0:00

God can't bless who you pretend to

0:02

be or who you compare yourself to.

0:04

He can only bless you and

0:07

the lame that was created for you.

0:09

I feel that for.

0:09

Somebody,

0:12

you don't need no edge entity.

0:14

You need boundaries. What I

0:16

don't need your likes, I don't need your

0:18

validation. All I need is a Godboddy

0:21

call me.

0:21

That's They're all.

0:22

Things, all things, all.

0:25

Things, Chad,

0:30

I want to ask you.

0:31

Questions are part of the Lost and Found

0:34

series for the Woman Evolved podcasts,

0:36

and during this podcast, we're just interviewing

0:39

all types of women from different walks

0:41

of life about their journey and

0:43

evolving to where they are now in

0:45

the different times when they found themselves

0:48

lost and how they came out of those moments

0:51

and what those moments taught them about themselves.

0:54

And so I thought I would.

0:56

Kick off this interview by

0:58

asking you, when is the last time

1:01

you truly felt lost? What

1:03

was happening in your life?

1:06

And did

1:08

it like come to you again by

1:11

surprise?

1:12

Okay, most

1:14

definitely. I think that being

1:18

lost is always a surprise because

1:21

you're so sure that you know where you're going, and

1:26

especially if it's some place that you've been before,

1:28

and you think it's going to be that

1:30

you're going to get there the same way, back

1:32

the same way, and when actuality,

1:35

each time you're lost, it's a different

1:38

experience. I

1:40

would say most recently was

1:42

when I got so sick and

1:44

had to have that emergency surgery, and

1:46

I'd never been so afraid, even

1:49

in child bearing, that

1:52

afraid of what was really going on

1:54

with my body. I was so so

1:56

afraid. I was so so sick,

1:59

and I

2:01

didn't know if I was going to come out of it. And

2:05

the last time I

2:07

felt like that was giving birth to Dexter,

2:10

and I looked at my mother, who

2:12

was holding my hand, and I said, I don't think I'm

2:15

going to make it because

2:17

the pain was so excruciating. But

2:20

I think that that's what really underlines

2:23

being lost is the amount of thanks

2:26

and fear and questions

2:30

that nobody can really navigate

2:35

that course for you but yourself. And

2:38

so what turned into

2:42

something that could have been very, very

2:44

very horrid for us as

2:46

a family, God kind

2:49

of helped me find my way

2:51

and the doctors find out what the problem

2:54

was and it not be something

2:56

that was malignant

3:01

or something that was going

3:03

to change

3:06

my life completely. Yeah,

3:08

so yeah, that was lost

3:11

because no one had answers for me.

3:13

So when we were on tour, we did

3:16

the Refuse to Lose tour in

3:18

February, and one

3:20

of the ladies who we honored as a hail

3:23

Mary in Chicago, actually had

3:25

experienced a brain aneurism

3:28

and it came on unexpectedly. I

3:31

think she said maybe she'd had a couple of

3:33

headaches before then, but really nothing

3:35

that seemed unusual or alarming,

3:38

and she had this brain aneurysm. And one

3:40

of the things that she wanted doctor Anita

3:42

ultimately to kind of help her navigate,

3:45

was this idea of her body

3:47

betrayed her right. And I

3:49

think one of the things that even I think

3:52

we as women kind of experience as

3:54

our body changes and shifts and evolves

3:57

with life, is this idea of the body

3:59

I once had has betrayed my confidence

4:02

and self, has betrayed my ability to

4:04

show up in the world and believe that I

4:06

can do so with confidence. And I'm just thinking

4:08

about you know, you having that

4:10

surgery, and you know this maybe

4:13

idea that you know, my body betrayed

4:15

me once, is it going to betray me again?

4:18

How have you learned to really talk

4:20

back to that storyteller if you have

4:22

it at all. But that narrative

4:25

that can exist in someone's mind when they've

4:27

had an unexpected trauma to their

4:29

body.

4:30

Well, believe it or not. My

4:33

youngest daughter, Sarah

4:35

often tells me when I'm saying

4:38

something derogatory about myself

4:40

or about my situation or

4:42

about my life, don't talk to my

4:44

friend like that. And so

4:47

I learned to stop speaking

4:52

negative thoughts about my

4:54

body is unevolvu. It

5:00

is unevolving. And

5:03

the insecurities that

5:06

I had as a younger person, I

5:08

realize now was a real blessing.

5:11

You know. I

5:14

thought it was a big

5:18

yps or whatever, and then I

5:21

started unevolving. I'm

5:24

like, gosh, I was really

5:27

I had it going on then, And

5:29

so I've learned to no

5:32

matter what state I've been, I've had to learn

5:34

how to be content, particularly with

5:36

myself, which is my biggest

5:39

critic and my biggest friend.

5:42

Yeah, you said, I kind

5:44

of want to write down so this podcast. We're

5:47

going to put it on our YouTube. We're going to put it

5:49

obviously on our podcast channel. But

5:51

you said something that I think is

5:53

really something people should take note

5:55

of. Is this idea of don't talk to my friend

5:58

like that, and that being the tool

6:00

that you end up using when

6:02

you have these negative self narratives

6:05

or you know, these narrations

6:08

that guide your mind. And so if you're

6:10

listening on the podcast or you're watching this

6:12

on YouTube, one of the things I want to challenge

6:14

you to do is to make sure

6:16

that you write down that narrative

6:19

that you need to counter your insecurities,

6:21

because if you don't have a narrative to

6:23

counter those insecurities, then

6:25

they have the opportunity to have a

6:27

solo okay, when they should add

6:29

minimum have a do what if we can't get rid

6:32

of you, then you're at least going to have to

6:34

share the stage with what God says

6:36

about me, what my confidence and the highest

6:39

version of myself says about me.

6:41

Absolutely absolutely,

6:44

it's all what I say

6:47

to myself, you know, as

6:49

I think of myself, so am I

6:52

Yeah, And people it

6:55

seems like there's always a hater brigade

6:57

that'll come by and affirm you're right,

6:59

you know, you know, And so

7:01

I had to even start blocking out the

7:04

naysayers and stop

7:06

even depending on people that really really

7:08

loved me to affirm me. I

7:10

had to do it for myself,

7:13

and that's

7:16

really really helped me. It's what I

7:19

say to myself ultimately that

7:21

matters. I can't rehearse it. A

7:24

conversation that I'm going to have with somebody

7:26

else, I can't rehearse it because

7:28

I am basing my thoughts

7:31

and theories on what I feel that they're going

7:33

to respond or how they're going to

7:36

approach me, And so I can't

7:38

really have

7:41

a dress rehearsal for an upcoming

7:44

confrontation. I'm not a confrontational

7:47

person. I hated. It takes too much

7:49

energy for me to get

7:51

back to who I really am. But my baseline

7:54

is not confrontational. But

7:57

I'm not saying write

8:00

that down, yeah,

8:04

write it down. Yeah that's true.

8:06

You said something about your body

8:09

dissolving. Your body's

8:11

unevolving, So I guess the

8:14

antonym to evolving is dissolving.

8:17

But if you think about it, come on,

8:19

I feel something on this. You can't

8:22

evolve unless something and you dissolves,

8:24

right, So if you're going

8:27

to evolve into confidence, then

8:29

your insecurities have to dissolve, right.

8:32

So I wonder if you can share with

8:34

us the last time you really felt

8:37

a certain way of thinking a

8:39

certain way of being or believing

8:41

that had to dissolve in order for

8:43

you to evolve. I can think of something, but

8:46

I want to hear what you have to say. But I'm thinking

8:48

even about your home collection and

8:50

how you really had to come to a place where

8:52

you took it by the horns and you said,

8:54

no, I'm going to ride this thing all the way out.

8:57

But that confidence had to come at

9:00

something dissolving.

9:01

What was that fear?

9:05

Yeah, fear, And I

9:08

don't deal with rejection well.

9:10

And so when my first launch

9:13

didn't go as I had

9:15

purposed it to go, I

9:17

immediately started feeling rejected.

9:20

I thought, my product's not good, or

9:23

what is it? What is it? When actually

9:26

it was the fact that I really hadn't

9:29

put myself wholly

9:31

into it, that I

9:33

had kind of hit it patty caked

9:35

at it. But if you're going to really

9:38

ride a bull, you've got to grab it

9:40

by the horns, you know, and

9:43

like those mechanical bulls that I've

9:45

never done that, but it seems like

9:47

to me the way that you don't get tossed

9:49

off is that you anchor

9:52

down and you hold on no

9:54

matter how fast it goes or no matter

9:56

how bucky it gets you

9:58

just make it up in your mind that

10:00

you can get your rhythm and

10:03

you can really ride this thing out.

10:07

And then also hope the first makes

10:09

the heart sick. And so I was

10:12

low key trying to get a little depressed about

10:14

it. Yeah, and because it was

10:16

sixty. I was sixty when I tried

10:18

to launch it at one of the largest meetings

10:21

we had, and it like totally flopped and

10:23

I couldn't understand at

10:25

all, And so

10:28

I thought, Okay, well, it's still important

10:30

to me. The significance of home, my

10:32

message, my mission, my vision,

10:35

none of that has changed, but

10:38

my approach to it had to change.

10:45

This show is sponsored by Betterhelp.

10:48

Do you ever feel like your brain is getting

10:50

in its own way, like you know what's

10:52

good for you, but you just can't do it.

10:55

That's me when it comes to worrying about things

10:57

I can't control, or upholding boundaries

10:59

with the people I love. Of course,

11:01

I know that stress gets me nowhere and

11:04

boundaries are healthy, but when I get

11:06

stuck in my head, the negative self talk.

11:08

Gets real loud.

11:10

I also know that therapy can be a

11:12

tool to help you discover what's holding

11:14

you back. That way, you can

11:16

work for yourself instead of against

11:18

yourself. I've personally been

11:20

in therapy for some time now, and it has

11:23

allowed me to learn positive coping strategies

11:26

while empowering me to be the best version

11:28

of myself. If you're interested

11:30

in giving online therapy a try, I

11:32

highly recommend you try Better Help.

11:35

How does it work? Easy?

11:37

Simply fill out a brief questionnaire

11:39

to get matched with a licensed therapist.

11:41

And yes, you can switch therapists at no

11:43

additional charge in hopes of landing

11:45

the right fit. It's convenient, flexible,

11:48

affordable, and entirely online.

11:51

Make your brain your friend with better Help.

11:53

Visit betterhelp dot com slash evolved

11:56

today to get ten percent off your first

11:58

month. That's better help Help

12:01

dot com slash evol. So

12:08

I talked about on

12:10

one of our activate messages. I talked

12:13

about the one that was actually last week.

12:15

I talked about in order to discover

12:18

your purpose. You know, I think Dad actually says

12:20

it's, you know, find your passion. If you find

12:22

your passion, then you'll find your purpose.

12:24

But I talked about how the root word of passion

12:27

ultimately means suffering, and so

12:29

if you find it, then you're willing to suffer

12:31

for then you'll find your purpose in that, because

12:34

most people will give up when

12:36

the suffering comes. But if you're willing to suffer

12:38

through it, then you discover purpose. And

12:40

as you were saying that, I thought about how

12:42

you were willing to suffer through rejection

12:45

and suffer through fear so that you

12:47

can ultimately really lay hold

12:49

of your purpose. Can you just

12:51

share with us how important it

12:54

is that we don't give up in suffering.

12:57

And I think more specifically, when

12:59

to know when it it's worth suffering and

13:01

when to know when it's not

13:03

worth that suffering.

13:05

Wow, when you said that, I started thinking

13:08

about their suffering. And

13:10

then there's long suffering, you

13:14

know. And so what we might

13:16

attribute to being suffering

13:19

is something that we're being very very selfish

13:22

about or self centered about. But

13:24

long suffering usually involves your

13:27

relationship with some other person. And

13:30

so if I can suffer

13:34

on my own, then

13:36

I can assist someone

13:38

else in their suffering. And

13:40

everybody wants to be there for the party,

13:44

but nobody wants to be there to clean.

13:46

Up, right, right, And

13:48

that's bad.

13:49

That's an actual that ain't no analogy,

13:51

that's an actual factual.

13:53

So Trueue, and

13:57

so I was always the person that

13:59

didn't mind being the one to clean up.

14:01

Yeah, for sure, you know.

14:04

It doesn't matter to me, and

14:06

I could put it up and I could take it down.

14:09

But when I

14:11

want to involve everybody, then

14:13

I have to look at it from their purview, because

14:16

maybe they weren't raised, or they weren't

14:18

they're not wired the way I am. I

14:21

am a low key a party

14:24

animal. I love parties

14:27

and entertaining, and it

14:29

doesn't have to be for me, it

14:31

could be for anybody. I just really

14:34

like people to be happy and

14:36

have a good time, and so suffering

14:41

teaches me to

14:43

serve others.

14:46

It teaches me. It has taught me to

14:49

serve others because

14:51

they don't know any better.

14:53

At what point do you say, all right, that's enough suffering.

15:01

I think after I've stepped over

15:03

the puddle so many

15:06

times that they made like

15:08

they made the puddle, and I've

15:11

stepped over it, I've walked around

15:13

it. I've suggested that you mop

15:15

it up. I've refused to mop

15:17

it up myself. And

15:19

that's when I've maxed out on

15:22

suffering.

15:23

Oh and that message that I was telling you

15:25

about, I said that you

15:27

can qualify the suffering based on

15:29

the salvation connected to it, right,

15:32

And I just think about Jesus for the

15:34

joy that was set before him. He endured

15:37

the cross, but the salvation that

15:39

was waiting on the side was worth the suffering. I

15:41

think we are unwilling to suffer when

15:43

we stopped believing in the salvation that's

15:45

on the other side.

15:47

So I think that if you're.

15:48

In relationship with someone and they're willing to

15:50

suffer to be in relationship with you, cause

15:52

lesten relationships are going to have some element

15:55

of suffering in it, right, Like even

15:57

God given parenting,

15:59

marriage, friendships, there's going to

16:01

be an element of suffer. You're going to

16:03

get your feelings hurt, things are going to turn

16:06

out the way that you want them to. But when

16:08

the salvation what you offer me

16:10

is greater than the suffering you give me, then

16:13

I can take the balance of suffering

16:16

salvation now when it ain't nothing

16:18

but suffering.

16:20

No asking me to be like Jesus.

16:23

And I'm only like him, I am not him,

16:26

and I don't know I am like.

16:30

Majorly majorly.

16:32

When you were talking about your line, you

16:34

mentioned something about like low key going through

16:36

a depression because it didn't work out,

16:39

and I thought, how brave

16:41

and courageous it is for you to say

16:43

that you were low key going through depression. I wonder

16:46

if you're like me. So sometimes I don't

16:48

realize I was going through a depression until

16:50

I'm out of the season, because in the season, I

16:52

think I'm okay, But then when I look

16:54

back on it, I'm like, man, I was depressed,

16:56

Like even after my pregnancy.

16:58

I like, I'm pretty

17:00

sure I was depressed.

17:01

But what let me know that is when

17:04

I met Terrey and you kept telling me that

17:06

you hadn't seen me smile like that since

17:08

before.

17:08

I wall my god, oh

17:11

my goodness. I mean, it

17:13

was like when

17:16

I light up my Christmas tree for the

17:18

first time I saw you.

17:20

It was like, look,

17:22

she's back. She's

17:26

back. She's back to being

17:29

whole and allowing

17:32

herself the permission to be

17:34

happy. And it

17:37

was just a beautiful, beautiful

17:39

thing. It wasn't something that

17:42

you had to paint on or think

17:44

about it. It was just automatic.

17:47

And I thought, if he makes

17:49

her smile like this every single

17:52

day, that would

17:54

be amazing. Or

17:56

if he makes sure that she smiles

17:58

more than she cried, I

18:01

can work with that a

18:03

little bit. But I don't want too many.

18:07

Not all right help.

18:11

But I think to you when you said that, though,

18:13

it made me realize that I must have been going

18:15

through a depression for a

18:18

few years.

18:19

I mean for a few years,

18:21

a few years. Even the

18:23

way that you would

18:27

work out and started juicing

18:29

and and it was almost like you

18:31

were self flagellating yourself,

18:33

you know. To me, it felt it felt

18:36

like you were just flogging yourself

18:39

like I'm not this, I'm

18:41

not that, and it and it

18:43

wasn't true.

18:45

It wasn't true. Everything that you are

18:48

now was always inside of you.

18:50

You just needed to have permission to

18:52

come up out of that horrible pit physically

18:56

and naturally.

18:58

Yeah, yeah, y'all.

19:01

And you talking about suffering as

19:03

a parent sitting there and

19:05

watching that, I'm thinking, man, someone

19:08

listening to this podcast right now

19:10

is probably watching their child go through

19:12

a tough season. I got a question from

19:15

a lady in Denver, and she

19:17

was telling me that her daughter just doesn't listen

19:19

to her no matter what, and she doesn't agree

19:22

with the way that she lives, but her daughter doesn't

19:24

listen to her. And I asked her how old her daughter

19:26

was. She says, thirty five, and I was like, well, you

19:28

know, at a certain point you just kind of

19:30

have to let God take over

19:33

and allow her to learn on

19:35

her own. But how do you deal

19:37

with watching a child go

19:40

through a suffering season?

19:43

Well as a remember

19:45

a certified CARC toting

19:48

member of Moms United.

19:54

I don't care how old you all get,

19:57

I umbly submit my suggestion

20:00

to you. Sometimes

20:02

at the risk of being an interfering

20:04

grandmother or an interfering mother

20:07

in law or what have you.

20:10

I always have an opinion, whether

20:13

I'm voiced or not. I

20:15

always have an opinion about the well

20:17

being of my children. But

20:20

at a certain age, after you've wrestled

20:22

with the same thing over

20:25

and over and over with your child, there

20:27

comes a time where it's not like

20:29

have it your way, it's that, okay,

20:33

God, I'm going to get out of your

20:35

way.

20:35

Yeah.

20:36

And I always pray let

20:39

them come to themselves without

20:41

grief, because

20:44

I don't want it to be with sorrow.

20:46

Yeah.

20:48

Yeah, because the blessings

20:50

of the Lord make you rich. But and

20:52

it's not just monetary wealth.

20:55

It's rich and your soul

20:57

and in your spirit and in your

20:59

mom in your heart and

21:02

so and if it's not supposed

21:04

to be with sorrow. It

21:06

doesn't add sorrow with it. So

21:09

if you're on a path right now, whoever

21:13

this daughter is, that be maybe

21:16

a little bit rebellious right now.

21:19

It's not supposed to be with sorrow.

21:22

And I can't

21:25

spank you anymore. But I'm

21:27

telling you the Holy Spirit man,

21:30

it's got a paddle.

21:32

Oh my gosh, that'll whip you right

21:34

in line.

21:36

So no, but I think that idea

21:38

of the woman being

21:40

able to really sit back and let

21:43

God get her together. Can you remember

21:45

like maybe the first time

21:47

or maybe even the most recent time where

21:50

you just know for sure, like God checked

21:52

me on that I'm trying to.

21:57

I have the tendency to

22:00

elevate people in

22:04

such a way that's borderline

22:08

lowercase w worship, where

22:11

I don't give them room for

22:17

faults or failures or

22:19

disappointments. And then

22:22

when they do disappoint me, I

22:26

immediately immediately

22:30

think, but I thought so much of

22:32

you, you know, I had you on

22:34

this pedestal, you know,

22:36

and how could you disappoint me? And

22:39

then I thought that was your fault.

22:43

Nobody told you to put

22:45

them that high on the totem pole.

22:47

And when I tell you that God

22:50

checked me, and it was a checkmate.

22:54

It shut me all the way

22:57

down, and

23:00

I saw it. That's what you get.

23:02

Yeah, leave room for people

23:04

to be human and for God to be God.

23:06

Ah, I

23:08

cannot be little God.

23:11

Yeah.

23:12

I have to tell you, I think the last time I got

23:14

super hard checked by God, I think God finds

23:17

a way to check me, like twenty four to seven

23:19

throughout the day. But the last time

23:21

I got super hard checked, I was supposed

23:23

to be speaking at an event in

23:26

Virginia, and I've been

23:28

going NonStop, just like drop

23:31

a bag, turn around and move

23:33

on to another city. So much so the other day,

23:35

as in my luggage closet, I saw my suit kits, I was

23:37

like, wow, I haven't seen you in a long time, and

23:39

you used to be the only thing I've seen. But

23:42

I was supposed to go and I

23:44

just have never felt so close to like mentally

23:46

having a breakdown.

23:47

I just didn't have it.

23:49

I couldn't become that person

23:51

who gets up at three and catches

23:53

the plane and sits in the airport and has

23:55

the layover and gets in at midnight and

23:58

gets up at seven and shows up and

24:00

preaches and gets on them plane and goes to.

24:02

I just couldn't find

24:04

that person, like you have to become somebody

24:07

to do that, and I couldn't find

24:09

her down on the inside of me. And I felt like if

24:11

I go, I might literally break down.

24:14

But so I called

24:16

the host and I told the host I wasn't going to be able

24:18

to make it. But if I'm honest, I

24:20

felt a lot of guilt, Like I felt like I

24:23

let God down, like I let

24:25

them down. People were tweeting me like we're

24:27

waiting on you, where are you, We're looking for

24:29

you? And I was afraid

24:32

to not afraid, but like I made

24:34

a conscious decision to like not worship

24:36

and to like not pray because I just

24:39

felt like I had let God down. And I think when

24:41

we feel like we've let God down, we separate

24:43

ourselves from God. So like, of course, the Bible says

24:45

nothing can separate us, but we

24:47

can separate ourselves with our own thoughts

24:50

and insecurities. And I just really

24:52

like finally was just like God, I'm sorry,

24:54

and I'm just like apologizing. And

24:56

I felt like God told me in that moment,

24:59

like you think I'm in you because of what you

25:01

do, and that's always been your problem,

25:03

whether it's good or bad, it doesn't

25:05

change who I am in your life. And when you stop

25:08

trying to perform for me, then you'll really

25:10

get to know me. And I'm not like

25:13

check check mate, check

25:16

may yeah

25:19

total yeah, because like man, I

25:21

think if we aren't careful, especially

25:23

when you start entering into

25:25

this realm of like, Okay, now I'm doing the right

25:27

thing for God, is that we think

25:29

that we're doing something for him, like

25:31

this is a favor for him, when

25:33

in reality, it's like I want to really dive

25:36

into knowing who you are, and

25:39

I don't know, I have to constantly remind

25:41

myself to break out of this need to perform

25:43

for.

25:43

People, to perform for God.

25:46

I think that you know, whatever our issue

25:48

is, I feel like it shows up in every area of

25:50

our life. And I feel like my issue

25:52

is performance, wanting to perform

25:55

for people to meet their expectation, to

25:57

not let them down. And when I feel like I

25:59

fail at that, I just remove myself

26:01

from the equation altogether, instead

26:03

of having enough vulnerability

26:05

to really try and grow and confront

26:08

my feelings and emotions and

26:10

confront their expectations and move

26:12

forward. I don't know, did that make sense at.

26:14

All, Yes, it does. It does

26:16

because to me, when

26:20

you have to do what you do from

26:22

night to night tonight, it could very easily

26:25

turn into a routine and a performance,

26:28

you know. And

26:30

the fact that you can step

26:33

back from it, you

26:36

know, I mean, you just got to distance yourself

26:38

from it because you'll come

26:40

home and still be performing.

26:43

Yeah, you know.

26:45

And it's like I tell

26:47

your father a lot of times, you

26:50

just came from an auditorium full

26:52

of thousands of people to an

26:54

audience of one, and

26:56

so the clapping may not be

26:59

as loud, but

27:01

it says meaningful.

27:03

Yeah, man, that idea

27:05

of performance and really

27:07

breaking out of that and being willing

27:10

to step back right because the thing

27:12

that I felt like helped me find myself

27:14

I then got lost in.

27:16

And I think to.

27:17

The point in this series of like life

27:19

being this cycle of being lost

27:21

and found, it is possible

27:23

to lose yourself and what works well.

27:26

Just because something works well doesn't

27:28

mean that you can't get lost in it. And

27:30

it's true a lot of courage

27:32

to be able to say I know that this looks

27:35

good, I know that it's impactful,

27:37

I know that it is effective, but it

27:39

is no longer who I am I feel like we

27:41

only thrive when we live from our core,

27:44

and now I'm doing it from this space

27:46

of what is expected of me

27:48

instead of the place of overflow, and.

27:51

So coming back to your core.

27:52

I feel like being found is really about

27:54

coming back to your core in every

27:57

person of life.

27:58

In every way, and people

28:01

can tell that you're

28:04

not trying to figure it out, that

28:06

this I've chosen for myself

28:09

and I'm going to work it because

28:11

it works for me, you know.

28:13

I think it's very important that we're able

28:15

to do that. I

28:17

heard a person was laughing. They

28:20

said that when his wife comes

28:22

home, she takes off her space, she

28:24

takes off her brazier, she takes

28:26

off her wig, and she takes

28:29

off her lashes, and she puts all that stuff

28:31

in a drawer. And he's like, so do I

28:33

get in the drawer, you

28:38

know? Or do I ask you? Who

28:40

are you? Anyway? And

28:42

you're the person that I love.

28:45

You're the bare faced, bare

28:47

butt person that I love,

28:50

you know, and all

28:52

of that other stuff we have to do when we go outside.

28:55

But quarantine has brought on a new routine

28:57

for a lot of people. They just want

29:00

to look bad every day, bad.

29:03

Just how you feel bad,

29:06

feel bad bad. That's like Ella

29:09

and hers badd

29:12

There's this clip I want to see if we can pull

29:15

the audio of Ella leaving her swim class

29:17

and her nanny was with her, and her nanny asked her how

29:19

her swim class was. She said bad, like

29:22

don not smell

29:25

man. I was going to ask you, so that idea

29:28

of core, who are you at your core? Like when

29:30

you think about, you know, getting

29:32

back to your core and teases on your loan

29:34

bound because I really feel like that's the solution

29:37

right when you feel lost, is to get

29:39

back It matters the most to you. What

29:41

doesn't matter, How do you get back

29:43

to your core? And who are you at your

29:45

core?

29:47

I have to get back to my core through

29:49

isolation, and I'm

29:51

not talking social distancing or

29:53

anything. I have to almost shut

29:55

myself down with just

29:58

me sometimes

30:01

two days. Sometimes

30:03

I just have to do a hard shutdown

30:07

and be able to get in my word,

30:10

get me in my prayer face, and

30:14

just not be influenced by television,

30:17

the news or any

30:19

people. That's the

30:21

only way I can find out

30:23

who Serena is. Because

30:25

everything is built

30:28

for extroverts and I'm an introvert,

30:31

and so in order

30:34

for me to reestablish my

30:36

baseline, I have to

30:38

get along.

30:42

Sweater weather. Is that you, ladies.

30:45

I'm all for this season, but don't

30:47

let this cool air fool you.

30:49

You'll start laying your clothes and run up

30:51

on a sweaty little secret. Remember, older

30:54

isn't just an underarm thing, It's an

30:56

all overthing. And thanks to our

30:58

friends over at Loom, we have access

31:00

to clinically proven whole body deodorant

31:03

that provides seventy two hour older

31:05

protection. Trust and believe it's

31:07

going to keep us fresh this fall. And what

31:09

I like most about Loom are the unexpected

31:11

benefits of their cool cucumber wipes

31:14

when I require extra protection for

31:16

special moments.

31:17

Who knew they would be so handy.

31:19

Now you're probably wondering what makes

31:21

Loom unique and different from any other

31:23

deodorant, so let me spill the team. It

31:26

was created by an obgyn,

31:28

stops oder before it even starts, and is

31:30

the first whole body deodorant.

31:32

Of its kind not to mention.

31:34

In just a few years, Loom has won the

31:36

hearts of millions, having earned about

31:38

two hundred thousand five star

31:40

reviews and counting. With reviews

31:43

like that, I highly recommend Looms Start

31:45

pack for new customers. It comes with a

31:47

solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant,

31:49

two free products of your choice like mini

31:52

body wash and deodorant wipes, and free

31:54

shipping. As a special offer for listeners,

31:56

new customers get five dollars off a Loom

31:59

Starter pack with code Evolved at loompodcast

32:02

dot com. That equates to over

32:04

forty percent off your starter pack when

32:06

you visit loompodcast dot com

32:09

and use code Evolved. I

32:14

can't, for the life of me think about who

32:16

it was, but my husband was talking

32:19

about some Instagram live that he was

32:21

watching, and during the Instagram

32:23

live, they were talking about how important

32:26

it is for couples to spend time alone

32:28

during the you know, self isolation

32:30

quarantine season, but also

32:33

to make sure that they were being intentional about

32:35

spending times by themselves.

32:37

And I think that's like one of the areas

32:39

where I like, he just told me about

32:42

it this morning, and that was like when a light bulb went

32:44

out for me, because I'm either

32:46

like working or cooking or

32:48

mining or whining,

32:51

you know what I mean. I have not sarahed,

32:54

and I think it kind of slipped

32:56

away from me because in the littlest ways.

32:58

I get to have those moments when I'm in the car and

33:01

I call you, I'm headed to the grocery, I'm

33:03

headed to the office, or I'm in the office,

33:05

Like, I have these pockets of alone time,

33:08

and I think, if I'm not intentional about

33:10

that, then I am going to miss out on

33:12

who I am and I'll look up and I'll be off

33:14

centered and off balance. But

33:18

I think in this season particularly,

33:20

it's going to require for us to be intentional

33:23

about enlisting help from those

33:25

around us. And I think sometimes for me

33:27

as a wife, like I

33:30

am I don't want to say like afraid to ask

33:32

my husband, but I just like, don't I feel like I

33:34

need to let him know like I have it under control,

33:36

Like it doesn't even dawn on me to say, like, hey,

33:39

babe, I need you to take Ellaton for

33:41

her night routine tonight. I just need a minute

33:43

to myself. I just feel like I have

33:45

to do everything by myself. And

33:47

I think that that train of thinking, especially

33:50

in a marriage, is flawed

33:52

because you end up resenting your partner for

33:54

something that you didn't even ask them to help

33:56

with.

33:57

So good, that's so so

33:59

good. Yeah, I think

34:02

even just taking a minute to take

34:04

a bath. Yeah, and not feel

34:06

guilty, you know, because

34:08

the kitchen's not clean. Right. Yeah,

34:13

This quarantine period

34:15

has been very, very good for us, inasmuch

34:17

as you know, daddy's a busybody

34:20

and he's always got to have something

34:22

going on and something to do. And

34:24

he's had his feel of it with these interviews

34:27

and international interviews

34:29

and oh yes, it's crisis

34:32

mode. But when I

34:34

tell you, it's not bothering him

34:37

that he's not able to go to Pocaito's.

34:40

No.

34:41

No, We got in the card the other

34:43

day and we drove over

34:46

the Chorus and just put supplies

34:48

on the porch, you know, just

34:51

and came back home. And

34:54

then last night he told

34:56

me to try to find a movie that

34:59

we could watch and eat dinner. And

35:02

somehow my password, oh

35:05

my, my password

35:07

wouldn't work.

35:10

I didn't change your past. This

35:14

is not this is not the time for us to argue

35:16

about it. But I didn't change your password.

35:19

We need to put it in so I could watch

35:22

you.

35:24

Yes, we will screen share, and I we'll send

35:26

it into you probably have. It's probably

35:28

sending me a code to authorize whatever it

35:30

is you're watching, because I need to be.

35:32

The loss of you eating in California.

35:34

Okay, yeah, it's going wrong

35:37

wrong.

35:39

What have you guys been watching?

35:40

Like?

35:40

Have you watched anything good and enjoyable lately?

35:43

Oh? Gosh, I like the Madam

35:45

C. J. Walker movie.

35:47

I haven't seen it yet.

35:48

Yeah, it's pretty cool. I think you'll like

35:51

it.

35:51

Well, Mom, you should watch Tiger King.

35:55

We watched a little bit of TMZ's coverage

35:58

of it, but I can't with

36:00

sim youreate

36:04

it. It's really something else. You

36:06

know what we watched that was good bombshell? Jamar

36:10

said sister Jakes, I need a

36:13

mask.

36:14

Do you have masks? Are y'all walking around with mask

36:16

and gloves?

36:18

Oh?

36:18

Before we go out?

36:20

Yeah?

36:21

Yeah, I just went to CBS

36:24

the other day, but I don't. Daddy

36:26

went to tape you know services

36:29

the other day and I made sure he had masks

36:31

and gloves. Oh

36:34

yeah, it's pretty sci fi around

36:36

these parts.

36:37

It is.

36:38

I remember going to the grocery store

36:40

and feeling like, man, this is really

36:43

something else, you know what I mean? Seeing y'all

36:45

one in their mask and with gloves on.

36:48

It was, and how quickly it

36:50

all shifted and changed. I

36:52

think we are all like if the world changes,

36:55

like we're going to get some type of warning or

36:58

that will be prepared for it.

36:59

But this is the world. It's

37:02

not just the US, it's the world.

37:05

And Vaple said, I

37:07

don't know where we would go because

37:11

every area, you know, he

37:13

said, maybe Wyoming or somewhere

37:16

like that. You know, it's

37:18

quite interesting. And

37:22

we've been trying to send messages

37:24

to our debutantes and make

37:27

sure that we've got Children's Ministry and

37:29

youth Ministry available. A

37:31

lot of them are so sad because they're

37:33

not going to have a prom Yeah, they're

37:35

not going to have a graduation. We

37:37

had to cancel the cotillion. I

37:40

mean, I think IOLs

37:43

was canceled. I don't They've

37:46

got people in the dome and Atlanta

37:49

is an overflow for hospitals.

37:52

So I'm not really sure.

37:55

What are you doing yourself in this season?

37:57

I know we're almost finished, but I

37:59

just want to know, like, what are you saying to yourself

38:02

during this time that's helping you.

38:03

To well, Baby,

38:07

I've got a

38:10

low tolerance for

38:15

immune systems. I don't have a

38:17

very very strong immune

38:20

system, so I have

38:22

to really take this

38:24

seriously, you know, because if

38:27

there's anything. All

38:29

of my doctors say, with Murphy's Law,

38:31

if anything can go wrong, Serena,

38:34

your name is up under that list. All

38:36

of my doctors have told me that. And

38:39

so, yeah,

38:42

well they got to know them a little

38:44

bit when.

38:45

I was there, and what I said, they don't put you on a

38:47

Murphy's law. I said, what I said, you can keep

38:49

talking. You know what I'm saying about

38:51

what I said

38:54

that.

38:55

Don't speak over my mama like that. Now, go on

38:57

with your story.

38:58

Yeah, so I

39:01

miss y'all.

39:03

I miss you too.

39:04

I miss y'all. I do. The

39:09

people are still in the warehouse, and

39:13

I miss being involved in my business,

39:15

and people aren't going to

39:18

have a lot of expendable income.

39:21

So I'm trying

39:23

to be very strategic and sensitive

39:26

about making sure that home

39:28

is home. But I just

39:30

did an article that

39:34

home not so sweet home,

39:38

and what do you do when being

39:40

home is not safe because your

39:43

abuser is there? Jeez? And

39:46

so I did

39:48

some fact finding. Up

39:51

until about nineteen eighteen,

39:53

women were considered property of men,

39:56

so there was no laws against

39:58

domestic violence or domestic

40:00

abuse, and so if

40:04

you got a pow pal from your husband,

40:06

you deserved it. And

40:08

so now men still have a

40:11

lot of men still have that anger.

40:14

They're losing their jobs, they're stuck

40:16

in the house with screaming kids,

40:19

and you know, maybe they don't

40:21

have like space to kind

40:24

of have their own little corner. And

40:27

it's just a lot going on in these

40:30

homes that bothers me more

40:32

than anything, what's going

40:35

on behind closed doors. And

40:38

I've been trying to address that. One

40:40

lady told me that she couldn't

40:42

afford to keep her daughter at home,

40:45

so she sent her to

40:47

her father. She did

40:50

not know that her father had

40:52

abused her, sexually

40:55

abused her for years and years and

40:57

years. So the little girl

40:59

writes sitting in the corner in

41:02

her room, and every time

41:04

she hears his footsteps, she thinks

41:06

it's going to start again. So

41:09

I've been very, very concerned

41:11

about that. There's nowhere for us to

41:13

send them. The shelters are overrun

41:16

and we're in a pandemic, so

41:18

it's not safe in the house, it's not

41:21

safe outside the house. So

41:24

I ordered something yesterday for Ellen

41:26

mackenzie from Highlights.

41:28

It's a little kid like

41:30

it's a little treasure hunt that they'll

41:32

be able to work on to give

41:35

the kids something, something

41:37

to do.

41:38

Yeah, yeah,

41:41

I think that perspective on how

41:44

this virus, this pandemic

41:46

has affected so many people in

41:49

ways that you wouldn't even think of. You

41:51

know, of course, the economy

41:54

is crazy with the restaurants being

41:56

closed down, and thinking

41:58

of the people who are essential workers

42:00

and how they are exposing themselves.

42:02

But even like you said, down to those who

42:05

are struggling in domestic violence

42:07

situations or literally don't know

42:09

how they're going to keep a roof over their head. I

42:12

think that this virus has been so

42:14

sobering.

42:15

I think it's l there's like, you

42:18

know.

42:18

We're spending more time with our families, the

42:20

earth is healing, but you know, some

42:22

people are being devastated

42:24

at the same time, and all of these nuances

42:27

are happening at the same time. We

42:29

have a newsletter that we write

42:32

for a woman Evolve, and I just talked

42:34

about how we shouldn't need a pandemic

42:36

to know that people are just one exposure

42:39

away from their life being radically changed,

42:42

and then they're carrying issues that

42:44

we may or may not know about, like a woman

42:46

who's going through domestic violence,

42:48

or like a little world who's going

42:50

through sexual abuse. I wonder

42:53

as we close out, if

42:55

you offer us some hope, some

42:58

kind of faith that we can hold on to.

43:01

I feel like for me, my emotions come

43:03

and wave. Sometimes I feel like, absolutely,

43:05

this is just so bad, and I'm okay, and then

43:07

other times I'm like, I'm stuck, I'm trapped.

43:09

I've probably caught it. I wake up

43:12

hot in the middle of the night, I'm like, is that

43:14

you girl? Is

43:16

that you Rona? Have you come for me?

43:18

Like?

43:18

But living with that fear literally

43:20

that at any moment we could have it and it

43:22

could change our lives.

43:25

It's scary.

43:26

So I just want will you speak

43:28

over us as a mom and

43:30

help to soothe our hearts.

43:32

There's nothing like a mom.

43:33

I feel like, you know when

43:36

you've been blessed to have a good one, because I know that

43:38

that's not everyone's experiences,

43:40

but that idea of what a mom should

43:42

be. When you have that or

43:44

when you long for it, what you want

43:47

is really someone to comfort you.

43:48

And so I wanted.

43:51

The surrogate mom of woman evolve

43:53

and comfort us.

43:55

Oh it's my delight to do.

43:57

So. I say

44:00

that it will start within

44:02

yourself, because you can't give

44:04

out what you don't possess. And

44:07

so you have to nurture your own

44:09

heart. Put the mask on yourself

44:12

first before you try to

44:14

put it on someone else, and

44:16

ask yourself the heart questions.

44:18

Am I okay? What's

44:21

really bothering me about

44:23

this situation? Is

44:26

it the money? Is it

44:29

the kids in their me not

44:31

being able to help them with

44:33

their lessons because they don't

44:35

do that anymore. I haven't been in school

44:37

in one hundred and eleven years. So

44:41

speaking to yourself

44:44

positive affirmations,

44:46

if you've got to take them on the refrigerator,

44:48

that refrigerator is a demon during

44:50

the season. I want to do enough. Oh

44:56

yeah, you can't. You can't eat your way out

44:58

of it. But you can can control

45:01

the atmosphere of your home.

45:03

It doesn't matter if the water's

45:06

outside the boat. It's when it gets

45:08

inside the boat. And whatever you have

45:10

to do to flush that out

45:13

of your mind and out of your heart,

45:16

even if you're there by yourself. You

45:18

know. I think about the boys and

45:22

how lonely they get. Mary. It's

45:24

like it's like I can't

45:26

go anywhere. I'm used to being

45:28

at home. But don't tell me I can't go. Just

45:32

calm Ella used to say,

45:35

calm down. It's

45:38

oh okay. It's

45:41

not okay today, it

45:43

may not be okay tomorrow, but

45:46

you might as well pace your emotions

45:49

and hold on to as much piece

45:51

as you can, as much

45:54

piece as you can, because the enemies

45:56

after your piece. Hold on to

45:58

as much piece as you can, and

46:01

just put it in an invisible

46:03

jar and pinch off of

46:06

it and put the lid back on it real real

46:08

quick, and let your

46:10

peace reflecting

46:13

the people that you have to do.

46:16

I'm writing that, pace your

46:18

emotions. I love that because my

46:20

emotions come in like a flood

46:23

and something that drown me.

46:25

But remember we have the control

46:28

to pace our emotions is everything.

46:31

Yeah, you just dole them out limitlessly

46:34

and don't go to any uneded,

46:37

unnecessary battles. Yeah

46:40

you know, don't pick a fight and

46:42

don't end a fight. Just let

46:44

it be.

46:45

Yeah, thanks mom,

46:48

Thank you, I love

46:50

you. Thank you for being our first guest.