Moving Forward with Life Anyways, Even when we forgot to get skinny, be financially successful, or become amazingly interesting.

For many of us who are getting to be middle-aged, or older than that, our kids don’t need us like they used to. When I look at my family environment, I realize that over the years when I’ve come home from work, it’s been so easy to just binge on Netflix or get on Facebook rather than connecting with my child or spouse.

Even though we’re more digitally connected than we’ve ever been, loneliness is on the rise. I’ve looked at my life and realized how consumed I was in my work. When I come home from work a lot of times, my brain feels so fried to the point that I don’t have a lot of energy left for my family. I’ve let that narrative impact my whole life, and now I’m realizing that the most important thing is connecting with the people we love.

As human beings, we are social creatures. Our ancestors really strived by living with other people. My mom was a stay at home mom, and she was in charge of making sure that Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. happened; she was the gatherer of everyone. I feel the same responsibility in my family. It’s up to me to ensure that those connections and gatherings happen.

I’ve always procrastinated and told myself “yeah, yeah, I’ll get to that.” What’s happened is that I look at my life, and my age, and realize that there’s so much that I haven’t got around to doing:I didn’t become super buff, I didn’t become as interesting as I wanted to become, and I didn’t travel as much as I wanted, and here I am. 51-years-old and wondering if my life has passed me by.

It hasn’t. I did Landmark Forum (a weekend-long life transformation event) years ago, and they have this expression: “living on the court.” The one thing that really stuck with me from Landmark is that I haven’t lived my life on the court in certain ways. Sure, on the outside I look pretty successful: I have a small law practice, I have a beautiful home, and there’s no question about those things. However, I’ve also lived on the sidelines in so many ways.

I live on the water, and although it’s cold, my family goes swimming in it almost every day in the summer. Because I have body issues, I’ve hardly gone in the water at all in the eighteen years I’ve been living in this house. What kind of tragedy is that? I’ve stood on the sidelines while I’m too shy or insecure to get into the water along with everyone else.

I have some friends who live in my neighborhood and they have three kids. This family lives on the court! The husband and wife go out to art events all the time. The kids travel with their parents. They swim every day in the water. I think about how often I think that I’m too tired to focus on having conversations and that it’s so easy to dive into Netflix. Yet, look at this family. The other night, they invited us over for supper. Next thing you know, we’re sitting around the table and telling stories. There was a vibrant energy.

While people who know me might say that I’m always in action, I think I could do better. Now, at 51-years-old, I’m really jumping into that role of matriarch for my family. I’m not going to allow the story of being tired or overwhelmed to burden me or stop me from connecting with the people who are most important in my life.