0:00

What's up , guys ? I'm Myle and

0:02

this is you Plus

0:04

Me Boulevard Show . Hey

0:14

team , welcome to the you Plus

0:16

Me Boulevard Show , the show where

0:19

we explore the beautiful , complex

0:21

and sometimes messy world of

0:23

relationships . I'm your host , myle

0:26

, and each week we'll be diving deep

0:28

into the topics that matter most

0:31

to you , from finding and maintaining

0:33

healthy relationships to navigating

0:35

the ups and downs of love

0:37

, to dealing with

0:40

heartbreak and everything in

0:42

between . Through conversations

0:44

with experts , real people

0:47

sharing their stories and my own

0:49

personal experience , we'll explore

0:51

the joys , challenges

0:53

and lessons of relationships . Whether

0:56

you're single dating , engaged

0:58

, married or someone in between , this

1:00

podcast is for you . Today , we'll

1:03

be talking about the nuances in

1:05

the dating process , what

1:07

it means for different people , and

1:10

three things you could keep in mind

1:12

or remember

1:14

to believe some of the pressure in

1:16

your dating process . So

1:19

grab a cup of coffee , get comfortable

1:21

and let's dive into the world of

1:23

relationships Welcome

1:34

. So today we'll be talking about the

1:37

nuances within dating

1:39

, dating someone , and

1:42

three things that you can or

1:45

have to keep in mind to

1:47

make your dating process

1:49

less pressuring and

1:52

less stressful . Now

1:54

, one thing I want to start by doing

1:56

is , obviously , we

1:58

want to understand what dating is

2:01

first , because dating

2:03

takes the shape of whoever is

2:05

doing it . Dating means

2:08

different things to different

2:10

people , particularly

2:12

across generations , across

2:15

cultures . Dating

2:18

just means different

2:20

things depending

2:22

on the people doing it . So

2:25

what we need to

2:27

first do is understand

2:30

what dating as a general

2:32

term means , regardless

2:34

of what it means for you or

2:37

any of you listening to this podcast

2:39

, regardless of what it means to you

2:42

or for you . Dating

2:44

essentially is the phase

2:46

you go through while

2:49

getting to know someone you

2:51

are romantically interested

2:54

in . So

2:57

if you're interested in someone , depending

3:00

on where you met you

3:02

could have met physically at an event , on

3:04

the street , at the store , or

3:09

you are using

3:11

social media you met on

3:13

social media or dating apps

3:15

, regardless of where you met . When

3:19

you become interested in someone

3:21

romantically , you want to

3:23

date them first before you get

3:25

into a

3:28

serious relationship

3:30

with them , because essentially , a serious

3:32

relationship involves being

3:35

in each other's space , being

3:38

part of each other's lives , having

3:41

each other in

3:43

exclusivity in so many

3:45

aspects of life , and

3:47

so you will be seeing , when

3:49

you get into a serious relationship with someone , you will

3:51

be seeing that person's , you

3:55

will be seeing the many facets

3:57

of that person that you will not

3:59

essentially be seeing during

4:01

dating them , because they basically

4:04

will open the doors to their

4:06

private space to you

4:08

and then , once you walk them in , you

4:12

will be seeing things that you are

4:14

only previewed to and

4:16

you only have exclusivity to . It's

4:19

like having exclusivity

4:21

to a movie that comes out later

4:24

for everybody else . Basically you see the movie

4:27

first . So there

4:29

may be even things that you will see that

4:31

their own parents

4:34

or siblings might not know about them

4:36

. So dating

4:38

essentially is just having this opportunity

4:41

to find out if there

4:43

are good fit

4:46

for you . That

4:50

means you have to define what a good fit for

4:52

you means . That means you

4:54

have to know yourself very well . You

4:56

have to know where you want to go in life and

4:59

you want to know for sure if

5:01

you want to go where you want to go with

5:03

someone as a partner or not

5:05

. If you do want someone

5:08

, part of the journey you want to

5:10

find out who you want essentially

5:15

and you want to find out

5:17

what kind of agreement

5:19

you can come to

5:22

with that person . So when

5:24

you're dating someone you are basically

5:26

checking those boxes . I

5:29

actually don't like the term

5:31

boxes . I really do

5:34

not enjoy checking

5:37

boxes with people because basically

5:40

what checking boxes means is like

5:42

okay , they are tall

5:44

check , they have money check

5:46

, but

5:49

in fact , something that a lot of people really

5:52

overlook is that someone

5:57

may not fall into the boxes

6:00

that you made for yourself , but

6:02

they may be the partner that you

6:05

need to evolve , to

6:07

grow . They may be the

6:09

partner that will challenge you to be the first

6:11

version of you . So a lot of times people

6:13

say I want to be with someone that's equally

6:15

young . I've never been a

6:19

believer of that statement

6:21

because I don't adhere

6:24

to the term equally

6:26

young . I just feel like

6:28

people are either for

6:32

you or they're not , and for

6:34

you that's not necessarily means that

6:36

they do the things you do

6:38

or believe in the things that you believe in . I

6:42

made another episode in season

6:44

one that basically talks about

6:47

how you can

6:49

be different and still be for each other , basically

6:52

by being mature enough

6:55

to know how

6:57

to navigate your differences , and that's

6:59

what being for you means for

7:01

me . So

7:04

the term equally young to me is stupid . It's

7:07

basically just putting tags

7:10

on people , tagging them or dimming

7:12

them , not good or good for

7:14

you , and I do not like doing that

7:16

. But that's what dating is

7:18

. Dating essentially is your opportunity

7:21

to get to know someone

7:23

within

7:26

a certain time period and

7:29

really evaluate and invent them properly

7:31

so you know if this person

7:34

is a good fit for the

7:38

journey that you embark

7:41

on in your life . Now

7:43

, like I said , dating means

7:45

very different things to different people

7:47

. It depends on the generation

7:50

, the culture , the vision

7:52

for life . All of that and

7:54

the process itself takes ships

7:56

in different ways . Dating for some people

7:59

could be just going out , going

8:01

for dinner , going for activities

8:03

, doing things , having the opportunity to

8:05

chat , to discover

8:07

each other in a verbal way

8:09

or through activities

8:11

. You know you can learn about

8:14

somebody a whole lot

8:16

through the way they behave

8:18

in certain activities or the way they treat

8:20

people around you in certain environments . Dating

8:24

could be seeing each other

8:26

intimately . Some people

8:28

date and have sex

8:32

freely . Some

8:35

people date in

8:37

a very friendly way . Some

8:41

people start by being good friends

8:44

and do things together and

8:46

grow into each other and things like that . So

8:48

dating can mean

8:50

different things for the both of you and

8:53

can happen . You can view

8:55

dating in very different

8:57

ways . Some people want to

8:59

date and be intimate . Some people want

9:01

to date and just be friends first . Some people

9:03

want to date and only be

9:05

intimate , not even

9:07

be friends . Basically

9:10

, who cannot ? Our friends will

9:12

benefit , and then they find

9:14

out later they're not good for each other , all

9:16

that good stuff . So

9:19

you just decide . You have to decide what

9:21

that dating process looks like for

9:24

you and what you want to get out of it . But

9:26

you need to remember that essentially

9:29

, that dating process

9:31

is the phase in which you

9:33

are getting to know that

9:35

person enough to decide whether you can

9:38

see yourself with that long term , and

9:41

you are basically testing the waters

9:43

. You are testing

9:46

the waters to see if

9:48

this is what you're looking for , if

9:50

this person is a good

9:53

fit for your life . The lifestyle that

9:55

you choose to live is

9:58

essentially deciding

10:00

how you live , where

10:02

you want to live , what you

10:04

want to live for , and if the person

10:06

in front of you is basically

10:09

a good partner to do

10:11

all of that stuff that you

10:13

live off of prior mentioned with

10:15

. Now there are three

10:17

things you can do to

10:20

make the dating process

10:22

less stressful . A

10:24

lot of times I hear people saying oh my god

10:27

, I don't want to deal with all that drama

10:30

anymore , I don't want

10:32

to put myself out there and

10:34

get hurt again , and

10:36

I believe and that's my personal opinion

10:39

, I believe

10:41

that a lot of people get hurt , not everybody

10:43

. A

10:45

lot of people get hurt during the dating process

10:48

because of several

10:50

things that they do . That

10:52

really puts pressure on the process

10:55

and

10:57

that process is not meant to pressure

11:00

you . In fact , that's probably

11:02

the time you should

11:04

feel the freest , you

11:06

should be the most free to

11:10

really indulge in someone

11:12

else in

11:15

order to find out if

11:17

they really are your person

11:19

. I think that's the time to really

11:21

depending on what you make that process

11:23

of . Of course , if you indulge

11:26

and hook up with

11:28

them and have sex and do

11:30

all these intimate stuff and behave

11:33

like you are already in

11:35

a serious relationship . When it doesn't

11:37

work out , of course you're going

11:39

to feel some kind of way because you have

11:41

already invested all this

11:43

time and feelings and emotions

11:46

and energy into something

11:48

that clearly meant something for you

11:50

. So when it doesn't turn out the way

11:52

you expected , clearly

11:54

it's gonna sting . So

11:56

there's a lot

11:59

of things you could do to relieve the pressure

12:01

. I found out that these three things that I'm

12:03

about to talk about really

12:06

relieve a lot of pressure from that

12:08

process , because it sets

12:10

you right and sets you , it

12:13

makes your boundaries clear as

12:15

a person to yourself and

12:18

it helps you really stay

12:21

in touch with your identity and

12:23

with the intention you set out in

12:26

that process with . So

12:28

we're gonna go into those

12:31

three things very quick

12:33

things , but very valuable , very important

12:36

things to remember . We'll dive

12:38

into them after a quick break . Welcome

12:51

back . So let's talk about

12:54

three things that you need to remember

12:56

that will make the dating

12:58

prices a

13:00

little bit less pressuring and

13:03

less stressful for you . Number

13:06

one curb your expectations

13:08

. Your expectations

13:10

of someone you haven't even met yet

13:13

aren't presentable , and the whole point

13:15

of checking them out is

13:18

basically because you don't know what

13:20

to expect of them . If

13:22

you go into a date with a bunch of expectations

13:25

about someone you don't even know

13:27

, you are setting yourself for failure

13:30

, because it's not fair

13:32

for them to expect them

13:34

to be what you think they

13:36

should be , and what you think they

13:38

should be isn't necessarily what

13:40

you really need in your life

13:42

. So , essentially , when

13:45

you're going for , let's say

13:47

, the first date , you need to

13:49

learn to discover the person and

13:52

fully appreciate the individual you

13:54

have in front of you . The first

13:56

date is not for you to check if your

13:58

expectation of the person are

14:02

fulfilled . In fact , you having expectation

14:04

at all of someone you haven't even met

14:06

is ridiculous because

14:09

you haven't met them . The whole point of going

14:11

to meet them for the first time is to

14:13

make sure whatever

14:15

you've seen or heard of them before

14:18

you met for the first time is actually true

14:20

. For example , people meet all

14:22

the time . People connect all the time through dating

14:24

apps or social media . If you

14:26

connect with someone on a dating app

14:28

, basically the person

14:30

is selling you something , they're selling you a

14:33

persona . That may or may not be true

14:35

. Your

14:37

intention and goal for

14:39

the first date is to make sure

14:41

, when you get there , that person

14:43

is everything they said prior

14:46

to meeting that they are . Even

14:49

if you have met them in person in a different

14:51

setting , you were attracted

14:53

to them for

14:55

specific reasons . There are

14:58

certain things you've seen in that setting that

15:00

attracted you . That's why you

15:02

may have exchanged phone numbers and

15:04

contacts or whatever , and

15:06

you may have agreed to go on a first date

15:08

with them . Whatever you were attracted

15:10

to in that setting , you may not see the same

15:13

thing in a different setting unless

15:15

they are very authentic and they are very

15:17

consistent . So if

15:19

they were dressed in a very formal

15:22

way and you are attracted to formalness

15:24

, they may

15:27

not dress that formal on a first date

15:29

and that may not be your

15:32

point of attraction on the first

15:34

date . But if they are consistent

15:36

, regardless of however they

15:38

dress on the first date , they

15:41

may still be well dressed

15:43

, very well , good

15:45

looking , and

15:48

you will feel and see that

15:50

this person is very consistent with the display

15:53

that they showed at the other time

15:55

. Now people don't walk around or walk

15:57

out of their house trying to impress every

16:00

stranger on the street in settings

16:02

. So

16:05

I would find it very hard to believe

16:07

if somebody just dressed very nice

16:09

, nice formal to

16:11

go into a store , a random place

16:13

, just to get you as a woman or

16:16

whoever they are meeting , just to impress you

16:18

and bag you . I think

16:20

a lot of times

16:22

you catch people in a certain mood

16:26

or in a certain setting , in a certain

16:28

disposition , and that is the disposition

16:30

that puts them on your

16:32

radar . But essentially

16:34

what I'm trying to say here is , regardless

16:37

of whatever you knew or

16:40

whatever you knew of them , or

16:42

however you met before the first

16:44

date , I think your expectation

16:46

of them is

16:49

very immature because it

16:51

paints them in a certain light

16:53

and once that light is

16:55

not on , when you get to the first

16:57

date it's automatically turned

16:59

off . So you may judge

17:01

them just because you had a set of expectations

17:04

and you are judging them . And

17:06

it's wrong for you to judge them just because

17:08

your expectations were wrong , because they never asked

17:10

you to expect anything . What

17:13

you're going on the first date with someone is

17:15

to discover who this person is , is

17:18

to discover who this person is for

17:20

you Is to discover what this

17:22

person is about , how they live

17:25

, what they believe in , where

17:27

they're going in life , all this stuff

17:29

. So , number one

17:31

curb your expectations . Number

17:34

two because of the

17:36

nature of the dating phase , understand

17:39

that's probably the best time for

17:41

you to ask all sensible questions

17:44

that will help you identify

17:46

the viability of the two of you . You

17:50

have to touch on things that bring

17:52

together or break people . Sensible

17:55

things like backgrounds , career

17:57

vision

18:00

for life , financial literacy

18:02

, ambitions , intention

18:05

for this interaction , all this stuff

18:07

. See , what I'm trying to say

18:09

is the

18:12

dating phase . I think I've touched on

18:14

this a little bit in while I was

18:16

defining dating , but the dating

18:18

phase is probably the best time for you to bring

18:21

up all sensible questions . When

18:23

I say sensible , I mean you're

18:25

not going to go meet somebody for the first time

18:28

and then ask them things

18:30

like are

18:34

you a virgin or what

18:36

is your body count . I think it's

18:39

a good question to ask when

18:41

you have established that this person

18:44

is open and is

18:47

okay talking about those things Probably

18:49

something to talk about on a second

18:52

or third date . But

18:54

when I say sensible questions , I'm

18:56

talking about asking them what

19:00

they do , why they're doing

19:02

it , where

19:05

they see themselves in life , where they're

19:07

trying to go , what they're trying to accomplish

19:09

. What is their understanding

19:11

of money ? How do they manage

19:13

their money ? What

19:16

are their intentions for meeting you ? Where

19:20

did they learn to be a good partner ? Things

19:22

like that . One

19:24

of the very good questions I learned from

19:26

almost a mentor

19:29

on Clubhouse . The

19:32

question actually shocked me . She

19:34

said one of the things that she asked

19:36

people on a date is what

19:39

makes you a good

19:41

partner , like where did you

19:43

learn how to be a good partner

19:45

? What is your source or

19:48

mentorship for being

19:50

a good partner ? Like what makes

19:52

you a good fit and where did you learn to be

19:54

that ? I feel that's a

19:56

really , really good question to ask

19:58

on a very first date . It might 거는

20:00

across as very cocky

20:03

and arrogant or

20:05

very blunt for

20:08

a lot of people and they might be taking off

20:10

guard . They might even think

20:12

you're being rude , but it's not . There's

20:15

nothing rude about asking someone

20:17

how or where

20:19

they learn to be a good partner , because

20:22

, essentially , what you're trying to access

20:24

is what is their understanding

20:26

of a good partner and what

20:29

have they been looking at as

20:32

an example of a good partner

20:34

? A lot of people learn to be good

20:36

boyfriends , girlfriends

20:38

, husbands , wives from their parents

20:41

. So if I ask you that

20:43

question and you say I

20:45

learned to be a good partner from

20:48

my mom , I guess my

20:50

next question will be oh really , that's beautiful

20:52

. What does your mom do ? And

20:55

what about ? Your mom taught

20:57

you how to be a good

20:59

partner ? And

21:02

that way , you're basically learning how

21:04

to think and what

21:06

is the influence their parents have on

21:08

them . If it is a good influence

21:10

, based on the things that they

21:12

tell you , you'll

21:14

be able to evaluate if it's a good influence , about

21:17

influence , if this person is telling the truth

21:19

or not , if you pay attention and listen to

21:21

them carefully . Now , keep

21:23

in mind people can tell you whatever

21:25

they want to tell you just

21:27

to appeal to you in

21:30

your good sense . People can tell you whatever

21:32

. They can sell you a persona . They

21:35

can sell you whatever just so that

21:37

you that's the feeling to your

21:39

boxes . That's why you shouldn't

21:41

have boxes in the first place because

21:43

that makes you vulnerable to lies

21:45

and deceit . So

21:47

boxes are not a good thing to have

21:49

. Just stay open , stay

21:52

vigilant . Stay open , open

21:55

minded . That is , stay

21:58

curious

22:00

, right . Learn to listen

22:02

to people and talk less . Basically

22:05

, just pay attention to clues and

22:07

listen to the person that's talking to you

22:09

, not your own ego , and

22:12

you might just dodge bullets

22:14

or you might meet

22:16

a very wonderful person

22:19

. But

22:22

basically

22:24

that interaction is not an

22:26

interrogation or job interview

22:29

but a genuine attempt of

22:31

assessing , evaluating

22:33

and betting the person in front of you

22:35

. It's a fun conversation

22:38

between the two of you to

22:40

find out what makes you up , breaks you

22:42

, what makes you

22:44

fit for each other . Remember

22:47

the person in front of you . If

22:49

reasonable is doing the same thing you're

22:51

doing , of course they're vetting you too

22:54

. If they are not coming , coming

22:57

at you or coming to you for superficial

23:00

reason , like a hookup , one-eyed

23:02

stand , if they're looking for a serious

23:04

relationship , just like you , they're

23:07

obviously vetting you , evaluating

23:09

you , getting to know you , discovering you

23:11

, checking you out , just like you . So

23:14

you need to remember that they're doing the same thing

23:16

you're doing , meaning there's several

23:19

outcomes for the process you

23:21

both are taking yourselves through . Basically

23:24

, at the end of the first day

23:26

, you could like each other just as friends

23:29

and not as romantic partners . That

23:32

happens a lot In the first

23:34

day . A lot of people can come out of the first

23:36

day . Be like this person is awesome

23:38

. They're friendly , they're sympathetic , they're

23:40

all this good stuff . I just don't see myself

23:42

dating this person . I just don't see

23:44

myself being in a relationship with this person

23:47

for XYZ reasons . You

23:50

could also like each other in some

23:52

aspects only and not in others

23:54

. You may like the way

23:56

somebody lives your life , you may like the fact

23:58

that they got their shit together . They

24:00

have a good career , they have a car , they have

24:02

their own , everything they got , they work

24:04

hard , they're very ambitious

24:07

, but they

24:10

don't have good communication

24:13

skills . That was me for

24:15

a long time , and so

24:17

I was attracting a lot of people just like myself

24:19

and we were not clicking well

24:22

at all . So you may

24:24

just like each other in some aspects

24:26

and not others . Or one

24:29

person could like the other , but not vice

24:31

versa . So you might come out of the first day

24:33

also , you like in

24:35

the person in front of you , but they don't like

24:37

you essentially , while

24:39

you're discovering the

24:42

person in front of you at the first date

24:44

. So many different scenarios can

24:46

occur . You just got to keep again

24:48

. You gotta stay open-minded , stay

24:50

curious , stay vigilant . Don't

24:53

get swayed in by words . Really

24:56

just learn to listen so you can find

24:58

clues and read body languages

25:01

, all the body languages that matter . So

25:05

you have to keep all that in mind . It's

25:07

really not all about you , it's

25:10

. It's really a two-lane roads

25:12

, because traffic has to flow

25:15

both ways for this

25:17

interaction to be balanced , fair

25:19

and intentional . I think going

25:21

into a first date having

25:24

all these expectations , all these

25:26

pre notions

25:29

, preconceived thoughts , people

25:32

go into first date with a lot of stereotypes

25:34

. I've heard people saying

25:36

if you don't hold my

25:38

hand , then you must be gay . If

25:40

you don't kiss me on the first date , then something's

25:43

wrong with you . You have

25:45

to pay for the first date . The man has

25:47

to pay for it . Blah , blah , blah , blah , blah

25:49

All these preconceived

25:52

notions and beliefs that you

25:54

come with . I think it's only fair

25:56

if you put them aside and

25:58

find out who you have in front of you , to

26:01

know if this person

26:03

could

26:05

be an amazing person

26:08

in your life or if

26:10

you're just gonna pass . But if you come

26:12

in with those stereotypes

26:14

and notions and believe . The

26:17

moment you find out that

26:19

they're not , they

26:21

don't have the same belief or

26:23

they don't share the same vision , then

26:26

they are automatically the

26:29

wrong person for you . Which brings

26:31

the third point

26:34

here Do not

26:37

skip steps and

26:41

this is probably the

26:43

most important step

26:46

, the most important point to remember

26:49

here when you are dating

26:51

someone , because

26:54

sometimes

26:56

people get so emotionally

27:00

involved into the words

27:02

of someone that

27:05

they forget to know the person

27:08

himself or herself . Notice

27:11

I said sweet by the words

27:13

. Sometimes people

27:15

sell you a lot of things . They

27:17

sell you a good person , a good

27:20

character . They put on this mask

27:22

. They're amazing

27:24

, they're everything that

27:26

you've dreamed of and you look

27:29

at them and you have that butterfly

27:31

in your stomach . Your eyes

27:33

become flirty , you almost

27:36

get tears in your eyes , you

27:38

get , you stop blushing

27:41

and all that good stuff . But

27:44

in reality they're selling

27:46

you on a character . They're selling

27:48

you on a persona

27:51

, because they know you're

27:53

giving too much away and they

27:55

know what you're looking for and

27:58

they know exactly what to show you

28:00

so they can get you wherever

28:02

they need you to be . So

28:05

do not skip steps

28:07

. Just because you started talking about

28:10

all the things we've mentioned

28:12

above couples related topics

28:14

doesn't mean someone is really all

28:16

good for you . You are not

28:18

having those conversations to

28:20

check if they're willing to have them

28:22

, but you are having

28:25

those conversations to find out their

28:27

states on those topics that

28:29

you discussed . And

28:31

if you are aligned now

28:33

. Aligned is something

28:36

else , that means different things for different

28:38

people . Alignment

28:40

is not agreement Just

28:43

because you agree , that's

28:46

like just cause , like . Basically

28:48

, what I'm trying to say is don't

28:51

think if you

28:53

don't agree , you're not in alignment

28:56

. Alignment is not agreement , but agreement

28:58

is definitely alignment . So if

29:00

you meet someone after

29:03

first date , possibly

29:05

second and third date , you

29:07

find out that there's a lot of agreement happening

29:10

here , a lot of values shared

29:12

, a lot of beliefs shared

29:15

Across the board . You

29:17

are maybe 90 , 95%

29:20

, 98% similar

29:22

. There is

29:24

some kind of alignment and that's just

29:26

some kind , because you

29:28

could be in agreement with somebody and

29:31

still there could be toxic for you . Just

29:34

cause you have agreement doesn't

29:37

mean someone is good for you , but there's definitely

29:39

some kind of alignment when you have agreement

29:41

. Now , if

29:44

you are not similar

29:46

, it doesn't mean there's no alignment

29:48

because , like

29:50

I mentioned in the in

29:53

when I started talking , a

29:55

lot of time people look for all this

29:57

equally yoked type

30:00

of person and

30:02

the time , essentially

30:04

, is derived from the Bible . But essentially

30:06

what they try to say is somebody

30:09

who's just like them , who shares the same

30:11

beliefs , the same visions of life

30:13

. Just cause two people

30:15

share this , people

30:18

share different visions for

30:20

life doesn't mean

30:22

they're not good for each other . In

30:25

fact , I've seen a lot of people

30:27

sharing the same visions

30:29

and ending up not being

30:31

good for each other simply

30:34

because the same vision does not mean

30:36

the same implementation . You

30:39

could have the same vision and still take different

30:41

paths . You could

30:43

have the same beliefs and still implement those

30:45

beliefs very differently . You

30:48

could have the same skin , the

30:50

same religion . You could be

30:53

into the same careers . You

30:55

could take on even the same journey

30:57

. You could take the same road and

30:59

not drive the same cars . You

31:02

could drive the same cars and

31:04

not treat the car the same way . So

31:07

just cause you have the same vision doesn't

31:09

mean you are good for each other . You

31:12

have to stay open-minded , curious

31:15

, vigilant and learn

31:17

from the person in front of you

31:19

so you know with

31:22

your body , heart and

31:24

mind potentially your soul

31:26

that the

31:28

person in front of you is your

31:31

person or not . So

31:35

do not skip steps

31:37

. There are so many steps during

31:39

the dating process . Again

31:42

, people call dating whatever

31:45

they want to call it , but at

31:47

the core of it there

31:49

are steps , and those steps

31:51

are not to be skipped . So

31:54

just cause someone has

31:56

a different perspective of certain

31:59

topics or certain things from

32:01

yours doesn't mean you

32:03

are not in alignment . You could be totally

32:06

different , totally different

32:08

from someone and still

32:10

be good for each other . Alignment

32:13

just means do we envision

32:16

life the same , or

32:18

can we navigate each

32:20

other's vision

32:23

and differences and

32:25

still build life together

32:27

in a loving , respectful

32:29

and condoning way ? Even

32:32

when you are different , can

32:34

you still build life with that

32:36

person ? Can you

32:39

? Are you mature enough to

32:41

navigate your differences and

32:44

still love each other in a very

32:46

beautiful way ? Right , because

32:49

differences really don't mean much

32:52

different . Like everybody's different

32:54

even in the nonsense

32:57

. Equally yog statement

33:00

people are never the

33:02

same . You could believe the same

33:04

. You could believe in the

33:06

same things and not be

33:09

the same people at all . Right

33:11

, so people get stuck

33:14

into the statement and don't necessarily

33:17

see what's in front of them . If

33:19

, no matter how different

33:22

I am from someone , those

33:24

differences could be the

33:26

key from my involvement

33:28

. Those differences , someone

33:30

being different could be the challenging

33:33

aspect of my life that I need to

33:36

move forward in my life or to grow

33:38

exponentially . My

33:41

wife currently is

33:44

very different from me . I

33:47

mean , we have the

33:49

same sense of humor but

33:51

we don't like the same jokes . That

33:54

don't mean the same to us

33:56

. We have

33:58

the same zest for life . We

34:01

love traveling , but

34:03

we don't like the same countries

34:06

. I want to go

34:08

to Japan , probably potentially

34:11

spend about month or two . She

34:14

does not want to spend a month or

34:16

two in Japan because she's not excited

34:18

about Japan the same way I am . I'm

34:20

excited about Japan because I love

34:23

anime , I love the language

34:25

, the culture , I

34:27

love the tea ceremony . She

34:31

is excited about Japan because

34:33

it's a one more country that she

34:35

wants to visit , not because

34:38

of all the stuff that I'm interested in right

34:41

. Here's another example . We

34:44

both love cars . We

34:47

don't love the same kind of cars and

34:50

we don't love cars for the same reasons . I

34:53

love cars because they

34:56

always give

34:58

me this sense of personality

35:01

. I like a car that shows

35:03

my personality a

35:05

lot of people will talk about . They

35:08

want Lamborghinis and Ferraris

35:10

and Aston Martins and all

35:12

those stuff . Don't get me wrong , those cars

35:14

are all great . If

35:17

anybody was to offer me a Lamborghini , I'll

35:19

take it . I will not take my money

35:21

and go buy a Lamborghini , though , because

35:24

I see

35:26

cars as an

35:28

extension , as extension of people's

35:30

personality , and

35:32

so a Lamborghini does not reflect

35:34

my personality . I am more

35:37

the Range Rover

35:39

, rose , royce , bentley

35:41

, you

35:45

know I am . I will get

35:47

to those cars first

35:49

, maybach . I'll get to those cars

35:51

first before I

35:54

buy a Bugatti Veyron

35:56

, an Audi R8

35:58

, those toys

36:01

, because that's what I see them , that's

36:03

how I see them . I see them as toys . For

36:07

my wife , an antique

36:09

Mustang is an extremely

36:13

luxurious car . She

36:15

loves cars because she loves antiques

36:17

. She loves antiques , catalogs

36:19

, antiques Mustang . She

36:22

loves the old

36:24

school Nissan , the

36:28

, you know she , she

36:30

just like the , the Z150

36:33

, the Z180

36:35

. She loves the antiques , she loves cars

36:38

. Her personality is old

36:40

school , she loves the antiques and

36:42

that's why she loves cars . So , even

36:44

though we both love cars , we

36:46

love cars for different reasons . We

36:48

are very different , like

36:50

in so many . I can go on and on

36:52

. The reason we mesh so

36:55

right is because we

36:57

one , are able to

36:59

communicate those differences to each

37:01

other in a very loving way

37:04

. Two , we

37:06

are able to navigate those

37:09

differences because we communicate

37:11

about them very frequently . Three

37:15

, we have

37:18

established certain boundaries

37:20

that make each other comfortable

37:23

enough to be

37:25

everything that we want to be

37:27

, whether we are together or

37:30

separate . So I have

37:32

no problem being this geek

37:34

, nerdy , anime like

37:36

in video game addict , very

37:40

freaky type

37:42

of person . I'm no problem

37:44

being all of that just because my

37:46

wife is fully aware of who I am and

37:49

she's a precious those things in me

37:51

. I can be everything

37:53

I want to be because

37:55

I have fully displaced

37:58

those things and I've been fully

38:00

transparent to her and

38:03

she knows what I'm about

38:05

. She knows that beyond

38:08

those things , there is a

38:11

character that she likes above

38:14

and beyond . That's superficial

38:16

. So , and same thing for her

38:18

, there's a lot of things

38:20

that she , she

38:22

loves and does and she's

38:25

into that . She was

38:27

honest about from the get

38:29

go that I fell in love with , regardless

38:31

of the differences , and

38:33

to me that's what makes her beautiful

38:36

, because she's 100%

38:38

everything that she wants to be and authentic

38:41

and consistent with everything

38:43

she showed me . So are

38:45

you able to navigate

38:47

the differences , your

38:49

differences , and still build

38:52

life together in

38:54

a loving , respectful and

38:57

condoning way ? Those

38:59

are three things . Number one curb

39:02

your expectations . Two um

39:06

, what was two ? Again , I

39:09

forgot um . Two

39:11

basically learn to capitalize

39:14

on the dating phase and ask all

39:16

the right questions that will really

39:18

enable you , with information , to

39:21

make educated decision

39:23

on who you have in front of you . I

39:26

mean you are fully considering

39:29

, listening , evaluating

39:31

the person in front of you and not their words

39:33

. Three do not

39:35

skip steps and look

39:38

for alignment , not agreement

39:40

. Alignment

39:42

is not agreement , but agreement can

39:44

be alignment . So what you're looking for is

39:47

alignment , not agreement , because

39:49

agreement just means you have a lot

39:51

of similarities . It doesn't mean you're good for

39:53

each other . Alignment

39:55

means you're . You

39:58

could be different or similar , but

40:00

are you able to navigate each other and

40:03

still love each other for the long

40:05

term . So I hope those

40:07

three things make your life better as

40:09

you're dating . If you just started dating

40:11

, I hope those three things have

40:14

relieved the pressure , make

40:16

it a lot Less stressful

40:19

for you . I hope those three things really

40:22

paint a picture , a clear

40:24

picture For you to

40:26

understand . All

40:28

you need is inside

40:31

you and you need to fully

40:33

look inside you to find

40:35

your person . And if

40:37

whatever you find inside you

40:39

is not Looking

40:42

good , well , you

40:44

need to Find

40:46

whichever possible ways as is

40:49

to make it look good . If

40:51

you need to heal , you

40:53

go heal on your own term or

40:55

you can find someone to heal with

40:58

. If you need to Grow

41:02

, you can grow on your own time

41:04

or Find someone to grow

41:06

with . It's your decision , or

41:08

you need to do all of that

41:10

based on your Definition

41:13

of life . So I have , I

41:15

have this episode kind of added some value

41:17

to you and

41:20

I hope I was able to

41:22

, at the very least , entertain

41:25

you . The

41:27

last thing I'm gonna end

41:29

this with is that Dating

41:33

, basically , is beautiful . It's a beautiful thing

41:36

, it's . I wish

41:38

everybody could be dating

41:41

a cool date at least

41:43

once in their life and and

41:45

get something beautiful out of it , something

41:47

productive . I think many

41:50

times we look at dating as If

41:53

it didn't go my way , then I wasted my

41:55

time , and I think this

41:57

is a very wrong way to look

41:59

at it , because when

42:02

you're dating , there's so

42:04

many things that can happen . I've

42:07

heard of people getting Beautiful

42:10

opportunity , beautiful career opportunities , because

42:13

they did it , somebody who opened

42:15

doors for them . I've heard

42:17

stories about people healing cancer

42:20

because they've dated somebody who empowered

42:22

them and Help their mind

42:24

evolve . I've

42:28

heard stories about people healing their

42:31

heart because they met somebody

42:34

who who Empowered

42:38

them and help them through healing

42:40

and growing . You know , there's so many

42:42

things that can happen when you're dating

42:44

. You don't even need to end

42:46

up Marrying the person

42:49

that you've dated . But

42:51

if you learn to see positives

42:55

, silver lining , in

42:57

Everything that you go through

42:59

which is not an easy thing to do I

43:01

think you will still find , in even

43:04

the weirdest situations , beautiful

43:07

, beautiful things that make you a better

43:09

person . If you focus on those things

43:12

, that's all you're gonna see . So

43:14

learn to take everything

43:17

that you go through . Learn

43:19

to Take everybody

43:21

you come across as an opportunity

43:24

to learn from , to

43:26

grow , to evolve to

43:28

, to discover yourself

43:30

even more . Appreciate

43:33

it , be grateful for it , live

43:35

with it . Don't analyze it too

43:37

much , just appreciate it

43:40

, understand it and move on

43:42

. That's

43:51

it for this episode of the you plus

43:53

me boulevard show . I hope you've enjoyed

43:55

our conversations about

43:57

the nuances of dating

44:00

, what it means for

44:02

you and Three things you

44:04

can do to remove Some

44:06

of the pressure in your dating process

44:09

, in your dating phase . Remember

44:11

relationships are complex

44:13

and ever-changing and there is no

44:15

one-size-fits-all solution

44:17

. But by staying

44:19

curious , open-minded and compassionate

44:22

, we can all learn and grow together

44:24

. If you have any questions

44:26

, comment or suggestions for

44:29

future episodes , please don't

44:31

hesitate to reach out to me . I'm

44:34

on Instagram with

44:36

the handle th number

44:38

three L u v D

44:42

u d . Number

44:44

three , that's the love dude

44:46

. Th 3 L

44:49

u v D u d

44:51

. 3 the love dude . On

44:53

Instagram or you

44:55

can always Leave a

44:58

review . Please actually subscribe

45:00

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45:14

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45:16

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45:19

value or feedback

45:21

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45:24

episode of the entire

45:26

show . Feel free to

45:28

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45:31

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45:33

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45:35

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45:38

well , so you can always subscribe to the podcast

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that you personally will wash out to

45:43

stay up to date on the latest

45:45

episodes . I will

45:47

also start defining

45:49

the days . I will choose

45:51

two days in the week when

45:54

I will consistently publish episodes

45:56

every week , so stay tuned

45:58

for that . Thank you for listening again

46:00

and until next time , take care of yourselves

46:03

and each other .