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today with bite. Hello!

2:15

And welcome to watch what grabens

2:17

about. Can stroll that crap on.

2:20

Bravo Stood we loved. It's your

2:22

rate for experiences. I'm Ronnie and

2:24

that's been over there have been

2:26

ironic, has a going. Ah

2:30

I'm sorry my life. it's as contains.

2:32

I'm a new person from wanting rather

2:34

pump Villa Woods. We are going to

2:36

be recapping today. We just did a

2:38

two part bonus episode and a catching

2:40

up with our thoughts on the first

2:42

four episodes because we were going to

2:44

cover this trash and so you. That

2:46

made us basically Amber on plenty. Did

2:48

you know sometimes it's good to listen

2:50

to demanding because it leads to beautiful

2:53

beautiful places like the top of this

2:55

gorgeous mountain that were on now. The

2:58

yes fan or from villa. What?

3:01

A So so the ah If if

3:03

if if if if. We're. Going

3:05

to be doing Netflix as a joke. ah

3:07

and like just over two weeks. ah with

3:09

a template how quickly that coming up that

3:11

can be made. Third, you're an Los Angeles

3:14

so come and join us for that show.

3:16

Tickets are on our website was crap and

3:18

zoc com later the month. If you are

3:20

a broad if you're in London or Dublin

3:22

or Birmingham ah come see us the of

3:25

shows all three of those cities that can

3:27

be late. May, May twenty Fourth May twenty

3:29

Fifth of May Twenty ninth Cir be so

3:31

fun to finally get to the show's over.

3:33

There are also those tickets. On our website

3:35

so everything that was what happened.com Ah also

3:38

don't forget our peach long pitcher on is

3:40

great! We have so much more to the

3:42

podcast experience there. For small crop and undermanned,

3:45

you can watch us not just listen to

3:47

us so that's always very fond. We also

3:49

do our weekly a bonus observes with Ronnie

3:51

Just alluded to that we have to this

3:54

week we didn't do one last week we

3:56

knew we had to this week to seek

3:58

of course better Pump. Well. Then.

4:01

Authors out to are wonderful thriving discord

4:03

community which can only access through Pastry

4:05

On Ah is because about Discord Community

4:07

that we received the sweetest little video

4:10

from West from Summer House. So I

4:12

thank you for procuring that video. That

4:14

set up video was sweet as an

4:16

Aegis asleep darling that West so far

4:19

so far is a darlings in a

4:21

season two. Maybe he'll be a monster,

4:23

but so far he's on a great

4:25

path. I'm. Gatto.

4:28

Ah thanks Thanks everyone into sort who

4:30

who facilitated that etc. yeah that was

4:33

super sweet. Yeah and zaner Instagram to

4:35

if you want us that video reply

4:37

Instagram So yeah oh it you know

4:39

far. Instagram by the way. Lots.

4:42

Of happens. Oh that's all the new

4:44

method A Snuff Harkin Felix are aiming

4:46

on Monday corner with your trench coat

4:48

Obe. Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm

4:50

very impressive and important things to do

4:52

like. Talk about Banner Palm fellow right

4:55

now to do with up for this

4:57

is a very important so in the

4:59

history of mankind is damn it. Ah

5:01

Paris, don't the bravo cannon because

5:04

it's still not Marvel Universe or

5:06

right. Mouse.

5:08

For those of you who don't know what the

5:11

So is you don't know because he not subscribe

5:13

to our bonus up to so that was my

5:15

transcript so. Here's. What they

5:17

sow his it's a bordello in France

5:19

that we Savannah Pump is running. Were

5:22

see hires somewhat possibly in the future.

5:24

Attractive people. I don't know if they

5:26

worked on things on the and som

5:28

their insides and became attractive on the

5:30

out science. Oh,

5:33

they get together and see, makes them

5:35

trying. Fuck the guess at this weird

5:37

Sato in France that she plans everything

5:39

to be in the gravel outside. Things

5:41

like playing Bhatti Bar or truth or

5:43

dare. That's basically why people fly all

5:45

the way to France on the south.

5:48

Bank be list. five of us spend what

5:50

list would do beyond if you are in

5:52

this. So I think you are like the

5:55

spiral binding about like goes around the list

5:57

and in like you're like that you're that.

5:59

you're the. Them for us. Touching the

6:01

list. Your life. You are like you're just

6:03

not. If you're not on a less, you're

6:05

just like our coffee spill that's on the

6:08

table that the list got too close to.

6:11

And can see don't have vapid homely people in

6:14

America to bang on your of a case and

6:16

you can fly all the way to France to

6:18

do it. Next to Grapple. Yeah

6:20

Okay so that's basically where we're at

6:22

least of And Or Pump. It's actually

6:24

stuck in France filming this as to

6:27

seize in it and basically is taking

6:29

the formula of Van or Pump Rules

6:31

which is taking young broken people who

6:33

are not achieving their dreams and making

6:35

them wait tables and possibly you know

6:38

bang the guests and they're not even

6:40

subtle about it on the South South.

6:42

Thought was that the cats up of

6:44

our cats up. Okay so this is

6:46

starting on episode five which is called

6:49

Resins. Of little because Marcy on

6:51

our has just made out with

6:53

a guest then gone crazy on

6:55

everybody getting wasted screaming at everybody

6:58

and Panna who's his stasi of

7:00

the so his girlfriend has just

7:02

found out that he'd seeded and

7:05

is losing it on her. add

7:07

everybody hates him, the young made

7:09

great has gone off on him

7:11

because how he disrespects women which

7:14

he does really badly and the

7:16

Seth's and everybody hates as guy's

7:18

ass rightly. So you're not hot

7:20

enough to act like this are okay,

7:23

yeah, that's the thing. He doesn't even

7:25

have been hot privilege to do this

7:27

either. Know a know? Yeah so brace.

7:29

That previous episode ended with Grace having

7:32

just. Screamed. At

7:34

Marcy on hours of losing her

7:36

mind. I'm rightfully so. By the

7:38

way, this was a totally valid

7:40

and been approved outrage moment and

7:42

he's a years while bribes as

7:45

I know one another and and

7:47

Emily as like of my own.

7:49

Sit down sit down so graces

7:51

like. I'm

7:53

Emily as the other made I believe, right? She's

7:56

the one that Imo yes yes says he's

7:58

a stunner sees of. model this girl.

8:01

Oh my gosh. I love the maids by

8:03

the way. I think the maids are like

8:05

my nieces. They're just so cute and so

8:07

sweet. They haven't been tainted yet by live

8:09

or reality television. I look forward to them

8:11

becoming absolute monsters in the next few years

8:13

but I mean for now they're just so

8:16

adorable. They make me want to go adopt

8:18

a 23 year old. That makes me so

8:20

sad to think that this show

8:22

may be on for a few more years. But

8:25

they could be on other things. I

8:28

feel like reality TV is a drug and

8:30

once you've done it you just

8:32

start to spiral no matter what.

8:34

I don't think anybody makes it

8:36

out okay from this. It's like

8:38

watching a Sidney Sheldon movie

8:41

where in the beginning they're nice and sweet

8:43

and innocent and then life just ruins

8:45

them. In this case life is Lisa

8:47

Vanderpump. So let's see. Yeah. So now

8:49

the girls are gathering around Grace and

8:51

Hannah's like, what happened? Grace is like,

8:53

girl I love you but the man

8:55

you're connected to is a beast's shit.

8:57

And she's like, what did he do?

8:59

He talked shit about the chefs and

9:01

they were back there slaving away all

9:03

day long. I

9:05

like that. It's like the big drama. He was talking shit

9:08

about the chefs. Well

9:10

it's gotta suck because I feel like the maids

9:12

actually work right? I mean

9:14

maybe they don't. We were talking about earlier

9:17

does anybody work on this show? It hasn't

9:19

been proven. We haven't really seen anybody do

9:21

anything. Just the chefs. But I

9:23

think the maids do because they're so young. Like

9:25

they're noticeably younger than everybody else and I think

9:27

that they're like just get them young so they

9:29

actually think they have to work. I guess. I

9:31

mean I don't know what it is. So I

9:33

think that they work so I think that when

9:35

you're in a working position and you just see

9:37

these douchebags coming here not doing anything but trying

9:39

to feed the guests. It's not

9:41

fair you know. It's Like why do

9:43

I have to clean the toilet? It's like

9:46

you're attacking people who actually work is the

9:48

shorter way of saying it. And I'm with

9:50

her. I'm with Grace. I Hate Marcion. He's

9:52

a piece of crap. And By the way,

9:54

everybody's coming into this episode of the audience

9:56

being like he's getting fired, right? Lisa? Because

9:58

This is kind of. Lisa chance

10:00

to show. I

10:03

don't know. she's grown. Now. Lisa

10:05

doesn't really do something we want. Lisa doesn't

10:07

She doesn't as doesn't grow Shazam fire. So

10:09

M lives like it's they're just there. And

10:11

and once again out now. More sounds back

10:14

at the bar every single bottle than Hannah

10:16

tells us. Guess. I. Mean they're

10:18

like can I add another someone side

10:20

in the backyard and they like I

10:22

hate my head I'm I'm like what

10:25

the fuck just happened and I have

10:27

as big as the acting like you

10:29

guys are being so dramatic over nothing

10:31

when a hammer was the one who

10:34

literally when ranting and raving throughout the

10:36

house because he thought that Priscilla was

10:38

sitting a to spread eagled li near

10:40

Marcial know. Or. That's that's

10:42

Hannah site. I mean like dies. I'll

10:45

see. I had to say Marciano. He's

10:47

like I said person. I know him.

10:49

Marciano isn't he the one that you

10:51

said you are with for three years

10:53

that constantly cheated on you and treated

10:55

you like absolute crap pleaser. Get off

10:58

your Marcy on a mountain lady. But

11:00

of course this is that girl. We

11:02

all know this girl. You know, Seizing.

11:05

Did seen? Em Ira I

11:07

was thinking like five minutes later he's

11:09

gonna cheat on you and he did

11:11

five minutes later a lamy yeah of

11:13

sad but it's also kind of funny.

11:15

It's like our wealth okay with once

11:17

you go room to room and tell

11:19

everybody how their pre judging Marcial know

11:21

to sounds yeah I know his hotel.

11:23

I know they're angry, says a gallon,

11:25

care or to. I can't stand them

11:27

and kind of sucks upon just like

11:29

sell the suspect. Ridiculous. I love when

11:31

Hannah is the one who tries to

11:33

act like. You. Know like

11:35

if one is Michelle when she's been

11:37

one who's been the most ridiculous all

11:39

season long. they are

11:42

so mauer priscilla is like yeah

11:44

i'm so proud of her his

11:46

ego to gosforth by this girl

11:48

priscilla's the why i'm the hannah

11:50

was like us sweaty on of

11:52

part of my name is he

11:54

now so priscilla is a brazilian

11:56

girl and the see like feeling

11:58

lonely and that i'm to see

12:00

here because Hannah made her feel like that. You

12:02

know Hannah's like the cheerleader who comes in and

12:04

just shits on everybody and thinks she's dating the

12:06

quarterback. But once you're older you see what happens

12:08

to the head cheerleader and the quarterback in life

12:10

and it's not pretty generally.

12:13

I know there's some

12:15

of you out there listening to this. You're like fuck you

12:17

dude. But I mean you know

12:19

what I mean. You've seen the other homecoming queens

12:21

haven't you? Not you, but the other ones.

12:25

Okay so she comes and shits all over this

12:27

Brazilian girl Priscilla and so she's like fuck that

12:29

guy. You know I'm all for this 20 year

12:32

old coming in and telling him off. So then

12:34

Marciano is still with the bachelorette party in the

12:36

garden and Marciano's like

12:38

gail, gail, gail. We

12:40

don't see Gail but we can only assume

12:42

she's a less

12:46

fortunate one of the friends. Wow.

12:51

Look at you. Let's just say that

12:54

Gail is really gailing it up over

12:57

there at this bachelorette party. I feel

12:59

I can't believe that Marciano is so

13:01

cruel to the chef knowing that the

13:03

chef had to create an entire suckling

13:05

pig just for Gail. Bless her heart.

13:09

Padra will just take out

13:11

any Gail. Doesn't matter which

13:13

one. So he's coming on to some

13:15

girl named Gail and he's doing it in

13:17

the doucheiest way possible. He's like Gail, Gail,

13:19

Gail, Gail, Gail. I'm from Vegas so let's

13:22

go. Tequila. We're gonna do tequila. Gail you're

13:24

doing tequila. And she's

13:27

one of the girls that's like yeah Gail if

13:29

you say not a tequila you are not

13:31

the Gail I know. That's a

13:33

different Gail. Where did my Gail

13:35

go? Cajun Gail. Where's my Gail?

13:38

Where's tequila loving Gail? This is

13:40

just a regular Gail. He's like ah

13:42

yeah I've already heard stuff. You're like a

13:44

prude. She's like I'm not a prude. So

13:46

then he like pours tequila down her throat

13:48

and Grace and Emmler just like watching like

13:50

oh my god. So then Marciano's like what

13:52

is this the 50s? He's like oh yeah

13:54

I've heard things about you Gail. I heard

13:56

you at Prude. She's like no I'm not.

13:58

Give me that tequila miss. Your real Square

14:01

Summers Martha Marcy on of like that. I

14:03

feel like if you know if you're like

14:05

everyone's piss off at least be like okay

14:07

I'm the slightest bottle and I'm gonna like

14:10

blacked out like doesn't matter of. So

14:13

gabrielle as a side was saying

14:15

she standing there and me see

14:17

a starts kissing Gail he actually

14:19

initiated the think it's really. Like.

14:22

Our know your the what your might the

14:24

waiters your sir like this is this is

14:26

not good. If it were a really odd

14:28

only and miss hearing he's like. A

14:31

talking or intuit you know what I

14:33

mean. He's like doing classic problematic things

14:35

that read on know he could be

14:37

possibly going to jail for later if

14:39

this was America because you can be

14:41

that can be with a yeah Gail

14:43

once it take the Sat oh you

14:45

know what's his unit cool nobody likes

14:47

yeah busy it's a good get away

14:50

and get them on this de guerre

14:52

you not to never see gas like

14:54

his his growth and Gabriella who is

14:56

the party planner or event manager or

14:58

one sees going down and says like

15:00

ah yeah. He's not only kissing his gas

15:02

for his the initiator am. I'm not really

15:04

sure what to do here are some of this

15:06

is gonna be problematic but I have seen Brown

15:08

or Pump rules. I'm I'm this is encouraged.

15:10

What do I don't know? Ah, you may be

15:13

home to the saw him says you can't

15:15

do that I don't know. You're the one who's

15:17

actually in a superior position to him right

15:19

now, Princess you just how we've seen how he

15:21

reacts to the girls who do that. He

15:24

gets in their face of screams at them

15:26

So yeah such a family slinks away and

15:28

like is like oh my god and as

15:30

a then that they the hannah like what's

15:32

going on like someone tell me what happened

15:34

something happened as gabrielle until you're like me

15:36

wrong with our us so tell is like

15:38

us well she saw Marcy on on tell

15:41

him act as a macro and gals to

15:43

be a bit of all the ones jail

15:45

for the bad patterns some verisign. Suddenly

15:50

fishing is fishing for some basically and

15:52

Marcy on as like to fish for

15:54

Tom. What is Tom? He does

15:56

give that to face right Some is what he said into

15:58

the waters in order to. Like attract the

16:01

big fish Sorry,

16:03

gal So then we

16:06

cut to Marciano high-fiving the bride

16:08

and Hannah's like, oh my god.

16:10

I'm hiding set up right now Guys, am I

16:12

being set up? I can't believe me with doing

16:14

this to me. I was just thinking up him

16:18

And then she goes on her

16:20

Hannah Which I can

16:22

only assume we're gonna see every other episode Because

16:25

we all know this person. Yeah, it's

16:27

like what the I like that.

16:29

Are you fucking? Are you kidding

16:31

me? What is going on? But

16:34

I know it's hard, but like what is going on?

16:36

Like I've had enough, but I know it's hard, but

16:38

I've had enough I

16:40

cannot wait to forgive him tomorrow I'm

16:44

so fucking pissed. I've been sticking up

16:46

for him with everybody and everyone's like

16:48

Hannah Hannah Hannah Is this

16:51

by the way Hannah saying that she's always like

16:53

everyone's like Hannah Hannah because that's what she just

16:55

said about the drama Five seconds ago with Grace.

16:57

She was like I cannot fuck cuz everyone was

16:59

like Hannah Hannah He's

17:03

out there making it with someone like bravo

17:05

good job you made out with gal So

17:14

Priscilla who Really could

17:16

just tell this girl to go fuck herself I mean

17:18

cuz Priscilla is the one that she yelled out for

17:20

being spread eagle supposedly and she was not spread eagle

17:23

Priscilla comes over to comfort her and she's like,

17:25

oh, you know I wanted to hug

17:27

you with my legs, but I didn't want you to think

17:29

I was spread eagle so I'll hug you with arms so

17:31

she does and Hannah

17:34

still going off and Priscilla says that she's

17:36

triggered because No

17:39

one deserves to be treated like that and the

17:41

common denominator is Marciano

17:50

Again say again Hannah because he's

17:52

doing it to you yet again,

17:55

okay You know what? I've

17:57

held out. I fell back on being myself because

17:59

of what? what he's saying, you know, just feel

18:01

like a piece of meat, like dirt on the

18:03

floor, like a piece of meat that's in the

18:05

dirt that's on the floor. And everyone's always like,

18:07

Hannah, Hannah, be yourself. And like, no, I'm going

18:10

to be myself. And

18:13

she's screaming, I am shocked. You're

18:15

literally not shocked. And guess what?

18:17

Neither was anybody else. Okay. And

18:19

so Telly is like, yeah, there's

18:21

a level of dumb in this

18:24

world. And that's that girl. Because

18:27

wow. So Gabriella, basically all the

18:29

girls are like, fuck that guy. Let's band

18:31

together and get rid of the guy. And

18:33

then Hannah goes, Oh my God, you guys, you guys

18:35

wait. We're all gathered around her while she

18:38

saw us. And she goes, guys, wait a minute. What

18:40

is happening? Cause I feel like I'm like so

18:42

pretty, right? I'm

18:44

like pretty and he's like making out

18:47

with like, girl, like

18:49

a piece of shit. She's like a garbage

18:51

space. Okay. She looks like cabbage

18:54

with extensions and I'm the pretty one.

18:56

She's basically a girl. Like

18:58

what? I'm like

19:00

a snack. And if girl was leftovers, I

19:02

wouldn't even ask for a box to take

19:05

her home. Like I'm pretty. This doesn't have

19:07

things like this. Don't happen to pretty people.

19:10

And Telly's like, you know what? What Grace

19:12

said tonight. Like she loves you so much

19:14

and she's your friend. And Hannah's like, yeah,

19:16

and like this thing is like, she has such

19:19

a good heart. That's what makes it so hard. Cause like, I

19:21

know it's hard. Maybe a little bit more than you guys do.

19:23

And like, I just, I know that everyone's always like,

19:25

Hannah, Hannah, how could you say that? But like, it's

19:27

true. I'm pretty and I know it's hard. So

19:30

then we get to the next

19:33

morning and Hannah's calmed down quite a bit.

19:35

And she, we, then we find out her

19:37

traumatic story. Cause everybody has like a traumatic

19:39

B story in this episode. Like you

19:42

have, it's like kind of bachelor casting where you have to

19:45

have a trauma that you bring up or you're not asked,

19:47

you're not given a rose to stay or whatever. And

19:49

so her trauma is this. She's like,

19:51

oh my God. I've

19:54

been like wearing makeup so much that I'm like

19:56

breaking out. It's like, this

19:58

is, this is really where the drama.

20:00

is right here. I'm glad they've chosen to follow

20:02

Hannah. You know what? What went

20:04

down was like a low blow and it

20:06

was like a hit, but like the guests

20:09

are leaving so I don't want my housemates

20:11

to have any more drama. Okay! So

20:14

then Grace and Telly and Priscilla are

20:16

in bed and Telly is basically like,

20:18

you know, I'm not the one to

20:20

isolate people but they isolated themselves. And

20:22

Grace is like, yeah, I don't love acting like

20:24

that last night, but after what happened with André,

20:27

it just felt so good to lay

20:29

into Marciano and call him a piece of shit.

20:32

To which I was hoping Tim Gunn would pop

20:34

up and say, what happened with André? André,

20:39

where's André? It's a

20:41

deep cut. So

20:46

the chef is the only one who works.

20:48

So we get a shot of the chef

20:50

being like, oh, look at me making pastries

20:52

gorgeously. I'm gorgeous person making pastries. Blah, blah,

20:54

blah, blah, blah. God damn, you're gorgeous. Every

20:56

time they show him, just a gorgeous,

20:59

pacy person with pretty eyes holding

21:01

carbs. He's

21:03

just wearing every scene. So

21:07

he hates Marciano because Marciano apparently

21:09

came in. He's telling his

21:11

sous chef Caroline. He's like, oh, and then I'm

21:13

trying to sleep and Marciano's coming to me. I

21:15

want to talk to you, bro. I want to

21:17

talk. I'm from Vegas, bro. I am from Vegas.

21:21

Because he wants to apologize, I do

21:23

not need to talk to some drunk

21:25

monkey in the middle of the night.

21:27

He's like, yes, I am chef,

21:29

not babysitter, but, you know, another day in

21:31

paradise. So now it's like breakfast

21:33

and Hannah's like, oh, my God, like

21:35

I served this girl breakfast, gal. I

21:39

think that's like growth. Like I'm here to represent Lisa

21:41

and I'm like not pissed at the girl. I mean,

21:43

like, how could you be pissed at such a pathetic

21:45

person? Am I right? You just kind of feel bad

21:47

for her. That face is so embarrassing. I'm just Marciano.

21:51

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angie.com. That's A-N-G-I, or

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download the app today. So

23:40

the gay is still being horrible.

23:44

Just everything he says. They're like, oh

23:46

here's your Americano. He goes, um, can

23:48

I also get an Americano? And

23:52

then Eric's like, are you taking it as a

23:54

personal offense? You didn't order the Americano, sir. Okay?

23:57

And Then Eric comes in and he's like, I haven't

23:59

announced. Men are, it's the comment card. It

24:01

sucks for the couple to do the honors

24:03

so I just want me take off my

24:05

shirt Right now. I can really bring this

24:07

past ref hardest up to level ten one

24:09

last time. Know. So. Mows

24:12

the big moment. This is like at

24:14

the moment at the end where we

24:16

find that with the tip is but

24:18

them get tips so as the comment

24:20

cards So the bride's i did they

24:22

tickle your fancy or did we leave

24:24

more to be desired While we love

24:26

the Sas okay now the service staff

24:28

mercy on a service right? Maybe four

24:30

point five. I mean there was fighting

24:32

for point five Team freaking pressured your

24:34

friend than made out with her. got

24:36

sit pay for drawn of. What? Rating:

24:39

Leave a bit. do better bribe for day. I'll

24:41

trust your tastes at every level. The Game: Like

24:43

I just feel like this is our experience to

24:45

enjoy together and was at all about them and

24:48

like I feel like I brought like a lot

24:50

of good material for the camera and like I

24:52

didn't really even get to sign because they were

24:54

doing truth or dare games. I thought of that

24:56

unfair like wire you fly me to France to

24:58

be like an amazing reality star. It or not

25:00

even go up. maybe I'm from. ah. I

25:03

seven Americana, Not an American

25:05

South A. Survey.

25:08

Mom the bride's like yeah the fighting really

25:10

took away from a lot like gala. Like

25:13

telling me about more emails like gels? never

25:15

mean out with guys like see. Really had

25:17

a chance here but they just kept fighting

25:20

skills like month old girls in the corner

25:22

like. Adam Mckay

25:24

says the most cliche thing: I

25:26

need a vacation. proper vacation America.

25:33

Serve. Them Lv be gets the

25:35

comment cards. He comes here a little

25:37

office and so do it to go.

25:40

To see what his

25:42

whole city the comet

25:44

card is actually very

25:46

positive. Housekeeping wonderful Chef

25:49

amazing Andre gorgeous but

25:51

wait it says. They.

25:53

Were up until five am and there

25:55

was arguing between the staff. What

25:57

could be arguing? Get

26:00

to the bottom of this. Come

26:02

with me little fluffy dog in

26:04

manila envelopes. It's time to do

26:06

business business. Is. So

26:09

now it's time for of on to line up

26:12

and say goodbye to the South. Oh and Marcy

26:14

on a has been asleep as entire time says.

26:16

he overslept and his alarm finally goes off. As

26:19

we wakes up in startled and everything

26:22

so I'm Lauren as thorns tried to

26:24

hardly Savannah pumped goodbye and is like

26:26

no no no your house. You're.

26:29

Not wealthy national same as national on

26:31

the so enough to actually touch me

26:33

is there you go He if you'd

26:35

like to add stiletto gray season maids

26:37

is more your side take says i

26:39

love. That that's one of her traits

26:42

that she just refuses to had People: I think

26:44

it's so fucking funny and when they were like

26:46

i'm Lisa why do you always were those big

26:48

floppy hat every was is because people kept had

26:50

me when I've gotta trying to. Fix

26:53

It literally plans her outfits.

26:56

To. Avoid hugs it's so funny to

26:58

me and of fried like trying if

27:00

she does grabs her arm and hold

27:03

her at a distance like oh sorry

27:05

poll person who thursday over there extra

27:07

occurs so mercy on of one thousand

27:10

googled would you doing much? Yeah no

27:12

you're you're acting unprocessed. Me: I can't

27:14

believe he. Is

27:16

a hours woman was loving and

27:18

so she says his head is

27:20

I'd had. I'm delighted. If they're

27:22

disappointed, I'm disappointed. If they're feeling

27:24

sexy than I'm feeling sexy. I could

27:27

go on for days. If

27:29

they loved me to leave, I love make

27:31

a name of their Huggins You I'm I'm

27:33

never having. You know what? You found my

27:35

limits. You found my limits on. Oh

27:38

monsieur know does your i heard it looks

27:40

like someone hits you Priscilla could you take

27:42

over where you crying I see you're trying

27:44

non it's a crime I I'm not trying.

27:47

Why your gas lighting people about crying. Your

27:51

eyes swollen Kim, someone hit him

27:53

in the other eyes, those even

27:55

at least a difficult to look

27:57

at telling her eyes some for

27:59

me. The poor people who pretended

28:01

they were rich people have left. I

28:03

want Andre in my office. Okay, Andre, you

28:06

stay out of the fray. You give

28:08

me an accurate picture. You know,

28:10

I hear that the staff did not go

28:12

to bed until 5am because of screaming. Who

28:14

was screaming? And were

28:16

they being sexy about those screaming? He

28:20

was like, I don't know. She was

28:22

like, yes, you do. Give it to Mama.

28:24

Give it to Mama Tuttle. You Tuttle tail.

28:26

And he's like, um, my scam, El. She

28:28

goes, well, why was he upset? Marciano, but

28:30

he's so big and they tell me so

28:32

gorgeous. I mean, I don't personally see it,

28:34

but he's gigantic and his eyebrows are funny,

28:37

which means he must be attractive. Am I

28:39

right? I don't really understand how it works

28:41

these days, but I'm horrified by his eyebrows

28:44

and he's completely waxed. So I

28:46

think that means fuckable. Like,

28:49

uh, well, because he gets one of the guests, I

28:51

think. Oh, you know, I

28:53

thought Marciano and Hannah were together.

28:57

Wow. Look at that. I

28:59

can't believe this wild and wacky show

29:01

where these tangled webs of human emotion

29:03

get wound up in each other. Isn't

29:05

that right viewing audience? What to do

29:07

next? I can't

29:10

believe they've affected my curated

29:12

experience. It's so curated.

29:14

Who else would serve you croissants for

29:16

a French breakfast right next to a

29:18

pink rose in gravel? There

29:21

must be consequences, dire,

29:24

terrible, awful consequences. There

29:26

shall be a firing. Of

29:28

the stone. So

29:33

now there's a team meeting and she comes

29:35

in this giant sun hat and a humongous

29:37

diamond belt buckle and a denim dress. I

29:39

mean, I don't know. She's flipping. I'm just

29:41

saying she's flipping right now. So she's like,

29:43

first of all, we have to talk about

29:45

what went wrong. First of all, OK, first

29:48

of all, we have to say curation. Does

29:50

everyone understand the word? Curation is

29:52

what I do. All right. Next, what

29:54

went wrong? Now, being aggressive is not

29:57

only unacceptable, but I will not tolerate

29:59

it. Which is kind of the same thing, but

30:01

still. Marziano, it wasn't

30:03

acceptable, and you know that,

30:05

despite what people tell me about your

30:08

eyebrows being attractive in

30:10

today's day and age, but I still don't quite

30:12

believe what you have to say for yourself. Please

30:14

do it handsomely, that's the only reason you were

30:16

hired. You

30:18

should apologize to everyone, because it was not

30:21

a sexy and curated experience. It's like,

30:23

oh, okay. So...

30:27

Donut wine, it's her little dog, Donut. It's

30:29

like, heeee, shut up, Donut. Stop

30:31

fucking. Puffy was busy. They couldn't get Puffy under

30:34

contract for this, so I'll just stop with you,

30:36

donut. Shut the fuck up before I send you

30:38

out to the gravel. It's like, rrrrrrr. Get up

30:40

here, look everyone in the face. Even Steven. Ah,

30:43

it's a rhyme! A sexy rhyme. So

30:46

Marziano's like, everyone, I feel bad about how I

30:49

treat a lot of people, and I'm like deeply

30:51

sorry, and I promise it won't happen again, and

30:53

it's okay if you can't forgive me. And

30:56

Lisa's like, do we acknowledge his

30:58

apology? Did you see that prinky

31:01

little man-bird? Polytizing brought me to

31:03

death. No, I'm too pretty for

31:05

this. And

31:09

they're basically like, no, boo, shut up. And

31:11

Hannah's like, you know, actions make it louder

31:13

than words, and he has to stop thinking

31:16

about himself so much, cause Lisa will fire

31:18

him. Like, everything is on the line for

31:20

him right now. I'm like, literally nothing is

31:22

on the line for him. He just goes

31:24

back to Vegas, and like bangs, Waitresses, and

31:26

Taurus, and Serbs, you

31:28

know, Moet in like the

31:30

fake Studio 54 in the

31:32

MGM. Yeah. So

31:36

the good news is we have

31:38

a new guest of honor coming,

31:40

Chivesie. Every time she

31:42

says this guy's name, she says it like that. Chivesie

31:45

is coming from Houston,

31:48

Texas, and a wonderful

31:50

group of five single men,

31:52

and one woman

31:54

are coming with

31:57

Chivesie from Texas.

32:00

I think Steve just kept bungling this name

32:02

and they're like, Lisa, you can't keep calling

32:04

him Cheesy because his name is spelled C-H-I-Z-I.

32:08

I'm like, Lisa, practice. All right, do I have

32:10

it down? Someone write it on the young girls

32:12

for it. Grace, get over here. Cheesy.

32:15

No. Cheesy. Cheesy,

32:18

Lisa. Then Telly

32:20

tells us, the gods are always having a

32:23

good time. That's finally our turn to meet

32:25

some good guys. Now we get to let

32:27

our freak flags fly too. Let the good

32:29

times roll. Get the flags up. Why

32:32

is everyone laughing at me? Oh, yeah, because the

32:34

producer just starts laughing at her because she's being

32:36

ridiculous. I personally, at this point, Ronnie, because the

32:39

women lay in so hard with

32:41

like, finally, some hot guys, finally, get to flirt

32:43

with some guys. I thought these were all going

32:45

to be gay men. I thought that was going

32:48

to be the twist. I

32:50

think they were, don't you? I

32:53

mean, they all come in and they're like, oh

32:55

my God. They're like, oh my God, it is

32:57

amazing here. What is this, a French Chateau? This

32:59

is gorgeous. Girl, I love it. You guys want

33:01

to come swimming with us? These

33:03

are gay guys. I have

33:06

to say, it's not like it was

33:08

fully off the table, but I thought

33:11

it was going to be like they were all going to

33:13

come in and be like, yes, Quinn. Yes,

33:17

I did too. Like they were really revving the girls up, but

33:19

it was just going to be a big gay party. They,

33:22

yeah. And also the episode where it's like,

33:24

oh, oh, they're supposed to be whoring

33:27

around with the guests, right? Because the rest

33:29

of the episodes, it was like, are they

33:31

supposed to be doing this? Because in the

33:33

first episode, Lisa is like, please don't drink

33:35

at work. It's so unprofessional. Don't commiserate with

33:37

the guests. But then suddenly it's like, OK,

33:39

now go party with the guests. And as

33:41

long as I don't see you drinking. And

33:44

then it's, oh, he was making out with the guest.

33:47

But what about his girlfriend? Not that

33:49

he's at fucking work. What is he doing making out

33:51

with the guests? So that's

33:53

when I was like, oh, so they're

33:55

supposed to be trafficked. OK.

33:59

This all makes sense. sense now. So

34:01

Lisa's like, oh everyone, gather

34:03

round the sexy unique powerpoint.

34:06

Alright, this is actually a very poignant story so

34:08

I'm going to stick out my lower lip and

34:10

curl it down. Ooooh!

34:14

Jeezy, Josie, Josie from L Magazine

34:16

was in a terrible car accident

34:18

and I thought she would never

34:20

walk again and this group here

34:22

is to celebrate. They're doing Booze

34:24

and Booze activity. Do you all

34:26

know what that means? Booze, the

34:28

sexiest of the bread bowls. Ah,

34:31

don't you mean, aren't they like balls? Yes,

34:33

I meant Booze

34:35

like bocce. Sexy,

34:38

sexy bocce. This

34:41

is France. I rhymed

34:43

Booze with Booze. Very

34:46

French. What do we call that? Curated.

34:52

So, another glamorous

34:55

LVP party, bocce ball.

34:57

It's like wow, glad you got out

34:59

the powerpoint for this one, Lisa. Jesus

35:01

Christ. So Hannah,

35:03

the girls are all like, oh my god, men

35:06

are finally coming. The guys say they make out

35:08

with people and now we get to make out

35:10

with people. When yesterday it was like, oh my

35:12

god, I cannot believe he's being so inappropriate making

35:15

out with the guests. And today they're like, finally

35:17

we're getting laid. Look at it, right on. Let's

35:19

just take it there. Go on people. Oh,

35:22

everyone. At Chateau

35:24

Roosevelt, the guest experience

35:26

is paramount and Marciano

35:29

needs to understand the severity of

35:31

his actions. So she calls him

35:33

into the office and she says

35:35

sometimes in a situation like this it's

35:37

not okay to casually say, I'm sorry,

35:39

it's not good enough. Time

35:42

for sexy and curated reprimand.

35:46

And here it is. Here's

35:48

your curse. From now on,

35:51

you will have to grow your

35:53

eyebrows. No, god, please no.

35:57

No more wax for you, Marcia.

36:00

No! Please, I can't do

36:02

it! Alright then. You

36:04

have to do dishes instead. He's like, oh, thank

36:06

you. Thank you. When

36:08

Lisa almost took my eyebrow power away, I

36:10

thought I was gonna die. But now I

36:12

just have to work in the kitchen under

36:14

the chef that I disrespected for a little

36:17

while. I'm like, oh. Yes. You will have

36:19

to work in the back of the house

36:21

under the chef's supervision. And conveniently, you have

36:23

a beef with the chef that just happened

36:25

to work out so perfectly. Haha! You

36:27

have to re- I'm gonna- I'm gonna

36:29

make you do what I did to Max when

36:32

he refused to wear pashminas like his sister. I

36:35

made him bus tables for a while. He's

36:37

still doing that to this very day. The

36:39

man really has something against a pashmina. What

36:42

can I say? Nah, that's neither here nor

36:44

there. What? Scrub-a-dub-dub,

36:46

boy! Listen,

36:48

when I let someone down, I beat myself

36:51

up so badly about it. Well, I- It's

36:53

more like I beat off. But anyway- I

36:56

beat myself off, yeah. But I

36:58

don't- Really, really bad. I don't care if she needs

37:00

me to clean floors. I will clean up donkey shit.

37:02

I will do everything I can to impress Lisa Vanderpump

37:04

and then I'll- I will beat off

37:06

after that, yeah. So,

37:10

um... Everybody's cleaning. It's

37:12

a cleaning segment, but it's this show, so

37:14

it's just kind of light dusting, I will

37:17

say. Yeah, I think chateaus need more than

37:19

that. I'm just gonna say spring for Arumba

37:21

at the very least. It's gonna be gross

37:23

in here. Even Marciano. Marciano later on is

37:25

bitching about, like, having to load up a

37:27

dishwasher, but it's like an industrial kitchen dishwasher,

37:29

which is actually, I would argue,

37:32

easier than, like, a home dishwasher, because it's just like a

37:34

nice big flat surface. You just put everything on it, and

37:36

there's like- You can keep all the crud on it.

37:39

It's like the easiest dishwasher loading that you

37:41

could possibly do, and he's like, Oh

37:43

man, this Tupperware is the worst!

37:47

They're also so fast. Oh my god. I love

37:49

a kitchen dishwasher. You lift the thing, you shove

37:51

a rack in, you close it, it's done in

37:54

a few minutes. At home, it's like, Okay,

37:56

this will be done in 17 hours. And

37:59

then you have to- wait for the beep that never

38:01

stops and then you open the thing up and I

38:03

have to air it out for it to dry on

38:05

time. Like I have to know right when it stops

38:07

so I can open it so all the steam can

38:09

rise out of it because otherwise I open it hours

38:11

later and everything's wet and has like water,

38:14

sitting water on it. Yeah. Why

38:17

don't we have commercial, why can't we have commercial dishwashers

38:19

in our homes? Is there like a reason why do

38:21

they use more power than a normal

38:23

one or something? Huge

38:25

and terrifying. Terrifying

38:28

and ugly to have in your home but I

38:30

don't know. I mean I've still, we could all

38:32

have racks like they do in restaurants and we

38:34

could just rack our dishes up and take them

38:36

over there. I don't know. I'm going

38:39

to work on that. Yeah. I would

38:41

love that. The one that Marciano was filling up did not

38:43

look massive. It looked like a normal sized dishwasher but it

38:45

just had like those shelves that I was like those shelves,

38:47

I want those shelves instead of what

38:49

I have. You know.

38:51

Okay. So I was cleaning and Marciano

38:54

was like, I need to just drop

38:56

down. I don't know how bad I

38:58

feel about everything. And

39:00

Hannah is on the flower swing. Okay.

39:03

And she's like Victoria's

39:05

Secret like these flower

39:07

swings. You know what I'm

39:09

talking about? We know when the part of the

39:11

Victoria's Secret catalog that's actually like non-langerie, that's

39:14

what so much of Villa, Villa Rosabella looks

39:16

like or whatever it's called. This

39:19

is very Vanderpump. I mean remember her

39:21

flower swing. Yeah. And

39:24

then on the trademark that Kyle tried to steal,

39:26

Kyle has like the wish version or the she-moo

39:28

version of the Lisa Vanderpump. She moved the flower

39:30

swing. But of course Lisa has

39:32

brought her flower swing and Hannah who's

39:35

just completely natural and not

39:37

ready for a scene at all is

39:39

swinging on the flower swing in a

39:41

flowered jumpsuit and heart glasses

39:43

just waiting for someone to try and have a

39:45

romantic scene with her. Yeah. It's

39:47

very subtle. And then Telly is trying

39:49

to really like amp this up. She's

39:51

like I think Hannah's about to explode.

39:54

There was World War I, there was

39:56

World War II and now we're about

39:58

to experience World War II. I

40:00

was like, well, I mean, I don't think the numbers

40:02

really express like the severity of the war. It's just

40:04

like sequence There was one there's a war

40:06

but then there was a sequel but that's fine So

40:09

and of course, I'm the only one who would get actually annoyed

40:11

at that I was like, I can't believe she was trying to

40:13

make a 23 make it seem like that's an intensity of war

40:16

when that We all know that it's about the secrets of the

40:18

sequels. So Marciano

40:21

sitting with Hannah and say hey watch off

40:23

and she's like What is

40:25

here to talk about I already know your heart and

40:28

Marciano's like I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. I'm

40:30

an idiot She's

40:32

like you not only hurt me

40:35

you hurt everyone else too. I

40:37

don't know how really but it

40:39

sounded it sounds good Watch

40:42

out you're about to be in World War

40:44

23 right now. I'm pretty so He's

40:47

like she's like picking at her split ends.

40:49

I mean, she's like a possum getting

40:51

bugs off of itself Really so she

40:53

starts doing this like a nervous picking at

40:56

her split ends and she's like,

40:58

I mean I don't even know what happened with

41:00

grace But I had your back and then you're

41:02

out here locking this to somebody else. You

41:04

don't even give a fuck about my feelings

41:07

You didn't even care about my feelings and

41:09

he's like, you're right. You're right. Are

41:11

you buying this? You're correct Everything so

41:14

guys do you know it's like the

41:16

doghouse thing or he's just gonna say

41:18

you're right until you just push him

41:20

For five more minutes where he's like

41:22

you fucking bitch. Yeah, you never deserved

41:24

it Anyway waiting for that moment like

41:26

I would like never do that to you cuz like everyone's

41:29

like Hannah Hannah you're gonna do that to him and I'm

41:31

like I would never do that to you and like do

41:33

you have any respect for me? Cuz like I feel like

41:35

I'm like really respected you like a not

41:37

once made fun of your eyebrows and everyone

41:39

makes fun of your eyebrows I've

41:42

been monsterably had your back in a way that I could

41:44

point to Instances where I had

41:47

your back. What have you done for

41:49

me lately? That's my Paula poundstone, by

41:51

the way I've

41:53

got a good slug Listen,

41:55

I fucked up. All right, and

41:57

thank you for telling me about

41:59

Paula Paula pound cake that's like my favorite

42:01

kind of version and like I just I just want to

42:03

make it up to you Okay, I want to make it

42:05

up So

42:09

you can't you know why cuz it's

42:11

raw like me the meat that's on

42:14

the floor raw floor meat Thanks a

42:16

lot. He's like, but then what do

42:18

you want? Nothing? But then what are

42:20

we gonna do about us? Nothing.

42:23

He's like nothing can't

42:25

do nothing about us. She's like, uh-huh and

42:27

guess what? I don't speak to you because

42:30

guess what? Like I don't want to so

42:33

there and then she walks off She's

42:35

like he's trash You know what? I

42:37

just told him I told him that I don't even

42:39

have to speak to you know why cuz I don't want to Trash

42:44

his trash So

42:47

then he walks off just picking at her split ends

42:50

and then he does a really dramatic squat where he's

42:52

like I'm so upset man Squat

42:54

yeah, so then over in the staff quarters

42:57

Priscilla is doing a little pedicure for Andre

43:00

Because it's sort of like a flirty pedicure and

43:02

everything. And oh, I think it's

43:04

a Gabriella who's doing that Priscilla

43:07

is watching though. Yes. All right, and you tell

43:09

it's my notes day I'm still getting everyone's things

43:11

wrong because it's you're right Gabriella was doing it

43:14

so they're just sort of like they're doing that

43:16

it's like cute and Stephen's like do you guys

43:18

want some lotion and Gabriella

43:21

says, you know what? I feel like in this environment It

43:23

just kind of like heightens everything and like also I

43:25

feel like if I can't have someone I want

43:27

them more So it like definitely happens like it's the

43:29

worst like and I do love Grace and I

43:31

know from day one I supported her but like

43:33

let's see where things go with me and on like

43:35

let's see where things go with me and Andre

43:39

Yeah, and he she doesn't know that he's let grace down

43:41

pretty easily cuz grace the young maid that went to him

43:44

I was like I have feelings for you. He's like no

43:46

and so she's like So

43:49

now She thinks she's

43:51

got her shot, right? So

43:53

then Andre is like, yeah, you

43:55

know what? She comes off very successful Things

43:58

don't affect her and that's That's why I'm a little

44:01

attracted to her. I mean, she makes

44:03

me want it, I guess. I'm like, oh,

44:05

okay. They're all so lucky, Andre. The

44:08

mushrooms. Here comes one

44:10

right now. Okay,

44:15

picture this. It's Friday afternoon when a

44:17

thought hits you. I

44:19

can spend another weekend doing the same old

44:21

whatever, or I can hop into my all-new

44:24

Hyundai Santa Fe and hit the road. With

44:26

available H-track all-wheel drive and three-row

44:29

seating, my whole family can head

44:31

deep into the wild. Conquer the

44:33

weekend in all-new Hyundai Santa Fe.

44:35

Visit hundayusa.com or call 562-314-4603 for

44:40

more details. Hyundai, there's joy

44:42

in every journey. So

44:45

then, now the chef is

44:47

watching from around the door creepily on this foot scene.

44:49

It's weird. There's something weird with this chef. I don't

44:51

know what it is yet, because I just was in

44:53

love with him five minutes ago, but I forgot about

44:56

this, like, just creeping around

44:58

the door, staring at the foot massage thing,

45:00

like, ooh, it is like croissant, but boner.

45:02

Boner-inducing croissant. Well,

45:05

it is now six hours until check-in,

45:07

and I know the kitchen is working

45:09

tirelessly to create the wonderful, sumptuous,

45:12

delicious roast beef

45:14

dinner for tonight. But

45:17

for a certain, Marciano seems completely ignorant of

45:19

the importance of the role that the chef

45:21

plays in creating a roast beef,

45:23

and I'm about to show him. All

45:25

the arrogance will go and does

45:27

that to the dishes. Ah! Lightning

45:33

comes out of her hands, and

45:36

he suddenly becomes just a dishwasher. Like,

45:39

you will have Marciano in here

45:42

until every last dish is cleaned.

45:44

He will not get his hands

45:46

back from rat hands to human

45:49

hands until he's learned to finish

45:51

the dishes. Well, I

45:53

don't think he can do dishes without the

45:55

possible thumbs. Oh, you're right, let me change

45:57

the curse. All right, you...

46:00

do dishes but with terrible

46:02

eyebrows. Oh, well. Well.

46:06

Uh, he's already got terrible eyebrows. Damn

46:08

it! I'm wasting all of this lightning.

46:10

Listen, Seth, I'm trying to curate over

46:12

here. So,

46:16

uh, now there's like a little staff

46:18

meal and everything and Hannah and Erica

46:20

and Marciana are talking and Marciana's eating

46:22

enormous hamburgers and he's like, oh man,

46:24

she's putting me in the kitchen to

46:27

work with a chef. She's like, you're

46:29

working in the kitchen but I thought I was

46:31

dating a lead server. The best thing ever. Now

46:33

you're in the kitchen, it's like a downgrade. And

46:36

she's like, I love her doing that. Like, I

46:39

hope he learns his lesson because I

46:41

can't let this drama affect me and

46:44

whatever it is I need to be doing next.

46:47

Which is undetermined. Literally,

46:49

you have seen me do not think it's a

46:52

background. No. I hope

46:54

this does not get in the way of me bringing a

46:56

clipboard out to the guest and asking them how their day

46:58

is. If

47:01

I have to stop picking up my split ends for this guy, I'm

47:03

going to lose it. And you know what? I don't

47:05

have to talk to him because I don't want to. So

47:08

then, um, the girls line up outside

47:10

for the guest to come. It's very dot mabby. I

47:12

love that they do this, you know? So

47:18

they're lining up. Now, girls, it's hot guys are

47:20

calling, put your tits out. So they're all like

47:22

adjusting their boobs in their like made

47:25

their farm girl dresses.

47:29

And then, uh, Carolyn's like, Oh, I'm

47:31

so excited because finally we have lots

47:33

of women. I want to see some

47:35

men. And LVP

47:37

comes out. She's like, Oh girls,

47:39

how excited are we? Okay. All

47:42

right. Well, you're frightening me now. All

47:44

right. Okay.

47:46

Now listen, everybody. She

47:49

went through so much car

47:51

accident, an accident in the

47:54

car, a car that had

47:56

an accident. It

48:00

hurt so badly his name used to be Cheesy.

48:03

It actually changed around the vowels. It

48:06

isn't easy being Cheesy. This

48:09

is also to acknowledge the group. When

48:11

he thought he was lost, his friends reached

48:13

out and said, Stay in there. Sunday

48:16

we'll eat roast beef in France. And

48:18

that gave him his lifeline. So

48:21

they show up and we

48:24

see Chisey and you know it talks

48:26

about how he was like one moment

48:28

he's in an Uber the next moment

48:30

he wakes up in a hospital and

48:32

his pelvis is broken. He had

48:34

a punctured lung or punctured this punctured that it was

48:37

terrible. But he has friends

48:39

stuck with him and he is there

48:41

and he's like ready

48:43

to celebrate life. So

48:46

these guys are kind of I feel like startup

48:48

guys are like kind of nerds. Most

48:51

of them like nerds who can dress. And

48:54

they seem very nice. And

48:56

there's one who's like hot. He's like the hot

48:58

guy in the office and

49:00

he just gets all the ass. I can

49:02

count these guys and it just sucks for them

49:05

every single time. And his name is Dan.

49:08

And so Dan's the hot one. And so

49:10

of course immediately Hannah's like, but I'm the

49:12

hot one here. So I'm going to go

49:14

for their hot one because hot one plus

49:16

hot one equals a

49:19

really second mask even when it's hot one

49:21

mask. The top 23. So

49:25

he's like, so where are you guys from? And

49:28

he's like, I'm in LA originally Florida. And

49:30

he goes, oh really? I'm from Vegas. You

49:32

should hit me up because I definitely will.

49:35

Who says that? What does

49:38

that even have to do with anything? Like, oh, you're

49:40

from LA. I'm not. I'm from Vegas. You

49:42

should hit me up if you ever come to Vegas. Who

49:44

says that? Could you let them in the restaurant?

49:46

You're basically the host to stand right now. Like

49:49

how many in your party for? Oh my God,

49:51

we should fuck if you ever come to Vegas.

49:54

Like, can I have my seat? Can I be served some

49:56

bread first? What the fuck? Yeah,

49:58

he's the kids one. So we're gonna see

50:00

where it goes. And so Marciano's

50:02

just doing the dishes. He's like, oh, how do I

50:05

feel about dudes coming when Hannah and I are in

50:07

a rough place and I can't see? Not

50:09

good, man. Not good. But

50:11

I also can't see them because Lisa cursed me with

50:13

overgrown eyebrows. I can't shave them. It's

50:16

so rude. So

50:18

then later they're at the bar

50:20

getting drinks and they're all cheering

50:23

and wooing. And

50:25

then Dan's like, guys, you know what we should do?

50:27

Some body shots. And they're like, oh my

50:29

God. And I thought they were gonna be

50:32

like, let's do body shots off these hot

50:34

girls, right? But Dan

50:36

didn't. Well, which thank God, because that's gross.

50:39

Let them at least stop being waiters for

50:41

five minutes at night. But anyway, that's not

50:43

what happened. Dan was like, do body shots

50:45

off me. Who does that? I know. It's

50:48

weird. It's weird to also be like, let's do body

50:51

shots and you as the staff drink the shots out

50:53

of my belly button. It was just weird. I

50:56

mean, it was like, it was weird. This

50:59

is like one of 45 million

51:01

different obvious producer, you

51:03

know, things like, okay, Dan, we're gonna need you to

51:06

do some body shots. Can you just like say to

51:08

the group? Okay, thanks. Okay, we're gonna step aside. Okay,

51:10

do it now, Dan. I

51:12

mean, I just never have seen anybody like

51:14

offer themself for body. I mean, I have,

51:16

but it's like strippers or whatever, not dams.

51:19

So I've

51:22

always thought I would be good at body

51:24

shots if you were like gonna come drink a yard,

51:26

you know? So

51:29

anyway, he's lying on the bar and

51:31

the girls like Priscilla and Tally are

51:33

like flurping shots right off of his

51:35

washboard abs and the guys are watching

51:38

all jealous, you know, and Andre's like,

51:40

we're in trouble. He's

51:42

laying on the bar. Wow. You

51:45

would think I thought you would think these women were

51:47

in a desert for years. So

51:49

then Lisa is now doing this is where Lisa

51:51

is now like around the corner again. It's like,

51:53

oh, even though by the

51:55

way, they established in the first episode that

51:57

there are like closed circuit security cams. in

52:00

the bar room. She never actually looks at

52:02

her like sliver setup. She just lurks

52:04

around the corner with like half

52:06

of her dress coming around, coming

52:08

around into the doorway. And she's

52:10

like, normally I don't want to see

52:13

the staff drinking, but I'll turn

52:15

a blind, sexy and curated eye. Marcy

52:17

Arno has been shrugging stuff like a

52:19

peacock, which rejected this show I'd

52:21

like to add. Now maybe

52:24

the girls will have a moment. So

52:28

the girls are like, yeah, guys

52:30

are hot. We're going to get guys, guys,

52:32

guys here. Oh my God. There's guys and

52:34

we're girls. You know what? Every time every

52:36

episode so far has been girls and then

52:38

there's been no one for

52:40

us. But now there's guys. Hey guys,

52:42

what's going on today at dinner? Well,

52:45

at lunch, there weren't as many guys,

52:47

but now we're girls and there's guys.

52:49

It's literally every five minutes. They remind

52:51

us that there's finally guys. Like, get

52:54

it you guys. There's not that many

52:56

hot ones though. So good luck splitting

52:58

Dan up between and also the other

53:00

guys are not interested at all. None of the

53:02

guys even make a move. It's just Dan wanting

53:05

people to do body shots off of him. Yeah.

53:08

So then chef

53:10

makes Marciana wear a hairnet just

53:13

to be, just to make his life more

53:15

miserable. And then Eric

53:17

and Hannah are talking and he's

53:21

like, he's like, so I had the conversation

53:23

with your boy and he said, please tell

53:25

her not to do anything. She was

53:27

a regret. You know? And Marciana

53:29

was like, I'm living with Eric. I'm not

53:32

the chef. Eric's the manager.

53:35

Eric was doing a chef impersonation with your boy.

53:39

Really bad actor. Like,

53:43

please don't be mean to him.

53:45

Please don't be mean to your boyfriend.

53:48

And the hand is like, he's acting like a

53:50

pompous ass right now. Like this is why we

53:53

aren't together. Like I don't give a fuck. I'm

53:55

going to show Dan the party girl. Okay. Cause

53:57

I know Dan's heart. Okay. He's going to hit

53:59

me up. So now

54:01

they're all slamming margaritas. Literally

54:04

two days ago, it was like, you can't

54:07

drink here. And then this episode's like, yes,

54:09

party! They're like all slamming drinks down their

54:11

throat. So now it's time

54:13

to go to the curated experience, Booze

54:15

and Booze. Um, bocce

54:17

ball. So Gabriela is like, oh my

54:19

God, I'm so excited. There's guys here.

54:21

Because normally there's not guys. It's usually

54:24

girls. But now there's guys here. I'm

54:26

so excited because one is hot and

54:28

his name is Dan. I

54:31

was going to say he's a 23,

54:33

but like whatever. So then we

54:35

have Steven. He's like, okay, everyone. So here's

54:37

how we played bocce ball. Okay. Whoever's

54:40

close to the ball or should I say the Bulls or

54:42

the Bulls? I don't know. Anyway, throw the

54:44

balls at each other and try to hit each other and get

54:46

next to the ball. Okay. Is

54:49

everyone understand? Great. Get out

54:51

of here, gay person. This is for girls.

54:53

These are guys. So my

54:57

next note is this show is really not very

54:59

good. I keep vacillating.

55:01

I'm like, oh my God, this show is getting really good.

55:04

And then we have a bocce ball segment. I'm like, please

55:06

just kill me. Okay.

55:08

So Hannah is like, hey, Dan,

55:10

you should go now because it's your

55:12

turn. Am I distracting you? I'm from

55:14

Vegas. You should call me. That's

55:19

my ringtone. So Dan is

55:21

like, he's like, yeah, Gabriela, why don't

55:23

you take your turn? Don't feel pressure.

55:26

And so then she does well and they hug and everything.

55:28

And there's like a lot of slow motion up and down

55:31

for a sexy bocce ball. Look

55:35

at them. Okay. I

55:38

love the episode so far. Here's my

55:40

only request. Can we make bocce ball

55:42

sexier? I want slow

55:44

motion. People jumping up and down, cheering

55:46

for the ball, going over the gravel.

55:49

Can we get a slow sexy gravel

55:51

shot? I knew this bocce. I

55:55

knew this bocce ball would take off because we

55:57

have so much fun playing it in Beverly Hills.

56:00

course in our version I make pandi

56:02

roll balls and whatever gets closest to

56:04

the book salmon on the grass is

56:06

the winner whoever

56:08

gets one inside Maz Max's mouth is

56:10

lying there on the ground going like

56:12

this Weems sexy

56:16

bocce so

56:20

Gabrielle is like I mean like me and

56:23

Andre aren't a thing right now plus I

56:25

have to respect Grace so I you know

56:27

Dan cool so then Dan's like okay well

56:30

since we like since

56:33

we lost sexy bocce or maybe because we won sexy

56:35

bocce the rules are a little hard to follow but

56:37

Archie must jump in the pool so I guess we'll

56:39

take off our shirts huh yeah

56:41

it's like it doesn't matter who went bocce bull

56:44

I'm the hottest one so I'm taking off my

56:46

shirt when I come watch I'm sick yeah I

56:48

do so they go over there and Hannah

56:51

is like oh my god I'm like

56:54

what but then like when

56:56

you're spontaneous that's when you

56:58

have fun so I did it you

57:00

know why cuz like I

57:03

I wanted to call

57:06

me so Lisa

57:09

it Lisa's like oh dear but

57:11

when I said have a good

57:13

time I didn't mean jump into

57:15

the pool with your uniforms on

57:17

should I say something yes but

57:19

will I I don't know

57:21

when there's roast beef on the line so

57:27

now she's checking on them setting the

57:29

tables later and everybody's dried off and

57:31

she's like oh god please that's a

57:33

table be set please at the table

57:35

be set it's set too so girls

57:37

you can work and play at the

57:39

same time so masculine looking why is

57:41

it so masculine because there are many

57:44

here for the first time women

57:46

serving men in insanity

57:48

little belts on tiny

57:50

napkins was so masculine

57:52

put on one second

57:55

because this is a masculine dinner let

57:57

me call in the maestro of masculinity

58:00

Nickolaine! He's going to install tiny

58:02

little pendulums on every single plate.

58:06

That's what men want. Is

58:08

there any way to get these belts

58:10

on tiny napkins sitting on giant clocks?

58:12

No. Alright. Alright,

58:14

fine then. We'll just go with the belts.

58:16

I want these plates to look so masculine.

58:19

Are there any little hairs to represent the

58:21

hairs that men leave in the sink after

58:23

shaving? Oh, very masculine. No, one

58:25

of the plates is making it with

58:27

gale from the last party. It's just

58:29

so masculine it can't help itself. Oh

58:32

my god, that napkin is waxing

58:35

itself into a terrible shape! Oh

58:37

god. Oh no, oh

58:39

no, oh dear. That plate is

58:41

removing its belt in napkin and

58:43

dancing sexy for Dylan. Oh

58:46

no! But

58:48

seriously, she's saying a masculine dinner but

58:50

it's a table full of pink roses

58:52

and she literally put tiny belts around

58:54

the white napkins. Can

58:57

I tell you something? I actually like this.

59:00

I actually liked it. There

59:02

were flowers but for

59:05

Lisa Vanderpump, this is the most butch thing that

59:07

she's ever put out. It's

59:09

just so funny. Alright, we're

59:12

curating men. Men wear belts. Men

59:14

wear belts. So

59:18

now the guys come in for dinner and

59:20

they're like cheers and everything and everything. Alright

59:22

everyone, I'd like to introduce

59:24

the most beautiful chef in the south

59:26

of France. Ladies and gentlemen, let's give

59:29

it up for Dan! She's

59:31

like, yeah, okay, quiet through the bag.

59:33

So, good evening. This

59:36

is the best dinner on the south of

59:38

France. To start, we have a curated special

59:40

mousse bouche, it's a piggy in a blanket,

59:42

and then a mini grilled cheese, followed by

59:44

roast beef, and then an English pudding called

59:46

Spotted Dick. Lisa, your

59:48

joke is ready for your time

59:51

now. Okay. Ooh, we didn't

59:53

make that up. Now, listen everybody,

59:55

we may serve Spotted Dick but

59:57

we hope you don't leave with

59:59

us. Thank you. How many times

1:00:02

has she done that joke over the

1:00:04

years? I feel like

1:00:06

I've heard her say that like 50 times. But

1:00:10

you know what? I laugh literally every time. I

1:00:13

don't see that one coming. That was so

1:00:16

funny. We hope you

1:00:18

enjoy your clotted cream. We just hope you

1:00:20

don't leave with any clots and cream. I

1:00:23

guess it really is only specific to spotted dick.

1:00:26

So Hannah's like... It lands a little harder in this

1:00:28

group though because they are all going to get bangs

1:00:30

on this trip. They're dicks that have

1:00:32

been spotted for a long time. And

1:00:35

their dicks are being spotted actively by Hannah.

1:00:37

She's like, I spot a dick. So

1:00:40

she's like, I definitely like this group. Like

1:00:42

they're all hot men and they're ready to

1:00:44

party. I know their hearts. And like, what

1:00:46

could go wrong? Like I'm pretty. So

1:00:48

like, end of story, hit me up everyone. Marcianna

1:00:51

doesn't even exist right now. And

1:00:54

one of the guys is like, hey, can I

1:00:56

get some extra sauce on this? Will you call

1:00:58

it again? She's like, spotted dick. He's like, ha

1:01:00

ha, ha ha. So

1:01:03

Eric's like, I'm going to get behind that

1:01:05

bar and do what I do best. Pour

1:01:07

shots out of the throats that they want.

1:01:09

Yeah, we're going to turn up. This

1:01:12

guy auditioned for MTV Spring

1:01:14

Break, couldn't get the role. And

1:01:17

basically, Buna Marri was like, hey, listen, we found

1:01:19

your casting tape from 2007. Are

1:01:22

you interested in doing what you were doing on that

1:01:24

tape but in a chateau in France? I know you're

1:01:26

about 47 now, but like we think it

1:01:28

could work. I

1:01:30

know that you're like the

1:01:32

mentalist, but as drawn by

1:01:35

a, you know, Disney cartoonist,

1:01:37

but okay. So he is

1:01:40

hot though, like Simon Baker, right? He is. Okay.

1:01:44

So then this cringy white guy goes

1:01:46

up to Andre at the bar and goes, hey, what's

1:01:48

your name? He says Andre. And he goes, Andre,

1:01:51

my brother. I can't wait

1:01:53

now. It

1:01:57

was definitely a moment of like.

1:02:00

white person cringe. I was like,

1:02:02

please stop white guys. Please. Yeah.

1:02:04

And then like Hannah and Priscilla suddenly come

1:02:06

out and they're like non-uniform anymore. And Priscilla's

1:02:08

like, this is us in like normal life.

1:02:11

And I stopped Priscilla with your spread

1:02:13

eagle in front of the Annie's man. So

1:02:18

they look gorgeous, of course. And

1:02:20

it is really like, okay,

1:02:23

now here's the treats being brought out after dinner, right?

1:02:25

They're at the old fashion bar at this point, which

1:02:27

also, by the way, I enjoyed that that they had

1:02:29

an old fashion bar. And

1:02:32

old fashion, weren't they outside? Yeah, it was an

1:02:34

old fashion. There was a bar outside where they

1:02:36

were serving old fashions. Oh,

1:02:39

I see what you mean. I

1:02:41

was like, it is old fashion. So it's old fashion.

1:02:43

It was pre waltz because it was outside. So

1:02:48

they're starting to party with all the hot girls

1:02:50

and stuff. And Eric is

1:02:52

walking around going shots. He wants you shots. Because that's what

1:02:54

I do. Anybody want a shot? I want to do a

1:02:56

shot. I want you to do a shot with me. I

1:02:58

want you to do a shot with Derek. And they're like,

1:03:00

no, thanks, bro. And he's like, oh my God, they want

1:03:02

to do shots with me. I want you to traditional shots

1:03:04

to the face. He's like, who's Marciano

1:03:07

without a hair? I just can't do this alone. I

1:03:09

mean, if there was two people saying shots, they would

1:03:11

definitely do it. The guys are like, sorry,

1:03:13

we're not 23 and we're at an old

1:03:16

fashion bar. Like what part of that makes

1:03:18

it sound like we want to do shots?

1:03:21

So Hannah's like, is Marciano in

1:03:23

a dish pit? Like I can do like whatever

1:03:25

I want. Like I'm going to grab a drink

1:03:27

with Dan at the bar because he

1:03:29

seems like a man of substance because I

1:03:32

know it's hard. I can tell his heart

1:03:34

has substance in it. I'm a heart nowhere. I know

1:03:36

it all. Yeah, he's a real man of substance. He

1:03:38

came in and immediately lay down on the bar and

1:03:40

lifted up his shirt for people to hear. That's

1:03:43

the first thing I'm like, oh my God, he must

1:03:45

read a lot. Yeah, of course. So

1:03:48

Hannah's like, hey, so what's going on? And

1:03:50

he's like, yeah, you want to do some

1:03:52

shots? So what's

1:03:55

your longest relationship? I'm just going to

1:03:57

ask. He's like, oh, well,

1:04:00

like a year and a half. Yeah, what happened? What was

1:04:02

it like World War 45? It's like, um,

1:04:04

well, I was living in Spain because I'm international

1:04:06

and I had to move back to the US.

1:04:09

So have you

1:04:11

had a long relationship in your

1:04:13

20s? Wow. By the way, watching

1:04:16

Hannah try to be chill at this bar

1:04:18

is hilarious because this is where she starts

1:04:20

twitching and picking at her split ends and

1:04:23

cocking her up. Yes. Started

1:04:25

cracking up. Like this is

1:04:27

her like, um, I'm Hannah and I'm not

1:04:29

just pretty right now. I am sexy. He's

1:04:32

out. What's your longest relationship?

1:04:35

He's living in Spain. We stopped. Whatever

1:04:37

you're doing, just stop it. I know.

1:04:39

You're like the, you're like the flirting

1:04:41

equivalent of Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. Just

1:04:43

please stop. Please. And she's like, yeah,

1:04:45

in my 20s, yeah, I've had like,

1:04:47

I've been in like an on and

1:04:49

off and on relationship. He's like, oh

1:04:51

really? What's been missing in general? Um,

1:04:53

I just feel like I went for like the

1:04:55

wrong guy. Like not a man of substance, not

1:04:58

someone who ever lived in Spain, you know? So

1:05:00

I just have to like respect myself as a

1:05:02

woman and like announce that I'm

1:05:04

going to move on from it, but keep going back to it like

1:05:06

over and over and over again. You know, like

1:05:09

he's the man that doesn't care about conditioner

1:05:11

and that's really hard to find in the

1:05:14

guy. And Dan is

1:05:16

just staring off into space, like completely

1:05:18

bored and trying not to stare at

1:05:20

her twitching. Yeah. So, um, he's like,

1:05:23

yeah, she goes, yeah, um, awesome. And

1:05:25

Telly walks in and she's like, oh,

1:05:27

are you guys deep right now? Because

1:05:29

if you're deep, I can come back

1:05:31

later. And, uh, she's

1:05:33

like, no, not at all. So Eric said, guys, we need

1:05:35

to turn the party up. Anybody want to do shots? I

1:05:37

know what you guys want. Let's pop some champagne.

1:05:40

I'll shoot that down your throat. Let me

1:05:43

down your throat. Fine. And then Brazil

1:05:45

is like in her room alone. She's

1:05:47

getting lonely. She hasn't found her partner

1:05:49

in crime here yet. She hasn't found

1:05:51

a friend. So she's

1:05:53

getting sad. And then we go back to

1:05:55

Hannah and she's like, Oh my God.

1:05:58

You know, the thing is with Dan is like, he's a man. substance

1:06:00

but he also gets like really awkward when

1:06:02

he doesn't know what to respond to my

1:06:04

very substantive conversation and tell his face whatever

1:06:07

I'll look up with him. Tell

1:06:10

he's like I'll fuck him. She's like whatever I'm

1:06:12

going to bed because I'm not just gonna hook

1:06:14

up for revenge I mean I can't do that

1:06:16

to Marcianna. So here she is already I mean

1:06:19

you can't even let it go

1:06:21

an episode it's like watching Marcianna it's like

1:06:23

Marcianna has gone off to war because he's

1:06:25

doing dishes for one day. Oh my god

1:06:27

I miss him so much. She's like acting

1:06:29

like it's cold mountain. You know what she

1:06:31

is she was basically. I couldn't watch that

1:06:33

movie. I mean if you really want me

1:06:35

to come to a movie you can't name

1:06:37

it two things I hate cold and

1:06:39

mountain. Yeah make it like gross.

1:06:41

Room temperature walkable

1:06:44

valley. I want

1:06:47

to walk back. Room temperature sidewalk. So

1:06:49

room temperature booth.

1:06:55

Room temperature chair.

1:06:57

Room temperature sofa yeah. So she basically

1:07:02

was rejected by Dan who was like I don't know what

1:07:04

to talk to like I don't know what to say to

1:07:06

this this idiot and so now that

1:07:08

she's been rejected she's gonna frame it as

1:07:10

her being actually a virtuous person and not

1:07:13

wanting to get revenge a revenge hookup on

1:07:15

Marcianna. Alright so now we go back outside.

1:07:18

Also the guy's completely not into her and

1:07:20

she's like yeah I'm just I'm not hooking

1:07:22

up with Dan. Sorry Dan. Oh

1:07:24

okay yeah. Dan seems super

1:07:27

upset about it because he's already over there

1:07:29

all over Gabriella who is probably who he

1:07:31

wanted in the first place. So

1:07:33

he's like so by the

1:07:35

way Dan is just so

1:07:37

typical of a hot guy with nothing else

1:07:39

going on. So he's like so you

1:07:42

want to sit down? She goes sure. So they go sit

1:07:44

on this little bench and he goes so how are you

1:07:46

feeling? Now I don't want to speak for everyone but you

1:07:49

know without some type of structure like this

1:07:51

you know it's really hard to develop these life

1:07:53

skills that are gonna serve you the rest of

1:07:55

your life. It's like the

1:07:57

life skill of sitting down next to some fucking

1:07:59

stranger who's... thinks he gets to bang you because

1:08:01

he's paid for the weekend. I was like what

1:08:03

is he really about what is this gobbledygook what

1:08:05

like did he just like check

1:08:08

in on chat gpt like fill it

1:08:10

create his lines for himself so she's

1:08:13

like I took it as him talking about her

1:08:15

job like oh my god look at you you're

1:08:17

young and like I know it just seems like

1:08:19

you're waiting tables but you're gonna develop skills that

1:08:21

you're gonna use the rest of your life yeah

1:08:23

and that like you what you're doing is valuable

1:08:26

here and so she's like yeah yeah it's it's

1:08:28

a it's a bright group of people hmm I

1:08:31

you maybe you have to work on your line

1:08:33

but you know I can tell that you're really

1:08:35

good at your job and she's like whatever it's

1:08:37

spongy you know Dre's on the roster so let's

1:08:39

let's not jump the gun but like we're not

1:08:41

together so I'm gonna have some fun with Dan

1:08:43

yeah and then Andre sees this and he's

1:08:46

like I'm confused we were flirting so he's

1:08:48

all hurt now so then later

1:08:51

Gabriella and Dan are in robes and

1:08:54

he's like we had so much fun

1:08:56

and then tonight I saw it

1:08:59

you're definitely my type we

1:09:01

talked about life goals remember how I

1:09:03

told you waiting tables build some character

1:09:05

let's knock them out so they kiss

1:09:08

and then yeah they just like make out on the side

1:09:11

and then um Eric

1:09:13

is jumping around on a broom I don't remember

1:09:16

Eric well they have these wacky yeah oh yeah

1:09:18

he's like the end of the credits and then

1:09:20

they show like little wacky things from the episode

1:09:23

um like when was Eric walking around talking to

1:09:25

himself which he does because there's cameras there and

1:09:27

he's a very soap opera actor he's like an

1:09:29

aged out soap opera actor and so when Lisa

1:09:31

Vanderpump is like if you don't behave yourself you

1:09:33

are going to be fat do you understand he's

1:09:35

like yes we saw and then she leaves and

1:09:38

he's like I've got to do better and I

1:09:40

will do better I'm going to do better because

1:09:42

I am better I'm a man that's what

1:09:44

men do are you talking to yourself darling

1:09:46

who are you talking to he's like myself

1:09:48

she goes oh even

1:09:51

though it's not normal right yeah

1:09:54

so that's right he was riding that broom

1:09:56

and he's being wacky and Andres like I

1:09:58

don't like to call people weird But this

1:10:00

guy is different and weird Yeah,

1:10:04

and he's like I'm waiting a broom like a toden

1:10:06

so tornado He's trying

1:10:08

very very hard to be wacky which

1:10:12

You know, I'll give him credit because he's not just

1:10:14

relying on his hotness is a

1:10:16

personality. He's trying to fake a

1:10:18

different one unfortunately

1:10:21

It's not too palatable, but he's making an effort,

1:10:24

you know in the meantime Just keep on doing

1:10:26

those pull-ups or cuz they're working just be shirtless

1:10:29

Well everyone thanks for listening to

1:10:31

our recap of Vanderpump Villa

1:10:33

We still have Vanderpump rules to

1:10:36

come this week as well as a million

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