directly in the center of the oven. Can

52:34

I see the oven? Is there a chef here

52:36

that I could talk to? You know, it's like

52:38

constant. And no matter what you did, it was

52:40

even if you knew they loved it, they ate

52:42

every last bite. It was never good enough. And

52:44

so that's what Jill brings me

52:46

back to, you know? I know. And like,

52:48

for me, I find that to be so

52:50

amusing. Like, it's so amusing. I just, I

52:53

don't know where I don't know what it

52:55

is. I don't know

52:57

why it's comforting. Because it's like, again, my

52:59

mom and my aunts, you know, they never

53:02

were they're not like this. Like, they're not

53:04

like, not the best ice

53:06

machine. They're not like that at all. But I

53:08

think I've just you're surrounded somehow like it has

53:10

soaked into my life. That when I hear, like,

53:14

you know, when I hear like a Jewish woman talking

53:16

in this sort of way, which theoretically it's not the

53:18

Jewish thing. It's a New York thing. Yeah, I was

53:21

gonna say I've never I don't want it. I don't

53:23

want to make it sound like a Jewish thing because

53:25

people are gonna be like Ronnie's hating on Jews. I

53:27

never looked at it

53:29

like that. I just looked at it as

53:32

like an older New York lady thing. It's

53:34

not a lady thing either. It's like an

53:36

older New Yorker thing. Yeah, Ramona would do

53:38

it too. Anything. Yeah. So I'm gonna divorce

53:40

it from saying like, you know, I just

53:42

associate it with like Jewish women because

53:45

of my life. But yeah,

53:47

that's not I don't want to

53:49

I don't want to like engender any

53:51

like anti-Semitism. Yeah, no, no,

53:53

it's not that it's not it is a

53:55

regional thing. You know, it's like a New

53:57

York regional thing, Long Island, New York, and

54:00

I don't know, like this cracks me if it's

54:02

not like that. I have to say Jersey people

54:04

aren't like that because when they would come over

54:06

the bridge or through the tunnel, whatever it was,

54:08

they would never, they were like, ah, it's great,

54:10

everything's great. It's fucking great, fucking wassup. All right,

54:12

let's get out of here. Just

54:15

get out of here. Just get out of here so we can

54:17

keep talking, you know? Oh my God,

54:19

you look so cute. Get all my

54:21

hands, get all my lapses. All

54:24

right, so Jill's

54:27

other part of her personality. So she

54:29

likes crazy ice and she also likes

54:31

Diet Coats done a very specific way.

54:33

So she's got Barbie running up and

54:35

down these stairs. So Barbie goes to

54:37

get her new ice and she's like,

54:39

Jill, do you like this ice more than that other

54:41

ice? And she's like, yes, this is nugget ice. I

54:43

approve of nugget ice, okay? Go tell everybody on board.

54:46

Do you have the sheet? Do you have the sheet

54:48

here? Will you write it on the sheet? All right,

54:50

you know what? Follow me around with the sheet as

54:52

I come up with things we're gonna

54:54

just keep adding to that nugget ice,

54:56

okay, number one. And Barbie's like,

54:58

yeah, Jill is the primary in her own head. And

55:00

then we see Jill say, you know what? I don't

55:02

care about anyone else. My Diet Coke's going to the

55:04

freezer. And then Jill is so proud.

55:06

She goes out to the other desk and goes, guess what?

55:09

I guess. Guess

55:12

what? I don't know, it's so funny. Scrags

55:16

me up, I don't know. She's like,

55:18

guess what? I just thought them how to

55:20

make a Diet Coke. I just

55:22

thought them how to make a good Diet

55:24

Coke. And it has to be cold soda

55:26

with nuggets. Okay. Thank you,

55:28

Julia Childs. She cracked the

55:30

code. I

55:32

don't know, she's so proud that

55:35

she figured out the best way to do

55:38

that Diet Coke. And she goes and advertises it

55:40

to everyone. There's very, very few ways. She's

55:42

gonna be one of those benches with names on it in Central

55:44

Park. Jill

55:47

Barren taught the world how to make

55:49

a good Diet Coke. She's gonna get

55:51

a medal of honor from the president.

55:53

She's gonna be a Kennedy Center honors.

55:56

She taught the world how to make good Diet Coke. So,

55:59

I'm. In other parts of the boat, Dylan

56:01

is breaking down on the inside as he

56:04

does push-ups off of things. That's what I

56:06

like. And then a Fraser and Chef are

56:08

talking dinner and the

56:11

Chef is like, �Okay, I'm going to do

56:13

shrimp cocktail, whole lobsters.� And Fraser is like,

56:15

�Not a good idea. They don't like scallops.�

56:17

They don't like lobster. They don't like lobster,

56:19

actually. Instead, they're going to do

56:21

scallops. Oh, oh, oh. Okay. And

56:24

so he's like, �Oh, God, Chef is

56:27

overwhelmed. He's definitely losing focus. What's going

56:29

on here?� And the Chef's

56:31

like, �I have tofu. I could do tofu.� And

56:33

he goes, �Okay, and then what's your old-fashioned cocktail?

56:35

Is it the crudite?� And he's

56:37

like, �Um, and then I'm going to do

56:39

two cakes as well. Welcome to paradise here.

56:43

It's going great. Chef, you do

56:45

realize you're sauteing a sneaker right now.

56:48

Oh, God. It is not

56:50

shellfish. It's

56:53

not lobster. I'm feeding

56:56

him rubber because it's not gluten. So

56:58

a water toy, perhaps. So Jill's telling Fraser,

57:01

�So how was your trip last week? Did

57:03

you have a nice group?� Oh, they were

57:05

nice. That's good. That's good.

57:08

You know, listen, out of all these people,

57:10

all that I know is Noah and Melinda.

57:12

But Melinda's father, let me tell you this,

57:14

come closer. He invented the Moderna vaccine. I'm

57:17

not fucking kidding with you. Huge. His

57:19

father's huge. Okay. Don't

57:21

cough around him. I'm just warning you, don't cough around him. Okay.

57:24

You know, have you injected with monkey blood just trying to

57:26

find a cure for whenever you're passing around the boat? All

57:29

right. I'm just warning you right now. God,

57:31

she will literally gossip about anything to

57:33

anyone. She's like, �Service

57:35

worker, come over here. Let me tell you something.

57:37

That person over there, the father,

57:39

invented the Moderna vaccine. And that

57:42

one, that one's father, is a

57:44

lawyer. I think very

57:46

much so. Everyone's guessing his

57:48

ass that I wouldn't trust him, not because I

57:50

don't trust vaccines. He doesn't

57:52

like nugget ice. Okay. Don't

57:55

cough. He drinks, he drinks

57:57

as a cola. trying

58:00

to change them. So

58:04

now the chef is making a pina. A lot

58:06

of cake with tofu sounds delicious. Fraser

58:09

is talking to Barbie about decor and

58:11

she's freaking out because it's just they

58:13

still don't have a stew and

58:15

then Jill is like, so captain look at

58:17

that. That's an island, right? I know what

58:20

an island is. So which one is it?

58:22

Because listen here, I've captained a boat myself.

58:24

Okay, it wasn't a boat like this. The

58:26

fastest I ever went was with Newport, the

58:28

farthest I ever went was Newport, but

58:30

I wouldn't go to Nantucket because there's just too

58:32

much openness there. Also, I heard from

58:35

a very good friend that they do not have

58:37

nugget ice on Nantucket. So why then go? Why

58:39

then go? I'm

58:42

Gary. This is

58:44

why Gary marries a nag because he

58:46

needs one. Okay, so they're getting on

58:48

water toys now and Ben goes, all

58:51

right there Gary. Now this is the pulley

58:54

through the water thing. That's what it's called

58:56

the technical name for this toy. Now be

58:58

careful. Keep your dick out of that

59:00

hole. And then Gary gets on and goes, oh, okay. Oh

59:03

wait, I got my dick stuck in the hole. Gary

59:06

literally just cheated on Jill's errand with

59:09

the sea bob. Oh,

59:11

the sea bob. All

59:14

right, Captain. All right. All right. Ben,

59:16

Ben, Ben to the wheelhouse. How's

59:18

it going, Ben? He's like, well, it's been tough. I

59:20

can't do everything. I'm going to have to put more

59:22

responsibility on the crew and I can't

59:24

take it. And he's like, all right, we'll put

59:27

more responsibility on Dylan and see if he can

59:29

handle it. All right. Like I saw him the

59:31

other day, he was balancing a stack of protein

59:33

balls on his nose like a seal. So I

59:35

know he's got some skills in him. And

59:40

then someone's asking Drew Dylan outside

59:43

what his position is. He's like, I'm

59:45

deckhand, but I think I'm going to

59:47

be Lee Dickens. Yeah. Same experiences, Ben.

59:49

So basically, I'm already it. Basically, I'm

59:51

the captain. I could be, I will

59:53

be, will be the captain. Hold on.

59:55

I'm just going to put my ankle

59:57

behind my head. Felt good. Felt

59:59

good. The the always better to have

1:00:01

five up amount foot. Into this mean

1:00:03

that we're setting up a scene where

1:00:05

banned from a promote Sunny Over Dylan

1:00:08

and then Dylan The Salty or is

1:00:10

it gonna be that banned from a

1:00:12

Dylan Over Sunny and and Son is

1:00:14

halted because. Son. Is sleeping with bad

1:00:16

but then the new Psu comes in been as

1:00:18

as news do what do you think it's gonna

1:00:20

happen with wait I do not care enough about

1:00:22

the speeds how already make that I will say

1:00:24

I get I have really good as any A

1:00:26

can't really give semi the raised because is being

1:00:28

in semi so. Nine. Yeah.

1:00:33

Well. As I'm way or another unduly

1:00:35

wisdom. That. Red headed

1:00:37

actress. Where. She was deemed

1:00:39

under tall. Tar. Tar

1:00:42

Simon Fraser all that movie and you may

1:00:44

you better be careful when you're being in

1:00:46

the help like to promote business I can

1:00:48

ruin us to him and also not been

1:00:51

out against how come it so serious that

1:00:53

movie bubble it has below decks with my

1:00:55

dad tar yet have been out so mad

1:00:57

on yours yours Tvs yeah okay he me

1:01:00

to watch it you know what I've got

1:01:02

are the people on the so. You

1:01:04

know it suggests a phase or on the plane ride over

1:01:06

here. I. Sorta. Very.

1:01:09

Good movie, could have been better. I

1:01:11

don't know. Why? Not be a different day

1:01:13

that sadistic places, but this ticked to place in

1:01:15

a restaurant. Who wants to see symphony the first

1:01:17

thing. Missing. He you're not going

1:01:19

to be able to have a movie called saw

1:01:21

and then my habit not be about street painting.

1:01:23

know what I'm saying I guess is literally like

1:01:25

patience to a different level an inevitable of has

1:01:28

like i'm not here to watch somebody is you

1:01:30

know tell somebody else how to play othello. you

1:01:32

know what I mean. It's like where the roads

1:01:34

come from past my question to talk as I

1:01:36

have am as I get a movie called violin.

1:01:38

And. You're watching on the highway. Being bills you gotta like

1:01:40

makes what matters the to have a lot of gonna matter.

1:01:42

I'm just saying this, I'm not going to be an egg.

1:01:44

I'm just saying this have a your next move is that

1:01:46

the full to welcome. so

1:01:49

bam ah my dell aim is

1:01:51

talking about a second look at

1:01:53

their lives it's amazing this is

1:01:55

leaving this is living look at

1:01:57

that sunset this is living and

1:01:59

I just love that he's trying to be

1:02:01

so positive, but he's still spouting off slogans

1:02:05

from Weight Watchers, because that's the old

1:02:07

Weight Watchers slogan, This is living. And

1:02:12

Vanessa Curtin, or whatever her name was, Vanessa

1:02:14

Redgrave would twirl around and just go, This

1:02:16

is living. And she would drop her coat

1:02:18

and twirl around and show her newly trimmed

1:02:20

body. Isn't that

1:02:22

funny? So I do remember Vanessa

1:02:25

Redgrave was like the big Weight

1:02:27

Watchers spokesman, and she was always

1:02:29

wearing red. So then the guys

1:02:31

looked at the sun and goes, Wow, the sun is so big.

1:02:36

Don't fat shame the sun sets so one

1:02:38

day it'll be thinner than you. Oh, God.

1:02:40

Sorry, I got angry. High fives. High

1:02:43

fives. Push up. Push

1:02:45

up. So then the captain said that

1:02:47

it burns its own calories. It's so hot. Hello

1:02:51

there. This is a two-part recap.

1:02:54

Okay, this is the end of part one. So

1:02:56

thank you so much for listening to this. Just

1:02:59

come back a little later for part two. Our

1:03:28

Jennifer Wing. Fits and scats with

1:03:30

Jessica Trats. She's always

1:03:32

supplying. It's Kelly Ryan. Christian the

1:03:35

Piston Anderson. Let's give a kiss-a-rino

1:03:37

to Lisa Leno. We

1:03:39

want to hang with Liz Lang.

1:03:42

Megan Berg. You can't have a

1:03:44

burger without the Berg. The Bay

1:03:47

Area Betches. Betches. And our Super

1:03:49

Premium sponsors. Nobody get a 10cc's

1:03:51

of BetsyMD. We're taking the gold

1:03:54

with Brenda Silva. Let's

1:03:56

get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't

1:03:58

get salty with Piston. Can't

1:04:00

have a meal without the Emily side.

1:04:03

We for Eva love Eva. Nobody holds

1:04:05

a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got

1:04:07

our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's

1:04:10

not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's

1:04:12

a little bit loony, Junie. My

1:04:14

favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love

1:04:17

him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley.

1:04:19

Let's go on a bender with

1:04:21

Lauren Fender. The Incredible Edible Matthews

1:04:24

Sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle.

1:04:26

She's the Queen Bee, Sarah Lemke.

1:04:29

Shannon out of a cannon

1:04:31

Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla

1:04:33

Plain. She ain't no shrinking violet

1:04:35

koo-tar. We love you guys.

1:04:39

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