0:00

ready in Chumash al ba shalosh

0:02

shtaym?

0:04

["Where My Moms At?" by Christina

0:06

Peele plays in the background.] Meow

0:24

meow meow, meow meow meow, come see me do stand

0:26

up. You guys, I'm doing a special thing

0:29

just here in Austin,

0:33

Tejas. I am doing

0:35

a

0:37

very different type of set. I'm

0:39

telling you guys, I'm going deeper.

0:41

I'm getting weirder.

0:44

Yow! And I fucking love

0:46

it. And I'm trying, I'm trying it out. I'm

0:49

trying, I'm talking about things I never

0:52

really had the means

0:54

to early, you know, early in my stand-up

0:56

career, if that makes sense, like you get to a point where you can, I can

0:58

write a shit joke. Maybe I can write about other

1:00

stuff. So come see me in the

1:03

side room. That's called the Red Room at Cap

1:05

City. The tickets go really fast every

1:07

week for that. It's only like 70 people

1:10

or something. And yeah, come

1:13

try it out. Come hang out with me. Watch me try out some new shit.

1:15

Super fun. That's all

1:17

now. I think Turner Hall Ballroom is

1:19

almost completely gone. There's maybe like just a handful of

1:21

tickets April 30th. And then again,

1:23

the Red Room and then Charlestown, West Virginia,

1:26

Hollywood Casino, Charlestown

1:28

Races, May 13th. It's just a very

1:30

easy title. It just rolls off the tongue. And

1:34

then

1:34

Comedy Verks, downtown

1:37

in Denver, September 14th, 15th, and

1:40

16th. ChristinaP.Online.com for

1:42

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you haven't already, try it out. Buy

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bad parents and I couldn't

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love this formula more.

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Someone just emailed me

2:02

today telling me that they like

2:04

the taste of the lipstick even. So that

2:06

is a smash hit. You shouldn't be

2:09

really eating it, but I imagine a little

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Now, moving along, what

3:34

is happening in the mom world? If

3:37

you're anything like me, you've got

3:39

mom friends that you keep it kind of cash

3:42

with. You

3:44

know, just standard like, hey, is today

3:47

wacky t-shirt day at school? Is

3:49

it the pajama day, the god awful pajama

3:52

day at school? I hate,

3:54

it's like it's not bad enough that you got two little kids

3:58

that I got to fucking do their homework with and all. And

4:00

then they're like, guess what? Today's spirit wear. They

4:02

gotta wear spirit wear. I'm like, Jesus,

4:04

what the fucking spirit wear in the pajama

4:06

day. So there's those

4:08

moms that you text about that with.

4:11

And then there's like special mom friends you

4:13

have. Bitches that send you

4:15

the awesomeness stuff.

4:18

And if you're, you know, if you're

4:21

lucky enough to have one of these friends,

4:23

this bitch sent me, I love it,

4:26

at this guy, what's his name? Dylan Delaney

4:28

Mulvaney. Dylan

4:31

Mulvaney. Forgive my ignorance.

4:33

Listen, I don't use a Livono.

4:36

I don't know much about the world because

4:39

I'm inside with my kids a lot. I

4:42

am on TikTok and I saw Dylan

4:45

Mulvaney like a long

4:47

time ago on the talk. And

4:49

people were already getting their

4:52

panties in a twist because he was like, I'm a

4:54

girl. And I was like, oh, he's just like another

4:56

TikTok guy

4:57

who I love

5:00

watching and make fun of, blah, blah, blah. And

5:02

then the Bud Light thing happened recently. But before

5:04

that

5:05

came to Drew Barrymore a thing. I

5:08

don't know. Let's start from the very beginning. Can

5:10

we play his first TikTok?

5:13

Let's see where this all started. Cause

5:16

there's just been an uproar over Dylan Mulvaney

5:19

and the Bud Light ad. Apparently Bud

5:21

Light chose him as the sponsor. Is that correct,

5:23

Josh? Yeah. And then they lost

5:26

what, $3 billion?

5:27

Talk

5:30

about know your audience dip shits. Like,

5:33

do you really think of the majority

5:35

of Bud Light drinkers are like, this is my guy. This

5:37

is who represents me.

5:39

It's the guy, what was he? He was in the book of Mormon

5:42

singer. Yeah. That's the guy Bud

5:44

Light. Good choice.

5:46

Good choice. I

5:50

don't want that. I don't want that either

5:52

if I'm drinking my Bud. So let's see

5:55

this guy's, this guy's now a woman.

5:57

Let's see this woman's first.

5:59

This is the very first one, right? And

6:02

that one went viral. This is the first,

6:04

this is day one of her being a girl. Day one,

6:06

so I'm assuming that means like day one, I'm on my hormones,

6:09

right? She's on estrogen. Day

6:12

one of being a girl and I have already cried three

6:15

times. I wrote a scathing email

6:17

that I did not send. I ordered

6:19

dresses online that I couldn't afford.

6:21

And then when someone asked me how I was,

6:23

I said, I'm fine when

6:25

I wasn't fine.

6:29

How'd I do ladies? Good girl

6:31

power. Right. It

6:33

is a bit caricature-ish of what it

6:35

is to be a woman. So we're overly

6:38

emotional. We cry

6:40

relentlessly. We're passive aggressive

6:42

and we can't tell people our real feelings and

6:45

we over shop. Is that right? Is

6:47

that what it is to be a woman?

6:50

How do you guys feel? Does that resonate with you? Is that

6:52

stupid chicks?

6:52

I can't tell if it's a bit

6:55

or not. It just feels like,

6:57

yeah, he's doing an impersonation.

6:59

Of what a girl is. Yeah. Yeah,

7:02

because I saw a lot of right wing people, conservatives

7:08

were like, they're making a mockery of womanhood

7:11

and this and that. And I'm like, I don't

7:13

know. I don't care enough

7:15

to take it that far. This

7:17

person's making a mockery of womanhood.

7:20

But it does feel caricature-ish

7:23

and not real, right Chad? What were you saying earlier?

7:26

Chad had a good thing

7:27

on it. Oh yeah, it did seem

7:29

kind of like, well, it's a caricature and it's kind of

7:32

exaggerating or kind of mocking

7:35

what you would think a girl or woman

7:37

would act like. Yeah. It's kind of

7:39

interesting because I think

7:40

normally it'd be like the more progressive

7:42

people that would call that out. And it's

7:44

currently like conservative people are saying, it's

7:47

a mockery whenever someone tries to put

7:49

on something like be a different

7:52

thing or a different culture, different

7:54

gender or whatever. It seems like a progressive thing

7:56

to kind of- To call people

7:59

out. I knew and yet.

7:59

they're like, go ahead, go ahead and

8:02

co-opt this culture or whatever.

8:04

But the reason the conservatives, when they do

8:06

it, it feels hateful though. You know,

8:09

don't you agree? It feels like there's like a dose

8:11

of F this guy. It's like, well,

8:14

clearly there's something going on here and what

8:17

is it? I'm curious to know. But that would

8:19

be like me taking testosterone

8:20

and being like,

8:23

guys, today I did 50 pushups

8:26

and then I bought a pickup truck and then I beat

8:28

the shit out of some queers. Am I right?

8:30

Like it feels a little reductive. And

8:34

I can't imagine just one day on

8:36

estrogen does all of that to you? Cause

8:39

I, listen, I take T for

8:41

my perimenopausal

8:43

symptoms and I don't feel,

8:46

I'm a naturally pretty aggressive lady, but

8:51

I don't feel any crazier. I don't know. Let's

8:54

see what, so we saw day one, let's see what day 58 and let's

8:56

see if

8:59

there's any nuance. Is she still

9:01

crying? Is she still shopping compulsively?

9:04

Let's see. Day 58 of being a girl and

9:07

I just froze my sperm. That

9:10

is a statement that I never thought I'd say, but

9:12

here we are. I'm currently taking

9:14

estrogen and a testosterone blocker

9:17

and I plan to be on them for a long time. And

9:19

one of the side effects can be infertility.

9:22

I didn't know that having kids was something that I

9:24

was gonna even

9:25

have to think about this early in my life.

9:27

I'm in my twenties and I just

9:30

have to be careful because there's kind of a small window

9:32

now with these hormones of what

9:34

I decide. I am so down for

9:36

adoption when I'm older. I think that would be a

9:38

beautiful journey,

9:40

but I was also scared of letting go

9:42

of the other options. I just got my sperm

9:44

count results back from the lab and

9:46

my sperm count was just above

9:49

the viable amount. So I kind of did it at

9:51

the perfect time and I'm really,

9:53

really happy that I did. Anyone who's curious,

9:56

I used the company Legacy. It's

9:58

an at-home test.

9:59

and freezing kit.

10:02

So I kind of just put the swimmers into

10:04

a box, sent them off, and it was so

10:06

nice to not have to go to the doctor's office. I already

10:08

go to so many doctors as it is. And

10:11

now there's a bunch of little dillens in a freezer

10:13

somewhere. And today's Mother's Day!

10:15

Happy Mother's Day

10:16

to all the moms. I love you

10:18

mom, hi Donna. Okay, I can't.

10:20

I can't wait to be a mom one day. Can I just

10:22

tell you, like, I feel like,

10:25

why does this make me sad? Like I don't

10:27

feel, and

10:29

this is somebody, like, I'm really trying

10:31

to understand it and be open,

10:34

but I feel sad. I don't,

10:36

like, he's like, yay, I'm doing all this stuff

10:39

that's completely

10:41

fucking bananas. Like, here

10:43

I am freezing my sperm, even though I'm transitioning to

10:45

be, like, he knows how

10:48

bonkers it sounds, and

10:50

it must feel even weirder to

10:53

be this person.

10:54

So I really, like,

10:58

I mean, my heart goes out to her because this

11:00

seems just, like, insanity. And

11:03

I

11:04

can't imagine what that's like to be this. Okay,

11:06

so this one came out. This is the one

11:09

my savage mom friend sent me. This

11:11

is the one that's making the rounds.

11:13

Let's go. It's day 335 of being

11:15

a girl, and

11:17

I wanted to go on record to say that this

11:21

might be the hottest I've ever looked and will

11:23

ever look in my lifetime. And

11:26

I'm making this video so that in thousands of years,

11:29

there will be evidence. Is it the

11:31

dress?

11:33

It could be the dress. Is

11:35

it the makeup? Or is it the hair? Because

11:38

I think it's the extensions. And when

11:40

I have extensions in, I don't know my name. I

11:43

don't know where I live. I just know that I love these.

11:45

And I know that I look like I could steal a husband,

11:48

but I want to promise you, look me in the eyes, I

11:51

want to promise you that I would never do that to you. Okay,

11:54

I am a girl's girl. And I

11:56

love ya. Whoo! But

11:58

seriously, this is good, right? Okay, okay,

12:00

okay. Love you. Love you. Okay, New York National

12:03

Week. Oh, okay. Bye. Maybe

12:05

like part of it. Okay, maybe part

12:07

of it is that this person's an actor

12:10

to begin with. Like it's a it's

12:12

got like theater theater

12:14

geek vibes already where you're

12:17

like dude, this person was bullshit before they

12:19

transitioned. Do

12:20

you know what I'm saying? Like they were never really

12:22

there to begin with. You know, it's crazy that

12:26

that one seemed more normal to me

12:28

than the first two that we saw. Right,

12:30

like he's more or she's more grounded now. Right,

12:33

more rooted into whatever her new identity

12:35

is. Like it feels like she's more comfortable

12:37

with it in that in that video.

12:39

Whatever the fuck is going on. You

12:42

believe it and that's all that counts. Yeah,

12:45

it's like it's kind of a weird and I also

12:47

I guess what would bother me what

12:50

does bother me as a woman is you're like what

12:52

is this? It's like the preoccupation with

12:56

just the hotness.

12:58

You know, it's like I just want to be pretty and be hot

13:00

and wear makeup and that's not all

13:02

there is to being a woman. So

13:05

I do find that a really just

13:07

like wait what? Like that's if you just

13:09

want to wear extensions and look pretty

13:11

you can kind of do that without

13:14

the full transition. I don't I

13:16

just feel like it is reductive and and like

13:21

I don't know, dude, it's silly.

13:23

I'm not in that body. So I have no fucking

13:25

idea, but it still bums me the fuck

13:27

out. I'm like, oh dude, this

13:30

poor guy is fucking confused. I

13:33

mean, I'm what I'm supposed to feel

13:35

supportive. That's the that's the part I

13:38

think too was like because I know that she

13:40

was on Drew Barrymore's. Do we have this

13:42

clip too?

13:44

Yeah, I do. This is like This

13:46

was wild to me on so many levels

13:48

too Where I was just like

13:51

what the fuck is happening? What's what what is Drew

13:53

Barrymore doing? What are we doing? But

13:55

but let's look I look at someone like you and

13:58

I can't imagine anybody disliking

13:59

Oh, please. Do you

14:02

know, do you want to know, ironically, who

14:05

dislikes me the most sometimes? Who?

14:08

Myself. Me too. Oh. And,

14:12

but... Yikes.

14:20

You know who dislikes me most of

14:22

all sometimes? Myself.

14:26

Like, it was just, it's everything. It's like getting

14:29

down on your knees in front of the guest and

14:31

at the lisp and then like, what

14:34

is happening on the Drew Barrymore

14:36

show?

14:37

I think that's kind of her thing.

14:40

To be like super feely, touchy. Yeah, I think

14:42

she's done this with a lot of guests, actually. Yeah,

14:45

like she'll sit crisscross applesauce

14:48

and like to go face to face and like feel,

14:51

feel the person. It's just wild,

14:53

dude. Yeah,

14:55

and I'm a girl. Nice. Myself.

14:58

Will I do it again? I'm like, I have myself. Myself.

15:01

Myself. Yeah, I fucking

15:03

feel like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. Yeah,

15:05

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17:39

Okay, so We

17:43

had um we

17:45

brought up what Lex Lex

17:48

on Instagram I

17:52

Feel like I'm all over the place today. Sorry you

17:54

guys I'm very scattered because I there's a million there's

17:56

just a million good things to get to Lex

17:59

Dillo wrote

18:00

De La Rosa. She's on Instagram.

18:02

And I found her a while back because she

18:05

presents

18:06

a very different

18:08

portrayal of motherhood.

18:10

I would say a perfect, perfect

18:14

motherhood. Can we play some choice

18:16

clips of Lex? You have to see it

18:18

to understand fully what I am talking

18:20

about, but she is perfect.

18:22

Make no mistake. So

18:24

this one is POV or toddler

18:26

requested chocolate biscotti.

18:29

And it shows her.

18:32

It's so perfect. She

18:34

can cut an egg in half on

18:37

a knife. And then she's got a

18:39

smile on her face and she's blending and

18:41

then doing the thing. And then very

18:43

serenely, there's no children screaming in the background.

18:46

There's nobody pulling anything off the countertops.

18:49

I don't know how she does

18:50

this. So she is smiling

18:53

again, cutting everything in half. And

18:55

her kids are like, this is awesome, mom. Thank you,

18:57

you're perfect. This

18:59

is amazing. Okay.

19:02

Yeah, it's all perfect. She's got chickens

19:04

in the backyard. Her kids never cry

19:07

and all her furniture is beige. And

19:10

a few episodes back, I kind

19:12

of took a shit on Lex. And,

19:17

you know, I'm gonna admit I'm a petty person. I'm

19:23

not perfect like Lex. I make

19:25

bad choices. My house is

19:28

filthy. So Lex is

19:30

what I would consider to be a perfect

19:32

mom.

19:33

She's doing it right. Her house

19:35

is immaculate. She takes a lot

19:37

of joy and pride into making homemade

19:39

biscottis for her children, where I

19:42

am barely hanging on, like

19:44

barely hanging on by a thread. And she's a stay at home

19:46

mom. So she does it

19:48

all the time. My husband's gone

19:50

a lot. So I am alone with my children

19:52

a lot. You

19:55

know, that being said, I took my kids

19:57

on a little field trip. We went to a hotel

19:59

in DC. Could you just play, this is

20:02

a video I send my mom friends when I'm

20:04

on the road just to show them what

20:06

an absolute dump

20:08

shit show. So. This

20:11

is the Waldorf Astoria in Washington

20:14

DC. This is what my

20:16

children did to it last night. I had

20:18

to

20:19

put all these towels down because they flooded.

20:22

They flooded the fucking back. And

20:24

then, oh, and then here's as a bonus, my

20:27

son Ellis clogged

20:29

the toilet. Here you go, happy

20:32

Easter. So that's at

20:34

a really nice hotel. And

20:37

my kids took a bath and I couldn't

20:39

pay attention to them anymore because I was so frustrated

20:41

and over it that I just let them fuck

20:44

up that bathroom. And

20:46

they flooded the floor and Ellis

20:48

took a monster dump and clogged

20:50

that toilet. So

20:53

there you go, that's my daily existence.

20:55

Oh my God. They're savages

20:57

boys. So I'm curious as to how Lex

21:00

handles. She's got, I think two little boys

21:02

as well. So luckily we've got

21:04

her available and we're

21:06

gonna talk to Lex and see if she

21:09

has some tips and tricks on how to be a perfect

21:11

mom. Cause I sure as hell,

21:13

I'm not doing it that way. All right mommies,

21:15

thanks to the magic

21:17

of the interwebs. I

21:20

have on the line with me right

21:22

now, Alexia de la Rosa.

21:25

Got you. Clap her. Hi.

21:31

Hi, how are you? I'm amazing

21:33

and you look absolutely perfect

21:36

as I expected. Oh my gosh,

21:38

so do you. What's questionable.

21:41

So you have two little boys as well, minor

21:43

four and seven. How old are your children?

21:46

My oldest just turned three in April.

21:48

And then my youngest is one, almost

21:51

one and a half.

21:52

Yeah. And you look so good.

21:56

And how can I just tell you? So

21:59

I came across. your Instagram and

22:01

I was like, how is this

22:04

woman, how are you having beige

22:06

furniture and how is everything so clean

22:08

and how are you so rested and how are you smiling?

22:12

Please tell me your secrets. Because I may

22:15

have been harsh when I saw you, but it's only

22:17

because I want

22:20

the same thing you do Lex. We are one and the

22:22

same. I want to be perfect mom, but I can't

22:25

do it. So tell me your life, tell me your secrets.

22:27

Go ahead.

22:29

Oh my goodness. I think

22:32

the way that I'm able to do it is that we just have a really,

22:34

really good routine. And

22:37

I was also a nanny for a lot of years before

22:39

I had kids. So I was very used to being

22:41

around young, small children

22:43

and that being my job for some

22:45

days I was working a 12 hour day with someone

22:48

else's kids. And it was all about routine

22:51

and just making sure things were getting done. And

22:53

so I think when I had kids, I

22:55

was already in a

22:58

good mindset of like,

22:59

this is how you get things done with kids.

23:01

Like you need a routine, you need just

23:04

good structure. And so that's

23:06

kind of what we have here and it just works

23:09

really well for us. It just makes life

23:11

so much easier. Okay. So routine,

23:13

are you sleep training? Do you do that? We

23:17

sleep trained both of our kids.

23:20

And I think that that is a huge game changer.

23:22

I know that that can be a touchy subject

23:24

for some people. Some people

23:27

think sleep training is cruel and don't

23:29

believe in doing it. And that's

23:32

fine if you want to rock your babies to sleep and

23:34

hold them and do all that, that's awesome. But

23:37

for me, knowing that you just

23:39

need good routine, everyone needs

23:41

good sleep. We sleep trained both the boys

23:43

and it has worked wonders. So

23:45

that's a cheap- Yeah, I agree. I

23:48

love my children so much, but I didn't

23:50

want to sleep with them every night, all night.

23:52

And I think there are like, there's

23:54

different ways of sleep training. You can go hardcore,

23:57

like the cry it out method. You can

23:59

do a moderate.

25:59

that means you're not really a stay at home mom. It's

26:02

like, no dude, it's a huge job.

26:05

Get as much help as you can

26:07

and just survive. But

26:09

you seem to be thriving. You seem to be

26:12

not just surviving like me, you are thriving.

26:14

Now what's with the smile on the face when

26:17

you're making biscotti? Okay,

26:20

so this is just like a funny story. So

26:22

at

26:23

the beginning of the year, I started sharing

26:26

my cooking videos on TikTok. And

26:28

I'm a professional baker. I've

26:30

baked my entire life. I did it for a number

26:32

of years as a side business.

26:36

So that's kind of like

26:38

my thing. I enjoy doing it. And so I started sharing

26:40

these videos on TikTok. And the first

26:42

one I shared that got like over a

26:45

million views, people were commenting, oh, you look

26:47

like you hate your life. You look so depressed. Like,

26:49

why aren't you smiling? Blah, blah, blah. Cause I wasn't,

26:51

I was just, you know, how I

26:54

cook in the kitchen. And I personally

26:56

didn't think I looked depressed. Like I'm just existing

26:58

and I'm like making bread and whatever. So

27:01

for my next video, I was like, all right, let me

27:03

just like put a little, little smirk to

27:05

it. And then all the comments are like, oh, why

27:07

are you smiling like that? No one smiles like

27:09

that. So just negative.

27:11

It was like a little test.

27:13

Dickheads like me. Yeah.

27:16

The dick, you mean this dickhead. And I was like,

27:18

is this a woman on Valium? Like what? Cause

27:21

you're so serene. And you're just like, my children

27:23

requested Pop Tarts. And I'm like, yeah, my kids

27:25

asked me to cook for them too. And I do, but I, I,

27:28

I'm certainly not smiling. I hate, like

27:30

I'm exhausted usually. Okay. So

27:32

it was a joke. It was like a clap back at

27:35

people being like, bitch, where are you smile

27:37

or whatever?

27:38

Yeah. Yeah. It

27:40

started that, you know, that video

27:42

got like six million views

27:45

and I was like, okay. So there's obviously

27:47

something here. Like I enjoyed doing social

27:50

media as like a hobby.

27:52

It's just fun for me. I like making the videos. And

27:55

then those just started getting a lot of traction.

27:57

And I was like, well, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep doing

27:59

them.

27:59

because some people really, really love

28:02

them. I really love them. And then there's

28:04

of course people that can't stand me. And

28:07

that's just funny to me. And so like,

28:10

it's just a little more motivation to like do

28:12

it and like be a little bit more embellished

28:14

with what I'm doing. Like obviously it's content.

28:16

I'm a content creator.

28:19

I'm making something that I think is interesting

28:21

to watch and some people enjoy it and

28:24

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30:47

Yeah I think it because it's interesting

30:49

because it yeah it does hit a nerve because you're like

30:52

well what

30:52

hey she's doing it perfectly why can't I do

30:54

it perfectly and if you're being honest

30:57

like if I am being honest that's the

30:59

reaction. You're like but wait a minute I

31:01

can't do that you know screw

31:03

her how come she gets to be perfect at this and

31:06

why am I struggling so it does bring up

31:08

insecurities with

31:10

people watching you know. Oh

31:14

that being said I have so many questions number one

31:16

how the hell do you get your kids to be quiet while you're

31:19

recording these videos.

31:21

Well the thing is so I'm sure

31:23

you notice like there's a ton of cuts in the

31:26

videos they're very quick one

31:28

second down to like point four second

31:31

clips and so I just filmed the whole thing

31:33

and of course I'm talking to them and like we're interacting

31:35

and they enjoy being in the kitchen

31:38

doing this and so that's

31:40

like another thing people come they're like do you not talk

31:42

to your kids like what's wrong with your kids why do your

31:44

kids talk and I'm like no

31:47

I'm not saying what's wrong with your kids I'm going what's wrong

31:50

with my kids because I can't even

31:52

have a full conversation let

31:54

alone make a video. Oh yeah you

31:57

know

31:57

we made

31:59

Make a mess and it's fun for

32:02

us. Like if they're in the video, it's

32:04

because it's something that they want to be

32:06

involved in. So in some videos, they're

32:08

not around, they're off doing something else. But

32:10

if it's something that they're like in the mood to

32:12

help in the kitchen, then they're in the kitchen helping

32:14

me. And it's a 20,

32:16

30 minute long video in my phone

32:19

that I'm cutting down into

32:21

a less than a minute video that I'm sharing

32:23

on Instagram and TikTok. Guys,

32:26

I just had a real time Pajitsky

32:28

effect.

32:29

Do you guys know that

32:31

social media sometimes doesn't represent

32:33

reality? I'm

32:37

mind blowing now. Guys,

32:39

that was me right now. I

32:41

just put that shit together, bro. I'm fucking

32:43

idiot. Okay,

32:45

so they are making, okay, okay. That was like, okay.

32:48

Cause I was like, am I losing my mind? Like what's wrong with

32:50

me? That's really what I was thinking. So

32:52

I want, you're a neat freak. I saw

32:54

your sensory bin, which I'm a huge fan

32:56

of. I love, I still give

32:58

my children just cans of shaving

33:00

cream and

33:01

be like, go in the shower and just go crazy.

33:03

I don't care.

33:04

I'll clean a hose off. I'm huge on

33:06

like, I used to give Ellis just a bag

33:08

of flour. I mean, I just go

33:11

on the driveway with a bag of flour.

33:13

I don't care. I

33:15

think, yeah, the sensory, but I was like, I

33:17

so want to see, cause you showed us the before

33:20

of the sensory bin.

33:21

Can you show us the after just so that

33:23

I know that your kids

33:25

make a mess, please just for me.

33:28

Okay, yeah, I can put that in the video.

33:30

I usually will share on my stories. Cause I have people

33:33

ask like, can I see the after? And you do on my Instagram

33:35

stories, you can go and see like the aftermath.

33:38

Okay, thank God. Okay. But

33:40

I, I guess I could put it into, add it into the video

33:42

at the beginning. Just for me, just once. Okay.

33:45

And

33:46

then, okay. I also would like to show you,

33:49

I want to do a Lex Tilarosa

33:52

reaction video. If you would be cool

33:55

watching this. So I took my children, we

33:58

went out of town and.

33:59

We stayed in a really nice hotel

34:02

and I just want you to take a look at what

34:04

my children did. Don't look

34:06

at me and here we go. This is just

34:09

how we roll in the Sakura house and

34:12

I just want to see your face.

34:13

This is the Waldorf

34:15

Astoria in Washington,

34:18

DC. This is what

34:20

my children did to it last night. I

34:22

had to put all

34:24

these towels down because they flooded the

34:27

floor

34:28

and then, and then here's

34:30

as a bonus, my son Ellis clogged

34:34

the toilet. There you go. Happy

34:36

Eastern. Your

34:38

kids do that yet?

34:39

No, not yet. My kids

34:41

are younger than yours though so I

34:43

won't say never, but

34:47

looking forward to the day.

34:49

Yeah, it's gnarly.

34:51

So when your kids make a mess, do you

34:54

beat them severely so that they don't do

34:57

it again? No, oh my God.

35:01

They might help me clean up the mess though. Okay.

35:04

Okay. So now you're thinking, yes, I

35:07

do that. I do that, but

35:09

then I am also lazy and I don't want to clean. So

35:11

let's recap.

35:13

Lex sleep, Lex, you're

35:15

at Lex De La Rosa on social media. So

35:17

you guys can go follow her and see these

35:19

is that I'm sorry on Instagram. Yeah. And are you on

35:22

Tik TOK as well?

35:23

I am same name, Lex De La Rosa.

35:26

Yep.

35:26

Lex.della Rosa. Yeah.

35:29

Lex.della Rosa. Go see

35:31

her videos. Cause you see how,

35:33

see how you feel when you

35:35

watch them. It might bring something up for you. Don't

35:38

comment unless it's positive. Please.

35:40

This is a human being.

35:41

So

35:45

here's what Lex does. Here's what, here's what she's

35:47

doing. Right. Moms. Number one, she sleep trained

35:49

her kids. So she sleeps, you

35:51

sleep,

35:52

right? Number two, you like to clean.

35:55

It's therapeutic and it feels nice

35:57

for you. And what's number three? three.

36:00

What

36:02

was the third thing? Xanax. You

36:05

were a nanny for like a million years,

36:07

right? So you're used to this is what you're saying.

36:10

Okay. You have a high tolerance for,

36:12

for kid nonsense is what you're saying. Do

36:14

you ever freak out? Do you ever lose your cool?

36:17

What's it look like? I

36:19

mean, I have small children. So

36:21

like, definitely there are times where you get

36:23

frustrated and you know, the

36:25

day can get stressful and overwhelming. But

36:28

like a freak out. No, it's more

36:31

like, I'm more of like a internal

36:34

like, okay, I'm like having a hard day

36:36

and I'll just like be more quiet. Their

36:39

dad knows when he comes home, if I had a

36:41

hard day, you know, the kids don't know so

36:43

much, you know, but

36:45

it's always fine. You know, like, if there's always another

36:48

day and like, if we're having a hard day, it's never

36:50

anything like dramatic, like it might be, you

36:52

know, I didn't sleep great the night before, or maybe

36:55

haven't eaten anything yet, or like had enough water. And

36:57

like a lot of the times it's like self reflection

36:59

of like, why am I so grumpy today? Like, why

37:02

am I so easily triggered by like the noise

37:04

or whatever? And normally it's just something simple,

37:06

like I didn't eat yet. So,

37:10

you know, we resolve these things pretty quickly.

37:12

And then, you know, their dad comes home and he helps

37:15

and the day

37:16

usually ends well, you know, and then we

37:18

have a new day the next day. And yeah, it

37:21

sounds like you have a pretty decent outlook.

37:23

You have a good outlook over it. Because I

37:26

don't think I did. I think I assumed

37:28

that every day for the rest of my life would

37:30

be terrible when I had kids. And I didn't understand

37:32

that like, it

37:34

just changes and grows and morphs. And

37:36

did you have a good mom? Did

37:38

you have someone who could model good motherhood for

37:41

you? I have great parents,

37:43

a great mom and a great dad. We have a

37:45

great relationship. I mean,

37:48

my upbringing is

37:49

much different than what I'm doing for my kids.

37:52

Tell me about that. Well,

37:55

okay, I guess like the point that I want to make with that

37:57

is that, you know, you don't have to do things.

37:59

one certain way to be a great parent. So,

38:02

you know, I think I'm a great parent to

38:05

my kids and their childhood

38:07

looks much different than mine, but I also would say my parents

38:09

are great parents. But

38:11

just like a totally different dynamic. My

38:14

parents are divorced, so that's

38:16

one major difference. And

38:19

then both of my parents worked. So we

38:21

like went to school like regular,

38:23

had babysitters,

38:26

like nothing dramatic or like

38:30

really negative to point out, but just

38:33

different than the way that I want

38:35

to raise my kids. Like we're planning on doing homeschooling.

38:37

I obviously stay home with them.

38:40

Just different things that

38:43

I wanted to do for my own kids. For

38:46

sure. And I think that's

38:48

a huge part of this motherhood game is like,

38:51

you go, okay, well, here's what my folks

38:53

did. Here's what I liked. Here's what didn't work for

38:56

me. Here's what I wish I could have had more of.

38:59

I agree. Like I went

39:01

to daycare after school and I hated

39:04

it. I hated that. Like, why

39:06

couldn't my mom come get me after school

39:08

at three o'clock? Like every, like, you know, half

39:10

the class, like little stuff

39:12

like that

39:13

sticks to you. Well, that's the littler,

39:16

but you know what I mean? Like,

39:18

I also went to bars with my dad, but

39:20

that's different. I'm talking about like the little stuff.

39:23

Yeah. It's just stuff that sticks to

39:26

you as a kid. And you're like, I don't want to do that. I

39:28

think I want to give them something better. I want to give

39:30

them a

39:32

different childhood. Definitely. Well,

39:34

you're doing it. Let's crush in the game.

39:37

Crushing it girl. All right guys,

39:39

follow her on Instagram. What

39:42

sweetie? And you're crushing

39:44

it too. I hope so. You know, I, I,

39:47

I think that cosmetic stuff aside,

39:50

obviously, like you

39:51

just, if you're there and you're present and you're,

39:54

you're trying, I think that's

39:55

most of the game, right? Just trying and

39:57

being conscious. And you know, Yeah,

40:00

and just being there and yeah.

40:03

There's a quote and I, how

40:05

does it go? I think it's like, there's, there's no one would

40:07

be a perfect parent, but there's a million ways to be

40:09

a good one.

40:11

And so I think that's like a good

40:13

reminder for moms, like, cause I'm

40:15

sure my kids will grow up and be like, Oh, I didn't really like that

40:17

mom did like something,

40:20

something totally random that I had like pure

40:22

good intentions, whether it didn't even like have a second.

40:25

Well, you know, but at the end of the day,

40:27

like as long as you're, you know, if you're doing the things

40:29

to be a great parent or what you think

40:31

you're doing to be a good parent, then you're killing

40:33

it. You know, you're never going to get it a hundred

40:35

percent right. I know. What

40:38

if, what if they're like, we hated sensory tables. I

40:40

hate your biscotti. And you're like, well, I love

40:42

these. Like we just wanted to go to daycare like

40:45

everyone else. And you're like, Oh my God.

40:47

Yeah. Jerks.

40:48

All right. Well,

40:51

shout out to all the stay at home moms. It's,

40:53

it is a thousand percent or harder

40:55

gig than I think

40:57

getting out of the house and working part-time. So did

40:59

you work full-time before you had kids? I

41:03

did. Yeah. I was a full-time nanny. Wow. Yeah.

41:06

And I did that for one single family for

41:09

almost three years. And then I got pregnant while

41:11

I was at that job still. And

41:13

then ended up leaving that job to have my

41:16

oldest son, Archer. So I

41:18

haven't been back to work since well, aside from

41:20

my baking business, I ran a baking business

41:22

out of my home for a short amount of time

41:24

after I had him. So. Well, you're

41:27

very busy. I commend you on

41:29

all that. Anyways guys, check her out.

41:31

Lex dot de la Rosa on Instagram

41:34

and on Tik TOK. You're get a kick now

41:36

that we understand the mystery behind the videos,

41:39

you're going to get a kick out of her. I think she

41:41

does ultimately present a very

41:43

positive portrayal of motherhood. I think that

41:45

it's nice to actually see a woman enjoying it. Cause

41:47

you're right.

41:48

I know you made a point on your social media. Like so much

41:50

of motherhood is presented as like hassle

41:53

and like, Oh, so I just want

41:55

to get drunk. And I agree like there, there

41:57

is that side to motherhood for a lot

41:59

of us, but it's.

41:59

It's also like, yeah, but there's really sweet

42:02

and fun, good things. And

42:04

it's nice to see those things highlighted and

42:06

especially for stay at home moms, you guys don't get a lot

42:08

of love and a lot of credit. So

42:11

it's good. I like what you're doing. And

42:13

I appreciate you talking to me. Thanks

42:16

for having me. Yeah. All right. Good

42:19

luck with those two boys. And I hope you send me a video

42:21

like the one I showed you at some point. Send

42:25

it

42:25

in. Yes. All

42:27

right. Bye Lex. Thank you, sweetie. Thank

42:30

you. Wasn't that great, you guys? I

42:32

think,

42:33

gosh, I didn't want to say it when I was talking to

42:35

her, but even talking to her, I was like,

42:38

oh my God, I'm so like, I'm

42:40

such a basic bitch. Because

42:43

you know, and you're,

42:44

it's what's interesting is the older you get,

42:46

you start to realize your own

42:49

shit, you know? So

42:51

when I, yeah, when I was like, oh, she's so

42:53

perfect. Fuck this bitch. And you're like, yeah, but

42:55

that's really my insecurity about

42:58

not being a perfect mom. Like I work on

43:00

it so hard because my parents were so

43:02

crazy that I don't have a

43:04

blueprint for what

43:06

somewhat even normal parenting

43:09

looks like. Like mine was so out there.

43:12

So I'm really inventing it as I

43:14

go along. So in the beginning I was

43:16

always looking for guideposts like, oh,

43:18

is that how your mom, is that how you

43:20

should act? Like I would go to these mommy and me classes

43:23

just to watch how other moms behave with their kids.

43:26

And I'm like, that doesn't like, some of them are overkill.

43:28

Like I remember one woman was breastfeeding her like four

43:31

year old. I was like, that's fucking

43:33

crazy, dude. I'm not doing that. And

43:36

then, you know, some women are like, I

43:38

don't know, too dismissive.

43:41

I've had to invent being a mom is what I'm trying to

43:43

say. So it is cool. Like it was

43:45

nice to talk to Lex. I appreciate her

43:48

being cool and like seeing that she

43:50

has the same, basically the same shit that we all

43:52

do, but it is, it's social media guys,

43:54

believe it or not. Yeah. Like I said, social

43:57

media.

43:57

Turns out she's like pretty normal. It turns

43:59

out. Turns out, guys,

44:03

did you know?

44:07

I guess like, okay, well, okay.

44:10

So let's talk, let's take this a step further.

44:12

Now that we know that it is, and I know

44:15

her reasoning behind it. Cause she was like in the

44:17

beginning, I had made a normal video of me

44:20

mixing batter and people were like,

44:22

why do you look so miserable? So I went the other way

44:24

and I did a parody of what it is to be

44:26

baking. But

44:29

at first, so we know that

44:31

what Lex is doing is basically parody

44:33

of what the perfect mom is. And so that

44:36

makes sense. But then in general,

44:38

what is it about people,

44:40

Lex aside, this is not to do with her, that

44:43

present themselves

44:45

perfectly?

44:46

Like what is that

44:48

where you're like, I take the perfect

44:51

family photos, I do

44:54

the Christmas, everybody's looks perfect

44:56

in their sweaters and I send the cards out every

44:58

year. I'm very vigilant about that.

45:00

And then when my baby is one month old, I have,

45:02

I put the card next to the baby that says one month

45:04

old and then two months old, there's a two month card. And you're just like,

45:08

why are some people inclined to present a

45:10

different

45:11

version of themselves on social media? I

45:13

guess is the real question. Chad, you're the smartest one,

45:15

go ahead. I

45:17

mean, I think everybody does that, you know, whether

45:20

it's perfect or imperfect, you're

45:22

like presenting a version of yourself that's not exactly,

45:24

it

45:25

can never be accurate of who you are. So you're

45:27

choosing what you present to the world. I

45:29

mean, I even think about that being on this

45:32

show sometimes because like sometimes

45:34

what I say isn't necessarily what I believe, it's

45:36

just like in that moment, I thought that was funny. And

45:38

then to an outsider, you don't really

45:40

think that they don't

45:42

always get that, right? Yes,

45:45

but yes, I see what your point is. It's also

45:47

like, do you really want people seeing

45:50

the basic you all the

45:52

time? Like most of the time I look

45:54

like shit, I've got food stains on my

45:56

shirt and I'm just sitting around with my kids

45:59

trying to avoid them.

45:59

on my phone. That's not,

46:02

right? Like that's

46:05

not, it's not glamorous. It's certainly

46:07

not what you want to portray

46:10

yourself as. I guess my

46:12

question would be like, what about the folks that are

46:14

like

46:15

other level, spooky, portray,

46:17

like you guys are in the dating world. Don't

46:19

you meet people who you're like,

46:21

oh my God, this person totally misrepresented

46:23

themselves. Like, yeah, so what's that

46:26

all that's delusional. It's more disappointing

46:29

really. You know, it's like, well,

46:31

yeah, I'd

46:32

rather have them been a little bit more honest upfront.

46:34

Yeah.

46:36

But then to be so dilute self-deluded

46:38

that you portray herself as one like,

46:41

like, you know, like, whoa, Vicki, let's use her. She's

46:43

a public example, right? Isn't she like, I got

46:45

millions of dollars and she's always like flashing

46:48

her cash and you're like, bitch, I know you have a Honda. Like

46:50

you're not, no one's

46:52

buying this or are they? I don't know.

46:55

Is it, I think some people see that and they're

46:57

like, oh shit, whatever this is,

46:59

I'm into it. She seems fun and blah, blah, blah.

47:02

But it's, it's almost like the,

47:04

uh, I like saying the imperfections

47:06

more than the perfect version of you, you know,

47:08

like, what are you, what imperfections

47:11

are you allowing me to see? And are those cool?

47:13

I guess. Yeah. But then if it's

47:15

too earnest, like then why does Drew Barrymore make

47:17

me anxious when I see her

47:19

getting down on her knees and being like, you know, who

47:21

hates them? The most.

47:23

And I'm like,

47:25

ew, that, does that, does

47:27

that, I don't know why, why does that creep me out? I

47:29

think cause I, too earnest. No, cause I

47:32

feel the same thing about that, that

47:34

you do. And I think, I think projection

47:36

has a part to do where it's just like, man,

47:39

I could never be that emotionally

47:42

open with someone, especially with cameras around.

47:44

How is this woman able to do

47:46

it? And then you get mad at that. Being

47:51

cameras around, you know, so it's like, you

47:53

know, why she's doing it.

47:55

Yeah. Chat. So there you

47:57

go. So it's a dichotomy cause I've been on reality

47:59

shows.

47:59

before, I know how people act when

48:02

the camera is on. They bullshit,

48:04

they raise the stakes, you overdo

48:07

it. So there's that element of the theatrical,

48:10

and then the, yeah, is it authentic?

48:13

Is it not authentic? Maybe there's like

48:16

some authenticity to what she's doing, but

48:18

not necessarily when she's down on her knees

48:20

and she's telling, what's his name?

48:23

Dylan Mulvaney, like, oh

48:25

God, shut up. So I don't, oh,

48:27

myself, myself.

48:31

Myself,

48:34

myself, I love her. I love Drew Barrymore.

48:37

She's having hot flashes on TV right now.

48:40

It is the greatest. I'm so thankful

48:43

that my generation has

48:46

Drew Barrymore to grow old

48:48

with, because now she's doing like the AARP

48:50

commercials. I'm like, dude, she's not even 50, and

48:52

we're fucking, I guess we're

48:55

old already. And she's the mascot,

48:57

thank God, because before

49:00

us, it was the Osmonds. Donnie

49:01

and Marie Osmond were like the mascots

49:05

of aging before. And Marie

49:08

Osmond, I don't think is as cool as Drew Barrymore. Drew

49:10

Barrymore showed David Letterman her titties

49:12

in the 90s, and that's

49:13

fucking cool. Yeah.

49:19

Showing your titties. God

49:21

damn, we got lucky with her. I love you, Drew Barrymore.

49:23

I'm uncomfortable with my own vulnerability

49:26

there. I fucking said it. Now I'm gonna throw up on

49:28

myself, because I fucking said it. All

49:32

right, let's do some follow-ups, you guys. Hot topics

49:35

on this show. Let's do some voicemail follow-ups.

49:37

Let's take the pulse of the audience.

49:41

Hey, Mommy, I was just listening to episode 183

49:43

with Rob Eiler, and I had to hit pause

49:46

real quick while you guys were talking about the

49:48

pronouns on dating apps

49:50

and doctors, because I was just at

49:52

the zoo over the weekend, and

49:55

they had pronouns on the animal cages.

49:57

So I would like to know if the animals

49:59

are...

49:59

telling them that or if they're just assuming they're

50:02

just there. Okay, mommy? Pronouns

50:06

on the animal cages, little

50:09

chimpie, the gorilla, is the he, hey,

50:11

he, her, them, they. Well,

50:13

that's interesting. Well, that's interesting. That's an

50:15

interesting point because aren't some animals,

50:19

both genders, for instance, seahorses

50:22

can be both male or female. Isn't that

50:24

right, smart chat? That sounds correct.

50:26

Yeah. Are there any other animals

50:28

that are non-binary? No, I, I, I'd

50:30

like to delve further into this woman's claim that

50:32

the zoo has.

50:35

Well, see, horses aren't, it's not

50:37

that they're non-binary, it's that they're both.

50:40

They're, they're hermaphrodites, right? Hermaphroditic.

50:43

Yep, thank you. Hermaphroditic. It's

50:45

a. But isn't that non-binary? It's neither,

50:48

non-binary is neither one nor. Right,

50:50

but it's both. Not both. So, but what is that

50:52

binary, what is that non-binary

50:55

word called? Oh, you really folded my head.

50:57

Yeah. What is it when you're both? Can you be

50:59

both in the non-binary? I think it's double binary.

51:01

Double binary.

51:08

Damn, dude.

51:12

Fuck. Just when you thought science

51:15

was all one way and then

51:17

science turns on another. I

51:19

got a great clip for you guys. Can you please

51:21

play how many genders are there?

51:24

So this was sent to me by another savage mom,

51:26

which I fucking love. Let's

51:29

see how many. How many genders are there? Two.

51:32

And they are? Male, female. But what

51:34

about someone's right to tell

51:36

you what their gender is? No problem at all.

51:39

So it's you, you're going to tell me what your

51:41

gender is, but in the world is

51:44

less fucked world. I don't have to believe

51:46

it, but I'm thrilled for you. You're

51:48

a lampshade. I'm so happy. Let me

51:50

put a light bulb up your ass. Brilliant.

51:52

What do you think of plus size models? You cannot

51:55

in a matter of minutes. There you go. See

51:57

what I mean though? She's so angry about

51:59

it.

51:59

I put a light bulb up her ass and you

52:02

fucked that. Like there's a, there's a tinge

52:04

of anger in that response. Like

52:08

I'm, I'm of the same mind of like, look,

52:11

I'm old school. I do believe there's, guess

52:13

what? It's in most of nature,

52:15

it's male, female. We fuck, we

52:17

reproduce. But if you want to tell me otherwise,

52:20

I'm fine with that. I'm not

52:22

angry about it, but

52:24

you know, doesn't it sound hostile Chad?

52:27

She's like, you fucked your lampshade. Yeah,

52:29

I'm far more less affected by those things, but

52:34

I think I'm kind of glad there are people out there

52:36

who do get kind of angry. Otherwise we

52:38

just kind of get rolled over in all regards. If

52:40

there's no one out there like getting upset about stuff. Somebody

52:43

needs to get mad at these.

52:44

Sensible Chad, he's smart

52:46

and he's sensible. Why

52:49

don't you play pronouns with work? This

52:52

one's interesting too. Now that we're on the pronoun topic,

52:54

I could talk about this pronoun shit all day.

52:57

I am absolutely fascinated by

52:59

it.

53:01

So if I was like hiring and I saw

53:03

pronouns, here's what I'm gonna assume. I'm

53:05

gonna assume you're obviously very

53:08

liberal. So I'm gonna assume you're one of those

53:10

people that is super

53:13

far left. Hey, I'm gonna assume

53:15

you're not a very hard worker. You are either

53:17

a female or you're a probably

53:19

not straight guy. So everything

53:21

in the office is gonna have to cater to you, your

53:24

feelings, your needs, and your emotions.

53:26

So everyone around you is not gonna be able to be themselves

53:29

and walk on eggshells. Why would anyone

53:31

want someone like you, unless everyone's like

53:33

you in a work environment, you're gonna be the

53:35

laziest person, you're gonna be the most entitled,

53:38

complain the most, and I think you're gonna be the first to sue.

53:40

So Shocker, that pronouns weren't helping you guys. Sorry,

53:42

is there anything I missed there? Is there

53:44

anything I missed? Savage.

53:47

Savage. And

53:49

I hate to say it, a lot of that rang true for

53:52

me. I'm kind of like, yeah, I'm gonna fucking hire

53:54

you. If you come in and you're like, these are my pronouns,

53:56

this is what I'm about, be like, you know what, you're too high maintenance.

53:59

You're just hiring.

53:59

maintenance and I cannot fucking deal with you.

54:02

I don't it's not that it's not your gender. It's

54:04

nothing to do with trans rights. It's just your,

54:06

your high maintenance bro. And nobody wants to

54:08

kick it with you. Nobody wants to order pizza

54:10

with the guy that wants fucking pineapple on it. Okay.

54:13

And you're pineapple pizza

54:14

and you're bothering us. What? Oh,

54:16

you like fucking pineapple bitch? You

54:18

don't even like pizza though. I know. But when

54:20

pineapples on there, I couldn't, I don't get

54:23

it wrong with you. I like pineapples.

54:25

Might as well put like blueberries.

54:28

I know

54:28

you're so, so it's not a fruit thing.

54:30

It's like a citrus thing on. It's a fruit thing. Can

54:33

I tell you, don't like pizza. So you know, I'm also, I'm also with the authority

54:35

on pizza. I'm sorry. I'm just putting you to death. Put me on the train.

54:37

I don't know.

54:39

Christ. I

54:41

will say that I like that the female conservatives

54:44

are savage when it comes to push

54:46

back on this whole culture.

54:48

Like, uh,

54:49

my favorite Kelly, Megan

54:51

Kelly, man, she is fucking

54:54

fierce on it. Candace Owens, she don't give

54:56

a fuck. She just said that she doesn't think Lizzo

54:58

is pretty Google that one. I

55:00

love it. I love that these conservative women are

55:03

like, fuck you. I'm not doing it. Not

55:05

having it. Don't tell me I

55:07

love Candace Owens. She's, she's out there, man.

55:10

Candace Owens calls out Lizzo. Okay.

55:14

Where is it? He's the first one. It's

55:17

like a two hour long podcast. So let

55:19

me find the clip. Candace Owens calls out Lizzo

55:21

and her fans for being fat

55:23

positive. I

55:28

love it. I love you. So fucking crazy

55:30

dude. Candace gets fired up.

55:32

I'll read this one. This

55:34

is great. So, so we know who

55:37

Lizzo is a Candace Owens tweeted. If

55:39

you peep comments on any of Lizzo's

55:42

fat acceptance photos, you will undoubtedly

55:44

find a score of bat shit insane

55:47

women telling her that she looks beautiful

55:50

men do not lie to other men in this

55:52

way. They do not pretend that clinical

55:55

obesity is beauty. Savage

55:57

Candace Owens. I love it.

55:59

Are you crazy? This

56:05

is very true though. You don't see

56:07

men, you know, the, the narratives

56:10

around, uh,

56:11

female empowerment and male empowerment

56:13

are very, very different. You know, uh, the

56:16

self help gurus on Instagram for

56:18

women are always like, yes, queen, you

56:21

can do it. You can be 50 pounds overweight.

56:23

If he doesn't love you, then screw him. You're a goddess,

56:26

you're a queen.

56:28

And then the male motivator, the male

56:30

motivational speaker is always like you're a fat

56:32

piece of shit. No one's going to touch your dick,

56:34

do some situps and get rich.

56:37

You want someone to touch your penis? Make

56:40

money. It sounds

56:42

like my internal motivator. Because

56:45

it's true. If there's such

56:47

a double standard and women's commodity for the

56:49

longest time was their looks. And

56:52

now you know, that's been

56:54

dulled down, but I don't think so. I don't know, you

56:56

know, a guy, but the guys that liked Lizzo's

56:59

always liked Lizzo's. You know what I'm saying?

57:01

Like you're not going to change what makes

57:03

a guy's dick hard because society is going

57:05

to shove it down your throat. That fat, those

57:08

are hot. This is not true. You know, I

57:10

mean, I was watching

57:12

God damn, I'm so fucking, I

57:14

was watching the next in fashion

57:17

on Netflix, you know, when I walk on my

57:19

treadmill, so I don't end up Lizzo and

57:23

I'm

57:26

sorry, I don't want to look as hot as Lizzo. So

57:28

that's why I'm on my treadmill, you know? So

57:31

I'm watching the next in fashion and there's

57:34

these brilliant fashion designers. I love

57:36

it. I love it. And they all now

57:39

in order to be considered the next

57:41

thing in fashion, first of all, you,

57:44

you can't celebrate like

57:46

normal traditional female-ness

57:49

or male-ness. It's got the, the winner's always

57:51

got to be like, he made

57:53

a wedding dress for a man. It's

57:56

made out of denim and silk

57:59

and like flour.

57:59

on a man's tuxedo. It's

58:02

always gotta be gender bendy. And

58:05

then they always have to have fat models

58:07

too. And it's so funny because

58:09

there was one designer, her name was Bao,

58:12

shout out to Bao girl. I think you

58:14

should have won this one. She makes

58:16

these beautifully delicate dresses

58:20

with cutouts, right? That's her staple

58:22

look is like cutouts and very

58:25

just dainty little gowns

58:27

that you have to be very, very thin to wear.

58:30

So all her models that are very, very thin have

58:32

the beautiful cutout dress.

58:33

And then they have the

58:36

fat model come out and she's wearing

58:38

like a trash bag with a robe

58:40

around the waist basically. Cause you're

58:42

like, you can't fight in rock, not. Yeah,

58:45

there she is Bao, shout out to Bao. She crushed

58:47

it. I really liked her looks, but they were too feminine.

58:49

I feel like she was very feminine centric.

58:53

What a crime to make beautiful

58:56

clothing for just women. What

59:00

a world. It's so funny too, because they're like,

59:03

this is the next big thing. This

59:05

is fresh and new. And it's like, there's

59:08

nothing new under the sun. There's nothing

59:10

new. It's all just recycled in

59:12

different fucking ways. Like I,

59:15

nothing makes me crazier than when people are

59:17

like, Harry Styles is the shit. Like,

59:20

oh, he's so, you know, non-binary

59:22

breaking the binary. It's like, yeah, dude, look at David Bowie,

59:24

bitch. Can you fucker see? Look

59:27

at like 1970 Ziggy Stardust. Google

59:29

Ziggy Stardust and then put that next to Harry

59:31

Styles. I guarantee David Bowie

59:33

got his ass kicked a thousand times harder

59:35

than Harry Styles. And he looked way better doing it. Look

59:38

at Ziggy. Now that

59:40

is some queer shit. That guy

59:44

spent three months

59:45

in a room in East Berlin, getting

59:48

his dick sucked by Brian Eno, writing

59:50

some incredible music. Lowe

59:52

is arguably the greatest album of all

59:54

time. And he wrote it gacked out

59:57

on heroin, sucking Brian Eno's

59:59

D and drinking.

59:59

dressing like a woman and that is called

1:00:02

art, my friends. Not this fucking

1:00:04

watermelon sugar bullshit.

1:00:07

Oh, Harry's such an art. Is he really? Is he really?

1:00:10

Please, he's cute. I'll give him that. He's

1:00:12

attractive. He's

1:00:13

actually very attractive. I like

1:00:16

him a lot. Hold

1:00:19

on. He's definitely hotter than Bowie.

1:00:21

Okay, look, he's much better looking than David Bowie.

1:00:25

And I bet his teeth are better because it's 2023

1:00:28

and he works out at a gym. David

1:00:30

Bowie never probably worked out. He just did a lot

1:00:32

of drugs that kept him skinny. This

1:00:35

guy's really cute. All right, let's look at some other pictures.

1:00:37

I'm gonna tell you something. He's

1:00:39

fucking hot. So this guy fucks guys and

1:00:41

girls, right? That's his gym. Yeah?

1:00:46

I don't know. I think he pretends to. Yeah,

1:00:48

see, I don't get dick suck vibes. I'm

1:00:52

not getting that. It's kind of the cool thing now to be

1:00:54

feminine in your dress

1:00:57

as like a pop star. Yes. When

1:00:59

I think it used to be more subversive

1:01:00

than it is now. When Bowie

1:01:02

did it, I was like, this is some crazy shit.

1:01:04

Lady Stardust, damn. Harry

1:01:07

Styles opens up about why he has never

1:01:10

publicly labeled his sexuality. So

1:01:12

either he's gay or he

1:01:13

ain't gay.

1:01:15

You know what I mean? Like either he's gay. I know that sounds

1:01:17

stupid. Okay, meaning like,

1:01:20

okay, Morrissey for the longest time was like, I'm

1:01:22

not gonna talk about I'm asexual. But

1:01:24

then he just fucking gay, you know, but then

1:01:26

again, you couldn't come out. Harry's

1:01:29

been dating Olivia Wilde for almost two years. So

1:01:31

that's what I'm saying. He ain't gay. He's just pretending.

1:01:34

He's just wearing the dresses.

1:01:35

He's claiming femininity again,

1:01:39

just like fucking Mulvaney, Delvaney.

1:01:43

Just like John Mulaney. John

1:01:46

Mulaney is converting to womanhood. Mm-hmm.

1:01:50

Yeah, he don't suck dick. As

1:01:53

a dick sucker, I can tell you, he ain't sucking

1:01:55

dicks, okay? Is it gay to

1:01:57

just get your dick sucked though? Yeah, dick

1:01:59

sucks. Okay, I'm sure gay. Fair. Pfft.

1:02:03

If you get your dick sucked by a dude, you're fucking gay. Mick

1:02:07

Jagger on Harry Styles' superficial resemblance to

1:02:09

my younger self. Yeah, I remember this article came

1:02:11

out and Mick Jagger was like, Harry Styles, you ain't no

1:02:13

Mick Jagger bitch. You

1:02:16

ain't no Mick Jagger?

1:02:18

Yeah, interesting. Interesting

1:02:21

times, folks. It's

1:02:23

a softer, softer place. Okay, let's do some more follow

1:02:25

ups. That really took us on a, I

1:02:28

forgot where I was. Jesus Christ.

1:02:31

You guys get me on those pronouns. Don't

1:02:33

you fire me up. I'm

1:02:36

getting so stressed out, I'm gonna get a cold sore here just

1:02:38

talking about it. Fucking, I need my vowel tracks.

1:02:40

Okay, go. Hey, Mummy. This

1:02:43

is Chrissy from Kentucky. And

1:02:46

I was just listening to your most recent

1:02:48

podcast and you're talking about how your kid

1:02:50

likes cold waffles. You

1:02:53

should start a new segment called Shit My Kids

1:02:55

Lose Their Shit About. My

1:02:57

son will not eat a hot dog if

1:03:00

I put it in the microwave. Hilarious. When

1:03:02

it's done, it kind of pops open.

1:03:03

If he sees that, he's not gonna eat it.

1:03:05

Fuckers. Shit, he loses his shit

1:03:07

about. Doesn't make any sense to me. Sometimes

1:03:10

it can be a little asshole.

1:03:11

All right, Mummy, bye. I love this idea,

1:03:13

Chrissy. This is a great idea. Irrational

1:03:15

shit my toddler loses their mind over. Go

1:03:18

ahead, let's start, make a call. What

1:03:21

irrational stuff does your toddler absolutely

1:03:23

lose their mind over? Send me a voicemail,

1:03:26

2133-755-5184 or Gmail, where

1:03:29

my mom's at, at gmail.com. I

1:03:31

can tell you offhand. Here's

1:03:35

a good one.

1:03:36

Do you want a cheese sandwich? No, I hate

1:03:39

cheese. Okay. Make me a pizza.

1:03:43

Okay. Okay. Oh,

1:03:48

oh yeah. Do

1:03:50

you want, oh, your feet

1:03:52

are big. Do you want new shoes? No,

1:03:54

I don't want new shoes. Okay, no new shoes.

1:03:57

Like there's that,

1:03:58

they lose their shit. I'm trying to think there's

1:04:01

a million of them. Oh, if you, if I unwrap

1:04:03

a popsicle and it accidentally

1:04:05

breaks, forget it. The kid's not gonna eat that.

1:04:08

That's

1:04:08

a big hard pass.

1:04:13

No butter on the toast, we know that.

1:04:15

Oh, I had one. God, there's so many,

1:04:17

yeah. Because I have

1:04:20

a nephew and he doesn't do this anymore. But

1:04:23

if there was food that he didn't like

1:04:26

and didn't want to eat, he'd be like, no, I don't

1:04:28

want it. And then if someone's like, oh cool, I'll

1:04:30

have it. He's like, no, you don't get

1:04:32

to have it either. And then he loses, she's like, no

1:04:34

one can eat this. And it'd be like, holy shit.

1:04:37

Nobody can eat it. Yeah, you can't take a bite of your toddler's

1:04:39

food until they're like five. They won't even

1:04:41

let you have like a leftover piece of crust

1:04:43

from their pizza.

1:04:44

Oh, I'm not even, no, I mean

1:04:46

like. No, he fully discards it, right?

1:04:48

It's gonna go in the trash and he would rather not let

1:04:50

the kid. Like say, my sister like makes

1:04:52

a whole vat of broccoli. Oh. And

1:04:55

he's like, I don't want any broccoli. And then someone's like, okay.

1:04:57

Well, and then they go into the broccoli thing to put on their plate.

1:05:00

He goes, no, you can't have it either. Psychotic.

1:05:05

Yeah, they're fucking psychotic. He's

1:05:07

adorable. He just, God bless his heart. I just

1:05:09

love him. God bless his heart. He

1:05:12

has heart. Yeah,

1:05:14

they're really into like, they

1:05:16

have to drink something with a straw. If

1:05:18

there's not the right straw, I don't like that straw, I like

1:05:20

the other straw. There's a fucking

1:05:23

litany of dumb shit. Don't put

1:05:25

that milk in the cereal.

1:05:28

It's just like, you're just abused all

1:05:30

the time as a mom. Yeah,

1:05:32

it's a good thing I had a schizophrenic mom. It's good

1:05:34

training for living with a toddler. Not

1:05:37

very different. All

1:05:40

right, one more follow up and then I gotta get

1:05:43

out of here. Hey, Christina.

1:05:46

Just listening to your podcast, talking

1:05:48

about Tom Holland and Zendaya

1:05:50

and how it's not cute that he's shorter

1:05:52

than her because later on it's gonna be

1:05:54

a problem. I agree, I think

1:05:57

they're super cute now, but I didn't think about

1:05:59

that until I... I was listening to you say that. I'm 35,

1:06:02

I've been with my husband since I was 18. So

1:06:05

I'm like five, six and a half, he's five, seven.

1:06:07

There's barely a high difference there. And

1:06:10

since it's been 17 years of his shit and

1:06:13

I'm getting so sick of him, I feel

1:06:15

like he's shrinking. Like I look at him

1:06:17

sometimes and I'm like, is he smaller? Like

1:06:20

he looks small right now. I don't, I

1:06:22

feel like that's a good point. I never thought

1:06:24

of the fact that like, the fact that he maybe

1:06:26

looks smaller to me is just

1:06:29

because I've been picking up his shit for 17 years

1:06:32

and he never knows where anything is.

1:06:34

And he loses his wallet

1:06:36

all the time. And

1:06:38

maybe it just makes him look little. All right.

1:06:40

Yeah. See you, mommy. Divorce,

1:06:42

divorce, done, death, done.

1:06:45

I think it's whatever you found

1:06:48

like passable in the beginning.

1:06:51

Once you start seeing that whole person's

1:06:53

personality, it becomes intolerable,

1:06:56

you know?

1:06:57

Yeah, right? Like I

1:06:59

remember, dude, like I had a boyfriend

1:07:01

that had like a snaggle tooth and in the

1:07:03

beginning you're like, oh my God, it's so cute. He's got like the cutest

1:07:05

little snaggle tooth. And then like, you know, a few years

1:07:07

in, you're like that fucking tooth, dude, if you don't fix that,

1:07:10

I'm gonna punch your teeth out because you look stupid.

1:07:12

Well, it was like that. When

1:07:15

they fight with them and they're like, fuck your stupid

1:07:17

snaggle. It's like the first thing you go to. You're

1:07:20

like, ugh. It's like that video, it was

1:07:22

like that video that you showed, what's

1:07:24

it called? The swine shank of

1:07:27

the girl that like, how guys

1:07:30

get broken up with like, oh, we've broken up with you

1:07:32

months in advance. So all the little things that

1:07:34

didn't used to bother them now drive you up the

1:07:36

wall.

1:07:36

Or even the shit that you wouldn't admit to

1:07:38

not liking in the beginning, you're like, oh, it's

1:07:41

a height differential. No biggie, all overlook

1:07:43

it. But then when shit goes south, you don't overlook

1:07:45

it. You're like, oh, that's, and

1:07:48

I'm breaking up with him because he's short. You fucking

1:07:50

shorty. All

1:07:53

right, one more. These are so fun. Let's go. Let's

1:07:55

keep going. Hey mommy,

1:07:57

I'm just calling to follow up.

1:08:00

on your discussion with

1:08:02

the Booth boys about washing

1:08:05

your legs in the shower. So

1:08:08

when you talked about that, I was like, Oh yeah,

1:08:10

I never do that. Then I thought,

1:08:13

um, I actually shave my

1:08:15

legs in the shower and I use the

1:08:17

soap as, you know,

1:08:19

the shaving cream. So I kind

1:08:22

of am washing my legs and

1:08:24

shaving my legs at the same time. So

1:08:26

it works out. I'm not a gross

1:08:28

mommy got clean legs.

1:08:31

You got clean legs. So yeah, I don't know

1:08:33

something to think about. Do you shave your legs in

1:08:35

the shower? If so, you got clean legs. Thanks,

1:08:38

jeans. Have a good day. Good

1:08:41

point. I do shave, but it's not

1:08:43

like every day. So I would say that my legs

1:08:45

get clean like once a week, but

1:08:48

that's

1:08:48

plenty. You don't

1:08:50

need to wash your legs every day. I

1:08:52

would say that's obsessive compulsive behavior.

1:08:56

Yeah, you don't have to. My legs aren't filthy.

1:08:58

I don't, they don't sweat. Like

1:09:00

there's no dirt on them. If anything,

1:09:03

they're just dry and scaly like a

1:09:05

reptile, but that's it. All

1:09:07

right, guys. Listen, I got to go. My fucking

1:09:09

nanny wants a life. I got to go home

1:09:12

and let her go home to her kid. What

1:09:15

a waste. I

1:09:18

love you.

1:09:18

I love you. I just want to tell

1:09:20

you guys, you

1:09:23

know how much I love you. Imagine

1:09:26

me as your mommy and I'm giving you a big

1:09:28

hug. I'm

1:09:33

reading a book. I'm reading a book by Stutz

1:09:36

Stutz. It's called he, he,

1:09:38

he does have this thing where you visualize

1:09:42

your mother telling you she loves

1:09:44

you coming alive. Oh, you guys

1:09:46

got to read this coming alive or do an audio book because

1:09:48

he has time to read. It's pretty great. You

1:09:51

guys, it's got them tools to help get out of your, your

1:09:53

mental problems. Like when you're feeling

1:09:55

exhausted, it's got a tool when

1:09:58

you feel like you're doing your compulsive.

1:09:59

behavior, it's got a tool. It's

1:10:02

pretty good. It's on Netflix to Stutz

1:10:05

go look it up. He's talking to fat Jonah Hill, but

1:10:07

Jonah Hill is not fat there. Last

1:10:09

of the weight using the tools. All right,

1:10:12

I gotta go. Please subscribe

1:10:14

to the show so that you don't miss a single episode

1:10:17

because it's very important stuff we talked about here. And

1:10:20

I love you. Okay, bye. I love you.

1:10:22

You know who I love more? Myself.

1:10:30

Long time. Crazy kids cleaning

1:10:32

ships need a long nap. When my mom's

1:10:34

where my mom's where my mom's at. Where

1:10:36

my mom's at. With

1:10:40

Christina P.

1:10:49

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at a restaurant where you're paying to eat?

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It even costs

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money to take out money. Who's got money

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