0:00

And ready in her Molly trying to get

0:02

away from class Oh

0:05

my gosh, you guys I

0:07

have the greatest guest with

0:09

me today before oh, yeah,

0:11

let me plug

0:32

my shit. I plug

0:34

my ass February 16th Vogue theater

0:36

Vancouver. I added an early show at this at

0:38

the Neptune. I think that'll probably be hopefully be

0:41

gone. Palace of Fine Arts and

0:43

Man for Andisco the Gramercy

0:45

I added an early show in

0:47

Judorc titties the Ridgefield Connecticut Ridgefield

0:49

Playhouse and then LA I'm doing

0:51

the Netflix festival at the Masonic Lodge at Hollywood

0:53

forever. Do you know that that's a cemetery? So

0:55

my agent was like I'm gonna put you in

0:58

a spooky place. It's cool. I've

1:00

been there. You have many times. Did

1:03

Johnny Pemberton is here? Come on. You

1:06

make me laugh so much.

1:08

I mean Minnesota reggae

1:10

colostomy bag right. I think he's

1:12

probably the greatest title for a

1:15

show ever. It's

1:17

good. I think I was about changing

1:19

it. My son was like why would you do

1:21

that? You do that this kind of long. No,

1:23

but it's it's fantastic. Well like walk me through

1:25

the logic. What? Well,

1:28

I had to do this. This is when I first

1:30

started developing the show right

1:32

before COVID like like literally a month

1:34

before I just had to have

1:37

a title for it. I just thought

1:39

like okay what's like something that's really dumb

1:41

that also is sort of

1:43

description sort of sort

1:45

of description area isk of the show and

1:47

that's what I came up with and I

1:49

just kept it because I haven't thought of

1:52

a better title since. I don't think there

1:54

is a better title in the world and I

1:56

feel like it does encapsulate everything you probably will

1:58

be covering in your show. You're from Minnesota. soda,

2:00

reggae, and the

2:03

Colossi Backstore. Right.

2:07

It's sort of like those are like the three main pillars of

2:09

it. It's not really like about

2:11

that specifically, but it's definitely like those

2:14

are some pieces of it. Yeah.

2:17

It's interesting how those events form your entire life.

2:19

Oh my God. Yeah. Right.

2:22

Like your early stuff just informs what you're obsessed with creatively your

2:24

whole life. Yeah. Or like what

2:27

you're like trying to run from. It's

2:29

all these kind of things where. Yeah. Like

2:31

what you hate becomes what you love. Opposite

2:34

of what you hate is what you love.

2:36

Wait, the opposite of what you mean. You

2:38

know, like I feel like that's part of the reason I

2:41

love reggae so much is because it was not, has

2:43

nothing to do with anything with

2:48

Minnesota Catholic schools. Oh, right. It's like the

2:50

opposite of the stuff I hate. Yeah. It's

2:53

like, yeah, I understand what you're saying. It's like

2:55

my husband's obsession with rap music, like hardcore gangster

2:57

rap. And you're like, you're the farthest from that.

3:00

Yeah. Because you want to wear

3:02

it. You want to wear that thing because it feels

3:04

so, so good. So like liberating and stuff. I think

3:06

that's what it is. I think that's why I want

3:08

to be British, you know, before we

3:10

rolled. Right. So I'm at Facebook

3:12

at Fortnite in Washington. Oh, all right. And

3:15

I'm like, oh, like I love making fun

3:17

of Alaria Baldwin. She's

3:19

Steven. I like Baldwin's wife. Oh

3:21

my God. The way you said it

3:23

though, you said it properly. Not Hilaria. You

3:26

know, Hilaria. Hilaria. Hilaria.

3:29

Hilaria. Hilaria. Hilaria.

3:31

Hilaria. Hilaria. Hilaria.

3:35

Hilaria. Hilaria. But

3:37

like, don't you get, like, I feel like

3:39

I get it. I get the wanting to

3:41

be somebody else and to co-opt a whole

3:44

identity of like, I'm fucking Spanish now. Like

3:46

I spent a month in Spanish. Is that what she did?

3:48

Yeah. So she apparently does have

3:50

like familial ties. Yeah. Like

3:52

technically. Yeah. She's a technically.

3:55

And now she grew up in Boston and people

3:58

have verified that she just has a normal. white

4:00

girl accent and then all of a sudden one day

4:02

she became Latin. Will

4:05

you bring her up talking? She's like, how

4:07

do you say cucumber? Like

4:09

she fully goes into the how

4:11

do you say type of foreigner?

4:14

Como se dice?

4:16

My husband is... he no shoot.

4:19

He no shoot? What is he saying?

4:21

He no shoot? She starts going to

4:24

my chair. My husband. Hey, what are

4:27

you doing? He say... It's

4:29

so much trouble. She can't pay him

4:31

identity. She work a movie called Ross.

4:34

Can you believe that? That fool's shot some

4:36

money, bro. Like how do you go to...

4:38

his life is so awful. He's

4:40

got like chaotic kids. It's very chaotic, but

4:42

he's always had like chaos brain,

4:44

doesn't he? Yeah, yeah. There's

4:47

so many people like that here like, oh wait,

4:50

it's never been chill for you. It's

4:52

just never like you have a chill moment and

4:54

you're like, I'm gonna just make a

4:56

scene right now. You know, like blow it up.

4:59

That's so true. There's people who like they're

5:01

all... that's their pattern. I think they're called

5:04

actors. I'm pretty

5:06

sure they're called actors. Who's more fucked

5:08

up? Actors are comedians. More

5:10

fucked up is comedians. Like more like

5:12

pathologic, like, you know, oh, my dad used to

5:14

hit me with my own leg kind of thing.

5:16

That's a comedian. But

5:19

actors are like... Actors

5:21

that do mean stuff. I've heard so many

5:23

stories from friends how

5:26

someone was just incredibly mean to them

5:28

for no reason whatsoever. Yeah, you're

5:30

right. Like they tend to be contier to

5:33

the public because I think they don't deal with

5:35

the... I don't want to say deal. That's the

5:37

wrong word. Like we will like

5:39

to interact with the audience. It makes

5:42

sense. But when you're on a set

5:44

and it's closed and everybody's like, oh,

5:46

Mr. Cruz, would you like sparkling or still

5:48

water? What do you mean, sparkling? Why would

5:50

you even ask me that? And

5:53

nobody checks you. Nobody's like, hey, dude, you're

5:55

being weird. I think that's

5:58

why they're weirder. I think it's because they want drama. Oh

6:01

because they crave the drama and when stuff gets

6:03

a little easy a little simple. It's like yeah

6:07

Just smash a glass and damn it

6:09

create a problem because things are too

6:11

easy too easy. Yeah, that's my theory

6:14

I think that's it. That's an interesting theory. Yeah,

6:16

they need to re relive the early trauma

6:18

the early chaos Right because it feels good

6:20

to be in the chaos it does But

6:22

that's why we do stand-up cuz I love the

6:24

will they like me will they not like me Will

6:27

I go home shredded? Well, I feel amazing about

6:29

myself. I don't know like you you're like, oh,

6:32

I needed that honey. That's so bad The

6:36

daily injection I'll get your daily injection starts

6:38

a wither yet so I'm so shamed. Yeah

6:43

Truly embarrassing. Yeah most embarrassing

6:47

It really is no Do you want to

6:49

know something even more shameful and disgusting and I'm

6:52

like trying to figure out why I do this And this is

6:54

why I thought of any I Think

6:58

I'm working on this bit right now where I can't do

7:00

chit chat. I can't do small talk. I hate it

7:02

Yeah, but why like and I and I

7:04

immediately have to go like like memory when

7:07

you so Jenny I came in and

7:09

within 30 seconds that he was like, oh I had

7:11

dinner with so-and-so did it and I go Wait a

7:13

minute. Your dad's gay, right? Like I have to go

7:16

Okay, I'm gonna finish this coffee

7:18

here real quick. There's a couple

7:20

of tips I am such a demon

7:22

that I can't Just

7:24

let you be like I feel like I have to

7:26

it gives me so much joy And

7:29

a thrill knowing what your trauma is and I feel like

7:31

I have to know it if in order for me to

7:33

like you And if I don't if I know that you're

7:35

normal, I'm like, I don't I can't I don't want it.

7:37

I don't want it Yeah,

7:40

it's boring. It's such a book and that's

7:42

just I think it's just you hate the

7:44

boredom of Because you know that

7:46

the chit chat is just it's like you

7:48

might as well go like have it. Oh I know

7:52

I know what I know. No, no, no Yeah,

7:55

but I also think now it just made sense to

7:57

me if you're normal I I

8:00

feel ashamed. Cause then

8:02

I feel judged. Like, oh, you think you're

8:04

fucking better than me? Like I'm such trash.

8:06

Yeah. That I'll be like. I feel the

8:08

opposite. Wait, what do

8:10

you mean? I'm like, how normal are you?

8:12

Like, oh, you're

8:15

thinking about that? Oh,

8:17

I would never think about that. Right. Like

8:19

you're thinking about what the temperature is? I

8:21

don't care. I'll

8:24

simply be warmer or colder. I'll

8:26

do something about it. Yeah. Like

8:29

you wear it as a badge of honor. Whereas

8:31

I take it to shame. I'll be like,

8:33

I'm so weird. I need

8:35

to flip that, huh? I think you gotta flip it. Cause

8:37

the weirdness is, if I say someone's

8:40

weird, I always feel like that's a major

8:42

compliment. Yeah. Like I'll say

8:44

like, oh, they're a total fucking weirdo. But

8:46

I'll say that, people are like, why would we say that about them?

8:48

Like, oh, I mean, it's a compliment cause

8:50

it's like, they're interesting. It's like a freak.

8:53

Yeah. When I find out someone,

8:55

like someone I admire who's like a famous person.

8:57

Yeah. Oh yes. Same

9:00

these. Like I don't. I

9:02

love it. I don't, look, I don't

9:04

begrudge Taylor Swift. I don't hate

9:06

Taylor Swift. I don't, I just

9:08

don't get Taylor. I don't get it

9:10

the way the arenas of people who clearly love

9:12

her get her. Like to me, that feels

9:14

very vanilla and banal. And like, like,

9:18

right, right. But like

9:20

the buzzcocks or fucking this weirdo,

9:22

Susie. Like that. I'm

9:25

like, yeah. Like I. You're

9:27

like a psycho, you're unhinged. Yeah. You're living

9:29

on the edge. You're like, not afraid to

9:32

just be, or

9:34

like Genesis P. Orge, right? What?

9:36

Genesis P. Orge. Is that a French word?

9:39

You know, Genesis. Genesis P. Orge. Oh, it's a

9:41

person. Yeah. What's the

9:43

ban? It's not psychic TV. Oh.

9:46

What was the ban? Look that up. And by the

9:48

way, we're still gonna watch Alaria speak in

9:51

a fake. Oh yeah. What

9:53

ban is just a Spanish accent? Don't you think

9:55

I forgot it? Psychic TV. I

9:57

was right. Yeah. But Genesis

9:59

is like an. absolute Superhuman

10:01

freak. I love it. But that's

10:03

why I love it. I love Gigi Allen.

10:06

I love Anthony Bourdain Yeah,

10:08

I get it Otherwise,

10:11

you're bored. I got it. I got

10:13

to take it that way. I'd like play. Will you

10:15

please play Alaria? Pretending I'm gonna

10:18

throw up not how to say Cucumber

10:21

it's so good. It's so funny how

10:24

she has a career being Well,

10:26

let's talk about this again. This

10:28

is interesting. So this is another thing I'm thinking about The

10:40

eye roll I just did was like I almost

10:42

passed out it's like You

10:46

could probably hear it in the hallway Ah,

10:50

how do you say how do you say something

10:52

I definitely know how to say From

11:00

Boston she's from Boston she's from but

11:02

but again like I understand

11:06

The desire but she wants to drop something

11:08

racist. How do you say? Yeah, how do you

11:10

say? So So

11:16

let's talk about so I do think too

11:19

there's this culture cuz I I love social

11:21

media cuz I love seeing people's mental illness

11:23

Right, there's this thing where if the husband's

11:25

super super super famous and the woman's not

11:27

really known for doing anything on her own

11:29

She'll co-opt the husband's fame Absolutely.

11:31

Yeah, and I think there's a little bit of

11:33

this where she's like, what am I what's my

11:35

thing? I think is cutting up

11:37

vegetables Like

11:40

she was like the slap chop girl, you know,

11:42

like that's her thing that'll be awesome Yeah,

11:46

I tried to sell the slap chop this limpet

11:48

shopper how do you say vegetable? But the thing

11:50

is is that she's like she's just like a

11:52

hot. She's hot right? Like that's her gig She's

11:54

like hot and skinny and she does yoga. Like

11:57

that's it. Like that should be your shit. Like

11:59

if you're hot chick then just tell me how

12:01

to be a hot chick too. Yeah wear nice

12:03

clothes like this is yeah this is

12:05

uh Jamari Zapado I'm wearing here.

12:08

Yeah I don't even know who that is it's so

12:10

fancy. Oh okay it sounds legit right Jamari

12:12

Zapado. Good name for a designer

12:14

yeah. Jamari Zapado this is uh

12:16

Jamari Zapado. Cloven Sal.

12:18

Wow. Oh that's not very

12:20

good. No Cloven, Cloven Sal. Or maybe

12:22

Cloven S. Ooh I like that

12:24

yeah just the one letter that's what I do

12:26

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you know what, I started spending a lot of

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should. Yeah. I think

15:15

this is nice. Thank you, my love. Well, you knew it

15:17

was. You're very cool. I know who, once you told me,

15:19

I didn't, could you imagine if I knew it was like,

15:21

is that Westwood? I'd be like, what

15:23

the fuck is wrong with you? You know, like

15:26

that much about women's designer clothes.

15:28

I would be very bizarre. Yeah.

15:31

It's my passion. It's what I'm into. I love it. I

15:33

just sit down and masturbate in front of the internet for

15:35

10 hours at a time, looking at clothes

15:37

that I can't afford that I would never wear.

15:41

It's my kink. High in women's

15:44

clothes. Designer women's clothes.

15:47

There's this brand called Margiela, and I've

15:49

only known of it. Maison Margiela?

15:51

Yeah. Okay. God damn.

15:54

I have some Maison, I think I have some Maison Margiela

15:56

sunglasses. Yeah, but their clothes are so off

15:58

the wall. Will you Google some? other shit some

16:00

of that stuff is like like what I can't

16:02

wear that you can't model

16:04

can wear that you can wear it like

16:06

walking from different coffee shops in New York

16:08

maybe and that's

16:11

it like some of it is

16:13

so wack and do like like

16:16

these shoes no that looks terrible

16:18

aware but it looks cool they're

16:24

like who actually very few

16:26

people can really pull this off Chloe Chloe

16:30

Chloe sebs yeah Oh Chloe so yeah

16:32

so that's the East Coast hip

16:35

right we're talking about yeah

16:37

so I you were telling me

16:40

you think that the LA hipsters

16:42

are cooler than the East Coast I think

16:44

so but I feel like these East Coast

16:46

girls with a lot of money and like

16:48

their Instagram account look like Polaroids like

16:51

they're like it's all

16:53

like money you know I mean it's

16:55

like money hipsters where they're all paid

16:57

for and it's all like they

17:00

they look at everyone else is doing all the

17:02

time they know what's going on where I felt

17:04

like the West Coast thing is

17:06

more DIY so it's more meaningful I

17:09

agree cuz I think poverty definitely

17:11

breeds better creativity than like when

17:13

you feel like the imagine remember

17:15

the jokes you were writing when

17:17

you were so poor and all the best

17:20

because you have like a connection to what

17:23

normal people do yeah not just

17:25

like yeah that's why

17:27

I think it happens to if you make

17:30

it too much as a comedian you

17:32

get like disconnect 100% and you can't

17:34

like realize that oh you're

17:36

not taking a shit the way most

17:39

people are taking a shit no no

17:41

you're really not and I know and

17:44

I you know look stupid

17:46

friend calling me there's

17:49

like good things to getting more success

17:52

and fame and whatever but then the bad stuff

17:54

is yeah you're more isolated from the world

17:57

and from what makes you like yeah

18:00

Makes you normal and interesting. Yeah, cuz you're like

18:02

and then no one's gonna relate to that one

18:05

Yeah, I guess that's also the opposite to

18:07

where not the opposite but you

18:10

can just like throw it away But

18:12

then again, okay But then

18:14

I resent these celebrities that pretend to

18:16

be normal and you're like, there's no

18:18

way Like Bruce Springsteen is

18:21

still in the leg. I'm a working-class

18:23

guy in the factory and you're like,

18:25

no, you're not Yeah

18:27

famous since you were 18. Is that

18:29

true? I think so. I don't know

18:31

much about the boss Honestly, you thought he

18:34

calls himself the boss cuz he calls up

18:36

someone like call him that once Went

18:38

to Home Depot. It's like I help you boss He's

18:41

like I'm gonna go by the boss now Alright,

18:45

you want me to rip that lumber for you you want to

18:47

you go and do it yourself here Boss

18:50

help you out flake the boss. That's pretty good

18:54

Yeah, how do you get the nickname the boss of you do

18:57

that I mean I think

18:59

it's presumptuous that Queen Latifah refers to herself

19:01

as a queen. I mean my goodness I

19:04

should get away with it. Yeah, you think she's enough

19:06

of a queen. I think she is. Yeah, I mean

19:08

like I Would

19:10

do what she tells me to do If

19:13

Queen people was like boss near on but okay, you

19:16

got a queen you got a queen Okay,

19:18

he claimed that the only reason it

19:20

only stuck in the first place was because

19:23

he was in charge of doling out everyone's

19:25

payments after a show There

19:27

was no exalted reason behind the nickname Springsteen

19:29

insisted that was because I paid people salary

19:31

It was literally like what are we going

19:34

to do? Okay, I thought

19:36

was cuz his name has two S's and

19:38

a B. You know, I mean it is

19:40

Bruce. Oh, yeah It's

19:43

like some like guys Hey,

19:46

no, boss It's

19:49

like how some guy called said

19:51

Bruce once. Hey, I know bosh

19:55

Hey bosh, I boss

19:57

you want all juice I'm

20:01

okay you

20:05

just call me what'd

20:07

you call me call me boss Hey

20:11

I called you boss Bose

20:15

Bose Bose Yeah

20:18

what if it's like a cockney british guy like

20:20

hello Bose Hello Bose Hello

20:24

British people hate it so much we

20:26

should just do like an hour of that I'm working with

20:28

a girl a british actress and she

20:30

gets so mad Really?

20:39

Yeah she's like you're so

20:41

you're so off I'm like no

20:43

I'm not you just hate it because I'm so

20:45

close So good well what's interesting about the

20:47

british accent is that you

20:50

can tell what class somebody is depends

20:52

on the pun like I was watching

20:54

I like the crown I'm

20:56

there watching the lady who played the crown she goes

20:58

you have to say it like the crying the

21:01

crying like they yeah like

21:04

half past seven not heh heh

21:06

how they were lower class with that

21:09

heh heh Yeah all it kind of

21:11

depends people like they call

21:13

like a majority you heard a scouts

21:15

accent no it is the

21:18

most fucking insane accent you've ever heard

21:20

what is it from I think it's from Liverpool

21:22

but evidently it came from these people

21:25

who moved from Ireland to the coast

21:28

by Liverpool and it

21:30

is just like hey what's going on fuck yeah

21:32

yeah yeah it is absolutely

21:35

fucking insane it is the

21:37

most unintelligible

21:40

like gypsy gypsy But

21:44

it's still English which is a trip yeah I

21:46

mean technically it is yeah like how is that

21:48

English bro and like why does that happen I

21:51

mean why does that happen it's because you just

21:53

have no money you're stealing fucking hubcaps is

21:55

what it is yeah and I think you're just

21:57

drunk like I think isn't like the drunker you

21:59

get That's how dumber your accent

22:01

becomes I guess so you're

22:03

mine cuz like the upper crust but they're drinking

22:05

they're drinking like crazy Christina

22:08

that's the best when someone's they

22:10

ends in an eight like yeah Christina

22:12

Christina with an ER. Yeah, I love

22:15

that Joining

22:18

us for I'd say Christina

22:21

Christina Wasted

22:24

right they're all just like yeah, they

22:26

did like 11 they started 11 they

22:28

get fucking feet Like

22:31

the whole church Hill you're

22:33

seeing the whole yeah Yeah Can

22:36

I tell you something? So I was staying at a resort in

22:38

Los in not no and like Montecito and

22:40

they're walking me around and they're like, okay

22:42

So this is the room that JFK went

22:45

on his honeymoon with him Jackie-o

22:47

and I was like cool and then they would go

22:50

to Malibu and fuck Marilyn Monroe with his brother They

22:52

tagged him right so that's classy Like I don't give

22:54

a shit cuz that guy sucks and then and then

22:56

they're like Winston Churchill wrote his book in

22:58

this bungalow And I was like hold on

23:00

Winston Churchill was a public servant This fool

23:03

did not make three million dollars a year to

23:05

be staying in this fucking place And then I looked

23:07

it up and he was just a broke-ass

23:09

bitch and he would like lie to people and

23:11

really like skip out on The bill. Yeah, so

23:13

like these I love it. Yeah I

23:16

love it. I love it. Bye like these

23:18

these people that were supposed to celebrate are like

23:21

the worst human beings Were

23:23

he sort of like he would take advantage of

23:25

his fame? Yeah Yeah, but

23:27

would you ever like I can't even conceive

23:29

of doing that to people? I think that's

23:31

so shitty You mean like just literally skipping

23:33

out on it? Yeah, I Almost

23:36

wonder if maybe he would Sort

23:38

of like an IOU in his brain

23:42

It's just one I just never got around to it. You

23:44

know anything like he's gonna never go around After

23:48

second champagne at lunch, I was just

23:51

yeah, he was a booze bag and he would work

23:53

out of like his bed or his Bathtub. Yeah, he

23:55

would start the day with like eggs

23:58

and scotch or something crazy

24:00

just like a it's all that well

24:02

documented his his um What

24:05

do you have his routine? Yeah,

24:07

he'd work out of bed Right,

24:09

and then I think like out of the bathtub

24:11

just booze bagging all day long smoking cigars and

24:14

shit just getting fatter Yeah, so

24:16

fat is that crazy like you could legit just

24:18

do that back then like be a world leader

24:20

I don't know if I could know

24:23

did you listen that movie? What's it

24:25

called another round? No, I think they're remaking

24:27

it It's about this idea

24:29

that it's that you know, I got

24:31

Mads Mikkelsen the apple. No, I

24:33

don't know anybody Well, you know why I've been

24:35

raising my heads for eight years, you know Mads

24:38

when you see Mads you'd like I know that

24:40

guy. Oh, yeah, this guy's like this scars guard

24:42

guard. He's like stunning man Danish if you walked in

24:44

you go Hi So

24:47

beautiful hello, I'm gonna he's so striking. Yeah,

24:49

very striking guy, but he did a movie

24:52

called Another round. I think

24:54

it's what's called It's Danish

24:56

maybe something like that honey Jacobson that's

25:00

His partner, please tell me you never forget your wife as your

25:02

partner. Are you into that? No Yeah,

25:06

this movie is great But it's about this idea

25:08

where you maintain a certain

25:10

blood alcohol level all day And

25:13

it's supposed to make you happier and more

25:15

productive for sure. No way Cool

25:18

movie, but it's also like this. It's

25:20

an interesting concept the idea of doing that. Yeah,

25:22

I thought of trying it I don't think I

25:24

can handle it. Yeah, can you

25:26

like me? Can you do that?

25:29

I think a lot of people did back in

25:31

the day they did so like during them

25:33

and evil whatever times I've heard

25:35

that they just drink wine all day long because you

25:37

can't drink the water right all the shit Very

25:40

nice and plague and rat dirty nasty

25:42

Yeah You got a drink like or

25:45

even isn't like the original beer like

25:47

the Saison ale It would be

25:49

you get paid in beer if you were like

25:51

a field hand Oh, hello, dog 500 years

25:54

ago in Belgium. Yeah, you would get

25:56

at lunch. She would just drink this

25:58

water. It was Had just

26:00

enough alcohol in it to kill the germs. Yeah,

26:02

and just enough to keep you working I think

26:05

like that's not pretty good now. I'll go back

26:07

to work. Yeah, just throwing

26:09

some strawberries in the box You

26:12

know kind of messy Kick

26:14

off at three and you're done go

26:16

home and Beat your

26:18

kids beat your kid and take a nap. Yeah for

26:21

sure. You're beating your kid. Oh, yeah, cuz he

26:24

yeah look I mean when I was on vacation

26:26

I drink all like I started drinking like 11

26:28

and then you really have to pace yourself.

26:30

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you like you You

26:33

maintain it. Yeah, like a so that's to

26:35

me. Yeah, but if I start drinking early,

26:37

yeah, it becomes a job. Okay? Cuz

26:40

let's say someone wants to go. Let's go over here for a

26:42

couple hours like Cuz

26:44

I'm gonna sober up. I sober up so fast you

26:46

do. Yeah, if I if I don't

26:48

keep drinking, oh, right, right Yeah, I go fast

26:51

and I'll be like, oh god now I'm sober

26:53

and we're in a field. Yeah, and I'm tired

26:55

I always get tired Yeah I

26:58

have to have was just like laying down like I have to

27:00

be by a pool and then just like day drinking and then

27:02

I Take a nap and I wake up and then I drink

27:04

more dinner and then I pass out by like 830 This

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talkspace.com/WMMA. How

29:38

often do you do day drinking? Not very, just

29:40

vacation, like once a year, dude. I can't. I

29:42

haven't done it in a while, actually. Oh,

29:45

wait, no, I did it the other day when our friends

29:47

came over. Our mutual friends. Yeah. Yeah,

29:49

that was like, that was cool. That's like holiday drinking. Yeah,

29:52

yeah. Holiday drinking, holiday everything is

29:54

like, suspended

29:56

reality, I hate it. I can't, I have, every year

29:59

now I have trouble. dealing with it because it's just

30:01

my body says like you

30:04

can't you can't do two days

30:06

or three days in a row of even

30:08

having a lot of food I know dead

30:11

I'm dead yeah I saw this this

30:13

great guy on TikTok I found

30:16

African TikTok which is

30:18

so fucking cool cuz it's like I

30:20

am going to collect cow dung today and you're

30:22

like fuck yeah dude teach me about cow dung

30:24

and she teaches you that but this one African

30:27

guy when time he's like you

30:29

Americans are so fat would you like to

30:31

know why you are so fat he goes

30:33

you eat you eat and then

30:35

you haven't even shit out your

30:37

last meal and you eat it

30:39

again and again shitting eating shitting

30:43

this guy's not wrong yeah you mean finish

30:45

your last meal you've been on

30:47

a cruise you know when they fucking

30:49

the buffet I do the but I'm like

30:51

oh well I gotta go to the buffet

30:53

to push out the last buffet you gotta

30:55

like load it in cram it in to

30:57

push it out it's like you

31:00

know gotta it's only room

31:02

for one snake and gotta

31:05

have the snake pushing out a snake sure

31:09

you gotta like eat a bunch of bunch

31:11

of stuffing yeah push it out to push

31:14

out the shit they don't do

31:16

that though there they have no why

31:18

was she gathering cow dung so so

31:20

you can cow dung cow dung

31:22

you can use to put

31:24

in your house you couldn't put it

31:26

on the floor and it's very cooling

31:29

and it's a natural way to cool

31:31

things and then she says oh no

31:33

yeah I think there's like a

31:35

thousand things I would do first to

31:37

cool down other than putting cow shit

31:39

in my home but she's like it's

31:41

very natural it smells actually good because I mean

31:43

think about what kind of thing like grass it

31:46

doesn't smell like nothing it's just yeah

31:48

it's just fiber right yeah and she's

31:50

like we pat it and then it's just it is cooling

31:52

and then it becomes a clay and then

31:54

she's like the reason I'm so thin is

31:56

because I gather my food all day long

31:59

berries And you

32:01

know physically gathering, I'm burning calories.

32:03

I'm like, oh yeah. That

32:05

makes so much fucking sense. Yeah, movement. Yeah,

32:07

movement. Oh yeah, movement. Oh

32:10

yeah, moving around. Hey. Hey,

32:13

oh you're moving around a lot,

32:16

huh? It'd be cool to see some

32:18

guy from the Bronx talking to her,

32:20

hey. Oh so you're moving around a

32:22

lot, huh? Yeah, I've done that. You

32:24

know, but it's a union thing.

32:26

We can't move after three. We'll

32:29

get sanctions. You know what a sanction

32:32

is from the union? No,

32:34

I can never touch that. That's local 206, they

32:36

do cow patties. We can't touch that

32:39

shit, literally. Moving,

32:41

huh? You ever had

32:43

wine? What

32:46

are you doing, huh? He's

32:49

so blown in, his nose is red. Oh,

32:51

just that, there's those guys. You see those

32:53

guys on TikTok, they're just like really into

32:56

making a kind food. And they

32:58

can go two weeks without eating, no problem.

33:00

Yeah, yeah. They can go on naked and

33:02

afraid and just like, I'm just gonna drink

33:04

water. See here by this rock and

33:06

drink water, no problem. I

33:08

know because you look at those booze bags, like those, I

33:11

love going on vacation because I like to compare my body

33:13

to other people's bodies. That's always a

33:15

winning formula. Yeah. Well,

33:19

yeah, well, only people. Yeah, body comparison's always

33:21

a, It feels good. Always feels so great,

33:23

yeah. But it's only, I'm only allowed to compare

33:25

myself to people my age or older. But

33:27

how do you know what your age is? I guess, I guess to

33:29

me. And yeah, like, dude, I would

33:32

care like, cause like there's always like that guy

33:34

on vacation who's old as shit and he's old

33:36

and he's got the hard booze belly and the

33:38

red nose. And you're like, dude, just

33:40

a week on Naked and Afraid? No,

33:43

a month on one of these survival shows

33:45

would straighten you out. Exactly. Starve it out.

33:47

I was in Florida for a month shooting

33:49

a movie and it was like, there

33:51

was some guys down there who look like

33:53

they are a cartoon human. Sitting

33:56

by the pool. I'm thinking, how

33:58

are you alive? You

34:00

are red leather literally red

34:03

and you're drinking like the

34:05

17th to make ultra Rain

34:09

your Oakley blades and by the pool

34:11

like you are I don't know how

34:13

that feel good It's

34:15

gotta be hard to breathe It's

34:17

gotta be hard to fucking do dude. There

34:20

is this lady We went to Hawaii for

34:22

New Year's and like

34:24

you ever see that one lady like this

34:26

white lady or guy By

34:28

the pool and they're in Hawaii like the Sun

34:30

is punishing. Oh, yeah, you do not

34:32

just outright go in the Sun

34:35

You really I mean the locals don't even

34:37

like suntan. You don't see that. Yeah, but

34:39

this broad was out there from like You know

34:41

9 a.m. Just cooking

34:43

do leather and leather Laying

34:47

down that left getting a

34:49

good thick And

34:52

I so I had to talk to her cuz I You

34:54

know, I have to know like what what is this? So

34:56

I was like she's got to be from Florida You

34:59

know what? I mean you did ask her. Of course.

35:01

I did. What was your opening line? Okay, cuz I'm

35:03

real sneaky sneaky, right? I'll be like, you

35:06

know, I've just been admiring your tan Robbie tan. I'm

35:08

tanning. Oh It

35:10

feels so oh it feels so good. Oh Hi,

35:14

excuse me. I was just Admiring

35:16

your tan. It's so you look you look

35:18

fantastic. Oh, thank you. Yeah Maybe

35:21

been working on this for a while. Like do you live

35:23

in Florida? How did you know? Like

35:28

oh Yeah,

35:31

do I could tell she said she's from Vancouver Oh,

35:34

she's like we've been here for three weeks. Oh So

35:37

she's Canadian. She's like I gotta get away can yeah,

35:39

so she was not from the Bronx.

35:41

No, but it's a wild choice I

35:45

feel like a lot of people who are from the north though They

35:48

are more tan the people from

35:51

the south because they crave it

35:53

so much, you know Yeah, like the Sun

35:55

yeah, they go too far. Yes, like you

35:57

know, like those. Yes Chavs.

36:00

Of course I know where Chav is mate.

36:02

They wear berbera. You know that Chav look?

36:05

That Chav look where the girls have like

36:07

super dark skin that's all

36:09

painted on. That shit looks

36:12

fucking nasty. Nasty? M to the

36:14

B. It looks terrible. It does

36:16

mate. You look like a scary

36:19

person. You come up to me

36:21

and you're like oh I

36:23

fancy you. You're quite fit. I'm like I'm

36:25

gonna run away because you look like a

36:27

fucking fool. You look scary. Fit. I like

36:30

how they say that too. You're quite fit.

36:33

Oh you're quite fit. Don't you know it.

36:35

Look at these ladies. It's a Chavs. They

36:37

look like a fucking clown. Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

36:39

I like this look.

36:42

You're irritable. M to the B. M to the

36:44

B. M to the B.

36:46

Yeah but I do like berbera because of the

36:48

Chavs. I like that look. I like to look

36:50

like a Chav. I do.

36:53

I love their track suit. That shit's fucking

36:55

tight dude. It looks dope. But the skin

36:57

you're right. Too orange. Yeah. It's not cute.

36:59

Dude I would be this person though. You put me

37:02

in. This is me like East End of London. You

37:04

think so? Yeah I'm trash. Oh. I'm from the valley.

37:06

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley. It's essentially

37:08

the equivalent of I think like this culture. Right

37:12

because we're just sort of a crossover because

37:14

your family's from Eastern Europe right? Oh yeah.

37:16

It was like the Eastern European vibe. It's

37:18

not that far off. It's not that far off.

37:20

It feels good. Because like the Russian look. Like

37:22

that Russian look like going to track suits. Oh

37:25

yeah. What do they call them? Gopniks? You know

37:27

what Gopnik is? No. Gopnik are

37:29

these guys who were just

37:31

like fucking jumping between. I know. Like the second

37:33

I mentioned Chav trying to bring up Chav and I'm jumping

37:36

to Gopnik. I know. We're just all over the place. Gopniks

37:38

are those dudes in Russia or like

37:40

any Russian block country where they

37:42

wear like the leather shoes, the

37:44

tracks, the fetus track suits. Yeah.

37:47

And they all they do is sit around

37:49

all day drinking and smoking sigs.

37:51

Oh yeah. They're just like haunches. That's just

37:53

Eastern Europeans. Gopnik. Yeah. Yeah. This is like

37:56

my cousin. No. These are my relatives. They're

37:58

all like low level games. Yes, so

38:00

so these guys Okay, I

38:03

didn't know that I didn't know what they were

38:05

called. These are Russian like yeah mafia mot like

38:07

scumbags Like you don't talk to

38:09

them in all in Europe These are like these

38:12

are definitely street scumbags who are yeah just all

38:14

we do is drink They kick it

38:16

in the parks. Usually you'll see these fools at the park.

38:18

They just get drunk all day Oh sure

38:20

homie huge beers. Yep. Yep We

38:22

only know guys long someone put out

38:24

called three Polosky means three stripes It's

38:28

all about Adidas. It's like a you know, like hard

38:30

base like It's

38:34

all these guys doing like this funny little dance

38:37

a little gopnik dance I love

38:39

it. This is this speaks to me in such

38:41

a way. This is just this is yeah I

38:43

grew up my dad wore this shit. I wear

38:45

this shit. I love it. I

38:48

feel it. What's your cultural? What

38:50

do you feel in your heart? Minnesota you're

38:52

feeling like a lack The

38:55

lack of culture Honestly, that's the

38:58

thing I think about a lot. I feel like I

39:00

don't I grew up in Minnesota So technically,

39:03

you know, that's where I grew

39:05

up I didn't ever feel like I was

39:07

Minnesotan growing up because hmm, you know, my

39:09

parents don't they don't talk like this. Oh Hey,

39:13

oh you got a podcast Christina.

39:15

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. This

39:17

is nice That's like

39:19

everyone Minnesota. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, this

39:21

is oh, this is nice Oh

39:25

my gosh, what is this? Oh,

39:28

that's nice. Oh you

39:30

quit drinking also just beer, huh? Oh

39:33

Just beer. Yeah, I know that's

39:35

like everyone that was not my

39:37

family. What like my friends talk

39:40

that Were you guys

39:42

not like native to that? Yeah. Also, I

39:44

think it's sort of like with most

39:46

accents if you You

39:49

know how long your family's been going to

39:51

college? Come to say

39:53

it in a nice way It's

39:57

like adults it like how easily can

40:00

you do a magic trick on someone. Yeah. Oh,

40:05

where did you go? You cover my

40:08

eyes. Oh

40:10

my God, it's dark all of a sudden. My

40:13

eyes were covered. Yeah,

40:17

it's like putting a towel on a

40:19

dog's head. You

40:22

can test the intelligence of a dog by

40:24

how long it takes them to shake the towel off. Some

40:27

dogs are like, well, I guess I'm dead, but

40:29

I'm still alive. Well

40:32

I can't see now. Oh really? Guess

40:34

I'll keep going through life with my nose only.

40:38

You can test how stupid your animals are. Just

40:40

do that. They shake it off immediately. That's the same

40:42

as, I think the Minnesota accent

40:44

is kind of that way. Yeah. Yeah,

40:47

the first time I went to Minneapolis Tits, I...

40:49

I've never heard that. Minneapolis

40:52

Tits. You heard it here. Oh,

40:55

that's funny, Christine. That's

40:58

good. You've got to... That's

41:01

like the most annoying guy. It is

41:03

annoying because like, oh yeah. And

41:05

their Minnesota nice is what I heard. Is

41:08

that real or are they just seething

41:10

under it? It's real. I think

41:12

it comes from a Scandinavian thing of being like... Oh

41:15

yeah. I also think it comes from the

41:17

idea of you're living in the tundra where

41:19

it's so cold. Someone

41:22

explained this to me once. It's

41:24

really cold. You have to be nice to people

41:26

because the stakes are high. Because

41:29

someone could just freeze to death. Oh shit,

41:31

that's right. Like you're dependent on your neighbor

41:33

for survival. Wow. It's

41:36

not like if you're five minutes late, it's like,

41:38

oh, I just froze to death because you're five

41:40

minutes late. So you

41:42

need to be nice to people. I've

41:44

been obsessed with this guy on TikTok called the Prince

41:46

of Germany. He's

41:48

this American guy who is learning German in Germany.

41:51

He's also a comedian. He's really funny. Will

41:53

you bring him up? Apparently,

41:55

I didn't realize this, that the Germans go

41:57

out and play in the snow. Snowing

42:00

outside. Let's go five six our hike

42:02

ins a snow. I'm like that sounds

42:04

terrible people do that and no, I

42:06

know That's what I'm saying. It's a

42:09

parallel cultural. Yeah, he's like should we

42:11

go outside? Also, it's

42:13

it's often to play on the snow. I

42:16

hate it. Oh, you're clear play. I grip in LA

42:18

I know I didn't see it snow until I was like 20

42:21

No, 32 when I toured for the first time

42:23

I never saw a person we saw snow was 30.

42:25

I saw it's snowing I was in my 30s. Yeah,

42:27

so you never throw a snowball You

42:29

can go to the mountains in LA and

42:31

like find like half melted bullshit and kind

42:33

of do it It's like a pack of

42:36

empty medallos underneath Broken

42:42

my Dela bottles in the snow Cigarette

42:44

but it's terrible. Yeah, would you

42:47

find the one where he's like what

42:49

if instead? Yeah, cool.

42:51

You click. You know what? I was thinking

42:53

we should do today Yeah, I am having

42:55

the feeling that we should be a little

42:57

on the edge. Yeah, some vice be them

42:59

for example I'm maybe we square up a

43:01

new stroke, but without socks. I know

43:04

if I see I Then

43:06

if we are really getting addicted to the

43:08

excitement Then we could look to see if

43:11

there is any traffic coming and if not

43:13

then we could walk when the crosswalk is

43:17

This is a little too a little too much

43:19

for me even I can read

43:21

our dinner appointment. We could be

43:24

two or three minutes That's

43:28

what too far this is crossing a line. Yeah, well,

43:30

it's all been a bit so great Anyway,

43:33

it makes sense though how that filtered into the

43:35

Midwestern. Yeah, that's that's where you

43:37

guys are from this Just

43:39

like yes culture of really rigid and are

43:42

they hard workers because he's always my phone

43:44

The hard working thing is insane. It

43:47

is like work It's

43:49

all it's so ingrained. Yeah, if you

43:51

don't work hard, it's like what are

43:53

you? Satanist or something like

43:56

that. It's like evil not to work

43:58

hard because the Germans this guy And

44:00

my grandmother was from Germany, so she would do

44:02

the same thing. There's no rest. Even

44:05

on a day, she would wake up. I'm

44:09

going to go to... She'd wake

44:11

up at 5am and walk to the

44:13

mall, which was like three or four miles away

44:15

in her late 60s, and then come home and

44:17

pull all the lemons off the backyard trees and

44:19

then make... Pull all the lemons

44:21

off the trees? I'm making lemon juice and

44:23

lemon cookies. And they're like, shut the fuck

44:25

up. Nobody wants any of this. Constantly

44:29

going. I can't relax. Yeah,

44:32

I think that's not that great, but I

44:34

mean, it has its... It's both. It's

44:36

both things. It's good and bad. It's

44:39

the Protestant work ethic. It is. Yes, the

44:41

Protestant. And that's what America is founded

44:44

on. A lot of it is, it feels

44:46

like. Definitely. You have to work. If you

44:48

don't work, then what are you? I know.

44:50

You're like, oh, if you're not working, then

44:52

you're just... I guess we should

44:54

just let you go. I

44:57

know. I don't want to work anymore. I'm

45:00

done. Yeah. I'm like, I don't

45:02

know how to work out. I like telling jokes. I love

45:04

to stand up comedy. Yeah.

45:08

I can't even tell anymore. I feel like... That's

45:11

like going back to the idea of... I

45:13

grew up there, but my mom was from Louisiana,

45:15

so that's the opposite. Okay. Because

45:18

she would talk shit about Minnesota for

45:21

my entire upbringing. She would be like, someone

45:23

would cut her off in traffic. She'd, Minnesota.

45:27

That's just a person doing what everyone

45:29

does, but she would blame it on

45:31

the fact that they're Minnesota. They're lineage.

45:34

Yeah. Right. In

45:36

the South, they're so lazy. They don't work as hard. Yeah.

45:39

Like, yo, you want to get shit done, go to the coast? They're

45:43

not. They don't have the hustle. Well, it's too

45:45

hot. You can't be out there. It's too damn hot to

45:47

do stuff. It's got to chill.

45:49

Also, it's a lot of talking, gossiping and

45:51

stuff. I mean, I say there's no gossip.

45:54

My mom always hated that people

45:56

wouldn't gossip about stuff. They would be like, oh,

45:58

you know, no, we'll leave them out. along

46:00

don't want to get in their business she's

46:02

all like what do you what is

46:04

life but to get in other people's business

46:06

that's the whole point of living is you

46:08

know I'm still there doing over there I

46:10

know they fucking move that

46:12

tree from the left to the right they

46:14

didn't ask anybody they didn't ask us

46:17

the shades coming on our lawn they didn't ask

46:19

us did you talk have you seen them they

46:22

parked their car on the lawn now that's

46:25

interesting you know we haven't seen

46:27

them in two days what are they doing

46:29

they're digging a hole in there you think thing

46:31

like yeah if you don't know what's going on someone you

46:33

think they must be doing something bad yep

46:36

yeah that's how many the manie ever had the really

46:38

did you see what so-and-so bought the lot over there

46:40

I was there but you know much to pay for yeah

46:42

oh they did oh they didn't put still

46:45

this price they didn't pay that mmm-hmm they

46:47

know they know Jimmy teen Tana they

46:50

know Jimmy teen Tana they know him from back

46:52

in the day they didn't pay less they didn't

46:54

pay anything close to that we weren't we

46:56

went out there asking that's like we don't oh

46:58

we don't know nothing oh you know you

47:00

don't damn well you know that thing we're

47:03

going see well you know she's

47:06

gonna be a check like oh I

47:10

just got a membership to cook oh oh you got a membership

47:14

was cuz your daddy wasn't I think it was we all

47:16

know he's dead come right here grab my

47:18

ass when Christmas two years ago grandma you

47:24

know but that's me well let them be I

47:26

still I love going over there but we go though of

47:28

course you have to say bless their heart bless their heart

47:31

honestly she's so pretty so sweet too

47:33

just so sweet oh my god that's

47:35

what I want

47:39

to come I want to come back to

47:41

life as well like the gay guy who's

47:43

friends with all the southern women who's not

47:45

gay but he's gay so yeah oh

47:48

my god Christina look

47:50

at you where

47:52

did you get oh my god look

47:55

at that my wife could never wear

47:57

that I mean that's what they told

47:59

you Oh my god, that's how

48:01

the southern women are here. Yeah, they gossip like

48:03

that. And I don't know how to do it,

48:05

because in LA we talk shit straight up. They

48:07

do it kind of sideways. Yeah, it's both. They're

48:10

like, isn't that an interesting shirt? Oh,

48:12

what is that? Was that a stain? No,

48:14

it's not. That's part of the design. I

48:16

would look at me, I

48:18

just don't know about these, your West Coast

48:20

ways. Yeah, yeah, I'm just a bumpkin.

48:22

Heh heh heh. Ha ha ha ha

48:26

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Totally,

48:28

but in growing up in LA, nobody

48:30

gives a shit about what the neighbors say. I don't give a fuck.

48:32

Yeah, we had neighbors in the city of the city, I

48:34

never even talked to them for three years. I

48:38

never knew my neighbors growing up. We had a

48:40

neighbor that was cooking meth next door, we didn't even

48:42

know about it until it exploded. Yeah, and the tin

48:44

foil on the windows and everything, like, okay, no one

48:46

cares. No one cares. That's such a thing.

48:49

Like my mom would be like, how dare

48:52

they not know us. Ha ha ha ha ha

48:54

ha ha ha. They not know great way back.

48:56

Like, how dare we not know about what's going

48:58

on all the time. Yeah, I don't know, I

49:00

don't care. I'm of the LA thing, right? I

49:02

like it. Still don't care. I like to

49:04

know my neighbors. You do, you wanna know? I do, I

49:07

feel like it's a good thing. Oh no, I

49:09

like to know who they are, but I don't wanna

49:11

gossip about like, did you see the

49:13

new wall that they're building over there?

49:15

I don't know about that granite. You know what they

49:17

should do is build a path for the trash cans

49:19

to come out on the front. You're like, shut the fuck up. I

49:21

don't wanna look at that. Yeah, I don't wanna look at

49:23

that. I don't wanna look at that. Did you see their Christmas

49:25

lights? I don't, yeah, like that whole shit I don't care about.

49:28

I mean, all blue, what is that? That's not Christmas.

49:31

Oh my God, the first time I moved here, when

49:34

I first moved here, I was in a

49:36

Michaels Arts and Crafts. And

49:39

I remember the person buying something at

49:41

the register was like, Merry Christmas. And

49:43

they're like, Merry Christmas. Oh, they say it on purpose. Yeah,

49:46

and I was like, pfft. I'm like, you can

49:48

just do that? It's like the 90s here, bro. If

49:50

people just say Merry Christmas. Really?

49:53

We're saying it sort of like they knew that you

49:55

were not from around. Guess what, I'm

49:57

gonna say Merry Christmas. Yeah, it's an act

49:59

of defiance. of cultural so happy

50:01

holidays is like no no no not

50:03

in Texas it's merry christmas like who

50:05

gives a shit I know no one

50:07

cares that's like the dumbest defiance of

50:09

all time you can say Merry

50:11

Christmas to anybody to go yes

50:14

Merry Christmas you know no

50:16

problem but it does fine it does make

50:18

me laugh I'm a friend who was

50:20

saying it in defiance in LA and

50:22

it made me laugh do they have

50:24

any pushback though probably no one cares

50:26

it was a Disneyland by the way I don't

50:29

know if you've been I know you're not a

50:31

Disney adult are you all sort of my you

50:33

know my wife's big no watch

50:35

you she's a Disney goth oh

50:37

that's different God that day is different I gave

50:40

her out there she grew up yeah I'm gonna see like

50:42

you know since she was a little

50:44

kid yeah same getting like in trouble at Disney

50:46

like same everything all of her firsts are at

50:48

Disneyland yeah cuz it's easy to get it's like

50:50

what are you doing a weekend you live near

50:52

Anaheim you can do that yeah also used to

50:54

be cool it was cool it was cool and now

50:56

it's not cool I'm not fucked Disneyland away

50:59

fuck now yeah I know it is

51:01

so busy you can't go there it's

51:03

fucked and it is and I

51:06

and I know it sounds so like hacky but

51:08

it is so fat now like

51:11

the people are so

51:13

obese and I'm telling it it came a

51:15

point Johnny where I was counting thin people I'm

51:18

serious and Disneyland at Disney World no

51:20

Disneyland in Anaheim California the one that

51:22

I fucking represent hard homie and

51:25

I mean everybody was the scooters are just

51:27

enormous and this strollers too it's like

51:29

yeah this is a this is like

51:31

a cab yeah it's like a taxi

51:34

you have this giant the size of

51:36

this table they're just driving oh of

51:38

course the kid the fucking but

51:41

it was really weird I mean I don't know

51:43

I have noticed it before how fat those

51:47

and then they can use their fat so status to

51:49

cut in line yeah they let

51:51

you now be like oh you're disabled

51:53

really uh-huh and they'll let you cut

51:55

the line z's for being too fat I

51:59

know it's so unfair That's just one. I mean

52:01

not only that but it's packed there now.

52:03

It's packed. It's so packed You know when

52:05

you go to place and it's so many people

52:07

like I can't enjoy this

52:09

No, and there's some the rides are like dumbo

52:11

like we timed it I think the ride itself

52:13

is like 47 seconds and then you have

52:15

to wait for an hour I'll

52:19

tell you what. Okay. I'll be very very honest here, uh for

52:21

the moms listening. Here we go. Here we go Honestly,

52:23

I mean none of them i've been lying to you

52:26

ever because I have verbal diarrhea, but um,

52:28

there's this whole idea of like

52:30

you're a mom boss and you're gonna be

52:32

a mom and you're gonna do the working stuff too

52:34

And it's like kind of To

52:37

some extent. Yes, like if I really want to

52:39

go full throttle the way I was full trial

52:42

That's how we say around here studio jeans. It's

52:44

um What's his name? This is what you

52:46

get? Joe. Joe. That's how

52:48

we say it here this guy. Joe who's

52:50

a creep. He says full throttle. He's from

52:52

jersey Oh, but throttle what are they for

52:54

throttle? Like full full trial full throttle. Yeah,

52:56

you're gonna go full throttle

52:58

in there You're gonna pick

53:00

up a couple guys on your way in there Yeah,

53:04

but if I wanted to go full throttle

53:06

with my career and be a boss babe

53:08

and do what the Kardashians do Then

53:10

I would have to have nannies on nannies on nannies on

53:12

nannies on nannies on nannies on nannies Or

53:15

a husband who's willing to stay home and raise

53:17

the kids because somebody's got to raise the kids

53:19

Someone who's a family member has to be there

53:21

And also at least you don't have you know,

53:24

your mom is not in the picture. My mom's

53:26

a dead schizo Right. So who do I have

53:28

a lot of people their mother is? Like

53:31

that secondary it's not the primary.

53:33

That's great. Yeah, I would love if

53:35

I had a sane Uh

53:37

mother right did you did your parents

53:39

do the whole like you're 18 you're out of here thing

53:41

or did they support me? I mean I was like I

53:43

was begging I

53:45

don't I do not want I was

53:48

so excited to not have not be at home

53:50

I know me too. I couldn't wait to get

53:52

the fuck out. Yeah, even when I moved to

53:54

like i've never wanted help Like

53:56

my whole thing is I do not want like

53:58

still this day If someone

54:01

tells me like, like,

54:03

I'll be safe. I'm like, I'm

54:05

not going to be safe now. You want me to

54:07

be safe? Sounds like I'm

54:09

going to be not safe. Do

54:12

not tell me to be like that kind of

54:14

thing. Oh, anything, any sort of

54:16

safety. You know why?

54:19

I know why. Because my mom,

54:21

like, you know, be safe. I'm

54:24

like too much. I could do it. And

54:27

because it makes you I've heard that if you

54:29

tell your little boys, like, be careful. It

54:31

actually undermines their

54:33

sense of self of like, yeah, but I can do this.

54:36

Why don't you fucking tell me to be careful? You're

54:38

undermining their self-esteem. And then they grow up like

54:40

you were like, fuck you, mom. Exactly. Stupid bitch.

54:42

But at the same time, I think about stuff

54:44

I used to do in middle school

54:47

and high school. Yeah. I don't know how I

54:49

have all my fingers. No, I know. For real. There's stuff

54:51

that I used to do. I'm like, holy shit.

54:53

I should have brain

54:55

damage. I should have been killed multiple times.

54:57

I know. But that's, I don't know how

54:59

I survived. It's the magic of growing up.

55:02

I used to build potato guns. And

55:05

I mean, bad stuff. We

55:08

used to shoot out street lights with potato guns.

55:11

We put like a six inch roofing nail on it, rust

55:13

it, and drive

55:15

by a fucking street light. And

55:17

we'd miss drive back by again five minutes later

55:19

and shoot the thing out of the potato gun.

55:22

That sounds so much fun now. Oh, it's the

55:24

most fun. So much fun, right? Well,

55:27

listen, I got to wrap up. I got to go. I'm

55:29

going to stay. You stay here. You keep doing the show.

55:32

Go see Johnny Pemberton do his one

55:34

man show, Minnesota Reggae

55:36

Colostomy Bag, the greatest title for a show

55:39

ever. He's in Chicago February 14 through 17.

55:42

Go get your tickets at johnnypemberton.dog.

55:45

Dot dog, you guys, not dot com. Yeah, you

55:47

can also go to Instagram. You can find the

55:50

links. Yeah. And by the way, you're

55:52

a very successful actor, comedian. But

55:54

what you're most appreciated for in

55:56

my world is pickle and

55:58

peanut. Oh, right. Yeah. And so if you,

56:00

mom's out there, if you want a cartoon that's actually

56:03

really, really funny and good for kids and you

56:05

can watch and laugh at, I mean, I

56:07

have favorite episodes now of Pickle and Peanut.

56:09

It's one of the best things I've ever

56:11

worked on. I, when it would

56:13

come out, I would watch it. I would just

56:15

hide and watch it. And I think it's, it's

56:18

a lot. Hey, Pickle. It's severely

56:20

underrated. Also Disney, I think kind of

56:22

was, it doesn't

56:24

make sense it was on Disney. No, how'd you

56:26

get away with that stuff? There's

56:28

a lot to tell. How was your mom? It's a

56:30

great, it's such a great show. I think

56:33

it's kind of, it's coming back because you are one

56:35

of about three or four people I know

56:37

who've hit me up and be like, hey, my kids are

56:39

watching this show. I just realized it's your

56:41

voice. It's your voice. So he plays Peanut

56:43

and I hear your voice all the time.

56:46

Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. Yeah. And

56:48

now I have favorite episodes. I like the one where,

56:52

what is it? Fucking Skybanger, Cloudbanger.

56:54

You guys have Hawk, Falconry. Oh, that

56:56

one's good. That was a good one.

56:59

And then where Pickle gets the things

57:01

from the, I can't talk.

57:03

Little creatures from the cereal box that reproduce

57:05

and reproduce and reproduce. I've forgotten so much

57:07

of this stuff. So good. It is a,

57:09

yeah, it's a truly great show. I feel

57:11

like. So funny. And

57:13

Brendan Walsh that did it with you guys too. He was

57:16

a writer on the show. But

57:18

the two main guys, this guy,

57:20

Noah Jones and Joel Trussell, not

57:22

related to Duncan though. Oh, unfortunately

57:24

for. Very, very smart, very funny

57:26

guys. They're the funniest guys. They're

57:28

so, it is, it's a gen, yeah, it's a gen,

57:30

it's a comics show you can tell. Cause I'll be

57:32

in the kitchen and the kids are watching. I'm like,

57:35

no way did they just have to find the, God

57:37

damn it, it was so good. There's stuff that we got

57:39

away with on there. We had to get

57:41

around the sensors. Disney sensors are

57:44

obviously very strict. We would make

57:46

up fake words to say that

57:48

were ended up sounding worse. There was

57:50

an episode where I was like, let's

57:52

just, we couldn't say heel belly, right?

57:54

Cause I just sang. Sure. Oh

57:57

yeah, yeah, it sounds like cum guzzler. Exactly.

58:00

Yeah, yeah, that's I was like guzzlers. I'm like,

58:02

I mean they let that in. Yeah It's

58:05

like guys. Yeah, this is worse than

58:07

hillbilly. Yeah guzzlers Yeah,

58:10

that was my that's my pit. That was great

58:13

guzzlers. Yeah Guzzlers,

58:15

there's a few jokes. I'm trying to

58:17

remember even just the silly things

58:19

you guys will do like you'll cut to

58:21

real things Oh that that is

58:23

stuff is That was

58:25

super high-minded stuff. There's a guy I Joel

58:29

Fox Genius guy very

58:31

creative very strange Interesting

58:34

genius guy who was in charge of

58:36

all the cutaways the action cutaways that

58:39

guy is a cool guy Yo, there's one

58:41

that we watched like over and

58:43

over it was of a dog smashing hot

58:45

dogs It was like a actually like real

58:47

dog paws like bam Bam

58:50

and it was like slow-mo and I'm like,

58:52

this is so funny. Do you like kids?

58:54

We're giant like it's so good I've

58:57

forgotten all of it because I can watch it. I know

58:59

I don't hear myself Yeah, I'm so

59:01

invested in it. I'm like, that's

59:04

me. I guess it is me who plays pickle

59:06

It's John heater from Napoleon

59:08

dynamite. No Hurry

59:13

pickle, but he goes kind of like he does Oh,

59:16

that's good. Yeah. Yeah, he's good.

59:18

Come here a little buddy. He's

59:20

always into animals and Yeah,

59:24

oh you're so funny you're a good show you're such

59:26

a gift to the world it comes back and I

59:28

get real paid I hope so. Yeah, it's

59:30

hard to get paid with animation unless

59:32

you get like massive the whales. Yeah

59:36

Well bring back pickle and peanut back. It's

59:38

so fucking funny, dude You

59:40

got an upcoming prime video series

59:43

coming up. What is this? Uh, fallout can

59:45

be coming out in April sweet dog Big

59:47

show. Okay. What's about? Um, are

59:49

you allowed to say I totally am it's funny

59:52

because people either Don't know anything

59:54

about it. Or if they do it's like Video

59:59

game It's been around for 20 years

1:00:01

called Fallout. Well, at least Dorks know about it.

1:00:03

And it's like one of the most popular video

1:00:05

game franchises to ever exist. Oh, yeah, I'm a

1:00:08

fucking idiot. So, uh, we made a show of

1:00:10

it. It's, uh... It's

1:00:12

coming out in prime. That's major, then. It's

1:00:15

gonna be really... Uh, it's really

1:00:17

cool. It's like a Minecraft movie or some

1:00:19

shit, you know? Yeah, but... Bigger. Bigger,

1:00:21

bigger. It's like this... It's... It's such a

1:00:23

big scope. We shot it on film. Wow.

1:00:26

It's, uh... Incre- I mean, I've

1:00:28

just only seen pieces of it. It's absolutely incredible.

1:00:31

It's gonna be, uh... I think it's gonna be really

1:00:33

cool. Oh, man. I'm so happy for you. We

1:00:35

traveled all around the world to shoot it and

1:00:38

stuff. Fuck. Yeah, it's, uh,

1:00:40

gnarly. Alright, so Fallout on Prime Video.

1:00:42

Obviously, Pidlum Pina, your finest work. And

1:00:45

Minnesota Reggae Colostomy Bag in Chicago,

1:00:47

February 14th through 17th. JohnnyPemberton.dog. Thank you so

1:00:49

much for coming here. I adore you. I

1:00:52

love being here. You're just the greatest. You're

1:00:54

so funny. And I love you so

1:00:56

much. How can you say that? Hey, how can you- How

1:00:58

dare you say that? You're the greatest! You're the greatest! No,

1:01:00

you are! No, you are! But you are! I love that

1:01:02

shit! Where'd you get them? Until

1:01:05

next time, stay cool, moms. Bye. Peace. Thanks

1:01:29

for watching.