0:00

Okay, alright, count me in. In Hebrew,

0:02

or Spanish, or whatever you count

0:04

in. Ready in Cinco, Quatro, Trace.

0:06

That's terrible. Dos. It's embarrassing, isn't

0:08

it? Oh

0:31

my gosh, I have the

0:33

most adorable-est, chillest comic in

0:36

the world. First, let me plug some shit, get

0:38

it out of the way. Vancouver, going back to

0:40

Canada. The Vogue Theater, February 16th.

0:43

And then I added an early show in Seattle

0:45

at the Neptune. And then we added a show

0:47

in Judorctides, March 23rd. An early show. I don't

0:49

fuck around, you guys. I know your parents. Nobody

0:52

wants to go to a 10 o'clock show. I

0:54

certainly don't want to do a late show, so

0:56

I've added them early. And

0:59

then Ridgefield Playhouse, come

1:02

net-a-cunt, March 24th, christineapionline.com for

1:04

tickets. What else? Oh,

1:07

buy my lipstick if you haven't already. I'm adding

1:09

three new colors coming up, and I'm so pumped

1:11

for you guys to see it, to trot out.

1:13

You're gonna like the way you look, I guarantee

1:15

it. Alright, with

1:17

me. You know, I've been

1:20

thinking about you, Raphael Barbosa. What's

1:23

up, what's up, what's up. Hello. Cowabunga,

1:25

his specialist, I don't have likes. He's just

1:27

like, you know, you're just like, you're so...

1:31

I've been, okay, I've been thinking about you since you

1:33

came on your mom's house. Because you're so young, and

1:36

you're so mellow. Yeah,

1:38

I'm pretty mellow. Sometimes that bothers people.

1:41

They're like, this guy's too

1:43

slow. Well, my husband's too slow. Yeah.

1:45

My husband, it goes like, my husband's super

1:48

chill, and then like Nate Barghatzi. And

1:50

I feel like you guys are in the Chill Guys Club. What

1:52

is this? I don't know. I've always admired

1:55

turtles. They

1:57

can hide. I like hiding. You

2:00

a hider? Yeah, I'm a hider for sure.

2:02

Yeah, are you an avoidant? Nah,

2:05

I don't know. I don't know to be honest

2:07

I am pretty mellow, but like I was telling

2:09

you also just had food poisoning. So it's gonna

2:12

like yeah super mellow me out God, there's nothing

2:14

worse than food poisoning. I hate it. There's a

2:16

few things worse like you think cancer. That's pretty

2:18

bad AIDS That's pretty

2:20

cool age. You can live now. But yeah, I just hate

2:23

puking. I have a severe phobia of vomiting

2:25

So I swallow it down and

2:27

I will I'm not yeah,

2:29

I don't I don't like it, but I don't not You

2:32

don't not let it happen like it. I

2:34

don't know something about somebody puking is kind of fun though.

2:36

Really? Yeah Well, tell me the fun part help

2:39

me. I don't know. This is that's not

2:41

supposed to happen So it's like funny to see somebody body

2:43

do it, you know, that's true. I do and it happens

2:45

to me. I'm like fuck When

2:47

I say something happen to somebody else, I'll

2:49

laugh. Yeah, you know stuff goes in the

2:51

stuff Yeah to come out that's such you

2:53

there's um in competitive eating I don't know

2:55

if you watch like the hot dog eating contest and

2:58

sometimes yeah So there's a saying

3:00

they call it when someone pukes after they

3:02

competitively eat. It's called the reversal of fortune

3:06

This is so stupid. They have all these great things Hey,

3:09

you're so quiet, but I think still waters still

3:11

waters run deep still waters run

3:13

deep. Yeah homie I think you run deep that

3:15

I mean like mellow people that I think quiet

3:18

people in general have a lot just buried down

3:20

in there If

3:22

you're not talking on the outside you're talking on the inside

3:26

For sure. I don't believe people when you're

3:28

like, what are you thinking about? They're like

3:30

nothing. I don't believe you You're a monster.

3:32

You're a monster. Yeah, do you think see

3:35

I have a theory with male comics that we

3:38

have penises Well that you love talking about your

3:40

car But I don't

3:42

trust a male comic who doesn't talk about

3:44

the dark things or talk about his dick

3:46

or like if you look at

3:48

Cosby It was all like, you know the cookie crumble

3:50

and the thing and like the guy was a monster

3:52

Yeah, everybody has a little bit of monster to

3:55

them, but you got to let it out man.

3:57

Yeah, you do have to or you

3:59

because Bill Cosby. This is so true. So

4:02

you're a quiet guy. What do you think

4:04

about? I

4:08

don't know. I think about a lot of stuff. Some

4:10

silly but some pretty dark. Like this

4:12

is one of my darker thoughts but

4:14

I'm not suicidal, right? Sure, sure, sure, sure.

4:16

What do you call it? Preface it. We

4:18

get deep as fuck here. You can say whatever you want.

4:20

I'm not suicidal so I don't want people to see this

4:22

and be like, oh my god you gotta talk to somebody.

4:24

Yeah. But like

4:27

I'm 27. Sure. Which I know is like younger

4:29

whatever but goddamn like

4:31

I've been alive 27 years

4:33

like that's non-stop breathing and thoughts

4:35

and heartbeats like I could use a

4:38

break from existence just a

4:40

year or two of not existing and then

4:42

come back. Dude, speak my language. I haven't

4:44

done any like when's the last

4:46

time you did anything for 27

4:48

years straight besides live. Mm-hmm.

4:52

You know what I mean? Like, I mean, time out. Time

4:55

out bro. Wait until you're 47. I'm 47 and

4:58

I felt this way what you're saying. When

5:01

I was around 32 I was like what else

5:03

am I gonna do with my life? Like how

5:05

many brunches can I have? Like how many movies

5:07

can I watch? How many shits can

5:10

I take? This is all going to be so

5:12

monotonous. Give my, give my ass a

5:14

break. Yeah. But then I saw this TikTok

5:16

of this 93 year old woman walking in

5:18

the park in New York City and the guy was like

5:20

huh you know what's your secret

5:22

to life? And she's like well I'm

5:25

ready to die because everything

5:27

hurts. So

5:31

I think you do eventually get worn

5:33

down. Like I'm, I'm worn down. I'm

5:35

at the point where like the

5:38

slightest like sniffle I

5:40

have or like cold or even I don't

5:42

have food poisoning I look at my friends

5:44

and I'm just like kill me. Yeah, I'm

5:47

dead. Do you think,

5:49

but okay so I, I sense and I

5:51

because I have the same sentiment as you.

5:53

By 14 I was like

5:55

I'm an adult. Actually by, by five I

5:57

think I feel like I was a grown-up because of

6:00

just like mad bringing and stuff. Do you feel

6:02

like you've been an adult for a long time?

6:05

Um, sometimes, sometimes I feel like,

6:09

um, maybe I didn't enjoy

6:11

my childhood as much as I should have. I

6:13

definitely enjoyed tons of it. Don't get me wrong.

6:15

Like I had a fun childhood, but maybe sometimes

6:17

I didn't. Like I started working like at 12.

6:20

And then this funny because when

6:22

you, when you play the intro song, where my mom's

6:25

at, when I was a kid, my

6:27

mom would just take off sometimes. I was like, yo, where my

6:29

mom's at? Um, not

6:31

to talk bad about my mom or anything. She's

6:33

a good mom. But where was she? Where did

6:35

she go? She had a wild side when she

6:37

was young. She had met a young age. Oh,

6:39

that makes sense. Yeah. So she was out there

6:41

kind of like, I grew up at

6:44

my grandma's house. So yeah, my

6:46

mom, when I was a kid, you know, she took

6:48

off, but she, she came back. You're

6:52

like, she took off like, okay. So specifically, when

6:54

did she take off? Like, how

6:56

old were you? I was, I was

6:58

very small. Oh my God. Like a baby.

7:01

No, I might've been like, man,

7:04

I can't even remember. I might've been like in the first

7:06

or second grade. And so she was

7:08

how old? Mmm. So

7:11

I don't know. Cause I thought it was

7:13

like eight, she had like 16. So like

7:15

24 or something. So it was really

7:17

a baby. I mean, she was a teenager when she had

7:19

you. So she was not ready. Yeah.

7:21

And it's like, she, um, she

7:24

came back to like see me and

7:27

I was like really mad and then I want to see

7:29

her, but now she's,

7:31

she's a good mom. She like got

7:34

her shit together. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which

7:36

I feel like a lot of people, their moms kind of can

7:39

just take off. And I had a lot of friends that their

7:41

moms just did stick around or their dads, you know? Well

7:43

I hear, cause I, I think there's more shitty

7:45

dads than there are shitty moms. Oh, for sure. But

7:48

I feel like it's hands down, right? Like

7:50

I have good friends that like, I won't say his

7:52

name or anything, but I got like one specifically like

7:54

we're kind of in the same boat. We were neighbors

7:56

and we grew up with our grandparents, But

7:59

his. Is. That.

8:03

Both. Of them. Zoc Yeah, I'm aware

8:05

when both him Zoc Yeah like. I

8:08

got to see my mom and my dad. But.

8:11

My buddy like eating it too. He

8:13

says mom what he was like really small. For.

8:16

A few years and she took off in a he gets us

8:18

here Again it's a use an adult. Love! You

8:20

know that happened on your mom's house and

8:22

you know what happened to the ends up

8:24

falling in love. And they

8:26

got married. The Mom in the

8:28

Kid, the Homicides. Your my son

8:30

Amir Mom. Yeah and they

8:33

they were separated early and then they

8:35

met and they fell. In. Love and

8:37

they got married but they knew. That.

8:40

Yeah that is sick in the head rate isn't as

8:42

a girl's the sit you ever heard of the she

8:44

was probably already sick in the head and as you

8:46

pass that trade out that her son. Is

8:50

legal but as like a perfect match when you think

8:52

about it. Must have that's

8:55

a sub associate so a rat snakes

8:57

and that we have a sound like

8:59

it's like you're my son on your

9:01

mom and then he's like is is

9:03

like the days mrs lay some Tlc

9:06

so like yeah whereas even lower than

9:08

that of the last a your mom

9:10

last eras by your grammar and then

9:12

let's dad like would sad story arm.

9:15

Was. There. Were. Some

9:18

papa was rolling stone. what does that

9:20

mean when they don't stick around, they

9:22

go on the fuck other broads. Oh

9:24

forgive her child and I made it

9:26

out a couple times I guess own

9:28

of but now my dad. Be.

9:30

Nice Zimmerman said brutal Those two

9:32

small. Anna. Lee other

9:35

six Tim my dad we would try to give

9:37

me to go loot or sometimes because you like

9:39

pick me up fled weekends were. But

9:42

are. Now as it used

9:44

to be animal grandma's he sounds like

9:46

a grandma says she was older, calmer,

9:48

Lies are split my age and roughly.

9:51

A third thirty seven in Mexican

9:53

is like eighty. So yeah yeah

9:55

yeah well it I was thinking

9:58

is in her forties so. So

10:00

she took the care of you though? Yeah. She

10:02

was a nice lady? Oh man, my grandma's the best. She was like,

10:06

I used to convince her to take me out of

10:08

school early to take me to the movies and she

10:10

would. That's nice. Yeah, she'd take me to, she was

10:12

funny though. She would take me to Mexico every summer

10:14

and she had this pickup

10:17

truck. She'd pick up all my cousins and in Mexico

10:19

you can ride in the back of a pickup truck

10:21

like no problem, you know? So she'd take us to

10:23

the movies and then she'd take

10:25

us to buy snacks afterwards and

10:27

one night we stopped at this kind of

10:29

like drive-through liquor store type place

10:32

to get a bunch of snacks and

10:35

they have like these women in bikinis out there

10:37

like bringing us the snacks and

10:40

one of my cousins dared me to say call

10:42

me to the girl. But like in Spanish, like,

10:44

llama. And

10:47

so I did it but I told my grandma just

10:49

to make sure it's to drive off when I say

10:51

it because I was really nervous. So she would drive

10:53

off and then she knew like

10:56

I guess parts of the city where they were like prostitutes

10:58

so she would drive by them so we could yell things

11:00

at them. It's amazing, man. So

11:02

she's just laughing her ass off over to like

11:04

eight year olds and just like, yeah, mommy.

11:07

It's amazing. That's

11:11

the stuff that a good childhood

11:13

is made of, I feel. That's

11:16

cool when like whoever is raising you has a good

11:18

sense of humor. I will say about, so

11:21

my parents split but then they both remarried

11:23

and out of my four parents, three of

11:25

them had great senses of humor. Who's

11:27

the ugly ducky? The fucking dud. My

11:30

stepmom was such a dud. Typical

11:33

Eastern European cunt. You know, like just

11:35

like very into the looks and very

11:38

into like that's not funny. You're not

11:40

being a lady. Like,

11:42

fuck you, bitch. You know, like, you

11:44

just kind of suck. But one cool thing my dad

11:46

would do, you know those little

11:48

sound machine sound boxes where you put it

11:51

upside down and then it makes like, meh,

11:53

like a goat. Yeah, yeah. Like,

11:55

we will walk through department stores with those

11:57

and make them sound. They're like, you know. He

11:59

had a good sense. He would fart in public and like

12:02

oh my god. What did you do Christina like you'd

12:04

blame it on me? And I

12:06

like that kind of shit though. I do that with my

12:08

kids I try to have fun with them like I let

12:10

them bark outside of the window like when we come back

12:12

home from the trip I'm like bark out the window.

12:14

Let him know the cigars are here I

12:17

like that kind of yeah. Yeah, that's fun. It's

12:19

really fun. It's what made you fun Maybe

12:22

my grandma did have a great sense of humor, but

12:24

she also made me into like an

12:26

asshole. I think sometimes just because I

12:30

like to make people mad now, and I think it's because

12:32

she used to like to make me man Like oh, she

12:34

like to fuck with you. Yeah, I was throwing like a

12:37

tantrum If I was just being in a pissy mood. Yeah,

12:39

she would pull out her coat at camera shows had

12:41

a coat Oh, that's me. Let me take an ugly picture

12:43

of you if you want to be ugly Let's remember this

12:45

you know and and I'll get more mad and so there's

12:47

tons of pictures of me Just like trying like it's like

12:50

fighting paparazzi. They're like leave me alone like So

12:53

now when I'm pissing off my friends if I see that they're

12:55

getting mad. I just egg on and With

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has been as a treat to is it

15:30

he actually I think that's a type of

15:32

comedian. Or maybe all comedians we

15:35

secretly love pissing people off.

15:37

I think he marries. If you're if you're

15:39

taking chances on stage and you're. Saying things

15:41

that are a little whatever you know that's

15:43

the fun part is and love that you

15:46

and I really love lately. Is.

15:48

Seen women get mad. Or

15:50

get disgusted by what I say. I

15:53

really enjoy it because I because you

15:55

know you'll you know bitch league. You.

15:57

Know women like. It's. Just

15:59

that. You haven't been pulled out of the

16:01

Matrix yet. You can laugh at farts and

16:04

caca and penis and pussy and dick

16:06

and all this stuff.

16:08

You're allowed to laugh at it, but it's just

16:10

because society told you that ladies don't ...

16:13

like my stepmom, right? She was a proper lady. All

16:15

it takes is a cool girlfriend in sixth grade to

16:17

be like, hey, you know you can laugh at Disha,

16:19

right? That's how I feel about other men with a

16:22

lot of gay jokes. Gay stuff?

16:24

Yeah. Oh, right. You

16:27

can be like, oh, I suck my friend's dick. Is it a

16:29

joke? I've been doing this joke, which

16:31

sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. And

16:34

it starts off sounding

16:36

homophobic, where I'm like, yo,

16:39

dude, shouldn't apologize to other dudes because it gets

16:41

too gay. And

16:43

I explain it, and I'm not going

16:45

to explain the whole thing, which might be bad. It might make me

16:47

look worse. But I explain the whole thing, but by the end of

16:50

the joke, I'm just kind of talking about

16:52

how I don't want this tough

16:54

guy to get touchy feely with me. I don't like it. If

16:56

we're going to set our differences, I was like, I don't want

16:58

to talk about it once I talk about feelings. I'd

17:00

rather just kiss a guy. Just one kiss, no

17:02

strings attached. Like, just get over. So

17:05

at the beginning of the joke, like half the cut is with me

17:07

by the end of it. The other half is with me. Everybody's

17:11

just like, what's the fuck? What's going on with this

17:13

guy? What is happening? That, and

17:15

then I just got 10 minutes on how like, I don't

17:19

know, just gay type stuff. I think by the end

17:21

of my show, people are like, hey, I think this

17:23

guy's got issues. I know. You know

17:25

what's interesting is that I think

17:28

a lot of male comics deal

17:31

with dicks. There's

17:34

a lot of, not just your dick, but

17:36

homosexual stuff. Louis

17:40

C.K. came on your mom's house and Louis, I

17:42

adore him. He's so funny. And

17:44

he's always like, unconsciously,

17:46

you know, he's always like talking about dicks

17:48

and what if I suck a dick in a panacea,

17:51

a dick in a ball. And

17:53

then when I asked him, what is

17:55

this fixation with dicks? And he's like,

17:57

because I'm so afraid of it. Like

18:00

I'm so, like it's so

18:02

gross, it's so weird. A

18:05

dick is definitely like a big part of a

18:07

man's life, bro. It's like a father, like you

18:09

respect it and you love that you have one,

18:11

but at the same time you fear it and

18:13

you fear other people's fathers. I

18:15

give their other tits.

18:18

Like don't let your dad touch me. It's

18:21

true because I have two little boys, they're

18:23

five and eight years old, and I have

18:25

to tell them constantly, like put your dicks

18:27

away, touch your dicks in the

18:29

living room. But I imagine

18:31

it's kind of cool because it's

18:34

this external thing and it feels

18:36

nice and it's this weird appendage.

18:38

No, it's like having

18:40

a Harry Potter one. I've never

18:43

seen those movies, but I imagine. You've never seen Harry

18:45

Potter? I saw like the first two. That's

18:47

very powerful. Yeah, I'm gonna watch them.

18:50

So I don't want people to think I'm like a Harry Potter hater, I'm

18:52

gonna watch them. They're really, they're great. I'm

18:55

just waiting for the right moment, the

18:57

right woman. Or child. No,

19:00

no, no. I'm not gonna watch

19:02

them alone, you know? That's weird. No, that's

19:04

fucking weird. I don't like adults that do

19:06

childish things, like Disney adults. I

19:09

think it's fucking queer shit. My

19:11

friend is one of those. I'm not gonna

19:13

say his name now. He goes to Disneyland

19:15

by himself. What? Yeah, he's a cool guy. He

19:17

has a girlfriend in his that makes it better. Do

19:20

they go together? Sometimes, but he will go

19:22

without her. That is the fucking

19:24

queerest thing I've ever heard. He's a single

19:26

20-something year old guy and he goes

19:28

to Disney? Yeah, well he has a girlfriend.

19:30

Is that considered single though, because you're not

19:32

married? Yeah, in the married world, if you're

19:34

not married, you're fucking single, bro. That

19:37

doesn't mean a thing to me. Oh, you're fucking

19:39

this bitch? Who cares? You didn't wife her up. That's

19:41

true. Did you make babies with a bitch?

19:43

I told my girlfriend I will never marry her. That's

19:46

cool. Actually,

19:48

I didn't say never. I

19:50

was just like, yo, I don't know what my mentality is gonna

19:53

be like when I'm like, you know, 31, or

19:56

40, or 35, like who knows? Your mindset always can

19:58

change, you know? I was

20:00

like when we first started dating

20:03

I was just like you should know

20:05

and I don't ever see myself getting

20:07

married like Doing a wedding and giving you a

20:09

ring and other like I couldn't do it I

20:11

could see myself being with one

20:13

person for like ever, you know Or

20:17

to a die or sure but to

20:19

actually like You know

20:21

do the paperwork put the ring do the

20:23

wedding like I'm not gonna do it So

20:25

if that's if that is something you're like

20:27

really looking for Men

20:30

maybe we shouldn't date. What'd

20:32

she say? She got real quiet

20:37

But then she was just like nah like I'm

20:40

not gonna look for somebody specifically

20:42

because of that like Marriage

20:45

thing. Yeah, like if

20:47

I like if I'm feeling you that I'm feeling you and

20:49

so we'll see how it goes, you know It's

20:51

like alright. I just gave you fair warning See

20:54

that that's the problem with women. That's

20:58

That's like catnip or whatever. It's

21:00

what attracts that that's even more attractive

21:02

because then the real fucked up bitch

21:04

We'll be like, I'll change him. Yeah change

21:08

How messed up she is she might go in for

21:10

the kill. She has no idea who she's dealing with

21:14

But that's good that you tell her I

21:17

mean you you know, but you're also so young I

21:19

don't I don't think 27 It's

21:21

too young to even really get married.

21:23

Yeah, but I'm telling you we're Mexicans. We

21:25

age Yeah

21:28

at 14 were like already working on the

21:30

first kid The

21:33

career but you grew up in Texas,

21:36

which part of Texas are you from

21:38

Dallas Dallas, Texas Dallas Okay, and then

21:40

you spent so you spent time in Mexico

21:42

a part of Mexico So we

21:44

do visit quite a few places. We visit a

21:46

state called Tamalipas, which is like on the It's

21:49

like at the border and it's technically like I

21:52

guess what would be like the East Coast of

21:54

Mexico Mm-hmm, and then we'd also

21:56

go to another state called San Luis,

21:58

which is not too far from

22:00

there but it's not a coastal city and that's

22:02

like where my grandpa's from so

22:04

I got a little bit of both San Luis

22:06

is more of like the country type like farms

22:10

mountains cattle stuff like that. San

22:13

Malipas is more like ports

22:15

beaches but yeah

22:18

it was cool you know it's crazy like when I go to Mexico

22:20

my cousins like

22:22

I'm gringo I'm white boy down there

22:26

yeah and then I come over here and

22:28

they're like you're Mexicans I'm like not according

22:30

to the Mexicans not

22:33

even yeah yeah that's

22:35

interesting cuz I can definitely I grew

22:38

up in Southern California and it's mostly

22:40

that's like Mexico it is basically Mexico

22:42

yeah yeah it's awesome but

22:44

I sense from you like you're really

22:47

more connected to Mexico than a

22:49

lot of the people I grew up around in LA cuz it's

22:51

like you know what I

22:53

mean like we didn't go I don't I never heard of kids going

22:55

back down like there's like Tijuana

22:57

that was our order town we go

22:59

every like the minute school was out

23:01

like that night and my grandma would

23:04

drive sometimes we'd take the bus

23:06

but my grandma would drive most of the time down

23:08

into Mexico yeah she'd go bike to any city we

23:10

had to visit any state she'd go and I never

23:12

once saw her look at a map right

23:16

just pigeon brain yeah like she just yeah just

23:18

knows like that's a while to me yeah in

23:20

my own town I gotta use the maps

23:23

you know yeah me and my

23:25

cousins were sometimes get into arguments me and my buddy

23:27

actually had this kind of heated

23:29

conversation I wouldn't say it was an argument

23:32

about like Mexicans

23:36

getting treated differently based off the color

23:38

of their skin like I

23:40

have friends who were darker than me and

23:42

they'll say that life is easier on me because I've

23:44

always been like a lighter skinned Mexican than a darker

23:47

skin Mexican but I don't think that's true

23:49

like and I don't mean this in like a

23:52

negative way but I feel like in the eyes

23:54

of like most other people

23:56

like I think we're just Mexican

24:00

Right, like you don't think that

24:02

other people see gradations of Mexican?

24:05

I don't. I honestly, I never went like,

24:07

oh, that's it. That's, I just saw

24:10

that guy's Mexican. Like I never thought about it.

24:12

Right. Like, is he lighter Mexican than the other

24:14

guy? Yeah. I didn't know that they're like, so

24:16

the last name, like, oh, that's Martinez, Abriggo, whatever

24:18

the fuck these guys are Mexicans. Yeah, my buddy's

24:21

like, nah, they do it like without knowing, like

24:23

subconsciously, I guess. No, I never did

24:25

that. But then again, like I,

24:28

if you grew up in a big city, I

24:30

grew up in a major city in Los Angeles.

24:32

And I think that's that definitely, you're so used

24:34

to all kinds of stuff, but maybe that's true. But

24:37

then again, at the same time, I mean,

24:39

like I've, you know, just through summers,

24:41

I've gotten darker and then lighter. But

24:44

I'll say I'm not as dark as some of my friends who've

24:46

made this argument. So I can't even say like, I'm not in

24:48

their shoes. So good God. So do you feel like when

24:50

you get darker in the summer, do you get treated differently? Next

24:54

time we have to take notice of this. Maybe.

24:57

I don't

25:00

care enough to take notice of it. I know. I'm

25:02

just going to agree to I'm just

25:04

going to agree to be honest. According

25:07

to the data of like history.

25:09

Yeah, it has been harder on darker people. This is true.

25:11

So I'm just going to agree with him. Like, yeah, you're

25:14

right. I think you're right. I just feel like I just

25:16

feel like it doesn't go as deep as some of my

25:18

cousins make it out to be. Or

25:20

my friend. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's

25:22

there. I just don't think it goes as deep as it

25:24

goes. Like, I don't know.

25:26

Sometimes when they're making this hard claim, like it's harder

25:29

on the dark skin Mexicans and the light skin. I'm

25:31

like, you know, dude, calm down. You're not

25:33

black. They've had it tough. You know what I

25:35

mean? Yeah. Mexicans haven't had it tough. Black people

25:37

had it way tougher. And sometimes I feel like

25:39

they're reaching. Like some Mexicans want to get in

25:41

that boat with black people. And it's like, no.

25:45

Come on. You know what I mean? Different strokes.

25:47

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Obviously, I'm

25:49

a white lady. I can't really comment. Oh, no,

25:51

you should. You're the best person to comment. I

25:55

will say I had. So I said

25:58

I was Indian. I had three Indian steps. And

26:01

so like when we go out in public and I'd

26:03

be like, yeah, that's my sister And then people would trip

26:05

out on that and that was kind of fun Yeah,

26:09

they did express some shit over the years

26:11

of like it's kind of fucked up people do

26:13

trip me different because I'm Indian Or you know,

26:16

yeah, always made me sad But I always hope

26:18

that living in a big city full of lots

26:20

of different people would help help somewhat I

26:23

don't know. I think it helps like going to

26:25

New York or like LA Yeah, it's a whole

26:27

other it's a whole other feeling out there like

26:29

people are just People if

26:31

anybody gets treated badly, it's not even because

26:33

of their race. It's more like because they

26:35

like inconvenience you Yeah, I don't think people in

26:37

LA have time to be like, oh, what

26:40

color are you? Like you're just you're just a

26:42

menace cuz you exist Yeah, there's just too many

26:44

motherfuckers there. There's like 60 million people, you know

26:47

but I Don't know. I

26:49

think it would be cool to come back is every

26:52

different kind of being you know But I

26:54

wish we could have memory of it like, you know,

26:56

there's ready reincarnation people think you come back maybe

26:58

you do have to do that, but you don't

27:00

get to Memorize it until you've

27:02

done all the races. I'll be

27:04

really cool. So like, you know a thousand

27:06

years from now I don't know how many

27:08

races there's too much time. There's too much

27:10

math to do I guess you do

27:12

like 80 years of each race. How many races are out there? I

27:16

Don't know dude. Google it. Oh my god.

27:18

How many races are there? You

27:20

do 80 years of each race Oh

27:22

my god, even just to come back as a man would

27:24

be kind of cool I'd

27:27

be so afraid of being a woman. Honestly awful.

27:29

I don't I don't recommend it. I don't think

27:31

it's great I think it sucks. Honestly,

27:34

I've I don't want to be a man,

27:36

but I don't think there's many Privilege,

27:39

I mean look I'm all there is

27:41

the fear of like, oh well

27:43

I get walking to a car

27:46

You do I always still think that and like I

27:48

just have memories to of being 12 and

27:50

being sexually harassed when you're like Wait, what

27:52

I have tots now like you're just always

27:55

objectified But then a cool thing

27:57

happens when you get to be a little older like

27:59

people calm the fuck down because like people still

28:01

want to fuck you but it's not the 20 and

28:03

30 year olds that are whistling at you or being

28:05

shitty you know so like it calms down which

28:07

is nice I don't

28:10

know I think I think it still sucks you have to

28:12

wait for it to come down yeah but I think

28:14

too like I I've

28:16

especially the woman in comedy like

28:19

I've always felt other than obviously

28:21

but I've always been really welcomed

28:23

by male comics and welcomed by this community

28:25

so like oh I bet a bunch of

28:27

women hate on you for that too I

28:30

don't guess I guess I don't know I

28:32

think I feel like I've

28:34

also been well I don't know how welcomed

28:36

you felt but I feel like I've been

28:38

very easily welcomed and I

28:40

feel like I have comic friends that kind of hate on there

28:42

that is like what the fuck you know what I mean like

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this podcast is sponsored

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off your first purchase of a website

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or domain but I

29:52

think that you're easily welcome because comics

29:55

at least like the old look

29:57

we've you value talent talent talent

30:00

and I firmly believe in the power

30:02

of comedy to transcend color, race,

30:05

you got one leg, whatever. If you're

30:07

fucking funny, the room does not

30:09

care. Oh, agreed. I feel like

30:11

I've seen and met comics who,

30:14

even though I don't take any hardcore

30:16

political stances, I don't vote or anything,

30:19

but I have heard comics just say things

30:22

that I'm like, oh, I don't agree

30:24

with that or whatever. But it's so

30:26

funny that I'm like, man, I just

30:28

appreciate your comedy. Yeah. I don't agree

30:30

with some of the funny, funny, you

30:32

know, that kind of a little bit

30:34

of connection there. Like, like, dude, I've, you

30:36

know, I've heard brilliant male

30:39

comics. I'm friends with over the years working

30:41

out bits at the store. And there's like,

30:43

you know, when you work stuff out, it's

30:45

just, it's really hateful in the beginning or

30:47

whatever, because you haven't found like the nuances,

30:49

the lines. And I've heard like some of

30:51

my great, greatest friends and you're like, dude,

30:53

that's fucking that was hateful shit against women.

30:55

But then you see the bit later and

30:57

you're like, oh, no, that

31:00

was just him. Yeah, I never took it

31:02

personally. I never, because you

31:04

know, I know these people. These guys are good

31:06

guys. I, except for the few that are, you

31:08

ever, except for the fear

31:11

that monsters, the rest are pretty cool

31:13

guys. Do you ever, um,

31:15

ever draw? Yeah. Yeah. Do you

31:18

ever like you're drawing something, but

31:20

when you draw it, maybe it just doesn't look right.

31:23

Like sometimes I've drawn a hand and not to come

31:25

back to dicks a lot, but then it kind

31:27

of like, I'm trying to, I

31:29

saw this video where it's like, well, you got to draw

31:31

the rectangle first and then drawing the line. One time I

31:33

drew it and I started with the middle and looked like

31:35

a penis. So I had to like erase it and start

31:37

over and that's how comedy is sometimes just saying stuff that

31:39

you didn't mean for it to come

31:41

off that way. You got to erase the penis

31:43

and rewrite the line, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

31:47

People got to understand that. Yeah. There's a

31:49

working it out thing. Like last night I just

31:51

went like, I'm working on

31:53

this shit about my dad and like some days I hate my

31:55

dad and some days I love my dad because that's just how

31:57

it goes. And like, you know, when you go into a And

32:00

like the hate reads too hard. Yeah These

32:03

people don't trust me Ages

32:06

like therapy, but sometimes you gotta remember that

32:08

they're not there How

32:13

old is your dad only

32:16

77 that's a good age is lucky number

32:18

seven Could

32:22

you imagine if you made it to 777 I'd hate it Yeah,

32:26

well, I used to want to be a vampire when I was

32:28

a teenager, bro. That would be so cool, right? Yeah,

32:31

so my best friend and I we made a pact when

32:33

we were teenagers that if one of us became a vampire

32:35

We'd make the other one That's

32:37

so crazy that you guys were into this before Twilight

32:41

Well, here's the deal man. Twilight is

32:44

fucking pussy shit compared to the OG

32:46

novels by Anne Rice look her up

32:49

That Twilight shit is Christianized Vampirism

32:52

right if you notice they're all very chaste they

32:54

wait till they get married to fuck and

32:57

Like they don't even they like French

32:59

kiss and that's about it in Twilight

33:01

It's busted but if you go to

33:03

Anne Rice the vampire list at interview

33:05

with a vampire those vampires fuck that

33:08

That's in that that's who made interview the vampire.

33:10

Hell. Yeah, dude, and rice and

33:12

they they fucked they do BDSM She made

33:14

a whole line of books under a pseudonym

33:17

where it's all fucking S&M weird stuff

33:19

This is the real G right here.

33:21

She just died a while back. Did

33:24

you know that? Um, I am legend

33:28

With Will Smith, you know, so

33:30

like I think that's a reboot and it's

33:32

like based off of a novel I might be getting it wrong, but

33:37

Those are vampires really? Yeah, that's why their skin

33:39

burns when the light hits them Oh, that's

33:41

cool But I guess it's like some sort

33:43

of virus but it's still vampires and everybody's

33:45

like no It's not his zombies and I

33:47

love doing this argument with people but it's

33:49

fucking vampire. Look at the facts They only

33:51

come out at night facts, bro. They bite

33:53

you and you become one of them Oh,

33:55

yeah, dude, you know me standard.

33:57

They just made it like a science vampire Like

34:00

a sci-fi vampire. What's a vampire? But

34:02

I think like the original movie or something,

34:04

they were like, ligigous vampires. I don't know. I

34:07

never saw it. Hmm. And they

34:09

had like, capes. I like that Mitch Hedberg joke where he's like,

34:11

I went to the doctor and he sucked blood out of my

34:13

neck. He's like, that's the last time I

34:15

go to Dr. Acula. He had some

34:17

good ones. There's

34:20

a, was it? No,

34:23

I don't know. It was a

34:25

Hedberg joke. Oh, you know what joke I like to tell this time

34:27

of year? It's a David

34:29

Taljok. Eggnog.

34:32

You know what eggnog is, don't you? And you're not

34:34

going to like it. Elf come. I

34:37

love that. Elf

34:40

come. Eggnog is elf come. I

34:42

like buying eggnog for people because nobody that I

34:44

know really drinks it. It's so disgusting. And I

34:46

just bring it like, yeah, I thought you might

34:48

like this. I'm

34:51

horrible with money. Raw eggs. You

34:54

are? Oh, I do so many dumb things.

34:56

I went, we're in, actually I think

34:58

it was where I got this one. Oh,

35:00

Ontario. Yeah. Yeah. We're

35:03

in Ontario and my buddy had

35:05

just gotten married like a week

35:07

or two before that. And when I was walking

35:09

out this restaurant, I saw a cigar store order

35:11

lounge and I was like, man, I'm going to

35:13

get him some cigars. Like congratulations. And

35:16

then I was like, I should get him a card. So me

35:18

and my buddy went to Target

35:21

and I was just like, let's

35:23

get him like a card and a bag to put the

35:25

cigars in. But when we were there, I actually

35:28

saw the frozen food section

35:31

where like the fridge aisle and there's eggnog. So

35:33

I'm like, hey, man, let's get him eggnog with

35:35

it. And then I was

35:37

like, let's get him a bunch of stupid

35:39

gifts, but like stupid, but also something

35:42

that he likes enough to where he has to

35:44

contemplate not throwing it away. That's

35:46

a fine line. So

35:48

like I know he likes like Japanese art. So I

35:50

found this like calendar with like some Japanese put it

35:53

in it. I got on

35:55

the stapler because he kind of has like this

35:57

little home office. I got on the stapler. I

36:00

got him a Rubik's Cube. Oh, yeah,

36:02

I got him a win those are all valid

36:04

gifts right a stapler You'd like a Rubik's

36:06

I got him a stormtrooper Funko pop What

36:10

else I got him Wolverine claws I? Got

36:15

a Wolverine claws I got him so many things

36:17

I got him like Those

36:19

things to wash the dishes those little sponges,

36:21

but it's a smiley face I

36:24

got on so many gifts and it was just funny to

36:27

like sit there and be like look bro. I got you

36:29

these cigars He's like man. Thank you so much. He's about

36:31

to get up and hug me I was like no no

36:33

hold on hold on and then I brought this big bag

36:35

I was just like look at this is a stormtrooper, huh,

36:37

and then look at this It's

36:40

just fine. He's like that. I do good. He's like here.

36:42

Yeah, I met these like all right. Well hold on there's

36:44

more I think I was like Wolverine claws And

36:48

it was like I spent like 200 I got

36:50

a magazine Dollars

36:54

Gonna have to take on the carry-on like That's

36:59

the best we um sometimes go

37:01

to the dollar store to buy Tom sisters

37:03

things But

37:05

you have to go to the made-for-tv or

37:08

what's that shake on made-for-tv section or It's

37:11

like it's like it's like if you go to like

37:13

the pharmacy as seen on TV

37:16

Google as seen on TV products if

37:18

you want to fucking piss off anybody in your family

37:22

Get them as seen on TV

37:24

items. I'll show you what I've

37:26

gotten my in-laws over the years Well

37:32

the clapper, oh did you get him the scrub daddy

37:39

Cuz it's stupid, but you kind of want

37:41

it. Yeah, I want to use it the

37:43

spaghetti which makes vegetable

37:46

noodles They

37:51

could have thought of a better name than

37:53

that oh, these are the gifts

37:55

you got for the staff Yeah,

38:00

we ran out of time this year. You guys would

38:02

have gotten a whole new crop Mm-hmm.

38:04

Oh look at this one's my favorite. You know

38:06

how you like the edges of the brownie? Oh

38:09

That's a pan where it's all

38:11

edges, bro I actually saw that

38:13

online one time my teacher

38:15

showed it to us Cuz he had

38:17

to go to he would go to some website where they

38:20

sell shit like that. Yeah So

38:23

rad actually been thinking about that just randomly for

38:25

the last 10 years the brownie thing Yeah, I

38:27

was like I wonder where I can find it.

38:29

Well, you there you go, but I'm not gonna

38:31

bake I don't even have an oven. That's

38:33

true. You're 27. You're a you

38:36

have an oven where you live and my dad

38:38

She has an oven but it's not my oven. I don't know how

38:40

to use it Not

38:43

gonna mess it do you think you'll get your own

38:46

place now that you're a successful comedian Well, I'm

38:48

actually building a house on my dad's land. Oh,

38:50

hell yeah, dude. Yeah that way if anything goes

38:52

bad Like that's his land. There's not even my

38:58

That's his land Okay, I'm

39:00

in Dallas. Is that where you live? No,

39:03

it's like out in the country. I don't say

39:05

where no don't say where but it's out in

39:07

the country cool, but yeah, it's because I

39:10

Like when I said, I'm done with money like I mean

39:12

it I started buying cars

39:15

Yeah, it's like for the time. I

39:17

was able to buy all male comics do welcome to

39:19

the club. I met my husband Uh-huh,

39:22

I started my cars and so I

39:25

won I was able to keep Out

39:27

of a family member's house in their garage, but that's not

39:29

I can't do that forever, you know, yeah The

39:32

other is just been outdoors and

39:34

it's it was already beat up when I bought it. So it's

39:37

like alright Well, I can live with that But

39:40

now now there's another one and it's

39:43

like I can't leave that one outside So but I

39:45

didn't buy that one until I thought of this idea My

39:48

dad wanted to build a shop We used to have a

39:50

like a paint body shop when I was like very small

39:53

So my dad wanted to build a shop on his land. Mmm

39:56

And so he put down a slab of

39:58

like concrete or whatever where he was going

40:00

to build it. And I told him, let me buy

40:02

that slab. Like I'll pay him whatever he paid for

40:04

it. And and, you know, buy it

40:08

more so he can make a profit if

40:10

he wants, whatever. And let me build my

40:12

own house slash shop on it. So where

40:14

the bottom floor will be my own personal

40:16

shop for cars, like a garage.

40:18

And then the top will be like the

40:20

living area. That's dope. And my dad actually

40:22

does like home remodel and home construction for

40:24

a living. Oh, no way. Perfect. So he

40:26

was just like, well, I'll build you the

40:29

house. Like do it through me

40:31

or whatever. And I was like, oh, yeah, perfect.

40:33

So, yeah. So now my main focus is like

40:35

the garage part, though, because I want to get

40:37

the cars in there ASAP. Yeah, those are my

40:39

babies. Yeah. And but yeah, but the

40:41

top, I don't know. I don't know exactly how

40:43

to design a house. All I know is this, though, I

40:46

want a huge walk in closet. Oh, yeah.

40:48

And I had them put in like a

40:52

a secret escape from the closet to the garage,

40:54

like Batman style. So I can go down

40:56

a ladder. That way, if you're like in

40:58

my living room and then I'm not you

41:00

specifically, but you know, yeah, the theoretical. Yeah.

41:02

And then I am like, yeah, just like

41:05

they're annoying. I can just be like, I'm going to

41:07

go change my shirt real quick and then bust out.

41:09

Oh, I'm out of there, dude. Can I tell

41:11

you, I've wanted to build a secret? Like

41:14

a tunnel from my room to my

41:17

office so I can bypass my children.

41:20

You know what I mean? Like just hide because

41:22

it's my secret. I like a goth room. That's

41:24

all weird and dark that I go into sometimes

41:26

just to get away from my family. I

41:28

should build a secret tunnel. Hmm. That's such

41:30

a man. I think every

41:32

mom needs a secret tunnel. Fuck yeah,

41:34

dude. Yeah. So right now, like

41:37

I said, I grew up with my grandmas. My mom

41:39

always lived with us. So I had two moms there

41:41

to like if I catch them, I'm like, hey, can

41:43

you do this for me? Can you help me? Always. Yeah.

41:46

Now I'm living on my dad's and even my

41:48

stepmom's not safe. Like, yeah, I'm upstairs, though. So

41:51

I'm still in my dad's house. I'm upstairs. I'm

41:53

the only one who lives upstairs. That's

41:55

good. So you have your own privacy. Yeah, but I

41:57

got to like go down and I'll. stuck

42:00

in my head. I'll peek my head through the stairs

42:02

and if I catch him like, Hey, hey, hey,

42:07

hey. Do you ever cook for you and stuff? Yeah,

42:10

she cooks. She cooks for all of us.

42:12

She's like a super mom, you know? That's

42:14

so sweet. There's no way she could be

42:16

enjoying it all like the match she cooks

42:18

and like does for us. That's really nice.

42:20

No, there is no way. It's a full

42:22

time. It's a full time. You're a

42:24

full time chef. But here's the thing. It's

42:26

a weird thing. I actually enjoy cooking. I like

42:28

it. But you know

42:31

that you're feeding your boys. You know, I

42:33

have two little boys and I have Tommy and I, Tom's like

42:35

my third big kid. And that you just, you

42:37

feel good knowing that you're, you're feeding boys

42:39

because they eat a lot and they need to

42:41

grow and stuff. Yeah, I feel

42:44

bad for my, my sister because while we're all

42:46

sitting down, this is like some old school thing.

42:48

She's just like, she'll call my sister like, Hey,

42:50

help me do all this. Yeah. And I'll just

42:52

like, well, my brother helps too. He's a, he's

42:54

a good, he's a good boy. My brother helps

42:56

my, my stepmom a lot too. Not as much

42:58

as my sister, which my brother, if he hears

43:00

this, he's going to be like, Oh, who are

43:03

you talking about? But he

43:05

does help just not nearly as much as my sister

43:07

does. My sister is like

43:09

my savior. Like when I'm

43:12

not home, she's like my son's

43:14

mom, basically. My son, don't get

43:16

me wrong. My son has a mom, but like when

43:18

my son's over there and I can't be there, my

43:21

sister just, we didn't

43:23

even get into that. So how old is your son? He's

43:25

four, almost five. So you had a kid at

43:27

20, sorry, my math 23. No, 24, 20. I think I was

43:32

already 22 when he was born. So

43:34

no wonder you feel old. You grew

43:36

up fast too. Yeah,

43:38

you did it young, bro. There's going

43:40

to be, yeah, there's going to be so many Mexicans

43:42

that if they hear me say that, they're going to

43:45

be like, ha, 16. You were

43:47

already a man. But do you think it lit a

43:49

fire under your ass to be a comic like to go

43:51

out there and just get it? Oh, for sure.

43:53

Yeah, for sure. I was, I was, people

43:56

don't understand a lot of the time when I say this, but

43:58

I'm a bum at home. Like I'm always

44:01

be a bum till I die like I

44:03

was so satisfied with my lifestyle before my

44:05

son was born Yeah, I was cutting hair

44:07

out of my grandma's house out of my

44:09

bedroom. I Was in Barber

44:11

College, but I just like I sometimes go Just

44:15

to hang out really yeah cuz it was like a pay as

44:17

you go yet to pay like 300 bucks a month And if

44:19

I had the money then I'd go for the you know the

44:21

money if I didn't I just didn't I couldn't go So

44:24

I was cutting hair out of my house. I sometimes go to

44:26

Barber College. I Was doing open

44:28

mics and showcases like every night of the week

44:31

I was doing comedy every night. Oh you liked

44:33

it then you know I love your so that

44:35

you have to be obsessed Yeah, but I but

44:37

I didn't have the mentality To

44:40

I guess make like the business type decisions

44:42

for comedy. I was doing whatever show they

44:44

asked me to be on I just do it. Mm-hmm.

44:46

I didn't care what it led to or if it led to

44:49

anything Like if I got to open somebody cool. Hell. Yeah, you

44:51

know I take it but

44:53

yeah, I was making like two three hundred bucks a

44:55

week and I

44:57

had a car that sometimes worked I

45:00

was I was living you know I

45:02

was I was satisfied my grandma cooked for me

45:04

like I was good And

45:07

then I found out that I was possibly gonna be

45:09

a father and I still didn't quite get it together

45:13

But um I yeah

45:15

once like the the second I saw my

45:17

son And you

45:19

know it's like the minute the second I held them

45:22

it really kicked in like oh Shit

45:24

like now life is serious Yes, and

45:26

it kind of made everything that I

45:28

ever stressed about worried about got angry

45:31

about emotion about before It

45:33

was like wow I might as well have been

45:35

living in this video game imagine a world shit

45:37

world Yeah, I was like now now my decisions

45:39

matter. Yeah, so I knew

45:42

that By the time he was

45:44

having to go to school. I knew by the time he had

45:46

to go to school I wanted him to go to a better

45:48

school or live in a better neighborhood So

45:51

and I had to get my shit

45:53

together, but I also knew that I Wanted

45:57

to make the money doing

46:00

stand up to get him to move like I

46:03

didn't want him to be able to I was

46:05

like either I have to move or I wasn't with

46:07

his mom we haven't been together since

46:09

he was like a few months you know but I

46:11

knew that I either had to get them in a

46:14

better living situation or myself in a

46:16

better living situation by

46:19

the time he was in school but I knew I wanted to do

46:21

it through stand up I didn't want to do it because

46:23

I was a barber and something and I also worked

46:25

at a body shop sometimes the painting cars I

46:28

didn't want it I don't want to do it that

46:30

way yeah I was like I had to really

46:32

put the gas on comedy yeah and make make

46:34

sure that like it took off before he was

46:36

in school that's rad yeah yeah

46:38

when we got pregnant we

46:41

got pregnant when I got fucking pregnant I

46:44

was kind of nervous because Tom was with

46:47

Tom was headlining I was I

46:49

was headlining too but you know

46:51

we were just right on the precipice of like

46:53

okay we finally gonna break through your mom's house

46:56

was going we were making some dollars and

46:58

al madrigals goes you know children

47:00

are a blessing you'll end up making

47:02

money when you have children and we are

47:05

like no fucking way and lo and behold I had

47:07

our first son we were living in a 900 foot

47:09

900 square foot guest house

47:11

in redondo like a back house and

47:13

we had Ellis we had two dogs and

47:16

it was chaos and I go I think we should move

47:18

Tom but we don't have any money how old

47:20

is your oldest he's eight now he's a no

47:22

baby we got money and I'm like what are you talking about he's like

47:25

look at the bank account and I was like wait

47:27

what when did this shit happen that his Netflix special

47:30

it just dropped and then he was starting

47:32

to make and we're like alright let's fucking move dude

47:34

but that's a blessing is I think I

47:37

think children can motivate especially

47:39

men because I saw Tom going to

47:41

overdrive like the minute I got pregnant

47:43

he was just like yep yep yep

47:45

yep yo because I like it's

47:49

crazy seeing

47:52

the mother of your child hold

47:55

you like have your child in

47:57

them you almost feel like oh shit like

47:59

I did that Like I better be

48:01

responsible. Yeah, I better be responsible because

48:03

I cause it like yeah Like

48:06

I just dragged you two into this like

48:08

yeah. Yeah, it's great. I remember my son

48:10

was tiny man I will stay up with

48:13

him all night and I

48:15

do the bottles and all that yeah Rough

48:18

and I remember the first night that he

48:21

slept through the entire night. I thought he

48:23

died. Yeah, I was afraid Yeah, I'm so

48:25

scared Yeah, cuz you know he

48:27

always would fall asleep right here on my arm And then

48:30

I remember he fell asleep like almost right at midnight

48:32

I remember that and I knocked out and like at

48:34

7 o'clock a.m. On the dot. I

48:36

just woke up like oh my god I

48:41

know those man a lot of people

48:43

don't don't understand that there is

48:45

no fear and Anxiety

48:48

like having a newborn and the first time

48:51

you take that baby home and the nurses

48:53

like right here's your baby And you're like

48:55

I don't know how to put in my are you letting

48:57

me do this right now? Never

49:00

like we couldn't even put Ellis in the car seat

49:02

tom. We had to ask the nurse like I never

49:06

Do this like you know drop them

49:08

off at my house later I'd be anxiety

49:10

and like yeah like you're saying like I would

49:12

just watch them breathe the first especially the first

49:15

baby You're just like are you breathing dude like

49:17

I remember it when I felt my son's heartbeat

49:19

Just randomly like at night like just feeling it

49:21

just to feel it. Yeah. Oh, that's so scary

49:25

Can this just never stop he's like Make

49:28

sure my spouse wait before it is like who the

49:31

fuck Awful

49:33

or like breathing sometimes Ellis would just slow

49:35

down you know so much I put my

49:37

fucking hand under his nose like breathing Sometimes

49:40

people are like I'll never and they want to

49:42

have kids I'm enjoying life too much, and it's

49:44

like not good like I always

49:47

encourage people like enjoy the shit out of whatever you

49:49

know But I feel like after

49:51

certain age like you have to it opens

49:53

up another side of your brain Yeah, I

49:55

mean yeah you grow you had you gotta have a

49:57

kid eventually. I think or you better just be like

50:00

a super cool if you're like 50 you

50:02

better be a cool ass 50 year old like

50:04

a good person yeah don't be like a like

50:07

don't try to be young yeah you know what

50:09

i mean yeah i i feel that way too

50:11

i think that i think

50:13

there's some people who choose not to have children

50:15

for very good reasons there's a lot of great reasons

50:17

not to have for sure you're too traumatized

50:20

you know whatever the fuck it is absolutely don't

50:22

do it but then if there

50:25

is so much benefit to

50:27

having kids it literally does rewire

50:29

you in such a meaningful way yeah where

50:32

you don't see i don't see you like

50:34

if i had met you before i had kids i would

50:36

think of you totally different but i look at a 27

50:39

year old little in my eyes you're just a little baby comic you

50:41

know what i mean even though your grades got

50:44

kid and you've got this career but in my

50:46

eyes you'll you're you're somebody's son

50:48

you know and like it's always going to

50:50

be that that's true i was not made in

50:52

a lab you're not you know and

50:54

you have you have empathy and love for for the

50:57

at least i do i don't know how you

50:59

feel towards the human race but you

51:01

know a lot more empathy for sure i think

51:03

so yeah because you know what parents go through like

51:05

what we were just talking about somebody

51:07

fucking did that for you like

51:09

just panicked like are you breathing

51:12

are you fucking it's

51:14

a lot of stress anyway thank you for being here

51:16

i really appreciate it um so

51:18

you can see ralph he's on tour now

51:20

starting january 12th are you going everywhere are

51:23

you just fucking nah i

51:25

mean eventually i will um i'm

51:27

not i'm not going

51:30

to remember all the city that you don't have to

51:32

bring but but you're in america you're touring the us

51:34

i'm touring us yeah and it's

51:36

it's my tour it's called the

51:38

super cool last tour and the

51:42

you can find the tickets and

51:44

the dates at barbosa comedy.com or

51:46

follow me on instagram at ralph

51:48

barbosa03 i love it well

51:51

i'm so happy for you you're a lovely

51:53

addition to our comedy family our comedy

51:55

world i consider you fam now so please

51:57

come back and do these shows whenever you're an

51:59

awesome I love to yeah dog

52:01

and I hope you continue to crush it.

52:04

You're you're a wonderful voice in comedy and

52:06

you're sweet sweet, bro Thank you.

52:08

Thank you. I love you. I love you mommy

52:12

All right, so next time stay cool moms.

52:14

Bye. Peace. Peace You