0:01

Melissa, are

0:04

you a doctor? I

0:09

want to be, but I'm not. I'm not

0:11

a doctor either and we're not psychologists. We're

0:13

not experts at anything. In fact, we just

0:15

chal a lot of shit. We

0:17

love giving you guys advice. We love giving you

0:19

guys advice. Do not take what we're saying as

0:21

gospel. If you do feel like you need to

0:24

speak to somebody, please seek professional help. Hey

0:26

guys. Hey guys. Oh my God.

0:29

That was very sexy. Happy Valentine's Day.

0:31

Happy Galentine's Day. It actually is real Valentine's

0:33

today. I'm hoping that all of you know

0:35

what the hell this is and I

0:37

hope you know what we're trying to

0:44

replicate here. So it's from the

0:46

film Sex and the City. I've

0:49

watched the whole series obviously from start to finish. Three

0:51

times I'm redoing it now and I'm on the last

0:53

series where she's dating that Russian guy and it all gets a

0:55

bit weird from being honest. But

0:58

the films are like excellent. The films

1:00

are excellent, but I, controversial

1:03

opinion, just don't love Sarah Jessica Parker.

1:05

I love Sarah Jessica Parker. I don't

1:07

like Carrie Bradshaw. I don't like Carrie

1:09

Bradshaw. And because of that, I don't

1:11

love Sarah Jessica Parker. I'm sorry. You're

1:13

relating the two. They are one person.

1:15

I'm sorry. Like what? I only

1:17

see her as that role. I read this article once not to

1:19

be mean. I'm not Sarah Jessica Parker because I love you and

1:21

I love Sex and the City and I think you're a genius.

1:24

But it was like, it was like 20 things that are fucking

1:26

annoying about Carrie Bradshaw. And it was like the fact

1:29

that she never has a manager was like number one.

1:31

And the fact that she always wears like boys'

1:33

boxes. Yeah. Number two. So

1:35

entitled. Oh, get a grip. So entitled.

1:38

The fact that she, there was one

1:40

specific thing that she did to like

1:42

really annoy everybody. Oh my God. She

1:45

does it all the time and then she's running, running

1:47

and you know what though? It's

1:50

obviously her character and she does it so

1:52

well and it's the whole point. I'm

1:54

going to tell Sophie which Sex and the City

1:56

character I think she is. So

1:58

I was going to tie it around my neck. just to be extra like

2:01

festive about it. Okay.

2:04

I don't wanna like strangle myself though. Yeah,

2:06

alright. So, which

2:09

Sex and the City character do I think? Because

2:11

Sophie's not really watched it, she doesn't really know what hell I'm

2:13

talking about. I do, I've watched the movies and I know who

2:16

I'd like to be. I know who you'd like to

2:18

be to. Well, I think you think I wanna

2:20

be the wrong person. I think I wanna be the

2:22

blonde like. Samantha. No, I'd

2:24

like to be the dark-headed blonde. Charlotte,

2:26

she's fucking annoying. I like her. She's

2:28

so sweet. In the movie she's better.

2:30

Okay, Samantha. But she's so annoying because

2:33

she's just so like, no,

2:35

you can't fart in front of your boyfriend

2:37

and like, oh, we have to get

2:39

married and that baby's in the love of my life. So

2:42

I am. So I'm gonna name you as

2:44

Ashley, if you're gonna say

2:46

that the lawyer who has the

2:48

affair or her husband has the affair, I'm fed up.

2:51

I'm sickened up. But I feel like the only one

2:53

left is Carrie Bradshaw and you find her fucking annoying.

2:55

So do you think I'm the short gingerhead one? No,

2:57

no. I'm so far away

2:59

from being Samantha but I feel like personality-wide. We're

3:01

gonna go with Samantha because everyone fucking loves her.

3:03

She's good, fun, and she's tall and she's blonde.

3:05

She's gorgeous. Okay, I'll take that. But let's just

3:07

take the sex life out of Samantha. Then you'll

3:09

have. Oh, right, yeah. I'm not very sushi eat

3:11

sushi off my vagina vibe. And you're not like,

3:13

I'm gonna sleep with every guy in New York

3:15

and I don't want a relationship with any of

3:17

them. She's a cute little love. No, but I

3:20

love that energy. She loves sex and just hates

3:22

boyfriends basically. She's great. She's a

3:24

woman after my, that's who I wish I was. She's

3:26

a woman after my, you're

3:29

more like Charlotte. Oh, who are you then? You have

3:31

to know. I know, but I don't know it very

3:33

well. I probably look more like Charlotte because she's got

3:35

brown hair. But I'm not as much of a creep.

3:37

You're quite Samantha because you're a savage. You're

3:41

not kinda fragile at all. So maybe you're a

3:43

bit of Charlotte because you're the sweet and innocent

3:45

as well. Ha

3:48

ha. Right.

3:50

Melissa feels stunning and healthy and happy. So we

3:53

were just talking about this. I was like, I

3:55

just feel really energized. I feel really good about

3:57

myself. I'm in a really good mood because I'm

3:59

ovulating. And I feel tossed because

4:01

I'm second day into my period. You

4:03

don't look tossed. I feel puffy, I

4:05

feel really bitchy. I honestly feel bitchy.

4:07

On the period, don't feel puffy. It's

4:10

the week before for me. Yeah, I eat like an

4:12

absolute pig on the week before and I was obviously

4:14

on that cruise and honestly the amount of picnics I

4:17

had, it was out of control. Picnics is

4:19

a vibe if only they had candy kittens on the top.

4:21

I'm not sure. I don't feel like I

4:23

have my shit together on my period. I feel like

4:25

a bit like, just not good. Do you know what

4:27

I mean? Like just ugly. You know what? It's just

4:29

a logistical nightmare thing on your period. Yeah, I'm fed

4:32

up. I like just... Oh, look at that. You feel

4:34

a bit of a... You feel a bit of a...

4:36

The only way I could describe it, you feel a

4:38

bit sweaty. Like everything feels a bit dirty. I know,

4:40

I know. You're just like... No matter how many times

4:42

you wash, you're like... Yeah, I just feel like my

4:44

hormones are not hormone-ing. That gave me... I get electric

4:47

shorts every time I come to the cruise. Do you?

4:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're really out of think now. We're

4:51

really out of think. We used to always have pillows

4:53

at the same day. Do you know what? It just

4:55

still varies because mine is like a slightly longer span.

4:59

Mine's not 21 days. It's like 29. I

5:01

think I'm 21. Every three

5:03

weeks. You're more curious. Shit. Yeah. So

5:06

let's... I

5:09

feel gone. You

5:11

do look... I wake up in the morning and I'm like, I don't

5:13

know if it's in my head because I've got a better mood on.

5:15

I'm like, oh my God, I feel like I look great today. That's

5:17

perfect. And I feel like I'm in a really good mood and I've

5:19

got more energy and blah, blah, blah. Or if

5:21

I actually do look better, but they say when you're

5:23

ovulating... No, your eyes are like this. You look smell

5:26

better. You look prettier because you're meant to attract the

5:28

man to then have the baby. You

5:32

smell stunning. Yeah.

5:34

Maraphones. Oh, no. Maraphones.

5:36

Maraphones. Maraphones. Maraphones

5:39

are smelling. They are smelling. The maraphones are

5:41

maraphoning. Oh, they're lovely. Yeah, I can smell

5:44

it everywhere. Wait, this is actually sweet. So,

5:46

you know if you like the skin of

5:48

like your partner. Yeah. If you

5:50

sniff their skin because everyone has a smell on

5:53

them, right? Toby smells like babies to me which

5:55

is brilliant. Jamie smells of sweets, like full sweeties,

5:57

like strawberry sweets. Strawberry later. Right,

5:59

really. almost a bit artificial,

6:02

but if you find it

6:04

gross, I have found someone, and

6:06

I was like, oh, that's just

6:08

not, it wasn't about self. I was just like, it's

6:10

not for me. What is that? Yeah,

6:12

yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't sound good. It means you're

6:14

not connected. Right. That's how you found

6:16

your partner. That's how in caveman, he's not an animal.

6:18

He stinks of babies to me, but in the best

6:21

way, he doesn't stink. I picked wrong smell, and I

6:23

was like, Mum, can you smell babies on him?

6:25

She was like, no, and I was like, oh my God, maybe it's

6:27

because I see him as having my babies.

6:30

Yeah, probably smells like a baby, but it's not like baby

6:32

powder. It's like, yeah, I don't know what it is, it's

6:35

babies. So every now and then, he'll walk in, and I'll

6:37

be like, babies, babies, babies. How's the old teacher police working

6:39

out for you? Because he was getting electric shocks, and was

6:41

getting so many electric shocks. Still, yeah, I had to stop

6:43

wearing them. Do you mean it's static, or you actually? No,

6:46

no, no. Yeah. Shit,

6:48

sorry, I didn't hear that. But I think if anyone's

6:50

out there is like a doctor or something, they can

6:52

tell me, because I get electric shocks all

6:54

the time. Maybe when you ground you, you should get

6:56

rid of your electromagnetic, whatever. I must be, really. When was

6:58

the last time you had to cut your shoes off and

7:00

went in the dirt? I did it a lot of times.

7:02

When was the last time you did that? Well, I did it when

7:05

I was in the Caribbean on the sand. Oh. I'm

7:07

quite a barefoot girl. On that

7:09

note, I came across these Tik

7:11

Tokers, right? They're so into

7:13

walking barefoot to ground themselves. They

7:15

have cut the soles off every

7:17

single shoe. They're 20,000 pounds

7:20

worth of shoes. They cut all the shoes off

7:22

so that they can still wear outfits and they

7:24

walk everywhere with that foot. I just thought glass,

7:27

rat-wee. Like what? That's

7:30

really bad for you in London. Have you also seen

7:32

like, do not wear your shoes inside because it's like

7:34

the most toxic thing you can do to be able

7:36

to get inside. Like leave them. As soon as you

7:38

walk in, you take them off the front door. Yeah,

7:40

like you walk around. It's basically like us rubbing our

7:42

face over the tube floor. It is. It

7:45

is. And then we go onto our sofa and we put our

7:47

shoes on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exactly the same. And then

7:49

we put our face on it. I do it. And I don't

7:51

put my shoes on my sofa back. No, neither. But I know

7:53

what you mean. Because then you put your feet, so you're walking

7:55

your shoes. Yeah. and

7:59

you put that on the sofa. Then you. based on the sofa, your

8:01

hands and your eating, not just don't wear

8:03

your shoes inside guys. Right,

8:08

so Valentine's Day, what we doing for it, don't know

8:10

nothing's perfect. We're not big on it, are we? We

8:12

do something but we're not like mad on it. I'm

8:14

not like, I expect a gift and a handwritten card.

8:17

I might do that this year. I

8:19

might expect that. I just fancy it,

8:21

it's in my bones. You know what? I

8:23

feel like we should just do something this

8:25

year because we've not celebrated it. It's worth

8:27

doing something and like acknowledging like the holiday

8:29

but I don't think that it's necessarily has

8:32

to be as big because every time I look to book

8:34

things and it's like a set menu. Listen,

8:36

what I find about Valentine's

8:38

Day, I feel like you have

8:41

this pressure to go out and have such

8:43

a fun night. Like, oh, we're gonna, and

8:45

also we're gonna go back and have like

8:47

really good sex. That it then makes me

8:49

in an argument every Valentine's Day. Oh my

8:51

God, you're so that girl. Cause I'm like,

8:53

there's another, they look really loved

8:55

up. Like why, you know what I mean? This

8:58

is previous relationships. I don't think I've done that with Jamie

9:00

cause I honestly don't think, I can't remember what we've ever done.

9:02

I feel like we don't do much fun. I say we might

9:04

stay in, but I do remember

9:06

this one Valentine's Day. No, no, no. What?

9:09

Back in the day, guys. Give me a couple of

9:11

years ago. Right, my little note, this is like 10

9:13

years ago. I must've been 20, 19. Okay.

9:17

Listen, I'm not a sexy girl. Like I do

9:19

not buy sexy lingerie. She also doesn't like talking

9:21

about sex that much. No, I don't do I?

9:23

I'm quite a prude. I don't like talking about

9:26

sex. Maybe you are more Charlotte than I thought actually

9:28

thinking about it. I'm definitely not

9:30

Lizzie or whatever. Just

9:33

conjured up a new character. Right, I don't

9:36

like talking about sex. I'm not very like,

9:38

get into dress up. Okay.

9:42

I'm not either. I'm happy to say that. I've never

9:45

dressed up. I've put nice, you have a nice set

9:47

of like underwear that you'd wear day to day. That's

9:49

like pretty. I've never put on like. No, I just

9:51

don't wear bangs and like. No, spanks are just like,

9:53

you don't mean that. I'll

9:56

say later, not a later hazing. What is it called?

9:58

Hoistry. Hoistry. Oh my God.

10:00

When they connect it with like the

10:02

little like, shocking, shocking. Right. So listen,

10:05

I'm 20 years old. I think maybe, I don't

10:07

remember whether he had, but this particular ex, maybe

10:10

he'd like suggested that I should get

10:13

nice and round. I don't know. Or I

10:15

could get a call myself to be like,

10:17

got the assignment. I'll do that for Valentine's

10:19

Day. This is back when Sophie's 19 or

10:21

20 and if you gave me an alcohol drink,

10:24

I instantly turned into a psychopath. Like there

10:26

was nothing in me that wasn't

10:28

a psycho. It was crying, it was shouting.

10:31

You could have moved this coffee cup and I'd be

10:33

like, I hate you. Fair enough. So, but

10:35

on this night, and I

10:37

remember very well, I go, no,

10:39

I put the outfit on, go

10:42

to the bathroom, get home after I've had loads of

10:44

ribbons. I put the outfit on and I put it

10:46

on back to home. What? Because

10:49

I was really drunk, right. Wait, wait, wait. How? Can you

10:51

just... Right. So, it's like, it wasn't brown pants. It was

10:53

like one of those body-eating things. Yeah. Right. And I thought

10:55

it was a nightmare to get off. I think I tried

10:58

to put the stockings on too. Like, I'm actually a bit,

11:00

very big. Oh my God! I've done the whole thing. Yeah,

11:02

I've done the whole thing. So, I was putting those on.

11:04

They were like ripping. It was really fucking hard to get

11:06

them on. Oh shit. I was feeling

11:08

really self-conscious because I'm just not like that.

11:10

That's just not my vibe. I was drunk

11:12

as fuck and he comes in,

11:15

obviously being sweet and laugh because it's back to

11:17

prom. Me? No, no guys.

11:19

This is true story. Me? I'm

11:21

like, well, I hate you. I'm

11:23

waking up. I kick

11:25

him out. I'm embarrassed. I kick him out the house. I'm

11:27

not joking. We had such a raging ass ass. Because he

11:29

laughed at you. I say, what was your point of the

11:32

argument? Then stop laughing at me. You'll be me. I started

11:34

to be crying because I was like... Oh, you just fell

11:36

for me to be annoyed with him a lot. Yeah. And

11:38

I was like, so upset and I remember it so well.

11:40

That's your one and one and only time that you've ever

11:42

dressed up. Yeah, one and only time. And it didn't go

11:44

very well. And it was so bad. I put it on

11:46

back to front like the song was going up my vagina.

11:48

Oh my God! I know. It was so sad.

11:51

One of my own friends has, like one of

11:53

her boyfriend, I bought her like crotch this underwear

11:55

or something. Or lower them to like the whole

11:57

length. Oh yeah. And sometimes I had that. No,

12:00

I've got crunches all the time because they just run out and

12:02

I'm like, oh, I've got them. What? Someone

12:04

must have sent in the shop. It's laundry

12:07

day so she's wearing the crutches pants. Shit,

12:09

you know what? I'm like, it's really fucking uncomfort. That's

12:16

so extreme. Most people on a laundry

12:18

day would wear granny pants or a

12:20

really random outfit. Neither the crutches pants

12:22

are coming out on laundry day. Fucking

12:24

fucks. Well, there you

12:26

go. That's your Valentine's Day outfit sorted. Jamie has no

12:28

idea though. He's there. Just straight please with me. Like

12:31

I just got them in a PR package and I

12:33

was like, oh God. Yeah, I agree. You see, everyone's

12:35

like, where'd you get that from my PR package? Yeah.

12:38

Where's that do all day from? Someone sent

12:40

it to me. It was like some women

12:42

feminist like PR international women's day package and

12:44

I've just got loads of libraries. Hey,

12:48

go on. The crutches pants. Oh, she just went

12:50

home on like one holiday and accidentally like put

12:52

them in the washroom. I'm not a bit of a washroom and she's

12:55

like, I can't do this. You need to

12:58

do this by yourself. No, that's awful.

13:00

That's so, so awful. I

13:02

did once dress up

13:04

in... Isn't

13:09

it dead? I know you're

13:11

gonna die this. I think I was maybe 18, 19. Oh

13:14

my gosh. To close the wears any family members. I'm

13:16

going to visit a boyfriend and I put all this

13:18

underwear on and literally put like a rain mask on.

13:20

Like I was like... In

13:23

the airport. In the airport. I did a

13:25

near-pulling. Wait, what do

13:27

you mean? You went in trackies and then you quickly

13:29

whipped out some anorak and put it on. He

13:32

was at the top of the underwear. And

13:34

then went to his house and then you know... Why do you

13:37

want an anorak? It actually was like... Yeah,

13:40

I knew that was rude. It was quite

13:42

smooth. I'm quite proud of myself, but that is

13:44

like, I don't do that anymore. What you want is you want

13:46

them to go straight away and just like not talk. You don't

13:48

want them to know... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Jamie would laugh. You

13:50

want it to be like a thing and you like walking and

13:52

you're like... Yeah. What do you think? Do

13:55

you like this? You know what? I'm so far too uncomfortable.

13:57

Just like do the deed and that's the dance. I also

13:59

would... I have to be like a few glasses of wine deep, I

14:01

think it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that now. I swear to

14:03

God, I get sent so many underwear things,

14:05

especially when I was getting married. It was like

14:07

crotchless underwear all the time. Oh my God, great!

14:09

And I'm wearing a granny pants pair today. They're

14:12

the comfiest ones and they say just married and I... They

14:14

sent me that. Oh no, these ones, the white ones. Yeah,

14:16

yeah, yeah. They sent me about 40 pairs in my honestly

14:18

great day. I know and they're

14:21

so comfy. That is gorgeous. Right.

14:23

I should get my adjustable PR packages in the

14:25

crotch pants. Oh,

14:32

we've got some gorgeous Dilemmas today. Gorgeous. We haven't

14:34

said stunning in a really long time. Have you

14:36

noticed that? No, I already dropped all of that.

14:38

Because you've moved it to gorgeous. Gorgeous

14:41

gorgeous. Oh my God and now I'm saying

14:43

gorgeous. Yeah, I know that's what I've heard.

14:45

Okay, we've got Dilemma one. Shall I read

14:47

it? Okay. Hey girls, Valentine's Dilemma. I've been friends

14:49

with my boy best friend for nearly five years.

14:51

Last year, we kissed in Paris on a

14:53

trip with our friend. Gorgeous. How romantic. Gorgeous.

14:56

I then dated someone else because he didn't

14:58

want to date. But this New Year's Eve,

15:00

we kissed again and then again at our

15:03

friend's birthday two weeks ago. How confusing. Right,

15:05

well that I could gather them. I'm not sure if

15:07

I want a boy to be in but I care for him a lot and

15:09

want him in my life. So what do I do? Do

15:11

we stay at friendship or should I ask him to be my

15:13

Valentine? Well firstly, I'd

15:15

never ask anyone to be my Valentine. No,

15:18

I wouldn't do that. We're really empowering women there. Well,

15:21

excellent. Well, I just thought if a boy

15:23

asked me to be my Valentine, I'd be

15:25

like, actually, please. Oh, actually,

15:27

maybe. I've never had this whole, I've obviously seen it in

15:29

the films, like people said like, you were Rose. And then

15:31

it's like, well, you've been my Valentine. This is a great

15:33

big mystery and it's like good fun. I've never experienced that.

15:37

And I don't know anyone else in real life that has. Have

15:39

you ever had that? Were you just like

15:42

a non- Oh

15:56

my God, that's so cute. I know.

15:58

Some people get them. from their mum

16:00

as well. I've seen that, or like their

16:02

best friend will send one. Oh

16:05

my god it's so sweet. I think I used to make

16:07

my mum Valentine's cards as well. Why's

16:09

mine? I don't know. I got you the friendship neck

16:11

because you should get me something this time. I got

16:13

you the heated bench. Oh you know what? Electrocute mix.

16:18

Because our love is so electrical. That's just

16:20

fireworks and sparks. Okay right. What I would

16:22

do with that. I'm serious advice. No. No.

16:24

Is my piece of advice. No. Yeah. You're

16:27

going to be your Valentine. Let's not make it cringe.

16:29

Let's just go normal. Be like look I kind of

16:31

like kissing you. Should we just keep going? I would

16:33

just be like what are you doing tonight? And

16:36

then go kiss him. Yeah and then just go off with

16:38

some drinks. Have a nice little smooch smooch. And

16:40

then let him lead with it because you're then you

16:42

know showing interest. But

16:45

you're not being like right are we going to

16:47

still be friends or are we going to do X1 and Z? You've got

16:49

to let him like take some initiative here. Do you know what I mean?

16:51

If it's Valentine's Day he can step up.

16:54

It's a big move to ask someone to do something from

16:56

Valentine's Day. Like I'm scaling back to when me and Jamie

16:58

were friends and if I'd asked him to do something

17:00

from Valentine's Day. What are you doing on February 14th? Vomit.

17:04

Like he would have run a mile back then. No he wouldn't

17:06

have. I know

17:09

what you mean though. It's just like let's say you start dating Jan. January

17:12

1st we launch. I think we're

17:14

dating. First date's happened. So

17:17

then like you know you've got like a month and two weeks. Till

17:20

Valentine's Day. That's fine. But

17:22

let's just say you start dating February 1st. Is

17:25

it a bit weird to do something on Valentine's Day? And

17:27

you know what? If I was dating somebody I would probably

17:29

bring it up. Be like look I don't

17:31

think like let's go out a few days after Valentine's Day.

17:33

It's like actually maybe a bit too much pressure or something.

17:36

Or like just be easy about it. I

17:38

don't think that you asking

17:40

your pal of five years and being like will you

17:43

be my Valentine? I don't think that's going to go

17:45

down that well. If you were

17:47

like actually lol friends though maybe it's quite

17:49

lol to be like will you be my

17:51

Valentine? As a complete and utter

17:53

joke. But it really depends on the friendship.

17:56

It could go on a two week. I

17:58

also think because you have to. face

18:00

to face, like no way to over-tack that's so intense, it

18:02

could be bad. Right, go wrong way. I

18:05

think if you're in a group tonight and everyone's talking about what

18:07

they're doing, I'd say you could turn to me and be like,

18:09

do you want to do something? So we're just gonna do a

18:11

little skit, a sketch. Okay, so I'm

18:13

gonna be the girl and I'm gonna ask you, you're the boy.

18:16

Okay, ready? Start scene. Quiet

18:19

on set. I'm

18:23

so good. Cheers,

18:27

mate. Samuel,

18:30

hi. Why

18:34

did you just be serious? Why

18:36

did you make me be serious? You're my crazy girl. Hi.

18:40

Your name's Samuel and my name is... Jessica.

18:43

Miranda. Oh no, alright. Alright. Sam,

18:46

hey. How you doing? Yeah,

18:48

good, you. Yeah, good, you. Pitch

18:52

check there. Obviously, you know,

18:54

Valentine's Day is far

18:57

from the approach. Where did you get that blue from? I

18:59

just bought it for you actually because I

19:01

want you to see my Valentine's Day. No,

19:04

that is not the vibe. Hey, T. Hey,

19:06

Sam, how you doing? Hi. Oh my God, hi,

19:08

you okay? You look good. Thanks,

19:11

you look great. I just wanted to ask...

19:13

Yeah, just for the lucky hour. I

19:17

just wanted to ask, obviously next week it's Valentine's

19:19

Day and I have a single, we

19:21

all single. I kind of feel like it would be quite

19:23

fun to do something. Will you be my Valentine? No. Okay,

19:27

right. Take three. Take three. K, can I have

19:29

a go at being the guy? She's got the final role. Right,

19:31

we're... Frustrated actress over there on the side of the table.

19:35

Okay, roles are reverse. I mask you. Okay.

19:38

You're Selena. Okay. Yo. Hey,

19:41

Matthew. What's up? Action.

19:44

Will you be my Valentine? Yeah,

19:49

bro. That sounds

19:51

so funny. Sweet

20:00

man. Sweet, shall

20:02

we make out? What? What's the date again? Oh

20:06

shit. 14th of February, I'll book a table

20:08

and text you. Bye. You know what it

20:10

also could go down the route of Matthew

20:12

just being like, oof. Not

20:14

really sure if we're ready to take that next step

20:16

in our friendship, you know? You're like, oh no. God,

20:19

we're really very excited. That's the idea, no, I was not doing

20:21

that. No, you're like, yeah, you're right, I'm Matthew

20:23

and all I do is lift weights and drink

20:25

protein. I was actually going for a bit of a

20:28

road man. Could you not tell? Yeah, rude. Right,

20:31

I'm reading out the next dilemma. Well, get ready.

20:33

This is a big one. Help.

20:36

My boyfriend and I, let's call him Dan, should

20:38

be celebrating our third anniversary together this Valentine's Day.

20:40

Oh, just let me see what together will Valentine's

20:42

Day, let's see. Sweet February

20:44

14th. We also put a deposit down on a house and

20:47

are set to move in with each other in a few

20:49

months. That's a big, big step. But

20:51

that's all up in the air because of some

20:54

major shit that's gone down with Dan's housemate, Maisie.

20:57

Oh. I've always felt weird about their relationship.

20:59

She's overly touchy, has no boundaries and seems

21:02

to hate me. My

21:05

boyfriend organised a surprise party for me and she made

21:07

the whole night about her. He was so focused on

21:09

her that he forgot to bring my birthday cake and

21:11

sing happy birthday to me. I'm feeling good, I'm fucking

21:13

mean. Oh my God, I feel sick with jealousy and

21:15

anger. I would be so jealous. There's nothing worse than

21:17

that feeling that there's someone else in the picture. Like,

21:20

I can't even, I'm not. Yeah, and you're pure jealous.

21:22

Like, you can't, you're, you feel sick. It takes over

21:24

your whole body. Yeah. Jealousy's the

21:26

worst feeling you can feel, I think. Last week I

21:28

was scrolling on Instagram and in

21:30

the back of mutual posts was Dan

21:32

kissing Maisie. No, I'm

21:34

upset. Oh my God, what the

21:37

fuck? The fuck? Why is

21:39

he doing this? It's so outrageous, it's not

21:41

okay. I confronted him about it and he claimed

21:43

it was a drunken mistake and that he had

21:45

no memory of doing it. He apologised to me

21:48

and got a lot of gifts to make up

21:50

for it. Can't buy me with money,

21:52

mate. I didn't forgive him but

21:54

I decided to remain in a relationship with him.

21:56

A few days ago I stayed at his house.

21:59

I know I should. I shouldn't have done it, but I

22:01

went on his phone. I found a fake calculator.

22:04

And I can't believe it. Calculated,

22:08

no, no, no, no, in case it's an app that

22:11

looks like it's a calculator, but it's not, it's

22:13

like a locked album with like, you can keep

22:15

photos and stuff in. What the fuck? Hidden

22:18

on his phone was a full album of

22:20

her nudes and videos of them having sex

22:22

recorded over six months ago. Oh

22:27

my God, I've got goosebumps all over me. That is

22:30

friggin' hell. Oh my God. Oh,

22:32

my fucking God. I can't. I've got

22:34

goosebumps everywhere. When I confronted

22:36

him, he blamed me for them having sex and

22:39

that he had to go elsewhere to seek pleasure. I

22:43

don't know what to do with myself. I suppose he's

22:45

moving in together and start a life together and that

22:47

all been completely upside down. We're also supposed to be

22:49

going to Paris this Valentine's Day to celebrate Anna Rastley

22:51

and I can't get a refund for anything. Who would

22:54

do it as a reset trip? No!

22:57

Fucking leave the guy. Oh

22:59

my God, what the hell? I'm so upset that

23:02

you're even considering it. You

23:08

are worth so much more. He is

23:10

dead gone. You will never forgive him

23:12

or speak to him again. He's not

23:14

even remorseful. He's blaming you for cheating

23:16

on you with his ass. Guy

23:19

will cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat. Also,

23:21

you know what's really, really funny? Every time he's

23:23

kept a video, like an album of it, and

23:26

that means he's looking at it every time. He's like having a wank. I

23:30

honestly can't. Right,

23:33

listen. This

23:35

is the most painful thing ever and no one

23:37

deserves to go through this, but you are and

23:39

you're strong enough to get over there. You're

23:42

strong enough, you're going to find another person. You,

23:44

I listen to me here, you do not go

23:46

back to this guy. Do not under any circumstances

23:48

go back. You block him now, you get all

23:50

your ducks in a row, you

23:52

take a girlfriend or a family member, a sister,

23:54

someone else in that Paris trip, if you can't

23:56

get a refund, or you take the hit on

23:58

losing the money. No, you go with... with your friend and

24:00

you do it with your friend. But if you can't get anyone to go

24:02

with you, take the hit on the money,

24:04

do not for a second ever consider

24:07

this person in your life equation ever

24:09

fucking again. Ever. Ever,

24:11

ever, ever. And you're in it now and you

24:13

feel like you're like, there's a way out of

24:15

this, there is no way out. That is unforgivable.

24:17

There's no way you can go back there. This

24:20

isn't a wonderful thing. This is a full on

24:22

affair. He's probably got feelings for her. No.

24:26

No. He's also a nuzzle.

24:29

The manipulation of them, him being like, you didn't give me

24:31

enough sex. So I had to go elsewhere to find it.

24:34

What the fuck is that? My

24:38

God, not the calculator. I'm devastated for

24:40

you. I'm now gonna go looking on

24:42

Toby's phone for a calculator. I feel

24:44

really upset. I feel really deceived for

24:46

you. That is a level of deceit.

24:48

There is no forgiving him. Don't even

24:50

ask or question it. Like he's just gonna lie.

24:53

Don't believe anything he says. You get your stuff

24:55

and you walk out of that situation. And I

24:57

know that's much easier said than done. It's not

24:59

just gonna be a case of like, I'm done.

25:02

It's gonna be one of the hardest things you

25:04

probably ever go through in your life. I can't

25:06

even begin to imagine what that would feel like.

25:08

I genuinely can't. No, I feel so sick for you.

25:10

I am so, so, so sorry for you, but you

25:13

deserve so much better than mine. If anything, that will

25:15

make the breakup easier because he's been such a pig,

25:18

you can hate him. Channel that into hate

25:20

and channel that then back into yourself, being

25:23

the best version of you. On no circumstances

25:25

you can go back. You need to tell everyone

25:27

about this. Tell everyone. So that

25:29

you have. Block him, block Maisie. Delete all

25:32

the chats. Delete the number,

25:34

delete the chats. Delete anything group chat that

25:36

you're in with him so you can't find

25:38

his number. Because the temptation, you know,

25:40

we have moments of weakness and like, we were talking,

25:42

Sophie and Jamie and I went for breakfast the other

25:44

day and we were talking about how when

25:47

you break up with someone, the coping mechanism is the same

25:49

as when somebody dies. You only remember all of the good

25:51

things. Even when someone's cheated on you, to

25:54

cope with the loss of like, him

25:56

not being in your life, you'll remember all the good stuff and

25:58

be like, I forget all the bad. You will

26:00

convince yourself. Oh, you

26:02

know what, it's been three years. You know, there's

26:04

so many good memories. I've read the bad ones.

26:06

We're building a life together. We've

26:09

got this hell smell. Like, I'm

26:11

gonna leave that on him. And then you also have this

26:13

other element of it, which will be jealousy, because you know,

26:15

Maisie's gonna get him. Do you know what I mean? Like,

26:17

it will give you this whole other thing. So

26:20

I get it. And also, there's probably gonna be a part of

26:22

you that will wanna go and speak to Maisie about it, because

26:24

I would have that. I'd be like, I need to know every

26:26

detail. Which you don't need to know. I would do that and

26:28

then throw her hair. But you would, I

26:30

would have to, wouldn't you? I

26:32

have to, you sound to her. Like, I'm raging with Maisie.

26:34

Moral of the story is, if I'm gonna be honest, I

26:36

don't really think we can blame it on them living with

26:38

a girl. I think he was obviously gonna cheat no matter

26:40

what, by the sounds of it. Or unless she's like some

26:43

Victoria Zink model walking around with her ass cheesed out. And

26:45

she's like knocking on his door at night, like, can I

26:47

come in? Temptations really properly like- They were like, let's not

26:49

put it on her. Right, he's the one

26:51

in a relationship. We hate him. We

26:53

hate him. Whatever his name is. I'm

26:55

disappointed in her as a woman, as

26:57

someone who also knows the girlfriend and

26:59

has been around the two of them

27:02

together. I'm disappointed. Babbo, babbo. But he's

27:04

truly the one in the relationship that's

27:06

been disloyal and- There's no forgiving that

27:08

in my eyes. He is done, see

27:10

you later. All you do now

27:12

is you go use finding a way to get

27:14

out of the house or changing your situation and

27:16

kicking him out on his ass as your motive

27:19

and distraction so that you don't go back to

27:21

him. That's all you're focused on right now. And

27:23

then the next thing will be your focus on

27:26

feeling your best self. Like focus your energy

27:28

elsewhere, distract, distract, distract and slowly by

27:30

slowly you will call out the other

27:33

side and you'll realize what a class

27:35

A piece of poop is. Happy

27:37

Valentine's Day, you're spending Valentine's Day with us. Oh

27:41

my God. This is the original

27:43

Barcelona boy girl that wrote

27:45

in the dilemma. Okay, this

27:47

is- Gown your brains back to when

27:49

Barca boy's first girl wrote in the

27:51

dilemma. Let's talk about it

27:54

when- Okay, so I was the

27:56

first girl who sent the story about Barcelona

27:58

boy nearly two years ago. A

28:01

lot has happened since. I heard

28:03

the message from his ex on the show and we

28:05

actually reached out to each other. No.

28:09

We're now insta friends and realise we had a lot

28:11

more in common than just him. We're

28:13

planning on going out for a drink together soon.

28:15

Really? I love it. We need the girl power,

28:17

like girls rallying together. Let's gang up on the

28:19

boys. Yeah, we love this, right? Hell yeah. He's

28:22

also had his heart broken recently and he

28:24

said it was calmer for what's happened. Good.

28:27

The girl knows he's bastard boy. No! This

28:30

is great. He would work on it. He's like

28:32

fucking great. Oh my God. That is so great.

28:34

On his stance whenever that happens, his like... Oh

28:37

yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, we can't... Quite

28:40

legendary really, isn't it? Really

28:45

legendary actually. Not as in he's a legend.

28:47

No, but like it's just like, it's just

28:49

quite iconic at this point. At this point

28:51

he's an icon. He's an icon. He's also

28:53

mentioned how you guys had reached out to

28:55

him, yeah. And that he had no

28:58

reason to defend himself as what I said was the

29:00

truth. But I think now we can

29:02

close the book on bastard boy. He's

29:04

learned... Oh, she's a sweet girl. He's learned his

29:06

lesson. A lot of guys in the area have worked out who

29:09

he is. He seems like a genuinely

29:11

nice guy who made some mistakes. And I'm sure he'll

29:13

be a great boyfriend now that he's been to us.

29:16

He's obviously reached out to her in midnight please

29:18

and you're painted a really... Shit.

29:22

Let this be a lesson to all of you men, okay?

29:24

And all of you boys aren't there. If

29:26

you cross any of our listeners, you will

29:28

be named and shamed and then everyone will

29:30

know and you'll never get a girlfriend ever

29:32

again. So treat girls with some fucking respect.

29:37

Carry on. Right. And

29:40

as for me, I'm now with someone who I actually met

29:42

for the first time on a night out whilst I was

29:44

seeing bastard boy. Oh. We

29:46

got along so well, but he was just someone I met whilst out.

29:50

18 months later, my new guy sent me a DM whilst

29:52

I was dealing with the fallout from bastard boy. I

29:54

told him the full story. He was so supported

29:56

and we've now been together for 18 months. Oh,

29:59

lovely. Love this. I've got a happy

30:01

ending now. I'm just hoping he doesn't get on Tinder

30:03

and run after Madrid. Love

30:06

the pod and you guys so much. What a way

30:08

to get even and heal a broken heart. Anyone out

30:10

there, always trust your gut and always remember how strong

30:13

and amazing you are. Guys, what a

30:15

lovely story. Also, let's just tell them some

30:17

love to Bath The Boy. Everyone deserves, you

30:19

know, a second or third or fourth try.

30:21

Bath The Boy, we know that you've matured.

30:23

Don't worry. We're not out to get you

30:25

anymore. We're not out to get you. We

30:27

love you. Also, there has been worse dilemmas

30:29

written into us. The boys have done a

30:31

lot worse than what you did. Bath The

30:33

Boy, well done for being such a good

30:35

sport. You really have. We put you through

30:37

the wringer. We have. Colleagues, friends, family, loved

30:39

ones of Bath The Boy. Let's give the

30:41

boy a break. Really, you've been an instrumental

30:43

part in our journey. You really have.

30:45

And you know what? Yeah, thank you

30:47

very much. And if we ever do a live show, we'll give

30:49

you a free ticket. Quick

30:56

fire. We got some questions in these little balloons

30:58

from you tiny. So, we're gonna pop it up,

31:00

dot them. Oh

31:04

my God, I got it over here. Yeah,

31:07

I can't believe you get it. Big

31:09

spoon or little spoon? I like being both. And both,

31:11

yeah. I love being big spoon. It rotates in the

31:14

night depending on how hot you are. And you just

31:16

move sides and you know, I love being

31:18

both. We're gonna go with both. Okay.

31:20

Oh my God. What's the worst chat up

31:22

line someone's tried on you? Oh,

31:25

someone wants to stop me in the street and they were

31:27

like, where's the gym? And I was like, over there and

31:29

then they walked back and they were like, I never wanted

31:32

to know where the gym was. Just on the day. I

31:34

was like, that's kind of nice. No, no, it was not

31:36

my type. The only thing that I've had is someone asked,

31:38

like a random guy on Oxford Street. I think he does

31:41

it to the girls. Can I buy you a latte? And

31:43

I'm like, no, I know exactly. He's actually selling to me

31:45

and my sister. He follows people on naked. He's selling it

31:47

to me three times. Same guy. I'm sure he's been pulled.

31:52

Let's really go walk out. Okay.

31:56

Right. What's your weird estate story? I've only

31:59

been on one. I've had one day in

32:01

my life. That's such a lie. Who

32:03

isn't? I've had one day I can

32:06

name two in my head. Who? Alright,

32:08

so guys, someone from Love Island took so

32:10

far in a day. She had a great time, but

32:12

she didn't see me again. Way back when. No, I didn't see

32:14

him again. Oh my god. Yeah,

32:17

you came and joined and I was howl'd I? Did I?

32:19

Yeah, you and Harry Barrett. And

32:21

I was so drunk, guys, I had a lipstick on my teeth.

32:25

I mentally blocked that out.

32:28

I need it. Okay, what's your

32:31

biggest turn off? Long

32:33

fingernails, that's quite gross. Oh,

32:35

vom, bad hands. Long

32:38

fingernails. They clip your nails.

32:40

Someone that comes in with like sleepy dust all around their

32:42

eyes. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You

32:44

just don't look after yourself. Smelly breath.

32:47

Right, okay. Don't, I mean. They haven't scraped

32:49

in the tongue. Dirty fingernails all on, either

32:51

or are not okay. I'm not even iffy

32:53

about a long fingernail. Really bitten nails are

32:55

also real it. Yeah, I prefer

32:57

a better nail to a long one, though. I can get

32:59

on board with it, like it's not. If you're super fit,

33:02

we're gonna, we'll let the bitten fingernail drop. I will get,

33:04

I'll put that, but ideally it's not. But ideally it's not.

33:06

Yeah, we can work on that. The

33:08

bad breath, the smelly fingernails, icely

33:11

is actually my biggest thing in the

33:13

world. General hygiene, I think a lack

33:15

of hygiene is. Yeah, like if a boy who's really fit

33:17

had like a bogey without knowing, that wouldn't give me this

33:20

much. No, that's, yeah, they can all blast him. If I

33:22

hadn't sort of lost every one of them. Yeah, I'd be

33:24

like sweet, sweet boy, blast him. I wouldn't know how to

33:26

tell him. He probably would make me not want to kiss

33:28

him, but I would get on board with his dating. He

33:31

wants how big the big is. Obviously he's

33:33

not an 18, but he's not pouring out of his days.

33:35

But you know what I mean? Totally agree. Ooh,

33:37

this is a big one, look at it. This is the funnest

33:39

thing we've ever done on this hot gun. My fiancee hits all

33:41

the spots, but I want a bit of extra amps

33:44

in the bedroom. Can I bring you something extra

33:46

without hurting his feelings? Just say your friend gave

33:48

it to the president. She's a vibrator, yeah. Came

33:50

in a PR package. Yeah,

33:53

Sophie Melissa once said, send you a package.

33:55

She won a competition and she sent us

33:57

A hack toy. And They told us to use it. They Picked this.

34:00

The second south our line. You

34:04

ready about it? You know

34:06

when it's like this is from a boy. Do

34:09

I got lingerie from i call from Fun for

34:11

gas such as I I actually said to tiny

34:13

lights that leaving bow to get me some and

34:16

out of their that he took the hen I

34:18

let she said it like three times since I

34:20

have yeah January one of them with I'd love

34:22

if is others and finally then. Who's

34:28

the greatest thing? You've seen in a guy's.

34:30

Dream. And

34:32

of a crane. Any that on I'd done

34:35

in a Jamie salon his that and either

34:37

yeah Paul for him he does. Yeah Oh

34:39

also you when I saw a dating Jamie.

34:42

And grub the room and the bad on I

34:44

I saw like a dream. me like shit. consider

34:46

North on. Earth. All

34:49

right, We're done

34:51

with our read it he rusty

34:53

thousand or surely sexy have that.

34:57

Ah, Habit of mine, infirmity probably

34:59

tongue for gave hang out and

35:01

say like so these do with

35:03

I mean prepping for bad puffing

35:06

embark never gray. Tiny

35:09

Valentines Day guy Happy Valentine's Day

35:11

as the door year and keep

35:13

letting As always we love alone

35:15

in a T V.