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Mint Mobile Mint

0:51

Mobile Melissa,

0:56

are you a doctor? I

0:59

want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a

1:01

doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're

1:03

not experts at anything. In fact, we just chatted

1:05

a lot of shit. So... And we love giving

1:07

you guys advice, but as we said... We love

1:09

giving you guys advice. Do not take what we're

1:11

saying as gospel. If you do feel like you

1:13

need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help.

1:20

I'm driving home

1:22

for Christmas. Yeah.

1:25

Can't wait to see their faces. It's

1:29

fucking unreal. I'm driving

1:31

home for Christmas. Yeah.

1:36

That was fucking epic. What's another one?

1:38

You better watch out. You

1:40

better not shout. You better

1:42

not cry. I'm telling you

1:44

why. Santa Claus

1:47

is coming to

1:49

town. He sees

1:51

you when you're sleeping. He

1:54

knows when you're awake. Dun-dun-dun-dun.

1:56

He knows if you've been

1:58

bad or good. I'm gonna be

2:00

here for goodness sake. Oh, she's

2:03

here, she's here. No, no, no. Oh,

2:05

hello. Oh, my God, Capella.

2:08

Happy Christmas, guys. I'm

2:10

feeling super excited this year. Yeah.

2:14

I'm going seeing, you're going seeing too, right? Yeah. You

2:17

do it always. I know for once I just thought,

2:19

you know, you got the new house in London. What,

2:21

I'm gonna be in the environment now? No, your parents have

2:24

got that new house. In the

2:26

UK, so I thought, maybe. Right, Christmas

2:28

goes, we're very close to each other. Where

2:31

are you? We're just mauzines. Is

2:33

that close? To about there, I

2:36

think so. Mauzines, like in, not

2:38

in France or anything. Is it? I

2:40

thought it's in Switzerland. Mauzines in France. You

2:42

fly to Geneva. Yeah, but Geneva's

2:44

on the cusp of both, isn't it? That's confusing.

2:47

Someone needs it. Mauzine is definitely in France. I've been to mauzines

2:49

so many times, is it how do I not know where the

2:51

fuck it is? Pretty sure it's really close, you could just ski

2:53

over the mountain and you're in bad shape. You can't do that.

2:55

Oh, is that about for teens? That's a teen, yeah. Right,

2:58

okay, I've got myself all muddled up. Emily Blackfel is

3:00

in teens, so that is her. So we are spending

3:02

news each other. Oh my God, I've

3:04

not told you. Got news. We've booked my

3:06

alley for January. You know. Just for Hollybobs.

3:08

Just for Hollyday, and then you know. Hollyday.

3:11

Hollyday. And then you

3:13

know my family. If

3:15

you live in Michigan, they have a place in Miami. So

3:17

they're the same time. Gorgeous. So we might

3:19

even stay with them. Righty-ho, should we go

3:21

into the episode? She's really gonna be off

3:24

the accent. I don't know why I keep

3:26

doing that. Oh my God, should I have

3:28

told you about selling the OC guys? We've

3:30

discussed it. But I haven't discussed it with

3:32

you. So good.

3:35

Wait, I'm so sorry. Sorry, sorry, my brain. Selling

3:37

the OC guys, as in the guys are little.

3:39

No, no, no, no, selling the OC. Selling

3:41

OC. Guys, guys, guys. No, oh my

3:43

God. Okay, you're talking about selling OC. I thought

3:45

you were saying selling Sansets. I'd missed it. Yeah,

3:47

selling the OC, it's fricking good to me. No, I

3:49

tried and I was like, I get this off. That's

3:53

so unlikely. You love shit TV. Okay, great. Because

3:55

I've got absolutely sweet FA to watch and I'm

3:58

watching desperate housewives for the 14th. time

4:00

and I'm actually getting a bit bored of it. I need to watch it. Okay,

4:03

but did you watch them in sunset? Yes,

4:05

obviously. And did you watch the reunion? Yes.

4:08

Did you watch the reunion? Sorry, I'm

4:10

finished. You

4:13

may only be back in a year. That

4:16

is a vile. Toby does it all

4:18

the time. Jamie's like talking it, it's like a dad

4:20

basically... I'm

4:22

like, you're disgusting. It's so gross, I'd

4:24

rather just swallow it. But

4:27

you know when someone's talking... That thing's actually my most embarrassing thing.

4:30

Or like older men or boys, because Toby's not old

4:32

at all. But he'll burp

4:34

mid-conversations and try to disguise these.

4:37

He's like, oh, do you know what I mean? And it

4:39

comes out in a world. I do a lot, but that's

4:41

meals. And I'll tell you why, because

4:43

I always have a dark coat. And they literally, the minute

4:45

I have one, I need to burp. So that fizzy drink

4:47

is anything with gas in it. Yeah, yeah, anything with air.

4:51

Fizzy water. I can't drink fizzy water.

4:55

When you're in early stages

4:57

of dating, don't know what a fizzy drink is. It

5:00

is still. Unless you're a non-vap of it. I don't

5:02

think it's possible, because it like sits the air, sits

5:04

right in the throat. The diet, the

5:06

cakes, like an absolute no-go. Oh no, and also

5:08

like the tonics are

5:11

a no-go. No, I feel like they're a little bit okay,

5:13

the Toms. Bear. Tell

5:16

us about OC then. Just

5:19

really good TV. Mm-mm, it's cute. Okay,

5:22

right. Favourite thing

5:24

about this time of year? It's

5:27

my birthday, it's Christmas. Your birthday brings in some joy for

5:29

me. Skiing. For

5:32

me, Christmas time, what's

5:34

like cosy nights in, I really like. Yeah. Like

5:38

of course there's all the festive things to go out, but I just

5:40

love the fact it goes dark at 4pm. Yeah,

5:42

yeah, yeah. In withdrawal.

5:45

So if you then put the dressing gowns on, put the TV on, it's like a

5:48

festival down. I don't have festival down. Do

5:50

you want rid of it? I

5:52

bin them all. They've given me the egg. But what about the first

5:54

thing when you wake up and you put your dressing gown on and

5:56

you're brushing your teeth? Don't do it. Sometimes I do that because I

5:58

have to in my bathroom if it's cold and I'm like... I'm

6:00

freezing and then I get dressed straight away. I

6:02

had to give them all away. I don't go downstairs

6:04

in my dressing gown. Jamie didn't like them. Like

6:07

they were so big. I don't know why, but obviously they're

6:09

so home once at all one size. And

6:12

sometimes you'll put it over your, I do that. When

6:14

you're cold she puts it over her clothes and then

6:16

it just looks a bit poofy. It looks a bit

6:19

like a beddy. You know when someone's just a bit

6:21

beddy. Grubby. Yeah, bit sloppy and

6:23

grubby. Like saving their pyjamas till med day.

6:25

No hate. Not for me though. But

6:28

I would like put it. I'm still in bed

6:30

in a middle of the day feel and I'm not

6:32

sure about it. Yeah, it's a plan of me for

6:34

dressing gown. And once you've got one and you love

6:36

it, like it feels really bad. Like a security blanket.

6:38

To not wear it. So I just had to work

6:40

the bandage off. Like I can't be coming home when

6:42

I'm cold. I'm putting a dressing gown over my clothes.

6:44

I know. Yes, I would be having

6:46

clothes underneath, but it just looks grubby. Yeah. And

6:49

then Jamie really didn't like it. Sounds like he's very

6:51

controlling, but I then realised it was icky. And so

6:53

I just threw them because I honestly couldn't take it

6:55

off. I was obsessed with it. Yeah, I know.

6:57

I watched the holiday on Sunday. Gorgeous.

7:00

Yeah. And I, oh my God,

7:02

I think, no, I'm not gonna say it because it might make

7:04

his head a bit big, but I said to Jamie, I

7:07

think Jude Law looks a bit like Toby. Oh my

7:09

God, everyone says that. I've never seen it.

7:11

I went, why does Toby look like everyone? He looks

7:13

like David Beckham. Now Jude Law, we can't keep playing.

7:15

Let's make up his trumpet. No, but do you know

7:18

what freaks me out about this? I can't

7:20

stop. You know what freaks me out about that

7:22

whole movie? Guess how old Jude Law is at? He's

7:26

younger than Jamie. They're

7:29

older, mature. Yeah, they do look like proper adults.

7:31

I would say he's 40. Same,

7:35

I guess he doesn't have a boat off. It's a real shame

7:37

he didn't have a lookalike son. He

7:40

does have a son. No, he doesn't look like him at all. I have

7:42

no idea what his son looks like. He doesn't look like him. I might

7:44

have a look. And you know what's also a bit of a Christmas

7:47

evening for me is James Bond films. Weird. Me

7:50

and my family always watch James Bond film at

7:52

Christmas on Christmas Day. Always. Oh

7:54

my God, I might not have a tradition

7:56

with my family. Classy tradition, Jamie. It's really

7:59

classy tradition. Also, it's the only thing that

8:01

we can get my dad to watch. He's not

8:03

watching any Christmas films. Yes, movies on the Christmas day,

8:05

like you've always got to have one. Yeah. What's

8:08

your Christmas tradition? Like a toy store, a toy store, a

8:10

toy store. OK, so

8:12

the night before we all got a present, my dad

8:14

was never included in this. It would just be my

8:16

mom, me and my sister. And we all maybe he

8:18

was. But then obviously they bring up. So I don't

8:21

really remember. But my mom, every year

8:23

we get given a Christmas present on Christmas Eve.

8:26

And and it was always a part

8:28

of a new pair of pajamas. We all have matching, me, my

8:30

mom and my sister. So we all get them on. But

8:33

this is always one of having family dinner with like

8:35

my cousins and auntie. Before. As

8:37

we come back and the mom will give us Christmas present. And

8:39

then we go to bed. We wake

8:42

up in the morning. We I think

8:44

we have like champagne,

8:47

buckspares, vibes, make

8:49

scrambled eggs, smoked salmon. Exactly what we

8:51

need. Such a tradition. Always the same.

8:54

And then we'll go get changed. Oh,

8:56

we'll open our stockings. We don't know.

8:58

We used to open stockings in bed.

9:01

We don't really get stockings anymore. We pass the

9:03

age of seven. I say we don't do that.

9:05

You know what? My mom actually still puts presents in

9:07

it. My mom goes, oh, that's

9:09

a stocking Philip. And it's not in the

9:11

stocking. But I don't know why she stopped.

9:13

It's actually really mean that she's a bit

9:16

inconvenient. They were quite they also look

9:18

ugly. What the stockings do.

9:20

Yeah. Mine used to be on the bed.

9:22

My bad sack. No, we had nice

9:24

looking. It was on the edge of it was hung. Because

9:26

I had like a four poster bed thing. And

9:29

it would be hang on one of those things.

9:31

Oh, my God. No. When I was young, my

9:33

mom went all out like she would walk into

9:35

our room with talcum powder and there'd be footprints.

9:37

And you'd sit. Oh, no. No. Yeah. She

9:41

did the whole thing. The whole house would have snow

9:43

all over it. We had our own little Christmas tree

9:45

and everything. It was really amazing. And

9:47

then we'd have. Anyway, so then we'll do

9:50

that. Then you're getting changed for the Christmas day lunch.

9:52

Can I just say more now these days? It's Christmas

9:54

for my parents, because they're the ones who have loads

9:56

of presents. Me and my sister, I don't even think

9:58

I honestly get like no. It

14:00

corrected me! The whole body is having

14:02

you in my life! Oh

14:08

my god! Oh

14:10

my god, no no! Someone used to give

14:12

me tushnips! No no no! I'm dying!

14:14

Your mum has obviously heard you say!

14:18

You bummed me to chuck me! Wait!

14:31

Wait! Oh

14:33

my god! Can we

14:35

rewind the tape? I wanna hear you say it! Please

14:38

never stop saying it! That was so funny!

14:41

Shut me! Chuck

14:44

me! Wait, I knew you were wrong! No

14:46

no no no no! Oh

14:51

my god! But

14:53

wait, Toby must have told you you say Chuck to

14:55

me before! I'm just going that people probably... Because it's

14:57

really like mild, you can barely hear it. The first

14:59

time she said it I thought... You say that right!

15:02

And then it's probably more people doing it and they

15:04

let me get away with it! Yeah,

15:06

they're like... It's sad that she said chuck me!

15:09

Anyway... Do you know what it looks like? It

15:11

should be called Chuck me! Chuck

15:14

me doesn't sound right to me! I went chuck

15:16

me and you went yeah chuck me! Oh

15:21

god! That got me good! Alright, well you

15:23

learn something new every day! At least it's

15:25

because I will be getting my pronunciations correct!

15:28

You've got to say that to your family! You say

15:30

it loads and be like monkey pass me the chuck

15:32

me! And just see if... Oh my god you're right!

15:37

What the fuck? Why has no one told me?

15:39

But you would have used that word a lot!

15:41

I know! You've also said that word to me before!

15:43

You've been like oh I love like chuck me! Oh

15:45

you're like one of my favourite things! You know what?

15:47

It's the life of being a dyslexic, guys. You have

15:50

to let me off! Oh!

15:54

No no! That was so good! My tummy hurt!

15:56

Me too! So wait, you have your cheese and

15:58

chuck me! And that's it, that's

16:01

the end of the day. That's a really gorgeous day.

16:03

That's the last meal, or like leftover ham, normally you

16:05

have some ham or something, you know that nice ham.

16:07

Oh my god, the ham, that's lovely. That's my favourite

16:09

bit of about... Oh my god, I'm pretty soothed you

16:11

asked. My cousins, who

16:13

I'm actually going to Mawseen with, their

16:15

dad, Kevin, you must have met him

16:18

at my sisters, he is such a

16:20

good cook. I don't look right after

16:22

crying. The best ham ever. I hope

16:24

he makes it this year. Tired

16:29

of ads crashing your comedy podcast

16:31

party? Good news! Ad-free

16:33

listening on Amazon Music is included with

16:35

your Prime membership. Just head

16:37

to amazon.com/adfreecomedy to catch up

16:40

on the latest episodes without

16:42

the ads. Botox

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yourself and learn more, visit

17:12

botoxcosmetic.com. That's botoxcosmetic.com. We've

17:22

got some festive dynamics for you guys.

17:24

So we're celebrating Crimbo with you. No,

17:26

Crimbo's awful. Don't say that. Okay, right.

17:28

Hi ladies, I'm Matiney listening out in

17:30

Germany. Oh my gosh, I'm half English and listening to

17:33

you both makes me smile. I'm thinking of lovely things

17:35

about England. Oh my god, that's so sweet. Dilemma

17:38

time. My boyfriend and

17:41

I have been together for over three years. We live

17:43

together in Berlin and we have spent all of our

17:45

Christmases as a couple with my family in Germany. He

17:48

gets on so well with my family and he

17:50

says it's just so natural being

17:52

with them all. God, that's such a dream. That's

17:55

so lovely. That's also very rare. But

17:58

this year we promised we would go to... but

22:00

I'm not sure if I'm saying that just

22:02

because my school crush became a reality. Charging

22:04

from socials, he's still single, has told his

22:06

family and friends that he's gay. And

22:09

he has told them that makes me happy. So

22:12

my question is, do I give it another

22:14

go this year or let it be something

22:16

that just happened last year? Give it another

22:18

go! I have

22:20

one of these really weird, like, through, like, ugh. But

22:23

yeah, give it another go. Merry Christmas,

22:25

you both, thank you for the last on Wednesday's digit.

22:28

That's a Christmas miracle and you know what? Christmas

22:30

is coming back around just at the right time. He's

22:33

fully, like, come into himself. He's

22:36

told everyone who he really is. Yeah, he's got his

22:38

identity. It's

22:42

also quite nice that you were, like, his first. Well, I

22:44

don't know if you were, but it's also that you were

22:46

his first. I keep experiencing him truly being himself. That's pretty

22:48

special. I'm fluffing police. And

22:50

quite exactly. Please give us a follow-up.

22:52

Kon-Tat didn't completely cut out, which is

22:54

also a positive. And also, I just

22:57

feel like that's quite chill. Like, they always knew each other. I

22:59

don't think either has been a dick, either has played it

23:02

cool. Like, it's just how it is. He's also probably had

23:04

a lot going on. Like, that's a,

23:06

you know, he had to cart to his

23:08

family, his friends, like, all of that going on.

23:11

And, like, he probably wanted

23:13

to experiment a bit. Yeah. So now,

23:15

year come round. Definitely give

23:17

that a go and we'd love a follow-up. Oh, I just

23:19

love, I love, like, those early stages.

23:22

Yeah, yeah. Same. I mean, that's

23:24

actually with your crush. I mean, it's also, it's

23:26

just so good. And, like, when you go to

23:28

the pub this year, you're going to be like,

23:30

where is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to

23:33

already have the tingles of it, because I've been,

23:35

like, 10 weeks before you go to the pub.

23:37

Definitely give that a go. Okay, right. Hey,

23:39

girls. Nice to see you. I'm currently a

23:41

uni, and my boyfriend, let's call him Ethan, broke up

23:43

with me two weeks ago. Quite like the name Ethan,

23:45

do you? No. It

23:49

was very unexpected for me. He said it wasn't working

23:51

from his perspective. That's really fucking, I

23:53

hate it when stuff comes out of the

23:55

blue. Yeah. It

23:57

just really catches you off guard, and there's nothing worse than being

23:59

shocked. and like being heartbroken. I'm still really struggling with

24:01

it all, especially as we're a part of the same

24:03

friendship group. So we see each other all the time.

24:06

Our group has decided to do secret Santa with

24:08

all 15 of us getting involved, including me and

24:10

my ex. I picked out my name

24:12

and who do I have? Ethan. I'd

24:15

have to change someone. I

24:18

can't ask for a swap otherwise I look like I'm bothered about it.

24:20

So I'm struggling on what to get him. No, no, no, you should

24:22

have swapped. Swap. I

24:24

am bothered about it. He's not still on a buy me thing. I don't know

24:26

what to do there. Swap. Swap, especially when he don't use

24:28

it. Swap now. Sorry,

24:31

I'm not even gonna read your essays, Dilemma, swap fucking

24:33

name over. Swap. Immediately. Swap.

24:36

Swap. Like I can't say enough. Like there

24:38

was no way you were giving him a Christmas. No. It's

24:41

not happening. We're not letting you do it. Everyone would understand.

24:43

And I don't think it, and don't make it. It doesn't

24:45

matter if you do look bothered. Like you've just been broken

24:47

up with. I absolutely am bothered and I'm gonna own it.

24:50

I don't really want to buy this person a Christmas present.

24:52

I'm trying to get over this right now. Yeah, I know

24:54

it's so weird. It's so awkward. Don't all think about you

24:56

on Christmas day buying you a fucking Christmas present, wrapping up

24:58

your Christmas present. No, it's so

25:01

weird. It's so awful. It's basically torturing yourself.

25:03

Do I go for something generic or a nice

25:05

gift, which I know you'd actually like. I'm really confused

25:07

about how to act around him. And

25:09

that enough of getting over him really hurts, especially as I

25:11

didn't want it to end. And

25:13

now I'm having to get him a Christmas present, which I never

25:15

saw coming. Anyways, swap the name. There's

25:18

no other way. Go to your other friend and be

25:20

like, look, I can't, I need to, whoever you got,

25:22

I need to swap with you because. I've got Ethan.

25:24

Yeah, I'm shocking about this. Everyone,

25:26

well, I'm fine. If you give it to

25:28

him at a party dinner, it will be

25:31

so awkward. Everyone will be like cringe, cringe,

25:33

cringe. What would you get him?

25:35

Everything's gonna either look like you don't care or it's

25:37

gonna look like you do care and you're trying not

25:39

to care. Like it's all too many layers. No,

25:42

set away from him. Don't talk to him.

25:44

Don't even talk to him. Ooh, he's annoying.

25:46

Fair enough of your point in your relationship

25:48

where you've moved on and you're friendly with

25:50

your ex. Oh my God, yeah, fine. But

25:52

at this point, absolutely no, you're healing now.

25:55

We don't want to rub salt in the wound.

25:57

And you also like have to go to the gym because you.

26:00

don't want to let

26:02

things like that ruin your social life. Yeah, you don't

26:04

want to have fun. But you don't have

26:06

to talk to yourself like that. There's a line. Story

26:13

time. Hey guys, I got really drunk

26:15

on Christmas Eve. A pub session turned into a bit

26:17

of a lock-in and the next thing you know I've

26:19

gone off with someone I went to school with and

26:21

gone back to his parents. It's just always saving Christmas.

26:23

Oh, where the hell have these... Why has this ever

26:25

happened to me? Because you went to boarding schools, people

26:27

lived in all different areas. We

26:29

started making out in the living room and got

26:32

undressed on the sofa before going upstairs to his

26:34

bedroom. Nobody was awake and we made sure to be

26:36

super quiet to not disturb his younger siblings. I

26:38

woke up very early in the morning and sobered up as

26:40

soon as I realised that I wasn't in my own bed

26:43

on Christmas Day. No fear, I

26:45

wouldn't like that. And then panic set in

26:47

when I couldn't find any of my clothes in his bedroom and

26:49

they were all in the living room. I crapped

26:51

out of the bedroom without saying goodbye and then tiptoed

26:53

down the stairs completely naked to reclaim my stuff. When

26:56

I got to the living room the doors jammed,

26:58

panic set in even more. I kept trying to

27:00

push it open but when it finally released it

27:02

triggered the burglar alarm. As I

27:04

was scrambling about to try and grab my

27:06

things in runs the boy's dad with a

27:08

baseball bat shouting, who the fuck you, whilst

27:10

I stood in front of his Christmas tree

27:12

naked. I

27:15

can't tell you how embarrassed I was having to explain

27:17

who I was and what I was doing in this

27:19

house. It was obviously waking up the whole house as

27:21

the boy I slept with came down and said along

27:23

with the mum and his young siblings who must have

27:25

thought I was some kind of Santa. Thank God

27:28

for the boy's mum who saw how naked I was.

27:30

She shooed the boys upstairs, lemme film her clothes and

27:32

then drove me back to my actual house like a

27:34

tree angel. Fair to say I didn't see the boy

27:36

again but I did catch his dad in the same

27:38

pub where I met his son. Maybe it was a

27:40

sign. Oh

27:46

my God. I just felt like me being stark as if

27:48

I put the whole family in the n- No,

27:51

I would really actually die. Oh my God, I

27:53

would die. But that did happen the first time

27:55

I went to TV's house, his brother's only a

27:57

bit naked. Perfect. They

28:01

walked into the loo and I was in there and I was just... Didn't

28:03

lock the door. Real hour there. I

28:05

never locked a horse. Any door. Also you think

28:07

at like seven in the morning I was going

28:09

to walk into the foyer bathroom. For

28:11

Sunday. And you creak, creak, creak, back, make you

28:14

cross the floor. I often do it in the

28:16

gym, like that's really very... Sophie

28:18

in this toilet, every time I go into the

28:20

loo, I've also fully pushed the door open and

28:22

she just sat and they're like, Hi! Emma, this

28:25

could be a stranger. I have a

28:27

weird tick, like I'm really afraid of

28:29

locking doors. But in my own house

28:31

I can do it, but I honestly like take me to

28:33

a pub, a restaurant. I don't like

28:36

to lock the door. I'm always afraid I'm going

28:38

to get locked in. I think maybe as a

28:40

child I've got locked in, I've got weird trauma.

28:42

Yeah, maybe. I did once go with my ex-boyfriend,

28:44

we went skiing. It wasn't embarrassing,

28:46

but my ski... My

28:48

suitcase never arrived on

28:50

the plane. And I like had

28:53

to go skiing in like random clothes. And also

28:55

it was really embarrassing. So I turned out with

28:57

no... I was with his family and I had

28:59

no Christmas presents. And I remember just on Christmas

29:01

Day being like, Happy Christmas. You turned Christmas Day

29:03

with your ex. Yeah, that's

29:05

weird. Why did you actually do that? Oh no, I

29:07

must have gone out for years. So, but I was

29:10

bringing them their Christmas presents. That was

29:12

really rude. I suddenly thought, God, I was young. God

29:14

yeah, I've never spent Christmas with a boy. It's

29:17

no ring, no ring. Even

29:19

then I think it's like, wait till you have kids. I'm

29:22

not going to not see my family like on

29:24

Christmas Day, even if I'm married. She's

29:28

one of those. Yeah, but I can't leave the

29:30

family. You've got such a

29:32

close-knit family. So they just... I can't. They're

29:34

blessing the empty nest syndrome. Sweet mum and

29:36

dad should be by themselves now. They would

29:38

have last. I guess my brother would be

29:40

there, but... He

29:42

would then miss me. You know, can't do that. Yeah,

29:44

yeah, yeah. Anyway, you got about to go. Toby's

29:51

Calvary. We've never been

29:53

before. Never been to a Toby.

29:56

It's also not Toby's Calvary. Toby

29:58

Calvary. But I don't like that. It should

30:00

be proper grammar. Well I can't fucking

30:03

talk, I can't. Sophie Carvery. No

30:06

Sophie Carvery. So guys

30:08

we're going to one of these. We are actually, I'm

30:10

really fucking like. I'm thrilled.

30:16

Guys. That's

30:18

our next skill. We're

30:21

in. Toby. It's

30:24

Toby not Toby's. Yeah I

30:26

know that's why I said Toby. Toby Carvery.

30:28

We're here. We made it. Two hours.

30:32

Two hours in the pouring rain driving. But we

30:34

slept. If

30:36

you're not watching and you're listening, it's quite

30:38

the picture. We're in

30:40

matching Toby Carvery jumpers. We've got, you really

30:42

need to do, what's up with you doing

30:44

now? And you need to get onto

30:47

YouTube now and watch this because you're not

30:49

going to want to miss it. We've got a gorgeous tree

30:52

with some red baubles with some gold. We're

30:54

in this winter-sensually British. Toby

30:56

Carvery. So

30:58

we came across Toby Carvery because we had

31:00

a dilemma about it. We didn't know what

31:03

it was and now we're being educated. A

31:05

dilemma about two people who went to Carvery and

31:07

they had multiple pieces of meat and

31:10

I said, yeah, you're

31:12

Malisk and I'm such a writer. I've never heard of it

31:14

before. And I said

31:16

it's a Toby Carvery. Are there multiple Carvery's which

31:18

is just Toby? It's like a chain. There's a

31:20

few of these about. I've done my research

31:22

right off the go. Oh

31:26

my God, I just got my finger in some horseradish. We're

31:28

ready. I hate horseradish.

31:30

Don't know how you like that. And you like a lot of mustard

31:32

which is my idea. No, I don't like

31:34

mustard with a rose but I'm trying it too because it's

31:36

a Toby Carvery's special. No, it's not.

31:40

That's just a weird habit the Brits

31:42

picked off on. Bon

31:44

appetit. Merry

31:46

Christmas. Merry

31:49

Christmas, Crash. Skil. Skil.

31:54

We both went for turkey. No, but I

31:56

got a bit of gammon too. I

31:58

did you in the end. But Chef was

32:00

so nice as well. He called me sweet. I

32:02

think that's one of the love letters. No, it's

32:05

actually been nice. I feel really

32:07

festive now. I found it really difficult to

32:09

feel festive. Now I feel festive. The turkey's

32:11

honestly so nice. Really good. Turkey's

32:13

a massive, like seeing that whole hunk of pizza. They get up

32:15

at 5 a.m. every day to cook it all. So

32:17

just to recap wise, the reason why

32:20

we're really here is this, whoever this boy was,

32:22

this stingy boy who took that lovely girl on a date

32:24

and then made her split one of these roasts. First

32:26

of all, it's really reasonable. So why would

32:28

you then go, okay, we're gonna split this now just to say, oh,

32:31

so that's just like really shit. Cause it's like, oh, it's all you

32:33

can eat. So you keep going up for more if you need to.

32:35

You're sharing the plate. That's just

32:37

cutting corners. Stingy. Maybe you

32:39

meant in a romantic sense. You know, you wanted a bit of

32:42

a lady in the tramp moment over the first. Okay, we've

32:44

got a date update. And then we've got a little bit

32:46

of a date update. Oh my God, guys, this is golden.

32:48

I think it's one of those of Toby in my mouth.

32:50

And I just need to have a swivel again. Not

32:53

your type, babe. I

32:56

need major advice. We can just go. And we

32:58

were texting on Friday night as usual, as

33:01

boyfriends and girlfriends do. And then I didn't receive a

33:03

message from him till Sunday 5pm. To

33:06

me, that's weird as I'm always on my phone, always texting in

33:08

the past when I'm in a relationship with. 100% on a Sunday.

33:12

Surely that's normal. He

33:14

messaged on Sunday saying, hey, sorry, I didn't have

33:16

a spare second all weekend. I hate the line

33:18

to say, hey, how are you? I miss you,

33:20

it's actually rather than pretending you didn't have a

33:22

spare second. Yeah, already justifying it with, I'm not

33:24

an idiot. Anyway, I got really

33:27

annoyed. I made a fuss and cried so

33:29

much. Ultimately, I just don't think

33:31

he loves me the way I want to be loved,

33:33

even though he has good intentions if it's frustrating. There's

33:36

part of him that just doesn't work. Like,

33:40

he can't fully love me entirely. He's just dumb

33:42

and oblivious. A boy, please fight. Sorry, that girl

33:44

is really cute. Like, the way she says it,

33:46

I like know, because she's

33:48

being really nice, but at the same time as I

33:50

said, he's really sweet. And it's just like, you know

33:52

when that girl's like, I love him, but like, he's

33:55

just so dumb. Like, you're dumb. And

33:57

the boy's dumb. Yeah. You

34:00

boys are all dumb. You are. You

34:02

can't date someone that's dumb. They just can't love us

34:05

the way we need to be loved. And that's OK.

34:07

And you know, but it's not OK

34:09

when you're in it. No, but

34:11

that's fine for him. But like, it's not working for

34:13

you. Obviously, you're on a completely different intellectual level ism.

34:16

And that will bore you to death. And

34:18

like the reality is he's probably slept all

34:20

weekend. I

34:24

mean, it's like really, I'm picturing God, that's sort

34:26

of 21 year old. So mum like.

34:28

The reality is the reality is he probably

34:30

played video games and slept on

34:32

weekend. So they capture. I know that Jamie

34:34

James, but any boy that games to me

34:36

is set. No,

34:39

I know. No, no. It's the

34:41

biggest egg you can do. If you've got a

34:43

headset and you're gaming. Oh,

34:46

you're not coming to anyone. Yeah. I

34:48

just don't understand it. And I'm like, you're living

34:50

in a sort of weird simulation world. Like get

34:52

to the real world. Read a book. Be

34:55

more interesting. Be a bit deeper. Go for

34:57

a carvery. Go for a car. Have a

34:59

conversation. Ah, eat some good food. You sack

35:01

this boy off. He shouldn't be that

35:04

he has a moment or several moments where he's

35:06

gone to the toilet, where he's brushed his teeth,

35:08

where he's eaten. He's drank water. He's

35:10

taken a breath. He can send you a

35:12

message. We're sacking a boy off

35:14

because he didn't tax it or five p.m. on week

35:16

of November. Completely didn't message her the whole of Saturday.

35:19

I do think it's so annoying that I don't. I think

35:21

I think. I think there's more to the story. She's crying

35:23

over it. Like that's a lot. Yeah, but I also think

35:26

there is the end of it. I'm really, really like backtracking

35:28

myself. I so go. I'm not. Ultimately, I think he's too

35:30

young. I don't think he's any great. I think like a

35:32

20 year old, 18, 20 year old, he's just like playing

35:34

PlayStation. Sunday

35:39

at 5 p.m. So I honestly

35:41

can't get out of my head that he's just keeping

35:43

him playing PlayStation. Like I picture us like

35:45

stinky boy in bed playing PlayStation. Yeah.

35:48

I can't get out of my head.

35:51

And she just wants to be loved. And

35:53

he's just like gaming. I also think we

35:55

can't blame this all on like boys being

35:57

boys. This isn't like every boy is like

35:59

this. This is not, she's like, he's just

36:01

dumb and oblivious. A boy, they're not all

36:04

dumb and oblivious. No, but he, young boys

36:06

are. They are, sorry, I don't

36:08

know what I think they are. Oh, I don't think that

36:10

you should be with them. No, nor me. But

36:12

like, then just suck it up and

36:15

realise, no, I'm being so brutal, but you might need

36:17

to just, the Carver has really brought our brutal side

36:19

to be. Yeah, I think you've

36:21

really given us some fuel, some energy

36:23

and some gumption. So

36:27

Google have written in 12th, and

36:30

they have got their most asked

36:32

questions of the year. How to

36:34

meet new people. That's

36:36

difficult. The gym? Oh yeah, that's

36:38

quite a good one. And like, what are your classes? There

36:41

is also, something for you to have for like, going

36:43

to like, classes, not necessarily like sports class, but like,

36:45

art classes and stuff like that. Maybe it's something you

36:47

feel like, yeah, put in a car with someone and

36:50

go somewhere like that. Oh, I know, join a rung

36:52

club. Like, those things, join

36:54

a rung club. Join a walking club. People

36:56

do like, netball still, you know? People

36:59

do that, and like, if you're into that, you'll meet people

37:01

that you like. Yeah.

37:04

But you could learn how to greet someone

37:06

on the first date. Always a hug, I

37:08

think. Always a hug, never

37:10

go in for the one kiss or the two

37:13

kiss because you don't know what's gonna happen. It's

37:15

always a walk. I agree. Let

37:17

them lead, but I always just go in for a hug, and if you

37:19

get a kiss on the cheek, lovely. And if

37:21

they go in for the second kiss, then it's

37:23

like, ooh, but then it's quite funny because they're

37:25

slightly embarrassing themselves, which is quite cute. Most Googled

37:27

questions on what to wear. Ooh! Two

37:29

in the UK, 2023. Okay,

37:31

what to wear on a first date? Chill out sexy

37:34

vibes. Chill out sexy vibes. I always like to go

37:36

with like a nice, your favourite fit of jeans is

37:38

what might always first put up coolers.

37:40

Like normally a first date's like relatively relaxed.

37:42

Your favourite jeans, everyone's got their favourite pair

37:45

of jeans. Then I would go

37:47

for a top that just flatters you. And then

37:49

you'd feel great. And then I'd go for a flat. Oh,

37:51

no, you'd go flat. I'd go for, or, but

37:54

like, what, trainers to a bar, I'd

37:56

go for like, heel boots maybe. Yeah, it depends.

37:58

I'm like, I did. I did but

38:00

it was a very it depends on where

38:02

you're going or not. Yeah, we need to

38:04

like choose I guess a nice pair

38:07

of boots feels like smarter Yeah,

38:09

a nice pair of trainers if you're a chill. Okay,

38:11

what do I have at the airport? I like like

38:13

smart cars like floaty

38:15

like tracky Nice

38:18

pair of leggings Smarter

38:20

leggings than I do in like full-on

38:23

track. Yeah, I like like woolen track

38:30

I don't like to look too scruffy there. Yeah, no,

38:32

it's me too. You know back in the day like

38:34

our parents used to dress up So much.

38:37

Yeah, but I know my granny's like the

38:39

standards She's not why do they know my mom does

38:41

it was a privilege to travel and like fly now

38:43

everyone does it and they just want to Become me.

38:46

I think making an effort is like quite

38:48

nice So I think be like comfortable that

38:50

she she just work a water nitty

38:52

close I don't mind orange jump up with a

38:54

rad. Trowel. Yeah tracky bottoms like well, we're always

38:56

stay with the neutrals Don't we? Yeah, we're very

38:58

neutral. This is the most colour I've worn I

39:00

think in my entire life. So If

39:03

you stick with like neutral colours, I think you

39:06

always look really chic weirdly It's always coordinated and

39:08

my trainers lovely big tote bags for all your

39:10

bits and bobs in there always wear packs You

39:12

don't want to put any makeup on and you

39:15

don't and you want to leave that hair greasy

39:17

Take some on dry masks. You don't get the

39:19

integration. You get an eye mask in your bag

39:22

And some moisturiser cos your skin dries out on the plane. Not

39:24

the water I

39:27

need your arm Merry

39:29

Christmas. Thanks so much for listening guys.

39:31

We love you so much. We really

39:33

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