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2:30

hello and welcome

2:33

to Watch What Crap

2:36

and the podcast from all

2:39

that crap that

2:51

we love to talk about on the old bras.

2:53

My name is Ronnie. I'm

2:55

with my little friend, Benoons. Hello Ben,

2:58

how are you? I'm doing

3:00

pretty well thanks. How are you doing?

3:02

Great. I'm doing great. Everybody

3:05

welcome to Vanderpump Rules Day. We're excited

3:07

to be here. We just did a

3:09

Vanderpump Villa bonus episode which is up

3:11

over at all. Paltry all! If you're

3:13

watching that garbage, that hop fucking garbage,

3:15

go check that out. That's super fun

3:17

to bully those little losers

3:20

with their lunch pails. It's like bowling

3:22

fetuses. But that was super fun this

3:24

week. Go check that out. Also we

3:26

are in the Netflix is a joke

3:28

comedy festival next week at

3:30

a faraway land called Los

3:33

Angalese. That's next Friday night.

3:35

It's gonna be so fun. It's at the Kookaburra

3:37

Lounge, 9 30 p.m. Go

3:39

get your tickets over at Watch What Crap

3:41

and that's also where you'll find tickets to

3:43

our London, Dublin and Birmingham shows which are

3:45

coming up later that month,

3:47

later in May. Crazy that it's almost

3:49

May. Get tickets at the same place.

3:52

Patreon links at the same place. This is

3:55

a video. You can find videos at the

3:57

same place. Watch What Crap is.com. Okay Patreon.

3:59

Yay! Ben, welcome.

4:01

How are you feeling after this Vanderpump Rules episode?

4:04

Does it change anything in life? Oh

4:06

my gosh. Yeah. This episode was so

4:08

good to me. I was cracking

4:11

up the entire time. It just

4:14

was so good. And then at the end, I was

4:17

filled with this amazing sudden

4:19

burst of outrage. Oh, it's everything I could

4:21

ever ask for from this show. How about

4:24

you? Pretty good. And

4:26

you know, I'll tell you the real winner

4:28

of this show. You know, Jax has come

4:30

and go, but Southwest lives forever, guys. Okay.

4:32

Yeah. Oh, you know, American Ireland

4:34

got involved in this show. Yeah. This show

4:36

is like the ultimate C group, you know,

4:38

and I just love to see it. Yeah,

4:43

they really leaned into the

4:45

airplane footage this episode, which

4:47

was great. You know, it

4:49

had everything. We saw the airplanes, Schwartz

4:52

got another mid-life crisis tattoo,

4:55

Brock in his tiny little

4:57

budgie smuggler lying in the pool like,

4:59

wow. It's

5:02

a great angle. Love the producers for getting

5:04

that shot. It's a great episode. Okay.

5:07

Well, they also did this weird happy

5:09

pop thing. They're starting to take it

5:11

too far. I feel like every week

5:14

they're still experimenting with new musical ideas

5:16

for this show. This week it's like

5:18

teen bop pop, but

5:20

now they're cutting out buildings and like

5:22

turning them upside down, swirling them around.

5:25

This is like afterschool teen fun

5:27

movie, like a fun afterschool special, you

5:30

know, it's

5:32

weird because it's about 40 year olds at the

5:34

end of the day. And they're like, yeah, we

5:36

are in a car in the sun, going

5:39

and going. It's like Tom Sandoval and

5:41

Akane and Clay Duvall's, you know, future

5:43

face. Yeah,

5:47

it's like very upbeat, excited

5:49

music, etc. And these

5:52

buildings, they keep on getting these like angular shots of

5:54

buildings. They like rise up and they come down. It's

5:56

like being at a Broadway show or something with all

5:58

the sets coming in and out. from all different directions.

6:01

So then Lala is walking into

6:03

a place with her brother Easton

6:05

and she's like, yeah, this is

6:08

one of the only non-liquor liquor

6:10

stores in the entire city,

6:12

let alone the country. So I'm like,

6:14

at this point I feel like a

6:16

non-liquor liquor store is like

6:18

a coffee shop. It's like a

6:20

7-Eleven. What'd

6:24

you say? It's a grocery store. He's

6:30

like, yeah, let's get buck wild on this bitch.

6:32

So then we go to

6:34

Katie and then what cracks me up is

6:36

the music's too like, happy, happy all the

6:38

time, I'm a hucker all the time. And

6:40

it's just cuts to Katie like staring at

6:42

flowers in her apartment, spraying them very Katie

6:45

like. It's just like, pssshhh. Okay,

6:50

well thanks for stopping by guys.

6:52

Happy, happy all the time,

6:54

Ariana's doing exercise. And

6:57

then Ariana is like reclaiming the

7:00

treadmill. She's walking on it and

7:02

FaceTiming with Dan, her boyfriend and

7:05

Dan's like, you know how I

7:07

fold my towels first specifically? Which

7:10

I'm like, oh, this is concerning

7:12

because he has towel methods and

7:17

Ariana's big thing that happened this season

7:19

is that she left a takeout container

7:21

out on her counter overnight. I

7:24

feel like there may be a fundamental value issue here. This

7:29

relationship is not gonna work out. Yeah, we haven't

7:31

seen much of Dan but we know that this

7:33

is doomed to fail. He's neat

7:35

and tidy. She's like, yeah, you're

7:38

very organized. Yeah, she's like, you're

7:40

very organized. You wanna come organize my stuff? And then

7:42

we just see piles of crap all over the house.

7:44

And he's like, yeah, I'd need a lot of days

7:46

for that. Nice.

7:49

Maybe he's like turned on by like the

7:52

project up at all. He's like, this would be

7:54

my white whale organizing

7:58

Ariana stuff. He's

8:01

like, got a hoarder Spanish. So

8:05

then we see the Southwest plane, the

8:07

first of many this episode and it's

8:10

James and Al and

8:13

James is like, uh, Hey, Al, listen to this.

8:15

I made a baseline. It's kind of like my

8:18

idea for drop. Listen to it. It goes like

8:20

this. I

8:24

listened to my baseline. Did

8:28

you see the video of Ali and James,

8:30

Ali Bali and James E. Wayne Z doing

8:32

a kids song this week and some mall

8:34

or something? No, I

8:36

did not. Oh

8:39

my God. Bad. I didn't know about that.

8:41

Were you even living? Um,

8:44

I'm living in Katona, New York at the

8:46

moment. So I have no access to the

8:48

outside world. You

8:50

are special. You're a special

8:52

person in your own way.

8:54

You are so special. Nobody

8:57

should ever get in your way.

9:00

Special special. You're all special.

9:02

Special. We can we can we can

9:05

pussy pussy. Oh, sorry. Line line

9:07

name. Pussy pussy

9:09

games for kids. Sorry,

9:12

my bad kids. He's

9:15

just start sobbing. James

9:17

is sobbing in every episode now, guys. Someone

9:19

check on James. James is not

9:21

okay. Can we stop pretending that James is

9:23

okay? Yeah, he's

9:25

there or something. All right. I

9:27

cannot even imagine James participating

9:30

in a kids BOP event.

9:32

And he's sort of like, all right, but

9:34

all friends, all friends and all your stupid

9:36

facts, all your stupid facts. Let's get out

9:38

of here. Okay. Guess what? Hippie's coming through.

9:40

You gotta be careful. Okay. I need a

9:42

circle around hippie. Everyone needs to say 10

9:44

feet away. He's been doing the whole right.

9:46

You stupid facts. Like, you're good. I

9:50

believe in you. I believe

9:52

in you. I believe

9:55

in you. You're special. Here,

9:57

I'm going to send it to you. You want to.

10:00

play it? I would I really really

10:02

want to see this. Okay would you

10:04

rather have your text or your your

10:06

chat here on stream here I'm gonna send it to your

10:08

text. Yes that's my text

10:10

I'm ready I'm sitting up okay here we go I'm

10:13

gonna click on it. It's from a little site called

10:15

TikTok. You know normally I... wait... it started playing

10:21

I was getting ready for it normally when you

10:23

play TikTok over the browser they do this little

10:25

game where they're like before you press play can

10:27

you move the jigsaw piece into the spot? Yeah

10:29

I just did that I couldn't get it in.

10:32

I love that game it's so much better than

10:35

like click on the boxes that show buses and

10:37

then you're like is that a bus is that

10:39

not a bus is that a pun? Yeah because

10:41

they put like part of the wheel in one

10:43

of the little slices you know does that count?

10:45

Is it saying... does that count? And

10:47

you can never tell you never know when you got it

10:49

wrong like I have to do those ten times before it

10:51

lets me through. Is this

10:54

at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books? It says

10:56

the Los Angeles Times... it's sponsored by the Los Angeles

10:58

Times it says Children's Stage. I'm

11:00

a tough person to call in. Look at the LA Times.

11:03

They're bringing Vanderpump Rules onto a

11:05

book fair. Come on guys.

11:07

Like Ariana was apparently there

11:09

hawking her book but like at least she has

11:12

a book to hawk. It's

11:14

my mixology book. Hey kids here's how

11:16

to make a break-up lemon drop. It

11:19

was an overall book fair so I'm... look I

11:22

wonder if this children's stage is a section of

11:24

the book fair. Oh I see.

11:26

Okay just play it. Okay let me press play. She's

11:53

on the side. She's on the side. Okay,

12:06

this is definitely one of those

12:08

moments where I'm like, okay, TikTok,

12:10

this was fun. Bring back the

12:12

time limit. Okay, bring it back.

12:15

Try them out. James

12:18

is big. He was basically

12:20

just like the hype man on that.

12:22

He was just like, yeah, hype. Hahaha.

12:25

Yeah. I'm believing you. I mean,

12:27

sweet. He didn't even do the rap verse. Another

12:32

guy came on and did that verse. Yeah,

12:34

maybe he just couldn't stop saying pussy or something.

12:36

You know that sort of thing. James, I can't

12:39

trust you to do this. So

12:41

I believe in you as long as you don't eat too much

12:43

food. Here's

12:46

my song for children. I don't believe

12:49

in you, so prove me wrong. You

12:51

know, I feel like you have to have something to

12:53

live up to. I feel like giving kids too much

12:55

encouragement just leads to trouble. Look at this cast. So

12:58

a lot of parents told their kids they could

13:00

do anything and now look at them, you know,

13:02

I know floundering, but my

13:04

song to children would be. This

13:09

is a napkin. Use

13:11

it around your mouth. You've

13:14

got too much red stuff all

13:16

around your mouth. Get away from me.

13:19

I don't like your frenetic movements. This

13:22

is napkin. Get away from me. If

13:25

you're gonna cop, do

13:27

it on your mom and

13:29

not me, kid, not me.

13:35

Thank you. That was actually really good. Just

13:37

dropped a bass line, Ali. I just dropped a bass line. Sorry,

13:39

bass line is for fish. Ali, it's the bass line. It's my

13:41

song for fish. Oh,

13:43

I just booked a gig for some bass

13:46

and it's at the Bass Store. You

13:49

know, old bass. What's the name of the old

13:51

bass, country bass? I

13:53

don't know, but here in Austin, we have a bass country hall

13:56

or a bass music hall. Okay,

13:58

it's for fish. Go to sing. So

14:01

Southwest plane, James and Allie, yeah, he made

14:03

a baseline. So she's like, love it,

14:05

okay, didn't sleep well last night because the cats

14:07

are like trying to open the door and they just

14:09

keep meowing. That's when you buy a water

14:12

gun. Why is people being ruled by

14:14

their cats? I

14:16

want to know who the other cat is. I feel

14:18

like we've only seen Mr. Banks. So who is this

14:20

other cat? We never even see

14:22

the other cat. We see Mr. Banks again, but

14:25

like who is this spectral other

14:27

cat that Mr. Banks is hanging out with?

14:29

Is it just like Allie's imaginary cat? Like

14:32

Mr. Globalism. There's two cats. What'd

14:35

you say? Mr. Globalism, it's

14:37

just all financial, financial

14:40

behemoths. Mr.

14:42

IMF fund. I

14:46

guess Mr. The Fed fund in it.

14:49

So she's,

14:53

Jax, Jax, Jax

14:55

comes over. I'm sorry, I see Jax and

14:57

I just start short circuiting. Jax,

14:59

Jax, Jax, Jax comes

15:02

and he's like, yo James, what's

15:04

up man? Look at

15:06

this pad, love it man. God, I feel like I'm

15:08

Paul springing fucking crazy. He's not a plane overhead. It's

15:11

a fucking plane man. It's a

15:13

fucking plane. That's fucking crazy bro. Yeah,

15:18

Jax is so excited to be back on Banner

15:20

Pump Rules. He's like, oh my God, I get

15:22

to shoot another episode. Oh my God. He's just

15:24

like, he's amped up. He doesn't even have to

15:27

be on coke right now. He's

15:29

got that AMPM coffee in him and the

15:31

thrill of being on a main show. So

15:34

James is like, and coke clearly.

15:38

He doesn't need the coke, but he's on the coke. So

15:40

James is like, oh, Jax, he's boring me. I've come a

15:42

long way. When we work together, we hit each other. And

15:45

then we see a flashback of Jax

15:47

saying, oh, you know what, anyone can push play on

15:50

their laptop. Oh, come on, take another order Jax. Pump

15:53

J-Name. Classic

15:55

moments. So James

15:57

is like, yeah, he says he wants to have...

16:00

a nice, I thought baby suits, so

16:02

brunch. Brunch it sir, at least

16:04

he's gonna love it. They don't even try

16:06

to bring Jax back on the show gracefully.

16:08

A day at Sir, nobody believes that this

16:11

nobody believes this. Just bring Jax on, who

16:13

cares, you guys don't need to come up

16:15

with these bullshit excuses. I know

16:18

and they're really trying to push a brunch agenda

16:20

on the show lately. God, everything's a brunch. So

16:23

Jax is like, is my best friend

16:25

Katie gonna be there? Great. And

16:28

Ali's like, wait, are you guys actually best

16:30

friends? I love that. That's so great for

16:32

you guys. It's

16:34

like, no. James

16:37

like, what's your problem with Katie then? He

16:39

goes, well, apparently she's like taking my pictures

16:41

around and James just stops and goes, wait,

16:44

don't you have a reading to do, Ali? Excuse

16:46

you? What the fuck are you

16:49

taking Emily off the scene for? What'd she do? She'll

16:52

write a song about positivity, all right? Children

16:54

are out there, you know, hitting each other

16:56

with baseball bats until they get your song

16:58

in the mail. Ali, go, go Ali. Okay.

17:01

Just tell me what happens. Cut to Ali

17:03

giving a reading to a mailbox down the

17:06

street. You are such

17:08

a sad. Your flag is up.

17:14

So Jax is like, well, apparently Katie is like

17:16

now telling people that like I cheated on my

17:18

wife and like, is she like that pissed off

17:20

that she can't like fuck any more of her

17:22

ex-husband's friends. So she has to come after me

17:25

because like she can't fuck me or what? Like

17:27

what's going on? I'm like, you're not denying it

17:29

Jax. Just so you know, I'm paying attention to

17:31

what you're saying. Also, he's just so disgusting. It's

17:33

just so Jax, you know? Oh my

17:36

God. What's wrong with Katie? She can't fuck me. What? She

17:38

just wants to fuck me. Fuck,

17:40

fuck her. Oh God. He's

17:42

disgusting. Also, you've read the news on this

17:44

this week, right? That Brittany

17:46

unfollowed Jax and Lori

17:49

because Jax was banging Lori in bathrooms.

17:51

There was a, a thread,

17:54

I believe on Reddit. That's where I

17:56

saw it. Let me see. Yeah, it

17:58

was, it was, um, it was. something with

18:00

Nashville. Was

18:02

it Nashville, something with Nashville? No.

18:07

Oh, god. Of course,

18:09

I take screenshots. Oh, probably on the iPad, of

18:11

course. I've got too many devices. I did read

18:13

this. Someone posted something that they

18:15

were like, was that like

18:17

a show or something? He was

18:19

at an appearance at some club and so they

18:21

went to see Jax and that Jax was like,

18:23

yeah, I'm really single, sucks, who's got Coke? And

18:26

then banged his manager in

18:28

the bathroom, supposedly. Supposedly.

18:32

So anyway, I think that was from

18:34

a while, I think that was from

18:36

a couple months ago, but it's resurfacing

18:38

now because Britney has

18:40

unfollowed Jax and Lori. Dun

18:43

dun dun. Wow.

18:47

So. Literally no

18:49

shock. I don't even know why. Right.

18:51

Ha ha ha ha. So

18:54

anyway, Jax

18:57

is essentially blaming Katie for

19:00

the rumors when it's clear that the

19:02

rumors started because Jax was cheating on

19:04

Britney all the time. I mean, let's

19:06

be honest. Yeah, like duh.

19:08

So James is like, well, I hope Jax

19:11

isn't cheating on Britney, but let's face it,

19:13

he's got a check of history. Dun dun

19:15

dun. Roll the clips. Roll the

19:17

clips. And the Southwest

19:19

Airlines flight just goes over like

19:22

bringing on a plane of

19:24

sign of clips. Who's

19:26

blowing? Ha ha ha. You

19:29

are special. No, not that clip. I don't need

19:31

to see another clip of Ali singing. So.

19:35

Jax is like the one person on earth that this

19:37

song really doesn't work when you sing it to. Ha

19:40

ha ha. It's

19:42

really just like not very Jax friendly.

19:45

Let's go. I believe in you

19:47

so believe me. Somebody knows what you're doing.

19:49

Ha ha ha ha. Oh,

19:53

I didn't realize. I thought that whole thing

19:55

was over. James had a whole rap verse that he had.

19:57

I was gonna say, I thought James rapped on it. So

19:59

I was. I wasn't sure what you thought about. The

20:02

song was so monotone, I thought the TikTok had

20:04

looped back to the beginning, so I stopped it.

20:10

You thought they had kept the time limit. I

20:14

thought so, but you were like, they need to make these

20:16

shorter. In my mind, I was like, oh, we're like, we've

20:18

already looped through. No,

20:20

they just let things like this happen now. That's

20:22

what we're trying to outlaw. That's the real reason

20:24

we're trying to outlaw it in America, because TikTok

20:26

is letting things like this happen to us. Not

20:30

only, by the way, the funny part is, it's

20:33

not only is James rapping, but on the

20:35

screen behind him, there's like

20:37

a cartoon of James and Allie in like a

20:39

spaceship. Yeah. Well,

20:42

I just can't wait for the next song they show

20:44

up at, because you know there's going to be a

20:46

bunch of moms out there protesting, going, they gendered the

20:48

universe. The universe is a female

20:50

now. It's time

20:52

for a commercial. It's time

20:54

for a Crapins commercial. Getting

20:58

the smile and confidence you've been dreaming about, all

21:00

from the comfort of your home, isn't

21:02

a total mystery with Bite Clear Aligners.

21:05

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or download the app today. So,

22:09

um, James

22:11

is like, well, I hope Jax isn't, oh

22:13

yeah, check out history, et cetera, et cetera.

22:15

And then we see the famous clip of

22:17

Brittany saying, are you trying to, you know,

22:20

on my Jax Tyler? And he goes, yeah,

22:22

it's true. Rob Nihail. You're a cool guy.

22:24

Rob Nihail Tyler. So when we

22:26

come back and he's like, yeah, listen, if it's

22:28

between Jax and Katie, I'm going to believe Katie

22:31

because I mean, it's Jax.

22:33

Like, hello. So now they're shooting hoops in

22:35

the backyard. I mean, this backyard has everything

22:37

within two square feet. Ooh, a

22:40

grill, uh, basketball

22:43

hoop, trampoline, kennel,

22:45

DJ stand. I mean, it's all right.

22:48

Like roses. I just

22:51

got, I just got, I

22:54

just got electrocuted by Rose.

22:56

So he's like, what do

22:59

I need to expect Saturday? Huh? I mean, it's going

23:01

to be crazy. Like I don't even know what I'm

23:04

getting into. I was this brunch. What does that even,

23:06

it's like brunch and lunch fucking crazy. Wiggy, wiggy, man.

23:08

Like playing shit on your computer. Am I right? It

23:10

was going to be great. They're not

23:12

even going to try and work you into this. They

23:14

just say brunch with Jax and you just show up

23:17

and sweat on people. Uh,

23:21

yeah. Uh, Jax is like, it

23:24

feels like he needs to be sopped up

23:26

a little bit. Like he just needs like

23:28

someone to be patting stuff down on his

23:30

cheeks and his chest and everything. It's

23:32

just too much going on. So,

23:34

uh, he's like, yeah, should I like, uh, maybe

23:36

I'll like bring some, like, do I bow down? I'm like not going

23:39

to bow down to Lisa, but like, you know,

23:41

like just cause you own like a few restaurants in Hollywood. Like,

23:43

like what's the big deal? Like maybe I'll bring her some flowers.

23:45

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'll do that. I don't

23:47

know. Maybe I'd be the bigger person. I

23:49

could do that. Like I could do that. I could

23:51

do that. Oh, he's such a pig and I love

23:53

that you're on her show being

23:55

like this about her. And then at least

23:57

they showed us the clip of why he got fired from all

23:59

the people. this in the first place. And I know they would

24:01

like us to all think that, oh, this is

24:04

a company just decided to do the right thing and get

24:06

rid of the racist asshole. Um, but

24:08

no, it was because he told Lisa, this is

24:10

my show. You know, he's like, you know, they

24:12

come on my show. This is why my show

24:14

is good. It's like, actually, this is my show.

24:16

And then he

24:19

was never to be seen or heard from

24:21

again until they got his own show on

24:23

Bravo years later. I

24:25

know, like, like two years later.

24:28

So, um,

24:30

so then there's like a plane that goes by

24:32

over and Jack's like, you know, James, you got

24:34

to add that plane to your, to your tracks.

24:37

He's like, yeah, I know. It's like the opening

24:39

to my set is just an app plan. No,

24:41

I'm saying, I'm laughing to my tears. So

24:45

now she met in Brock's house. Um, and

24:47

of course she missed still that house is

24:49

littered with pictures of herself. You know, a

24:51

girl will have a portrait session for anything

24:53

and it's her and Brock smuggling

24:55

their baby and

24:57

um, her cat is named Penny

25:00

Lane. Did we know that that is the saddest

25:02

name for a fucking cat? The

25:05

most tragic.

25:09

Every time I look at my pad, I think of Kate

25:12

Hudson getting her feelings hurt. I

25:16

named my cat after the smallest amount of

25:18

currency and also the smallest type of road.

25:24

So, uh,

25:27

it's Brittany. Oh my

25:30

gosh. Summer. Summer. Summer.

25:32

Summer. Hey, you know,

25:38

that's a season as well as a baby.

25:40

That's the cutest thing I ever seen. Show

25:42

me your little case. You make cats look

25:44

so cute. I want one. I'm

25:48

fine. I'm fine. Are you

25:50

crying? No, I'm fine. Just

25:53

my plastic surgery gave me crap. Hi,

25:56

there's your curcute cat, Penny Lane. I was

25:58

thinking about getting a cap I was gonna

26:01

call it dollar tree what do you think that's

26:05

one of the names of Brock's first children we don't

26:07

talk about that obviously so how's our

26:12

feeling as focus summer is like

26:14

I need another x-ray hi have

26:16

you pooped on a thing

26:20

right yet then you'll really need an

26:23

x-ray talk about right so are

26:26

y'all gonna have more

26:28

bi-bees and she was like um I

26:31

don't want to like literally die which is what I'll

26:33

do if I try and have another baby what about

26:35

you guys yeah this month we're

26:37

officially trying we're gonna officially try this

26:39

month so fun I've

26:41

never seen Jack do the helicopter so many times

26:43

in this lifetime funny he actually almost flew himself

26:45

off the ground he was doing the helicopter so

26:48

hard the other day I

26:52

thought get real sexy like I might march myself

26:54

down to a.m. p.m. and surprise him well wouldn't

26:56

be funny he didn't even show up I was

26:58

there for five hours no this time I thought

27:00

it's going to a.m. p.m. oh well maybe he

27:02

was going off to get me something romantic such

27:06

well finally showed up I don't know how I

27:08

miss him but he must have just been to

27:10

the bathroom because he came out of the bathroom

27:12

with our publicist Laurie wiping his nose and giggling

27:14

a lot so it was fun I'm fine oh

27:20

my during

27:22

this sheena is like she's

27:24

like is putting makeup

27:26

on to summer moon was that real makeup

27:28

or was that like was like pretending to

27:30

put on makeup on because you're putting mascara

27:32

on to summer moon I think it was

27:34

like pretend beauty session with the kid I

27:37

was so confused I was like I was like I'm

27:39

not trying to be like a prude and I'm not

27:41

a parent but I was like it feels like she

27:43

was really young to start with the mascara well

27:47

listen I don't want to be in a restaurant with a

27:49

bunch of babies who make no effort low-effort

27:56

children so now

27:58

they start talking about how

28:01

Sheena's like Sheena

28:04

needs to have a baby because Ocean and Cruz are gonna

28:06

ask for baby they're gonna get siblings

28:08

so she's gonna have to get a sibling too

28:10

but her and Brock have been at each other's

28:12

throats so and we see if

28:14

her arguing we see shots of her arguing

28:16

with Brock and his speedo and

28:19

then from the cold plunge I mean

28:21

Sheena just has the most interesting sets

28:23

for her argument so dress score the

28:25

cold plunge totally and then

28:27

on top of that you know the thing one of

28:29

the signature things that this show has done for ten

28:31

years over ten years is that when they do a

28:33

flashback they make everything like kind of

28:36

like bluish purple and like

28:38

white and then they always take one

28:40

color that they decide to preserve or

28:42

that they decide to pop out and

28:44

so this time they made Brock's budgie

28:46

smugglers be like neon

28:48

pink while everything else was purple

28:51

and I just was like laughing at that's

28:53

what they chose for their shimmers like

28:55

they're like shot of this episode like

28:58

Sheena's trying to be like yeah we're having

29:00

some real marital problems and the producers are

29:02

like look at his look at his speedo.

29:04

The boy with the red budgie smuggler so

29:08

she's like yeah like Brock

29:10

got offended yesterday because he wanted to go on date night for

29:13

our anniversary but it was like gonna be a big thing with

29:15

everybody but then that didn't really work out so he's like you

29:17

want to go on date night and I was like but wasn't

29:19

it supposed to be a big thing and he's like what you

29:21

don't want to just have dinner with me and I'm like I

29:23

could have dinner with you but like we have dinner together all

29:25

the time like where's everybody else which is SoSena like why

29:28

would I want to go to dinner with you it's supposed

29:30

to be a party where everybody else was supposed to

29:32

graduate congratulate me and take my picture fucking

29:35

Nimrod. Well if

29:37

it can't be a big party why don't we

29:39

go to a restaurant would they serve things with

29:41

gigantic props instead? Alright sounds like a deal. Why

29:43

does that say Nimrod? Where does that even come

29:45

from? Well let me use that word in a

29:48

long time. It's in the

29:50

it's in the format. Oh

29:52

are you 20? So um... Nimrod.

29:56

Sorry Ben go ahead. Oh yeah you know what arc?

29:58

You know what's jax? Jack's often says, he's

30:01

a Nimrod and he used to get his Nimrod

30:03

socks. I don't even understand what that means. I'm

30:05

going to cry now. When

30:08

it comes to Jack's, I'll just accept any rod I can

30:10

get at this point. You know what I mean? I'm fine.

30:13

I'm fine. So

30:15

then we go to Bodega Coffee to see

30:17

Brock's side and Brock, you know, living the

30:19

life of a struggling person in a sweater

30:22

tee. I don't know when Brock tries to

30:24

have sad themes in sweater tees. Yeah.

30:27

Brock just has a way of, he just has a finesse about

30:29

him. I don't know how to put it. Yeah.

30:32

He's having coffee with like Australian Macklemore

30:34

and he's like, well, I

30:36

just had to get out of the house a little

30:39

bit. And the other guy, Luke is like, Oh, what's

30:41

going on? It's like, well, Oh, I

30:43

know. I know we need a Nanny to

30:45

help up. Why him on? It causes so

30:47

much tension in Shana because she's like the

30:49

main breadwinner. And since like we sold the

30:51

jeans, bro, it's been different. It looks like,

30:53

yeah, I get that, bro. Don't you get

30:55

that, bro? I sure do, bro. Yeah, absolutely,

30:58

bro. Nice talking to you, bro. Australia. Yeah.

31:00

Well, we're not by far, we farmer. So

31:03

then from being a dairy farmer, I got

31:05

into rugby. What, what

31:08

trajectory? How is that? Well,

31:10

what's that trajectory? You're just milking a cow.

31:12

And someone's like, well, you're a big strapping

31:14

fellow. Have you ever thought of rugby? Bing.

31:17

I'm taking the kid off the farm and I'm turning

31:19

them into something. I

31:21

know. I'm like, yeah, I was just doing dairy.

31:23

And then I thought, you know what I like

31:25

to do instead is tackle a bunch of men.

31:28

So I did that for a little bit and everything was on

31:30

the horizon. And the hardest part is

31:32

knowing that I'm not bringing home the money anymore. Or

31:34

I never did really in the first place, but it's

31:37

like I could pretend. I was going to say, I

31:39

don't even have clips of that. You

31:41

never were bringing in the money. Who are you kidding? You

31:44

know, come on. So

31:46

you think, man, it's not that I'm not happy

31:48

where I'm at, but finding a career just gives

31:51

me a purpose. You know what I'm saying, bro?

31:53

At least I want to know what you're saying,

31:55

bro. So,

31:58

um, And then back to Sheena,

32:01

she's like, you know what, Brock does so much to

32:03

help me and I think he does it. I don't

32:05

think that, he thinks that I don't appreciate it because

32:07

he's not bringing huge income. And pretty much like, hey,

32:09

but isn't that hard for guys? Because

32:12

you're like the main breadwinner. Say, would you have any

32:14

bread around here? I'm a little hungry, I don't know,

32:16

my little tummy. Going through, need to

32:18

stop off some of the tequila. I had a lot

32:20

of driving over here anyway. Hi Summer,

32:22

you wanna play a game I can win at

32:24

so I can win some bread? Come on Summer,

32:27

come on. Okay,

32:29

it's called Peanut Town and Donkey, but it's gonna be poop,

32:32

it's gonna be a sting raise and say it, okay? So,

32:36

basically she's like, you know, I know when I was

32:38

making more money for one sudden, like, that was like

32:41

a shit for him, you know? But

32:43

like, cause they're like such manly man. You know, like man,

32:45

that's just the way they are sometimes, you know, it could

32:47

just be like something, they just like don't even express it,

32:49

you know what I'm saying? So what I'm trying to say

32:51

is you should quit your job, let the man make the

32:54

money. Man need

32:56

to feel important, you know? I mean, Jax

32:58

always wants to play Peanut Town and the Donkey

33:00

too, so he just puts bicks in my butt

33:02

cracks and eats the bread

33:04

while I watch. I'll let him do

33:06

it. I'm fine, it's a

33:08

fun story, it's a fun story. It's

33:13

fun, I've been a happy time, it's not

33:15

like I had to spend two hours driving

33:18

over to Maroon-Adol-Rader, at which point I could

33:20

think about my life decisions and the accidents

33:22

and the mistakes that night. That's

33:25

a laugh, not a cry. I

33:29

feel like there are all these non-dressed men like

33:31

Phil they have to meet. Like, why can't you

33:33

be the stay-at-home dad? Like, it's just like a

33:35

misogynistic appeal of like how things are supposed

33:37

to be. Like, come

33:40

on. And Brittany's like, don't

33:42

cry, I'm the one who's still got a big

33:44

pin in my butt crack. What

33:47

are you talking about gymnastics for

33:50

anyway? Misogynistic is not gymnastics. I

33:53

don't know, I'm just a girl, I'm stupid. Um,

34:02

so, uh, Britney's like, don't cry. I was like, yeah,

34:05

I have to, cause it's my medical CD. Okay.

34:07

And like I have anxiety and I got on

34:09

so often. I was like doing so much better,

34:11

but I started to stop taking it. Cause I

34:13

was like, I'm so tired. I

34:16

have like the worst intrusive thoughts. Like I'll be just

34:18

like at the supermarket. Then all of a sudden I'll

34:20

be like, Hey, PPLES, why are you thinking about them?

34:22

And then I'll like literally be buying apples. I'm like,

34:24

what if it's what's going on with these intrusive thoughts

34:26

that are happening right now? It's

34:29

like so bad. I was in a traffic circle the

34:31

other day and I just kept yelling corner, corner, and

34:33

I ran around in circles. I didn't make any sense.

34:36

So yeah,

34:38

I was in the cereal aisle and I was like,

34:41

I was like, L U C K Y C H N

34:45

R M S like I have all these intrusive thoughts

34:47

and I'm just spelling out things that I'm seeing now.

34:51

I drank, I got worse since you hate

34:53

summer. And she's

34:55

like, yeah, I have postpartum OCD. I didn't even

34:57

know that was a thing. And like, it's just

34:59

so bad. Like these intrusive thoughts. Like, I mean,

35:01

I trust my husband. He's amazing. I'm like, why

35:04

would he be like, people make comments about him

35:06

and motherfucking all the time. And it's like, Oh

35:08

my God, Lola's lights are lighting up every time

35:10

Brock walks into a room like, you know what

35:12

that is. Yeah. Jackson's

35:15

eyes light up whenever anything walks into

35:17

a room. It'd

35:19

be anything. There

35:22

was a duck crossing the other day and the

35:24

duck walks in the middle of the room, Jack's

35:26

eyes lit up. I was jealous of a duck.

35:28

I duck. It

35:30

was hilarious. So it was hilarious. To

35:33

be fair, I was extra on edge because we just

35:36

seen Tamara porn, he's like, oh, fuck a duck. So

35:38

like I was afraid he'd be literal and such. I

35:41

literally saw a duck crossing the other day. I'm sorry. That got

35:43

stuck in my head. I guess I was like, I'm going to

35:45

forget that. I need to forget that. Huh?

35:47

I feel like it's always hilarious to me because

35:49

whatever we're going on, like we're ever doing a

35:51

riff. As my dad says, are you guys going

35:54

to do another riff? Whenever we're doing a riff,

35:57

I always feel like, Oh God, I have to think of an

35:59

example of something. It's always just some random piece of

36:01

nature I just saw or like something on the desk.

36:03

That's why I talk about staplers and paperclips so much

36:06

It's like whatever is literally in front of me I'm

36:10

like she's like a printer. She's like a HP

36:12

office jet printer sometimes just printing out

36:15

pages all the time Like

36:18

a look right right on top of

36:20

a USB cord She's

36:23

a time up like he's with a USB cord right

36:25

now So she was

36:27

like I mean like even the nanny like could

36:29

you imagine if your husband fucked the nanny and

36:32

it just cuts She Brit me his face looking

36:34

off in the space like Yeah

36:56

Backing back and forth Seriously

37:09

So all right, I talked over my other version of

37:11

me I apologize other way Let's

37:14

head over to Mel's driving. Wow. This

37:16

town is officially done with this show

37:19

That's where you're allowed to shoot The

37:22

Mel's Mel's driving, but it made

37:24

me actually want to go to Mel's drive-in I was like when I

37:26

get back to LA I'm gonna go to Mel's drive-in. I've

37:28

been there forever Well that location

37:30

is good, but the well and also, you

37:33

know just a milkshake in general I think

37:35

I've been starving myself for so long that

37:37

I saw that milkshake and there

37:39

were fireworks going off in my mouth I went to

37:41

bed dreaming of milkshakes. I was like, this is the

37:43

only time I think I've ever been jealous of Katie

37:46

on this show I really

37:48

really want to go back to Mel's didn't we

37:50

go there with Leah black once? We served in

37:52

because that's her neighborhood I

38:04

don't have the range for that anymore. I've dated

38:06

too much over my lifetime.

38:09

I miss that. Being able to sound like

38:11

the belt on a car needing to

38:13

be changed every time we laugh like Leah. Leah

38:16

is the Beverly Hills of my

38:19

brother. There

38:21

it is.

38:25

That's

38:27

what I have to do. I'm going to have to suck in to do the

38:29

Leah Black. Well

38:35

we're at Mel's Drive and Leah

38:37

Black is not there but Tom and Katie

38:39

are there. And Katie is like, wow,

38:41

I haven't been here in so long. And

38:45

she's like, I know I told Tom I wouldn't see

38:47

him one on one but there's like a part of

38:49

me that wants to be friends with him. Like

38:52

there's something about loving someone that you just

38:54

like being a stranger. I

38:57

just can't wrap my head around it. So

39:01

they order some milkshakes and

39:03

she's like, I'm in such a good mood. Can you see it on

39:05

my face? She's like, I'm seeing a lot

39:08

of things happen in front of me. I mean, the

39:11

hair. Why?

39:15

You don't like it? Oh, but I'm a baby. She's

39:19

like, honestly, I just felt like something

39:21

deep within like I thought dying my

39:23

hair or bleaching. Oh my God. I

39:26

don't even know the terms. I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow. Hi, if you want to

39:28

come, you can be in it. I'm not in the tattoo. You

39:30

can join. You can see the tattoo. Come on. Come

39:33

on, Katie. Who did that to

39:35

your head? Oh, Joe. Joe

39:38

and Lena. Oh God, I love it. Don't

39:40

you love it? They're girl. They're hair bosses.

39:42

Come on. Don't you love it?

39:44

She's like, I saw you on Instagram with Joe.

39:49

Was that a hard launch? No,

39:52

no. They

39:55

asked me to post a photo for the Solange works out

39:57

hair boss. Remember hair boss. I'll say it one

39:59

more time. I'm on TV. Air boss. Yeah,

40:01

well all I did was I posted, oh

40:03

boy, and then everyone got mad at me.

40:07

Oh, I've always been like clear. Like, I don't

40:09

wanna have a girlfriend until, I don't know, maybe

40:11

after we're done shooting it, then I can, you

40:13

know, go to the local sororities at USC and

40:15

see if I can find someone who's 22. But

40:18

I don't know, I more or less have to make

40:20

the decision to hang out with us. I don't know,

40:22

it's too much, I'm scared, I can do it. Yeah,

40:25

unless she says something really broke my heart,

40:28

she said, are you embarrassed of me? And

40:30

it made me feel so sad, so sad.

40:33

Mm. He does like a

40:35

literal, like, he literally put his face in my

40:37

hands, I'm just a little

40:39

boy. He literally

40:41

put his, his hand, his face in his

40:43

hands, like, oh, what am I supposed to

40:46

do? Be a boo, boo. I'm

40:48

hungry. Katie, that's, I mean, Tom,

40:50

that's your fault, cause you were

40:53

like so elusive about it. Like,

40:56

the cops have been trying to catch

40:58

you for a month, emotionally, but you

41:00

just keep eluding them. So,

41:05

Schwartz looked, well, it's cause I was in a

41:07

weird place. You know, how do you feel right

41:09

now? Are you looking for a life partner or

41:11

are you just having fun? What's going on, I

41:13

care. I

41:17

have stuck a Katie face from, I

41:19

have stuck in my Katie face from the last one.

41:21

Who is this Katie? Katie, no, don't leave me. Who's

41:24

gonna pay for the bill? Katie,

41:27

no, no, come back to the

41:29

light. And by light, I mean

41:31

my blonde hair. Come back to the hair.

41:34

Come back, come back to the ashy

41:36

skin. Her ashy, I should

41:38

say, not ashy. It's a totally different concept.

41:40

I'm a little boy. He's like,

41:42

are you looking for a life partner? I'm sorry

41:44

to use that terminology, but you have lesbian hair

41:47

this season. And she's like,

41:49

I'm just like getting to know

41:51

people, but in like more of

41:53

an intentional way. So I'm like,

41:55

what's your name? And then I'm

41:57

like, no, seriously. What's

42:00

your name? Oh my God, that's

42:02

so funny. That's me right now. It's not even the best people

42:04

their names. I just said, do you like my hair? I'm

42:07

a little boy. She's

42:09

like, I have zero expectations. That's one

42:11

thing that being married to you gave

42:13

me. And he's like, oh my

42:15

God, that's so mean right now. So how was your

42:18

day with Tori? How was it? It's like good. So

42:21

they're trying to make this happen, which is funny.

42:23

And we see the clip of her date with

42:25

Tori and Tori's at her house and Tori goes,

42:27

oh my God, you look so cute. She's like,

42:31

you look cute. And then Tori's like, let's pop some

42:33

champagne. Oh my God, I just dropped champagne all over

42:35

the ground. And Katie's just

42:37

like. She's

42:42

just like rage, exerting her roses. She's

42:45

like, I'm totally happy. Let me just spritz these

42:47

roses until I can speak in a

42:49

con form again. Those

42:52

roses were from Tori. Cause where else would

42:55

you get roses? Tori can't afford those roses.

42:59

Do you think she took them from Sheena's? No.

43:03

Who buys themselves roses to put in their

43:05

house? Is that like, did people start doing

43:07

that after that Miley Cyrus song? I

43:10

am not a Cyrus. Maybe

43:15

actually. I

43:18

hate that song. I

43:20

of course I could buy myself flowers. But why

43:22

the fuck would I? It's the dumbest thing.

43:24

Just like a song just called Master Basin.

43:27

I don't need you. I've got my pump.

43:30

The end, I'd buy that. I'd stream that

43:32

all day. I'll

43:35

be your shotgun. I'll

43:37

be your shotgun, baby.

43:40

That one's good. Jooking off on roses. No, that

43:42

one's good. I love that song, that Beyonce. That

43:44

song is the Beyonce song. Like the Beyonce song.

43:46

Oh God, that's a beautiful song. I

43:49

love that one. It is so good. I thought

43:51

Times One wrote a song about our podcast. That

43:55

was the moment where you were supposed to

43:57

say, ah, Ben said something really nice. being

44:00

intentional about it. Except

44:02

our version would definitely have like Patti

44:04

LuPone and Ellen Green. And

44:07

so, I'll be your sunken rider off

44:09

of our own by my own. Hey,

44:13

sunken my own. Oh, right

44:17

on. Oh, yes, yes.

44:21

Actually, this song, Patti LuPone would be great for that

44:23

song because the first lyric that Miley starts to sing,

44:25

like it sort of like barges into the song with

44:27

such a strange cadence. Do you ever notice that? So

44:29

I was like, and I'm like, whoa,

44:33

whoa, whoa, Miley. No,

44:35

but that'd be perfect for Patti. No,

44:40

I'm a young one, baby,

44:42

mommy. Yeah. Didn't

44:45

know what I wanted. I saw your face.

44:50

I'll be a shaker, baby. Tell

44:54

me at the time. So,

44:57

baby. The

44:59

show. Here comes

45:01

one right now. At

45:05

Amika Insurance, we know it's

45:07

more than just a house. It's

45:10

your home. The place that's

45:12

filled with memories. The

45:16

early days of figuring it out to

45:19

the later years of still

45:21

figuring it out. For

45:24

the place you've put down roots,

45:26

trust Amika Home Insurance. Amika.

45:29

Company is our best policy. So,

45:37

yeah, that date was a nightmare. And Katie's like, yeah,

45:39

she likes me more than she liked you. And he

45:41

goes, oh yeah, because she got a

45:43

cheeky little peck from her. And Katie's like, yeah, well,

45:45

I got tongue. Oh

45:47

yeah, well, that's in her little text. And she

45:50

sure wants respect for me. She's like, yeah, she's

45:52

in her little text. And she sure wants to respond

45:54

to it first. So they both do. And Tori's just

45:56

like, Old people

45:59

alert, just starts playing. Obama. If I

46:01

I wonder if you felt like an on

46:03

Golden Pond the theme to play when these

46:05

you Dexter Mister Belvedere source of. Thank

46:08

you for see him in a plane. To.

46:12

A Murder. She wrote the

46:15

murder. She wrote the data

46:17

that our. Diagnosis.

46:20

Murder Like Dick Van Dyke. It

46:24

is. This is a mystery and I just

46:26

got stuck. There are other something about like

46:28

invoking as so about a doctor that me

46:30

because. I'm. This.

46:32

Is when also bet of of rules

46:34

cheaters into likes who's afraid of Virginia

46:36

Woolf territory or some like that just

46:38

as twisted older couple sock in with

46:40

as a young nitwit. Yeah

46:43

so much as far as looking

46:46

at the ah the garden by

46:48

of you. Aren't.

46:50

Know what do you think I should do? So. You

46:53

know in Texas I live kind of in

46:55

the wilderness so I've this humongous backyard right?

46:57

Mental do anything holds poop. It's a poop

46:59

receptacle for Bueller, but they saw a tree

47:01

fell down back there and a lightning storm

47:03

if that's what happens here you know and

47:05

so it fell down a bit of now

47:07

say don't do anywhere near the tree or

47:09

behind the tree that all that onto the

47:11

grass Fact that it's a weird things to

47:13

made us look at the backyard and past

47:15

a certain point is is wild with grass.

47:17

I get sued class and. I'm.

47:19

A Glad they do that and I get that they're like. Pick.

47:22

Up, you know, clean a tree. I'm not expecting them to.

47:24

Pick. Up the Tree by like are you just have

47:26

to mow the lawn around the tree? You know what

47:29

I mean. Are you gonna

47:31

call someone to? Seven.

47:33

Episodes. I. Did I think

47:35

he's on his like the handyman guy used

47:37

is so sweet but he's an alcoholic and

47:39

sometimes he goes into heat the sometimes he's

47:41

not using a sometimes he is using. So

47:44

I think he went into a using period

47:46

where he says I'll be there in two

47:48

hours and then he never comes and I'll

47:50

text. may be like where are you that

47:53

in traffic but then he'll never felt the

47:55

sniper south like week for pass and I'm

47:57

literally stop thinking she's on traffic and I'm

47:59

dumb. that you know I

48:01

really I can't take such a

48:04

term handy yeah so I'm

48:06

waiting for him but I mean

48:08

I even had his sign in my front lawn because

48:10

he's like not put my side in your front lawn

48:12

and I was like sure and then he

48:14

doesn't even show up like I don't know I don't

48:16

know I don't know I shouldn't be complaining about all

48:18

this stuff but my point is should I tell the

48:20

guy could you maybe do the grass around the tree

48:22

but then I feel guilty like I'm being an asshole

48:24

you know I think you're allowed to I think

48:27

you're allowed to make requests but I

48:29

get that too I sometimes get bashful I'm like

48:31

I feel bad I feel like

48:33

I'm yeah like I don't want to be I

48:35

don't want to be like

48:37

to reach talking to her

48:40

staff you know yeah okay

48:42

so well I'm not gonna do it I'm going

48:44

to wuss out on that yet another week seeing

48:46

two weeks I'm gonna try and grow a pair

48:49

between now and then have fun not doing around

48:51

the rest of the tree just pretend

48:53

that's not there but then I'm like love that they

48:55

were gonna get bit by a rattlesnake because there's so

48:57

much grass back there and then I'm gonna like be

49:01

horrified that I just never had the balls and it

49:03

killed my dog you know that's where my brain goes

49:06

I've got not why we're also

49:08

overlooking we're just also overlooking

49:10

how wild is that a tree fell down because

49:12

there was a lightning storm so many of them

49:14

that's how bad it gets here it freezes they

49:17

fall down then the lightning comes and it just

49:19

starts to burn it's like biblical out here the

49:21

weather I told you about the hill

49:23

what it did to that guy's car and look

49:25

at that truck look like Bonnie and quiet I

49:27

told you that yesterday okay this is not pick

49:29

stories today okay let's get back to Mel's diner

49:32

the real class the real classy set of this

49:34

episode yeah

49:36

Mel's diner so Katie and

49:38

Schwartz both texts Tory

49:40

and of course she just writes hi how are

49:43

you and he's like what do I write it's

49:45

like taking forever she's like come on I already

49:47

sent mine so they send

49:49

it and then Tory writes back and

49:51

she writes back to Tom first and

49:53

well it's funny because they

49:55

both look at the same time and he's like

49:57

oh yeah mine's 129 she goes I'm

50:01

one thirty. Oh

50:03

my God. She

50:08

must have gotten yours first and so she's just writing

50:10

people back in order. No,

50:13

because yours would show up at the top. No,

50:17

Tori, let's also not forget, Tori went up

50:19

to Tom Schwartz first in that beach side

50:21

bar until you shoot her away and then

50:23

she went to you. So,

50:26

you know, we know where

50:28

she really stands. Okay,

50:32

so what else? So she's like, what are you trying to

50:35

compete with me? You just wanted to have a hair glow

50:37

up because I got a hair glow up and he's like,

50:39

hair glow up, I must have missed that. So

50:41

they're like being mean to each other and like smiling at

50:43

each other like they're so in love again. And

50:46

then we go to Sheena Brock. Oh

50:49

my God. Hi, Brock's butt.

50:53

That butt, how is he like, he

50:55

should just be on OnlyFans at this point because

50:57

that butt is really like, I love it. I

51:00

just love it. So huge. So

51:02

they go to this wacky place.

51:04

It's very L.A. You know, they've

51:06

got like big hundred dollar printout

51:09

posters hanging from the ceiling

51:11

and they

51:13

go to Barton G every now and then on

51:15

the Housewives or on Bravo. And I that

51:18

this place really exists apparently

51:20

just for really

51:22

just for Instagram. Like they always have to

51:24

outsize props and everything. And

51:28

like the food is supposed to be terrible. I've

51:30

never actually been to it. But by the way, I've got to pull this up.

51:33

This was doing that right now. It

51:35

says you curate. This is where you

51:38

you craft your experience. Okay.

51:41

Oh, oh, sure. Yes.

51:43

You have to craft something like woodworking

51:45

and they'll service something to you like

51:47

a surfboard. It's

51:50

multi-fensory. Speaking

51:53

of food, by the way, I was

51:55

reading every now and then, you know,

51:58

the food rags. These

52:00

are. You. Guys like is it

52:02

really like? is that a guilty pleasure as

52:04

is really bad? So the infatuation which is

52:06

a big. National. Website: Their

52:09

Los Angeles outposts they went to sir.

52:11

And. They gave it a three point

52:14

eight which is like really terrible on their to

52:16

say how like this is a scathing review. but

52:18

the part that I really feel like highlighting. Is.

52:22

This quote from the food writers

52:24

ah he says on our most

52:26

recent visit. We. Drank from

52:28

filled water glass is set

52:30

out on our table only

52:33

to be informed moments later

52:35

by an on bothered server

52:37

that they were left behind

52:40

from the previous Sable. Ssssss

52:42

A. Wow.

52:45

Like as what like all yeah you know what

52:48

people say reviews like out that we just sir

52:50

saw like the salmon was called a desert ab

52:52

lab lab about your was like well. I'm.

52:55

A maybe there's always a chance is not

52:58

as bad as they say as and that

53:00

they're just like they just wanna hate because

53:02

a big for funny contents but there's nothing

53:04

subjective about best they were drinking from eyes

53:06

water and then were informed by other waiter

53:09

that by the way. The

53:11

previous this is ones were left over

53:13

with a we never bust them away

53:15

from the free disable lab is horrifying.

53:17

That's hilarious. Values

53:21

that is. So that place. Okay so

53:23

they're de sac. Yes place and mob

53:26

rock for good Luck Manu Sir are

53:28

gone today as I just saw Handsome

53:30

I look at your beauty and I'm

53:32

like oh my god he's like find

53:34

gives You are different from our toys.

53:37

The hotel room amok booty toys. I

53:39

love this about you guys. In

53:41

suits That was he saying he lie at

53:43

I Target lover I think she just meant

53:45

like. You. know i'm game

53:48

turned on by or beauty and we're going

53:50

have to get into tonight is it anyways

53:52

so she says i'm like really looking forward

53:54

to like our anniversary tonight like i feel

53:56

like we haven't like we have been at

53:58

like each other's throats i really like But

54:00

when I decided to marry him, I was like, this is

54:02

like my person for life. Oh my God, hold on one

54:04

second. Hey, P.P.L.A.S. I'm

54:06

sorry, I had an interest of thought. We're

54:09

supposed to take like Instagram pictures in here. So I

54:12

brought a big blow up of us when we had

54:14

summer, nothing each other's name. I think, ma'am, you can't

54:16

bring your own selfie

54:18

set. Sorry. This

54:21

is actually cruel. He's like, all right, Shania, no

54:23

thanks tonight. It's just gonna be the two of

54:26

us. So let me bring you to a restaurant

54:28

whose only value is that you can take photos

54:30

of the crazy things they bring to the table.

54:32

No phones though. Yeah, what was that?

54:34

I thought that was kind of weird. I thought it

54:36

was like a restaurant thing where they're like, this is

54:38

so special, you can't take pictures in here. I didn't

54:41

know it was him doing it. Definitely

54:43

not. I don't think that the restaurant

54:45

that is serving you gin and juice

54:48

through a boombox is gonna be too

54:50

concerned with tackiness. Yeah, so that's what

54:52

he got. That's what he got to

54:54

drink. And Shania's like, oh my

54:57

God, I can't vlog this? And

54:59

he's like, no vlogging, Shania. Ah,

55:03

no. You know what,

55:06

if it doesn't work out with me and Brock, then I

55:08

got a prenup this time. But I don't even know where

55:10

it is because I don't think we'll ever have to look

55:12

at it. Ah. Trust

55:15

it, yeah. All

55:17

right, well, thanks for bringing me

55:19

here. Please like and subscribe below.

55:21

You're not vlogging, Shania. No,

55:25

I'm hella bad. Dad. Oh.

55:28

The iPad you're using is just

55:30

a receptacle for your margarita. Oh,

55:33

I thought it was real. Yeah. So

55:36

he's like, I've got a fucking lollipop on

55:39

my drink. God, all right, well, we did

55:41

a year, honey. Technically, two years because they

55:43

lied about when they got married last time.

55:46

And she's like, yeah. Yeah, like, I mean, we

55:48

need more when I want date nights because it's

55:50

like crazy, like when we're home together, it's like

55:52

we're so exhausted and then my mom's like sitting

55:54

on our laps, like that's kind of like makes

55:56

it a little bit hard, but she does have

55:58

a really warm button. And she always

56:01

brings empty Vonsolates which is

56:03

really helpful. Crap, that's just sort of

56:05

her thing. Focus, Zener. I've

56:07

got a goddamn popsicle on the

56:09

drink. Well,

56:13

I was talking to Lukalmore yesterday

56:16

and I was like, we know when

56:18

I got here I could visualize exactly

56:20

what I want to be doing, you

56:22

know. I got to the front doors

56:24

of the NFL and I didn't make it. I

56:26

literally just landed off the plane

56:28

and got into an Uber and

56:30

then drove up to the NFL and said, because you're hiring me

56:32

and they said, who the fuck are you? And

56:35

I never made it in the NFL. I was the result

56:37

of that. And I know it puts pressure on you to

56:39

be the breadwinner, but I want to take the pressure off

56:41

of you because I know you're trying to stay low carb.

56:43

So, you know, doing my best. Yeah. It's

56:45

crazy. I climbed mountains. I got all

56:48

the way to the door of

56:51

the Academy of Oscar voters and I

56:53

still haven't won an Oscar. It's

56:55

crazy. I remember coming

56:58

here to Los Angeles when I got all the

57:00

way to the doors of Barra Fresh. I did

57:02

get in that time. I got into those doors

57:05

and got myself a beautiful burrito. I

57:07

thought they were out of history in my life. What

57:11

a day. So

57:14

he's like, I don't want to play any pity

57:17

patty here. But when I think back on

57:19

the parent, I was with my other two. If

57:21

I could go back, if I could go

57:24

back and be the best dad in the

57:26

world. Oh, because she's like, he goes on

57:28

this breadwinner thing and she's like, yeah, but

57:31

like you need to put the sports ego

57:33

in the manliness aside. Okay. Like,

57:35

have you ever thought that this is your second chance of being a

57:37

dad and you could be the best second dad to back to?

57:41

And he's like, oh, oh,

57:43

oh, Australian tears.

57:47

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Good

57:49

crime. Australian tears. Ow.

57:52

That just bit me. Even my tears are

57:54

dangerous. I'm crying more than

57:57

a kid not trying to stick it stick into

57:59

a three. three-hundred vagina.

58:01

Just nine. Not

58:03

holes. Too many

58:05

akinna prongs. So

58:08

it's like, yeah, if I could go back

58:10

and talk to that nineteen-year-old broc, I'd say,

58:12

listen, you're going to be a good dad

58:15

now milk harder. The

58:17

rugby scouts coming over soon. Part your

58:19

hair and get ready to swallow a

58:21

couple of- Wait a minute, I'm going

58:23

to interrupt that. Interrupt that

58:25

memory. Geez, that was dirty. Okay,

58:27

so you should really think about

58:29

this. You're one of the most

58:31

tenacious people I've ever met. Is

58:35

that a word? It is now. Tenacity.

58:40

Yeah, so when you don't see how much that

58:42

is worth to me, it makes me feel like

58:45

we're not enough. Like me and someone are not

58:47

enough. I don't want you to think that I

58:50

want you more than our family.

58:54

And then

58:56

a giant martini arrives with a

58:58

candle. It's like a whole chemistry

59:02

set. Yeah, and I guess

59:04

because it's their anniversary, do people get cakes

59:06

and stuff for their anniversary? Fuck off with

59:08

that. Okay? Yeah, I think so.

59:10

So then I was like, I do

59:12

love you on me. We need help,

59:14

but we'll get there. Oh, I love

59:16

you. Like, wow, this guy's really going

59:18

out of his way to have multiple

59:20

episodes about how he doesn't have to

59:22

work ever. He's like, can we

59:25

do another scene with you begging me not to

59:27

ever get a job? That would be great. Thanks.

59:31

So now Schwartz is in a convertible.

59:33

He's like in some like retro Ford

59:35

convertible. And then he

59:38

pulls up to the house, Sandoval's

59:40

house, and Sandoval jumps in. He's

59:43

like, shop out, he's here, Sandoval.

59:45

So Sandoval jumps in, and he's

59:47

like, oh man, we're so cool

59:49

right now. Yeah, they're doing

59:51

that. Like it's young teen pop music.

59:53

And they're like, yeah, parting all the

59:56

way to the tattoo place. This

59:58

isn't a midlife crisis. midlife revival.

1:00:00

Santa Claus is like, yeah, it's

1:00:03

like a

1:00:05

trashy midlife crisis. Oh,

1:00:07

dude. So

1:00:09

they go to a place called Tat Logic, which is

1:00:11

funny, because I don't think the concept of logic has

1:00:13

ever been applied to these two. And

1:00:15

there's a guy named Rusty, and he's like,

1:00:18

hey, what's going on? And I'm like, oh,

1:00:20

hey, Rusty. Dude, your

1:00:22

name is Rusty. You work with

1:00:24

needles. Can you get, can you

1:00:27

name yourself something comforting, like alcohol

1:00:29

swab or, I don't know, aspirin?

1:00:33

This is just my assistant,

1:00:35

Tetanus. So we're just going to do some

1:00:37

work. Rabies, you didn't

1:00:40

clean up the ink off your table, OK?

1:00:43

Thanks. So

1:00:47

he's got stencils ready, and it's

1:00:49

Gordo and Butters. Those

1:00:52

dogs look ungroomed, and

1:00:55

I would not put them on my arm. Also, these

1:00:57

are too detailed, these pictures. I don't know. I don't

1:00:59

like them. They look like cabbages. Exactly.

1:01:02

The stencil looks just like a

1:01:04

whole bunch of lines. It

1:01:08

looked like when cartoon characters get into a fight

1:01:10

and a big cloud happens. It

1:01:13

looked like that was what was being tattooed onto his back.

1:01:15

But later on when we see him. Like pink panting?

1:01:18

Yeah, and you just see a cloud and some little

1:01:20

arms here and there. But later

1:01:22

on when we saw it, it looked more like

1:01:25

distinct dogs. But either way, I think maybe I

1:01:27

just don't think the best tattoo

1:01:29

once again. Well,

1:01:33

it ages you. And

1:01:35

then you always have to talk about it. And

1:01:38

when Zina passed away, I had to remove the picture.

1:01:40

I didn't throw them away, so I'll have them all.

1:01:42

But I had to remove the picture. It's so depressing

1:01:44

to walk around. I had big portraits of Zina and

1:01:46

stuff. And then I was like,

1:01:48

well, I got an identical one made

1:01:51

of Bueller. And so I was like, I'm going to put

1:01:53

both of these portraits up because they're both still my babies,

1:01:55

you know? So I put a picture of Zina and

1:01:57

a picture of Bueller. But then everyone who comes over is

1:01:59

like, who's this? that one and you're like

1:02:01

oh that's Zena and then you have to be like

1:02:03

she's dead and then you have to go over that

1:02:05

whole thing and you start crying again I was like

1:02:07

you don't want to do that he's gonna be that

1:02:09

guy bleach blonde hair in some bar in his 50s

1:02:11

being like that was Gordo butters didn't

1:02:14

we almost have it

1:02:16

all Gordo butters like

1:02:18

literally we never had at all we

1:02:21

were so far from having it all it was a

1:02:23

terrible life But

1:02:25

you had a sweet potato wrapped in bacon that

1:02:28

was the treat he gave him today

1:02:30

I thought that was really cute he

1:02:32

was like Kai you want a sweet

1:02:34

potato wrapped in salmon something like that

1:02:36

there was real chicken that's

1:02:38

what it was it

1:02:40

was sweet potato bite with a real chicken hello

1:02:43

there this is a two-part recap thank

1:02:45

you so much for listening to this

1:02:48

just come back a little later for part two watch

1:02:51

what crappins would like to thank

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1:03:03

daniela itchels Erin McNicholas she don't

1:03:05

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1:03:07

scary it's the green fairy Jamie

1:03:10

she has no less name II

1:03:12

have a Nagila Weber know your

1:03:14

words with Jason Kurt she's the wind

1:03:16

beneath our Jennifer wings that's the jessica

1:03:19

trash she's always

1:03:21

supplying it's kelly ryan christen the

1:03:24

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1:03:26

arena to Lisa lino we want

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1:03:33

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1:03:35

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the gold with Brenda Silva let's

1:03:44

get real with Caitlin O'Neill don't

1:03:46

get salty with Christine pepper can't

1:03:48

have a meal without the Emily

1:03:50

side we for a ball of

1:03:52

Ava nobody holds a candle to

1:03:54

Jamie Kendall we got our wish

1:03:57

it's Jen Plish she's not

1:03:59

harsh she's Jill Hirsch. She's a

1:04:01

little bit loony. Jeannie. My favorite

1:04:04

Merto. Karen McMurdo. We love him

1:04:06

madly. It's Kyle Pod Chadley. Let's

1:04:08

go on a bender with Lauren

1:04:11

Fender. The incredible edible Matthew Sisters.

1:04:13

Give him hell, Miss Noelle. She's

1:04:15

the queen bee. Sarah Lemke. Shannon,

1:04:18

out of a can in Anthony.

1:04:21

Let's take off the Pamela plane.

1:04:23

She ain't no shrinkin' violet cootar.

1:04:25

We love you guys. Hey

1:04:29

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50 high school senior girls descend

1:04:47

on Mobile, Alabama every summer to

1:04:50

compete for a massive cash prize.

1:04:53

It isn't Survivor. It's one

1:04:55

of America's most lucrative scholarship

1:04:57

competitions for teen girls. It's

1:04:59

been around for seven decades. Now

1:05:02

you'll hear what took place behind the

1:05:04

scenes. From Pineapple Street

1:05:06

Studios and Wondery, this is

1:05:08

the competition. I'm your host, Shimo

1:05:11

Lai. And I was Nevada's contestant

1:05:13

20 years ago. Now I'm

1:05:15

returning as a judge to find out

1:05:17

what two weeks with 50 of

1:05:19

the country's most ambitious teens can tell us

1:05:22

about girlhood in America. What happens

1:05:24

when the competitors are thrown into the

1:05:26

deep end with the best and brightest?

1:05:29

And how does surviving the competition

1:05:31

prepare them for everything that comes

1:05:33

after? Follow the competition on

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the Wondery app or wherever you get your

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joining Wondery Plus. I

1:05:44

love a good parasocial relationship with a

1:05:47

celebrity who will probably never know my

1:05:49

name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't

1:05:51

count yourself out. But my

1:05:54

favorite part about these feuds is

1:05:56

how they're ignited by the tiniest

1:05:58

thing. I love

1:06:00

you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to see it.

1:06:03

I accidentally laminated my brows

1:06:05

too much. It starts small and then

1:06:07

it gets so big. Be

1:06:09

honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day.

1:06:11

I don't know her. We all

1:06:13

just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody

1:06:16

has opinions. Everyone picks size.

1:06:18

Leave Britney Spears alone right

1:06:21

now. From

1:06:24

Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm

1:06:26

Matt Noesai. And this is Dis

1:06:29

and Tell. La la la.

1:06:31

Where we unpack why we get so invested

1:06:33

in these foods. And whether or

1:06:35

not our attention only makes the whole thing

1:06:37

worse. Follow Dis and Tell

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wherever you get your podcasts.