Episode Transcript
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store today. Welcome back for another episode of Reality Life with Kate Casey. Hope that you are having a great week and this is going to be an episode for the books. Lots of you are going on vacation and you want something great to read. If you're going to be on a plane, you're going to be at a hotel, maybe you're going to be at the beach, and you want
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Hello World, the what what? Grow up
2:01
all the podcast for all of grub
2:03
we love to talk about on your
2:05
brother or money. that's when over there
2:08
have been hi Renee how are you.
2:11
Is. And do right Gay
2:13
guys! Welcome to the Valley Day
2:15
As a huge day. Your water
2:17
crap ends. Because. We're here
2:19
he announced like every other day where
2:21
we're here, but also because. The. Smart
2:24
really big day. Oh you know why?
2:26
Because we put out a as saying
2:28
asking people to be transcript writers we
2:30
got hundreds of submissions. hundred know more
2:32
about job as close I cannot believe
2:34
it or so. Touched and honored
2:36
at Levi's yes are going to do this
2:38
I'm so that's exciting as our lives are
2:41
about to change and the Muschamp Harding on
2:43
my from Allen and also we're going to
2:45
view Robot next week. We are leaving so
2:47
soon for hims to Taylor Swift and then
2:49
we're going to do a lot of shows
2:51
and Europe will not a lot threats but
2:54
we're going to be in London, Dublin and
2:56
we're also gonna be Nz fabulous Birmingham. So
2:58
here's what we have decided to do. This
3:00
is the official announcement if you forget what
3:02
the is to good or Instagram which is
3:04
at watch what happens. You know and
3:07
Shrimp Gov Nikki! another website called the
3:09
scraps to said com at the and
3:11
were download the app hey everybody you
3:14
to download Instagram? Okay so I'm. A
3:17
first stop organ They do hours
3:19
London. So which is Amsterdam which
3:21
is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
3:23
Open mic and a damn tax
3:25
because of course and will have
3:27
in front of me cause I'm
3:29
not prepared at all. Okay it's
3:31
rats as the Beverly Hills Amsterdam's
3:33
Season Five Episode sixteen them were
3:35
going to go to Dublin and
3:37
we're going to be doing Real
3:39
Housewives of Orange County. Sam rocks
3:41
in shock waves. Season Eleven Episode
3:43
fifteen and then would be in
3:45
Birmingham and burning. I'm. Pardon me
3:48
and will be doing Real Housewives of
3:50
Orange County case of the Vicky's or
3:52
which is there Iceland episodes and that
3:54
is season Twelve episode seventeen said D
3:56
C a thing there They all take
3:58
place in Mexico. Very. Exciting.
4:01
Yeah and ah yes, be bigger
4:03
that Burgoyne on a European tour.
4:06
We're gonna bring our recaps on
4:08
the European tourists who and so
4:10
obviously the Amsterdam episode is the
4:12
one where renowned throughout the glass
4:14
down and Dublin and there's to
4:16
Dublin episodes to wonder Where we've
4:18
chosen is of course the one
4:20
where Tamra hyper ventilator in the
4:22
sprint or van And then the
4:24
ah, the Islands' episode that we're
4:27
recapping is naturally be absurd where
4:29
Vicky is taken out of the
4:31
hotel. With a towel on her face to go to
4:33
the hospital. Because. He's time as secure
4:35
with his on a vacation and here
4:37
we go with verbally. This is a
4:39
video recap available on Patron Problems on
4:41
Demand and a bonus will be coming
4:43
up later this week. Okay, was get
4:45
into it. We open object Britain's. And
4:49
mad Zack's as I was wrong. the zebra
4:51
nice what is it says? I climbed European
4:54
lives for Saturday or guy yummy Japanese a
4:56
twenty four times I took i maybe a
4:58
little lad to be for them me for
5:00
that They. Have
5:03
a don't is it out on me to normal
5:05
other but I were up a little bit annoyed
5:07
I yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
5:09
a zigzag all right well I'm here. Go take
5:12
a shower you want to you my God commands
5:14
and his army druze, whatever guidance, focus our this
5:16
is our right now so are cruises just sitting
5:18
there and licking the window. Treatments
5:22
try to do something to distract from
5:24
his turbo. Parents will at least seven
5:26
about how screams com I feel exactly
5:28
as measured per anything went on the
5:30
window. You know how do you go
5:32
Cruz I believe in you And bring
5:34
me back Ross I. Was.
5:39
Humbled Thing sing the same song to you I think
5:41
the my about. So
5:43
wasn't always mammals beer cheese cause I saw
5:45
thread on Reddit. It was like a life
5:47
changing thread where I questioned really everything I
5:50
know where they said it used. To be called
5:52
me Mossberg Beer cheese but I had a me mom.
5:54
And. saw would think that that meme would
5:57
have resonated with me enough to remember it
5:59
but matter calling it Mamaw's beer cheese.
6:01
Have we just been let astray this
6:03
whole time? Has Memaw copyrighted? I
6:06
always thought it was Memaw's, but it's possible
6:08
that it was Mamaw's and because you have
6:11
a Memaw, you're like the main person in
6:13
my life who says Memaw, that it's very
6:15
possible that it became Memaw, because you probably
6:17
said Memaw because you like Mamaw. I think
6:19
there's a difference between Memaw and Mamaw, and
6:21
I've always looked at people with Mamaw's as
6:23
kind of hicks, because I have
6:25
a Memaw, and I feel like Memaw's
6:27
classier than Mamaw. Whenever I heard Mamaw,
6:30
just because I was a kid, so
6:32
I heard Mamaw automatically, it was like,
6:34
you're wrong, but that wasn't good manners,
6:36
Ronnie, have good manners. I mean, look at me, Mr.
6:38
Manners. I would just think
6:40
in my head, trash. I
6:43
have to assume it was always Mamaw's beer cheese, because
6:46
I don't think Britney is going to change from
6:48
Memaw to Mamaw. I think whatever
6:50
it is, you wouldn't change from
6:52
Memaw to like Granny or
6:55
Grandma. No, no, Granny was a different person.
6:57
We had a Granny, too. She was a
6:59
real nightmare. Everyone knew not to fuck with
7:01
Granny. Yeah, it was different numerology, so
7:04
I wouldn't do that, but I'm wondering if they were trying
7:06
to make Mamaw's beer cheese or
7:08
Memaw's beer cheese, and then there was
7:10
copyright infringement. Probably some
7:12
listener was a smartass and took out the trademark before
7:14
Jackson Britney ever thought, too, as they had to change
7:16
it to Memaw's. I mean, I don't know what it
7:18
is, but I feel like it's an important part of
7:20
history that nobody talks about. Where else are you going
7:22
to hear about it other than here? Well,
7:25
I did do a search for Mamaw's beer
7:27
cheese. I did a search for Memaw's beer
7:30
cheese, and from 2020, Mamaw's
7:32
beer cheese came up, and
7:34
the site is called Cooking by Bravo. So
7:38
Reddit led me astray. You know what? I've just wasted
7:40
an hour on a Reddit thread. Thanks a lot, Jerk.
7:43
You're ruining my life. Wait, what
7:45
did Reddit say that led to astray? They
7:48
said that it used to be Memaw. Oh,
7:51
okay. Yeah, it looks like it. I think
7:53
it was always Mamaw. All right, well,
7:55
sorry for wasting everybody's goddamn time. Okay, I'll
7:57
understand if nobody comes in Europe. Okay,
8:00
so then, um, Jack is like, yeah, just
8:02
lick those windows. Uh, just, just come on.
8:04
You know, he's being a smart, smart ass.
8:06
Like, guess you learned that from your mother.
8:09
Cause everything bad that happens in that
8:11
family is Britney's fault. As we all
8:13
know. And shut down. Don't stop it.
8:15
Jayad stop for licking the window. I'm
8:20
still looking up this. I'm now, I'm now gone
8:22
down a path of like that mom's beer cheese,
8:24
because there's a Twitter account for my mom's beer
8:26
cheese that I tried to go to right now.
8:28
Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Beer
8:31
cheese. Now I want to get,
8:34
I want, so do you
8:36
know that Britney cart, right? If
8:38
you go to at my mom's
8:40
beer cheese on Instagram, that's just
8:43
Britney coming soon when that
8:45
was okay, 2018. It
8:49
was clearly mama's beer cheese.
8:51
So Reddit is now officially
8:53
declared. It was always mama's
8:55
beer cheese. Yeah. It's
8:58
always mama's. Always. Well, they're
9:00
dead to me. I've just killed the resident in
9:02
my mind. JK guys. JK. Okay.
9:04
Oh wow. They have their own Instagram. What are the
9:06
pictures like? They have 13,000 followers on mama's beer cheese.
9:08
They have three photos. They have three
9:10
photos. One of which
9:12
is mama's beer cheese coming from six
9:15
years ago. And
9:18
then there's a picture of Andy Cohen trying it
9:20
and Britney cheering in the background like, Hey, life's
9:22
eating mama's. He like that. And
9:25
Britney, a gift of Britney naming all
9:27
her favorite foods. I like titter cheese,
9:30
sharp cheese, shredded cheese, string cheese. Some
9:33
Britney's wedding vows posted on there. Okay. So
9:35
then, uh, Britney sends Jax up to give
9:37
the kid a bath so that she can
9:39
have a very private conversation with her mother,
9:43
which is, uh, you know,
9:45
going to be sad. We know because we see
9:47
a flashback to 25 minutes after Jax stormed out
9:49
of the date nights and then returned.
9:52
So this is what we didn't see. Jax
9:54
came back after, you know, maybe
9:57
banging someone at the nearest AMPM. So he
9:59
came back. And Britney's like, are you
10:01
gonna try and come in here and be nice right now?
10:03
What are you doing in here? You gonna be nice to
10:05
me, Jack? You gonna make me feel pretty? You gonna take
10:07
me on a date night? I don't want you in here
10:09
unless you make me feel pretty right now, James. I'm good.
10:12
And he's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I made
10:14
you cry. I'm sorry. I made you cry. And
10:16
she's like, well, you definitely have to be off
10:18
the back. I was like, I know. I know
10:20
my delivery sucks. I know it sucks. I look,
10:22
I'm learning. I'm learning. I mean, look, I'm just
10:24
a 47 year
10:26
old guy. I'm still learning these things.
10:29
So Britney's telling her mom, she's like, well, there
10:31
was definitely a moment at dinner where we were like, talking
10:33
about baby number two and like, Jack's just got a block
10:35
saying he has doubts a little bit, you know? Because he's
10:37
like, opened his bar and he's like, he's just gonna be
10:40
there a lot. And like, I don't know. I think that
10:42
until he gets there, it's actually like, until it's like, actually
10:44
like, open. Like, I'm not gonna know how it's gonna like,
10:46
affect our relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know,
10:48
mama. And Sherry's
10:50
like, well, I never thought it
10:53
was a good idea if I
10:55
won. I don't think it's good
10:57
for a marriage. I always said
10:59
that. And I'm sticking to it.
11:01
I hope I'm wrong. I really
11:03
hope I'm wrong. Lady, you suggested
11:05
she marry Jackson in the first
11:07
place. You have no fucking
11:11
cred. What do you say? Like, you have
11:13
no credibility. Credibility? Yeah. No one's gonna believe
11:15
you, Sherry. Okay. Go back to your white
11:17
out lipstick. Also, Sherry
11:20
is jumping on the Britney. Let's just make up a whole
11:22
new accent thing. Have you noticed
11:24
she's like, her accent's like, literally changing to a different
11:26
state. She's
11:29
just protecting her. Her accent is like the iPhone. Wrong now. It's
11:32
just like her, whenever she is just in
11:34
a different state. Like, you know how the iPhone
11:36
like, automatically updates the time zone. Just her accent
11:38
automatically updates. She's like, well, back to the conductor.
11:40
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember,
11:43
you're not landing in Mexico, but your phone is
11:45
still like, you're landing in Mexico. Don't
11:47
Worry. We've got you covered. Or whatever. Does
11:49
that ever happen? It happens to me all
11:51
the time. So It's like Britney, you know,
11:53
your accent has landed in a completely different
11:56
state. But Don't worry. Cricket's got you covered,
11:58
babe. She's pronouncing date night like, doit. Night
12:00
or day? Moink. Moink. Think
12:02
we'll call him Our Law and My Fair
12:04
Lady and Community Theater. Now Why pronouncing it
12:06
like that? No one else has a date?
12:08
Moink. And. Has it has a
12:11
lot of actually bridis like it's very close.
12:13
the people don't realize that Billie I like
12:15
the southern accents consider and to British very
12:17
very quickly and I would you make my
12:20
mark Thank god my growl at my mom
12:22
know I have never hurt moink I've never
12:24
heard of. I've never heard like a certain
12:26
like certain regional southern accent that sort of
12:29
do that they liked or adult like I
12:31
de vie yobo book that bad like the
12:33
a D right? very good as Burke was
12:35
a bit out of our is he like
12:38
I wouldn't do that oh the. of that
12:40
was that he go a bit like
12:42
this about somewhere so other boy not
12:44
I mean just spreading southern. I'm not
12:46
all southern. it's also the spectrum of
12:48
are terrible accents kind of melting together.
12:51
You know, like maybe to sound like that
12:53
to us because our your heart you're not
12:55
have access to good Britain reproduce accent. Is
12:58
so incredibly strong. It's is a
13:00
while out of Iraq have never
13:02
heard and I got a Kentucky
13:05
accent As Drago is, what looks
13:07
for accidents is literally like a
13:09
cartoon. I'm in. God bless her
13:11
so now you can help the accent you
13:13
you know you're eager would see can that's
13:15
why make fun of make his mom I
13:18
wouldn't just like totally mocking be less stupid
13:20
at this is Martha as to sit see
13:22
it changes you've like overdoing it more I
13:24
guess to play into this like oh boy
13:26
me also say Obama cases when could do
13:28
mack okay well maybe to sound as a
13:30
matter of honor of like why are you
13:32
talking like that You don't talk like that
13:35
I've been watching this woman on Tv for
13:37
fifteen years. or whenever I mean I'm exaggerating
13:39
years I do that. Because I feel
13:41
like I'm almost. I'm like in my late
13:43
forties so I feel like I'm old now
13:45
some a lot to do stuff like that
13:47
like the like back when I was in
13:49
the worth twenty seven years ago. Now says
13:51
the Access. Okay. Sorry. I pressed the
13:53
think that taxes accent is the is this
13:56
is the sleeper like I think that like
13:58
I'm just noticing his Michigan accent. So
14:00
strongly these days it's only I think it's
14:02
own been there but like we've been distracted
14:04
from it's but now I don't know I
14:06
feel like of I'm costly hearing it everywhere.
14:09
It's like is like know what I have
14:11
to do that person like wow wow wow
14:13
wow what I do dagger isn't like it's
14:15
really. Really. but it's it's
14:17
there and I placed the i was just
14:19
some bad as a times today for sir.
14:21
Yeah I don't know is this is only
14:23
about like. As
14:26
it's like does he have like accent and
14:28
the with for nice like competing or something
14:30
unless I think but who am I think.
14:33
Also it's a little hotness wearing off you
14:35
know like now I think if you ever.
14:38
You know how when you pour milk into cereal
14:41
and make that snap crackle pop noise? I think
14:43
if the milk with expired it would just be.
14:45
I know a couple part of it's just like
14:47
have a worse accept. Like there's some yeah, like
14:50
you notice when something's expiring that you wouldn't notice
14:52
before. like maybe was hot enough For for that
14:54
we didn't notice that. but now that he's less
14:56
hot we have to notice different things. Like we
14:59
have to pay attention to different things that we
15:01
just notices back. I think that when people get
15:03
tired of their accents or to come out more
15:05
like whatever they do to try to hide it.
15:08
They just don't have the energy and
15:10
I think that axis exhausted at this
15:13
point you know and so like Israel,
15:15
Misick and or voices is really starting
15:17
to come through mean so I'm here
15:19
we go. So gas taxes so learning
15:22
he's just a baby so suicide oil
15:24
you know drugs I will be your
15:26
lovely. Gotta go know mama reduced really
15:28
bothers me the mom I'm so bored
15:31
by all day about it about it
15:33
and then we see a flashback to
15:35
three weeks ago where me where mammals
15:37
like com. Well I don't know
15:40
how excited are supposed to be.
15:42
Butts all will open in a
15:44
bar of mine. Told me back
15:46
to France of open a bar.
15:48
Narrow divorced man. yeah
15:50
and that say i know i know i
15:52
have l i know that well but the
15:55
open a bar you know you open a
15:57
bar get a divorce okay i want this
15:59
little boy grown up with his mom and
16:01
dad in the same household. I
16:03
want this little boy to grow up and see what
16:05
a dysfunctional marriage looks like. I don't want this bar
16:07
to come in between whatever
16:09
is left of this alleged marriage. I
16:13
don't want to see my grandson living
16:15
away from his father. I want to
16:18
see his father in the bar. That's
16:22
how we do it where we grew up. Brittany,
16:24
tell him. I want my
16:26
grandson to pick up Jackson's toxic traits. That
16:28
way someday he too can find someone just
16:30
like his mother. We
16:34
hung out in the bar all the time. My parents took us to
16:36
bars. It was fun. Brittany
16:39
is like, you know, me
16:41
being who I am, I just still want
16:44
to try and do it around mama. She's
16:46
like, was the bar opening in three weeks?
16:48
Brittany or what? She's like, we got like
16:50
17 days mama. How
16:53
many weeks is that? I don't know.
16:57
Three weeks and three days. Yeah. We
17:02
just gave Brittany good math skills. So.
17:07
Shot positive vibes. So
17:14
now Danny and Nia are walking
17:16
the twins and
17:18
they are they get a FaceTime invite from
17:20
Janet because Janet's messaging everyone
17:22
because she's going to have hibachi dinner. So
17:25
keep Tori's spelling away. OK, so
17:28
Janet is like saying, you know, I want to
17:30
invite everyone to an outdoor hibachi dinner. And then
17:32
he's like, heck yeah. Hold on
17:34
one second. That
17:38
zombie for can't wait. I'm
17:41
like, I'm going to text and call everybody
17:43
today. I just want to have a reset
17:45
night where we can actually have a ton
17:47
of fun. You basic ass, Janet. Fucking hibachi.
17:49
I get the fuck out of here with
17:51
your basic. Could you not rent
17:53
a ski ball machine? Get out of here. I
17:56
hate Janet now after this episode, by the way.
17:58
You Don't get to come on this show. The most boring
18:00
person and then start recasting the So Ma'am
18:02
you better get on your damn hands and
18:04
knees and think Christians ask for bringing you
18:06
on the sound the first place. Guess he
18:09
was putting the So with Jax Unity Sit,
18:11
sit sit there box of about people don't
18:13
get to come on here and try recast
18:15
are Cup Half Mary Post that on who
18:17
the fuck you think you are but I'm
18:19
not going your stupid about see them and
18:21
he can throw up with your own damn
18:23
face. Yeah I also
18:25
like have sex can be a big
18:27
reset night but it's not going above
18:29
the person that we have conflict with
18:32
so really nothing can get reset. It
18:34
all birds as can continue on with
18:36
our normal dynamics. Yeah.
18:39
Out that we see the text
18:41
ring sent all over town and
18:43
them I'm. Chris. Him just
18:45
gets a.dot.back from we got addresses
18:48
apartments and they have Brooklyn the
18:50
Gecko which is crazy products named
18:52
his. Bronx. Wow but
18:55
yeah I'm crazy or cause you know
18:57
Luke hates the box like you know
18:59
he? a year that is I need
19:01
open air. I kept me in a
19:03
place without to so much electricity. Their
19:05
thought is disgusting wasteful. So why would
19:07
you name your gecko that. I
19:10
also think it's like funny it's another
19:12
to fill a people name, animals and
19:14
children after boroughs and New York City
19:16
when they don't have any real attachment
19:19
to them. I mean I don't think
19:21
Luke has an attachment to the Bronx,
19:23
he might. It's like David Beckham their
19:25
me a child Brooklyn. I. Mean
19:27
ah does David Brat pack them have
19:30
like of. The have a strong
19:32
ties to Brooklyn like is is it just
19:34
rains. A lot of people name things Brooklyn
19:36
and I maybe they're me, maybe it's Kobe
19:38
like the name broken the like, the name
19:40
lead and they're like out them at Brooklyn.
19:43
And. That it's than that. Well, they heard it somewhere
19:45
in there. like at my here. By now, Oakland's
19:47
always like being gentrified. I mean on on the
19:49
whether you'd want that for your baby. and I
19:51
feel like. Ever since
19:53
I live there. And nineteen May three. Britain.
19:56
Has been. Has been
19:58
gentrifies every time you. Every
20:00
time you guys to live in Brooklyn and people
20:02
like oh yeah well now I'm in Park Slope.
20:04
That was to censor five but now I'm and
20:07
Green Fall as being centrify. Think that this, it's
20:09
a slowly over the years are taking over everything
20:11
and Brooklyn and I think you. I think if
20:13
you have a baby that doesn't come out the
20:15
way that you want use but you still have
20:17
hope for it you're like a million a my
20:19
baby Brooklyn because maybe of taxes are raised enough
20:21
that baby's gonna get a Starbucks or to. Yeah
20:25
the think it's like naming it's hard. Like
20:27
Brickhouse and like was a nice part of
20:29
Miami. I'm giving my smiled that or my
20:31
lizard. you know now I would name I'm
20:33
I would they my lizard Brickhouse But and
20:35
be more as an ode to eighty per
20:37
Tell and a new book New Bohemians with
20:39
Brickhouse Why would he do that? After the
20:41
season finale Us. Banned
20:43
from brewers. For
20:47
tell. Us for Tell as the
20:49
brick version of Raquel. Raquel
20:51
of The Bread version of
20:54
British Ssssss in Break in
20:56
the Brickhouse developer Bravia Patel
20:58
and for Ariana and. Brick
21:01
of all here are my thoughts
21:03
about the season finale of And
21:06
or Populus. I'm always saw triggered
21:08
by Apple, These and one name.
21:10
It's enjoying a sample of these
21:12
nine times I have some very
21:15
attacked I brought a therapist, science
21:17
has taught, Me about it. I
21:20
once went to Apple these. And
21:23
I didn't feel good as in the
21:25
neighborhood. That. Made me wonder how
21:27
many other things have been lied
21:29
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now he goes. Oh crap So we
23:48
have. I'm Kristin and Luke and they
23:50
are feeding this little deco name Bronx
23:52
and Leukocyte on with. This is like
23:54
a fruit. makes you wanna try it.
23:57
Of course prisons are just recently teases
23:59
essentially. Really really got. like
24:01
I would say it's a little bit
24:03
better than like parking lot median flower
24:05
the maybe not as good as goat
24:07
cheese balls. Yeah christians that
24:10
person christened that personal taste anything when
24:12
you choose this melt that the city's
24:14
death threats of us are at why
24:16
would you trying to me to take
24:18
spoiled milk crates of the also liquid
24:20
seized. Y my bringing
24:22
up spoiled milk so much so weird is
24:24
my second time today. Answer: Where it's final:
24:26
Don't cry about at our tests against us
24:29
more spilt milk don't proper spoiled milk either.
24:31
Looks like you think if you spell it
24:33
don't cry but of spoilt you can. Other
24:35
moments where we want to let you have
24:37
a moment to cry over that north that
24:39
you thought you're gonna during today's. Ah
24:41
so ah I'm and sammy
24:43
other seasons house so they're
24:46
talking about this about to
24:48
dinner and had they're not
24:50
inviting Rabble rouser. Caress.
24:52
Dance rabble, rousing, pet food
24:55
tasting Mary post the shoulder
24:57
in the ear cock Ah
25:00
Christine! Yeah
25:02
and I'm Janet is ah hoping that her
25:04
death or kid does not play video games
25:06
growing up and just sick though he will.
25:08
And the significance of this board games which
25:10
was like a like okay I think I'm
25:13
like Janet old the more I like this
25:15
is putting a board game agenda and then
25:17
but then she's like the i'll be played
25:19
monopoly recently monopoly all the time and then
25:22
Jason's like know monopolies the worst game ever
25:24
Them I know Now I'm more protests and.
25:27
I was really invested in this little bit. A bouncer.
25:29
I'm not going allies. Was
25:32
yeah man I think wants her kids to
25:34
play board games. At first I thought she
25:36
was saying that to be snotty like a
25:38
video games are for stupid people on board
25:40
games are for smart people summer months. but
25:42
then I realize he's just like on what
25:44
my kid to hang out with me and
25:46
be interactive and an was like wow spoken
25:49
truly like someone who's never been around a
25:51
child before. Trust me in about five minutes
25:53
you're going to be thinking of the altar
25:55
of fucking Playstation. Okay, you're going to be
25:57
bow yeah I'm and kissing her ass for
25:59
saving. Half hours, a stupid fart,
26:01
conversations with a child, The
26:04
other animal crossing teams I will be
26:06
playing loud and proud and that household
26:09
soon enough now. So Janice, Talk about
26:11
Kristin. Ah, I'm and you
26:13
know she's not biting Chris into her
26:15
bochy party as says that Christian as
26:17
an Asian of chaos as been a
26:19
lot of stressful situations kristen for a
26:22
while now and because the dramas his
26:24
trading you know I've seen this before
26:26
and I have to put up a
26:28
boundary. But like you're not like the
26:30
drama they you're attached to is just
26:32
the stuff that you started that she
26:35
actually called out right like seat. Janet
26:37
was the one who said Michelle seems
26:39
to be a republican a seat republican
26:41
and arm. Is down with the ah.
26:43
Let's not forget the don't say gay
26:46
policy of Florida and Janet was a
26:48
wide who put that out there. and
26:50
Kristin. Christened. That even bring
26:52
it up a group setting. Let's not forget
26:54
it was Brittany who pull that out of
26:56
Kristin and then Janet got busy man because
26:58
he got put in the crossfire as and
27:00
that's what happens. entire thing in edo in
27:02
motion and then everything that happened. The Monterey
27:04
on. The. Had nothing to do with Janet
27:06
so I don't know why she is so been heard about that
27:09
and I will say bought her. In. Support of
27:11
Muscle Lolly this episode because Jam it
27:13
is trying to deflect if the patties
27:15
upon Flash Bang Bomb or when the
27:17
flashback of clasping Patty with home from
27:19
whenever from last week. that's what Jam
27:21
is doing is trying to distract people
27:23
so they don't get mad at her
27:26
for calling Michelle Lol Yeah, I'm being
27:28
anti gay men. Here's the thing that
27:30
I see growth forgetting a mess one
27:32
knows for getting this probably better to
27:34
sounds better to say when I'm ranting
27:36
and raving is that Michelle Lolly never
27:38
to have never did mind that. florida
27:41
gay law staff mc also have maximize
27:44
having an affair really messy kind of
27:46
house does but why are we asking
27:48
lolly the real questions what has it
27:50
all christians fault i me sitting over
27:52
there trying some fruit make some bronx
27:54
doesn't get sick and were calling her
27:56
a bad person okay what about the
27:59
people who are actually being accused of
28:01
things like the fucking around on your husband
28:03
for a year with Rob Reiner. Where's that?
28:05
Where's that accusation? Okay? And they're throwing diet
28:07
coke cans at your car at drag queens
28:09
heads. And while we're at
28:11
it, what the fuck is going on with Bravo
28:13
that we're not getting a reunion for this show?
28:15
Look at all these pressing questions that we have,
28:17
things that need to be set and confronted. Why
28:19
is this not happening? I mean, there have been
28:21
rumors going around that Andy is getting burnt out
28:23
by doing so many reunions, which I support, but
28:25
isn't there someone else who could do this reunion?
28:27
I mean, we'll do it. I don't care. I
28:29
don't care. Yeah, bring somebody else
28:31
on. It doesn't always have to be Andy every
28:33
single time, especially for the non-Housewives shows. Why don't
28:36
they just have Andy? Andy doesn't want all this
28:38
non-Housewives shit anyway, and you can tell, and he
28:40
looks exhausted, and he should just
28:43
not do those anyway. He should do all the Housewives,
28:45
and then they should bring in other people to do
28:47
the other shows. That's ridiculous. Yes. Rob Reiner would be
28:49
a great moderator. Rob Reiner would be great. We
28:52
should just have all the suspected people
28:54
that Michelle Lolly was fucking for a
28:56
year as a lineup. Quentin Tarantino, Rob
28:58
Reiner, and who was the other one? Michael
29:00
Bay. Michael Bay. Let's
29:03
have a string of directors lined up. Yeah.
29:05
And so just, I mean, Bravo, it's fine. Just
29:07
hire people who watch this show. It doesn't have
29:09
to be me and Ronnie. Have
29:11
Stosie do it. Bring Stosie back. Honestly, have Stosie. Just
29:13
be like, ew. Have Taylor's brother. Stosie
29:16
is just like, you're all disgusting.
29:18
So why
29:21
are you so brutal? And
29:24
just also attach on someone
29:26
who clearly does not watch it, like Karama or
29:28
something like that. Oh, he may watch it. I
29:30
don't know. Well, they did run into that problem
29:32
at BravoCon. They had a lot of it. Yeah,
29:34
that's what I mentioned. And I saw that one.
29:37
Well, I guess it's on TV. Everybody could see
29:39
it. But I was kind of surprised by that.
29:41
They just hired a bunch of B-list-ass people. I
29:43
mean, sorry, no offense to anyone specific. But they
29:46
had some really good people who were fans and
29:48
historians of the show like that. You had your
29:50
Danny Pellegrino's there, who really knew what they were
29:52
going on. Right, Brian. You know, they had they
29:55
did have some people like that. But then
29:57
they had a lot of people who have just like been
29:59
on entertainment tonight. before and so they're like, hey,
30:01
you should do a whole panel on this
30:03
show that you've never seen before. And then
30:05
they just ask stupid questions and no one's
30:08
interested and people leave halfway through the thing.
30:10
Like, guys, there's zillions of people who could do
30:13
this. Make an effort. But don't
30:15
take your best show of the year and
30:17
just not give them a reunion. That's nuts.
30:19
I know exactly. Like we did with Below Deck that time and
30:21
do our own. Yeah, we'll invite them
30:23
all on to Zoom and
30:25
we can have, we'll host a Valley reunion on
30:28
one of the properties. If anybody from the Valley
30:30
wants that, just all it takes is a DM.
30:32
We'll do that shit immediately. And also,
30:34
Cindy C. on Twitter, Cindy C. on the case
30:36
case, C.C. on the C.C., Cindy C.
30:38
on Twitter suggested that and I think we should run
30:41
with it. Yeah, so if anybody wants us to do
30:43
that, well, not the audience because I know you guys
30:45
will say yes, but who knows if anybody from the
30:47
show even knows who we are or would come on
30:49
if we ask them. But if you want to, give
30:52
us a DM, Jan and even you,
30:54
your basic hibachi. I like Jan. I want to
30:56
say something. I'm just mad at Jan. I'm
30:59
just mad at Janet today, but I just mean I,
31:01
I, I, I really like Janet. I
31:05
think Janet is so funny. I think that like, I
31:07
mean, ultimately she is doing
31:09
what you're saying she's doing. She's in the
31:11
flashback, Patti LuPone, like just, she, she wants
31:14
to deflect. She knows she kind of betrayed
31:16
Michelle's confidence. She's sort of like, you
31:18
know, talk shit about her friends in a way
31:20
that could damage her friend's reputation. And she's, and
31:23
so she has now kind of like been
31:25
happy to pile on to Kristen because it keeps
31:27
the shit off of her. But I love how
31:29
messy Janet is. They show a montage of her
31:31
in a little bit that shows her just like
31:33
asking questions of like gossiping everywhere.
31:35
I think that's great. I love
31:38
that. I think she's hilarious, but
31:40
she should invite Kristen because you're
31:44
on a show here. This is Kristen's
31:46
show. I'm sorry. Like you're new. Okay. You're new
31:48
here, ma'am. You need to invite Kristen on the show.
31:50
Kristen is the hilarious. I like everybody on the show
31:52
and it's not just because I invited them to
31:54
come do a reunion with us. I actually really do
31:57
like everybody on the show, but I agree. There's
31:59
no one. I hate you know you
32:01
can't just be like oh look everyone hate
32:04
Kristen here's a hibachi party I'm
32:08
onto you flashbang patty the pone and I'm not
32:11
going to take this crap from you cut the
32:13
crap lady also you're gonna need a babysitter and
32:15
who's better than Kristen hey
32:18
this is what gecko food tastes like Kristen
32:21
eating that gecko I feel like we have
32:23
actually really just breezed right past that and
32:25
I feel like it's important that we really
32:28
pay attention to the fact that Kristen ate
32:30
gecko food okay she actually well
32:32
but it was still like that gecko was eating a
32:35
meal like I don't like it when anyone unprovoked
32:37
puts a fork on into my food while I'm
32:39
eating at a restaurant and that gecko was at
32:41
a restaurant at that moment and Kristen was like
32:43
hold on let me get a little bite of
32:45
that it's like man you were at your own
32:47
table you have an entire fridge that of food
32:49
that you ordered you cannot come into gecko restaurant
32:51
and eat my appetizer but what
32:54
it's so even geckos think Kristen has
32:56
terrible manners I know that
32:58
gecko just disinvited Kristen from this hibachi party
33:00
not coming to my hibachi meal I'm
33:02
only throwing my fruit my fruit mixture
33:04
at Luke I'm just loving
33:07
Kristen entering her Shelly Duval era because she is
33:09
her hair is looking like Shelly Duval in the
33:11
shining she sort of has that she's got this
33:13
like extra kookiness Kristen is the sort of person
33:15
who you go to the farmer's market and she's
33:17
there in a little booth selling honey and a
33:19
straw you know or a plastic
33:21
stick and I guess I'm loving this for
33:24
her I'm loving how we we met her
33:26
as this like skinny
33:29
obnoxious quote unquote
33:31
model who was like basically you can't
33:33
sit with us and now here she
33:35
is like listening
33:37
to dreams by Fleetwood Mac
33:39
in the corner making t-shirts
33:41
eating gecko food trying
33:43
to have a baby kind of rumpled in
33:46
her own corner of the valley it's a great
33:48
like if Kristen was being played by Mo from
33:50
mad tv yeah Mo
33:53
uh what's your name mom yeah uh-huh
33:57
okay so Jason's like yeah
34:00
I mean Kristen really hasn't apologized in a way
34:02
that makes sense. No one owes you an
34:04
apology Jason and stop fucking enabling Janet
34:06
to be terrible. Okay, and she's like well, I
34:08
don't even know if she's capable Well,
34:11
what about you? Where's your apology miss
34:13
fucking drag queen drag queen
34:15
in a library? Accuser but
34:17
not stand behind her Yeah
34:20
behind her So
34:23
now Kristen goes and meets with Jasmine And
34:26
I can't host for you mean flick how I would oh
34:29
fuck off Jenny nobody knows it. All
34:31
right Let's
34:33
try to be biased and I'd be like I'm so sorry.
34:35
I made fun of your voice Brittany Or
34:40
I'm sorry that I just referred to you as skinny
34:42
in the past Kristen, what the hell was that? I
34:46
just got offended at that Well
34:48
meaning that was like five minutes later Well,
34:51
why are you offended by it because
34:53
I'm always worried about my weight and I'm projecting
34:55
my own insecurities on the I wasn't that I
34:58
wasn't I wasn't attaching any value to it I
35:00
was saying that like that was really cuz I
35:02
just threw away peanut M&Ms threw them away. I
35:06
Hate all of mine. Thank you. By the
35:08
way to the kind soul who gave us
35:12
She was so lovely with her. I was there man bag. I'm
35:14
an Amazon. Oh, I it was great I
35:17
got me that was like my dinner that night. Anyway, um What
35:19
I was going to say is it was more just like
35:22
she was at a place where like that was Like
35:25
what her life was all about right?
35:27
It was about like being you know
35:30
like a toothpick and fitting
35:33
into those flimsy dresses and being like this makes me
35:35
better than everyone because I Because I look like this
35:37
and I am like this and I can that I
35:39
can do this now I'm not attaching any value to
35:41
the fact that she was skinny or not skinny or
35:44
now she's okay Well, I'm counting calories. So everybody calm
35:46
down Okay. All
35:48
right. So step on your trigger Yeah,
35:51
really so then Kristin
35:53
is meeting with Jasmine and everyone on
35:55
the show cracks me up how they're
35:57
all blaming Kristin But actively gossiping on
35:59
camera The bells it's so
36:01
funny. I feel like for Kristen like you
36:03
pointed out earlier Chris is being pretty subtle
36:05
for Kristen You know so
36:08
Kristen meets with Jasmine at
36:10
a place called the vine is
36:12
vignette's vineos and
36:15
So she's like listen another one was
36:17
mad at me, but Jackson's one destroying
36:19
shit up Okay, like come on and
36:22
so Jasmine's like well I'm really glad we did this
36:24
because I don't know if you know I just like
36:26
I don't even know how to say this How
36:29
do I need to eat this first so then she
36:31
put some food in her mouth and just sits
36:33
there and choose it Kristen This
36:36
lunch is over as far as I'm concerned. I
36:39
have to sit here and pause while you chew bye. Goodbye
36:42
We're not friends anymore. I Got
36:45
it made me crib cheese, so she
36:47
basically is Saying
36:49
you know I talked with Jack's and
36:51
everything and you know he said that
36:53
you have some information about Michelle probably
36:55
Took another guy But
36:58
he was saying that etc etc and then
37:00
Jack's and Kristen's basically like oh Who's the
37:02
only person talking about it now? You know
37:04
who it is? It's Jack's and then Jasmine
37:09
and Janet Right forget.
37:11
This is now Jasmine's third
37:13
scene is it her third scene talking about
37:15
this on camera trying to get someone else to
37:17
spill the details Well,
37:19
here's the secret from what Michelle told me
37:22
She was texting with someone who
37:24
is not Jesse and she had I
37:26
guess an emotional bear with Rob Reiner
37:29
there I said it the truth self
37:31
set you free. Cuckoo. I fly on
37:33
the wind of liberation and truth I've
37:37
learned the wings of a death bar So
37:41
Jasmine's like yeah I mean it's just weird that he would
37:43
say that cuz like you were talking about Michelle having some
37:45
kind of interaction with a man Right and she's like well.
37:47
He's the one who said it a few weeks back So
37:50
I don't know why I'm the one getting a problem for
37:52
a cuckoo And then we see
37:54
a flashback to a month ago where they were
37:56
at lunch at the steakhouse where Jack's took the
37:58
vegetarian to the steak And
38:02
then we see a little bit extra because Jax is
38:04
like, you know, I'm just scared to bring this up
38:06
Because it's really not my place to do it. But
38:08
you know, it's regarding Michelle, you know, cuz there was
38:11
another guy She was like totally
38:13
fucking well you she fucked a football team. You're
38:15
not recording this, right? She goes Jax We're on
38:17
the TV show. Of course. They're recording it. So there's
38:19
a camera There's there are people
38:22
holding giant cameras in your face and you have
38:24
a mic pack on Oh, oh, well, you know
38:26
I don't want to get in trouble for seeing
38:28
this but like I just don't want to look
38:30
because Brittany told me it is Incompetence and like
38:32
my wife will kill me but like look it
38:35
could ruin a marriage I don't want this to
38:37
come out at all whatsoever. So basically
38:39
this is Brittany Brittany
38:41
gossip to Jax now
38:43
got Jax Gossiped
38:46
to Kristen Kristen Now
38:49
has let it out because they've been so mean
38:51
to her because they've accused her for doing that
38:53
All this has come from Brittany actually everything has
38:55
traced back to Brittany in many ways I already
38:57
is the one who cokes out of Kristen at
38:59
that game night said once again
39:01
and or girls night or whatever what
39:04
it is and now this whole thing
39:06
is because Brittany gossip to Jax about
39:08
this secret. Yep. That's
39:11
exactly right Brittany plants the bomb and then just
39:13
stands back Okay, so then Kristen's
39:23
like yeah even texted me right after lunch He
39:25
said and then we see the text message pop
39:27
up on the screen and it says Just
39:31
like a nose emoji and it says do not
39:33
repeat anything personal to Michelle You could destroy life
39:35
and I don't know if it's true and you
39:37
told my wife now she's pissed at me Like
39:39
why would you repeat something unless you know the
39:41
facts, please don't open your mouth about anything like
39:43
that Please it's not your place And
39:46
Kristen goes what are you talking about? I haven't even
39:48
talked to Brittany You're the one who said chill on
39:50
camera that never even heard of don't text me crazy
39:53
shit So
39:55
Then he goes home and he's like God damn it. Brittany.
40:00
It's making up. The Kristin is
40:02
A when they called rape Me
40:04
is his compulsive lying mates or
40:06
is really just grown into a
40:08
beautiful beautiful flowering plants. At this
40:10
point. I'm. In one could
40:12
even make him an argument that brittany
40:14
through the original Flash Bang Patty by
40:17
like. By. Saying
40:19
that ultra your the what is some sort
40:21
of so much sit around these I thought
40:23
about say a lot like and so it's
40:25
like likes you liked maybe maybe there's a
40:27
world and with Britain like Jack Twelve Britney
40:29
I told Chris and I told Chris isn't
40:32
she's mad as his maddox says mad casinos
40:34
Christmas does are babbling as as North resume
40:36
of says as he just. Does.
40:38
Is preemptive strike at girls night and
40:40
ten deaths of heat on christened. I
40:43
don't know that maybe to calculated for
40:45
printing. I don't
40:47
know. I mean I think seeking calculate per
40:49
month numbers but you know things like this.
40:52
I think season very strategic him what he
40:54
tells Jacks and Sensex out with him to
40:56
the world's email biggest that episode where they
40:58
were fighting am I think it was at
41:01
the Capri episode where they were fighting am
41:03
an easy jax go in and he's telling
41:05
the of people inside they have to go
41:07
have the five outside the two grandsons get
41:10
up and work is out in Britain is
41:12
out there telling the other group still need
41:14
to get out there were two thousand be
41:16
talked. About and they're both producing. They're both acting
41:19
like producers throw in the real, just trying to
41:21
get everybody to suits. I think those two are
41:23
pretty. Producing. Pretty well.
41:25
you know the up to Christen says that
41:27
she went and like Sigma of course I
41:29
want to Britney about this now suffering up
41:31
like to know something to use holds rock
41:34
or whatever and and she said it was
41:36
like an actor like a celebrity crushes aspirin
41:38
it because you know that. Ah so. So
41:41
I guess Christen. slight.
41:44
National they don't like that was
41:46
my saves things. He does like
41:48
a really Aruba Iger has like
41:50
very very deeply nodding with her
41:52
shoulder pumping. Gas doesn't like.
41:54
oh now and actors involved. Oh lord,
41:56
You know I want to believe you.
41:58
I don't know. For all this drama
42:01
that we've had in the past and
42:03
you said there's or didn't say this,
42:05
interesting guests. I don't know what to
42:07
believe. The Crystals reaction to some of
42:09
his some have said while running, I
42:11
really don't know whether I believe you
42:13
are my i want you back God
42:15
after everything you've done. I be
42:17
fuck you I had to see how
42:19
what you eat a cracker but christians,
42:21
nazis if like me to up My
42:24
guess is just don't know. I
42:26
don't be truth or not, Pose
42:29
off. Off
42:31
Mary poses Oh
42:34
oh oh how
42:36
nice sense. Of
42:38
leader gets here for herself in the Sam's.
42:47
Hi there it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. You may
42:49
know me from my podcast called Miles is
42:52
a Me where I toss older women and
42:54
what their with them for their own minds
42:56
it's about I play the mean how many
42:59
people told me I was Some made them
43:01
look forward to getting older which is why
43:03
I'm here to talk about Season two of
43:05
The Shell Sally Field Billie Jean. The mean
43:08
that really turns out for an A partner.
43:10
Funny way to the new All Hail Old
43:12
Women. Why does the new Season two is
43:14
out now? From Lemonade, A Media. So.
43:20
Ah, of rather, I'm Laggard Mountains
43:22
and if it ever will, Not
43:30
on our toes
43:32
are so ah
43:34
how does ah
43:36
so ah Jazz?
43:38
Ah call call
43:40
call call. Call,
43:43
Call. Goes
43:47
off. Math
43:50
proposal post ah source with no
43:52
scruples I was ah the business
43:54
with this is ah as a
43:56
whole thing where she like all
43:58
my god I don't know who
44:01
to believe. What do I feel
44:03
like that is a therapist? That's
44:05
because I don't fully understand jasmine
44:07
role on the show some a
44:09
certain size or use here but
44:12
I'm I'm. I'm on
44:14
what you want to say that because I feel so
44:16
bad for the single people cause a single people as
44:18
we see later in the episode or so other it
44:20
on this shows I don't want to do that to
44:22
them but I'm. Yeah. I didn't get
44:24
hurt them the luxury of sitting at home
44:26
and talking their significant others about like the
44:28
twenty thousand Fabius not even single mile away.
44:30
she's that is a single. She wasn't really
44:33
Wednesday so nothing really assess me because I
44:35
don't want babies. my says only focused on
44:37
babies. you know ya sister live on the
44:39
other side the hell his our friend. So
44:41
ah now it's time for their bochy night.
44:43
So Jackson Briny arrive first and the jackals
44:45
like instantly jealous of the flowers because you
44:47
know he is the suburban guy who is
44:49
like keeping up with the joneses is a
44:51
mess up their flowers as he was flowers.
44:53
Life still vivid one of them because I have
44:55
a guy. That's
44:59
what I'm telling you. We're a landscaper guy.
45:01
x. Music. Yeah, I know,
45:03
I know. we need. Really. We need
45:05
a car. Now we need a Car
45:07
Max and I'm. Are
45:09
note taker added this part which I
45:11
think it's true if their backyard all
45:13
plastic grass is set at a faster
45:15
at her a mouth about gives access
45:17
or mallinger isn't jacko as mowing the
45:20
lawn. Oh expire wouldn't I wouldn't
45:22
put a pencil him only lot lower lot I
45:24
know he leave for his though he's a big
45:26
we've flown I am a naval riding. With.
45:28
Us the front of the frontline yarn me
45:31
I'll actually now I don't know maybe to
45:33
so good at mowing days. backyard looks fake.
45:37
The wanted he can't do is grow
45:40
flower. I mean, isn't that the metaphor?
45:42
So they show up and I'm. They
45:45
are tight and like there's some
45:47
talk about oh my god, you're
45:49
wearing skinny jeans other and Seven
45:51
shows up slow motion to hibachi
45:53
night in the backyard in the
45:55
valley and we see some people.
45:57
Simon and George comes through. I'm
45:59
actually. Facebook friends with Simon which is funny but
46:01
I've never met some analyze that funny how that happens.
46:04
advanced. People to
46:06
your friends with. For ten years we've been
46:08
friends for ten years on Facebook. Never
46:10
met in real life. Mile. I feel
46:12
like this is me meeting him. Cinema.
46:14
Bravo! Like how great nice to meet you
46:16
in person. So.
46:21
Nothing him out on the people I'm on Facebook is
46:23
why did you take me down there? I don't have
46:25
to go there. Do not worry about it. I was
46:27
just a young actually. these for neighbors. I
46:30
feel like you're like you know what? I'm gonna
46:32
save maybe five percent and move to the valley
46:34
instead of wherever over the hill on women to
46:36
save like a minimal amount of money and just
46:38
make the move. How back to the be Everyone
46:40
was in the valley now and then he moved
46:43
to the valley in a pizza shrimp his your
46:45
window and some of like this up as a
46:47
night. Party My
46:49
Only in this fucking valley only
46:51
year. So someone
46:54
asked, has anyone heard or George
46:56
George? ah ask. Has anyone heard
46:58
from Kristen on data is like
47:00
ah yeah She kind of had
47:02
a blow up at Jack's as
47:04
dinner after has events. After.
47:06
We all were really me into are so
47:08
I didn't bite her hair. Yeah
47:11
I'm just is like I'm able to
47:13
notice Sovereign move Christian from the group
47:15
chat been noticed that one on like
47:18
now and like Jesse jumping and on
47:20
the mean messy stay over there you
47:22
too short to be me know that
47:24
Jesse who is may not Danny just
47:26
has already made with Ceci. Out
47:29
as his name of the his head vampire,
47:31
he's already a deck I target conditions very
47:33
odd brand for him though or Danny. Still
47:35
nice even though he has black pools of
47:37
of an abyss behind his eyes. Sorry cause
47:39
you to sort to be mean but the
47:41
same goes for you Jesse. So
47:45
I'm. Gonna. Be like Jesse
47:48
is now. let's just see for some over such a
47:50
big dent in his hair as well. He's very mean.
47:52
Like. And his meme? Meme? Yeah. I'm.
47:55
In his associates deck, he's probably the one
47:57
hundred like email. No I don't like. That
48:00
all this is awful, He would make me
48:02
feel insecure and realize that he would make
48:04
me feel insecure. I'll always when you're always
48:06
taller. Listen, you know what? straight? I feel
48:08
it. Gay guys By the way, I can.
48:11
I've never known being super Now see that
48:13
people haven't heard me before or even if
48:15
you have. but. At
48:17
the reason I make fun of this is
48:19
because I don't have a sort saying I
48:21
think it's hilarious it before so weird about heights
48:23
and I feel like women are was really bad
48:26
about i am I feel also like gay
48:28
men are really really bad of I mean
48:30
that. Really mean about hi? I'm not,
48:32
I think sort mrs. so hot. I think it's
48:34
like the weirdest. Thing. To
48:36
dislike somebody over. But I know that straight
48:38
guys have a huge thing about it because women
48:40
have always tortured them about and I'm like
48:42
I want a tian you the six but for
48:45
matter I need a solid the me or
48:47
whatever and so I know it really bothers. The.
48:49
Guy's a lot you know and so you always win
48:52
with a straight guy. That sort of the new cause
48:54
you know they're so insecure about it. I could just
48:56
like looked down and relax. Oh my gosh, your hair
48:58
looks so nice from up here and I'll set him
49:01
up your always when. Yeah. Well.
49:03
Whole thing about that. Next I
49:06
encountered Jesse. Lolly. save. Your
49:09
words have no power over me because you're
49:11
sensitive nature so and I just don't do
49:13
a while you're sitting down. Just
49:16
be aware that you're only powerful when you're
49:18
standing up. Your words are both our over
49:20
X. I literally can't hear them down there
49:22
there for you or. Else
49:24
up when you say that. Little. Better! Jesse
49:26
has from of Kristen from the group chat and
49:29
is like by a proud and jags like yeah
49:31
I mean she sent me a novel like you
49:33
know how my bag and like you said we
49:35
were close and you never stick up for me
49:37
and then delicacy blocker. Yeah. Lots
49:40
on everything. Yeah, yes for by
49:42
the way, Christians right? Tax helped
49:44
start all the said against Kristin.
49:46
I mean he's such an ass
49:48
off. like let's start a show
49:50
together Kristin so I can ruin
49:52
your life again. You know? Yeah,
49:54
totally so everyone says down there.
49:56
like doing saki shots and everything
49:58
and then Bernie's I Hulu. Like
50:02
you feel like that. It's like when the
50:04
it's like when the we Are and like
50:06
and the haunted mansion and the ride suddenly
50:08
breaks. You know and need to
50:10
sit there staring at which crystal ball for
50:12
ten minutes while they success. That's what happened
50:14
and have some that fucking ride don't like
50:17
I'm over there are saw that personally minimums
50:19
as other victim as a was a projection
50:21
of i haven't a crystal ball was over
50:23
and over I'd like new all her lines
50:25
as likes from here to vod bother well
50:28
you go my soul will always be year
50:30
ago my god this lady and but that's
50:32
what you see like you just sort of
50:34
see the haunted mansion and christians have deserved
50:37
break his fellow move who yeah Jack until.
50:39
I also survived for some said to
50:41
have to essence of Britain is at
50:43
so Christians had is not that Griffin
50:45
said like the cars right I think
50:47
that Sovereign a factory thought we middle
50:49
left or right there's was a totally
50:51
unable to goes wild ride away our
50:53
some of those because right I just
50:55
we're my business guy. different things because
50:57
I I do feel like and Christmas
50:59
some hunted. Have some haunted mansion
51:01
energy because of it as her soul deny
51:03
you sit on those things that are always
51:06
turning in different directions and moves like a
51:08
feel for some toxic that like wow was
51:10
northern sizes and. See
51:13
the one who said it but I
51:15
think Sierra failed and you're down the
51:17
so. I feel like assists watching Kristen
51:20
have a normal paragraphs as he sees
51:22
as a soft case space mountain. It's
51:24
like. When. She's walking around. it's like
51:26
they're actively space mountain carts going around inside
51:29
her body would slices was her to dirty
51:31
because it's like she's like. Oh.
51:33
It like that every time the cart goes up
51:35
to like her shoulder her sort of to supply
51:37
capacity. now I am I go down to like
51:40
her polite moves or bets wix lazzara Another arrived
51:42
on on wo smith mountains. And
51:44
Wenzhou ah that's what's wrong with
51:46
you for it. Me: I just
51:48
saw I just saw a toilet
51:50
paper ghost come out of your
51:52
mouth and she thinks I am
51:54
just make. Stuff drug
51:57
tests, so then i mean my
52:00
on the other side of the table, Michelle and
52:02
Jesse. Michelle's
52:04
like, can you see my teeth? And he goes, what?
52:06
Of course I can fucking see your teeth. Teeth,
52:09
which is eating things. What do you think you
52:11
were eating with? Gums? I
52:13
fucking hate it. Do I have anything
52:16
in my teeth? No, no
52:18
you don't. Well, do you
52:20
think I'm just like showing you my teeth for
52:22
the fun of it? No.
52:25
He's like, no. So anyway, everyone,
52:28
I have a question. This
52:30
is surely gonna get my wife to stay
52:32
with me. Okay, everyone. Has
52:35
anyone heard the phrase of butt hurt? Cause
52:38
that's like the dump, not you Zach. Everyone
52:40
else. Anybody? And
52:43
they're like, yeah, it's a
52:45
word. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah,
52:47
we see a flashback to Michelle saying it
52:49
and he was like, oh my
52:51
goodness. He's like, I didn't know your
52:53
feelings were in your butt. So
52:57
I guess this is what happens, unfortunately.
53:00
You sort of get to a certain age and
53:03
suddenly you're shocked by slang everywhere. So
53:06
Danny is like, yeah, that's why I
53:09
say, like butt hurt,
53:11
that's why I say, I only go on
53:13
the first knuckle. Know what I mean? Oh,
53:15
the first knuckle. 30
53:17
knuckles under two inches, that's what I
53:19
say. And
53:22
Jesse's like, well, I guess we know how you made three kids
53:25
in two years. I
53:27
don't think that's how babies work, but okay.
53:29
And Danny's like, well, you know, it's real.
53:33
I don't know. I don't want to talk about
53:35
fingers and butts cause then I start picturing everybody
53:37
with the finger in their butt. I don't want
53:39
to think about it. So Michelle's like, yeah, he's
53:41
always trying to correct me, but it is a
53:43
word. And Janet's like, I wish you'd let me
53:45
get a knuckle in. God,
53:47
I'm glad Chris is not here so I could get that
53:49
line out. So Brittany
53:51
goes inside and she sits on the sofa in
53:53
sort of a strange position. And
53:55
she's sitting there. And so Jack's like, you
53:58
all right? No, I don't feel good. It's
54:00
like, well, what made you sick? I
54:02
think taking that chanisake, I don't know,
54:04
I'm in a lot of pain. I got
54:06
sake, illness. Your stomach pain? Yeah,
54:08
it's like I can't even smell the smell of
54:10
the hibachi because it makes my smell make my
54:12
stomach hurt from the sake, you know? It was
54:15
making me nauseous. It's
54:17
like, I gotta go home, James. It's
54:19
like, do you want me to come home with you?
54:21
It's like, no, you gotta stay here. I'm gonna go
54:23
home. It's like, so I just called you an Uber.
54:25
It's like, I just feel nauseous, you know, I'm just
54:27
dying. I'm dying. It's drinking. I told
54:29
you. I told you. Well,
54:31
Jack, Jack on his
54:34
fifth nose coming on national TV to
54:36
convince the world that Britney's a
54:38
raging alcoholic. She's such an
54:40
asshole. Yeah, she's like, I had
54:43
one sake shot. Like, it was my first drink
54:45
of the freaking night. Like him sappy at me.
54:47
It's like so hard to be constantly someone punching
54:49
back. It's like, nah, bye, yay, yay. And
54:51
so Jack's like, just go, Britney, just go. Okay.
54:55
So, hey, everyone. Yeah, Britney had to go. She's
54:57
not doing well. I gave her $5 and
55:00
said, make your way home to it. We'll see how she
55:02
does. And Janet's like, yeah,
55:04
well, she must really not feel good
55:07
because Britney literally loves game
55:09
night. She wouldn't miss it unless her pain
55:11
was it in eight or above. Janet,
55:14
you're really stepping on my last nerve
55:16
today. I don't like when friends use
55:18
terminology like that. I don't feel
55:20
good. On a scale of one to
55:23
10. How
55:25
about four martinis? Okay. How many I
55:27
need? What are you fucking scaling me?
55:29
I'm not the doctor. Fuck out of
55:31
here, Janet. You not fighter hibachi basic.
55:34
Yeah. Well, don't worry. She has some backup because
55:36
when Janet says, you know, Britney wouldn't miss the
55:38
game night unless it was an eight above. In
55:40
case you were doubting that Zach is like, no,
55:43
she literally loves game nights
55:45
more than anything. More than
55:47
anything. Jack's
55:50
is like, if you know the game that's going
55:52
to make you sick, don't drink it. You know,
55:54
she knew she was going in. This could jeopardize
55:56
her wellbeing, but she did it anyway. This has
55:58
been happening for 10 years. with her 10
56:01
years being married to an alcoholic. Hello, my
56:03
name is Britney. Jesus Christ, she's got enough
56:05
chips. You'd think she could be sober for
56:07
one minute. Jack's saying
56:09
if you know something is going to make you sick,
56:11
don't drink it. Well, if people thought that advice, he
56:14
would never have a love life. So
56:16
everybody goes over to the patio
56:18
area and now it's time to
56:20
play Drag Your Heart. It's basically
56:23
a newlywed game and so
56:25
Jared comes out and he's like, he's in
56:27
drag and they're going to
56:30
do this whole trivia game thing.
56:32
And Michelle, Michelle's Holly goes, I
56:34
hate games. There's been a lot of talk about
56:36
games where people stand on them already in this
56:38
episode. But of course, fucking Michelle hates games. Of
56:41
course, she is joyless and
56:43
hates, who hates games?
56:45
It's in the name. Literally hate these games on
56:48
this show. We hate, I know, but I can't
56:50
believe we're so pro these games. All this. You
56:52
really don't know. I'm pro games
56:54
in life. I hate games on this show,
56:56
but I'm pro. She just hates games in
56:58
general. She just hates joy. She just wants
57:00
to go. She's a joy hater. She is
57:02
a joy. She is a joy hater. She
57:05
just, which is funny that she's boinking Rob
57:07
Reiner because he's like a comedy director mostly.
57:11
Maybe she's mostly into like the army ones
57:14
he did. She
57:17
likes a few good men. Yeah. She thought it was a
57:19
dating app. Honestly,
57:23
after Jesse, I just want a few good men. That's it.
57:27
Okay. So, um, Zach is
57:29
going to be Jax's couple
57:31
because Brittany's gone. So
57:33
let's just watch Jax be right back for
57:35
eating too much now. Cause he's Brittany's stand-in.
57:38
Um, so Zach's like, y'all me butts for
57:40
bright night. I'm Brittany now. Look at me
57:42
having a shot of sauce alcoholic. So,
57:49
um, uh, so
57:51
the first question is like, which partner is
57:53
a better catch? So Jesse's like, well, I'm
57:55
in couples therapy right now. So I have
57:57
to say Michelle. And she's like, well, And
58:00
that I think that's why you have
58:02
a life coach because of that response
58:07
So then Where was your
58:09
second date? They're all answering these questions. Of
58:12
course, Jesse's like Michelle's bed, which
58:14
is really romantic and kind Don't
58:18
you think that Michelle and Jesse are still kind of a
58:20
cute couple even though they're about to get divorced I'm
58:24
kind of jealous of their chemistry I think they still have
58:26
cute chemistry like how she's like do I have stuff on
58:28
my teeth and he's like gross they
58:31
have like chemistry the way pneumonia and Pneumonia
58:34
and bleach have the chemistry like yeah, there's chemical
58:36
reactions and we're all gonna die from it I
58:40
don't know. I'm thinking that so they're playing this
58:42
game. I can't give a game any mind Does
58:44
anything important happen in this game? No Nothing
58:47
really happens. How long can you laugh? How can
58:50
you last? Couple of
58:52
games. They're all having you know,
58:54
like Nia gets embarrassed by some things like and
58:56
yeah and They're
59:01
freaky. Yeah Nia and
59:03
Daniel get freaky like that one have
59:05
threesomes with everybody and stuff like that so
59:08
then Because I'm very
59:10
long time Yeah, this
59:13
keeps going so let's
59:15
say To everyone picks
59:17
everyone wants to bang Jasmine and her threesome, which
59:19
is cute and then Let's
59:22
see. I'm trying. There's a lot of game. Let's just go
59:24
to the gym Carmen's house So
59:27
it was a everyone had a great time and
59:30
Kristen wasn't there and they all ate hibachi
59:32
and it was wonderful so now we go to Kristen's
59:34
friends Cameron's house and Kristen
59:38
is preparing for a James May
59:40
relaunch James May the t-shirt line
59:43
that took America by storm
59:46
Back at some point in life and 2018
59:48
perhaps so Chris
59:51
I always I would have liked a different business
59:53
from Kristen I feel like James May didn't really
59:55
work and I feel like people can all really
59:57
only buy so many t-shirts spoken to
59:59
someone who sells This is something that I've
1:00:01
learned and I think that Kristen should have
1:00:03
learned this as well I would like maybe
1:00:05
like I don't know something modern like an
1:00:08
NFT with a saying on it or how
1:00:10
about an NFT t-shirts How about an NFT?
1:00:14
TEE Buy
1:00:16
my NFT. I'm sure you
1:00:18
wear but it's virtual. Yeah, it's one of
1:00:20
you own it There's
1:00:23
only like 20 of these
1:00:25
digital t-shirts. Yeah, you're welcome
1:00:27
Kristen. You're welcome Because
1:00:30
then also people all over the country would buy
1:00:32
it and not just be stuck. I don't know
1:00:34
anyway, so Zach's like, oh my god This
1:00:37
James May is her baby. She's worked
1:00:39
so hard on those smells Do
1:00:46
you know I'm trying to get pregnant after he sits
1:00:48
my baby, okay for now It's her baby for now
1:00:51
I started literally carrying around a Hanes with a
1:00:53
rubber band around a scrunch and she was like
1:00:55
calling it her baby She was trying to feed
1:00:58
it gecko food. I was like cool son. It's
1:01:00
not for babies I've
1:01:03
literally put this business down in front of
1:01:05
Nick Jr. Cuz it's such her baby right
1:01:07
now so yeah,
1:01:10
so Yeah,
1:01:13
this is poor business. So we
1:01:15
see flashbacks of People
1:01:18
making fun of it. Okay, Katie Katie going
1:01:20
I mean I can go on Pinterest and
1:01:22
like take my dad and take my friends
1:01:24
clothes and slap them on a t-shirt Make
1:01:27
some money to like come on. She said
1:01:29
my friends quotes like she's like She's
1:01:33
just selling people's other people's quotes on her
1:01:35
t-shirt, which would have been a better death
1:01:37
had Katie not been like Trying
1:01:40
to sell a makeup blog where she's like guess
1:01:43
what I do in the morning. I
1:01:45
put on lipstick You
1:01:48
should try it at least
1:01:50
Kristen has more T-shirts
1:01:52
to show than kitty has sandwiches. I will
1:01:54
say I like this in the past that's
1:01:56
open that's opening this month You're not allowed
1:01:59
to say that That joke is
1:02:01
already allowed to be old by the time this
1:02:03
is released. Just kidding. It's tomorrow. I
1:02:05
wonder what something about her is opening. I want to go. Okay,
1:02:08
I revise it. How
1:02:12
many t-shirts does Kristen have?
1:02:14
She has more t-shirts than
1:02:16
Katie has puckers and pouts.
1:02:18
Where's that? Now you're
1:02:20
doing Ariana's second job of stand-up comedy, which
1:02:23
you take very seriously. Except I messed
1:02:25
it up. I tried to match games, but I came
1:02:27
in on the audience response instead of giving... You
1:02:29
know, I didn't do the call and response properly.
1:02:33
Kristen has so many t-shirts. How
1:02:35
many? Three. Knock,
1:02:38
knock. Who's there? C'mon! Okay,
1:02:42
so then we see
1:02:44
Katie. Oh yeah, we see Katie. So then Zach's
1:02:46
like, yeah, so those things are famous. I'm trying
1:02:48
to be there for her more than normal. Oh,
1:02:51
here's what I read. Everybody's
1:02:53
been dying. What's Ronnie reading right now? I'm
1:02:56
already laughing because I know this is going to be ridiculous
1:02:58
in the best way. Not
1:03:00
shady ridiculous. I read something talking about... You
1:03:02
know how earlier I was like, Jackson, Kristen
1:03:04
are the one who pitched this show. I
1:03:06
got that from some article talking about how
1:03:08
Jackson, Kristen, pitched this show. And they've been
1:03:10
trying to get it on forever. And
1:03:16
the original idea for it was that
1:03:19
Kristen was going to be trying to
1:03:21
have a baby with her best gay
1:03:23
friend, Zuckery. But then Luke
1:03:25
came in the picture, so they changed
1:03:28
it around and brought Jasmine on to
1:03:30
make friends with Zach. And
1:03:32
so Zach has already been kind of dumped
1:03:34
from main storylines on this show. They're really
1:03:37
doing Zach dirty. Yeah, now,
1:03:39
yeah, poor Zach. So
1:03:42
they're setting up this t-shirt event and
1:03:44
Zach is like, this is honestly the
1:03:46
perfect venue. A big,
1:03:48
breezy, dusty backyard on a
1:03:50
cliff side looking over Universal
1:03:52
Studios. I die. I die.
1:03:56
This backyard is mother. I'm
1:03:58
literally done. So
1:04:00
Kristen's like, oh, this is where I'm having a
1:04:02
hard time as far as the guzzlers. So like,
1:04:04
I know you guys have like a dinner at
1:04:06
Janet's. Yes, Kristen, everyone's dying to come to your
1:04:08
t-shirt relaunch in your friend's backyard. But go, go
1:04:10
on. Well, I would like to only go. I'm
1:04:13
like, where was the invite for Walker Province? So,
1:04:17
yeah, so then Kristen's
1:04:19
like, not inviting me to this dinner.
1:04:21
It just feels like Janet's making a statement
1:04:24
and not like a statement tea. OK, it's
1:04:26
actually like a third grader. And I want
1:04:28
you to know you're not invited. OK,
1:04:30
great. Thanks. Cuz ah. T-t-t.
1:04:34
But in Malibu, the girls night, like Janet and I were
1:04:36
great. So I don't even understand what's going on. There
1:04:39
we go. Because Janet will barely tolerate her
1:04:41
in Malibu. Yeah, exactly. But wasn't that before
1:04:43
the Montreal and Kristen? She got mad at
1:04:45
you at the Montreal. So why would you
1:04:47
have problems before the Montreal and Kristen? I'm
1:04:49
not having your baby if you keep talking
1:04:52
like those. You
1:04:54
didn't directly scream at John. But it's
1:04:56
like another moment of you making a
1:04:58
decision to kind of, you know, ruin
1:05:01
the night sort of like you ruined my storyline
1:05:03
on this show. Well, like putting a sour taste
1:05:06
at the very end, you know, things like that.
1:05:09
I'm sorry, I just couldn't I just couldn't
1:05:11
have a baby with that much hair, even
1:05:13
for a storyline. Sorry. So,
1:05:16
Chris, I was like, what does Janet have to do with
1:05:18
literally anything? And I was like, thank you for speaking for
1:05:21
America on that one. Because what the fuck,
1:05:23
Janet? Yeah, I don't
1:05:25
understand what it just really sucks.
1:05:28
It really sucks for Kristen because
1:05:30
I feel like people blame
1:05:32
her for drama. But like, John,
1:05:34
it's like a shit story. And
1:05:37
then we see a flashback of Janet being like, so I heard
1:05:39
there's gossip. They tell me everything. I heard that Jackson something to
1:05:41
Brittany, but I don't know what it is. Can you tell me
1:05:43
what it is? Hey, I heard there's a story about something with
1:05:45
Kristen. I don't know. Did you tell you something? Can I hear
1:05:47
about it? Thanks. Yeah. And
1:05:50
he's like, you know what? Janet is just
1:05:52
getting a pass this summer because she's pregnant
1:05:54
and people get pregnant. People pass. It's
1:05:57
like crazy. All you have to do is get mock up. You
1:05:59
can get away with it. with anything. Congrats
1:06:01
on fucking Leishan, alright?
1:06:04
I think extending the invitation to Janet and
1:06:06
Michelle to be like, I know you probably
1:06:08
need more time, but like, I just want
1:06:11
to let you know this is like where
1:06:13
I'm at. Like, just be like heartfelt about
1:06:15
it because like, I don't think there's any
1:06:17
reason to create any more drama or like,
1:06:19
not include people, so like, just like, do
1:06:21
it. So now
1:06:24
we go to Jesse and Michelle's house and
1:06:26
Jesse is packing for his spiritual retreat. I
1:06:28
have something to say about Jesse. If your man
1:06:30
is going to be an asshole to you and
1:06:33
then his response to working on that is to
1:06:35
go on a weekend where he can do drugs
1:06:37
with other dudes, dump him now. That is not
1:06:39
a real fucking effort, okay? But
1:06:42
I will say the first redeeming quality of
1:06:44
Jesse of Tino season is that he is
1:06:46
an excellent folder of clothes. He had folded
1:06:48
like three little shirts to put into his
1:06:50
overnight bag and it was
1:06:52
like I was staring at a display at
1:06:54
Gap, like, which is probably where he worked
1:06:57
at some point because those shirts were folded
1:06:59
immaculately. I have been trying to get my
1:07:01
shirt folding game down, you know,
1:07:03
in anticipation of this European trip. I'm trying to
1:07:05
pack lean and lean and get everything nice and,
1:07:08
you know, efficient and
1:07:10
like, I swear to God, I
1:07:13
was in awe of the way he folded those shirts. He
1:07:16
folds like a crazy person, like
1:07:18
a psychopath. I feel like a sort of
1:07:20
person American. Yeah, I
1:07:24
feel like American psycho. Yeah,
1:07:28
you know, fires to this kind of this level
1:07:30
of holding people have their
1:07:33
their scout, their scallops, their skills, their skills,
1:07:35
their talents, their talents. I can't wait to
1:07:37
see your packing cubes. I'm so excited. Are
1:07:39
you bringing one of those vacuum things that
1:07:41
you vacuum the key? I would like out
1:07:43
the air. I would love to,
1:07:45
but my vacuum doesn't have a hose attachment.
1:07:48
So it's gonna be the packing cubes, which
1:07:50
is funny because packing cubes are not actually
1:07:52
cubes. So I think they should have like
1:07:54
renamed them to something more appropriate or say,
1:07:57
well, what happened when you put everything in it is just everything sort of looks
1:07:59
like a chicken. You know, it's like
1:08:01
a rounded, like a rounded square, but not
1:08:03
a cube. It's like a rounded square. It's just, you
1:08:06
think with a cube, it's going to be like an
1:08:08
actual cube, but it's not. So like, I'm resentful.
1:08:12
Okay. So Michelle comes
1:08:14
to check on him and he's
1:08:16
like, yeah, I'm going on this
1:08:19
retreat. You know, for
1:08:21
all I know, it could be a huge orgy, you know?
1:08:24
And so Michelle's like, well, what do you
1:08:26
want to get out of the retreat? She's
1:08:29
like, uh, I mean, shrooms? Basically.
1:08:33
What do you know? For violence? How about maybe I'll be
1:08:35
around some men that know how to fold? It'd
1:08:37
be nice. Just want to be in a
1:08:40
space where the bucket list isn't playing on our TV
1:08:42
all the time. So
1:08:44
he basically says
1:08:46
that, like, this is like, you know, you know how
1:08:48
it's like the Jesse show and everything. I just want
1:08:51
to work on this and I just want to like
1:08:53
enter a room without an ego and just have people
1:08:55
naturally like be drawn to me and everything. Yeah.
1:08:58
Well, that's what I was going to say to you. Like, you
1:09:00
know, behind all that, you're like a
1:09:02
good person at heart, but you're your own obstacle,
1:09:04
you know, and you keep running into that obstacle,
1:09:06
which is why I think you have a dent
1:09:08
in your hair. He
1:09:10
said, yeah, man, well, I'm going to do this for
1:09:12
us. I'm going to do whatever it takes. And he's doing
1:09:15
this whole thing about like, I've got it. It feels like
1:09:17
he's doing it not for her. He's doing it because he
1:09:19
wants to like win. He wants to
1:09:21
be like, no, I beat the situation. Yeah. So
1:09:23
he's like, well, I hope that you can change.
1:09:26
He's like change what? She goes, your
1:09:29
personality. Too
1:09:35
late, too little, too late. This is a
1:09:37
too little, too late retreat. So
1:09:40
he says this is a Hail Mary
1:09:42
for the marriage and he's basically fucked.
1:09:44
We all know that goose is cooked.
1:09:46
So the producer asks Michelle, like, what
1:09:48
do you think of this spiritual journey?
1:09:50
And she's like, well, I think it's
1:09:52
partly bullshit, but like you don't change
1:09:54
overnight. It takes like a lot of
1:09:56
work to process change. Yeah,
1:10:00
so Jesse's
1:10:03
like alright. Well, let's all get high for a night.
1:10:05
So bye So then
1:10:07
meanwhile now Nia's gonna host a self-defense lesson at
1:10:09
the Roosevelt. She's dragging everyone out of the valley,
1:10:12
which is shocking and So
1:10:14
Jasmine and Brittany are driving everything and bring his
1:10:16
like I've been up since 5. Oh, yeah Yeah,
1:10:18
yeah, yeah, cruise woke up at 5, you know
1:10:20
He had breakfast, you know, like the window and
1:10:22
stuff and they're like he would not go back
1:10:24
down to sleep Then
1:10:27
we went to the bar that he fell asleep at
1:10:29
the 8-minute car ride from the bar And
1:10:32
so they talk about the bar and we only got
1:10:36
Up that seven weeks Really
1:10:39
moving fast. So well, Jackson
1:10:41
wants to make money right away, but I wanted
1:10:43
to be right I mean, thankfully they have me
1:10:45
now they have chairs. Oh Gosh
1:10:49
we're doing self-defense class. I hope my boobs stay
1:10:51
in my top Oh
1:10:57
Hi, have you talked to Kristen Redall
1:10:59
recently and Jasmine's like, yeah, I saw
1:11:01
her and like this is where it gets twisted She's
1:11:04
saying that like you knew about the
1:11:06
whole Michelle's maybe texting is someone situation.
1:11:08
It brings like I want to
1:11:11
throw my name I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:11:13
Now notice she doesn't say I didn't know she says
1:11:15
why are you dragging me into this? Just
1:11:17
I mean, I'm not gonna go round and talk about
1:11:19
about any of it anybody You know have nothing to
1:11:21
do with her dump the fire that she started it
1:11:24
It's like no your husband's are actually you started the
1:11:26
dump survivor because he told Jack's in the first place
1:11:29
yeah, so everybody arrives for
1:11:31
this self-defense class and You
1:11:34
know, it's an ES. So bless her heart, but it's like Okay,
1:11:44
FFF so now they're
1:11:46
done with that part she's like then you go
1:11:48
like this Use your
1:11:50
power for good. So then all the ladies sit
1:11:52
around talking which is what we're really here for
1:11:55
of course and Christmas
1:11:57
like oh, thank you so much for inviting
1:11:59
me Who is for this one? And he
1:12:01
was like, yeah, I'm glad you're here. I really
1:12:03
wanted you to be here, Kristen. And
1:12:06
so Janet and Michelle, of course, did not come because
1:12:08
I heard Kristen was going to be there. So
1:12:11
Jasmine's just like, she's like, I just think you
1:12:13
need to talk to Michelle. And Kristen goes, listen,
1:12:16
I am the peacemaker, okay? I'm
1:12:19
like, everyone fucking please get along. When you look
1:12:21
at me, you just think, peace. I
1:12:23
wish they would just insert me in all the
1:12:26
conflicts going on across the world because I could
1:12:28
fix everything. I am a peacemaker. Also,
1:12:30
I'm the peacemaker. Like, if anyone's ever hungry,
1:12:32
I'm really good at peace. Yeah,
1:12:35
when she said she's a peacemaker, I laughed
1:12:37
so hard. And Jasmine was like, peacemaker? And
1:12:39
they're just all looking at each other like,
1:12:41
what is this lady talking about? So Brittany's
1:12:43
like, well, you haven't been a peacemaker recently
1:12:45
after you, because I heard that you said
1:12:47
that I said that I'm saying that everyone's
1:12:49
in. And you're like, well, Brittany knows
1:12:52
all about this rumor. Well, I'm not going to say
1:12:54
nothing. And why are you
1:12:56
bringing my diamond in this, Kristen?
1:12:58
Why, Kristen? No, what I
1:13:00
said was the only thing that
1:13:03
I said about it was that Jax is the one who
1:13:05
brought it up to me. And I don't want to talk
1:13:07
badly about your husband to you. Like, all of a sudden,
1:13:09
Kristen doesn't want to talk badly about Jax. Brittany
1:13:12
is like, now for the sake, for everyone. Ew,
1:13:14
I feel gross. Oh wait, sorry, I meant to
1:13:16
say for the sake. Whew, glad it
1:13:19
was just a typo in my brain. So
1:13:21
anyway, for the sake of everyone, I just wish
1:13:23
you guys would talk things and talk things and
1:13:25
things would just be better. And Jasmine's
1:13:27
like, yeah, we can all just be, someone can
1:13:29
all just be in the same room together. And Brittany's
1:13:31
like, well, yeah, and I just hate
1:13:34
this that they couldn't come tonight because
1:13:36
of drama that I and my
1:13:38
husband actually kind of started by blaming Kristen for.
1:13:40
I just hate that. So
1:13:43
Kristen's like, oh my God, this conversation sucks
1:13:45
because I know that I just have to
1:13:47
roll over because it's everybody against me, you
1:13:49
know? And so Brittany's
1:13:51
like, well, you know what?
1:13:53
I just think that it would make things
1:13:56
better with Janet too, if things got better
1:13:58
with Michelle and it's gonna be. You
1:14:00
try to make those things better honestly, even though I'm
1:14:02
the one behind the scenes telling everybody that you said
1:14:04
this and you said that And getting you in trouble
1:14:06
in the first place. That's kind of hilarious. This checks.
1:14:08
Oh my boobs hurt. They hurt. They're so heavy So
1:14:13
now we go over to Kristen's Jim's May
1:14:15
read launch and Zach is like helping set
1:14:17
everything up things were windy the Future
1:14:19
act keeps getting knocked over Like
1:14:23
tumbling down the hill and Kristen just
1:14:25
lying on the ground while that is doing
1:14:27
everything Jesus. It's hot I need shorts. I'm
1:14:29
gonna die. I'm literally gonna die I'm gonna
1:14:31
die before I get to see Brittany a
1:14:33
game that I could literally she loves game
1:14:35
night. She literally loves games Oh my
1:14:37
god, I'm gonna die So
1:14:40
then Kristen just like
1:14:42
sits around On her
1:14:44
phone while he was doing all the
1:14:46
work, you know This is the abusive
1:14:48
gaze that we see on Bravo just
1:14:50
another example this week Can I plead
1:14:52
to you again gay people stop being
1:14:55
friends with these Bravo assholes? It just
1:14:57
boss you around make you do everything. I'm sick of
1:14:59
it. It's a thing it on the TV. We deserve
1:15:01
better So Zach she
1:15:03
doesn't get strange changed into like kind
1:15:05
of a gypsy skirt type thing and
1:15:08
he's like, oh my god You look
1:15:10
so good. You look so good. I
1:15:12
cannot wait to have our baby. I
1:15:14
mean, I'm sorry I'm gonna need a
1:15:17
minute. Oh Don't
1:15:20
touch me I'm sweaty Can
1:15:22
we go over everything real quick, okay, so here's what
1:15:24
we need we did a restroom size Uh,
1:15:27
we can like seriously just like tell people as
1:15:29
long as a hundred people coming Yeah, but but
1:15:31
but jocks is coming. All right, we need a
1:15:34
restroom sign People speaking
1:15:36
people coming. Um speaking people coming. Sorry.
1:15:38
It's like really hard to tell if
1:15:40
it's me talking. Are you talking? Yeah,
1:15:42
so speaking people coming like who responded
1:15:44
for my group And so Kristen says
1:15:46
that she basically invited everyone except for
1:15:49
Janet and Michelle which makes Zach
1:15:51
really upset because Zach wanted Kristen to be heartfelt.
1:15:53
I don't bite them and let them be the
1:15:55
ones that said they're not gonna come Yeah,
1:15:59
And so then. You but you
1:16:01
really believe item select now. So
1:16:03
then flashback to five days ago
1:16:05
and he was telling Christian you
1:16:07
need to expand the invite and
1:16:09
says just ignored him.dot done so
1:16:11
then ah she's like oh we
1:16:13
love other things where it out
1:16:15
is an odd doll, crow Farm
1:16:17
or by. So
1:16:19
them on a she's like fuck those
1:16:21
girls the amount basically and he's like
1:16:24
Ogre said. her. Their friend comes over
1:16:26
and he's wearing crocs boots, bright pink.
1:16:29
Crock. Boots. Facts like oh
1:16:31
my God I know you
1:16:33
want me to love crossbows,
1:16:35
so not going all bow.
1:16:38
And I was like he can't love
1:16:40
these said Ali go over to bridge
1:16:42
act in front. nice house and I'm
1:16:44
pretty is on the phone with Janet
1:16:46
talking about like a big batch because
1:16:49
was acts as like working quote have
1:16:51
a working of counter and burn is
1:16:53
like soda some that the trade absolve
1:16:55
rate of a lot of of course
1:16:57
where and you know that So Data
1:16:59
is doing a baby moon to Big
1:17:01
Bear ah I'm as is inviting couples
1:17:03
ah before her baby shows up and
1:17:05
a but of course she's not inviting
1:17:08
Kristin so. We can already tell that is
1:17:10
the could be drama and also like I hate
1:17:12
when people don't have by people's recast trap like
1:17:14
you got him by their phones the can strip.
1:17:17
Yeah. Some I'm saying the stupidly the can't
1:17:19
do that Your new your new here you don't
1:17:21
get to just come on a recast the leaves
1:17:24
of the so you whack a deal with their
1:17:26
hibachi parties Like to see really think oh my
1:17:28
god today I'm taking the so over with my
1:17:30
hibachi party. Fell. Fell down
1:17:32
it so them on yeah and also your
1:17:35
party till like oh god why didn't we
1:17:37
just have a baby shower a memory mapped
1:17:39
have a sip in see in our gap
1:17:41
of of all this other shit for your
1:17:44
baby now amp of Abba final party for
1:17:46
you before you may be towns Amri party
1:17:48
sunni made as inventing things Jax of course
1:17:50
said well as non christian right like. this
1:17:53
feels like a messy situation so i'd be
1:17:56
messy so i'm gonna see this ebert is
1:17:58
that loss because i know the James
1:18:00
May thing like I'm sorry it's repentant but like I don't know when
1:18:02
I'm gonna see her again and I feel like this is the only
1:18:04
opportunity I have to tell her I mean like I have to be
1:18:06
messy I need to be messy like this has to happen I've had
1:18:08
to be messy right now yeah
1:18:10
he's like wow for her not to invite
1:18:12
Kristen that's messy even for me so
1:18:16
then Jan is like okay well
1:18:18
good luck today I hope
1:18:20
it goes well feel free to call me
1:18:23
later if you know things go down cuz
1:18:25
I really want the gossip even though I'm
1:18:27
trying to get this lady kicked off the
1:18:29
show so now they're talking about like this
1:18:31
is so crazy with Kristen and everybody
1:18:39
and now it's time for Jackson Brittany to go to this
1:18:41
party well Brittany is like you
1:18:43
know it's never been this crazy and mixed up
1:18:45
with my friendship with Kristen before ever I'm just
1:18:47
like so mad that she's like not invited break
1:18:50
down like whatever like like whatever like she hasn't
1:18:52
taken even the say hey James get off the
1:18:54
phone and she takes Jackson's phone get off your
1:18:56
freakin phone guy I'm talking about Christian
1:18:59
and he's like I'm sorry no no I
1:19:01
was uh I was talking to DJ for the party
1:19:03
no you are Instagram I could see the grid
1:19:05
in your background okay and that wasn't even the I
1:19:07
am BM babes like you say you're always looking at
1:19:09
it sorry I've got
1:19:11
three other businesses going on all right I'm
1:19:14
so busy I've got this trying
1:19:17
to lose more hair in preparation for
1:19:19
that thing hmm hockey
1:19:23
hockey down in Tampa sure
1:19:25
that's still in the that's the result the max still
1:19:27
waiting for the final round of interviews and
1:19:29
she's like oh yeah you got the businesses do you
1:19:32
do that by yourself because I'm pretty sure I'm doing
1:19:34
the exact same things as you are doing diet and
1:19:36
he goes no no no I
1:19:38
thought the work can you just like take ten
1:19:40
minutes and not be on your phone okay it's
1:19:42
like well just talked about Christmas tomorrow okay fine
1:19:44
okay what they'd like that we have nothing else
1:19:46
to talk about they in it's like
1:19:48
I don't care about Christmas I don't care about Christmas
1:19:50
I've got businesses I got business you know I heard
1:19:53
it is being married to an alcoholic so wait a
1:19:55
minute sorry I was just
1:19:57
saving that for the camera sorry nothing
1:19:59
honey Nothing. So
1:20:02
now we go back to the event and Jackson
1:20:05
and Brittany are there and Jack's like, wow looks
1:20:07
like Chris has more friends than I
1:20:09
thought. Wow I don't recognize
1:20:11
anybody. Does she just hire all
1:20:13
these people? Do you
1:20:16
think they think they're available for our bar
1:20:18
launch? So then Jasmine shows
1:20:20
up. Everyone's showing up, Danny and the
1:20:22
twins and everything. There's another tattoo stand.
1:20:25
They love tattoos as party
1:20:27
favors on this show. Such a
1:20:29
permanent thing for such a temporary
1:20:33
place. Yeah that's the thing.
1:20:35
You're just gonna get like a little something. I
1:20:38
don't know. So Jack's is like, so what
1:20:40
are we actually doing here? And
1:20:42
Zach is like, oh it's a rebrand yacht.
1:20:44
Yeah it's a right right. Yeah yeah yeah.
1:20:46
Don't you know that? And he's
1:20:48
like, I don't know. I don't know what this
1:20:50
is. I don't think anybody can even
1:20:53
buy anything. I think it's just samples. I might rather just
1:20:55
go on a bunch of creepy drugs with Jesse and have
1:20:57
a spiritual journey at this point. And
1:20:59
Zach's like, oh she just wants to
1:21:01
get back to her offense. So that's
1:21:03
what we're doing. He's like mm-hmm. Sorry
1:21:07
I couldn't hear you. I'm counting businesses in my head. This
1:21:09
is making me tired. So
1:21:11
then Brittany and Zach go gossip and
1:21:14
they're talking. She's pulling at her t-shirt.
1:21:16
She's like, this kind of t-shirt doesn't
1:21:18
work for big big women. No
1:21:20
t-shirt works for anyone that lets Jack
1:21:22
be in control of what goes inside
1:21:25
of them. So
1:21:27
Zach is like, well
1:21:30
I think that was like a first run. Like
1:21:32
that would may have been one of the ones
1:21:34
that fell down the hillside. I'm not sure. Well
1:21:36
when I talked to Janet earlier everybody got a
1:21:38
flyer and like even Jerry got one. And like
1:21:40
of course like Janet's gonna hear about this if
1:21:42
she sends one to Jared and Simon. I was
1:21:44
like, eeeeeggh. And Zach is like,
1:21:46
but here's the thing. I even told
1:21:48
her. Like I was like, Kristen, invite
1:21:50
them. Let them say no if they
1:21:52
need boundaries. They're
1:21:55
all mad at Kristen for not inviting Janet and Michelle but
1:21:57
it was Janet and Michelle who've been the ones who've been
1:21:59
exc- Glooting Kristen. Yeah,
1:22:02
and Michelle I can see it cuz Kristen
1:22:04
is going around like oh, I'm with your
1:22:06
affair I'm protecting all
1:22:08
your secrets. Don't worry, but Janet Janet
1:22:11
doesn't have that excuse. I don't like
1:22:13
it. So Brittany's
1:22:16
like yeah, yeah, I just don't even think she cares like
1:22:18
okay So what are we gonna do to try and make
1:22:20
her car? Are we gonna make her? Well,
1:22:23
I mean, what about the baby moon
1:22:25
though? I mean she's not even gonna go to
1:22:27
the baby moon. Maybe she'll care then he goes
1:22:29
wait a minute Wait a minute. Wait a minute
1:22:32
Donald's having a baby more Oh Yeah,
1:22:35
yeah. Yeah, we're going to big bay air and
1:22:38
she's like I mean she's not gonna buy Christian
1:22:40
in like you should talk Janet because like right
1:22:42
now It's kind of just like couples saying, you
1:22:44
know, it's ever been the couple. Oh, you haven't
1:22:47
date anyone ever have you? well,
1:22:49
so I don't know like I don't know if
1:22:51
you're coming or not, but like I kind of
1:22:53
bit weird even being the one to Tell you
1:22:55
because I better be invited. I better be invited
1:22:57
a whole lot as I am It's
1:23:01
really hard hearing love And
1:23:03
he's basically like fucking Janet We're in a
1:23:05
good place and the only reason she's doing
1:23:07
this is because I'm supporting Kristen, you know
1:23:10
It's like he has not about the couples
1:23:12
You don't want me there because you're either
1:23:14
not comfortable or you think I'm so not
1:23:16
on your side that I would immediately be
1:23:19
talking to Chris and about y'all so
1:23:22
now the whole group gathers and Jack's
1:23:24
just has this giant like circular sweat stain
1:23:26
right around his belly button and Zach is
1:23:28
like you're just like me Except I guess
1:23:30
you get invited to baby moons. I don't
1:23:33
know exactly. Yeah, I don't know. It's like
1:23:35
whatever I just I sweat I don't know.
1:23:37
There's nothing I can do about it. So
1:23:39
Luke is like Kristen. Are you okay?
1:23:42
You know what seriously a lot
1:23:44
for them to be here with babies. So
1:23:47
I really really appreciate it It means a
1:23:49
lot just like the emotional just like
1:23:51
a big happy family. I love
1:23:53
it. Where are the geckos? I'm hungry I
1:23:55
need their food and so
1:24:00
I was like, yeah, I hate to be the Debbie Downer
1:24:02
of your event, but I'm just gonna get this out of
1:24:04
the way because I'm uncomfortable being around strangers, people
1:24:07
from Craigslist that you brought in for this
1:24:09
fake business. It's not really yours. Got a
1:24:11
lot of businesses to run, so hate to
1:24:13
be Debbie Downer, but Janet and Jason are
1:24:15
planning a babymoon. You're not invited. We're all
1:24:17
going to Big Bear without you. So go
1:24:19
ahead. Cry about it. Zach? Take
1:24:22
it away. And Jasmine's like, wait, what?
1:24:25
And he's like, yeah, I mean, I was the only one who said
1:24:27
that you guys should kind of just want to get that credit. And
1:24:29
so Zach is like, I mean, it's
1:24:31
just like I'm like, okay, I'm like, just like
1:24:33
trying to like stop. I'm like, I can't like
1:24:35
when everybody moved to the Valley, it like basically
1:24:37
created a vision and friendship. And like, I didn't
1:24:40
get invited to like a lot of stuff and
1:24:42
like being one of the only single people in
1:24:44
the group and like not inviting me. I'm like
1:24:46
a babymoon feels like I'm being just like singled
1:24:48
out like emphasis on single because that's what I
1:24:51
am. Like why the fuck am I not invited?
1:24:53
I did nothing wrong. So
1:24:56
did they invite Jasmine? I couldn't tell by
1:24:58
her response because Jack said, unfortunately, they don't
1:25:00
want to invite you guys. And
1:25:03
she said, wait, what? I
1:25:05
couldn't. I thought maybe she wasn't
1:25:07
invited, but maybe she is because she is in
1:25:09
a relationship. Well I don't
1:25:11
know, but I hope she's not because I hope they can
1:25:13
all gang up now and get rid of Jen. Are
1:25:16
you seriously going to try and go against
1:25:18
Kristen and the gay? Really?
1:25:21
Good luck, honey. Good luck. You
1:25:24
know, have you seen these shows? Surely
1:25:26
you have. Are you really going to
1:25:29
try and go up against Kristen? You
1:25:31
fucking moron. I cannot wait to see
1:25:33
you get eaten alive, lady. Can't wait.
1:25:36
Good luck. Yeah. We'll
1:25:38
see how it all shakes out. But that's it for this
1:25:41
week's episode. It sure is, everybody. Thanks
1:25:43
so much for being here with us. Okay. We
1:25:46
will be back tomorrow with a little summer house and
1:25:48
there's still a bonus episode and
1:25:50
our live dwell hello from
1:25:53
the comedy festival will be posted, I
1:25:55
don't know, today, tomorrow, some point over
1:25:58
on Wunderi Plus. for being
1:26:00
here. We will talk to you guys next
1:26:02
time, okay? Bye. Bye. Watch
1:26:05
What Crap is would like to
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thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no
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thing like Allison King. Ashley Savoni,
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she don't take no baloney. Strolling
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not just a Sheila, she's a
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Daniela. Itchill. Erin McNicholas, she don't
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miss no Tricolas. She's never scary,
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it's the Green Fairy. Jamie, she
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has no less name-y. Hava Nagila
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Weber. Show your worth
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with Jason Kurz. Sit some scots
1:26:31
with Jessica Trach. She's always supplying,
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it's Kelly Ryan. Christian the
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Piston Anderson. Let's give
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a kisserino to Lisa Leno. We
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want to hang with Liz Lang.
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Megan Berg, you can't have a
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burger without the Berg. The Bay
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Area Betches. Betches. And our super
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premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10
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cc's of Betsy M.D. We're taking
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the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's
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get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't
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get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't
1:27:01
have a meal without the Emily Sides.
1:27:03
We forever love Eva. Nobody holds a
1:27:06
candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our
1:27:08
wish, it's Jen Plish. She's
1:27:10
not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's
1:27:13
a little bit loony, Juney. My
1:27:15
favorite Merto, Karen McMurdo. We love
1:27:17
him though, Karen McMurdo. We love
1:27:20
him madly, it's Kyle Pod Chadley.
1:27:22
Let's go on a bender with
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Lauren Fender. The incredible edible Matthew
1:27:27
Sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle.
1:27:29
Ring that bell for Rochelle. She's
1:27:31
the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke.
1:27:34
Shannon, out of account in Anthony.
1:27:37
Let's take off with Pamela Plains.
1:27:39
She ain't no shrinkin' violet coutard.
1:27:41
We love you guys. Thanks
1:27:55
for watching. I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.
1:28:00
I'm Alayna,
1:28:03
an autopsy technician. And I'm Ash,
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a hairstylist. And we just love
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