Original spoken word poetry about the gender dysphoria and reaching out to professionals for help.

As an introvert I sometimes find it hard to talk openly so I use poetry to express my whole-self, gender affirmation and transitioning from male to female. This poem is about the two times I went to my GP's for help starting my gender transition from male to female.

GENDER DYSPHORIA

Two doctors spoke differently,
When asked for help, instinctively.
The first open, and receptive,
The second guarded, deflective.
The first, he listened intently,
The second, judgementally.
The first replied “I will help you”,
The second, “What is wrong with you?”.

People, you know, are just people,
No matter what their profession.
It is whilst talking to people,
I learn a very good lesson,
People will always surprise me,
Not behave how I might expect.
And that is on me, and should be,
So, I listen with deep respect.

I confess, how I truly feel.
Miss nothing, nothing to conceal.
My trust is in their expertise,
One, acts, like I have a disease.
I need to express me as whole,
And being me, well, that’s my goal.
I just cannot go it alone.
So, I am in the danger zone.

I need their support to diagnose,
The thing my heart already knows.
The thing that stops me feeling whole,
The thing, my truth, deep in my soul.
They call it gender dysphoria,
Yet, one listens with aporia.
One will help, but does not know how,
The other not, raising a brow.

I feel so lost, nowhere to turn,
The pain inside, begins to burn.
Please refer me, that is all I need!
I feel the urge to kneel and plead.
But I sit still, nod with respect.
After all, what did I expect?
A miracle, by any chance?
I am just a man, at first glance.

What will it take, what do they need?
What can I say, my words just bleed.
All I have left, an open heart.
And yet they feel a world apart.
“Let’s check your health and vital stats”.
“You're healthy and well, my congrats”.
But you're on your own, from today.
I'll check your blood, now go away!

But the first doctor, has a thought,
A sense perhaps, that I am fraught?
And wrote some words upon my file.
Gender Dysphoria, Oh, my smile!
I have never felt more disposed,
Than on the day I was diagnosed.
“Have counselling, just to be sure”,
The words I heard before the door.

And then the wait, it soon began.
It seems the list, is longer than,
A longer list, I could not find.
So, I wait, with an open mind.
That one day soon, in a few years.
Help will come, that fell on deaf ears.
And whilst I wait, I’ll live as me.
Full of hope, for the day I’m free.

(c) Jay Rose Ana

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► CREDITS

Gender Dysphoria Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
Music Silence for a Film by Ann Annie