0:00

You made it weird, you made

0:02

it weird, you made it weird,

0:05

oh yeah. You made

0:07

it weird, you made it weird,

0:09

yes, you did it, you made

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it weird, oh yeah. You made

0:13

it weird with Pete Holmes. Say

0:16

pow pow. Chicka chicka chicka.

0:19

What's happening, weirdos? We're

0:23

so glad you're here. Thank you for tuning in. This,

0:25

I know I always say this, but I always feel

0:27

this. This was the highlight of

0:29

my week. I really loved it. We unpacked things, we got

0:32

in things and we had lots of laughs. So that's the

0:34

show. Yeah, that's the show. Just listen to

0:36

it and then you'll know. And

0:38

then you'll know. Anybody new to the show, this

0:40

is the bonus Friday episode where Val and I

0:43

catch up. And we're so glad

0:45

you're here. And thank you

0:47

to everybody who came out to the

0:49

show in LA. I'm going to Chicago,

0:51

Texas, Pennsylvania, other places. Go to petohomes.com

0:54

for my tour dates. It means so much that everybody's

0:57

been coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank

0:59

you. And if you like the show, please

1:02

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5:59

right. Welcome. Thank you. Valerie.

6:02

Get into it. Lovely

6:05

lady. I

6:08

am a... Lovely

6:10

lady. I'm

6:13

a donkey. I

6:19

just did that in our kitchen 15 minutes

6:21

ago. I

6:24

am a donkey. I

6:30

just wanted to do it. Oh yeah. Everybody

6:32

should pause right now and do it.

6:34

Or just keep listening and... Lovely

6:36

lady. Yeah, you're not missing anything.

6:38

I am a donkey. If

6:45

you don't know, you'll never know. How

6:48

annoying is it when people say that? If

6:50

you have to ask, you'll never know. Or

6:52

like, if you know, you know. Well, I don't

6:55

mind that actually, because a lot of times I

6:57

do know. Yeah, I

6:59

guess I just don't like being excluded from

7:01

like, jazz. If

7:04

you have to ask, you'll

7:06

never know. Yeah. Like, do I

7:08

go around... Jazz loves to exclude.

7:11

Well, that's my... Yeah, maybe it

7:13

isn't jazz. All right. Fine.

7:16

I'm an asshole. I wasn't being serious.

7:19

I wasn't even being sarcastic. Oh, you weren't?

7:21

Yeah, jazz loves to exclude. I was 100%

7:24

JKing, but I don't know why I took it

7:26

that way. I didn't take it that way. I

7:28

decided to get that direction. I

7:31

took it that direction. We were watching Martin

7:34

Short and Phil Rosenthal. Oh, my God.

7:36

I felt like I sounded like Martin

7:39

Short. Yeah. Take it that direction. I

7:41

don't know why. Yeah, it's hard to

7:44

do. No, I'm not saying it's

7:46

an impression. I'm not... Please don't file that

7:48

under an attempt at an impression. I just

7:50

thought I accidentally sounded like him. But

7:53

they go to a Korean restaurant

7:56

and Phil, who I... was

8:00

going to say who I do do an impression

8:02

of. It's like they have dumplings here. I

8:05

really wish we would have seen your face. And then

8:07

everyone would smile. I didn't know they had dumplings here.

8:10

Do the whole thing. And

8:12

I walk in and there's an old woman

8:15

making dumplings. You

8:17

really need to see the big smile after. I

8:19

know, but you also were doing like

8:21

yesterday you were doing like a three

8:23

part. Yeah, yeah. I didn't even know they

8:25

had an old lady, but they did. And

8:28

she made me these little cherry dumplings. I didn't

8:30

know he could put cherry in dumplings. And

8:33

they ate it. And wow. Yeah.

8:36

It was like the formula. I'll

8:39

say this. I saw Phil last night. I did

8:41

it for his kids. Oh yeah? They died. Really?

8:44

It was 10 out of 10. I would go, I

8:47

didn't even know I had kids. And

8:49

they died. And then I go on

8:51

stage, a thousand people with Phil, all

8:53

his fans, I do it for them. They're not

8:55

having it. Really? Okay.

8:58

But when I did it for his kids

9:00

and they absolutely died. I think that's

9:02

the bigger compliment. I agree. Thank you very

9:04

much. I got the higher altitude compliment. But then

9:06

like, they love him

9:09

so much. They don't want some jag

9:11

off. Me. Who's the guest being like,

9:13

if you notice it Phil's like, I

9:15

didn't know they made spaghetti. And

9:18

they're just like, boo. It also might have

9:21

not been that good. Who knows? Yeah. I

9:23

don't think there's been any factors, but I do love it. You were

9:25

doing it where it was like, so

9:27

we walked down this cobblestone street. Like

9:29

it's the first part. We walked down a cobblestone

9:32

street. The first is

9:34

like the location. It's like the

9:36

exotic, rare location. I'm in Mumbai. I

9:39

didn't even know they had a Mumbai. That

9:41

we're getting, we're heating up. If you've

9:43

never watched somebody feed Phil, this is

9:45

somebody feed Phil. I didn't even know

9:47

they had a Mumbai. But

9:50

I sit down in this small coffee shop,

9:52

big glass window. They bring out these tiny

9:54

little cups. It's always, they bring out. They

9:56

bring out these tiny little cups. Suddenly I'm

9:58

sipping it. One bite. One sip I

10:01

do, I sip it down. When

10:03

I say I do, it's almost

10:05

like an appropriate, like a stereotype.

10:08

I don't know for what do, I don't know.

10:11

Anyway. And then it's like,

10:13

so it's step one, an exotic

10:15

location. Step two, they bring

10:17

out something exotic and he doesn't know

10:20

that they have those. I didn't even know

10:22

they put foie gras inside of soup. And

10:24

then step three is, I put it in

10:26

my mouth and wow. Wow. He

10:29

looks like you're tickling a baby when he's eating. I

10:31

know. And I actually said that

10:33

to him last night. We did this live

10:35

Somebody Feed Phil show. And

10:37

I was like, it should

10:39

annoy us. We

10:42

should just be mad. Why do we like

10:44

watching people eat? I

10:47

guess you could say the same thing about porn, it's

10:50

an easy comparison, but at least with that, you're stimulating

10:52

yourself and all that. Or I guess you could eat

10:54

while you watch that. But who's

10:56

doing that? I know. I'm gonna ask

10:58

a question. I'm gonna ask a question. I didn't even

11:00

know they had questions here. Are

11:03

people eating when they watch cooking shows or travel

11:05

shows? I mean, remember when. Whatever you're eating is

11:07

not as good as what he's eating. That's

11:09

true, but remember when we were watching the

11:11

Great British Bake Off and we were like

11:14

ordering Postmates from milk.

11:16

Cake and stuff. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that

11:18

is how you porn. Like

11:20

they call it food porn. Yeah. you

11:23

have to eat food. And it's not as good as what's

11:25

happening on the screen, but that's just like porn. Dick's

11:28

not as big. You're

11:32

doing your best. You have your hostess

11:34

cupcake. They're eating like

11:37

a Genesu cream tiramisu

11:40

spectacular. Yup. I'm

11:43

laughing at how hard I tried to

11:45

think of something. Yeah, Genesu-y. Genesu-y. What

11:48

do I mean, Genesay-qua? No, no, there's

11:51

a type of cream they're always using.

11:53

Oh, oh. You're not

11:55

gonna get it. You're

11:58

not gonna get it. I'm

12:01

not a donkey. It

12:04

is like Jenna. Jenna

12:07

ways. Yeah.

12:10

Something Jenna ways. Genevieve.

12:13

Genevieve. Yeah. Well, I probably

12:15

could have gotten it if you believed in me, but now it's

12:17

too late. I don't know why I made that choice. That

12:19

brings us back to the Martin Short joke. They

12:21

go to a Korean restaurant. Martin Short is

12:23

the funniest person in the world. He's the

12:25

funniest person alive. I was thinking about it

12:28

as I moderated that show last night. I'm

12:30

like, how good would Martin Short be? The

12:32

best. It's really, yeah, it's a paralyzing thought.

12:35

Yeah. Before you do anything. You're like,

12:37

God, how good would Martin Short be? It's like, no, I'm

12:39

not even trying to be funny.

12:43

I'm trying to compliment him. He's like

12:45

80 something. I don't know if

12:47

he's 80, but he's in his 70s for sure. He's not

12:49

80? No, he's not 80. Okay,

12:51

then I feel like I've insulted him. You

12:54

sort of made a powerful enemy. Would he say

12:56

that? Say something better. Okay, he's in his 70s.

12:59

To me, the 70s and the 80s, that's

13:02

just one decade. Well, yeah.

13:04

What do you mean? No, not the 70s to the 80s.

13:07

I mean, both the 70s and the

13:09

80s are just one decade. Yeah.

13:11

It's just called thin ice. Probably not when you're up

13:14

there. Yeah, no, no,

13:16

you split hairs at that point. Yeah,

13:18

of course. Gray hairs. Okay,

13:21

they're having this Korean

13:23

meal. Martin Short's

13:25

never had a Korean meal. And

13:28

the waiter comes and he goes, it's

13:31

on a cooking show. We're supposed

13:33

to be trying new cuisines. And he

13:35

goes, what can I get you? And

13:38

Martin Short goes, I think just coffee in the chat is

13:41

such... Sometimes I

13:43

fantasize about what if, like almost like

13:46

not like Twilight Zone, but like a

13:48

good thing, like a wish granted. What

13:51

if you always knew the

13:53

funniest thing to say in

13:55

any situation? That would be, yeah.

13:59

I've actually given it a little... I could say anything interesting

14:01

about it. That's like Steve Martin's old bet.

14:03

So few people speak with

14:06

pizzazz. Does

14:09

he say pizzazz? He says

14:12

pizzazz. But

14:15

he goes, the English language, so

14:17

few people. He actually milks it

14:20

so much more with pizzazz. It's

14:22

so funny. But Martin

14:24

Short is I think as close as I've seen

14:27

when I watch him on like Comedians in the cars and stuff

14:29

like that. I'm just like, oh,

14:31

this is just the funniest person. But

14:34

often, to make it

14:36

a little more Twilight Zonium, what if you

14:38

always knew the funniest thing to say in

14:40

a situation, here's the devil's

14:42

twist. It's

14:44

like a red lemon on the rim of

14:47

your martini. The devil's twist is you have

14:49

to say it. I

14:53

think that's a curse. That is a

14:55

curse because it's not the appropriate

14:57

time. But

14:59

would you pay the price because you'd be the funniest

15:01

person in the world? This is a little bit. I'm

15:03

not trying to over dramaticize the comedian

15:05

mind or make it too precious or special

15:08

or interesting. I'm saying that's kind

15:10

of what's going on is there is a

15:12

cost, meaning it takes you a little bit.

15:14

I'm not saying even for me necessarily. I felt this.

15:17

But I'm talking about the real savant. They

15:22

tend to have an even harder time

15:24

engaging with reality. And that's

15:26

the devil's twist. That's the cost. Would you like

15:28

to know the funniest thing to say in any

15:30

situation? But guess what? That's what

15:32

it's going to be like on your wedding day. I

15:35

think to a certain degree that is,

15:38

yeah, they're a reality. I

15:40

just listened to Steve

15:42

Martin and Martin Short on Smart

15:45

List. And at the very end, I

15:47

mean, they're so funny. They're being so

15:49

funny. I can't even

15:51

believe how funny Martin Short is at

15:53

every possible turn. And

15:55

the Frank Sinatra one. Oh, yeah. And

15:58

they were like, we didn't use. get it

16:00

they brought up that he's a singer and he was

16:02

like oh yeah I didn't even think I was gonna

16:05

get into comedy I thought I was gonna be the

16:07

next Sinatra Frank jr. not the father I hate

16:11

to correct you he said what

16:13

you said the first time you said I

16:15

just you know what I realized I realized

16:17

the only thing I'm gonna correct Leela on

16:19

is jokes because I

16:21

say I was listening to Seinfeld this is a

16:24

podcast where we just talk about podcasts we're listening

16:26

to but Seinfeld on Neil Brennan's

16:28

podcast which is great yeah it's wonderful

16:30

it's because they

16:33

know each other so it's like you get this like

16:35

real glimpse anyway he talks

16:37

about sorry this is

16:40

me worrying everyone's just gonna turn this

16:42

off and listen to that no no

16:45

no just save

16:49

it did that help I have the headphones on

16:51

it's not that loud okay but it is loud for me

16:53

and I'm a human here all

16:55

right fair enough anyway Seinfeld

16:57

talks about growing up I

17:00

believe he ties it into his Judaism but

17:02

also his New Yorkiness and how important

17:04

jokes were and they would like correct

17:06

you he was like by the

17:09

time I was eight I knew how to tell a joke

17:11

because in his family if you told it wrong that

17:14

Craig and I really related to that like

17:16

in my family like comedy and jokes even

17:18

though no one took a moment to go

17:20

like comedy is important to us yeah that

17:23

my mom you know my mom for sure

17:25

would be like actually dear that's not what

17:27

you said and that I actually

17:29

don't mind that like I was trying

17:31

to this morning I was getting Leela to

17:33

do a bit that Mike Brabiglia does with

17:36

his daughter which is you say what does

17:38

daddy do for work and then Una

17:40

goes waka waka so I was getting Leela

17:43

to do that and she was going waka

17:45

waka and I go oh it's kind of

17:47

like waka waka yeah better to go walk

17:49

oh also the other day she was doing

17:51

the inner interrupting cow joke wrong like yeah

17:54

like knock knock who's there and she was

17:56

just saying cow yes it was like cow

17:58

who and you know she's yeah El-Moo. And

18:01

we're both trying to get her

18:03

to say interrupting, explain why it's funny.

18:05

For some reason she had a reason that she didn't like

18:07

it. She didn't like

18:09

the word or something. She was like, it ruins the

18:11

flow. She didn't say that.

18:14

All right, but correct my joke. It

18:19

was something like this. It was like, I thought

18:21

it was going to be Sinatra. The sun, as

18:23

a matter of fact. Frank Jr. Yeah, it

18:26

was like... Frank Jr. Frank Jr., as

18:28

a matter of fact, the sun. Or something like that. Yeah, I think he

18:30

maybe said the sun instead of the father. Yeah,

18:32

like... The sun. Frank

18:34

Jr. No, he said Frank Jr. He

18:36

said Frank Jr. oddly enough, the sun. That's

18:39

what it is, oddly enough. Yeah, Frank Jr.

18:41

oddly enough. Look, and not to be too

18:43

Seinfeld about it. Why

18:45

not? He's all about like

18:47

words are like spells and they're

18:50

magic and they're chemical reactions. And

18:52

oddly enough, actually released attention

18:54

I was holding in my neck.

18:56

I felt it release and when

18:58

you... Because I wanted the joke.

19:00

I wanted the hit. And

19:02

when you said it to me, I was like, oddly

19:04

enough, the sun

19:07

oddly enough, Frank Jr. is so

19:09

funny. Yeah, there's like a

19:11

music to it. There is a music to

19:13

it. And people have done that. I

19:15

was happy when people did that with some of my

19:17

bits. They play the drums to a comedy

19:19

bit. Showing

19:22

just how much there's like a... Like it was really... Like

19:24

a TikTok thing? Yeah, it's a TikTok thing. And people have

19:26

done that to your bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

19:28

want to see that. I forget which bit it was, but

19:30

it was really, really cool. Yeah,

19:32

and I was like, oh, musicality.

19:36

Yes, I want to

19:38

be careful not to again sound too up my

19:40

own butt, but like I tap my foot when

19:42

I'm on stage. There's like a real like rest,

19:45

rest, rest, but like the

19:47

sheet music or the time signature is the

19:50

audience. But then once you're in it, you

19:52

can kind of start feeling out

19:54

the rhythm, which I think is interesting. I

19:56

don't know. Don't listen to smart ones. I'm

19:58

not worried about it. anymore. I'm over

20:00

it. No, actually. All

20:03

kinds of podcasts. I

20:05

really don't feel that way.

20:07

Okay. I really don't. In

20:10

fact, we know everybody that's

20:12

been keeping up with us every week, and

20:14

thank you, knows that I've been in a

20:16

chunk funk for like, it's closing

20:18

in on like, like two weeks, over two

20:20

weeks, like a chunky funk? Like a like

20:22

a depression. And so he's explaining.

20:25

I don't know if everybody would understand

20:28

what a chunk funk is. I'm sitting on

20:30

the deli paper in a gown and you have to

20:32

talk to the doctor. He means depression. He

20:35

means he's been depressed. On the deli paper.

20:37

On the deli paper. And two things. One,

20:40

we've noticed that I've been much funnier lately.

20:43

I don't know. We've been laughing a

20:45

lot. So much laughing.

20:48

So it's like, again, not to,

20:51

I won't spend too much time on this,

20:53

but this is really weird. Ewok

20:56

depression, like the depression, the

20:58

depressive feeling is this cozy.

21:01

It's still, I spend

21:03

most of my time trying to not resist it

21:05

because I do resist it. I don't want it.

21:08

There's a debilitating. We

21:11

went and saw fall guy, which was

21:13

fun. But like, I have this like

21:15

whispering Ewok that's like, who cares? They

21:18

made a movie. Who cares? And like,

21:21

so I was talking to Birbiglia about it yesterday

21:23

and I was like, when

21:26

I'm, I

21:28

don't want to just say happy, but when I

21:30

feel balanced, I

21:33

have the opposite feeling. I have the feeling that

21:35

this conversation is being listened to by other people.

21:38

But even if it wasn't, even if I was

21:40

just talking to you, the

21:42

ripples, that's how I feel. I

21:44

feel this intense orchestration

21:47

and unbelievable

21:49

interconnectivity, like so

21:52

connected beyond Velcro together. Everything's cement.

21:54

Like we're just, there's,

21:57

there's, there's senses on everything

21:59

and every, Everything's reacting and

22:01

blowing like a wish flower,

22:05

like a dandelion. Everything's blowing those little

22:07

wish flowers. And it's unbelievably

22:09

gorgeous. And everybody's life is

22:12

incredibly impactful. That's me. And I do feel

22:14

that when I say that, I'm like, that's

22:16

true. The Ewok is just

22:18

going like, who fucking cares? There's

22:21

too much stuff. There's too

22:23

much stuff. And

22:25

it's hard for me to do anything.

22:28

I've been trying to really do the thing of like, if

22:30

I feel this way the rest of my life, it's okay.

22:32

And that has been helping. And the weirdest part is I

22:35

kind of mean it. Going back to

22:37

what I've been saying, I've been really funny. I

22:39

haven't been working out. That's been the biggest change.

22:42

Like I really can't work out and

22:44

I'm not creating. Like I'm not writing.

22:46

I'm not, and just kind

22:48

of feeling the blues. I

22:50

mean, yeah, no

22:53

surprise here. Everybody's going to know that

22:55

I, what

22:57

I'm going to say basically, but all

22:59

feelings just want to be cradled and

23:02

held. And so, yeah, even like picturing

23:04

it like an Ewok is really helpful.

23:06

Like I got to remember. Oh, that's

23:09

beautiful. I'll cradle the Ewok. Yeah, just cradle

23:11

the Ewok. Cradle the Ewok, that's what

23:13

they say. And it's, Been

23:16

a minute. And it's literally one minute.

23:18

Literally one minute. Yeah. And,

23:30

you know, when I, I think I shared on

23:32

this podcast, when I was having a lot of

23:34

anxiety or going through

23:36

one of the anxious periods that I

23:39

can go through, I

23:41

got a doll that was

23:43

like a, from where

23:45

the wild things are. I

23:47

remember that. The Catherine O'Hara one. And

23:50

she's on my puja table. And like,

23:52

it really helped when I was like,

23:55

feeling like I was panicking. I would

23:57

just like imagine, beauty.

24:00

in my stomach, just like bashing

24:02

all around, like how they do in

24:04

the movie. And like I would

24:06

just like. Oh Valerie, you are so talented, so beautiful.

24:09

Well, I mean, it's,

24:11

yeah, okay, thank you. Just

24:15

say thank you. I'm just

24:17

kidding. I think it's beautiful. A

24:20

good image, and I know you've shared it

24:22

before, but it's powerful, it loosened me. Yeah,

24:25

and I think just imagining, like

24:27

holding the Ewok, and here's the

24:29

trick, not doing it to

24:31

get rid of the Ewok. Like

24:33

truly, that's the, if I

24:35

felt like this for the rest of my

24:37

life, that would be okay. It's actually, because

24:40

what we want to happen is

24:43

to enter the moisture of the

24:45

heart, to use Tara Brock's phrase.

24:47

So if you

24:49

can bring love into the scenario in

24:51

any way, it

24:55

starts to alchemize the whole thing. So that's why it

24:57

doesn't work to be like, all right, I'm gonna just

24:59

cradle you so you'll get out of here. It's like,

25:01

you actually have to love this. Yeah. In

25:04

order for it to start

25:06

to change. Rupert's Byron

25:08

Alert, no surprise that

25:11

I'm thinking of him. But he says

25:13

the exact same thing. And I say

25:15

that with pleasure, because I always want you to love

25:17

him. I know you'd love him, but I'm just like,

25:19

cool. Two people I love are saying

25:21

the same thing. That's how I feel right now. But

25:23

he even says like consciousness is

25:27

like a room, it's like space.

25:30

He's not the only teacher that says it's like space.

25:32

Like our nature is like space. And

25:34

he goes, consciousness, space, the space of

25:36

this room, the room we're in, or the car you

25:38

guys are in, or the room you're in, whatever it

25:40

is, it has no preference

25:43

what's in it. In

25:45

the same way that a screen has no preference

25:47

the contents of a movie. Like

25:49

it's just not, it's completely, at

25:53

first glance it seems neutral. And

25:56

then he's like put a deeper investigation. It's

25:58

actually loving, it's almost inviting. So

26:00

he's like, look at it. It's not almost

26:02

inviting. It is inviting. Look at it from

26:04

that perspective. And he said,

26:06

and I hadn't heard him be this, I

26:09

don't want to say wet, but moist, the moisture of the heart.

26:12

I know, I made it worse. Keesh. I

26:14

don't want to say a gross word. Panties,

26:17

all the worst words. I

26:19

don't want to say wet, but moist. Oh

26:23

no, moist, let's not talk

26:25

about moist. People are freaking out. I know there's

26:28

too many people that don't like the M word.

26:30

Yeah. So anyway, he

26:32

was saying, and

26:34

I'm even doing this as

26:36

I'm feeling this Ewok, which

26:39

is, it's really interesting to

26:41

me, obviously it's my experience, so

26:43

I'm fascinated. So I'm gonna try to

26:45

keep it brief though, but the

26:47

first word I would use is sort

26:49

of warm. It's

26:51

like this warm, almost

26:55

like the pit of

26:57

a date. You

27:00

know, like it's like this sort

27:02

of naturally dark brown, heavy, warm,

27:05

and it's in my heart. It's the

27:07

center, and it's actually very beautiful. It's

27:10

like pulling me towards it.

27:12

Yeah. And anyway, that's

27:15

very sweet. I just feel like I

27:17

saw it. But it's

27:19

surrounded by awareness,

27:22

but to make it what we're saying,

27:24

meaning it's being held in my awareness, like

27:26

it's an object in my awareness. The feeling

27:29

is like a cloud in

27:31

my sky for another metaphor. But

27:35

it's like a mother's arms

27:37

around a child. It's

27:40

being held and supported

27:42

and embraced. And

27:45

he said this, and it was so you, so

27:48

you Val, is that it's like a

27:51

sad or an angry child is

27:53

held by its mother or

27:55

its father, England father, I

27:58

add father. And

28:01

it feels better for no reason. Meaning

28:04

like the feeling wasn't resolved

28:07

necessarily. Obviously we know it

28:09

was resolved physically. It

28:11

was resolved with a cuddle. Like why do

28:14

I love cuddling you guys so much? I've

28:16

been cuddling the dog. Like I want those

28:18

dope, whatever it is, those chemicals. But

28:21

like that same quality with

28:23

myself is going like, and

28:27

it goes back to that interconnectivity thing. It's like, I

28:29

am so interconnected. I'm

28:31

holding the feeling. I am the feeling and

28:33

I'm the thing observing the feeling that's all

28:35

okay. Yeah, well, I see

28:38

what he means by no reason. It's

28:40

like if Leela is crying because she

28:42

doesn't get a toy and

28:47

then we hug her and she

28:49

feels better. That's no reason.

28:52

She still doesn't get that toy, but

28:54

it's just the holding made it better. That's

28:57

exactly right. What

28:59

I love about that point and why I wanted

29:01

to circle back to it is because your

29:04

brain will think until these

29:06

things are, not only are these

29:09

things true, like what's the point? There's

29:11

too much stuff. They

29:13

just made a movie. There's no, you know

29:15

what I mean? Even though we enjoy that, I was

29:17

driving back and I go, who cares? We're

29:19

gonna forget it. I've already forgotten it.

29:22

Yeah, exactly. No offense,

29:24

Ryan. It was awesome. You're so funny

29:26

and so handsome. And

29:28

Emily Blunt was great. I know. And

29:31

can I step out one tiny point? I'm gonna lose it. I can

29:33

feel it slipping away. Go ahead, go, go, go. My

29:37

brain's too foggy for tangents.

29:40

I'm sorry. It's okay. Even

29:42

though we're gonna forget the movie, even though it's gone.

29:45

Oh yeah, so your brain is making

29:48

point, like it's seeing the world

29:50

through this lens and it's

29:53

really making you believe that that's true.

29:56

And until those things are resolved, you're

29:58

going to feel this way. So

30:00

that's like Leela being like is

30:02

and she'll say things like I'll never

30:04

be happy again because she couldn't get

30:06

this toy and And really

30:09

it is we know in those moments

30:11

like you'll be in a different

30:13

mind state very soon And this will be

30:15

everything's changing. Yeah, but like so

30:17

cradling the feeling can just

30:20

Like it just makes all of the

30:23

points of the mind Irrelevant.

30:25

Yeah, it's beautiful that reminds me

30:28

of another thing Rupert's been saying

30:30

because again people like me who

30:32

are seeking Some sort of spiritual

30:35

enlightenment or conversion or change He

30:38

goes no matter how you feel

30:40

it's gonna change. Yeah, he goes.

30:42

There's no permanent Feeling

30:44

that's right. So he's like why are you?

30:48

postponing your awakening until

30:50

you're having this like Like

30:53

not I don't it's interesting.

30:55

I don't think you would say peace is a feeling You

30:58

know, it's interesting. I would ask him about that

31:00

But I remember him being like you're waiting for

31:02

this like bliss fountain to

31:04

shoot up your butt And he's like

31:07

even if that happens, yeah, it will

31:09

go away I I wonder

31:11

I feel like he would say peace is

31:13

like what's underneath. I think you really very

31:15

good Sorry, I don't mean to grade

31:17

you. I'm just like I think that's very good I think

31:20

you would say peace is your nature and you

31:22

can rely on that as

31:24

a consistent I also have been

31:27

wondering if I'm having like a little dark night of

31:29

the soul because I've been going hard on Rupert

31:32

in the very similar way as I was with

31:35

A Course in Miracles Rupert's

31:37

worldview is a lot more Rupert's pyro for those

31:39

of you who don't know I

31:43

don't know if I'm getting a little bit of that like I

31:46

almost called a friend of mine from the retreat Tatiana

31:49

remember I told you about her and I Haven't

31:53

spoken to her since their cheat, but I wanted to

31:55

be like is anyone else having like if anyone else

31:57

getting this sort of like There

32:00

is a risk. And I

32:02

don't remember Ramdha talking about this. I've told this story

32:04

before, but he went to like fucking

32:06

Red Rocks or some shit and watched a

32:09

symphony and he had a

32:11

picnic blanket with his wine

32:13

and he had the best night at sitting

32:15

under a tree and it was divine. And

32:18

then a few years later after his trips

32:21

to India and all the stuff, he saw the same

32:23

concert and he went and it just like, just didn't

32:27

do it for him. And

32:29

I'm like, did that just happen to me with Fall Guy?

32:31

I don't know. Because I know the other

32:33

reason I love Rupert as a teacher is I'm like,

32:35

he would be like, enjoy the concert. I know. Enjoy

32:38

it. It's actually one of my

32:40

least favorite Ramdha stories and I've

32:42

remembered it before. Well, I'll say this

32:45

with full love. He can

32:47

be dramatic about his feelings. That's one of the

32:49

reasons I relate to him. So I relate to

32:51

that being like, I guess I'm just too spiritual

32:53

to enjoy things now. You know

32:56

what I mean? So I'm conceding

32:58

that I'm having one of those

33:00

like overly dramatic moments. It's

33:05

so much easier to sit on the

33:07

outside of this and say this. And

33:10

when I'm in some sort

33:12

of chunk

33:14

funk, it's

33:17

really hard for me to remember

33:19

this and take this advice. Like it

33:23

really is the Eckhart Tolle arrow thing

33:25

where if you get hit in the

33:27

stomach by an arrow, are

33:29

you going to walk around the town asking

33:31

like who hit you and why? And

33:34

you know, until you like bleed out, are you just

33:36

going to like pull the arrow out and

33:38

tend to the wound? And our

33:41

brains really want answers. Like why exactly

33:43

do I feel depressed? Is it this?

33:45

Is it this? Is

33:47

it this? And there's so much energy

33:49

investigating and it actually

33:52

really doesn't matter. It could be

33:54

a variation. It could be like

33:56

it could be anything. And

33:59

even if you got the. exact answer. It

34:01

helps sometimes to contextualize, but

34:04

you can contextualize by being like, yeah, there's

34:06

many reasons why I could be feeling this

34:08

way. And I just am feeling this way.

34:10

And I'm just feeling this way and then

34:12

go back down to exactly that beautiful description

34:15

that you had of how it feels

34:17

in your heart and just like

34:21

keep letting that be your touchstone

34:23

and the date. I think that's

34:25

really beautiful. And I think we're having I think

34:28

this is this is maybe even deeper than

34:30

it sounds because. Meaning

34:34

it could be expanded to the whole thing. Meaning

34:36

like we want this

34:39

conclusion and it's like

34:41

what? Yeah, I kind of lost it.

34:43

But when you were saying when you were saying that

34:46

I was like, I think this is one of the

34:48

like keys of life. Yeah, we're

34:50

chasing. Ramdas

34:53

used to use the phrase a moldering butterfly. I

34:55

don't even know what that meant. I always just

34:57

picture butterflies on fire like they're just like burning

34:59

up. You're just chasing another

35:01

transitory thing. And it kind of ties

35:03

into my feeling about Fall Guy. It's

35:05

like, OK, I was entertained and

35:09

now it's gone. And but you

35:11

could say the same thing like I'm feeling

35:14

bliss and peace and now it's gone.

35:16

It's almost like the only game in

35:18

town is to get something a little

35:21

bit more consistent. That's not

35:23

let me let me say this. What it made me think of is one

35:26

of the things I've been saying during

35:29

this low time is like, don't look

35:32

to the outside world for for

35:35

answers or for peace or for anything, including

35:39

your feelings. But

35:41

but I think that's one of my last

35:43

not last, but it's one of my remaining

35:45

attachments is I'm like, I'm

35:48

trying to get to a place where

35:50

I can be in the truth and

35:52

also kind of feel miserable. Yeah. Meaning

35:56

this whole time, one of the things I've said to

35:58

you many times, I'm really afraid that my. spirituality is

36:00

just me worshiping my own good mood. Because

36:03

you know, think about it, like a meditation retreat is

36:06

very similar to a spa retreat. There's

36:08

a lot of smells and silence and fells and

36:10

quiet and walking around good sleep and all that

36:12

stuff. So we get in like a good mood

36:14

and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not, I

36:17

hear Richard Rorbingo saying like, and God wouldn't

36:19

begrudge you that. Like he wants you to

36:22

have that. But like,

36:24

I'm trying to bring this into

36:26

the next phase, which is like

36:28

be resting in my being

36:31

while Pete is having

36:33

a bad time. I

36:36

think there's something written in one of my

36:38

notebooks. It was like, enjoy yourself even when

36:40

you're not. That's a huge

36:42

one for me. I wrote it down at, I

36:45

think it was the Eckhart Tolle retreat. Enjoy

36:47

yourself even when you're not. But this is

36:49

me having a real breakthrough on the air,

36:52

by the way, because I realized I've been

36:54

like, if I'm not feeling incredible, so

36:57

I would say to you, I'm depressed right now and

37:00

I'm peaceful. So the peace is there. I

37:03

feel peaceful. There's even bliss. There's even

37:05

moments of just like, like

37:07

complete non-circumj and I feel like shit,

37:10

but like, I'm trying to go like,

37:12

okay. And by the way,

37:14

you actually have been doing that

37:17

this whole time. Like

37:19

there's, every morning

37:21

I go, how are you feeling? And some

37:23

of the answers I've gotten were, I

37:26

feel wonderful. I mean, I'm

37:28

still depressed, but, or like, you're

37:30

like, I'm good. I'm depressed,

37:32

but you know, so like you are

37:34

holding that. I appreciate that. I don't

37:36

wanna fluff my own feathers, but there was

37:38

a Zen master who was dying and his

37:40

student said, how are you? And he said,

37:42

I'm wonderful. My body's having a hard time

37:44

though. That's great. I love that.

37:47

Yeah. I think that there

37:49

is something to just inviting

37:52

the Ewok into

37:54

the room, which you

37:57

are doing and just like letting

37:59

it be. in the room. Think of that

38:01

book. We have a really great book for Leela.

38:04

The Sad Guy. It's called

38:06

When Sadness Comes or something. Yeah, or

38:08

When Sadness is at the Door or

38:10

something. When Sadness Comes on the Door. Yeah,

38:12

Comes on the Door. That was

38:15

the joke. Well,

38:20

then I got it. No, I just want

38:23

you to know that I know that that was gross. That's

38:25

gross. And it is just like

38:27

this blue bubble that's sort of like

38:30

following around. And it's like, yeah, you

38:32

just let it be there, hug it.

38:34

Let it follow you around.

38:36

Yeah, let it be in the room. Give

38:38

it a seat at the table. And

38:41

like it won't stay.

38:43

It's like the guest house thing.

38:46

And it is like the space thing.

38:48

It's like it's appearing in my space. But

38:51

this room, if there was a

38:53

festering skull with human

38:55

flesh burning on it and just

38:57

sitting in the or shit on

39:00

it and it's sitting in the middle of the room, the

39:02

space of the room would be completely unaffected by

39:04

that. Yeah. And if I were you,

39:06

I would just like

39:09

get in conversation with

39:11

it. Just cradle it

39:13

and then say, are you here to tell me

39:15

something? Is there something you need? Why are there

39:17

so many horror

39:20

stories? Remember Nightmare on Elm Street and the

39:22

secret is you have to turn and face

39:24

Freddy? Yes, because this

39:26

is our truth about

39:28

everything. It takes all of its

39:32

power away. Which by the

39:34

way is the tantric approach is to turn

39:36

and go towards it. That's right. And Rupert

39:38

says not just towards it, like

39:41

close to it. Yeah. He goes,

39:43

you have to go so close and I've been doing this into

39:45

the feeling. He goes,

39:48

you're not just close, you have to eat it.

39:50

Yeah. He goes, you have to become it. Yes.

39:52

If you're looking at it, you're still separate from

39:54

it. Go so into it that there

39:56

is no you and it. It's just it. Yeah. And

39:58

he goes in it. be intense. I

40:01

can't do a Rupert impression. Yeah. No,

40:03

he says no. So interesting. But yeah,

40:05

but, but it's, it's facing Freddy Krueger.

40:07

It'll be intense. And then

40:09

on the other side is,

40:11

is so, it's

40:14

so much better than joy. It's like,

40:16

yeah, because it's all encompassing. If there's

40:19

a space for that too, joy is

40:21

sort of like, you always know if

40:23

you're like having or I

40:26

should say like happiness. If you're like

40:28

really happy, there's like a part of

40:30

you that always knows that you're only

40:32

getting part of the story or the

40:34

human experience. But

40:37

the times that I have been able

40:39

to go so deeply into a dark

40:41

or scary feeling that I've merged with

40:43

it. And then all of a sudden

40:46

joy is swirled into there. It feels

40:49

like I'm having the entirety of

40:51

the human experience in one moment.

40:54

And that is the best

40:56

feeling. It's like how perfumes always

40:58

have a bad smell in them. And

41:01

we like it. And it also reminds me of

41:03

the movie, the time traveler where there's the utopian

41:05

village, but every once in a while, these beings

41:07

from underground come and take one of the people. And

41:11

it's like, because we get it, it's like,

41:13

it's not supposed to be perfect all the

41:15

time. Yeah. It's also like The Matrix where

41:17

they say we used to, we made a

41:19

utopia, but people wouldn't accept it. Yeah. And

41:21

we lost whole batches of people because they

41:23

just rejected it. It's very

41:25

interesting. I, it reminds me of the joke I've been

41:27

working on, which is like, I think

41:29

it's funny that people

41:31

think the world

41:34

is too sad and confusing and

41:36

strange and lonely and broken

41:38

for there to be a God. And

41:40

then I go, but what does the

41:43

plot of a movie have to do

41:45

with whether or not something made the

41:47

movie? Like you'd never say this movie

41:49

is too sad, lonely, confusing, strange and

41:51

chaotic and painful. Therefore no one made

41:54

it like so. And then

41:56

I really, I'm trying to work this out. I'm

41:58

like, so if the movie was just. a

42:00

chocolate bidet and orgasms all day,

42:02

then you'd be like something made

42:04

it? What does it have? What

42:07

does one have to do with the other? It's

42:09

not how you would make it. Yeah. So

42:11

it's really, I'm flattering myself like

42:14

it's real philosophy, but I'm like,

42:16

so it's not what you would

42:18

make, therefore it wasn't made. It's

42:20

like a very absurd, this

42:23

doesn't make sense to me. So the

42:25

universe has to make sense to you

42:28

for there to have been some sort of design to

42:30

it? Well, that's the brain. That

42:32

is being totally identified with thinking

42:34

brain and the intellect. That's the

42:37

story of your thinking mind is

42:39

like if it doesn't check these

42:41

boxes and make sense to me,

42:44

the king of reality, then

42:47

like there's no place for it. Right.

42:49

Which is it? A crazy ego trip.

42:53

This doesn't make sense to me. And it's lonely and it's

42:56

arguably the source of all suffering. Well,

42:58

Rupert would agree with you. He goes,

43:00

separation. What is that worldview? It's incredibly

43:02

separated. And he goes, that leads to

43:05

despair on the inside and conflict on

43:07

the outside. And he goes in

43:09

recognizing the space

43:11

in a room analogy is like, you're

43:13

in a room over there. I'm in a room over

43:15

here, but it's the same space. It's the same space. And

43:18

it's like, but I can't see what's in your room

43:20

because of the walls and you can't see what's in my

43:22

room, like a different building or whatever. But he's like,

43:25

there's no, there's no separation. He goes, and when

43:27

you take down that separation, that leads to peace

43:29

on the inside and love on the outside. Yeah.

43:32

And my experience is that

43:35

the body and the heart

43:37

and your soul all know

43:39

this. They live in that. They absolutely

43:42

know that. So it's

43:44

just, and it's often like the body, I

43:47

think it's blamed for the

43:49

brain's interpretation, misinterpretation of what

43:51

the body is going through.

43:54

So it's like, well, the body is always

43:56

like freaking out about things that aren't real.

43:58

And it's like, that's the. brain's interpretation

44:00

of what's happening. The body is

44:02

having a sensation that it would

44:04

let go of probably in 90

44:06

seconds, then that's like a

44:08

scientific study that emotions

44:10

last 90 seconds if your brain doesn't

44:13

grab onto them and then perpetuate it.

44:16

So anyway, I didn't mean to get on that. But I'm

44:18

just saying like, our bodies

44:20

that our heart space, our souls

44:22

are all wonderful portals to getting

44:25

into that. Closer than

44:27

close. One. It's funny that you

44:29

say portal because Rupert's been saying that. It's like

44:31

the thought I am is

44:33

the portal that we can go

44:35

out, relatively speaking,

44:38

like, not literally speak, but you go

44:40

out into your true nature

44:42

into that naked, peaceful awareness. And it's

44:44

also the door that infinite

44:46

God's infinite being goes in.

44:49

They like so there really is kind of like a door in the

44:51

floor. A door in the floor. Door

44:54

in the floor is a book

44:57

that I wrote in the movie, man.

44:59

I forgot what it's called. It's

45:03

pretty philosophical. I

45:06

didn't know.

45:08

I thought it was a

45:10

comedy book. Getting worse. My brother,

45:12

Bo. My

45:15

brother, Bo. I

45:17

was just talking to my brother, Bo. I

45:21

have this thing that I wrote. That's exactly

45:23

what we're talking about. No, I love to

45:25

hear it, man. See, Biscuit's been out for

45:27

25 years, man. Somebody

45:34

just told me that. See,

45:36

Biscuit's been out for

45:38

25 years, man. Oh my

45:40

God. Wow. That was

45:42

fantastic. Oh, the point

45:44

that I was making about

45:48

Martin Short and that made me think of

45:50

it because that's like a perfect joke, is

45:54

that at the end of the

45:56

Smart List podcast, sweet baby

45:58

Sean Hayes, who's so tender and

46:01

lovely, just like

46:03

they're riffing. I mean, they're like, they've

46:05

got a momentum this whole time. And

46:07

he, in

46:10

my opinion, sort of miscalculates and

46:13

has like a very real sentimental

46:15

moment where he says like, you two

46:17

are the

46:19

two people that are responsible

46:22

for me getting into this business and

46:24

like, chokes up, like

46:26

he like starts crying. And

46:29

it is

46:31

like these two men, my interpretation of it

46:35

was like these two men did not

46:37

know what to do with that. Stephen

46:39

Martin. They did not know. Yeah, Stephen

46:41

Martin. Steve Martin Short. Yeah, they

46:43

talk about that on the podcast section. Yeah.

46:47

And they're like, at

46:50

one point, Stephen Martin goes, I

46:53

think you're serious. Oh

46:55

my God. And then they're like, oh,

46:57

thank you so much. And then- You've

47:00

ruined it. And it really is like, it

47:02

was such a left turn at

47:05

the very end. And you can

47:08

feel like they don't exist in that world.

47:10

They're not comfortable with that. And

47:12

at the very end, he

47:15

says like, sorry for getting choked up

47:17

there or whatever. And Martin Short just

47:19

goes, but this is why we love

47:21

you, it's not funny. He's like, this is why we love you, Sean.

47:23

You're just 100% human. You're

47:28

100% human. You're like, this

47:30

is the best he can do. You're

47:32

completely human. I realized you were

47:35

doing a very good impression of him. Oh, wow, thank you.

47:37

That was good. Yeah, it was

47:39

like, that was the most vulnerability he could

47:41

muster. So that's just- Yeah, that goes

47:43

back to my- That's what it is. The

47:45

devil's twist. Which is the point that I

47:47

was, that's why I started making that point.

47:49

That they're already living that reality. Is you

47:51

can think of the funniest thing but

47:54

if somebody starts choking up around

47:57

you, you- Yeah, it's- It's

48:00

like picking the levels on

48:02

a role-playing video game character. It's like

48:04

if your humor bar is to 10

48:07

and the game is like, really? You

48:09

don't want any empathy? It's like, no, no, no, just telling

48:11

the humor. No, I'm not saying these guys don't have empathy.

48:14

I'm just saying like, it's like we

48:16

all got an allotment. We

48:18

all got a hundred skill points. Yeah.

48:20

And if you put a lot in comedy, you know,

48:23

maybe you don't get as many in the like,

48:26

Sean, thank you. Right. That's really sweet. Like

48:28

that would be kind of disappointing to the

48:31

two funniest people in the world. If they

48:33

were like, thank you. Honestly,

48:35

that made my week. Oh,

48:38

can we just take a moment? Can we

48:40

just take a moment and appreciate the

48:42

vulnerability that Sean just displayed? Really?

48:45

I'd really like to just be quiet. I know we're

48:47

not all comfortable with that, but let's just be quiet.

48:50

And then he rings a gong and everyone

48:52

cries. Nobody wants that. Yeah. I want that.

48:54

I'm looking for that. I want that. Um,

48:58

and I changed my mind on the poem because it's

49:00

not really the vibe anymore, but let's go to the

49:02

mid-rolls and then we have, Yeah, we

49:04

have a treat. A treat. I think I figured out

49:06

how to, how to, uh, how

49:09

you say play a Bluetooth

49:11

speaker with

49:14

my tape player. So we found this

49:16

old tape called John

49:18

and Pete's Comedy, Do Not Liquidate. And

49:21

I bought a tape player. Um,

49:24

this is an old tape from you and your brother.

49:28

Me and my brother. That you guys made. Talking

49:30

about comedy being important in

49:32

my life, we used to just make comedy

49:34

records, basically. Yeah. So we haven't listened to

49:37

this part. We've listened to some of it,

49:39

but this part will be fresh. Mm-hmm. And

49:41

we're going to play some after these messages.

49:45

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That's livinglibations.com/weird. I'm also wearing it

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e u r o.com/weird. All

54:08

right everybody back to the show. All

54:10

right. I do want

54:12

to say one of the funniest things that Val you've

54:15

ever said was I

54:17

was so I'm vegan again. I

54:19

took like a little over a year break,

54:23

which was nice. Nice kind of

54:25

experiment and I

54:27

enjoyed it. And then I've

54:30

said this already many times. I must be proud of myself,

54:32

but one morning I just woke up and was like, I'm

54:34

vegan again. I just knew it. It's

54:36

like the people that quit smoking and they're just like, I

54:39

just knew that was my last cigarette. I was just like,

54:41

I'm done. I'm vegan. And I've

54:43

really been enjoying it. It's very different. The way

54:45

that Rupert explains Rupert Spire explains veganism is he

54:47

goes, it's like, you know, you have a circle

54:49

around you and you love the things that are

54:52

in that circle. And he goes and things like

54:54

that are just expanding it a little bit. It

54:57

doesn't, it's just a nice feeling to

55:00

expand and include more things in your circle of love.

55:02

That was a new way of putting it. Yeah. And

55:04

that was one of the ways where I was like,

55:06

yeah, I think I'd like that anyway. So

55:10

then as I mentioned at the top of the show,

55:12

I'm going to moderate this talk with Phil Rosenthal, who

55:14

I love very dearly. And Phil

55:16

loves food and Phil and I during my

55:19

year off ate food together and ate a

55:21

lot of, you know, animals together. It was

55:23

delicious. And I was

55:25

like watching somebody feeds Phil. So

55:28

two weeks ago, I became a vegan again

55:30

or whatever it was three, four weeks ago. I

55:32

don't know. Was it two weeks ago? It

55:34

was, yeah, two weeks ago. Let's call it two weeks.

55:36

It was funny. And I'm

55:39

watching the show and I said to you,

55:41

this is yesterday.

55:43

This is yesterday. I go, you

55:45

know, it's a shame because since I become

55:47

a vegan, I'm having a harder time watching this

55:50

show because I see all of the,

55:52

you know, the animal stuff. And

55:54

then you said, do you

55:56

want me to say it? You go, well, try

55:59

and get in touch with you from two

56:01

weeks ago. And

56:06

I, that's Martin Short level. I'm

56:08

calling it. That's as funny as it

56:10

gets. And Kyle Canane just did the

56:12

pot, it'll be out whenever it'll be out. And

56:15

he was saying like, comedy is all about pointing

56:17

out how you're an unreliable narrator. And

56:19

that was that moment where I was

56:21

like, two weeks ago, I was honking

56:23

down turkey sandwiches. And now

56:26

I'm on the couch going like, I don't know if

56:28

I'll be able to connect because he's eating a lot

56:30

of lamb. He's eating

56:32

so many innocent lambs. And you

56:34

were like, we'll try to get back to

56:37

two, 14 days ago. That

56:40

you. And in the spirit

56:42

of correcting each other's jokes, I

56:45

will say I said five days

56:47

ago. Oh, wow. Because to me

56:49

it was five days ago. Yeah. All

56:52

right. Well, that was the funniest thing ever. I

56:54

wanted to write it down and give you your due. Thank you. And

56:57

it is going to be a surprise for all of us. We

57:00

told jokes that were very 1980s. This

57:02

is from the 80s. Yeah. Is

57:04

all I'm saying. Yeah. So

57:07

I'm not, I don't feel too vulnerable, but this

57:09

is mostly you're going to hear my brother and

57:12

a little bit of me. I'll be

57:14

the giggling soft boy in the background. Yeah.

57:17

We have a keyboard and we have a boombox

57:19

and I think we're in our basement and

57:21

we're and we're just making a comedy record. We're probably

57:25

somewhere between eight and 10. I

57:27

think I'm eight, which means my brother's

57:29

10. I love that. Or maybe

57:31

you're 10 and 12. Maybe that feels more

57:33

like a 10 and 12. Yeah. All

57:36

right. Here we go. And

57:39

here's a bill. He's our assistant

57:41

director. That's my brother. Hi.

57:44

That's me. Say hi, Bill. Bye.

57:48

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

57:51

Bye. That's

58:02

you playing the synthesizer. Hey

58:07

Charlie, who's that guy who

58:09

keeps playing Agal Are

58:17

you playing the drum? I'm

58:24

going to stop here. One

58:37

of the jokes that I keep making in this

58:41

wonderful series, unfortunately it is two young boys

58:43

with a keyboard so it gets a little

58:45

disruptive, is interrupting

58:47

my brother, just how

58:50

things haven't changed. It's still funny to just

58:52

be like, you know? And

58:54

also there's a lot of jokes and this feels very

58:57

adolescent to me that I want

58:59

the audience to think I'm playing the

59:01

demo. And

59:04

he's like, wow, you did that with the press of

59:06

one key. And I'm like, don't tell them. That

59:08

feels very kid to me. It makes me

59:10

relate to Leela like Leela would hate that.

59:12

Yeah. Like, no, it was me.

59:15

Are you playing the... I'm playing Axle F. Yeah.

59:18

And that's another bit that is running

59:20

throughout is that you won't stop playing.

59:22

I won't stop playing Axle F. Your brother

59:24

is like finding cute ways to

59:27

say stop. Like, all right, no more of

59:29

that song. And it's very my

59:31

brother to say the name of the song.

59:34

Please tell him to stop playing Axle

59:36

F. He would make the

59:38

same joke. Yeah. Yeah. Let's

59:41

hear a little bit more. No,

59:45

I hit the demo. That's me. But

59:52

I think it's time for a little skit.

59:55

Okay. Oh,

59:59

God, I was hoping to... These skits

1:00:03

are about a thing.

1:00:07

This dude named

1:00:10

Wilbur Smith. Now

1:00:14

Wilbur gets very mad

1:00:17

at everything. And

1:00:19

he killed Christmas tellers.

1:00:27

And he killed Christmas

1:00:29

tellers. Good

1:00:32

movie! Good

1:00:37

movie, Wilbur Smith. One

1:00:48

day I was going down the road

1:00:50

and I said I was walking. Actually

1:00:53

I was driving, I

1:00:55

forget what I was doing, but

1:00:57

I was driving, no, walking

1:01:00

down the road. I

1:01:02

was driving down the road. I

1:01:04

saw the student. He

1:01:07

had one leg and I

1:01:09

said, oh how sad and how

1:01:12

he reminded me of that doll

1:01:15

of Aunt Polly's who lost her

1:01:17

leg. To

1:01:20

be clear, that's me on

1:01:23

purpose doing the b-dum-pum-psh. That's

1:01:27

the sound I would do for like Good Joke. I'm

1:01:29

basically heckling my brother. He's in the middle

1:01:32

of the story and I do the drumroll.

1:01:35

I also just want to say it

1:01:38

never occurred to us to

1:01:40

write a skit. Oh

1:01:43

you were just doing it. This was

1:01:45

free balling. I mean yeah. Clearly. And

1:01:48

it also never occurred to us, obviously,

1:01:50

listening to this from my own adult

1:01:52

perspective, is I'm like talk. Tell

1:01:55

me about your life. Tell me about

1:01:57

your feelings. Tell me like what you

1:01:59

do. what are you eating? What do

1:02:01

you see? Of course he wouldn't. And

1:02:03

instead they're just like, there was a

1:02:06

guy named Wilbur Smith and

1:02:08

all kids know is like violence. They're

1:02:10

like who killed Christmas? I'm not making

1:02:12

fun of my brother. And then my

1:02:14

joke, in quotes, is

1:02:16

to just disrupt him. But

1:02:19

never much, much, much,

1:02:21

much later. So

1:02:23

this is pre realizing

1:02:26

comedy is something that people

1:02:28

write out and think about

1:02:31

and rehearse and polish. We've

1:02:35

heard this part, I think maybe before. Yeah, we have.

1:02:37

And I keep doing the drum roll and it makes

1:02:40

my brother angry. We'll play that and see if you

1:02:42

guys enjoy. No drum

1:02:44

roll please. After

1:02:47

the punch line. Okay, so

1:02:49

you get the... That could be the line

1:02:51

of punches I give you. Great

1:02:53

job. Anyway, I saw

1:02:56

this dude and I was driving down a

1:02:58

country road and as I said he had

1:03:01

one leg and... One. One

1:03:04

note of the keyboard. So I went up

1:03:07

to him and I pulled

1:03:13

my car over and I

1:03:15

said, hey dude. And

1:03:17

he said, hey. I said, you

1:03:20

looking for a ride? And

1:03:23

you know, he had one leg. So

1:03:28

I said, well, get

1:03:30

ready to do a drum roll. Oh my

1:03:33

god. I said, well. I'm

1:03:43

getting mighty angry. I

1:03:45

want to hear you. And it's not because of

1:03:47

that drum set you guys. I just

1:03:49

love your laugh in that moment. You

1:03:51

know, I'm getting mighty angry. and

1:04:01

it's not because of that drum set

1:04:03

you got it's because you

1:04:05

keep playing them before I

1:04:08

do the mugslides

1:04:13

and now you're hitting the low

1:04:15

keys and the high

1:04:17

keys but

1:04:20

anyway I said to

1:04:23

this guy this hitchhiker

1:04:27

I still remember trying to

1:04:29

do my

1:04:33

thing I mean I'm not even

1:04:35

getting paid for this unless we're

1:04:37

gone in peace and they

1:04:39

smiled in

1:04:41

grubberies that's

1:04:43

it hey Bob

1:04:45

you got any grenades Andy that

1:04:51

wasn't a joke but

1:04:54

anyway I said to this guy who had one leg

1:04:56

I said hop in and

1:05:01

then you don't do the drumroll that's me oh

1:05:09

my god I can't

1:05:12

your cute little

1:05:14

giggles sounds like Lila there's a way

1:05:16

that kids laugh that only kids laugh and

1:05:18

I know this is obvious but I'm like

1:05:20

I can't believe I made

1:05:22

that laugh yeah sure it's like

1:05:25

a stifled giggle it's a little

1:05:29

church laughs oh and so cute

1:05:32

look not to overanalyze but I'm proud

1:05:34

my brother is quite funny he's so

1:05:36

funny do you have a grenade handy

1:05:39

or this line of punches yeah I'll

1:05:41

be giving you great you have a

1:05:43

grenade handy that's not the punch line

1:05:45

yeah like and there are a couple

1:05:47

pauses you notice it pauses and

1:05:50

resumes so that was probably when we were like

1:05:52

pausing to like discuss oh

1:05:55

like the bed like oh I think that's

1:05:57

funny like so there might have been some

1:05:59

consideration Oh, interesting. Or I

1:06:01

was so annoying that we stopped and rewounded

1:06:03

and picked up at another point. But

1:06:06

I am sort of like, it

1:06:08

was there. Yeah, you had the

1:06:11

ingredients there. The ingredients were there. And

1:06:13

my brother is still very, very funny, obviously,

1:06:15

and obvious to me. And

1:06:18

then just the

1:06:20

fact that like I knew when he does

1:06:22

say hop in. Yeah. Not

1:06:25

to do the drum roll. It really is

1:06:27

a side of you. You

1:06:29

know how, remember when it was like a thing

1:06:31

when you would do Doug Love's movies and you

1:06:34

were just like the chaos, the

1:06:36

agent of chaos? Oh my God,

1:06:38

yes. And it really is like

1:06:40

your child-like playfulness.

1:06:43

Yes. It comes out in that

1:06:45

way of just being sort of... And when people would

1:06:47

get mad at me on Doug Love's movies, I'm

1:06:49

like, I'm doing a thing. Yeah. Do

1:06:51

you think I can't sit there and listen? Of course

1:06:53

I can. Yeah, you're playing the

1:06:55

part. Yeah. This is like

1:06:58

a, yeah, it's a... Wicked. And it was

1:07:00

the relationship that you and Doug had. Yes.

1:07:03

Where it's like, you even have that with Mark Maron a

1:07:05

little bit. Yes. Where he's

1:07:07

just instantly annoyed by you. So then

1:07:09

you heighten it to... It's really funny

1:07:11

that you say that because if you listen to Mark

1:07:13

Maron on this podcast, it's in the first year. He's

1:07:16

probably like the, I don't know, 15th guest. And

1:07:20

I'm giggling like I am in this.

1:07:22

Wow. There's like a lot of like... Like

1:07:25

I'm just like... I didn't even

1:07:27

realize until this moment that

1:07:29

Mark has a flavor of

1:07:31

like an older brother. Big

1:07:33

brother. Yeah. An

1:07:35

annoyed big brother. And you are so

1:07:38

committed to comedy that you're like, if

1:07:40

this is the angle, then I'll play

1:07:42

the part of this. Yeah.

1:07:45

Like sure. Wow. What's

1:07:47

crazy is when I'm listening to that, I

1:07:49

can remember the keyboard. And

1:07:52

I remember if I had that keyboard in front

1:07:54

of me, there was a

1:07:56

yellow button and it was

1:07:58

called start stop for the drums. And

1:08:01

to make it go, you'd

1:08:03

hit start stop and immediately hit start stop

1:08:05

again. There wasn't like a rim

1:08:08

shot button. We figured out

1:08:10

if you hit this twice, it kind of sounds

1:08:12

like a rim shot. And

1:08:14

we loved hitting demo. I

1:08:17

used to call, I'd do

1:08:19

prank phone calls and play that demo and

1:08:22

be like, you're on the air with

1:08:24

WBZN and we have a million dollar

1:08:26

question. Like just alone in my room.

1:08:30

That's the 90s. That's the 90s.

1:08:32

That's like what isn't happening. And I'm

1:08:34

glad because frankly, I could

1:08:37

have used a check-in. It's fine. I'm

1:08:40

just saying it was what it was. But like

1:08:42

we always say this, if I knew Leela was

1:08:45

calling Newbery Comics, and I always asked the same

1:08:47

question, was the Wizard of Oz in

1:08:49

black and white or color? That

1:08:52

was the million dollar question. And

1:08:54

one time I called Newbery Comics. They stayed on

1:08:56

the line for the entire song and me being

1:08:58

like, we're so glad you're here. As

1:09:01

annoying as this is, I'm a little bit older. Same

1:09:04

keyboard though. And it is a child's

1:09:06

voice. Understandably

1:09:09

people often thought I was a lady. Sure.

1:09:12

They'd say ma'am and I'd get mad. And

1:09:15

I called, I said is the Wizard of Oz in black

1:09:17

and white or color and the woman goes, woman,

1:09:19

she's probably 16 years old, goes. But

1:09:22

goes both. Which is the

1:09:25

correct answer. And I was just like, that's

1:09:27

correct. And I played the song again. She

1:09:30

stayed on the line for the whole song. And

1:09:32

at the end she goes, that was really great. Oh.

1:09:35

Yeah. She goes, she knew

1:09:38

it was just a little boy in a keyboard.

1:09:40

Yeah. Doing well-meaning,

1:09:42

good-natured prank phone calls.

1:09:44

Yeah. And she was like, that

1:09:46

was really great. What a great job you did. And I was

1:09:48

going to say, I would be delighted if

1:09:51

I answered the phone. And that's what I

1:09:53

heard. What are you doing? You're probably giggling

1:09:55

the entire time. And it was a

1:09:57

loan. This is why, you know,

1:09:59

when we were talking about one or two kids,

1:10:01

I was like, even if you have two kids,

1:10:03

there's no guarantee. Yeah. And I'm not putting down

1:10:05

my brother. My brother would agree with this. Like

1:10:08

we kind of, I think had our own

1:10:10

things going on. Yeah. So it's not like

1:10:12

people are always like, they have to have

1:10:14

someone to play with. I'm like, yeah, but

1:10:17

also sometimes there's a sibling and you're just

1:10:19

in your bedroom calling Newberry comics. Yeah. And

1:10:21

my brother was doing his own thing. Well,

1:10:23

I did have a flare up of like,

1:10:25

uh, two kids listening to

1:10:27

this. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I

1:10:29

did not. But I, I was

1:10:31

like, Oh, she's got cousins. So they'll

1:10:33

make stuff like that. It's fine. I

1:10:37

completely agree. And friends

1:10:39

while on the subject of Leela, I

1:10:42

do want to not forget to say

1:10:44

thank you to everybody who as

1:10:47

requested last week on

1:10:50

the episode, since my friend

1:10:52

Mac from friends camp sent us a nice one. Yeah.

1:10:55

Really, really beautiful messages of

1:10:57

their deeply feeling kids who've,

1:10:59

you know, either grown

1:11:02

up a little like are now, you know, 10

1:11:04

or 12 or

1:11:06

some sent messages saying that

1:11:08

their kids are, you know, in their

1:11:11

late 20s and their best friends and traveling.

1:11:13

And if anybody just picked, this is the

1:11:15

first episode of the show you've ever listened

1:11:18

to. Uh, well done. Congrats

1:11:20

on your courage. Um, but also last week

1:11:22

we, we had big feelings, big meltdowns and

1:11:24

Val asked for people to reach out and

1:11:26

so many people did and reached out to

1:11:29

me as well, which was very sweet. Yeah.

1:11:31

I really, really appreciated it. It was

1:11:33

exactly what I needed to hear.

1:11:36

Yeah. And we feel like we've

1:11:38

had some really, really, really great

1:11:40

days this week with Leela seems

1:11:43

to be kind of through that little storm.

1:11:45

There was a great joke on Bluey where

1:11:48

Bluey's asking the mom or Bingo's

1:11:50

asking the mom, what's it like

1:11:52

to have kids? And then dad

1:11:54

bandit comes in and he's

1:11:56

exhausted and they're, they're like

1:11:58

attacking him on something. and he

1:12:00

like tripped and falls and they're still shooting

1:12:02

him while he's down. And she goes, that's what it's

1:12:05

like to get down. And it

1:12:07

is. And look,

1:12:09

everybody knows this isn't new ground.

1:12:12

This isn't like this week

1:12:14

in AI. This isn't topical. This

1:12:16

is evergreen. Parenting

1:12:19

just is the

1:12:21

most wonderful and the most

1:12:24

wonderful and challenging thing

1:12:27

you'll ever do. Hardest best thing. Hardest

1:12:29

job you'll ever love. And

1:12:32

yeah, that's not enough language for me.

1:12:34

I need more. But

1:12:38

that's part of it. It's like evolutionarily, we just

1:12:40

like, you know, steam clean

1:12:43

it a little bit. That's why I'm grateful for

1:12:45

these conversations where you can

1:12:47

say with love, sometimes it's so intense.

1:12:49

Oh my gosh, it's so helpful. My

1:12:52

friend Lori just

1:12:54

like posted a picture that her daughter

1:12:56

took of her. She

1:12:58

was in her backyard and

1:13:01

it's like her other kid was

1:13:03

sitting on her lap and she just like looks

1:13:06

beautiful but looks exhausted. And like,

1:13:08

it was just the realest face

1:13:10

ever. And she was like, this

1:13:13

captures middle-aged motherhood. And

1:13:16

I was like, I just really

1:13:18

appreciate anything like that. Like any

1:13:20

sort of realness. Yeah, exactly

1:13:23

about how hard it is. Because, and

1:13:25

this is the thing that my friends

1:13:27

who don't have kids have sometimes,

1:13:30

you know, made jokes about like, yeah,

1:13:32

okay, you made it look real chill

1:13:34

and appealing. And it's like,

1:13:36

well, yeah, when we're with other

1:13:38

parents, they're sort of

1:13:40

like, we don't have to just say

1:13:43

the things, the givens, which is like,

1:13:45

I'm absolutely in love. I never, I

1:13:47

would never go back in a million

1:13:49

years and change a single thing. Like

1:13:51

I, there's all these things that are

1:13:53

sort of givens. So we already

1:13:56

know that. So then like, let's

1:13:58

talk about the stuff that we don't. Yeah, get

1:14:01

to talk about really, you know, we

1:14:03

had a friend and I'm not saying I felt feel

1:14:05

this way. And that's important because I always

1:14:07

do think if Leela listens to this, like we listen

1:14:09

to the tape or something, I do

1:14:12

not feel this way. But I did get

1:14:14

some relief just from hearing a person say

1:14:16

like, I don't know if I was happier

1:14:18

after I had kids. But that

1:14:20

becomes not the point. Right. And that's

1:14:22

a word of a new

1:14:24

kind of depth. It's like, I think

1:14:26

what she actually said was like, I

1:14:28

may have been happier before I had

1:14:30

kids. Because, you know, it's

1:14:33

just a lot of sitting by pools and

1:14:35

drinking Arnold Palmer's. Yeah. But then there is

1:14:37

a it's like it churns up the soil.

1:14:40

There's a lot of like excavating and

1:14:42

churning and dirt and sometimes a rock

1:14:44

flies out of the excavator and maybe

1:14:47

grazes you.

1:14:49

But like it does enrich the

1:14:52

soil and different better. I don't want to

1:14:54

say better because I don't want to exclude

1:14:56

anybody but like different things grow that wouldn't

1:14:58

have grown. Otherwise, right. But it's not as

1:15:00

clean as like some of

1:15:02

the mommy vlogs make it seem. Yeah,

1:15:05

yeah, absolutely. Take

1:15:07

that mommy vlogs. Finally,

1:15:09

someone's sticking it to the mommy vlogs.

1:15:12

Facts. This was awesome, Valerie. Why

1:15:14

don't you read a poem? Everybody

1:15:16

would love a poem. Do

1:15:18

you? Okay. You don't want

1:15:21

to? Yeah, I will. We haven't read a

1:15:23

poem in a long time. And you have

1:15:25

your poems. I keep saying poem. Poem. Poem.

1:15:27

Edgar Allan. Poem. Poem.

1:15:30

Edgar Allan. Let's have a poem. Shut

1:15:33

up. I just typed in poem into

1:15:35

music. Did you? That

1:15:38

is so life. So

1:15:41

okay, I'm up. I'm encouraging

1:15:44

everybody to do this if you

1:15:46

are even if you're not remote,

1:15:49

not remotely, but even if you're just

1:15:51

a little interested in writing. But

1:15:54

I'm a part of this writers group where

1:15:56

and we learned this I learned this method

1:15:59

from mirror by star, where

1:16:01

we get together, we read a poem,

1:16:03

and then you pick a line from

1:16:05

that poem. And that

1:16:07

sort of is your prompt, you can include

1:16:09

it in what you write, or you can

1:16:12

just use it to inspire thoughts. And

1:16:14

I think we had, I don't, I didn't include

1:16:17

it in this, but this was some must

1:16:20

have been some line about spring, it was like,

1:16:23

as mysterious as spring, or

1:16:25

something like that. So this

1:16:28

is just what I wrote last, or

1:16:30

a couple days ago on Tuesday,

1:16:32

so it's not a finished piece.

1:16:35

Even when I go into work,

1:16:37

I'm working remotely, remotely interested. What?

1:16:40

You're not remotely interested? Yeah.

1:16:42

Okay, here we go. It's

1:16:46

about spring. So perfect. Happy spring, everybody.

1:16:48

I'm excited. Spring

1:16:51

always comes and catches me by

1:16:53

surprise each time. That

1:16:55

mysterious force that tells the white

1:16:58

roses and pink honeysuckle to bloom

1:17:00

all around our house. You

1:17:03

know that same holy voice that

1:17:05

whispered me into existence that

1:17:08

turned on my daughter's light in the

1:17:10

darkness of my belly. That

1:17:13

sacred desire behind everything

1:17:16

comes only after winter's icy

1:17:19

depths have pulled

1:17:21

me so deep that I

1:17:23

can't even remember the feeling of warm

1:17:25

breezes and the way

1:17:27

they make the hairs on my arms

1:17:29

dance and rejoice. Maybe

1:17:32

this is all I ever write about. The

1:17:35

joy that comes in the morning, as we used

1:17:37

to sing in church, the

1:17:40

resurrection after the brutal death, the

1:17:44

light shining on what was

1:17:47

once a bottomless darkness. But

1:17:50

what else is there? And

1:17:53

yet when the frost starts

1:17:56

melting and new life bursts

1:17:58

in last, bursts in. laughing

1:18:00

in colors I

1:18:02

opened my mouth in total shock and

1:18:05

turned my face toward the Sun. Well

1:18:09

that was a wonderful Mary Mary Oliver masterpiece.

1:18:11

Why don't you read the poem you wrote?

1:18:15

That was the poem you wrote. For

1:18:18

a moment I was worried you thought I was saying it

1:18:20

was too much like Mary Oliver. I was trying to say

1:18:22

that. That's not what I

1:18:25

was saying I was saying that sounds like you

1:18:27

read a masterpiece by Mary Oliver I loved it.

1:18:29

Thank you baby. Broke

1:18:31

my heart that you kind of believed that I

1:18:33

was roasting. No I didn't you you

1:18:35

went on that entire journey by yourself. I

1:18:39

blame you. I knew exactly what you meant.

1:18:41

It was incredible. As intended. This

1:18:43

is the show this is you

1:18:47

this why it's called You Made It Weird. This is me after

1:18:49

30 years of therapy and I go oh it was me making

1:18:57

it

1:18:59

weird.

1:19:02

I thought it was them. Yeah

1:19:04

no it was you you made it weird. It

1:19:06

should be called I Made It Weird. I made

1:19:08

it weird. Yeah that was beautiful Valerie thank

1:19:10

you so much. Thank you. What a gift you're

1:19:13

so good. Oh thank you. We

1:19:15

actually that is part of the

1:19:20

practice again if anybody wants to

1:19:22

do writing groups where

1:19:24

we don't really do it as much

1:19:26

anymore but afterwards we

1:19:29

would sit in silence like after somebody

1:19:32

reads their piece. So

1:19:34

we so we use the prompt we

1:19:37

write for 15 minutes without stopping and then

1:19:39

we go around and read what we wrote

1:19:41

and then after a person shares

1:19:44

what they wrote we sort of sit and

1:19:46

quiet and then we all just sort of

1:19:49

say lines that stayed with us so

1:19:51

it would be just like arm hairs

1:19:54

dancing you know and it's just

1:19:56

kind of a beautiful way to say

1:19:59

what you what stayed with you without

1:20:01

being like, that was so good,

1:20:03

I loved that. Yeah, I loved

1:20:05

it Valerie. Thank you. Just

1:20:08

black coffee in the check. Just black

1:20:10

coffee in the check. All

1:20:13

right, babies. Cuteest

1:20:17

little giggle. Go

1:20:19

ahead and keep it crispy.