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Katie role Those pre roles. Oh there's

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role those pre roles in the mid

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roles were just going to go into

0:59

the episode. Oh yeah, Okay,

1:02

so get into. Yeah

1:05

that. These. To

1:08

com. This we for

1:10

lots of thing even. Have

1:12

Ah Ming! a lotta

1:15

things have been in

1:17

how I mean. Timid.

1:19

think like if he time traveled

1:21

back to like of like a

1:23

village like like a jungle community

1:25

mean you have like pop music

1:27

how popular you'd be if just

1:29

like not even do that singing

1:31

existing songs but just kind of

1:33

the five email on going numb

1:35

with a high he had to

1:37

do. you like to figure Jack

1:39

Black. And he's

1:41

an archaeologist. The yeah. And we

1:44

find a group of humans that

1:46

have never encountered other humans, oats,

1:48

and isolated civilization and he just

1:51

walks around, be like, let's put

1:53

macadamia nuts on and off for

1:55

heads and sing the blues. Saw,

1:58

wait a a. and Do

2:00

they love him or do they kill him?

2:02

Yeah, that's a really, that's a good question

2:04

actually. First of all, it's sumi, Back

2:06

to the Future, you know, like what

2:08

if you bring this music to...

2:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah, music. It's also, they did a movie about it called

2:13

Yesterday, which is straight out of my brain, which

2:15

is a guy, I don't know, he wakes up in

2:17

some, he gets his head hit or

2:20

he goes into a bathtub drain. Something

2:22

happened and he goes into another

2:24

world and it's the same world except the

2:26

Beatles don't exist. So then

2:28

he gets the thrill of being like,

2:30

yesterday, all my trouble. And he has

2:33

that great power. I've never seen it.

2:35

Wow. Never seen

2:37

it. One of

2:39

those movies that calls me on many

2:41

airplanes, but I've never watched it. I

2:43

love that you explained it with

2:45

such confidence. And then said, I've

2:48

never seen it. Never seen it. I've seen ideas

2:50

that are too close to ideas that I would

2:52

have. It makes me upset like you regret a

2:54

Gerwig films. Yeah. I do

2:56

like them, but I like, I love hate them.

2:59

Yeah. You love that you hate that you didn't come up

3:01

with them and that's kind of, I don't want to do that.

3:04

I don't want to do that. I won't do that.

3:07

What were you going to

3:09

say? That going

3:12

back, okay, Jack Black in a village,

3:14

it does beg the question like, is

3:16

pop music popular

3:20

because it calls to all of us,

3:22

like something inside of us is drawn

3:24

to that beat to that hook. Oh,

3:27

there are videos and I recommend you

3:29

watch them of like Messiah warriors in

3:32

Africa. And they play

3:34

them like Billie Jean and it's like,

3:36

and they're like, you know, it's one

3:41

of the most fun accents to do. They

3:43

just like a standard Black Panther African

3:45

accent, but I'm not going to do

3:47

it. But they, let

3:49

me just say spoiler. They

3:52

fucking love it. Of course. And not

3:54

maybe not. Yeah. It

3:56

would be like, this is not for me. Well, that's

3:59

what's interesting. interesting to me is I

4:01

actually do think, you know like when most of us

4:03

were in high school

4:05

and we were all like, pop music, dude,

4:08

you know? Yeah,

4:10

but they were tricking us, weren't they?

4:12

Because my attitude was like, fuck pop

4:14

music. Yeah. I don't want to hear

4:16

it. I don't want to listen to

4:18

what my dad listens to. Right.

4:21

But what they were giving

4:23

us, instead of

4:27

pop music, was just new pop

4:29

music. Right. So I

4:31

was listening to you like,

4:33

they settled down and they

4:35

started walking. Where

4:40

were they going without ever

4:42

knowing the way? And I

4:44

was like, fuck yeah, something

4:47

real? Something

4:50

organic. Something for me. The

4:55

voice of my generation. Anyone

4:57

can see the road and

4:59

they go anywhere. Fuck

5:03

yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

5:06

Not mass produced. Not

5:09

just all. Not bubble gum off

5:11

this family line. That's something real.

5:15

I'm talking about something drawn from the

5:17

marrow of a broken heart. Mate.

5:19

Mate, alright. Some

5:22

fucking authentic that the suits

5:24

don't have to print all

5:27

over. It's

5:30

like, I smell sex and

5:32

candy. Yeah. Pop

5:35

music. It really was.

5:37

It really was. And I'm not mad at it, but

5:39

there were 9,000 producers between

5:41

that guy smelling sex and

5:44

candy. Yeah. There were

5:46

so many producers making it perfect. That's right.

5:49

I mean, even the fact that it

5:51

is sex and candy is

5:54

the most commercialized. It's

5:58

like advertising. Words they like. Yes,

6:00

and I remember watching an interview

6:02

with that guy who wrote that

6:04

song John sex and candy Johnny

6:07

sex and candy. Yeah, he was like yeah

6:10

walked into room and my friends had clearly

6:12

just been having sex And I was like

6:14

I smell sex in here. Then we're like

6:16

pull it out. We're all smells sex and

6:19

candy Now

6:23

I could be wrong and you know

6:25

what the phone lines are open if

6:27

John sex and candy is listening Yeah,

6:29

but I I'm pretty sure stuff like

6:31

that gets you know a little bit

6:33

of nudging Oh a little bit

6:35

of nudging some you know Christopher Walken and Wayne's

6:38

world too. Yeah, that wins world one. I Can't

6:41

tell you I know but

6:43

I legally one Signed

6:47

an NDA for that very specific thing. I'm

6:50

out of you know, you can sign NDA's that no one

6:52

asked you to What do you mean what

6:54

I'm saying is like I print

6:57

up NDA's non disclosure agreements for

6:59

Apple That says I can't talk about

7:01

the vision Pro. They never asked me to do that,

7:03

but I just sign it just for

7:06

the thrill Just

7:08

for the thrill of breaking it. I'm breaking it.

7:10

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cuz I'm like Saying

7:14

that you can't talk about Tony Robbins or

7:16

I could Make

7:23

fun of them to love them. Yeah If

7:28

I love it, but this is interdimensional

7:30

evil Tony Robbins An

7:39

impression that no one asked for or

7:42

wanted the thank you the only person

7:44

who would get it Tony Robbins Yeah, wouldn't

7:46

like it now like who is it? Who

7:48

is this for it? Just for you and

7:51

you know what I like it should be

7:53

just for you Just like a

7:55

massage day or nine holes on

7:57

the dog leg par-3 If

8:00

you were a

8:03

golfman... If baby

8:05

you don't know what I do in the middle of the night, you

8:08

don't know what I do. God

8:10

damn. Go on. I love that

8:13

one. So we're not going to do the African

8:15

voice? You don't know the race of this voice.

8:18

You don't know my race. I

8:20

guess I'm sorry if that sounds like a type

8:22

of person to you, maybe you need

8:25

to work on that. Honestly,

8:27

oh my God. That's so funny. Honestly,

8:31

it does sound a lot like Leon

8:33

Redbone and he's white. Leon

8:35

Redbone? He does the voice of the snowman

8:37

and elf. That's

8:39

a white guy? I'm pretty sure. Whose

8:42

phone is here? I have the computer

8:44

open. I'm pretty sure I have the

8:46

phone right. Leon Redbone.

8:49

See it's white. Leon Redbone is white.

8:51

Yeah, I told you. And

8:54

he looks like John Hodgman. The guy who

8:56

sings Baby It's Cold Outside with

8:58

Zoe. Baby It's Cold Outside. Oh

9:00

my, that's him? That's him and you're

9:02

basically doing that voice. Is this an elf

9:04

fan podcast? Hey buddy,

9:07

why is so sad? It's the same. Now

9:09

I can do it. Now you can do

9:11

it. Now I can do it. And then

9:14

before anybody gets mad, it's Leon

9:16

Redbone. And then

9:19

if people go like, I never want to give

9:21

you up. Yeah. I'm

9:23

Rick Roll. Rick

9:25

Rolling is when you tell someone there's a cupcake

9:28

in your pantry and you open it and there's

9:30

an ultra marathon. You got Rick Rolled.

9:33

Wait, Rick Rolled or Rich Rolled? Rich

9:35

Roll. Shit. I'm sorry. No,

9:41

you know, I did that to Jimmy

9:43

Carr this week. I said he looked

9:45

like the villain puppets in Toy

9:47

Story 4. And

9:50

then later in the conversation, very graciously, Jimmy Carr

9:52

said, and this coming from the guy who looks

9:54

like the villain in Toy Story 3. Like

9:57

a callback? And I went Toy Story 4.

10:00

Anyway, you could have let it go. Could

10:02

have went it, could have looked the other way. It

10:05

isn't even how he talks. It isn't? It

10:08

is, but it isn't. Yeah, there's so many

10:10

different British dialects. I'm wondering,

10:12

but give me something real. Yeah,

10:15

that's more Liverpool. We want the

10:17

real. Yeah.

10:20

Got some corporate McDonald's. It's the

10:23

best one. For your ears. But

10:26

I like the Queen. The Queen's posh.

10:28

That's the sound of a human soul.

10:30

We're circling back. But you know what?

10:32

Come out at night. I really, okay, so

10:34

I've been thinking about

10:37

this going back to the pop

10:39

music because the

10:50

woman who is almost a year too

10:52

late for the Taylor Swift summer, but

10:54

I watched her concert on Netflix

10:57

or whatever it's on. I don't think that's a

10:59

thing anymore. People just are watching stuff whenever they

11:01

watch. I know, but this summer, everyone was

11:04

going to her concerts and it was like

11:06

the summer of Taylor Swift. It

11:08

was the white earbuds

11:11

of a pop music event. Yes. It's

11:14

March now and I'm like, okay guys,

11:16

I watched it and I'm ready to

11:19

talk about it. That's a Jim Gaffigan

11:21

joke. It is. Because when you watch

11:23

a movie six months after everyone else and they don't

11:25

want to talk about it and you're like, I just

11:27

watched Heat. Who

11:29

wants to talk about Heat?

11:32

That's exactly how I feel. But I won't

11:34

talk too much about it except to say

11:36

it's phenomenal. Anyone will enjoy it. That's why

11:38

she's the most famous person in the world

11:40

is like literally I

11:42

could show it to any member of my

11:44

family and they would love it. Except for

11:46

maybe your mom because she doesn't love anything

11:48

that I love. She

11:51

didn't like the Barbie movie and I remember

11:53

when I just rolled past that because she

11:56

saw that I was weird Barbie for

11:58

Halloween and then just the most recent

12:01

conversation, she was like, I

12:03

saw that Barbie movie from your

12:05

costume. Like the

12:07

movie is from my costume. And she

12:10

was like, I didn't care for it, but I liked

12:12

you, you mean your character. And

12:14

I was like, thank you. That is so

12:17

my mom's real time

12:19

reality building, crystalline,

12:22

it's like a superpower. Yeah.

12:25

She saw you in a costume, then

12:27

she said, I saw the

12:29

movie from your costume. Right. Because I

12:32

saw the costume first, so that's first.

12:34

Yeah, that's first. And I didn't like

12:36

it, the movie, which came second. Yeah.

12:39

But I did like your part because

12:41

I saw that first. Right. So that's

12:43

your part. And associates it with me.

12:46

It's actually, yeah. And it's sort

12:48

of her way of kind of like

12:51

she can't. Diding with you? Yeah, she can't

12:53

be totally not negative, but she's

12:55

being on my side. Yeah, no,

12:57

that's true. It really is. I actually meant

12:59

it sort of as like, both

13:02

of my parents are phenomenal

13:04

world builders. And

13:06

then like, I'm like, I think

13:08

I'd do that too. Well, everybody does

13:10

it today. Everybody does it today. It's a great story.

13:13

It's a great story. It's a great story. It's

13:15

a great story. It's a great story. Give me

13:18

that rail. Give me that rail. Broke

13:20

into the old apartment. Hell

13:23

yeah. That's the real.

13:26

This music ain't blood on the

13:28

page. I know

13:31

who I want to take me. Fuck

13:36

yeah. This is

13:38

what I mean. Get

13:40

out of here, mom. Get

13:43

out of here, God, this isn't for you.

13:46

This isn't for you.

13:49

And I don't want the world to

13:51

see me. Be

13:54

like God, best music.

13:56

You will understand it. And

13:59

I say, be like God. I really do

14:01

enjoy it. It's

14:11

gonna, that's too funny. That has to be a bit.

14:14

And you are thinking of these songs at a

14:16

rapid rate. That's part of the fun. That's

14:18

right. Yeah, so

14:21

anyway, it's so good. And

14:24

it, that's the thing is, it made

14:26

me think about pop music because I

14:29

was like, everybody can

14:31

write a hook that just

14:36

goes directly inside a person and

14:38

is like, well, that's something my

14:40

whole body wants to hear. Yeah.

14:43

And she's written like a hundred of

14:45

them. I know. Unbelievable. Very

14:48

taken with her. Yes.

14:51

Very taken with this taste with. She's

14:53

very good. And she's, and she's

14:55

also very

14:58

nerdy and like, like kind

15:00

of awkward in her body

15:02

and incredibly

15:05

vulnerable. And

15:08

it turns out like that's what we wanted.

15:10

That's what most people wanted. Obviously

15:12

there's, you got your like. I've never seen a

15:14

moment ever, but isn't like Ariana Grande, the like,

15:17

would you like this cleaned

15:19

up? I can't, I can't

15:21

believe that you just said that. I was

15:23

going to say on the other side of

15:26

the spectrum, and I don't know that much

15:28

about Ariana Grande, but we

15:30

have her, which is funny because Taylor Swift has

15:33

a line in one of her

15:35

songs. That's like, sometimes I

15:38

feel like everybody's just a sexy baby and

15:40

I'm the monster on the hill. And

15:43

I'm a monster on the hill. You could

15:45

have sang it. I get it. And

15:48

she means Ariana. I don't know if she does,

15:50

but that's who I think has shade on a

15:52

sexy baby. That's not cool. I mean,

15:54

I don't know. I'm just kidding. Now you're on

15:57

Ariana Grande. I don't know if she means just her,

15:59

but that's definitely. only a type is just

16:01

sort of like, ooh, you know, and

16:03

like, ooh, ooh. Whoops. Did

16:06

I get that note perfect? Oh.

16:09

My boobies. It's like, it's like

16:11

you're not surprised if you see them with a

16:13

ring pop, you know, and

16:15

they really, does she use ring pops? I

16:17

don't know, but don't you have no

16:20

trouble with the ring pop? I can't picture Taylor

16:22

Swift with a ring pop. No. Maybe

16:24

a candy necklace. Maybe. But she's not eating it

16:26

because she's too worried that she's got like celery

16:28

in her teeth or something. Saying

16:31

that is like, she's flossing with the ring. T

16:34

Swift has a candy necklace because maybe

16:36

when she's in the limo alone, she

16:38

just gives it a quick floss because

16:40

she's, she's a vulnerable one. Yeah,

16:42

exactly. But every, obviously

16:45

Ariana Grande is so famous too. So

16:47

people love that too. But it seems

16:49

like the most, I'm so proud of

16:51

us that most of us like, like

16:54

clearly a theater nerd who

16:57

is hot, of course, as well, because

16:59

we're America, but like a theater

17:02

nerd who is like vulnerable and always

17:04

singing about getting broken up with or

17:06

breaking up with somebody and you know,

17:08

and we're just like, great. Thank

17:10

you. I love Taylor's new song, Jake

17:12

Gyllenhaal, you need to chill in hall. It's

17:15

when she was saying like, relax and get out of here. Hey,

17:18

Jake, Jill in hall. You need

17:20

to make a mistake. If you

17:22

make a mistake, you need to chill in

17:24

hall. See, it's hard. It's hard to do

17:26

what she's thinking. When I think I can

17:28

write pop music, which is 89% of the

17:30

time, 89% of the time, I'm going around

17:35

like, I ain't impressed. I can do

17:37

it. I woke up,

17:39

I think I've heard the song, I'm dressing. I'm

17:42

dressing. Yeah, I think I've

17:44

heard that song twice. And

17:47

I woke up the other night and it was in my

17:49

head like it was playing on the radio. And

17:52

I didn't even know, I didn't even knew

17:54

I knew the lyrics. Yeah. It was like,

17:57

no, I'm kidding. I

18:02

was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

18:04

Yeah. Keep going. Like

18:08

what the fuck? It's

18:11

such a good song. And that's

18:13

the other thing. I've

18:16

heard it twice. I know. That's the other

18:18

thing about like, and what you really see

18:20

in this era's tour again, I know I'm

18:22

like nine months too late, but is like,

18:25

she's done all the genres. I

18:28

mean, not all of them, but she's done a lot of

18:30

different, like every album is really

18:32

different. And she's like, do you want me

18:34

to write a hook like this? Or do

18:36

you want me to write a hook like

18:38

this? Or I can do country or I

18:40

can do since where I can do pop

18:42

or I can have beats. Like it's so

18:44

cool. Yeah. It's very, very impressive. And I

18:47

hope you're sold on Taylor Smith.

18:50

Me? Oh, yeah. I'm just,

18:52

I'm just laughing that I'm like,

18:54

obviously we're in people. I get

18:56

a little, I get a little T Swift

18:59

fatigue because like that album, midnight.

19:03

Yeah. I

19:06

don't know. I'm out here. I'm in

19:08

the car. And you're like play Taylor

19:10

Swift's newest album. Just assuming it's that

19:13

there's been like three since that one. No, that's

19:15

the most recent one. Tell that

19:17

to Siri. Well,

19:19

Siri, you're not counting like

19:21

she puts out some like it's an album.

19:24

It's just three songs. It's just her and

19:26

Jake Chillin Hall saying Chillin, Chillin

19:28

gall. What I'm saying

19:30

is there's so much coming out. By the

19:32

way, real quick, we have some real things

19:34

to talk about, but I do want to

19:37

say this. What the fuck is

19:39

going on with, I

19:41

know one time it doesn't matter. Spotify,

19:43

you are amazing and iTunes, you're amazing.

19:45

Maybe it's just the Tesla interface, but

19:48

if I'm in the car and I

19:50

just want to listen to an album,

19:53

yeah, I'll search 1989 by

19:55

Taylor Swift, search it, go

19:57

to the thing, albums, album. It

20:00

just starts playing, you hit the album

20:02

and it just starts playing a song.

20:04

And then the radio. And then radio.

20:06

Yeah. The fuck? Like really?

20:09

Like really, if this is relatable,

20:12

let me know somehow. Because if it is,

20:15

if we're all having this experience, I need

20:17

to yell about it on stage. It's ridiculous.

20:19

I want to hear the album. And the

20:21

only way I can do it is I

20:23

put it on Bluetooth. And then if you

20:25

save your phone, play the album 1989. It'll

20:28

play it from the beginning to the end. It'll do it. It'll

20:31

play an album. I'm, yeah. You can do

20:33

an album, great album. I'm putting out an album. It's a

20:35

folk album. It's me. It's just me

20:37

and my six string. Six strings and Donny. It's

20:40

a little bit out of tune to keep it folks and keep

20:42

people thinking. I'm the kind of guy that has a half quarter

20:44

milk. I have a half quarter milk on the table. It's a

20:46

little bit warm. Little bit warm.

20:48

I drink it just to give that quality to

20:50

my voice. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

20:52

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

20:55

ha ha ha. You, I felt you starting to

20:57

doubt it. I was losing

20:59

interest in you. I was losing interest.

21:02

I was losing interest. I liked Donny

21:04

and the six string. I got Donny and the

21:06

six string and I got a quarter milk. And then I

21:08

was like, all right, what are we doing? Yeah, you were

21:10

ready to get back. Back to the podcast,

21:12

keep it crispy. That's what I've always said. Have a

21:14

look at that. But then you want me back in

21:17

the end. That's the thrill of my life. Lose them

21:19

and get them. That's what they call me. All

21:21

right, you break the sad news. Sad news

21:24

alert. Sad news. If you don't want, it's

21:26

not me. I don't know how

21:28

to say it's not major, meaning it doesn't affect

21:30

you guys. We had some sad news. Yes. Big

21:33

picture, everything is okay, but we have a little loss to

21:35

share. And if you don't want to hear a loss, maybe

21:38

skip ahead 10 minutes.

21:41

Because we're just- Because I'm putting a cap on this

21:43

topic. I was gonna say 10 minutes is a

21:46

long time. Yeah, we're not gonna talk about it for 10 minutes.

21:48

But you skip ahead if you just don't

21:50

want any bad news. Good news for

21:52

people who love bad, good news for people who

21:54

love bad news. Love

21:57

a mouth that doesn't come out squeak, squeak, squeak. Who's

21:59

the- confident mouse he comes out he's grabbing

22:02

a piece of cheese who do you think

22:04

you are this confident mouse give me a

22:06

modest mouse give me a

22:08

beautiful modest mouse writing indie rock indie

22:10

rock music rock and roll is modest

22:13

mouse oh yes no I'm

22:15

the only one here oh

22:17

my god he's confident mice

22:20

Mickey so confident mighty mask

22:22

too confident that's what

22:24

I was gonna ask Spritigernzana slow

22:26

down too confident give me a

22:29

nice modest mouse oh

22:31

my god he doesn't like a modest

22:33

any I love a meek mouse go

22:36

ahead I'm back I was just gonna

22:38

say is modest mouse a response to

22:40

mighty mouse or is it

22:43

just a god yeah maybe but also

22:45

mighty mouse is a reference that nobody

22:48

knows anymore which it makes it double covered so

22:50

then they're like cool indie rock band twice that's

22:53

true all right so tell

22:55

the sad yeah so

22:57

son oh we it's like 10

23:00

days ago I guess almost two

23:02

weeks ago now our Brody boy

23:05

passed away yeah and

23:07

very sad he was

23:10

sort of like he had like

23:12

diarrhea and vomit okay I don't

23:14

know if we need that I thought

23:16

you were gonna be like he was

23:18

you're like the symptom or pussies like

23:21

a pussie well how do you spell pussies just

23:23

wasn't it no I'm just saying

23:26

he was like well

23:28

he is old he was

23:30

already been old well

23:34

Brody been old which is funny cuz he

23:36

looks very he looked very young and

23:38

he was like other than having some spurs

23:40

in his spine and you know

23:43

like kind of having a hard time going

23:46

up the stairs occasionally books closer to

23:48

his face when he was reading yeah

23:50

and then further I was like fine

23:52

very slow up the stairs

23:56

and he was panting all the time yeah but

23:59

but other than that He was fine. He

24:01

was fine. I mean, like some dogs really decay

24:03

for a long time and that's not what was

24:05

happening. So Oh,

24:07

yeah, I was just gonna say he like

24:09

had some tummy issues for like a couple

24:11

days It wasn't anything

24:13

serious and then like last Sunday

24:17

night He didn't get

24:19

up to bark when friends came over

24:21

and I was like, oh boy I'm

24:23

gonna have to take him to the vet tomorrow

24:25

and you had just left for your retreat, which

24:28

we'll talk about um,

24:30

and Then he was

24:33

like panting pretty hard That

24:36

night and he wouldn't get up and he

24:38

had peed and I carried him up the

24:40

stairs So that he could

24:42

sleep in the room with all of us

24:44

with me and leela like he always does

24:47

And I was like i'm a little worried um

24:50

But still was hopeful that

24:53

because i've known dogs that breathe like

24:55

that and you know, yep And

24:58

then yeah and he passed in the night in

25:00

the room with us And

25:02

with you and leela with me and leela I

25:05

wanted to say like peaceful people the

25:07

joke area would be like everybody's upset

25:09

but me because on this podcast I've

25:12

I've ranted a lot about brody.

25:15

Mm-hmm The the way chris and I

25:17

were talking about it this morning at coffee was I was like

25:20

brody was uh Difficult

25:22

for me because he was this mostly because

25:24

of the guilt I felt that I didn't

25:26

vibe with him like

25:28

because he annoyed me like his Noisiness

25:31

his barking scared me his clacking his

25:33

following his like all that stuff. None

25:36

of that is horrible It's

25:38

just it got me he like

25:41

had my my neurotic number But

25:44

even that wasn't the worst part

25:46

the worst part was that I

25:48

felt horrible guilt that this bunny

25:50

ear Beautiful inside of

25:52

a slipper muppet puppy that I

25:54

loved very much Um,

25:57

I spent so much of my time wishing I wasn't

25:59

frustrated with him. Yeah. And that

26:01

was horrible. But the

26:04

joke area aside, it's been super

26:06

sad. And we realized we've had

26:08

him for 11 years? No,

26:11

almost 10 years. Almost 10 years. Okay. So

26:13

he was 12 years old, though. The

26:15

memories that came flooding back

26:17

is wild. He was there

26:20

for so much. He was

26:22

there before Leela. I know. He

26:24

was there like pretty much right when we

26:26

moved in together. And then in

26:29

our wedding and there when I was

26:31

pregnant and with Leela and we

26:34

took him to New York with us when

26:36

we would shoot crashing. And I mean, yeah,

26:39

he saw us through a lot

26:41

of life in the move to Ojai. And

26:44

that's the thing is, yeah, he

26:46

was a real soul dog for

26:48

me because he saw

26:50

me through so much and because... You

26:55

had a framed picture of him when you

26:57

were pushing in the hospital. In labor.

26:59

Yeah. He was my first real baby. Yeah.

27:05

And so yeah, I

27:07

really, really felt this one. And I

27:10

do feel like he... There's all these

27:13

thoughts that you're like,

27:15

who knows? But it does help

27:17

the grief process to think. I

27:20

had a friend who said, because we thought

27:22

he was gonna go about

27:26

a year ago, actually, like when we

27:29

first moved to Ojai. Remember he was

27:31

really sick and we had just moved

27:33

to Ojai and that's when I had

27:35

the miscarriage, which I think we talked

27:37

about on the pod. I'm not sure,

27:40

but... I think so. Knowing us.

27:42

Yeah. And it was while he

27:44

was sick. And

27:47

I was just like, I can't handle

27:49

this dog dying. He cannot die right

27:51

now. There's just no way. And he

27:54

stuck around. And I feel like he

27:56

did stick around an extra year and

27:58

a half to... And he

28:00

got his glorious oh hi time. It's the

28:02

same as anything passing or anyone passing. It's like

28:05

you think about like, oh I'm so glad he

28:07

got that time. And you

28:09

really, I found out while I was on

28:11

my Rupert Spyro retreat, like you said, we'll talk about

28:13

that, but I didn't really feel it as much until

28:15

I got home. And you said this, but

28:17

I had the same experience when I'm cutting the crusts

28:19

off Lila's sandwich and he's usually right there to eat

28:21

them. And it wasn't there and you're just sort of

28:23

like, oh wow, and it really

28:26

hits you. My,

28:28

not magical, but like my

28:30

way of being like, you're like, oh he gave me another year and a half.

28:33

In the weirdest way I was like, I feel like he

28:35

was like, all right dad's out of town.

28:39

And I'm not, and I'm not, like I'm

28:41

not even gonna bother him. Yeah,

28:43

somebody told me, did you say that?

28:46

I think another, I think our friend

28:48

Jen said that. She was like, it's

28:50

like he waited till Pete was out

28:52

of town cause he like did that

28:54

for you. He did it as a gift to me.

28:57

He also in the weirdest way as a gift,

29:00

we have, my brother-in-law has a

29:02

dog that's like 3000 years old. And

29:05

I just thought that's how all dogs died. One

29:07

of their eyes is like looking at their brain and

29:11

the other one's like drooping out and they're

29:13

just like covered in all sorts of shaved

29:15

surgeries and stuff. And he's like, ah. He

29:18

was just like, I'm out. And I'm like,

29:20

Brody. I know. And

29:23

he did give us the gift of not having

29:25

to make the decision of

29:27

like this guy is suffering and we have

29:29

to decide, which is so

29:31

hard for anybody who's had

29:33

to do that. That's just the hardest thing. But

29:37

yeah, he, and in that night,

29:40

so also my friend said that she thinks

29:42

that he waited until I did this, you

29:44

know, big thing that we've referenced on the

29:46

podcast where I've sort of. Yeah, cleared

29:48

it with your fam. Yeah, just

29:50

cleared out a lot of stuff. Yeah. And

29:55

so I just recently did that and went

29:57

through the grieving process of that. And then

29:59

that night. the night that he died,

30:01

we had friends over for Sunday dinner.

30:06

And I was just saying to them, I was going on and

30:08

on about like how cleared out

30:10

I feel, how transformed I feel, like that

30:12

I feel like I'm on the other side

30:14

of this and it's been a hard winter,

30:17

but like spring is coming. And so I

30:19

was just going on and on about how

30:21

well I was doing. And it's just sweet

30:24

to think of like, Yeah, I should do. Yeah.

30:26

And him being like, okay, okay.

30:30

Now, he's got it for me. He

30:32

taught me so much as well. I

30:34

mean, all of those lessons, they weren't

30:36

easy learned. Yeah. But like he really

30:38

taught me a lot about loving

30:42

something that isn't easy for you.

30:44

I know it's weird now that he's passed,

30:46

I'm feeling the temptation to

30:49

sort of gloss over all that. But I

30:51

think the work I did with Brody is

30:53

more precious than just having like a pristine,

30:57

the memory that I have, one of

30:59

the most vivid memory is when I

31:01

was shooting HBO's crashing and

31:04

I was, you were

31:06

out of town for a week. So it was

31:08

me and Brody in that. The elevators didn't work

31:10

in this building. Remember this building in Williamsburg? And

31:14

you were gone, I keep

31:17

telling you that, you weren't there, you had abandoned

31:20

me. And I think my call

31:22

time was like, probably 5 a.m.

31:24

or something. One of these days where I'm like, I don't

31:26

fuck around, I'm not one of those, stay

31:29

out till one, even though you have to shoot at five. I go

31:31

to bed at like eight o'clock if I have to get up at

31:33

five to shoot all

31:35

day. So I'm going to bed, Brody,

31:38

and it's raining really hard. And

31:40

Brody like coming up like twice

31:42

in the night to

31:44

like have some sort of I miss mom

31:46

diarrhea. But I

31:49

know, but I really do look

31:51

back on it fondly because

31:54

even though that's frustrating, one

31:57

of the things I like about PETA is if

31:59

it's inevitable, there's nothing. I can do, I have

32:01

to do it. There might be

32:03

some frustration, but then when we're going down,

32:05

he's giving me looks. I swear it's like,

32:07

I'm sorry, man. I'm

32:10

sorry. And then he's paying, and then we go

32:12

back and we're wet. And it's just sort of

32:14

like dogs

32:16

in general, and certainly babies,

32:19

are just like disruptions. And

32:23

when you look back on your life, it seems,

32:25

or when I'm looking back on my life, it

32:28

seems that so many of the peak memorable

32:31

and treasured moments

32:34

are during or just after

32:36

a disruption. Like how you

32:38

get along in

32:40

disruptions. It's like glorious

32:43

summers are just like one block

32:45

thing. They can be kind of

32:47

hard to remember, but like little

32:50

disruptions, it's like we invite these

32:52

chaotic things into our life because

32:54

there's a wisdom beyond

32:56

our reason that goes

32:58

like, I can't just go around

33:01

eating sandwiches and mailing letters. It's

33:04

not going to work. Get that fucking

33:06

dog over here. Then reposting bits. I

33:08

got so many, not to make it

33:11

about getting something from Brody, but the

33:13

number of jokes I had about him really

33:15

spoke to his impact on my life and

33:17

how much I was processing and how much

33:19

he sort of brought out of you and

33:22

brought out of me and all this growth.

33:26

And now I really feel like 10 years

33:28

of this, I'm like, I think I

33:30

understand what it is now. You said,

33:33

you tried to tell me with Brody, like part of

33:35

the joy is having something that's dependent on you. And

33:38

I'm like, but he's dependent on me. That's part of

33:40

the fun. Now I think I'm starting to understand that.

33:42

It's been Brody and it's been Leela as a baby.

33:45

Right. And the joy is taking

33:48

care of something else and

33:50

like getting outside of yourself. Active

33:53

service. Yeah, absolutely. And

33:55

something that does pay out

33:58

like it snuggles. It's

34:01

so thrilled when you're home. So

34:03

it's not just that, but

34:06

it is like, yeah,

34:08

it's just the act of being like,

34:10

this is, I'm gonna get out of

34:12

my own shit for a minute because

34:15

this muppet needs feeding. Yeah,

34:18

yeah. Yeah,

34:20

and I really wanna say that

34:24

I am so impressed with you

34:26

and how open

34:28

you were to this. I mean, when

34:30

we first got him, it was such

34:34

a difficult thing for you. Yeah,

34:36

I remember like my body couldn't even relax.

34:39

Yeah. Like you really, people that were raised

34:41

with dogs or no dogs to sort of

34:43

merge and they know all this language, body

34:45

language. And I was like, ha, I had

34:48

the energy of someone who had been attacked

34:50

by a dog. Yeah. Even though

34:52

I hadn't been attacked by a dog. So I really appreciate

34:54

your kindness. I mean, it's

34:56

in 10 years of watching you use Brody

34:59

as a way to grow and open

35:01

and change. Yeah,

35:03

and we went out strong too. You did,

35:06

you guys were fun. Meaning the past year

35:08

even. After I had that,

35:10

maybe it was less than a year, but after I had

35:12

that reading

35:14

from Christa Rauschenberger.

35:18

Rauschenberg. Rauschenberg, I always get it

35:20

wrong. Christa Rauschenberg, she

35:22

was like, you're projecting a lot of your mom

35:24

stuff onto your dog. I was like, hmm. Yeah.

35:28

And it was incredible. And she was, remember people that

35:30

listen to the pod, they know she was like, start

35:32

saying to your dog, you're not my mom. Yeah. And

35:34

I did that and I did it almost every day.

35:37

And we started snuggling and

35:39

I realized, I was like,

35:41

oh wow, Wilson,

35:44

the volleyball. We

35:46

are symbol making things and I

35:49

had let Brody, my unguarded thoughts

35:51

had allowed for Brody to become

35:53

a symbol of just like desperate

35:56

need and like endlessly

35:58

seeking. Susan just

36:00

winged. And that wasn't fair and

36:03

I'm glad I figured that out

36:06

because I never walked by him without scratching him saying

36:08

good boy. It was just a rule. I got up

36:11

to pee and I would just give him a little

36:13

pet and say good boy. So we went out real

36:15

strong. That's right. I saw that too.

36:17

And I don't know, I don't know, but this

36:19

is like new agey for

36:24

sure. And I'm not saying it's for sure

36:26

true, but I tend to like to think

36:29

that we have like these soul

36:31

contracts with different beings in our

36:34

world. And you and Brody may have

36:36

had a soul contract where he was

36:39

a little like his purpose

36:41

was helping you work through some

36:43

of this difficult stuff. And

36:46

you know, that doesn't mean every

36:48

dog you will have that kind

36:50

of soul contract with. Yeah.

36:54

So I agree with that.

36:56

That's what it feels like in my experience at least.

36:59

And what it's funny, like I always say the

37:02

first time I smoked weed and I got paranoid, I was

37:05

like, what they don't tell you is that paranoid people think

37:07

they're right. Similarly,

37:10

when you have soul work to do or

37:12

a contract for someone to work on something

37:14

and grind it or shave

37:16

it down with you, what

37:19

people often leave out of nice ideas like

37:21

that is and you're going to hate it.

37:23

Right. Of course. Yeah, it's going

37:25

to be hard. And there's going to be

37:27

parts that you're not even proud of where

37:30

you are like, Brody, you scared me or

37:32

whatever it is. Yeah. As if

37:34

he could understand me. And that's

37:36

even the humiliations were never ending.

37:38

I would be like, you scared

37:40

man. I'm like, why am I

37:42

telling him? He doesn't know anything.

37:44

Yeah. But you did a really

37:46

good job. And isn't it weird that like

37:48

it was sort of in the air for

37:51

the like a few days leading up

37:56

to him dying? Because I

37:58

think I don't know if it was last. podcast

38:00

episode or well one

38:03

before but remember he came in

38:05

and like pod the door open and

38:07

I was like Brody that's

38:09

so cute and then he like knocked hit

38:11

the train set isn't it so weird when

38:13

something in your house dies and you're like

38:15

it was this train set like that I'm

38:17

this train set it the train set is

38:20

still set up yeah so

38:22

weird but that

38:24

he like hit it and it you know

38:26

made a sound or whatever and I said

38:29

one day very soon Brody's gonna be dead

38:31

and we were gonna miss

38:33

this and you said like I know

38:36

that's part of the thing for me

38:38

right and it was like days after

38:40

that it's so bizarre and we didn't talk

38:42

about that sort of stuff very much no no

38:44

and I like we took a random

38:47

video of me just petting him because

38:50

I was like I should

38:52

do like a Brody appreciation post and I

38:54

didn't end up posting it and I was

38:56

like I'm still glad I have

38:58

that because I'm there he

39:00

was specifically cute the way that like we

39:03

you would pet him and he would like

39:05

lean into you and

39:08

and I'm so glad that I have

39:10

that and then also I had our

39:12

page our assistant and our friend and

39:14

like a caretaker of

39:16

Brody the day

39:19

before he died she sent me

39:21

just a really cute picture of

39:23

him posing with flowers and she

39:25

was like how's Brody like he

39:28

had an impact on a lot of people really

39:30

did a lot of friends

39:33

like babysitters house sitters just

39:36

friends who came over to the house a lot

39:38

like all kind of came out

39:40

of the woodwork to talk about what a special

39:42

boy he was a good boy he was

39:45

a really good boy he we and we

39:47

used to say this again on the pod

39:49

we talked some smat work through some stuff

39:51

yeah but it was like we

39:53

always used to say he's a hundred

39:55

he's 99.9 percent perfect

39:57

he just barks scares the shit out of me

40:00

Yeah, he just barks and never stops barking.

40:03

Right, it's not just barking. It's like a

40:05

ceaseless, like he, again, he'd even make it

40:07

on his face like, I'm sorry, I can't

40:10

stop. Yeah, he was an anxious boy. But

40:13

I really grieved. I mean, like

40:16

I spent a good

40:18

five days sort of just sobbing around

40:20

the house, which

40:22

is why I'm able to talk about it this way.

40:25

I guess I wanted to acknowledge like, how

40:27

sad it really is and was.

40:31

Yeah. But I do feel like because I

40:34

heavily let myself sort of

40:36

grieve it, I

40:38

feel, you know, okay

40:41

about it now. And I did

40:44

like spend time with his

40:46

body before they

40:48

came to pick him up. I brushed him

40:50

and read him Mary Oliver poems and opened

40:53

the window and staged and said,

40:55

thank you. And I said, like,

40:57

please visit us. And

40:59

there have been the occurrences. We've

41:02

all seen him around the house and in the

41:04

same spot. And at

41:06

the same time. And

41:08

when I was telling you about him, or

41:12

when we were talking about him on the first

41:14

night that you came back, the

41:16

lights flickered. That these lights

41:19

never have flickered before or since.

41:22

So I think he is visiting us. Yeah,

41:25

just more quietly, which I appreciate. Yeah.

41:27

All right, we'll be right back. And

41:31

we are as teased in the first

41:34

half. We're gonna talk about my. Your

41:36

retreat. My rupit spire retreat. Rup treat.

41:39

My rup treat, which was great. So we'll be right back

41:41

and get into that. Pardon the

41:43

interruption weirdos. This episode is brought to us

41:45

by our friends at Modern Mammals. You guys

41:48

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41:50

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42:13

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42:15

And I couldn't, if I washed it, it looked

42:18

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42:21

It looked terrible. It was unmanageable. It was flying all over

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That is it everybody I Wish

45:43

that real Okay, but

45:45

I start real give you the authentic

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genuine article my none of that

45:50

fucking pop for satellite

45:55

That's it. That's the fucking

45:58

blood marrow Blood

46:01

marrow. Oh my god. I'm gonna

46:04

take off this bandage. I see that. You didn't

46:06

have to tell them. Just uh, Let

46:09

it breathe. Let it breathe. That's

46:11

what my arms gonna look like when I'm old. Will you

46:13

love this arm? Well, of

46:16

course it's funny So

46:18

to get into the Rupert spider retreat, I

46:21

had a swollen It's

46:23

like the kind of thing like if you

46:25

really dug with your teeth like a hangnail

46:27

and tore it off like a fucking lunatic

46:30

And it got infected and then it swells

46:32

up. I had that for the first three

46:34

days Retreat

46:37

but I didn't I had no memory which

46:40

means I know I didn't I didn't bite

46:42

it like I like a random Maybe

46:45

I gave it like a micro bite and

46:47

it just so happened that there was like

46:49

pigeon shit in my mouth Like

46:52

I infected it. It was incredible,

46:54

but it was like crazy throbbing horrible

46:57

It would wake me up at night

46:59

because I brush it up against it

47:01

But anyway, Epsom salts baby get get

47:03

yourself some Epsom salt. Maybe a little Could

47:07

have been but anyway the long the short is I

47:09

went on a seven-day Rupert

47:11

Spira event anybody that listens to this pod

47:13

knows I'm obsessed with Rupert

47:15

Spira But it was

47:18

seven days and on the way in I

47:20

got really nervous. I was driving I said

47:22

goodbye to you guys and I

47:24

was driving in the airport and I

47:26

got really nervous that I was like What

47:28

am I doing? Like for

47:30

two reasons one seven days seems like a

47:32

really long time. Mm-hmm and two Rupert

47:36

Spira is a non-dual teacher

47:38

who and the idea

47:40

that we're all one and that I could

47:42

actually like slip into a felt and Abiding

47:45

understanding of the oneness of the

47:47

universe Seemed kind of

47:49

frightening. Like, you know, there's ways that

47:51

that's cool. Well, your ego was that's

47:54

exactly right And my ego was like

47:56

I'm not so sure about that. Yeah,

47:59

so I didn't tell you this but I called

48:01

Mira by Star, who knows Rupert

48:03

and is a feminine mystic. As

48:05

Greg Boyle says, Mira

48:07

by Star is a mystic who writes about mystics. Yes.

48:10

Excuse me. Sorry, I had to... I was

48:12

just adjusting her bra. I

48:15

had to adjust my bra, okay? Well... One of

48:17

my sisters and I. My

48:19

writing. Give

48:22

me that rheum! No one would have known

48:24

if we had done it. I know, but I would

48:26

know that suddenly I'm like, dah,

48:29

dah, dah, dah, Rupert,

48:31

Spyro, Retreat! Because all

48:34

the blood left

48:36

my brain. You

48:39

are fun to live with for me. Bah,

48:42

that is sad and meditative

48:45

silence. Remember

48:50

when we went to whale sharks and I

48:52

would be swimming, and there's whale

48:54

sharks, and then every once in a while

48:56

I would look and see your butt and

48:58

I would be like, that's how exciting your

49:00

butt is to me. Aww.

49:03

That I'm like, there's a whale shark. And

49:06

then a butt I see every day and I'm

49:08

still kind of like, ooh. You're

49:12

nice to me. A whale shark

49:14

is the size of a bus. It's a

49:16

whale with the mouth of a shark. You

49:18

just give like some facts about whale sharks.

49:22

I just want people to know how much I like that

49:24

booty. Alright,

49:28

so called Mirabai and I was like,

49:30

I'm kind of freaking out. And

49:32

she was like, you know what she said? Do you have a guess? Um,

49:36

well... You don't have a guess. Okay. What

49:39

I would say is, did you call her because

49:41

I told you that she acknowledged, when

49:44

I went on her retreat, I

49:46

was anxious and she like acknowledged

49:48

in a group email. Forgive me. That it's

49:50

like good to acknowledge that at the beginning of

49:53

these things we can be anxious. Yes, and

49:55

that's a common thing. That is right. And as

49:57

soon as she did that, I was like, oh,

49:59

okay. Okay, great. So

50:01

I called her exactly because of that. And

50:04

I was like, I'm just a little nervous. What

50:06

if I dissolve? What if this

50:09

like, you know, enlightenment and

50:12

insanity, pretty

50:14

close. Pretty close. Enlightenment

50:17

is sort of like a controlled, like

50:20

I'm not trying to be funny or

50:22

whatever, dismissive of anybody, but somebody

50:24

on the street that's yelling, I'm

50:26

that tree, or Rupert being

50:29

like, essentially what I am

50:31

and what this tree is made of the

50:33

same thing. Yeah. Similar.

50:36

So anyway, I got a little nervous. And I said

50:38

that to Mirabai and she was like, yeah, you should

50:40

be. Oh my gosh. That's what

50:42

she said. Oh, I love her. She was

50:44

really fierce. She was like, you're going to

50:46

see a teacher that is famous for

50:49

his precision at disarming an ego.

50:52

Wow. And it's like, yeah. And

50:54

she's like, when I do grief work, I don't tell people

50:56

it'll all be okay. I tell them like, this sucks. It's

50:59

over. It's we lost something. Let's

51:01

look at it. Yeah. Like, and

51:03

you're afraid. Yeah, you should. That checks out and

51:06

it made me feel so much better. It really

51:08

did. So good. She's so good. I

51:10

never would have predicted it. She was also tender and

51:12

sweet. She always is. But she was just like, well,

51:14

I'm not going to tell you to not be scared.

51:16

But then I, and she was like, oh, this is

51:18

exactly what she said. She said, I'm

51:20

glad you're going in with your hair on fire. It's

51:23

like respectful. Yeah. It's

51:25

reverent. You know what? I

51:28

just, oh, I love her so

51:30

much. And I do think she is

51:33

such a wise teacher that she knows who

51:35

she's talking to and how to talk to

51:37

them. Yeah, that's right. So she knows she

51:40

can be that way with you. And

51:42

it's probably really refreshing for her that she

51:44

doesn't have to mince words

51:46

and be really tender

51:49

and you know, in that way. But

51:52

also this is just what I was talking to my

51:54

brother about. It's

51:56

like the difference between she's a four

51:59

on the Enneagram. And the

52:01

difference between healthy fours and unhealthy

52:03

fours is like the most stark

52:06

difference in stark? Yeah. Difference

52:09

than any other number. And

52:11

fours are, can really

52:15

get enveloped into their

52:18

sadness and their like dark, their

52:20

shadow. But

52:23

a converted four or a healthy

52:25

four is exactly what Mirabai is,

52:27

which is where she's like, the gift

52:29

that she gives the world is like

52:33

the, is an ambassador for

52:36

darkness and shadow and

52:39

also for light, but like for

52:41

looking at the whole story and

52:43

seeing how things like fear and

52:45

anxiety and grief are

52:49

gifts because there's, it can

52:52

be transmitted, transmuted into

52:55

presence and connection. And a

52:58

lot of good things. Sculptures

53:00

like Stonehenge, you know, like there's theories

53:03

that Stonehenge is to like frame the

53:05

sun, meaning scary, Gothic, weird things. But

53:07

then when the sun comes up, you

53:09

go like, Oh, it all makes sense.

53:12

Exactly. That's exactly what she does.

53:14

And it's such a gift. And

53:16

she really, the message of being

53:18

like the actual subtext, I

53:20

think in being like, you should be

53:23

afraid is you should be

53:25

afraid and you don't

53:27

be afraid of your fear. Yeah. Like

53:30

you should be afraid and it's okay to be afraid. Well,

53:32

it's also, it's okay to

53:34

be afraid because you are afraid. That's

53:36

right. Right. Yeah. You're

53:39

not wrong for it. And that's a very wonderful thing to

53:41

do to a feeling. And she also,

53:43

the way to love fours, one

53:45

of the ways to love fours

53:48

is to be really honest about

53:50

your own pain and

53:52

your own. And that's a lovely thing too.

53:55

So she knew you were gone because you

53:57

called her. And when she saw my post

53:59

about Brody. she texted me and

54:01

said, how are you

54:03

doing? And like with Pete away, how

54:05

is that going or whatever? And

54:07

I was like, it's been a tough

54:10

one. Like I had to do the

54:12

grieving, the like figuring

54:14

out what to do with the body, figuring

54:17

out how to tell Leela all by

54:19

myself. And like, it's

54:21

just been hard, but like we're getting

54:23

through it. And she said,

54:25

thank you for that very real answer.

54:28

And like that just, it's just

54:30

so nice to have a friend who is

54:32

like, no, please show me, show me it,

54:35

show me your pain. And that's what I did. And

54:37

then what the real, you

54:40

know, we've told this story a couple of times to friends. I

54:42

think I'm getting better at distilling it.

54:45

The big surprise, the biggest, the first

54:48

big surprise of the retreat was I

54:50

thought that it would be too

54:53

long, seven days. I

54:55

had done four days with Ramdas,

54:58

five, something like that. Yeah, five

55:00

days. Five days, which was

55:02

beautiful, but you know, I did that twice.

55:05

I went on a private retreat with Ramdas and

55:08

the second time especially, I was kind

55:10

of like, we can, we can,

55:12

this is the second out. Like I

55:14

remember I had a rental car and I'd like go

55:17

get an ice cream. And like a

55:19

massage. I went and got a massage. Yeah,

55:21

we had a new baby at that time. Oh

55:23

yeah. There was parts of me

55:25

that was like, there's value to that type

55:27

of retreat. It was fine. I mean,

55:30

it was great. And the time with Ramdas was great.

55:32

This was different. Anyway, I

55:34

thought seven days would be too long. And when I booked

55:36

it, I was like, you know, if after five days, I'm

55:38

like, I get it, we're out of here. Then

55:41

I'll just give myself that allowance. And

55:43

the punchline is it was seven days.

55:46

It went like this. Every day we had a meditation

55:48

at 7.30 in the morning for

55:51

an hour. Then 8.30

55:54

we had breakfast. Then at 11,

55:56

we had another meditation for an hour. Then

55:59

we had lunch. There was always food. There was

56:01

a lot of food. Then at 4.30, so from lunch

56:03

ends around 1

56:08

to 4.30, you were just free. 4.30 to

56:11

6.30, anybody that knows Rupert, if you

56:13

don't know and watch him on YouTube,

56:15

I highly recommend it. It's

56:17

just that for two hours. People ask questions and

56:19

he answers. That's how he teaches question and answer.

56:21

So you get to

56:24

ask questions. We can get to what question I

56:26

asked. I thought it was good, but I love

56:28

his answer. It's more important. Then at

56:30

6.30 dinner, I just fell into a routine of going to

56:32

bed around 9.30 and

56:40

then I get up at 5.30 and that

56:43

was every day. The punchline

56:45

is, I keep saying, here's

56:47

the fucking, I never for

56:49

one second felt like,

56:52

is this over yet? Even as

56:55

I'm saying that to you, I'm

56:57

like, I can't believe it. Because

56:59

it really was one of these

57:01

things, one of Rupert's main teachings.

57:04

I would say if I had 15

57:06

seconds to talk to you, in fact, he

57:08

summarizes himself like this, peace

57:10

and happiness are your essential nature

57:13

and you share that nature with everyone

57:15

and everything. That's his whole thing in

57:17

two lines. So peace and

57:19

happiness are your essential nature. Meaning

57:21

looking for it in the external world is

57:23

not only,

57:25

it's just misguided. We

57:28

don't have to look down on it.

57:30

But that's not where withstanding

57:32

peace and happiness are. You are

57:34

peace and happiness. The way

57:37

that we think about that is like, just

57:39

one little Rupert teaching. If you think about

57:41

your awareness as a room, he goes, if

57:43

I asked you to tell me what's in this room, you

57:46

would tell me there's a bookshelf and there's a train set

57:49

and there's a table with a computer on it. But

57:51

very few people would say there's space in this

57:53

room. He's like, and that's

57:55

consciousness. It's like we overlook it. It's like

57:58

the screen in a movie. looking

58:00

right at a screen, but

58:02

you don't even think about it. You just think about the

58:04

contents of the movie. An awareness or

58:06

consciousness or your being or your sense of

58:08

being yourself is the screen or

58:11

it's the space in a room. But

58:13

more interesting than just being like, oh, somebody's

58:15

kind of pointing me towards my awareness, he

58:18

takes it to the next step, which is, what

58:20

is the nature of that

58:22

which is aware of my being? So

58:25

one of the meditations we did was, what

58:27

am I before sensations,

58:31

experiences, anything,

58:36

before experience? What am I

58:38

before the emergence of experience? And

58:40

there was one that was more of a co-on, which is, what

58:43

is but doesn't exist? But

58:46

that sounds like an unsolvable one, it's

58:48

actually quite solvable, exists. He

58:51

tells us this all the time, exists comes from,

58:53

the word means to stand out from. Like

58:56

from the back. Like exit. Yeah, he would tell

58:58

you what X means and what, but it means

59:00

to stay. Attention is kind of,

59:02

also is like to bend toward. You

59:05

give your attention, so you're taking your

59:07

conscience and bending it and pointing it

59:09

towards, right now you're pointing your attention

59:11

at me. But he's like, before you

59:13

bend it or point it, or

59:16

before it houses a feeling or

59:18

a perception or anything, a taste,

59:20

a smell, what is the

59:23

nature of the empty room? So

59:26

take everything out and tell me about yourself.

59:28

That's the main thing. And

59:32

this was a week dedicated to

59:34

that, I hear Rupert's voice, to

59:36

that understanding. Meaning,

59:39

the beds were hard and

59:42

too small for me. I'm

59:44

literally staying in a convent. The

59:47

food was fine, I have no complaints about the

59:49

food, but vegetarian food, I haven't been eating vegetarian

59:51

lately, so I was kind of like, it's hard

59:53

to get protein, whatever, it's

59:56

fine. It wasn't like, there

59:59

was no like. Asian fusion night. It was

1:00:01

just kind of like retreat food. Good

1:00:03

retreat food but not exactly blowing your

1:00:05

hair back. Flooding you

1:00:07

with endorphins is what I mean, or dopamine. The

1:00:10

showers, you've heard me say this a million. The

1:00:13

showers, first of all, the head of the shower went up

1:00:15

to my nipples and it was

1:00:17

a shared bathroom meaning your room had no bathroom.

1:00:20

You had to go, like college, you'd have to

1:00:22

go into the hallway, walk down, go in this

1:00:24

shared bathroom and take

1:00:26

a shower. Shower, water pressure's

1:00:28

not great. It cuts off, you're in

1:00:30

a convent. This is

1:00:32

none chic. So

1:00:35

the water would cut off sometimes.

1:00:37

You're soapy, it just cuts off,

1:00:39

then comes back on and it's scalding hot for

1:00:41

no reason, like someone flushed a toilet. And

1:00:45

we were all living in that reality, 120

1:00:47

of us. And

1:00:50

it was 120 of the happiest people I've ever

1:00:52

seen in my life. But I can't speak to

1:00:54

their happiness. It was a full

1:00:57

week of absolute

1:00:59

peace and happiness. And

1:01:01

it wasn't because I was tired from being a

1:01:03

dad. It wasn't because I was getting

1:01:05

enough rest. I get enough rest now. It

1:01:08

wasn't because I was sneaking away and

1:01:10

writing scripts or answering emails or any

1:01:12

of that. I put it all aside.

1:01:16

And all we did was for two hours

1:01:18

in the morning, you'd think,

1:01:21

so he does something called the pathless path which is

1:01:23

like, we're not gonna do a mantra, we're

1:01:26

not gonna follow our breath, we're not gonna

1:01:28

think about anything, there's gonna be no guiding.

1:01:30

His meditations are like, are

1:01:34

you aware? Ask yourself, am I aware?

1:01:37

And if you say yes, go to

1:01:40

the referent of that yes. What is

1:01:42

that yes referring to? Go

1:01:44

there. And it was

1:01:47

just called self-abiding. So you're

1:01:49

abiding in the simple and

1:01:51

undeniable sensation. We're all aware.

1:01:53

He kept saying that. He was like, this is the most obvious

1:01:55

thing in the world. Anyone off the

1:01:58

street, you would come up to them and say. are

1:02:00

you aware that you exist? All

1:02:03

the pathless path or non-duality or whatever is

1:02:05

going into the sensation

1:02:08

of being or knowing that

1:02:11

with which your experience is known. What

1:02:13

is it that is aware of your experience? And then

1:02:15

not just to know it or to analyze it, but

1:02:17

to go in it and rest

1:02:20

in it and that's all we

1:02:22

did and then we'd have talks

1:02:24

and then during the long break I would literally

1:02:26

go by a creek and listen to a creek.

1:02:30

And then I'd go to bed at 9 30 get

1:02:32

up. I still did my Tony Robbins gratitude practice in

1:02:34

the morning I still did my reading in the

1:02:36

morning, but all I was reading Rupert reading Richard

1:02:38

and not

1:02:41

for one second nuts so much did I

1:02:43

not feel

1:02:45

it dragging. I didn't feel it. Today

1:02:48

we went to our coffee shop here in town

1:02:50

and my friend Max said hey welcome back and

1:02:53

I know this sounds weird. I didn't

1:02:55

know what he was referring to because

1:02:58

the retreat was so

1:03:00

this sounds like spiritual bragging or like I'm

1:03:02

trying to make it magical. It's

1:03:05

just it's just what it is. The

1:03:07

retreat was

1:03:09

like self-deleting. It wasn't

1:03:11

in time. It just didn't

1:03:13

exist in time. So I

1:03:15

didn't experience time. I

1:03:17

missed you guys when every morning. I'm doing

1:03:20

my gratitude. I think about you sometimes I'd

1:03:22

cry just remembering how beautiful our life was,

1:03:24

but it was like another place and

1:03:27

it wasn't on

1:03:29

the calendar. It was outside of

1:03:31

time because that's what

1:03:34

consciousness is. That's what awareness is.

1:03:36

It's timeless. There

1:03:39

are no attributes to it. I'll tell

1:03:41

you anything we think is

1:03:43

interesting to talk about but the question I asked is

1:03:45

I asked on the first

1:03:47

day actually. Oh bold. Bold.

1:03:50

Yeah. As I said, can we

1:03:52

trust awareness? And I

1:03:54

go I see so many people suffering and I

1:03:57

what's to say. I'm not gonna die. and

1:04:00

I referenced an old joke of mine, I

1:04:02

go, and I'll just wake up in a room filled with

1:04:04

crabs. And they just

1:04:06

eat me, and that's just the wicked

1:04:08

game that Awareness wanted to play. And

1:04:10

I referenced Gungi's book, Michael Gungor, where

1:04:13

he has that line that I think about all the time where he says, if

1:04:16

you were infinity, what game wouldn't you play? And

1:04:19

he answers, you'd play every game, and I'm like, well, that's kind

1:04:21

of terrifying, because wouldn't you

1:04:23

play the clowns hitting you with salami

1:04:26

game? If you're infinite,

1:04:29

and that's a very scary idea. And

1:04:32

he, I can't, hopefully

1:04:35

it will be on YouTube, I'm sure at some point,

1:04:37

but he was like, his

1:04:40

creation idea is that the

1:04:43

nature of consciousness is creation,

1:04:47

is like expression, and it's

1:04:49

boundless. And it's in love

1:04:51

with itself. And

1:04:54

it wants to express it, and

1:04:57

to know itself. This is all sort

1:04:59

of metaphoric. So

1:05:01

it creates, it manifests, because the infinite can't

1:05:03

know, that's what he said. He was like,

1:05:05

the infinite can't know the finite. He

1:05:07

was like, if you wanted to look at this bottle, and

1:05:10

point it to a bottle on this table, you'd

1:05:12

have to localize yourself as one point in this

1:05:14

room to look at the bottle. If

1:05:17

you saw it from every possible angle, or even

1:05:20

every person in this room, it would just become

1:05:22

black, it would be nothing. To know

1:05:24

it, you have to separate yourself and

1:05:26

localize in one position, in the same way that

1:05:28

when you have a dream, if

1:05:31

you're on a beach, you can't experience that

1:05:33

beach until you make yourself a subject on

1:05:35

the beach to enjoy the object that is

1:05:37

the beach. And he's like, and

1:05:40

the infinite loves that, and wants that

1:05:42

so much that it will go into

1:05:44

duality, even knowing that once

1:05:46

you have joy, you have suffering. It

1:05:49

risks that, like a mother will sacrifice

1:05:51

her body, and her sleep, and her

1:05:53

sanity, and all of this stuff, because

1:05:56

it loves her baby, and it wants

1:05:58

to know the baby, extend herself.

1:06:00

Yeah. I was like, it's this love. I

1:06:02

go, I love that. But there's

1:06:05

all this stuff happening here. Why would we

1:06:07

elect to do this? And he's like, it's

1:06:09

not that awareness is electing to do it.

1:06:11

And this is now I'm blending in some other

1:06:13

conversations I had with my friend Tatiana, for example,

1:06:15

and my friend Robert. They

1:06:17

were like, don't forget. It's you. Yeah.

1:06:20

It's the one awareness. Right.

1:06:22

There isn't. I was still

1:06:24

having this God over there

1:06:26

wanting to torture me, wanting

1:06:28

to fuck with me. It's

1:06:31

like, or just like choosing for

1:06:33

you, not giving you a choice

1:06:35

in any way. My friend Tatiana

1:06:37

was like, it's like we were when

1:06:40

we were infinite, when we were just one, it

1:06:42

was like 65 degrees all the time. And

1:06:44

we wanted to know what 98 degrees felt like. So

1:06:48

we also had to make the thermostat go the

1:06:50

other way to negative 10 degrees and to

1:06:53

get that spectrum going. She was like,

1:06:55

don't forget is your dream. And this

1:06:57

is when you start going like, oh,

1:07:01

thy will be done. Or I

1:07:03

trust in God. Or I trust

1:07:05

myself, capital S, self. I

1:07:08

was still doing that thing that God is

1:07:10

somewhere over there. So it's

1:07:13

beyond my pay grade to address all of

1:07:15

the suffering in the world. But

1:07:17

the idea of like, you

1:07:20

can trust it was. And he was like, just

1:07:23

he said, go to your sense

1:07:25

of awareness now. And

1:07:28

I didn't. And he goes, tell me about

1:07:30

it. And I was like, it's vast. It's

1:07:32

spacious. It's peaceful. He gave me a little adaboy.

1:07:34

He was like, I think we can all tell

1:07:36

that you really went there. And it

1:07:38

wasn't just something you read. And I was like, how

1:07:40

do you know me so well? How do you know

1:07:42

I need that? I love that. It was excellent. Speaking

1:07:45

about people giving you just what they need. So

1:07:48

that was a beautiful moment. And then

1:07:50

once you were there, did he say, can you trust it?

1:07:53

No, thank you. And then he was like, now

1:07:56

you're relaxed. And you went into your awareness. And

1:07:58

you saw its qualities. and you can

1:08:00

trust it. But next time

1:08:02

you're not relaxed, try to step

1:08:04

back and go into your awareness.

1:08:07

Right, it's only the brain, like

1:08:09

the thinking mind that asks questions

1:08:11

like, can I trust this? Yeah,

1:08:13

that's right. Which is its job

1:08:16

to a certain degree, but it

1:08:19

over-asks that and then it gets

1:08:21

everything all worked out. Completely, and

1:08:23

he said the more times you get,

1:08:26

like habitually just check in with your

1:08:28

awareness, which is what I

1:08:30

was doing that whole week and what I've been doing since. You'll

1:08:35

just have more data and the idea of

1:08:37

a hell like that

1:08:39

will just become less and less plausible. Yeah,

1:08:41

I really believe that. And I think

1:08:44

that is true in so

1:08:46

many ways. It's like the more you

1:08:49

regulate your body from dysregulation, the

1:08:51

more you have

1:08:53

the data to trust that or

1:08:55

the more you go

1:08:57

through difficult things and

1:09:00

make it on the other side, you

1:09:03

have the data to trust life. There's

1:09:05

so many things that build trust and

1:09:07

it's only really experiences. That's

1:09:09

right, that's right. And it's sensation, it's

1:09:12

all sensation appearing in awareness. And I

1:09:14

had a difficult call home this week

1:09:17

and my mom just sounded so sad and that's so

1:09:19

hard on me and telling

1:09:21

me to move back in with her. Just

1:09:23

all the classics. All the classics.

1:09:26

And one of the things that Rupert teaches when

1:09:28

you're having a difficult emotion, remember

1:09:31

he says there's the Vedantic, which is I'm

1:09:34

not the witnessing presence that

1:09:37

is not touched by this emotion, I'm over here.

1:09:40

But what he really seems to be more

1:09:43

into is the Vedantic, which

1:09:45

is you go towards it. So

1:09:49

in real time, I was having a really, my mom

1:09:52

is going, basically why

1:09:54

won't you save me from this

1:09:56

life? Yeah. And I

1:09:58

get this feeling. And I

1:10:00

was like, I'm going to try it. Is

1:10:03

the space in the room troubled

1:10:06

by the objects in it? Is

1:10:08

it threatened? Is the screen

1:10:11

colored or stained by what happens

1:10:13

in the movie? And

1:10:15

so, well, no, well, let's try. Then it

1:10:17

must be safe for me

1:10:19

to go towards this feeling and

1:10:22

get so close to it that you can't even see

1:10:24

it. It's like if you're still looking at it and

1:10:27

giving it a boundary, you're not close enough, go

1:10:29

closer. I know we've talked about this other week,

1:10:32

but I was doing it in real time and it

1:10:34

was really, really helping. And

1:10:36

then the other thing we're running out of time here, but, and

1:10:40

I'm sure we'll be talking about it for weeks to come. When

1:10:42

I told you about it, when I came

1:10:44

home, I cried because I didn't, I didn't

1:10:46

even realize until after the fact, just how

1:10:48

much it had meant, it had meant to

1:10:50

me. We'll

1:10:52

talk about it next week. There was a talent show. We'll

1:10:55

talk about that next week. But the one thing I wanted

1:10:57

to talk about this week was

1:11:00

we had dinner, Rupert tried

1:11:02

to have dinner at, I think he

1:11:04

did it at everybody's table. So everybody got

1:11:06

to have one meal with him.

1:11:10

And going into this thing, I swear I

1:11:12

was like, there's nobody in my

1:11:14

life. I was listening to a Tony Robbins story where

1:11:16

he really wanted to be on an airplane with Mikhail

1:11:18

Gorbachev. I was like, this fucking

1:11:21

childish. Really? If I was

1:11:23

like, that's so stupid. There's nobody in my

1:11:25

life. Jerry signed, like he was trying to

1:11:27

like get to a city so he

1:11:30

could be on a plane with Mikhail Gorbachev to fly

1:11:32

to this thing. And I was like, I wouldn't do

1:11:34

that for anybody. Yeah. Seinfeld,

1:11:36

Chappelle, fucking doesn't matter.

1:11:38

Yeah. I don't have, I'm not a child. I

1:11:41

don't have anybody in my life that would get me that excited.

1:11:44

Then I sit next to Rupert again, Tatiana helped make

1:11:46

this happen. And I'm sitting right next to him. It

1:11:48

was just for 20 minutes or so. And

1:11:52

I got to ask him. I

1:11:54

asked him about how he prepared for performing.

1:11:58

Like, you know, I tried. eat

1:12:01

this kind of food and I try to have my

1:12:03

caffeine this much before and I was like what do

1:12:05

you do to prepare and he was like I walk

1:12:07

out and I do it and I was like what

1:12:10

yeah it's just like he was like if

1:12:12

there were a 3,000 people in the other room

1:12:14

and someone said it wasn't time to go talk to them

1:12:16

I would walk over there and talk to them and that

1:12:19

sounds maybe doesn't sound

1:12:21

as exciting to most people but

1:12:23

it was like it was like God

1:12:25

gave me this exact message custom made

1:12:28

for me of someone

1:12:30

who's just trusting themselves trusting

1:12:32

the universe and interacting

1:12:34

with it from a

1:12:36

place of peace not

1:12:39

getting a jacked heart rate and not trying

1:12:41

to jack their heart rate so they can do

1:12:43

what they can do not putting jumper cables

1:12:45

on their body and getting doing a power

1:12:47

pose and I realized after the fact that if

1:12:50

he did do all those things I would

1:12:52

have been really disappointed because he just seems

1:12:54

like a naturally occurring phenomenon right and

1:12:56

that's what he was doing he made fun of me at the

1:12:58

end of the meal he goes all right I have to go

1:13:00

I have to go prepare for tomorrow everyone

1:13:02

laughed and I called him

1:13:04

a salty dog it was really beautiful that's

1:13:07

fun I didn't know that part yeah I

1:13:09

like that and at one point I

1:13:11

really will never forget it I don't

1:13:13

think he's seen my stuff and that's obviously I don't have

1:13:15

to say this but it is I am fine with that

1:13:18

and I have no problem I have no major problem with

1:13:21

no I really know I know I really don't

1:13:23

there are other times in my life where that

1:13:25

was more important to me but

1:13:27

you know the universe gave me people like

1:13:30

Richard Rohr and father Boyle that really fill

1:13:32

that so I don't need another whatever

1:13:35

you know what I'm saying yes so we're

1:13:37

having the meal and he and he just looks

1:13:39

at me he's sitting right next to me I'm

1:13:41

talking about being a comedian or something and

1:13:44

he goes what you do and he I

1:13:46

think he means any artist by the way

1:13:49

mm-hmm is he's like you

1:13:51

let people touch their true self over and over

1:13:53

again you let them taste their true nature over

1:13:55

and over because he goes when you tell a

1:13:57

joke you eek it out you

1:13:59

eat out the punchline and there's this

1:14:02

moment where the joke is revealed and

1:14:04

it happens inside. It happens

1:14:06

inside of them. There's this alchemy in the

1:14:08

moment after the punchline but before they laugh,

1:14:10

everyone dips into themselves and

1:14:12

then comes back laughing. They don't even

1:14:14

know what happened. It's outside

1:14:17

of their intellect. And I'm just

1:14:19

trying to broaden this out. It's the same way that

1:14:21

music or dance or theater or painting.

1:14:23

We also talked about Daniel Day Lewis

1:14:25

and we talked about Anthony Hopkins and

1:14:27

all these different people that are – what

1:14:30

they're really doing is helping people

1:14:33

transcend their minds but he specifically,

1:14:35

just like Richard Rohr, gave

1:14:38

me exactly – he

1:14:40

loved me like I was him and

1:14:42

he was like, this is a comedian. I'm going to

1:14:44

tell him something I believe about comedy. And

1:14:47

when I left, this is the guy that was like, there's no

1:14:49

one I'd want to be on a plane with who gets –

1:14:51

I couldn't find my room. Yeah, you

1:14:53

were giddy. I was giddy and

1:14:56

Tatiana – you know when you picked me up after

1:14:58

my vasectomy and I was drugged up? Exactly

1:15:01

like that. And I

1:15:03

was walking around and our

1:15:05

other friend's name was Robert and she was like, Robert is going

1:15:08

to be over there. And I was like,

1:15:10

who? I didn't know where I

1:15:12

was. I didn't know who

1:15:14

she was. I knew who she was but I

1:15:16

didn't know if you said anybody that wasn't there.

1:15:19

I didn't know. And she took me to

1:15:21

my floor and she's like, you're down there. And

1:15:23

I was like, where are you going? It

1:15:29

absolutely changed my life. That's what I started crying.

1:15:32

Not just that, oh, I met this person,

1:15:34

my teacher who I admire and all that

1:15:37

sort of stuff. It

1:15:40

felt like God loved me so much. Or

1:15:43

you could say I loved myself so

1:15:45

much that he created this thing and

1:15:47

put all of these experiences into it

1:15:49

and then this teaching and this person

1:15:51

and then comedy and I brought it

1:15:53

all together, this meal and like, whoa,

1:15:55

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like

1:15:57

the air stood still in a message.

1:16:00

I just got zapped into my

1:16:02

eyeballs and I felt like

1:16:04

a 14-year-old girl with

1:16:07

a crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

1:16:09

I just was teen beat the

1:16:12

whole way home. Like

1:16:15

I said, it felt like the

1:16:17

love of God poured. I

1:16:21

was a lawn and it was

1:16:23

just starting to flood with water

1:16:25

and sunlight. I was like, Gorbachev!

1:16:30

You're my Gorbachev. You're

1:16:34

my Gorbachev. But it was, I

1:16:37

know I talked a lot, I'm sorry. No, I love

1:16:40

that. I really love that. I'm sorry

1:16:42

I'm yawning, it's not you. I

1:16:44

yawned many times earlier. Yeah. It's

1:16:47

just what's happening. No, I'm so

1:16:49

glad. I do think

1:16:51

that that's how I interpret

1:16:54

moments like that, that I've had, is

1:16:57

like, wow, this just feels exactly

1:16:59

like God is loving me in

1:17:01

the exact ways that I need.

1:17:04

And I think that was

1:17:08

exactly how to love you. And it

1:17:10

makes me so happy that somebody who

1:17:12

you give a lot of authority understand,

1:17:14

like that's appropriate. We have these people

1:17:17

in our lives that we give. I do.

1:17:20

That we give authority to. Look at what I was

1:17:22

saying, if he was like, I have to have a

1:17:24

Red Bull 20 minutes, I'd be like, oh. Yeah.

1:17:27

And he didn't disappoint me

1:17:29

at all. Yeah. And

1:17:33

he, so it's like, you

1:17:35

know, our parents usually have the

1:17:37

first authority over us and that's

1:17:39

why what they say gets deep

1:17:41

into our subconscious. But

1:17:44

then we can be reparented by other

1:17:46

people who we give authority to. And

1:17:49

if you do it to the right

1:17:52

people, it's a beautiful gift because he

1:17:54

gave you the exact right

1:17:56

cocktail of medication for your

1:17:59

soul. specific wounds and it's

1:18:01

so loving and I'm so

1:18:03

happy. That's exactly, it felt like

1:18:07

a customized chocolate. You put it in your

1:18:09

mouth and it just tasted like everything you

1:18:11

ever, you didn't even know they knew you

1:18:13

liked peanut butter or whatever it is. Yeah.

1:18:15

It was really overwhelming. Oh,

1:18:17

I love that. The whole thing was perfect.

1:18:20

So good. And it's, you know, just to be clear,

1:18:23

it's like, cause I was talking to Jed about it

1:18:25

and I wanted to be like, I'm not saying, cause

1:18:27

Jed was like, I should go to a better tasting

1:18:29

retreat. I was like, you gotta find the right thing.

1:18:32

Meaning Rupert's

1:18:35

retreats are selling just fine. Meaning

1:18:38

this isn't an ad and it's not not an ad.

1:18:40

I'm just saying like. Right. Find

1:18:42

the thing that does that for you. And maybe

1:18:44

it's Rupert and maybe it's something else. People

1:18:47

have a propensity to be like, well, this Pete

1:18:49

went there. I know there are people at that

1:18:51

retreat that were watching the clock that weren't at

1:18:53

all the meetings that probably, I know, in fact,

1:18:55

I know there's someone who left midway. So

1:18:58

like, please don't say, I'm saying there's something

1:19:00

over here that will definitely work. What I'm

1:19:02

saying is I've done a

1:19:05

lot of different teachers and

1:19:07

a lot of different teachings and they

1:19:09

all just kept distilling, distilling, distilling. And

1:19:11

Rupert is exactly what I'm

1:19:13

looking for. And everybody needs to find

1:19:15

what they're looking for. That's right. Yeah.

1:19:18

I don't know why I felt the need to say that. Cause I'm not saying he's

1:19:20

a, Well, yeah. He's

1:19:22

a medicine. Absolutely. I

1:19:24

think it is an important distinction to not

1:19:27

be like, this

1:19:29

one person is the one answer.

1:19:31

Like that's not good for anybody.

1:19:33

And this one person wouldn't have even been

1:19:35

the answer for me five years ago. And

1:19:38

this person, one person wouldn't even say that

1:19:40

he's the answer. He would, I'm sure like

1:19:42

all good teachers say that he's just pointing

1:19:44

to the truth that is inside you. Yes,

1:19:47

he does. But he, you know, it's cute and we

1:19:49

can end on this. He didn't, he

1:19:51

doesn't, he's like, I'm not a teacher. I'm

1:19:54

just your friend. Yeah. I'm

1:19:56

just your friend. I know that sounds kind of phony, but

1:19:58

after a few days, you're like. I think this

1:20:00

guy means it. I think

1:20:03

so. It's really, really beautiful.

1:20:05

Very sweet. Well,

1:20:07

I'm so glad you got that experience.

1:20:09

Thank you. We'll be hearing more about

1:20:11

it as we go. I'm sure. Yes.

1:20:14

Yes. Yes. And

1:20:16

now I will gently pass away. And

1:20:19

thank you for that week. It was my birthday

1:20:21

present. Mm-hmm. Birthday's coming

1:20:23

up. Yeah. So to go into 45... Fully

1:20:28

enlightened. Fully Ruperted. No. Fully

1:20:31

Ruperted. Yeah. It was

1:20:33

awesome. Boy, I loved it. But anyway, check him

1:20:35

out on YouTube. And

1:20:37

read Being Aware, Being Aware. If you've

1:20:39

never read any of his, I would start with

1:20:41

that one. Yes. Very

1:20:43

short. All right. Valerie, I love

1:20:45

you. I love you. And here we

1:20:47

are. Here we are. And?

1:20:51

And keep it crispy. And keep it crispy.