0:34

Welcome in everyone and thank you

0:36

so much for joining me again this

0:38

week . This week we're gonna

0:40

have a heart-to-heart talk . We're

0:42

gonna have some down-to-earth girl

0:45

talk , and I

0:47

am so excited to have this conversation

0:49

because it's timely . It's

0:52

also very vulnerable , but

0:55

I hope that it's gonna do some good . So

0:58

this week's guest is a

1:00

remarkable woman . I am joined

1:02

by Bomi Anise , and

1:05

she is this amazing

1:07

international woman Not

1:09

an international woman of mystery , but

1:12

an international woman of energy

1:15

and of action . She

1:17

is a corporate attorney and

1:19

she's worked in five different countries

1:22

on two different continents , but

1:24

she's also recognized as a strategic

1:26

leader and a transformative

1:29

expert . She also

1:31

has been described as a changemaker and

1:33

a high-energy connector . That

1:36

is exactly what we need right now . She

1:38

also has this amazing ability to

1:41

see people for the potential

1:43

of who they can be rather

1:46

than how they see themselves today

1:48

. She's also the author of

1:50

the upcoming book the Brilliant's Paradigm

1:52

why Unlocking and Owning

1:55

Our Brilliant Transforms the Way we

1:57

Live and Lead . It is

1:59

my pleasure and honor

2:01

to introduce to you Bomi Anise

2:04

Bomi , thank you so much

2:06

for joining me today and welcome to

2:08

the show , oh thank you so

2:11

much , Audra .

2:12

This has been such an amazing

2:14

thing . Thank you so much for inviting me

2:16

to have this conversation

2:19

and to

2:21

be a part of your remarkable

2:23

, wonderful connecting show .

2:27

Thank you First of all . Thank you so much for being

2:29

here and thank you for being

2:31

part of the community . You are now

2:34

an official member of the

2:36

Women in the Arena community , because

2:38

that's how I see us as a giant

2:41

community and a growing

2:43

sisterhood and brotherhood , because

2:45

we have a few brave men that

2:47

have joined us too and we can't do it without

2:49

them . And that kind

2:52

of leads us into this conversation of what

2:54

you and I had started , and it's fascinating

2:57

and remarkable , and I want to warn

2:59

everybody yeah , it's going to probably

3:02

touch you in a few ways

3:04

that you're like I don't like the way that feels

3:06

, because that's probably

3:09

something that we need to discuss more

3:11

of . And that's challenging

3:14

the status quo , and we do that great

3:16

externally , but

3:18

the part that I think some of us are

3:20

struggling with is challenging the status

3:23

quo within , and this is your passion

3:25

. So let's start there . What

3:30

does it mean to you to challenge the status

3:32

quo within yourself ? Let me start .

3:35

So what I truly believe , and

3:37

, in fact , what science tells us , is that

3:39

actually , we are one

3:42

in an eternity creation . There is

3:44

no one , nothing like us , that's

3:46

ever going to be like us . The

3:50

combination of DNA , the combination of our experiences

3:52

, our culture , the

3:54

people who've been around us , the countries where we

3:56

grew up All

3:59

of that forms and shapes the rules , the beliefs

4:01

, who we are , and

4:04

yet , oftentimes , when we're looking

4:06

for what inspires us , when we're looking

4:09

for peace

4:13

, when we're looking for fulfillment

4:15

, we look outside of ourselves , and

4:20

what I realize is actually the things that are outside of us are

4:22

the very things , most

4:25

of the time , we cannot control . But

4:27

we can control ourselves , we

4:30

can control our minds , we

4:33

can control what we believe about ourselves

4:35

, and

4:40

yet , a lot of times , what

4:43

we don't do is actually connect

4:45

with ourselves , and

4:50

I think it's one of those areas where I'm guilty

4:52

of this . I'm

4:55

absolutely guilty of this . No

5:00

self-care , taking care of everybody else instead

5:02

of before I even remote myself , pushing

5:06

through , like in enormously stressful situations , and

5:08

yet pushing through

5:10

like oh no , no , I got this

5:12

, oh , it's fine , it's fine , I'm fine when

5:15

, really , really , if we took a step back , paused and listened to ourselves

5:17

, to our bodies

5:25

, to our patterns ? Actually , we're not

5:27

. And then the other thing that

5:29

I think that we always think about is that

5:31

we're not . And then the other thing

5:33

that I think that we often do is that

5:36

we don't tap into

5:38

the innate brilliance

5:41

that we have . So

5:43

I have two young little nephews they

5:45

are the most adorable things

5:48

. And then think about how

5:50

we treat children , how we treat babies

5:52

oh my gosh , the baby is so

5:54

cute , it's perfect . Or

5:57

when a baby's first tooth comes in

5:59

oh my gosh , look how

6:01

they're growing . Their first tooth comes in . We

6:04

applaud absolutely everything

6:07

they do . Oh , they ate a piece of solid

6:09

food for the first time . We applaud

6:11

this , and then somehow

6:13

, someway , time moves on and

6:16

that's all forgotten , we

6:19

forget , and I think it's

6:21

really time to go back to

6:23

Finding

6:26

that brilliance , finding that within

6:28

ourselves . I believe that that

6:30

to be that

6:32

. I believe that to be one

6:35

of the most important antidotes to

6:37

all of the hurt and

6:39

pain , stress

6:42

, distraction , anger

6:44

that we are seeing in the world

6:46

today .

6:47

Where do you think we lost that

6:49

Spark ? Where we disconnected

6:52

from ourselves and

6:54

how remarkable we really

6:56

are . And I know it didn't happen all

6:58

at once , it happened a little

7:00

at a time , but but

7:03

why do you think we do that ?

7:05

I Think it's also human nature Sort

7:07

of I heard , so I can't remember where I heard this

7:09

, but nature tells us don't

7:12

stand out Because you

7:14

think about it as an animal in the wild . If

7:16

you stand out again , if you stand out

7:18

. Why do animals come in a herd

7:20

right ? Because then it's

7:22

protection , as , as human

7:24

beings , our human nature is to

7:26

protect ourselves by

7:29

any means necessary , and

7:31

by standing out , we

7:34

often would be a target

7:36

. We we'd be dead out in the wild

7:38

back in the day . And so

7:40

, really evolving

7:43

and understanding , okay

7:45

, there is this innate

7:48

, natural desire

7:50

to hide

7:53

ourselves that has

7:55

to be balanced , encountered with

7:57

the amazing

7:59

things , the brilliance , the innovation

8:03

that comes from

8:05

people actually living

8:07

out their brilliance and using it to solve

8:10

problems and serve communities

8:12

and think of what the world would

8:14

be like , in terms of all of our modern-day

8:17

inventions , if People didn't have

8:19

the courage to believe in the brilliance , their thoughts

8:21

, their ideas , no matter how crazy

8:24

people thought it was at the time

8:26

, but really , really trusting

8:28

and believing in themselves . I

8:30

think it's partly human nature , but

8:33

we are , as

8:36

humans , so evolved in

8:38

our minds in a way that

8:40

we Can raise that

8:42

awareness and raise that consciousness and

8:44

make a choice .

8:46

We're fighting that natural Fight

8:49

or flight instinct that is

8:51

innate in all of us . It's not something that you

8:53

can turn on and off , it just is . It

8:56

just sits there because that's how

8:58

we're built . It's for protection . But

9:00

you're saying , because we've evolved as humans

9:02

and the majority of us

9:05

are not living

9:07

out in the wild and Having

9:09

to protect ourselves from from

9:11

dangers from all sides

9:13

, most of us don't live that way I'm

9:16

sure there's some that do . Most of us don't

9:18

that we have

9:20

the ability and and

9:22

the responsibility to ourselves

9:24

and to the world . Because what you're

9:26

telling me is that

9:29

if we don't live to

9:31

our full brilliance , we're

9:33

not serving the purpose

9:35

for which we were put here . Because you said

9:37

there's a we're one in a trillion event

9:40

, so everybody has a purpose

9:42

. And if we don't recognize

9:45

our natural ability , we're

9:48

not only robbing ourselves from

9:50

whatever that purpose is , but

9:53

the world as well . Yeah

9:55

, your book

9:58

is this Brilliant's paradigm

10:00

. So I'm starting to understand why

10:02

you called it the brilliant's paradigm

10:05

, because you're literally saying

10:07

let's shift

10:09

from this idea

10:12

of hiding and

10:14

protecting ourselves to

10:17

Shifting into our brilliance

10:20

.

10:20

So tell me more about that . You

10:22

hit the nail right on my head . That's exactly

10:24

it we do . We owe

10:26

it to ourselves , we owe it

10:28

to Humanity

10:30

, we owe it to the world to

10:33

really connect with ourselves and

10:35

understand where our brilliance

10:38

lies and in

10:40

doing so and In

10:42

deciding the problems you want to solve

10:44

and the communities that we want to serve , and how , how

10:47

our brilliance provides

10:49

values , value to

10:52

and within the community , then

10:55

that's how we get innovation

10:57

, that's how we get fulfillment , that's

11:00

where we get connection . Again

11:02

, really , it's such an important

11:05

part and such an important

11:07

piece , I think , to do

11:09

creating a world

11:11

that has

11:13

a lot less violence , a lot less anger

11:16

, a lot less persuasion , a lot more

11:18

connection , a lot more

11:20

fulfillment . I mean , when we Think

11:23

about it , whenever we feel that

11:25

we're good at something , we

11:28

get that dopamine fix . Oh

11:30

you know it's amazing and and then

11:32

we feel light , we feel

11:34

open , we're excited

11:36

, we feel fulfilled . And If

11:39

we could shift the way

11:41

that we have traditionally

11:44

thought , been

11:46

taught to think it's

11:49

not any fault of our own , that's just

11:51

the way things fall . But

11:53

if we can consciously choose

11:56

a different paradigm , choose

11:58

the brilliant paradigm to see

12:00

own unlock and

12:03

launch our own brilliance into

12:05

the world , I

12:07

just honestly believe that the

12:10

world would . There would

12:12

be so much more collaboration , there

12:14

would be so much more fulfillment , there

12:16

would be so much more joy . Right

12:19

now , the way that the world is hurtling

12:21

towards anger and

12:23

violence and frustration , I

12:26

truly believe that

12:29

we are at a precipice , about

12:31

to pull off , if not

12:33

already hurtling down , that

12:36

we've got to do something to stop

12:39

it and the only thing that we can control

12:41

really are our sights and

12:43

what we feel and what we believe .

12:45

So I'm going to ask questions specifically

12:48

about you , because you

12:51

are your best test case in

12:53

this brilliant paradigm . You

12:56

are an incredibly

12:58

remarkable attorney

13:00

that has done business

13:03

worldwide . You

13:05

are acknowledged and recognized

13:08

for your achievements and

13:10

for your actions

13:13

on how you have served your

13:15

clients throughout your career . Most

13:17

people would look at that and say she's

13:20

doing what she intended . She's

13:22

doing what she was supposed to do . She's doing

13:25

what she was educated

13:27

to do . When did you realize

13:29

that that wasn't enough ?

13:30

Whoa , that's a good question

13:33

. So all

13:35

through . So it's funny . I became

13:37

a lawyer , funnily enough , because

13:40

I originally thought I was going to be a

13:42

human rights lawyer . As circumstance

13:44

would have it , that didn't quite

13:47

come to pass , even though that was still always

13:49

. Social justice issues and

13:52

human rights law was something that I was

13:54

always doing in the background in my spare time

13:56

. That said , the reason

13:58

I wanted to become a lawyer was because

14:00

I saw the law as

14:03

a means for social

14:05

change . I didn't know

14:08

, I was the first well , I'm the first and

14:10

only person in my family to be

14:12

a man , of human , to be a lawyer

14:14

but I thought that that's the way that

14:16

you make a change in society through

14:20

laws and

14:22

because laws help inform

14:25

people's behavior . Now fast

14:27

forward to law school . That very any

14:29

lawyer out there will know that that is very

14:31

much a different reality , generally

14:34

speaking , to what happens when you go

14:36

into law school . However

14:38

, law school the one thing

14:40

that law school does it gives you

14:42

a framework , a

14:45

way to see the world and to think

14:47

and to analyze and

14:49

make decisions and make choices

14:52

really as adults

14:54

, as people . What's

14:56

one of the things that we try

14:58

and learn how to do ? Make better decisions

15:01

. I've had a phenomenal

15:03

career . I have done

15:06

super exciting things in my career

15:08

, helping to resolve

15:11

disputes that

15:13

you can only imagine when you

15:15

open the Wall Street Journal or the

15:17

Financial Times and thinking , oh my gosh , it's

15:19

gonna be on my desk today Through

15:23

to helping people in other ways with

15:25

transactions , with disputes

15:27

, understanding the laws

15:30

and how not to get into trouble with the

15:32

law sort of preventative things

15:34

that people want to be able to do

15:36

. So it's

15:39

been wonderful and I've learned a tremendous

15:41

, tremendous amount . But what I always

15:43

realize , even through

15:46

the course of all of my career

15:48

, is that one

15:50

of the things I love doing is bringing people together

15:52

. One of the things I really love

15:54

doing is actually helping

15:57

people expand and

15:59

learn so that they

16:01

can be the best that they can be . You

16:03

can do that only so much

16:06

, I think , in different environments

16:08

. It's all been there , but I

16:10

felt that actually the

16:13

culmination of all of my experiences

16:15

having lived

16:18

in France , lived in the

16:20

PBI , lived in Russia

16:22

, lived in England and the

16:24

States that bringing

16:27

all of that together and everything that I've

16:29

learned and seeing actually

16:31

that there's far more that connects

16:33

us and makes us similar

16:35

than it does to buy this I

16:38

felt that it was , and

16:40

also in my career and experience

16:43

and seeing the extent to which so many

16:45

people men do

16:47

it . But I would say this is gonna

16:49

be a generalization Men do it less , but

16:52

women , and women

16:55

of color as well , tend to

16:58

and I'm guilty

17:00

of this as much as I'm a bubbly

17:02

happy person sort of dimming

17:05

my light . It's very easy

17:07

to do . Nobody wants

17:10

the rejection , nobody wants to necessarily

17:12

feel like , ooh , what if I'm

17:15

not liked ? What if I don't belong ? What if I say something

17:17

wrong ? What if I get it wrong

17:19

Right , then what ? And so

17:21

I think this writing

17:23

the book , as I say , as I've

17:26

come to realize , writing the book is

17:28

as much for me as

17:30

taking the courage to actually

17:33

bring out

17:35

what I have learned in all of these years

17:37

and the courage to do that which

17:39

, in many respects

17:41

, sort of , or conquer

17:44

that which , in many respects , I have

17:46

hidden me , but also as

17:48

a lesson to everybody

17:50

else , or at least just one person , if

17:52

one person can read

17:55

this book and learn

17:57

from it , learn the

17:59

ways , the ways that I have

18:02

learned to overcome

18:04

Right and the things

18:06

that oh I get , let's help me back

18:08

. And oh I get that I can choose

18:11

differently and , oh , I

18:13

Can expand

18:15

and elevate myself with the support

18:17

and community to expand what

18:19

I thought was even possible for myself

18:21

. If I can give that

18:23

to just one person , so

18:26

that they themselves Feel fulfilled

18:28

and can really start to

18:30

live as who they were truly meant

18:32

to be , then it

18:34

would be well worth it .

18:36

You know , what I hear , which is so

18:38

Exciting and encouraging

18:40

, is that you've lived an

18:43

amazing life , you've had an incredible

18:45

career , but there was always room

18:47

for more . Even though you

18:50

have done some things that we

18:52

can only imagine , only

18:55

imagine there was still more for

18:57

you to do and an even more fulfilling

18:59

way . What I'm hearing is that

19:01

you may live an incredible , exciting

19:04

life , but you still have potential

19:06

for more . Don't limit

19:08

yourself . That is exciting

19:10

, that is encouraging , and

19:12

I want to hear more about the

19:15

hows and whys of how

19:17

we start to figure out , if we

19:19

are turning our light down a little bit . So

19:22

give it . I obviously don't want to give the book away

19:24

. It's not . It's not out yet , but it will be

19:26

.

19:27

Give us some ideas on what this journey could

19:29

look like so one thing I wanted to

19:31

say was sort of continue

19:33

on what you were saying about just

19:35

there's always more . One

19:38

of the ways that I like to think for that is we

19:40

have chapters . Right , our life is like

19:42

a long book . We have chapters

19:44

, and each chapter , each

19:47

moment gives us the

19:49

same , each moments moment

19:51

gives us the opportunity to choose

19:53

who we want to be . One

19:56

story that I always tell is

19:58

that I have this neighbor , mr

20:01

Fisher grew up with Mr Fisher

20:03

. He happened to be the principal of

20:05

high school , but he lived down the street . Mr

20:08

Fisher is probably now

20:10

97 sharp

20:13

, as anything Sort

20:16

of really still mischievous

20:18

, funny , and I remember at

20:20

his 19th birthday party he

20:22

was boogieing on the dance floor

20:24

with people I mean just larger

20:27

than life . So Not

20:30

too long ago , I , you know , I always say

20:32

, oh , I want to be like mr Fisher

20:34

when I grow up . And

20:36

I just I asked him

20:38

a couple of years ago . I said so , mr

20:40

Fisher , what's the secret ? You're happy

20:43

, you know , he's still good , volunteer pre-covid

20:45

, he's still volunteer , yeah

20:47

, yeah , I mean really active . And

20:50

he just said I always stretch

20:52

yourself . And I think it goes back to

20:54

exactly what you were saying Don't

20:56

limit yourself it and and

20:59

for me that's always been it doesn't matter what

21:01

age you are , there are no shoulds

21:04

. We can sit there with

21:06

all of the shoulds we want to . But really

21:08

that what it doesn't have to look a certain

21:11

way , it really just does have

21:13

to work for each and

21:15

every one of us . It's what I've

21:17

been able to come up with . It's sort

21:19

of like in the book is sort of an acronym of

21:22

things of how

21:24

to go about this with the key important

21:26

things to really unlock

21:29

and own Rebellions , and

21:32

, and the acronym is sort of be

21:34

and care , be

21:37

and care , and I think those

21:39

two acronyms are sort of the

21:41

story . Even behind them is

21:44

the reason why be is because

21:46

we really need to be

21:49

our Authentic self . But

21:51

the be stands for the first

21:53

step to unlocking and owning

21:55

our balance is really to believe . Brilliance

21:58

is within us . We just have to be

22:01

willing to believe it , see it owner

22:03

and long term . And if you don't

22:05

believe , if you don't change your

22:08

mind , you can't move

22:10

forward . So the first step is actually

22:12

to believe . And then the E

22:14

stands for Expand and

22:16

elevate . We've got to

22:19

Connect

22:21

with each other and start

22:23

actively for

22:25

ourselves . This

22:28

is prime example what you were doing

22:30

right connecting

22:33

Amazing , incredible

22:35

women so that they

22:37

have their voice and they can share what

22:39

they know and their experience , so

22:41

that others can do it , so that we can support

22:44

each other , so that we can expand our

22:46

vision Field of vision of what we

22:48

know is possible , so that we can

22:50

then start connecting and then we elevate

22:53

. Because my belief is the

22:55

time that I spend with you , the time that I

22:57

spend with other people , what I learn

23:00

from other people and this has been

23:02

true , certainly in my experiences every

23:04

single country where I've gone to

23:06

and certainly where I've lived has it

23:09

has sold within

23:11

me a

23:13

deep part of

23:15

their culture , of their ideas , of their

23:17

thoughts , of their rituals that

23:19

has become

23:21

a true part of me and

23:23

that lives within me and how I live my life

23:25

. That's expanded me . Why

23:28

do we go to school ? Why do we get education

23:30

? Why do we know why

23:32

? Because we want to expand the

23:34

way that we think , because we want to elevate

23:36

ourselves . Okay , well , there's

23:39

more than one way to learn . Statistics

23:41

and sort of old sort of educational

23:44

thinking theory says

23:47

that experiential learning actually

23:50

is one of the most effective ways to

23:53

learn and engage . Well

23:55

, if I learn from you because we're

23:57

connecting and I have that

23:59

experience and I see how

24:01

that experience has expanded

24:03

you and what you've been able to do , and

24:06

I never thought of that before . Well

24:08

, well then I then grow and

24:11

then , if we continue , then we

24:13

just keep growing and growing and growing

24:15

as individuals , and

24:17

everybody keeps expanding and everybody

24:19

elevates , and then it becomes a win-win

24:22

situation and that's how innovation

24:24

comes , that's how collaboration comes

24:26

, new ideas , growth

24:28

, so the B and then

24:30

the care . The care aspect

24:33

of things is really

24:35

because we get to

24:37

stop caring for ourselves .

24:40

Isn't that funny that we have to give ourselves permission

24:43

to do that , which is it should be a natural

24:45

human instinct , but

24:47

it's not . And

24:50

women are again a generalization

24:53

, but women are probably more guilty of that than others

24:55

because we're so concerned about everybody

24:57

else that we're the last on our

24:59

list and if we don't have any energy left , it

25:02

doesn't get done .

25:03

Absolutely , and then if

25:05

it's not going to get done , it's okay

25:07

. If it doesn't get done for me , I

25:10

don't want to let other people down , so

25:14

I don't have time to go to the gym , I don't

25:16

have time to eat properly , I

25:18

don't have time to get eight hours

25:20

of sleep . I was the biggest

25:23

culprit of that . I thought sleep

25:25

was . I honestly believe that sleep was optional

25:27

. I don't want to miss out . There's like too much that needs

25:29

to be done .

25:30

Go , go , go , gotta go , you

25:32

and I must be related , because

25:36

there are many times that I have said out loud

25:39

if I didn't have to take time to sleep , I'd

25:41

have so much more done .

25:43

I guess I could sleep when I'm dead . Let's go

25:46

.

25:47

We're definitely related . I've said that too .

25:53

Oh gosh , you know , I

25:55

mean sort of I'm reminded , I don't

25:58

know . So I love music , I absolutely

26:00

love music . And I took my

26:02

daughter and a friend and

26:05

my sister . We all went to the

26:07

Lizzo concert and

26:09

we were like , oh , it was absolutely amazing , Talk

26:11

about history making . That was

26:13

the concert in Washington DC where

26:15

she played Madison's Crystal

26:17

Fruit . That had been played

26:19

. Oh my gosh , yeah

26:21

, yes , that one .

26:25

Oh my gosh , you were there for that .

26:26

We were there for that we were there for that

26:28

. It was so amazing , it was beautiful

26:31

. But she started that show

26:34

with when was the last

26:36

time you said sleep and climbed

26:38

to yourself ? What Exactly

26:40

exactly ? It hit

26:43

me that was just like oh

26:45

my gosh .

26:47

Yeah , oh , I got that same reaction . Were you saying

26:49

that I'm like , oh my gosh .

26:50

Care , care

26:53

, care , self-care , self-compassion

26:56

right , we

26:59

need that for our longevity

27:02

, we need that for our fulfillment

27:04

. If we don't start with ourselves

27:06

. You know it's so cliche

27:09

, the oxygen mask principle , right

27:11

, but we don't believe it , we don't

27:13

see it , and then we don't realize

27:15

just how

27:18

much negativity we feed

27:20

to ourselves about ourselves

27:23

, with our language , with our

27:25

behavior . And then what we

27:27

don't realize is

27:29

that actually often

27:31

the world is actually what's happening to

27:34

us around the world , in the world , is

27:36

actually often a reflection , a

27:38

mirror of what we deeply

27:41

, deeply believe or you don't

27:43

believe about ourselves . If

27:46

we don't take care of ourselves , why

27:48

should anybody else take care of us

27:50

? If we don't speak

27:53

up and have other people hear

27:55

our voices , why do we think

27:57

anybody is going to listen or tell us

27:59

to speak ? We've got to care for

28:01

ourselves . And so the sea really

28:04

starts for and this is kind of a big big

28:06

part of the book , which is courageously

28:09

choosing rules and beliefs that serve us we

28:12

kind of go rote , we just go like

28:14

row-walks , right . We don't even

28:16

realize those rules and beliefs

28:18

that you get

28:21

from your family , from

28:24

your culture , from

28:26

your DNA . Have you ever noticed

28:28

like somebody say oh , my goodness , when

28:31

you do that . It's just like your grandmother right

28:34

, like you don't even know somebody who you may

28:36

not even have met , some long lost

28:38

relative , that you've long gone

28:40

relative , and somebody says , oh

28:42

my gosh , she's just beating it . Oh , she does that

28:44

same , that same thing

28:46

that you know . These

28:49

are all things . It's not our fault at

28:51

all . but these are all

28:53

things that just happen . But

28:56

we owe it to us , those two

28:58

, to really take a step back and

29:00

really interrogate all

29:02

of those things and then courageously and

29:04

I say courageously because it does

29:06

take courage to

29:08

choose to sort of decide which ones

29:10

are we gonna keep and which ones

29:12

are actually . Which ones are we gonna

29:14

keep because they serve us and which ones are we going to

29:16

let go because they don't .

29:18

But those take bravery . Yeah , oh

29:20

cool , because it could be innate , it could

29:23

be something that . It

29:25

could be something that definitely

29:28

goes against what you've been taught

29:30

, oh yeah , and may have a negative reaction

29:32

and ripple through your family . Mm-hmm

29:34

. You have to be brave enough to walk away from that .

29:37

Absolutely , absolutely , one

29:40

of the big ones that I've realized for us

29:42

in our family . And this is interrogating

29:46

, and I was like whoa , this is

29:48

so deep , I can't believe it . So

29:50

our last name it's

29:53

actually taken from my grandfather

29:55

. Our last name is

29:57

my family's , originally from Nigeria , and

29:59

so it's kind of a shortened

30:02

version of and the meaning

30:04

is , effectively , we have

30:06

something to do . And I've been

30:08

thinking about that oh my gosh

30:10

, we

30:12

live our name . We

30:15

live our name . We are anybody

30:18

in our family . People will say , oh my

30:20

gosh , you cannot find people who work

30:22

harder . We will work

30:25

ourselves to the core , to the bone

30:27

. We don't know how to take breaks

30:29

, we don't . I mean it is . I was

30:31

like , oh my gosh , we live our name . But

30:33

even sometimes to the point where we're

30:36

just completely exhausted

30:39

and for me , I've

30:41

had several iterations of that I

30:45

ended up in hospital with my blood

30:47

pressure so sky high that the doctors

30:49

are kind of like , if you step out of this hospital , you're going

30:51

to stroke out . And I'm like , oh no , no , no , I feel fine

30:53

. I mean total denial

30:56

, like no , we have stuff to

30:58

do , no , we have plans

31:00

. And the true story

31:02

true story , I literally told them . I

31:05

said , oh no , but we I've organized

31:07

all of these friends getting together . Um

31:09

no , let's sort of , I'll come

31:11

back tomorrow . I literally said I'll come back tomorrow

31:14

. And they were like do ? you not understand what we've said

31:16

. I'm like I feel fine . I'm

31:18

like , do you not understand , if you walk out

31:20

of this hospital you

31:23

could stroke out . You've got to

31:25

stay . It's just this kind of

31:27

it's this belief that I've

31:29

got to go , I've got to work , I've

31:31

got to do Um , and it's taken

31:33

years . It has taken

31:35

years and times

31:38

when just been stressed out

31:40

in my mind and physical manifestations

31:43

of that for me to kind

31:45

of say , actually , how

31:48

true is it to be successful

31:50

? Like , yeah , you definitely work hard . No

31:53

, it depends . What's about that ? I still believe

31:55

that . But really , to the bone

31:57

, to the core , where you're not really

31:59

looking after yourself , where you're not being kind to

32:01

yourself , how true is

32:03

that ? And when I think about it , like other

32:05

people are able to do it right

32:07

and be perfectly successful

32:09

, we just haven't learned how to put

32:11

up successful boundaries , At

32:14

least until now .

32:16

I have learned . Now . That

32:20

is the gift of getting

32:23

into your late 40s and 50s . You

32:25

suddenly get this gift of oh

32:27

, I don't have to do this anymore

32:30

.

32:32

And I think that's where , in part with age

32:34

, that's where the courage comes from , because at that

32:36

point you're like I don't give .

32:43

I don't care , I don't care . So

32:46

is there for the acronym , the

32:49

C is courage .

32:52

So this C is courageously choose rules

32:54

and beliefs that serve you .

32:56

Okay , I'm taking notes for everybody

32:58

, so I can make sure that I have this in the show notes

33:01

, but everybody else doesn't have to .

33:04

Okay . The

33:06

A is act . It's really important

33:08

that we take action , that we take action

33:10

now and that in times

33:12

when we get that

33:15

imposter syndrome , when we get

33:17

that fear and think that it's not

33:19

possible , that's when it's time to

33:21

visualize , okay , who does

33:24

and let's act as it , and

33:27

then also , acting consistently with your values

33:29

, there's nothing more frustrating . What

33:32

I have found is that , more often

33:34

than not , if you get frustrated

33:36

or really angry at something that somebody has done

33:39

, it's

33:41

normally because it's offended some

33:43

deep core value that you have . And

33:45

so the more that we can

33:47

act consistently with the values

33:49

and surround ourselves with

33:51

people who act consistently

33:54

with our values , the

33:56

more we're able to

33:58

be open and

34:00

sort of the R is rewriting

34:03

that narrative . You

34:05

have the power to rewrite your narrative , and

34:08

the other E is really enjoying

34:10

the journey .

34:11

Oh , I want you to say that again , because

34:14

many of us forget

34:16

that we're so concerned

34:18

with the finish line , we

34:21

forget the in between . So

34:23

I really want you to . I want everybody

34:25

to hear more about enjoying

34:27

the journey .

34:29

You're right , you are absolutely right , alja , we

34:32

are sort of again , it's that gotta

34:34

go , gotta go , speed , get

34:36

to the end . What's next ? What's next ? And

34:39

we never and two things . We

34:41

never stop to , or

34:44

rarely , I don't want to rarely

34:46

do we stop to think

34:49

about conscious insights that we've

34:51

gained from the journey . Those

34:53

insights have been the most

34:55

profound , the

34:57

most valuable

35:00

things , because they also

35:02

help you interrogate oh well

35:04

, why did that work ? Oh , that

35:06

worked really well . Oh , that didn't work

35:08

so well . Maybe I don't want to do that again , but

35:11

if we're always so busy going and chasing

35:13

the next thing , the next thing

35:15

and the next thing , that's all we're doing

35:17

. We're wasting

35:19

time , killing time right

35:22

, racing through it's , taking that step

35:24

back , drinking in what

35:26

we're experiencing . Take

35:29

the feelings , truly the

35:31

feelings that we've had

35:33

observed . Why do I feel

35:35

this way ? What's made me feel this way

35:37

, whether it's a positive feeling

35:40

or one that kind of brings

35:42

out more negative emotions ? Again

35:45

, knowledge is power , knowledge

35:47

is data , and it can inform our

35:49

decisions on how we go . This is what a friend

35:51

of mine always said . She would say well , if I have

35:53

to be there anyway , I may as well have a good time . So

35:56

, and we have again choice

35:58

, we , if we're going along

36:00

on this ride called life

36:03

, then why not enjoy

36:05

it ? Find something to enjoy

36:07

. The other thing is , what I like to say

36:09

is what you see grows

36:11

If what we're doing is only focusing

36:13

on the negative , or negative

36:16

self-talk , or after , in

36:18

a work situation , after presentation

36:20

, after you've done something , and you don't even

36:22

take the time to acknowledge

36:25

how well you've done it and you're like oh

36:27

, I missed that , oh , I didn't say that

36:29

, oh , I should have done this , oh , and

36:31

you know we start berating ourselves

36:33

. I do it , I'm the worst

36:36

, so much so that I instituted this

36:38

rule , and I also institute this rule for clients

36:40

as well . Is it a coaching and leadership

36:42

plan ? I kind of say , okay , well

36:45

, we're going to do a little bit of practice this For

36:47

the next week . Anytime you do something

36:50

, you're going to take 27 to

36:52

30 seconds and

36:54

praise yourself . You've just got to acknowledge

36:56

oh , this is what I did . Well , nine

36:58

times out of 10 , the first couple of times

37:00

they do it they come back . Clients come

37:02

back and say I couldn't do 30

37:05

seconds , like they can't go through

37:07

a whole 30 seconds before something negative

37:09

comes in . Right , it's

37:11

a skill , it's a muscle to be built

37:14

. So teaching ourselves how

37:16

to enjoy the journey , how

37:18

to enjoy ourselves , because

37:20

time is sort of time , life

37:23

is short . The pandemic in particular

37:25

has taught us that , as almost

37:28

everybody I know or have ever

37:30

has been touched by a pandemic

37:32

, definitely somewhere or another , and we

37:35

all too often forget how

37:37

fragile life is and how

37:39

unpredictable it is . And

37:41

yet we tend to live it as

37:43

if there's an infinite amount of

37:45

time .

37:46

I can say that with it , a very fresh perspective

37:49

, especially as mothers , because we

37:51

think that time just goes on

37:53

forever , because the

37:55

days feel so long

37:58

and they are . I'm

38:00

not going to tell you that they're not . We

38:02

have some very , very long days , but

38:04

I will share with you all . Most

38:08

everybody has heard that my daughter got married

38:10

in April . Congratulations and

38:12

thank you . It took

38:15

more out of me emotionally than I expected

38:17

and this is why exactly what we're talking

38:19

about time , and I didn't realize

38:21

how fast time went until

38:23

we were sitting at her bridal shower

38:25

and one of the sisters

38:28

the sisters-in-law to be had

38:31

gone unbeknownst to me , unbeknownst

38:33

to my daughter , and had found

38:36

all of these pictures of

38:38

her when she was little and

38:40

she went and found them . She was brilliant

38:42

. She went and found them off of Facebook pictures

38:44

I had posted so many years ago . I had forgotten

38:46

about it , and she brought them all up and she did

38:48

a slideshow and there was a picture

38:51

of her when she was two and I lost

38:53

it . I lost it there

38:55

and I cried for about six weeks

38:58

. I cried from that moment up

39:00

to the wedding and a couple weeks

39:02

after it , because time went

39:04

so fast , because

39:08

I thought to myself you were just

39:11

two and now you're getting

39:13

married . But you're saying that

39:15

because time goes fast . We

39:17

owe it to ourselves and

39:20

to everybody around us to

39:22

enjoy the moment .

39:24

Slow it down . Slow it down

39:26

, drink it in right

39:29

, so that we can hold on to those feelings

39:31

, hold on to those memories . And

39:34

yeah , we've got

39:36

to slow it down .

39:38

I want to say first of all , I

39:40

cannot believe . We are just

39:43

about out of time . Believe it or not

39:45

, I've been . That's what I do is I clock

39:47

watch because I want to make sure that we don't run

39:50

over and we are almost out of time , but

39:52

I have left enough time because

39:54

I want you to have

39:57

an opportunity to do a couple of things

39:59

. First , I want the audience to

40:01

know where they can reach you and

40:04

when the book will

40:06

be published , because I am dying

40:09

to read this book .

40:10

I'm so excited . What I absolutely

40:13

love . I love connecting

40:15

with people , I love coaching people

40:18

. Anybody in the audience

40:20

wonderful , who would like to , they

40:22

can reach me . And if they're interested

40:24

in finding out more about the book , getting

40:26

updates and things like that , you

40:29

can reach me on wwwTheBrillianceParadigmcom

40:33

. And just

40:36

in there , I've come up with this

40:38

amazing checklist , free giveaway

40:40

checklist for the audience , so

40:42

that you can get a sense

40:45

of are you doing the things

40:47

that you should be doing to

40:49

unlock and own your brilliance , and

40:51

it's a great tool and guide . Check

40:54

it out , see it , fill

40:56

it out . Let me know what you think , let me know

40:58

how many insights that people

41:00

find from it and just connect . They

41:03

can connect at wwwTheBrillianceParadigmcom

41:06

.

41:07

So I will make sure that her website is linked

41:09

in the show notes so you can go

41:11

directly out from the show notes to

41:13

her website , and I can attest

41:15

that she will answer all of her emails

41:18

. Take advantage

41:20

of her knowledge and

41:22

her depth of wisdom , because

41:25

there is so much that

41:27

we are holding ourselves back from , and

41:30

Volme just puts it into perspective

41:32

to help us get ourselves back on track . So

41:34

, then , second thing that I want

41:36

you to do is this is the

41:38

time where I get to step back from the mic without

41:41

me interjecting , and I want you to

41:43

have a private moment directly

41:46

with the audience , to leave with them

41:48

a lasting thought for

41:50

them to carry with them throughout their days

41:53

Everybody .

41:54

I just want to say thank you so much for

41:56

listening , for being open

41:58

to hearing what I have to say

42:00

. Really , I just would

42:03

love for each and every

42:05

person listening to know

42:07

and understand that you are

42:09

unique . You are the sum

42:12

of your ancestors

42:14

, your experiences , your DNA , society

42:16

, culture , everything you

42:18

have so much to give

42:21

. Your brilliance is within you . You

42:23

just have to believe and

42:25

have the courage to be willing

42:28

to see it , own it and know it

42:30

.

42:30

Okay , everyone , she's giving you permission

42:33

to go out and reclaim

42:35

your brilliance .

42:37

Oh , it's a challenge , more than oh

42:39

, it's a challenge . What's a dare ? I

42:41

dare you .

42:43

Even better , even better . Okay

42:46

, she's daring you all to go reclaim

42:48

your brilliance , because you've got it . You

42:50

absolutely have it . It's there . You

42:52

just misplaced it for a little bit , so

42:55

go find it . Exactly Bowming

42:57

, thank you so much

42:59

for spending this time with me today . I have

43:02

enjoyed every minute that I get

43:04

to spend with you , this recording and

43:06

outside of it . You are such

43:08

an amazing , incredible woman . As

43:10

I have said to you before we came on , I feel

43:12

like I've known you my entire life , so

43:14

thank you for being here with me and with

43:17

the audience and sharing with

43:19

all of them your precious

43:21

gift .

43:22

Oh , thank you so much

43:24

. You know , it's always such

43:27

a beautiful , wonderful pleasure to spend

43:29

time with you . And , you

43:31

know , thank you for bringing

43:33

all of these amazing

43:35

women together to support

43:38

each other and grow and

43:40

bring wisdom to each other . And , as

43:42

you know , it's always a wonderful

43:44

, wonderful pleasure to spend time with you .

43:47

Thank you , thank you , thank

43:49

you . This is my . This is me

43:51

reclaiming my brilliance . I am

43:53

trying to fulfill , turning

43:56

my light on and everybody

43:58

else that I get to talk to and touch through

44:01

this medium .

44:02

Oh , you're doing more than trying , audra . You're

44:05

succeeding , you're succeeding .

44:08

I'll take it . I'll take it . I

44:10

want to thank all of you again for

44:12

listening with me this week and

44:15

we'll see you again next time .