0:34

Welcome and everyone , and thank you so

0:36

much for joining me again this week and

0:38

also welcome to season

0:41

six . We have made

0:43

it to six seasons

0:45

, so I wanted to take a moment

0:48

and express my gratitude

0:50

to all of you for your continuing

0:52

support and helping build

0:54

this audience worldwide

0:57

, and you've done it all word of mouth

0:59

and one person at a time . So thank you

1:01

very much for your continued

1:03

support and cheering me on . I

1:05

really am grateful for that . Now

1:07

let's get to our interview . My

1:09

guest this week is Stacey Luces , and

1:11

she is a powerhouse

1:14

. She is the founder of Evolution

1:16

Executive Coaching and she

1:18

has quite the pedigree . Let

1:21

me just mention a couple of things to you . She

1:23

has experience working with teams

1:25

, with Fortune 100 companies

1:27

, with federal agencies

1:30

. She coaches the C-suite

1:32

and she also is an author

1:34

. Her book is we

1:36

Rise in Power Amplifying Women

1:38

of Color and Her Voices for Change

1:40

. Her chapter in that book

1:43

is called Brown Girl in the Arena

1:45

. Isn't that perfect

1:48

. It's amazing that

1:50

she and I connected , because she and I are

1:52

in the same wavelength . We

1:55

are going to talk today about what

1:57

does that mean ? What does that mean to be the

1:59

Brown Girl in the Arena or be a

2:01

woman in the arena . It's all . It

2:04

is my honor and

2:06

my pleasure to introduce to you Stacey

2:08

Luces . Stacey , thank you so

2:10

much for being here and welcome to the

2:12

show .

2:13

Thank you so much . Happy belated birthday

2:16

and happy you know . Congratulations

2:18

anniversary on your 6th season and

2:20

that is truly an accomplishment and I'm excited

2:23

and honored to be here also .

2:24

Thank you very , very much . I appreciate

2:27

that . It's been a labor

2:29

of love . It's also been such an

2:31

amazing I refer to it as the

2:33

magic carpet ride because

2:35

I had absolutely no idea what

2:37

would happen or who

2:40

I would meet and what

2:42

the audience would react , and so it's

2:45

been quite the

2:47

remarkable journey and the

2:49

fact that you and I got connected , I

2:51

think through LinkedIn , and you had

2:54

reached out to me and said hey

2:56

, I think that we might

2:58

be kindred spirits , let's

3:00

talk , let's figure out if

3:03

my hunch is right and your hunch

3:05

is correct . We absolutely have

3:07

very similar backgrounds , but I

3:09

don't want to steal the thunder . I

3:11

would love for you to speak

3:14

to the audience and tell them a little bit more about

3:16

you , what your origins

3:18

are and what has inspired

3:21

you to the point you are now .

3:23

So I originally

3:26

grew up in Trinidad and Tobago , so

3:28

hence my title Brown Girl

3:30

in the arena and definitely

3:32

coming here . In my teens , you

3:34

know , I bought into the Superwoman

3:37

Cape phenomenon , which is the

3:39

everything to everyone at any given

3:41

time , and that really followed me throughout

3:44

my teen years , you know

3:46

, working and putting myself through college

3:48

into my 20s , got

3:50

married , had kids into my 30s

3:53

, started ramping up the corporate

3:55

ladder . I have worked with companies

3:58

like IBM , Morgan Stanley , department

4:00

of Homeland Security , at the Pentagon , so very

4:02

male , dominated , very

4:05

high performing , very

4:07

stressful environments that

4:09

lulled me into thinking that this was

4:11

just the way that things

4:13

were . I am also one of millions

4:16

of women in the US who are considered

4:18

part of the sandwich generation

4:20

. This means as older adults . You

4:22

know I'm in my 40s and so this

4:24

sandwich generation covers women in their

4:27

40s , 50s , 60s . We're

4:29

still pursuing long term goals , right , we still

4:31

got to support our families , but we're

4:33

getting to the point we are thinking about our own retirement

4:35

. Meanwhile , we waited quite

4:38

a long time to have kids , so we've

4:40

got little kids who are maybe

4:42

in elementary middle , even high school

4:44

, so we're stressed out about

4:46

their college and their futures

4:49

. But on the other end of that sandwich

4:51

. Our parents are

4:53

still alive , but they are now

4:56

in their 70s or 80s and

4:58

struggling with health issues

5:01

that we , as

5:03

generations , may have been largely unprepared

5:05

for , not only financially but

5:07

emotionally and so forth . And so

5:10

I will speak for myself

5:12

, but also for many of the women I'm sure you

5:14

speak to and many of the women

5:16

that I collaborate and work

5:18

with , is we're burnt out , unhealthy

5:21

, stressed out , overworked

5:24

, definitely over scheduled , so

5:26

we're running on empty and , like

5:28

I mentioned , putting everyone and everything

5:30

else above our needs , and so , for me

5:32

, that led to a series of very

5:35

significant health incidents that

5:37

meant I had to make some big changes

5:39

, and so I did , and I'm sure we'll talk a little bit

5:41

more about that .

5:42

We absolutely will , and I want to pause

5:45

for a moment because you said a lot

5:47

of really key things . It's

5:49

telling us a little bit about your background and who you are

5:51

. One of the things that I want to focus

5:53

on at the moment is this crazy

5:56

idea that we can do it all . We can do it

5:58

all , we can be it all , we can have

6:00

it all at the same time . This

6:02

is what I struggle with , and I wonder if you

6:05

struggle with the same thing . As

6:07

a young girl and

6:09

a teen , I was reinforced

6:11

with the idea that you can do it all , you

6:14

can have it all . Whatever

6:16

it is that you want , you can go get . I

6:18

was in high school during the era of bring your

6:20

daughter to work day , that

6:23

kind of thing , what I felt

6:25

, and I saw this in print

6:27

not too long ago and I thought , oh

6:29

my gosh , that's it . I

6:32

was raised in an era where

6:34

I was raised with traditional

6:37

gender roles and

6:40

also you go girl

6:42

. So there

6:45

was no make a choice . It was

6:47

have everything Take care of your family

6:49

, your kids , do the grocery shopping , take

6:52

care of the bills , make sure your husband gets to

6:54

the doctor and go have a career

6:56

. What is up with

6:58

that ?

7:01

100% A

7:03

plus plus . We

7:06

grew up so I was born in the late 70s

7:08

, right , so we grew up drinking

7:10

Madonna and Whitney

7:13

Houston and girl

7:15

just wanna have fun , and

7:17

I'm every woman and

7:20

wearing heels and

7:23

really cool black suits to work and coming

7:25

home and making dinner and doing laundry and

7:27

all of the good things . I feel like

7:29

we were sold a bag of semi-rotten

7:31

fruit and

7:34

we're slowly rethinking this , especially

7:36

coming out of the pandemic . We've had a

7:38

taste of what true balance could

7:40

look like . I know the pandemic was super

7:44

traumatic and there's a lot of

7:46

grief still around that period . I

7:48

call it the lost years and I think , coming out

7:50

of it , even though we are in 2023 , we're

7:52

still in kind of this limbo state where

7:54

it's like how do I ? I can't go

7:56

back to what I once was . I

7:58

don't quite know what I yet I wanna be , but I

8:01

know for sure something has to shift . It

8:03

can't just be me going back to 2019

8:06

, post pandemic , and

8:08

so I think that's been the impetus for a

8:10

lot of women not only leaving the workforce

8:13

. I myself walked away from

8:15

a 15 year federal career in

8:18

December . I was a GS15

8:20

, high GS15 supervisory

8:22

position , so it wasn't like

8:24

I was still working my way out , I was literally

8:27

at the top of my game

8:29

and it felt really

8:31

empty and I felt really

8:34

tired and I think

8:36

that we cannot have it all . I

8:38

think what's important is that we prioritize

8:41

what we really want in our lives

8:43

Things we love , the people we love , the

8:45

things we wanna do , what our legacy is gonna be

8:47

and how we amplify . That

8:49

is how we have our version of

8:51

all .

8:52

What do you think ? That when you get

8:55

to a certain level and we've had

8:57

it , and I'm only gonna speak for myself , I'm

8:59

only gonna speak for myself , because I can't speak for everybody . But

9:01

you get to a certain level and you

9:03

think oh , when I get there , that'll

9:07

be it . Everything will

9:09

magically fall into place , I

9:11

will magically feel better , I will feel

9:13

like I've arrived and I will feel fulfilled

9:15

. Why didn't that happen

9:18

?

9:20

I think the same

9:23

level of thinking

9:25

that God is there is not what's gonna sustain

9:27

us for the other half of our life . I think

9:29

a lot of us run into this

9:31

feeling at midlife . Let's pretend

9:33

we're all gonna look to be 80 or 90 , so for many of

9:35

us that's 40 . We

9:38

may have some early bloomers or late bloomers , but definitely I feel like

9:40

this struggle with

9:44

not being enough hits some

9:46

kind of pinnacle at that age where you're looking

9:48

around at the quote unquote top

9:51

of the mountain and you're like , wow , this is it . Meanwhile

9:55

, I don't even know what I love

9:57

to do anymore . I can't remember the

9:59

last time I really had fun . My

10:01

to-do list keeps growing . I

10:04

am worried that I'm not the best parent

10:06

. I have a team , I

10:09

show up , I do really

10:11

good work , but what is my legacy If

10:14

I were to literally leave

10:16

this earth right now ? Are the

10:18

things that I am dedicated

10:20

to even worthwhile ? And I think

10:22

those are not only

10:24

valid questions , given where we are

10:27

in our life , meaning we maybe have a shorter runway

10:29

in front of us than we did behind us but

10:32

logically , you

10:34

want your life to be purposeful , you

10:37

want your kids to look up to you . And

10:40

this is a funny story I tell and I

10:42

think I told you this where one Christmas

10:44

a couple of years ago , my

10:46

kids bought Christmas ornaments for

10:49

us stocking stoppers and

10:51

they bought my husband a motorcycle , and

10:54

they bought me a laptop

10:56

and I was like , oh my

10:58

God , maybe all they think I do is work

11:00

and , quite honestly , work validated

11:03

a lot of who I was , and I think , as

11:05

women , we get caught in this trap where

11:07

we are in many cases

11:09

, honestly now primary breadwinners

11:12

in our household , yet expected

11:14

to come home and pull the weight of all

11:17

the other things and also

11:19

quote unquote live up to our true potential

11:21

like live , our passion and purpose . So

11:24

it's quite a complex mosh

11:26

pit of things that we're dealing with , but

11:28

definitely I do believe that that's

11:30

when it hits us . We're at the top of the mountain

11:32

and then we're like

11:35

I know how I got here , but if

11:37

this is it , I want more and

11:39

I just at this point in my life , I don't know what

11:41

more looks like , because I've really

11:43

forgotten who I am .

11:45

And some people might look at that and go , oh , that

11:47

sounds like a midlife crisis . I

11:49

disagree . I think it's a

11:51

midlife awakening , a

11:53

hundred percent . In my particular

11:55

case , it was because

11:57

we're empty nesters now

11:59

and , ladies

12:02

, for those of you that still have kids

12:04

at home and you're like , these children make

12:06

me crazy the answer

12:08

is they do . They absolutely do . Being

12:11

on the other side of it , when they move out

12:13

, you suddenly discover all this brain

12:15

capacity that you had missing

12:17

for years

12:19

. So , yes , if you feel like they're

12:21

sucking brain cells out your brain , they are . They

12:24

are , because I didn't discover

12:26

that until they were

12:28

both moved out . But that having the

12:30

openness and

12:32

having the clarity of thought

12:34

and the opportunity to have thought for more

12:37

than 30 seconds is what

12:39

really . It gave me

12:41

leverage to start thinking about okay

12:43

, what do I want ? I never considered it before

12:45

, ever , because I didn't have time to . And

12:49

now I'm like , oh , my goodness

12:52

, what's next ? And

12:54

I'm meeting more and more women that

12:56

are thinking these same things , such as yourself

12:58

, but we're not talking about it . We're

13:01

not talking to each other about

13:03

it and maybe there's a little bit and

13:06

, like I said , I can only speak for myself there's a little

13:08

bit of feeling like I

13:11

should feel grateful , or

13:13

I should I sound

13:15

selfish , or

13:18

what I need more for myself . I've been

13:20

very fortunate , I've done this

13:22

, that and the other thing . I have this family , I

13:24

have this husband , I have this partner

13:27

. I should feel like that's enough

13:29

. And so you're at war

13:31

with yourself for

13:33

a while , struggling with that

13:36

, and some are

13:38

still struggling with that . What

13:41

about the ones that are like I can't fight this anymore

13:43

? What do you say to them ? Stacy

13:45

, because women , especially

13:49

in our generation or

13:51

age gap , is happens to

13:53

be your passion and your focus .

13:55

I think that there's a

13:57

moment of clarity that we sometimes

14:00

get with ourselves in our quiet

14:02

hour . Maybe it comes when

14:04

you have a death of a

14:06

loved one or some sort of big incident . For

14:08

me it happened when I had a

14:11

huge health scare , as I mentioned , and

14:13

in my case a quick , long story

14:15

short I had emergency surgery

14:18

a couple of years ago and in my case I flatlined

14:20

twice , and so for me , literally

14:23

having that story of dying

14:25

and coming back , I realized that if I didn't do something

14:28

drastic and make

14:30

some big changes , I

14:32

may not get the opportunity to not only see

14:34

my kids grow up but do the things that I

14:36

had put on the back burner for so long . And

14:39

I think women that come to us , to

14:42

me in particular so I'm an executive coach

14:44

obviously there's a conditioning there

14:46

that we work really

14:49

hard to uncover

14:51

what those thoughts are and what those limitations

14:54

are and where they really come from

14:56

. So it's a lot of emotional

14:58

healing and I

15:01

don't know that women like

15:03

us are comfortable with that enough to some

15:05

extent , because we want a plan and we want

15:08

sort of a schedule and we want

15:10

, like , tell me what to do and how to do it

15:12

, and a lot of this work entails

15:14

deep and honest reflection

15:17

and a vulnerability

15:19

and a candidness with each other that

15:22

we were taught to put

15:24

aside and pull our good traps

15:26

up and move forward . And so talking

15:28

about the ugly things like pre-menopause

15:31

or menopause or infertility , or

15:33

unconscious bias or

15:35

racism or sexual abuse

15:37

or sexual trauma or never

15:40

having a parent tell you you were pretty seen

15:42

either too much or too frivolous . But

15:45

I think that if you really want clarity

15:47

around where

15:49

you are right now , where

15:52

you hope to be let's say , we're 80 years old in a rocking

15:54

chair thinking back on our life , when

15:57

you understand I'm 45

16:00

, I know what I would love to do when

16:02

I'm 80 , what's the gap and how do I close

16:04

it . That's a whole different level

16:06

of empowerment than

16:08

reading a good book about empowerment

16:11

. It's really putting

16:13

in the work and digging in with

16:16

other strong women that have

16:18

been through some things and are on the other

16:20

side and can not only help you but

16:22

guide you and link

16:24

arms with you . I think it allows

16:26

us to be more authentic about what we

16:28

want . That guilt about

16:31

. Hey , I should be happy that I have this great

16:33

big house with this husband and this

16:36

car and they're starting people in the world

16:38

. That really sets

16:40

us up to live a life where we're on status

16:43

quo I

16:45

often joke with clients who are in this predicament

16:47

I was also in this predicament for many years

16:50

is , if you are living

16:52

a life let's say a

16:55

challenging life , is one an

16:58

amazing life , where you are at your full potential

17:00

is 10 and we're currently

17:02

at level five . I'm

17:05

like would you want a doctor to

17:07

operate on you and they're like man , he's a five

17:09

out of 10 . His

17:12

performance is average . Would

17:15

you want to date a five or be

17:17

hire a candidate who was like oh

17:19

yeah , they've passed 50% , but I'm sure

17:21

you won't need the other 50%

17:24

? Like , just take half a car

17:26

.

17:29

You don't need the brakes . The brakes are awesome .

17:31

I'm nothing about half asking

17:33

life . That should be acceptable

17:35

. Yet we love ourselves into thinking

17:38

that you know what it's fine

17:40

in this airless existence

17:42

, because I should be grateful

17:44

that it's not worse

17:47

than it is . That's

17:49

sort of a really awkward way of thinking

17:51

, right . If our kids were to come to us with that scenario

17:54

, we would not even tolerate it

17:56

.

17:56

No , we'd say absolutely not . Stacey

18:00

, I tell on myself a lot on my show because

18:03

this is how

18:05

I roll In

18:07

regards to all of that . I am an

18:09

expert compartmentalizer

18:13

. I mean , I am like , yes

18:15

, if I was a video game

18:17

, I would be the highscorer

18:20

. But what I have discovered

18:22

as I've gotten older ? I've

18:24

been busy stacking

18:27

these boxes in the box In

18:29

my soul for so

18:31

long . There's no more

18:33

room for any more boxes

18:36

of compartmentalizing

18:38

, trouble , trauma , hurt

18:41

, disappointment

18:43

, dreams oh my gosh

18:45

. I compartmentalize dreams

18:48

because I'm like , oh , I'll do that later , or oh , that

18:50

sounds frivolous or whatever . This

18:54

is a dream that I have that I've never

18:56

spoken out loud . Stacy , it's just yeah

18:59

, you and everybody else is hearing

19:01

it . First , I want to learn how to play the drums

19:03

. Yeah , crazy , I

19:06

know , insane . There's no purpose of it

19:08

. What am I going to do ? Join a rock band ? Maybe

19:10

, I don't know , but

19:13

it's like those kinds of things that I

19:15

and everybody I shouldn't say everybody else , but ladies

19:18

like me do . They have

19:20

this crazy dream and they talk themselves

19:22

out of it . No , I can't do that . That's ridiculous

19:25

. What am I going to do with that ? I can't do anything

19:27

with it . Don't do anything with it , just do it

19:29

, yeah . So it's

19:32

that kind of stuff that gets

19:35

me up at night and it makes me

19:37

start thinking about not

19:40

just for myself but for others

19:42

, and I would definitely

19:44

want to talk about your chapter in your book . But

19:46

what I'd love for you to do is those

19:49

that are listening are like oh , this kind of sounds like

19:51

me . Maybe this sounds like me . Is

19:54

there an exercise ? I know that

19:56

you walk through quite

19:58

a process with your clients . Is

20:00

there a starter exercise

20:03

that you can share

20:05

with the audience to help

20:07

them at least start thinking

20:10

a little bit more inward

20:13

and maybe help

20:15

clear out some of those boxes that they've

20:17

stacked up internally ?

20:19

Yeah , I mean to come to mind

20:21

, but I think the one I will go

20:23

with is I

20:25

probably dropped a little hint about that . There

20:27

is one exercise that's particularly powerful

20:29

for many people

20:32

. There's two versions to

20:34

it . For the ones like me

20:36

that like to dive in the deep end , the

20:39

exercise is write your eulogy

20:42

as you are today , like no

20:44

fluff . This isn't a social

20:46

media post . You don't have to press

20:48

anyone with this . There's no FOMO here

20:51

. Write it as

20:53

you are now . When I wrote this

20:55

for myself a couple of years ago , I

20:57

had the best ugly cry

20:59

. I was not doing what

21:01

I had been thinking about doing for many years Writing

21:04

that I was an okay mom . I

21:06

was probably an autopilot with that too . I

21:09

was a decent wife . I think we were in the stick of

21:11

young kids and it's

21:13

who's got soccer and who's got ballet

21:16

and who's got jujitsu and who's got the pick up

21:18

, drop off and you've got groceries . I got

21:20

dinner and we were probably functioning

21:22

more like roommates . I'm happy to say

21:24

we're celebrating our 20th anniversary this year

21:26

. We're happier than ever , but at the time you

21:29

guys , when I wrote that eulogy sucked

21:31

. I was a shitty friend . I'd

21:33

show up for happy hours , but really I was just quote

21:35

unquote busy a lot . I

21:38

was a great employee . They

21:40

got all of my best work , but

21:42

it left me nothing for all

21:45

the other parts of my life . I

21:48

had to write it as I would

21:50

like it to be . I will tell

21:52

you that it has been about three years since

21:54

I did that exercise and in three years I've

21:57

hit about 80% of that list . One

21:59

of it was a best selling novel , which

22:02

we'll talk a little bit about . One

22:04

of it was leave a matrix , as

22:07

I called a corporate Start

22:10

, my own successful practice helping women

22:12

across the world Be reignited

22:14

in passion with my husband

22:17

. Who were we as a couple ? What's

22:19

my vision for that relationship ? A

22:21

lot of us have visions for our business and our

22:23

corporate gig , but we don't

22:25

talk about hey , what's my mission and

22:28

vision and what are my objectives for

22:30

the most important relationships

22:32

in our life ? It doesn't have to be a spouse or a partner

22:34

, but you

22:37

know the people you love and care deeply about

22:39

. So I think that is a very powerful

22:41

way for you to have some sort of

22:43

quick realization

22:45

about what is actually the cost

22:48

to you off

22:50

not showing up for you .

22:53

Yeah , Stacey gave me this assignment a

22:55

week ago and

22:57

I wanted to tell on myself

23:00

again . I wrote it down

23:02

in one of my infamous notebooks

23:04

, because I have three

23:06

different notebooks . I wrote

23:08

down the question , stacey . I

23:10

have not wrote yet

23:13

, because every time I

23:16

sit down to write , I

23:19

get overwrote , overwhelmed with

23:21

emotion , which completely

23:23

shocked me . I

23:25

thought , okay , I can write this thing , but

23:28

then I realized that I can't write it on

23:31

autopilot and

23:34

it really is going to take some emotion and

23:36

reflection . So every time I sit down to write it

23:39

, I get overwhelmed , I start

23:41

crying , I'm like nope , so

23:43

why am I telling you ?

23:45

I will gently say that some

23:47

of that is avoidant . Absolutely

23:49

it is , and I think that

23:51

you just have to stuff yourself

23:54

through that discomfort and really write

23:56

it on a napkin , on a brown

23:58

bag from five guys , burgers

24:00

, whatever you've

24:02

got in front of you and just chicken

24:05

, scratch the hell out of it because that's your truth

24:07

right now and leaving it

24:09

until the environment or

24:11

your emotions or something is better . You're

24:14

just going to put it off . But for me , it changed

24:17

my life in the sense of when

24:19

I read that and how absolutely

24:21

level five that was and there was nothing bad

24:23

about it . I was making high six figures . I

24:25

live in our big old house out in South Florida

24:27

, got two beautiful kids right

24:30

. There was , on the surface , nothing

24:32

, absolutely nothing

24:34

for me to be this feeling , this

24:36

void about . Yet

24:38

it was there the same way . It's there for you , the

24:41

same way it's there , probably for many

24:43

women and men listening to this podcast

24:46

, and you've got this one tiny

24:48

life right , like

24:50

you owe it to yourself to , like hit

24:53

the gas man and like figure

24:55

it out .

24:56

Yes , we've got this one big

24:58

, beautiful life . Yeah , we've got one shot

25:00

at it . So I

25:02

tell on myself to tell all of you

25:04

I will do this exercise

25:06

with you . I am cheering

25:09

for you as I am cheering for myself . So

25:11

please , be brave and

25:14

write this , because I will be

25:16

brave to write this and

25:18

maybe we can get Stacy to

25:20

do a live with us and we'll talk about my

25:23

eulogy or other people's eulogy . We'll

25:25

get brave , we'll get big bad Amazing

25:27

. So I

25:29

challenge all of you and I encourage

25:31

all of you to try

25:33

that exercise . Let's see what happens

25:36

. What's the worst that could happen

25:38

? I mean nothing

25:40

. What's worse

25:42

than where you are now ?

25:45

And I will tell you sometimes , to

25:47

your point about doing it alone sometimes

25:49

feels overwhelming . You

25:51

can totally do this with friends

25:54

or siblings , or

25:57

I wouldn't recommend coworkers because very

26:00

deeply personal . But one

26:02

of the things that I am going to do in a

26:04

couple of months , as I have

26:06

done my practice . I typically work

26:09

one-on-one with folks , but I realize

26:11

now that I have to give a forum

26:13

and a venue for community

26:15

and sisterhood and connection of

26:18

women going through this together and

26:20

healing together . And so one of the things we're

26:22

working on is a retreat that

26:25

we're going to host October 27

26:27

, 28 , 29 in Austin , texas

26:30

, and I just signed a contract

26:32

on that and did the agenda . But I will tell you

26:34

that this retreat is

26:36

for women that really want

26:38

to put in the work for leveling

26:40

up their life . It's not going to be hey

26:43

, let's just sit and close their eyes and chant . The

26:45

venue is beautiful , so it's Lake Austin Spa , so

26:48

we're surrounded by water and the earth

26:50

and mother nature and birds and flowers

26:52

and each other in gratitude

26:55

and in love and in acceptance

26:57

and surrender . Surrender

27:00

is the hardest word for me to like

27:02

lean into , because to

27:04

me the concept of surrender is I'm

27:07

giving up something , I'm losing something

27:09

, and that always gets

27:12

my hackles up . I'm

27:14

like , no , I don't want to surrender anything

27:16

. I've worked too hard , but a part of

27:18

it is with feminine

27:20

power and personal power . When you

27:22

surrender control and

27:25

your need to control the outcomes

27:27

of things that we honestly

27:30

cannot . I had no control over myself getting

27:32

sick and like flatlining

27:34

we have no control over . Tomorrow

27:36

we could be in a car accident and

27:39

I'm not saying that to be like dramatic

27:41

, but literally if you really think about

27:43

this life , what we think we have control

27:45

over is maybe very little things like the dishes

27:48

in the sink , but

27:50

career-wise , you

27:52

could be doing a great job in an amazing

27:54

environment and have your budget cut the next

27:56

week or write

27:59

your boss that you love maybe

28:01

leave , or you have

28:03

a significant incident in your

28:05

home life , whether a child or a partner

28:08

or you yourself get sick

28:10

and you're out of the workforce . Like there

28:13

are so many unknowns that we owe it to

28:15

ourselves to understand hey , how

28:17

can I ensure

28:19

that my priorities and my core

28:21

values are front and center

28:24

and then go from there ? And

28:26

then so , when things happen and I pivot , I'm still

28:28

within not only my safe space

28:30

but my sacred . Does that make sense .

28:32

It makes perfect sense because

28:35

, yeah , the word surrender gives me

28:37

significant anxiety

28:40

, because my first thought was I

28:42

want to fight you right now . I want

28:45

to fight you for this . I'm going to fight

28:47

you because I'm not going to give up control . I've worked too hard

28:49

to have this

28:52

illusion of control , because that's what it is . It

28:54

was an illusion of control . I've

28:56

worked too hard and , no , I'm going to fight you to

28:58

give this up . But you reminded

29:01

me of something that happened to me

29:03

that I was completely out of control of

29:05

and I was like , oh

29:07

my gosh , I got

29:09

very , very ill . I came

29:12

down with colitis a couple of summers

29:14

ago and , up to the

29:16

moment when I realized that I was in big

29:18

, fat trouble , I was on a conference

29:20

call . No joke , I

29:22

was on a conference call , doubling over

29:25

, feeling like I was going to pass out

29:27

. Still , I completed

29:29

the call , ladies . I

29:32

made it through the entire call

29:35

, hung up and realized

29:37

I was in trouble . I did not

29:40

know what was wrong with me , but I knew

29:42

something was very , very wrong . I

29:44

am telling you this because it

29:46

was more important to me to complete the

29:48

call . What a dumb

29:50

dumb . I ended up being in the hospital

29:52

for four days because I was

29:55

so ill . Think

29:57

about that . I was so ill , didn't realize

29:59

that I was that ill . I

30:01

was focused on a conference call that

30:03

I don't even remember what it was about .

30:06

One of the things I talk a lot about

30:08

is having integrity with

30:10

yourself . What

30:12

you showed was integrity for your job

30:14

. You had a mission . You had people

30:16

have expectations of you . That was your responsibility

30:19

. You showed up for that , in spite of your

30:21

body literally shutting down . I

30:24

think a lot of times we break so many

30:26

promises to ourselves that with

30:29

little things that the big things seem

30:31

insurmountable , because it's almost like the

30:33

sole part of you is like yeah , I knew you were

30:35

not going to do that . When

30:38

you've broken so many promises to yourself

30:41

and all we ever show up with to the table

30:43

for ourselves is maybe the self-critic

30:45

we talked about

30:48

. Your dog's name is Mike . What

30:50

is it ? Michael Wazowski ? Right

30:52

, he is from Monsters Inc , which

30:54

is one of my favorite shows . I will tell

30:57

you . I give that voice in my head , the

30:59

inner critic . I gave her a voice

31:01

and a physical

31:03

feature . Is that actually remember the blue

31:06

gatekeeper in Monsters Inc

31:08

that she was like Mike Wazowski and

31:10

she sort of had that nasally gross voice

31:12

. I don't know her name . She's actually

31:15

my avatar for my grumpy

31:17

inner critic . We

31:20

let those little monsters run free in

31:22

our head about well , you didn't do

31:25

that right , or you should have done this differently . Or

31:27

who are you to be to show up with this big

31:29

dream ? What do you think you're going to accomplish

31:31

with that ? They run the show . That

31:34

integrity piece is something that we

31:36

were really hard with , because when you are

31:38

in complete confidence

31:40

with who you are and what you want and how

31:42

you want to show up in the world , to

31:44

some extent you're unstoppable . That

31:47

scares the crap out of some of us , because

31:50

what if we still have that niggling doubt

31:52

? What if I still fail . What are people going to do

31:54

Really at this point in our lives ? We're old

31:56

enough to know better .

31:57

We are old enough to know better , but we are conditioned

32:00

. We are conditioned

32:03

by history , we are conditioned

32:05

by culture , we

32:08

are conditioned by with each other

32:10

.

32:10

We are women with each other . Some

32:13

of my most competitive

32:15

interactions have been with other women

32:17

where we are literally buying for

32:19

whatever tiny token

32:22

we were given at the table

32:24

.

32:26

I refuse to look at other women as competition

32:29

anymore . I refuse it because

32:31

I don't believe it . I also believe

32:33

that if I don't have

32:35

a different perspective , then

32:38

the view will never change . So

32:40

I tell as many women as I possibly

32:43

can , even those that may

32:45

not like me . I will tell

32:47

them out loud you are not

32:49

my competition , you are my greatest asset

32:51

and I'm going to act accordingly . I'm

32:55

trying to turn that same thing

32:57

inward . So

32:59

much harder , absolutely so much harder , so much

33:01

easier to do that externally , harder

33:04

to do it internally . It's the

33:06

whole conditioning thing .

33:10

I give clients with you and your listeners

33:12

, so this one is really good

33:14

. Maybe if you do

33:17

it and you have me back on , you can tell me how that goes

33:19

, but it is the concept . So

33:21

if I ask you , what do

33:23

you envision a guardian to be guardianship

33:25

?

33:26

Guardianship . I get a visual

33:29

because I live with pictures in

33:31

my head . The

33:33

first thing I think of is guardian angel

33:35

.

33:37

And what are some of the characteristics of a

33:39

guardian angel Big ?

33:41

strong , also

33:43

sensitive , empathetic

33:45

.

33:47

Protective right . Exactly

33:49

Keeping you safe . I

33:52

ask women I should say everyone

33:54

I ask people to assume guardianship

33:57

over themselves for 30 days .

33:59

What , what the heck does that mean ?

34:01

So that means that if

34:04

and I'll give you a scenario if

34:06

someone were to make me the guardian of a

34:08

young adult , or even somebody

34:10

that went through some trauma or something

34:12

like that , and they said Stacey , you

34:14

are now the guardian for Pam . whoever , I

34:17

would do my utmost to ensure that

34:19

this person had what they needed

34:22

and also , if they messed

34:24

something up , I would have so

34:26

much forgiveness and grace and

34:28

honor the lesson that and the

34:30

experience that they're having . And so when you assume

34:33

guardianship for yourself , you

34:35

almost have this third party perspective

34:38

on how you live your day-to-day life . Ie

34:40

do Netflix for eight hours

34:42

instead of really getting eight hours of sleep

34:44

. Do you not use

34:47

the bathroom at 3 pm and

34:49

maybe you wanted to go since 10 am ? Do

34:51

you drink a sip of water in

34:54

the morning but then have two cups of coffee and

34:56

you don't actually drink water until maybe dinner at

34:58

night , which means you're probably dehydrated

35:00

and whatever . If you were the guardian

35:02

of someone and they were doing

35:04

those things and it was your responsibility to make sure they

35:06

were healthy and strong and safe , you'd be like

35:08

time out , bro . Let's get

35:11

you back on track . Here's what we do

35:13

. Especially when you're a young adult right like you , would take

35:15

charge and make sure that they were

35:17

doing what they needed to do to

35:19

be safe and healthy and

35:22

feel protected . We don't

35:24

do that with ourselves . So when you assume

35:26

this guardianship role

35:28

over yourself for 30 days , the

35:30

kind of stuff you run into that you're putting

35:32

yourself through it's crazy .

35:35

Well , challenge accepted , I'm going to give this a shot .

35:38

Document it a little bit and you're

35:40

like oh my God , I

35:42

kept no promises to myself . I

35:44

didn't have any meal on time . I said

35:46

yeah challenge accepted .

35:48

Yeah , we'll figure out how this goes . Yeah

35:51

, before we run out of

35:53

time because I do definitely watch the clock

35:55

, because I want to utilize

35:57

our time wisely Tell us

35:59

a little bit about your book . Obviously

36:02

, the title of the chapter

36:04

has me so intrigued because

36:06

it is so in line with what

36:09

the visual that I have . But

36:11

what is your book , what is the basis

36:14

of it and what is the message

36:16

?

36:17

So the book called we Rise in

36:19

Power amplifying women

36:21

of color and our voices for change and

36:24

it's a compilation and all

36:26

of the authors are women of color

36:29

very diverse in their backgrounds

36:31

but also their career journeys

36:34

. We've got people in IT , a

36:36

lawyer , federal careers , writers

36:38

you name it psychologists , all of those

36:40

good things . Yet the common

36:42

theme for all of you ? We live both in

36:44

the US and Canada . Many of us are from

36:47

different countries . So , given all

36:49

of those complex layers , what

36:51

we found astonishing and we did

36:53

not collaborate in the writing of the book we're

36:55

just compiled in the book

36:57

itself . I didn't read the book until after it was published

36:59

and I ugly

37:02

cried my way through most of it , because

37:04

what struck me and I think what will strike

37:06

you , was the common human

37:09

experiences that we all

37:12

experienced , but also what you

37:14

and I were talking about Right , and

37:16

so we have these experiences that we

37:18

don't bring to light , and

37:21

it was important for us as women

37:23

of color during this time you

37:26

know , the EIA is everywhere where

37:29

we talked about our lived experience

37:31

in the context of

37:33

both the challenging things

37:35

whether it was racist comments or

37:37

conscious bias , you

37:39

name it to the positive things

37:41

, where we had amazing mentors

37:43

and people that took

37:45

us under their wings and allowed us to sort

37:48

of grow into the woman that we are , the powerful

37:50

woman that we are , but the

37:52

vulnerability that was threaded throughout

37:54

the book was also something super important

37:57

For me . I talk about

37:59

, well , some of the things I've chatted about here , but

38:01

really it was this

38:03

being on my knees in surrender

38:06

during what , arguably should

38:08

have been the pinnacle of my career

38:10

, and having that realization that it

38:12

just wasn't enough . And then the

38:15

comeback like what was the renewal

38:17

, what was the rebirth ? Like what did that look like

38:20

? It looked like leaving a corporate job

38:22

. It looked like having all

38:24

of these degrees and certifications and

38:26

saying , nope , I just want to like , do

38:29

my own thing , Right . It was leaving

38:32

other people's expectations of me and my

38:34

life with them Because

38:36

really their opinion of me shouldn't

38:38

be more important than my opinion of myself and

38:41

reinventing , to some extent , the

38:44

way I wanted to live my life . It entailed

38:46

moving to Florida from

38:48

Washington DC . It entailed leaving

38:51

20 minutes from the beach . It entailed revaluating

38:53

my relationship . It entailed

38:55

establishing boundaries with

38:57

not only my family but with myself and

38:59

how I show up for work . So it really was

39:02

a reckoning and

39:04

that's what my chapter is about

39:06

. And I love the term Brown

39:09

Girl in the arena , because when

39:11

we are in the arena , we're

39:13

in it and the people that are with us

39:15

in it are our partners , that's

39:17

our community and the people

39:19

watching . They can have their own opinions

39:21

about it , but really it shouldn't impact what

39:25

you're doing , because they're not blood

39:27

, sweat and tearing it with you . And

39:29

that was really important to me , as I'm sure

39:31

you know the name of your podcast

39:35

. It's important to me to be not

39:37

only in my practice but in my

39:39

life , but in the things I'm

39:41

going to do in the future with this book

39:43

, that I run

39:45

myself with people that are actually in the arena

39:47

and functioning at level

39:50

9 or 10 . Because that's

39:52

where the magic is , and I think we are

39:54

magical beings . I mean , really , we're

39:56

just like bluffs on , like land

39:58

on water , in a spinning ball , in a

40:00

black hole with other spinning , I mean , if we

40:02

really think about it , and so we owe it

40:04

to ourselves to really pursue the

40:07

divinity within us , but also find other

40:10

people who are also doing

40:12

that and really go there .

40:15

Especially women , because women are

40:17

incredible magic

40:20

makers . We just forget

40:22

that we're magicians . We're

40:24

just so busy doing that

40:26

. We forget that we have the ability

40:29

to make magic and we just need to

40:31

be reminded and encouraged every once in

40:33

a while to do it . Myself

40:35

included , I am guilty , guilty , guilty

40:37

, guilty . But

40:41

that is the whole point of being here . I'm

40:45

here being real and transparent

40:47

with you , as you are with me , so

40:50

we can help encourage our

40:52

friends out there that we do not yet know

40:54

to to

40:57

embrace themselves and embrace the

40:59

people around them , men and women , and

41:02

Go for it . Have a tiny

41:05

little grain of

41:07

inspiration , mixed

41:09

with a little bit of fear , every

41:12

single day , and move

41:14

Yourself forward , just

41:16

one tiny step . What you'll

41:18

be surprised at is how far

41:20

you move . That's what surprised me the

41:22

most is how far you move

41:25

, because there are days , stacy and

41:27

I know that you know what I'm talking about there are days you're

41:29

like I don't want to get out of bed , I

41:31

don't want to do anything . Yeah , you

41:35

know , I just I don't have it in

41:37

me to be magic today . That you're saying

41:39

to have integrity with yourself

41:41

and not not

41:43

always let yourself off the hook , not Not

41:46

allow your responsibility Get

41:49

in the way of showing up for yourself .

41:51

I mean , our purpose on earth is to leave it a little

41:53

better than and when we found

41:55

it , how we found it right and having

41:57

the courage just to do things . That

41:59

scare you a little bit , because that's really the root

42:01

of it . It's fear of either the unknown

42:04

or fear of failure . You have one of those right

42:06

, but growth is a human need . If

42:09

we're not growing , we're Stagnant

42:12

, and nothing good comes from something

42:14

that is stagnant . And and

42:16

so part of this , in order to elevate ourselves

42:18

not only spiritually and physically and

42:20

emotionally , but also as just

42:23

global citizens , it

42:26

entails doing some

42:28

re-evaluation . Okay , am I

42:30

where I need to be ? And if not , where

42:32

do I ? How do I partner with the right

42:34

community or the right networks

42:36

or the right coach or the right podcast

42:39

? Right , like , how do I get this guidance

42:41

and have these downloads that

42:44

fire me to get

42:46

out of the box , unplug

42:48

and take the red ?

42:54

I totally understand that matrix

42:56

reference . Yep , yep , yep , unplug

42:59

your battery self , take

43:01

the red pill . Yeah , it's scary

43:04

out there , but it's also well worth

43:06

it .

43:06

Well , I , someone who is out there and

43:08

has been for for 2023

43:11

, right when I made the big leap it's

43:14

freaking fabulous out here , like whatever

43:17

. Whatever you think

43:19

is on the other side of fear is in your

43:21

head . It's your imagination , right ? That's your

43:23

monster you created , and so the reality

43:26

is very much different and I Wake

43:29

up every day like holy crap , I can't believe

43:31

I did it . Wow , it's amazing . I

43:34

work with people that I love . I'm

43:36

almost it's almost surreal

43:38

how effortless

43:41

it feels , and I do believe that a

43:43

part of the magic is our lives

43:45

are supposed to be Effortless

43:48

. When we are aligned with our troopers , people

43:50

think it's some big astronomical 180

43:52

degree shift . Listen , I almost died , so for me

43:54

, my decisions were made from a

43:56

sense of urgency , having to do with my experience

43:59

. For some people is , maybe

44:01

I'm in a job that's not serving me and I need

44:03

to really just think a little bit differently about

44:05

what I'm doing so

44:08

that it meets that

44:10

inner need to help me feel more

44:12

fulfilled . We're not out here telling

44:14

everybody to quit their jobs and like roll out

44:16

and move to a different state none of those things

44:18

. But it does entail some

44:20

courage right , and some resiliency

44:25

in order to

44:27

Not have December 2023

44:30

be another year where you're like wow , what did

44:32

I even do ?

44:32

No one wants to do that . No time is flying

44:35

by Faster and faster every

44:37

single year .

44:38

I know it's only the seventh , but

44:40

it's done .

44:41

Yeah , it feels so overwhelming

44:43

how fast this year has gone by , and

44:46

Years ago , a friend of mine shared

44:49

a quote with me that has stuck with me and

44:51

it's very true . She says

44:54

the days are long , but the years

44:56

are short , and it

44:58

gets faster and faster

45:00

every single year . So those

45:03

, if anything , that we had discussed

45:05

today Resonates with you . I

45:07

want to encourage you to reach out to Stacy

45:09

. Just have a conversation with her . I

45:11

had a conversation with her even

45:13

before we talked about this podcast

45:15

and it was wonderful and it was eye-opening

45:18

and it was really thought-provoking

45:21

. So I encourage you to do that . Stacey

45:23

, people are curious

45:25

, encouraged . How would they reach you

45:27

?

45:28

One I would love to offer to your Community

45:31

what you just talked about . It's a complimentary

45:33

45 minute clarity session . I

45:35

won't be like hardcore coaching you , but definitely

45:38

we talk about things that are on

45:40

your mind and Provide some clarity

45:42

around some of those things . So

45:45

definitely I would love to offer that service

45:47

to everyone . They can find me

45:49

so , Stacey Luces probably on LinkedIn

45:51

. It's probably the easiest way . Evolution

45:54

executive coaching is my handle

45:56

on Instagram . It is also my website

45:58

and I would encourage

46:00

you . If any one of you feels compelled

46:03

or called to Join our

46:05

inaugural retreat in October

46:07

, please reach out to me and I

46:09

would love to give you more information . The

46:11

three phases of that the unconditional

46:14

, which I think you'll love , and

46:17

the rebirth right and

46:19

then the future . So definitely Along

46:22

the lines of everything we've talked about , and I would

46:24

be honored to share more with you and

46:26

thank you so much for having me . I feel like we

46:28

are kindred spirits , definitely , and

46:30

I and love what you're doing here for

46:32

so many people .

46:33

Thank you , I feel the same about

46:36

you . It was like it's my twin . Oh

46:38

my gosh , I just didn't know . My twin was from

46:40

Trinidad and Tobago , but

46:44

thank you for spending some time with us today . Thank you

46:46

for the encouragement and , you know

46:48

, just spending time and holding

46:50

space For us to have a conversation

46:53

. That isn't always easy to have . So

46:55

thank you for the the

46:58

courage to show up and and talk

47:00

to me and All of our friends

47:02

around the world 71 71

47:05

countries , by the way , Stacey 71

47:07

countries and counting , so that

47:09

might just be 71 countries

47:12

that people need to hear your voice , so thank you

47:14

for lending it .

47:15

Yeah , I appreciate all of you , thank you

47:17

.

47:18

I will also make sure that all of her contact information

47:20

is in the show notes with links to make

47:22

it easy for you . So if you want to reach out to Stacey

47:25

, I'll give you a shortcut . So

47:27

look for that in show notes . And

47:30

once again , I wanted to thank all of you

47:32

for listening , for your support

47:34

and For your courage . Thank

47:36

you so much for showing up . I will

47:38

see you again next time .