0:00

All right, Jean, are you ready to become heavy?

0:03

And Hummish alibi shush stain.

0:14

My mom's way. My mom's where my mom's at, where my mom's waiting.

0:17

Raise raising kids, cleaning shifts when my mom's way, my mom's way, my mom's ass Ma'am

0:29

and ma'am I'm a man and my man now, thanks to everybody who came out to Denver.

0:34

Five sold out shows fucking bananas.

0:38

It re it reignites my faith in humanity.

0:41

I love Denver. Ah, rolling along November 4th, Raleigh, North Carolina, Charlie.

0:48

Good nights. And then Atlanta, November 19th through 20th at the punchline wise guys, salt lake city, Pooh ton of ever 26 through 28, LOL comedy clubs, San Antonio, LOL fucking hell.

1:04

And then Orlando improv in December and dudes.

1:08

I mean, pretty soon I'm going to announce something so fucking amazing and miraculousness, and my tits are going to explode and you're just going to get love it.

1:18

But I can't, I can't, I can't yet.

1:19

Anyway, next year, it's going to be a bigger tour.

1:22

And I'll, if I haven't seen you on this round, I'm going to see you in 2022, June, a lot of Florida, we're doing, we're doing, we're doing it all, bro.

1:30

Tom came everywhere this year.

1:32

I'm going to go some places, but not ever work.

1:34

Cause I'm a mom. I can't leave my kids for more than 48 hours at a clip because I start to have severe anxiety.

1:39

So happy to be here and get out of my house.

1:44

You know, I it's so funny with the kiddos.

1:46

I, every weekend here in Marston, I plan these elaborate.

1:50

Well, not elaborate. I just make plans.

1:52

I'm like, well, Saturday, we're going to go to the museum of ice cream and then Sunday, we're going to go to Zilker park.

1:58

We're going to throw rocks into the Creek.

1:59

It's going to be amazing. And they're always just like, yeah, that was cool.

2:03

That was cool. That was cool. And then we went to Randall's of all places to go grocery shopping and like there's a shopping cart that has two little steering wheels on it.

2:13

So the kids feel like they're in a car, hands down.

2:16

Their favorite part of the whole weekend is just them fucking around in these carts.

2:21

And me pretending that they're driving and you know, they're just laughing and having a great old time.

2:25

And here I am buying tickets to stuff and we could have just gone to Randall's that whole time.

2:29

I know it's always like that, isn't it?

2:31

No, it's never the stuff you plan.

2:34

It's always that impromptu it's same in college.

2:36

Like I remember when we were so broke and like the best times I've ever had in my life were sitting around and talking to my douchebag roommates.

2:43

And I say that lovingly obviously, and getting drunk and like, Hey, who can do a handstand against the wall?

2:50

And then your friend almost paralyzes themself and you laugh hysterically or like, right.

2:56

It's always those dumb moments pass out Game.

2:59

And then you do all That shit.

3:02

You didn't do Elem elementary school.

3:04

Kids would do that.

3:06

Is That what you mean?

3:07

Like a high school thing. What's

3:09

the pass out game, You know, you're just kinda like not, you know what?

3:12

This is probably a bad thing to say on YouTube.

3:14

It's not, it's a Really

3:17

good, thanks. This is a mom podcast.

3:22

Okay. Mary goes the promo for this episode.

3:25

First three minutes.

3:27

We've told kids how to make themselves pass.

3:29

It.

3:29

It's

3:29

always

3:29

like

3:33

that. The best times I've ever had in my life are, you know, again, being in my twenties or even now, and like sitting around with Tom and just coming up with funny games, stupid fun games.

3:44

Right. And that is the essence of parenthood too.

3:46

It's like, you try to make the fun and the fun just happens.

3:49

It just happens sitting on the couch when your kid is making like Cougar sounds and stuff.

3:54

You can't, you can't make that shit happen.

4:00

I mean, I can't remember doing it, but I know that my brother who has kids, he's like, yeah, man, it's so infuriating.

4:05

Like I buy them one of the dopest presents and then they just play with the fucking box.

4:10

Yeah. That too, that too. I learned that lesson.

4:13

Oh, also like they don't the toy thing at toys or actually I take that back once you can find a toy they're really into, and like, let's say you want to buy yourself a half hour of me time, dude, I keep, oh, that's a, that's a mom hack.

4:25

I keep a shelf in my house of just toys that I know will occupy both boys for like a half hour to clip.

4:34

So like on the weekends when I'm alone with them, when I want to blow my brains out, I'll get that.

4:39

I'll get a toy and I'll be like, here you go, fuck face.

4:41

And then I just, I get on my tech talk and I fucking, I mean, it's, I'm so tired.

4:47

Okay. Let's let's go on. Good news. You guys.

4:49

I don't know if you saw this article, California mandated a gender neutral toy section.

4:56

Can you Google this native?

4:59

I should've seen this article, but I, I don't know.

5:02

It's a California. It's now mandated that there has to be a gender neutral toy section and you can get fined as a store.

5:14

Here we go.

5:16

You

5:16

California

5:16

law

5:16

will

5:16

force

5:16

retailers

5:16

to

5:16

have

5:16

gender

5:16

neutral

5:16

toys

5:16

section

5:16

scroll

5:24

down. Let's see what's going on. Oh, and it's pretty funny.

5:26

There's a girl holding a Barbie doll.

5:28

Wait

5:28

a

5:30

minute. Is that a girl?

5:32

Oh,

5:32

well,

5:32

let's

5:36

see. I can't record. Let me, here we go. Here we go.

5:38

Here. You got a 10 year old girl.

5:40

Well, again, I'm offended at the phrasing of that.

5:44

I mean, did she identify herself a 10

5:47

year old person, Person

5:48

who identifies temporarily as ah, was shopping with her mother one day when she asked a question, why were some toys off limits to her as a girl, but would it be okay to play with if she were a boy?

6:05

Now that to me sounds like there is a section of toys that are locked away, that only people with penises can play with.

6:13

And I'm pretty sure that's not how it was set up.

6:17

I mean, look, as, as a, as, as a person who refers to themselves as a girl, at one point in their life, I was a girl.

6:23

I'm a woman. Now I, if I wanted to play with a boys toy, I would walk to that section.

6:29

And that's all you had to do. I mean, walk over there.

6:32

That's Kevin Newsome guy.

6:35

So, so hold on. Let's see what the penalty is.

6:37

If you don't, this is so silly.

6:41

We'll face a $250 fine for a first offense and $500 for any after that, Regardless

6:49

of. Oh, huh. Let's see. So that's another thing storage we're having for additional points.

6:52

What we're requiring them to have a reasonable selection of toys and items in a gender neutral section, regardless of whether they have been traditionally marketed for either girls or boys.

7:02

So that's, so that's also brings up an interesting question.

7:06

I mean, yeah. Barbie traditionally marketed towards girls cars, I guess, towards boys.

7:11

Like, but aren't there a whole range of, to what puzzles is, is a puzzle that gender neutral toy writer do, do boys do puzzles or is that too sissy lake?

7:24

I don't Know. It's got cars and dinosaurs.

7:27

Right? So then is it, if it's a dinosaur puzzle, is that a boy thing?

7:31

Is that a girl thing? Is that a gender neutral thing?

7:34

Like how are we going to determine that whole, you know, it just seems a little silly again.

7:40

I grew up playing with, I rode BMX, dirt bikes.

7:44

My dad bought me the boys bike because he felt it was better.

7:48

And I'm chilled on that.

7:50

I put together planes.

7:52

I, I played with boats that were, you know, remote controlled and I really didn't think two shits about it.

7:59

I didn't didn't fucking care.

8:01

And, and thank, thank God because you know, gosh had had this culture been around when I was growing up, somebody may have suggested that I was non-binary and then I should consider transitioning or something.

8:14

I don't know. Could you imagine that's true then I think, you know what?

8:20

The point is, leave the fucking kids alone, let them play with what they want to play.

8:23

And this is just, this is, this is nonsense.

8:26

Absolutely. It's nonsense.

8:27

I'm

8:27

over

8:29

it. Yeah. Gender reveal parties are going to be called hate crimes.

8:38

You know, I'm for everybody doing what makes them feel great, but to mandate something is like, really you're gonna it's I don't like it.

8:47

When you impinge upon private businesses and such, it's just silly, silly, silly, silly, then open up a gender neutral toy store and make your fortune in California.

8:55

You know, if that's, if that's who we're going to, I'm curious to see how these things really do in the marketplace.

9:01

I'm curious to know, you know, how wheelchair Barbie is actually selling in the marketplace and biracial this and that and trans this I'm I'm really curious to see who is buying this stuff.

9:13

Is it really fucking K you know, who's this for whatever It

9:19

happened to capitalism, letting capitalism dictate the market Free

9:23

market. Not that this is right.

9:25

Let the market dictate the market does always dictate it'll fall away.

9:29

I sense. I sense a pushback too, to a lot of this nonsense.

9:34

I sense it, I sent the, the, the end is nigh.

9:37

Look when Netflix is defending Dave Chappelle, finally, praise Allah.

9:41

We are going to be at the end of this horrible time of censoring comedians and people for whatever it is they want to say.

9:49

It's absolutely anti-American and antithetical to everything okay.

9:53

That I stand for and love a good, I'm sorry.

9:56

I'm happy to report. And I don't remember if I talked about this last week, forgive me.

9:59

If I'm repeating myself after I would say five, five and a half years of just searching, just searching for moms that I, that are cool to hang out with.

10:12

And I found some here and there.

10:14

I have a found like a, you know, one year, but I wanted that group of moms.

10:18

I so desperately wanted that, that group of girlfriends that they talk about on, you know, like the sex in the city and all this shit.

10:26

And I just, I was like, this doesn't exist.

10:27

Well, I finally went out with the kindergarten moms.

10:30

I went drinking and it was fucking awesome.

10:32

And I I'm, I'm very hopeful.

10:35

Yeah. I'm very excited. I have a group of cool moms and they're so fun and in normal, and I'm just like, I'm so stoked.

10:43

Cause it took her, it took them a while. So listen, if you're listening to this and you're like, I just want to find a mom tribe.

10:50

I promise you, they exist.

10:51

You just have to keep looking. And I think it took until my kids got into school because, and the saddest part is, is the most isolating time in a mom's life are those early years.

11:00

And I would go to the playground with, you know, little babies and, and hope to meet other moms.

11:06

But we're, you're also bleary-eyed and, and defeated and sad.

11:10

Like you see a new mom in a part.

11:14

You're just like, ah, like everybody's just so tired.

11:17

You're just exhausted and confused and sad.

11:21

So maybe that's why it takes a few years until you chill out.

11:24

Well, where'd you find a that's this new group of It's

11:28

so exciting kindergarten.

11:30

So, so kinder. So in here in Texas, like, I mean, it happened in California too.

11:36

There's just like, there's certain moms that are there, like room moms and stuff.

11:40

And, and like, you know, they're like, wait, y'all jaw joined the Facebook page.

11:45

And at first the, the L Angelina women was like, fuck your Facebook page.

11:48

Like, are you out of your mind? Like, I can't delete my page fast enough.

11:54

And then I was like, why am I, why am I doing that?

11:57

Like, what's the, what's the big deal.

12:00

I'm going to give this a whirl. And then I got on the Facebook page and then I got invited to one of the kids' parties and we went to that and it was delightful.

12:08

And then I got, you know, I got in on the text, the group texts that that's the secret.

12:14

Ooh, that's the initiation. Huh?

12:16

Yeah. GC Goddamn.

12:21

No. Do you kids group text? Is that something in your yeah, Of

12:25

course. Everybody grew tech, you got like a chat. That's like pretty much made of all the same people, but different variations of it.

12:30

Cause they're all kind of different themes. And I'd like to know I'm not in one image as a group chat.

12:35

So I'm a little offended. Neither

12:37

am I. There is, is there a One?

12:38

I don't think so. You guys always talk about group chats and I'll never know.

12:42

So I like to be a part of this group chat.

12:45

There's a group chats. I think so. Wait, who?

12:47

I mean, there's one with me, Tom and Bert, but that's just like scheduling stuff, fucking Illuminati.

12:51

I

12:51

was

12:51

just

12:51

cause

12:51

I'm

12:54

Jewish. It's real. All right. You think I'm part of that Or

12:57

the Jews Illuminati? I thought that was just white people.

13:00

White men.

13:02

I mean, we pass, I'll tell you who, it's not Any,

13:07

it's not you and it's not me. Okay.

13:08

It's not us. It's not Us.

13:10

Let's make our own group. That's what I'm saying.

13:12

Okay. I will do That.

13:15

I'll do it. What about Danny?

13:18

Let's sit Danny and Danny.

13:20

You, me and Christina.

13:21

Christina Group

13:24

chat. And so, so here's the deal, man is that I was also instructed by a local southerner.

13:29

She goes, you better respond to that first group chat because if you don't, then they're not going to invite you to stuff anymore.

13:35

And again, the whole Angelina would have been like my script, but I responded and then see, apparently you have to be nice to people.

13:44

And then they want you to do stuff with didn't know that is consideration.

13:52

And yeah, I'm such a fucking idiot, but I like it.

13:59

I'm I'm down, dude. I'm doing book club.

14:00

I'm doing this. It's like a whole new, it's a whole new lane.

14:04

I have to say. I feel very part of a community.

14:06

And I enjoy that. So I mean, it's good.

14:10

I mean, I felt like part of the comedy community in LA, but now I'm a part of regular, like a mom community and it's, it's lovely.

14:16

It's been quite lovely.

14:18

Yeah. So let's start you guys.

14:20

I really, you know, every day I go through tech talk and I purify my feet and I keep it real.

14:29

And I find these bangers, these gems.

14:31

And then today I found this one and I was so moved by it.

14:36

I was so I was taking that.

14:43

I couldn't wait for why. MH I couldn't wait to share with the world.

14:48

So without further ado, I'd to play this tech talk that I say I sent in before I came today, can we go ahead and play, wait for it, give it a minute.

15:01

What's going to happen.

15:03

What's going to happen?

15:15

Did you find this guy on horny Thursday? Or what? How did you find that Thursday?

15:18

We're taping this on a Tuesday.

15:20

So,

15:20

so

15:20

much

15:26

happening. So number one, he sits there quietly for seconds, way too long.

15:32

So my thought is where's this going to go either?

15:35

This is the guy who doesn't realize this is a video, you know?

15:39

Or he's just gonna like do one little thing.

15:42

And then the tongue comes out and I'm like, he is not showing me his oral skills.

15:48

Yes he is.

15:50

And then the best part too, if you listen to the audio, go ahead and play that audio.

15:54

What do you hear? This parts needs. Yeah.

15:56

It's like a little bonus

16:09

using

16:09

or

16:09

farting

16:09

or

16:09

has

16:09

porn

16:09

lightly

16:09

playing

16:09

on

16:09

in

16:09

the

16:16

background? I'm going to guess.

16:18

It's like, it's a smoker's wheeze.

16:19

So my thinking is even if he does go down on a lady, he can't breathe.

16:24

This will not work out for you, sir.

16:28

You can't do what you want to do.

16:31

You're not fit.

16:33

You're not healthy.

16:34

You're

16:34

not

16:34

in

16:34

good

16:34

health,

16:37

sir. You're saying this is false advertising, false advertising.

16:40

Which

16:40

coincidentally

16:40

is

16:40

the

16:40

name

16:40

of

16:40

my

16:40

favorite

16:45

porno.

16:45

Probably

16:45

the

16:45

best

16:45

porno

16:45

name

16:49

ever. So Tom one time went to Singapore and we had this, I think Yoshi had given it to us.

16:54

It was called false advertising.

16:55

And

16:55

here's

16:55

why

16:55

I

16:55

was

16:55

called

16:55

that

16:55

it

16:55

was

16:55

transsexual

17:02

porn.

17:02

And

17:02

it

17:02

was

17:02

like

17:02

the

17:02

hot

17:02

chick

17:02

with

17:02

the,

17:02

you

17:02

know,

17:02

the

17:02

boobs

17:02

and

17:02

then

17:02

the

17:02

D

17:02

and

17:02

I

17:02

was

17:02

like,

17:02

this

17:02

is

17:02

the

17:02

best

17:02

thing

17:02

I've

17:02

ever

17:11

seen. Yeah.

17:13

False advertising to this day.

17:15

Probably that I wonder riddle Me

17:18

The cover look like it was a hot chick, but she had a D go ahead and Google it, go see if you can find false advertise.

17:24

It was probably what, where did Yoshi used to work?

17:27

Was it vivid? No, that sounds evil.

17:30

Angel. Yeah.

17:31

Try false advertising.

17:32

Evil angel.

17:33

That, that that's the company he worked for.

17:37

It's

17:40

streaming. Now this is a DV gate.

17:42

Let's see.

17:44

There, there she is. There is, there's false advertising.

17:46

Now

17:46

keep

17:46

in

17:54

mind. I put this in my husband's suitcase on his way to Singapore.

17:57

Not thinking, guess what's up?

17:59

Well,

17:59

this

17:59

is

17:59

back

17:59

in

17:59

the

18:03

day. So Tom and I had just started dating and Yoshi and Yoshi had gone to a show and Tom was there and she was like, oh, do you want a bag full of porn?

18:12

And Tom was like, yeah, sure.

18:15

Why not? You know, like whatever, it's hilarious.

18:18

And it was like false advertising.

18:20

It was like specs appeal, which I never forget that one into.

18:24

Cause that was like, you know, a fetish of like girls wearing glasses and that.

18:29

Yeah. And I was like, come on glasses and stuff.

18:31

And they were like, what's, this is ridiculous.

18:33

But what a good era for pornography?

18:36

I must admit that this, this was a creative, fun time.

18:39

I, I thoroughly endorse this era porn.

18:42

This is like the early two thousands.

18:45

Let's see released August 15th, 2007 by third world media.

18:49

I wonder where they found these ladies more.

18:52

Nope. That's these people.

18:54

I wonder where they found these. Look

18:56

how white that chick's boobs are. It's so funny.

18:58

You see the third girl on the right?

19:00

Like she tanned, but not everywhere.

19:02

Tits are Too

19:04

white. I think all these ladies have tan Lines.

19:07

Oh, is that their thing? Oh, well checks with tan lines.

19:11

Oh wait. These are checks, dude.

19:13

Yeah. Well this is the false advertising.

19:15

Damn

19:15

you

19:27

Danny. Third world media.

19:28

You got me again.

19:31

They look good, man.

19:34

That's a problem too. When these guys turn into girls, sometimes they look so much better.

19:39

Like I'm telling you, cause dudes don't have fat on their bodies the way women do.

19:42

So when you see like some cute little twink with titties, they look, you can't compete with that.

19:48

As a woman, they look good. I get it.

19:50

I get it. And I get this. It's the best of both worlds, I guess, for a man.

19:54

Well, if you like D these aunties, these and T I

20:02

was at the best of both worlds.

20:04

Well, okay. Cause here's the deal. So you have somebody that knows what it's like to touch a D and to handle a D you can F there be hole.

20:11

If you want a hole and then you know what I'm saying?

20:14

And then they've got titties. So it's like, it's the best of all worlds?

20:17

What doesn't this provide?

20:18

I can't compete with, this is what I'm trying to say, But

20:21

a woman should know how to touch a D and do all the things that you just Not

20:26

as well as a guy.

20:28

Hmm. This is false advertising. Any, this is false advertise.

20:31

They've been to your side of the fence.

20:33

And now they're on the other side of the fence.

20:36

Yeah. But, okay. So just because I know how to, you know, do what I need perfectly doesn't mean I'm going to know what an add-on needs to be done perfectly.

20:45

You know what I'm saying? That's yeah, no, I'm just going to go with a girl, I think.

20:50

But I feel like that's the best I like there's only one world and that girl, You

20:58

and your heteronormative, CIS gendered male privilege.

21:03

Point of Personal

21:05

privilege. I'm so fucking toxic. You're So

21:07

fucking toxic.

21:10

Oh, am G I have a confession to make.

21:14

I was on Adam and eve.com last night.

21:17

I'm not ashamed.

21:19

I'm not ashamed. You know, I am a married woman.

21:20

I've been with the same man for 17 years.

21:22

That's how we keep it fresh. How we keep it spicy.

21:25

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21:26

I

21:26

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21:26

to

21:26

God

21:26

w

21:26

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21:26

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21:26

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21:31

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21:39

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21:41

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21:45

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21:49

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21:50

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21:55

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23:39

a minute, but in critical race theory, no, you're you're okay.

23:43

I think, but you no, but you're half white.

23:45

Oh, what's critical race theory going to do with you.

23:48

I don't know what critical race theory is.

23:50

What does this mean? Well, Okay.

23:51

It's like the idea that systemic racism, see the thing, I have a hard time understanding that racism is systemic and that white men are the oppressors.

24:04

And so, but you're half, half white man.

24:08

So what, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

24:09

But I think what they would call me is presenting black.

24:13

Right? Cause I'm considered, like, I grew up as a black kid, even though I'm black, white, and Asian.

24:19

Oh Shit. You're Asian.

24:21

But no one fucking called me that Asian kid in class.

24:24

Everyone was like that black kid.

24:25

So I think because I'm presenting black that I'm black, similar to how Tom is presenting white.

24:33

Right. So he has like certain privilege, I guess This

24:37

whole thing. Yeah. That's what they're talking about. That stuff privileged you're you're invisible knapsack of privilege is, is, is, is what the term they use to like all the privileges you walk around with just because of the casing that your meat is in.

24:49

You know what I mean? Like as a white lady, I walk around with certain privileges.

24:52

It's not untrue. I don't, I don't, I don't think it's untrue.

24:57

I just don't know how to remedy that.

24:59

You know? How do you remedy that?

25:01

How do you remedy that? You should just hate yourself basically how much privilege you have done.

25:09

Right. Well, that's, that's the current solution, which is kind of scary, like, okay, so then what, what should we do?

25:14

Should we hold back? People that are more inclined and then also you can, you can try to level the playing field, but you can't, you can't guarantee outcome.

25:23

You know, people have different abilities to, no matter what color or what would it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

25:28

I don't know. I don't know.

25:29

Is it contingent on just race?

25:31

I don't know. That sounds more racist to me to say that people are certain ways because of their race.

25:38

Definitely. I think it's a weird goal anyway.

25:40

Like what, what end are we trying to get to that?

25:43

We are all the exact same that we can all go into a track and field race.

25:49

And we all finish at the exact same time.

25:51

Like some people Excel at certain things.

25:53

I mean, do we need everyone to the first?

25:57

No, no. I think, I think, cause I'm trying to understand more now.

25:59

I think what they're saying is like to, to, to help the people at the very, very bottom, which is very noble, like yeah, no, Let

26:09

them lose, you know, for a fucking reason.

26:17

Great. Moving right along on today's forum.

26:22

My mom's aunt.

26:23

Well, I here let's listen.

26:25

Let's tie it into to mom chat.

26:27

Cause that's that's what this podcast is about is, is mom chat, right?

26:31

So I think as a parent, you go look, kids are not kids.

26:37

Don't come into the world. Racist.

26:39

At least my kids aren't. I don't, as far as I know, I'm never heard my kids delineate so-and-so is this and that color or this and that rate that is taught to you.

26:50

So to teach them at kindergarten level, which is what a lot of people advocate, critical race theory at a very, very young age.

26:58

You're teaching them racism, teaching them that white people are inherently white men.

27:05

Rather when I'm raising two of those white men are inherently, you know, overlords, power, hungry people who just want to exploit and exert their force on you.

27:17

It's like that. That doesn't sound entirely kosher.

27:20

I mean your, your teaching, it sounds, it sounds like reverse racism, but whatever I'd

27:24

actually be interested. Did you hear, I saw a long time ago, there was a study, I think, on, on racism where they had kids just look at like a black kid in a white kid and they're like, which one's bad.

27:33

And like all the kids would like point to the black one every time.

27:37

Do you think? Like just as a mom?

27:39

Cause I think they showed all their moms were like, what?

27:42

Like why would they, I haven't taught them any of those things.

27:45

Do you think that if you gave your kids like piece of paper with a black kid and a white kid on it that he would, either of them would say, I

27:52

don't know. Cause like my kids have known black people.

27:54

We've been we've were, listen, we're pretty fucking multi cultural.

28:00

I don't, I, I mean, and the Sigora household alone, you know, on any given day, there's all types of folks rolling through there.

28:07

Gay people, black people Latins.

28:10

Not, not Jews, but everybody else, no Natasha has been through there.

28:17

I don't know. I don't think so. I'll try. Do you want me to try?

28:21

I think it'd be interesting. I don't know.

28:22

I don't know how to do it on the show, I guess.

28:26

Yeah. We're perfect. So, so, but, but be careful what the experiment is it two boys?

28:29

Is it one boy, one girl, are they the same age?

28:32

They had the same, you know? Yeah. Yeah. The way that they did it and it was cartoons.

28:35

They had like cartoon images of a very like vague, you know, basic little boy with the same hair, same everything, just African-American colored skin and hair.

28:46

And the white kid was like peach with the blonde hair, but it was the exact same model of kid.

28:52

You know what I mean? And it was a white child that would choose the darker skin person every time.

28:57

Oh, even the black kids did like everyone, the black there they're like who, who would be, I don't know, more their worst behavior.

29:04

And all of them pointed to the black kid.

29:07

Let me read about this experiment more and I would gladly replicate it.

29:11

And I'm curious to see at what age that becomes consciously, that starts happening consciously.

29:17

Cause even like Ellis at school is friends with a black little boy and he doesn't refer to him as I be like, how's so-and-so today.

29:26

Oh we know Rick, Rick did this and that.

29:29

And he's never been like, you know, mentioned what, what, what does Rick look like?

29:34

I even asked him before, what does he look like? He's got like darker hair.

29:36

Like he doesn't even, yeah.

29:39

I think that should is taught. That's parents being like the black kids fucking know dude.

29:48

Okay. Do we have any follow-ups from the last And then I want to share a cool photograph of my son.

29:56

Oh. And by the way, if you haven't checked out my rap debut, the mom's song is on YouTube.

30:01

It is on the Y IMH studios.

30:02

You do page Cray.

30:04

Sean and I made a rap video and it's hilarious.

30:08

It's been fun. It's been really silly.

30:10

It's it's fun to see how people receive it.

30:13

How upset some people get.

30:15

It's

30:15

all,

30:15

it's

30:15

all

30:15

in

30:15

the

30:15

name

30:15

of

30:15

fun

30:15

that

30:15

it

30:15

was

30:15

a

30:15

good

30:21

time. Okay. What did I ask for feedback?

30:23

Let's talk. Let's do this. Let's two voicemails.

30:25

Yeah. Hey Christina, this is Katie from North Carolina.

30:29

I'm listening to episode one, 10.

30:30

Someone called in, said they put a fruit roll up on their penis and had a good time.

30:36

And you never going to go towards them.

30:39

Fruit snack route. You might as well have time.

30:42

Just put a couple of Gushers up as asshole.

30:44

That way when you eat a scrum, that Prius is gushing out.

30:47

All right. So you guys Thanks.

30:51

I

30:51

mean,

30:51

I

30:51

don't

30:51

Gushers

30:51

or

30:56

what? Gummy bears.

30:58

Gushers slapped. So what they are, it's like it's it's fruit roll up with like, I mean, I don't with liquid fruit, roll-up in it.

31:06

Just Google it so I can see because I am my, my brain understands fruit roll-up but then the gush, is it like jewels where there's a was gum with a gush in the middle.

31:17

That's like old people. Gum? Yeah. Chew

31:19

ELLs.

31:19

Or

31:19

there

31:19

it

31:19

what's

31:19

the

31:19

middle

31:19

taste

31:19

like,

31:19

oh,

31:26

It tastes like just a liquid version of the outside.

31:28

It's disgusting. No, it's not.

31:30

You put all of it in your mouth and then you just let it all go.

31:32

I can vouch Horrible.

31:34

Yeah. It looks like Childs. Hold on, Children.

31:37

Food. Do you think fruit roll-ups suck too.

31:40

I like the real, the, the old Sunkist ones.

31:42

Oh my God. Those are talking about like 70 year old candy.

31:45

Those are Jamming on the one.

31:47

You like the fruit, leather, fruit, Fruit,

31:49

probably the worst named food in the world is fruit.

31:54

Leather. It's disgusting.

31:55

That's from tr traders.

31:57

Joe has fruit. Leather. I like that one.

32:01

Yeah. You can't go. I don't think there's anything that sucks at trader Joe.

32:03

Do we have creators Joe in Texas?

32:07

I think they just call it all these out here.

32:09

There's

32:09

a

32:09

trader

32:09

Joe's

32:09

out

32:12

here. All right. Confirm. Danny says there's trader Joe's.

32:14

Oh, here's a re this one's pretty fascinating.

32:16

Oh, you guys are gonna like the way I look on this email.

32:19

Hey

32:19

mommy,

32:19

you

32:19

mentioned

32:19

Alpine

32:19

village

32:19

being

32:19

a

32:19

go

32:19

go

32:19

to

32:19

Alpine

32:19

village

32:19

is

32:19

a

32:19

village

32:19

in

32:19

outside

32:19

of

32:19

LA

32:29

county. You can go and celebrate October Fest out.

32:32

I used to go there with my dad every year and my cousins and they would just get ripped and let us run around and potentially kidnapped or molested for the entire day.

32:41

I

32:41

was

32:41

there

32:44

too. This person writes Dottie.

32:45

Well, that's a German name. I was there too.

32:47

Probably the same ears. You are also there used to be a place called Busch gardens.

32:52

They used to take us to and let us run around while they had their beer table.

32:56

I have too many stories.

32:58

You know, that that is an old school parent thing that you would get together with a bunch of peeps.

33:04

And then, I mean, we had free range.

33:06

We pre-arranged free rain, free rain.

33:09

We just ran around and caused havoc and surprisingly nothing happened now.

33:13

Did you guys have that sort of freedom?

33:15

Hell yeah. Dude. Every Yom Kippor that have, you know, they'd stay in for the long prayers and then the kids would go out and just run laps and play tag and shit.

33:23

Yeah. Was it at a public restaurant or a public place or this is somebody's home.

33:29

I mean, it was like at a synagogue parking lot.

33:33

Yeah. And there was a Hungarian church too.

33:36

We do the same thing. You just run wild dude.

33:38

Cars could hit you. Yeah, dude.

33:40

So fucking well. Okay.

33:42

My family knew the ladies at the German store in Woodland Hills.

33:46

What up that's I know this story.

33:49

So I grew up going to this store. It's called German cold cuts.

33:52

That's all. It's called German cold cuts.

33:55

It's behind. It used to be behind a Carpentaria.

33:57

My mom's name was Bridget and I remember one of the main women that worked there had a similar name.

34:03

Anyhow. Thanks for making me laugh. There you go.

34:05

Yeah. The German story spent many, many, many days going to buying sausage with my dad and buying fake cigarettes from buying them chocolate cigarettes to learn to smoke on later in life.

34:15

It was really good. Good shit.

34:16

Good shit guys.

34:18

So that's a follow-up I also, okay.

34:21

Let me just try my hand sanitizer fucking stupid.

34:25

There's a fucking stupid.

34:27

Do

34:27

you

34:27

ever

34:27

do

34:30

that? Is that how you talk yourself?

34:31

I know fucking dumb Fucking

34:35

dumb idiot. Fuck is wrong with you.

34:37

God, I

34:41

like saying that to people when they asked me why I did something stupid.

34:43

When you say, because I'm a fucking idiot.

34:45

That's why fucking piece of shit.

34:47

Cause I'm stupid. That's why I did it.

34:50

Why else?

34:53

I don't give a fuck. Cause I'm stupid. Where's that from Goodfellas?

34:57

I don't give a fuck because I don't give a fuck because I'm stupid like that.

35:01

And I'll go back to jail Because I'm stupid.

35:08

When I come out, you know what I'm going to do? I'm not come right back here and bash your fucking face.

35:12

Yeah. Cause I don't give a fuck about jail.

35:14

All right.

35:17

Speaking of shows You,

35:18

what, What

35:20

have you seen it?

35:22

Have You, oh, I'm such an idiot.

35:27

I'm like you I'm like third season.

35:29

What? Dip shit.

35:29

Who's

35:29

on

35:32

first. Oh fucking idiot.

35:34

He fucked. So stupid.

35:35

I have, I'm waiting for Tom.

35:38

That's his favorite show.

35:39

So tonight we're going to start.

35:42

Hopefully we'll see.

35:44

I'm super. I'm stoked, dude.

35:46

I love that show.

35:48

Yeah. Yeah. I watched, I watched all the way through.

35:50

It was worth, it Just

35:52

dropped like two Days ago. Now I've binged it all in a night and a half And

35:56

it doesn't hold up till the other two seasons.

35:58

It's Definitely,

36:00

I don't want to say anything to them.

36:02

It's it's different. Like, it doesn't feel different, but, but it's, it's new twists and turns and turns.

36:11

The only thing that I'll say that, I think doesn't, it doesn't say anything is you start to question like what sparks that thing in his head when he sees like, you know, a new girl or whatever.

36:23

And he's like, oh wait a minute.

36:24

You, I see you bagging your groceries or whatever the fuck.

36:29

Like. I mean, at the, I guess I can't, I guess I can just start the question.

36:34

Just like, what the fuck. So what does that spark for you?

36:36

Just like you, you have a hair and ears.

36:39

Oh my God.

36:41

I'm doing it all over again.

36:43

Like what, what got you there?

36:45

Why are you having an organism?

36:48

You still fucking dumb, stupid, stupid Padgett, Badgley, whatever his name is.

36:53

Padgett. Badgley. What a name?

36:55

That's like that Cumberbatch.

36:56

Thumb bourbon was his fucking name.

36:59

Thunder batch.

37:00

Cumberbun snatching cumbersome, cumbersome.

37:06

And then a shitter batch or something like that.

37:15

Cucumber badge. I man, I tried watching that show that he's in what sense?

37:20

That show called. It's another name now.

37:24

Now he known though it's some show it another.

37:30

Yeah. It's another name. The show is called, like Peter Tisdale or like one of those?

37:36

Nope. It's about him being molested as a kid.

37:38

And I was like, oh God, I can't watch things where children are being tortured.

37:43

I'm just like, ah, yeah.

37:45

I don't know why people love stuff where white people are torturing other people.

37:50

Okay. So you're watching game of Thrones.

37:52

That's different Because it's a period piece.

37:54

You're like, we're not like that anymore.

37:55

Well It's first of all, it's not, it's not a real time in history and adopt because there are dragons and magic and stuff.

38:03

Unless you think that there was dragons and magic in the medieval period.

38:06

I mean back then when that show was filmed.

38:08

Sure.

38:11

You think they went back in time and filmed.

38:12

It's a period Piece. We don't dress like that.

38:15

It's

38:15

the

38:15

time

38:15

of

38:21

Kings. There's No more Kings. I want to be a dragon.

38:23

Would you rather have a dragon or be a vampire?

38:28

Be a dragon or Be a van? No, have a dragon.

38:32

Okay. Wait. And the dragon listens to me and stuff.

38:35

Yeah. You stupid idiot. Listen, the dragon Now

38:39

is the dragon obedient.

38:41

Just kind of go off on his own sometimes then like kinda like It's

38:45

like the game of Thrones where she's the mother of dragons.

38:48

You're the father of dragon and you birth them through your asshole and then they listen to you and you train Them.

38:52

That's not how they get burned.

38:54

She birthed them. She births them in the fire.

38:57

Don't you remember? And she know her vag, but you don't have a veg cause your boy I

39:04

could probably shove it Out of. Okay. So then you burst the dragon out of your pee hole and it listens to you.

39:09

Cause you're it's mommy.

39:11

Yeah. I'll take That. Okay. You guys are not even listening to the question.

39:14

We're not taking this seriously, Christina,

39:18

Would you rather get vampire?

39:20

Because when you're a vampire, you can't see yourself in the mirror.

39:23

Right? So I, well I don't know like what happened?

39:26

What if I have something on my Face?

39:27

Oh my God. You're so dumb. And he would tell you.

39:31

Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah.

39:33

Okay. So in this scenario, me and Annie are vampire roommates.

39:37

This scenario, any and I are ramp higher for me.

39:40

That's what you got hung up on.

39:46

Okay.

39:46

Let's

39:46

do

39:46

what,

39:46

what

39:46

Christine

39:46

and

39:46

P

39:46

do

39:46

I

39:46

have

39:46

a

39:46

really

39:46

good

39:46

email

39:46

and

39:46

I

39:46

can

39:46

actually

39:46

speak

39:46

to

39:46

this

39:56

topic. So first time parent just found out Questions

39:59

to fuck Christina, This

40:08

new self chastising. It's really fun.

40:10

We Keep doing this.

40:12

Yeah, me too.

40:13

Is

40:13

there

40:13

a

40:13

new

40:20

segment? Why are we so fucking stupid? Why am I so fucking dumb?

40:23

Fucking stupid. I think that's called the effect.

40:25

I think that's just renamed.

40:29

Yeah. Rob Isler. Just sweetened that up.

40:32

Okay.

40:36

Oh, so you're saying he had thoughts. He just like, God, why am I so fucking?

40:39

I was like, oh, we should call this.

40:41

Literally. He's like, yeah. Instead of being like, why am I such a dummy call it something positive, Bitch.

40:49

Dumb.

40:51

Okay. It says, Hey Christine, I just found out.

40:56

I'm expecting my first hooray.

40:58

Congratulations. What do, what do I do now?

41:00

How do I know what I need for the baby?

41:03

And what is nonsense? How am I supposed to know how to take care of the baby?

41:07

As it develops? What are some good resources or tips for learning how to care for a human?

41:11

I want to raise a kind child, but not a pussy.

41:13

Please

41:13

tell

41:13

me

41:13

what

41:13

to

41:16

do. Piss on me. Be me, Lindsey. You got it, Lindsay.

41:18

Now here's the deal.

41:19

I'm super stoked that you're even asking this question because I think a lot of us go into parenthood without a formulated theory or a formulated philosophy of parenthood.

41:29

I know it's damn near impossible because you're not there.

41:32

But I would invite you now to take the next few months, as you're sitting there, just dating this human to think about what, what would it look like for you to raise somebody with what, with what values, what do you stand for?

41:46

And I think, I think that's really, really important to figure out as a human being, what you stand for.

41:51

And more importantly, what would you teach somebody to make that person resilient and ready for this world we live in because look, all these fucking snowflakes can try and make everything, you know, a safe space and make everybody fucking seen and heard it just doesn't go like that.

42:08

And we all know that, but what you can do, and here's my philosophy of parenting is number one, resilience.

42:14

I believe in cultivating that I believe in teaching them the re not, not at a young age, obviously what the realities are, but how to rise to occasions and not crumble to the world and not, not be afraid of the world and also to feel feelings, which is something I struggle with and to, you know, live a full life.

42:33

A lot of people say, I just want my kids to be happy.

42:35

What the fuck does that mean?

42:37

Happiness is the most narrow, shallow, and, and meaningless thing in the world.

42:46

Why? Because I can buy a person, be happy for five minutes and then I'm onto the next thing.

42:49

Happiness is fleeting.

42:50

You need to have, I think, bigger, bigger values that underline happiness, for instance, meaningful work, finding meaning, finding purpose.

43:00

So when people see you, Mary keeps me happy.

43:02

They're going to be happy. I was happy when I was dirt, poor and confused as shit in my twenties.

43:07

I'm happy now as a successful ish, human, right?

43:11

I'm still a work in progress.

43:13

So that's a stupid goal.

43:15

So think about what it is what's important to you and how you will teach that and how you will cultivate that rain

43:22

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43:24

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43:30

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43:31

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43:34

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43:39

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43:43

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44:33

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44:40

You know, I love match three games.

44:42

You know, that can be a lot of fun, but it seems like most of them are the same, the themes, the characters change, but overall, it's the same boring format until no switch craft.

44:54

I love it. You know why it's witchy?

44:56

It's dark. It's magical.

44:58

It's all the things I love.

45:01

It is compelling, compelling, compelling.

45:04

It is compelling playing there's storytelling involved and it keeps you on the edge of your seat.

45:12

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45:15

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45:22

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45:30

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45:33

I think it's so much more exciting than like they said, just the boring, old match three games.

45:37

And I like magic.

45:39

And I like how, you know, fantastical.

45:41

It all is. I like the way the characters look too.

45:44

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45:47

Download, switch craft for free and unlock the magical mystery.

45:53

Okay. Some practical stuff. For those of you that are pregnant, ask somebody that just had a baby for an Amazon list of items to buy.

46:00

They change every few years, but number one, a wiper warmer.

46:04

Trust me, it sounds crazy.

46:06

A wiper warmer.

46:08

You get that on Amazon.

46:09

You put the wipes in there, it warms it up.

46:11

And it's so much nicer on the tushie, especially on a newborn Toshi.

46:14

This was the grass, the best gift.

46:17

Greg Fitzsimmons gave this to us.

46:19

And I buy these for people every single time.

46:22

And they have a little light that glows so that the kid gets a glow on there.

46:26

The munchkin one is really good. I like munchkin brand.

46:29

That's always good. All our munchkin stuff has been outstanding for me.

46:33

A diaper pail do not get the diaper genie that is disgusting.

46:36

The diaper genie makes you cut the bag and then tie it and there's shit everywhere.

46:43

And you'll get shit on your hands.

46:44

Get the munchkin diaper pail.

46:46

That is a banger.

46:47

Get

46:47

a

46:47

dresser

46:47

with

46:47

the

46:47

changing

46:47

table

46:47

on

46:47

it

46:47

so

46:47

that

46:47

when

46:47

the

46:47

kid's

46:47

done

46:47

with

46:47

diapers,

46:47

you

46:47

can

46:47

still

46:47

use

46:47

the

46:54

dresser. So don't buy a separate change, a table and a dresser.

46:57

That's, that's a huge one.

46:59

Buy a crib that can turn into a toddler bed later and also ordered the crib and advanced.

47:04

Those should take like two months before they show up at your door homey.

47:07

So don't wait until you're fucking nine months pregnant to start putting your nursery together.

47:11

Start that shit at the beginning of your second trimester, because you will be too tired and your third trimester to do things like put a nursery together.

47:19

So put that nursery together and your second trimester and read the books on sleep training.

47:25

Now, before that baby comes out of you girl, cause once that baby's out, you're going to be too motherfucking tired to read.

47:32

And you're going to, you're going to your soul out of your mind that you won't be able to think so you're going to sleep, train your kid.

47:38

I don't think it's the devil.

47:40

There's gentle ways to do it. There is a book called the sleep easy solution.

47:44

It is tiny. It is intuitive.

47:46

It is easy. Everybody handed this book to me when I had my baby, right, my first baby.

47:51

And I use it again on the second, the sleep easy solution also had the happiest baby on the block as a huge, great, great resource for a newborns.

47:59

So

47:59

that's

47:59

the

47:59

newborn

48:02

phase. And then you're going to read a book by Tracy hog.

48:05

Is it Tracy hog?

48:07

I read this and this was fantastic secrets of the baby.

48:11

Whisper. Tracy hog is a, an English woman and she's specializes in babies.

48:16

She'll help you identify what the temperament of your baby is.

48:20

And then she'll help you formulate a schedule.

48:22

I'm a firm believer in schedules for babies, for children, for everybody.

48:26

That way, baby has, you know, they know what to expect and you get downtime.

48:31

You get nap time. You get, you know, everybody's needs.

48:34

Get more met that way. If you put that baby on a schedule, Dr.

48:38

Spock, I like him. I know he's OJI.

48:40

Read the book called the first two years.

48:43

I found that to be very helpful.

48:44

Oh, and I liked bringing up bay bay.

48:47

That's a woman who spent some time in France and wrote about how the French bring up their children.

48:52

Bullshit a lot of it.

48:55

But I like it in terms of being a guide post for goals, squad goals.

49:00

What is it aspirations as they say, cause I do like the European, some of the European way of raising kids.

49:07

I think they're fucking that that creates resilience.

49:09

I think the way Europeans do shit a little bit.

49:11

Other than that.

49:13

Oh, a motherfucker.

49:14

Think about birth plan for the birth.

49:17

I foolishly never took a Lamaze class.

49:20

I never really read about birthing.

49:21

Cause I was convinced that I would have a C-section, which they told me I would, I went into labor anyways, and then I had to give birth vaginally.

49:30

Didn't know how didn't wasn't prepared and was I was an idiot.

49:33

So take some kind of a class to prepare yourself emotionally.

49:36

If not, it's not, you're not going to have to learn everything from these classes.

49:39

But what it does is prepare you emotionally, psychologically and yeah.

49:44

Nest, clean your house, get your house right.

49:47

Do everything. Now. Now, now don't wait until that kid is more.

49:50

If you want to move you move, move. Now don't move after the baby comes and there you go.

49:55

Potty training. Oh, here we go. I need help.

49:57

I'm the mom of two boys and his a couple of months ago, hold on me and we have a 20 month old and a two and a half month old.

50:05

Holy shit. Our first boy likes to run around and strip his diaper off while I'm breastfeeding.

50:09

Our second boy of all Comey times and play with his peepee.

50:14

Any tricks to help him learn, to keep his PB alone.

50:17

We haven't officially started potty training.

50:19

I don't know where to start because he can't really communicate besides occasionally grabbing the diaper that he needs to use the potty.

50:25

How did you through the stage also, is there any trick to raising two boys close in age, aside from a good pair of tennis shoes and a lifetime supply of those IVs, Tom numbered talked about, you got to Jackie, so you have a 20 month old and a two and a half month old.

50:37

So I think you specify these are both boys.

50:40

Yeah. So I think there's a lot of pressure on parents to potty train their children.

50:46

I don't know why.

50:48

I don't know what this preoccupation is with.

50:52

Like they have to be potty. I mean, maybe you're trying to get them into daycare in which case that I just send them to daycare, not potty trained and I let the teacher complain.

51:03

Yeah. So like there's a dirty little secret and daycares, you know, preschool, whatever they're like, oh, your kid has to be toilet trained.

51:11

Like kind of like as long as your kid is kind of halfway there, you can get away with it in preschool.

51:18

It's true.

51:19

It's true. As long as they cash their cash, your check it's, you know, wipe his fucking ass from paying you for.

51:26

So a 20 month old is really young for toys, especially with boys, for whatever reason, boys take a little bit longer with that stuff.

51:36

I'm always of the belief that look, he's not going to be 40 and shifting into a diaper.

51:40

So, and in fact I would argue that diapers are fucking awesome and then they are awesome.

51:47

It's when you get into toilet training, then it's tricky.

51:50

So if you can let it ride, that kid will let you know when it's time for them to stop wearing the diaper.

51:56

You'll notice them hiding when they go poop.

52:00

That's a sign that they're ready to use a toilet.

52:02

Like they want privacy.

52:03

You'll notice they, I remember one time with Ellis.

52:06

We kept it. We bought the tiny, portable toilet and encouraged him to go pee in there.

52:11

Encourage it. You want to try? You want to try?

52:14

No. Okay. Don't push it. Just don't push it.

52:17

Let them go. Eventually they're going to do it in the toilet.

52:19

You praise them. Wow. That's amazing.

52:21

And then they're going to regress. They're going to want to wear the diaper.

52:23

They're going to want to and then eventually you go, okay, today's the day we're taking away diapers.

52:29

We're going to graduate two big boy underwear.

52:31

Yay. And you make a big deal out of it. And they pick out their underwear and then you don't go back to diapers during the day.

52:36

You only wear a night diaper. Now the night diaper they're going to wear for at least maybe four years old until they can hold their pee overnight.

52:43

Cause physically physiologically.

52:45

They can't hold P boys, especially.

52:47

So there, my advice to you is let them lead.

52:50

You look for their cues. You cannot force this shit.

52:53

Both of my boys, even Julian, he's three.

52:55

Now he, he still likes to poop in his diaper.

52:59

I got to go pool, give me the diaper.

53:01

Do you want to try the toilet now?

53:02

And then some days he only wants to use the toilet.

53:04

So listen again, he's not going to be 40 and using a diaper.

53:08

So just like, oh, and in terms of, yeah, the penis touching like that, that they do that from the minute they come out to you.

53:15

And what have we do tell the boys, which is very useful as you can touch your penis.

53:18

First of all, you say, this is what I say to them.

53:20

I asked them who can touch your penis?

53:22

And they say, me mom, dad, and the doctor.

53:26

Exactly. Where can you touch your penis in my bedroom?

53:29

Okay. That's it. So if you see them on the couch with, you know, touching their junk, which they do, you say, where's it, where's the appropriate place to touch your penis in our room.

53:38

Okay. Also who can touch your penis and then you drill them, Drill

53:43

it In a hundred percent.

53:45

A hundred fucking percent.

53:46

Yes, absolutely. So that it's not weird when it happens, you know, you, you tell them, so don't officially start potty training and just yo you know, what really helped for me is to read them books about it.

53:59

I hate Elmo. I hate him with everything inside of me, but there's a great potty training book where you, they can push the buttons and hear the sound, the toilet flushing, and walk them through that.

54:11

That really helped Ellis and Julian around that age, 21 months, you start reading it to them.

54:16

Hey, so what happens? You feel like you have to go great.

54:20

Let's go to the bathroom. What happens?

54:22

Oh, you, you sit down on the toilet, you, you know, do your business.

54:25

And then, and also tell them what they do on the toilet.

54:28

I find these books are so sterile.

54:30

Elmo just magically goes in the bathroom and then he's wiping.

54:34

It's like, well, what does he do on the toilet?

54:36

Tell the kid, you, you make poopoo.

54:38

You make PP that comes out of you because the kid is afraid of losing something of themselves.

54:43

That's what they're grappling with.

54:45

They can't understand why something so precious as their, their pee or their poo is being flushed on the toilet.

54:50

Right? It's a part of them. So they're saying goodbye to something that's precious to them.

54:54

So once you let them say, pooping is great.

54:56

Also don't be neurotic.

54:58

But you know, I, I, I always tell them, pooping is great.

55:02

Oh, you made a poopy. This is fantastic.

55:04

Pooping is the best thing in the there. I love your poopy.

55:06

I love it. Great. And then they really like it.

55:09

Yeah. Take another shit. You're the best dumper in the house.

55:11

I tell them both my way. You guys are the best dumpers, the best eaters, the best dumpers.

55:15

And they sure are. Boy, we, we, pooping is great in my house.

55:18

We do really good today. Ask You

55:20

who's the, who's the best Dumper.

55:22

Yeah. Ellis has always like, am I the best at it?

55:24

And I'm like, you are actually, Ellis is the best dumper in the house.

55:27

This kid like clockwork every night at seven 30.

55:30

And then again, sometimes it's 7 45, 2 shifts.

55:34

Massive. Back-to-back like clockwork.

55:37

Now I may, may, maybe he was constipated three times in his baby life.

55:42

The kid is just same what?

55:44

Julian? Julian's got a good, good poop shoot on him too.

55:48

Did they, do they start asking you yet?

55:49

Who who's your Favorite

55:51

or what?

55:54

Sorry, what? I don't think I heard you, right? What'd you say?

55:56

No, I just, I thought I heard you say something.

55:58

Oh, what'd you think? I said that the black people are evil when did they start asking that?

56:04

I think you're hearing what you want to Hear.

56:06

Okay. Where are you going to say? All I know is I heard it Loud and clear that I heard someone Said

56:11

yeah, Kind

56:14

of. So weird enough.

56:15

Where

56:15

are

56:15

you

56:15

going

56:15

to

56:19

say? I ask you who your favorite is.

56:23

Yeah. Ellis does.

56:25

Do you actually give them any, like, do you give them the legit answer?

56:29

Like you're both my favorite.

56:31

You're both my favorite. You guys are the best.

56:32

Well,

56:32

cause

56:32

I

56:32

don't

56:32

have

56:32

a

56:35

favorite. I think I have a favorite developmental age, but they're both so special in their own ways.

56:41

You can't compare your children.

56:42

I think you can't. Cause they're just, they're rad in different ways.

56:46

I like different things about them. They're so different.

56:48

That's Interesting. My mom had a different approach.

56:53

Well, who did she like the best?

56:56

She just told whoever asked her, Hey, who's your favorite jewelry say?

56:59

Oh, of course. It's you? Oh, that's Terrible.

57:01

Yeah. Cause then I think in college I realized that's when I realized that she said that to all my siblings.

57:06

I was like, oh you mother.

57:08

Yeah. That's not nice. That feels like betrayal, huh?

57:11

Sure Does. Yeah.

57:19

Nadav you're my favorite.

57:22

You fucking liar. You fucking thumb liar.

57:25

You stupid bitch.

57:25

Fucking

57:25

dumb

57:28

liar.

57:28

Dumb

57:28

bitch

57:30

liar.

57:30

So,

57:30

so

57:30

since

57:30

you're

57:30

my

57:30

favorite

57:30

and

57:30

dive,

57:30

let's

57:30

do

57:30

some

57:30

Biedrzycki

57:38

effects. You said that you had a great one.

57:41

Let's hear this. Oh my God.

57:43

I live for these.

57:45

These are called you dumb fucking bitches, Fucking

57:48

idiot. So I'm 33 years old.

57:51

And I just learned, I want to say three nights ago, four nights ago that if I want an ice cube in my drink, that instead of going to the freezer and palming an ice cube and taking it across the living room, into my cup, I could just take my cup to the freezer and put my cubes in over there.

58:12

Cause my entire life, like I remember having family dinners and being like, Hey, I'm going to go get some ice.

58:20

Anyone want some? And some will be like, yeah. And then I would just come palming two handfuls of ice and I'll be like, who wants it?

58:27

And I'll just like put it into like different.

58:31

And nobody went, nobody thought to question your methods like, Hey, your hands are dirty.

58:36

Well, you see Christina, I come from a big old family of dumb fucking idiots.

58:39

So I think we all did it like that.

58:42

I think they're just stoked that somebody was getting the ice.

58:44

They're like, thank God. At least I don't have The

58:47

youngest kid with the dirtiest hands on the phone.

58:51

I know. And I feel like I've done a version of this too, where you just, yeah.

58:54

Or like I did this the other day.

58:56

I have an ice cube tray, but then I'll walk my glass up to it and then still Palm it and put it in like, what am I?

59:04

Then it drops. And then that's on the floor.

59:05

And then it, you know, melts.

59:07

Who's going to pick that.

59:10

I don't know why you're doing this thing where like you almost figure out the position, key effect, but you're not quite there.

59:17

Like dumb fucking idiot, Still

59:19

dumb fucking it. You're still dumb.

59:21

Fuck stupid right now.

59:22

All you, they make fucking like trays for this shit.

59:27

You know? Like the ice cube tray thing, get the ice cube thing.

59:32

And then you could bring that to your left.

59:35

Wait a minute. But listen, no, you have to what, What,

59:37

what is this? You gotta, you gotta get it out of the tray, this little move.

59:40

And then it pops out and then you go, you flip it upside down.

59:45

And then a lot of it stays on your forearm.

59:47

Right? You use your forum to stop all the other ones from falling out.

59:50

And then like the ones on the last ones fall into your Palm.

59:52

And then you take that across the room.

59:56

Wait,

59:58

What's hard to understand the dumb fucking idiot.

1:00:03

You're grabbing this ice strum from a tray, right.

1:00:06

That you could like scoop into, into.

1:00:09

Yeah. Like what, what is the tray that you're good at getting this ice out of?

1:00:12

It's like it's either plastic or silicone.

1:00:14

So you have to like wiggle it to get some Cute.

1:00:16

Talking about the thing with the ice cube slots in it.

1:00:18

Sure. I got both the tray tray, but there's also oh, but then there's also the automatic ice maker.

1:00:25

But hold on guys, hold on. There's no good way to get those cubes out of the tray.

1:00:30

Like you have to crack it. Like you turn it, you twist it and then they loosen.

1:00:34

And then what the fuck do you do with all that?

1:00:37

You use your forearm to keep it inside the tray.

1:00:42

So th this system is flawed. This ice cube system.

1:00:44

It's Not good every time.

1:00:47

Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I thought you were talking about a tray.

1:00:51

Cause I thought you said I would take my cup to the tray then and then like scoop out the ice that I need.

1:00:56

I thought that's what A new apartment.

1:00:57

This is the first time I have an automatic ice maker.

1:00:59

So yeah, I'm still kind of learning things.

1:01:03

Get a, get an ice cube, tray like a scooper And

1:01:07

the ice tray and the ice like maker place.

1:01:09

And then it just stays in the freezer.

1:01:12

It stays wherever you want to put it. I wouldn't leave it in the freezer because now it's going to be cold to the touch and you have run into the same problem.

1:01:18

So now I need to just need to have like a scooper. That's not in the freezer, but it's only for the freezer.

1:01:22

Yes, It's

1:01:25

too Fancy. Oh my God. Christina, can you back me up here?

1:01:28

Isn't that too fancy. Sorry. I tuned out.

1:01:29

I'm

1:01:29

reading

1:01:29

about

1:01:29

this

1:01:29

avocado

1:01:29

thing

1:01:29

is

1:01:29

pretty

1:01:36

cool. Hold on.

1:01:38

This is kind of major.

1:01:39

Oh my God. Oh my God.

1:01:41

Oh

1:01:41

my

1:01:48

God. This didn't occur to me.

1:01:49

Oh yay. Hi mommy.

1:01:51

I love avocado and always find these great healthy recipes for lunches that contain avocado.

1:01:57

I work in retail and have always been concerned about the avocado turning brown during the first half of the day.

1:02:03

So hadn't ever tried them.

1:02:06

Then I realized that I'm an adult.

1:02:08

I'm not in high school and will not get in trouble for having a small knife in my locker to quote jailbreak the avocado.

1:02:16

Oh

1:02:16

my

1:02:19

God.

1:02:19

My

1:02:19

logger

1:02:19

to

1:02:19

open

1:02:19

the

1:02:19

avocado,

1:02:19

remove

1:02:19

the

1:02:19

pit

1:02:19

and

1:02:27

enjoy. I then wash the knife in the break room sink and put it back in the locker.

1:02:30

So I don't have to remember it every day. Now that's a two-fold process there.

1:02:34

The fact that she's smart enough to put it back in the locker.

1:02:39

Now it'll be a stupid fuck. And then put it, take it home every night.

1:02:46

Now she's working smarter. Not Harder. I love Sarah.

1:02:48

You're a genius.

1:02:49

Oh my God.

1:02:51

Like I never that seriously. This is, this is why I don't bring avocados places.

1:02:54

Cause I'm like, yeah, but then it's going to be all brown and mush fucking hell such a retard.

1:03:05

Okay.

1:03:05

I'm

1:03:05

going

1:03:05

to

1:03:05

do

1:03:10

voicemail. Palicki effect voicemail.

1:03:11

God fucking dumb Hygiene.

1:03:17

My name is Anthony and I have a Pugin every day.

1:03:21

Halfway through my shift at work. I wish I had a sucky coffee.

1:03:24

I just provides today. I can buy two.

1:03:27

I'm a fucking idiot.

1:03:29

Just wanted to share that with you and share my revelation for all the entertainment and keep them high and tight, Stupid

1:03:38

idiot, duh.

1:03:39

Well, that's interesting.

1:03:41

And you're like, I can just buy another one.

1:03:43

Like I can, you can. Here's an interesting thought.

1:03:46

And I just had this revelation too.

1:03:47

I can drink coffee all times at all times.

1:03:51

Any time is a time I can drink coffee.

1:03:55

Right. And I also realized like I was staying in this hotel and I realized that, oh, there was an espresso, I'm sorry, espresso machine in the, in the fucking hotel room.

1:04:05

And I was like, oh my God, this is everything I've wanted because I don't like to drink all that milk in the afternoon.

1:04:10

Then I like, I like milk in my coffee in the morning, but in the afternoon, I just want the espresso espresso shot.

1:04:15

So now I do that milk in the morning, espresso boom took me fucking 45 years to figure that out.

1:04:23

They don't have to drink all the milk. You just drink the espresso.

1:04:26

You're like, I really want that caffeine, but I don't know if I could do Milk

1:04:29

in here. I don't want milk at three, 3:00 PM.

1:04:31

It's disgusting. I think that's why Europeans drink that in the afternoon with nothing in it.

1:04:35

Just a shot of espresso just to get you through the afternoon.

1:04:38

You know what I'm saying?

1:04:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:04:45

I have two images I'd like to share with you guys.

1:04:48

Can you play that last thing written there?

1:04:52

That this is F N wild bro.

1:04:57

Hams, look at that snake in the bathtub.

1:05:00

Oh, this is so funny. So I'm on the nextdoor app in my neighborhood, Texas.

1:05:04

Next door is significantly different than California next door.

1:05:09

Okay. This is an example of the shit that I see.

1:05:12

Cause we just have wildlife everywhere.

1:05:14

Snake in the bathtub, help identify.

1:05:17

Does anyone know what type of snake this is?

1:05:20

It joined our toddlers bath on Sunday Eve in parentheses.

1:05:24

We're thinking rat snake, but would love to know for sure.

1:05:28

Like what a calm, what a calm caption for that.

1:05:34

Right? Like if this was in my kid's tub, I would be freaking and I even have this toy in our tub.

1:05:39

So like, this is horrible.

1:05:41

I don't know how a snake does a snake crawl up the drain.

1:05:45

Is

1:05:45

that

1:05:45

what's

1:05:45

happening

1:05:48

bro? I don't know how that gets in.

1:05:51

I don't like it. Snakes in outside.

1:05:55

Yeah. Rattle. Yeah. Or rattlesnake wait rattler.

1:05:58

No, no, I'm sorry. I lied. It's not a rattlesnake, but we, yeah, we found a couple of snakes.

1:06:03

Cause what happens in the summertime is they big when the sun goes down, they'll come to your patio where it's cooler and they cool off in the shade and they stay there.

1:06:13

Yeah. But I think, I don't think they're, I don't think there were poisonous.

1:06:16

We'd have scorpions too.

1:06:18

So like I don't walk around barefoot.

1:06:19

Don't walk around barefoot.

1:06:21

There's scorpions in Texas.

1:06:22

Yo dog.

1:06:24

Yeah. It's the desert. We live in the desert.

1:06:26

No

1:06:29

dog. We got all kinds of shit.

1:06:31

This is a jungle. It's like this climate we live in is it's it's essentially the beginning of the south and the end of the desert, which is why Austin is a unique landscape.

1:06:43

Yeah. Wikipedia that shit. I read about it.

1:06:45

I'm like, how is it so green? We're in the middle of Texas and it's green.

1:06:48

I think it rains. How is that possible?

1:06:51

Yeah. It's this bizarro climate. So it's like a jungle we live in.

1:06:54

It's fucking weird.

1:06:55

All right. I also want to share this photograph of you.

1:06:59

I was laying down at any time.

1:07:01

If you know, you have children, anytime you lay down, you are prone to being jumped on, kicked, stepped on having your hair pulled or you know, they put snacks on you.

1:07:16

I'm wanting to show this picture.

1:07:17

So

1:07:17

this

1:07:17

is

1:07:17

what

1:07:17

Ellis

1:07:17

did

1:07:17

to

1:07:22

me. Those are two slices of cheese on my tits and Ritz crackers over my eyes.

1:07:28

And this is me.

1:07:30

Julian's laying next to me and Ellis did this and I thought, oh, this is such a great picture.

1:07:34

Let's take a picture. And that was me on let's think Saturday or Friday or something, just hanging with the kids.

1:07:40

How long did you have those on for?

1:07:42

Not very, just until the picture is taken.

1:07:45

And then I took off the crackers and there's all the salt and crumbs in my eyes.

1:07:50

I was like, ah, I was a bad idea.

1:07:51

I get all it crummy the crumbs out of my eyes.

1:07:55

So done good times.

1:07:57

But I liked this picture. I like how it looks against my orange dress.

1:08:02

It's kind of cool. Right? Yeah. That's right.

1:08:04

You know, that's a new default. It's artistic.

1:08:06

It is my new default on my Instagram actually.

1:08:08

Really incredible, incredible, amazing excite.

1:08:12

So there you go.

1:08:14

I love you.

1:08:16

I love you. I you're special to me.

1:08:19

I'm just saying what I think. I need to hear myself say stupid bitch.

1:08:29

Yeah. Anything else to add booth boys.

1:08:30

Anything you can think of?

1:08:32

Just you're good enough. You're smart enough people like you.

1:08:35

They do. They do.

1:08:37

They like you.

1:08:40

Okay. I love you. Come see me. Do you stand up live?

1:08:41

If, if you haven't already Christina P online.com for tickets.

1:08:45

Thank you for watching the show. Please subscribe on YouTube so that you get notified.

1:08:50

Every time a video drops.

1:08:51

Oh, look at this. I wanted to show this to you guys.

1:08:54

I brought this in. Oh, if you want to leave me a voicemail, 2 1 3, 3 7 5 5 1 8 4.

1:08:58

Or email me where my mom's [email protected].

1:09:00

I

1:09:00

look,

1:09:00

I

1:09:00

love

1:09:00

your

1:09:03

comments. I love your stories. I love anything you have.

1:09:05

So this was made originally. This is the cool mom, a Fanny pack prototype.

1:09:10

This is hand cool.

1:09:11

Isn't this great crocheted.

1:09:13

And I wear this proudly around, around town.

1:09:17

It's really good bags.

1:09:18

Yeah, it's really cool.

1:09:21

I wish you can mass produce these, you know, the crocheting because this is the extra not cool is crucial.

1:09:28

Super rad.

1:09:30

Okay guys, I love you until next time.

1:09:33

Stay cool moms. Bye.

1:09:35

And my mom's where my mom's at, where my mom's wearing a Tonkin bonds at raising kids.

1:09:40

Cleaning shifts need a long naps when my mom's way, my mom's where my mom's at.

1:09:44

My mom's All right, Jean, are you ready to become heavy? And Hummish alibi shush stain. My mom's way. My mom's where my mom's at, where my mom's Ma'am and ma'am I'm a man and my man now, thanks to everybody who came out to Denver. Five sold out shows fucking bananas. It re it reignites my faith in humanity. I love Denver. Ah, rolling along November 4th, Raleigh, North Carolina, Charlie. Good nights. And then Atlanta, November 19th through 20th at the punchline wise guys, salt lake city, Pooh ton of ever 26 through 28, LOL comedy clubs, San Antonio, LOL fucking hell. And then Orlando improv in December and dudes. I mean, pretty soon I'm going to announce something so fucking amazing and miraculousness, and my tits are going to explode and you're just going to get love it. But I can't, I can't, I can't yet. Anyway, next year, it's going to be a bigger tour. And I'll, if I haven't seen you on this round, I'm going to see you in 2022, June, a lot of Florida, we're doing, we're doing, we're doing it all, bro. Tom came everywhere this year. I'm going to go some places, but not ever work. Cause I'm a mom. I can't leave my kids for more than 48 hours at a clip because I start to have severe anxiety. So happy to be here and get out of my house. You know, I it's so funny with the kiddos. I, every weekend here in Marston, I plan these elaborate. Well, not elaborate. I just make plans. I'm like, well, Saturday, we're going to go to the museum of ice cream and then Sunday, we're going to go to Zilker park. We're going to throw rocks into the Creek. It's going to be amazing. And they're always just like, yeah, that was cool. That was cool. That was cool. And then we went to Randall's of all places to go grocery shopping and like there's a shopping cart that has two little steering wheels on it. So the kids feel like they're in a car, hands down. Their favorite part of the whole weekend is just them fucking around in these carts. And me pretending that they're driving and you know, they're just laughing and having a great old time. And here I am buying tickets to stuff and we could have just gone to Randall's that whole time. I know it's always like that, isn't it? No, it's never the stuff you plan. It's always that impromptu it's same in college. Like I remember when we were so broke and like the best times I've ever had in my life were sitting around and talking to my douchebag roommates. And I say that lovingly obviously, and getting drunk and like, Hey, who can do a handstand against the wall? And then your friend almost paralyzes themself and you laugh hysterically or like, right. It's always those dumb moments pass out Game. And then you do all That shit. You didn't do Elem elementary school. Kids would do that. Is That what you mean? Like a high school thing. What's the pass out game, You know, you're just kinda like not, you know what? This is probably a bad thing to say on YouTube. It's not, it's a Really good, thanks. This is a mom podcast. Okay. Mary goes the promo for this episode. First three minutes. We've told kids how to make themselves pass. It. It's always like that. The best times I've ever had in my life are, you know, again, being in my twenties or even now, and like sitting around with Tom and just coming up with funny games, stupid fun games. Right. And that is the essence of parenthood too. It's like, you try to make the fun and the fun just happens. It just happens sitting on the couch when your kid is making like Cougar sounds and stuff. You can't, you can't make that shit happen. I mean, I can't remember doing it, but I know that my brother who has kids, he's like, yeah, man, it's so infuriating. Like I buy them one of the dopest presents and then they just play with the fucking box. Yeah. That too, that too. I learned that lesson. Oh, also like they don't the toy thing at toys or actually I take that back once you can find a toy they're really into, and like, let's say you want to buy yourself a half hour of me time, dude, I keep, oh, that's a, that's a mom hack. I keep a shelf in my house of just toys that I know will occupy both boys for like a half hour to clip. So like on the weekends when I'm alone with them, when I want to blow my brains out, I'll get that. I'll get a toy and I'll be like, here you go, fuck face. And then I just, I get on my tech talk and I fucking, I mean, it's, I'm so tired. Okay. Let's let's go on. Good news. You guys. I don't know if you saw this article, California mandated a gender neutral toy section. Can you Google this native? I should've seen this article, but I, I don't know. It's a California. It's now mandated that there has to be a gender neutral toy section and you can get fined as a store. Here we go. You California law will force retailers to have gender neutral toys section scroll down. Let's see what's going on. Oh, and it's pretty funny. There's a girl holding a Barbie doll. Wait a minute. Is that a girl? Oh, well, let's see. I can't record. Let me, here we go. Here we go. Here. You got a 10 year old girl. Well, again, I'm offended at the phrasing of that. I mean, did she identify herself a 10 year old person, Person who identifies temporarily as ah, was shopping with her mother one day when she asked a question, why were some toys off limits to her as a girl, but would it be okay to play with if she were a boy? Now that to me sounds like there is a section of toys that are locked away, that only people with penises can play with. And I'm pretty sure that's not how it was set up. I mean, look, as, as a, as, as a person who refers to themselves as a girl, at one point in their life, I was a girl. I'm a woman. Now I, if I wanted to play with a boys toy, I would walk to that section. And that's all you had to do. I mean, walk over there. That's Kevin Newsome guy. So, so hold on. Let's see what the penalty is. If you don't, this is so silly. We'll face a $250 fine for a first offense and $500 for any after that, Regardless of. Oh, huh. Let's see. So that's another thing storage we're having for additional points. What we're requiring them to have a reasonable selection of toys and items in a gender neutral section, regardless of whether they have been traditionally marketed for either girls or boys. So that's, so that's also brings up an interesting question. I mean, yeah. Barbie traditionally marketed towards girls cars, I guess, towards boys. Like, but aren't there a whole range of, to what puzzles is, is a puzzle that gender neutral toy writer do, do boys do puzzles or is that too sissy lake? I don't Know. It's got cars and dinosaurs. Right? So then is it, if it's a dinosaur puzzle, is that a boy thing? Is that a girl thing? Is that a gender neutral thing? Like how are we going to determine that whole, you know, it just seems a little silly again. I grew up playing with, I rode BMX, dirt bikes. My dad bought me the boys bike because he felt it was better. And I'm chilled on that. I put together planes. I, I played with boats that were, you know, remote controlled and I really didn't think two shits about it. I didn't didn't fucking care. And, and thank, thank God because you know, gosh had had this culture been around when I was growing up, somebody may have suggested that I was non-binary and then I should consider transitioning or something. I don't know. Could you imagine that's true then I think, you know what? The point is, leave the fucking kids alone, let them play with what they want to play. And this is just, this is, this is nonsense. Absolutely. It's nonsense. I'm over it. Yeah. Gender reveal parties are going to be called hate crimes. You know, I'm for everybody doing what makes them feel great, but to mandate something is like, really you're gonna it's I don't like it. When you impinge upon private businesses and such, it's just silly, silly, silly, silly, then open up a gender neutral toy store and make your fortune in California. You know, if that's, if that's who we're going to, I'm curious to see how these things really do in the marketplace. I'm curious to know, you know, how wheelchair Barbie is actually selling in the marketplace and biracial this and that and trans this I'm I'm really curious to see who is buying this stuff. Is it really fucking K you know, who's this for whatever It happened to capitalism, letting capitalism dictate the market Free market. Not that this is right. Let the market dictate the market does always dictate it'll fall away. I sense. I sense a pushback too, to a lot of this nonsense. I sense it, I sent the, the, the end is nigh. Look when Netflix is defending Dave Chappelle, finally, praise Allah. We are going to be at the end of this horrible time of censoring comedians and people for whatever it is they want to say. It's absolutely anti-American and antithetical to everything okay. That I stand for and love a good, I'm sorry. I'm happy to report. And I don't remember if I talked about this last week, forgive me. If I'm repeating myself after I would say five, five and a half years of just searching, just searching for moms that I, that are cool to hang out with. And I found some here and there. I have a found like a, you know, one year, but I wanted that group of moms. I so desperately wanted that, that group of girlfriends that they talk about on, you know, like the sex in the city and all this shit. And I just, I was like, this doesn't exist. Well, I finally went out with the kindergarten moms. I went drinking and it was fucking awesome. And I I'm, I'm very hopeful. Yeah. I'm very excited. I have a group of cool moms and they're so fun and in normal, and I'm just like, I'm so stoked. Cause it took her, it took them a while. So listen, if you're listening to this and you're like, I just want to find a mom tribe. I promise you, they exist. You just have to keep looking. And I think it took until my kids got into school because, and the saddest part is, is the most isolating time in a mom's life are those early years. And I would go to the playground with, you know, little babies and, and hope to meet other moms. But we're, you're also bleary-eyed and, and defeated and sad. Like you see a new mom in a part. You're just like, ah, like everybody's just so tired. You're just exhausted and confused and sad. So maybe that's why it takes a few years until you chill out. Well, where'd you find a that's this new group of It's so exciting kindergarten. So, so kinder. So in here in Texas, like, I mean, it happened in California too. There's just like, there's certain moms that are there, like room moms and stuff. And, and like, you know, they're like, wait, y'all jaw joined the Facebook page. And at first the, the L Angelina women was like, fuck your Facebook page. Like, are you out of your mind? Like, I can't delete my page fast enough. And then I was like, why am I, why am I doing that? Like, what's the, what's the big deal. I'm going to give this a whirl. And then I got on the Facebook page and then I got invited to one of the kids' parties and we went to that and it was delightful. And then I got, you know, I got in on the text, the group texts that that's the secret. Ooh, that's the initiation. Huh? Yeah. GC Goddamn. No. Do you kids group text? Is that something in your yeah, Of course. Everybody grew tech, you got like a chat. That's like pretty much made of all the same people, but different variations of it. Cause they're all kind of different themes. And I'd like to know I'm not in one image as a group chat. So I'm a little offended. Neither am I. There is, is there a One? I don't think so. You guys always talk about group chats and I'll never know. So I like to be a part of this group chat. There's a group chats. I think so. Wait, who? I mean, there's one with me, Tom and Bert, but that's just like scheduling stuff, fucking Illuminati. I was just cause I'm Jewish. It's real. All right. You think I'm part of that Or the Jews Illuminati? I thought that was just white people. White men. I mean, we pass, I'll tell you who, it's not Any, it's not you and it's not me. Okay. It's not us. It's not Us. Let's make our own group. That's what I'm saying. Okay. I will do That. I'll do it. What about Danny? Let's sit Danny and Danny. You, me and Christina. Christina Group chat. And so, so here's the deal, man is that I was also instructed by a local southerner. She goes, you better respond to that first group chat because if you don't, then they're not going to invite you to stuff anymore. And again, the whole Angelina would have been like my script, but I responded and then see, apparently you have to be nice to consideration. And yeah, I'm such a fucking idiot, but I like it. I'm I'm down, dude. I'm doing book club. I'm doing this. It's like a whole new, it's a whole new lane. I have to say. I feel very part of a community. And I enjoy that. So I mean, it's good. I mean, I felt like part of the comedy community in LA, but now I'm a part of regular, like a mom community and it's, it's lovely. It's been quite lovely. Yeah. So let's start you guys. I really, you know, every day I go through tech talk and I purify my feet and I keep it real. And I find these bangers, these gems. And then today I found this one and I was so moved by it. I was so I was taking that. I couldn't wait for why. MH I couldn't wait to share with the world. So without further ado, I'd to play this tech talk that I say I sent in before I came today, can we go ahead and play, wait for it, give it a minute. What's going to happen. What's going to happen? Did you find this guy on horny Thursday? Or what? How did you find that Thursday? We're taping this on a Tuesday. So, so much happening. So number one, he sits there quietly for seconds, way too long. So my thought is where's this going to go either? This is the guy who doesn't realize this is a video, you know? Or he's just gonna like do one little thing. And then the tongue comes out and I'm like, he is not showing me his oral skills. Yes he is. And then the best part too, if you listen to the audio, go ahead and play that audio. What do you hear? This parts needs. Yeah. It's like a little bonus background? I'm going to guess. It's like, it's a smoker's wheeze. So my thinking is even if he does go down on a lady, he can't breathe. This will not work out for you, sir. You can't do what you want to do. You're not fit. You're not healthy. You're not in good health, sir. You're saying this is false advertising, false advertising. Which coincidentally is the name of my favorite porno. Probably the best porno name ever. So Tom one time went to Singapore and we had this, I think Yoshi had given it to us. It was called false advertising. And here's why I was called that it was transsexual porn. And it was like the hot chick with the, you know, the boobs and then the D and I was like, this is the best thing I've ever seen. Yeah. False advertising to this day. Probably that I wonder riddle Me The cover look like it was a hot chick, but she had a D go ahead and Google it, go see if you can find false advertise. It was probably what, where did Yoshi used to work? Was it vivid? No, that sounds evil. Angel. Yeah. Try false advertising. Evil angel. That, that that's the company he worked for. It's streaming. Now this is a DV gate. Let's see. There, there she is. There is, there's false advertising. Now keep in mind. I put this in my husband's suitcase on his way to Singapore. Not thinking, guess what's up? Well, this is back in the day. So Tom and I had just started dating and Yoshi and Yoshi had gone to a show and Tom was there and she was like, oh, do you want a bag full of porn? And Tom was like, yeah, sure. Why not? You know, like whatever, it's hilarious. And it was like false advertising. It was like specs appeal, which I never forget that one into. Cause that was like, you know, a fetish of like girls wearing glasses and that. Yeah. And I was like, come on glasses and stuff. And they were like, what's, this is ridiculous. But what a good era for pornography? I must admit that this, this was a creative, fun time. I, I thoroughly endorse this era porn. This is like the early two thousands. Let's see released August 15th, 2007 by third world media. I wonder where they found these ladies more. Nope. That's these people. I wonder where they found these. Look how white that chick's boobs are. It's so funny. You see the third girl on the right? Like she tanned, but not everywhere. Tits are Too white. I think all these ladies have tan Lines. Oh, is that their thing? Oh, well checks with tan lines. Oh wait. These are checks, dude. Yeah. Well this is the false advertising. Damn you Danny. Third world media. You got me again. They look good, man. That's a problem too. When these guys turn into girls, sometimes they look so much better. Like I'm telling you, cause dudes don't have fat on their bodies the way women do. So when you see like some cute little twink with titties, they look, you can't compete with that. As a woman, they look good. I get it. I get it. And I get this. It's the best of both worlds, I guess, for a man. Well, if you like D these aunties, these and T I was at the best of both worlds. Well, okay. Cause here's the deal. So you have somebody that knows what it's like to touch a D and to handle a D you can F there be hole. If you want a hole and then you know what I'm saying? And then they've got titties. So it's like, it's the best of all worlds? What doesn't this provide? I can't compete with, this is what I'm trying to say, But a woman should know how to touch a D and do all the things that you just Not as well as a guy. Hmm. This is false advertising. Any, this is false advertise. They've been to your side of the fence. And now they're on the other side of the fence. Yeah. But, okay. So just because I know how to, you know, do what I need perfectly doesn't mean I'm going to know what an add-on needs to be done perfectly. You know what I'm saying? That's yeah, no, I'm just going to go with a girl, I think. But I feel like that's the best I like there's only one world and that girl, You and your heteronormative, CIS gendered male privilege. Point of Personal privilege. I'm so fucking toxic. You're So fucking toxic. Oh, am G I have a confession to make. I was on Adam and eve.com last night. I'm not ashamed. I'm not ashamed. You know, I am a married woman. I've been with the same man for 17 years. That's how we keep it fresh. How we keep it spicy. I even used my own promo code. I swear to God w MMA offer code WMA. And you know what I got, I got six free spicy movies, free shipping, a sexy item for him, especially gift for me. And the third item that we will both enjoy. That's right. That's right. I use my own offer code to be piano match. I got, and I got 10 tantalizing, free gifts coming to me. I can't wait to see what they send me. Let me tell you, I love this Adam and eve.com, whatever the hell it is you want in your life. They have it there. And you know what? I like, I like the reviews. I mean, I never thought I would read reviews on dildos, but I did last what a fun section anyways. Try it out. That's w M M a w MMA offer code w [email protected] 30 million women are impacted by weakened or thinning hair. If you're among them, no, you're not alone. And that there's a solution you can trust to deliver results. Thousands of women have taken back control of their hair with Nutriful with many users, raving that the supplement not only transformed their hair, but restored their confidence to Nutriful offers two targeted formulas for women that are clinically shown to improve hair growth and thickness with less shedding through all stages of life. Let me tell you, once you have a baby, that is that's the stuff. No one tells you those babies suck out all the nutrients in your body. And the first thing you do is lose hair. That's why it's a great time to take nutraphyl healthier hair growth takes time. You'll begin to experience thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in three to six months. Wow. That's not a long time at all. When you think about what are you doing during that time growing hair, you can grow thicker, healthier hair and support our show by going to nutriful.com and entering the promo code w MMA to save $15 off your first month subscription. This is their best offer anywhere, and it is only available to you as customers for a limited time, plus free shipping on every order. Get $15 [email protected], spelled N U T R a F O l.com. Promo code w MNA, wait a minute, but in critical race theory, no, you're you're okay. I think, but you no, but you're half white. Oh, what's critical race theory going to do with you. I don't know what critical race theory is. What does this mean? Well, Okay. It's like the idea that systemic racism, see the thing, I have a hard time understanding that racism is systemic and that white men are the oppressors. And so, but you're half, half white man. So what, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But I think what they would call me is presenting black. Right? Cause I'm considered, like, I grew up as a black kid, even though I'm black, white, and Asian. Oh Shit. You're Asian. But no one fucking called me that Asian kid in class. Everyone was like that black kid. So I think because I'm presenting black that I'm black, similar to how Tom is presenting white. Right. So he has like certain privilege, I guess This whole thing. Yeah. That's what they're talking about. That stuff privileged you're you're invisible knapsack of privilege is, is, is, is what the term they use to like all the privileges you walk around with just because of the casing that your meat is in. You know what I mean? Like as a white lady, I walk around with certain privileges. It's not untrue. I don't, I don't, I don't think it's untrue. I just don't know how to remedy that. You know? How do you remedy that? How do you remedy that? You should just hate yourself basically how much privilege you have done. Right. Well, that's, that's the current solution, which is kind of scary, like, okay, so then what, what should we do? Should we hold back? People that are more inclined and then also you can, you can try to level the playing field, but you can't, you can't guarantee outcome. You know, people have different abilities to, no matter what color or what would it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. I don't know. Is it contingent on just race? I don't know. That sounds more racist to me to say that people are certain ways because of their race. Definitely. I think it's a weird goal anyway. Like what, what end are we trying to get to that? We are all the exact same that we can all go into a track and field race. And we all finish at the exact same time. Like some people Excel at certain things. I mean, do we need everyone to the first? No, no. I think, I think, cause I'm trying to understand more now. I think what they're saying is like to, to, to help the people at the very, very bottom, which is very noble, like yeah, no, Let them lose, you know, for a fucking reason. Great. Moving right along on today's forum. My mom's aunt. Well, I here let's listen. Let's tie it into to mom chat. Cause that's that's what this podcast is about is, is mom chat, right? So I think as a parent, you go look, kids are not kids. Don't come into the world. Racist. At least my kids aren't. I don't, as far as I know, I'm never heard my kids delineate so-and-so is this and that color or this and that rate that is taught to you. So to teach them at kindergarten level, which is what a lot of people advocate, critical race theory at a very, very young age. You're teaching them racism, teaching them that white people are inherently white men. Rather when I'm raising two of those white men are inherently, you know, overlords, power, hungry people who just want to exploit and exert their force on you. It's like that. That doesn't sound entirely kosher. I mean your, your teaching, it sounds, it sounds like reverse racism, but whatever I'd actually be interested. Did you hear, I saw a long time ago, there was a study, I think, on, on racism where they had kids just look at like a black kid in a white kid and they're like, which one's bad. And like all the kids would like point to the black one every time. Do you think? Like just as a mom? Cause I think they showed all their moms were like, what? Like why would they, I haven't taught them any of those things. Do you think that if you gave your kids like piece of paper with a black kid and a white kid on it that he would, either of them would say, I don't know. Cause like my kids have known black people. We've been we've were, listen, we're pretty fucking multi cultural. I don't, I, I mean, and the Sigora household alone, you know, on any given day, there's all types of folks rolling through there. Gay people, black people Latins. Not, not Jews, but everybody else, no Natasha has been through there. I don't know. I don't think so. I'll try. Do you want me to try? I think it'd be interesting. I don't know. I don't know how to do it on the show, I guess. Yeah. We're perfect. So, so, but, but be careful what the experiment is it two boys? Is it one boy, one girl, are they the same age? They had the same, you know? Yeah. Yeah. The way that they did it and it was cartoons. They had like cartoon images of a very like vague, you know, basic little boy with the same hair, same everything, just African-American colored skin and hair. And the white kid was like peach with the blonde hair, but it was the exact same model of kid. You know what I mean? And it was a white child that would choose the darker skin person every time. Oh, even the black kids did like everyone, the black there they're like who, who would be, I don't know, more their worst behavior. And all of them pointed to the black kid. Let me read about this experiment more and I would gladly replicate it. And I'm curious to see at what age that becomes consciously, that starts happening consciously. Cause even like Ellis at school is friends with a black little boy and he doesn't refer to him as I be like, how's so-and-so today. Oh we know Rick, Rick did this and that. And he's never been like, you know, mentioned what, what, what does Rick look like? I even asked him before, what does he look like? He's got like darker hair. Like he doesn't even, yeah. I think that should is taught. That's parents being like the black kids fucking know dude. Okay. Do we have any follow-ups from the last And then I want to share a cool photograph of my son. Oh. And by the way, if you haven't checked out my rap debut, the mom's song is on YouTube. It is on the Y IMH studios. You do page Cray. Sean and I made a rap video and it's hilarious. It's been fun. It's been really silly. It's it's fun to see how people receive it. How upset some people get. It's all, it's all in the name of fun that it was a good time. Okay. What did I ask for feedback? Let's talk. Let's do this. Let's two voicemails. Yeah. Hey Christina, this is Katie from North Carolina. I'm listening to episode one, 10. Someone called in, said they put a fruit roll up on their penis and had a good time. And you never going to go towards them. Fruit snack route. You might as well have time. Just put a couple of Gushers up as asshole. That way when you eat a scrum, that Prius is gushing out. All right. So you guys Thanks. I mean, I don't Gushers or what? Gummy bears. Gushers slapped. So what they are, it's like it's it's fruit roll up with like, I mean, I don't with liquid fruit, roll-up in it. Just Google it so I can see because I am my, my brain understands fruit roll-up but then the gush, is it like jewels where there's a was gum with a gush in the middle. That's like old people. Gum? Yeah. Chew ELLs. Or there it what's the middle taste like, oh, It tastes like just a liquid version of the outside. It's disgusting. No, it's not. You put all of it in your mouth and then you just let it all go. I can vouch Horrible. Yeah. It looks like Childs. Hold on, Children. Food. Do you think fruit roll-ups suck too. I like the real, the, the old Sunkist ones. Oh my God. Those are talking about like 70 year old candy. Those are Jamming on the one. You like the fruit, leather, fruit, Fruit, probably the worst named food in the world is fruit. Leather. It's disgusting. That's from tr traders. Joe has fruit. Leather. I like that one. Yeah. You can't go. I don't think there's anything that sucks at trader Joe. Do we have creators Joe in Texas? I think they just call it all these out here. There's a trader Joe's out here. All right. Confirm. Danny says there's trader Joe's. Oh, here's a re this one's pretty fascinating. Oh, you guys are gonna like the way I look on this email. Hey mommy, you mentioned Alpine village being a go go to Alpine village is a village in outside of LA county. You can go and celebrate October Fest out. I used to go there with my dad every year and my cousins and they would just get ripped and let us run around and potentially kidnapped or molested for the entire day. I was there too. This person writes Dottie. Well, that's a German name. I was there too. Probably the same ears. You are also there used to be a place called Busch gardens. They used to take us to and let us run around while they had their beer table. I have too many stories. You know, that that is an old school parent thing that you would get together with a bunch of peeps. And then, I mean, we had free range. We pre-arranged free rain, free rain. We just ran around and caused havoc and surprisingly nothing happened now. Did you guys have that sort of freedom? Hell yeah. Dude. Every Yom Kippor that have, you know, they'd stay in for the long prayers and then the kids would go out and just run laps and play tag and shit. Yeah. Was it at a public restaurant or a public place or this is somebody's home. I mean, it was like at a synagogue parking lot. Yeah. And there was a Hungarian church too. We do the same thing. You just run wild dude. Cars could hit you. Yeah, dude. So fucking well. Okay. My family knew the ladies at the German store in Woodland Hills. What up that's I know this story. So I grew up going to this store. It's called German cold cuts. That's all. It's called German cold cuts. It's behind. It used to be behind a Carpentaria. My mom's name was Bridget and I remember one of the main women that worked there had a similar name. Anyhow. Thanks for making me laugh. There you go. Yeah. The German story spent many, many, many days going to buying sausage with my dad and buying fake cigarettes from buying them chocolate cigarettes to learn to smoke on later in life. It was really good. Good shit. Good shit guys. So that's a follow-up I also, okay. Let me just try my hand sanitizer fucking stupid. There's a fucking stupid. Do you ever do that? Is that how you talk yourself? I know fucking dumb Fucking dumb idiot. Fuck is wrong with you. God, I like saying that to people when they asked me why I did something stupid. When you say, because I'm a fucking idiot. That's why fucking piece of shit. Cause I'm stupid. That's why I did it. Why else? I don't give a fuck. Cause I'm stupid. Where's that from Goodfellas? I don't give a fuck because I don't give a fuck because I'm stupid like that. And I'll go back to jail Because I'm stupid. When I come out, you know what I'm going to do? I'm not come right back here and bash your fucking face. Yeah. Cause I don't give a fuck about jail. All right. Speaking of shows You, what, What have you seen it? Have You, oh, I'm such an idiot. I'm like you I'm like third season. What? Dip shit. Who's on first. Oh fucking idiot. He fucked. So stupid. I have, I'm waiting for Tom. That's his favorite show. So tonight we're going to start. Hopefully we'll see. I'm super. I'm stoked, dude. I love that show. Yeah. Yeah. I watched, I watched all the way through. It was worth, it Just dropped like two Days ago. Now I've binged it all in a night and a half And it doesn't hold up till the other two seasons. It's Definitely, I don't want to say anything to them. It's it's different. Like, it doesn't feel different, but, but it's, it's new twists and turns and turns. The only thing that I'll say that, I think doesn't, it doesn't say anything is you start to question like what sparks that thing in his head when he sees like, you know, a new girl or whatever. And he's like, oh wait a minute. You, I see you bagging your groceries or whatever the fuck. Like. I mean, at the, I guess I can't, I guess I can just start the question. Just like, what the fuck. So what does that spark for you? Just like you, you have a hair and ears. Oh my God. I'm doing it all over again. Like what, what got you there? Why are you having an organism? You still fucking dumb, stupid, stupid Padgett, Badgley, whatever his name is. Padgett. Badgley. What a name? That's like that Cumberbatch. Thumb bourbon was his fucking name. Thunder batch. Cumberbun snatching cumbersome, cumbersome. And then a shitter batch or something like that. Cucumber badge. I man, I tried watching that show that he's in what sense? That show called. It's another name now. Now he known though it's some show it another. Yeah. It's another name. The show is called, like Peter Tisdale or like one of those? Nope. It's about him being molested as a kid. And I was like, oh God, I can't watch things where children are being tortured. I'm just like, ah, yeah. I don't know why people love stuff where white people are torturing other people. Okay. So you're watching game of Thrones. That's different Because it's a period piece. You're like, we're not like that anymore. Well It's first of all, it's not, it's not a real time in history and adopt because there are dragons and magic and stuff. Unless you think that there was dragons and magic in the medieval period. I mean back then when that show was filmed. Sure. You think they went back in time and filmed. It's a period Piece. We don't dress like that. It's the time of Kings. There's No more Kings. I want to be a dragon. Would you rather have a dragon or be a vampire? Be a dragon or Be a van? No, have a dragon. Okay. Wait. And the dragon listens to me and stuff. Yeah. You stupid idiot. Listen, the dragon Now is the dragon obedient. Just kind of go off on his own sometimes then like kinda like It's like the game of Thrones where she's the mother of dragons. You're the father of dragon and you birth them through your asshole and then they listen to you and you train Them. That's not how they get burned. She birthed them. She births them in the fire. Don't you remember? And she know her vag, but you don't have a veg cause your boy I could probably shove it Out of. Okay. So then you burst the dragon out of your pee hole and it listens to you. Cause you're it's mommy. Yeah. I'll take That. Okay. You guys are not even listening to the question. We're not taking this seriously, Christina, Would you rather get vampire? Because when you're a vampire, you can't see yourself in the mirror. Right? So I, well I don't know like what happened? What if I have something on my Face? Oh my God. You're so dumb. And he would tell you. Yeah, I wouldn't. Yeah. Okay. So in this scenario, me and Annie are vampire roommates. This scenario, any and I are ramp higher for me. That's what you got hung up on. Okay. Let's do what, what Christine and P do I have a really good email and I can actually speak to this topic. So first time parent just found out Questions to fuck Christina, This new self chastising. It's really fun. We Keep doing this. Yeah, me too. Is there a new segment? Why are we so fucking stupid? Why am I so fucking dumb? Fucking effect. I think that's just renamed. Yeah. Rob Isler. Just sweetened that up. Okay. Oh, so you're saying he had thoughts. He just like, God, why am I so fucking? I was like, oh, we should call this. Literally. He's like, yeah. Instead of being like, why am I such a dummy call it something positive, Bitch. Dumb. Okay. It says, Hey Christine, I just found out. I'm expecting my first hooray. Congratulations. What do, what do I do now? How do I know what I need for the baby? And what is nonsense? How am I supposed to know how to take care of the baby? As it develops? What are some good resources or tips for learning how to care for a human? I want to raise a kind child, but not a pussy. Please tell me what to do. Piss on me. Be me, Lindsey. You got it, Lindsay. Now here's the deal. I'm super stoked that you're even asking this question because I think a lot of us go into parenthood without a formulated theory or a formulated philosophy of parenthood. I know it's damn near impossible because you're not there. But I would invite you now to take the next few months, as you're sitting there, just dating this human to think about what, what would it look like for you to raise somebody with what, with what values, what do you stand for? And I think, I think that's really, really important to figure out as a human being, what you stand for. And more importantly, what would you teach somebody to make that person resilient and ready for this world we live in because look, all these fucking snowflakes can try and make everything, you know, a safe space and make everybody fucking seen and heard it just doesn't go like that. And we all know that, but what you can do, and here's my philosophy of parenting is number one, resilience. I believe in cultivating that I believe in teaching them the re not, not at a young age, obviously what the realities are, but how to rise to occasions and not crumble to the world and not, not be afraid of the world and also to feel feelings, which is something I struggle with and to, you know, live a full life. A lot of people say, I just want my kids to be happy. What the fuck does that mean? Happiness is the most narrow, shallow, and, and meaningless thing in the world. Why? Because I can buy a person, be happy for five minutes and then I'm onto the next thing. Happiness is fleeting. You need to have, I think, bigger, bigger values that underline happiness, for instance, meaningful work, finding meaning, finding purpose. So when people see you, Mary keeps me happy. They're going to be happy. I was happy when I was dirt, poor and confused as shit in my twenties. I'm happy now as a successful ish, human, right? I'm still a work in progress. So that's a stupid goal. So think about what it is what's important to you and how you will teach that and how you will cultivate that rain alarm. I love ring alarm. It is so easy to set up and you use it in the app and it just gives me peace of mind. We all know ring. It's the greatest thing in the world. It's so simple. And now the ring alarm system, you set it up in your own home. It is, it's so much better than having to call some security system. Wait for them to come out, set the codes. Blah-blah-blah this way you're empowered. You can see what's going on. It notifies you. If something's happening. It is just fantastic. Protect your whole home with ring alarm, a powerful, affordable home security system. You can easily install yourself. Ring cameras help you keep an eye on every corner of your house. With easy to install indoor and outdoor cams. They work seamlessly with ring alarm and let you see what's happening from anywhere. All in one simple app, protect your home. Anytime from anywhere with ring alarm, go to ring.com/w MMA for a special offer on a ring alarm security kit to day, you can build the system that's right, your home and have it up and running in minutes. That's ring.com/w N M a that's ring.com w M M a. You know, I love match three games. You know, that can be a lot of fun, but it seems like most of them are the same, the themes, the characters change, but overall, it's the same boring format until no switch craft. I love it. You know why it's witchy? It's dark. It's magical. It's all the things I love. It is compelling, compelling, compelling. It is compelling playing there's storytelling involved and it keeps you on the edge of your seat. Switch craft is a brand new take on match. Three games. As you play, you unlock pieces of a beautiful, magical and gripping graphic novel switch. Craft is a mobile game with a unique blend of TV, worthy writing, choose your own adventure style, narrative and thousands of magical match. Three levels. I love it. I think it's so much more exciting than like they said, just the boring, old match three games. And I like magic. And I like how, you know, fantastical. It all is. I like the way the characters look too. It's all very pretty. So try it out. Download, switch craft for free and unlock the magical mystery. Okay. Some practical stuff. For those of you that are pregnant, ask somebody that just had a baby for an Amazon list of items to buy. They change every few years, but number one, a wiper warmer. Trust me, it sounds crazy. A wiper warmer. You get that on Amazon. You put the wipes in there, it warms it up. And it's so much nicer on the tushie, especially on a newborn Toshi. This was the grass, the best gift. Greg Fitzsimmons gave this to us. And I buy these for people every single time. And they have a little light that glows so that the kid gets a glow on there. The munchkin one is really good. I like munchkin brand. That's always good. All our munchkin stuff has been outstanding for me. A diaper pail do not get the diaper genie that is disgusting. The diaper genie makes you cut the bag and then tie it and there's shit everywhere. And you'll get shit on your hands. Get the munchkin diaper pail. That is a banger. Get a dresser with the changing table on it so that when the kid's done with diapers, you can still use the dresser. So don't buy a separate change, a table and a dresser. That's, that's a huge one. Buy a crib that can turn into a toddler bed later and also ordered the crib and advanced. Those should take like two months before they show up at your door homey. So don't wait until you're fucking nine months pregnant to start putting your nursery together. Start that shit at the beginning of your second trimester, because you will be too tired and your third trimester to do things like put a nursery together. So put that nursery together and your second trimester and read the books on sleep training. Now, before that baby comes out of you girl, cause once that baby's out, you're going to be too motherfucking tired to read. And you're going to, you're going to your soul out of your mind that you won't be able to think so you're going to sleep, train your kid. I don't think it's the devil. There's gentle ways to do it. There is a book called the sleep easy solution. It is tiny. It is intuitive. It is easy. Everybody handed this book to me when I had my baby, right, my first baby. And I use it again on the second, the sleep easy solution also had the happiest baby on the block as a huge, great, great resource for a newborns. So that's the newborn phase. And then you're going to read a book by Tracy hog. Is it Tracy hog? I read this and this was fantastic secrets of the baby. Whisper. Tracy hog is a, an English woman and she's specializes in babies. She'll help you identify what the temperament of your baby is. And then she'll help you formulate a schedule. I'm a firm believer in schedules for babies, for children, for everybody. That way, baby has, you know, they know what to expect and you get downtime. You get nap time. You get, you know, everybody's needs. Get more met that way. If you put that baby on a schedule, Dr. Spock, I like him. I know he's OJI. Read the book called the first two years. I found that to be very helpful. Oh, and I liked bringing up bay bay. That's a woman who spent some time in France and wrote about how the French bring up their children. Bullshit a lot of it. But I like it in terms of being a guide post for goals, squad goals. What is it aspirations as they say, cause I do like the European, some of the European way of raising kids. I think they're fucking that that creates resilience. I think the way Europeans do shit a little bit. Other than that. Oh, a motherfucker. Think about birth plan for the birth. I foolishly never took a Lamaze class. I never really read about birthing. Cause I was convinced that I would have a C-section, which they told me I would, I went into labor anyways, and then I had to give birth vaginally. Didn't know how didn't wasn't prepared and was I was an idiot. So take some kind of a class to prepare yourself emotionally. If not, it's not, you're not going to have to learn everything from these classes. But what it does is prepare you emotionally, psychologically and yeah. Nest, clean your house, get your house right. Do everything. Now. Now, now don't wait until that kid is more. If you want to move you move, move. Now don't move after the baby comes and there you go. Potty training. Oh, here we go. I need help. I'm the mom of two boys and his a couple of months ago, hold on me and we have a 20 month old and a two and a half month old. Holy shit. Our first boy likes to run around and strip his diaper off while I'm breastfeeding. Our second boy of all Comey times and play with his peepee. Any tricks to help him learn, to keep his PB alone. We haven't officially started potty training. I don't know where to start because he can't really communicate besides occasionally grabbing the diaper that he needs to use the potty. How did you through the stage also, is there any trick to raising two boys close in age, aside from a good pair of tennis shoes and a lifetime supply of those IVs, Tom numbered talked about, you got to Jackie, so you have a 20 month old and a two and a half month old. So I think you specify these are both boys. Yeah. So I think there's a lot of pressure on parents to potty train their children. I don't know why. I don't know what this preoccupation is with. Like they have to be potty. I mean, maybe you're trying to get them into daycare in which case that I just send them to daycare, not potty trained and I let the teacher complain. Yeah. So like there's a dirty little secret and daycares, you know, preschool, whatever they're like, oh, your kid has to be toilet trained. Like kind of like as long as your kid is kind of halfway there, you can get away with it in preschool. It's true. It's true. As long as they cash their cash, your check it's, you know, wipe his fucking ass from paying you for. So a 20 month old is really young for toys, especially with boys, for whatever reason, boys take a little bit longer with that stuff. I'm always of the belief that look, he's not going to be 40 and shifting into a diaper. So, and in fact I would argue that diapers are fucking awesome and then they are awesome. It's when you get into toilet training, then it's tricky. So if you can let it ride, that kid will let you know when it's time for them to stop wearing the diaper. You'll notice them hiding when they go poop. That's a sign that they're ready to use a toilet. Like they want privacy. You'll notice they, I remember one time with Ellis. We kept it. We bought the tiny, portable toilet and encouraged him to go pee in there. Encourage it. You want to try? You want to try? No. Okay. Don't push it. Just don't push it. Let them go. Eventually they're going to do it in the toilet. You praise them. Wow. That's amazing. And then they're going to regress. They're going to want to wear the diapers. We're going to graduate two big boy underwear. Yay. And you make a big deal out of it. And they pick out their underwear and then you don't go back to diapers during the day. You only wear a night diaper. Now the night diaper they're going to wear for at least maybe four years old until they can hold their pee overnight. Cause physically physiologically. They can't hold P boys, especially. So there, my advice to you is let them lead. You look for their cues. You cannot force this shit. Both of my boys, even Julian, he's three. Now he, he still likes to poop in his diaper. I got to go pool, give me the diaper. Do you want to try the toilet now? And then some days he only wants to use the toilet. So listen again, he's not going to be 40 and using a diaper. So just like, oh, and in terms of, yeah, the penis touching like that, that they do that from the minute they come out to you. And what have we do tell the boys, which is very useful as you can touch your penis. First of all, you say, this is what I say to them. I asked them who can touch your penis? And they say, me mom, dad, and the doctor. Exactly. Where can you touch your penis in my bedroom? Okay. That's it. So if you see them on the couch with, you know, touching their junk, which they do, you say, where's it, where's the appropriate place to touch your penis in our room. Okay. Also who can touch your penis and then you drill them, Drill it In a hundred percent. A hundred fucking percent. Yes, absolutely. So that it's not weird when it happens, you know, you, you tell them, so don't officially start potty training and just yo you know, what really helped for me is to read them books about it. I hate Elmo. I hate him with everything inside of me, but there's a great potty training book where you, they can push the buttons and hear the sound, the toilet flushing, and walk them through that. That really helped Ellis and Julian around that age, 21 months, you start reading it to them. Hey, so what happens? You feel like you have to go great. Let's go to the bathroom. What happens? Oh, you, you sit down on the toilet, you, you know, do your business. And then, and also tell them what they do on the toilet. I find these books are so sterile. Elmo just magically goes in the bathroom and then he's wiping. It's like, well, what does he do on the toilet? Tell the kid, you, you make poopoo. You make PP that comes out of you because the kid is afraid of losing something of themselves. That's what they're grappling with. They can't understand why something so precious as their, their pee or their poo is being flushed on the toilet. Right? It's a part of them. So they're saying goodbye to something that's precious to them. So once you let them say, pooping is great. Also don't be neurotic. But you know, I, I, I always tell them, pooping is great. Oh, you made a poopy. This is fantastic. Pooping is the best thing in the there. I love your poopy. I love it. Great. And then they really like it. Yeah. Take another shit. You're the best dumper in the house. I tell them both my way. You guys are the best dumpers, the best eaters, the best dumpers. And they sure are. Boy, we, we, pooping is great in my house. We do really good today. Ask You who's the, who's the best Dumper. Yeah. Ellis has always like, am I the best at it? And I'm like, you are actually, Ellis is the best dumper in the house. This kid like clockwork every night at seven 30. And then again, sometimes it's 7 45, 2 shifts. Massive. Back-to-back like clockwork. Now I may, may, maybe he was constipated three times in his baby life. The kid is just same what? Julian? Julian's got a good, good poop shoot on him too. Did they, do they start asking you yet? Who who's your Favorite or what? Sorry, what? I don't think I heard you, right? What'd you say? No, I just, I thought I heard you say something. Oh, what'd you think? I said that the black people are evil when did they start asking that? I think you're hearing what you want to Hear. Okay. Where are you going to say? All I know is I heard it Loud and clear that I heard someone Said yeah, Kind of. So weird enough. Where are you going to say? I ask you who your favorite is. Yeah. Ellis does. Do you actually give them any, like, do you give them the legit answer? Like you're both my favorite. You're both my favorite. You guys are the best. Well, cause I don't have a favorite. I think I have a favorite developmental age, but they're both so special in their own ways. You can't compare your children. I think you can't. Cause they're just, they're rad in different ways. I like different things about them. They're so different. That's Interesting. My mom had a different approach. Well, who did she like the best? She just told whoever asked her, Hey, who's your favorite jewelry say? Oh, of course. It's you? Oh, that's Terrible. Yeah. Cause then I think in college I realized that's when I realized that she said that to all my siblings. I was like, oh you mother. Yeah. That's not nice. That feels like betrayal, huh? Sure Does. Yeah. Nadav you're my favorite. You fucking liar. You fucking thumb liar. You stupid bitch. Fucking dumb liar. Dumb bitch liar. So, so since you're my favorite and dive, let's do some Biedrzycki effects. You said that you had a great one. Let's hear this. Oh my God. I live for these. These are called you dumb fucking bitches, Fucking idiot. So I'm 33 years old. And I just learned, I want to say three nights ago, four nights ago that if I want an ice cube in my drink, that instead of going to the freezer and palming an ice cube and taking it across the living room, into my cup, I could just take my cup to the freezer and put my cubes in over there. Cause my entire life, like I remember having family dinners and being like, Hey, I'm going to go get some ice. Anyone want some? And some will be like, yeah. And then I would just come palming two handfuls of ice and I'll be like, who wants it? And I'll just like put it into like different. And nobody went, nobody thought to question your methods like, Hey, your hands are dirty. Well, you see Christina, I come from a big old family of dumb fucking idiots. So I think we all did it like that. I think they're just stoked that somebody was getting the ice. They're like, thank God. At least I don't have The youngest kid with the dirtiest hands on the phone. I know. And I feel like I've done a version of this too, where you just, yeah. Or like I did this the other day. I have an ice cube tray, but then I'll walk my glass up to it and then still Palm it and put it in like, what am I? Then it drops. And then that's on the floor. And then it, you know, melts. Who's going to pick that. I don't know why you're doing this thing where like you almost figure out the position, key effect, but you're not quite there. Like dumb fucking idiot, Still dumb fucking it. You're still dumb. Fuck stupid right now. All you, they make fucking like trays for this shit. You know? Like the ice cube tray thing, get the ice cube thing. And then you could bring that to your left. Wait a minute. But listen, no, you have to what, What, what is this? You gotta, you gotta get it out of the tray, this little move. And then it pops out and then you go, you flip it upside down. And then a lot of it stays on your forearm. Right? You use your forum to stop all the other ones from falling out. And then like the ones on the last ones fall into your Palm. And then you take that across the room. Wait, What's hard to understand the dumb fucking idiot. You're grabbing this ice strum from a tray, right. That you could like scoop into, into. Yeah. Like what, what is the tray that you're good at getting this ice out of? It's like it's either plastic or silicone. So you have to like wiggle it to get some Cute. Talking about the thing with the ice cube slots in it. Sure. I got both the tray tray, but there's also oh, but then there's also the automatic ice maker. But hold on guys, hold on. There's no good way to get those cubes out of the tray. Like you have to crack it. Like you turn it, you twist it and then they loosen. And then what the fuck do you do with all that? You use your forearm to keep it inside the tray. So th this system is flawed. This ice cube system. It's Not good every time. Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I thought you were talking about a tray. Cause I thought you said I would take my cup to the tray then and then like scoop out the ice that I need. I thought that's what A new apartment. This is the first time I have an automatic ice maker. So yeah, I'm still kind of learning things. Get a, get an ice cube, tray like a scooper And the ice tray and the ice like maker place. And then it just stays in the freezer. It stays wherever you want to put it. I wouldn't leave it in the freezer because now it's going to be cold to the touch and you have run into the same problem. So now I need to just need to have like a scooper. That's not in the freezer, but it's only for the freezer. Yes, It's too Fancy. Oh my God. Christina, can you back me up here? Isn't that too fancy. Sorry. I tuned out. I'm reading about this avocado thing is pretty cool. Hold on. This is kind of major. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. This didn't occur to me. Oh yay. Hi mommy. I love avocado and always find these great healthy recipes for lunches that contain avocado. I work in retail and have always been concerned about the avocado turning brown during the first half of the day. So hadn't ever tried them. Then I realized that I'm an adult. I'm not in high school and will not get in trouble for having a small knife in my locker to quote jailbreak the avocado. Oh my God. My logger to open the avocado, remove the pit and enjoy. I then wash the knife in the break room sink and put it back in the locker. So I don't have to remember it every day. Now that's a two-fold process there. The fact that she's smart enough to put it back in the locker. Now it'll be a stupid fuck. And then put it, take it home every night. Now she's working smarter. Not Harder. I love Sarah. You're a genius. Oh my God. Like I never that seriously. This is, this is why I don't bring avocados places. Cause I'm like, yeah, but then it's going to be all brown and mush fucking hell such a retard. Okay. I'm going to do voicemail. Palicki effect voicemail. God fucking dumb Hygiene. My name is Anthony and I have a Pugin every day. Halfway through my shift at work. I wish I had a sucky coffee. I just provides today. I can buy two. I'm a fucking idiot. Just wanted to share that with you and share my revelation for all the entertainment and keep them high and tight, Stupid idiot, duh. Well, that's interesting. And you're like, I can just buy another one. Like I can, you can. Here's an interesting thought. And I just had this revelation too. I can drink coffee all times at all times. Any time is a time I can drink coffee. Right. And I also realized like I was staying in this hotel and I realized that, oh, there was an espresso, I'm sorry, espresso machine in the, in the fucking hotel room. And I was like, oh my God, this is everything I've wanted because I don't like to drink all that milk in the afternoon. Then I like, I like milk in my coffee in the morning, but in the afternoon, I just want the espresso espresso shot. So now I do that milk in the morning, espresso boom took me fucking 45 years to figure that out. They don't have to drink all the milk. You just drink the espresso. You're like, I really want that caffeine, but I don't know if I could do Milk in here. I don't want milk at three, 3:00 PM. It's disgusting. I think that's why Europeans drink that in the afternoon with nothing in it. Just a shot of espresso just to get you through the afternoon. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have two images I'd like to share with you guys. Can you play that last thing written there? That this is F N wild bro. Hams, look at that snake in the bathtub. Oh, this is so funny. So I'm on the nextdoor app in my neighborhood, Texas. Next door is significantly different than California next door. Okay. This is an example of the shit that I see. Cause we just have wildlife everywhere. Snake in the bathtub, help identify. Does anyone know what type of snake this is? It joined our toddlers bath on Sunday Eve in parentheses. We're thinking rat snake, but would love to know for sure. Like what a calm, what a calm caption for that. Right? Like if this was in my kid's tub, I would be freaking and I even have this toy in our tub. So like, this is horrible. I don't know how a snake does a snake crawl up the drain. Is that what's happening bro? I don't know how that gets in. I don't like it. Snakes in outside. Yeah. Rattle. Yeah. Or rattlesnake wait rattler. No, no, I'm sorry. I lied. It's not a rattlesnake, but we, yeah, we found a couple of snakes. Cause what happens in the summertime is they big when the sun goes down, they'll come to your patio where it's cooler and they cool off in the shade and they stay there. Yeah. But I think, I don't think they're, I don't think there were poisonous. We'd have scorpions too. So like I don't walk around barefoot. Don't walk around barefoot. There's scorpions in Texas. Yo dog. Yeah. It's the desert. We live in the desert. No dog. We got all kinds of shit. This is a jungle. It's like this climate we live in is it's it's essentially the beginning of the south and the end of the desert, which is why Austin is a unique landscape. Yeah. Wikipedia that shit. I read about it. I'm like, how is it so green? We're in the middle of Texas and it's green. I think it rains. How is that possible? Yeah. It's this bizarro climate. So it's like a jungle we live in. It's fucking weird. All right. I also want to share this photograph of you. I was laying down at any time. If you know, you have children, anytime you lay down, you are prone to being jumped on, kicked, stepped on having your hair pulled or you know, they put snacks on you. I'm wanting to show this picture. So this is what Ellis did to me. Those are two slices of cheese on my tits and Ritz crackers over my eyes. And this is me. Julian's laying next to me and Ellis did this and I thought, oh, this is such a great picture. Let's take a picture. And that was me on let's think Saturday or Friday or something, just hanging with the kids. How long did you have those on for? Not very, just until the picture is taken. And then I took off the crackers and there's all the salt and crumbs in my eyes. I was like, ah, I was a bad idea. I get all it crummy the crumbs out of my eyes. So done good times. But I liked this picture. I like how it looks against my orange dress. It's kind of cool. Right? Yeah. That's right. You know, that's a new default. It's artistic. It is my new default on my Instagram actually. Really incredible, incredible, amazing excite. So there you go. I love you. I love you. I you're special to me. I'm just saying what I think. I need to hear myself say stupid bitch. Yeah. Anything else to add booth boys. Anything you can think of? Just you're good enough. You're smart enough people like you. They do. They do. They like you. Okay. I love you. Come see me. Do you stand up live? If, if you haven't already Christina P online.com for tickets. Thank you for watching the show. Please subscribe on YouTube so that you get notified. Every time a video drops. Oh, look at this. I wanted to show this to you guys. I brought this in. Oh, if you want to leave me a voicemail, 2 1 3, 3 7 5 5 1 8 4. Or email me where my mom's [email protected]. I look, I love your comments. I love your stories. I love anything you have. So this was made originally. This is the cool mom, a Fanny pack prototype. This is hand cool. Isn't this great crocheted. And I wear this proudly around, around town. It's really good bags. Yeah, it's really cool. I wish you can mass produce these, you know, the crocheting because this is the extra not cool is crucial. Super rad. Okay guys, I love you until next time. Stay cool moms. Bye. And my mom's where my mom's at, where my mom's wearing a Tonkin bonds at raising kids. Cleaning shifts need a long naps when my mom's way, my mom's where my mom's at. My mom's