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I am in Toronto this weekend It

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March 23rd the Royal Theatre then

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I'll be at hilarity's in Cleveland March 29th and 30th

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Tulsa April 5th and 6th, Kansas City

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April 11th through 13th, Los Angeles at

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the Netflix is a joke festival May

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2nd Rally, North

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Carolina May 17th and 18th her

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eyes in Atlantic City, New Jersey Harris

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Harris Harris in Atlantic City, New

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Jersey on June 22nd and

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then other dates after the Summer

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1:49

Good Day everybody.

1:51

My name is Giannis Pappas. Welcome to

1:53

the Giannis Pappas hour There's

1:55

no big whoop to what's going on. We just

1:57

talk about what we read about what's happening put

2:00

it in the world from the

2:02

previous week. That's all that happens here. That's

2:04

all that's going on. I kick back because I'm

2:06

a Greek guy who always likes to lay down.

2:09

I don't know if it's genetic. I was actually

2:11

thinking about that in the car. I don't know

2:13

if people do that, if people have similar brains

2:15

to me. But that was actually a

2:18

thought process of mine on my drive this morning

2:20

to go do a podcast with

2:23

a couple of Greeks. I'm

2:25

trying to pluck off a couple of Greek fans. Maybe

2:28

a couple of younger ones who don't believe in

2:31

racism. It's a

2:33

new crop of Greeks out there. Yeah,

2:35

I want to get a couple of woke Greeks. They're

2:37

enlightened to be enlightened Greeks. Because the older Greeks would

2:40

get mad at you if you weren't racist. Now

2:43

I think there's some Greeks that'll get mad at you if

2:46

you are. Not saying that those Greeks like me either. I

2:49

just don't know. You're never Greek

2:51

enough for the Greeks. Kind of like the

2:53

left. You're never left enough for the left

2:55

and you're never Greek enough for the Greeks.

2:57

In fact, that's a very good point. For

3:00

the Greeks, you can never be Greek enough.

3:02

It's you always gotta prove you're Greek. You

3:05

gotta keep going. What are you doing? I gotta fix

3:07

the camera. Should we start over? No,

3:09

we're good? You just got a real lounge on right

3:11

now. Oh, I got a real lounge on, so you

3:14

gotta reel back a little bit? Yeah, well you know

3:16

the deal. We're shooting this like a bonus episode right

3:18

now. Because I just, I want to lay

3:20

it out. Why

3:22

not lay it out? I wanted, you know, I was

3:25

thinking sitting in the chairs too hard. Looks like

3:27

a therapy session. Because this is a hard job.

3:29

This is a very hard job. We worked very

3:32

hard and it's

3:34

too much, it's backbreaking work. So I figured what

3:36

can I do to make it a little easier

3:38

on me? So I called HR,

3:40

I called the labor department, I said

3:42

I got a couple of complaints against

3:45

myself. I'm working myself too

3:47

hard and I'm working myself too

3:49

long hours. I am

3:51

currently filing suit against myself and

3:54

I am currently working on evicting myself out

3:56

of my own apartment because I'm squatting in

3:58

it because in New York. If

4:02

you own a place in New York, and

4:04

let's say your parents die, which they all

4:06

will eventually, so get ready

4:08

to either rejoice or cry or both. Some

4:11

people rejoice. Some people's

4:14

parents are a real fucking buzzkill. And

4:16

let me tell you, when they knock over, when they

4:19

get on the runway to

4:21

Studio 76, which

4:24

is what I'm just calling heaven because it's a party, sometimes

4:27

you feel like the monkey

4:30

has crawled off your back. What did

4:32

you say? The war is over?

4:34

The war is over. That's why

4:36

I'm in trauma therapy, directly

4:38

because of my mother. Yeah,

4:43

but once you get on the runway, sometimes

4:47

it just feels like, for example, let's say you're a

4:49

gay guy from the 70s, and

4:51

your mother gave you all hell for

4:53

it, and then she kicks the bucket. Guess

4:56

who's going to Ibiza with a

4:58

free conscience? Guess who's

5:00

finally bringing a twink home to Christmas

5:02

dinner? Because now the

5:05

person who made it uncomfortable is gone, so now your

5:07

cousins just have to deal with it. Now

5:10

the younger Jason is just going, this

5:12

is Barry, and Barry comes in in

5:14

short, short, short, short, short

5:17

shorts, short shorts and boat

5:19

shoes. Is that what your brother did? No,

5:21

I'm just saying. I'm sure he feels –

5:24

I'm sure he wasn't upset when they kicked

5:26

the bucket. I mean, we lived

5:28

a whole life, and we didn't mention that he

5:30

was gay. Nobody mentioned it at all.

5:32

It was just – it was a weird thing.

5:34

It was a different – Never. Not once, ever,

5:36

ever, nowhere, nothing. Family

5:40

gatherings, nothing. So, you

5:42

know – He never brought a friend. He never

5:44

brought a friend. There was never that. There was

5:46

never – this is my roommate situation. Those

5:49

days were funny. Can we just leave the

5:51

gays alone and, hey, gays, you

5:53

got to do something about the 67 genders, because

5:55

that really fucking set you guys right back. You

5:58

Had a bunch of fucking small-minded people. Pea

6:00

brained Id. Ah, People who

6:02

work except the you get married and in all

6:04

these people young people start marches in with the

6:06

hundred and fifty genders add you know people just

6:09

like whoa Now let's get rid of a laugh.

6:11

It's. Get rid of a mall. You. Know

6:13

that's how it starts. It's like, all right,

6:15

I let you sit here. It's like that

6:18

scene in Bronx Tale. When. It comes

6:20

in it he goes. Hey, we were just messing round woods.

6:22

could have a couple drinks. And. Then they

6:24

go in and eight spray the beer everywhere and

6:26

he goes aura you know I let you with

6:28

their first eggs. And. Now now usually so

6:30

basically all the gaze of locked in a

6:32

bar. The. Locked in a bar,

6:34

they're about to get beat up by conservative Italians.

6:37

And. That's my analogy and I'm sticking to it.

6:40

But. Yeah, Parents going to kick the bucket Our? remember

6:42

why I went up on the kicked the bucket? They're

6:44

talking about the House in Queens. So the House in

6:47

Queens where you parents kicked the bucket in Queens because

6:49

everyone live in a coma. I

6:52

love and dislike as gets to local I

6:54

did park as today with to Greeks to

6:56

funny Greeks that pristine of who's on our

6:58

show and Gus was a young gay There

7:00

are both Greeks for Bay Ridge. And.

7:02

Hour. And I did a

7:04

podcast with them today. And I.

7:08

I don't know I brought that up. But.

7:10

Anyway, we talk about the young Greeks.

7:12

Ah, Yeah, but a while ago. But anyway

7:14

of oh and we get ultra local like

7:17

we spent half the podcast going next. What's

7:19

your favorite favorite restaurant? As a homeless guys

7:21

do know that only nobody lives in Bay

7:23

Ridge with people. would Bay Ridge don't listen

7:25

to podcasts. Are right there watching

7:27

Tucker Carlson. And. That sit. There.

7:30

Watching Charlie Kirk. My.

7:32

Mother in Law so right wing. She

7:34

doesn't even dude Newsmax anymore. Really? Yeah,

7:36

she's doing that Freedom Network with Charlie

7:38

corrupt. she only watch me Charlie Kirk.

7:41

That's it. You're also never right enough

7:43

for the right either. Like was a

7:45

low, a little a little slip, some

7:47

liberal that you gotta go even writer.

7:50

Fox. News is now to left for

7:52

the of a lot of the right. And.

7:54

I think Newsmax might have made another disease.

7:56

They might have said something sane. And.

7:59

so then They got two left

8:01

for certain righties. Those

8:05

righties only have Charlie Kirk. That's

8:08

the end of the road of Charlie Kirk. If Charlie

8:10

Kirk says hello to a lesbian, I don't know where

8:12

they're going to go. I

8:15

think that's all it takes, is just a wave to a lesbo

8:18

and just acknowledging that they're human and I think

8:20

they got a, I don't know, I think at

8:22

that point they just, I think they just moved

8:25

into Kanye West's house. I think that's the only

8:27

place to go from Charlie Kirk is just moving

8:29

in with Kanye West and just becoming

8:31

a part of Yeezy selling everything for $20. He's

8:34

been advertising like all things for $20, I don't know. I

8:37

think he's selling like KKK emblems or

8:39

Nazi hats

8:42

or whatever or shirts that say Hitler wasn't all

8:44

wrong. I don't know what he's doing. I

8:46

think the shirts, his new, he wanted to do

8:49

a project with

8:51

Adidas. Too bad they didn't get it to

8:53

bring it to fruition but I think it was going to go. Hitler

8:56

built some great roads. I

8:58

think that's what his shirt was going to be. It's

9:00

come on, I think it was this, come on guys.

9:03

Hitler did build some good roads. Dude, this

9:05

can't be real, right? I don't know,

9:07

what does it say? Look at that yay

9:09

shirt. It's like a schwaszt. No,

9:11

it probably is. It is probably true. It

9:13

is a schwaszt because yeah. The guys are

9:15

Nazi, dude. I mean, the

9:19

whole Jewish financier, they

9:21

finance all sides of wars. These

9:23

things are main conversations happening on

9:25

Twitter now. They're

9:28

so mainstream right now that they got me

9:30

researching them. So I'll go and be

9:32

like, all right, let me get to the bottom. So I've

9:34

been digging deep into the barrels and

9:37

it's the same old story I come up with.

9:39

There's like a few high profile ones and

9:41

then there's a whole other ones as well.

9:44

It's the same story. So I think the

9:47

Jew hate, they're just going to focus

9:49

on, and someone right now in the comments is

9:51

going to send me some fucking meme of how

9:53

every war financier didn't

9:55

celebrate Christmas. I don't know

9:57

what to tell you. All right, they got

9:59

horns. And they can turn Uk. I don't

10:01

know what you wanted. I don't know what you want

10:04

to read. Dahlia. They. Were yeah,

10:06

this is a D easy shirt that

10:08

is. It's almost a

10:10

swastika. It's. The word

10:12

to it's the letter. Twenty four hours

10:14

it is. Yeah cause it's oh my

10:16

God. this is real Or yes, I

10:19

don't want that more. I just read

10:21

as world War there's there's a guy

10:23

with a flaming mental illness whole who's

10:25

making Nazi shirts. Okay so this is

10:27

a search you could buy it's it's

10:29

the Twenty Fourth. So the way he

10:31

decides he designed with the why and

10:33

the he can you put it up

10:35

somewhere yeah vs he could see it's

10:37

the why the and twenty four What

10:40

does it look like to you. It

10:42

doesn't say see twenty four but also

10:44

looks looks similar result mouse. I'm.

10:48

Out in a dude he lives in a good world.

10:50

Listen. Talk. About believing.

10:54

That. You could biden read as well.

10:56

Worth it. A fugitive. your favorite color.

10:59

Of. He lives in a

11:01

good world though think about in his

11:03

world the Nazis acceptance. So we're all

11:06

brothers. Dude if the Nazis except cognac.

11:08

Then. Racism is over. So.

11:11

I don't know if that. Speaks.

11:14

To you but it speaks to me. What's.

11:17

More of a sign of races being.

11:21

Alone that's in trouble. Knock. Down.

11:25

From your from Canada. Hello

11:30

Hear me here. So. That.

11:33

Was somebody registering democratic voters for some local guys

11:36

use that as a yam, all that stuff and

11:38

he goes know this is for I think she

11:40

was telling me like. Ah to

11:42

vote for some coffee shop guy that's

11:44

a local. was here is a way

11:46

to get out of it quick. And.

11:49

I use every time. I. Am I first

11:51

started dating my wife. It made

11:53

her laugh because it works every time. When

11:55

you walk in my early one and they

11:58

stop you, you just say I'm Canadian. And.

12:00

It confuses donor. Because. I

12:02

think in their brain they just go like. It.

12:05

Makes it makes the accent okay. so you

12:07

have to go lagoon from France and they're

12:09

like you're not from France. We just go

12:11

on Canadian yoga, Change your abstaining. And. It

12:13

just means like you can't be involved in a

12:15

thing here even if you can even if it's

12:18

like a the donations like us dog thing. For

12:20

some reason their brain just freezes and I'm Canadian,

12:22

just works as an excuse of steel and I

12:24

yeah just go. I'm Canadian. I work that I

12:26

go read about. Yes yes yes Because I said

12:29

I got all that said. she tried to still

12:31

real me and to get my signature for some

12:33

I'm outside reading about from New York New Yorkers

12:35

don't sign any. That's. The one thing about New

12:38

York as soon as you to sites the first

12:40

thing you think when someone asks you anything his

12:42

getaway for. Get. Away from you want

12:44

something from me and I don't want to

12:46

give it here. So. I'm Canadian,

12:48

always works. so that's what just happened while

12:50

I got a knock at door from a

12:52

five foot. Ah, Grandmother assumes

12:54

a five foot out there. I thought it was

12:56

good we not from a neighbor going like I

12:59

can't hear the word not Musgrave. Because

13:02

is technically a residential studio. I

13:06

hate those not those not always get a

13:08

well because you're a you're a squatter at

13:10

Those Dogs. We used to get those ducks

13:13

of the guy try to kick us out

13:15

over squired. yes it's those knocks me sub

13:17

different the I'm like and will not. Now

13:19

that I'm of owner I'm like I get

13:21

it. I should be quiet, quiet down. Your

13:25

doc is likely that you like a jew

13:27

and how much like with high did not

13:29

consider him fixes topic go to school but

13:31

I did. You have to see or from

13:34

inglourious basterds as I know you are harvested.

13:36

You are harboring. You're harboring illegals.

13:38

A new carpet, thirtieth. Are

13:41

you not. Want to be on

13:43

the floor with the but with you bizarre point

13:45

to be point Me in. The floor with the

13:47

Statoil family is. Is

13:50

your family's deadly air quotes? Jesse?

13:53

How's your family? Or you be

13:55

of me of my common law

13:57

roommate. And.

14:00

Anyway, back to the original point. What

14:02

world do you think is the – what would prove

14:04

that racism is over more like

14:08

Kanye getting a

14:11

ranking, like a ranking in the

14:13

Nazis, not just like people

14:15

saying he's doing Nazi dog

14:18

whistles or ideologies, like actually joining

14:21

as a fraternity, like he gets his letters, like they –

14:24

like the cute dogs in the black fraternity, like

14:26

they do a swastika on him and

14:28

he gets like that fencing scar. Do you know why a

14:30

lot of those Nazis had fencing scars, by the way? No.

14:34

So they were – all the Nazi officers were like

14:36

from the upper classes. So they went

14:38

to these schools where fencing was popular and it was

14:40

like a big thing, so they would fence. And

14:43

they would actually try to – they wouldn't wear masks

14:45

purposefully because they wanted to get them because it was

14:47

like a mark of – Oh, it looked cool. It

14:50

looked cool. Yeah. But they were

14:52

just – all those guys who wear officer's jackets,

14:54

they're just – they're all the same every country,

14:56

no matter how evil the ideology. It's always the

14:58

softest guys at the top, you know,

15:00

trying to look the hardest. Except

15:02

for Alexander the Great, according to the documentary Iway. I

15:04

mean, you know, the guy banged dudes. He

15:07

banged dudes and he fucking conquered lands.

15:10

So he conquered assholes, Persians,

15:14

Indians on

15:18

elephants. You would think riding

15:21

elephants to war – I think it was the only

15:23

battle he lost was against an Indian

15:26

general on an elephant. So there

15:28

you have it. That's so much

15:30

for the Macedonian fighting spirit. Macedonia

15:33

is Greek, by the way. But

15:36

I think that would end racism if

15:38

Kanye was a Nazi. That would end

15:41

racism more than like Netflix

15:45

casting Cleopatra as sub-Saharan

15:47

black. Did you know that

15:49

was a controversy? I just learned about that now that I'm

15:51

getting into these Netflix series. The Alexander the Great was good.

15:54

The Roman one I'm watching is like, eh.

15:56

And the Cleopatra one was unwatchable.

16:00

I'm only saying this just because like... How

16:06

can I say this? It's

16:09

like if you're gonna do a documentary, like if

16:11

you're gonna do a fiction, if Baz Luhrmann was

16:14

gonna make Cleopatra the movie,

16:17

I'm fine. It wouldn't

16:19

distract me if it was Queen Latifah's.

16:23

It's Cleopatra. So this

16:25

is actually an interesting story because Egypt

16:28

sued Netflix. Really? Yeah,

16:30

so the country of Egypt sued

16:32

Netflix for this fucking documentary.

16:35

I didn't even know you could do that. Who's

16:38

Egypt's lawyer? Like how does a

16:40

country have a... Like how did they sue?

16:43

So the country sued Netflix

16:46

for misrepresenting Cleopatra. Now, Cleopatra was not

16:48

black. They know that, right? So it's

16:51

like a fact she wasn't black. But

16:53

some people insist they were because there's that...

16:57

We do have that school of

16:59

Israel, I thought, that everyone was

17:01

black. I mean, there's that

17:03

thing that we're all... We just took all their stuff

17:05

and the Egyptians were black. I mean, even

17:08

Cat Williams was like, what's that

17:10

big nose? He's like on the pharaohs.

17:12

They cut him off. He goes, why did they

17:14

cut him off? You didn't hear that? I

17:16

wanted to say, I think, because of erosion. Because

17:19

they stick out and that's the first thing to erode.

17:21

I wanted to say that, but I'm like, you know what?

17:23

His is just funner. Because they wanted to

17:26

cut off the noses so people didn't know

17:28

that the Egyptians were black. So that's what he

17:30

said. I believe he said it on Rogan.

17:32

Or he definitely said it on some interview. Can

17:35

I just say he's bipolar? Can

17:38

I? Yeah, he seems bipolar to me. That's

17:41

what makes him great? Yeah, that's what makes him great. I'm

17:43

not saying he's not great. But yeah.

17:48

You believe what you want to believe. I mean, why

17:50

did the Greek noses fall off? Where

17:52

they... You know all the statues

17:55

of the noses and the penises fall off? It's

17:57

because of erosion. They're hanging off. a

18:00

couple thousand years. I mean those

18:02

things are out in the fucking weather. You didn't think,

18:05

I mean were black noses on the top sheath of

18:07

the pyramid as well? Was it just

18:09

all black noses? Because that came off too. You

18:11

know that used to be like a shiny white

18:14

and it's all eroded off because we were

18:16

told it was white of course. That

18:19

Williams you're right. It wasn't white. It

18:21

was just black noses. The whole thing was covered

18:23

in black noses and they cut them all off

18:25

because they don't want people to know that the

18:27

ancient Egyptians who were capable of such architecture were

18:30

Sub-Saharan African. So that's

18:34

Cat Williams' history. And

18:36

apparently Netflix as well they made Queen

18:38

Cleopatra Sub-Saharan black. I

18:40

say Sub-Saharan black because above

18:43

the Saharan desert there's the A-Raps.

18:46

There's more of the Middle Eastern looking

18:48

who are mixed with Persians and Greeks

18:50

and they got a

18:52

different look. You know they look more like

18:55

bomb threat. They

18:59

look more like you know double

19:01

check them. They're

19:04

double check them. They're

19:08

airport screened. You know what I'm talking about. You

19:10

know what I'm talking about. They got to take the shoes

19:12

off. Even if they're pre-check. They

19:14

still got to take. Listen

19:17

okay. Pre-check you don't got to take your

19:19

shoes off unless you get a

19:21

certain look. And so that's why I call them that. They're

19:23

pre-check. They're take your shoes

19:25

off at pre-check look. The rest

19:27

of them. So it's a different look. And

19:30

so the general

19:32

concept. First of all we know her

19:35

genealogy except there's one wild card. And

19:37

the wild card is I think

19:40

Cleopatra's grandmother. We

19:42

don't know exactly who she

19:44

was. The mother they know the father

19:46

they know. But she's

19:48

Macedonian. Right. Because she's the from

19:50

the Ptolemy. The

19:54

Ptolemy dynasty. And that

19:56

was started by Alexander

19:58

the Great's bodyguard. his right-hand

20:00

man who took over after

20:03

the civil war between the generals after

20:05

Alexander died and he became the ruler

20:08

and then and then from there was his

20:10

descendants right so she's from that line so

20:13

they're Greek they were Greek so

20:15

she's you know so the

20:18

best educated guest is that she had a

20:20

little Persian in there but

20:22

I mean she could have her

20:24

grandpops could have banged out of Sub-Saharan Africa

20:27

it's possible but least

20:30

likely probably not but

20:33

this documentary starts with a woman going

20:36

my grandmother always told me it's a black woman I mean

20:38

she could have been like I mean she's American black woman

20:40

too and you're going like what

20:42

this isn't even an American story right but

20:45

they just made it like America's

20:47

problem you know

20:50

what I'm talking about so it starts with

20:52

like this old black woman who

20:54

I guess is some historian at I

20:56

don't know CCNY or something you

20:59

know I don't think they rolled

21:01

out the best historians the other ones have

21:03

like British speaking historians I'm like these guys

21:05

know he's like Cambridge yeah these guys went

21:07

to real school some old

21:09

black woman it's like this is from

21:12

yeah Baruch College in New York and she

21:14

goes mom my grandmother told me don't

21:17

let them tell you it's this is how it starts

21:19

you know don't tell you Cleopatra was black and

21:22

that's how it starts so right there they just lost

21:24

me I go oh this is what's going on here

21:27

so that's my point my point is I

21:29

wouldn't mind if it was a fictionalized version

21:31

but the whole point of these series that

21:33

they're doing I think they're kind of successful

21:35

because they keep making them and they're done

21:37

in an interesting way right so it's documentary

21:40

style with acting so it's like

21:42

a movie but then they cut to these historians

21:46

and they're telling the story the Alexander

21:49

the Great One was the best because they also had

21:51

an archaeologist who was like digging up his

21:53

palace in Alexandria so what

21:55

was the lawsuit about so the lawsuit was

21:57

about that they were going this is you're

22:00

mischaracterizing history and they say we're not

22:02

doing this because you were racist. Again,

22:04

it's an American thing, right? They're Egypt.

22:07

They're not in, you know, maybe they

22:09

are racist. I don't know, probably, because

22:11

everyone is, but they

22:13

are seeking $2 billion compensation. They're

22:17

suing Netflix for making Cleopatra

22:20

black. And so even

22:22

it's funny because the whoever

22:24

is representative Egypt kind of got pulled into

22:26

America's thing too, because he was like, I'm

22:28

not doing this because there's anything roping black.

22:31

I'm just saying Cleopatra wasn't black. I

22:33

mean, she wasn't black, right? Not only

22:35

do we, like

22:37

I said, the best educated gas

22:40

or whatever based on evidence, and

22:42

that's what I mean by educated, but also there's like, there's

22:45

statues of her and stuff. There's like, we know

22:47

what she looks like. We know what she looked like. And

22:52

she looks at the very least, you

22:55

know, more like take your shoes off

22:57

in pre-check line a little bit,

23:00

right? But we don't know. She's no matter what she's

23:02

mostly Greeks because the mass, the Ptolemy

23:05

dynasty, the Macedonians who ruled were

23:08

so into being Greek and cared so

23:10

much about their line for royalty that

23:12

they inbred and did that shit. Like

23:15

they were all about being Greek. So it was like, they

23:17

wouldn't allow that. It wouldn't happen. Like

23:20

Cleopatra just, it wouldn't, they wouldn't let just

23:22

a black chick. It just wouldn't happen. I'm

23:24

not saying it was Alabama in

23:27

the 1820s, but I'm saying it wouldn't

23:29

happen. They wouldn't let a fucking Russian,

23:32

they wouldn't let, you know what I'm saying? It's

23:34

just they wanted, they wouldn't even let another Greek.

23:36

It was like it had to be in the

23:39

Ptolemy line. That was the whole point. So

23:42

that's what threw me off about it right away. Like

23:44

I said, but if it was made by Spike Lee,

23:46

I would have watched it. If it was fictionalized, it

23:48

was fun. Yeah, they were trying to do like a

23:50

Hamilton thing. They were trying to do a Hamilton thing

23:52

on a series that was already established because the Rome

23:55

was the first installment of this, was

23:57

Rome, right? And they didn't make any of the Rome. and

24:01

the Romans were evil devils. They

24:04

were all white. So Cleopatra just came

24:06

out of left field and they just made her black

24:09

and it starts with that statement

24:12

with the woman going, my grandmother always told me and

24:14

she says it like that, my grandmother always told me

24:16

Cleopatra is black and she says, and then she goes,

24:18

don't let anybody tell you different. And I'm like, all

24:21

right. So my point

24:23

is they're purporting to be a

24:25

pretty accurate historic portrayal. That's the

24:27

point of these documentaries. So

24:30

they're essentially documentaries with act outs. So

24:33

anyway, why did I bring up this? I don't know. Besides

24:36

the fact that I have 20% of the people watching

24:38

this call me a racist. You

24:42

can't escape it. I

24:45

don't remember where it started. Oh, Kanye in some

24:47

way. Yeah. Well, his Yee shirts

24:49

are for sale. I'm going to buy one. I'm

24:52

going to buy one. I

24:55

wonder where they came up with that $2 billion number. Yeah.

24:58

You get in a room and you go, what's it worth? I don't

25:01

know. One million. What's it worth to

25:03

misrepresent someone who's been dead for a couple thousand years?

25:05

Let's go for $2 billion. And how do you win

25:07

that lawsuit? Netflix just goes, what? We're just making a

25:09

fucking, they're like, in our country, we can do whatever

25:12

we want, dude. I'm

25:14

a girl right now. I'm a boy. See,

25:16

I just did it. Like we can do whatever we want,

25:18

which I support. And I support the making of this. But

25:20

I'm just saying me personally, I'm being honest. It

25:22

threw me off and I stopped watching because

25:25

it just kind of, because I wanted to watch

25:27

it for the historical accuracy. And

25:31

because I was like Googling while I was watching

25:33

it, because I'm just a psycho like that. So

25:36

there was also inaccuracies in the Rome one.

25:38

I think the Alexander the Great one is

25:40

the most accurate. The Rome

25:42

one also, they dramatized some things, but

25:44

they were pretty close. But they took

25:47

some liberties for drama. But

25:51

they're good because they get you interested and get you Googling because

25:53

it was an interesting period. And I

25:55

found from researching and

25:58

reading about this is like, you see so So

26:00

many similarities between what America's going

26:02

through and what Rome, now

26:04

I'm back to the Rome part, what

26:06

Rome is going through when Commodus took

26:08

over from Marcus Aurelius, which

26:10

most historians, if not all, consider the

26:13

beginning of the end of

26:15

the greatest empire of the world ever now. And

26:18

it's the same type of problems. They had a massive problem at the

26:20

border. Of course, these problems were different

26:22

in nature, but it was the same kind of

26:25

anatomy, like

26:27

ongoing problem at the border. They had Mexicans?

26:30

Well, yeah, their Mexicans were

26:33

Germanic tribes. So yeah, if

26:35

you want to explain it that way. So

26:38

the Romans had, and most of them

26:40

are Venezuelan, by the way. Yeah, although

26:42

who could tell the difference? You

26:45

got to really fucking have an eye for that. I

26:47

mean, who has an eye for that? I

26:50

mean, who really can... I

26:53

mean, dude, if your life depended on it, if

26:55

someone had a gun in your head, it says

26:57

your mom...it put two

27:00

migrants next to each other. Gun

27:02

in your mom's head, let's

27:05

make your chances even worse, four, because you can

27:07

get lucky by just picking one. Let's

27:09

say they put four, and four of them right

27:11

next to each other, and go,

27:13

okay, your mom lives, you

27:16

show me which one of

27:18

these four is Mexican, and

27:20

not Venezuelan or Chilean or... I

27:23

mean, I don't even know why

27:26

they got borders down there. It's just

27:28

all Mexico. Oh, boy. I

27:32

mean, but the same thing in, like, fucking, you

27:35

know, the Eastern European, you know, they got Croatia,

27:37

and you go there and you're like, you guys

27:39

all got that weird...you all got

27:41

that weird Holocaust face look. So

27:43

what's the deal with the sharp things

27:46

and the...you all got that weird poor

27:48

white guy look. You

27:51

all got that weird

27:54

shady contractor in Brooklyn look.

27:59

What's the difference between... to serve in

28:01

a Montenegrin or a Croatian

28:03

or a Slovenian or a

28:06

Albanian. I mean, it's just

28:08

a whole bunch of people who aren't Greek

28:11

and a little lesser of human beings. So

28:16

it's like, yeah, why are there border? Like what's

28:18

a Ukraine and Russia? Like who gives a shit?

28:20

That has nothing to do with like, that's just

28:22

all about that fucking pipeline and that fertile land.

28:25

That's what Russia wants. That's what all wars are. When you

28:27

read history, you go like, what did they go in for?

28:30

They were a little more honest about it back then. Like we're

28:32

going to plunder for grain. Now they're like, um,

28:35

there's a freedom situation over there and

28:38

we don't, there's a despot and we want

28:40

the people to be free. It's like, you don't care about

28:42

the people you're going in for some resources. That's

28:45

what all wars are about. Right?

28:47

Who would go to war on a principle? Is

28:50

America, what do you think America really,

28:53

it's about Ukraine and like the,

28:55

how fertile Ukraine is. That's why

28:57

Russia wants it. It's like supposedly

28:59

crazy fertile. I mean, you could, you could

29:02

fucking make babies with Ukraine and

29:04

they got natural gas fields and shit.

29:07

Yeah. Like, why did he take Crimea?

29:09

Oh, it happens to be a fucking offshore, uh, oil

29:12

right under there. Oh, they call it the bread basket

29:14

of the world. Uh, yeah, I

29:16

thought it used to be, they used to call,

29:18

um, Egypt the bread

29:20

basket, but yeah, they call Ukraine the bed

29:23

basket of the world now. See,

29:25

that's not a coincidence. Okay.

29:28

It's basically the all bond pain of the world.

29:30

It's a nice little bakery. You can get some

29:32

nice pastries. How did the

29:34

USA become the bread basket of the world? Jesse doesn't know

29:36

what he's talking about, but that's what's great about this podcast.

29:39

There you go. Why is Ukraine called the bread

29:41

basket of the world? Why is it at the

29:43

beginning of the 20th century, it's sharing the global

29:45

export of wheat stood at 20%. Dude,

29:48

we're going to war and barley. So we got to get

29:50

our beer. Our wheat is

29:52

beer and fucking bread. So

29:56

they got barley, they got

29:58

wheat, and they got. Holy

30:01

mackerel and earned the nickname

30:03

the breadbasket, the breadbasket of Europe. USA is the

30:05

breadbasket of the world because we got fertile land.

30:07

We got it all. We got to fucking do

30:09

it. That land you make fun of where you

30:11

think the hillbillies live, those people,

30:13

if the apocalypse comes, they're the only ones that are

30:15

going to be able to live because they can eat

30:17

from their house. Their backyard has

30:19

stuff in it. Oh, California

30:22

is the breadbasket of the world. I

30:24

hate to... Look, I put this joke

30:26

up about San Francisco. Now, San Francisco does

30:28

have some kooky laws and stuff like that.

30:31

But is there a more beautiful state than California?

30:33

Very nice. Is there a

30:35

more beautiful place than California? The

30:38

people who hate California, it's like you... Maybe

30:40

you've never been, but it's

30:42

a lot better than Austin. It's a

30:44

lot better than Houston. I'll

30:47

go anywhere in California, okay?

30:50

I bet you there's Nazis who want to go to

30:52

California. I bet you, like... You

30:55

know. You could

30:57

be the most conservative person in the world, and you're

30:59

like, all right, look, I don't like California's catch

31:02

and release or whatever. But you're like, you know what? I'm

31:04

going to go buy a house in this suburb that is

31:06

incredible by the Atlantic Ocean. No. Pacific.

31:10

By the Pacific, which is nicer than the Atlantic for some

31:13

reason. I think because the Chinese are closer. I don't

31:15

know what they do. They put something in the

31:17

water, soy. It's cold. You can't go swimming in it.

31:20

It's cold? Yeah, Pacific's cold. Oh.

31:24

Yeah, the Atlantic is cold too, right?

31:27

The Atlantic's got to be cold, but in the summer it heats

31:29

up? Yeah. Well, the

31:31

Pacific down by Miami is warm. That's

31:34

the Mediterranean? Is

31:38

that the Gulf of Cuba? Yeah. That's

31:40

the Cuban lap pool. That's the Indian Ocean.

31:43

I like to call it the Cuban lap pool, because

31:45

that's where they swim, laps. They

31:48

swim to the... And then the Coast Guard makes those go

31:50

back, and they've got to swim back. Yeah, that's the Puerto

31:52

Rican baby pool. It's

31:55

not the Pacific around there? That's the Pacific.

31:58

Where? In Florida? around

32:00

Florida. Caribbean?

32:04

Is it the Caribbean? On one side

32:07

it's the Atlantic. Yeah, the Atlantic's on

32:09

the east, the Pacific's on the west.

32:12

So Florida's on the east. Yeah. So

32:14

I said it's the Atlantic. You said the

32:17

Pacific. Well, I'm not getting specific

32:19

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32:22

gets specific about the Pacific? I

32:25

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Atlantic assholes. Northeast

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34:19

and pussies. That's the way to remember it. Pussies

34:21

are on the West Coast, Pacific. Assholes

34:23

are on the East Coast, Atlantic. But

34:25

it's a beautiful, it's a beautiful

34:27

state. It is really a

34:29

beautiful state. Probably the most breathtaking state as

34:32

far as natural landscapes. I know Montana is

34:34

great, but it's landlocked. I mean, who wants

34:36

to be in Montana? You got to

34:38

be close to an ocean for the beauty. You

34:41

need to be where the invasion hits first for

34:44

it to be a nice place. Yeah, waterfront

34:46

property is always the most expensive. Yeah, I

34:49

mean, look, even Obama, even

34:51

all the people who love climate change got waterfront

34:53

properties. Nobody's landlocked.

34:56

Landlocked, it just has a feel. You know, you

34:58

go to Kansas, you just I

35:00

mean, you just have a feel. You're trapped in there,

35:02

but they'll be the safest because

35:05

they attack the coast first, right? But

35:07

nobody can attack us anymore. That's an

35:09

interesting thing. That's the

35:11

difference between Rome and there. So they're

35:14

Mexicans, to answer your question, were

35:17

Germanic tribes, which is weird because

35:20

those were the barbarians and barbarian just means

35:22

not Greek. But it became a slur.

35:25

So originally, it's like it's like

35:28

calling someone retarded. It used

35:30

to be not a slur. It used to be

35:32

the official way. Mental retardation,

35:36

mental retardation was the way

35:38

you describe someone who had

35:40

mental retardation. But

35:43

then a bunch of assholes got ahold of the word

35:46

and started using it in a mean way. And

35:49

so barbarian is the same

35:52

thing. It just meant not Greek. And

35:54

then a bunch of goddamn nationalist white

35:56

supremacist Romans got ahold of it

35:58

and they started using it. in it as

36:00

a pejorative, as a slur. So that's why barbarian

36:02

became a slur, but technically it just means not

36:05

Greek. That's the translation for

36:07

barbarian. So the barbarians were

36:09

the Goths

36:12

and the Visiogoths and

36:14

the Vandals, I think

36:16

the Vandals were the ones, and they all fought

36:18

with each other and then they would unite sometimes

36:21

and try to fight Rome. I don't know what

36:23

they were doing up there, and then Rome would

36:25

conscript a bunch of them. So

36:27

like all empires, people got

36:30

used to a good life, and

36:32

people didn't wanna die, so then

36:34

Rome had to start using mercenaries. And once

36:36

that started to happen, it was open season

36:38

for fucking Attilahon and Genghis, no

36:41

Genghis, what did Genghis sack them

36:43

to? Or am I thinking of Attilahon? One of

36:45

those crazy Asiatic

36:47

people, Eastern Hamis,

36:52

yeah, one of those crazy Eastern Hamis started plucking

36:54

off the Romans. Dude, it's

36:56

50 million people. I mean,

36:58

they had such a large empire.

37:03

There was problems at the border all the time. European

37:08

Mexicans trying to get in for work

37:11

and kicked out undocumented German labor.

37:14

And that's what happened. The

37:17

Romans would go like, hey man, let me see your paper. Pataramon,

37:20

patarapo, which means can

37:22

I see your papers? And then the German would

37:24

be like, I don't have any papers, and

37:26

they'd deport them, and then there was a Roman Donald Trump

37:28

who said I'm gonna build a wall up there. It all

37:30

happened, and history repeats itself. At

37:33

some point, there was a Roman Donald Trump who

37:35

just came in and said, we're building a wall,

37:37

we're building a glorious wall between us and

37:40

Germania and Gaul. And

37:44

yeah, they had all the same problems. They

37:46

had problems at the border, different

37:49

types of problems, it was more war, but

37:52

they were trying to get in. Same thing, they were trying

37:55

to get in and sack and shit, and the

37:57

Romans would go and defend those outskirts.

38:01

And then they had internal strife, communists, like

38:03

a bunch of like civil wars

38:05

and extreme differences,

38:07

and then they had a plague

38:10

right around Commodus's time. They had the plague

38:12

that hit hard. So we've had all

38:14

that shit. And

38:17

they also claimed there's a theory about lead

38:19

in the water that made people stupider, hurt

38:24

their brains. And the

38:26

soldiers just got comfortable. They didn't want to

38:28

fight anymore. So we see that now, right?

38:30

Enrollment in the army is down, right?

38:33

They're like talking about just

38:36

as soon as the Venezuelan comes up on shore, just throwing

38:38

them in an army suit. We

38:41

got problems at the border. We've never

38:43

had civil strife like this. We

38:46

had a plague. We've had

38:49

inflation. We've

38:51

had shortages, right? Food

38:53

supply shortages, baby formula

38:56

shortages. Remember all those shortages they had?

38:58

I mean, they're over now, I think. So,

39:01

toilet paper. Everyone just rushed to fucking – That's the first thing to

39:03

go. Yeah, because in America, like, I'm going to stay home. What are

39:05

you going to do? We're going to eat. So people

39:07

– I'm not going to have to walk around and be judged. We're

39:09

going to eat. It's what we like to do. You

39:12

can take a lot of shit. So, yeah, right now,

39:15

with 2024, the U.S. military

39:17

recruitment is at an all-time low.

39:19

It's breaking records. So

39:23

there you have it. I mean, it has

39:25

all the elements. The difference is Rome

39:28

eventually got sacked, right?

39:32

The Vandals made it all the way to

39:34

Rome and fucking sacked the goddamn city, deposed

39:37

the emperor, and

39:39

some dude became the first Italian

39:41

king, some Germanic dude. Hey,

39:43

how you doing? I guess he was

39:45

a guy who's like, now we're doing

39:47

sauce. Yeah. Now it's time

39:50

for macaroni. Sundays we do sauce. Now

39:52

we're doing macaroni. You're no longer

39:54

Rome. It's not an empire anymore.

39:57

It's Italy. I'm going

39:59

to get a drink. some Italian food

40:02

and that was it they sacked but nobody's gonna

40:04

be able to sack there's gonna

40:06

be no foreign army that could ever take us

40:09

down you know that'll never happen

40:11

which is an interesting thing so what do you think it's

40:13

gonna be from the inside right I

40:15

think it'll be similar to the British

40:17

Empire's because the British people say

40:19

the Roman Empire was the greatest empire in

40:21

history but the Roman Empire was the greatest

40:25

only by time because then when the

40:27

Roman Empire fell then the Holy

40:29

Roman Empire popped up so it stayed on

40:32

like it and it continues today because it

40:34

influences so much all those Greco Roman you

40:38

know things keep going but

40:41

the Roman Empire was like a thousand years or

40:43

something like that just went on and on and

40:45

on but as far as like land nobody's

40:49

more successful than the British Empire the

40:52

British the Sun never sets on the

40:54

British Empire but that

40:56

was a quicker Empire

40:58

and it just they lost everything I

41:00

think America it's gonna be like that I

41:03

think America's influence will go down like

41:06

China knows it can't take us out right

41:09

because we'll take them out so

41:11

mutually assured destruction has

41:14

created this detente it's

41:16

the only way you can get people that peace is

41:18

if you know that you'll be dead also so

41:22

and that'll go on until that

41:24

unless you know that'll never end

41:26

because nuclear weapons unless the electricity goes out and

41:29

then we go fight I don't know I'm not

41:31

smart enough to know but like so that's

41:33

an interesting part I think what can

41:35

happen is America could become a dump like

41:38

America that could happen but

41:40

that's unlikely so I think what will happen

41:42

is just our sphere of influence will will

41:45

shrink around the world and

41:47

I think what could happen is we break up because

41:50

that happens all the time yeah can you

41:53

imagine if we just become separate that would

41:55

be so bad countries that are yeah but

41:57

that's very possible yeah because you already hear

42:00

There's a lot of this and

42:02

that's an old American problem, right?

42:04

We've had a civil war, you know,

42:07

the state's rights, federal rights,

42:09

the whole federal's papers, the balance between the

42:12

two. We've been doing a pretty good

42:14

job about state autonomy, federal,

42:18

you know, limits on federal

42:20

authority. Like there's a

42:22

good balance, right, where they throw it back to the

42:24

states and every state does sort

42:26

of in some small way operate like

42:29

its own country, right?

42:31

There's different laws in different states. And

42:34

then there's this over, we're an American empire so it's

42:37

like they're all united. We're pretty good

42:39

with language and religion and all that. You

42:42

know, people are like freedom of religion, yeah, that's

42:44

great and all that, but what keeps

42:46

people together is a common culture. So

42:49

if the American culture continues to disintegrate

42:54

and becomes more tribal and more

42:57

divided by language,

42:59

religion, and you

43:02

get all these different or politics,

43:04

which is basically religion

43:07

and all this stuff, we could

43:09

just go backwards. Where you going? Where

43:11

you gonna live? I ain't moving from here, especially with

43:13

climate change, which I happen to believe in just because of

43:15

fucking the way the weather is. You're not going to Texas?

43:18

No, because you want to be on high ground and you

43:20

want to be in the northeast. That's

43:22

the best place, they say. Really? Yeah.

43:26

Because of climate change. Lowlands is going to be

43:28

bad, Midwest bad, California bad, Florida bad. You're going

43:30

to be living with a lot of wackadoos. I

43:32

ain't staying in the city. It's where the wackadoo

43:34

lawns are. Staying on a mountain and getting a

43:36

couple of AR-15. Oh, you're just talking about the

43:38

total collapse of society. Yeah, total collapse. I want

43:40

to be where I am. I'm talking about when

43:42

you get the different laws. Oh,

43:45

that's a tough question. You're going to be

43:47

in a fully blue state. I'm

43:50

going with the Paul brothers. I'm going to Puerto

43:52

Rico. If I'm going out, I'm going out with

43:54

Puerto-Equas. Where you going

43:56

if it all goes to shit? I don't know. I was

43:58

thinking Texas, but now they just got that Pornhub

44:00

rule dude a guy from

44:02

New York is never like

44:05

you never gonna like taxes

44:07

Texas is a culturalist fucking

44:09

cesspool sorry I'm

44:11

staying in Brooklyn I mean there's

44:13

all it's just lakes and spiders that

44:15

can kill you and a heat that

44:18

you can't breathe in and everything

44:20

smells like mesquite I

44:23

mean they got no vegetables there like

44:25

everything's trucked in it's all steak

44:28

it's all steak and meat everyone's

44:30

fucking fat it's a it's

44:32

a different it's not

44:34

a charming place no but I like

44:37

that their idea it lacks in French

44:39

restaurants that have Michelin stars let's

44:42

be honest when we're New York beep the word we're

44:44

all kind of in New

44:46

York even if you're not aware of it you're

44:48

you keep them yes I like

44:51

the sense of freedom that you hear

44:53

about there ain't no Metropolitan Museum of

44:55

art we go and just be you

45:00

know I like those options yeah I like to be

45:02

able to go ham going to the Guggenheim today yeah but

45:05

now you're gonna be living in the purple hair zone I like

45:07

to know that I could just put on my panties and

45:10

go to the mat walk around alone

45:13

and just be in panties just

45:15

be panties for that your laws that you could

45:17

be insane like you to be taxed out the

45:19

wazoo you know someone's gonna be able

45:21

to live in your house without your permission look me

45:24

and my mother-in-law and my wife had this conversation in

45:26

the car the other day they said

45:28

if you're ideal place you could live my

45:30

mother-in-law brought up ideal place and

45:33

I said right where we live and they

45:35

went really like I was crazy and I went yeah

45:37

did you even think this through where are you

45:39

gonna go she's like I want to be by some water somewhere

45:41

so I go where you want me in Florida when's

45:43

the last time you're in Florida she's a

45:45

bit of Florida right she's all like Long

45:47

Island Florida's not even Long Island talk

45:52

about a cultural is I mean outside

45:54

of Miami I mean it's a fucking

45:56

dump I mean it's

45:58

one big fucking of

46:01

swamp gator people. Okay,

46:03

it's horrible. The weather

46:05

is unbearable in the summer. You cannot

46:07

breathe. It is so hot and humid.

46:10

You know what, now in the middle

46:12

of January, it is gorgeous. But then

46:14

you lose the Santa stories. You

46:17

know, people at least in

46:20

the winter are inside. You

46:22

know, so it's like not, like you go to those

46:25

warm weather places, there's homeless people, nothing

46:27

against homeless people. What are they called

46:29

now? They're unhoused. Unhoused people, nothing against

46:31

the unhoused. But

46:34

in the warm climate places, they're all over the

46:37

place. At least here they get freesed

46:39

out. So you know, at least if you

46:41

know, it drops to 20 degrees, half of them die, the

46:45

other ones go inside somewhere. They all go on the train.

46:48

They go on the train station, which I don't take anymore. So

46:50

it's at least aesthetically, it's

46:53

a little less of that going on, nothing against

46:55

the unhoused, mental health problems. I

46:57

was a social worker, I'm just doing this for comedy. I

47:00

love everybody, everyone's equal. Everyone deserves

47:02

a shot. I love everyone, just

47:04

love, love, love. Nothing but love,

47:07

take all my money. I give it to everyone, I

47:09

support charities, I do all that stuff that celebrities do

47:11

to distract you from the fact that they drink baby

47:13

blood. I do all that

47:15

same stuff. I mean, I really wanna

47:17

look at Mark Ruffalo's internet history. That's

47:19

another story. There is no way he's

47:21

a great guy. There is no way.

47:24

There's no way. Everyone thought Bill Cosby

47:26

was a great guy too. There's

47:30

just no way. Anyway,

47:33

so I said to them, have you thought of all that

47:35

stuff? There's no

47:38

bagels in Tampa. You

47:40

know what I'm saying? There's no

47:42

amazing Italian restaurants in Tampa.

47:46

In New York, it's like the

47:49

universe. You have the option

47:51

for anything you want at

47:53

the highest level at any time. The

47:57

culture, everything. New York is the center.

48:00

becomes not the best place that a

48:02

matter what's it gonna be is Kansas

48:05

City gonna become on is Nashville

48:07

that fucking dump full of

48:09

fucking dressed up trailer trash a

48:13

bunch of blonde girls in cowboy boots walking

48:15

around drunk vomiting on the floor because it

48:17

just came from a fucking fake bull bar

48:21

with her pussy got chafed because they were on a

48:23

plastic fucking bowl and now they

48:25

got chafed marks in either side of their fucking

48:27

camel toe is that the

48:29

place it depends it depends on

48:31

governance like at one point Detroit

48:34

was super rich it was one of the

48:36

greatest places to live and look at it now you

48:38

know it's all because of the way first an industry

48:40

left Detroit was never the greatest place it was an

48:43

amazing place because they had they were really rich people

48:45

if you look at the property of Detroit you're going

48:47

like all right this was a good place but New

48:49

York was always the spot New York is always always

48:51

been the spot yeah and if it doesn't remain the

48:54

spot and mark my words if New York does not

48:56

remain the spot with the port city that it is

48:58

in the Northeast and everything that's here America's

49:01

over that's like saying Rome's

49:03

not the spot anymore imagine the Roman Empire

49:05

was like okay now

49:07

it's Brindisi now Brindisi is the

49:10

spot so New York is the

49:12

spot and then and then I went I

49:14

started going evidence I said it going like I want to live

49:16

in the place where the wealthiest people

49:18

in the country want to

49:20

live the Gold Coast why they why is

49:22

the Gold Coast here why is all those

49:25

wise Darien and New Cannon and Greenwich and

49:27

all the Gold Coast areas they're all New

49:29

York area places I want to live Wall

49:31

Street was here huh cuz Wall Street is

49:33

Wall Street in New York but now things

49:36

are changing they could move Wall Street yeah

49:38

there you have where'd they put it most

49:43

that's when people used to actually go in what did

49:45

I miss I skip a day

49:47

news no no no I mean Wall Street is

49:49

still there I'm just saying like now everything is

49:51

automated computerized like people don't actually have to go

49:53

to a trading floor anymore I don't like that

49:56

look I know the critiques in New York yes

49:58

there's National Guard the subway yes you get

50:00

stabbed out of nowhere. Yes, you get shot in the

50:02

head in the subway. Yeah, but

50:04

yes, there's rats the size of dogs

50:06

here. Yes, it's a little

50:08

dirty and sometimes it smells like pee.

50:11

Yes, in the summer the garbage outside

50:13

smells like the inside of an 80

50:15

year old Chinese guy asshole after too

50:17

much ramen. Do I still have

50:19

to pretend that ramen's good or is that

50:21

just for San Francisco people pretending that they're

50:23

cultured? It's just dirty water with noodles. It's

50:26

not good. It's pretty tasteless. Yeah,

50:29

it's got a couple of fucking green

50:31

things in it and then like

50:33

some tasteless mushrooms and then dirty

50:35

water. That's not your thing. All right. Not my thing.

50:37

Get me some orange chicken. I want some Americanized

50:41

sugared up Chinese food with MSG.

50:44

Give me some beef with

50:47

bok hui. You can't fill up on soup. That's why you

50:49

don't like it. I don't like soup. It's dirty water. Okay,

50:52

it's just dirty water. I

50:55

just want Italian food. I want Italian food,

50:57

Greek food. You want pasta and cheese. That's

50:59

all I want is pasta and cheese but

51:01

I would pick New York. Great summer especially

51:03

now with the weather. Great, great, you

51:06

know, short winter. Pretty mild. Great

51:10

spring. Great fall. Summer

51:13

can get hot but not crazy where like you

51:15

can most of the summer you're outside. Most

51:17

of summer you can go. There's only a couple days where it's always

51:20

like crazy whereas

51:22

like in Florida that's a whole

51:24

season. So where would you go? New

51:26

York, New York. New York is good if you got

51:28

some cash. If you're broken,

51:30

New York is kind of tough. Well,

51:33

I mean, you insist on wanting to live

51:36

in where Ethan Hawke lives. I'm

51:38

just saying in general. No, you could go

51:40

live in Queens. You could. Yeah. But you don't get

51:42

to take advantage of the city as much if you

51:44

don't have a lot of money. But doesn't that go

51:46

for every city though? Like if you're, you know, you

51:49

have the rich parts of the rich parts. Yeah,

51:51

yeah, yeah. Like you said, you said it, whatever

51:53

your income bracket is, it

51:55

travels with you. Yeah. Wherever you go. That's

51:57

right. Yeah. But I think you can like...

52:00

All those things you're talking about, like going to these amazing restaurants. I

52:02

mean, you can fucking $800 a plate at some of these places. All

52:06

you guys sell is one of these baby socks.

52:08

These guys, these things are for sale for

52:10

$14 million. This is an original piece. I

52:14

think you did sell a few of these. Yeah, so

52:16

the few. Yeah. So look, he only has 18 of

52:18

these, which he can make as many as he wants,

52:21

but to keep the value, that's actually not true. How

52:23

many are left? I don't have any.

52:26

There's none. Yeah. So we will sell you

52:28

this baby. There's a Greek hedge fund guy

52:30

watching right now. We will sell

52:32

you this baby Sarcoteese for

52:35

$4 million. Is that pretty

52:37

good? All right. All right. All right. All right. I

52:39

hear you protested. We'll sell it to you for 17

52:41

bucks. Wait

52:44

a minute. Okay. Do

52:47

I hear once going twice

52:50

sold, sold to the Greek guy

52:52

in Canada who hired me for his birthday party and

52:56

put me up with the Shangri-La. He

52:58

was a hedge fund guy and I had

53:00

to do Mr. Pano said his birthday. Oh, yeah. Thank

53:02

God. I can say no to those gigs now. Was

53:05

that awkward? Some girl asked me, she was having a

53:07

birthday party at a diner and she asked me to

53:09

come. Oh, God. You're like a

53:11

clown. I just left them on red and it's

53:13

nothing feels better than leaving something like that on

53:15

red. I used to get those all the

53:17

time. Can you come as more recent to my birthday party? No,

53:20

I can't. And it's always funny. Like once in

53:22

a while you give a number and they're like,

53:24

whoa, I went, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. What do you

53:26

think this is? I think I'm showing up for

53:28

50 bucks to your

53:30

fucking birthday party. You

53:33

think I'm going to get in the cab in full drag

53:36

for 50 bucks? It

53:38

ain't going to happen. So anyway, who knows

53:40

what's going to go on with that? But I'm definitely

53:42

buying that easy shirt. Definitely

53:44

getting that. And,

53:48

you know, we'll see what happens. But I

53:50

recommend everyone sees the

53:52

Alexander the Great Netflix. It was it was it

53:55

was very, very good. What's going on in the

53:57

news? What's happening? What we just reading about that

53:59

was very. intriguing. This Pornhub

54:01

story is very interesting because apparently

54:03

Pornhub went dark in Texas. I

54:05

don't know what that means. Does

54:08

that mean too many people were jerking off at the same time and

54:10

it went down? Yeah, they collapsed the system. By

54:12

the way, have you ever known, have you ever gone

54:14

to those analytics where Pornhub or

54:16

whatever shows you where certain things are

54:19

googled? No. And it's like the Bible

54:21

Belt is all like trans.

54:23

Really? Gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:25

It's pretty funny. That's amazing.

54:28

Yeah, because it's like it makes sense. Yeah.

54:31

Like we know that I think as New Yorkers.

54:33

It's like thou doth protest too much. Whoever protests,

54:35

like Shakespeare was a genius and he said that

54:37

line for a reason, right? Thou doth protest too

54:39

much. The more you rail

54:41

against something and say

54:43

it should go away, the more you want it.

54:46

The more you want it. The

54:49

more you want it. So apparently Pornhub

54:51

went dark in Texas and

54:54

hilariously VPN searches shot

54:56

up because people are

54:58

like, I can do, I can do

55:00

with, I can do without three things.

55:03

I can't do without three things in my lovely

55:05

states. That's my gun. My ribs,

55:10

barbecued, of course, cooked on a

55:12

slow cooker on Trager grill and

55:15

shout out Trager grills. I'm not even getting paid for

55:17

that, but just because Joe Rogan, I guess

55:20

doesn't sell, but sells Trager

55:22

grills and my

55:24

porno. So

55:26

elected officials in Texas are requiring users on

55:29

Pornhub to verify their age before allowing. Nobody

55:31

wants to sign up. Nobody wants to sign

55:33

into Pornhub. So when you log in, this

55:35

is what you see. Yeah. So you see

55:38

this. You're about to do your thing. You

55:40

punch in Pornhub and this pops up. Yeah.

55:42

This part. Can't you just make a, yeah,

55:44

so they don't want any

55:46

young kids watching. They didn't stop

55:49

us and we didn't have the internet back then.

55:51

I mean, we got the magazines that you can't

55:53

stop kids from getting porn. This is a real

55:55

buzzkill. Dear user. This is what's happening now. It's

55:57

getting like, this is the overcorrection happening

55:59

on both sides like this is like I mean what

56:01

are you gonna do what are

56:03

you gonna do what's the point of this

56:05

you want to stop some 12-year-old from looking at how

56:07

do you they're gonna find a way just go to

56:10

red tube just go someplace else someplace else yeah

56:12

I think people in Texas is too stupid

56:14

to just go someplace else there's

56:17

a bunch of other porn sites you don't have to

56:19

go to porn up but maybe Texas is

56:21

requiring this for all of them could be yeah

56:23

I don't know but now in Texas you can't

56:25

even jerk off anymore it get back to using

56:27

your imagination I'm telling you we're going pretty soon

56:29

it's gonna be fucking messenger by

56:31

bird because

56:34

everything is turned everyone evil so

56:36

most search terms of 2020 in

56:40

2023 on on Pornhub

56:43

the most searched terms if

56:46

you were wondering number one is hentai

56:48

what's that you're gonna have to google that that just

56:50

shows we're both not into it that

56:52

means we're into something a little more esoteric we

56:56

go against the grain hentai there's

56:58

somebody who's into

57:01

hentai right now

57:03

who know if you put

57:05

in hentai Jesse it's just gonna put hentai porn oh

57:07

it's cartoon oh my god it's cartoon porn this is

57:09

weird why the fuck would you

57:11

want to watch this am I in hentai porn

57:13

you just get a little tingle holy can you

57:15

pull do that one of the girl giving a

57:17

blowie right there which one over

57:19

one more yeah I've never seen hentai

57:21

porn it's

57:26

some guy drew this frame by frame

57:30

some guy you think the guy got an erection while

57:32

he was drawn this yeah he must have oh

57:36

it's like a video game what the fuck

57:39

damn dude people are jerking off to this oh

57:43

this is good can

57:45

you skip the ad

57:47

yeah yeah I just

57:49

skipped it yeah oh she's

57:52

a cartoon oh it's

57:56

Japanese oh I've

58:04

never seen a cartoon

58:06

port. This

58:27

is wild. Why

58:30

is she struggling so much with this? There's

58:38

some ugly Asian woman in a booth

58:40

somewhere going, ee, chuchie, ee,

58:42

ee, ee, throw the voice over for this.

58:44

I guess it's good work in Japan if you can

58:46

get it. Yes, seriously. Yeah. Okay,

58:49

so cartoon porn is number one. That is blowing

58:51

my mind. How do we get back? I want

58:53

to see some more of that. I want to

58:56

see the list. Oh, okay. Oh,

58:58

look, they got interracial hentai porn. So

59:01

weird. Okay,

59:04

go back to the list. So the list is

59:07

hentai, then milk. Ooh.

59:10

Freud was right. I guess Freud was right.

59:13

No, this is not my list. And then

59:15

lesbian is third. Japanese, now

59:17

is this just because there's a sheer amount of Asians?

59:20

Well, why would they like Japanese ones? Because they're

59:22

so submissive and they make weird noises. Like the

59:24

Chinese are jerking off the Japanese porn? Yeah, it's

59:26

weird. And then penne, what's penne? Penne, where's that

59:28

penne? I have no idea. Green pie is a

59:30

little lower on the list than I would have

59:32

thought. You thought it would be higher, right? I

59:36

mean, what is penne? Big

59:38

ass latina. It's too low. Yeah, it's

59:40

too low for you, right? It's too low for me. Well, it's

59:42

in the middle, though. Penne, a

59:45

woman or Filipino origin or descent?

59:48

Oh, so penne porn. Penne

59:51

porn? I've never even... Okay,

59:55

I'm sold. All right, so it's not a

59:57

cartoon. No, it's just Filipinos getting bangs. Dude,

1:00:02

people got serious Asian fetishes.

1:00:04

Serious, very specific. Yeah, because

1:00:06

the women, just culturally, they

1:00:08

just put up as much of a... they

1:00:10

just do

1:00:14

it. They just do it. They

1:00:18

just let it... Okay, so

1:00:20

what's after Panay? Panay,

1:00:22

then anal. Anal gets in there. That's the old

1:00:24

classic. It's funny, because a lot of people are...

1:00:26

it's kind of gay to go anal. Isn't it

1:00:28

not? I always thought that

1:00:31

was number one. Yeah, but anal's apparently

1:00:34

Panay. Although, they actually give you a

1:00:36

list of what's trending. So this is...

1:00:38

Or what, based on past years,

1:00:40

this is... So Japanese has fallen two

1:00:42

slots. Two slots. Yeah. So

1:00:45

anal is up a slot. Up a slot, yeah. Asian

1:00:47

is down a slot. So

1:00:49

people want to specify they're Asians. So

1:00:52

Japanese and then Asian in general,

1:00:54

someone who's... so the connoisseurs are

1:00:57

really on our trending. So

1:00:59

if you're more of an Asian connoisseur,

1:01:01

meaning you want cartoon or Japanese or

1:01:03

Panay, that's a little higher than

1:01:05

the people who just go, give me a generic Asian. But

1:01:08

generic Asian's hot, then Latina right after that,

1:01:11

then Big Ass. Looks like

1:01:13

a lot of brothers are beaten off.

1:01:15

It's down. Down a point. Down one.

1:01:17

Down one. Down one. Three sums

1:01:19

down two points. Really,

1:01:22

the Big Ass. Ravages that

1:01:24

community. Then Step Mom is

1:01:26

down one. Anime, which I'm

1:01:28

sure is close to hentai, is up.

1:01:30

Plus four. Plus four. Do people

1:01:32

are jerking off the cartoons? I had no idea. Did you

1:01:34

know this? Do people know that cartoon

1:01:37

porn is the most popular porn? They must be

1:01:39

because people are jerking off to it. It's number

1:01:41

one. We're the ones out of

1:01:43

the loop here. Oh my, dude, we are...

1:01:45

I guess this new generation, they really don't

1:01:47

want reality at all. I guess that maybe

1:01:49

there's some correlation between like,

1:01:52

we don't like reality anymore. Plus no one's getting

1:01:54

hurt in a cartoon. Yeah, nobody gets hurt. Right.

1:01:57

There's no victim. No victim. Right.

1:02:00

No, exploitation. Now

1:02:03

give me that exploitation porn. That's what you like.

1:02:05

And then Stepmom is in there. That's always a

1:02:07

dark fantasy. BBC is way down on the list.

1:02:10

Yo, Threesome, Ebony, Massage. I

1:02:12

like Massage porn. You like Massage porn? Yeah, I like

1:02:14

it the way it turns. I like to turn. I

1:02:16

like the way it turns. It takes a left turn.

1:02:19

Cream pie? Who doesn't like a good cream pie? Big

1:02:23

tits? Down two. Gangbang? Hovin' strong

1:02:25

in the middle. Oh

1:02:27

shit. Trans is up

1:02:29

ten! Trans

1:02:31

is up ten! You got a room for the other dog.

1:02:37

Trans is up there. Trans is, well it's

1:02:39

towards the lower, but it's still up there.

1:02:41

What's below trans? So people,

1:02:43

so guys find trans more attractive

1:02:45

than Indians, Koreans, Black, Animation, and

1:02:47

Mature. Well, they're trending

1:02:49

up. They're trending up. Right. Trans

1:02:53

is trending big. Mature is trending big. Animation is

1:02:55

trending big. But it's still lower than blowjob. They

1:02:57

don't have what I like on this list. What's

1:03:00

yours? Bratty stepsister. Oh! I

1:03:03

like the bratty stepsister. You like

1:03:05

the bratty stepsister! Dude, has porn

1:03:07

gotten too niche? It's

1:03:10

way too niche. You can almost go like,

1:03:13

I like black girl in

1:03:15

white shirt with wearing proked

1:03:18

on a skateboard on

1:03:20

the Eiffel Tower. Lesbian,

1:03:22

stepmom, tranny

1:03:24

porn. That's what AI is going to be. You're going

1:03:26

to punch in exactly what you want to see. And then

1:03:28

the AI porn will give you people that look like

1:03:30

people that are doing it. Yep. Dude,

1:03:34

the world we're growing, the world we're

1:03:36

leaving and the one that's coming. Why

1:03:38

am I saying that? I've got to

1:03:40

drive carefully tonight. Because

1:03:43

that's how it always happens. Oh my god,

1:03:45

that'll be our most viewed episode too, just because people

1:03:47

want it. Like, did you hear what he said? The

1:03:50

world we're leaving and then he put

1:03:52

his Tesla on autopilot and

1:03:54

fell asleep. The world

1:03:57

that's behind us and the world

1:03:59

that's coming. is vastly different.

1:04:02

It's vastly different. It's

1:04:05

crazy. And I'm excited to

1:04:07

see what the future holds because

1:04:09

I think I think

1:04:11

we're gonna be okay. I think we're

1:04:13

just all gonna become

1:04:15

either China or we're

1:04:18

all gonna become either hentai.

1:04:21

We're going either hentai or China. Either

1:04:23

way, we ain't going USSA. There's

1:04:27

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