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This. Is the Guardian. Of

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a. Welcome.

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To weekend a podcast the helps you

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switch off of your busy day to

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day and find entertainment. And inspiration.

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In the Best God Herbs Ever writing

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from the week, you can either listen

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to this as one podcast or play

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each article as individual listens. Just got

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on the description on the pill. Costs

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paid for the timings of what we're

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featuring. Coming.

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Up. Beware. Of Techy

0:34

where she wants. John Craze as the

0:36

prime minister struggles to control his anger

0:38

during the Rwanda bill Press. Briefing.

0:41

David. Harewood on acting Racism A

0:44

mental health. The. Surprisingly

0:46

simple solution to fill douse

0:48

insomnia home. And.

0:50

Stewart Heritage examines the dangerous Fall.

0:52

Out from Netflix is baby Reindeer? This.

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a warning, there's a bit of bad language

2:12

in this episode. Here

2:15

we see see that is in

2:17

full on aggressive aggressive mode according

2:19

to John Craze as he barely

2:21

concealed his contempt for any journalists

2:23

who dare to hold into account

2:25

read by done I think he

2:27

will. Almost. Every

2:29

politician has their tell the U

2:32

S P that betrays them. To.

2:34

Rishi Sooner Kids in the terse edition

2:36

of Right. To. The end of sentences.

2:39

My. Patients. He's running thin, right? Know.

2:42

If snow bots right? There's

2:44

a clear contrast between Labour

2:46

and my government's right. This.

2:50

Is a warning sign that the Prime minister is

2:52

yet again struggling to control his anger. The

2:55

despairing cry of the some king who

2:57

can't believe that the fates of yet

2:59

again chosen to cross his pass. At

3:02

Monday's Downing Street press conference on

3:05

the Rwanda policy, we may just

3:07

have reached peak catchy rishi. Not

3:10

so much snippy me, she is

3:12

outright furious. Rishi. There. Was

3:14

barely a sentence that didn't end in an

3:16

accusing bright. Not. So much

3:18

passive aggressive as full on aggressive

3:20

aggressive. You.

3:23

Could see it in his eyes, the

3:25

contempt for journalists who dare to hold

3:27

him to accounts. God knows how

3:29

he feels about the voters who appear to have

3:31

turned their backs on his party in their millions.

3:34

He was always meant to be the chosen one.

3:36

The. Man to whom everything came easily.

3:39

Wealth. Status. He has it

3:41

all. Shame he can't command

3:44

the two things he most craves. Respect.

3:47

And trust. Risch

3:50

bustled into the Media Center as if he

3:52

was about to do the country a

3:54

major favor. so we better be

3:56

listening as he was only going to say this

3:58

once The labor peers have

4:01

been blocking the bill, right?" he

4:03

began. We

4:05

were only on the first sentence, and already we

4:07

had come to the first untruth. Most

4:10

of the delays in the passage of the bill

4:12

have been as a result of failures of government

4:14

timetabling, but, hey, easier to blame

4:16

labor than admit many in your party

4:19

have serious doubts about the legislation. Not

4:22

least dozens of Tory peers who didn't bother

4:24

turning up to the upper chamber because they

4:26

didn't want to defend a crap bill. There

4:29

was Lord Lebedev when you needed him. Enough

4:33

was enough, soon that continued.

4:36

The bill was going through on Tuesday, regardless

4:38

of how long it took, because

4:40

Rish had a plan and the plan

4:42

was working. The Rwanda

4:44

bill was the only effective deterrent,

4:47

so effective that during the

4:49

press conference the latest figures on small

4:51

boats crossing the Channel were released. Up!

4:55

Twenty-four percent on last year. What

4:58

further evidence did anyone need of the

5:00

efficacy of the Rwanda policy? Rish

5:03

had always said Rwanda was a

5:05

safe country. In fact, earlier

5:07

that day, Andrew Mitchell, his deputy

5:10

foreign minister, and Lord Big

5:12

Dave was unavailable, had told

5:14

the Today program that Kigali was

5:16

far safer than London, and

5:18

that it was racist to think that

5:21

sending death squads into the Democratic Republic

5:23

of the Congo was anything but recreational

5:25

hijinks. So

5:27

here was the proof. Rwanda

5:30

was so safe that more

5:32

refugees were deliberately coming to

5:34

the UK precisely so they

5:36

could get deported to Kigali,

5:39

a modern-day utopia. In

5:41

fact, Rwanda was such a

5:43

paradise that he was even thinking of

5:45

sending all those people with physical and

5:47

mental health problems who were too lazy

5:49

to do the patriotic thing of either

5:52

die or work, die preferably,

5:54

to Rwanda. Because at heart, he

5:57

was all heart. Here

6:00

was what really made Sunak so

6:03

furious. His critics, on

6:05

the left, the centre, and even further

6:07

right, all just dismissed his

6:09

plan as an unworkable stunt. How

6:12

very dare they! Performative

6:14

cruelty to prop up his

6:17

flatlining polling. But really, he

6:19

was just overwhelmed with compassion for

6:22

the little people. He

6:24

wanted the best for them, just

6:26

so long as they ended up nowhere near

6:28

him. Then

6:30

we got on to the logistics. Mr.

6:33

Angry, now channeled, Mr. Don't

6:35

Fuck with Me. Rish

6:38

had commandeered twenty-five courtrooms and one

6:40

hundred and fifty judges, which

6:43

presumably means the already overworked legal

6:45

system will grind to a standstill over

6:47

the summer. And

6:49

he had hired five hundred goons

6:51

who were prepared to strong arm

6:54

any reluctant refugees onto the aircraft.

6:57

And of all, he had found

6:59

an as-yet-unidentified commercial airline that wasn't

7:01

bothered about reputational damage or being

7:03

sued in the international courts that

7:05

was dim enough to take the

7:08

deportees to Rwanda. So,

7:11

it was all systems go, sort

7:13

of. Maybe. Obviously,

7:17

the first flights wouldn't take off for twelve weeks or

7:19

so. That made a

7:21

summer election unlikely, and Rish

7:23

was prepared to ignore any

7:25

international court. The only truth that

7:27

mattered was his truth. He

7:30

had said that Rwanda was safe, and

7:33

that was an end to it. Hell, the

7:35

country was so safe that

7:37

ninety-nine percent of its population

7:40

had voted for its president,

7:42

Paul Kagame. You can't get

7:44

much safer than that. Just

7:46

imagine how safe the UK would be if

7:48

Sunak could get ninety-nine percent of the vote.

7:52

You can judge me on this. Right,

7:55

he said threateningly, daring any

7:57

reporter to contradict him. going

8:00

to be just one coke and flight right

8:02

there were going to be dozens hundreds

8:05

even right you get

8:07

me he wasn't going to

8:09

rest until every single one of the

8:11

40,000 refugees who have disappeared into the

8:13

dark economy had been rounded up and

8:16

harassed out of the country that's

8:18

what success looks like right

8:22

right wrong

8:25

wrong wrong Sunak

8:28

was quite selective about who he took

8:30

questions from primarily the

8:32

more sympathetic media outlets certainly

8:35

not the Guardian don't you love

8:37

your country pepper right but

8:40

even the likes of GB news and talk

8:42

TV had their debts hadn't

8:45

Rish already failed first

8:47

he had promised to stop the boats then

8:49

he had said the first flights would take off in

8:51

the spring now we were back to

8:53

late summer at the earliest Rish

8:56

was horrified how dare

8:58

anyone question him he wasn't

9:01

a man who was used to being doubted

9:03

whatever he says is the truth even

9:05

if he contradicts what he said the day before it

9:08

was going to work because he believed in

9:10

it as did the

9:12

Rwandan president there was no

9:14

man on the planet more committed

9:16

to the cause of human rights

9:19

than Kagami a shoe in for

9:21

the next Nobel Peace Prize shared

9:24

with Sunak Natch with

9:27

his self-biatification complete Rish stomped off

9:29

to take his anger out on

9:32

someone else his

9:34

dog would do well to make himself scarce

9:40

it was struggling to control his

9:42

anger touchy Rishi went full on

9:44

aggressive aggressive by John Crace read

9:47

by Jonathan Keeble next

9:51

David Harewood had barely started his

9:53

career when racist abuse left him

9:55

mentally ill and he went

9:57

on to phenomenal success as

9:59

he takes the helm of the UK's leading drama

10:01

school, he tells Steve Rose

10:04

how he hopes to change things for

10:06

the next generation. Read

10:08

by Ben Aragundadeh. This

10:14

is the first time David Harewood has

10:16

stepped through the doors of Rada's London

10:18

headquarters since he became its president in

10:21

mid-February, and he's immediately struck

10:23

by flashbacks of his time as a student

10:25

here. Stunning memories, he

10:27

says. Memories of my

10:29

audition, the paintings, and that staircase

10:31

will always be memorable because

10:33

you walk in and you go, oh my God,

10:35

I'm at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. It's

10:39

very evocative. Harewood,

10:42

aged 58, is the first person

10:44

of colour to lead Rada, and

10:46

he follows in the footsteps of

10:49

such luminaries as Kenneth Branagh, Richard

10:51

Attenborough, Princess Diana and John Gilgood.

10:54

It is the most prestigious of acting schools,

10:56

some would say the loveiest of them all,

10:59

training ground for everyone from Anthony

11:01

Hopkins to Tom Hiddleston, Fiona Shaw

11:03

to Phoebe Waller Bridge. But

11:06

like many British drama schools, at

11:08

the height of the Black Lives Matter protests in

11:11

2020, Rada issued an apology

11:13

acknowledging that it has been

11:16

and currently is institutionally

11:18

racist. Harewood's

11:21

appointment alongside that of another

11:23

Black actor, Cynthia Arevo, as

11:25

Vice President, could be seen

11:27

as a move towards righting those wrongs, but

11:30

he's not just here for the symbolism. In

11:33

fact, his experience makes him uniquely

11:35

qualified, he says. I've

11:38

been to the Golden Globes and the Emmys. I've

11:40

seen the glamorous top end of the industry, but

11:43

I've also been in a mental institution because

11:46

of this industry, so I know both

11:48

sides of it, and I want

11:50

to make sure that I can give the

11:52

students access to as much of my experience,

11:54

good and bad, as possible, so

11:57

that they know what to possibly expect. We're

12:01

in a sunny meeting room just off that

12:03

staircase. A pile of unopened

12:05

letters await Howard on the table. He's

12:08

been filming in Canada for the past few months,

12:10

he explains, but he seems fresh and

12:12

full of energy. I came into

12:15

this room a few weeks before I was sectioned,

12:17

he observed. This would have been

12:19

in 1989, a few years after he had

12:21

left as a student. In

12:23

my psychotic state I came into pitch

12:25

an idea to the then Principal Oliver

12:27

Neville about how to teach the students.

12:31

Harewood has spoken and written openly about

12:33

his breakdown since, which

12:35

was, he reasons, partly induced

12:37

by the racism of British society in

12:39

general and the entertainment industry

12:41

in particular. Race

12:44

issues continue to plague British drama.

12:47

In February Richie Sunak condemned a

12:49

West End theatre for its plans

12:51

to stage two performances of Jeremy

12:53

O Harris's slave play out of

12:55

a 13 week run for

12:58

all black identifying audiences in

13:00

order to make it as accessible as possible.

13:04

Restricting audiences on the basis of race

13:06

would be wrong said a government spokesperson.

13:09

Earlier this month it was reported

13:12

that the black actor Francesco Ameduda-Rivers

13:14

had received a barrage of deplorable

13:16

racist abuse on social media as

13:18

a result of being cast as

13:21

Juliet opposite Tom Holland in a

13:23

new production of Romeo and Juliet.

13:27

Harewood can sympathise. His

13:29

first professional gig in 1988 was

13:32

playing Romeo in an all black

13:34

adaptation of Shakespeare which provoked a similar

13:37

reaction. Oh my god

13:39

I got slaughtered, he recalls. One

13:41

reviewer said, apparently this man went

13:43

to Rada. Why did they let him

13:45

in? Why did they let him out?

13:48

Another one said, he doesn't look

13:50

like Romeo, he looks more like

13:53

Mike Tyson. And rather

13:55

than social media this was coming from

13:57

broad sheet newspapers. did

14:00

was about my color. Why are

14:02

you playing Romeo? Should you be playing

14:04

Romeo? Did Shakespeare write it for

14:06

a black actor?" The

14:09

experience affected him deeply, he says. My

14:12

second job was with the same director, and

14:14

that's when things really start to go bad.

14:17

Literally, the only way I could go on stage

14:19

was to get hammered. I

14:21

really didn't enjoy my experience, hated

14:23

acting, hated the profession, hated what

14:25

I was doing, totally lost my

14:28

confidence. I think that

14:30

was the start of my breakdown. Harewood

14:33

slowly came undone, he recalled in The Guardian

14:36

in 2021. He was smoking a lot of

14:39

weed at the time. He spent

14:42

weeks walking all over London, sometimes through

14:44

the night, talking to strangers

14:46

and following them wherever they led me. I

14:49

blacked out, only to regain consciousness

14:51

in a completely different part of

14:53

town, hours later, afraid and

14:55

with absolutely no idea what had happened

14:57

in the interval. Friends

15:00

intervened and he was sectioned, after

15:02

which he went on to rebuild his career,

15:05

getting by on what small roles the UK

15:07

industry had to offer. He

15:09

married in 2013 and has two

15:11

daughters, now aged 18 and

15:14

21, both of whom were in

15:16

higher education. But, like

15:18

so many black British actors, he

15:20

only gained mainstream recognition when he

15:22

went to the US. In

15:25

2011 he was cast as a

15:27

CIA chief in the hit counter-terrorism

15:29

series, Homeland. He hadn't worked

15:31

for a year before that, but he's

15:34

been busy ever since, on stage

15:36

and on the small screen, from

15:38

a juicy role in DC's Supergirl

15:40

series to BBC documentaries on his

15:42

psychosis, on Covid's disproportionate impacts on

15:44

people of colour and on

15:46

the history of blackface. He

15:49

wasn't seeking a role at Rudd. About

15:52

a year ago, the chairman, Marcus Ryder,

15:54

offered him the job out of the

15:56

blue. Harewood's first reaction

15:58

was, what? It doesn't

16:00

make any sense. No, I can't do

16:03

that," he says. And then

16:05

I sort of thought, okay, I'll give it

16:07

a go. It was

16:09

only when it was announced that he realized what

16:11

a big deal it was. I

16:14

had calls, letters from all over the

16:16

world, my Instagram blew up, and

16:18

it was such an incredibly positive,

16:20

excited response. I

16:22

suddenly realized, this is actually

16:24

fucking huge, and I'm really

16:27

proud of it, probably more proud of

16:29

it than anything else I've ever done. Drama

16:33

school was something of a haven for Harewood, it

16:35

seems, especially compared with his

16:37

experiences immediately either side of it. The

16:41

child of a working-class Barbadian immigrant

16:43

family, he grew up in Birmingham,

16:45

where being chased by skin-ends and having bricks

16:48

thrown through his window was part of

16:50

his daily experience. I

16:52

knew nothing about drama, he says. I

16:54

blacked my way through school, always doing plays,

16:57

being a bit of a mischievous little bastard,

16:59

being kicked out of classes on a regular basis.

17:03

It was only when a teacher suggested acting

17:05

that a light bulb came on in his

17:07

head. He was accepted

17:09

by the National Youth Theatre, came

17:11

to London for a six-week course, and

17:13

found this type of people who messed

17:16

about just like me and had funny

17:18

voices just like me and were very

17:20

mischievous just like me. A

17:23

year later he was walking into this building

17:26

for a day-long audition at the end of

17:28

which almost all of the other applicants had

17:30

been eliminated. Then Neville, the

17:32

principal, said to him, You're

17:34

quite a humorous lad. Can you make

17:36

me laugh? What did he do? It

17:40

was terribly silly. It was almost like

17:42

a Lenny Henry sketch. I was

17:44

like a Rastafarian Santa Claus breaking

17:46

into people's houses and talking to

17:48

himself. He went home thinking

17:50

he'd blown it, but the acceptance letter

17:52

came through days later. I

17:55

just read the first three words, We

17:57

are pleased, and I leapt out of

17:59

my fucking sky. I just

18:02

had an absolute ball here. For

18:05

me it was the first time education

18:07

made sense. I was learning

18:09

about literature, Shakespeare, Chekhov and

18:11

Moly-E, all these fantastic classical

18:14

writers, what they were writing

18:16

about, the analogies they were using, and

18:18

things that they were trying to

18:20

point out to society. It just

18:22

completely sparked my imagination. In

18:26

retrospect there were some aspects that were

18:28

pretty racist. I was

18:30

singing Negro spirituals, he says, laughing.

18:33

I wanted to sing jazz and my

18:35

music teacher was like, no, no, no. He

18:38

pounds the table as if playing a

18:41

piano and sings an allowed poor Robeson-style

18:43

baritone. I got

18:45

plenty or nothing. And

18:47

I'm like, what the fuck is this? His

18:50

impersonation is so funny I can't help laughing

18:52

as well, even though we're

18:54

talking about institutional racism. There

18:57

was only one other black man in his year

19:00

at Rada, he recalls. Though times

19:02

were already changing, the year below

19:04

him included Adrian Lester, Sophie O'Conado

19:07

and Marianne Jean Baptiste. People

19:09

of color now make up about 40% of Rada's intake,

19:13

it says. It gets 3,000 to 4,000

19:15

applications a year for the 28 places on its acting BA, and

19:20

successful applicants must get through four

19:22

rounds of auditions. Today's

19:26

students of color are far more aware of

19:28

race matters, says Harewood, though this

19:30

comes with its own challenges. He

19:33

has heard of students rejecting suggestions

19:35

that they study Shakespeare or Chekhov.

19:38

A young black actor now will say, I

19:40

want a black playwright, I want black directors,

19:42

I want, I want. So

19:45

it's a different perspective. Alternative

19:47

routes are now available. He

19:49

praises London's Identity Acting School, whose

19:52

alumni include John Boyega and Letitia

19:54

Wright, actors who are comfortably

19:56

themselves. When we Shakespeare

20:00

Company and the National Theatre were the

20:02

peak of an actor's career. Kids

20:05

aren't necessarily interested in that anymore. They

20:07

can come out of drama school and get a

20:09

six-season Netflix show. There

20:12

are other issues facing today's generation.

20:14

He doesn't envy though. Rada

20:17

was once caricatured as a bastion

20:19

of poshness, but at

20:21

least actors from lower-income families, like Harewood,

20:23

could get a student grant. Now

20:26

there are fears that drama school is exclusively

20:28

for the well-off. It's a

20:30

problem across higher education, he says, so

20:33

I don't think it's specifically to do with Rada,

20:36

but I do think we have to find

20:38

ways of making that ladder to success accessible

20:40

to all. It'd be a

20:42

shame if the only way you could get here is

20:44

if mum and dad can dip into their pockets. Rada's

20:47

fees are set by the government at £9,250 a

20:49

year for

20:52

UK students, just like other undergraduate

20:55

courses, a spokesman tells me, and

20:57

it supports 60% of

20:59

its undergraduates through its scholarship fund.

21:03

Harewood is also concerned about where identity

21:06

politics could be headed. We're

21:08

at this strange point in the profession where

21:10

people go, oh you can't play

21:12

that role because you're not disabled, or

21:15

you can't play that because you're not really from

21:17

there. The name of the game

21:19

is acting. Yes, we've got

21:21

to be representative, but I do think we

21:23

have to be careful. That even

21:25

extends to Othello in blackface. I

21:28

say, if you want to black up, have at it

21:30

man. It better be fucking good,

21:32

or else you're gonna get laughed off the stage.

21:35

But knock yourself out, anybody

21:37

should be able to

21:39

do anything. Harewood has practiced

21:41

what he's preaching. Last

21:44

year he played the notorious white

21:46

conservative William F Buckley in the

21:48

play Best of Enemies, based

21:50

on Buckley's legendary right versus left

21:52

TV debates with Gore Vidal in

21:54

1968. I knew

21:57

the minute I walked on stage 99% of the audience That's

22:00

was thinking, why is he playing that.

22:03

But. By the end of it everybody was

22:05

going fuck me that what really well says

22:07

her would. Hearing his words coming

22:09

out of my mouth. Many people when. Why?

22:12

My liking: William F. Buckley. This

22:15

was a far cry from the twenty three

22:17

year old Harewood who played Romeo. You.

22:20

Bring onto the stage what you are.

22:22

I'm. Not pretending to be white. I'm.

22:24

Bringing my full south. How

22:28

will his radha role affect his acting

22:30

career? Well. Tended

22:32

pretty well, didn't he? He laughs. It

22:35

was in his predecessor, Kenneth Branagh. And

22:37

like to be involved here as much as I can.

22:40

And I would have to be honest and say

22:42

that my career has slowed down. No.

22:44

One's a bang down my door right now. That.

22:47

Said they seems to be plenty in the

22:49

pipeline. In. Canada. He was

22:51

shooting a movie about Denim Jolly,

22:54

the founder of Canada's first black

22:56

owned radio station. Way back

22:58

in the two thousand and one. She's.

23:01

Returning their next week to work on

23:03

a new Tv show. Happy Face! And

23:06

he set to appear in the second series

23:08

of the B B C's hit show, Sherwood,

23:10

among other projects. Being.

23:13

An actor is a weird balancing act.

23:15

He suggests. On the

23:17

one hand, you've got to be

23:19

sufficiently resilient to handle all the

23:21

criticism, rejection, anxiety, and stress. On.

23:24

The other keys realized. The goal is

23:27

to be open and vulnerable. On

23:29

a personal level here would seem to

23:31

have squared that circle. I.

23:33

Always thought you had to pay off your chest out

23:35

on stage and be rock solid. And

23:38

then after my break down the first

23:40

time I got on stage I was

23:42

terrified. And the something

23:44

interesting in that because I was vulnerable.

23:47

Of embrace that. And it

23:49

adds something to my level of character

23:51

because I'm safe in that vulnerability. I'm

23:54

in a much better place now than I've ever

23:56

been. a

23:58

few days later they would contacts me by

24:00

email. When he got home

24:02

that day, he says, he got round to

24:05

tackling the pile of unopened mail that was

24:07

sitting on the table during our interview. It

24:10

was all wonderful and complimentary, except

24:12

the second to last one that began. The

24:15

true patriots of England will be turning in

24:17

their grave at your appointment. I

24:20

didn't read on, but I could see it was full

24:22

of the usual. My wife

24:24

read the first line and laughed, but I could

24:26

see her expression change as she read on and

24:28

she very quickly ripped it to shreds and threw

24:31

it in the bin. I've

24:33

already put systems in place, as I've had

24:35

to do before, where such mail is opened

24:37

by others first. That

24:39

way I don't have to deal with such

24:41

garbage. That

24:46

was, I was only able to

24:48

go on stage hammered. David

24:50

Harewood on acting, racism and his new

24:52

roll it right up by Steve Rose.

24:55

Red by Ben Aragundale. We're

24:58

going to take a short break now. We'll

25:00

be back with the second half of this

25:02

episode in a moment. Don't go anywhere. to

25:28

your door. Go to bluenile.com and

25:30

use promo code. Use promo code listen to get fifty

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dollars off your purchase of five hundred

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Blue nile.com for fifty dollars off. Blue

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Nile dot com. Code listen. Hey.

25:42

I'm Ryan Reynolds Recently I s Mint

25:44

Mobile legal team if big wireless companies

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are allowed to raise prices due to

25:48

inflation They said yes and then when

25:50

I asked of raising prices technically violates

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25:54

what the fuck are you to. Hey there, it's Michelle Norris. I'm host of a podcast called. So

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to recap, we're cutting the price of mint. unlimited

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Low, alternated at mintmobile.com. Welcome

26:20

back to WeHend. Now,

26:23

pills, meditation, yoga,

26:25

sleep restriction. Phil

26:28

Douse has tried absolutely everything to get

26:30

some proper rest. But is

26:33

the solution actually surprisingly simple?

26:36

Red by Jonathan Keeble. I'm

26:43

standing in my bedroom in my boxers

26:45

and a T-shirt while a man I've

26:47

just met fiddles with my legs.

26:51

His name is Parasurati and

26:53

he's here with his boss Julius who has come

26:55

to set me up for a polysomnogram, AKA

26:58

a sleep study. Once

27:00

they have glued electrodes all over my legs,

27:02

chest and head and stuck a cannula into

27:05

my nostrils and clipped a monitor to one

27:07

of my fingers and strapped more

27:09

electronics to my chest and waist and

27:11

trained an infrared camera on my bed

27:14

and given the guardian's photographer a good

27:16

laugh, they'll be leaving me for

27:18

the night. Then all

27:20

this kit will track how long and

27:23

deeply I am sleeping. How

27:25

much I'm snoring, how twitchy my legs

27:27

are, how often I get out of

27:29

bed, whether I talk, walk, or I

27:32

don't know, juggle in my sleep. What's

27:34

happening to my blood oxygen levels?

27:36

What my heart's doing and crucially,

27:38

how well I'm breathing. The

27:42

answer to that last one turns out to be

27:45

not very well. I later

27:47

learned that I stopped breathing for at

27:49

least 10 seconds that night. Not once,

27:52

not twice, but 60 times. That's

27:55

an average of almost 10 times an hour. What

27:58

The Hell, I think? To.

28:01

The same time, I'm comforted. Maybe.

28:04

I'm getting closer to fixing my insomnia.

28:07

It's. Been a problem for at least half

28:09

my life the know: I decided to live

28:12

to one hundred I don't wanted screwing up

28:14

my final forty years. It

28:16

increases the risk of heart disease,

28:18

stroke, diabetes, and depression. As

28:20

well as accidents like crushing your car all

28:23

walking in front of a bus. How

28:26

bad is mine? Most. Nights

28:28

I don't get much more than five hours

28:31

sleep. I wake up least

28:33

once in the small hours, the twice,

28:35

or more. and if I wake up

28:37

anytime after four am. There's. A

28:39

good chance I won't fall asleep again. I

28:43

think you'd call me a high functioning

28:45

Insomniac. I don't feel terrible,

28:48

most is just a little tired. It

28:50

hasn't stopped me holding down a good

28:52

job, getting married, having a family. And.

28:55

The fatigue is mainly mental. I

28:57

can usually manage a run for an

28:59

exercise class or some yoga as well

29:02

as a full day's work. That

29:04

woman recently wrote to the Guardian asking if

29:06

I had servants. How else could I

29:08

fit everything in? And simple madam.

29:11

I rarely get more than twenty winks.

29:15

But. I wish I did. There.

29:17

Are moments when I'm drifting off. Almost always

29:19

when I'm lying on my back. When.

29:22

I feel something I can only

29:24

describe as bliss. I.

29:26

Bathe in that warm who's of

29:28

well being. A smile in my

29:30

heart. Until. My wife, Hannah pokes

29:32

me to complain on snoring. That

29:36

are certainly times the to for ia

29:38

would come in handy. That.

29:40

Had to brief episodes of depression

29:42

and anxiety. Both. Bad enough

29:44

to need medication. Both. Times

29:47

I was sleeping particularly poorly. Now.

29:50

Don't think that's the only reason I became ill. But.

29:52

It felt as if the misery and

29:54

the insomnia were feeding each other. Maybe.

29:58

I just need to improve my

30:01

sleep hygiene. Don't. You

30:03

start. This is all you

30:05

ever hear about if you're struggling to

30:07

sleep from every expert book, website, app,

30:09

audio book, or well meaning stranger. If.

30:12

You're lucky enough never to with encountered

30:14

the concept. It. Simply means

30:17

doing everything you can to encourage

30:19

sleep while stopping Everything that may

30:21

undermine it. Entirely.

30:24

Of the top of my head I can

30:26

tell you that this includes. One.

30:29

Making. Sure, your bedroom is dark and quiet.

30:31

To. Getting plenty of daylight first

30:33

thing may be with a long walk. Three.

30:37

Getting plenty of exercise generally though not

30:39

too late in the day, For.

30:42

Avoiding blue light from screens in the

30:44

evening. Five. Not

30:46

sleeping next to your phone. Six

30:49

turning down the lights as you approach

30:51

that time. Seven. Avoiding

30:53

social media and other rage inducing

30:55

stimuli late at night. Fate.

30:58

Going. To bed and rising at about

31:01

the same time, even when you really,

31:03

really fancy ally in. Nine.

31:06

Keeping. The lights off if you must get up

31:08

to use the toilet. Ten. Keeping

31:10

caffeine to a minimum, avoiding it

31:12

completely in the evening, Eleven

31:15

Ditto booze. Twelve.

31:17

Leaving at least a few hours between your

31:19

last meal and bedtime so you're not still

31:22

working hard to digest it. Thirteen.

31:25

Not. Eating too much for dinner for the

31:27

same reason. Fourteen Using your

31:29

bed only for sex and sleep.

31:32

Fifteen. Getting. Out of

31:34

bed if you've been awake for more

31:36

than twenty to thirty minutes, then moving

31:38

to another room where you should do

31:41

something sulphuric sixteen. Try. Not

31:43

to check the time when you're in

31:45

bed and seventeen. Clearing. Your

31:47

mind before bed by making a to

31:49

do or to worry about list. I

31:52

could go on. You.

31:54

Know up. Following. these rules

31:56

almost certainly will help you sleep

31:59

better The

32:01

same goes for meditation slash

32:03

mindfulness, breathing exercises, yoga, and

32:06

tai chi, all of

32:08

which I have tried and enjoyed, and all

32:10

of which have helped a little. They

32:13

all relax you. In the jargon engage

32:16

your parasympathetic nervous system,

32:19

and some you can practice while

32:21

lying unhappily in bed. Scientists

32:26

quite rightly try to give sufferers the

32:28

confidence they will one day overcome their

32:30

problems, not least because worrying

32:32

only makes it harder to sleep. But

32:35

the truth is none of this is

32:37

guaranteed to get you all the way. Not

32:40

even the treatment often described as the gold

32:42

standard, sleep restriction, which

32:45

is usually combined with most

32:47

of those rules in a

32:49

program of cognitive behavioral therapy

32:51

for insomnia, or CBTI. The

32:54

aim is to create a strong association

32:56

between your bed and sleep, as

32:59

opposed to reading, working, watching

33:01

TV, etc., and especially tossing

33:03

and turning. I

33:06

recently endured almost six months of this,

33:08

during two of which I had

33:11

weekly phone calls with my local

33:13

NHS CBTI service. Approaches

33:15

vary a little, but the

33:18

basic principle of sleep restriction is

33:20

to work out how much shut-eye

33:22

you are getting in your horrible

33:24

underslept state—five hours, for instance. Add

33:28

another thirty minutes, and then

33:30

allow yourself only that long in bed

33:32

for night after night until exhaustion has

33:35

bludgeoned you into sleeping solidly for at

33:37

least a week, at

33:39

which point you get an extra fifteen

33:41

or twenty minutes. Once

33:43

you've proved you can make the most of this, you

33:46

get another fifteen or twenty minutes, and

33:48

so on, until you can't improve any more.

33:51

Well done you! Even

33:54

before you start all this, It's clear

33:56

it's going to be an enormous pain in the balls. On

34:00

that you will be even more tired

34:02

than usual and more irritable. then find

34:04

it harder to focus and that you

34:07

should tell your family, friends and workmates

34:09

so they can make allowances. All

34:12

of that is true. None. Of,

34:14

it's quite captures the grim

34:16

tedium of staying up past

34:18

midnight for seven, fourteen, twenty

34:20

one, twenty eight nights in

34:22

a row, exhausted li observing

34:24

those loathsome rules. Imagine

34:26

sitting droopy. I did a darkened room

34:29

long after everyone else has gone to

34:31

bed. Listening. To an audio book

34:33

that won't oh the stimulate you. And.

34:35

Trying your damn this to stay awake

34:37

because that's cool. This rule number eighteen.

34:40

It's not a great idea to nap. And.

34:42

If you do, it shouldn't be for long

34:45

and definitely not in the evening. It's

34:48

not quite hell. That. Is

34:50

definitely Purgatory. What's

34:53

you will learn en route. Is. That

34:55

it is remarkably difficult to be sure

34:57

how much you are sleeping. We.

35:00

Routinely wake up in the night and forget

35:02

about it by the morning or even think

35:04

we have been awake when we have actually

35:06

been sleeping. This. Is known

35:08

in extreme cases as paradoxical

35:11

insomnia. And remember Rule

35:13

Number sixteen. You. Must not checked

35:15

the time during the night. As

35:18

for were bulls such as the Apple

35:20

Watch, The Or A Smart Ring or

35:22

the Whoop Track of and all of

35:24

which aimed to chop not just your

35:26

hours sleep but the amount you spent

35:28

in might sleep deep sleep and rem

35:30

sleep the I've tried them all non

35:32

I wouldn't rate them any more than

35:34

seven out of ten. They

35:36

are particularly erratic when it comes

35:39

to distinguishing between sleep. And.

35:41

Lying Really Still. Like

35:43

when you're awake and try not to be. Does.

35:47

Sleep restriction work. Now. I'm sure

35:49

it does for most people. By. Began

35:52

to sleep a little longer and with

35:54

a little less disruption. But. I

35:56

still wasn't sleeping well. i

35:58

began to wonder if i ever would Have

36:02

I tried pills? Of course, and

36:05

I'd probably have used them more if I could get the

36:07

good stuff. Loma Tazepam,

36:09

which I was prescribed when living in

36:12

France, is rarely dispensed in Britain, partly

36:14

because of fears of addiction, and partly

36:16

because of other possible side effects. It

36:19

worked well for me, and I could genuinely take

36:21

it or leave it. But the

36:24

problem with that argument is that the more you

36:26

repeat it to your doctor, the

36:28

less convincing it sounds. Amitriptyline,

36:31

which is readily available, left me

36:34

muzzy. I've binned it

36:36

completely after one horrible morning of irritable

36:38

spaced-out jitters. I've

36:40

just been prescribed Zopiclone, which a friend

36:42

tells me is wonderful. But

36:45

this is another drug that GPs are wary of,

36:47

and I've only got seven pills, so I'm

36:50

keeping them for emergencies. And

36:52

in any case, pills rarely

36:54

give you proper, restful sleep. Sometimes

36:57

a few hours of unconsciousness is

37:00

all you need to stop spiraling, but

37:02

it's not a long-term solution. As

37:06

for the over-the-counter, non-prescription

37:08

sleep aids, I have

37:10

spent a fortune on

37:13

nitol, valerian, magnesium, 5-HTP,

37:15

lavender, and black cherry gummies.

37:18

Nitol won a night. The

37:20

hardcore version with antihistamines did

37:22

some good. The rest

37:24

were as useless as they were expensive, though

37:27

the gummies were tasty. And

37:29

what about the holy grail

37:31

for self-medicating insomniacs, the hormone

37:34

melatonin, widely recommended for jet

37:36

lag and other sleep problems? It's

37:38

available over-the-counter in the U.S. and many other

37:40

parts of the world, but only

37:42

on prescription in the U.K. I

37:45

tried it for months, in every dose from 1.9 mg

37:47

to 10 mg, in

37:50

quick-acting and timed-release forms.

37:53

When it had any effect, which wasn't always,

37:56

I reckon it made me sleep a little more

37:58

soundly and just a little longer. A

38:06

few weeks ago I spoke to a doctor who had done

38:08

a lot of work with sleep. He

38:11

said I shouldn't write off the progress I

38:13

had made with the hygiene and the CBTI

38:15

and the sleep restriction. These

38:18

things take time, and was I

38:20

familiar with the Japanese concept of kaizen,

38:23

or continuous improvement. You

38:25

create something, then you add a bell

38:28

to make it a little bitter, then a

38:30

whistle, then another bell. That

38:32

was a helpful way to think about my

38:34

achievements, such as they were. Then

38:38

he told me about a new type

38:40

of sleeping pill called an arexin receptor

38:43

antagonist. How do you spell

38:45

that? I asked. Anyway,

38:48

when I arranged to spend a night decked out

38:50

like a Christmas tree, it wasn't

38:52

because I thought a polysomnogram would help

38:54

me. Dr. Sundeep

38:56

Chohan's kaizen seemed like

38:58

my best, probably only, hope

39:01

of success. But after

39:03

being so frustrated by my attempts to measure

39:05

my sleep, I was interested in the

39:07

proper way to do it, the test

39:09

that doctors rely on. Enter

39:12

a company called Independent

39:14

Physiological Diagnostics, IPD, which

39:16

brings polysomnography to your home, rather

39:19

than making you check into a

39:21

sleep clinic. In

39:24

between fitting me with all those

39:26

electrodes and cannulas and so on,

39:28

Julius Patrick, a clinical physiologist as

39:30

well as IPD's managing director, checks

39:32

my throat, then asks me

39:34

questions designed to help with the analysis. Do

39:37

I ever wake up gasping for air? No,

39:40

thank God, and don't you think I'd have mentioned it?

39:43

Do I have headaches in the morning? Nope.

39:46

Do I get brain fog? Sorry,

39:48

what was the question? How often do I

39:50

pee in the night? Too often. Do

39:53

I ever have nightmares or night terrors? Again, no.

39:56

And do I dream? Surprisingly

39:58

rarely, I tell him. Oh,

40:00

everyone does," he says, but not everyone

40:03

remembers it. And you know

40:05

what? No sooner do I fall

40:07

asleep than I jerk awake and tell Hannah I've

40:09

been trying to catch a spider in a glass.

40:12

It's so huge that its legs stick out

40:14

and it just scuttles away, taking the tumbler

40:17

with it. Then I'm out

40:19

cold again." That's

40:21

not the real surprise, though. A

40:23

few days later, Dr. Oliver Bernath,

40:26

the neurologist who reviews my test

40:28

results, announces that I have moderate

40:31

obstructive sleep apnea. I'd

40:33

heard about apnea before, but always

40:36

associated it with bigger bodies, daytime

40:38

sleepiness and dramatic symptoms like

40:41

the aforementioned gasping for air.

40:44

It turns out to be far more widespread

40:46

and often less spectacular. According

40:49

to the Sleep Apnea Trust, it

40:51

affects up to ten million people in the

40:53

U.K., four million of them

40:55

moderately or severely. The

40:57

vast majority of cases go undetected so

41:00

that people like me, who have what Patrick

41:02

describes as regular arousal from

41:05

sleep, end up focusing on

41:07

other causes. That's not

41:09

to say you can't have more than one reason for

41:11

terrible sleep, hence the term

41:14

co-mesa or co-morbid insomnia

41:16

with sleep apnea. Bernath

41:20

recommends I get treatment to

41:22

reduce the long-term risk of

41:24

cardiovascular complications. This

41:26

may also improve the subjective experience

41:29

of sleep quality. This

41:32

is, despite the muted language, a

41:35

game-changer. I finally have

41:37

an explanation for my problems and a

41:39

way to tackle them. If

41:42

the worst comes to the worst, I might

41:44

need a continuous positive airway pressure

41:46

CPAP machine to feed me air

41:48

during the night. I

41:51

admit my heart sinks at the thought of

41:53

wearing a mask to sleep, and not just

41:55

because it feels like a memento mori, as

41:58

my wife likes to remind me at she

42:00

is considerably younger than me, and I'd

42:03

rather not give her another excuse to

42:05

tease me. Then

42:08

there's Stevie, our sweet but

42:10

nervous rescue dog, who usually spends

42:12

the night under our bed. He already

42:14

freaks out when one of the kids turns up in a

42:16

new hat or a novelty wig. He will

42:18

quite possibly wet himself if he sees me

42:20

attached to a CPAP machine. But

42:24

there's a good chance it won't come to that. The

42:27

apnea only occurs when I am

42:29

supine. That is, on my back.

42:32

So I may be able to avoid it just

42:34

by sleeping on my side. The

42:36

thought makes me a little sad, given

42:39

how much I enjoy a supine snooze, but

42:41

it's clearly going to have to stop. To

42:45

make that a reality, my options seem

42:47

to be good old will-power, the

42:50

sort of V-shaped pillow that's popular with

42:52

pregnant women, or a device that

42:54

will stop me rolling onto my back. This

42:57

could be one of the traditional anti-snoring hacks,

42:59

like a tennis ball sewn into the back of a

43:02

pyjama top, a special backpack,

43:04

or something electronic that will prompt

43:06

me if I deviate from the

43:08

correct position. I

43:11

immediately go online and order the

43:13

pregnancy pillow, then add a belt

43:15

that will give me a little electric shock

43:17

every time I go astray. It's

43:20

early days, but I've been trying a

43:23

combination of pillow and will-power for the last

43:25

week, and so far the signs are

43:27

good. I'm sleeping better

43:29

than I have for ages, on my

43:31

side, obviously, and waking up more

43:33

refreshed. If I start backsliding,

43:35

I'll move on to the belt, and

43:38

then the CPAP machine. My

43:40

ego, Stevie, and Hannah will all just have

43:42

to suck it up. Sorry,

43:44

Stevie. Sorry, Hannah.

43:48

After decades slugging it out with insomnia,

43:51

I think I've got it on the ropes. I'm

43:54

actually looking forward to the next

43:56

fourteen thousand nights. That

44:01

was My Insomnia Hell,

44:04

Sleep Business is a Curse, but I

44:06

think I have finally had the answer

44:08

by Syll Boust, read by

44:10

Jonathan Keble. Finally,

44:15

this week the internet has been

44:17

rife with speculation about the real-life

44:19

stalker and real-life abuser from the

44:21

Netflix hit Baby Reindeer. So,

44:25

is this show about exploitation starting

44:27

to seem uncomfortably careless, even

44:30

exploitative, astute heritage? Read

44:34

by Ben Aragundideh. Baby

44:39

Reindeer was only released a little over a week

44:41

ago, and already it has become

44:43

a sensation. Richard Gadd's

44:45

adaptation of his 2019 Edinburgh Festival

44:47

One-Man show, which in turn was

44:49

a dramatization of the ordeals he

44:51

had been through at the hands

44:53

of a stalker and a powerful

44:55

abuser respectively, has not only been

44:57

the most watched Netflix show in

44:59

the UK, but made the

45:01

top ten in twelve other countries. And

45:05

quite right too, since it's as gripping

45:07

and queasy and uncomfortable a show as you're

45:09

ever likely to see, but

45:12

unintended consequences can come with

45:14

success. The narrative

45:16

surrounding Baby Reindeer has moved away from

45:18

the show this week and into the

45:20

real world. Besides its

45:23

lead, the show is essentially about two

45:25

people, a middle-aged woman

45:27

who spent years inundating Gadd with

45:29

thousands of unwanted messages to the

45:31

detriment of his well-being, and

45:33

a successful older writer who subjected

45:35

Gadd to a prolonged period of

45:37

sexual abuse. And while

45:40

Baby Reindeer attempted to gloss over the true

45:42

identity of these figures, the

45:44

internet has, unfortunately, been busy.

46:00

fever pitch on Monday, meaning Gad

46:02

had to dampen things down on Instagram.

46:05

He said that people he loves

46:07

and admires were unfairly getting caught

46:09

up in speculation. Please don't

46:11

speculate on who any of the real-life people

46:13

could be, that's not the point of

46:15

our show. Which

46:18

might be true, since Baby Reindeer is

46:20

a complex drama, but

46:22

any show that openly states it is

46:25

based on a true story will always

46:27

invite internet detectives. And

46:29

if the result of that is that innocent

46:31

people are now being wrongly accused of

46:33

being abusers online, that's a problem.

46:36

The tension at the heart of Baby Reindeer

46:38

is that the story is real. Gad

46:41

was stalked and suffered abuse, and

46:44

the knowledge that these things happened gives

46:46

the whole endeavour its electric charge. But

46:49

equally, the knowledge that the writer and

46:51

star is retelling traumas that he endured

46:53

also means that the series cannot be

46:56

viewed solely as a work of art.

47:00

People were always going to start trying to

47:02

join the dots. The internet has

47:04

done so for decades. Even

47:06

Fleabag, a much less thematically explosive

47:08

show, drew a similar level of

47:10

attention, to the extent that C.B.

47:12

Waller-Bridge publicly expressed regret for harming

47:14

her family by not protecting them

47:16

from all the guesswork. This

47:19

is the wider context in which Baby Reindeer

47:21

was released, and to have

47:23

not seen this coming seems like an oversight

47:25

on the part of Netflix. It

47:29

could all have been prevented so easily.

47:32

In some of the press reports about

47:34

Baby Reindeer, Gad has suggested that a

47:36

huge effort had gone into separating the

47:38

fictional stalker from the real life stalker

47:40

as a way of protecting the latter

47:42

from undue attention. Yet

47:44

enough details of her life and

47:47

her messaging are included in the

47:49

drama that amateur investigators immediately set

47:51

about trying to identify her. Similarly,

47:54

regardless of the actual identity of Gad's

47:57

abuser, the show has resulted in several

47:59

people in the past. public eye being

48:01

hounded by speculation, wouldn't it

48:03

have been safer to fudge the

48:05

details more comprehensively? True,

48:08

the show is based on a stage

48:11

show that made the reality of GAD's

48:13

experiences even more explicit, but the

48:15

percentage of Netflix's 269 million subscribers,

48:17

with a working knowledge of Edinburgh

48:20

Fringe shows from half a decade

48:22

ago, is presumably quite small. Giving

48:25

off the true story disclaimer could have

48:27

thrown the majority of people off the

48:29

scent. It

48:32

has become hard to think of Baby Rain

48:34

the other show without considering the fallout it

48:36

has generated. While

48:38

the instinct might have initially been to

48:40

see GAD as brave for so fearlessly

48:43

retelling the story of what must have

48:45

been an impossibly harrowing time, it's

48:47

now difficult to see it free of the

48:50

consequences it has brought on itself. There's

48:54

nothing entertaining or fun about the

48:56

worst percentage of the internet doxxing

48:58

women with mental health problems or

49:00

scattergunning accusations of abuse at celebrities

49:02

for fun, and yet this

49:04

is what has happened. Baby

49:07

Reindeer has cemented its status as

49:09

one of the year's most uncomfortable

49:11

shows. That

49:15

was the dangerous fallout from Baby

49:17

Reindeer. Should Richard GAD have

49:20

been less honest about his abuses? By

49:22

Stuart Heritage. Read

49:24

by Ben Aragundadeh. If

49:27

you've been affected by any of the

49:29

issues raised in this episode, we've included

49:31

details of helplines you can contact on

49:33

the episode page at theguardian.com. That's

49:38

all from us. This has

49:40

been Weekend at Guardian Podcast. If

49:43

you're enjoying it, please make sure to

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like, subscribe to and rate the podcast.

49:49

You can even leave us a nice review or let

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us know what you want to hear more of. Just

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search for Weekend wherever you get your podcasts. This

49:57

week's articles are read by Jonathan Keeble and Ben

49:59

Aragundadeh. Ben Aragundideh. I'm presented

50:01

by me Savannah Aye-Aye-De-Grieves. This

50:04

episode was produced by Rachel Porter. The

50:07

executive producer is Ellie Burey. Join

50:10

us again next Saturday. Thanks

50:12

for listening. This

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is The Guardian. Hold

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