0:00

You made it weird, you made

0:02

it weird, you made it weird,

0:05

oh yeah. You made

0:07

it weird, you made it weird, yes,

0:09

you made it weird, you made it

0:11

weird, you made it weird

0:13

with Pete Holmes. What's

0:16

happening, weirdos? This is,

0:18

you know, two thirds, two thirds of

0:20

the handsome podcast. It was supposed to

0:22

be three thirds. We get into

0:24

it. But Tig, Tig Notaro

0:26

had a mix up and

0:28

we discussed it in the episode. I

0:30

should mention that Tig's special, her new

0:33

wonderful special is out now. It's called

0:35

Hello Again. It's on Netflix. So even

0:37

though she blew it and

0:40

didn't make it to the recording, of course

0:42

we're still going to plug her special. Check

0:44

it out now. Hello Again on

0:46

Netflix and check out the Handsome Pod,

0:48

which is my wife Valerie's favorite podcast.

0:50

I absolutely love it as well. It's

0:54

Mae Martin, Fortune Feimster, and Tig Notaro.

0:56

And we have Mae and Fortune here

0:58

together. And it's a giggle fest. It's

1:01

silly time and it's wonderful. And I'm so glad

1:03

you're here. Only a couple things

1:05

for me to plug up top. Go to Pete holmes.com

1:07

for tickets to all my tour dates right now. I

1:09

want to highlight Mae the fourth. I'm

1:12

doing the Netflix is a fest joke here in

1:14

Los Angeles on May the fourth, Star Wars day.

1:17

And also check out my special on Netflix, which is called I

1:19

Am Not For Everybody. And I

1:21

have a monthly Largo show, Largo

1:23

dash la.com. Largo is a theater in

1:25

LA. We just did one last night. Beck

1:28

was there. It's always awesome. I

1:30

always do a nice, long, nice long

1:32

set. And we always have a special guest.

1:35

Adam Sandler has been there recently. Sarah Silverman,

1:37

Zach Alifinakis last night was back. So always,

1:39

if you can join us in LA, it's

1:42

always wonderful to have weirdos in the audience

1:44

or go to Pete holmes.com. I'm coming to

1:46

Florida. I'm coming. I'm

1:48

coming all over the place. That sounds weird. I

1:50

mean, I'm visiting all over the country.

1:53

Still sounded weird. All right. Enjoy

1:56

this episode. Mae Martin, Fortune Feimster.

2:00

And in absentia, Tignataro,

2:02

get into it. Oh!

2:05

Wow! I know.

2:07

Wow! They're like hipster

2:09

kind of the... I think I'm...

2:12

What are you, hip? I think I'm... Hip

2:14

and hipster like your hip. Thanks. Right?

2:17

I feel like norm core, like I want to be

2:19

like James Dean in a skinny jeans or like

2:21

a slim... Oh, that's funny because I'm

2:23

wearing... Look at these panelins and I feel like they're too

2:25

skinny. Oh really? No, I love those.

2:27

Really? Yeah, yeah. I

2:29

love these pants. Were they going in the garbage? No,

2:32

I wear them all the time but

2:34

I always feel a little weird putting them on because

2:36

Val... Have we started? We

2:38

started. I'm sorry, I'm not... I was

2:40

texting... I was texting... No, I

2:42

was texting... Rattling off the call sign. I produced your

2:44

Thomas who works with Tig. That's

2:46

what I was thinking... I texted Tig instead if

2:49

you get here, just walk on back. Oh

2:51

great. Welcome back. Oh no. Another

2:54

one. Oh my God. Another

2:57

one. Another one. Another one.

2:59

No, my God. Nimbusy boom. You guys...

3:02

That's a very fortunate... I love to break out

3:04

in the song. There's a lot of singing on our handsome

3:06

paws. Look

3:09

at that. Look

3:12

at that. Look, cowboy. That's

3:14

really good on you. That's what Val said. I

3:17

was like, this hat doesn't even fit on

3:19

my head. It fits upon my head. It's

3:21

supposed to be one size fits all but...

3:23

Yeah, that's not correct. There's

3:25

certain outliers to the one size fits all.

3:28

But I think it fits okay. I just

3:30

wouldn't trust wind. No. A

3:32

convertible is out of the picture. I'd

3:34

never trust wind anyway. What

3:36

are these... What air

3:38

is moving? Why is air moving? Why is it? Orchids.

3:42

Orchids. Get in on this rim. You

3:44

know that I don't know. Get in on this hot rim. Why

3:47

is air moving? I don't know. May is

3:50

good with bags. You know better than me.

3:52

Because there's certain pressure. I know that in

3:54

ancient Chinese medicine... That's a new

3:56

record for ancient Chinese medicine to come up in the first five

3:58

seconds. That there's like a

4:00

lot of illnesses they say you have a wind

4:03

inside you like you not like gas

4:05

like you've caught a wind Caught

4:08

wind like a restless wind is inside

4:11

you that I don't yeah Yeah, right actually

4:13

right like even a cold. It's like oh you got

4:15

a cold wind in here I got really

4:17

scared the other night. I was driving to

4:19

a show mm-hmm, and I'm not like a

4:23

Brag, but I'm not a super fearful person and

4:31

I do I do You'll

4:34

get Pete's explained hard Hour

4:37

as to how that's not just a

4:39

natural thing you had to Figure

4:42

that how to be non-fearful. I do think

4:44

I'm a little bit wired Yeah, but as

4:46

when it cuz I can remember being a

4:48

child and being you know kind of learning

4:50

anxiety Dread

4:53

and all these things yeah, and and

4:55

sometimes with good reason so these programs

4:57

that we run as children service brilliantly

5:00

And then later we have to drop them yeah, but

5:02

what I'm all about these days And I'll tell you

5:04

the fear story But what I'm all about these is

5:06

is what you focus on is your life And

5:09

you can always there's the bad

5:11

and then there's the good and you

5:13

can choose right and it's a really

5:15

interesting Don't get me

5:17

started. Yeah, I've already said too much you guys are

5:20

supposed to be talking, and I'm already blabbing and boring

5:22

No, I do want to say that the fear descended

5:24

I was driving to a show Thing about

5:26

a joke and like some scary pickup truck kind of

5:28

cut in front of me You

5:30

know it was like matte black. You

5:33

know not shiny. Just Matt. Oh, I thought you Scary

5:41

he doesn't sweat at all he's very that

5:44

map This map like thing

5:46

and it just sort of triggered this response that I was like

5:48

wow there's so many people out there That

5:50

I just don't know about him. Yeah, I can't vouch

5:52

for him And then I like

5:55

and I perform for strangers, and I

5:57

just started to feel incredibly like exposed

6:00

And as you're doing your podcast you guys are

6:02

sharing even more of your life. Good link there. Thank

6:04

you. Sorry that was a dirty shoe. But

6:06

are we on LinkedIn right now? That was a good link.

6:08

That was a good link. Google to soccer would have been

6:10

worse. Isn't it crazy though when you saw that I was

6:12

like how many people could I vouch for? It's

6:18

like very limited. Like actually

6:21

vouch for. Aren't

6:23

there tears of your vouch? Tears

6:25

of your. Yeah ER. Oh yeah there's

6:27

tears of my vouch. 100% there's tears. I

6:29

thought I meant you thought I meant to. I

6:33

cried over vouching for people. Well the platinum

6:36

vouch is rare. How many people could you

6:38

platinum vouch for? Certainly

6:41

not Tignataro. Not here. Absolutely not.

6:43

That's a bronze vouch right there.

6:46

Maybe like one or two. Yeah

6:49

I'd platinum vouch for Val. But

6:51

I'd also tell you that she

6:53

might flake on certain commitments. Yeah.

6:57

I would platinum vouch for my

6:59

wife except for texting people back.

7:01

Yeah. I did not go back.

7:03

I did dead sewer pigeon vouch for me

7:05

texting you back. Yeah. Someone

7:07

could text me like we have $10,000 in a briefcase. Just

7:11

reply why to this and we'll tell you

7:13

where the location is. I'll just go ahead

7:15

and mark that as unread. Oh wow. I'll

7:18

just leave it there. I'm on top of that.

7:20

I'm sending them my credit card information and everything.

7:22

That did sound like a fish in. It sounded

7:24

like a fish. I'm like if you were like

7:26

Pete, I owe you $10,000. I left it in

7:29

this coffee shop. I still would. I pressed

7:31

one to continue to stop. I used to

7:33

date someone who found, he was walking

7:35

through a park and found $10,000 in cash in a

7:38

bush from like a failed drug dealer.

7:40

Maybe the cops came or something. He

7:42

picked it up and kept walking. Now

7:44

he has $10,000. Now he's got $10,000.

7:46

This is in like the 90s that this happened.

7:48

This is the plot of every movie. That's

7:51

no country for old men. He's in trouble

7:53

now. Oh yeah. Javier

7:56

Bardem is looking for him. Oh

7:58

yeah. That was like millions of dollars. Yeah,

8:00

yeah, yeah, I would be very nervous. Let me

8:02

ask you this you win the lottery Yeah,

8:05

you know I have 50 million dollars on the

8:08

front page of the newspaper. I feel I wouldn't

8:10

like that That's what I'm saying. Thanks for jumping

8:12

right to it emotionally intelligent would not like it

8:14

tricky pickle I don't like it.

8:16

I used to get like heart palpitations when

8:18

I had a tweet Go

8:21

get too viral. I would really exactly.

8:23

Yeah, I hate that And

8:26

I go don't think about how much of you is

8:28

out there Think

8:30

about it. There's so much.

8:32

I know we all got

8:34

to start comedy pre smartphones,

8:37

right? Thank God like

8:39

when you start out and now

8:41

everything yeah We're all terrible and

8:43

didn't know our point of view and you're

8:45

no evolving as a human. Yeah. Yeah It

8:48

was rough and I even in the 80s

8:51

growing up making Camcorder home videos

8:53

like funny videos. Yeah, we didn't upload

8:55

them. No, you know what kept them

8:58

Taped over yeah We

9:03

didn't do anything that horrible I have

9:05

to say these these days Yeah,

9:09

I was a little kids

9:13

I was doing a lot of like Tom

9:15

Green style pranks on the the public

9:18

I was like a 13 year old annoying

9:20

and there'd be some poor guy like selling

9:22

hot dogs on the street And I go

9:24

yeah, not almost like it made I

9:32

gotta start that you got made you

9:34

got made a new Ashton Kutcher Style

9:37

show is you made you got made You

9:39

know, they don't make me a Martin you

9:42

keep committing you're like I'm

9:45

here to vacuum your clothes your clothes You

9:50

could do it so you win the lottery may how do you feel?

9:52

Yeah, I don't want my face that

9:54

I'd go Oh, can I be anonymous but I'm pumped

9:56

about it. We're like if I check my if I'm you

9:58

got about it. Yeah I need you to

10:00

unpack that. I need 50 mil? You

10:03

think I'm not pumped about 50 mil? I

10:06

think I'm pumped dude! I have 50

10:08

mil! I would like the money would be

10:10

fun. You ever play a video game with a cheat code? It's

10:13

over. Yeah. Fucking over dude. Guess what

10:15

you are? You're getting a $3,000 haircut

10:17

and you're just crying tears not P.I.E.

10:19

Oh now you're on one of those

10:22

documentaries about how the curse of

10:24

the lottery rolls in. Yeah, I'm waiting.

10:26

Star searches. You know that shit. I can't

10:28

believe I'm out anxietying you because I'm like

10:30

I once bought a lottery ticket and I

10:32

spent the whole day worrying that I would

10:34

win. That was at the beginning of my

10:36

comedy career. Funny! Are you going to

10:39

drive to Boise, Idaho to do a 30 minute

10:41

gig in a firehouse for $250

10:45

and you don't even know that that's making you better. Now

10:48

we know. I wouldn't have done it and then I wouldn't

10:50

be good and then I'd be like this weird rich comedian

10:53

that's like you know the difference between

10:55

a yacht and a mega yacht. I

10:58

do know a lot of people who grew

11:00

up mega rich or like the people I

11:02

know who did they are they are a

11:04

little lost. Of course. Yeah, totally. Don't

11:06

you feel bad? Yeah. Look

11:08

if you get rich like you make it

11:11

and like build something rich that's pretty that's

11:13

pretty cool. Yeah. But

11:15

the kids I'm saying $150 million those kids

11:17

are going to be like. Yeah. I

11:20

don't own property like I $50 million I'm

11:22

ready for it. I'm not going to go to my head. I'm

11:24

36. You know what

11:26

I mean? I always forget that you're not 19. You're

11:29

not like a young 19. I'm 36

11:32

but I don't have a house

11:34

or an apartment like give me the $50 million.

11:36

I'll give a lot of it away but I

11:38

will buy a house. It's interesting. I

11:41

don't know if I'm scripting

11:43

your life. Yeah. I

11:46

go like you can't have $50 million. I

11:49

just mean like yeah I want you to have prosperity

11:51

but I also first of all I'm surprised. And

11:54

second I know it's coming for you right? I

11:56

know that too. I know how it's coming. Did

11:58

you know that um. Mike I

12:00

mean, how could you know this but my

12:02

mom's grandma have an update on thing? Oh

12:05

hit it Originally, it

12:07

was 4 p.m. And then we changed it to 3 p.m. The assistant

12:13

Had collected 4 p.m. Is getting

12:15

out an appointment about 10 minutes

12:19

But should probably still come right yeah She

12:24

can be here for the last hour Okay

12:27

It's a two-hour show You

12:30

might have to potty at some point You've

12:32

done the show, you both have That was

12:34

very good And

12:36

by the way, it's not a two-hour show, it's however long

12:38

we want Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no I could go three

12:41

I think we did almost go three I think

12:44

we almost went three, we were It went real

12:46

long, I loved it My mom's grandma Worked

12:49

in I want to say

12:51

like a paper factory I should have all these details to

12:53

be launching into the story, but basically

12:56

he was like the janitor And then

12:58

when the CEO died he left the

13:00

company to the janitor like to

13:02

my mom's grandpa I think this is

13:04

true where I feel like I saw it in a movie now, but

13:07

I swear this is true Yeah, he was a

13:09

math genius Yeah And

13:11

now he's in California with Minnie Driver It

13:13

feels like I need to check on these

13:15

details, but The guy gave it to the

13:17

janitor was it out of A, spite B,

13:21

admiration for the janitor's work ethic

13:24

I think he was a lonely millionaire

13:27

with no family

13:29

And he'd formed a bond with

13:31

this janitor Oh yeah, so it wasn't

13:33

random No, not random But

13:36

then they didn't have millions of dollars, so I don't

13:38

know where this story goes I'm

13:41

going to relieve you of that burden To remember

13:43

the area of the thing But

13:45

I will say being wealthy Or

13:48

having a ton of money Seems to

13:50

be really hard I

13:52

used to do a bit where I was like, people want

13:54

to have a man I was like, rich people are doing

13:56

the same thing you're doing Eating, shitting,

13:58

sleeping, and watching They

14:01

have better toilets with water that shoots up their

14:03

buttholes. Yeah. They have better bed.

14:05

You can get that now too with Tushy.

14:07

Yeah. A sponsor. Are

14:09

they a sponsor of Handsome Podcasts? I don't know.

14:11

Maybe. They're not right now. We

14:14

talked about them a lot. I'm trying

14:16

to get Tushy too because I only do ads for things

14:18

I like and I'm loving that bidet. Yeah.

14:21

Get that Tushy low. Get that Tushy money blow it

14:24

off your butt. That's how they

14:26

pay me. The payment will come next

14:28

time you use it. Wink,

14:30

wink. Two better beds,

14:32

three better kitchen. Yeah. Four

14:35

better TV. Maybe because most people

14:37

prioritize their TV, have a pretty

14:39

dope TV. Yeah. So

14:41

then what happens is you're really just like an isolated

14:43

dragon. You're like a weirdo. Yeah. In

14:46

a huge house that basically is your

14:48

mausoleum with a view. Yeah. It's

14:51

a view from your tomb. Yeah. And

14:53

it sucks and we all know this. So it's

14:55

an art, right? Yeah. To learn

14:57

that balance. You know how our lives have shrunk

14:59

with phones and everything and we used to have

15:01

to go to the post office and you'd have all these

15:03

interactions and experiences on the way to the post office. Yes. Men

15:06

with mustaches, like gray mustaches, coffee stained mustaches. They

15:09

would be like, good morning, man. And you'd be

15:11

like, hello. Yeah. So rich

15:13

people, I think, have that same problem where

15:15

they're just not having experiences anymore or out

15:17

in the world. And because of the

15:19

phones, we're all kind of like rich people. Yeah. Because

15:22

you have your own cook, you have your own chauffeur. Yeah. You

15:25

have your own minstrel. The ooh-eh. Ooh-bear

15:28

is the car. Postmates

15:31

is your chef. My last time I was

15:33

thinking, sorry. Throw it out the tushy. And

15:37

then the last one is YouTube, all

15:39

the streamers. Yeah. Imagine a man or

15:41

a woman in 1981 that had every

15:43

movie. Is

15:46

that like, that's something you'd have at like

15:49

Neverland Ranch. Yeah. Yes. I

15:52

know. Don't do the voice. This

15:54

is every movie. I know. And we

15:56

used to have to go and, oh, I loved going

15:58

to Blockbuster and choosing. I loved them. IDing

16:00

you at Blockbuster when you want to rate it are

16:04

When your first ID card, yeah, yeah

16:07

a little license to watch movies There was

16:09

something so exciting going and knowing that

16:11

the movie was in yeah And

16:16

if it wasn't you would go to the returns

16:18

like hey any chance this like they've Brought

16:23

me back. Yeah, and they're like well,

16:25

we've got to rewind it. Yeah I

16:30

Kind rewind behind rewind the

16:32

movie wasn't that they're there's thing

16:35

yeah And then also, you

16:37

know, I wasn't in start that that was oh really

16:39

that was just I thought No,

16:41

any any small block once you're put out

16:43

they have those little gotcha. I don't know

16:45

by the way. I'm saying Like

16:50

really living in a world you have

16:53

no fear I'm that right to that

16:55

show the like a black box daft

16:57

pics of movies and you'd be like is

16:59

this weirdos pic this like yeah a

17:02

small VHS like

17:04

there was one in Chicago where I

17:06

live called dark star video and it

17:09

was just exactly who you wanted Yeah,

17:11

this curmudgeonly frumpy tall white dude Comic-book

17:16

guy, but he was you know, he's a

17:18

string bean and like you were afraid to

17:20

talk to him Yeah, pics were always like

17:22

dr. Strange. Yeah My

17:25

dinner with Andre like cool shit. Yeah,

17:27

do I dare? Yeah, you got Armageddon

17:29

instead cuz you really want Right

17:33

nothing wrong with our mayor's mess

17:36

the Aerosmith song. Yeah, that's

17:38

on it codependence

17:40

set the music I I'm

17:45

gonna die if I don't have you that's

17:47

every love song. I need your the

17:49

air I breathe I don't

17:52

want to close my eyes. I don't want to go. Yeah,

17:54

it's like get a hobby, dude Yeah, you're freaking me out.

17:56

I don't want to carve Wait

18:00

What whoever wrote that song Stephen

18:02

Tyler? No, what's that

18:04

but they did write it. I think so,

18:06

right? Yeah I thought I read an interview

18:09

lately that it was based on something that

18:11

someone actually said to him or whoever

18:13

wrote it Someone said someone said that

18:15

was a Erosin stalker So

18:18

they said I don't want to Close

18:21

my eyes. I Don't

18:23

want to fall asleep because I'd miss you babe,

18:25

and I don't want to miss a thing But

18:28

it didn't even now I got a

18:30

Google coming rude. He's right there. Wait,

18:32

wait They engage with the program Did

18:36

air was supposed to write that song or

18:38

was it? Sarah

18:40

McLaughlin wrote exclusively with excerpts

18:42

from her stalkers letters. Oh,

18:45

I didn't know that you don't know this Dear

18:48

when opening track to fumbling towards ecstasy.

18:50

That's all I remember. Oh my god

18:53

possession Wow I'm oh

18:57

I Who's

19:00

dying in Warren you don't know

19:02

who Diane Warren like a very

19:04

famous Music

19:07

composer for movies. Oh, wow and

19:09

she wrote Aerosmith She's written a

19:12

ton of his really there were

19:14

in movies. They're if she wrote

19:16

it for Armageddon I don't know,

19:18

but I don't know if she maybe it was the interview

19:24

Okay, wow So

19:27

whatever interview I saw that the line

19:29

was from something that someone

19:31

actually said Was

19:34

it Barbara Streisand? Why do I feel

19:36

like Barbara Streisand? Said

19:38

that Yeah, Barbara Streisand

19:40

in there her most recent books. Okay,

19:42

you're like Barbara

19:48

Streisand did an interview with Howard Stern

19:51

and she said that her husband said to

19:53

her I don't want to close my eyes.

19:56

I don't Because I don't want to I

19:58

don't want to go to sleep because I don't to miss a

20:00

thing did she have anything to do with that song why

20:02

do we care about

20:07

this we do care

20:09

but like yeah that was something he

20:12

actually said there he's aware so

20:14

that we're that's is that you don't

20:16

want to fall love is that okay

20:20

yeah and is brilliant

20:22

but did that inspire the song why

20:26

are you looking at me I didn't contest you

20:28

I'm just very pumped that felt good no one

20:30

cares but they

20:36

all care we're locked in where am I

20:38

know I don't want to blink I'm tired

20:41

of micro moments being robbed somebody by blinking

20:43

be I think it's yeah but

20:45

I did they were in a hot and heavy

20:47

situation oh I know and I know

20:49

yes go ahead me I don't

20:52

know I'm just picturing Barbra Streisand in a hot

20:54

and heavy situation as well I've

20:56

been in situations like that I'm in

20:58

love with Val and I eat

21:01

just fine when we're not together okay

21:04

all her when we're when I'm on the road

21:06

I'm not calling yeah it's one of the features

21:08

of our relationship yeah we're good

21:11

you're fine on your own we're fine can

21:13

go to sleep when she goes you're not

21:15

actually gonna miss out on anything yeah

21:17

she's missing me pooping with the

21:19

door open in a yeah I

21:22

think I said this on our podcast so when I was like

21:24

10 I was in love with my brother's friend

21:26

Sam and I didn't remember this till I was

21:28

reminded that I watched him sleep like he woke

21:30

up and I was just standing in our basement

21:32

watching I was like he's beautiful like a creepy

21:35

show he was so beautiful

21:37

I wouldn't want anyone to watch me sleep

21:40

no I would not you woke

21:42

up because he felt it yeah

21:44

probably could I pull off a

21:46

chunky pant and you run away

21:49

they quantified that that sixth sense

21:52

thing yeah no way they did they did studies

21:55

and is it real and it's real you

21:57

can sense when someone's looking at you holy

21:59

shit you know I love and then science swoops

22:01

in which is fine, but they do kind

22:03

of ruin the magic of it And although you could

22:05

consider that evolutionarily that would be quite useful. Yeah,

22:07

but then again, what the fuck are

22:09

you sensing? Yeah, like that is a

22:11

type of Okay, what if it's very

22:14

ordinary if I close my eyes and

22:16

then don't miss a thing I

22:18

don't want to miss that too

22:20

bad. We are Netflix radio motherfucker

22:22

going hard This is on Netflix

22:24

radio, right? shit We

22:28

just upload our city internet I Can

22:31

try and guess if you guys are looking at me or not. Oh,

22:34

yeah Or who's looking at me or

22:36

something should we we before we do that because

22:38

we are doing it We would be looking at

22:40

you because we're both point. Oh, no. No one

22:42

of us will look at you in one of

22:45

us Well, okay. Yeah, can I before we do

22:47

that? I have this brass No

22:49

copper pyramid copper support and pyramids are supposed to

22:51

be very magical Yeah, and we were stoned and

22:53

me and my friend the gungers and in this

22:55

house and Valerie were putting it over the

22:58

person's head and they would raise their hand if they thought the

23:00

pyramid was over them and Everyone was

23:02

really good at it And then I did

23:04

it and all I heard was everyone laughing and apparently

23:06

whenever they moved it away. I would So

23:11

we might be bad at it right Martin, I

23:13

love a game with that I meet you it's

23:16

so fun I Where

23:23

do you live that's too far we can't hang

23:25

out I

23:33

could that been here before but you lived here. I

23:35

used to live here. Yeah, I don't live here I did not

23:37

know you moved to oh hi Fucking

23:40

love it. Don't waste my time. I'll talk about

23:42

the Scene

23:47

you as much. Yeah, although I love I just was

23:49

driving here I saw James the domain on the street

23:51

Yeah, when you don't live in LA and you see

23:53

LA people and you can like do a random like

23:57

Awesome, I feel like I'm getting away with it like

23:59

the mystique that It's a much more like

24:01

laid-back chill vibe up there, right? She's

24:03

hot as a healthiest choice for my life, right?

24:05

I shouldn't it wouldn't have been right for me

24:07

when I was 25. You would have gone nuts

24:09

like you would have got stir-crazy I was just

24:12

I had more needs It

24:16

was look let's not talk about this forever, but if you're

24:18

in a position where you can Okay,

24:20

I need to do a set on Tuesday, and there's

24:22

places that'll put you up on Tuesday Yeah, but that's

24:24

a very privileged position. Yeah, we move this podcast till

24:26

three, so we're done at five So I'm gonna do

24:28

a spot before I go home Then you text somebody

24:31

and they put you up But when

24:33

you're starting out and yeah hang out at

24:35

clubs and hope somebody drops out and yeah

24:37

put in all that facetime Right can't be

24:39

driving two hours home. Yeah When

24:42

you're trying to find your soulmate still

24:44

or if you're not yeah, you're not gonna find it in

24:47

oh, hi really No way man.

24:49

I found my soulmate She

24:52

was on lost right is it her what

24:54

if it's not her loss on survivor? Okay,

24:59

we're gonna play the game

25:01

and then we'll okay, okay,

25:03

okay? I

25:07

love talking about love and I want to talk about

25:09

marriage because one of the things I said Because

25:12

I love your podcast. Thank you And

25:14

I love you guys, and I

25:16

wanted to talk about just as a general

25:18

happiness, and what's making you happy yeah I

25:20

love it love it, but let's start with

25:23

this game and also I but let's start

25:25

with our relationships Okay, yeah, great first. We're

25:27

gonna play Our is someone looking is someone

25:29

looking at me and the way that it's gonna play

25:31

just to have some structure I'll point at who's gonna

25:34

look at me okay, and we're gonna look at you

25:36

for 10 full seconds

25:38

with intensity okay, and then we'll say and then

25:40

I'll say it'll always be me even if you're

25:42

looking at you I'll say may who's looking okay?

25:44

I love Please

25:48

with intensity with intensity yeah

25:50

Yeah, cuz I'm gonna be yeah, yeah,

25:52

like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

25:54

feel the energy. Yeah, yeah, sure

25:56

okay, all right I'm close. I briefly

25:59

considered with mouth content like I

26:01

don't know I don't want that no I know but

26:03

you shouldn't cover your eyes that was the brief you

26:06

should close them oh why because don't you think

26:08

we'll just block some of the energy you just

26:10

you can just close your eyes that's science yeah

26:12

okay I'll close my eyes tight because no one

26:14

thinks you're gonna cheat I don't want the only reason

26:16

just because I love you the only reason I considered

26:18

malcontent is because it's a predator response oh that I

26:21

would never want to send you bad vibes but we

26:23

don't have to do that just with intensity okay and

26:25

here I don't want to see the shadow of your hand so

26:27

I'm gonna cover okay I'm

26:30

gonna do it like this it's gonna be like Apple Vision Pro oh

26:32

great okay tiny little move the the thought is may I have to

26:34

tell you something

26:40

okay that'll give it some

26:42

intensity all right round one okay

26:45

I am ready wait

26:48

and so tell me when the ten seconds is starting now

26:56

I was putting a lot of intensity

26:59

into okay I know it's 50-50 but I fell not 50-50

27:07

could have been Katie oh yeah I didn't want to

27:09

thank you so I didn't do oh

27:12

my yeah but it could be Katie we

27:14

try one more time of course yeah okay

27:16

and I really tried to empty my

27:18

mind I'm gonna try again I don't want to I'm

27:20

gonna pick but now I'm getting

27:22

into like pick dynamic yeah yeah yeah

27:25

so no this one will always be

27:27

the purest one here

27:29

we go Oh

27:48

I felt like a tingly and the

27:50

problem and science would have a term for

27:52

this the problem is once you a stop

27:54

now now there's two games being played

27:56

yeah who's looking at me and what order would

27:58

we eat more flavor I know but I tried

28:01

to put that out of my head. I know the first

28:03

one was the purest But guess what you did it on

28:05

the first one, which was the one

28:08

Cuz now when there's no reason for me to not

28:12

My girlfriend went today to a Turkish

28:14

coffee grind reader. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna

28:17

do that sin What I've

28:19

never heard of this you what you would

28:21

also never the same person you've been like

28:23

it's been on you Yeah, because there's these

28:25

two guys that are a couple

28:27

and one of them does it and his Partners

28:30

swears that he's like the

28:32

best at it and they want me to

28:34

come do it. It might be the same

28:36

Yeah, what it's a really good fortune

28:38

reading. It's like healy's reading Reading

28:42

a car you like you drink a cup of coffee

28:44

or something. Yeah, and then you're

28:46

wired and then you you're really there

28:50

He pulled cards too and um

28:52

tarot I don't know what cards

28:54

that he pulled a card and then he said Hmm,

28:57

what's your partner's name and she went may and

28:59

then he turned it around There was a big M on it and

29:02

then he said that we're gonna have twins What

29:05

like like hey, yeah,

29:08

we were not gonna make it now takes not

29:10

coming no But there's no

29:12

excuse now what happened? Yeah To

29:20

the cancelled bands bodger I don't really

29:22

understand because Take

29:25

still has it as the

29:27

doctor for the doctors 45 minutes

29:29

away, so it was never gonna work

29:35

It was never gonna work Nobody

29:37

books a podcast on the other side

29:39

of a doctor's appointment. I will say

29:41

I'm always the one in our podcast

29:43

to like Blake or blow it. So

29:46

I'm just banking this Oh

29:48

glad that I'm here and I'm like I am

29:50

the most responsible Planet

29:52

fortune will be like on a red eye from

29:55

like Amsterdam and then the next day there. Yeah.

29:57

Yeah most

30:00

insane way I just flew in like the

30:02

night before last like late we had

30:04

like I've had this has been the

30:06

most insane week what do you what

30:08

with what just I mean

30:10

I have like seven jobs I mean

30:12

I did shows in Amsterdam a couple

30:14

weeks ago okay

30:19

what were you doing this week

30:21

I was in New York I had

30:24

East Coast shows had four shows out

30:26

there in three different cities and then

30:28

I had a kerfuffle on Monday this

30:30

emergency thing happened so I couldn't get

30:32

home to like midnight on Monday oh

30:34

my yesterday I had press

30:36

from 630 to 930 I had my radio

30:40

show from 945 to noon

30:42

I had we

30:45

recorded to and then we recorded two episodes

30:47

of our podcast but that's something else in

30:49

the afternoon where are you getting the energy because

30:51

I'm not you're always my schedule yeah I know

30:56

you're big I love coffee espresso helps

30:58

for sure I'm just always been good

31:01

at juggling like 20 plates in the

31:03

air yeah here's a low here's

31:05

a leading question yeah you do

31:08

you just like the flow of it are you

31:10

energized by it or are you like a purpose

31:12

person are you thinking about like this is what

31:14

I want my life to be I right I'd

31:16

be happy listening to the radio show like what

31:19

yeah that drive I don't know if I've thought

31:21

about it cash money like cash

31:24

money that was a disappointing yeah

31:26

dollar-dollar bill there's so many things I

31:28

like doing I love our podcast I love

31:30

the radio show I do I love acting

31:32

I love stand-up like I'm not doing anything

31:34

that I'm like oh yeah so even if

31:40

it's too much because I do stand up if

31:42

I do stand up like a weekend

31:44

yeah prior to Saturday let's

31:47

say there's a Sunday show yeah that's a bummer you

31:49

never get yeah I guess that way I mean this

31:51

tour and last tour over 100 cities and

31:54

about 150 shows jeez this is part

31:56

of the that's just part of the

31:59

thing go dead behind the eyes a bit and

32:01

then you're like fuck yeah. You've

32:03

been on stage dead by me, huh? Yes. We're

32:05

like, I'm not connecting. You know

32:08

what Birbiglia calls that? Doing the

32:10

album. Yeah. Or doing my album.

32:12

Yeah, like going, yeah, I'm

32:14

in it right now. I'm very present because

32:16

I'm filming my next special in two months.

32:19

Oh, fine, title. We

32:21

always talk titles here. I know. I

32:24

can't decide if I

32:26

want to call it husband material.

32:28

I like that. Because

32:30

I talk about being my mom when I

32:32

was young and after her divorce, I became

32:34

her husband. That's good. That's great. I don't

32:36

know, that was what I was kind of

32:38

like that was off ground. You made me

32:40

realize I briefly considered the title for my

32:42

last special, dad material. Oh really? Oh yeah,

32:44

because the play on that. Yeah, I just

32:46

got the play on word material. Well you

32:48

have to agree that word play, also

32:50

are you making a joke like you're a husband

32:52

to your partner? To my mom, yeah. Or to

32:54

your mom, but I also know that you got

32:56

married. And I have a joke where like she

32:58

was a little jealous when I met Jax

33:01

and she thought Jax stole her man.

33:03

Yeah, I mean I'm obviously not a

33:05

man. Well that's not obvious to everyone.

33:07

I'm not a man. But. This

33:10

goes viral. What? It's

33:14

just kind of a play on all of it. Just

33:18

yeah, that relationship. Did we talk about

33:20

that? Because we have that in common.

33:23

My mom did, obviously I have a

33:25

lot of love from her. Love my mom

33:27

very much, did the best she could and

33:30

I kind of understand why she formed an

33:32

alliance with the only available person, which was

33:34

me. Yeah, yeah. Were you guys very codependent?

33:37

Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's

33:39

tricky, I'm curious how your mom is now. What's

33:41

tricky is now I'm

33:43

gone. And I have the same thing where

33:45

I'm like, I married Val and

33:48

my mom is like kind of like this

33:50

weird ex. I

33:53

mean I say that, I don't know if you had to break

33:55

up with your mom. I know, I'm in our

33:57

so close, but there was, there

33:59

was. I think a grieving period for

34:01

her even though she liked Like

34:04

that I was happy and liked that I found someone

34:06

she loves Jack It's just

34:08

I think there was a piece of her that

34:10

kind of thought I was gonna be Because I

34:12

didn't meet Jack still my mid 30s There

34:15

probably was a piece of her who thought I'm

34:18

good like I'm gonna be yeah the number one

34:20

Do you have siblings? I have two older brothers,

34:22

okay, but they were off like

34:24

well I think a

34:27

lot and this is I know a

34:29

generalization but the generalization is that when

34:31

men are Get

34:33

married that the wife family kind

34:36

of takes. Oh,

34:38

that's instead It's

34:40

folded into the corporation. Yeah So

34:43

the moms always kind of bank on

34:45

the the daughters or the gay sons

34:48

if I have a daughter or gay son Then

34:51

I'm gonna like have their attention Yeah,

34:54

but if it's a straight man,

34:56

usually they're trying to the wife

34:58

man I'm like go away and again,

35:00

that's not for not everyone

35:02

is that dynamic was a thing because I

35:05

am Yeah,

35:08

no, it's like it often times the the

35:10

boy of the family when they get married

35:12

It's been a lot more time with the

35:14

wife family. That's interesting. I didn't know I

35:16

was a stereotype. Yeah, cuz that it like

35:19

Yeah, so get into that and then

35:21

moms I think kind of grieve a little bit You

35:24

know with if their daughter because

35:26

like their daughter who gets married

35:28

to a man The mom

35:30

still gets that daughters. Yeah

35:33

attention. They stay. Yeah So

35:35

that's why I'm kind of doing a play on words of

35:37

like well It's different now because

35:39

I am a woman but the

35:42

difference is I'm gay right? So now

35:44

I The the stereotype

35:46

doesn't it doesn't get it

35:48

as much transfer is my I think you got

35:51

your title I

35:54

made an effort to spend a good amount

35:56

of time with my parents, but we also do a lot of

35:59

stuff with Jackson Samuel Yeah, so it's leaning

36:01

more that way it's weird to have you

36:03

label it On

36:07

the record I was kind of playing with that title

36:10

because I talked a lot in my

36:12

this hour about my mom and Jack's

36:14

Both have they seen it? Yeah,

36:17

and how do they feel about it? My

36:20

mom only told me she only talk about

36:22

one thing and that wasn't even involving Jack's

36:24

that was about a former boy Because

36:26

I talked about them in regards

36:29

to each other and them each

36:31

individual in regards to me. Yeah, and

36:33

then then my Separate

36:36

relationships with them. Got your favorite only if it's

36:38

fun to answer because Caroline Ray just did the

36:40

pod Yeah, and she asked me what my favorite

36:43

joke in my new hour is and I just

36:45

kind of not morning radio don't perform it But

36:47

yeah, there's something that like hmm Jumps

36:49

out as you're like, I can't wait to say that line

36:52

Yeah one joke that I was

36:54

Jack's actually told me to do this

36:56

story and I was telling what's fun about

36:58

that cuz it involves us getting in a

37:00

big fight and in

37:03

Europe we took a It's

37:08

a slow of stark but

37:12

I talked about how we took a train

37:14

and Italy from

37:17

one city to another and it was on a

37:19

quiet car and She

37:23

told me to stay with our luggage and I

37:26

made the mistake of like going on

37:28

to the I Figured out where the

37:30

train was and left without her and I texted

37:32

her. What do you wear what I took the

37:35

luggage with? Yeah, so so we couldn't find

37:37

our platform. Okay, she was like stay

37:39

here I'm gonna go try to figure

37:41

out where the platform is, but we had a bunch of luggage

37:44

We didn't want to both be trekking around

37:46

this some one of you went mobile and

37:48

one. Yeah, and I Rebelle

37:52

some I don't remember how but I

37:54

somehow figured out where the platform was

37:57

You were like, I'm gonna get on the drain Joke

38:00

is that the audience goes oh? So

38:03

there I'm like purposely making myself look

38:05

like the dummy that is such a

38:08

like like relatable Yeah, my dad used

38:10

always wander on yeah, I'm gonna be

38:12

like we'll meet here say here and

38:14

the whole audience is against me But

38:16

I'm okay with it in this scenario

38:18

because I was a dumb dumb

38:21

you were also in your defense in travel

38:23

mode And yeah, he does very tick every

38:25

box. Yeah As we

38:27

should go I get it He

38:29

was panicked because I left the

38:31

spot with a bad text to

38:33

her not knowing like her phone

38:35

wasn't oh my She

38:40

thought oh my

38:42

god, we're I'm stranded without my partner

38:44

like we're my lucky Yeah, my luggage

38:47

like what am I gonna do? I'm on

38:50

the train like eating the Scotty I know

38:52

So she figured like I try I

38:54

like I get off the train to

38:57

try to you know find

38:59

her I'd wave her down she comes she's

39:01

so mad at me and We

39:04

are why she wants to fight well We're

39:06

in a quiet car and the

39:09

whole joke is about like I

39:11

didn't want to be in the quiet car But now I'm so glad

39:13

I'm in it and I do Mimicking

39:16

of fighting and people love that

39:18

cuz I get so intense and

39:20

we can't like speak so That

39:23

story I'm really enjoying doing because it's

39:26

very physical Yeah, and I

39:28

think like even though it's Europe.

39:30

It is relatable in that there's one Dont

39:33

student do what they were supposed to do. I

39:35

like that a lot. Thank you This

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44:13

right, back to May, unfortunately. May,

44:15

do you have a favorite? Anything

44:17

jump to mind? Just for the fun of it. That

44:19

I'm doing these days? Yeah. Oh,

44:21

man. You don't even have to. I just didn't

44:24

want you to be left out. Yeah. You

44:26

know what I mean? I don't know. Are you

44:28

doing a lot of stand-up these days? Not so much. I

44:30

do Largo once a month, and I do

44:32

the question bucket and riff a lot. Do I

44:35

have a new bit? I talk about... Well,

44:38

my girlfriend is a five-year-old daughter, so sometimes I

44:40

talk about funny stuff that she said, and I'm

44:42

like, am I going to become that comedian? It's

44:45

not even my child. I'm

44:47

like, but they say funny things? Yeah,

44:51

they do. They do. So we

44:53

were talking about happiness in your partner, so you

44:55

met somebody from the real life lost. The real

44:57

life lost? The real life lost. Which is a

44:59

survivor. A survivor. I met your

45:01

partner at a party, and they were delightful,

45:03

and we talked briefly about how conniving and

45:05

backstabbing she had to be to win. Oh,

45:08

yes. How's that feel? And

45:10

you're not. You're like, you're an expert at this.

45:13

How's that going? And you never watched... You

45:15

weren't a survivor person, right? No, I never watched... I watched

45:17

the first one with you with New Guy. I watched the

45:19

first season, but I thought you were about to say...

45:21

I watched the first one with you the first

45:23

season. You know, me and Fortune watched it. Me

45:25

and Fortune watched it. That was back

45:28

when we were in college. It was funny.

45:30

All you had to do to be viral

45:32

in those days was be naked. I'd be

45:34

on a reality show. Oh my God. It

45:36

was like a reality show. Yeah. But you

45:38

were... Oh,

45:40

yeah. Or be on... Oh,

45:42

yeah. Maybe that one just burned in my memory,

45:44

but there was a very intense blonde woman yelling

45:46

at somebody. But now it takes so much

45:48

more. But you were a big fan of Survivor, right? Yeah.

45:52

Yeah. Yeah. I

45:54

still am. I still... I

45:56

usually have a season going, like... So when

45:58

I'm working out or something... I'm usually watching

46:01

it probably every season multiple times. So

46:03

when you saw what is her name?

46:05

Parvety. Oh, that's right Yeah, parvety. When

46:08

you saw her were you kind of

46:10

like hey, she did she slid into

46:12

my DM's and I when you watched it Oh for the

46:14

yes. I know I was a big fan. Yeah She

46:17

slid into yours. Yes, and I

46:19

had done a tweet about her like years

46:21

ago I tweeted like Sometimes I

46:23

think about how much I love Parvety from Survivor and

46:25

Wow No one understands because I was

46:27

in England and no one knows that show there and

46:30

then I think her sister saw me

46:32

do stand up And I must have talked about

46:34

survivor And then her sister mentioned

46:36

it to parve and then they googled to

46:38

see if I was a creep and that tweet came up

46:40

So then part of you she had Like

46:45

secret is this whole situation you

46:47

did I

46:56

got it but for me Dating

47:00

someone named Parvety you should

47:02

know secreted. Oh, totally. Yeah.

47:04

Yeah, and then you were

47:07

like immediately like oh Like

47:09

giddy like oh my god. I think I

47:11

fell to the ground really it was very

47:14

Need as my friend Brent television says need

47:16

footage Yeah, I know I know I need

47:18

to see your hand Yeah,

47:22

I want to know It

47:25

was very seek the secret II

47:27

though because I had just the previous night

47:29

been Watching clips of

47:31

her with my friends and

47:34

and a few people and being like yeah And then

47:36

this is one of the icons because I was explaining survivor to

47:38

someone who didn't know it Yeah, I was like

47:40

she's like the MVP of survivors Wow, and

47:42

then the next day she Ask

47:45

a weird one. Yeah, I

47:47

don't know. It seems so fun that you're

47:49

taken with this person Yeah, yeah, is that

47:51

like something you didn't know you wanted was

47:53

to be really like in awe to be

47:55

like a fan of my partner Yeah, but

47:57

like yeah, I guess You

48:00

can be in love with somebody

48:02

and not totally Yeah,

48:05

you'd be like embarrassed by like what they

48:07

do really But they're

48:09

like not the best and now you're

48:11

totally being totally partner like Thesis

48:19

on survivor out to me I'm like it's

48:21

the perfect game like it's a Fascinating

48:24

kind of yeah, but I've not been

48:26

updated people. I'm taking like Canadians and stuff

48:29

Before I like that yeah Wanted

48:36

to be all in on someone yeah, yeah, sorry Have

48:40

you learned anything inside about survivor that

48:42

that was fun? I have I kind of

48:44

don't want to appear behind the curtain too

48:46

much cuz it's so special I think I want

48:48

to talk about I'm kind of don't want to

48:51

burst your bubble no like that show,

48:53

but it is Luckily

48:55

it's like pretty legit real like

48:57

it's very real. They're not rigging it

48:59

like yeah They're not like going to a

49:02

hotel that night. No, I like legit out

49:04

there starving I mean they're a little safer

49:06

now, but in the older seasons It's like

49:08

no water no food and for ages and

49:10

they're like my covered in infected that oil

49:13

So you know that is my night

49:15

me too. I think that's why I don't even want

49:17

to go camping What I know we don't what

49:19

yeah, I would rather time. I'd rather like Celebrity

49:22

survivor, and we'll make it comfortable. I'll be

49:24

like you know. What's the most comfortable is

49:26

a hard no yeah But

49:29

then what is that is that like sort

49:31

of vanity because for me it might be

49:34

partly vanity I'm like scared. I'm just gonna

49:36

feel grubby and comfortable bed I

49:39

don't like cameras around 24-7. Yeah.

49:41

Yes. Yes I hate

49:43

I resent and this is all going back to

49:45

you that we live in this world as

49:47

a not I'm not a very balanced person

49:50

I always blame my height But we live in this world

49:53

that for the first like felt like the first

49:55

20 years of my life it was all What

49:57

can you do physically so would go? the

50:00

woods and they're like can you walk across

50:02

this log it's like I don't know

50:04

what it is 50 feet in the air balance

50:06

across Jedi training we had a

50:08

hard stuff okay

50:10

but it was like a college I just

50:13

thought of dirty dancing where they were yeah

50:15

kind of practice balance yeah I'm thinking Batman

50:17

Begins but there are a lot of movies

50:19

with a lot of montages because it's fun

50:21

yeah you know what he's up to I

50:23

see dirty dancing that's my dirty dancing no

50:25

one puts batty in a corner I don't

50:27

know what's happening that's perfect but this is

50:29

a core trauma for you I just well

50:31

I'm over here going and people who listen

50:33

to the show a lot know that I'm

50:36

gonna say this but like I just resent

50:38

that their bravery was prioritized over my bravery

50:40

and I still feel this way right I was

50:42

talking to somebody about a corporate I was it's

50:44

not important but they were like I

50:47

was trying to do business with somebody and they were

50:49

like come on our corporate motorcycle retreat I'm like fuck

50:51

no no and I don't go around

50:53

going like do stand up at Radio

50:55

City Music Hall like each shit you know what I

50:57

mean like I don't impose my

50:59

heroism yeah people but I feel like

51:01

in the physical realm everyone's always trying

51:03

to be like what's good yeah yeah

51:05

yeah each shit yeah yeah there are

51:07

other ways to sparkle each

51:10

shit is so underused there are other ways

51:12

to sparkle but what if you're also shittied

51:14

and grand is underused I like all of

51:16

that shit eating grinder yeah a lot of

51:18

my own job at a twat I don't

51:20

know how you guys what how are you

51:22

saying that what is so just to surprise

51:24

people it has to be

51:27

friendly but I was shooting a

51:29

movie with Judy Greer first day and I go I

51:31

love Judy I didn't know you were a twat and

51:33

she left so she did something kind of right it

51:35

wasn't even caddy and I was like she died and

51:37

that's when we became instant

51:40

yeah the power of twat force

51:43

of cooter I love the word

51:45

cooter what's that the

51:47

power of twat I feel like a peter

51:49

is very southern for sure yeah I had

51:56

I don't think I'd heard it until there was there's

51:58

they even use cooter as part of like Street names

52:00

in the cell. What do you

52:02

mean? Like Barry Cooter. Barry Cooter Lane? Is

52:05

that street side getting stolen every other week? I

52:07

was. I was like, house is not

52:09

on someone's wall. What was the

52:12

name of the elevator woman? Oh,

52:15

yeah, Sherri Berry. Sherri Berry talked a

52:17

lot about this woman. We did in

52:19

the South Hoosheet in every elevator. In

52:21

North Carolina, I don't

52:24

know what the official title is. That's

52:26

the Department of whatever. They're in charge

52:28

of the elevators. Okay.

52:30

And in North Carolina, that

52:33

position means that your

52:35

picture, whoever's the head of this

52:37

person, your picture is an elevator. And

52:39

you get your... And they sign off

52:42

on it, being like, this elevator's

52:44

been tested and approved. Like a

52:46

Brian Regan bit. This elevator, thank you,

52:48

Will. It will also take you down.

52:50

Up or down? So,

52:52

she became kind of legendary. And

52:55

again, I talked about this on

52:57

our podcast. I don't know her

53:00

politics. Because that's a voted on

53:02

position. She could be very

53:04

conservative. I have no idea. I just know that her

53:06

name is Sherri Berry. That's all

53:08

we needed. So, my whole childhood,

53:10

my whole college, everyone

53:13

would be like, get in an elevator and

53:15

be like, Sherri Berry. And

53:18

people started making t-shirts. Sherri

53:20

Berry lifts me up. Dan

53:22

Brown will teach you guitar in New York

53:24

City. You know the flyers. And became kind

53:27

of viral. I like that. And then we

53:29

were Googling Sherri Berry, because Tig and

53:31

I, I don't think we heard of

53:33

her. Yeah, it turns out this guy

53:35

had written a song about her. And

53:37

it sounds like London punk. Sherri

53:41

Berry. So,

53:44

anyone from North Carolina, she's

53:47

retired now, I believe. And

53:49

it is kind of sad when you go

53:52

in an elevator now. It's like a guy.

53:55

Frank Durbin. His

53:57

name doesn't rhyme. I

54:00

think even then, maybe her name is

54:02

Cherie, but everyone's like, no, it's Cherie

54:05

Berry. Cherie?

54:07

How does she spell it? It's

54:10

C-H. It's spelled like Cherie Berry. It's definitely

54:12

Cherie Berry. It's Cherie Berry, sorry. We've

54:15

been in Jerry's on this. I know. We've been

54:17

in Jerry's and Cherie Berry. Oh, where have they been on that?

54:20

It looks like Cherie Berry, but it may be... But

54:23

also it could be folklore, someone trying to mess with

54:25

people that all know it's Cherie. There's always...

54:27

Get those people out of your life.

54:29

So any North Carolinians listening or watching,

54:31

they are like, that woman was a

54:33

part of their childhood for sure. Can

54:36

I tell you what I love about

54:38

it is that her name is probably

54:40

Cheryl. Yeah. So she was leaning

54:42

into the hand, she was dealt, and I was

54:44

like, I'll be Cherie Berry. Her family helped her

54:46

politically. She could have started like a barrel company.

54:48

Oh, it doesn't matter. Cherie Berry

54:50

barrel company. I bailed on it half way through

54:53

Cherie Berry. You bailed on Cherie Berry. Cherie Berry.

54:55

Cherie Berry. It's Cherie. You just named Cherie. Cherie.

54:58

Her ice cream flavor is Cherie. It's

55:02

Cherie. It's with an S though, but Cherie

55:05

Berry? Cherie Berry. Cherie Berry. God dang

55:07

it. I don't want... Now

55:09

I'm like, I can't even remember. I

55:11

don't want to whizzele on anybody, but I

55:13

like the idea that somebody is in peril

55:16

right now. They're changing a tire and they're

55:18

in the rain and they're listening to this

55:20

thing say their name. Cherie Berry. Cherie Berry.

55:22

Because it's an S. And Fortune won't even

55:24

join the rift. I...

55:28

Cherie... Cherie S-H-E-R-R-I-E Berry. B-E-R-R-Y. And

55:36

then put Elevators North Carolina. I'm

55:40

really having to get to the bottom. I was trading at a

55:42

rift going for you. I'm sharing. And you were

55:44

like, all you were doing was saying Cherie Berry for five minutes.

55:46

I need to tell you that. B-H-E-R-I-E Berry?

55:50

What would you say? Is that Cherie or

55:52

Cherie? I knew this whole time though. That's what it

55:54

was. Really? Cherie Berry. It's

55:56

actually pronounced Cherie. And

56:00

that is Ryan Blair's both. I'm all her

56:02

cherry berry. I don't know now I honestly

56:05

am so confused that I can't remember

56:08

cherry berry I wish I'm Cherry

56:11

cherry berry, so what did you learn about

56:13

survivor that? affected

56:15

well nothing that nothing is I will ever

56:19

Yeah, survivor, but she

56:21

just played um traders that oh yeah

56:24

that show was recently. Yeah, it's

56:26

like mafia It's kind of popular made

56:28

the game. No she went and played

56:30

it in a castle and it's all reality

56:32

competition series Yeah, Alan coming and they go

56:34

and it's a lot of like real housewives

56:36

of Beverly Hill like Competing and

56:39

it did make me think man you

56:41

it's really scary what these people do because

56:43

you have no control over the edit you

56:46

Go into high confrontation situation where people are

56:48

just like looking to fight because they want

56:50

airtime and everything you say people are like

56:52

You said that like it was my first

56:54

day in prison like reality reality shows, but

56:56

I'm people like attention I said

57:00

next in the cafeteria and reality show prison. Yeah,

57:02

just so you know people You're

57:05

gonna want to fight cuz that means the cameras on him,

57:07

but careful who you look at Don't

57:09

do you think she do a good job? Oh?

57:11

Yeah? She's amazing. I got a watch. It's on

57:13

my to-do list to watch Well you don't have

57:15

any fun for you You

57:19

can't I got a download stuff for the plane. That's

57:21

the time where you're not what are

57:23

you doing on the plane? listen

57:25

in the podcast and and Usually

57:28

like editing scripts Cuz

57:31

then you're just sitting there like yeah I

57:35

said it before but I really missed something when

57:37

everybody had to watch the same movie on a

57:39

little screen. Oh, man. Yeah And

57:45

you put the earbuds in that went under you yeah I

57:48

just worried so pumped if I hadn't seen

57:50

the movie at all. Yes, it was always

57:52

missus doubt fire But

57:56

then you can really tell who's the sociopath on the plane cuz

57:58

you see who's crying at the side Yeah,

58:00

that was great. We had a

58:02

lot more communal things back in our

58:04

childhoods. Yeah, it's true. Now everything's

58:06

separate. One of my earliest bits was

58:09

I go, I watched Die

58:11

Hard was on TV the other night and

58:14

I watched the whole thing with commercials, which

58:16

is weird because I own Die Hard. Yeah,

58:18

I was gonna say, you could probably find

58:20

it somewhere. But then somebody unpacked it for

58:22

me and they were like, it's because we

58:24

like the feeling of doing the same thing

58:27

as millions of other people. Oh, that's nice.

58:29

And you liked another version of staring

58:31

at you. Yeah. You feel... Yeah. I

58:33

don't even watch sports, but when it's a Super

58:36

Bowl or something, something big happens

58:38

and you hear cheering on the way. Yeah,

58:41

yeah, yeah. Or like a Christmas special that everyone's

58:43

excited about. In England, that's a big thing. They'll

58:45

be like the French and Saunders Christmas Special. Oh,

58:48

everyone's watching. Yeah, and everyone's watching

58:50

it on Christmas Day. It's an event. Yeah, that's

58:52

why I don't watch a ton of sports, but

58:54

I do really enjoy like the Super Bowl,

58:56

the World Series. Because I

58:58

know a bunch of people are watching it and

59:01

we're all experiencing something at the same time. So

59:03

is this one of our happy things? Finding things

59:05

to share with other people and bringing us back

59:07

to the scene? I like that. What's making you

59:09

happy these days? Yeah. Did

59:11

you move in together? Yeah, we did. Did that happen

59:13

real fast? Yeah, real fast. Real fast. Yeah, you guys

59:16

got right to it. Got right to it. I can't

59:18

read the name of it. I'm not going to

59:20

blow up Mae's fluff. Mae was having

59:22

a good time. And Mae was very

59:24

popular in LA. You were like the...

59:26

That makes me sound like a bad... No,

59:30

but like... You only became more delightful

59:32

by calling yourself a cat. I'm

59:35

saying a lot of people were like

59:37

lusting after you. I'm not saying you

59:39

partook in that. I think I have

59:41

for... If it is true, there were

59:43

a lot of people lusting after Mae.

59:45

I think for years I was resistant

59:47

to commitment. And then yeah... What

59:52

about you? But all of a sudden

59:54

Mae was like... No, you never feel

59:56

uncomfortable. That's crazy. No, you were the

59:58

object of people... People were taking you

1:00:01

could you just moved to LA you had come

1:00:03

from was like for all you were fresh Fred

1:00:06

to me a lot of people be moving to LA You

1:00:12

knew people you have friends here you are just

1:00:14

like come on a lot of parties a bus

1:00:16

Yeah, that's funny because whenever I see you and I

1:00:18

hope you take this as a as the one compliment

1:00:20

It is yeah, I'm gonna do a remake of great

1:00:23

Gatsby and your great Gatsby. Oh, is that okay? 100%

1:00:25

Yeah Yeah, okay, what because

1:00:27

there's a hauntedness to me. No Because

1:00:39

that is the essence of Gatsby is that

1:00:41

he's he's having these parties. I know

1:00:43

what you meant though We yes fortune

1:00:45

knew what I meant, but I love

1:00:47

a double suit. Yeah, thank you. But

1:00:49

I was throwing your shirt Swah, why

1:00:51

why? But a little haunted, you

1:00:54

know what I want to because you want to

1:00:56

be a little haunted Yeah, there's an emptiness

1:00:58

to him and then I also really like

1:01:02

That staring at the light across the thing.

1:01:04

It's like there's a line in great Gatsby

1:01:06

That's like the object of his yearning would

1:01:08

never be as delicious as the yearning itself

1:01:16

Would you know I can't

1:01:19

do it No, no, I was

1:01:21

gonna say Robert Redford I

1:01:26

didn't see the Robert Redford one either. Squeeze your eyes.

1:01:28

It's the Brad Pitt one So

1:01:33

I've been watching every Like

1:01:35

incarnation of Peter Pan I've been watching.

1:01:38

Oh, that'd be great for you, too But that's a

1:01:40

little more obvious if I may compliment my compliment. Yeah

1:01:43

Give me a great Peter Pan. I feel like

1:01:45

yeah a little obvious But when you because

1:01:47

I'm really into Peter Pan as a thing, but

1:01:49

watching them all they're all kind of because

1:01:52

Wendy's like They're all kind of backward. They're

1:01:54

all a little outdated. It's all like she's

1:01:56

like the mother and there's like weird dynamic

1:01:58

children. Yeah Exactly. I want

1:02:00

to make one that's like cool and an

1:02:03

updated one updated kind of cool Where

1:02:06

the kids are like on their cell phone all

1:02:08

the lost boys are just like You

1:02:16

know what's a fun and then they go to Neverland

1:02:18

and rediscover like yeah wonder

1:02:20

wonder enjoy Hook

1:02:22

is the best Peter Pan. Oh good. I

1:02:24

am. Oh, I just rewatched it Yeah, it's

1:02:26

well Val is screaming right now Val Val

1:02:29

is who loves your podcast. This is not

1:02:31

my hat. Oh Yeah,

1:02:36

that's so cool. Here's a fun tip. Are you

1:02:38

ready? Yeah, don't give a lot of tips, but

1:02:40

my tips are platinum Yeah, we love a tip

1:02:42

platinum tip. I do give a lot of tips

1:02:46

If you stand like Peter Pan you're

1:02:48

picturing it. Yeah Peter Pan. Oh, yeah,

1:02:50

or Wonder Woman Yeah, or Superman. Yeah,

1:02:53

that kind of way. This is super

1:02:55

fun Standing like that for

1:02:57

two minutes lowers your cortisol by like something

1:02:59

like 28% and raises your testosterone by something

1:03:02

like 34% Even without

1:03:04

your arms up. You can do that too. Whoa

1:03:08

That's the one Peter you're doing

1:03:10

it Peter But

1:03:19

like this is a good thing Court

1:03:21

is always your stress hormone. Oh Testosterone

1:03:24

is you know, obviously Well,

1:03:27

not obviously what I'm saying is testosterone I guess can

1:03:29

be a mixed bag because it can be to aggression

1:03:31

Yeah, it's also linked to like decisiveness Yeah,

1:03:34

if you're a football player you want to have good Of

1:03:38

course and like that it helps you knew the

1:03:40

other one Oh

1:03:42

that as well. Yeah, you don't think when you

1:03:44

think of Peter Pan You don't think testosterone when

1:03:46

you think about that Yeah, let's change

1:03:49

that because it is high tea This

1:03:53

is everything's coming together and wait, like

1:03:55

my version of Peter Pan like a

1:03:57

heavy trance theme with testosterone Yeah,

1:04:00

how long is the quarter song two

1:04:02

minutes? You minute? Okay, it's incredible Yeah, before

1:04:04

you go out on stage. What why I

1:04:06

prefer the Peter Pan one to the standing

1:04:08

I do the X one if I'm backstage.

1:04:10

I'm about to go out. Yeah Okay

1:04:15

Yeah, and I'm facing the audience, you know,

1:04:17

it's psychologically just saying like I can take

1:04:19

up space. Yeah my daughter I'm dropping her

1:04:21

off at school. She won't quite do it

1:04:24

because she's five Yeah, but like I try

1:04:26

to get her moving. Yeah, I had to

1:04:28

get her we listen to dance music Katy

1:04:30

Perry on the ride over something like hype

1:04:33

sir and hyper and we're trying to up

1:04:35

her testosterone and lower her cortisol and Dancing

1:04:37

moving but those power stances if you want

1:04:39

to calm that are subtle

1:04:41

You can stand like that when you're just

1:04:44

waiting. Yeah go into an audition and nobody's gonna

1:04:46

think it's weird Oh, do you know the weird hook

1:04:48

cameo? Okay, you know

1:04:51

this that so in the beginning There's a pirate

1:04:53

and hook puts him in the boo box and

1:04:55

he you know Which is like a box that

1:04:57

the scorpions in and he's like not the boo

1:04:59

box and he's crying It's so good.

1:05:01

But I think I do know this but you know this forgotten.

1:05:03

I don't know me. It's Glenn close That's

1:05:16

like when you find out all the

1:05:18

all the different stormtroopers later Star Wars

1:05:20

is That's JJ oh,

1:05:23

yeah, and oh really less fun yours was

1:05:25

more fun James Bond Daniel

1:05:27

Craig is one I think I think he was

1:05:30

a stormtrooper. It was a that sounds right I

1:05:32

think so. You hear the voices and they're like

1:05:34

the Collins on Frasier. Yeah, that's your letter Yeah,

1:05:38

I never thought about the Collins and Frasier That's all in

1:05:40

Frasier one of the best parts of watching Frasier

1:05:42

the credits and you go the Collins. Oh, no

1:05:44

way They tell you who was whoa, that's cool.

1:05:46

Super fun. All right, so what's making us happy?

1:05:50

For fun Working

1:05:52

out we're gonna is yeah, like wait

1:05:54

like wait. I've never done waits before

1:05:57

and I'm loving it. It's so good. I

1:05:59

love it Yeah, it's really good.

1:06:01

It makes you, Kumail famously buff.

1:06:04

I was like, what I think is interesting is all

1:06:06

the feelings that come up. Like you kind of get

1:06:08

access to like more power.

1:06:10

Is the yellow really buff? I haven't seen him in a minute. I

1:06:12

think once you get that buff, that's your

1:06:15

prison. That's your muscly prison. Really? Just

1:06:17

through that from now on. Oh, if he does

1:06:19

out any bit, he's in a magazine. Yeah. Right?

1:06:23

They're just like us. Yeah, I don't wanna

1:06:25

go to that side. Don't do

1:06:27

it. I mean, too much pressure. Don't do it. I

1:06:30

didn't buy one of those machines. I

1:06:33

finally have an extra room in my house. Which machine?

1:06:36

With the

1:06:39

pull down, yeah. But it's like six

1:06:41

different things. It's the pull down and

1:06:43

the thing that you bring in this way and

1:06:45

the one down on the ground. I wanna get

1:06:48

this. There's like six different things. It's like a

1:06:50

big hardy machine. I'm gonna sell you

1:06:52

real quick. Not a sponsor. Yeah. Not

1:06:56

to pupu. Not to what was the box

1:06:58

called? Oh, boobox. Not to boobox. Not to

1:07:00

boobox your idea. But there's something called a

1:07:02

tonal, which is what I have, which is

1:07:04

very small on the wall, but has these

1:07:06

arms that come out and it can do

1:07:08

like a million things. Tonal? It's

1:07:10

called a tonal, yeah. I tried to get them to sponsor

1:07:12

my podcast, but I think they Google image shirts for me

1:07:14

and said no. Oh my God.

1:07:17

Like we're gonna need some more muscle over this. Yeah, I

1:07:19

was like call it in six months. Maybe.

1:07:22

But I was like, you know, it can be like

1:07:24

a transforming. Yeah, like follow me along the ride. But

1:07:28

I like it's very sleek on the wall. It's got

1:07:30

a mirror. Yeah, but you have to really, that

1:07:32

has to be like in, put in

1:07:34

like really. They install it. Oh, okay. But

1:07:36

it has to go into like a stud? Yeah, it's

1:07:38

gotta be a stud. You

1:07:41

gotta have a stud for them to install it.

1:07:43

But I'm really loving it. Yeah. But

1:07:46

going. You work out every day for your

1:07:48

brain? Well, I hope this is interesting. I was really

1:07:50

struggling and then I got into,

1:07:52

and everybody knows this, but I got into Tony

1:07:54

Robbins, wait for it. I'm

1:07:57

just gonna tell you the one Tony thing

1:07:59

that changed. my life. You know

1:08:01

him? I don't text him. I know his

1:08:03

wife and they're like very close advisor.

1:08:08

I haven't known him for many

1:08:10

years. What do you mean? What's

1:08:12

their close advisor? I

1:08:14

could text his wife if I wanted to. I'm not

1:08:16

going to text you right now. No, I'm not going

1:08:21

to. He's lovely. You're friends with

1:08:23

Tony Robbins, Mrs. Robbins. Yes, so

1:08:25

a person that works very

1:08:27

closely with him and has for

1:08:29

many, many years is someone I've

1:08:32

known for like 17 years. Wow.

1:08:34

Okay, and they're in the family.

1:08:36

Yeah, she's very cool. Are they

1:08:39

a happy family? Yeah, cool. Okay, well

1:08:41

real quick, and you can text her

1:08:43

this. I'm just kidding. The

1:08:45

thing that he's all... He's not all about any one

1:08:47

thing, but the thing that changed my life, because I

1:08:50

have this tonal, I have a pallet tonal. I have

1:08:52

all this stuff. He wasn't doing it. His

1:08:54

whole thing is just going like you need to

1:08:56

get really clear on your why. That's like the

1:08:59

whole thing. He wants you to write it out

1:09:01

in like really... When I say embarrassing, I mean

1:09:03

to comics. It's very embarrassing to use what he would

1:09:05

call like juicy language, but you have to be like,

1:09:07

I want to have like optimum

1:09:10

health and fitness and longevity

1:09:13

and like strength for my family.

1:09:15

I want to be able to

1:09:17

pick up my kids when they're

1:09:19

15 and all this stuff. Spin

1:09:21

them around. Yeah, exactly. And

1:09:23

I want to have energy. Like working out is

1:09:25

so much about energy and clarity, but like you

1:09:27

write it all out and you look at it

1:09:29

regularly. And just doing a couple of those exercises

1:09:31

and planning it out

1:09:34

and like clustering all of the things

1:09:36

I want to do for fitness into

1:09:38

one goal and naming it

1:09:41

like a dorky kind of like you could give yourself

1:09:43

some sort of nickname. And I say things to Val

1:09:45

all the time. I go like, I got to

1:09:47

work out. Fitness is a huge part of

1:09:49

my life. I just say stuff like that. She laughs,

1:09:51

but like you have to make it your identity.

1:09:54

Does he have stuff about smoking? Because

1:09:56

I am struggling now. I'm

1:09:58

back on... Well, I can't stop

1:10:01

smoking one or two cigarettes a day. I know. I

1:10:03

think Glazer has a book that she always tells people to

1:10:05

read. Yeah, quit smoking the easy way. Is that the... Is

1:10:08

that it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have

1:10:11

you ever read that? She's like so poor about it. I've heard

1:10:13

don't talk about it. I can't stop having... Sometimes

1:10:15

I'll go a few days without one, but

1:10:17

I can never fully kick it. Yeah. Even

1:10:20

though that's not a real physical addiction anymore, right? Because it's

1:10:22

just one or two a day, but I've never... Oh,

1:10:25

man. It's tough. I have nicotine gum in

1:10:27

my mouth right now. Yeah. I've

1:10:29

never read nicotine. Yeah. Were you a

1:10:32

smoker? Never. Oh, but you

1:10:34

just like... Nicotine's the best. And not to... I

1:10:36

think Alan Carr's book is incredible. There's a very good idea. I've never

1:10:38

read it. I never smoked. Yeah.

1:10:41

No, it works really well. Yeah. But

1:10:43

one of the things with the modern... Nicotine's

1:10:45

sort of having this renaissance where people are like... Is that

1:10:48

the... What are they called? The thing in... Oh,

1:10:50

okay. I don't... Zinn?

1:10:53

No, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, the little... Those

1:10:55

little pouches. What are those things? Yeah, Zinn.

1:10:58

No, there's one called... All

1:11:00

those male comics are put... Yeah. I

1:11:03

don't know what it is though. I think it's called Zinn.

1:11:05

ZYN or something? It doesn't matter. Mine's

1:11:08

called Lucy. Who cares? They were a sponsor.

1:11:10

Weird still works on checkout. Zinn. ZYN.

1:11:13

But I'm not trying... Is it nicotine? Yeah. It

1:11:16

is. So what does it do? What does that do

1:11:18

for you? I'm actually smoking that I like. I know. I

1:11:21

know people like that. Yeah, yeah. Like

1:11:24

Sarah Silverman's the same one cigarette a day. I've

1:11:26

given Sarah the same... Why don't you just cut

1:11:28

to the thing that you like? I know. Silver

1:11:30

smokes cigars and I'm like, you should just do

1:11:32

this. And he's like, why would I want to

1:11:34

ruin it? Do the thing? The thing is what's

1:11:36

fun. I know, yeah. But here's what Tony would

1:11:38

say. I'm not an expert, but he talks about

1:11:40

the six human needs. Yeah.

1:11:43

And he's like, what does smoking give you? It

1:11:45

gives you... It's like stability. Like

1:11:47

it's reliable. I think it's like

1:11:50

a moment of privacy

1:11:52

and almost secretiveness. Like,

1:11:55

which is not a good thing to create, but it's just like a moment to

1:11:57

my... I'm like, this is just for me.

1:12:00

It's an indulgent and quiet moment by

1:12:03

myself. And you breathe. You would

1:12:05

also say you're having a physiological change. Yeah, you

1:12:07

breathe. You want to know what my

1:12:09

hypnotherapist said. Here we go. We're talking

1:12:11

about Turkish coffee readers. We're

1:12:15

all about, my hypnotherapist Cynthia Morgan,

1:12:17

who's incredible. Shout out. Shout

1:12:20

out. Berry Berry. What is the core

1:12:22

negative thought behind things? And she's worked with thousands of smokers.

1:12:25

She said that the core negative thought of a smoker is,

1:12:27

and then I die, and you never know. Oh,

1:12:29

God, yes. I've said this

1:12:31

on a daily basis. I need to know. Is

1:12:34

I am alone. Which is fine, Gatsby.

1:12:36

I am alone? Wait, the core,

1:12:38

what is it? The core negative thought of a smoker

1:12:40

is I am alone. What? I

1:12:43

am alone. Interesting. What do you mean?

1:12:45

Do you feel that? I'm saying that

1:12:47

for a lot of these smoking people,

1:12:50

it's like you step away, you have

1:12:52

your privacy. You also have this little

1:12:54

community of other smokers. You

1:12:56

all go out and have your little kind of shame

1:12:59

circle or whatever it might be. Is it like you

1:13:01

want to be alone or is it, I believe I'm

1:13:03

alone? I think if I believe I'm alone. Oh, interesting.

1:13:05

It is a little existential. You're doing

1:13:07

something. It's very Gatsby. You could just

1:13:10

do the nicotine. Which when one

1:13:12

nicotine does it, and I'm not recommending it to anybody because

1:13:14

it is very addictive and I do want to say that.

1:13:16

So you get addicted and then if you don't have it,

1:13:19

it's an issue. But what

1:13:22

smoking does is it boosts your dopamine,

1:13:24

I believe. So it gives you a

1:13:26

feel good thing. It drives you. It

1:13:28

gives you mental clarity and it elevates

1:13:30

your heart rate while also relaxing you.

1:13:32

So that's what Huberman says is it

1:13:34

puts you in that awesome state of

1:13:36

running while sitting still.

1:13:41

Yeah. So when I'm writing, it really

1:13:44

helps. And I think there's a reason why

1:13:46

Hemingway and all those guys are smoking pipes

1:13:48

and cigars while they're working. Mark Twain over

1:13:50

there. Yeah. Is really helpful

1:13:52

when you're trying to focus in. So Peter

1:13:54

Atia, who's like one of these longevity, like

1:13:56

super nuts, he does eight milligrams

1:13:59

of nicotine a day. which is a very

1:14:01

small amount. Via gum or what? By

1:14:04

gum because nobody seems... It's

1:14:06

hard to... I'm not Tony Robbins but you'd

1:14:09

have to appeal to something other than logic

1:14:11

because the logic is you don't like smoking

1:14:13

you like nicotine and if

1:14:15

you could have a piece of nicotine

1:14:17

gum in some ceremonial way... Ceremonial delivery

1:14:19

of a piece of gum out... Yeah

1:14:21

but I mean that's what you've you've

1:14:23

fetishized I don't mean sexually but you've

1:14:25

fetishized lighting a cigarette and being away

1:14:28

but then you might if I

1:14:30

was your therapist I'd say get in touch with

1:14:32

the part of you that wants to do something's

1:14:34

destructive to yourself. Yeah sure. Wants to do something

1:14:36

that's a little bit wicked. Yeah transgressive

1:14:38

and especially like the more responsibility

1:14:40

I take on I think the

1:14:42

more it's my it's like a

1:14:44

little like oh fuck it

1:14:46

I'm gonna do this one thing and like

1:14:48

I've given up every other vice and like

1:14:50

this is... But I know but I intellectually

1:14:52

in my mind don't want to be doing it anymore. Hey

1:14:55

can I join you? Yeah. I wouldn't you

1:14:57

caffeine gum I love making my espresso and

1:14:59

I love sipping it out. That's true yeah.

1:15:01

I don't ever quit it because I don't

1:15:03

drink and all these things so I'm like

1:15:06

I do espresso and if somebody was like

1:15:08

but and I've had people say but your

1:15:10

energy would be better if you didn't use

1:15:12

caffeine. Yeah yeah yeah. Eat shit dude. Eat

1:15:14

shit. Eat shit twat. Eat shit twat. Eat

1:15:16

shit you cooter. I just

1:15:18

think about your... What really bums me

1:15:20

out is like smoke. Yeah

1:15:23

oh yeah it smells bad. What

1:15:25

a weird delivery system. I do

1:15:28

like it. Your pink precious baby lungs. Yeah you're

1:15:30

right I bet that's in the book in the

1:15:32

quitting book I bet it describes your precious baby

1:15:34

lungs. We don't think of our lungs we don't think

1:15:37

of it's like the most porous

1:15:39

vulnerable part of us and we're like... And

1:15:41

they're not bags they're sponges. Yeah. I

1:15:43

thought they were empty bags but they're

1:15:45

actually like solid sponges. Yeah. My friend

1:15:48

had a baby last night. That's right.

1:15:50

Yeah yeah. You know Sabrina the Teenage

1:15:52

Witch. Sabrina the Teenage Witch had a

1:15:54

baby. Yeah,

1:16:00

three weeks early. It was

1:16:02

exciting. And are you gonna have twins? No,

1:16:04

this is what the Turkish guy said. I

1:16:06

don't know. Are you one kid? Yeah. I

1:16:09

don't know. That's a big question. That is

1:16:11

a big question. I can confidently say I

1:16:14

don't want kids. I think I love it. You don't want

1:16:16

kids. I do not. Oh, I'm sorry, 4G. That

1:16:19

you were talking and I kept just telling me what I want to get parents to do.

1:16:21

Oh, no, no, no, I was like, I'm okay with it. I

1:16:24

think I would also be a great not parent,

1:16:26

but I definitely want, yeah, I don't know. Yeah,

1:16:28

but I also met Fortune's dog the other night

1:16:30

and I felt like I understood the

1:16:32

universe looking into his eyes. This

1:16:35

is a special creature. He's pretty gorgeous. This

1:16:37

is like a little. He is not a

1:16:39

dog. He's like a whole other thing. A

1:16:42

little baby Yoda. Ewok, he's like, yeah,

1:16:45

he's ruined us. We're like, we'll never have a

1:16:48

child. A love like this. A pet or a love

1:16:50

like this. Yeah, and why no kids just for fun?

1:16:53

Because there's a lot of people listening that are like, we also

1:16:55

don't want kids. Yeah, my, my. My

1:16:57

wife would be amazing. She was a kindergarten teacher

1:16:59

for 13 years and. Oh, my

1:17:01

God, yeah. Yeah, and like really

1:17:03

good, like really good. And kids

1:17:06

love her because she's a

1:17:08

disciplinarian. Yeah. And, and what people,

1:17:11

I'm not an expert

1:17:13

on kids, but what I've learned from

1:17:15

her and watching her is kids

1:17:17

crave boundaries. They crave

1:17:20

rules. And she is

1:17:22

like, mmm, and they love

1:17:25

her. Most fun things about

1:17:27

being a parent, especially a modern parent. And

1:17:29

I'm all about modern parenting, which is,

1:17:31

by the way, I have a bit about

1:17:33

this honoring feelings and, and them like, instead

1:17:36

of going like, get in the fucking car, you go like, what,

1:17:39

something seems like it's feeling tricky about going to school

1:17:41

today. Yeah, I think that's great. And

1:17:43

then you do get to pepper in little moments.

1:17:45

Like we had, we have Sunday dinners, which

1:17:48

you're both invited to. Oh, thank you. It's

1:17:51

not that far. Yeah, how far we thought

1:17:53

you'd been. I don't think I've been in Ohio. It's only

1:17:55

90 to get here. And I have a spot. I'll

1:17:57

go home hour 15. Go home. Yeah, that's not bad.

1:18:00

Yeah, but anyway, there

1:18:02

are all these kids there and One

1:18:05

of the kids was laying on a toy that another

1:18:07

kid wanted and and he's he's a

1:18:10

wonderful kid But he's being kind of wicked. Yeah, yeah

1:18:12

with your siggies Yeah So he's just being wicked

1:18:14

for the fun of it But in that

1:18:16

way like I just got a sense that

1:18:18

I was like I think this kid Knowing

1:18:20

his parents will respond to something a little

1:18:22

bit more direct. Yeah, the parent that was

1:18:25

negotiating with him Yeah, it's like could I

1:18:27

invite you? Oh Off

1:18:30

the toy and there's this cute little kid that's been

1:18:32

waiting patiently for the toy. You're not even using it

1:18:35

He's just laying on it. Yeah, I don't even know

1:18:37

if he knows he's laying on it. Yeah, and

1:18:39

just for fun I took a shot. I just go Get

1:18:42

off the get off the it was a vacuum

1:18:44

cleaner go get off the vacuum cleaner butt head

1:18:46

and he got off it immediately He

1:18:49

probably loved it. He looked at me like Yeah

1:18:53

I'm telling you I've seen her work miracles

1:18:55

with the discipline every once in a while

1:18:58

They like it. You know what? Give

1:19:00

them a lot of love to she and she's oh man,

1:19:02

and then it means more They're

1:19:06

like in the emerg that's

1:19:08

right. Yeah, keep it. You

1:19:10

know a little Wendy. Yeah, little Wendy from Peter I'm

1:19:12

just kidding, but you do Just

1:19:15

be predictable. Yeah every once in a while

1:19:18

It's it's got to be just like and that's not even

1:19:20

that harsh Yeah, that's nice get off and I said as

1:19:22

a joke and get off the vacuum But after vacuum cleaner,

1:19:24

but I would be the one that was a

1:19:26

you like shit the wood each it I

1:19:28

would ruin all the hard work. She's established.

1:19:31

I also say do it, but do it.

1:19:33

That's good I think

1:19:35

it's always supposed to be both but we

1:19:37

just both came to the conclusion that we didn't

1:19:39

want it. Yeah like our

1:19:41

lives and I Think we're

1:19:43

good with it I remember like growing up

1:19:45

how important like mentor figures are like people

1:19:47

who weren't my parents were in my life

1:19:51

The whole kids like they gotta be Yeah,

1:19:54

what's the holdovers? You didn't see the holder. No,

1:19:56

is this come out recently Giamatti?

1:19:59

Oh It's just the

1:20:01

I thought we were talking about that movie that

1:20:03

movie with Paul Giamatti It

1:20:05

was more recent. Yeah, but the stern professor.

1:20:07

Yeah more black and white and harsh with

1:20:09

you Yeah, I had a teacher like he

1:20:11

was on the podcast. Mr. Brown. I had

1:20:13

him on you had mr. Brown on a

1:20:15

podcast It's a great episode and I'm just

1:20:17

telling him how much he meant to me

1:20:19

Oh my god, he was the guy that

1:20:21

was like he wanted to be

1:20:23

soft with us But if we weren't he put us

1:20:25

in alphabetical rows Talk

1:20:28

unless he called on us and we were all just

1:20:30

just fucking eating out of his hand Really

1:20:33

and then when we were good for a while

1:20:35

he let us go back to sit where you

1:20:37

want Yeah, is the best I had a lot

1:20:40

of respect for like professors in college that were

1:20:42

very direct with me and honest and like Yeah

1:20:44

tough, but like I knew they weren't just

1:20:46

being dicks Yeah, it was a they came

1:20:48

from a place a different place I

1:20:51

those professors always stood out to me

1:20:53

the ones that were very like

1:20:55

Did you both have teachers that I can think

1:20:57

of a couple that really shit? Oh, yeah Yeah,

1:21:02

my grade one teacher never touched you she

1:21:04

never done but I hand oh, yeah Yeah

1:21:12

That is the law One

1:21:17

and she so I was little in grade

1:21:19

one too I didn't go to kindergarten or something. I

1:21:21

was like five and and she was just she

1:21:23

was stern But she had such a like piratic

1:21:26

twinkle in her eye like she Interesting

1:21:29

words you like piratic I'm

1:21:32

throwing a parade for it In

1:21:39

the Salem witch trials one of the the reason

1:21:41

why witches ride brooms is because they would some

1:21:43

one of the theories I don't know if it's

1:21:45

confirmed what they put hallucinogens on the end of

1:21:48

a broom and and Insert

1:21:50

it badgerly and the word why

1:21:52

wait, what do you mean? Everything

1:21:55

I just said is what I mean. I have never heard

1:21:57

the word I they that they use we're doing this to

1:21:59

themselves Yes, or people okay

1:22:01

themselves. You're a witch Wow the line

1:22:03

was How do

1:22:05

you go to they were in Salem which

1:22:07

is Danvers these days not not Salem. Sorry.

1:22:10

I'm sorry which which history nerd Anyway,

1:22:13

the word was amazing The

1:22:16

broom ready for it. Yeah,

1:22:18

dildaic Lee dildale Dildo

1:22:21

that's really good. I radic is

1:22:23

up there with dildaic Lee. Yeah,

1:22:26

are we talking about dildaic? Oh,

1:22:30

they might be in your Venacular

1:22:33

dendro file is someone

1:22:36

who fucks plants. I think I'm

1:22:38

trying to think of like where the atom all you Dilled

1:22:41

of a dildo comes from I guess

1:22:43

nothing safe One

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1:25:55

Back to Fortune and me. How

1:26:00

did we get to Pyra? Oh, she had a

1:26:02

pyra. She had a pyra, yeah. She was wicked.

1:26:04

See, all the stories of Pan's

1:26:06

labyrinth, you know what I mean?

1:26:08

Like these myths. Kids love something

1:26:10

dangerous. They're

1:26:13

being honest that life is dangerous. Kids are

1:26:15

kind of picking up on how wild this

1:26:17

world is. And so many of

1:26:19

us are coping by acting like it's not wild. But

1:26:22

then they're drawn to somebody, whoever it is,

1:26:24

maybe this is Reiki, that just has a

1:26:27

little bit of like, like

1:26:29

a full conspiracy that goes, this is

1:26:31

fucking nuts and your parents are saying

1:26:33

it's all, you know, coco melon, but

1:26:35

it's not, it's fucking weird out here.

1:26:37

She would sometimes, she just was cool. And she

1:26:39

was, I remember

1:26:42

like, as we got older, she

1:26:44

would like, slip us 20 bucks

1:26:46

in the hall and be like, can you go buy me

1:26:48

some gum at the store or whatever and like keep the

1:26:50

change or something? Wow. This

1:26:52

is the 90s, things were crazy. And you would go

1:26:55

to the store in first grade? No, this

1:26:57

is like later in the school. But

1:26:59

I must've been still young, but in grade one, I

1:27:02

peed my pants and she was just so cool about

1:27:05

it. What's your story? Well, I

1:27:07

was playing this Pippi Longstocking game, make believe game

1:27:09

with my friends. Pippi Longstocking,

1:27:12

how have I never, 30

1:27:14

years of thinking about this incident. Probably the

1:27:17

trauma, but I'm guessing, you

1:27:19

know, you're not in the rift zone. Yeah,

1:27:21

you're right. But Pippi Longstocking and you

1:27:23

were playing? Playing with Karen Tracas.

1:27:25

I think, I don't remember who I was

1:27:27

playing, maybe Pippi. I was just having

1:27:29

so much fun. You didn't want to stop? And I

1:27:31

knew I was playing

1:27:33

with fire, playing chicken with my bladder. And

1:27:35

then like the bell went and I sprint

1:27:37

to the bathroom and I was in

1:27:40

a uniform and I had tights on. I like couldn't

1:27:42

get the tights down. And I peed like volumes,

1:27:45

like the whole floor of the bathroom, just like

1:27:47

a lake of piss. I was just crying and

1:27:49

crying that someone came in and found me and

1:27:52

then went to get Mrs. Reiki. Good

1:27:54

choice. She just like laughed. She was,

1:27:56

she just got me some tights from the lost

1:27:58

and found and then. Yeah, she told my

1:28:01

parents when they picked me up and she was

1:28:03

really chill about it. I love this woman I

1:28:05

know and like the our principal I remember coming

1:28:07

into the room or something and It's

1:28:09

kind of a hard-ass and then she left I just remember

1:28:11

a moment of mrs Reiki like rolling her eyes at the

1:28:13

principal and as a kid you're like whoa This

1:28:17

person was playing it perfectly God

1:28:23

a lot of I love I had

1:28:25

a lot of love and respect for teachers. They

1:28:27

were like I Just

1:28:30

had a lot of people guiding me on the

1:28:32

way a lot of people looking out for me rooting

1:28:34

for me Giving me guidance

1:28:36

advice, you know, I was pretty

1:28:39

great like Grateful

1:28:41

for that and lucky this reminds me when you

1:28:43

did the pod last time you were about to

1:28:45

do a show In

1:28:48

your hometown. Hmm. Does this sound familiar?

1:28:50

I remember you were a little anxious Maybe

1:28:53

it was the first time you were out or

1:28:55

something. No, maybe I mean that would have been

1:28:57

a long time ago Yeah, maybe you do the

1:28:59

pot alone and then a lot of like family

1:29:02

and friends were gonna be there Is

1:29:05

that no longer an issue, I mean, you

1:29:07

don't even remember it it must have been

1:29:09

okay Yeah, no, I mean I the I

1:29:11

came out probably to

1:29:15

add a stand-up show in my little tiny

1:29:17

home town in like 2006 or something that

1:29:20

was like No,

1:29:22

yeah, cuz I'm like I'm like I'm

1:29:24

about to cuz I just kind of

1:29:26

I don't only it was like two

1:29:28

years in the Stand-up. Yeah, and my

1:29:30

hometown is very supportive Like

1:29:32

I'm from a town like this now it's like

1:29:34

10,000 people and I was going

1:29:36

up with like 8,000 and um, they just everybody

1:29:41

knows everybody and I was

1:29:45

like trying to Get

1:29:48

better at comedy and they're like welcome. Why

1:29:50

don't you do a show like in a

1:29:53

here at the bar or something? We'll pay

1:29:55

five dollars. Yeah, I have like 200 people

1:29:57

show up and I broke so that was

1:29:59

like Oh my god, I'm about to have

1:30:02

some money. They want to see me do stand-up

1:30:04

and I was A

1:30:07

lot of your material at that point And

1:30:11

I but I had family stuff and then I remember I was

1:30:14

coming up to The story

1:30:16

where it literally started with I'm

1:30:18

so I'm gay and then it

1:30:20

goes into the thing And

1:30:23

I hadn't thought about it yet that

1:30:26

oh my god. I'm about to like Yeah

1:30:28

home out to my When you

1:30:31

come out to 200 people in your hometown of

1:30:33

10 of 10,000 people then you're

1:30:35

coming out of the entire town right everyone's

1:30:37

like everyone like a game of telephone

1:30:40

and I Remember

1:30:42

in my head going. Oh my god. Am I gonna

1:30:44

do this and I was

1:30:46

like so nervous cuz I'm from, North Carolina

1:30:48

I didn't know it is a conservative

1:30:51

area and I said in

1:30:53

my head like screw it. Does it do

1:30:56

it? Yeah on stage day. Yeah, so I

1:30:58

said so I'm

1:31:00

gay and they stood up and started

1:31:03

clapping. Oh Oh

1:31:06

my god, do you feel emotional killed me in

1:31:08

a great way? Yeah. Yeah Can't

1:31:11

handle that So

1:31:14

relatable I think to everybody

1:31:17

but certainly to me like movies like Moonlight

1:31:19

Stories like that I think

1:31:21

the the gay or the

1:31:23

sexual identity of trans journey is

1:31:25

very relatable is like will you

1:31:28

Will you have me? Yeah? Yeah, when you get

1:31:30

a story like that Yeah,

1:31:33

we've not hate me. There's so much

1:31:35

more going on than anything to do

1:31:37

with sexuality or anything I'm also

1:31:39

so nice. I sometimes when you give

1:31:42

people the benefit of the doubt like that

1:31:44

They're going off like like it feels good

1:31:46

to them. They're like, oh fortune Yeah, that

1:31:48

we all were so yeah, actually we're pretty

1:31:50

progressive people like and they know I mean

1:31:52

and then yeah They get to rise to

1:31:54

the occasion a lot. Yeah, and so and

1:31:56

there were some teachers in that show like

1:31:58

I had yeah Yeah, just really

1:32:00

great people in my life that

1:32:02

I have a tennis, you know, a tennis

1:32:04

coach when I was a kid, like, knew

1:32:07

it. We didn't have a lot of

1:32:09

money. And she was like, you know,

1:32:11

we raise money and we're going

1:32:13

to send you to tennis camp. And like people

1:32:15

that were always doing like, this is very cool

1:32:18

things, you know, like, we want

1:32:20

you to have these opportunities. We

1:32:22

see something in you. Wow. Did

1:32:25

anyone at that show go like, oh yeah, we

1:32:27

knew you were. Oh, yeah. Like

1:32:29

after the tennis coach. And

1:32:31

once you're like really comfortably

1:32:33

out, then your friends

1:32:35

can joke like, yeah, we kind of. Yeah,

1:32:38

yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right.

1:32:41

And first the applause. Yeah, yeah. Anybody

1:32:43

watching. And I'm sure there were some friends saying like, well,

1:32:45

was that one of those objects in the section? Because

1:32:47

I told a lot of jokes early on about that

1:32:49

unrequited love. Yeah. Yeah.

1:32:52

Putting lotion on friend's arm. That was my worst

1:32:55

fear, though, was telling my friends because I thought

1:32:57

they'd think I had crushes on them. Yeah. I

1:32:59

did not remotely. Yeah. I mean,

1:33:02

there were a couple friends I did, but a lot, most of

1:33:04

them I did not. Yeah, your best friend. Yeah. Yeah,

1:33:06

but they were luckily like. Yeah. Yeah.

1:33:09

Where does that come from? I wonder if that

1:33:11

comes from like the guys want to have sex with everybody.

1:33:14

Stereotypes that like, yeah,

1:33:17

if you're gay for some reason, they think you're attracted to that

1:33:19

whole agenda. Yeah. Yeah.

1:33:22

But it's just as like specific

1:33:25

as any attraction. Yeah. I'm

1:33:28

very picky. Yeah. Are you?

1:33:30

You got to have the piratic twinkle. What's that? You got

1:33:32

to have the piratic. I need a piratic twinkle. No,

1:33:35

I really, I have a lot of

1:33:37

bits about like, I resent that people think that men always want

1:33:39

to have sex. I have a joke about that where I go,

1:33:42

I just got a text from my dad. I

1:33:45

can't like you think I'm like in the

1:33:47

mood. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

1:33:50

But like that, I feel like that's an underreported phenomenon

1:33:52

that we're just like fixing trucks and like, oh,

1:33:54

you couldn't do that to me. I'm

1:33:59

fixing a. truck, you know? But

1:34:01

also the idea that like everybody

1:34:04

must be attractive. Yeah,

1:34:06

or like in Cosmo

1:34:09

magazine and stuff in the 90s like

1:34:11

growing up reading it and trying to like

1:34:14

and like dating these teenage boys everything you're

1:34:16

reading is like they think about sex 50

1:34:18

times a second and like and they yeah

1:34:20

and they're gonna jizz in their pants at

1:34:22

any moment you're like oh my god like

1:34:24

just be ready yeah Jay and the P.

1:34:28

Yeah, but I even remember reading that

1:34:30

as a straight man and being

1:34:32

like what is going on? Don't get me

1:34:34

wrong. I had my sexuality and it was

1:34:36

I probably can't even remember how

1:34:38

horny I was when I was 12. Right. But like

1:34:40

it is a lot more nuanced especially when it evens

1:34:43

even. Yeah. Yeah. Very interesting. Yeah.

1:34:45

So what else is making us happy and then we'll

1:34:47

get out of here. Jig's not

1:34:49

here who gives a shit. Why don't we talk

1:34:51

about God and we'll wrap it up. Oh, yeah.

1:34:53

Yeah. Is that it? Is that

1:34:56

all the meaning of life? Playing the guitar makes

1:34:58

me happy. I've been doing a lot. Oh, really?

1:35:00

I've been doing a lot of music. Yeah, I'm

1:35:02

gonna put I'm putting on an album an earnest

1:35:05

music album this year. Yeah, yeah. So I'm

1:35:07

really insecure about that. Will

1:35:09

you start using the shooting

1:35:11

star? It's really truly mediocre.

1:35:14

Like I can say that like, but I

1:35:16

don't care like it. Who is it? I'm

1:35:19

sure we all hate this what comic

1:35:21

are you most like but what is the genre

1:35:23

flavor? Kind of like I

1:35:29

really was about to say Coldplay. I don't

1:35:31

stand by that. Yeah, it's not like Coldplay. Like

1:35:34

I don't I'm not a Coldplay fan. Yeah, but

1:35:36

it's like, there's a full

1:35:38

band. Okay. And it's kind of melodic.

1:35:42

It sounds like Coldplay. It sounds like Coldplay. I

1:35:46

don't know. I wouldn't go to Coldplay.

1:35:48

Can I can I say this? I

1:35:50

do love Coldplay. If you did. I

1:35:53

would sing every word. Yeah. I'm not trying

1:35:55

to. I get it. That's a great

1:35:57

album. Come on. I know. What's

1:36:00

the head? I know. Yeah, I

1:36:02

know what that's not it's Martin did

1:36:04

this podcast he did. Yeah He

1:36:07

seems funny and cool. Can I tell you

1:36:09

one Chris Martin? Yes, please talk

1:36:11

about You never know who

1:36:13

you're gonna be attracted to He

1:36:22

was the least disappointing celebrity

1:36:27

And we got there on his compound

1:36:29

yeah and Love

1:36:32

a compound love a compound And

1:36:35

he somehow I was vegan at the time. He

1:36:37

knew I was a vegan vowels a vegan at

1:36:40

the time He had his chef make us these

1:36:42

unbelievable vegan meals We

1:36:44

start let's have a little have a little bite

1:36:46

and we went out under a tree and down.

1:36:48

I are just like oh my That's

1:36:53

not even the best part there's there's many Chris

1:36:55

Martin stories, but here's the best way Did you

1:36:57

know him like a friend? I did a show

1:37:00

there me and Laura Bites and Greg Fitzsimmons I

1:37:02

forget how it happened, but I think

1:37:04

he asked Judd. I'm doing a show for some

1:37:06

of my friends and Who's funny?

1:37:08

Yeah, and it's just one of those weird

1:37:10

stories Yeah, and we go and he has

1:37:13

a little theater in his house Oh really

1:37:15

really and I feel the story before on

1:37:17

that little theater Yeah, great theater too with

1:37:19

like you're picturing it perfectly Light

1:37:21

like like a performer made this theater Yeah,

1:37:23

and I finished this that I was the

1:37:26

last one to go and I

1:37:28

go Chris is in the front row So that's

1:37:30

weird, and I finished the set

1:37:32

goes well, and I go oh, I'm sorry

1:37:34

before before I leave I'm actually

1:37:36

gonna play fix you oh Really,

1:37:39

and I put there was a piano on stage. I put the

1:37:41

mic in I'm just gonna play fix you real quick And Chris

1:37:43

Martin was getting up to you

1:37:45

know he's emceeing Yeah, he sat back

1:37:47

down to listen to me play fix

1:37:49

you and I was like I'm kidding

1:37:51

Oh, my he was ready. Yeah, yeah,

1:37:53

he wasn't like fuck you it

1:37:55

was like that was the joke was like how dare

1:37:57

I? But the best part

1:38:00

it was in the in

1:38:03

the fight is it bleeding through yeah

1:38:10

it's hard to know I don't know

1:38:12

what we'll just deal with that at least it's over

1:38:14

my my silly story a couple

1:38:16

days go by after we do the gig that is

1:38:18

so funny I'm here she's like I won't

1:38:22

do the pot but I will clean up this yard

1:38:24

a little bit he knew how

1:38:26

dreamy he was but I mean

1:38:28

that in the best way yeah and we

1:38:31

loved it and a couple days

1:38:33

go by and Val was so taken with him

1:38:35

obviously as was I he sent

1:38:37

her a voice memo to Val really

1:38:39

just be like I think it

1:38:41

was to both of us but it was mostly to Val

1:38:43

lovely to meet you it was

1:38:45

so bedroom voice just like Val it's

1:38:48

my Chris just want to say what

1:38:50

a pleasure to meet you around you

1:38:52

and I was

1:38:57

like buddy have

1:38:59

at it you I couldn't

1:39:01

go in the way of

1:39:03

that you gotta be like

1:39:05

do do what you guys

1:39:07

yeah yeah you don't want Val on

1:39:09

her deathbed to be like fucking Pete stop

1:39:12

me from you would harbor that yeah

1:39:14

the rest of her life and that's been

1:39:16

something we listened to

1:39:18

the psychologist named Alan de button

1:39:20

oh yeah you know yeah and

1:39:23

he says a great relationship thing to do

1:39:25

is every once in a while once a

1:39:27

week ask your partner did I do anything

1:39:29

this week that annoyed you oh no I'd

1:39:31

be afraid he's

1:39:33

like we need to get brave and you need to

1:39:36

be able to say it in a way that you

1:39:38

go I'm talking about my child self yeah so Val

1:39:40

and I don't do it every week but every once

1:39:42

in a while and mine are so embarrassing it's like

1:39:44

things that she says yeah we were at

1:39:47

a dinner and I felt like you're ignoring me

1:39:49

oh my god the reason you you

1:39:51

air them uh-huh he's like there's a reason

1:39:53

why a couple stop having sex and it's

1:39:55

because there's this there's this build-up of like

1:39:57

grieving let me fuck Chris Martin So

1:40:01

I would really be fucking myself if I didn't let

1:40:04

Chris Martin have sex with my wife. Yeah. Hey,

1:40:06

I'm with you. Right? Yeah. Now

1:40:09

I want to go to his compound. I want to go to the compound. I

1:40:11

mean, I feel like

1:40:13

you introduced me to Tony Robbins. I

1:40:16

can make a handsome, private, handsome show.

1:40:18

He'd be so happy to have you.

1:40:20

We go to have a dinner party.

1:40:22

We get Cherry Berry,

1:40:24

Chris Martin. Wow. Tony

1:40:27

Robbins. I don't know if we want

1:40:29

her to come to dinner. Yeah, maybe not. She'll

1:40:31

be there. We don't know what to walk her of. If

1:40:33

only the answer is it's Cherry or Cherry. Yeah. And

1:40:35

then she can leave. Yeah. Then she has

1:40:38

to leave. So let's talk about the meaning of life. You're playing.

1:40:40

Oh, so it's a little cold play we

1:40:42

got there. Yeah. But I

1:40:44

don't know. Are you doing it under your own name

1:40:46

or do you have a fancy meeting? Yeah. I

1:40:48

think it might be. I'm nervous about it. But I

1:40:51

don't really. Of course. Because I really

1:40:53

just do it because I love it and it's

1:40:55

like learning a new skill. So now

1:40:58

that it's almost finished, I'm like, oh

1:41:00

shit. I want to make another one because I,

1:41:02

but whatever. I'm going to put it up. Incredible. We're

1:41:05

back to the six human needs. One of them is growth.

1:41:07

Growth. I want to keep doing stuff that scares me.

1:41:09

Yeah. Keep learning as you do

1:41:11

it. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. There's

1:41:13

definitely a big gap between like your, I said this

1:41:15

last night. I can't say it again.

1:41:17

Yeah, you're kidding. There's

1:41:20

a gap between your taste and your ability when

1:41:22

you start anything and then so you

1:41:24

got to be comfortable with that. I love that.

1:41:26

But realizing that I talk about something we say

1:41:28

a lot. Val and I say it constantly. What

1:41:31

you want is on the other side of something

1:41:33

you don't want. Yeah, I like that. I

1:41:35

had this epiphany when I did some show,

1:41:38

some comedy festival. I think it

1:41:40

was in Austin and it was

1:41:42

one of those shows. You ever do a show? I didn't give

1:41:44

it much thought and then I got there and I realized it was like

1:41:46

2000. Yes. Yeah.

1:41:49

I was like, what? Oh, it's festivals. Yeah.

1:41:52

Because you never know at a festival. It's like in

1:41:54

the back room and it's fucking nothing or it's a

1:41:56

major theater. Yeah. And I did the show

1:41:58

and it was very. adrenalizing

1:42:00

and exciting. But it

1:42:02

wasn't entirely pleasant when I found out where the

1:42:05

venue was and I'm putting it together, I'm listening

1:42:07

to audio of myself getting ready. Show

1:42:09

goes great. Next day I'm as

1:42:11

happy as I could be. And

1:42:13

I was like, right. Cause you did something

1:42:15

you didn't want. Yeah, you were treading it and you

1:42:18

did it. And you grew. So

1:42:20

the other ones, just cause it's fun and then we'll get

1:42:22

to God, I guess, certainty.

1:42:25

So May, in Fortune, you wanna know that you

1:42:27

have your schedule, you have the things you do,

1:42:29

you have your dog, you have your partners, whatever

1:42:31

it might be. You also want uncertainty, which is

1:42:34

novelty. You do want days where you

1:42:36

go fuck it all and we're just gonna go to the beach

1:42:38

or watch poor things, whatever it might be. And

1:42:40

then you want growth. One

1:42:43

of them is like love, which I think is too vague to be

1:42:45

interested in. But like growth, certainly

1:42:47

uncertainty. You want it to be

1:42:49

reliable and you want it to be chaotic. Yeah.

1:42:52

It's wild. Yeah, 100%. You

1:42:55

know that radio head song, No Surprises? It's

1:42:59