0:00

You are not a

0:00

victim of American capitalism,

0:03

you know what you are is a

0:03

victim of other people telling

0:06

you how your day should be focus

0:06

on your family and your

0:11

lifestyle, build the lifestyle

0:11

you want to live. In our case,

0:14

it comes down to I'm gonna spend

0:14

less time working on XYZ and

0:17

more time with the family.

0:17

Because if I got hit by a bus

0:19

tomorrow, I wouldn't be like, Oh, I wish I spent more time working.

0:22

I think we're used to the schedule prior to this rule that we're living in

0:24

where you go to school between

0:26

these hours, you work between

0:26

these hours, and then you do

0:29

this, you did that. But it

0:29

doesn't have to be that anymore.

0:32

You know, with us working and

0:32

having a business from home, and

0:35

then having the kids at home.

0:35

Like I know, school is

0:37

traditionally between 730 in the

0:37

morning and 230 in the

0:41

afternoon, but we're gonna we're

0:41

gonna do it differently.

0:45

That clip you

0:45

just heard was from Theresa and

0:48

Owen hem set, better known as

0:48

Teresa and Owen video. Together,

0:53

they run a video marketing

0:53

business where they help people

0:56

grow successful YouTube

0:56

channels. They also have some

1:00

really fun family friendly skit

1:00

content on Tick Tock and

1:04

Instagram, we're going to talk

1:04

about that. But in today's

1:06

episode, we dive deep into how

1:06

to maintain a strong marriage

1:11

while growing a business and

1:11

raising a family. So much to

1:15

talk about in this episode, we

1:15

are gonna jump right into it. So

1:19

cue the intro. Welcome

1:22

to working home parents

1:22

helping you find stability

1:26

between client calls, and potty

1:26

training. Because we're all

1:30

figuring this out as we go. And

1:30

now your hosts Amanda and Dan

1:35

Norton.

1:40

Hi, Teresa, and

1:40

oh, and welcome to working home

1:43

parents podcast. Thanks so much

1:43

for joining us today.

1:47

So yeah, super

1:47

glad to be here. So

1:49

good to be

1:52

off. We're really

1:52

happy to be here. And we praise

1:56

the Lord for programs like this.

1:56

Why? No intros you guys in the

2:04

in the beginning in the

2:04

introduction. But I'm so excited

2:06

to be able to have you both

2:06

Owen, you've been a mentor,

2:10

friend, to me as a guide. Not

2:10

only just in business, but as a

2:18

father husband, a man, a fellow

2:18

follower of Christ. Yeah. So

2:25

over over the years, I mean,

2:25

it's crazy how fast all this

2:28

gone. It's, it's I know, it

2:28

seems like for a long time, and

2:33

we have we've gone through like

2:33

your business, we've gone

2:35

through marriage, we've gone

2:35

through just walking with the

2:39

Lord together. And, you know,

2:39

it's I'll tell you this, as far

2:43

as the podcast is concerned,

2:43

it's about time. You know, I was

2:48

so glad to see you guys putting

2:48

together producing this show.

2:50

Because it's a, it's a good

2:50

show. And it needs to be out

2:54

there. But also because, you

2:54

know, just seeing where you've

2:57

come from, like watching how

2:57

you've sort of grown in the

3:00

community and develop the

3:00

reputation for yourself. Like,

3:03

it's it's time for you to do

3:03

your own thing. And not just be

3:09

the guy holding someone else's

3:09

camera, man. Yeah, that's and

3:14

that's what was exciting about

3:14

being able to do this. We have

3:16

parent pacifier, we're

3:16

relaunching things there and

3:19

doing some video work there. But

3:19

it's so fun as a couple to be

3:22

able to do these kind of

3:22

interviews and talk to other

3:25

parents and have just a

3:25

conversational flow and it's

3:29

exciting like that and to hear

3:29

others who are encouraged by

3:32

this as well is is really

3:32

exciting and like we said we're

3:37

really excited to be able to

3:37

have you on today because of you

3:40

both operate and run a business

3:40

from home. Both parents have

3:45

multiple children and you know

3:45

being married and doing all this

3:49

under the same roof. We have one

3:49

kid and it's already crazy. I

3:53

can't imagine having multiple

3:53

and trying to figure out one kid

3:58

right like Amanda Come on like a

3:58

lower cut something or other

4:05

here's the thing when you have a

4:05

second child you now can leave

4:09

the kids alone for like a little

4:09

bit of time. They can play with

4:12

each other and then learn these

4:12

social skills you know what I

4:14

mean? It's it's like I think so

4:14

important for kids and we see a

4:19

lot of couples your guys's age

4:19

sort of doing the one kid thing

4:22

for four or five years and

4:22

that's great that's I'm not here

4:25

to like you know criticize that

4:25

or whatever but and I'm talking

4:28

to you Willie I know you're

4:28

listening to this right now.

4:30

It's time for you guys have a

4:30

second baby you know because

4:33

then that means five and you

4:33

have a new baby and and the

4:36

plate like the peer pneus isn't

4:36

there you know we had our kids

4:39

back to back to back and I

4:39

wouldn't even we only one of our

4:42

pregnancies was planned. And and

4:42

even that was different cuz we

4:48

we actually had a miscarriage

4:48

first. And it took us a while to

4:52

like want to re engage in that

4:52

type of I mean, it felt like a

4:55

risk. Yeah, that time I want my

4:55

heart broken again. Yeah, yeah,

4:58

exactly. Like what if we're

4:58

never supposed To have kids, you

5:00

know, and whatnot, but, you

5:00

know, all of our kids came

5:03

pretty much back to back to back. And they're all in the same peer group, which means

5:05

when, when they go over to the

5:08

neighbor's house, they can all

5:08

go to the neighbor's house, you

5:10

know, and they're, they're all

5:10

within the same sort of cartoon

5:14

range and, and, and toy range

5:14

and makes Christmas cheaper, you

5:18

know, types of things, but it's

5:18

just one of the things that we I

5:22

think, stumbled upon. I came

5:22

from a family of five kids, and

5:26

we were all close in age. And

5:26

you know, I preferred that I

5:29

think that that I would prefer that as well. When we

5:31

got married. I

5:31

actually, when we got married, I

5:34

already had a son. So he was an

5:34

instant stepdad. Yeah. And I

5:37

remember, he looked at me and

5:37

said, I want to have 10 kids.

5:42

Yeah. And I looked at them. And

5:42

I go, let's just see how you do

5:46

with this first one. Yeah. We'll

5:46

talk about it.

5:49

But I was like, I

5:49

want to have my own kid. Thank

5:51

you very much. I know.

5:53

And he's like,

5:53

you know, maybe 10 would be a

5:55

lot. Yeah, it's

5:57

true. I did, I did

5:57

go into marriage wanting 10

6:00

kids, I wanted a bunch of kids.

6:00

And I wanted to be that guy. I

6:04

wanted to be that family. I

6:04

wanted to have like a mega van.

6:07

You know, but I also wanted to

6:07

be sort of like, the family like

6:12

the big family that didn't have

6:12

hand me down clothes, right.

6:16

Like I knew big families growing

6:16

up and and it was like, they

6:21

were always sort of poor. They

6:21

had a poor ness to that, you

6:25

know, like, hand me down

6:25

clothes, oversized clothes, the

6:29

youngest always had, like, you

6:29

know, crumbs on his face, the

6:32

van was destroyed. And I was

6:32

like, you know, I love big

6:35

families. But I would love to be

6:35

a big family that that isn't

6:38

like that, you know, that has

6:38

you know that that we're all the

6:41

food gets taken out of the car?

6:41

Every time we are. And you know,

6:46

yeah, Jays go on an adventure.

6:46

They're good friends of ours.

6:49

They've got a bunch of kids. And

6:49

I feel like they do it really

6:51

well. And but as we as I got

6:51

into, like, two, three kids, I

6:55

was like, you know, like, I'm

6:55

exhausted. So we decided to

7:01

actually stop at three. And we

7:01

took that in prayer. And we just

7:07

asked God like, hey, God, like,

7:07

Is it okay with you? If we stop

7:09

at three? And we wouldn't care?

7:09

We really didn't hear anything

7:13

back. You know, we searched the

7:13

scriptures like we were looking

7:15

and like looking for that thing

7:15

as thou shalt be okay with three

7:17

kids. I don't know what we were looking for.

7:20

Clarity there.

7:20

The reason why one of the big

7:23

reasons wasn't really because

7:23

this is tiring. It was because

7:26

I'd actually have three c

7:26

sections. Yeah, at this. And

7:30

each c section was more

7:30

difficult surgery, the recovery

7:34

was getting harder by the third one I was there.

7:36

Now you're making me not want another one because I had a C section. So

7:40

just story

7:40

because it God is so good. So

7:43

um, you know, we wanted a girl,

7:43

we were at three boys. But after

7:47

the third c section being so

7:47

hard, it was like, Well, you

7:50

know, I got to be a good steward

7:50

of my body. Like, yes, we're

7:53

supposed to be fruitful and multiply. But like, if there's no mama there to help raise the

7:55

kids, like, you know, what

7:59

should we do? So we decided to

7:59

have one have a discectomy. And,

8:05

you know, we just like, well, I guess it's not gonna have our girl maybe one day we'll adopt

8:07

or something like that. And six

8:11

months later,

8:12

we got a little

8:12

girl. Yeah, yeah, she's in here

8:14

right now disobeying. She's our

8:14

joy, she she brings a pink to a

8:22

very blue family and it is so

8:22

wonderful. And it makes us

8:26

realize how you know, important

8:26

our children are and how

8:30

important gender is, you know,

8:30

there there is a very clear

8:35

biological difference born

8:37

very feminine. And

8:39

yeah. You know, it

8:39

gives us a good sense of mission

8:43

and purpose in raising our kids

8:43

and raising them to be who they

8:47

were born to be not, you know,

8:47

what we intend for them to be or

8:51

what we could turn them into to

8:51

get, you know, more prestige

8:55

from certain circles, like, you

8:55

know, we being a parent is, is

8:58

being a general in an army and

8:58

every day, you know, you got to

9:01

prepare them for battle. And,

9:01

and the hardest part is, is that

9:04

you can't ever tell them it's a

9:04

battle. It's like that movie.

9:08

Life is beautiful. We came back

9:08

I said 20 year old movie, but

9:11

really phenomenal piece where

9:11

the guy was a Jew and he was

9:15

him. He was shepherding his

9:15

child through Nazi internment

9:18

camps. And he made it seem like

9:18

a game to his kid the entire

9:22

way. And that's even though they

9:22

were in this horrible scenario,

9:25

and that's sort of like

9:25

parenting, it's like you're you

9:28

are in battle with your kids but

9:28

you have to make them feel like

9:31

every day is a journey into the

9:31

imaginary world of make believe

9:34

and, and that's a delicate

9:34

balance and I think something

9:38

that parents need to be trained

9:38

in because we we tend to wake up

9:41

and and and read the Twitter

9:41

feeds and then take that energy

9:44

into our morning with our kids.

9:44

And then when the kids come

9:46

home, we're you know, scroll or

9:46

have our day and we're kind of

9:51

now going through the negativity

9:51

of our day like we have to be

9:54

able to take off your dad hat,

9:54

put on your Mr. Rogers shoes and

9:58

and make the leave with your

9:58

kids. You know To give them that

10:00

childhood experience, and so we,

10:00

we try to do that as often as we

10:03

can. Yeah, that's something that

10:03

comes up a lot with it with what

10:06

the conversations we have is

10:06

just the intentionality that you

10:09

need to have, with, with doing

10:09

things with leading with

10:14

spending time and actually having fun, because it's so easy, especially when you're

10:16

working at home to be so focused

10:19

on all the things that you need

10:19

to get done. Yeah, and all the

10:22

things that need to happen that

10:22

are important. But having fun

10:25

with your kids, and leading your

10:25

kids is all equally as

10:28

important. And it's harder when

10:28

they're younger, you know, like,

10:30

um, you know, when they're still

10:30

sort of in diapers, I mean, it's

10:35

fun to get on the ground, and

10:35

sort of like, you know, jiggle

10:40

the bellies a little bit, but

10:40

like, as an adult, it gets old

10:42

pretty quick. And so you have to

10:42

find, Yes, true, you know, you

10:48

know, like, my sister just had a

10:48

baby, and he's beautiful, and

10:51

he's gorgeous, and, and, and

10:51

whatnot. But I'm not like, Oh,

10:54

can I hold him for an hour,

10:54

like, that's not me, but she's

10:57

more like that, when it's your

10:57

own kid. You know, it's for me,

11:02

it gets a little bit harder. And

11:02

so you have to kind of find ways

11:06

to to stimulate your own mind

11:06

while playing a game with them.

11:12

As they get older, my boys are

11:12

older now. And so they can play

11:15

catch, and, and they can play

11:15

football with me, you know,

11:17

they're, they're in the upper

11:17

realms of elementary school. And

11:22

that's a wonderful age to be at.

11:22

But when they were younger, I

11:24

had to really get creative,

11:24

because it's easy to put them in

11:27

front of like Dora the Explorer,

11:27

and let them veg out on TV, we

11:31

did not want to raise our kids

11:31

that way we wanted our kids to

11:34

like not even know what TV was

11:34

until, you know, it was actually

11:38

a cancer that we started putting

11:38

them in front of Sesame Street

11:40

every day. And because I just

11:40

didn't have the energy for it.

11:44

I mean, at that

11:44

time, I was teaching full time.

11:46

Yeah, I wasn't in the business

11:46

yet. So he was the one who was

11:50

getting the kids up getting

11:50

ready, you know, for you know,

11:53

for the day taking them to

11:53

daycare or to school, depending

11:55

on where they were at. Yeah.

11:56

And then I would go to chemo and then I would go to chemo for like four hours and

11:58

then come back home, you know,

12:01

sick as a dog, and you got to

12:01

continue to, to play. So you

12:06

know, little games that we would

12:06

play for example was I would

12:09

take Lego Lego characters and

12:09

hide them throughout the house,

12:13

right. And so the whole idea was

12:13

you got to come home and I'll do

12:16

hot, warm cold while you're

12:16

trying to find your your your

12:19

Lego guys. And that became this

12:19

big thing that we actually

12:22

would, would take out. And this

12:22

is a great way to actually keep

12:25

your kids in line at the store

12:25

to like, we went to IKEA and I

12:27

did the same thing. I took the

12:27

Lego guys. and hang on Benjamin,

12:31

please leave the room. It's

12:31

amazing to me, like they don't

12:35

want our attention until we get

12:35

on a podcast.

12:38

interesting how

12:38

that interrupted like yesterday,

12:40

I was on a team call. And my

12:40

older son comes in and he's

12:44

like, I have something really important. I'm like, I'm on a team call right now. Like it can

12:46

wait. He's like, yes, but I have

12:49

my list of Halloween costumes.

12:49

And I really think about like,

12:53

priorities.

12:55

Well, that's the

12:55

importance of their world, right

12:58

for those things, that's really

12:58

big deal in their world. And

13:00

that's how you know, you're a good parent, you know, like, when the most important thing to

13:02

your child right now is like

13:05

your approval on a Halloween

13:05

costume. You know, you're I

13:08

think that you're on the road to good parenting, you know, because they want your approval,

13:10

I mean it, they want your

13:12

approval, and they you you

13:12

matter to them where, you know,

13:15

when I was a kid I didn't have

13:15

the the kinds of parents that I

13:20

think we are in fact that's been

13:20

a big motivator for me is to not

13:24

be like my parents. And and

13:24

that's, you know, that's not to

13:26

say I'm not trying to knock my

13:26

parents like, my dad is a great

13:29

dad, I think that he had a very

13:29

challenging marriage as a kid,

13:33

you don't understand that. My

13:33

mom has since become estranged

13:37

from the family, she's a

13:37

prescription drug addict, living

13:40

somewhere on somebody's couch

13:40

somewhere in the country. You

13:43

know, and and so that's what her

13:43

thing was. And my goal was

13:46

always to get things past my

13:46

parents, like, I didn't want

13:48

their approval, I didn't need

13:48

their approval. And yet inside,

13:52

you're actually dying for it.

13:52

You know what I mean? You don't

13:54

realize until you're older, but

13:54

the fact that they want our

13:56

approval, you know, and they

13:56

want us to be involved in things

14:00

I think tells me that we're

14:00

doing a pretty, pretty good job.

14:03

So, you know, playing games with

14:03

your kids and get creative, you

14:07

know, is that's kind of our

14:07

point. And it can be as simple

14:09

as just hiding Lego figures, you

14:09

know, somewhere in the store,

14:13

you know, I'd walk into the

14:13

store. And as soon as we walked

14:16

into the store, I'll put a Lego

14:16

figure behind something I you

14:19

know, no one's gonna find it.

14:19

But then I just hot warm colder,

14:22

and then their attention is is

14:22

on that while mom is dealing

14:26

with the salesperson and buying

14:26

the couch. And, and and doing

14:29

all those things. And you know

14:29

what, they they still ask me to

14:33

play that game. They don't

14:33

realize it wouldn't be over them

14:35

anymore, because they're older

14:35

now. But they remember how they

14:38

felt when we were playing it.

14:38

Yeah, like how did those Lego

14:41

figures get in the store? You

14:41

know, they have no idea and so

14:45

you know, as a parent, you have

14:45

to think beyond your your day to

14:48

day and think about the get into

14:48

the mind of a child.

14:50

I love that.

14:50

Thank you for sharing that tip.

14:53

I'm totally going to use that.

14:53

When we bring Aiden back to the

14:55

stores. We're still kind of

14:55

hesitant I'm bringing him

14:58

everywhere at this point. But uh

14:58

I like to keep him entertained.

15:04

That's, you know, just

15:05

yeah, just give

15:05

them food and then you're

15:08

conditioning them that if they

15:08

act unsatisfied then food or, or

15:12

phone, you know, like, I I don't

15:12

believe I and we differ on this

15:18

you know, I'll come home and I

15:18

see my daughter on the phone and

15:20

it's like, okay, one hour max

15:20

and the no more phone for the

15:23

day like she needs to go get her

15:23

knees dirty, she needs to go dig

15:27

in the in the dirt or and if she

15:27

doesn't want to do that she can

15:29

sit outside and pout, you know

15:29

you have to as a parent, be

15:33

willing to to hone your kids off

15:33

of the electronics in order to

15:40

encourage them to foster their

15:40

own creativity. Yet, it's not up

15:45

to you, the parent to make sure

15:45

that your kids are happy in the

15:50

paradise that they were born in.

15:50

I tell them all to my mother, my

15:53

wife all the time, stop selling

15:53

them paradise like was, well

15:56

we're having pumpkin pie

15:56

tonight. Boom, boom. And she's

16:01

like, Yeah, but it's yummy. And

16:01

you loved it last, like stop

16:05

selling them paradise. If they

16:05

don't want my pie, they don't

16:08

have to eat my pie. In fact, I

16:08

think it's time for bed early

16:11

tonight. You know, our

16:15

dynamic our kids,

16:17

our kids as

16:17

Americans, our kids are growing

16:19

up in the most like luxurious

16:19

period in all of human history.

16:24

And sometimes you have to like

16:24

kick your bird out of the nest

16:29

and let them discover the beauty

16:29

of the world on their own and

16:32

they're going to kick rocks for

16:32

the first couple of days they're

16:34

going to say this sucks Give me

16:34

the phone. I want this entertain

16:37

me entertain me but after a

16:37

while they're going to find a

16:40

stick you know my Benjamin he'll

16:40

find a stick and that stick

16:43

becomes his best friend for two

16:43

weeks really

16:45

does it really

16:45

does. But we know creativity

16:48

really comes from problem

16:48

solving. Right? Like that's what

16:50

it's it's born from. So you have

16:50

to have a problem first in order

16:54

for any creativity to happen so

16:57

now my James is

16:57

more likely to lead a rebellion

16:59

against the parents like he's

16:59

more likely like to come back in

17:03

with like a Rambo thing on his

17:03

head and you know, with it with

17:06

that same stick and he's like

17:06

Come on, guys, you know, all the

17:12

neighborhood kids are shirtless,

17:12

and, and and all that. But I'm

17:16

sort of teasing he just might

17:16

James is so imaginative. And I

17:21

don't even want to disturb his

17:21

playtime like he, he literally

17:24

he'll come home and all the boys

17:24

in the backyard will be playing

17:26

some game that's half wrestling

17:26

and half something else. But

17:31

they're all having such a good

17:31

time that you feel like

17:34

disturbing, it would actually be

17:34

to kind of like bring them out

17:37

of Narnia. And it's just like,

17:37

let's play. Yeah, we had a box

17:41

sitting around here. That was

17:41

the ugliest thing that got so

17:43

destroyed for like three weeks

17:43

or more maybe, and we felt bad

17:47

throwing it out. But the thing

17:47

got so destroyed, but he played

17:50

with that for a long time. Yeah,

17:50

you throw it out when it becomes

17:53

a health hazard. You know, I one

17:53

of the greatest things on you

17:57

know, we have an Instagram

17:57

channel called my family video.

18:00

And it's where we upload our

18:00

family skits and stuff. And

18:03

we're really hoping to build

18:03

that out and share that with the

18:05

world. But one of the dad blogs

18:05

I saw was, you know, one of the

18:08

hardest parts about being a dad

18:08

is deciding when to throw away a

18:11

box, you know, and as a guy who

18:11

keeps almost all the Amazon

18:16

boxes, you know, I that's I

18:16

totally get that. You know,

18:19

that's it's still good box, you

18:19

know, they still use it. Yeah,

18:23

I'm the saver of the boxes and

18:23

bags and everything like that.

18:26

Yeah, me too.

18:27

And then I

18:27

secretly take it out on recycle

18:30

night. And I just walked right

18:30

past him. So he doesn't notice

18:33

what I'm carrying. And I'm like,

18:33

without

18:37

always be honest

18:37

with your wife. It's like no,

18:40

you selectively honest with your

18:40

with yourself. You know, like,

18:43

there are times when it's just

18:43

like, just throw away the

18:45

grocery bags, you know,

18:48

he, he takes

18:48

some of the things that he

18:50

really wants me to throw out.

18:50

But I don't want to throw out

18:53

he'll say, I've got a really

18:53

great place for it in this

18:56

storage area. And since you're

18:56

not using it, you know, but when

18:59

you want it, you're welcome to

18:59

you know, to go to go there and

19:03

get it. And so then to help put

19:03

it there and I'll say, Okay,

19:06

that makes sense. And then six

19:06

months later or a year later,

19:09

I'll be like, what about that thing?

19:11

Where are those shoes and

19:12

I'll go and

19:12

it's it's nowhere in the

19:14

storage, but it's been so long.

19:14

It's like a bandaid was kind of

19:21

ripped off. And it's

19:22

like I know it's a

19:22

it's a weird, it's a withdrawal

19:25

thing. It's like I came clean

19:25

like two years ago I was like

19:27

look, I'll be honest with you. I

19:27

put it in a box in the garage.

19:31

And if you don't for six months,

19:31

it goes Salvation Army, you

19:34

know? Yeah, that's that's you.

19:34

I'm the saver of all the things

19:39

and how that's flipped over. Yeah,

19:41

totally. Oh,

19:44

it is so funny.

19:44

That is us. In all of the areas

19:48

of our marriage, I don't like to

19:48

shop he loves to shop. I don't

19:52

take long in the bathroom. He

19:52

takes long in the bathroom. So

19:54

it's

19:56

very flipped. Yeah,

19:58

I'm the man he No kidding.

20:01

That's a healthy marriage.

20:04

generalizations

20:04

that we make on on, it comes at

20:06

personality types, you know, and like, one of the strongest things that we've done

20:08

in our marriage was learning our

20:11

personality types. And we've

20:11

we've done marriage coaching,

20:14

and we'll probably do it again,

20:14

you know, marriage coaching is a

20:18

very painful place to be right,

20:18

because you are in someone

20:22

else's marriage, and then you

20:22

watch them, you give them, you

20:26

know, this, this amazing advice,

20:26

and they just don't do it.

20:29

Because she said this first, or

20:29

because he did that, and we had

20:34

to get out of it. Because it was

20:34

like, you know, people should do

20:37

marriage coaching. It's like, well, you should work on your own dang marriage, you know what

20:38

I mean? Like, read a book, dude,

20:41

because it got so hard for us to

20:41

watch people destroy their

20:45

marriages, over the tiniest

20:45

things like me, you know, meems

20:52

Yeah, that

20:54

means

20:55

more a lack of

20:55

communication, you know, they

20:57

just wouldn't talk to each other

20:57

about certain things and, and,

20:59

and whatnot, but you

21:00

go into what you go into it very excited, you know, we're gonna marry Yeah,

21:02

we've got we've done, we've gone

21:06

through so much, we think we can

21:06

really be an asset to these

21:09

couples. And, you know, you kind

21:09

of vision them coming, and them

21:12

sharing problems, and you enlightening with these techniques and the strategies

21:14

and then going, Oh, my gosh,

21:16

thank you so much. And they go

21:16

home, and they use it, and then

21:19

their marriage is awesome. And

21:19

you made a difference in the

21:21

world. Now, then, when you're in

21:21

it, it's like you see their

21:24

problem, it's so clearly

21:24

obvious, you've given the

21:26

solution, don't do it. I want

21:26

it.

21:29

I don't like his

21:29

blue shirts. You know, we want

21:32

to be in a place where we are

21:32

sort of creating content and

21:36

then letting, letting the

21:36

couples sort of engage in that

21:39

content as as they will. That

21:39

way we're not having to get in

21:42

the muck, you got to understand

21:42

the dynamics of a marriage and

21:47

who your partner is, you know,

21:47

like one thing that really

21:49

helped us is the personality of

21:49

the disc profile. And I know

21:52

that there's a ton, so there's probably people out there going, Oh, I'm an anagram er, or

21:54

whatever we'll go with that you

21:56

go with whatever program you

21:56

think is best for you. We like

22:00

the disc profile for its

22:00

simplicity. And with disc,

22:04

you've got your di s&c, right.

22:04

And so when you know that, like,

22:07

I know that my wife is like an

22:07

SI and so she's gonna need more

22:10

details before taking action.

22:10

I'm more of a DI so like, the

22:14

more details you give me, the

22:14

less likely I will take action.

22:17

You know, I want to just like

22:17

what's our objective and then go

22:20

in a china shop kind of go when

22:20

you know that you can start

22:24

we're using that to your

22:24

advantage. You know, like I

22:27

thought that being the leader of

22:27

the home meant that I had to

22:33

manage like everything, like I

22:33

had to kind of be in charge of

22:36

the finances and, and she can do

22:36

the cooking and the cleaning,

22:39

you know, and that that's wrong,

22:39

because neither one of us like

22:43

cooking and cleaning, or for the

22:43

most part, like we enjoy cooking

22:46

to some degree, but you get what

22:46

I'm saying domestic stuff that

22:49

we hired a house cleaner, you

22:49

know, and that has been

22:51

wonderful for our marriage.

22:51

Like, all I can afford a house

22:54

cleaner. It's like okay, well go

22:54

look at your beer bill. Right?

22:57

Like, how would you bring on

22:57

beer and pizza every month? Like

22:59

I guarantee you you can find

22:59

$200 to have a housecleaner come

23:03

in. And here's what's wonderful

23:03

for those because they hate

23:05

housecleaning. My dad loves it.

23:05

My dad loves to scrub and clean.

23:09

And that was like a thing we did

23:09

as kids. But like it is it was

23:13

always, every Saturday, we wake

23:13

up to A Hard Day's Night by The

23:16

Beatles. It's been, it's been A

23:16

Hard Day's Night, I still know

23:22

every word of that song and he

23:22

get up, it's clean day, it's

23:25

clean. Do that. So I don't want

23:25

to clean I don't want to waste

23:30

my life cleaning. However, there

23:30

are people that feed their

23:32

family cleaning. So let's let

23:32

them come in and clean because

23:36

it feeds their family. For us.

23:36

It's energizing, we'll take the

23:40

family out to a park, we don't

23:40

be spending money as we're

23:43

already investing, you're gonna

23:43

spend more money, but we got a

23:46

football, we sit in our beach

23:46

chairs, we bring a book, you

23:49

know, the kids go play and, and

23:49

for four hours, we come home to

23:52

a completely clean couch and a

23:52

house and then we watch popcorn.

23:55

All of that comes from having

23:55

conversations about who we are

23:59

and what we like to do. So if

23:59

you're in this marriage, where

24:01

you feel like you have to do

24:01

this, and you hate it, like you

24:05

need to talk to your wife about

24:05

that, or your spouse about that

24:07

and talk about everything that

24:07

you guys should be doing is

24:10

energizing each other. Okay, you

24:10

need to get on an energizing

24:14

cycle, where the things that the

24:14

husband does energizes the wife

24:18

and the things that the wife

24:18

does energizes the husband, and

24:21

so that you guys are constantly

24:21

just sort of like fueling each

24:24

other. Most couples are on a

24:24

drain or like what we call the

24:28

crazy cycle. Right. And this is

24:28

a term coined by the Dr.

24:33

eggerichs of love and respect

24:33

Academy. And and this is where

24:36

like, you know, the husband is

24:36

like, Hey, where's my dinner?

24:40

And the wife responds, like, how

24:40

dare you make your own dinner?

24:43

Yeah, exactly. And she's, you

24:43

know, draining the husband. He's

24:47

draining. And this I think is

24:47

like 90% of marriages. You have

24:51

got to be building a marriage

24:51

based on reality and biological

24:55

and physiological facts. And

24:55

when you do that, when you You

25:00

can start energizing your wife

25:00

and she is energizing you, you

25:03

are going to find yourself in

25:03

this marriage of power in this

25:06

marriage where you still wake up

25:06

every day looking at your wife,

25:09

and you're passionately

25:09

interested in making love to

25:13

her, you know, like every day.

25:13

And that's the place that we're

25:16

in just 35 minutes ago, you know?

25:21

I'm here,

25:22

I'm telling you

25:22

this hour. But look, I'm telling

25:25

you this because I want you guys

25:25

to know that that we have broken

25:29

all the rules of like Psychology

25:29

Today, right? And we have

25:35

instead followed the rules laid

25:35

out in in like the book of

25:40

Proverbs and in in the book of

25:40

like, First Corinthians, you

25:44

know, when when we follow that

25:44

system, we have a marriage that

25:49

is inspiring. It is sexually

25:49

fulfilling, physically

25:54

fulfilling, deeply emotionally

25:54

intimate. And we are on a cycle

25:59

where we're continually fueling

25:59

that, yes, we have problems. But

26:03

we have things in place. We have

26:03

strategies in place that that

26:07

had to get us through it. Yeah.

26:07

Yeah. Wow. So much good stuff

26:10

there. Like. I mean, even just

26:10

going back to what you were

26:13

saying about hiring

26:13

housecleaning, and for parents

26:16

who work from home, whether you

26:16

even whether you have your own

26:18

business, or have a job,

26:18

potentially considering that as

26:22

something to spend money on

26:22

that's worth it, and then being

26:25

able to go out with your kids

26:25

get you out of the house. Yeah,

26:28

get you out of being under that

26:28

same roof where everything takes

26:31

place. Because that seems to be

26:31

the continual big struggle is

26:34

when everything is under the

26:34

same roof. Yeah, where you

26:37

change the diapers where you,

26:37

you know, take care of your

26:39

business calls, where you're

26:39

making your food and all this

26:41

stuff. It maybe instead of

26:41

spending the money to go on an

26:45

elaborate vacation, break down

26:45

that money, going towards paying

26:48

for a house cleaner and having

26:48

these smaller outings that you

26:52

could do because now you've got

26:52

the available time for clean

26:54

now, you don't need to do it

26:54

every week, right? Like it could

26:57

be. Yeah, and and even that

26:57

might be a lot for some people,

27:00

because I don't want you know,

27:00

couples that aren't like not

27:04

like we're swimming in the cash.

27:04

We just, we don't buy beer and

27:06

wine anymore. Yeah, like we

27:06

there. We don't even really

27:09

drink. Like if someone comes

27:09

over with a bottle of wine that

27:12

we may have a glass. But we

27:12

don't spend our money on it. You

27:15

know what I mean? We have talked

27:15

about where we should invest our

27:20

time assets and our money

27:20

assets. And alcohol is not one

27:23

of them anymore. It used to be

27:23

but January 1 2020, we're like,

27:26

you know what, let's be done

27:26

with this. So that money we can

27:29

spend on a house cleaner now. So

27:29

what I'm saying is like for

27:32

those of you guys that like Oh,

27:32

I can't afford a house cleaner?

27:34

First of all, yes, you can. You

27:34

don't have to have someone clean

27:38

your whole house. Like you could

27:38

clean the whole house and have

27:41

the house cleaner coming just to

27:41

your bathrooms, right? Like some

27:44

of the dirty stuff, right? Some

27:44

of you don't want to do like

27:46

there's all sorts of very you

27:46

could have, you could clean your

27:48

house and have somebody just

27:48

come over and vacuum and do the

27:52

sort of the detailed stuff, you

27:52

got to get creative, you know,

27:55

you got to start thinking about

27:55

like, what's important to me and

27:58

my family. And sometimes I'm

27:58

this way, I know that you you

28:04

and I sort of differences

28:04

sometimes. I'm like, I don't

28:07

care if the homework is done.

28:07

Have we spent good time with our

28:12

kids today? Or did our kids have

28:12

good playtime today? Look, life

28:16

is not something that is

28:16

dictated to you, right? Like, we

28:20

all work together as a society.

28:20

And sometimes the school

28:23

schedule works with mine.

28:23

Sometimes the work schedule

28:26

works with mine, when it

28:26

doesn't, I'm in control, and I

28:30

get to make the decisions on

28:30

where I'm, you know, where I'm

28:33

going to go,

28:34

that makes me

28:34

think a little bit about right

28:36

now with all the kids a lot of

28:36

kids schooling at home. Because

28:41

of COVID and parents having to

28:41

work a lot of them right and

28:46

have to like, navigate

28:46

homeschooling their kids. And we

28:51

were you know, obviously with

28:51

everyone else, especially back,

28:53

you know, in March when the

28:53

whole nation was in this place.

28:56

And one of the things, there was

28:56

two things that I discovered

28:59

that really helped I think

28:59

through that and maybe that'll

29:02

help some of your listeners who

29:02

are still in in in that place is

29:06

one, um, my daughter that her

29:06

teacher was giving her

29:11

everything video base. Yeah, it

29:11

was like, okay, watch this video

29:15

of your teacher reading this

29:15

book. And then watch this video

29:21

of how to write the letter A

29:21

she's, you know, doing pre k TK

29:25

stuff. And then and then, you

29:25

know, use this app to, to write

29:29

the letter. And I was watching

29:29

my daughter with this and it was

29:33

not she was not learning at all.

29:33

And so I decided at that point,

29:39

I'm going to go and I'm going to

29:39

go get a multiple subject

29:43

workbook for her Yeah, that'll

29:43

work with, you know, the skills

29:47

that she's meaning to learn. And

29:47

I'm going to tell this teacher

29:50

I'm sorry, but we're not going

29:50

to do these video based lessons.

29:53

Yeah, I said that. I said,

29:53

Listen, it's not working for her

29:55

view, this workbook that I got

29:55

and I said, I will send you

29:59

pictures of the work that she's

29:59

doing so that you can see that

30:04

she's learning, you know, these

30:04

lessons and you know what the

30:06

teacher was like, that's great,

30:06

thank you. I appreciate that. I

30:08

respect that. Yeah. And she even

30:08

apologize, I apologize that we

30:12

have to do everything on the

30:12

computer. So that worked for us

30:15

and and i was able and the other

30:15

kids did fine on the computer

30:18

was it was her cuz she she's

30:18

still learning really the tiny

30:21

tech, she needs a pencil in her

30:21

hand. 100%

30:24

Learn how to you

30:24

got to know as a parent, like

30:27

what's best for your child,

30:27

you've got to like, navigate

30:31

some of that. And the only way

30:31

to do that is is to take control

30:36

of your time and to take control

30:36

of your day. And that means

30:39

eliminating hustle culture for

30:39

your life. Hustle culture is an

30:43

idol on and and it's it's

30:43

designed by people that want you

30:47

to be a worker for the rest of

30:47

your life. You know what I mean?

30:50

Like Hustle, Hustle, Hustle,

30:50

right? You've got to be able to

30:53

say look, I'm dude, all out

30:53

hustle all of you guys right

30:57

listening right now, like, so

30:57

don't be like, Oh, this guy,

30:59

this guy. I'll take you to the

30:59

mat on hustle any day. But you

31:02

know what, I hustle for my

31:02

hustle hours. And after that,

31:07

I'm dad like, I'm dad for two

31:07

hours. And then I'm husband for

31:10

a couple hours, you know, and

31:10

then I also get every day I get

31:13

me time I get to go escape a

31:13

little bit I walk around the

31:16

lake, I go play pinball at the

31:16

arcade. With the other dads,

31:20

there's like four other dads

31:20

that go there to play pinball

31:22

for an hour. But you know, there

31:22

are 24 hours in a day mine is

31:26

minus six hours for sleeping,

31:26

maybe eight if you need eight.

31:30

But that leaves you with like

31:30

16, you know, 14 to 16 hours and

31:35

you've got an eight hour

31:35

workday, that's eight more

31:38

hours, that's eight more hours,

31:38

two hours to be a dad and your

31:43

kids will will remember you the

31:43

rest of your life. You don't

31:46

need to spend the other eight

31:46

being a dead spin to on the

31:50

ground. In the grass, throwing a

31:50

ball with your kid, spend 90

31:53

minutes for yourself right spend

31:53

the rest of the time as husband

31:57

father cleaning up stuff and

31:57

helping to make dinner and, and

32:00

being attentive phone down phone

32:00

in the other room. You know,

32:03

that was your daddy, first of

32:03

all, you're on your phone all

32:05

day anyway, during hustle time,

32:05

I know it, you know it. But

32:08

during your Meantime, you're

32:08

probably up in the Twitter

32:10

feeds. And that's fine, too. You

32:10

know, it's your time you know,

32:12

but then the seven o'clock your

32:12

phone's away, it's charging, we

32:16

go back to our phones about an

32:16

hour like an hour before bed.

32:19

And and but we do it together.

32:19

And we're going through memes

32:21

and stuff. I we're just we're

32:21

unwinding for the day. But my

32:25

point is that there's plenty of

32:25

hours in a day, you are not a

32:28

victim of American capitalism,

32:28

you know what you are as a

32:31

victim of sort of other people

32:31

telling you how your day should

32:36

be right and focus on your

32:36

family and your lifestyle, build

32:42

the lifestyle you want to live.

32:42

I learned last year that the

32:45

life I want to live is not about

32:45

how much money I make we live

32:49

we've made good money and we

32:49

continue to make money. But But

32:52

I'm not motivated by the money

32:52

as much anymore as I'm motivated

32:55

by the quality of our life. And

32:55

and so in our case, it comes

32:59

down to I'm gonna spend less

32:59

time working on XYZ and more

33:02

time with the family. Because if

33:02

I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I

33:05

wouldn't be like, Oh, I wish I

33:05

spent more time working. You

33:07

know, right.

33:08

I think what

33:08

we've really learned through

33:11

especially cope, I think really

33:11

helped us is and I love what you

33:14

mentioned about like, not

33:14

letting other people dictate

33:17

like your schedule, you know, we

33:17

get I think we're used to the

33:19

schedule prior to this rule that

33:19

we're living in where you you go

33:23

to school between these hours,

33:23

you work between these hours,

33:25

and then you do this, you did

33:25

that, but it doesn't have to be

33:27

that anymore. And so like, you

33:27

know, with us working and having

33:32

a business from home, and then

33:32

having the kids at home, we we

33:37

kind of realized this and I know

33:37

school is traditionally between

33:42

730 in the morning and 230 in

33:42

the afternoon, but we're going

33:46

to we're going to do it

33:46

differently. And so what we did

33:49

was I would get a like a work

33:49

session in and let the kids

33:53

play. And you know, I'd have a

33:53

little schedule out like you

33:55

guys can do art and crafts and

33:55

you can do you know, Legos, and

33:58

then at like, 1030 I would take

33:58

a break from work and then it's

34:02

like okay, now we're going to do

34:02

your school lesson. Yeah. And

34:05

then they would get that done

34:05

and then it'd be back to Okay,

34:08

now you guys can go back and play and then I'm going to do another work session. So it was

34:10

very like untraditional as far

34:13

as when school was but it worked

34:13

with our you know, worked with

34:16

our family did

34:18

you were doing homework like in the evening, sometimes

34:20

we would do that. As a matter of fact, one of my friends she's a full time

34:21

teacher, so she had to teach so

34:24

she's teaching lessons and the

34:24

but she had a homeschooler kids.

34:27

So she flipped the schedule

34:27

completely. She She worked all

34:30

day teaching her students while

34:30

her her daughter's played. And

34:34

then after school, when she was

34:34

done then she switched to

34:38

teaching her and going through

34:38

her daughter's lessons. And

34:40

sometimes you have to tell the

34:40

teachers Listen, I know you

34:43

know, you might have this at

34:43

this time or whatever. But like

34:45

that's just not going to work

34:45

with our schedule with the way

34:47

things are at and we're going to

34:47

get our work done at this time

34:49

and we'll make sure and turn it

34:49

in. And you know, I'm gonna have

34:54

to take control

34:54

Yeah, and like you're you're not

34:56

in control. Like the teachers

34:56

and the the The ministry leaders

35:00

are not in control of your life,

35:00

you do not have to work run to

35:06

the dictates of their schedules.

35:06

Now, that being said, you know,

35:10

so now you get to say that I'm

35:10

like, you know, you know, the

35:13

stereotypes is like, they keep

35:13

their kids in cages, you know,

35:16

and they just read them all day

35:16

long. You know, it's, it's not

35:18

the case at all. In fact, our

35:18

kids are very well rounded.

35:22

They're, they're, they're very

35:22

social. And, and it's because

35:25

we've taught them how to or

35:25

teaching them, you know, how to

35:29

own themselves, you know, and to

35:29

be responsible for themselves.

35:34

And you know, James, James will

35:34

lose his socks in his shoes. And

35:37

it's like, yes, no, I'm sorry.

35:37

It's not my problem. Like, I see

35:40

these. Oh, my kid lost their

35:40

shoes. Let me stop everything

35:44

that I'm doing to help my child

35:44

who is perfectly capable, find

35:48

their own shoes. No way. No,

35:48

hey, look, you don't have shoes,

35:53

you don't get to go into the store with us, which means you don't get a candy bar, you know,

35:55

might be you didn't play the

35:59

game. You can't find your shoes,

35:59

then you don't get to go to

36:01

deacons house, you know, like

36:01

these are these are not

36:04

punishments, these are natural

36:04

consequences. Right. And, and I

36:07

think that, you know, so many

36:07

parents like, because we could

36:11

talk so long on discipline,

36:11

like, discipline is important.

36:14

We never punish, okay?

36:14

punishment is for criminals,

36:17

right? a punishment is like you

36:17

rob a guy, you have to do you

36:22

know, 90 days in jail, but those

36:22

two are unrelated, right? Like

36:26

you spending 90 days in jail

36:26

does not remove this the crime

36:30

from that guy or does not return

36:30

his property, right. That's

36:35

punishment, we don't punish our

36:35

kids and no one should punish

36:38

their kids punishment. Is is for

36:38

the wicked, right? It's for it's

36:41

for criminals. And adults,

36:41

largely right. Like we

36:45

discipline discipline means to

36:45

teach to disciple. Right? And so

36:49

when you discipline like, as a

36:49

parent is very hard to do. It's

36:52

a muscle, you know, you've got

36:52

to ask yourself, like, does the

36:55

discipline fit the crime? Right?

36:55

So when the kid loses, choose,

36:58

do I send him to his room? You

36:58

know, yeah, sometimes I fly off

37:01

the handle, like you lost your

37:01

shoes. Again, you know, getting

37:05

your room out of my face that

37:05

happens. But you know, as the

37:08

dad, I need to go in there and

37:08

apologize, right? Hey, son, I

37:11

shouldn't go to you for losing your shoes. You're a kid kid loose shoes. You know, hey, son,

37:13

I shouldn't have sent you to

37:15

your room that that was a

37:15

punishment. And I taught you

37:18

nothing from that, you know,

37:18

you've got to be able to

37:21

separate the punishment from the

37:21

discipline, hey, you lost your

37:23

shoes. Okay. Well, you know,

37:23

number one, now you got to find

37:27

your shoes, right? So I need you

37:27

to stop the video games, the TV,

37:31

the homework, whatever you're

37:31

doing, go find your shoes, but

37:33

your natural consequences. And

37:33

that's the discipline and it

37:36

teaches them that it's their

37:36

responsibility. When you as the

37:40

parent drop what you're doing to

37:40

find your kids booties, you are

37:43

new, you are teaching them that

37:43

they are not responsible for

37:46

themselves, and somebody will

37:46

always take care of them. And

37:51

when they become adults. Yeah,

37:51

you're looking at a kid who is

37:55

going to live in your basement

37:55

tell you they'll tell they're 30

37:58

you know what I mean? And that's

37:58

the thing that a lot, right, we

38:01

are seeing that I'll call

38:01

failure to launch right? And

38:03

it's a shame because here are

38:03

these young adults with so much

38:06

talent so much potential, it

38:06

could be the next Martin Luther

38:09

King could be the guy who

38:09

develops the cure for cancer,

38:12

but because the parents did

38:12

everything for them, they are

38:15

stuck in the basement playing

38:15

fortnight with no skills to

38:19

contribute to society. And it's

38:19

unfortunate, we want parents to

38:22

rise up and like really, like

38:22

understand we are raising the

38:25

next generation so we want to

38:25

see parents rise up and really

38:28

take responsibility for that

38:28

huge and exciting role.

38:32

And that's why we love what you guys are doing here because this is part of

38:33

like you know, what we love

38:36

seeing his you know, people

38:36

coming out and making content

38:39

that couraging that's helpful to

38:39

others so that we can you know,

38:42

we can all come together and I

38:42

think have a renaissance in

38:46

family values. Right?

38:48

You know, we're

38:48

passionate about this mission of

38:51

being parents and being parents

38:51

is a mission it is not Han Solo

38:55

it is not a solo job. Like

38:55

you've got to be a team not with

38:58

just your spouse and your kids.

38:58

But you know with the

39:00

neighborhood kids as well like

39:00

you know, like hey, these are

39:04

your allies These are not the

39:04

others these are not these are

39:07

the people that we like can we

39:07

bring them into our home? Can we

39:10

share dinner with them? Like how

39:10

do we align ourselves with with

39:13

our neighbors and it's very

39:13

important that your family has a

39:17

team atmosphere your family name

39:17

should be up on the walls in

39:21

multiple places in your house

39:21

that you should have like a Bill

39:24

of Rights sort of thing for your

39:24

bill of rights wrong word like a

39:27

like a what we stand for Yeah,

39:27

vision like we talked like in

39:32

statement admissions image the

39:32

head passer leaders, you know so

39:35

when our kids get into like

39:35

situations it's like well, it

39:38

sounds like you were sort of

39:38

following the bad kid the bad

39:42

example instead of leading a

39:42

follower yeah and Hemsaths are

39:46

leaders and so when Hemsaths

39:46

lead Hemsaths succeed so we need

39:50

to we ingrain that in our kids

39:50

and so they'll know Hemsaths are

39:54

excellent readers Hemsaths know

39:54

how to speak right communicators

39:57

like and these are unique to our

39:57

family. Right. So Like not not

40:01

all people are as verbose as we

40:01

are, and that's fine. Some

40:03

people are more artistic. And

40:03

it's like so it's like the the

40:06

Nortons are artists, right? Or

40:06

the the Andersons pray together,

40:11

you know, whatever it is that

40:11

your family does, like you've

40:14

got to like, have it up and

40:14

reinforce it over and over and

40:18

over again so that your kids

40:18

have a sense of identity that

40:22

they can rely on even if all of

40:22

this comes crashing down around

40:27

us and we live in Rubble, like

40:27

the survivors of world war two

40:30

living in broken down bombed

40:30

apart homes. Like that's a

40:34

different scenario. But you can

40:34

still Hemsaths are still leaders

40:38

in that situation. Hemsaths are

40:38

still readers in that situation.

40:43

You know what I mean? Your

40:43

identity will carry you through

40:45

anything, even if this whole

40:45

thing falls apart. so powerful.

40:49

Yeah, I'm I don't know what else

40:49

to say. They're not your best

40:53

episode. I'm out.

40:57

Teresa, can you

40:57

tell us about when you joined

40:59

the brand and everything? Sure. Yeah,

41:01

it was 2017.

41:01

And it's interesting, because

41:04

prior to that year was like,

41:04

about two years prior to that. I

41:08

was in a slump with teaching.

41:08

And I and I, you know, we had

41:13

all these kids and I wanted to

41:13

be home with them. And here I

41:16

was having to leave at 630 in

41:16

the morning to go commute to

41:18

another county to go teach

41:18

somebody else's kids. And I

41:22

remember crying I one morning on

41:22

my way to work, just Lord God,

41:26

when can you bring me home? Can

41:26

you please just like, give me a

41:28

pink slip? Can you fire me like

41:28

something like, I just want to

41:31

come home. And I have done it

41:31

many, many times. But on this

41:34

particular day, I was still

41:34

remember I was at like, pulled

41:37

up at the stop sign. And I felt

41:37

a very despair just so straight

41:41

into my head. I can't explain it

41:41

any, any other way. But it was

41:45

it was a clear statement that

41:45

you will, you will one day come

41:48

home but you're not now. There's

41:48

things that you and Owen still

41:53

need to learn. And then when you

41:53

when you've learned that, then

41:55

I'll bring you home. And when I

41:55

decided that that day, I'm like,

41:59

Okay, now that I know that I can

41:59

that I will just not now I'm

42:02

going to be the best teacher that I've ever been. And I'm going to love my job again. And

42:04

I'm going to be I'm going to do the best that I can i did i

42:06

still actually back in love with

42:08

teaching. I did the I mean, I

42:08

had some of the best years of my

42:12

life teaching those last couple

42:12

of years. During that time I one

42:16

got cancer. And, and my health

42:16

insurance at that time really

42:21

helped us how to navigate and

42:21

get through that. And so I I'm

42:24

not sure if that's the only

42:24

reason but that was definitely I

42:26

think part of the reason why I

42:26

was still supposed to be there.

42:30

But we also had to learn a lot.

42:30

Obviously, there was a unity

42:34

that I think we gained through

42:34

those years. And you know, I

42:39

think at that time, we thought

42:39

that I would come home when

42:42

Owens business was making so

42:42

much money we didn't need for me

42:45

to gobs of money,

42:47

buy it out. Or

42:47

just like here's some cash. And

42:50

here's some cash. You know,

42:52

that was kind

42:52

of what we were thinking. But

42:54

then 2017 came around. And I

42:54

don't remember all the details.

42:58

Maybe I can kind of fill in. But

42:58

I was like, I think it's time

43:01

for you to come home. And I was like, Are you sure? Because like, I think we might we were

43:03

at a bottle that budget down.

43:07

Yeah, we don't worry if I'm not

43:07

working, I think we might

43:09

actually have to like, cut cut

43:09

our budget down like

43:12

significant. Dan knows about this. Because

43:13

Dan and I have talked about this at great length. In fact, it was part of

43:15

like encouraging me encouraging

43:19

you to leave your job. And I

43:19

just love the way God worked out

43:22

your whole job thing, like his

43:22

way worked with all that stuff.

43:26

So it was easier. You know, I

43:26

think it was easier to peel the

43:29

band aid off and like, that's

43:29

how much God loves you is in Why

43:32

did you home is that he's made

43:32

it so easy. For us, we recognize

43:36

like we kind of capped out like

43:36

we're able to make this much

43:39

money with Oh, and

43:40

just own doing it. Yeah,

43:42

but but I have

43:42

skill sets that, you know, like

43:45

just could not get us any

43:45

farther. And and you know, it's

43:50

so our bucket was full. And I

43:50

was watching like clients

43:54

clients were suffering because

43:54

they weren't getting the

43:57

fulfillment attention that they

43:57

needed. And then that like

44:00

decrease our referrals, which

44:00

lowers our energy. And so our

44:05

actually, our buckets are to

44:05

empty, you know, and it's like,

44:08

if you don't come home, this

44:08

business is going to fold in on

44:12

itself. And so we knew, like, if

44:12

you're out there working with

44:17

your spouse, and you're wondering, like when is it time for her to come home? Like it's

44:19

not going to be a scenario where

44:25

Yeah, where you're making so

44:25

much money that it's easy. It's

44:27

going to be in a place actually,

44:27

where you're actually falling

44:30

apart. And if you don't get help

44:30

quick. Your business is going to

44:33

fold and what your wife is going

44:33

to do because she wants security

44:36

she's going to go a while just keep words we have the health insurances, we have the thing

44:37

that enough. You know, what I

44:41

want to encourage you guys to do, those of you that are relating to that scenario is is

44:42

to is to leave the job sooner

44:47

than later. Right? Because it's

44:47

almost like you're drowning.

44:52

you're drowning in the pool and

44:52

she goes, let me go run to the

44:56

store and get you some

44:56

lifesaving gear right Now you're

45:00

alone drowning in the pool, you

45:00

know where instead if she were

45:03

to jump in, you both will

45:03

struggle, right? Because you're

45:08

drowning and you're pulling her

45:08

under, and you're way too so

45:11

heavy. But together, you're

45:11

going to struggle for a minute

45:16

to get to the side of the pool.

45:16

And once you're at the side of

45:19

the pool, everything's gonna be

45:19

okay. Right. So she came on

45:24

board, we did not have health

45:24

insurance for a while. I mean,

45:27

maybe we had some like, Cobra,

45:27

right? And, and, but would you

45:30

agree that it was stressful?

45:30

Because we just didn't know.

45:34

Or, but again, we had to do a lot of planning. And it was like, Okay, what do

45:36

we, you know, we cut our budget

45:38

down, we had like, okay, we're

45:38

gonna live off of a lot less

45:41

live, like, you're poor, right?

45:41

For a while, until, until we can

45:44

make up for what, for what we

45:44

lost. And, and I would say it

45:48

took about six months, six

45:48

months of living on a real tight

45:52

budget. And but by that point,

45:52

after six months, what I had

45:56

contributed to the business, um,

45:56

we, the money came back, so we

46:00

actually replaced my salary at

46:00

that point, you know, it just

46:04

took a little bit of a step

46:04

back, it reminds me of when I

46:06

was waiting tables. I don't know

46:06

if anybody you know, if you guys

46:09

ever waited tables, or any of your audience has, but you know, it's good fast cash, it's nice.

46:10

And when one in your 20s, it's

46:13

good. But even if you go to, I

46:13

had friends that would go to

46:16

college get a degree, but they,

46:16

they didn't want to take the

46:19

risk of leaving that fast, quick

46:19

cash to go get a job making 15

46:22

bucks an hour on their

46:22

bachelor's degree now, because

46:25

at that time, 15 bucks an hour

46:25

was going to cut it though, they

46:28

were making better money waiting

46:28

tables. But it's the ones who

46:31

decided to leave waiting tables

46:31

and take that sacrifice for

46:35

that, that, that $15 an hour

46:35

job. Five years later, two years

46:40

later, three, you know, now

46:40

they're making way more than

46:43

they ever would have if they

46:43

stayed waiting tables, because

46:45

that waiting tables, it was good

46:45

for them, but it's not going to

46:47

get you to where you're going to

46:47

go. Now sometimes you have to

46:50

take a step back and make some

46:50

sacrifices for you to actually

46:52

launch to really

46:54

slow down levels

46:54

of where you slow down to speed

46:56

up. And our business never took

46:56

a hit like we've grown. And so

47:01

like maybe like our speed took a

47:01

hit. But the business never took

47:05

a hit. You know, the business

47:05

continued to grow. So So there

47:08

you know, it's it's all a

47:08

balance, you know what I mean?

47:11

Life is full of risk. And and I

47:11

think like the biggest mistake

47:15

that couples make is she'll come

47:15

home or he'll come home, he'll

47:20

stop working. I hear all the

47:20

time, I want to retire my

47:22

husband, I want to retire my

47:22

husband. And and I think that's

47:25

wonderful, right? Like, we're

47:25

not these man should work well,

47:28

you know, we're not those people, like, do what you got to do, you know? But you're, it's

47:30

not going to be a most likely

47:36

we're making so much money come

47:36

on home, you know, bring the

47:39

kids over. It's it's gonna be

47:39

like, if you don't, if I don't

47:43

get help, we're gonna we're

47:43

gonna implode, you know, and so

47:46

recognize when you're on that

47:46

place and take the leap and

47:48

you're gonna struggle like

47:48

there's so much desire in

47:51

American data never struggle,

47:51

you know, where the struggle

47:53

muscle grows only after it's

47:53

broken. You know, a diamond

47:57

forms only amidst you know, tons

47:57

of pressure wine comes from

48:03

grapes that have been crushed.

48:03

You know, so, I'm a masochist.

48:09

That's the right word. I see the

48:09

pain and I want to jump into it.

48:12

Yeah, let's jump into that pain

48:12

and get through and come out

48:15

stronger. And then you know,

48:15

keep moving forward and

48:17

hopefully avoid pain for a

48:17

little bit before we have to

48:19

jump into it again. But heard I

48:19

heard a great line the other day

48:22

from the Craig Groeschel podcast

48:22

where the guest said you know,

48:28

you'll never avoid pain that we

48:28

spend so much time trying to

48:31

avoid pain she's but when I

48:31

accepted that pain was going to

48:34

be sort of this off and on thing

48:34

I would experience all through

48:37

life it made dealing with the

48:37

pain easier. And as a person who

48:40

has gone through cancer and and

48:40

as you never get done with

48:44

cancer, like yeah, the cancer is

48:44

gone. But you you got to go back

48:47

for your scans on your you meet

48:47

cancer friends, and then they

48:51

die. You know, so you can't

48:51

think never leaves you and, you

48:55

know, that's helped me because

48:55

all the scans scare the crap out

48:58

of me. When people tell me their

48:58

cancer has come back, it scares

49:02

the crap out of me now for me,

49:02

but for them, I don't want to

49:04

lose another friend. You know,

49:04

trying to avoid it only makes

49:10

life dole You know, it makes

49:10

life sort of stale. And you

49:15

don't realize it for two years

49:15

that you've spent all of your

49:17

time avoiding pain and avoiding

49:17

sorrow and and and your life is

49:20

just it's sheltered and, and

49:20

alone. Knowing that like, oh,

49:26

Lord, give me the strength to

49:26

pursue whatever it is you have

49:29

for me today, knowing that on

49:29

Sundays, it could be golden

49:33

Rainbows, right? But on other

49:33

days, it's going to be the death

49:36

of a friend. And you just have

49:36

to deal with it. You have to be

49:41

the kind of person that has the

49:41

resources to deal with it. And

49:47

there's no better way to do that

49:47

than with in a healthy thriving

49:50

marriage with kids who can see

49:50

your pain you know, like like my

49:59

son He asked me the other day,

49:59

because I'm going through my

50:02

cancer scans right now and I

50:02

hate it right? And I said,

50:05

James, let's go to the let's go

50:05

to the arcade and he goes, are

50:07

you sad? And, and I said, Yeah,

50:07

I'm sad, and I'm mad, and I hate

50:12

this. And I, you know, I don't

50:12

hide stuff from my kids. I don't

50:16

speak to them. Like they're

50:16

adults, but I don't hide stuff

50:19

either. Um, and. And he was

50:19

he's, he thought that he is he

50:25

just he's an empath for sure not

50:25

to like, let you know cuddled

50:30

me, you know what I mean. And it

50:30

was the thing that I needed at

50:33

that at that moment, then we

50:33

play pinball together for an

50:35

hour. And then I got to watch

50:35

him. fall in love with pinball.

50:39

You know, pinball is old school

50:39

guys. It's like the parlor Pac

50:43

Man. It's old. And so I was kind

50:43

of like, you know, I don't want

50:45

to be like an old guy, but I

50:45

love pinball. And, and I showed

50:49

him pinball, and he fell in love

50:49

with, it's just amazing, amazing

50:52

time together. And so, you know,

50:52

that's, that's the family that

50:55

that I want everyone to be

50:55

raising a family of influence a

50:59

family of empathy and a family of impact.

51:01

Yeah, and one of the things I think we're learning right now is, is to be

51:02

present. And to appreciate the

51:08

blessings that you have, in no

51:08

matter what phase of your

51:12

journey, whether you're in a

51:12

trial or not in a trial, there's

51:15

still things to be thankful for.

51:15

And to not forget that because I

51:17

think a lot of us and you know,

51:17

myself included, have sometimes

51:21

make, um, make idols, so to

51:21

speak of the of the dances of

51:25

our lives, and and when

51:25

something changes, or is gone,

51:28

or leaves all of a sudden, you

51:28

know, we were not happy and all

51:33

what's happening to my life, or

51:33

who am I and we can get so

51:36

pulled into the emotions of

51:36

that, that we forget all the

51:38

other good things that are

51:38

around us. And so I think going

51:41

back to what Elon was talking about, like knowing your identity, making sure that your

51:43

identity is is can can is strong

51:47

through any one of those

51:47

circumstances that you might

51:49

face, it's not dependent on any

51:49

one of the rest. So that when

51:53

you when you encounter any of

51:53

them as you will, because that's

51:55

how life is that you can, you

51:55

can get through it faster, and

52:00

that you can and you can be

52:00

joyful, even in some of those

52:03

darkest, darkest places, and

52:03

happiest places, right, Sing

52:07

hallelujah. Yeah,

52:07

you know, you know, like, it's a

52:12

hard thing to do. It's our thing to be grateful through the storm. Absolutely. Wow. Well, I

52:13

think that was like the perfect

52:16

cap to everything we talked

52:16

about today. You know, what, can

52:19

you just sum up? What is the best part about working from home for you guys,

52:23

I really like

52:23

the unity that on my own, and I.

52:28

And the reason I think for that

52:28

is, you know, when I was

52:31

teaching as much as I love

52:31

teaching, at the end of the day,

52:34

when I would come home, and I

52:34

would talk about my teaching job

52:37

and be like, well, who's that

52:37

person again, and I told you

52:39

that name of that person, oh,

52:39

and we will this time, this

52:42

person, I'm like, Who's that

52:42

person again. And we just, you

52:45

know, because we're living our

52:45

two completely different lives.

52:48

There was a disconnect that was

52:48

happening, and we're both tired

52:51

at the end of the day. And so it was hard to kind of like, listen to each other's stories and

52:53

really, like really, like, be

52:55

there for each other

52:56

so much time was explaining who's out again,

52:58

yeah, and why and getting each other to really, like truly care the way

53:00

that we want them to care

53:02

because I care, right? But now

53:02

that we work together, like

53:06

every we're so united, we know

53:06

who we're talking about, we have

53:10

the same problems, you know,

53:11

she makes all the

53:12

sales excitement, she makes high fiving each other when you know,

53:13

new, get a new client, you know,

53:16

it's exciting.

53:18

It's part of it as

53:18

she makes all the sales, you

53:20

know, what I used to make all

53:20

the sales and so part of that

53:24

unity, like I I'm serving the

53:24

person you brought in, and we

53:29

know who they are, and we tend

53:29

to get more connected with them.

53:32

You know, so I think it's a

53:32

really great point is the Unity

53:35

I think, for me, it's it's the

53:35

giant middle finger to the rest

53:40

of the world system. That's

53:40

gonna go to college and get a

53:44

good job. I went to college, by

53:44

the way, you know, I graduated

53:46

third in my class, you know, and

53:46

I'm here to tell you like, I'm

53:49

glad I went to college, I don't

53:49

think everyone needs to go to

53:53

college. You know, I I really

53:53

love being the outlier. I love

53:59

that we have disobeyed and

53:59

broken every rule of polite

54:03

society, and we have made a

54:03

phenomenal impact. And we've

54:11

made an income that is good,

54:11

like, you know, like, there's

54:14

people that make more money than

54:14

us with their jobs, their nine

54:18

to five jobs. Even non college

54:18

degrees, you know, I think that

54:22

there's some plumbers that

54:22

probably make more and more

54:25

money than collar. Yeah. There's

54:25

some college degree people that

54:29

are making and there's YouTubers

54:29

that make more money than we do

54:31

like that. I don't care so much

54:31

as we were able to do it. You

54:36

know, I love that, that we were

54:36

able to, you know, raise a

54:41

family on solid Christian

54:41

principles, even though the

54:46

world is saying that that's how

54:46

you create bigots and racists

54:48

and yet, yet none of that has

54:48

come true. You know, it is the

54:52

opposite. In fact, I find more

54:52

hate coming from the secular

54:55

families than I do from the

54:55

church families. So I love That

55:00

we disproved every single

55:00

stereotype that has been forced

55:07

on us, in order to turn us into

55:07

cattle. You know, I love that,

55:13

that we can say, Nope, you know,

55:13

and even if we were broke, I

55:18

would still I don't want to be a

55:18

part of your system, I don't

55:20

want to be a part of that system. You know what I mean? And I love that we, that we can

55:21

do even now. Like, we're kind of

55:25

going into like a vegan thing

55:25

right now. And we may be vegans

55:28

forever, we might be vegans for

55:28

three weeks. But all I know is

55:32

that like, the beef and dairy

55:32

people, like have these massive

55:37

marketing campaigns that spin

55:37

the truth and spin the studies.

55:40

And and I just love, okay,

55:40

let's, let's try this and see if

55:44

that makes us feel healthier.

55:44

You know what I mean? Like, you

55:46

know, stereotypes so that I can

55:46

smash it. I love that idea of

55:51

unity and controlling your life

55:51

making these decisions for your

55:55

family and to lead. where can

55:55

our listeners find you? What are

55:59

the things you want to you want

55:59

people to know, you've got your

56:01

Tick Tock videos, you've got

56:01

your Instagram, you've got a lot

56:04

of go to my family video on

56:04

Instagram. That's our brand new

56:08

channel. So it's still very

56:08

small, but we're uploading funny

56:11

family skits. And I try to post

56:11

funny comedic content there. And

56:15

it's all family friendly. So

56:15

even some of the humor is a

56:19

little lowbrow. Like it's, it's

56:19

some it's it's like, I consider

56:23

myself a sophisticated college

56:23

degree guy. But we make a lot of

56:26

butt jokes. Or it's no like, that's what

56:28

kids laugh at. But we're on Tick

56:31

Tock at Oh, in video, and it's

56:31

the same, it's the same basic

56:35

content. Our Tick Tock is huge.

56:35

It's blowing up right now. But

56:38

you know, our goal is to create

56:38

family friendly content that

56:42

disciples a nation, and it's not

56:42

religious, there's no religious

56:45

messages in there or anything

56:45

like that. But, you know, one of

56:49

our videos has almost 10 million

56:49

views and 2000 duets on it. And

56:54

every single duet is done by a,

56:54

I would say every, mostly Well,

57:01

they're all kids, mostly

57:01

minority kids. And there has, we

57:05

have not seen a single parent in

57:05

any duet. So we know that there

57:11

are a lot of kids out there

57:11

watching our content. And we are

57:14

very passionate about making

57:14

sure that that content that they

57:16

get is uplifting and and not

57:16

agenda driven. We want those

57:21

kids to have a safe space in us

57:21

for whatever it's worth, you

57:25

know what I mean? And and again,

57:25

like our messages, and our goal

57:28

is not to convert them or, or to

57:28

do anything like that. It's just

57:32

that when they're watching our

57:32

stuff, they're not getting

57:34

profanity, they're not getting

57:34

agenda, they're getting, you

57:37

know, good, clean laughs that

57:37

show that families can stick

57:40

together. And we want them

57:40

whether they get that in their

57:43

families or not, because their

57:43

parents can be totally active

57:46

and just taking their break. You

57:46

know, I don't want to judge

57:48

their parents but if they're if

57:48

those kids are in a place where

57:51

they're like, you know, are

57:51

handed them the phone, and then

57:53

you know and never like we we

57:53

want to be, you know, an example

57:58

to them, you know what's

57:58

possible for them. And so you

58:01

know, anywhere on the web at Oh,

58:01

and video, our family stuff is

58:04

on Instagram at my family video.

58:04

And we also have a marriage

58:08

channel on YouTube at thriving,

58:08

sexy marriage. And we do more

58:12

coaching and sort of teaching on

58:12

there, but we're everywhere,

58:16

pal. Well, I hope you enjoyed

58:16

Episode 10 of working home

58:20

parents. Yes, Episode 10. It's

58:20

one of those milestone episodes

58:23

and so glad to be able to have

58:23

Theresa and Owen video on

58:28

episode 10. If you enjoyed it

58:28

and you want to see any of the

58:31

links, or show notes, you can go

58:31

to working home parents.com

58:35

slash 10. To find all of that

58:35

there you'll be able to get

58:38

transcription if you need at

58:38

working home parents.com slash

58:43

10. And hey, just a reminder, if

58:43

you haven't already, remember to

58:46

subscribe to the podcast on what

58:46

ever podcast listening app you

58:51

enjoy the most. If you like

58:51

this, leave us an honest review

58:55

on Apple podcasts. We would love

58:55

to hear from you and what you

58:58

think about the podcast so far,

58:58

and we look forward to talking

59:03

to you in our next episode.

59:09

Thank you for listening

59:09

to working home parents find

59:13

show notes links mentioned and

59:13

more at working home parents.com