0:00

God can't bless who you pretend to

0:02

be or who you compare yourself to.

0:04

He can only bless you and

0:07

the lame that was created for you.

0:08

I feel that for somebody,

0:12

you don't need no edge entity, you need

0:14

boundaries.

0:16

I don't need your life, I don't need

0:18

your violidation. All I need

0:20

is a god.

0:20

Fuddy part of me that says all things,

0:23

all things, all things.

0:28

Child?

0:30

Am I the only one who has moments

0:32

when my kids are asking me questions,

0:34

whether they're the big ones or the little

0:36

ones, where I just want to tell them, like you do

0:39

know, I have no idea what I'm doing either,

0:41

like we're literally trying to figure this thing

0:43

out together. I think that they

0:45

have in their mind that I'm some superhero

0:48

who has knowledge about everything from

0:50

stains to calculus, and the

0:52

truth is that I'm out here trying to figure

0:54

out if my wig is on the right way.

0:56

Most days, because life is always

0:59

lifing.

1:00

I think part of the beauty of coming to

1:02

a place where we recognize that we don't

1:04

have to have all of the answers means

1:06

that we get to engage in learning with

1:09

our children, and we also get to look

1:11

at our lives and the lives of others

1:13

through a lens of compassion. This

1:16

week, we're talking about the hope to be

1:18

open to being flawed, letting

1:20

go of this idea that we have to be perfect,

1:23

we have to do everything well all of the

1:25

time, and resting in the truth that

1:27

we are humans on a journey doing

1:29

the best we can at any given moment.

1:32

Today, I'm talking to two women who I have

1:34

known for a mighty long time, but whose

1:36

business I am getting to.

1:38

Mind in a fresh new way.

1:40

You're going to hear from doctor Jill on the womani

1:43

Volve podcast about how she raised

1:45

her daughters, but first we're

1:47

going to have an opportunity to experience

1:50

her with her daughters. Doctor Jill Wagner

1:52

Jones is a dynamic voice,

1:55

an incredible mind who has been shaping

1:57

conversations about health, wellness,

1:59

and relationships for quite some time.

2:02

Her daughter, Jillian Mitchell, has

2:04

been a creative give to our family

2:06

in ways that we did not even know that

2:08

we needed. Together, we're going to

2:10

have a conversation today about how we

2:13

are embracing the realities that

2:15

our mothers and our daughters

2:17

are flawed and yet walking this

2:20

thing called life out together. So thank

2:22

you guys for being a part of today.

2:24

Well, thank you for having us.

2:25

I'm really excited now.

2:27

I have noticed that you all seem to be really

2:29

toned down right now, because just before the

2:32

camera started rolling, there

2:34

was a lot going on here. Yes, it

2:36

was giving more friendships than well,

2:39

you know, I think you was like getting on to

2:42

her about things and she was reminding

2:44

you to real it in you know, when did

2:46

you all become friends?

2:48

Ooh, you want to go first. Sure.

2:51

I think we became friends when I went to college.

2:53

Really yes, because.

2:55

I remember calling home and just

2:57

being like, Mommy, let

2:59

me tell you what had in the day, child, let me let's

3:02

go, let's dive into what's going on in my

3:04

life. And I think I really realized that she

3:06

had spent all this time raising me and

3:08

showing me the way and really giving

3:10

me all these nuggets of what needed to happen.

3:13

And then when I got to college, I was after on my own

3:15

in a sense, and I just had

3:18

to stand on what she had taught

3:20

me, and so I was able to call and.

3:22

Say, girl, listen.

3:24

And I think that's where our friendship

3:26

really really developed.

3:28

I agree with that.

3:30

Before she went to college, I

3:32

didn't consider her an adult because she wasn't,

3:35

and so I was trying to be her mother, making sure

3:38

I was her mother. Never had the

3:40

need for my daughter to be my friend.

3:43

It was bonus when we got to the

3:45

point where we have become friends,

3:49

but respect was important for

3:51

me and making sure that I was

3:53

the person to say I am not your

3:55

friend.

3:56

I am your mother.

3:58

And so you know, when

4:00

we got to that point where she was an adult and

4:03

on her own, I felt that it was okay.

4:05

So how did you introduce that level

4:08

of vulnerability? Right? Because I think

4:10

as like a mother daughter or i'll say

4:12

parent child dynamic. For the

4:14

parent, there is a need to kind of make

4:16

sure that you create that boundary so

4:18

that you can continue to have respect and so

4:21

that you can instill to them into

4:23

them things that they don't necessarily see is

4:25

important right now, but you know will be important

4:27

down the road. And yet on the daughter's

4:30

side, I feel like I

4:32

don't want to disappoint you or I

4:34

don't want you to be upset with me because I'm gonna do

4:36

whatever I want to do in this moment. Like

4:38

how did you gain

4:41

the vulnerability to say,

4:43

like, I have done something that

4:45

may be against what you taught

4:47

me, or I'm out here struggling

4:50

in a way that you would maybe not expect,

4:53

and I yet trust you with this part

4:55

of my imperfect being.

4:58

I think for me, it was so typically

5:02

in the past. My mama didn't fly okay.

5:05

And so I was in

5:07

college. I went to school in Virginia, and

5:11

I was that whole semester. I was in a show because

5:13

I was a theater performer. So I was in

5:15

a show and I was just like the whole time, Mama,

5:17

I think I'm gonna come home. I really want to.

5:20

I don't really want.

5:21

To stay here. It's too far, like the whole.

5:23

Semester, and she was like, no, I

5:25

really think you can do a sweet pea, Like I'm so proud

5:27

of you, and you can do it. And

5:30

my first show, I walk into

5:32

the lobby and I see my dad. I mean, I knew he

5:34

was coming. I'm like, Daddy, I jump on him. He

5:36

had just had surgery, and from behind

5:38

him my sister I'm like, you're ryah

5:41

my Nana. I'm like Nana. And

5:43

then my mom walks through the door and

5:46

I'm like, oh my

5:48

god, it's my mommy. And

5:50

so I think in that moment I realized

5:52

that she would do anything for me, and

5:54

that she would do things that she never

5:57

thought she could anymore get

5:59

on a plane from me, and she made

6:01

it there, and I was like, I can give her anything,

6:03

I can trust her with anything.

6:05

Because she didn't know. She

6:07

did know.

6:08

Even though I didn't know that, she knew I was

6:10

coming home because I was too far away. I

6:13

wasn't coming home just because I couldn't do it. I wanted

6:15

to come home to be closer.

6:17

She was afraid I couldn't get to her, and

6:21

I sense that it was going to change

6:25

her life and the trajectory

6:27

of her life if I could

6:29

not get on an airplane. And

6:31

so I did everything I could to

6:34

get on that airplane. And I will never

6:37

ever forget the sound

6:40

that she made when I walked

6:43

around that corner, the

6:45

sound of sheer. I

6:48

will never forget it. If when she said

6:50

it, I could hear her, will never

6:52

forget it. And it did. It opened up this

6:55

thing. One she knew she could do

6:57

anything. Two she knew she

6:59

could trust me me with anything. The

7:01

other thing, I knew that I could trust

7:03

her with my weaknesses and

7:06

my strength. I

7:08

could say to her, this is really hard for me,

7:11

but I am going to do it and I will make it

7:13

happen.

7:14

And so it did. That opened up a real got

7:16

tears.

7:17

I know, I'm not ready to cry.

7:19

I think it was a big deal.

7:22

It was such a big deal that as we went around

7:24

campus, people were like, hey,

7:26

y'all, Jilly's because they call her Jilly,

7:29

now Jill Jill.

7:31

They were like, you're Jills. No, no, your

7:34

mama calls are Jilly. Anyway, she said,

7:37

you're Jill's parents. I mean, they knew

7:39

who we were because it had so much impact

7:41

on everybody.

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evolve. Okay,

9:10

So I think in order for people to understand

9:12

how impactful that is, I think they have to understand

9:14

how you feel about flying, because

9:17

I think that's what moves me so much

9:19

about it.

9:19

And there is something to.

9:21

Knowing that my mom

9:24

was willing to face her fears to give

9:26

me faith.

9:27

Right.

9:28

Yeah, well, actually, you

9:30

know I used to be a flight attendant. Yeah,

9:32

so I was a flight attendant and then

9:34

I developed Actually it wasn't it's

9:37

an anxiety disorder that I

9:39

developed.

9:40

When I was in graduate school. I

9:42

think it was the.

9:43

Intense stress of

9:45

graduate school and the newness of that and

9:48

wanting to be perfect and all of that.

9:49

I mean I used to freak out.

9:51

I remember I made an eighty nine one time

9:53

and my friend was like, girl, get a

9:56

girl. I

9:58

mean, I was depressed, and

10:01

so all of that stress of that

10:03

had really manifested

10:06

itself in this anxiety

10:08

disorder where I couldn't get on airplane.

10:10

So I'd been a flight attendant and

10:13

then this thing happened

10:15

and I couldn't get on an airplane and

10:17

it was just so overwhelming. The fear

10:20

was overwhelming, but it was about control.

10:23

So I could not control it. So I

10:25

had to learn how to be

10:28

okay with not being in control. I mean, it's a

10:30

whole journey, but I thought,

10:32

I have to do this. I have

10:35

to be able to do this. So

10:37

for me, particularly if

10:39

I do something, if I fly somewhere unexpected

10:43

or that I didn't plan for, it's

10:45

a decision that I have to make that it's gonna

10:47

be okay. So she knew what that

10:50

meant for me, and it was critical.

10:54

There's something to the idea

10:56

of you facing this

10:58

moment, getting on the pl and

11:01

knowing that it would unlock her potential.

11:04

Can't Maybe you guys can help me unpack

11:06

it, Like, why generationally

11:09

is it important for us

11:12

to see the women who are

11:14

ahead of us defy

11:16

their anxiety, defy their fear.

11:19

What do you.

11:19

Think that it gives us? I feel like it's

11:22

the greatest gift. The greatest inheritance

11:25

that any woman can leave her children

11:28

are the battle.

11:30

Scars and

11:32

the fight through fear.

11:35

You have to fight through fear.

11:38

That's not a cliche. It is not because

11:41

there will be many places in your

11:43

life that you walk into a room

11:45

or a circumstance that you are afraid

11:48

of. Fear can be crippling,

11:51

it can paralyze you. And

11:54

so but once you make the decision to

11:56

do it, you just have to do it. And it's like,

11:58

come hell of high water, I am walking

12:01

through this. And so I thought

12:04

it was critical for her not

12:06

to let fear stop her from

12:09

anything that she wanted

12:11

to do. And I had to show her her Daddy

12:13

couldn't shore her, Nana couldn't shore

12:16

nobody else. I

12:18

had to show her that it

12:20

was okay. But I learned that from my grandmother,

12:22

and we talked a little bit about my grandmother. Before

12:25

my grandmother, she didn't fly, she

12:27

hadn't been to college, and

12:29

she would let me get on an airplane and

12:31

go to Japan. She

12:35

was limited, but she

12:37

kept saying, Oh, you'll be okay. Oh

12:39

Mama can't do that, but you can't. And

12:42

so she gave me that as

12:44

something to stand on, and I wanted

12:46

to make sure that I gave it to her and my girl's

12:48

period.

12:49

Wow, well, I think that you

12:51

did give it to me often. You told

12:53

me when I was little, because I was what in

12:56

twelve when we flew to Europe for the first

12:58

time, we sent her always.

13:00

Well without parents

13:03

because she had to

13:06

people and parents couldn't

13:09

go okay, and.

13:10

We also went we didn't know the

13:12

people, the people people.

13:15

You know, that was a few years ago. There wasn't

13:17

a fear of me going over there and getting snatched.

13:20

I think it was a little bit, but not as much.

13:23

But I think it

13:26

was a little harder to snatch and it made a

13:28

lootle easier. No, I

13:30

think that even in telling me that

13:33

she did for me what Grannie did for

13:35

her, which is you can do anything. But

13:37

I think in that moment walking it out. It

13:39

just ignited a different passion, Like

13:42

my mommy walked it out. She's not just

13:44

doing what she's you know, she's not just

13:46

telling me she did it, and so that

13:48

means I can do anything. I think that

13:50

that's what really happened in

13:53

that moment. It was like, Oh, I

13:55

saw her do something she's always told

13:57

me, and so now I really can do

13:59

anything.

14:00

Have you been able to pull

14:03

from that, like make a withdrawal from

14:05

that moment in faith since then? And can

14:07

you tell us like when is the time in your life where

14:09

you were like, if mama got on

14:11

that plane.

14:12

I can do X, Y and z.

14:14

Oh.

14:14

Absolutely. I think that I

14:16

often go back to that moment that

14:21

in whenever I get

14:23

ready to get on stage, whenever I am

14:26

introduced to something new. For instance,

14:29

your mom asked me to do something

14:31

for her just in coming

14:33

to work with her. I think I was like,

14:36

I'm trepidacious. I don't know if I'm good enough

14:38

for this. I don't know what the need

14:40

is, Like I don't think I can And I was

14:42

like, you know what, I really can't do anything,

14:44

Like my mama got on the plane from me, Jaffe,

14:47

I can go up here and

14:50

put this little piece together and see what she needs.

14:52

At least hear her out. You know, my mama got

14:54

on the plane and came across the world

14:57

to get me, so I can pretty much

14:59

do anything.

15:00

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FDIC. I

16:36

am noticing, as my mother is

16:38

entering into her full

16:41

queen era that

16:45

I fell a sense of responsibility and taking

16:47

care of her. It's

16:49

not quite like the roles have reversed,

16:52

but I am no longer exclusively

16:55

on the receiving end. Now

16:57

I feel a responsibility to give

16:59

wisdom to her sometimes, to give

17:01

encouragement and advice to her. And

17:04

so I want to talk a little bit about being

17:06

an adult child with an

17:08

adult mother and the

17:10

ways that the roles reverse because

17:13

we see how they're aging,

17:15

how life is changing, how they're looking at life

17:17

through a lens of legacy more

17:20

often than not.

17:20

What is it like for you to see your.

17:22

Mom

17:25

becoming more seasoned, getting

17:32

more law right.

17:35

I think it is a wonderful experience. Just

17:37

yesterday I had to have a heart to

17:39

heart moment with her, Like girlfriend listen,

17:43

we need to chat. So

17:47

I think that because we've developed a friendship,

17:49

I can I am open enough

17:51

to say, hey, Mama, I love

17:53

you, but let's

17:56

try to do this a little differently. You

17:58

know, I see that

18:01

that probably wasn't your best sim.

18:05

Because I'm tough. I

18:07

can be really tough on people

18:10

that I love. I

18:13

really was not aware.

18:14

I was going to say, how did you figure that out?

18:16

She told me. Really, you

18:19

know, she really did yesterday.

18:28

I'm whenever somebody

18:31

is talking to me, and and my

18:33

assistant also is like one

18:35

of my daughters. She's an extension. There

18:39

are certain things that trigger things in me.

18:42

If somebody is talking to me about how hard

18:44

something is, I

18:46

try to listen. I don't want

18:48

I really don't want to hear.

18:50

It, like because get

18:52

it done, I don't care.

18:53

She turns into like I was Harriet Tubman

18:55

chasd I've been.

18:57

Running the railroad.

19:03

But I really my motto

19:05

is it's the hard that makes it special. Okay,

19:09

it's hard, and so I

19:12

think the older I get, the

19:15

more it comes to the surface. So

19:18

I'm trying to be, you know this

19:20

kind compassionate, and

19:22

I'll be kind compassionate for this moment,

19:25

But if you're still talking about this man,

19:27

it's just like, come on, what

19:31

are we talking? Come on, get it together.

19:33

And so she told me, she said, Mommy, you

19:36

cannot. You

19:38

got to be better with that. You

19:40

cannot. And we were talking

19:42

about a parenting situation. She

19:45

said, first of all, we are not the same. You

19:47

cannot parent us the same. It

19:50

is not okay. And so I looked at my assistant.

19:52

I said, do I do that?

19:54

She said, yes, ma'am. Okay,

19:56

how act okay? Anyway?

19:59

But I did reflect on it, and

20:01

I appreciate her being adult

20:05

enough, woman enough, confident

20:08

enough that our relationship

20:10

is open enough where she can say,

20:13

no, you were wrong, you got to do better,

20:16

and.

20:16

You wasn't scared you was gonna get a whooping.

20:19

I couldn't be in that

20:22

moment. That's

20:24

why I called her. But I

20:27

really couldn't because I felt like I

20:30

really needed to express it and I needed

20:32

her to be open to receiving it. And

20:34

I think sometimes she's more open to me to

20:37

receiving it than

20:40

you know, others. And so I had to really say,

20:42

okay, hey, hey girl, I

20:44

love you.

20:45

Can you take it as hard as you give it?

20:51

That's a real good question. I probably

20:55

not to

20:57

be honest, because I do get

20:59

wounded. My feelings get

21:01

hurt. What

21:04

are you doing some

21:06

kind of

21:09

so I think that probably

21:12

not. But there's this

21:14

thing that happens as you get

21:16

more mature. It's

21:20

like you you, I've earned

21:22

the right.

21:26

I'm triggered because now you're because

21:29

my father has this, I've earned the right.

21:32

Right to say what does that mean?

21:34

That means that for my entire

21:36

life, I have

21:39

muted myself. I

21:41

have changed the way I presented myself

21:44

because I was trying to fit into not

21:47

necessarily what my family said, but

21:49

what the world required of me.

21:53

And so now I am fully grown. I

21:55

am grown, I am successful,

21:59

I have wisdom, and I am

22:01

tired of you telling

22:03

me what I are to present myself as

22:06

when I walk into a room. And

22:08

it's this kind of thing that comes out

22:10

of you. Because the other thing is we

22:12

are fighting for legacy, not just for

22:15

our legacy, but we are fighting.

22:17

For your entrance in the room too.

22:19

So what we are saying is I get to say

22:21

what I want to say, and by the way, they do

22:23

too. So you cannot

22:26

go back and put those parameters

22:29

on the people that are coming behind me

22:31

like you did for me. So let me here's

22:33

a thing or two that I want to You

22:36

know, it's like when you're going out the room and you're about to drop

22:38

the mic. Let me tell you that's

22:40

kind of how we feel. And it's not that we think

22:42

we're not going to be here long. We just think

22:45

that we have fought long enough,

22:47

we have proven ourselves and

22:49

so now we ought to be able to say what we think

22:52

and say it unapologetically.

22:54

And it gets us in trouble.

22:55

Sometimes and sometimes as

22:57

the oldest, I have to say, okay,

23:00

said your peace. I get it, But

23:03

next time, can we be a little song,

23:06

a little differend that kind

23:08

of hurt hurt our feelings?

23:10

And I don't want to hurt feelings, Yeah I

23:13

don't, but some things need to be said. The other

23:16

thing that I've always done with my girls, if

23:18

I tell you you did well, I am not lying

23:20

to you, not at all.

23:22

Yeah, Because if you don't do well, do you hear that you

23:24

absolutely?

23:25

She will never say so I know I didn't

23:27

do well. If she says it was good, I'm

23:30

like.

23:30

Oh, it wasn't your best.

23:33

And I know you, I know what you are capable

23:35

of. I am not gonna

23:37

be that mother in the corner. Oh baby,

23:39

you did wonderful. Oh and you

23:42

didn't.

23:43

It's either excellent, it was excellent, you

23:45

nailed it, you did it, or it

23:48

was good.

23:50

I don't want to crush you, but I don't want to lie to

23:52

you either. The other thing

23:55

is you need to know that there is one person in

23:57

the world who will tell you the truth. Yeah, at

24:00

least as I see it, and

24:02

so here it is now. I also

24:04

will not give you that truth and abandon

24:07

you in the consequences

24:09

of it.

24:10

I'm here with you.

24:11

I'm gonna walk you through it regardless

24:14

of what it is. Now, what do we

24:16

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24:18

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24:21

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24:23

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24:25

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the Woman Evolved podcast. So

26:00

there are women who have experienced

26:03

tough moms and have

26:06

maybe thought to themselves, I

26:08

can't be vulnerable, I can't open up.

26:11

I don't even know how to communicate with her because

26:13

she's so hard on me. I think part of the plight

26:15

of the strong black woman trope

26:18

is that that strength was often showing

26:21

up in our homes in a way that made it

26:23

difficult to connect. Not everyone's testimonies,

26:26

but some. So there may be watching

26:28

this and they're like, I could deal with my mom being

26:30

tough if I knew she had those other layers.

26:33

And maybe their mom does have those other

26:35

layers, but they don't know how to interpret

26:38

it. They don't know how to translate that

26:40

that tough is rooted in love. What

26:43

do we say to them communication

26:46

that's trite but true.

26:49

The other things I physically

26:52

show love to my daughters, I

26:55

am hug you, kiss you. If

26:57

you've ever witnessed stuff when we see each other,

27:00

you know, if it's been a day or two, we

27:03

embrace. I hug them, I stroke their

27:05

hair, I kiss them, I snuggle

27:07

in their necks. So I give them physical

27:10

love and emotional love so

27:13

they know I'm capable of it, and

27:15

I try to always have it available,

27:17

and even if we are in the

27:19

midst of something that is hard, if

27:22

I see that what I am giving

27:24

them is more than they are capable of

27:27

communicating or capable of receiving

27:29

at that time, then I stop

27:32

and give them the come here, put

27:35

your hair right there.

27:36

That's so good. You

27:39

know, it's the truth, whether you like it or not.

27:40

Yeah, no, no, no no. As a mother,

27:43

you can be you

27:46

can be strong, you can be fierce,

27:49

you can be truthful, But the

27:51

mother thing is you have to know when

27:54

the child needs you to mother, and

27:57

that's critical. I think, what

27:59

do you think?

28:00

No, I agree. I think you are literally

28:02

the definition of like a gentle and

28:04

a stern parent. So she's like very

28:06

stern, but then she's like, okay, now

28:09

come here, I love you, and she's gonna

28:11

talk to me and talk through it.

28:14

Yeah.

28:14

I think I just found in life that we just

28:16

have this balance. And now

28:18

I'm to the point where I'm able to vocalize

28:21

that that really hurt me and

28:24

this was not, you know, not what

28:26

I expected. I know that I was wrong

28:28

in that moment, but I really need

28:31

I need my mommy. And she has this

28:33

wonderful way of saying Okay, do you want me to listen

28:35

or do you want me to give you feedback? And

28:37

so I think that we've been able to communicate

28:40

through those tough even that those stern

28:42

layers, And as I went

28:44

to counseling and therapy, I was able to say,

28:46

I think this is a trigger for you. I

28:48

think so, I.

28:49

Think that

28:54

this whole counseling thing.

28:55

No, counseling is a good thing.

28:57

Yes, it really is, you

29:00

know, but I'm from that generation that

29:04

you know, you think, well, what I'm gonna pay the counselor

29:06

for, although you know it is a good

29:08

thing, So no, I get that.

29:11

Then she'll come back with her stuff.

29:13

Therapy has helped me a lot in communicating

29:15

with my parents because I do think

29:18

part of the like staying in child's place,

29:20

don't get out of grown folks business,

29:23

get out of the way, be seen and not

29:25

heard. It doesn't teach you how to use

29:27

your voice, and then you hit adulthood and

29:29

your parents are like, well, you can tell me anything, but I haven't

29:32

practiced using my voice, which yeah,

29:35

I don't know how.

29:36

To do it.

29:37

I think I was able to practice.

29:39

That's something that's big.

29:41

Yeah, because we told y'all to be quiet,

29:43

and now we want you talking.

29:45

Yes, And you're like, I'm you're sure.

29:47

Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't even have anything

29:50

to pull from, and our relationship

29:52

dynamic to do that, So it does.

29:55

It creates anxiety for me, It creates fear.

29:57

I do it anyway, you know what I mean. But I'm

29:59

like, bear with me. I'm going to probably stumble

30:02

over my words because there's still that authority

30:04

position that they're in and now they see

30:06

us as equals, but it's hard for me to fully

30:09

see us as equals. So it's a lot

30:11

to overcome in order for us to communicate.

30:13

You are equal until we disagree with you.

30:15

Right then, right?

30:17

Not that bro, not that

30:19

equal? Yeah.

30:22

But I think I was able to practice that because

30:25

even growing up we are so alike.

30:28

I had to vocalize. I

30:30

remember a moment when I was probably

30:32

four. We were working on homework and

30:35

we were going back and forth and I was like, listen,

30:37

I do not learn that way, so I

30:39

need a moment, and she said, well, I

30:42

need a moment to me.

30:43

We know she was for a moment really,

30:46

and we were we were going and I learned

30:48

differently than she does, and so

30:50

I was giving it to her the way I do it, and

30:53

she just shut down and she said, I

30:55

said, whoa, whoa.

30:57

She told me at four, I don't learn that

30:59

way.

31:00

Let me. That reminds me of Ella. Yes,

31:03

I just want to say what needs to be said.

31:05

Yeah, okay, I have a question before you before

31:07

we go.

31:08

What is one thing about the way

31:10

that you were mother that you will definitely

31:12

continue to mother, like

31:15

whenever you have children or as

31:17

you are an aunt, however you decide to show up

31:19

as.

31:20

A mother in the world.

31:22

What's one thing that you will continue continue

31:24

and what's one thing you'll do differently.

31:26

One thing I will continue is definitely

31:28

her love. She's very loving, and so my

31:30

mom expresses love openly, and

31:32

so I plan to openly express

31:35

love and just really be very

31:37

affectionate because that's what

31:39

I enjoy the most. One thing that

31:41

I probably will not do.

31:44

I love the voice change.

31:46

One thing that I probably will not do. I

31:51

don't know, I really I mean no,

31:53

no, I'm really thinking. I

31:55

don't know.

31:59

No.

31:59

What's one thing I hope she does differently?

32:04

Wow, I

32:06

hope that she communicates,

32:10

particularly if she has daughters, that

32:12

however she shows up physically is okay.

32:18

I think my issues

32:20

with myself physically I

32:22

often communicate it to

32:25

my daughters and in front of my daughters,

32:28

and so I hope that she, as

32:30

a woman, will feel

32:32

good about her physical self no

32:35

matter what society says or how

32:37

she's feeling about it currently,

32:41

that she still will say, but

32:43

I'm good and I'm beautiful and I'm

32:45

all of that. So that's what I really

32:48

I really hope she's able to do.

32:55

Okay.

32:55

So before we go, we just want to give you guys a chance

32:57

to honor one another and to

33:00

say thank you for maybe

33:02

something unexpected that your

33:05

daughter or your mother doesn't

33:07

even know that she deposited into your life.

33:12

Thank you for always

33:15

showing me that no

33:17

matter who's in the room, if

33:20

they're looking for me, I'm

33:22

always they So

33:24

I have to show up as my best self because

33:27

I'm not competing with others.

33:28

So thank you for teaching me that.

33:30

Wow, I

33:32

used to tell her, if they're looking for Jillian, you're

33:35

the only Jillian on earth, so

33:37

it doesn't matter what every other person looks

33:40

like in the room.

33:41

You are the one. So

33:45

wow, there are so many

33:47

things that you bring. Thank

33:52

you for helping

33:56

me understand that

34:00

the authentic authenticity

34:02

of who one is does

34:06

not matter whether the

34:08

people around you think that's what you

34:10

should be or uh,

34:14

what you've been told you should

34:17

be matters.

34:20

Something that matters is that you are

34:23

who you are because you

34:25

choose to be. So thank

34:28

you for showing me that and

34:30

showing up in the world as a woman who

34:33

is just Jillian and

34:35

okay with that. I

34:38

love you.

35:00

M