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1:13

Watch What Crapins ad-free

1:15

on Amazon Music. Hello

1:24

and welcome to Watch What Crapins.

1:27

A podcast about all that crap

1:29

on Bravo that we just

1:39

love to talk about. I'm Ben

1:41

Mandelker and joining me today is

1:44

the ever wonderful and hilarious Mr.

1:46

Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. How's it

1:48

going? Hello Ben. How are you?

1:50

Thank you. I

1:52

am fabulous because

1:54

we're recapping Vanderpump Rules today. And

1:58

by the way, later this week, we... we are

2:00

going to be participating in

2:02

Netflix is a joke. On Friday

2:04

at 9.30 in Hollywood at the

2:07

Kookaburra Lounge, it's actually the opening

2:09

night of the lounge. It's

2:12

Katie and Walter who are our band.

2:15

They just are our band for the crappies. They

2:17

are the crappers. They are opening up a

2:19

comedy club and opening night is on Friday.

2:21

So we're really touched and honored that they

2:24

invited us to be there for opening night,

2:26

to perform on opening night and also that

2:28

we get to do it for Netflix is

2:30

a joke. So please come and

2:32

join us for that. It's gonna be a great time.

2:34

Go to watchercrappins.com to get your tickets. I think there's

2:36

only like 20 left. It's like

2:38

a very, very low number. Maybe it's

2:40

even sold out. No one, who knows? But

2:43

we are also gonna be in Europe, obviously we're

2:45

gonna be in London, Birmingham and Dublin. I say

2:47

obviously because we talk about it every day but

2:49

we're really excited and that's really around the corner.

2:51

So join us for all these shows. We're gonna

2:53

have just like the best time and

2:56

of course, Patreon,

2:59

patreon.com/watchercrappins. We

3:01

are doing craps on demand. You

3:03

can watch us in video. We have a fun

3:05

time. Our bonus episode this week is gonna be

3:07

Vanderpump Villa. So if you like this Vanderpump content

3:09

there's more content on Patreon. Oh, and lastly, I

3:13

forgot to mention for our show this Friday,

3:15

we are going to do something a little

3:17

different but it's gonna be super fun which

3:19

is that we are going to recap an

3:21

episode of House Hunters. It'll be like a

3:23

live dwell hello. We

3:25

think that everyone will really enjoy that because we always

3:27

have a hell of a time doing it every other

3:29

week. So we will have details

3:32

about that episode coming up like we'll announce

3:34

that on our social media. So

3:36

keep an eye on it, you're up for

3:38

that. And that is all that is fit

3:40

to print. Let us get into Vanderpump Rules.

3:44

Vanderpump Rules. So

3:48

big deal. So yeah, it's

3:50

a vacation. Vanderpump Rules has not had

3:53

the best luck with their vacations the

3:55

past couple years. Let's

3:57

think back, shall we? The last

3:59

one they had had was Reno, not Reno.

4:01

Where was it? It's a place like Reno,

4:03

but pretty. They went to Tahoe.

4:06

Tahoe. They went to Tahoe. Last

4:09

year we had Katie's girls

4:12

trip from purgatory.

4:15

I wouldn't even call it hell because I feel

4:17

like hell fires more exciting than that trip, that

4:19

girls trip they took to,

4:21

wasn't that also to Tahoe? The

4:27

girls trip was to Lake Havasu. They're

4:29

really regional. They're really regional southwest. Yeah,

4:31

I don't need to list them all

4:33

because I can't even remember them because

4:35

they were tepid. They were all Mexico.

4:37

Yeah, this one wasn't

4:40

very promising going in. How did you feel? Did you

4:42

feel like they were just going to let Rip Warren

4:45

tap the cord, have a great time? I

4:47

did not. I don't see this cast meshing with

4:49

San Francisco. It's like a weird thing. First of

4:51

all, it's cold and foggy up there at all

4:53

times of the year. And this cast

4:55

is like a warm weather fun in the sun kind

4:57

of group. So I thought that was going to be

5:00

already like a bit of a culture clash just with

5:02

the weather. And then also just like people up in

5:04

San Francisco are just like,

5:06

well, there's a whole, there's like a

5:08

Northern California, Southern California rivalry where like

5:10

people in NorCal hate SoCal and people

5:12

in SoCal I think don't really think

5:15

about NorCal in that way that much,

5:17

but NorCal people hate SoCal and Vanderpump Rules

5:19

is like the epitome of SoCal. So you

5:21

send them up there and you know that

5:23

everyone up there is going to be like

5:26

people from Los Angeles. And on

5:28

top of that, they're also not going to know what

5:30

to do. It's like, Oh, here's a city full of

5:32

like culture and sophistication. Like, how do we

5:34

do this? Like, what do we do with these bars? And there's tech

5:36

bros like tech bros are tech bros are

5:38

like the sand balls of technology. So

5:40

like, there's that going on. So I was I just,

5:43

I had low expectations for this as a destination

5:45

for this group. Well, you

5:47

were correct. So let's get into

5:49

it. So we start at something about her,

5:51

which is a restaurant that we're pretending is

5:53

is a thing. But I did hear that

5:56

it is opening. It's opening

5:58

in May, which of course. is

6:00

when they start shooting because, you

6:03

know, that's how we roll. But that's cool to

6:05

hear that it's opening. I'm glad, I always believed

6:07

it would open. What about you? I'm gonna say

6:09

that when Jesus comes, by the way. I always

6:11

knew Jesus was gonna come. I always believed it,

6:14

even though I kind of don't. Must be not.

6:16

It's going to be an open-faced sandwich. They

6:19

should actually have a tartine or something

6:21

that's like, we're finally open-faced sandwich. I

6:25

mean, I thought, I always knew they would open because

6:27

is it really that hard to open up a sandwich

6:29

shop in like a three square foot space? But,

6:32

they have a lot of laws. Yes,

6:34

apparently it is. Yeah,

6:37

so I thought for a moment that they weren't

6:39

gonna be opening because someone posted a TikTok of

6:41

it being like a gallery space, but it's

6:45

opening. So that's cool. Like, I'm excited for

6:47

them. I've been excited for this

6:49

for like three years. Like, literally

6:51

three years. I've been wanting these sandwiches. Yeah,

6:54

well, guess what? You're gonna get them in May,

6:56

May something or other. So

6:59

yeah, that's gonna happen. Might not be with chef Penny,

7:01

guys, which we find out a little bit. No, it's

7:03

definitely not. I have a little bit

7:05

about later. But right now we have everybody's

7:07

favorite personal assistant and behind the counter, it's

7:09

Ariane and Katie. Oh my God, I can't

7:11

believe it's you. I don't even know if

7:14

I really work here, but it's good to

7:16

be here. I just wait here behind this

7:18

POS system, hoping I get to see celebrities

7:20

from here and there. Hold on, the bus

7:22

is stopping. Everybody get at your camera, okay?

7:25

This is their personal life. Don't make them

7:27

feel uncomfortable. Kick,

7:29

kick, kick, kick, kick, kick. Yeah,

7:32

Anne is so excited. It's never really even

7:35

confirmed that she's working there. She just is

7:37

there. She's like, hi, oh my God, I

7:39

can't believe it. They're here

7:41

in the flash. I don't have

7:43

to post photos with those cutouts

7:45

anymore. It's amazing, ha! So

7:48

the place though is still- Yes,

7:50

Ariane, I will do your grocery shopping gladly. You don't

7:52

even have to pay me. I

7:54

know you don't really hire me as your personal assistant,

7:56

but I'm practicing on this tuna hoagie. I

7:59

have an idea. for a sandwich. We can call it the

8:01

hand sandwich and you guys could be the bread. So

8:09

there's an awning line across the

8:11

dining room and Ariana's like, remember

8:13

when we thought we'd be opening

8:15

the restaurant right about now? Well,

8:17

we were so young, so naive.

8:20

There were so many code violations.

8:22

The city made us demolish our patio. Hold on.

8:25

I'm going to do, I'm a cover band today.

8:27

Let me sing a Katy song. Hold on. She

8:34

goes, we're basically at square one, which is funny

8:37

because there's like a restaurant called square one. And

8:39

so they are like literally so far from it.

8:41

So then a producer is like, so when do

8:43

you think something about her will open? I'm

8:48

going to impel myself the next

8:50

time someone asks me that question.

8:52

It's like, it's like, cut

8:55

up basically Lisa Vanderpump in five seconds. When

8:57

are you going to open? So

9:01

Lisa walks in and then Anne, Anne

9:04

who was so excited for like Ariana and

9:06

Katy is like, Lisa

9:09

Vanderpump, nice to meet you. She has already,

9:11

she's like left that counter. She is, it

9:13

is just like a cloud of dust and

9:15

she's already just like up on Lisa Vanderpump

9:17

says, hi, it's me, Anne. I'm the new assistant. I'm

9:20

the oldest assistant. I was fired, but now I work at the sandwich shop.

9:22

I'm missing a sandwich. I will set out the front with the twirly thing

9:24

and I'm going to throw it in the air and be like, so which

9:26

is the air, so which is here. It's nice to meet you. Darling,

9:29

where do I recognize you from? This is the

9:31

back of a milk carton. No, no, I

9:33

would be so honored. I love milk. Milk

9:35

is so great. Have you ever asked milk to

9:37

sign your autograph? I have. I

9:40

generally have. Was it in

9:42

the post office, darling? Was it your picture above

9:44

one of the cash registers? Haven't committed a crime

9:46

unless the crime is loving you. Take

9:49

me to jail. Ariana's

9:52

like, yeah, no, uh, and working with us now.

9:54

And I feel like it's like a really good

9:57

fit because we're just like a female centric business.

9:59

You know, women. supporting women, pushing out

10:01

other women, bringing in new women, that

10:03

kind of thing. Women

10:08

fighting over trademarks, women having

10:10

contract issues. For

10:13

a women-centric business, specifically younger women

10:15

who don't try to steal LLCs

10:17

from other

10:19

women. Women who aren't named after

10:22

very small currencies. Women

10:25

who are named after things that still exist and

10:27

are not just rusty in the bottom of fountains

10:30

for wishes that never came true for literally anybody

10:32

who ever threw women. Give

10:36

a woman, take a woman, but not that kind of woman if you

10:38

know what I mean. In

10:43

Penny's case, there was something about her and

10:45

it was very, very smelly. So

10:48

we got rid of her. We hate her now. She's

10:50

dead to us. But these are the ones we support.

10:52

These are the ones I saw a VP. He's like,

10:54

oh, and it also gets kind of back and boom.

10:57

Do we have a sandwich

10:59

yet? Forgive me. Is

11:01

there, is there. Serve that

11:04

up, shall we? Anyway,

11:07

new person. Nice to meet

11:09

you. You

11:12

can stop hugging my leg at

11:14

this point. I love blue. It's

11:16

my favorite color. Also, clouds are so funny. Do you

11:18

think God shapes them on purpose or do you think

11:20

that we're just pretending that they're

11:22

shaped so we can try to understand them

11:24

better? All right. When I said nice to

11:26

meet you, that meant leave, leave, get off

11:29

of my ankle strap. That's

11:31

rich person talk for get out of here.

11:34

So Angus. All right. Well, I'm going to go. We're

11:36

going to have something in the back. We

11:39

don't have the back. And okay.

11:41

And you're just, we see your pantomiming putting things

11:43

on a shelf back there. Okay. And

11:47

that's my trunk. That is my trunk.

11:49

And I'll just be back here. And

11:52

we don't have an elevator. So I don't know why

11:54

you're even trying to pretend like we have one. She's

11:56

missing behind. Look, she just elevate my card out here.

12:00

I can't get out of this class box. We

12:03

have to get Anne out of the box. Sorry, we have to do this

12:05

every day. Alright Anne,

12:07

we freed you. So,

12:10

when are the doors opening? And they're like,

12:12

well the contractor's coming over tomorrow because there's

12:14

some health department issues. Oh

12:17

darling, who doesn't have health department issues? Have

12:19

you seen Joe? Joe started

12:21

his first day with gangrene. Darling,

12:23

he's still there. The health

12:25

issues are just, it's like putting salt on the

12:27

food in this town, darling. I

12:30

mean, everyone's so specific about

12:32

health. I mean, is it

12:34

so wrong that you leave glasses of water

12:36

from one table for the next guest who

12:39

sits at the table? You know, people talk

12:41

about communal tables. What about communal water? So

12:43

wrong! I'm married to a health

12:45

violation, darling. He's in a Rod Stewart wig and

12:47

he buzzes around the house on a Roomba. So

12:52

many health violations. So many excuses to

12:55

me. Alright now, I know

12:59

what he's doing. He's gonna come fix

13:01

your drain. He's gonna put rollers on

13:03

the refrigerator. You know how

13:05

I know all of this? Because I've spoken to Penny.

13:11

He wants to have a talk with Mommy Lisa. We

13:15

don't talk about Penny. So

13:18

they're like, mmm hmm. You

13:21

guys aren't speaking to her though,

13:23

are you naughty, naughty, naughty? That's

13:25

like going into Tom Tom and

13:27

not taking in the beautiful swinging

13:30

pendulums of Maestro Nicolay's work. How

13:32

could you? And

13:34

they're like, yeah, well, Katie's like,

13:36

well, she proposed that she wanted

13:39

a salary plus a percentage. And

13:42

so we sent that to our lawyer and

13:44

Ariana's like, yeah, and we are the sole

13:46

owners of this business. And she's like, but

13:49

she's going to be a partner, right? She

13:52

just told me. Partners in

13:54

crime. The three amigas. Ladies

13:56

for ladies. There's something about

13:58

them. Something about

14:00

us. Mmm. There's something about we.

14:03

There's something about Penny's friends. Just all the

14:06

names of the restaurant up in life. I'm

14:08

seeing them already. And

14:11

they're like, no. Oh. Oh,

14:13

so she's not going to be

14:15

a partner. So I can't trojan

14:17

horse all my ideas into this

14:19

restaurant. Well, I shall take your

14:21

voices and your souls. Good day!

14:23

Opsh! But... Might

14:26

be the wrong time to tell you

14:28

she's hired, Max. She's hired, Max! She's

14:32

hired, Max. Max just shows up

14:34

on the hairnet. I heard you've got a

14:36

drain problem. And

14:40

walks into the costume as a drain. I'm

14:42

the drain. I'm a little drain short and

14:45

sound. So

14:48

yeah, Chef Penny tried it.

14:50

Basically, what

14:52

I've heard, and I think this comes from

14:54

Katie being on maybe Danny Pellegrino, or she

14:56

was on something. Or maybe her own podcast.

14:58

I know she was on a podcast and

15:00

talking, spilling the tea about Penny, right?

15:04

Yeah. And yeah, they have a new podcast

15:06

her and Dana. It's doing really well.

15:08

They did a photo shoot. They look very proud

15:10

of their professionals. I think they're about us. So

15:14

anyway, they... What was I going

15:16

to say? Stop making me think about Katie's podcast. They were actually

15:18

shot by Anne Getta. I'm like, what's happening there? Do I need

15:20

to listen to this? Do you know their photo shoot was by

15:22

Anne Getta's? It was a little bit. It

15:24

was like they said, Anne, Getta, we need a photo.

15:26

Okay! I'll be right there, Katie. She's

15:29

like, okay, I'm going to make you guys

15:31

look like funeral cabbages. Like babies dressed as

15:33

funeral cabbages. No.

15:35

So she was talking about it.

15:38

Apparently, what's her buns? Chef Penny

15:41

copyrighted their name. Something

15:43

about her under her own. Yeah, she has a

15:45

trademark. And so I guess she's holding the trademark

15:48

costume, so they're going to have to sue her

15:50

or something. I'm not sure. But then somebody else

15:52

in the comments, because I learned everything from Reddit

15:54

comments. So I don't know what's true and what's

15:56

not. But someone else was like, well, they

15:59

hadn't trademarked a name. And she told them to

16:01

trademark the name and they hadn't done it and

16:03

so she trademarked it and she has an LLC

16:05

So she just did it under that So I

16:07

don't know if it's actually something nefarious now knowing

16:10

penny as I do and that is not at

16:12

all But only from television and television shows like

16:14

the food networks Next TV

16:16

sir, but any was a very

16:19

sexy themed chef I will say

16:21

I don't trust penny as far as I can throw

16:23

her and I can barely throw remote control So

16:25

yeah But people who have not watched

16:27

that season that she was on don't

16:29

realize was that she was the villain

16:31

that season Chef Penny was a villain

16:34

and I need to go see if they have

16:36

old episodes of that show on max Because if

16:39

I get I always think about the photo shoot

16:41

that she did where she either was holding up

16:43

an apple or a pomegranate And she

16:45

held it up to her face because she's like I'm

16:47

chef Penny and I my culinary point of view is that

16:49

I'm the sexy chef and then she like Put

16:52

her back in the camera and then held the apple up

16:54

and then was just like it was so strange and Susie

16:56

Boulgoson was like Boulgoson

17:02

flapped her hands like I'm

17:04

not really understand the Apple I'm

17:08

feeling great about this Yeah,

17:12

that was some awkwardness But you know leave it to

17:14

Vanderpump to just take something that could have been gone

17:16

a long time ago And just keep shoving it in

17:19

our face. Her other one is on

17:21

the show right after this checks So

17:23

we can all go enjoy that later Although

17:25

Jack's has a much better track record

17:27

at entertainment than Penny does but yeah

17:29

guys Penny I get that

17:31

somebody is like I'm helping you create this

17:34

restaurant lady. You're making a caprese sandwich You

17:36

did not invent that and you

17:38

need to get your hands off that that

17:40

fucking name Okay, that name is bad enough

17:42

that nobody wanted to trademark it. Okay, that's

17:45

why it wasn't trademark Just leave it alone.

17:47

Literally. Nobody is gonna feel the name something

17:49

about her. Okay, no one has

17:51

going honestly And if they have to change

17:53

the name, I don't think it's the end of the world I

17:55

mean we all say it we all know it. I mean it

17:58

definitely been some good brand awareness, but like just I

18:01

don't know. It's fine. It's

18:03

fine. We've

18:06

decided. I don't know what I'm talking about. It

18:08

could help is what I'm saying. Okay,

18:10

so let's see here. But yeah, also fuck Chef

18:12

Penny and I hope these two get their shit

18:15

together and stop letting, you know, Food

18:17

Network witches run over them. Also something that's not

18:19

pointed out here. Chef Penny was brought to them

18:21

by Vanderpump herself. Okay. Vanderpump is shoving Penny in

18:24

their faces. So I think Vanderpump should take care

18:26

of this. This isn't right to just be like,

18:28

make Penny, but no. What did you tell Penny?

18:30

Did you tell Penny that she was going

18:32

to get to be a partner? I'll bet you

18:35

did. I'll bet you did, ma'am. We're

18:37

going to drive by that sandwich shop

18:39

and it's going to be renamed a

18:41

Penny for your thoughts. A

18:47

pizza for you. A penny for your Peter. A

18:50

pizza for your penny. Peter Penny,

18:53

Peter Penny, Peter Penny

18:55

and Neverland. Never Neverland with

18:57

Peter Penny. No P I

18:59

T A. Yeah. Peter Penny

19:01

for your thoughts. It'll just be Penny

19:04

dressed like Belle from Beauty and the

19:06

Beast. They're a lot of masks.

19:08

They're completely wrong fairy tale. Come

19:14

on, Penny. Get together. Peter,

19:16

Peter Penny starring Belle from

19:18

Beauty Max's dress like

19:20

Rumpelstiltskin. Like all the fairy. Come on.

19:22

You need some consistency with his fairy

19:24

tales. So

19:27

Ariana's red donut hood. My

19:29

right donut. Donut's like, oh,

19:32

that penny loves little red riding hood. I

19:34

guarantee she loves putting out a big red

19:36

cape with a hood. Oh, that's probably her

19:38

favorite. It's time

19:40

for a commercial. It's time

19:42

for a Crapins commercial. Hungry

19:47

root is the easiest way to eat

19:49

healthy. They send you fresh, high quality

19:51

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to get fifty percent off. Your first

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month. Okay, so they're still

21:47

talking shit about Penny and

21:50

they're basically like, yeah, she came in here and

21:52

tried to gouge us, you know? And

21:54

Katie's like, well, we brought her on to

21:56

be the back of the house, but we're

21:59

having a little. trouble seeing

22:01

eye to eye what

22:03

her was gonna be in our business.

22:09

She was just supposed to be there with Caprese

22:11

inspiration. Cilisa's like, so do

22:14

you want to part ways with her?

22:16

Do we think this might hurt her?

22:18

Is she going to be my newest

22:20

broken bird? And Ariana's like, yeah,

22:22

that's what we're trying to figure out. Well,

22:25

I'm sorry about that because I know she

22:27

really, really wants to

22:29

be involved and give me all the

22:31

insider gossip. I know she wants that.

22:34

You know, I've always, and Lisa goes, I've

22:36

always had a good relationship with Penny and

22:39

she can help the girls. For goodness sake,

22:41

she's helped me. And then we see a

22:43

flashback of Penny helping Lisa Vanderpump and we

22:45

see it looks like it's a Tom Tom tasting.

22:48

And Lisa goes, oh, I hate food tastings.

22:50

I get fatter and fatter. And Penny goes,

22:52

well, if you don't taste it, how do

22:54

you know what it is what you want?

22:57

And then that was the clip. I was like, that's

22:59

Penny helping you with your restaurants. Penny told me you

23:01

have to actually taste the food before you open the

23:04

restaurant. Wow. It doesn't explain

23:06

the food. She really isn't much. It explains

23:08

the food. Yeah, it does explain the food

23:10

at those restaurants, for sure. Because

23:12

you often are like, did anyone even taste this before

23:14

putting it on a menu? Literally.

23:18

Oh, the bus board did because there is literally

23:20

a bite taken out of it. Anyone else? Anyone

23:23

in charge? She's revolutionary. Her

23:27

approach to restauranteering is unlike any others.

23:29

She says you actually have to eat

23:31

the food before you prepare it for

23:34

people. She made me eat calories. She

23:38

made me taste Joe's beet soup. So

23:43

then we go over to Kyle

23:45

Chan's store and she was like,

23:47

hello. And

23:49

they are getting ready with the

23:52

27s, my last good year, to

23:56

do this show for Kyle Chan because this is

23:58

the year that Kyle Chan has been. gonna happen

24:00

come hell or high water fucking Kyle Chan is

24:03

gonna have someone that's gonna make Kyle Chan happen

24:05

okay look at how much we've learned about Kyle

24:07

Chan this year we know he's

24:09

homosexual I've never knew that before do

24:12

we know that I assumed well I always

24:14

thought he was do we know that he's a

24:17

boyfriend I don't know I saw didn't

24:19

he have a boyfriend today I think I don't know

24:22

we know that he's a

24:24

good friend okay I

24:27

literally forgot everything we've learned about Kyle Chan

24:29

fire him I feel like Kyle Chan and

24:32

Penny have some sort of cruel intentions thing

24:34

going on and they're racing to see who

24:36

can actually become the cast member first and

24:38

now Penny is face a setback and Kyle's

24:41

like ha ha because you know Kyle was

24:43

like undermining Penny by putting like little whispers

24:45

and in Ariana's ear and Katie's ear like

24:47

you know she's not very good at what

24:50

she does it's just like a crazy sandwich

24:52

you know he's like I shall be the

24:54

new friend of officially the

24:57

new sandwich it's something about Chan

24:59

it's called blood diamonds pita

25:02

doesn't even have a ring to it okay

25:05

how about speaking blood

25:07

diamond wraps

25:10

diamonds are a girl's best sandwich

25:18

so there's an internet personality what

25:20

Gordy has why are you obsessed

25:23

with blood culture stop it not

25:25

the DiCaprio movie it really started my

25:27

journey nothing alive yeah it was it

25:29

was full so much adventure but also

25:31

political intrigue and chime on Honsu so

25:36

there's the internet personality there named Pete and his

25:38

name is called P E E G like pizza

25:41

coffee I'm like was that Pete a pizza coffee

25:43

and then he doesn't say anything the

25:45

rest of the time but he got a chiron so I

25:47

just wanted to point that out that there was someone named

25:49

Pete with his name spelled incorrectly he wasn't in Amanda so

25:51

I don't care okay yeah so

25:53

Santa ball shows up and he's locked out which

25:55

is always fun and he walks

25:58

in so she across their arms like I'm

26:00

angry. Hey, people, oh yes. How

26:02

you like them? And

26:05

she's like, is Tom performing too? Or

26:08

is he just helping with this? I

26:10

kind of thought this was gonna be

26:12

like a Sheena Shamerie like solo gig

26:14

right now. And she's like, oh dude, I'm

26:16

just helping, man. Kyle's like, well,

26:19

I was thinking since he's done like 30 shows, he's

26:21

pretty good at knowing what we needed event since

26:23

we're not hiring a manager just for that. I

26:25

mean, look at Tom, do

26:27

it all himself, Tom. Tom

26:29

loading in, doing all that. Tom hired a high

26:32

school band to do everything for him. How the

26:34

hell is Tom gonna know what to hook up,

26:36

what P.A. to hook up? I'm not buying this.

26:39

Yeah, yeah, he's like, yeah, man, I can definitely

26:41

help out for sure. Like,

26:43

you can tell me like if you need something and then I

26:46

probably won't get it for you, but I will get you some

26:48

like cool purple lights. So like, it'll be

26:50

awesome, man. I

26:52

do have a glow in the dark

26:54

lightning rod that you can wear around your neck

26:57

if you really wanna make this a sick of it, bro. And

27:01

he tells us, Kyle, very specifically, has been

27:03

there for me. Ah, ah, ah, hold on,

27:05

hold on, wow. Hold

27:09

on, everybody, I'm feeling things. The camera's

27:11

rolling, right? Oh, Kyle's been so good

27:13

to me. He

27:16

has been there for me more

27:19

than anybody. And so if there's like anything

27:21

that I can do to pay him back

27:24

outside of actually paying him money, I'm

27:26

like, yes, yeah, I owe him a

27:28

lot. He got me this like awesome

27:30

ring. And

27:32

he like saved me like $35. And I'm

27:34

like, awesome, man. They're

27:37

like, are you crying? He's like, oh,

27:39

he's one of the coolest motherfuckers who

27:41

has that shit, that shit, don't take

27:43

him away from me. Shut up, Tom.

27:46

So Sandoval gets Sheena

27:48

sparkling water, kind of sits behind her and she's

27:50

like, thank y'all. Thank y'all. Thank

27:53

y'all. I was like, hold

27:55

on, I'm working on my voice. Tomorrow's a big deal, hold on.

27:58

Thank you. F-A-R-K-L-I-N-G-W-A-T-E-R.

28:01

What'd you think about

28:04

that? Oh, she needs

28:06

a little bit. C-H-I-C-O. How you like that?

28:11

She just spells out all the food

28:14

items. So, Kyle's like, well, I'm super

28:16

excited. I'm just like a little worried

28:18

about like what happened at the

28:20

pool party. So you guys want to talk it out

28:22

whether you're best friend Kyle Channer right here. Like, suck

28:24

it, buddy. You don't get to media in any fights.

28:27

So, Santa Ball is like... Guys, I know

28:29

it's been rough, but you know

28:31

what? It was rough the life of a diamond

28:33

before it becomes a diamond. Guys, let's

28:35

squeeze this like coal. Let's get the

28:38

squeeze right now, guys. Because it becomes

28:40

sparkling again. Just like your friendship

28:42

used to be, Kyle Chan. And

28:46

you know what? If you guys really...if you

28:48

guys can just like squash this, then afterwards

28:50

we can have lunch at Ruby

28:53

Tuesday's jewelry. Hashtag jewelry. So,

28:59

Santa Ball is like, okay, well, I'm sorry for

29:01

bringing up that shit from years ago. You know,

29:04

that you were a dumb slut who cheated with

29:06

Eddie Cebriot. I shouldn't have done that, and I

29:08

want things to be good with a Sheena. And

29:10

it's like, I'm like literally the only reason why

29:12

I wasn't going to put that song out last

29:14

week. Because I was like, Tom's definitely going through

29:16

it now that this podcast has come out. You

29:19

literally made me reconsider whether or not I was

29:21

going to put out APP out the ass.

29:23

Okay? It's like a big deal. Because

29:26

that was like a hypothetical, and it

29:28

really hurt my brand. I

29:31

love Sheena talking as if she's like about

29:33

to like push back the drop date of

29:35

her single... like program managers across the nation

29:38

at like our heart and like Citadel or

29:40

whatever. Or like, guess what? We're going to

29:42

have to pause on our big

29:44

rollout for the Sheena Shay single. And Bravo's like,

29:46

oh my God, we've already put Below Deck Sailing

29:48

on hold. That way.

29:52

Taylor's weapon is like... But

29:54

I already moved my Tortured Poet

29:56

Society release based around APP LDS.

30:00

move it again. Tortured

30:03

Corner Society

30:06

Corner! It's

30:09

me. Hi, I'm the corner.

30:11

It's me. Corner! So

30:16

she's like, yeah, but like I was like Tom's

30:18

going through it because that podcast came out and

30:20

the song was never about you. Okay. Like I

30:22

did throw a line in to make it about

30:24

you to capitalize off of you after the fact,

30:26

but like there wasn't a line to capitalize on

30:29

you from the beginning. And he's like,

30:31

oh guys, not the end of the world, I

30:33

guess. It's just that like everyone's going to be

30:35

here. Like, why are there like lines drawn in

30:38

the sand? You know, like

30:40

relationships never end well. Why isn't

30:42

my relationship just like everyone else's?

30:44

Uh, seriously,

30:47

I can't, I can't waste any time explaining

30:49

to Tom how this was worse than a

30:51

relationship just ending. But if you want

30:53

to know, um, Raquel's showing

30:55

up to stagecoach and clothes she probably

30:57

stole from your girlfriend's closet while she

31:00

was banging you. You fucking weirdo.

31:03

Did you see that? I heard about this. Yes.

31:07

I mean, it just never ends. And

31:09

so after, where'd you get that shirt? And she's

31:11

like, I don't remember where

31:13

I got the shirt, but I probably just got

31:15

it from some random store one time. And now

31:18

there's going to be a special episode. We're all

31:20

going to hear the Amber alert sound on our

31:22

phones and look down. It's going to be like

31:25

Rachel goes rogue has released a

31:27

new episode about why she wore

31:29

the same Brown shirt Ariana wore

31:31

one time to stagecoach. Well,

31:33

I was looking in my closet and

31:35

I had to go to stagecoach and

31:37

I was putting something on because you

31:39

work clothes places. And so then

31:41

I put on a clothes and then

31:44

people were like, why are you wearing that? And

31:46

I was like, cause I have

31:48

to wear clothes. It's the

31:50

law. I, we interrupt this

31:52

podcast. This is hello. This is Bethany Franco producer

31:54

of Rachel goes rogue. I just want to say

31:57

she would have worn some skinny girl clothing, but

31:59

it is also. sold out because it's very popular so I

32:01

don't know I'm not saying it's creating demand but if you want to

32:03

buy some skin and gold clothing get on the wait list okay thank

32:05

you very much yeah that

32:08

was traumatizing right

32:10

back after this commercial break almost as traumatizing

32:12

as my divorce from from what's his base

32:14

yeah we got divorced and I'm gonna release

32:16

three episodes up they're gone they're gone just

32:19

like my clothing so

32:23

where are we okay so he's

32:25

like she's being the victim as

32:28

usual and Kyle's

32:30

like guys I'm not saying that everybody should

32:32

forgive Tom but he's so alienated you know

32:34

and you don't need to torture him either

32:36

so I would definitely like to be able

32:39

to move forward where we're not like throwing

32:41

each other's past each other's face and that

32:43

would be nice and Kyle just got so

32:46

swelling yes yes and she goes

32:48

I mean I don't hate you yeah and like

32:51

I don't and I don't want anything bad for you

32:53

yeah and

32:56

like I miss you yeah

32:59

I miss you too Gina I'm not yasng

33:01

you anymore you've taken enough of my asses

33:03

but I mean I'm happy for you I'm

33:06

glad I could facilitate this Kyle Chan no

33:09

one is as friendly as Kyle

33:11

Chan feels great being just one

33:13

of the gang so then

33:15

we go over to Lala's apartment

33:18

and Katie comes over cuz it's

33:20

Lala's birthday so Lala's like can I

33:22

tell you something something I was just

33:24

like thinking about I hope that

33:27

like Sandoval doesn't think he's like invited tonight because like

33:29

I need to call him to let him know he's

33:31

not invited tonight to my things tonight okay

33:33

he's like could she put it on

33:35

speaker cuz like I want to hear

33:37

what you say I'm like what

33:39

is he gonna say about it to

33:42

check hi I'm Sandoval hey

33:44

hold on a minute oh

33:48

sorry just had to finish that real there I got

33:50

it down that love he's

33:53

like yeah I'm here with a Sheena and

33:55

Kyle Chan best friend Kyle Chan yeah So

34:01

Lala's like, oh, so it's you and Sheesh. Okay,

34:03

that's like a little weird sks that you guys

34:05

are being together. Sks, because last time I saw

34:08

you together, you were ripping each other's heads off.

34:10

So that's sort of like weird, a little bit.

34:14

Yeah. And, um, Kyle

34:16

Chan's like, you know what I think it, you

34:18

know what I hear is weird? Rubber

34:20

wedding bands. People really

34:22

should get those. That was very important.

34:25

Sorry, just an opinion of one best friend to

34:27

another best friend. So Santa Ball's

34:29

like, he's like, hey, well, you know what? Ever

34:31

seen pottery where they like break it and like

34:34

glue it together with like gold? That's

34:36

what we're doing right now. And Katie's like, I'm

34:40

into crafting and even I wouldn't do that. Um,

34:46

well, where am I? Okay. So

34:48

Lala's like, um, I respect that spot. Can we

34:50

take my big three three out of the gluing

34:52

of the pottery? And he's

34:54

like, Oh, well I wasn't invited. I mean, I

34:56

wasn't going to come. She's like, yeah, well, I

34:58

felt like you deserve to FaceTime rather than a

35:00

text message. I'll see you guys

35:03

in San Francisco. You're not

35:05

invited still. Oh, Tom, hold on. Can I speak with

35:07

Kyle for a second? Kyle.

35:09

Hi. I can't believe your ass got shocked at

35:12

me. This is so sapphire. Fire. Like, it's like,

35:14

Kyle. Tom's not invited to my party. He's

35:16

like, damn it, you're such torturers. He's

35:21

like, Kyle's like, did you

35:23

just get like disinvited before you were

35:25

invited, Bestie? He's like, I mean,

35:27

like that was nice of her to put it that

35:29

way. Am I right? Am I right? High

35:32

five, everyone. It feels so great to be part of the

35:34

group. And Sandoval's like, yeah, man, I'm used to it. Well,

35:36

I'm having a party. Yeah. It's like, I'm

35:38

having a party. Like, I don't want you to come. Like, ha ha ha ha ha

35:40

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

35:42

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That was called period Ott. Um,

35:46

that's, that's a gem for August. It's

35:48

my birthday. Um, okay. So then,

35:50

um, Lala and Katie are now walking to the

35:53

party. Is this the same place they had the

35:55

party last year? Remember when Lala,

35:57

I thought it was her birthday and she yelled

35:59

it. Raquel and then Raquel

36:01

went outside and then Lala came back out and

36:03

was like, I've been the mistress.

36:05

I don't want you to be the mistress

36:07

too all the time. Yeah, this is the

36:09

mistress. No, I think that Lala's

36:12

party last year was on Sunset Boulevard and

36:14

this one was on Melrose Boulevard. Well,

36:17

I don't know how they found a dead person

36:19

who does burlesque, but this was a ghoul, right?

36:21

This wasn't... Was this person living? What do you

36:23

think? Oh, it

36:28

was Chef Penny. She's

36:30

like, oh, we get into the group one way or another.

36:34

So basically, it's like Lala and she has

36:37

like, you know, it's basically Lala and like

36:39

gays and various hangers on and whatnot. And

36:41

Lala is just like, she's like, oh, hey,

36:43

everyone. Well, I feel like

36:45

every year that comes, I've become more and more

36:47

fucking badass. And like most people are terrified when

36:50

they hit 30s and I'm just like, oh my

36:52

God, where am I now? This is like what

36:54

it feels like to be a woman who really

36:56

doesn't give a fuck. Be soft with me. Because

36:58

I'm soft right now. I

37:01

don't give a fuck. I'm so soft right now. You guys

37:03

hold on. Her

37:06

crying on Instagram live with her giant fingernails and

37:08

her just like putting her fingers straight up like

37:10

finger guns and then like dabbing her face like

37:12

this. She was like, guys, I have the babies

37:14

now. I'm so soft. They're

37:16

so mean to me on the internet. And

37:18

I'm so soft, guys. I can't be any

37:21

softer, guys. Please don't be mean to me

37:23

on the internet. By the way, stand by

37:25

everything you fucking bitches. But I'm soft, guys.

37:28

This is the base of someone just and give a fuck. Because

37:32

I don't give a fuck. So

37:34

Jenna's there. Jenna's gonna be a big season.

37:36

She's had three scenes this season. This is

37:38

probably the most she's ever had. And she's

37:40

like, so Lala, what do you wish for

37:42

your birthday? And she's like, I just want

37:44

to have a positive and soft pregnancies. And

37:47

then just like win custody and just like

37:49

have a great year. Yeah.

37:51

And she tells that

37:54

I think you already did that line. So she's

37:56

like, yeah. Okay, so then they go to this.

38:00

place and Short shows up and he's like,

38:02

oh my god, this is sick. I've always

38:04

wanted to come here. It's like, Bruv, this

38:06

is crazy. We're gonna see boobies. I can't

38:08

believe it. And so then this

38:10

is when the dead person comes out and dances.

38:12

I don't know if she's lit like this. If

38:15

she took a bath in milk, I don't know

38:17

what it is. It's jaundice. It's like a milky

38:19

jaundice. I don't know what's going on over there,

38:21

but I'm scared for this person. How is something

38:23

about her getting shut down for an awning and

38:25

this is okay. I mean the

38:28

nudity, I mean the clear violation

38:30

of the health code with whatever is going

38:32

on with this person's skin. She looks ill.

38:34

Very pretty person. She looks very ill. Yeah,

38:37

she was very,

38:40

very, very, very like porcelain, porcelain light. So she- But

38:42

I think it was makeup. That's why I'm making fun

38:44

of it. I think it was. Because I'm not just

38:47

making fun of someone's skin tone. I think that they're

38:49

purposely putting on that I don't know

38:51

why I'm so perplexed by it and bothered by

38:53

it, but I really am. I was like, is

38:55

this on purpose? Is this like a kink? I

38:57

just don't get it. Like, is she looking dead

38:59

on purpose? That's my question. I just don't get

39:01

it. I don't understand. I feel like the parade

39:03

has passed me by yet again and there's something

39:05

else in the world that I just don't understand.

39:07

And right now, it's just like looking like you

39:09

expired a couple of days ago and you haven't been

39:12

found yet, but you're still somehow doing burlesque routines in

39:14

the living room. So

39:16

this lady is performing and then of

39:18

course this is now Logan number two's

39:20

chance and he leans over and goes,

39:22

she's still wearing more than lala. So

39:26

then Brock, meanwhile, we learned something

39:28

about Brock. So he's like very bashful. He doesn't

39:30

want to look at the dancer and he goes,

39:32

well, I was raised in the Mormon church until

39:34

I was 14. Then it turns

39:36

out I've discovered the Mormon church was actually just a

39:39

bunch of cows in the pasture. So

39:41

it was all a lie. So there's a small

39:43

little Mormon boy. I mean, like it's very uncomfortable

39:45

when there's a woman dancing around me or a

39:47

cow that needs to be milked. Yes.

39:50

You're very innocent, Brock. Okay. And can we go

39:52

back to talking about your butt toys that she

39:55

and a packed on date night? Come on. Come

39:57

on, you dirty guy. So

39:59

then. The dancers now are

40:01

pouring water on themselves again health code violations

40:03

like I feel like the health code violations

40:05

are aimed to the wrong places That's all

40:07

I'm saying and then after

40:10

the number of shorts is like well Are you gonna

40:12

go to Tom Tom show you know I think that

40:14

would be really great guys everybody easing into the Tom

40:16

Tom pool Come on guys sound of all Well

40:20

I can't cuz I don't like don't want to spend four

40:22

nights away from summer So I'm not gonna go but James

40:24

is gonna go and Lala's

40:27

like by the way Ariana's I just want to get

40:29

a little bit of credit with you cuz I told

40:31

Sandoval not to come tonight So I think I'm the

40:33

better friends and you know if you want I can

40:36

throw Sheena under the bus in fact Let's do it

40:38

right now so sheesh. Tell me why

40:40

were you hanging out with Sandoval? You hear that Ariana? I

40:44

would say Kyle Champs going over the performance for

40:46

Friday and Sandoval I guess is like making sure

40:48

all the equipment for the Band is good to

40:50

go and basically I said like I'm gonna need

40:52

a microphone and some a PPL yeah, so And

40:57

like he just like apologize to me I just said like

40:59

I miss you and he had like tears in his eyes

41:01

And I was like I miss you too And so like

41:03

if we could just like move forward in a way that

41:06

we're like not going back to the past and potentially getting

41:08

Me a gig on dancing with the stars. I have like

41:10

nothing else to say to him. Yeah

41:14

So and during this entire time Ariana's just

41:16

like she's sort of like in the background

41:18

And she's just sort of like rolling her eyes and making

41:20

faces like awkward whatever a loser

41:24

This is just this whole thing cracks me up so

41:26

much because She in this whole thing

41:29

and I think one of the big things she

41:31

goes off at the reunion about is like Ariana

41:33

didn't protect me when all her stands were coming

41:35

at me Accusing me of trying to make up

41:37

with Tom and just forgive Tom and then a

41:39

Bravo con She got in a lot of trouble

41:41

because she was caught going into a party in

41:43

Tom's room And so she was like

41:45

oh my god everybody's like crucifying me It's

41:48

not that I'm friends with Tom guys. I'm really not

41:50

I mean you had a party and I went by

41:52

to say hi No, no, no, she's like so spineless

41:54

that she's she was doing it

41:56

this whole time all this time

41:58

since the show shot Everybody's

42:00

accusing me of being friends with Tom again. That's just not

42:03

the case. It is the case. Why are you such a

42:05

liar? We're gonna see it on the TV. I

42:07

mean, I get you probably don't want your house egged

42:09

and everything else, but it's just funny that her whole

42:11

thing is like, how dare you try and accuse me

42:13

of being friends with Tom? Why are you standing up

42:15

for me when people are accusing me of trying to

42:18

be friends with Tom? Yeah, I was with Tom. It

42:20

was great. We decided that like we love each other.

42:23

Yes, and we're best friends. Ariana's

42:26

like, what is going on? It makes me feel

42:28

like I'm being gasless. What happened was not as

42:31

clear as day. And Lala's

42:33

like, I think that there will be days where you'll

42:35

be able to rekindle some sort of friendships. Ariana's

42:37

like, no. That

42:40

day will never happen. So she's like, it has

42:43

nothing to do with me. It has to do

42:45

with the fact that he repeatedly treats Sheena like

42:47

shit and doesn't give a fuck about her. That

42:49

ain't your friend, babe. Dare I say, you

42:52

in danger, girl. You in danger. You

42:55

in danger, girl. Admissions,

42:59

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43:37

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43:40

that's sleepingdogsmovie.com/wondering. So

43:45

Marina Del Rey, she was

43:48

like, I love Bob from

43:50

S.C.A.R.D. She's like

43:54

belting it out, bellowing it out. So she's packing, she's

43:56

like, let me call it the rock, let me call

43:58

it the rock, let me call it the rock. And

44:00

she's talking about how she's like really excited because there's like a boat

44:02

that like goes under the golden year bridge Which is like really exciting

44:05

cuz like a bridge on like a boat We don't like boats and

44:07

bridges here in Los Angeles Like everyone's like

44:09

coming together for Kyle Chan's launch party in San Francisco and

44:11

like Brock and I want to plan some like fun things

44:13

Like it'll be also just like nice have like some fun

44:15

time like Brock and I feel like we haven't had like

44:17

a lot of That recently except for that time I went

44:19

to the restaurant where they served us like a boom box

44:21

when we asked for some butter So like I don't know

44:23

like even though all our friends were gonna be there. It's

44:25

gonna be like, right? but Yeah,

44:27

and Brock wants to do a roaring 20s party and

44:30

he wants everybody to dress like gangsters and finish the

44:32

summer with a bang That's what we're gonna do Can

44:35

we please stop and thank you for not letting

44:37

them call it the great Gatsby party because you

44:39

know That's what they were gonna call it and

44:41

Vanderpump was like, oh wait, dude step on the

44:43

toes of Vanderpump Yeah,

44:46

cuz Vanderpump Villa has a Gatsby party.

44:48

This is a Gatsby party And of

44:50

course the beautiful and wonderful musical has

44:52

just premiered on Broadway the great Gatsby

44:54

Which I encourage everyone to go see

44:57

the only Gatsby party only gonna allow in my

44:59

life That's the only Gatsby we're

45:01

allowing is the one that Dom choreographed.

45:03

Yeah Well, actually

45:05

for real like as it's one thing when

45:08

like Broadway people put up a beautiful set

45:10

in Salt Art Deco It's another one you

45:12

see like Brock putting on a bowler cap.

45:14

It's like it's like this Looks

45:16

like we've Gatsby to the professionals at this point. I

45:18

don't know. I thought he was pretty cute He

45:21

looked like he was in frickin

45:24

Clockwork orange hot

45:28

into it So

45:30

she's like have you ever had rice or runny?

45:32

It's like what was so runny like

45:34

she literally just said it Okay, all you had

45:36

to do is repeat What

45:42

is it again I've had wallaby or

45:44

runny is that the same thing I

45:50

Have had rice or runny That's when I was

45:52

it was time to pay for my children and

45:54

I started running towards the airport Thank

45:58

you Alice Springs Street. The.

46:06

Go so loud. As for Reiser Omega,

46:10

Ah, out of my god, so

46:12

are you on and to Africa?

46:15

You're right, Sir Ronnie, growing up

46:17

of course, do this. And

46:19

yeah, of course house comfortable around

46:21

all the time. When. I

46:23

was on a kids' eyes So

46:26

Ariana and now guess who? A

46:28

God Damn it damn First mean

46:30

episode everybody while calm down like

46:33

hey. Yeah daddy.

46:35

um das. Sarcastic.

46:38

I was not expecting that. I wasn't

46:40

either cause he's got such like I

46:42

do fi smile on our where he's

46:44

just like a slack jawed smiler in

46:46

our like now pay off and then

46:49

he says something really city and I'm

46:51

a glow of us I'm I'm I'm

46:53

not expecting lab Am was my acting

46:55

mad and welcome to the table. Have

46:57

a seat down. I know

46:59

I was. I don't know what I was expecting

47:01

as effects adding some and more earnest cause he's

47:03

like a personal trainer right? is like a trainer

47:06

and yells license family in a personal trainers. Are

47:08

very very earnest about everything and they're

47:11

always been posting there was a posting

47:13

things like you gotta be the best

47:15

the day because he know worth nothing

47:17

in life is his promise and so

47:19

you gotta put in the work. The

47:21

Jews are paid it's Monday know Monday's

47:23

myth that babette other that they're all

47:25

as in other acting like to speak

47:27

of they're doing their job at that

47:29

makes a motivational speakers. The

47:31

i always have that you love a

47:33

good word art salad on top of

47:36

a picture of a hot guy with

47:38

answer. It's like it's like

47:40

ethics as like a Cps A. Filing.

47:42

For my taxes being like. Know.

47:45

tuesday's masks and nancy just gotta show

47:47

up he's gotta do what you that

47:49

sucks set up be class that keepers

47:52

her off and no one's here at

47:54

melons here for your mental training or

47:56

day we're here for your personal trainer

47:59

a moment on your your instagram for

48:01

your purse training. I'm just here to

48:03

reap the rewards of your personal training

48:06

which is pictures of you without your

48:08

mouth moving. Okay? Stop your flapping, sir.

48:10

So I just assumed that

48:12

Dan was gonna be like, whatever

48:15

you need, you know what? Like,

48:18

life is about positivity. We're gonna

48:20

make those gains and it's

48:22

gonna be great. I feel like they're all Real

48:24

Housewives, aren't they? They're all like Real Housewives taglines.

48:27

Like, some

48:30

people like their cats but I'm always in

48:32

the fast lane. RiffleTrader

48:39

is always trying to have something to

48:41

say. Take off your shirt. Yeah, just

48:43

take off the shirt. Stop trying to...

48:46

By the way, don't ever click. I don't know

48:48

if your Facebook serves you this but I had

48:51

this Facebook thing served to me that was this

48:53

guy with the biggest butt. Okay? And he was

48:55

like a personal trainer guy, of course, and

48:57

it was kind of bouncing up and down, flapping his butt.

49:01

But it wasn't like twerking. It was just showing like

49:03

how much he works out, I guess. And

49:05

I made the mistake of clicking it because, you know, they

49:07

only show you like a second of the video and I'm

49:09

like, well, what is his butt doing? You know, I have

49:11

to see. And now all

49:13

I'm serving on Facebook are really

49:16

muscular, hot guys and who I guess

49:18

it's a thing. That's what they do. They're

49:20

hot for a living and then they just

49:22

kind of vlog or whatever where they're like,

49:24

yeah, guys, today I made spaghetti. And then

49:26

the comments like, I love you. I'll make

49:29

spaghetti for you every day. Big boy! It's

49:31

just like everybody's mom on Facebook, like, hitting

49:33

on these really hot guys and I guess that's a

49:35

living? That's a living for me? Oh, it's all over.

49:38

It's all over. That's so cool. There's

49:40

a really hot guy who... There's a really hot guy

49:42

who I start to follow and what I appreciate about

49:44

him is that he's hot and his Instagram

49:46

is really just about him being hot. He's not

49:49

like, he's not doing the

49:51

thing like, yo man, we gotta figure out

49:53

Ukraine, you know? He's just like, he's

49:55

like, I'm hot. I just want to look

49:57

hot for you. That's my role in life. I have this.

50:00

to your window. I'm gonna do it. I appreciate

50:02

that. I'm gonna put it in your window.

50:04

We all know. He's like, I'm almost

50:06

to the point of not being hot, so.

50:10

Yeah, I appreciate that. There's no bullshit

50:12

about like, it's Tuesday,

50:14

gotta start that week. Is there tea?

50:16

Oh, I thought GKettle was

50:18

going. Oh, I'm sorry. No,

50:21

I was getting fidgety. My friend sells

50:23

these Fume cigarette

50:25

things. Well, they're air. It's

50:27

like flavored air to replace vaping.

50:31

And so I'm like sucking on this Fume

50:33

thing. It's good. It's like flavored. We love

50:35

fumes. It's like a little fidget thinner. All

50:39

right, so Ariana and Dan go on a date

50:42

and they order some food and Ariana is saying

50:44

that she's never been in a long distance relationship.

50:47

And she's playing it by ear and the distance like,

50:49

forces you to take things slow and get to know

50:51

each other and can't just be like

50:53

fucking. Which is funny because it's like, you

50:56

know, Ariana and Tom were dating for like 10 years.

50:59

I would say it's also taking it pretty slowly. I'd

51:01

say that as someone who's dating someone for 10 years.

51:04

So Ariana is very excited that there could

51:06

be flying on a plane together tomorrow for

51:08

the first time ever. And

51:11

she's like, yeah, everyone's gonna be there. And

51:14

you know, like, Santa Barbara won't be at

51:16

the Friday activities, but like Thursday, everyone's gonna

51:18

be there. Like, she's

51:20

basically like, brace yourself. Santa ball is gonna be there.

51:22

And he's like, awkward. Yeah,

51:27

he's like, I'm good. He might say happy. He's

51:29

like, yeah, I'm good with that. I'm

51:32

good with that. And

51:34

so she's like, it would be great, you know,

51:37

if you were living here. And he's like, well,

51:39

you know, I mean, I have so many jobs.

51:41

I'm busy. I work seven days a week. But

51:43

you know, it does suck not to see you

51:46

but work, work, work, work, work, work, work, well,

51:49

guess what they have in Los Angeles? Personal trainers.

51:51

Okay. The city's kind of built

51:53

on it. So kind of like the

51:55

main thing. And Ariana's like, Oh,

51:58

you know, I have to say I was so looking forward

52:00

to this. What? The trouble? No,

52:03

this. Us. Oh, me. It was a joke.

52:06

So then she's talking

52:08

about how it's really funny because there's so

52:10

many times where she's going to bed and

52:13

he's waking up for work on the East Coast and they're

52:15

like, hi, good night. Good morning. And

52:18

then, yeah, she just, she, she's

52:22

like, well, he doesn't want to move here, but he's

52:26

like, well, I'm going to go to Europe. Yeah, yeah.

52:29

I'm bored. I'm bored. I think this couple could.

52:32

No, I'm not saying you're boring. I'm just bored with

52:34

this scene. And I think this couple could work out

52:36

because I'm bored and I feel like most couples that

52:39

work out, I spend five minutes with

52:41

them. Present company excluded, of course. Oh, well,

52:43

thank you. But most couples that

52:45

are good together. Yeah. I spent five minutes with them

52:47

and I'm like, can

52:50

I get some toxicity in here? Great.

52:52

Without it, I just want to leave and

52:54

go to bed and never call you again.

52:56

So I think you guys are going to

52:58

be super happy for a while. Congrats. Okay.

53:01

Congrats. Let's go to Sandoval, Sandoval shows the

53:03

El Rey. Why are you trying to do

53:05

this to us? I know that you guys

53:07

are trying to have this whole redemption season.

53:09

This is not the way to do it. Okay. You

53:12

want the man to not be hurting people's

53:14

heads. You're going to give half the audience

53:17

an aneurysm. No one deserves this. Yeah. It's

53:19

going to be

53:22

a Tom Sandoval and the most extras at

53:24

the El Rey. And so we see Tom

53:26

backstage and he's playing

53:28

on his trumpet. And so his mom, Terry arrives

53:30

because of course her name is Terry. I think

53:32

like all the moms are named Terry on the

53:34

show, if I'm not mistaken. And

53:37

she's like, Hey, Tom, how

53:39

you doing, Tom? Good to see you. And she

53:42

is there in the green room. Does not get

53:44

to say a word on camera, but she's still

53:46

there. James Kennedy. I have to say his mom

53:48

being there was

53:52

so funny to me. Cause first of all, Tom's trying

53:54

to be a bad ass with that trumpet. Can't play

53:56

it still, which is hilarious. I love that he keeps

53:58

bringing it around for credit, but never to play

54:00

it properly. And then they

54:02

show Terry and she's like, Honey,

54:05

honey, so good to see you. God, I was just

54:07

standing out there for every... He's like, come on in,

54:09

mom. He's like, you just left your mom out by

54:11

the stage door? No one went to get Terry? Terry's

54:14

probably been texting Tom for two hours. Like, well,

54:16

they won't let me in, honey. No one really

54:18

believes in them. Your mom, it would be nice

54:20

if you'd just please come out here, please. The

54:22

man has cooped on the sidewalk. Well,

54:24

you know, Terry's probably the type that's like, you know, I don't want

54:26

to be about it. I'm just going to stand here. I'm sure someone will

54:29

find me out. I don't want to be bothered right now

54:31

when I text anyone. And just some mother's entrance. Mother's

54:35

entrance. So

54:37

she was just down the street at Staples by

54:40

accident. So the

54:43

concert starts and this was

54:45

hilarious because, you know, Tom's just singing that

54:48

Touch in Public song and he's just going...

54:50

he's doing his whole thing and they keep

54:52

cutting to Terry and the audience and

54:55

she looks like Joyce DeWitt, like,

54:58

at a sale at Marshalls or something. She's just like... And

55:02

she has this, like, look on her face

55:04

and she's, like, looking up. This huge smile,

55:06

like, wow,

55:09

my first concert. It's my son's.

55:12

She was. It was so cute to see her. So

55:15

proud. Especially because she'd just lost half a million dollars.

55:17

So it was nice to see her find some joy

55:19

in something because I would not be at my son's

55:23

concert smiling that big if he had just blown

55:25

500 grand. Okay. I'd

55:27

be there with a shotgun. Like, I brought

55:29

you into this world and I can take

55:31

you out motherfucker. No pun intended because I'm

55:33

your mother in this scenario. I take that

55:36

back. But not the shotgun, bitch.

55:39

Significantly, Jo is also in the audience and

55:41

she's just, like, bopping her head and she

55:43

looks so bored. I'm like, wow, you must

55:45

be a bad band if you're able to

55:48

sap the joy out of Jo's life. Like,

55:51

the only medication that can calm Jo

55:55

is this band. This band. The

55:57

only anesthesia for Jo. I

56:00

know it was the first time we haven't seen her like bouncing

56:02

out the walls and telling stories about turtles How's

56:06

everyone doing tonight? Yeah,

56:10

so she's been told to come shoot

56:12

with shorts and she's not ready But

56:14

she's gonna be suckered in in two

56:16

seconds because he works on her. You

56:19

know what I mean? It just works for her and

56:21

so he's like hey You

56:25

know what we should get we should get single people's

56:27

hair That's where you breathe your own hair and I

56:29

breathe my own hair We don't breathe each other's hair

56:31

and this her faces are really close together cuz we're

56:33

secretly in love I'm probably gonna have each other's babies

56:36

and I don't know your baby's gonna be breathing

56:38

my hands one day I'm

56:40

so glad we're not dating. Whoo. It's good to

56:42

be outside What if

56:44

my single air meets your single air and they

56:46

get married because that air is both in love.

56:49

I mean, we're not in love We're both single.

56:51

We're doing our own thing. But our air loves

56:53

each other or as in a committed relationship Am

56:55

I sending mixed messages because our air is in

56:57

love but we're not in love. Are you following

56:59

this? So

57:01

they go outside in the marquee. They're like, let's

57:04

look at the marquee Oh, and

57:06

they're already changing it, you know, the LRA could not

57:08

wait to get Santa balls name off of their building

57:11

Marinating they're like, let's get this down. We're gonna

57:13

put up anyone at this point. We'll put up like The

57:17

fine guys like well, we normally keep these

57:19

up longer But our stock literally started falling

57:21

the second these letters went up on the

57:23

board Had

57:26

to get him off so she was trying

57:28

to keep us, you know a serious demeanor with

57:30

him and he's like So how's your break been?

57:32

How many do to bang? She's like You

57:46

got me again, all you had to do was

57:48

joke about me sexually and I am back in

57:50

the fold Oh Good

57:53

god, it's been so awkward lately. I don't even

57:55

know how to stand I'm like, oh well ever

57:57

since that conversation on the sofa where you know,

57:59

I broke heart and I saw all the

58:01

tears in your eyes dancing around in little

58:03

circles your tears were actually doing dirty dancing

58:06

they're doing down in my life with each

58:08

other who is amazing well ever since

58:10

then I'm like hello Joe how are you it's

58:12

so awkward am I right I'm a little

58:15

boy so he's like I'm

58:17

glad you're coming to San Fran Wow nothing

58:19

is gonna make her feel less led on

58:21

than inviting her on a trip with your

58:23

friends fucking weirdo

58:27

yeah we're gonna go eat sourdough bread we're gonna

58:29

ride trolleys we're gonna go the most romantic business

58:31

take selfies together and be like this is what

58:33

it looks like if we're actually married and then

58:36

put on a vacation together oh sorry I missed

58:38

my signals yeah he's like

58:40

no I don't want to send mixed signals so I'm just

58:42

gonna make it perfectly clear and she's like

58:44

we are just friends everybody needs to

58:46

know we're just friends please say it

58:48

again ha Tom Schwartz would like to

58:50

sing a song with the most extras

58:52

it's called only friends with Joe only

58:55

friends with Joe me me

58:57

me me robot robot hinges on

58:59

my elbow and just on my

59:01

elbow I'm gonna do the robot I can't

59:03

stop it you ever ever dreamt

59:06

about marrying a robot before sorry for

59:08

the mixed signal I just really love

59:10

small wonder anyway other people have made

59:12

it that like you know I can't say things

59:14

and I'm like really except I'm like really excited

59:16

that you're coming to San Francisco you know it's

59:18

like oh my god you are the most dramatic

59:20

person ever you're

59:29

gonna get married in eight years and she's

59:31

like Schwartz gives me whiplash and it's frustrating

59:33

I was like that's how Katie got like

59:35

that look how Joe look

59:37

at Joe's energy and

59:40

this seemed like when he gets her amped up and say

59:42

oh my god you're crazy and then look

59:44

after five minutes with Schwartz it cuts to her in the

59:46

diary room and she's like he

59:49

gives me whiplash yeah

59:52

she turns into like a sad sock puppet you know

59:54

when sock puppets are sad when people make sock puppets

59:56

sad and they're like the fingers go down over the

59:58

thumb and like That's what she's me.

1:00:01

I'll say she in this face is like You've

1:00:04

always seen a house I've heard of it. I

1:00:07

mean it's I think it may just be an LA thing

1:00:09

It's her what that's what happens to people out here We're

1:00:13

short saying I think that's what shorts does to you.

1:00:15

I mean look at this poor girl. She

1:00:18

went from bat to like On

1:00:20

the diary room. I mean look what happened. What

1:00:22

have you done to Joe bring her back bring

1:00:24

her back so

1:00:29

She's like You

1:00:32

know whatever this fucking guy, okay So then

1:00:34

Lala now everybody's leaving and Lala is telling

1:00:36

us my first impressions of dance Let me

1:00:38

put it this way if you

1:00:40

can tell he's a great guy and all tell

1:00:42

me he's a great guy I'll live long days

1:00:44

But I think it's fucking weird that any dude

1:00:47

would be like she's the one just such a

1:00:49

man of ten years And they still live together.

1:00:51

I'm sorry something will both seems off with him

1:00:54

You were with a guy who was

1:00:56

literally still with a wife and children

1:00:58

and a mistress please drop it Lala

1:01:02

I know meanwhile Lala's going on dates being like

1:01:04

hey So I have a baby sit home I

1:01:06

just got out of a relationship with the man

1:01:08

who balances pride chicken on his chest and I'd

1:01:10

love to squirt all over youth So

1:01:15

I'm just saying she's willing to talk about like,

1:01:17

you know people just have different situations So

1:01:21

they got on a plane and everything and then James is

1:01:23

like wrapping in a seat. He's like, what's that wrapping? So

1:01:36

Oh, last thing I wanted to make

1:01:38

people feel uncomfortable, especially that like huge smiley

1:01:40

boyfriend guy But I am intrigued but

1:01:42

I'm gonna be very low-key Hold

1:01:45

on. I'm gonna be mind my own business

1:01:47

over here I

1:01:54

Think trumpet like Sunday morning

1:01:56

cuz I'm easy Lionel

1:02:02

Richie's like, leave my work out of this, please.

1:02:04

The windows of the van are all busting in.

1:02:09

Sunday morning is now canceled. We

1:02:11

just go from Saturday directly to Monday. So

1:02:15

everyone shows up at the hotel

1:02:17

and this cast is like... If

1:02:21

you ever wonder whether or not they actually live

1:02:24

in the homes that we see, I'd now question

1:02:26

it because the way they jump on beds and

1:02:28

get so excited about sofas, it's like they've been

1:02:30

living in caves for the past 10 years. They're

1:02:32

just all jumping around. Schwartz

1:02:34

throws himself on his bed. He's like, oh,

1:02:36

it's a bed. He throws himself on it

1:02:38

and then he goes, oh, it's not that

1:02:41

soft. Oh.

1:02:44

Oh. So Dan's spending the

1:02:46

day alone. He's like going to get a workout or

1:02:48

a massage. And

1:02:51

Ariana's like, yeah, I guess I'm just going to

1:02:53

have a fun day with my ex-boyfriend. So

1:02:56

then... I wish I could

1:02:58

be done to see it. Bye. I

1:03:01

kind of feel like you should kind of hang out with

1:03:03

your girlfriend a little bit. I know.

1:03:05

Is that such a wild concept

1:03:07

or no? I don't

1:03:09

know what the deal is, why they're bringing

1:03:12

him, but he's not hanging out. He

1:03:14

doesn't want to get dragged into the mess,

1:03:16

clearly. You're dating the mess. I mean, you

1:03:18

literally started dating when there were headlines on

1:03:21

every grocery store checkout. You

1:03:24

can't... Exactly. You can't get with the mess and

1:03:26

then be like, oh my God, you're dirty. You're

1:03:29

dating a stain, okay? You're supposed

1:03:31

to be a tide stick. I

1:03:34

literally came towards the stain. Okay. You

1:03:37

came to Vanderpump Rules. I just get word we see

1:03:39

this happen on reality shows where like a guy comes

1:03:41

in and then is like,

1:03:43

I don't want to be with us. Like we saw

1:03:46

it with Tinsley and her man Scott. We

1:03:48

saw it with Stasi and Patrick and they

1:03:50

come in and they like dain to shoot a few

1:03:52

scenes and then they're like, I don't want this. And

1:03:54

then they drag the person away from it, yada, yada,

1:03:56

yada. So I'm just like a little,

1:03:58

like, I feel like you have to... accept your your

1:04:00

person for who they are so

1:04:03

I don't know he seems nice

1:04:05

so far I like him but I was a little

1:04:07

bit like yeah

1:04:09

so yeah I mean you need to be part

1:04:11

of the mess like you're coming on to the

1:04:14

show you're the new boyfriend I need to see

1:04:16

you give attitude to Tom that's why you're here

1:04:18

okay drop the fucking massage sir so

1:04:20

then Schwartz goes to

1:04:22

Santa Vol's room and he's

1:04:24

like dude why you wearing shorts in San Francisco

1:04:26

he's like oh cuz I'm from Minnesota once it's

1:04:29

34 we're wearing shorts and marrying our best

1:04:31

friend just kidding tell wherever you are under

1:04:34

the bed which is just such a coincidence I

1:04:37

did not hear that do not talk to me

1:04:39

we are just friends get my couch

1:04:42

and appears also I'm under here to just one

1:04:44

of the guys chef

1:04:46

Penny appears next time it's my

1:04:48

bed and it's like hi guys I'm

1:04:51

actually in the covers so

1:04:55

Schwartz asks Santa Vol if he's met

1:04:57

Dan and Santa Vol's like no like

1:04:59

I should have to low down the

1:05:01

way that Ariana did to team and

1:05:04

then we see a flashback of Ariana telling T don't

1:05:06

waste your time with a photo of your old narcissist

1:05:10

yeah well she could get away with that

1:05:12

because you cheated on her publicly in front

1:05:14

rover which she's a not do to you

1:05:16

so it doesn't really have the same fun

1:05:19

sting why are we still

1:05:21

focused on him so then we go

1:05:24

to Pier 39 and the group comes

1:05:26

and Schwartz is like hey Katie take

1:05:28

my hand Katie Katie take my hand

1:05:30

I thought you might have a reflex

1:05:32

to grab it she's like reflex

1:05:34

you never held my hand the

1:05:37

only reflex I have is a gag so yeah

1:05:40

remember when you would say like Tom hand me

1:05:42

my keys and I would hand you over the

1:05:45

keys and then you would go to take them

1:05:47

and then I dropped them on the floor huh

1:05:49

I thought you'd at least have the reflex I

1:05:51

don't know crouch down and like start looking around

1:05:53

for jingly things so

1:05:57

Brock said hey guys we're going to go on a

1:05:59

boat So if you don't have any warm

1:06:01

clothing, maybe pick some up at one of these

1:06:03

shops over here So they go

1:06:06

and they're back dad. Thanks. Thanks

1:06:08

for telling us that for flaming San Francisco

1:06:10

to the Californians They'll

1:06:14

buy tourists a piece of art and

1:06:17

then broccoli I honestly didn't expect a chill

1:06:19

factor How

1:06:24

you like it and you said literally I like it

1:06:26

a little bit cold So now

1:06:30

they're walking around and shorts are like, whoa,

1:06:32

do you think those guys actually escaped from

1:06:34

Alcatraz? Honestly from this Spanish point,

1:06:36

I know it's bone chillingly cold. I feel

1:06:38

like I can do it though. I can

1:06:40

do it Wait a

1:06:42

second Are those purple

1:06:44

highlights in Alcatraz? Is that a giant

1:06:47

pendulum? It's just like Lisa Vanderpump think

1:06:49

I rule Alcatraz No one

1:06:51

gets out of here. Just like no one escapes Welcome

1:06:56

to Banda Pumplila So

1:06:58

shorts is talking to Santa about like he

1:07:00

can't believe they're still friends. This is like

1:07:02

crazy and guess what? He's

1:07:05

gonna commit to moving in with Tom guys,

1:07:08

which yeah What

1:07:10

a loser. Congratulations. Can't say I'm surprised

1:07:13

Have fun spending the last of your

1:07:15

reality TV money that you're ever gonna

1:07:17

make again on this fuckwit

1:07:19

and his future foreclosure I'm fine

1:07:24

So now we see some sea lions

1:07:26

and then everyone gets on a boat

1:07:28

called wine therapy and they

1:07:31

put up these very very sad plates of food

1:07:34

like some sad grocery store cookies from like Safeway

1:07:36

and like a Twirling

1:07:43

on the the stripper pole and he was

1:07:45

like he got coked up somewhere in

1:07:48

that tourist right? Like I don't know what he what

1:07:50

he found in his hoodie, but he is he is

1:07:52

geeked up and out of control right now Okay,

1:07:55

so I have

1:07:57

to say this is ranking up there

1:08:00

with one of the top exciting

1:08:02

vacations of all time, while Vanderpump rules. They

1:08:04

go on a weird boat trip where

1:08:07

it's cloudy and freezing and

1:08:09

the weather is terrible and so it's really wavy and

1:08:11

they're all about to get thrown off and

1:08:14

just make small talk about stuff. So they're doing

1:08:16

that and Sandoval is

1:08:18

reminiscing about how he

1:08:21

came to San Francisco on one of their first

1:08:23

trips together and went to the Palace

1:08:25

of Fine Arts and I'm always like, that's

1:08:28

so sad. What you do

1:08:30

now is like so far from fine

1:08:33

or art. And

1:08:36

you don't live in a palace. What a journey.

1:08:38

What a journey. So there's

1:08:41

big swells coming in and James

1:08:43

trying to take a selfie but he gets knocked over by

1:08:45

a wave which was great and like

1:08:47

the tiny boat is

1:08:49

getting thrashed around in the water and Ariana's

1:08:53

losing her mind because she's afraid of

1:08:55

waves and then it

1:08:57

settles down and then Brock is honking

1:08:59

the horn because he's driving the boat

1:09:01

and Katie's like, that looks so loud.

1:09:05

The horn is so loud. Boys

1:09:07

are so weird. They're like, I want to

1:09:09

drive the boat. What about that is

1:09:12

fun, Katie. What about it is fun?

1:09:14

She goes, learn how to fuck a

1:09:16

woman before you drive a boat. Yeah,

1:09:24

Katie is just always so fun

1:09:27

but she's kind of right actually on this case. So

1:09:30

James is talking to Ali and

1:09:33

she's like, Ali, do you want to drive

1:09:35

Ali, you want to drive the boat? You want

1:09:37

to drive the boat? Come on, everybody. You

1:09:40

can do it. So

1:09:43

nothing's happening basically. Yeah. So

1:09:45

they see some cuddle

1:09:47

puddles, my spirit animal to see the

1:09:49

sea lions. Cuddle puddle. And

1:09:52

then Ariana sees Santa Claus saying

1:09:54

hi to them. She's like, I hope it gets attacked.

1:09:56

That would be sick. And then

1:09:58

back at the dot, I mean I don't I don't know

1:10:00

guys. That would have been beautiful. Okay, so Brock

1:10:02

and Ariana have a conversation where he's like, oh,

1:10:04

have you decided to be something

1:10:07

an angry woman and forgive Sandoval yet?

1:10:10

Basically conversation. Yeah.

1:10:12

And she's like, um, well,

1:10:14

like, well, she's saying like things are better because he

1:10:16

learned not to talk to me. And

1:10:18

he's like, but don't you see it? Like,

1:10:20

like, do you see it being better in

1:10:22

the foreseeable future? She's like better for who?

1:10:25

Like for whose benefits? Well, I think that

1:10:27

my wife's benefit. She goes, well, the woman

1:10:29

I care about more than anything who he

1:10:31

screamed at last, like less than a week

1:10:33

ago, sorry, I care more about her, uh,

1:10:36

than other people in her life that are going

1:10:38

to scream at her like that. And

1:10:40

he's like, forgiveness isn't accepting what he's

1:10:43

done. It's giving yourself the ability. Shut

1:10:45

up. You know, who knows who's always

1:10:47

preaching about forgiveness, people who fuck other

1:10:49

people over. Okay.

1:10:51

How about you maybe like make amends in

1:10:54

your life before you start lecturing everybody else

1:10:56

about forgiveness, sir. Okay. You've got

1:10:58

plenty to go do without bugging some lady about

1:11:00

forgiving some douchebag who you don't even like anyway.

1:11:03

Ariana's like, you know, the notion that you have to

1:11:05

be, you have to like forgive in order to move

1:11:08

on in your life, that's like outdated therapy. You're like

1:11:10

gray rocking and going no contact with literally the only

1:11:12

way to avoid shit, the manipulation, all of it. It's

1:11:14

me. I'm the gray rock. What does the

1:11:16

gray rock mean, Ronnie? I don't know.

1:11:19

Gray rocking. I don't know.

1:11:21

But I was like, Jesus just got served.

1:11:23

I'm saying that much. Jesus is like, okay,

1:11:25

sorry. I take it all back.

1:11:28

Rewrite the second chapter. Am I right? Get

1:11:32

a load of that one. Well, while

1:11:34

you look at for those, forgive

1:11:36

me for buying orchestra seats to

1:11:38

Chicago. These match

1:11:40

my right. Everybody. Jesus

1:11:43

is like, um, I made Chicago happen for

1:11:46

you. So thanks for nothing. Gray

1:11:48

rocking. The gray rock

1:11:50

method is a tactic people

1:11:53

may use to deal with abusive

1:11:55

or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming

1:11:57

as uninteresting and unengaged as possible.

1:12:00

So that the other person loses

1:12:02

interest. Oh, so it's like me

1:12:04

doing porn It's

1:12:07

like me in a sex scene Katie's

1:12:16

really been doing that for a while now,

1:12:18

huh? No, no, I katie karaoke You

1:12:24

guys are so mean to Katie Ariana's

1:12:26

like, you know what? There's power to me like in

1:12:28

hurt and anger and female emotion and being able to

1:12:30

have that and not being Put in the position of

1:12:32

the you have to take the high road or be

1:12:34

stoic or strong in every moment in

1:12:36

order to have power I think there's power in all these emotions

1:12:38

and I stand behind that I totally agree by the way and

1:12:42

You know, I've said that for a long time

1:12:44

forgiveness is overrated and rage is motivating I've always

1:12:46

said it and you know that I live like

1:12:48

that. I mean you hear me raging out here

1:12:50

all the time I don't believe in this bullshit

1:12:52

where we just pretend everything's okay I

1:12:55

say let it flow and let it go, you

1:12:57

know, or don't let it go still on it

1:12:59

You know, sometimes that's better stew is a delicious

1:13:01

meal is still served by every mother on the

1:13:04

planet Okay, you do is good. So sometimes it's

1:13:06

better. Just let it go You don't know anybody

1:13:08

your bullshit and polite feelings, you know Fuck them

1:13:10

if they were if they were polite, they wouldn't

1:13:13

have made you feel that way in the first

1:13:15

place So I say you see a brick take

1:13:17

it to a windshield of the person who wronged

1:13:19

you and use it fuck them Okay, and if

1:13:21

forgiveness is that important then surely someone will

1:13:23

forgive you So

1:13:26

Ariana's like, you know, there never seems to be any

1:13:28

issue with male rage, but female rage We just love

1:13:30

to have a problem with that I mean I see

1:13:33

and he's like well give me an example

1:13:35

of my outrage which is hilarious and he's

1:13:37

just like um I see male men raising

1:13:39

their voices all the time and the screen

1:13:41

just cuts into four quadrants and we see

1:13:43

Sandoval Schwartz Brock and James Screaming at different

1:13:45

people from different seasons I

1:13:51

Just last week Brock

1:13:53

was screaming at his wife at a party and

1:13:56

Sandoval was screaming at Sheena at a party more

1:13:58

his wife as well both screaming

1:14:00

at us when I fit a party. So

1:14:02

it's funny that he doesn't remember that when he's

1:14:04

trying to get her to bring up, he's

1:14:06

bringing up forgiveness based on the last party.

1:14:08

It's like, hello? Yeah. So, um,

1:14:12

he doesn't get it at all. He's like, well,

1:14:15

forgive me for drawing to talk since to a

1:14:17

woman. Am I right? So

1:14:19

then, um, it's nighttime and they're getting

1:14:21

ready and, um,

1:14:24

Sheena FaceTime Sprock and he's like, I'm at the

1:14:26

barber down at the, I'm

1:14:28

at the barber down the street getting a fresh

1:14:30

cut. Right. Yeah.

1:14:33

I want to be, I want to be the

1:14:35

gangster who supplies all the gangsters. They call it

1:14:37

back in the day, the pocket watch. Cause guess

1:14:39

what? I specifically supply pocket watches.

1:14:41

I have a very, very, I'm

1:14:43

a gangster with a very, very narrow definition.

1:14:45

I'm just the guy that's like keeps everyone

1:14:47

on time, but I'm still a gangster. So

1:14:51

then Lala comes to Ariana's room and damps him

1:14:53

in a towel and she, and he's got really

1:14:55

long hair now that he's all down and he

1:14:57

looks really hot. And she was like, Oh my

1:15:00

God, Daniel. Why

1:15:02

do I feel like, whoa, Daniel's going inside of me

1:15:04

already. There's something, do you

1:15:06

mind if I just leave this little plastic cup

1:15:08

on your nightstand in case he

1:15:10

has the urge to fill it later? Just let me know. I'm

1:15:13

soft and now I'm

1:15:16

wet. So she's Ariana's like, Oh my

1:15:19

God, Dan got me a Celsius and

1:15:21

put it in an ice pocket. And

1:15:24

while I was gone, he ironed all my clothes.

1:15:26

I was like, you know, I take back everything.

1:15:28

Keep this man. No, that's why she likes him

1:15:30

when she was talking the first time and she

1:15:32

was like, yeah, it's really nice. He does stuff

1:15:34

for me and he's like, so

1:15:37

he's like a personal assistant that you can

1:15:39

bang. I mean, it sounds good. I don't

1:15:41

know that it speaks to like the longest

1:15:44

term, but Hey, I think for a, I

1:15:47

think for a follow up relationship, it sounds pretty

1:15:49

good. I mean, he runs errands and ironing. If

1:15:51

he's ironing and then

1:15:53

putting like little sodas on ice for you, that's

1:15:55

the keeper. So she's

1:15:57

like a housekeeper. It

1:16:01

still works. The

1:16:04

best kind. Yeah. So

1:16:06

basically Dan's skipping out on dinner because

1:16:08

he's going to go have dinner with

1:16:10

Brad who's one of Ariana's gays and

1:16:13

he's clearly avoiding the whole situation.

1:16:16

Meanwhile over in James and Allie's room,

1:16:18

James pops up from a bubble bath

1:16:20

like a little boy and he's like,

1:16:23

hello, bubbles. And she's like, I

1:16:25

am literally crying. That

1:16:27

was so funny with like the bubble bath. Like

1:16:29

this is like the most intense bubble bath I've

1:16:31

ever seen. It's like this bubble bath is in

1:16:34

like Gemini's house at the seventh moon and that

1:16:36

house has a bath in it with bubbles in

1:16:38

it. Like, oh my God, I would get like

1:16:40

a yeast infection if I went in there. I'm

1:16:43

like, oh, so you're not going to come to the bathtub with me.

1:16:45

That's a shame. I'm just a fun little boy

1:16:47

having fun in the beach. Sooo,

1:16:50

sooooooo. I'm not buying this

1:16:52

James thing. I don't know what it is. I

1:16:54

prefer James when he's just crazy and not manically

1:16:56

faking that he's okay. Yeah. I

1:16:58

was also really upset that they still didn't

1:17:01

show footage of a Southwest flight overhead. There

1:17:04

were planes in San Francisco, like for all that footage. Truly.

1:17:07

I know all the bubbles start separating. It's

1:17:10

like, ohhh. So

1:17:13

we go back to Lala and she goes, can I tell you something?

1:17:16

It's so weird seeing you with someone who

1:17:18

isn't Sandibals, like dance. Is that, was that

1:17:20

weird? And like, with being with

1:17:23

us or anything like that? You know, you want to

1:17:25

say something right now? She's

1:17:28

like, so what would you do if the ex comes up

1:17:30

to you? What are you going to do? And he's like, uh,

1:17:32

he hasn't done anything to me, but at the same time,

1:17:35

I know what he's done. Yeah. Well,

1:17:39

well, it's fine. You've got a good body. Like

1:17:41

good for you. You work out. Lala

1:17:43

can't concentrate. She's just like, uh-huh. Nice body.

1:17:45

Okay, I got a gas. And

1:17:49

his hair is just like wet and

1:17:52

long and just like, it's, it's

1:17:54

very sexy. So now

1:17:56

the group is arriving. Now they're in their

1:17:59

gas because it's like this party's like. Gatsby

1:18:01

but also Gangster which one could say is

1:18:03

Gatsby but it's like I think it's like

1:18:05

are we doing an Al Capone party or

1:18:07

we're doing a Gatsby party? I don't know

1:18:09

everyone's sort of dressed very... we're doing the

1:18:12

depression. I think this is like the depression.

1:18:14

I think we're just hitting depression at this

1:18:17

point. So Sandoval comes

1:18:20

in everyone's in their wacky costumes and

1:18:22

they're teasing each other about their costumes

1:18:25

and Sandoval comes in and everybody's being

1:18:27

nice to him and stuff and so

1:18:29

Ariana James is like

1:18:31

oh my god you and Ariana are wearing the same

1:18:33

shoes. Oh is that on purpose? And

1:18:35

she goes no mine are Steve Madden. It's

1:18:38

Katie let's go over here and look at a boat. She's

1:18:41

like okay. Everyone

1:18:43

points out by the way that James is dressed

1:18:46

like a like a newsy. He's like he has

1:18:48

a little cap on a little vest hawking

1:18:50

newspapers. I think Lala goes James is

1:18:52

like a 12 year old hawking papers

1:18:54

near the Titanic. So

1:18:57

Katie and Ariana go and look at the Bay Bridge and

1:19:00

then Schwartz suddenly rolls up on them and

1:19:02

he's like oh this is a

1:19:04

vibe for you too. You guys look like a

1:19:06

duo. Sorry if I look a little bit

1:19:09

like I'm in pain it's because I bounced off

1:19:11

the bed and it really hurt me. So

1:19:17

Katie comes... Schwartz and Katie are talking and

1:19:19

she's like yeah we are we're supposed to

1:19:21

be a duo. We're the new Tom Tom.

1:19:23

And he goes look at us Katie we're

1:19:25

friends again. She goes um yeah

1:19:29

and Ariana's like oh we're all friends are we? He goes

1:19:31

yeah it's so nice staying out with Ariana

1:19:33

and just not feel like oh god I don't know I'm

1:19:35

gonna be in trouble. I'm not in trouble am I? Am

1:19:37

I in trouble? She's

1:19:39

like yeah well I really enjoy it when

1:19:41

you act like that. He's like no I'm

1:19:43

still a subservient. I really am. Oh okay

1:19:45

the order goes few. Oh no Katie then

1:19:47

you then the bed then me. It's all

1:19:49

good. So he's saying how he's just like

1:19:51

really liked that he doesn't have to tiptoe

1:19:53

anymore. I'm like you always tiptoe.

1:19:56

I hate to break it to you that was

1:19:58

always your vibe. He

1:20:00

just liked that there's not as much tension

1:20:02

anymore. So Schwartz is now

1:20:04

just with Katie and he's like, oh

1:20:06

Katie, so you like me again? She's like,

1:20:08

no I don't. Oh, we're friends.

1:20:11

Hi. Hey, I've

1:20:13

got idea. Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie. She's like,

1:20:15

what? I'm looking right at you. But Katie, Katie,

1:20:17

Katie, Katie, hold on, hold on. Remember when you

1:20:19

used to like when I did this? Are we

1:20:21

there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there

1:20:23

yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

1:20:25

Tom! Okay, you want to fuck tonight?

1:20:27

We should have one night stand. You know what tonight

1:20:29

we should do? I should come to your room and

1:20:32

we should just doom scroll. We'll just scroll through bad

1:20:34

news and we'll just like not say anything to each

1:20:36

other. And then I'll say Katie and then you could

1:20:38

kind of look at my general direction and go,

1:20:41

like that? Oh, he's so romantic.

1:20:43

I can maybe like jerk off silently in

1:20:45

the bathroom. She's like, gross

1:20:47

Tom. But she's

1:20:50

totally turned on like. Do you see

1:20:52

what? Do you see we're back

1:20:54

guys? They're back. Yeah.

1:20:58

So Schwartz is like, well, she's

1:21:00

like, that's actually a little bit too intimate. What

1:21:03

you just proposed. And she's like, yeah, well, you're

1:21:05

probably better if you fucked. No, no, no, that's

1:21:07

not true. That's not true. That didn't come out

1:21:09

right. I meant, who'd be better if we fucked?

1:21:11

No, no, sorry. Okay, I'm just gonna stop talking.

1:21:13

I see I'm getting sentimental. Oh

1:21:15

man. I just missed the best parts of

1:21:17

us. I mean, theoretically, we never really had

1:21:19

best parts but if we did, oh, I

1:21:21

wish we had, I wish Gorgon and Butters

1:21:23

were here. They make it better. They're here.

1:21:25

I've got a tattoo. Look at my shoulder. It's

1:21:28

a safe space. So then

1:21:30

Sandoval pulls Sheena to look at the

1:21:32

view, bro. And they talk

1:21:34

really deeply. He's like, oh yeah, let's talk about

1:21:36

PA systems. Forgot

1:21:39

what I was supposed to order. Not gonna order

1:21:41

anything. Don't know where to plug things in. So

1:21:43

that was pretty much my job. Thanks for being

1:21:46

my friend. She's like, yeah, because like really?

1:21:48

We're like friends. She's like, yeah, we're like totally

1:21:50

friends. Yeah, we're like friends. I'm never gonna forget

1:21:52

how good you are to me, okay? Yeah,

1:21:55

because we're friends. Okay, everybody, we're not

1:21:57

friends. Do not accuse us of being friends, okay?

1:22:00

Okay, see you later friend. Yeah,

1:22:03

um, so Like

1:22:06

by the way, I know that Dan's here and

1:22:08

I'm sure it's like a little awkward and like

1:22:10

but don't worry I'm like not gonna be around.

1:22:12

Wait, how do you feel about that? Do you

1:22:14

almost feel like So

1:22:19

he's like honestly when I found out that

1:22:21

he's here I was like, that's really good

1:22:23

because like I was always worried

1:22:26

about her mentally Once my

1:22:28

PR team said I should be worried about her

1:22:30

mentally So I'm really glad that she's with someone

1:22:32

who could be with her Oh god,

1:22:35

and she's like, yeah, well, I know that

1:22:37

she has a very strong no contact policy

1:22:39

But she's also got a very strong no

1:22:41

leftovers policy and he just got her leftovers.

1:22:44

She just got a text about it Yeah,

1:22:49

and like, you know Here's the thing is that

1:22:51

like I also know things that you've said about

1:22:53

her and her mental health and the things

1:22:55

that she did One public and it's not like

1:22:58

something you could actually apologize for for actually weaponizing

1:23:05

No, but like Remember when you like said

1:23:07

that Ariana threatened to kill herself Do you remember

1:23:09

that like is that something that like maybe you

1:23:11

could apologize for? And

1:23:14

he's like, oh, so funny because then he came back

1:23:16

the next season and stole that for himself to try

1:23:18

and get Try and garner sympathy

1:23:20

from people Right. So

1:23:23

yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah So

1:23:26

she's just she's just saying that she was

1:23:28

trying to make Santa Claus realize that exposing

1:23:30

private details about mental health is like really

1:23:32

bad and That

1:23:34

if he just apologizes, maybe there could be a

1:23:37

path forward. No, she not No

1:23:41

This is not about that. She no, okay Like

1:23:43

you know what that would solve it if you

1:23:45

just Apologize for that one part where you said

1:23:47

that she was gonna kill herself You guys could

1:23:49

totally be around like I know she now that's

1:23:51

not how it works Please please let's everybody just

1:23:53

stop trying to make this happen. It's annoying. It's

1:23:55

not gonna happen. Just leave it alone so

1:24:01

Santa Ball was like, yeah, well, trying to

1:24:03

explain where I was mentally and emotionally has

1:24:05

come across as me blaming

1:24:08

Ariana for things that were Ariana's

1:24:10

fault, you know? And

1:24:14

no matter what I said then, I know that I

1:24:16

screwed up. Every

1:24:18

being with such a vicious, vicious wits of

1:24:21

a person. And no matter how

1:24:24

our relationship went south, she

1:24:26

didn't deserve that. God, I hope Rachel calls

1:24:28

me. I really miss her. Ugh.

1:24:30

Alright, are we done here? I'm off the clock. It

1:24:33

feels really good to be able to talk like

1:24:35

this as friends, which we definitely are like, oh

1:24:37

wait, you said that, Santa Ball. Yeah, it feels

1:24:39

really good to talk like this. Yeah, it's been

1:24:41

like a long time. I just hope that no

1:24:43

one accuses us of being friends. Anyway, it's great

1:24:45

to be friends again. Ugh.

1:24:48

They hug. And it's very

1:24:51

heartwarming. I thought this show was

1:24:53

going to be over with episode 14. Why

1:24:55

is it still going? And they didn't even

1:24:57

say next week on the season finale. That

1:24:59

means we have two more. Come on. Yeah,

1:25:01

I mean, all the seasons lately have been

1:25:03

about 16 episodes before the reunion. And you

1:25:05

know they're going to try to milk band-a-pump

1:25:08

rules because it's doing so well. So I

1:25:10

think it's going to be... I looked up

1:25:12

when the season finale is and

1:25:15

Google said, most likely it's going to be

1:25:17

in June, but I don't believe that. The way they're

1:25:19

talking with this, they're like, we're going to blow out the

1:25:21

big poll. We're going to blow out the summer in San

1:25:23

Francisco. Makes it feel like the season finale is going to

1:25:25

happen up here in San Francisco. I'm sure next week there's

1:25:28

going to be some party and then Lisa is going to

1:25:30

show up. She's like, well, you didn't think you could have

1:25:32

a party. What the hell to me, of course. And

1:25:35

she'll bring Hippie and James is going

1:25:37

to cry. That's my prediction. Well,

1:25:40

we'll find out, everybody. Thank you so

1:25:42

much for being with us here for

1:25:44

Vanderpoop Droles. We sure love you. Go

1:25:46

check out Vanderpump Villa on our Patreon

1:25:49

bonus episodes. And yeah,

1:25:52

congrats to my neighbors for this Fume thing. They're

1:25:55

really into it. I guess these things are taking

1:25:57

off and people are really into them. Go check

1:25:59

them out. buy some okay and say

1:26:01

we love you team guys Ronnie sent us if they

1:26:03

ask you and I think

1:26:07

that's it do you have anything else to say

1:26:09

oh yeah go buy tickets for our shows Netflix

1:26:11

comedy festival this weekend in LA and then London

1:26:14

Dublin and Birmingham

1:26:16

at the end of May welcome to

1:26:18

May everybody by the way welcome to

1:26:20

May wild bye

1:26:23

everyone love ya watch

1:26:25

what crappins would like to thank its

1:26:28

premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison

1:26:30

King Ashley Savoni she don't take no

1:26:32

baloney strolling the park with Caitlin Clark

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1:26:37

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1:26:39

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1:26:42

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1:26:44

no less namey Hava Nagila

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Weber know your worth with

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1:26:51

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some sats with Jessica Trats

1:26:55

she's always supplying it's Kelly Ryan

1:26:58

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1:27:00

a kisser-y know to Lisa Leno

1:27:02

we want to hang with Liz

1:27:05

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1:27:09

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get a 10 cc's of Betsy MD

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1:27:26

we for a balabeva nobody holds

1:27:28

the candle to Jamie Kendall we

1:27:31

got our wish it's Jen Plish

1:27:33

she's not harsh she's Jill Hirsch

1:27:35

she's a little bit loony genie

1:27:37

my favorite Merto Karen McMurdo we

1:27:40

love him madly it's Kyle pod

1:27:42

Chad Lee let's go on a

1:27:44

bender with Lauren Fender the incredible

1:27:46

edible Matthew sisters give him hell

1:27:49

miss no S she's the Queen

1:27:51

be Sarah Lemke Shannon out of

1:27:53

a cannon Anthony let's take off

1:27:56

the Pamela plane she ain't no

1:27:58

shrinking violet cootar We

1:28:00

love you guys. But

1:28:31

my favorite part about these

1:28:33

views is how they're ignited by the

1:28:35

tiniest thing. Jaina, I love

1:28:37

you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to

1:28:39

see it. I accidentally laminated my

1:28:42

brows too much. It starts small and

1:28:44

then it gets so big. Be

1:28:46

honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day.

1:28:49

I don't know her. We all just

1:28:51

have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody

1:28:53

has opinions. Everyone picks eyes.

1:28:55

Leave Britney Spears alone right

1:28:58

now. From

1:29:02

Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt

1:29:04

LSI. And this is Dis

1:29:06

and Tell. Where

1:29:09

we unpack why we get so invested in

1:29:11

these foods. And whether or

1:29:13

not our attention only makes the whole

1:29:15

thing worse. Follow Dis and Tell

1:29:17

wherever you get your podcasts. I'm

1:29:22

Shimon Lai and I have a new

1:29:24

podcast called The Competition. Every

1:29:27

year, 50 high school senior

1:29:29

girls compete in a massive school

1:29:31

competition. I

1:29:33

wouldn't say I have an ego problem,

1:29:35

but I'm extremely competitive. All

1:29:38

of the competitors are used to being the best

1:29:40

and the baddest. And they're

1:29:42

all vying for a huge cash prize. This will probably

1:29:44

be the most intense thing you've ever gotten through in

1:29:46

your life. I remember that feeling

1:29:48

because I was one of them. I

1:29:50

lost. But now I'm

1:29:52

coming back as a judge and also

1:29:55

a kind of teen girl anthropologist. Because

1:29:58

if you want to understand... and what it's

1:30:00

like to be a young woman in America

1:30:02

today, the competition's not a bad place to

1:30:04

start. Hopefully no one will die on stage

1:30:07

net. From Pineapple Street

1:30:09

Studios and Wondry, this is

1:30:11

The Competition. Follow the competition on

1:30:13

the Wondry app or wherever you get your

1:30:15

podcasts. You can listen to The