0:25

Was still being worked. so cool

0:27

bug of my welcoming with to

0:29

the was so full podcast Mary

0:31

get Taylor here in his dog.

0:33

what up man with anybody? Go

0:35

anybody an arm watch me last

0:38

night or the night before A

0:40

with this Tuesday night April sixteen.

0:42

I. Was on this show after

0:44

midnight with. You would. With

0:47

Taylor Tomlinson bro another taylor

0:49

earlier and Morgan Murphy. Marcella.

0:53

Gray You and myself. Three

0:55

curly hair people earlier than.

0:58

I. And brought up are going to be a hard

1:00

show to do. That. We the

1:03

do a duet them as usual. stupid. But

1:05

around when I got their brother that

1:08

that a writer and. The. You

1:10

a bunch of joke to to choose from.

1:12

Also that but I roll my job's instead. We.

1:15

See you Not just not that funny. Ja

1:18

rule my job's instead of we did

1:20

you stem jaeger they view of the

1:22

give you a bunch of judges that

1:24

kid with a lot of found their

1:26

guess er nog comedians who the just

1:28

the people who are is to grammars

1:30

or the their author or other wars

1:32

figures. That. The. Does show

1:34

up bro there now ready to sit down there

1:36

and coma was dogs are they need line? For

1:39

some reason that was all right there on the

1:41

fly or com. I regret. That

1:43

that not gonna fly with as a

1:46

rabid the every when you're done it

1:48

on I'm American got telling every step,

1:50

everywhere, loyal even less than is rehearsed

1:52

out there. yeah ha. Active jokes that

1:54

except a joke, their performance and a

1:56

portion of yeah but take the guide

1:59

you brought on. That's coming standing come here

2:01

remember stand right there then they have

2:03

five people who kind of like the ugly version

2:05

of us There

2:07

bro like oh my god standing I

2:09

didn't get as far as you beat

2:11

me No, but but on America's Got

2:14

Talent No, you know what

2:16

they did to us on the AGT we had to be

2:18

our own stand-in So we would like to

2:20

work you gotta pay the tour twice. Oh,

2:22

you're so cute Hahaha Last

2:26

time standing sag after we

2:28

get paid per episode America's Got Talent is

2:30

a game show so it's illegal if they pay you Oh,

2:33

we had to do the standing work

2:35

for the judges did not know that

2:37

every rehearsal We'd see fake Howie Mandel

2:39

fake Howard Stern fake Hadi Klum and

2:41

then there's always it's funny like how

2:43

they try to match like extra work

2:45

actors respectfully with the Figure

2:47

whatever Mel B is a black person. It's

2:49

just like kind of silly like but it's

2:51

all just for standing work And

2:53

there's a bald guy for howie That's

2:56

crazy Like wait, who's the

2:58

ball? Who is um? Harlan

3:00

delz standing Eric Schwartz But

3:04

Hollywood Squares is real right you've done it Hollywood

3:07

Squares. Yeah, I'm not 90 buddy They

3:12

were new one bro is I'm beat on BET

3:15

I also not black I Tell

3:19

you is there room for me and like, you

3:22

know, who's that very funny comedian? Who's a white

3:24

guy who's in the in the black world and

3:26

he's like a superstar Gary Owen Gary Owen Very

3:28

funny guy. How could I do that is for

3:30

another culture? You know, like do you think in

3:33

the Latino comedy world is room for like you

3:35

would have to start from the bottom I got

3:37

buddy else. First of all hit up chocolate Sunday.

3:39

Oh And then

3:41

go to my more better Monday

3:44

Munder a monder a monder a Ray

3:46

Davis Latino cuz I

3:49

used to do refried Fridays. I didn't me

3:51

or goo-yo comedy Yo,

3:53

I know I never heard of it Oh

4:00

my god It

4:02

was all like no idea and rich

4:05

Richard Martinez. Oh That

4:08

was me. Oh, you might think about they had to

4:10

change one of them. I mean in my pride, right?

4:13

so you So

4:16

cuz everything you gonna have Latino night Joe Medina

4:18

had Latino night at the laugh actor on Mondays

4:20

I was like back in the day. I feel

4:23

into the improv one refry Friday. That was

4:25

a good one So am I in

4:27

do I have to start from the bottom for like

4:29

what about Latino comedy world How do I break into

4:31

that? You guys done a bottom bro? Yeah build an

4:33

audience. I did it go viral Go

4:37

viral bro start talking about quinceanera you already

4:39

have a chihuahua That's

4:48

right you get the boy for robles I'm

4:51

sure Okay,

4:55

maybe give a little suitcase There's

4:58

a plug right here dude, is there room

5:01

for a Jewish chihuahua in the Latino comedy

5:03

circuit you for dinner II alone

5:06

gone wild So

5:12

what's the brother a penitent or pajama top Like

5:21

thin-ass fog, this is like On

5:24

the set and you kept it I

5:27

kept something from a set one some shoes, bro. She'd

5:29

give that back to a little dog She

5:36

was special right now that's out. Yeah,

5:39

man, I'd saw a very exclusive

5:41

website called youtube.com Taylor

5:44

Williamson live at the Comedy Store. I'm really proud

5:46

of it. I'd love it if you're wonderful Now

5:49

you shut in the main room, yeah Very

5:53

scared. They were like you could do like I mean

5:55

listen where I'm at They're like you could do two

5:57

tapings in like the belly room or the OR or

5:59

whatever one in the main room and I just

6:01

gambled and went for one take. Oh, hell yeah,

6:03

dude. It went cool and I'm really proud of

6:05

it. And yes, now I'm

6:08

marketing. Hour long? I

6:10

did 36 minutes. Hell yeah, dude.

6:12

Because I'm like, what are we doing here, you know? I don't

6:14

know what's happening. And I'm trying

6:16

to, to be sincere, I'm

6:18

trying to reintroduce myself to people. And

6:21

I think America's Got Talent thing, all this stuff, I'm so

6:23

grateful. I'm 20 years in, I'm trying to get a brand

6:25

new fan base. So I'm like, let me give you like,

6:28

here's 30-ish minutes. I'll tell you who I am

6:30

now. This is your first and only special? I

6:32

have another special, I have an album that's

6:34

an hour. They have another special that I

6:36

did on like... When? From the 80s, an

6:38

album? Hahaha. On an

6:40

LP. What do

6:43

you call it? Well, because it's like it was

6:45

a CD, but you don't say CD anymore. CD

6:47

pecked it. Wow. So I say album

6:49

is true. Yeah, it's true. We're here with the funny Taylor.

6:51

You're all streaming now. When I had that Room in Mind

6:53

of Battle, Joy Medina gave

6:55

one of the managers their,

6:57

his album. It was a cassette.

6:59

What the fuck, dog? Yeah, remember,

7:01

she posted a side, I

7:04

gotta go to my garage and look for my tape deck.

7:06

A cassette, really? There's

7:09

another story about that album. He

7:11

had a little sleeve, and his set lit with

7:13

a sleeve, and all the thank

7:15

you's for everybody. Medication. It's below

7:17

the bell, right? It's below the bell, yeah.

7:19

That's by William's boxing glove, I think. Hahaha.

7:22

Because I heard that the... Say

7:24

it with Dina below the belt album. Yeah,

7:27

Dina. Was it Uproar? No.

7:29

No, it didn't. Independent release on

7:32

tape. I heard that the Ice

7:34

House needs to give you your set on VHS. Hey,

7:36

you know who was producing CD, comedy

7:39

album before anybody? Who, who? Besides

7:42

Uproar, the lame

7:44

brother, Roy Monterey. Really, dude? What albums they

7:46

put out? Darren Carter's. Oh, damn, the Party

7:48

Star, that was the first album? And these

7:50

fluffies, first one. That Darren Carter? Yeah, yeah,

7:52

yeah. Not the Darren Carter with the Flashbacks.

7:54

It's the first album they did, bro. You

7:56

mean the... The Machine and... They

7:59

had a dad, they had... Record that everything the

8:01

owners of that back in the Gemini that

8:03

tape. Yeah, brother. It was the AP Pac-Rao

8:09

That was a badass room though, dude playing Gemini was

8:11

a badass album coming out here for form like in

8:14

Northern, California Monterey, I've been

8:16

all over Northern, California. I haven't done. I

8:18

don't know this planet Gemini To

8:21

be a comedy club owned

8:23

by these two Italian guys

8:26

from Toronto I was

8:29

talking to the dad his dad looks like

8:31

the Nero if he was hit by a

8:33

shovel, bro But

8:35

he looked like the double Robert

8:38

know the road or how they migrated

8:40

from Toronto to Monterey They

8:43

we live in Colorado Springs He

8:46

moved in there was five sandwich

8:48

shops. We open up one sandwich

8:50

shop It did great

8:52

the whole neighborhood loved it in 10 years. We

8:55

were the only sandwich shop Wow. Okay, you tell

8:57

it man I see what you did push

9:00

the matter everybody Was

9:03

he from Italy from Toronto? Yeah,

9:08

yeah What's up, dude? Willy

9:15

Barcelona this tonight show They

9:18

are they invited the guys from

9:20

Monterey and he fucking drove bro

9:23

from Monterey to LA to our later watch

9:25

We leave tonight show they brought

9:27

sandwiches brother suits in fucking bags.

9:29

Well, dude, those are entertainers, too

9:31

They're not bad for them to

9:34

be called stage. They showed up

9:37

Bro They

9:39

showed up with regular tracks, you know nice

9:42

track suit And when he got to

9:44

a nice show they put on their suits right

9:46

there, bro They were like fucking geez, but anyways

9:48

when they were dropping me off at night There

9:51

were these fucking Mexican do these by sauce

9:53

they were digging a hole bro was a

9:55

little light issue No, didn't fucking lay that

9:57

night doing some bullshit at work He

10:00

goes, oh, they're getting rid of a body, I see. Those

10:04

was dressed like Silvio for the Sopranos

10:06

though. Yes, bro, that's still real hair. So

10:10

the comedy club didn't do as well as the sandwich

10:12

shop? Oh, they both did well. No,

10:15

the dad owned the sandwich shop. They owned the comedy

10:17

club. In Colorado. You can't talk, you can't knock a

10:19

talk about it, bro. The dad owned the sandwich shop.

10:21

So it was a nightclub that they did comedy on

10:24

the weekends. And then, uh... Felinas, right? When I went

10:26

there, on Fridays, it was gay night. Or like, yeah,

10:28

it was popular. That's the only night you went, right?

10:30

That's the night you were there with your cross-legged jeans,

10:32

huh? That night was hopping, bro, I remember, yeah. Eggplant,

10:35

huh? You were a pony boy that

10:37

day, bro. A pony boy. We

10:39

couldn't get enough of you. We're doing it for Johnny. So

10:42

what happened to the venue? Wait a minute,

10:45

this can't be remembered. They're doing it

10:47

for Johnny, you're gonna believe this shit,

10:49

bro. What's up, bro? What's up,

10:51

bro? Fuck yeah, they're doing the outsider, the

10:54

musical. Oh my God. I'm

10:56

gonna go see that shit, dog. Patrick Wazzy,

10:58

bro. Just to see how that plays,

11:00

they... We're doing it for

11:03

Johnny! We're doing it

11:05

for Johnny! We're doing it

11:07

for Johnny! It's

11:09

funny you say that because Reaper Madness is a musical

11:11

now. Oh, I wanna see that! Yeah, is that crazy,

11:13

bro? You're gonna learn from that? Yeah, dude, that's what

11:15

I found out. We should all go together, bro, talk

11:17

about it. Yeah, it's fucking crazy,

11:19

bro. Let's get back to the comedy club, though.

11:22

Planet Gemini. I thought Chicago a couple of

11:24

months ago. I thought Chicago too, and now I'll lay back

11:26

in the day, bro. Over too. I didn't know

11:28

you were doing drugs. I see that in high school. She

11:30

was weak. There it is, brother. It was the black... It

11:32

was the outsider. Okay, there's a new guy. I

11:36

guess the fighting the socialists, the greasers, and

11:38

the cribs. The black panthers. They're Dominican

11:40

food. No,

11:43

bro, you know what, man? I know

11:45

we gotta agree. We gotta be well against

11:48

what's going on. You

11:50

know, like, I know it's not about inclusive,

11:53

but you know, if you remember the cast and not

11:56

having somebody that's not there, man, we just can't put them

11:58

in there and shit. I don't want to be messing with

12:00

you. and outsiders bro? Like I was watching- Like what the

12:02

fuck dude? I was watching- Like

12:04

I was watching fucking um, I

12:07

was watching- Where is this world? Fucking uh,

12:09

Can't wait. That West Side Story bro. Uh

12:11

huh. And there was a guy

12:14

there in the wheelchair bro with him though. What?

12:16

He can't dance? If you don't have legs you

12:18

shouldn't be in a musical dog. Bro, if there

12:20

was not a wheelchair. If there was not a-

12:22

I understand. What next? What was it? I understand.

12:24

If they're doing a, hey man, don't

12:27

be a man in society who was drinking jam in the

12:29

juice. You need the wheelchair guy

12:31

bro. But if the stories didn't

12:33

call for a wheelchair guy, they

12:35

shouldn't fucking be a wheelchair guy there. Yeah bro.

12:37

What are you gonna get? What are you playing?

12:40

Fucking Charles Xane? Like bro, like the Rockettes, they

12:42

have a guy there on stilts bro. What's up

12:44

with that bullshit? If that- Yeah

12:46

I don't like, like you know man, like now what

12:48

they say like, how come they don't show- How

12:51

come they don't never show friends? Friends never show

12:53

black people in their show, they never show Puerto

12:55

Ricans. But you know what? You gotta keep

12:57

it real bro. White people don't hang around

12:59

with Mexicans. So you gotta, you

13:02

can't lie about that. That's not my experience. You

13:04

cannot lie about that. That's not me. I don't.

13:07

You're just lying. I grew up in- Lying bro. I'm

13:09

from San Diego. You know what you are. They're just

13:11

like, bro. Can I tell you, I got it too.

13:13

Bro you're wearing hot stars one time bro. You wear

13:15

a shoe. I know. White people eat hot stars

13:17

one time and they buy a hat bro.

13:19

Oh, so how dare you first of all. My bad.

13:21

You're out for the win a lot of it. My

13:24

story is- That's right you were raised by a Salinas

13:26

killer. Yeah, your line is- You're Jewish. You're the worst

13:28

babysitter ever. Do you

13:30

remember? Do you remember? Rest in peace. Greg

13:32

Jaldahl, one of my favorite jokes of all time. He's like

13:35

back, I'm ruining the joke. But basically it was like, people

13:37

say George W. Bush is the worst president of all time.

13:39

And he's like, no, you know who I think the worst

13:41

president of all time is? The president of the Selena fan

13:43

club. That's the worst president of all time.

13:45

That's a good one. I never heard of that one.

13:47

I never heard of that one. You should have kept

13:50

it for yourself. Oh, sure. But- She's

13:52

coming out next year. One time at comic every- I'm waiting

13:54

for her bro. She's coming back

13:56

like she's giving up. Selena?

13:59

No, no. Yolanda it's like Jesus We

14:03

didn't name. So three years gonna play her

14:05

in the movie really? Oh my god.

14:07

He looked like her, huh? So she's coming

14:09

out. She's being released on next year has been 30 years She

14:12

should be up to the microphone in your dog,

14:14

bro. I've been asking the people question man the

14:17

street That's how you get into the Latino scene,

14:19

bro. Yeah Yes,

14:22

I grew up with the sounds like whatever

14:24

a white guy story But I'm in my

14:27

home my family my favorite relatives my Mexican

14:29

nanny who lived in my from San Diego

14:31

You go she's from Chihuahua Mexico First

14:41

word She's

14:44

like I tip in Chihuahua My

14:49

whatever I got in trouble I knew I

14:51

was in trouble cuz she would go kiss Esso I

14:57

And then and then

14:59

my first words were leche in chupon Yeah,

15:02

you're lying. You want to get in the milk. Yeah.

15:04

Yeah, and then and then um, oh It's

15:07

actually kind of weird story. So it's my mom always I'm

15:10

funny man. We're white people fucking Spanish everybody

15:12

clap and they cheer them on Mexican

15:15

we fucked up one in one word in English.

15:17

You go to jail Get

15:24

the right boy you can get out of

15:26

this country was my espanol not good No,

15:28

but it was perfect. Okay, but then so

15:30

but can't I'm not applauding it? I don't

15:32

need it I'm

15:35

looking for validation. I don't need applause But

15:38

uh, you want to hear the inside scoop though, so

15:41

like my mom What

15:43

for the San Diego to grow up at oh hi.

15:45

Oh hi. Oh, hi. What am I not even? Oh,

15:48

hi. Oh, hi Oldtown.

15:50

Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, okay Oh

15:52

time me made the whole yeah, I'm

15:54

like Del Mar That's by

15:57

the racetrack. Yeah, you live by the border. Yeah

16:00

That's not me, but, uh, but,

16:02

uh, so then my mom told me my first word

16:04

was religion, Jupon, and then when I was like 12,

16:06

I found my baby book, and my

16:08

parents were divorced, but they're like each other, right? And

16:11

my baby book, it says, uh, first word, dada. This

16:14

is like therapy shit. Do you get what I'm saying? My

16:16

mom planted this story in me that my first words were

16:18

in Spanish, but it's really dada. She hates my dad. Anyways,

16:21

this is... Wow, so your way was

16:23

real, real, your first word was dada, was your

16:25

mother, your dad the credit? I'm

16:28

telling the truth, honestly. It's just... Dada. Your

16:31

first words were more oval people. More

16:34

oval people. I hope not. Did you

16:36

guys get... What was that really gross

16:38

cheese that, like, our parents would eat?

16:41

Uh, velvet, uh, velvet? Goveeta?

16:43

Remember that? It's like a nice bomb, bro.

16:45

I like Goveeta. I like Goveeta, bro. Ew,

16:48

gross. I get stomach aches. Dude, it's good,

16:50

dude. Dude, man, I wish. The cheese out

16:52

of the milk, right? The green chilean that

16:54

you make for nacho cheese? It's delicious. We

16:56

had this fat-ass food show when I was

16:58

living with... Didn't even have a fuck, but

17:00

good, dude. When I was living with my

17:02

baby mama, there was this fucking dude from

17:04

a person

17:06

named Betin. What do you look

17:09

like? Fat, dude. And they always make

17:11

the bomb in little snacks like that, huh? Yeah, half, bro,

17:13

that look like... Little pa. When

17:15

they make a little fish, they look

17:17

like he turned into an armoire, bro.

17:21

He looks like a little

17:23

armoire, hands, dude. Fat

17:25

dude, that dude, he

17:28

fucking... He started boiling milk

17:30

food, and he started

17:32

putting peaches of jalapenos in there and

17:34

onions. And I said, this fucking

17:36

boy... I was like, oh, he's boiling

17:38

fucking jalapenos. He's boiling chicken. He's boiling

17:41

fucking tomatoes together. Just milk, right? No.

17:44

And he put salt, but then that food

17:46

started fucking with a little knife. He was

17:48

going with the cheese. Hey, dude. Those

17:51

are the Southwest Mexicans, huh? Yeah, they are.

17:53

They're little green chili Mexicans, dog. Yeah, he

17:55

was. Because he went out fucking... I

17:58

thought he was done. Bro, we're gonna let that

18:01

food spinner he was living with us for free bro.

18:03

He was taking his um, we were great

18:05

immigration test Back in

18:07

the projects. Yeah, he was living with us. This

18:09

food made a pie man. Check this out Taylor. He

18:12

got He

18:15

wasn't no he wasn't no poor white people

18:17

bro, cuz he got out, you know, you

18:19

know that fucking frozen Yeah

18:25

He popped it put in a bowl with

18:28

two boxes of cool with

18:30

bro He

18:36

added fucking la leche a little bit

18:38

around it condensed and then he put

18:40

those the walnuts Don't really have oh,

18:43

I know we are before you're in a

18:45

right he put it in the me and then he

18:47

put it on top of a Pie

18:50

crust and he put me to a

18:52

bro and we're eating those fucking nachos with that pie

18:55

on the side I Like

18:58

why box by I've eaten

19:00

stuff over board we ate some red make

19:02

sure not yeah that like, you know A

19:04

little white trash yours and your sheep ass

19:06

pie good though, man. Fuck is like it

19:08

cost $45 You

19:13

just go to the store for 10 minutes I Love

19:22

you guys with nannies a bomb a little

19:24

mixtures like that Oh, the fucking the big

19:26

levered able to do were like three four

19:28

five bucks. No cheap I think three four

19:30

ninety-nine Thank

19:33

you. I look who it was 99 cents and

19:35

the walnuts probably was the most expensive thing Once

19:38

I never had a pilot. Yeah I've

19:41

eaten shit like that White

19:44

trash people in the world bro. I

19:46

mean printed food. Yeah. No, it's like above

19:48

prison food. Come on dog That's a delicacy.

19:50

This sounds good. That's almost like Little

19:55

parties little birthday party to have that food to

19:57

my add to she would do their face, you

19:59

know Get a parfait. Get

20:02

a parfait, yeah. They

20:04

would do some weird shit, bro, with

20:06

like this jello that was like all

20:08

covered up with pink shit. Like

20:11

a rosier sack. Oh, it was cool. It was

20:13

a bunch of- That's green, huh? It was a

20:15

bowl with cheap ass vegetables.

20:19

The fruit cup in a can, two of them. Then

20:21

my animal put sweet coconut in it, too.

20:24

With a bunch of cool whip and then

20:26

yogurt. And then

20:29

strawberry pink coolant in it. And then mix

20:31

it all up and put it in the

20:33

refrigerator, bro. It'll mold like a

20:35

big fat jello pie, bro. All pink.

20:38

It was good. It was an ambrosia salad. How are

20:40

you alive? I don't know, bro. Don't they give me

20:42

one bowl? They didn't give me a lot. That's right.

20:45

I wanted two bowls. That shit always gets ripped

20:47

up quick, dude. My

20:51

dad didn't know what hit him when he tasted that, bro.

20:53

Oh, yeah. Just so rich, dude. Like

20:56

dirty ass hands, bro. I

20:59

do. Last time I seen one of those was at

21:01

a Super Bowl party like three years ago. Really? It

21:03

was good as fuck. I think there's the kind of

21:05

stuff that Bird Crasher goes to sleep

21:08

eating with. I heard he wakes

21:10

up to a cup of punch

21:12

every morning. Like with alcohol? No,

21:14

just a Hawaiian punch. Oh, definitely. He has a

21:16

real drink. He has some people drink orange juice.

21:18

That food drinks Hawaiian punch. You

21:20

know what he would do if he was having

21:23

a conversation? He would release merchandise. You have a

21:25

cookbook right now of all his recipes. You're missing

21:27

out. You got to be like them for marketing.

21:29

There it is, bro. That pink one. That's

21:32

the one? See, that one's a little bit more elegant. Is

21:35

that your first dog that you grew up having dogs?

21:37

I grew up with dogs, yeah. It's my first adult

21:39

dog. Adult my own dog. I wish I had when

21:42

I was younger. It's like a whole different- Your baby.

21:44

Your friend, man. What's his name? This is

21:47

Betty. Betty. Betty

21:49

Boop. She's a little- Tiny little baby.

21:51

Cutey, huh? Yeah, she'll eat

21:53

you alive though. Watch out. She

21:57

calling the police? Yeah, she's great. She's really like

21:59

sleeping, huh? She's so chill usually like

22:01

my dogs be like fucking moving around like fuck

22:03

you do like you give your dog candy It's

22:08

really true you give them chocolate they're so chill Right,

22:15

but I do you do CBD with your

22:17

dogs I used to do no For

22:20

that I do I see the CBD treats

22:22

because I've harbor I Don't

22:27

keep it I don't give my dog chocolate. I don't want

22:29

their dog Nick underwear, bro Now

22:32

my girls underwear, but have three boys Three

22:35

boys and they just they just pee on each other's

22:38

pee broke and then they're trying to mark each other's

22:40

like fucking like You don't do not party tree. They

22:42

are right, but it's boys. You know, they just like

22:44

it. They're not they're not They pee

22:46

outside. We are they fixed.

22:48

They're all fixed Yeah, except for one the one

22:50

that we found but they just I don't know

22:53

When they pee on each other they got a county chilis pee

22:55

do like it's peed on by boy dogs Oh, I guess they

22:57

try to pee on the on her pee or poop and then

22:59

they pee on her Because it's

23:01

it's animal instinct. No matter what do you can party turn

23:03

those so like I'll take them outside They'll come inside. I

23:05

mean, they just territorial, you know, it's

23:08

weird. We looking like master splinter. I think

23:10

it's so you're a rat dog What's

23:15

I would that's a very offensive You

23:18

can bat bat is okay

23:20

monkey's okay. Who hombre? The

23:25

one for ninja turtle bro, yeah Doubling

23:32

down on a future winter's a rat or pizza you see how

23:34

it's a hurtful to me You call me like a rat and

23:36

splinter you go. Oh, no, no, not a right She'll say

23:38

splinter like a guy who mutated or wrapped and mutated into

23:40

a Conspirant splinter is linked.

23:42

There is a Tia Yeah,

23:45

we're near inside the year and read a

23:47

to eat right here, right? Understand

23:50

sir. I think you're missing the premise Preface

23:54

of my concern here. We some crips.

23:56

Do we have big little dogs? Would you buy like big

23:58

dogs when I was a child? I had we had German Shepherd.

24:01

Yeah, and then I had Jack I had

24:03

Jack Westley Terrier when I was a young

24:05

you those are bad-ass. Look a high-brow dog

24:09

Is that a wishbone dog it doesn't Don't

24:13

like that always tough. I like that like

24:15

like remember I'm on her dog like this

24:17

dog Don't go to the door and bark.

24:19

Oh, it's tough. Hey motherfucker. Those are

24:22

the roof dogs. Yeah, like roof

24:24

dogs Oh my grandma had roof dogs, dude.

24:26

Whatever I saw it in Mexico

24:29

Look out roof roof. Yeah. Wait, is that what he's saying?

24:31

Yeah 80 T Okay,

24:35

dog security Why

24:37

I thought I thought he I genuinely not make a

24:39

joke. I thought you meant like they hang out on

24:42

the roof They do. Yeah in Mexico. Yeah roof dogs

24:44

and they go roof on the roof. Yeah Wild

24:48

information It's

24:50

for security. That's what they're on the river. Those

24:52

are a guy I Phillips

24:55

grandmother She's there like they

24:57

used to leave the window open and the top

25:00

attic and the dog would just be on the

25:02

roof Jilly, bro. I bet he was on

25:04

a roof. She would get eaten by a hawk in two seconds.

25:06

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah,

25:09

so my voice it's coming to have root

25:11

dogs and roofs you're blowing my mind. Yeah,

25:13

dude My grandma has

25:15

two dogs in the roof. Yeah, I took Japanese

25:17

class in high school So I didn't learned about

25:19

the culture of Mexico as much I

25:21

can tell you about Japan if you want We'll start speaking

25:23

Japanese. Oh, what do you want to know? You know, I

25:25

think Mexico and Japanese Yeah

25:39

Take me out bro. After

25:42

midnight guys You

25:45

plugged them I like that no more I Was

25:52

calling her for a long time Yeah,

25:58

well I was messing up her name Many

26:02

I'm into her name for a whole year Thank

26:05

you because I get called her I get I

26:07

get congratulated on my Netflix specials I

26:10

get I get tagged and wonderful celebratory

26:12

big deals on deadline. Oh my god

26:14

But you know she's wonderful to your

26:16

sister. No, but she's great Need

26:19

you to a bit good in a show together. Thank

26:21

you. Oh Host you got

26:24

you're on the show Taylor versus

26:26

in amphibious news Researchers in

26:28

Brazil have discovered something very

26:31

interesting using special audio recorders

26:33

scientists discovered screaming

26:40

Screaming that feels a bit judgmental.

26:42

I think they're making their needs

26:44

known So

26:46

panelists in your best impression of a

26:48

frog screaming. What are these little dudes

26:50

yelling about? Don't

26:53

lick me. I'm not that kind of a toad Bro,

27:03

um, you wrote that I

27:05

won the show by the way. Oh fuck you. Yes. I Win,

27:09

but I hundred points Marcella had 12

27:11

and she and Morgan had 11 and

27:14

little by little bro I am three

27:16

and no in game shows and you wrote your

27:19

own shit I want

27:21

before let's come standing. I want to

27:24

Talk a show called to tell the

27:26

truth and I won $5,500

27:29

like as a contestant. Yes a comedian. Yes Wow,

27:31

I had to light my ass off. What did

27:33

you say your job was Brooke? it

27:36

was um, it was like four of us and

27:38

one of one of us was telling the truth

27:40

three were lying and One

27:43

of one of the people there he broke the

27:45

record of writing 55 rotors

27:47

coaches in one day Travel

27:50

to different different parks

27:52

parks and I would lie

27:54

in the whole time bro. I had glasses on Yeah,

27:57

man, we were under colossus They

28:00

asked me what was the hard part about breaking the record?

28:02

Oh man, traffic on Los Angeles was bad. We don't

28:04

know, we weren't sure. And we're gonna make it to

28:06

the park on time. And then I

28:08

lied, I won. To

28:11

tell the truth, that's what it was called? And then,

28:13

that's how I started, of course. We're trying to go

28:15

through a dating show? Yeah. Yeah, you

28:17

are. I won that one too. Yeah, I do.

28:19

I'm bad. But you're on The Bachelor,

28:21

is that you? No, brother. Don't think

28:23

what I told you is, right? El Fulano. Did

28:27

you bring it? It was Vito. Shut up! You

28:29

said you were next to a clown or something

28:31

like that? Oh, that's bad. Oh,

28:34

man, I was on a talk show with Martino Moreno.

28:37

It was about, there

28:40

were these ladies who talk about how

28:42

their husbands are comics, comedians, and they're

28:44

always out, and they're always cheating. What

28:46

was the fake one, right? The fake

28:48

one, right? And then Martino

28:52

will say the Spanish like this, but I'll

28:54

translate it later. He'll say, you

28:56

still got, he had a fake wife? A

28:59

fake wife, right? And like the wife

29:01

was telling Martino Moreno, he's out there

29:03

all night long with this guy, me,

29:05

right? And I went like this. Oh.

29:09

He's always, I was this guy, I know they're

29:11

writing jokes, but I know they're fooling around. He

29:14

comes home at four in the morning. He's

29:17

talking about he's getting inspiration for his

29:19

material. Then Martino says,

29:21

I am! I'm doing, I'm getting

29:23

material for my humor, for his

29:25

Spanish. I'm trying to

29:27

get my material for my comedy,

29:29

and da da da, right? So

29:32

that was our wives. And then

29:35

he goes, and now our next

29:37

guest are clowns who

29:39

are out all night. So first the

29:41

ladies, the wives coming all mad, and

29:44

this, this is coming. Tuh,

29:46

tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh,

29:49

tuh, tuh, the fucking breaking shit, brother, papa.

29:52

They're doing somersaults. Did you play

29:54

yourself? Fucking chaos. Yes,

29:56

I play myself. So are there people out there

29:59

who hate you, think you're a

30:01

trash husband. Yes. They don't know

30:03

that was a chick. That's

30:05

amazing. Yeah, man. I mean,

30:07

clowns are fucking. You pay them $60, dog. What

30:10

show was this one? It used to come

30:12

out right after Luis

30:15

in Centuras. It sounds like Channel 62.

30:17

Bar, Bar. I was on

30:19

the phone. Who was on the phone?

30:22

No, that's what that food is. It was

30:24

a blonde lady, Barbara, or

30:26

La Luz, Christina. I don't know. I

30:28

know Christina. My nanny used to watch

30:30

Christina. Hell yeah. Christina.

30:33

That's actually a Yousa exit.

30:36

So you were up in San Diego? Yeah.

30:38

What part? Del Mar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were

30:40

you a regular at the Comedy Store? Pretty

30:42

regular? I am now. In

30:45

the Hoya, I started out there. They were never

30:47

treating me good for the last one. What comedy

30:49

was that when you started? Bobby Lee? Bobby

30:51

Lee is before my time. I was in 2003. I'm

30:53

trying to think of people who, there's

30:55

no one from the time I started.

30:57

You know, there's a guy, my first,

30:59

I took Sandy Reston P. Sandy Seashore.

31:01

She's a funny name. Sandy Seashore. Polly's

31:04

sister had a comedy workshop. She did.

31:06

She passed away? She passed away. And

31:08

she used to book a room in

31:10

the casino. Yeah. At

31:12

the Fantasy Springs. Yeah. Oh, wow.

31:14

That's a bad thing. So she had a comedy class

31:16

and there's a guy I took a class with who

31:18

he didn't do comedy for 10 years, but he's got

31:20

back in. Greg Santos. He's a funny guy. Oh, yeah,

31:23

he's funny. Yeah. Like we did a comedy class together

31:25

20 years ago. He's Cuban. Yeah. Yeah.

31:27

But there's no one else from my

31:29

time period doing stuff out here. You

31:32

were doing a comedy class? No,

31:34

I never knew one though. I think PCC

31:36

offered a

31:41

comedy class, which is an

31:43

actual college in Pasadena. Was it good though?

31:45

Who taught it? I forgot somebody.

31:47

I knew people that took it, what's it

31:50

called? But at the end of the class,

31:52

you graduate and then you do a show

31:54

at the ice house in Pasadena. Oh, yeah.

31:56

You get to drive Woody Barstano around. You

31:58

get to be his body. But Wayne

32:01

Fetterman is teach is a professor at

32:03

USC now. He's doing a comedy class.

32:06

Are you a see? Yeah, it's like a real

32:08

like respected comic teaching a class which is not

32:10

the usual thing, you know So it's pretty cool.

32:12

Especially in that discipline. Oh, yeah Yeah,

32:16

it's it's funny how like improv taking a

32:18

class like you kind of it's necessary

32:21

kind of you know And sketch but calm but stand

32:23

up. It's it's Counterproductive in

32:25

many ways, but you get your feet way I

32:27

don't encourage people to do it, but I did

32:29

it You know who took my class to Brody

32:31

Stevens took that class rest in peace and Sebastian

32:33

took that class to Tina I

32:36

know that I'm gonna go. Yeah, I went

32:38

to a buster classic, but I never joined

32:40

So they have the money but only to

32:42

the free class the first one

32:44

where you can audit Oh I

32:50

don't know man. Oh for real.

32:52

That's hilarious I I wanted to be brown number

32:55

male Judy Brown so another Judy Brown and Judy

32:57

Carter Join with Dina's he

32:59

made comedy boot camp somebody he had it at the

33:01

at the haha when I started He

33:04

didn't get me though Got

33:06

you, bro. Almost did What

33:10

you weird you start To

33:13

the album, okay, what about you? 2007

33:16

I was 19. Yeah, you guys

33:19

from back in the day. Yeah, I started over three I

33:21

moved to LA and when I was 1804 I'm missing you

33:23

a lot like cuz I'm watching you when I started I

33:25

think you did a Craig They

33:28

quick Ferguson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember watching.

33:30

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah,

33:33

the day I did that The next day I

33:35

put on the same outfit. This is what I was 20 years old

33:39

I put on the exact same outfit and I

33:41

walked around all day trying to get recognized Did

33:43

you get recognized so I did a Westwood of

33:45

Ruko at like 10 o'clock at night walking home?

33:48

Someone goes excuse me. We uncooked Ferguson and I was

33:50

like, yeah Exciting

33:52

should went to the mall dog the

33:55

mall. You're so right like why? Oh

33:57

why you're so right 21

34:00

bro that would have been it dude you're getting hand

34:02

jobs dude At

34:06

the brook over Are

34:10

you doing that for the joke festival? Yeah.

34:12

Yeah, we're at I'm doing it at the

34:14

Elysian theater on May 12th

34:17

Alfred Robles is doing that up. Oh, how

34:19

are you so sure that I think You

34:22

say sorry to hear that Yeah,

34:25

so it may 12th. That's me Laurie Kilmartin Robles

34:28

right Alfred Robles. Oh,

34:30

what's that big show right my

34:32

show? Yeah There's

34:37

so many That there's so many

34:39

Refrigerators of them. I just got

34:41

added into another one, bro. Yeah,

34:43

I'm hosting the morning

34:46

Easter le movie show Anybody

34:50

wants to go man, I'm gonna be

34:52

showing born in East LA and I

34:55

was not in a movie, but hey, they were

34:57

shutting my neighborhood. It's a badass movie though. Oh,

35:00

yeah Yeah, so May

35:06

5th at the

35:08

Egyptian theater. I'm a convinced part of dreams to

35:10

show up. Oh, he's not gonna show

35:12

up There we

35:14

did look he's been coming to the store. It's so special

35:16

seeing him Hell

35:20

yeah Sunday very cool

35:24

Don't touch me. I'm an American citizen. I

35:26

tried to get you on my show May 12th, but

35:28

then I heard you're going to Mexico Yeah, the work

35:30

how special dude. Yeah, man, May 11.

35:33

I'm doing also my show well

35:36

the The comedy side

35:39

show it's gonna be a good show We

35:41

got freaks and geeks We

35:44

got source wallowers your

35:46

egg. Whoa. Yeah, we got We

35:50

got a abortionist to

35:53

be badass Where

35:56

do you how you know these people from the fruit from the

35:58

freak show and And

36:01

Coney Island. Yeah Also,

36:07

I'm doing a show with

36:09

Will Smith from the Dodgers

36:12

Foundation oh shit Yeah,

36:16

hosted by Cedric the entertainer.

36:18

That's amazing. Oh, yeah, I

36:20

think I goes doing that one. Yeah, I

36:22

think so Also, I'll

36:24

be watching Netflix after every

36:26

show I

36:32

Know so many shows every show in town

36:34

is a Netflix is a joke festival Can I

36:37

tell you like I got announced like five months

36:39

ago and I was like wow, thank you I'm

36:41

so I want to know I know Josh handleville

36:43

from high school, by the way. What really? Yeah,

36:45

so, you know his uncle Renee Sandoval I don't

36:48

know his uncle. I know he's the Valley, right?

36:50

Yeah, his uncle. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but he's Josh

36:52

handleville big shot in show business now, but he

36:54

used to come to my Torrey Pines high school

36:56

I've seen my lunch all the time and like

36:59

then like I'm like, whatever. We weren't friends I

37:01

knew we're in the same group. I see him

37:03

whatever and then I moved to LA and I'm like what's

37:05

this guy's doing up here This is my thing. I'm the

37:07

kid guys Comedy, why is he stealing

37:09

my thing? I'm like some 20s kid Threatened

37:13

by that. I'm like annoyed cuz I want to be the guy

37:15

Anyways, I always talk about what the high school together within the

37:17

high school together Then I found out he

37:19

told me like like eight years ago. We didn't actually go to

37:21

high school together He just came over for lunch. He drove over

37:24

and I'm like, why'd you love I've been telling people go to

37:26

high school together Yeah He

37:31

had a car he's cool he had a car and he would just come

37:33

over at lunchtime Josh

37:43

sound of all how I had yeah, we love

37:45

Josh Sandoval. Yeah, man. I'm gonna be in Los

37:48

Angeles, May 5th

37:50

never the joke May 9 Los

37:52

Angeles after the joke May 11

37:55

Mexico City at the WTC

37:58

Mackie she Oh, by the way,

38:01

Japanese. Mexica. Mexica. Mexica.

38:03

Mexica. Marutokishiko. I believe that's,

38:06

I could be right. It's very possible I'm

38:08

wrong, but I sincerely believe it's a Mexicico

38:10

in Japanese. Did you work the sound at

38:12

the improv, Hollywood? No, I'm

38:14

a comedian pal. Hahaha. I thought you worked

38:16

the sound there before, while you were doing

38:18

comedy like this time. I'ma, I'ma, I respect,

38:20

did you? I know, I worked at Flappers,

38:22

not the... Haha. Haha, no,

38:24

not the haha. Flappers. I

38:27

used to pass that ticket to Flappers. Eric Wart was

38:29

a sound guy at the improv when I started. Was

38:31

he really? Yeah, that's how you learn all the... You

38:34

need a degree to work at the improv, bro. Sound

38:36

engineer? No, I was a

38:38

dope, and my thing was, I never had

38:40

to have a day job after I

38:42

started to stand up comedy, but in high

38:45

school I had a job. I never had a, I

38:47

always got by as a professional comedian, but I lived

38:49

so fucking poor, like it was embarrassing. Cause I was

38:51

like, I'm a professional comedian, but I don't have any

38:53

money in his nightmare. And like, I wish I had

38:55

a side hustle to like... So you were chewing on

38:58

raw pasta like Dwayma Dina? Yeah,

39:00

pretty much, dude. A lot of peanut

39:03

butter and jelly sandwiches. Hey, bro, team,

39:05

bro. I love protein. Bro,

39:07

I used to eat at McDonald's across the street

39:10

from the laugh, actually, before my set. Oh,

39:12

dude, that one? Dude. I saw a boonshock

39:14

ollock, I could take a shower with it, bro. It was crazy.

39:16

I should go there, fuck up too big, Max, bro. Wait,

39:19

at McDonald's, he took a shower? I saw him

39:21

take a bird shower, like a little bird shower.

39:23

What's a little bird shower? Like a bird bath,

39:25

yeah. Like a napkin. You were in the fall

39:28

with him? You basically just washed

39:30

the parts on things. You grab a little

39:32

napkin from KFC, the wet one, and you

39:34

rub your armpits, bro. Armpits, the gooch, you

39:36

know, and then the buffalo, and yeah, yeah.

39:38

The KFC napkins are bad, so it really

39:40

gets in there. Yeah, the kernel inside of

39:43

it. And when I scrape, I see dirt.

39:45

Yeah, dude. I better get a show picture of the

39:47

kernel. There it is, man. Very

39:50

cool. That logo and everything on it

39:52

will be on sale at the show.

39:55

Hell yeah. We're

39:57

making it right now. We're

40:00

gonna have a puppeteer guy, we're

40:02

gonna have a sword swallower. I

40:04

could say swastika. Oh, what you

40:06

got? Maybe, but you

40:09

got enough. That's after hours. That's

40:11

after hours. And we're gonna have,

40:13

yeah, it's gonna be fun. Contortionist.

40:16

Contortionist. Contortionist. A

40:18

chiropractor. A lot of my levitating. A lawyer. A

40:21

lawyer. Yeah. A medic. Yeah.

40:25

A medic. A medic. Where was

40:27

I? Where we were last

40:29

weekend at? Salem,

40:34

Oregon, and then Seattle, Washington. That's right,

40:37

man. Whoo! Elton North Theater and then

40:39

the Neptune. That's where the witches are, right? And the same

40:41

man? Oh, shit. Yeah, man.

40:43

Salem, Mass, though, right? The Wiccans, bro. The

40:46

white Puerto Ricans. Did you see Robert,

40:48

oh, what's his name? No, the, and

40:50

some super famous actor. I, it's

40:53

like dating a witch. Andrew Garfield.

40:56

There's some like taboos dating male.

40:58

Sabrina? Melissa Joan Hart? No,

41:00

like, it's like a thing now, like,

41:03

white girls are all like, I'm a witch now.

41:05

And like, she's a professional witch. Well, it's been

41:07

a thing like that for a while for like,

41:09

like, like, Latoya girls. Yeah, yeah. Oh, is this

41:11

cultural appropriation? It kind of, I'm so sorry. I

41:13

don't know. This has been Brujas for a

41:15

while. Yeah, Brujas, that's a... Brujas?

41:18

Yeah, that's a witch in Spanish. Brujas, right. Yeah.

41:22

Anybody could appropriate a witch, but not like your

41:24

own. Yeah, you're not, yeah. Your

41:26

own is like the Mexican boogie man,

41:28

boogie woman. Yeah? Yeah, it's like

41:31

the first baby mama. Yeah. Is

41:33

that like someone who like, kids are scared of? Like when you're getting

41:35

tucked into bed, you're like, mom is that? She

41:39

was a first lady, Latina lady, to kill her

41:41

kids to go to the club. Is

41:44

this a real story? He drowned them, right?

41:46

So basically, he's in the modern day, he's

41:48

in the modern day of story, but so

41:50

basically, it was an indigenous

41:52

woman who fell in love with a Spanish Spaniard,

41:55

and he happened to be the devil. If you

41:57

want to be with me, you got to kill

41:59

your children. So she drowned her children in

42:01

the river and now you see I never took

42:03

her in Now when you cry, you

42:06

see or like that's how they make kids go to sleep

42:08

or not to cry You know you cry you're gonna see

42:10

her. So basically say that you see her spirit flying

42:13

through the rivers crying for her children So

42:15

you're Nana didn't tell you that story because

42:18

you're not her real kid Yeah,

42:20

come on. So you say a child abuse You

42:26

cry Funny

42:28

that we don't have a word for that Hey,

42:32

bro, it's funny. We don't make we don't have a

42:36

Word called child abuse because for

42:38

us is like he deserved. Yeah,

42:40

there is no like a skill way We

42:44

have a word for child abuse it because

42:46

we're just translating the English one, but

42:48

we didn't make up no words like that, bro We

42:50

don't have a word. I will solar in your So

42:54

maybe an orphanage in Mexico Run

42:58

the streets bro with no t-shirt.

43:01

We don't have a changing the tire bro the

43:03

stick Boggie

43:05

with a Brazil that's old-school

43:07

sound as you thought What

43:10

toys do you have when you're a kid bro,

43:13

I had a Pokemon cards I'm

43:16

an I use kid bro. I was like to me when you

43:18

were going to Mexico Mexico we had a

43:21

I mean the dog Can

43:23

you guys pogs that's what we called the

43:25

ass. Oh, yeah pogs. I have Connie. It

43:28

was a forgot

43:30

how to pay pause You

43:37

play for keeps though, I hated that I never played

43:39

for key it depended I Was

43:42

homey You

43:46

can keep the box I get you help is that

43:48

should be betting that should stop

43:50

being expensive Way before

43:52

cards. Oh, yeah, that's where you don't Bitcoin

43:54

right there, bro Various and

43:56

you never have a digit pet mind

43:58

I gig a pen No, no, I never

44:01

had a gigapad, dude. I'm sorry. I had a gigapad,

44:03

bro. I used to feed that motherfucker, bro. Thank

44:05

you, buddy. I had a life, though. My

44:08

brother fell asleep, and I started feeding his

44:10

fizz-fuzzy gigabyte all night, bro. No, dude, like,

44:12

in the feed style, dog. That's terrible. So

44:14

my bro, I would feed it, and then

44:16

he would, like, poop. Then

44:18

I would, you know, then I was cleaning with the

44:20

other button, and then I would fall asleep. Little

44:23

cycle, dude. My brother, my little brother,

44:25

bro, his was sleeping. I started

44:27

feeding that motherfucker, bro, so he could

44:30

die. That's really messed up, man. Yeah.

44:32

The child's working on me, dude. And

44:36

when they die, is your boy dead? No,

44:38

you gotta reset the battery. I'll put it

44:40

back in. Reset it. Reset it, yeah. I

44:42

knew people that had lots of them, dude.

44:44

Like legions of them. A gigapad? Yeah. Can

44:46

I tell you, like, I went through a

44:48

criminal phase, and,

44:51

like, my thievery included when Pogs

44:54

were going out of business, like, so they're like

44:56

10 for a dollar, I stole a POG. I'm

44:59

not bragging. I really go. Really go. Oh,

45:02

yeah, yeah, the gigapad, Tamagotchis. Oh, you

45:04

know what Tamagotchi means in Japanese? I

45:06

got you. Little battery. El Salvador. El

45:08

Salvador, yeah. Can

45:13

I tell you, so Tamago means egg,

45:16

and Tomodachi means friend. So

45:19

Tamagotchi is a play on words that means

45:22

egg friend. Omelet, all right, bro.

45:24

I was just lying about it. Omelet, like, boy, no

45:26

yokum. But,

45:28

like, do you guys like people from El Salvador? I did a girl from... Yeah,

45:30

everybody hates them. I did a girl from... We like them, right? Oh,

45:33

yeah. I love them. I

45:35

have sex with a Salvadoran chick. Oh,

45:37

Mazel. I dated a girl from Morelia,

45:40

Michoacán. She's from Cerritos. Also

45:42

Cerritos. El Cerrote. She wrote

45:44

this. Downey, bro. I meant

45:46

to go from Morelia, and she moved here. Like, you know,

45:49

like, you want, like, dating apps, and you meet people from,

45:51

like, weird places that you never heard of. Pindar over here.

45:53

El Salvador. I'm advanced, you know,

45:55

but... You met

45:57

her on... On a weekly break. I

46:00

don't know. It's like, hey, it's like, be bad.

46:02

It's like, man, she's a weapon. But

46:05

she like, when she talked about people from

46:07

El Salvador, she said a word I'm not

46:10

comfortable with. I don't know about the fact.

46:12

Serote, which means, uh, that's

46:15

a damn short person. I

46:17

don't know. She be like, that's like Mexican,

46:19

call him a Mexi. That was fine, man. Don't

46:21

you fucking call me Mexi, bro. I know. She

46:24

hated, she's like, fucking Salvies. I'm like, damn. What's

46:26

wrong with her, bro? I don't know. You don't

46:28

hear her. I'm so fucking in front

46:31

of it. Yeah, that's, it's like Jews. Like, oh,

46:33

we have some Jews in our neighborhood. They'll go,

46:35

what does a flying serote mean? So

46:38

that's the derogatory term to cause.

46:40

But they call each other that,

46:42

though. Yeah. They call each other,

46:44

too. They're saying, fool or way, right? Yeah. Can

46:46

I tell you a mistake I made in high school? Because like, I... You

46:48

ate one. But I hung out with Mexican

46:50

kids and they would say, que puedo, way. And

46:52

I'd say it back to them. They laughed every

46:54

time I said it, you know, que puedo, way.

46:57

Que puedo, way. What's the problem? But

46:59

then I said it to my nanny once. I didn't know you

47:01

don't say that to her like a sweet woman. Que puedo, way.

47:04

Que puedo, way. You don't say it.

47:06

Que puedo. I guess that's... The

47:09

way is like, bitch, right? Or bull or... No, it's

47:11

like, homie now. But I guess back then, those words

47:13

were kind of like newer, so it was kind of

47:15

like... It was like, it was more like, street slang,

47:17

you know? It was derogatory. The la

47:19

calle way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what it is?

47:21

Hey, bro. It was rude. It

47:23

was rude. It was not cool. But now

47:25

it's probably different. I didn't say it to an elderly woman.

47:27

Que puedo señora. Que puedo. Que puedo

47:29

señora. Que puedo señora. Que puedo señora. ¿Uba

47:33

que honda? What's happening? They also called

47:35

me Chinga Tumadre. They said that means

47:37

cool white guy, right? That's actually... That's

47:39

a good one. Yeah. Keep

47:41

that one. Keep that

47:44

one. Right next to Cool Arrow. You

47:47

know, they don't have a word for

47:49

chancla in English. Yesando.

47:52

Oh, is that... They say it in Japanese.

47:56

Wait. I can't... The

47:59

pattern... I

48:03

heard it on Shogun dude. Did you know a lot of

48:05

Japanese words they stole from Spain? So like

48:07

legit their Spanish words because they didn't have them like

48:10

slice them in half like

48:12

bread is a Pan

48:15

pan yeah, yeah, but yeah, but Poland

48:22

I haven't had horrible jokes, bro. They

48:24

pop you say mother-in-law in Japanese Story

48:29

something like that was stupid You

48:33

mother I see mother-in-law in Japanese. I

48:35

know mom is okasan mother-in-law More

48:38

Casa fuck I'm so Japanese to you

48:41

can't say Japanese mother-in-law. I'm sorry I

48:44

can do grandma I can do I can do daughter I

48:47

Could be brother how do you butthole

48:49

butthole I can say but purple stuff

48:51

is cool Coffee

48:57

sure oh you live in Japan

48:59

for a bit. No you you want to go visit one

49:01

two yeah for what? Mr..

49:04

Badass out there, huh? I've been a few times. I wanted

49:06

to do shows I did I did shows

49:08

there I went to child's my mom was based out of

49:10

Japan for her work So I got to go as a

49:12

child and I want to work and I want to go

49:15

watch pro wrestling Oh

49:17

the new Japan they call you when you're

49:19

doing camera there They were shimmer Not

49:22

a sucky not a sucky There

49:25

was good now They

49:27

introduced like this incoming Can

49:30

I tell you bombing and big boy? They

49:35

had me do I got hired to do it goes

49:37

zero I Got

49:40

hired to do a gig in Japan and

49:42

in Japanese and like it's for Japanese television And

49:45

they end up not airing it because the Japanese guy worked with

49:47

a guy like a drunk driving into them That's like murder out

49:49

there so not me bum But

49:52

they wanted to be to write tell jokes in

49:54

Japanese and So

49:56

like I was like I can do like one I can

49:58

do one joke with a punchline So the joke

50:00

I was going for was like so there's no

50:02

real audience We went to like a museum type

50:05

thing a tourist and they had a bubble So

50:12

they had they had Feel free to

50:14

stop this We

50:18

try your castle here I

50:24

know mythology to me bro fucking

50:27

Arnold, bro, I do you just like them you want

50:29

to be different bro, you know, let's just Cobra

50:32

as a cat. I was a bad. I thought it

50:35

was great to worse Don't

50:41

can't give you some advice for dealing with you, too That

50:49

we won't stop let they need to know let them know

50:51

that We

50:53

were growing up Wait

50:57

me or me. Wait,

50:59

are you is that what just happened? You

51:02

know what exactly? Let them

51:05

know that putting them putting out your flame

51:07

is not gonna make their candle burn any

51:09

brighter. Okay The

51:14

Virgin the Virgin Mary, we're pretty nice

51:16

you just do the chat room they

51:18

went crazy Wait,

51:22

let me tell you so what a true love doggy I

51:26

had a joke in the so the joke was that they got

51:28

about they got a bunch of like students They had them sit

51:30

down and like they're filming me tell the

51:32

famous Japanese comedian I said introduce me the

51:34

most famous comedian America might tell So

51:39

then I did my joke was in

51:41

Japanese, I was like my name's Taylor from America and tell

51:44

you some jokes I'm very funny. Here's my first joke But

51:48

actually I don't know how to speak Japanese this is all

51:51

I know so So

51:53

that's the So

52:01

anyways, I do my punchline where I say, uh oh, and

52:03

they all stare at me. And

52:05

then I leave, I finish, and they stare at

52:07

me and I go, sorry, Nara. Then

52:10

I go to them afterwards, I'm like, what went wrong?

52:12

They don't know, uh oh, in Japanese. They

52:15

don't make mistakes after bro. They

52:17

cut off your head if you make

52:20

a mistake. But these

52:22

motherfuckers who are bilingual, they know.

52:26

They know that they don't have, uh

52:28

oh. They're, uh

52:30

oh, it's, oh. But

52:34

they let me go, what's the Japanese, is

52:36

it Harikari? What's it called when they say

52:38

that? Harikari. What's it called when

52:40

they just say that? Oh yeah, when they commit suicide. Yeah,

52:42

they made me do that. Harikari.

52:45

When you do that when you're comedy? That's

52:48

the tension. You wanna go to the nukuk on the block? You

52:50

can't say that on stage. No, I said,

52:52

uh oh, and they stared at me and I left.

52:54

That's hilarious. That's on video

52:56

somewhere. I bombed too bro. Me

52:59

and another comedian, we were supposed

53:01

to do a show for Sanwa Bank and

53:04

then a Japanese or Chinese bank? Japanese, no?

53:06

Yeah bro, it was for the Christmas party.

53:09

All Japanese. Oh yeah, really? Bro, I

53:11

bombed bro. Did you get your payback? Bombed. Did

53:14

you get your payback? You only laugh, hell yeah,

53:16

the only laugh I got was this. Tonight,

53:19

I understand that it'll be easier for me to get a

53:21

home loan without ideas in it. It

53:24

would be to get a laugh. Everybody went, ha ha

53:26

ha. Bro, Gabriel Gessen

53:28

went up after me bro. I

53:30

started walking like Godzilla, nothing. Oh, shut

53:33

up dude. Bro, he came in like,

53:35

bro, they just do this. Our

53:40

son, our Japanese bro. And

53:42

he comes in from the back. Bro,

53:45

bro, bro, bro. Bro,

53:48

bro. Nothing,

53:51

nothing? Dude, they

53:53

were like, what is that sumo wrestler

53:55

doing up there? That's PTSD for them

53:57

bro. That's like looking Hiroshima bro. I'll

54:00

tell you my father died. Bro, everybody was going

54:02

like this like moving their legs like that after

54:04

we broke through it like It

54:08

was horrible dog Have you ever have you

54:10

ever had to get like have you ever

54:12

had to struggle to get your paycheck after

54:14

a gig like a big gig like bro,

54:16

I've done shows where from the from

54:19

the stage. I'm following up a motor, bro I've

54:23

done show where I have to follow the I

54:25

have to hold one of the promoters child while

54:28

he go to the ATM Are you

54:30

big? I feel like you're not joking. I could

54:32

see that big real. I follow fools of the ATM I

54:36

know morning bro. He had to get

54:38

we have to go to his baby

54:40

mama's house. He woke up all dirty

54:42

in which ATM Horrible

54:44

does have you ever had like like like

54:46

a professional show where that kind of thing happens

54:48

though? Like where they don't like professional and

54:52

midnight Show

54:54

for 200 people professional. They're

54:56

not being professional by not

54:59

paying you That's so

55:01

true. Wow. That's a you know That's a beautiful

55:03

message for young comedians and and older comedians struggling

55:05

as we do something like this Guys go to

55:07

a out of town for $100. We win Isn't

55:16

it wild that we still get paid like feature acts and

55:18

opening acts get paid exactly the same as they got 25

55:21

years ago I will go

55:23

anywhere for $250, but there was a

55:25

farmer first class Yeah

55:27

hotel and up and then pay me $200 just

55:30

for to spend also. Yeah, like for

55:32

DM. Yeah 450

55:34

that's not a bad. I think at this point.

55:36

I might take that right now first class

55:38

with the fancy first class But it's real

55:40

please a man you might do in a

55:42

show man in Honolulu 350

55:47

a night a show For

55:49

star hotel first class one ticket only

55:51

for you Vacation right

55:54

there, bro. I'll be that who do I gotta beat

55:56

up? Already

56:00

to fucking Ruben from

56:02

billiards in and belt and

56:04

Bellevue Remember

56:07

Ruben the guy from Guam

56:10

from the part of the part of the guy

56:12

that was the manager. Yeah Yeah, I went into

56:14

where I didn't see at the bar at the

56:16

Burbank Airport. Oh, okay. He's doing shows I thought

56:18

you were Burbank Airport. Yeah, I

56:21

have a picture of us Burbank

56:24

Airport, you guys remember I hurts

56:26

my feeling I do remember. I don't feel like

56:28

you do I feel like you're like five years

56:30

ago I

56:33

think Joshua was there too. What's

56:36

Joshua there? You're with John. What? Were

56:40

we on the same plane Should

56:42

I find the picture fine? I saw

56:44

Brad Williams one time on a plane, bro. He knew a

56:46

little hook But

56:50

a pony and you know what's on the airport

56:52

once iron chic, oh, that's bad.

56:55

Yeah, I asked him You don't remember. It's one in

56:57

two either I

57:00

hear she doesn't remember you put you the camel clutch.

57:02

I wish I wish Did

57:04

you go dress like that? She cuz I think like

57:06

if pretty probably somebody would have told me a fool

57:08

What are you gonna smack you in the head right

57:10

now? We're at away from no, it's not problematic. He's

57:12

he is dying Champion

57:17

bro, you ever watch those movies about how

57:19

the wrestlers your favorite wrestler are in real

57:21

life, bro I'd be on the match with

57:24

take the snake. What you take the snake on

57:26

as a crackhead I was a little

57:28

kid. I remember a little kid. I want him to come to

57:30

my birthday party He would

57:32

have just beat the shit of my dad for

57:34

a bump. You know the story, right? He's a

57:36

product of a rape, dude I'm

57:41

nanny or Manny Yeah,

57:46

thank holding your show oh my god, he

57:48

did uh Yeah, yeah,

57:50

Raleigh. Oh shit. Yes. He did call me and bro.

57:52

Let me tell your brother. I met him one time

57:54

Well, I didn't really meet him. He was staying the

57:57

same hotel as we were he has a hotel door

58:00

open. It's not cheap the hotel was. They

58:02

didn't have like AC so he was like

58:04

out of the shower just towel over his

58:06

stomach. I hear the snake bro. I'm like

58:08

hey dude you're Jake the snake. He's all

58:10

fuck out of here just slam the door

58:12

dude. I did stand up with him once

58:14

at the improv. I got

58:16

a phone call on Thanksgiving the day

58:18

after Thanksgiving I was in San Jose

58:20

area with a cousin and then Jamie

58:22

who used to book the

58:24

improv he's like hey do you want to host for

58:26

Jake the Stig Roberts tonight? You have to be there

58:28

by like whatever o'clock. I was like bye family.

58:31

I sped to LA to

58:33

host for him doing stand-up and it

58:35

was the saddest weirdest comedy

58:37

show of all. There's like an AA meeting. There's

58:39

a very weird vibe. I respect the hell out

58:41

of him. Life stories? It was

58:43

just hard stories. It wasn't a comedy

58:45

show. It was like a meet and

58:48

greet. He's

58:50

on stage telling stories and it wasn't

58:52

anyways it was not. He's a great wrestler you know. I'm

58:56

not a good pro wrestler probably I

58:58

would imagine. Dude the best. I hope he's

59:00

not listening. I feel bad now. Mr. Roberts I love

59:02

you. He's too alive? Yeah I think so dude. He's

59:04

a soldier bro. What? The best wrestler I think I

59:06

told you about the documentary. I do Ric Flair. He

59:09

is a full raging alcoholic

59:12

that is like you know like a

59:14

functioning alcoholic. He drinks like crazy every

59:16

day. But he almost he was like

59:18

on his deathbed and then the doctors

59:20

because of alcohol and not taking

59:23

any care of his body like two years ago and

59:25

then he got he survived

59:27

and like the doctors like you should

59:29

not drink anymore ever again. He still drinks.

59:31

He's a drink. Only white clothes no. Because

59:34

back in the 70s he would say he would

59:36

hate going to like small towns when he were

59:39

wrestling because like there'd be no nightlife so he

59:41

would like go to the fucking lobby buy everybody

59:43

drinks and just party like that like. Call him

59:45

this weekend though. Bro can I tell you I

59:47

can get you a wrestler on his I can't

59:49

you wrestlers. I can't tell

59:51

you I talked for an hour today to a

59:53

WWE Hall of Famer on the telephone. Gerald Briscoe.

59:56

Remember the night did you watch wrestling than

59:58

that attitude era. Bob Black. He beat Bob

1:00:00

Huggs. You know Gerald Briscoe?

1:00:04

Remember Stone Cold versus Vincent Man

1:00:07

time? I remember a little bit of that. And WO.

1:00:10

Pull him up dude. Gerald Briscoe. So he was

1:00:12

a legendary wrestler in the 60s and 70s and stuff.

1:00:15

And then in the late 90s he came back as the

1:00:17

Stooges. It was him and Pat Patterson. They

1:00:19

were like the henchmen for Vincent Man. So

1:00:21

they were like cartoon hensher. They did like

1:00:23

funny sketches. Like they were the hardcore champion

1:00:25

and stuff in the 50s. Anyway,

1:00:28

my friend. I'm trying to find a picture of

1:00:30

him. I'm not sure if I'm good. I know. Not

1:00:33

even a picture before they drew him. It's a

1:00:35

skit. Gerald Briscoe. He was at the Hall of

1:00:37

Fame this past year. That's

1:00:39

my friend. That's Bob Backlund right there right

1:00:41

now. Oh the nickname. It was Jerry Briscoe,

1:00:44

Gerald Briscoe. Well it looks like you don't

1:00:46

say. Oklahoma. He's Native American pro wrestling Hall of

1:00:48

Famer. They're gonna be Hall of Famer. Related

1:00:51

to Newt Rockne. Can you guys just pretend to be impressed

1:00:53

so I can show him the clip? Whoa dude. That's who

1:00:55

has a badass belt dude. Hey dude.

1:00:58

He's plinking those glasses. I can use JBL. I

1:01:01

talk to JBL a lot too. Who's

1:01:03

that? JBL is like the first... He used

1:01:06

to be like in a... What's it called? He was

1:01:08

in the Acolyte. Attack team and after that he became

1:01:10

super racist. You can't ever find W.A.F. though right? So

1:01:13

he's... He's AWA huh? No.

1:01:17

So he's NWA and all that stuff. There's a

1:01:19

documentary coming out on him on Vice called Dark

1:01:21

Side of the Ring. It's coming out in a

1:01:23

couple weeks. Because he was... Sounds good

1:01:25

dude. He was wrestling with territories before his

1:01:27

national. He used to be like California whatever.

1:01:29

Southern wrestling. So he was Florida and Georgia.

1:01:33

But he owned Georgia. So like

1:01:35

in the middle of the night there's a whole documentary

1:01:37

coming out in like two weeks about it. So

1:01:39

he and his brother they sold Georgia Championship Wrestling

1:01:41

to Vince McMahon. And they helped him take over

1:01:43

the world. So a lot of wrestlers hated him.

1:01:45

Yeah because McMahon he started buying off... And

1:01:48

that's the dad? I don't know if it was Vince

1:01:50

McMahon or Vince McMahon's father. He started

1:01:52

buying off the local access networks. Where they

1:01:55

were playing. Because

1:01:57

yeah the local networks and then later on when

1:01:59

he... He started buying off the

1:02:01

wrestling and there was

1:02:03

no more touring in a little town. Just

1:02:05

big old wrestling. And that's the

1:02:08

birth of WWF. So Vince's dad

1:02:10

owns WWF. Well,

1:02:12

this is why I'm single. Vince's dad owns

1:02:14

WWF. You guys heard it. Thank

1:02:16

you. He sold it to his son. The deal was you

1:02:18

promise you're not going to take over others. He's like, yeah,

1:02:21

dad, no problem. And he lied to him and then he

1:02:23

bought up all the territories. But Gerald Briscoe is the one

1:02:25

who was the straw that broke the camel's back. And so

1:02:27

he worked for him for 40 years. Like I didn't know.

1:02:29

No, no, no. The only way I knew about those other

1:02:32

wrestlers when I used to buy the magazine, when I used

1:02:34

to take the magazine from the comic. There was a whole

1:02:36

scene, right? I know that Rick

1:02:38

Martell, the champion of the

1:02:40

Southern wrestling. I've heard that name before. But Gerald

1:02:42

discovered Hulk Hogan and Brock Lesnar. And who are

1:02:45

those brothers from Iron Claw? What's their name? Oh,

1:02:47

that's the Von Erich family. There you go. Do

1:02:49

you know that story is so tragic. They had

1:02:51

to make it less tragic for the movie. I

1:02:54

know, man. Our core is fuck, bro. Because there

1:02:56

was another brother that died. But like, you can't...

1:02:58

All the brothers died, except the little ones. Spoiler

1:03:02

alert, buddy. Well, you know, it's

1:03:04

a known fact. Yeah. I

1:03:06

mean, I still haven't even seen it. Somebody got no plug, right? It

1:03:09

did. It was a lie in the theater. But

1:03:12

it still got... It was more a word of

1:03:14

mouth. It was A24, though. It was like, it

1:03:16

was a respected film. Chavo Guerrero. You know Chavo

1:03:18

Guerrero? Yeah. You better get him on the show,

1:03:20

dude. He's around. I saw him at the comedy

1:03:22

store. I was so excited. I had a chance.

1:03:24

I thought Chavo Guerrero rested before. Eddie Guerrero was

1:03:26

a... Was Angel Marta. A wrestling family. But I

1:03:28

would say the choice that I had for movies

1:03:30

was Ira Claw or Richie Stanaki, dawg. I finally

1:03:33

seen it, dude. Hey, Ricky Stanaki. It's fucking funny,

1:03:35

dawg. Dude, you see it? Yeah, fool. That's good,

1:03:37

dude. That's just coming back, bro. He took fucking

1:03:39

the acting serious, huh? Hell yeah, bro. John Cena. John

1:03:41

Cena. That shit was bad. That shit was bad. That

1:03:43

shit was funny, bro. That shit was funny, bro. John

1:03:45

Cena. You know John Cena, but you

1:03:48

don't know Gerald Briscoe? No. I

1:03:50

only know The Rock, homie. I know Mil

1:03:52

Mascara, Santos, Blue Demon, who the camera meet

1:03:54

is. Mil Mascara. I was on the

1:03:56

airplane with Eddie Guerrero once. Looked that long later. I was

1:03:58

with an airplane. One time with

1:04:00

me my son bro. Those cars.

1:04:03

No, well, that's the one that's taking out.

1:04:05

Yes. I met him He's a

1:04:07

creep in real life. Yeah, he was not he

1:04:09

was not very nice But he's like he's like

1:04:11

this horrible things to women and stuff. Oh,

1:04:13

yeah, but but he's a wrestler Bobby

1:04:16

flams them on he deserves some Hoko

1:04:19

is no no no enjoy right? No, they're

1:04:21

all the brother. I met this guy when

1:04:23

I was a kid, bro That's amazing. He

1:04:25

was fine. He beat up on Roddy Piper

1:04:27

and some other guy Did you do

1:04:29

shows with Roddy Piper ever? I did some shows

1:04:31

with Roddy paper when he was she was there,

1:04:33

bro You know once right there, bro. That's as

1:04:35

far as Mexicans get buff right there. That's the

1:04:37

peak right there. That's peak Seem

1:04:39

in my car. That's butch with the shirt. Anybody

1:04:41

else is bigger than that. They're Mariachi, bro They

1:04:45

have a shirt company for food down. Why

1:04:47

you see how they hide their stomach with

1:04:49

the with the standing They blow up, you

1:04:52

know, that's way that's a natural Mexican body

1:04:54

with no steroids That's what I

1:04:56

look without my shirt, bro. Didn't he start a bunch

1:04:58

of movies? That's what Blue

1:05:02

demon and then a Santo they did

1:05:04

a movie Mexican

1:05:07

would be with less It's

1:05:10

not pull-ups. Yeah, I'm actually not gonna see cuz

1:05:12

he did like a bunch of movies and then

1:05:14

the character Santos He was like, oh, he was

1:05:16

like the rock He was made me a shit

1:05:19

little movie with that mask creeping in and then

1:05:21

the guy was a blue demo man They were

1:05:23

they were messing with hoes, bro. They're

1:05:26

basically they're basically the original Degoluna

1:05:28

and fucking Kyle's barnell. No, man They

1:05:30

were more like like the rock cuz

1:05:32

they're like wrestlers who became actors But

1:05:35

they acted with the mask the whole they got better with

1:05:37

their man. No rather good Really

1:05:41

have to learn how to act huh? No Cuz

1:05:44

my mom tried show me these movies and Mexico.

1:05:46

It was like oh, they gotta fight Martian. What

1:05:48

the fuck is this? Anyone with their lawyers? No,

1:05:55

the rest of at night and yeah, yeah

1:06:00

Out of a building they wrestle at night

1:06:02

and during the day they were tight suits

1:06:04

and then their pride investigators Yeah, they're their

1:06:06

social workers. What? They

1:06:08

show that picture of the wrestlers walking around the beach

1:06:12

So it was like it was like ridiculous or lunch,

1:06:14

you know, like they gotta go Mars and fight aliens

1:06:17

Yeah, they made money how these movies but they got

1:06:19

there with their mask on that That was their whole

1:06:21

they asked to be bear with their mask on. Yeah,

1:06:24

so nobody knows like they're identity night Not even

1:06:26

their their wife's you know For

1:06:28

real, I don't know. I don't know how far goes buddy

1:06:33

I like to imagine they took showers at their man. We're

1:06:35

gonna bury you with a Dodger Hattie. I Like

1:06:38

bury with that flannel. Yeah American

1:06:43

wrestling never wore masks, huh? Yeah Like

1:06:48

white people I'm very mysterious. I mean

1:06:50

I'm only one I mean I'm ultimate

1:06:52

ultimate dragon Oh Yeah,

1:07:03

there was a restaurant called in

1:07:05

a Nazi Yeah

1:07:09

Mexican wrestler is Nazi a lot of black mass

1:07:11

was a white mess with a white white Swastika

1:07:13

have you seen that in Mexico? They still do

1:07:16

this shit There was there was an American wrestler

1:07:18

who didn't make it up here. He went to

1:07:20

I'm not making a joke He went to Mexico

1:07:22

play this Trump type character. Yes, and he would

1:07:24

throw tortillas into the crowd. I saw that Because

1:07:28

you in the crowd there we is

1:07:30

a not see bro. I'll pay on

1:07:32

this tater way Thank

1:07:35

you. I'm a low That's

1:07:39

what everybody everybody he was up everybody

1:07:41

audio will be like this, bro Why

1:07:46

is there a fucking Trump Bro

1:07:49

give him the high five right there, but you

1:07:51

know, what's funny about the swastika in Mexico They'll

1:07:54

be guys with leather jackets or total rockers with

1:07:56

a swastika I mean and then just like dude

1:07:58

an iron cross and lightning Right there Hitler

1:08:02

was born in my Monterey, Mexico Work

1:08:08

in our Louie brother bro That

1:08:15

fool had the electric chair bro For

1:08:18

real brother his move was the electric oven. It

1:08:21

was a gas chamber Look

1:08:23

up his technical moves and I bitches are

1:08:26

all racing horrible. Did you see Abdul the

1:08:28

butcher? Yeah, I love that dude The

1:08:31

rest of who wrestled in Puerto Rico,

1:08:33

would you ever see that shit? Like

1:08:35

who's the legendary guy in Puerto Rico?

1:08:37

It's it's Carlito cologne's dad Carlos cologne.

1:08:39

Yes Yeah You

1:08:43

to wrestle barefoot bro. Yeah, so the wrestlers in

1:08:45

Puerto Rico like the Still

1:08:47

think it's real out there I

1:08:53

Really thought it was real brought to argue with people.

1:08:55

Come on, bro. It can't be fake what fucking I

1:08:57

do a giant He survived seven

1:09:00

fucking career ending injuries, bro Once

1:09:03

that she came out fake. I was like fuck

1:09:05

this would Japan wrestling Where

1:09:08

you believe it in the media in

1:09:10

Japan like my buddy this guy

1:09:12

rocky Romero He's like he wrestled in Mexico.

1:09:14

He wrestles in Mexico all the time still

1:09:16

but he's he runs Japan new Japan Also,

1:09:18

he's an American guy, but he he

1:09:20

told me how in Japan wrestling new Japan pro wrestling

1:09:22

until a few years ago it's the number two wrestling

1:09:24

group in the whole world and They

1:09:27

they they run it out there and like in

1:09:29

like it's real like they respect it So like

1:09:31

in the in the sports sections where they show

1:09:34

right? Oh my god And if you watch new

1:09:36

Japan for wrestling shows No cameraman miss this they

1:09:38

miss all the cool moves all the time because

1:09:40

they don't tell the cameraman Hey, I'm gonna do

1:09:42

a dropkick in the corner because it's real It's

1:09:44

disrespectful for them to ask whatever so that you

1:09:47

miss it's I get it, but you missed the

1:09:49

cool the cool shit You know that but out

1:09:51

there Mexico and better lens in Japan and in

1:09:53

Puerto Rico These guys from like

1:09:55

the city real like I mean, there's a

1:09:57

Brody there is the rest of the dark said documentary

1:10:00

on the wrestler Brody, what's his name, but he

1:10:02

got killed out there. But

1:10:04

like they get like stabbed and stuff. They get

1:10:07

stabbed by whatever they get shot. And like, it's

1:10:09

like a badge of honor for a bad guy.

1:10:11

My buddy today, he was telling me back in

1:10:13

this, I

1:10:17

think Wahoo McDaniel, he got shot. And then he took

1:10:20

the bullet with that. Then

1:10:24

they took his bullet out and they like, they,

1:10:26

they like stopped the bleeding and he goes to

1:10:28

wrestle because he's like a real, this is like

1:10:30

real men back then. I used to get mad. When

1:10:34

I started noticing wrestling was bullshit, I'm gonna watch

1:10:37

it again, was when I would go

1:10:39

to the newspaper and they didn't tell me who won bro. They

1:10:42

want you to pay for that shit. Then they'll

1:10:44

come back next week and they never say who

1:10:46

won bro. Not even

1:10:48

one cliffhanger, bro. Not even like, who won the championship?

1:10:50

Nobody was there. In

1:10:53

Japan, they do that is what I'm saying. They're trying

1:10:55

to trick you. But Japan, it's like they respect it.

1:10:57

Like in our, what are we doing? We stand for

1:11:00

worldwide entertainment. Worldwide Federation, World Wrestling Entertainment.

1:11:03

But now they got, they got sued

1:11:05

by the Panda company. The Panda company,

1:11:07

they spent them and they won. W.

1:11:09

W. F. Also, he got

1:11:11

rid of the, that, that part,

1:11:13

he didn't want to play house insurance for the wrestlers. Maybe

1:11:17

we are. Yeah. That's a lot. You're spreading

1:11:19

a room. No, for real. You look who you're

1:11:21

talking to, buddy. I'm holding back my wrestling. For

1:11:23

real. That business, you didn't want to pay house

1:11:26

insurance. We changed it

1:11:28

to worldwide entertainment. Ah. Because

1:11:30

W. W. F. was World Wildlife Federation. But

1:11:36

where you're correct. Wrestling Panda, bro. You're

1:11:39

conflating a few stories that are true. I

1:11:42

hear what you're saying. I'm going to fix this. I'm going to

1:11:44

fix this. Conflating. Go on, dude.

1:11:46

So, so, so he did. We

1:11:49

don't need to resort. I'm going to get it.

1:11:51

Yes, he venture wanted to unionize and then he

1:11:53

always stopped. I want to form a union so

1:11:55

all the guys can have a doctor. But they

1:11:57

also didn't want to. What does it say right

1:11:59

there? After rejoining the NWA in

1:12:01

1971, the WWF was renamed the

1:12:03

World Wrestling Federation in

1:12:05

1979 before promoting. Promotion

1:12:08

left the NWA for good in 1983. In

1:12:10

2002 following a legal dispute

1:12:12

with the World Wildlife Fund, the

1:12:15

WWF was renamed World Wrestling Entertainment. But this

1:12:17

is where you're correct my friend. I'm telling

1:12:19

you, I'm helping you out here. So they

1:12:21

went by their league, like their, I've never

1:12:24

had sex before, but they went by the

1:12:27

WWF, for a minute, like privately for

1:12:30

business stuff. But because they wanted

1:12:32

to bleed into entertainment because they didn't want

1:12:34

to have to pay the state athletic commission.

1:12:36

So every state they go to, can

1:12:39

you sit down here? Yeah, but did

1:12:41

you see what happened? In

1:12:44

the new loopholes, you know, to kind of like, there

1:12:46

was a new story today. So this is the other

1:12:48

wrestling company called AEW. It's on TNT and TBS. I've

1:12:51

seen that one, bro. They had this wrestler named Nyla

1:12:54

and she's awesome and she's trans wrestler.

1:12:57

But in Oklahoma, they just put it,

1:12:59

someone complained because like, so they said

1:13:01

no trans in MMA, no trans in

1:13:04

sports or whatever. So they put out

1:13:06

like a threat to AEW wrestling. And

1:13:09

you let Nyla Rose- But the ex-go got

1:13:11

rid of transams and auto racing. Hey, dude.

1:13:13

Boom, boom, boom. I like your cars, homie.

1:13:15

You know? But this is gonna be like

1:13:17

a legal thing because it's like, it's entertainment.

1:13:19

It's not sports. It's like, man, it's like

1:13:21

men and women can't wrestle each other. That's

1:13:23

cool, bro. Well, it wasn't the original trans

1:13:25

China. Okay, nobody. Oh, boy. I

1:13:28

saw a porno as a kid, dude. It was good. Which

1:13:31

one was- Whoa. Wolfpack,

1:13:33

do you remember? Wolfpack in- Yeah. Was

1:13:35

China? China, yeah, dude. It's called One Night

1:13:38

in China. Who's that

1:13:40

right there? That's Nyla Rose. So she's a

1:13:42

wrestler. She was born a woman.

1:13:44

I believe, I don't know her story,

1:13:46

but she's a woman wrestler and she's

1:13:48

awesome. I've been

1:13:50

with women who look exactly like that. Me

1:13:53

too, bro. But if you type in

1:13:55

Oklahoma, you'll see the story. The Montebello mama right there, huh? It's gonna

1:13:57

be a big deal. So you gonna leave now? This

1:14:00

is but it's what we're talking about. I've got a jacked out

1:14:02

by girls that look like that really good It

1:14:05

was her bro. Yeah, it sounds like you both

1:14:07

dated her She

1:14:09

having a Cobra clutch bro Charm

1:14:17

that but you know, what's it might be

1:14:19

fake and all that. Yeah,

1:14:21

but the moves are real broke Yeah, there's

1:14:23

a member. My brother was sleeping this motherfucker,

1:14:25

but he was he was sleeping perfect, bro

1:14:27

I got the food a figure for leg

1:14:29

leg, bro. I can angel. Yeah swept up

1:14:31

on here, bro No, I got them good

1:14:33

dog. Well, dude, they'll smack you silly dude

1:14:35

Like you mean if they if they they partially

1:14:37

hit you they're gonna get you Ronda Rousey just

1:14:39

said that she got a she got a concussion

1:14:42

From from Stephanie McMahon when she slapped her doing

1:14:44

the storyline and you see the video Paul Kogan

1:14:46

He choked out Richard Belzer and he got a

1:14:48

concussion Then he said

1:14:50

the n-word after a whole kogan That's

1:14:53

his new finisher now Wow,

1:14:57

we're sued down hokogan and by houses

1:15:00

after that slap Mr.

1:15:07

Hook mr. Cheese said all the core with

1:15:09

two chains. Yeah Everybody's

1:15:13

real pissed off right now at the reboot

1:15:16

of good times the cartoon really It's

1:15:18

not the same. I mean they shouldn't end there something

1:15:20

else. You know, it's that that they never really they're

1:15:23

still in the project though Yeah,

1:15:25

dude There it is,

1:15:27

bro. Stag. Mr. Burns and hokogan Did

1:15:31

you ever meet Richard Belzer No,

1:15:34

I ran into him. Nope. Never met him Burbank

1:15:36

Airport I

1:15:39

think he never left New York, right? Oh, that's

1:15:41

that Okay, the side seen the take talks around

1:15:44

the TV show where he holds him on a

1:15:46

headlock and he falls down He fell onto like

1:15:48

the yeah, or any cuz he was defending a

1:15:50

hokogan was defending mr. T or something like that,

1:15:52

you know Yeah,

1:15:55

yeah brother you

1:15:57

want to call this big brother a

1:16:00

bunch of those videos. He's a big ass hand, brother. Yeah,

1:16:03

I've seen this on a TikTok a whole bunch of times. And

1:16:06

there's a video of Vader in Kuwait when the

1:16:08

guy calls wrestling fake and like Vader gets arrested

1:16:10

in Kuwait. A whole program did a demonstration. He

1:16:14

hurt me real bad. I split my head open

1:16:16

and I was knocked unconscious and so on. So

1:16:18

just to show that I'm not a part of

1:16:20

their promotional tool and it was real, I want

1:16:22

you to take a look at this clip and

1:16:25

keep in mind this was real. Yeah, a little talk soon.

1:16:27

Take a look at it and remember, I had no idea

1:16:29

what was about to happen. And I'll be right back. This

1:16:31

guy's a big, well, after a lot of it. Or

1:16:34

professional wrestling. Did you just ask him that? That's what

1:16:36

happened? I'm gonna put you on a plate. Hold.

1:16:39

A front. A little python, homie.

1:16:43

How about it, T? Keep like that for a

1:16:45

little while. Oh,

1:16:47

right there. Oh, that

1:16:49

fast? It's because he let him fall. Is that

1:16:51

why you said? He's all right. He's sleeping. He's

1:16:53

sleeping. Really? I was asleep at home.

1:16:55

He be all right. That's

1:16:58

how William was sitting at the rope on me. You

1:17:01

got me like, yeah, is this video somewhere online? I

1:17:03

don't know if it's still there, but Roddy Piper, when

1:17:06

he's doing the promo story. He brought up some re-naut

1:17:08

to just poke him out on the

1:17:10

face of the comedy story. Like, dude, like, this is. There's a

1:17:12

blood on the back of his head though. Yeah, it was Billy

1:17:14

out. Damn, dude.

1:17:18

Crazy. There's another one where

1:17:20

Dr. D Davis shoots. Yeah. He's fucking

1:17:23

up a reporter bro in Puerto Rico.

1:17:26

They're asking him, Jesus fake, Jesus

1:17:28

fake. And he fucking breaks that guy's eardrum

1:17:30

bro. Like, he's doing it five times. It

1:17:32

was 2020 or something. It was John, whatever.

1:17:34

Yeah. This guy, yeah. Dr. D

1:17:36

Davis shows. Damn. Yeah.

1:17:39

That's a famous clip. Dr. D Davis shows, beats

1:17:41

up reporter. That was a dark side of the

1:17:43

ring episode too. Yeah. Yeah,

1:17:45

check it out, dude. I'm a lot of wrestling drama. I'm in

1:17:47

the dark side of comedy, bro. Are you in it? With Rachel

1:17:50

Raldo and the one with. Some fights,

1:17:52

huh? Freddie

1:17:55

Prinze. Wow. I'm

1:17:57

not in the world, man. See ya. It's all Hulu, right?

1:18:00

Was born a genius We

1:18:03

want to talk about on stage though, we

1:18:05

don't want to mention that right now No,

1:18:08

but then see nobody knows that you're drinking I Know

1:18:13

just kidding. I wasn't invited. I didn't I

1:18:15

just I'll Carlos in in

1:18:17

in Tampa. We're gonna wait Temple

1:18:25

Improv was that shut down? It's

1:18:28

now a funny bone, oh That's

1:18:31

what I've heard if the funny one is trying to

1:18:33

buy the improv all their old funny bones back Really

1:18:36

the club business is so different

1:18:38

now. It is weird. It's bizarre

1:18:41

it's less money than there used to

1:18:43

be and It's

1:18:45

very weird and like the the pay offer,

1:18:48

you know You could pay like four hundred

1:18:50

bucks travel Whatever is the same

1:18:52

or less and it's also twice as much to fly

1:18:54

now like it's I don't know people like I

1:18:56

want to be a comedian I Don't

1:19:00

know how people It's

1:19:02

gnarly time to be a comedian you read. It's

1:19:05

either like upper class or you're struggling basically Yeah,

1:19:08

I think there's some deals where like you go and you're

1:19:10

like, oh I just broke even and the marketing is on

1:19:12

you I've done since kovat. I've done radio. I think two

1:19:14

or three times in four years Yeah,

1:19:17

like no one no no comic from California

1:19:19

unless you're a big time is gonna go

1:19:21

do show the New York well

1:19:26

Yeah Also, they're not

1:19:28

flying out. No calm. They're in famous to New York.

1:19:30

Oh, yeah, there's no more I got them comedy club

1:19:32

ten years ago to put me in the hotel and

1:19:34

there's no more They don't even do have weekend headliners

1:19:36

anymore It's a whole and

1:19:38

Caroline's is gone City

1:19:44

winery and Sony So

1:19:47

like the game now is like you gotta have your

1:19:49

own pocket. Please pay. I get a podcast That's

1:19:53

my career advice to you. I needed a lot of time staying. That's

1:19:55

a long time ago, man What's up? I'm

1:19:57

trying to get on after midnight again I

1:20:00

do it. Can you get me on that regular three

1:20:02

of us on admin after midnight? Yeah, but then you Thank

1:20:06

you. Did you do original? No Chelsea?

1:20:08

I never know I was I was

1:20:10

never beloved I need you.

1:20:13

Can you give me new reps? Right. I

1:20:15

fired my agents Who's

1:20:17

your agent? Don't

1:20:19

you're me? Uta I'm happy.

1:20:21

I wish everyone well a PA recently. I've

1:20:23

been with I've been around I was recently

1:20:25

with the Gersh agency I wish everybody the

1:20:28

wow Thank

1:20:30

you. I need to go to APA Yeah,

1:20:34

very nice, I don't know if they agree but thank you

1:20:36

for To

1:20:40

me, thank you The

1:20:42

business part of this evidence for 20 years the

1:20:44

business part of this business is so absolutely bonkers

1:20:47

and like if there's a

1:20:49

lot of maniacs in this business, it's been hard for me

1:20:52

to To

1:20:54

fit in with all of that stuff, you know, but so

1:20:57

much has changed. It's weird I mean also like

1:20:59

they're losing their power the gate. I heard someone

1:21:01

else says the gatekeepers now are comedians Like

1:21:04

you guys are having me on your pocket. I'm so grateful

1:21:06

like I would love to be on tonight show still I

1:21:08

think more traction more

1:21:10

more comedians more Comedy

1:21:13

fans are gonna hear me on this

1:21:15

or watch me on this then

1:21:17

people who are watching for Jimmy Fallon You know

1:21:19

what I mean? Yeah, the biggest show right now

1:21:21

on late night. Is that Fox show gunned or

1:21:23

something a gut felt? Go and

1:21:26

you know that yeah They count

1:21:28

as a late night show. Yeah, he started

1:21:30

at fucking three in the morning or two

1:21:32

in the morning Cuz

1:21:34

remember we got bigger than a pandemic would be

1:21:36

ugly at night and then but you

1:21:38

know What do you know what? And he puts

1:21:40

up comics your comics, but you know why the

1:21:43

ratings are so good, too I'm not even talking

1:21:45

because I'm cold because I really show ended with

1:21:47

that new ghost, right? But this is the business

1:21:49

of it like this is diamond shit talking old

1:21:52

people don't turn off their TV but

1:21:55

honestly Coming

1:21:57

to commoners like I tell you though. Can I tell you?

1:22:00

You they made me wait that guy tyris. He's

1:22:02

a wrestler who does stand-up comedy now He sells

1:22:04

out theaters now doing comedy because of this show

1:22:07

these people come to show because of

1:22:09

gut felt I've never heard I

1:22:17

don't have regular TV for you But it's

1:22:19

wild like hulu the joke that a

1:22:21

lot of comics make is you know,

1:22:23

maybe Maybe I should just

1:22:25

become a Republican comedian. Yeah. Yeah You know

1:22:27

what show to get on is governor Huckabee

1:22:30

has it he has a show in the

1:22:32

Trinity Broadcasting Network It's like a Christian channel

1:22:34

because yeah Trinity University. They have a law

1:22:36

school, too Yeah,

1:22:38

so you can use the old Christian. Thank thank

1:22:40

you I don't know that you were uh, I

1:22:42

do that he was doing stand-up. I didn't know

1:22:44

that guy was a comic Yeah, cuz he's just

1:22:46

like kind of one of his pretty much a

1:22:48

co-host now Yeah, he was just um, you will

1:22:50

come on like that will come on like every

1:22:52

other week as a commentator was for other comedians

1:22:55

One of the other comics I met he's he's

1:22:57

that he was at the comedy store with me

1:23:00

great or great Gary I don't know deeper

1:23:02

watch conservative comedy. It's the most amazing things like

1:23:04

it watch. I don't watch it cuz um Like

1:23:08

what are those two cool twins right? The

1:23:10

hot twins the hot twins Yeah,

1:23:14

all the way. Yeah, they've been yeah.

1:23:16

Yeah, man, like their whole show is

1:23:18

mega They're grifters

1:23:20

like I talked to someone who who Done

1:23:23

I've talked to people who know them they started

1:23:25

off as like UFC kind of commentator guys And

1:23:27

they started leaning to the it was the red

1:23:29

hat hook and then they get more audience A

1:23:32

lot of fools did that and failed but those

1:23:34

guys like pretty much sustained in like what to

1:23:36

be kind of the right Yeah,

1:23:38

they cut the wave so racist people can

1:23:40

be like no, I love I don't hate black people. They're my favorite

1:23:42

comedian Yeah

1:23:49

Yeah, bro, they're beers They

1:23:52

used to be coming on before nothing. I've been that's

1:23:54

why I have a I have a let's go Brandon

1:23:56

shirt because they left like The

1:23:58

merch. Yeah at this I want

1:24:00

to say this. Oh, yeah He's

1:24:03

all man. We're gonna throw him out. So if you

1:24:05

want one, I'll take one Yeah, but these fans they

1:24:07

buy tickets cuz I support you not cuz I'm a

1:24:09

fan of but it's also like, you know I

1:24:12

believe what you believe you know, who's cool

1:24:14

though. The Lucas brothers during Montreal. Yeah

1:24:22

They should be this you have a

1:24:24

battle royal bro of all the other

1:24:26

twin comedians Lucas brothers

1:24:29

Hars twins, you know this fucking

1:24:31

smash brothers Wow Wow Tony

1:24:36

this comedy triplets down I'm gonna

1:24:38

do that First

1:24:41

ever twins that should be a joke

1:24:43

fucking show. That's a good show bro.

1:24:46

Yeah Which is a twin

1:24:48

would you say? Triplet

1:24:52

I don't know their names respectively, but

1:24:54

I met them many more Jack Probably

1:24:58

Dreamline that can you imagine? Hey,

1:25:01

we're feature axe level. We're gonna fly out and feature act you

1:25:03

lose $1,500 big feature axe to Triplets

1:25:06

you share a hotel room. Do you like

1:25:08

those guys? We do like the Siamese twin

1:25:11

comedian, huh? Yeah, that's that's what's left. Oh

1:25:14

They had a Brian day on it They

1:25:19

go up together My

1:25:22

there's a lot of those right wingers out there

1:25:24

now throwing out punch lines my enough player dude

1:25:26

You got to watch the governor how could be

1:25:28

I'm not trying to be respectful. I forget his

1:25:30

first name But it could be fuck Abby Abby

1:25:33

Okay, so like the audience it cuts to the

1:25:35

crowd It's all these old white people and they

1:25:37

just make ha ha noises to support the punchline

1:25:39

cuz it's just like The

1:25:44

pants around a belly button, huh? Yeah,

1:25:46

Mike yeah, so that's show gutter field

1:25:48

what that's all good if you're right

1:25:50

good gut They'll just out their rating

1:25:53

is like in the millions for regular

1:25:55

and then regular team. No, right.

1:25:57

They're not even cable, bro Oh,

1:26:00

he's a game cable, but everybody

1:26:02

else like it beats out All

1:26:06

of them see Nicole bear after midnight they

1:26:08

get six hundred eighty six thousand viewers Yeah,

1:26:13

yeah Roseanne

1:26:16

did also my cock will

1:26:18

be yes money. We're doing punch lines for

1:26:20

the lower his daughter is Sarah Mokey

1:26:30

The world's everything is going perfect. I can never

1:26:32

do the money not to you What's

1:26:35

what's your career advice for me guys? What should I do

1:26:37

go on gutter field, bro? Can

1:26:40

you give that load down a little mega hat bro? Like

1:26:46

little Trump teddy bear bro, hey one that's on

1:26:48

my grab report if I can switch sides like

1:26:50

whoa what happened with that? You

1:26:54

didn't know that here we go. Yeah, he's from

1:26:56

Sephora as fuck now. Yeah, bro. He's not he's

1:26:58

not he's Yeah,

1:27:01

that's what I thought too, but it's

1:27:03

these one issue voter motherfuckers who like

1:27:05

he's Jewish and he's going like it No,

1:27:08

my cold soul just as red as that It's

1:27:11

I'm not letting him he's he's

1:27:13

I hope he's fixes his brain But

1:27:16

like left don't get me started, but

1:27:18

like start already Everyone's

1:27:20

flipping no one everyone gates are different now mr.

1:27:22

You will different yeah everyone's the left everyone's on

1:27:24

the same team, and then it's like oh no,

1:27:26

but we hate the juice So he's like what we

1:27:28

were all on the same team together, but the left

1:27:31

left left is anti Jew and it's like so he's

1:27:33

like But

1:27:35

it's weird. I mean I could I

1:27:37

hear you. It's a complicated It's

1:27:40

a complicated conversation that nobody on the planet is

1:27:43

having the simple conversation about but I'm happy to

1:27:45

have you if you want to ruin your show

1:27:47

but muggle tough

1:27:50

Mazel tub everybody Palestinian

1:27:52

people and Jews Oh Rapoport

1:27:59

you go there jump Up and down like his dad disco

1:28:01

days I

1:28:05

mean something happened because I said the interview is just

1:28:07

saying how like nobody do nothing about

1:28:09

the the people stealing It's

1:28:13

weird It's a he also these people

1:28:15

need to yell for five hours a day to they

1:28:17

need something to be mad about also So I think

1:28:19

it's a little bit of a game to some of

1:28:22

these people and also, you know You know your maga

1:28:24

cuz like like fucking people get divorced, huh? You know

1:28:26

what's happening? Yeah, you'll see these Instagram pages share like

1:28:28

missing for misinformation Where they

1:28:30

don't show the whole thing and people are just like right.

1:28:32

That's it, bro. That's over I'm fucking voting for it. So

1:28:34

they showed up. They were showing that uh Like

1:28:37

a boy. So they're like, oh, yeah, dude, Biden made

1:28:40

a Easter

1:28:43

Try and they're coming out there and then like

1:28:45

dude, it's been that that day they had that

1:28:47

day Transday since 2009 or just happened to land

1:28:49

on it. Just keep changing if you're a real

1:28:52

fucking if you're a real Christian You know fucking

1:28:54

Easter is there is he who got about it?

1:28:56

Caitlyn Jenner who also like five years tweeted. Thank

1:28:58

you for celebrating a hashtag trans Instead

1:29:03

of balls And

1:29:07

then I wrote a comment you guys know it's been the

1:29:09

same date since 2009 like Video

1:29:14

I never make a No,

1:29:18

I met Kaylin I

1:29:20

met Bruce a couple of times I

1:29:23

The woman now and I

1:29:26

guess he got something there cuz women will live

1:29:28

longer, you know I'm

1:29:31

a turn it over. Did you see the meme that

1:29:33

I owe J's the nine being dead? No

1:29:39

Give me the golf course right now Imagine dude,

1:29:41

it's fake my uncle in Vegas my aunt saying

1:29:43

gonna pay I have an uncle who's a doctor

1:29:45

and I have an uncle who's not a doctor

1:29:47

who likes to go to the end with the

1:29:49

loser Doctors on the golf

1:29:51

course and has it was on a golf course So

1:29:53

he would take my uncle's golf cart and he would

1:29:55

stay on dr. Goldberg and he would drive and

1:29:58

then he played golf with OJ Simpson Holy

1:30:00

shit, and he like bragged to my family about it. I'm like, I don't think

1:30:02

that's cool. I think it's weird That's

1:30:04

embarrassing If

1:30:07

you had a chance to golf with the jew she wouldn't do it If

1:30:10

I oh, I thought you said if you had a chance to

1:30:12

golf with the jews, I wouldn't do it I

1:30:15

would golf with I would not golf with I

1:30:18

did I did kiss a girl once Who

1:30:21

later showed me she had a picture with oj simpson

1:30:23

and I was not proud of that My brother angel

1:30:25

had a picture of oj simpson at some telethon team

1:30:27

I paid either. I had a girlfriend for two years

1:30:30

who had his mom had a picture with oj simpson

1:30:32

before pre-murder My uncle told him the bronco Are

1:30:35

we are we are we trying to outdo each other? He's

1:30:47

talking about fucking smog big smug chick

1:30:53

Somebody had the fucking bronco boy going to

1:30:55

heaven Comedy

1:30:58

dog of comedy as well Oh,

1:31:03

he oj seems like not a he was not a

1:31:05

good person. Well, you know who has

1:31:07

the real story is uh, nicole who's the

1:31:09

comedian Rachel

1:31:13

i'm her i'm rachael. I won't matter one bro, but my

1:31:15

shovel broke Rachel

1:31:19

from jackash. She's a comedian her name is rachel

1:31:23

Wolfson actually that's an elvis joke. I won't I

1:31:25

won't admit elvis. Well my shovel broke And

1:31:27

then one time the cavita said i'm gonna miss elena

1:31:30

was on my shovel broke, dude They

1:31:32

were gonna beat his ass So his dad was

1:31:34

looking for him Where's the

1:31:36

shovel? I see the roadie almost get beat up there Because

1:31:39

he had an sg guitar and some guys oh

1:31:41

man, where'd you get that steve ray vong guitar

1:31:43

man? It fell out of a helicopter, man Oh

1:31:48

Rachel wolfson's mother put oj in

1:31:51

jail. Yeah. Yeah, so she wins. I

1:31:53

think respectfully She also

1:31:55

told her boyfriend to don't wear penitins no

1:31:57

more And

1:32:00

the hat. Is that true? Nah, I'm making

1:32:02

a good one. I believe it. You're a good actor,

1:32:04

you know that? Shout out to Matt Edgar. Thank you,

1:32:06

brother. I've been playing for years. Oh, wow. Can

1:32:09

I tell you what I just saw the other day that blew my mind? I

1:32:12

saw a Felipe Esparza headshot

1:32:14

with his buzz cut. Oh,

1:32:16

shit. The Comedy Store? Yeah, I've never seen that in my

1:32:19

life. That's how I roll, bro. I

1:32:21

loved it. When I came

1:32:23

out of rehab, I said I want to be a comedian.

1:32:25

Classic, homie. You have dates coming

1:32:27

up, man, or what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel

1:32:29

like, listen, I'm really excited by comedy special, Taylor

1:32:31

Williamson, live at the Comedy Store on YouTube. If

1:32:33

people watch it and leave a comment, it means

1:32:35

the world to me. I'm really proud

1:32:38

of that. That's my main thing. But Netflix is

1:32:40

a joke festival with Alfred Robles, May 12th. And

1:32:44

then I'll be, listen,

1:32:46

you know, and then I've been plugging him

1:32:48

for years. I've been on this Alfred Robles

1:32:51

train for seconds. I do the

1:32:53

best Alfred Robles impersonation. You're the first one that told

1:32:55

me about you, dude. Look, ready?

1:33:01

I'm going to be in Tacoma.

1:33:03

Just keep doing your impression. Put

1:33:06

the camera on him. I'll be

1:33:08

in Tacoma, Washington, and Spokane, Washington.

1:33:11

And San Diego, California. American

1:33:14

Comedy Company in San Diego. And

1:33:16

then I'm going to be in, keep going.

1:33:19

I got to think about the rest of my calendar.

1:33:21

taylorwilliamson.com. Taylor Comedy. You'll be in Atlanta with him. I'll

1:33:24

be in Atlanta Saturday. I'm going to be in Atlanta.

1:33:26

Where are you going in Atlanta? Where?

1:33:28

Oh, the wine. The wine

1:33:31

cellar. You

1:33:33

don't know, bro. City winery. City wine. Yeah.

1:33:36

But also, don't forget, a

1:33:38

quarter of the money will be a co-hairline.

1:33:41

It's a post. Guys, come on

1:33:43

out. Take us available. We're going to get drunk, too. And the guy

1:33:45

that wants me to fuck his wife is going to be there. So

1:33:47

let's go. Hell yeah. Get

1:33:49

back to that guy, bro. Let's fuck her together, bro. I'll send

1:33:51

it to you. So send it to him. No, no, no, because

1:33:53

I don't want to burn the guy because what if one day,

1:33:55

you know, like my girl break up with me? You were bringing

1:33:58

up photos? Yeah. I

1:34:00

screenshot the Something

1:34:03

you better bring your game from ha ha ha The

1:34:06

guy I'll read it to you. What's his

1:34:08

name? I don't I'm not gonna say the name

1:34:10

but Instagram Don't say his name with his Instagram. No,

1:34:12

uh, so mambo Hey, you want

1:34:15

to fuck by your own? So you just want

1:34:17

to be a bonus girl and I feel I

1:34:19

feel honored that he invites me. So he wants

1:34:21

to watch it Yeah, yeah,

1:34:23

he are there there swingers by

1:34:25

the eye don't but my question stands though Do they want

1:34:27

to watch it or they I don't know I see I

1:34:29

don't I don't know has to be They

1:34:32

don't know what's gonna happen if it gets

1:34:34

to your you know, you know, what's what

1:34:36

you do her No, you he wants to

1:34:38

watch me do her. Yeah, cook in Spanish

1:34:50

This is a very

1:34:52

educational like Cultural entertainment

1:34:54

program you're ready for the world. It really

1:34:57

like I call it Spanish. Call it a way Yeah,

1:35:00

it been there. Come on. Let me go here.

1:35:02

So vehicle with corn noodle, bro

1:35:05

Is that really really some corn noodle with

1:35:07

corn noodle? Kuma a

1:35:09

muda kuma And

1:35:12

also laugh actor this weekend guys, so come on out

1:35:15

that's actually where Covino laugh actor II

1:35:17

Oh Little

1:35:21

square no means cheating on somebody you like

1:35:23

a guy who's in the form. Yeah, what's

1:35:25

your Instagram people gonna follow you? At

1:35:30

Taylor comedy is my social media and Taylor

1:35:33

Williamson calm And if you listen and if

1:35:35

you go to my my Instagram bio Taylor

1:35:37

comedy You can see the link from my

1:35:39

dogs Instagram is at Benny the puppy doggy.

1:35:42

That's Dog

1:35:48

dad listen like Richie rich right here, bro

1:35:57

Oh, yeah, I was a Macalester,

1:35:59

huh? Sounds I hate I

1:36:01

hate the word I had single mom and I

1:36:03

had no money good alimony My

1:36:05

mom had to pay alimony. Oh, I had a

1:36:07

messed up thing, but we had like that's why

1:36:09

she hated your dad But we had I mean,

1:36:11

you know, San Diego nannies aren't as expensive, you

1:36:13

know, like they cut these across the border I

1:36:16

mean, there's a few bucks today. You can have

1:36:18

a home depot bro, you know But

1:36:21

there's an understanding, you know, like she literally she's my family

1:36:23

She's my family, you know, but I didn't I grow up

1:36:25

rich, but I had I went to rich high school Fighting

1:36:28

broke bridge. I was like me and Josh and double he's

1:36:30

from Eden Gardens like That's

1:36:32

where you grew up like that broke. Is it

1:36:34

actually rich people at the school the rich? But

1:36:37

you're like cash for can't tell you on the pervert. Yeah,

1:36:40

but can I tell you I lived in a townhouse, you

1:36:42

know I mean listen, I'm relatively to the rest of the

1:36:44

world. Yeah, we didn't money but we had like a small

1:36:46

house and in a

1:36:49

do place Horrible, but no, I know

1:36:51

I know Y'all had your own

1:36:53

room, huh? All I heard is like

1:36:55

we can't afford this without any money Whatever a single

1:36:57

mom respect, you know, you're the model for neighborhood watch

1:37:00

But like one time when my rich friends his

1:37:02

his house man dropped me off at home and he's like,

1:37:04

oh This is your summer

1:37:06

house He's

1:37:08

like, is this your summer house and I'm like, yeah I

1:37:15

want to my friends my friend I lived in

1:37:17

a housing projects and my friend lived outside of

1:37:19

projects like like half a mile away He

1:37:22

told me hold on man. I gotta

1:37:25

take I gotta put on my play clothes

1:37:28

and I still had on my school clothes and

1:37:30

like Oh, wow Are

1:37:33

you gonna go home and change? And

1:37:35

I was like No I'm

1:37:39

gonna wear these clothes and not dirty them

1:37:42

You know what? But

1:37:45

I want I don't know I do have like a from

1:37:47

Del Mar and a say Tory Pontiaco people go Whoo, and

1:37:49

like by the way if I was rich like I should

1:37:52

be proud of it You know, but like I

1:37:54

liked I don't know I want to know that it wasn't rich Started

1:37:57

at the bottom and I'm still here I

1:38:00

was rich for a couple you I don't know

1:38:02

medium and we're still there. Yeah, I Had

1:38:05

a couple years of America's Got Talent money. That was pretty

1:38:07

good. You know, did you hook up with Heidi? That's

1:38:10

a rude question Anybody

1:38:14

in the makeup department or PA there

1:38:17

was a lot of But I

1:38:19

was pretty cool. Can I tell you yeah, I'm

1:38:22

extending I didn't get this experience by America town

1:38:24

There's a lot of like people who were like

1:38:26

who thought I was pretty cool in that Like,

1:38:29

you know is the different act or bad I I

1:38:31

was pretty cool. I was like I was like the cool kid at summer camp

1:38:34

and I was like, this is wild I had like yeah,

1:38:37

you give you money like people like randomly right and like

1:38:39

you're gonna pay for that We got you did

1:38:41

I pay did I pay anybody ever like pay

1:38:43

for your stuff at a restaurant? Don't worry, but

1:38:46

your money ain't good here. We got you Did

1:38:48

anyone did they were rich did someone ever buy

1:38:51

me dinner in my life? Is that what you're

1:38:53

asking? Yeah, like I got norm Oh You

1:38:56

mean cuz they because I recognize like I know we're talking.

1:38:58

Oh, yeah. Can I tell you I've had it. Oh, here

1:39:00

we go so So

1:39:06

twice I've been at Chipotle Yeah

1:39:11

twice I'm not food one time. I'll

1:39:13

look have you had this happen It's

1:39:15

the weirdest coolest and the weird it's

1:39:17

so weird. It's not worth it, but

1:39:19

I'm at Chipotle. I'm screaming So So

1:39:32

that I'm in line at Chipotle and they go hey man

1:39:34

I got you no worries and I'm like what and there's

1:39:36

people lying behind me who are like what the fuck people

1:39:38

in front of Me like what the fuck? I'm like, oh,

1:39:40

no, that's okay. No, I got you man But

1:39:42

just pick a big fan everyone else all

1:39:44

the customers hate me. Anyway, that happened to

1:39:47

me once I hate what happens But I found it

1:39:49

in the one time before I was on TV. I

1:39:51

was at pickup sticks rest in peace. I love It's

1:39:55

gone studio city there's still this so one

1:39:57

in Iran, I hope so that pick up

1:39:59

stairs It's like 13 years

1:40:01

ago. It was a great day. I was with

1:40:03

my friend Laura Rosenberg, you know her she's used

1:40:05

to comedy She's so awesome. She's really special friends.

1:40:07

There's big blue eyes. I may

1:40:09

be I don't remember but she's wonderful anyway So we're

1:40:12

at pickles. We got like $40 with the food and

1:40:14

then I go to pay like no no worries I'm like

1:40:17

this is I was so confused because I wasn't on it

1:40:19

leaving last comic standing and then uh We

1:40:21

sit there. I got it. No worries. I sit down. He walks up to me

1:40:23

goes hey, man I gotta ask are you the

1:40:25

guy from foster the people? It's a

1:40:27

band, you know, and I was like pump up kick.

1:40:29

Yeah, I was like, no, I'm not and he was

1:40:31

like sad and I was Yeah,

1:40:37

but 40 bucks is normal now that's

1:40:39

cheap now, bro, dude, yeah The

1:40:43

public kid, I don't know the guy in the

1:40:45

middle Yeah,

1:40:48

what's our real guy later the late that he was from

1:40:50

Josh and Drake I Think

1:40:54

it laid but like there was a bunch

1:40:56

of like pitchers and they were drinking Josh

1:40:58

me. Yeah, they're right They couldn't believe I'm

1:41:00

breaking Josh. Yeah, me or Jerry. You know,

1:41:02

they're gonna dress up. I got a boy

1:41:05

all these ladies were like like Women

1:41:08

with you know, they probably like in the 50s or something

1:41:10

with you know children that is I was like Yeah

1:41:16

Happens in

1:41:20

Florida and on the East Coast. Yes,

1:41:22

that's exactly where it happened for Halloween

1:41:27

Yeah for Halloween, you know you're gonna be the

1:41:29

fat Josh it's not like you know, it's not

1:41:31

today Josh Well,

1:41:33

you just go see you're here now. Oh Stories

1:41:36

people told me that yeah For

1:41:40

ha for Halloween, you know, you're

1:41:42

gonna dress up as a Gilligan in the skipper I'm

1:41:45

just I'm the one that didn't get diddled. Oh,

1:41:47

I got diddled That's

1:42:00

more than not me. No Stewie! Grown

1:42:03

Stewie. Why am I grown Stewie?

1:42:05

That's not a compliment. That's Brian

1:42:07

the dog. The dog? That's Brian.

1:42:10

I feel like there's not a compliment. Can I get

1:42:12

a... That is not a compliment.

1:42:14

No, that's grown Stewie. That is really deep.

1:42:16

That's terrible. Who you building after?

1:42:18

Grown Stewie. He's disgusting. Nah, I

1:42:21

don't know nothing like it. You know what's

1:42:23

the worst? What? He's screaming. Okay, I'll be

1:42:25

that guy. Whoever that guy is. That is

1:42:27

you! Do you know what some kid told me

1:42:29

once? I don't know if you can find it quickly. Some kid

1:42:31

told me when I did America's Got Talent and he said you

1:42:33

look like the teacher from Hey Arnold. And

1:42:35

I don't know if... Oh man. And it was a

1:42:38

teacher that it could pass and it was really frustrating

1:42:40

for me. But... Mm-hmm. Yeah.

1:42:43

Yeah. The same shit, fool. And

1:42:48

I did cardigans a lot. Yeah,

1:42:51

it was a little card... But there's so many... The gap had to

1:42:53

sell that way. But there's so many like levels of like... Yeah, you

1:42:55

know... ...I must manage and like... Oh, it's kind of true. I brought

1:42:57

some of that. Just a couple of birds. Like

1:43:00

the zigger from... Careful. It was all

1:43:02

yellow to... Okay. That's fine. Yeah. See

1:43:04

that's... Hopefully. That's closer to a compliment. That's a real...

1:43:06

At 311 for sure. I'll take three. I don't even

1:43:08

know what 311 looks like and I'll take... 311 right

1:43:10

now. Hey,

1:43:13

that looks like us right now, guys. I'm like, oh

1:43:15

shit. I'll take those. Felipe.

1:43:19

That's Felipe right there with the beard. You're on the

1:43:21

11, eh? Felipe, do you... I'll get

1:43:23

the way you're trying to say it. Felipe. Can I ask

1:43:25

you a question, Felipe? A serious question. I'm a mean to

1:43:27

ask you for 14 years. So

1:43:30

we did last comic stand together.

1:43:33

Do you feel guilty for taking

1:43:35

my spot? We're right. I

1:43:38

was a semi-finalist on last comic standing. I'm not saying

1:43:40

like... But you're one... I'm not like, listen, you're very

1:43:42

talented, deserving, nothing in this business. But you're just doing

1:43:44

it. You're so special and talented. I mean that. I'm

1:43:47

grateful to be here. By

1:43:49

the way, this is after I talked in therapy about like I've gotten some

1:43:51

podcasts. This

1:43:53

is the best compliment I can give. I've gotten some

1:43:55

podcasts of people I don't respect and their values don't

1:43:57

really reflect mine, you know? negative,

1:44:00

low vibration, negative energy, you know? And then, and then

1:44:02

all, I don't get any fans, I just get people

1:44:05

calling me really hateful things in the comments, I'm like,

1:44:07

this is not healthy for me. So we decided I'm

1:44:09

only gonna go on people who are making the world

1:44:11

a better place and kind of, and talented and funny.

1:44:13

So you guys are good vibes. But with that said,

1:44:16

so I'm a fan. But

1:44:18

like, there's a chance that

1:44:21

if you didn't do Last Comic Standing, then

1:44:23

I would have gotten that spot. I'm

1:44:26

just saying, do you feel bad a little bit? No. A

1:44:29

lot of what if history up in here, huh? But I'm a

1:44:31

fan. No, I didn't even know this. I'm

1:44:34

not gonna draw, aye? No, but like, you feel

1:44:37

like you should have gotten famous like a year

1:44:39

earlier, so like. You've

1:44:41

been famous five years. Right. Like. Who

1:44:43

me? Yeah. That's like when you did

1:44:45

like a comedy, premium blend, probably. No, just think

1:44:48

soft, like hard, you know? Before

1:44:50

Last Comic Standing. Oh yeah, before Last Comic Standing, man,

1:44:52

I was like, I'm doing nothing like that. I wish

1:44:54

you had worked harder in your career, you know? You

1:44:59

know what's funny? When I got on Last

1:45:02

Comic Standing. You're focused. When

1:45:04

I got on Last Comic Standing, I

1:45:07

felt like the trajectory, it felt like

1:45:09

Slumdog Millionaire, bro. Cause

1:45:12

everybody on the show, I

1:45:15

met them at different times in their

1:45:17

lives. Like Greg Gerardo, I

1:45:19

met him when he was headlining and

1:45:21

I was the opener with him and Dream

1:45:23

Pompa. Wow. In 2000

1:45:26

something. 1998 and he

1:45:28

remembered me. He remembered me killing. And

1:45:31

then Natasha, I met

1:45:33

her in 2005 at

1:45:35

the Marshall Comedy Festival. We were young

1:45:37

comedians and I threw up in her

1:45:39

room and she gave me a

1:45:42

bucket to throw up. She threw up in her ice

1:45:44

bucket. I threw up in her ice bucket, yeah. Oh

1:45:46

yeah, dude. Beautiful. And

1:45:48

then, the people on

1:45:51

the show has seen me already. Like I audition

1:45:53

every year and I got lost. Did

1:45:57

you make it to the TV before? Never,

1:45:59

bro. first year I made

1:46:01

it to the stage yeah but my

1:46:03

but didn't record my set and I

1:46:05

was standing right there next to Jeff

1:46:08

Dunham bro auditioning yes I

1:46:10

was next to Jeff Dunham and they

1:46:12

clicked on Jeff Dunham then they went

1:46:14

to me and they chose somebody else

1:46:17

they chose J London thank

1:46:21

you yeah

1:46:23

second the thing I think thousand three I

1:46:25

think by the way you pump do you

1:46:27

know how to say jean pampa pronounce it

1:46:30

in Spanish pom pom palicious hey little bear

1:46:32

in Spanish is pronounced pom pom I could

1:46:34

do his whole act so you audition for

1:46:36

last summer 10 I did it well

1:46:38

that's the third time auditions I drove I

1:46:40

drove to Phoenix audition I had an appointment yeah and

1:46:42

they were like that I did that and they were

1:46:44

like me they were like mean to me Kathleen was

1:46:46

like I'm gonna stop you there cuz aunt just went

1:46:49

no wait no wait and with aunt

1:46:51

the game and that I'm gonna stop you there cuz

1:46:53

Kathleen just went and then I mean

1:46:55

and they were very mean and then and I

1:46:57

love Kathleen of the three and then I still

1:46:59

love Kathy but I know she looks at me

1:47:02

she doesn't know that but then I and then

1:47:04

and then I remember Nikki Glaser's whole thing was

1:47:06

I asked I tell one more joke so

1:47:08

I was like stay I stayed still it's a very

1:47:10

but the good advice to stay still cuz they don't

1:47:12

you want to be on the best of the worst

1:47:14

meal you know so don't squirm you know so I

1:47:16

was like I was like can I do one more

1:47:18

joke and they're like okay they told another like one-liner

1:47:21

and then Alonzo Bowdoin was like yeah you

1:47:23

talk about this you talk about this you talk

1:47:25

about this you don't have you don't have segues

1:47:27

that was his constructive criticism then I see him

1:47:29

I have like rage towards it. She told him

1:47:31

segues are for kids. Exactly

1:47:34

but I'm like I was I wanted to fight I wanted to scream and

1:47:36

fight him but like I don't wanna be on the best of the worst

1:47:38

I was like thank you so much and I was sad. I did New

1:47:40

York City too. Man I

1:47:42

remember this comedian was half Latino

1:47:45

and half Asian and then

1:47:47

Greg Giraldo cut him off he goes

1:47:49

I'm gonna cut you off right there I'm

1:47:51

gonna say yes to your Latino side and

1:47:53

no to your Asian side. I

1:47:56

loved Greg so much and I knew Natasha

1:47:58