0:00

Hello, my name is

0:00

Jeremy Melder, and I'm the

0:02

presenter from beaming green.

0:02

Before we start, I would like to

0:07

acknowledge that this podcast is

0:07

being held on the traditional

0:11

lands of the bundjalung people

0:11

and paying our respects to

0:15

elders both past, present and

0:15

emerging. The beaming green

0:22

podcast is a weekly pod, which

0:22

will help you to take out some

0:27

of the stress and confusion

0:27

about how to live your life more

0:31

sustainably. And we do this by

0:31

introducing people that have

0:36

first hand experience and

0:36

expertise in all aspects of

0:40

sustainability. So you can get

0:40

some amazing insight on how you

0:45

can implement simple and

0:45

practical solutions to enhance

0:49

your life and the lives of your

0:49

family. Welcome to Episode 10 of

0:57

beaming grain. I want to thank

0:57

all the participants that have

1:02

been on my show, and also you

1:02

the listener of beaming grain

1:07

when I started with the idea of

1:07

setting up this podcast in late

1:14

March, early April, I would not

1:14

have thought I would have got to

1:18

Episode 10. So I'd like to thank

1:18

you all for your support. Today

1:26

I'm speaking with Henrico

1:26

shriya, who I've known for

1:31

nearly eight years. She's a life

1:31

coach and NLP practitioner and

1:38

hypnotherapist Today we're going

1:38

to be talking a little bit about

1:42

relationships, sustainability of

1:42

relationships, and also how to

1:48

deal with things that are coming

1:48

up in COVID times. Henrike

1:56

Schreer, welcome to beaming

1:56

green. Now it's been about eight

1:59

years, I believe that we've

1:59

known each other and I know that

2:04

your NLP practitioner, a life

2:04

coach, a hypnotherapist, a

2:09

mother, and an all round great

2:09

person. I know that you're from

2:16

East, Germany, and maybe we can

2:16

start from when your journey

2:20

started, when he came over to

2:20

Australia or how you came to

2:23

Australia. That'd be a good start, wouldn't it? I

2:24

can do Hi,

2:24

Jeremy. It's really nice being

2:27

here. And yet it's been eight

2:27

years you actually one of the

2:29

first people I met when I moved

2:29

up to the Northern Rivers. So

2:33

congratulations for that. Um,

2:33

and yes, it's been a wild ride.

2:38

I've actually just realized

2:38

recently that it's been pretty

2:41

exactly 10 years I've been in

2:41

Australia. But yeah, the journey

2:44

started in Eastern Germany

2:44

behind the Iron Curtain and 79.

2:48

So I got like, for the first 10

2:48

years of my life, I did get the

2:52

other side of the iron curtain.

2:52

But my mom and I actually left a

2:56

couple of years before the wall

2:56

came down. We got permission to

3:01

leave the country after waiting

3:01

for a few years and having to go

3:04

through all the process and

3:04

drama of that not too much me

3:07

but my my mother. So yeah, we've

3:07

seen that system and

3:11

dictatorship. And we've seen the

3:11

other side. So that in itself,

3:14

sometimes it's hard to believe,

3:14

to actually have lived in that

3:19

system for a while. And yeah,

3:19

interesting frame that we get to

3:23

experience sometimes history in

3:23

real time as we go, but yeah,

3:29

I've been in Australia for 10

3:29

years, we came from my ex

3:31

husband's work. And that was the

3:31

time where I gave up my initial

3:36

career in Germany and decided to

3:36

become a life coach and then

3:42

hypnotherapy and those things

3:42

came along with that. Did the

3:45

training and then two years into

3:45

our time in Australia, we

3:48

separated? So this is your

3:48

husband and

3:51

you You came over

3:51

here for his work or his work?

3:54

And then two years later you separate

3:55

Yeah, wow, that

3:55

happens to the best of us

3:58

doesn't it came a little bit

3:58

unforeseen and certainly had its

4:02

challenges when you're like 25

4:02

or 20 something thousand

4:05

kilometers away from your

4:05

support system, and you don't

4:08

have a fixed job and income

4:08

anymore. And you have a little

4:11

kid at the time my son was six,

4:11

no, eight, it was eight when we

4:15

separated. So that was a steep

4:15

learning curve. And it was

4:18

definitely and giving me quite a

4:18

bit of momentum was my coaching

4:22

journey because I got to apply

4:22

everything that I was teaching

4:26

and am teaching my clients to

4:26

my own life and experiment in

4:30

real time with how it's working.

4:30

So yeah, brilliant opportunity.

4:33

So I presume there's been you know, like you've got your NLP you've got

4:35

your life coaching, then you've

4:40

got your little torment that

4:40

you've got your heart with your

4:43

breakup. How did you deal with

4:43

that? Did you find that NLP and

4:48

life coach had those those tools

4:48

help you in your life?

4:51

Totally. I

4:51

mean, the thing is in life

4:53

throughout, it's not going to be

4:53

ever that no matter how much

4:56

work we do on ourselves, that

4:56

there's not going to be triggers

4:59

and situations. things that are

4:59

happening externally that are

5:03

not gonna like blow us over for

5:03

a moment. The question is, how

5:07

quickly Are you able to get back

5:07

up? And how resourceful Are you

5:10

in dealing with whatever life is

5:10

throwing your way. And with

5:14

that, I found that the tools

5:14

that I had learned already and

5:18

that I was learning in the

5:18

process were invaluable. Like, I

5:22

remember the night that I found

5:22

out that he was going to leave,

5:25

I actually, obviously, like you

5:25

have a bit of a meltdown and

5:28

drama and pain. And at the same

5:28

time, remember that I told

5:32

myself something really

5:32

resourceful was like, if this

5:36

was the biggest opportunity in

5:36

my life to start completely from

5:40

scratch, what would I want my

5:40

life to be like? And so that

5:44

like coming in with thinking

5:44

that focuses on the outcome we

5:49

have in mind and what we do want

5:49

out of life, rather than being

5:53

entirely and completely caught

5:53

up in the drama, The pain, etc?

5:57

Doesn't mean I didn't have pain.

5:57

Of course, that's natural. I

6:00

mean, it was never funny, it

6:00

wasn't funny for quite a while.

6:05

But also being able to step away

6:05

enough from the immediate

6:08

challenges to see, for example,

6:08

who do I want to be in the big

6:12

picture? And how do I want to be

6:12

able to show up, and one of the

6:15

frameworks I sometimes use with

6:15

my clients, and I used on myself

6:18

there was, if I was to write a

6:18

book about this, and 10 years

6:22

time, who do I wish I had been

6:22

as the hero of my own journey,

6:28

because I certainly don't want

6:28

to write, like all the nasty

6:31

things, you know, that I could

6:31

be doing or how I could

6:34

behaving? And still, he's the

6:34

father of my child as well. So

6:37

how can I show up in a way that

6:37

allows me to bring my best and

6:43

highest self to the table? and

6:43

drive the situation, at least

6:48

from my end with what is within

6:48

my sphere of influence? Yeah, in

6:53

the best possible way. So and

6:53

kind of this sort of

6:56

resourceful, outcome driven,

6:56

rational thinking, whilst

7:01

obviously also holding space for

7:01

the emotions coming?

7:04

Um, did you have

7:04

any support systems at all in

7:07

terms of, you know, friends? And

7:07

so because you were only two

7:10

years in Australia, did you have

7:10

that to call on as well?

7:12

I had a coup

7:12

e of really, really lovely frien

7:14

s and camera, and they were ve

7:14

y supportive. And at the sa

7:18

e time, you still feel I thi

7:18

k everybody does, to a degree fe

7:21

l profoundly alone, because th

7:21

n there's the family isn't ther

7:23

, and the friends you've known f

7:23

r all your life on there, but n

7:26

t I must say, I had some real

7:26

y amazing friends who real

7:28

y showed up for me as well. And

7:28

t the same time, I think t

7:32

e default that a lot of people

7:32

o into, especially being the o

7:36

e who is being left will be ou

7:36

, how bad is that? How mean is

7:39

he you known and starting this

7:39

whole, kind of almost support

7:43

ng you and talking yourself

7:43

into a really unresourceful

7:46

tate of mind. And that was som

7:46

thing I really, most of the

7:50

time at least really put a bou

7:50

dary up with where that well

7:53

as also saying, look, we bot

7:53

have a part to play in this. An

7:56

he's a good guy, basically

7:56

he was figured out for himself,

7:59

that he doesn't want to be

7:59

in this relationship anymore

8:02

So not kind of falling into t

8:02

at trap of bad mouthing t

8:05

e other person, you know, an

8:05

didn't mean that I wouldn't v

8:09

nt with my friends on occasions

8:09

s well. But I kept that to a

8:13

inimum, more so than just it bei

8:13

g about him. It was actually a

8:18

out me, practicing somethin

8:18

that I would now call emoti

8:22

nal and mental hygiene. Rig

8:22

t, like being really clear abo

8:27

t who I want to be how I want

8:27

o live, running my own race, i

8:32

a way. Yeah. Rather than

8:32

getting dragged into that lower

8:36

quality thinking or, you know, t

8:36

e drama of it, because what real

8:41

y, does the drama, contribut

8:41

to the life I

8:48

It's an easy thing to fall into that that drama isn't? I mean, I think

8:49

I've been through a relationship

8:54

breakup as well. And you know,

8:54

found that you can get caught up

8:58

in that whole story of the

8:58

drama. What do you so what are

9:03

the tools? You know, you've said

9:03

that you've thought about this,

9:06

if you were to write a book, you

9:06

know, for 10 years, and so on,

9:09

what's the sort of short term

9:09

things that people that are

9:13

caught up in drama? You didn't?

9:13

You didn't get so caught up in

9:16

the drama, but if Look at me, I

9:16

did quite I got caught up in

9:19

drama.

9:19

I do as well.

9:19

It's not that it never happens.

9:22

It's just like flipping yourself

9:22

out of it as quickly. Yeah.

9:24

So what are some

9:24

of those tools? Like if you've

9:26

encountered people that are

9:26

doing that now? Yeah. What do

9:31

you suggest they can do?

9:32

Okay, so

9:32

there's one framework that I do

9:34

with every client and basically

9:34

every session that is really

9:37

practical and really easy

9:37

actually, to do for yourself is

9:40

to almost like think as if you

9:40

had a GPS system for your

9:44

reality, when you have a car,

9:44

right? And you program your GPS,

9:48

because you want to go

9:48

someplace, what are the two

9:50

coordinates that the car needs

9:50

or the GPS needs in order to

9:53

take you and

9:54

so where you start from and where you want to get to?

9:56

That's right.

9:56

And we are all really tapped

9:59

into To usually where we are at

9:59

right now. And then if people

10:03

are having issues, they're

10:03

really tapped into why they

10:05

don't want to be there. And they

10:05

can give you the whole big story

10:08

about how bad it is and how

10:08

unhappy they are frustrated and

10:11

how everybody else is doing the

10:11

wrong thing, right. So they are

10:13

basically floating around that

10:13

coordinate of where they are

10:17

right now, navel gazing and

10:17

keeping their focus on what they

10:21

don't want. What only very

10:21

little people realize is that

10:25

they need to give their system

10:25

their awareness, their mental

10:28

focus, the other coordinate of

10:28

where they want to be instead.

10:33

And then doesn't mean I don't

10:33

want to be said, I don't want to

10:35

be unhappy. It's like, okay, so

10:35

if you don't want to be sad,

10:38

what do you want to be if you

10:38

don't want to be angry? What do

10:41

you want to be, and have a clear

10:41

contrast between the old thing

10:45

and you can almost use the old

10:45

problems, to help you define

10:48

what the opposite is what you do

10:48

want, because if, for example, I

10:51

had, say, relationship issues,

10:51

because somebody never listens

10:54

to me or whatever, you can say I

10:54

care, I want to be in a

10:56

relationship where the other

10:56

person is present with me. But

10:59

also, I'm really present with

10:59

them. Because obviously, the

11:02

next thing is, I can't control

11:02

anybody else and the externals

11:06

around me, all I can control is

11:06

who I am and how I show up. So

11:10

first step is get clarity around

11:10

where you do want to be, and you

11:15

wouldn't sit in your car, right

11:15

and bang your hand angry on your

11:18

GPS system crying going. I don't

11:18

like it here. I don't like it

11:22

here. If somebody came by and

11:22

was watching you, they would go

11:24

like, Okay, so what do you say

11:24

where you want to go? I don't

11:28

know. But I really don't like it

11:28

here. With that example, you can

11:31

see how stupid that is. And yet

11:31

we're all doing it when it comes

11:34

to that and resourceful thinking

11:34

being stuck in our dramas. Okay,

11:37

so then tell me, what do you

11:37

want and frame it in a positive

11:41

way that you can actually move

11:41

to what I can't go to? Not

11:44

Melbourne? Yeah, but I can go to

11:44

Sydney. Yes, that makes sense.

11:47

So have clarity on where you

11:47

want to be and then see the

11:50

trajectory of the steps you are

11:50

taking as to what are things I

11:54

can proactively do? Who do I

11:54

need to be? How do I need to

11:57

show up in day to day activities

11:57

and in my thinking Mental

12:01

Hygiene in order to create that,

12:01

instead of the old thing and put

12:06

my focus on creating what I

12:06

want, instead of circling

12:09

emotionally around what I don't

12:09

want instead? Yeah, yeah. So

12:13

that's the first thing, then the

12:13

really run your own race, get

12:16

clear about what is in your

12:16

circle of influence. And usually

12:19

the behavior of your kids, your

12:19

partner, your colleagues are not

12:23

part of your circle of

12:23

influence, however, you showing

12:27

up in your best possible way

12:27

will often change the dynamic.

12:31

And that might sometimes mean

12:31

that some people might fall away

12:34

from you know, with your own

12:34

kids, for example, it's not

12:37

usually that easy. Yeah. But

12:37

that we put up with I'm raising

12:40

a teenager, so we all putting up

12:40

with things to a certain degree,

12:44

he puts up with me as well.

12:44

Absolutely. It's not that we

12:46

have a choice, right. But we're

12:46

certain other people, for

12:48

example, with friends who are

12:48

say very self involved, creating

12:52

even more drama, we do have a

12:52

choice of how much time we spend

12:56

with them, or how we maybe

12:56

choose to associate with other

13:00

people more of who are holding

13:00

us accountable who we want to be

13:03

and supporting us in that rather

13:03

than dragging us down and just

13:07

perpetuating the drama. Does

13:07

that make sense?

13:09

We'll be back in

13:09

a moment.

13:13

Hello,

13:13

everyone. My name is Mariani

13:15

from Bee Folk. And it is great

13:15

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Just go to the website, beaming

14:00

green.com and subscribe to be in

14:00

the drawer in the second week of

14:04

November.

14:07

Welcome back. So

14:07

in terms of dealing with, you

14:12

know, so you've got your child

14:12

max. So he would have been going

14:17

through his own journey as well.

14:17

But this whole breakup side of

14:20

things in terms of Have you got

14:20

any suggestions in terms of how

14:23

to frame that for your child?

14:23

You know, it's, uh, you know,

14:27

there's two sides to this

14:27

relationship with the Father and

14:32

how do you balance that, you

14:32

know, because I think I found

14:35

that confusing myself. You know,

14:35

and I must be confusing for the

14:40

child as well. Right

14:42

will be and I

14:42

mean, I think it's futile to

14:44

think that we can entirely fix

14:44

that and make it go away. It's

14:49

not really that and also, I'm

14:49

not a charge psychology expert.

14:53

I know that I've done the best I

14:53

could with what I had at the

14:57

time and I know that on some

14:57

levels. I will have failed, as

15:00

we all do, by the way, like just

15:00

the level of how do we mess up

15:04

our children? Like, what's your

15:04

version of crazy that you pass

15:07

on? Yeah. And obviously being as

15:07

self aware as possible. I think

15:10

a couple of things are, for

15:10

example, having really open

15:14

conversations with the kid but

15:14

without bagging, the ex partner.

15:18

Like, that's something I've done

15:18

only very rarely and caught

15:22

myself and even apologize to

15:22

max. Very rarely Will I ever say

15:26

something negative about his

15:26

father, probably nowadays, more.

15:30

So that was sometimes you know,

15:30

just having like an honest

15:34

little feedback, but especially

15:34

during those first few years, I

15:37

would never make any any

15:37

comments about his father. And

15:41

always point out that if we had

15:41

a conversation about something

15:44

would say, look, this is the way

15:44

that I see it. Yeah. And it's

15:48

not fair, if you don't ask dad

15:48

to get to share his version as

15:52

well, because he probably sees a

15:52

different just like you and I

15:55

sometimes have different

15:55

opinions, Max, it will be the

15:58

same there as well. So that

15:58

thing like honoring the partner,

16:03

because ultimately, for me, it

16:03

was always really important that

16:05

Max has a really healthy image

16:05

of his father, because he

16:09

develops his own masculinity,

16:09

modeling his own father. So if I

16:15

bag him or make him look bad,

16:15

or, you know, destroy his image

16:20

in front of his own child, I'm

16:20

only ever hurting my child, and

16:23

why would I want that. So as

16:23

gracious as you possibly can?

16:30

Obviously, it gets difficult if

16:30

the other partners are really

16:34

difficult person, like, I've

16:34

been lucky, I guess, in that

16:37

regard, not that we are great

16:37

friends, but that we are

16:41

respectful with each other,

16:42

and you have the

16:42

best interest of your child. And

16:44

I think he's

16:44

like that as well. And we

16:46

doesn't have we don't have to be

16:46

close friends, but we can have

16:49

the best interest of our child.

16:49

And yeah, and so and so I think

16:52

that that's something we're

16:52

doing well. And then, like

16:57

teaching your child resilience,

16:57

rather than fixing the problem,

17:01

like we can't call our children,

17:01

we can't like, you know, have

17:05

them live in a bubble. Reality

17:05

is that life, sometimes it's

17:08

hard, you know, not to use any

17:08

swear words here. But it's like,

17:13

sometimes it's just not easy.

17:13

And it's not fun, and it doesn't

17:16

feel good. And no, like, you

17:16

don't have a way of talking

17:20

ourselves into this being

17:20

awesome. It's just sometimes not

17:22

a divorce is not awesome. But

17:22

like, rather than trying to

17:27

smoothen it out, is to reuse it

17:27

as a learning opportunity for

17:30

resilience and role model that I

17:30

mean, ultimately, it's, you

17:33

know, monkey see monkey do, it's

17:33

like, they will show up. And I

17:37

find that very confronting

17:37

sometimes in the parenting

17:40

journey. It's like, you see the

17:40

reflection of yourself and your

17:42

kid and you're like, Ah, that's

17:42

what I do.

17:45

Yeah, I've

17:45

learned that lesson myself.

17:47

Yes. Like, ah,

17:47

you know, in the best and in the

17:51

last possible ways. So it's basically like, look at

17:53

the reflection that you're

17:56

getting back from your kid and

17:56

see where the opportunities lie

18:00

for you to step up and for you

18:00

to be even better.

18:04

Yeah, for sure.

18:04

Thanks for sharing that. I know,

18:06

that's close to you. But I also

18:06

wanted to chat to you about some

18:11

of the work that you're doing

18:11

with some of your clients that

18:15

are wanting to explore how they

18:15

can be bettering themselves or

18:20

if they want you to do their

18:20

enterprise or just, you know, do

18:23

life better? Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

18:23

there's, as you know, we've all

18:29

been encountering the challenge

18:29

of COVID-19. Yeah. Lots of

18:33

people have had challenges. You

18:33

know, there's a lot of people

18:38

with depression, there's a lot

18:38

of people with anxiety. What are

18:43

some of those coping mechanisms

18:43

that people can some simple,

18:47

basic things that they can do

18:47

every day? That could help them

18:53

you know, to be more

18:53

sustainable? This is a

18:55

sustainability, show.

18:56

going to say that it's all about sustainability. It's like, you

18:58

know,

18:59

if we can't, you

18:59

know, as a human being, if I

19:02

can't sustain a way that

19:02

approaches the world in a

19:06

sustainable way, then there's no

19:06

hope.

19:09

And without

19:09

hope, that's when we're really

19:11

lost. That's right, exactly

19:11

right. And I think that's the

19:14

biggest challenge. And again, it

19:14

comes back to that GPS example I

19:17

was giving you if you don't have

19:17

hope, and you are entirely

19:20

focusing all your energy or your

19:20

thinking on the negative and

19:23

what you don't have anymore, and

19:23

the pain around that you're

19:26

basically imploding emotionally.

19:26

So you do need to find that hope

19:30

or that next best thing to reach

19:30

for to shift your awareness away

19:34

from and that doesn't mean by

19:34

the way, just acknowledging

19:37

what's going on, emotionally

19:37

underneath it doesn't. It just

19:41

means Okay, being present with

19:41

this and honest about this. And

19:45

at the same time, also asking

19:45

yourself where do I want to go

19:48

from here and I think what's

19:48

happened with COVID is that for

19:52

a lot of people, externally,

19:52

things have collapsed um,

19:57

whether that is like a loss of

19:57

income or loss of food. Work and

20:00

therefore also meaningful

20:00

employment, therefore, then

20:03

certain contacts etc. And I must

20:03

say that in my environment,

20:07

somehow it's a little bit like a

20:07

happy land, a lot of people I

20:11

know also are doing really well.

20:11

I think up here in the Northern

20:15

Rivers, we're probably also

20:15

pretty lucky on how we are going

20:18

so far with it, we're blessed,

20:18

we have pretty blessed I think

20:21

so too. But at the same time, so

20:21

when things are falling away

20:25

from you, again, basically, it

20:25

doesn't feel good. So let's not

20:29

pretend it does. It's not

20:29

awesome. It's a it's a

20:32

challenge. And at the same time,

20:32

what's our circle of influence,

20:37

it's about showing up as the

20:37

best person we can, with what's

20:40

going on on the outside. Because

20:40

the outside, we can't change

20:44

what's going on, we can to a

20:44

degree as we are, you know,

20:47

looking to find a new job and

20:47

starting our own business or

20:49

something. But for the time

20:49

being, when you are caught in a

20:52

situation that's really

20:52

challenging, you can't change

20:55

what's going on, on the outside.

20:55

So let go of the idea of it

20:59

should be different. And all

20:59

that energy wasted on what other

21:03

people should be doing, what the

21:03

politicians should be doing, how

21:06

it's not fair, etc, there's a

21:06

lot of energy, often that's tied

21:10

up in the drama out there, where

21:10

nothing changes by wasting that

21:16

energy. So first of all, take

21:16

that energy back, I think that's

21:18

one really important thing, and

21:18

stop focusing on channels and

21:21

bring your energy back to you

21:21

and start focusing on what is

21:25

within your circle of influence.

21:25

And then often, what I found and

21:30

might have worked was

21:30

definitely, probably my biggest

21:33

learning opportunity in that

21:33

regard, is that those external

21:36

challenges and dramas forced you

21:36

to go inwards and shrink back

21:40

almost whether that's

21:40

financially or externally into

21:44

what really matters. Like for me

21:44

back then it was a big financial

21:47

challenge and was like, What is

21:47

an absolute must have, what's a

21:50

necessity, versus what is all

21:50

the stuff that's nice to have.

21:54

And I think for us as a society,

21:54

much as we don't like,

21:58

obviously, when big shifts like

21:58

that happen and catch us by

22:01

surprise. We might be looking

22:01

back at this in 1015 years time

22:06

and identify it as a starting

22:06

point of something much more

22:10

sustainable, sustainable in the

22:10

long run, where, for example,

22:14

the huge spending wasting money

22:14

on stuff we didn't need in the

22:17

first place might have stopped

22:17

where a lot of people might be

22:21

more mindful about their

22:21

spending about their, you know,

22:26

not living paycheck to paycheck,

22:26

but realizing that Yeah, maybe

22:29

that wasn't ideal, maybe, you

22:29

know, I read a book like the

22:32

Barefoot investor, big fan of

22:32

Scott Pape, Scott is a big fan

22:38

of him. And do you know, like,

22:38

take back those things, shrink

22:42

it back to essence, and then

22:42

redefine who we are, how we want

22:46

to live in this world and what

22:46

really matters. And then it's

22:50

like, gradually grow back from

22:50

there. But back from a true

22:55

essence, I think a lot of

22:55

falseness, a lot of pretend a

22:58

lot of stuff that's not really

22:58

us will fall away in the process

23:04

of big shifts like that, because

23:04

we have to face ourselves. And

23:08

we have to show up as the best

23:08

version of ourselves. If we want

23:11

to come out of that thriving,

23:11

not just surviving.

23:15

Yeah, look, I

23:15

totally agree with that. Because

23:17

I think that, you know, for so

23:17

long, people have been working

23:24

ridiculous hours,

23:25

countless hours,

23:25

you know, 70 to 80 hours, you

23:28

know, the kids have been

23:28

neglected. They'd be buying

23:31

takeaway food. And all of a

23:31

sudden, we've got COVID You

23:36

can't leave your house. And then

23:36

what do people do? They grow

23:39

vegetables, they start baking

23:39

bread. They make

23:42

home bread for

23:42

the first time in the years. I

23:46

was baking all my own bread when

23:46

I first arrived in Australia.

23:49

Yeah. And then gave that up and

23:49

didn't do that again. And now in

23:52

the last half year. I've been

23:52

breaking bread every week. Yeah.

23:56

And it's beautiful. Like they

23:56

have been good things. Like even

24:00

just, you know, when when we had

24:00

locked down here for this rather

24:03

short period of time, thank God.

24:03

I'm having dinner with my having

24:06

lunch with my son every day,

24:06

like sitting down actually

24:09

cooking a proper lunch, not just

24:09

a proper dinner, and then sit

24:12

down with him for a couple of

24:12

extra minutes. I'm having a

24:14

proper chat. How nice

24:16

yeah, that's what

24:16

I'm that's what I really

24:18

enjoyed. It's just much more

24:18

quality time. Yeah.

24:21

And so so yeah,

24:21

going back to the things that

24:24

are grounding us as well. I

24:24

think it's, if you want to speak

24:28

in Ayurvedic terms, you know,

24:28

these times when there's a lot

24:30

of mental issues and mental

24:30

challenges and external drama

24:34

can be a very bad time of time.

24:34

That's very airy, it's easy to

24:38

get caught up in thought loops

24:38

and and not be able to manage

24:41

yourself to get out of that

24:41

again. And so to counter that,

24:45

it's grounding, earthing, you

24:45

know, and water, like find ways

24:50

of slowing down of having both

24:50

feet on the ground, even if it's

24:55

just like out in your own

24:55

backyard barefoot for a couple

24:58

of minutes on the grass or by

24:58

The beach. If you're in

25:01

Melbourne, don't get to do that

25:01

as I think it's the thing. Yeah,

25:04

nice thing. So So those kind of

25:04

things, slowing yourself down

25:08

and asking yourself quality

25:08

questions. I think that's

25:10

another piece of advice. It's

25:10

because a lot of people will

25:14

start asking, Why me? Why is

25:14

this happening? Why? The thing

25:18

is a why question basically

25:18

affirms where you are, and gives

25:23

you all the rubbish reasons why.

25:23

So for example, just like, why

25:27

am I still single? Because I'm

25:27

fat, because I'm ugly, because

25:30

I'm stupid, because all men are

25:30

bad, because all the good ones

25:33

are taken. Listen to those

25:33

answers. None of them has any

25:37

value in changing it at only

25:37

affirms what is in the most

25:41

unrespectful rubbish explanation

25:41

sort of way? versus how question

25:47

is a better quality question to

25:47

us. So how could I be in a

25:50

loving relationship? Well, maybe

25:50

by going out starting to date

25:54

people maybe by developing

25:54

myself and work on the issues

25:57

that I've had that have surfaced

25:57

in their previous relationships?

26:01

Can you see the difference? Like

26:01

the why question is just keeping

26:05

you stuck, where you are giving

26:05

you all the good explanations

26:07

and excuses? versus a how

26:07

question how, and then whatever

26:11

what you do want instead, will

26:11

start you on a train of thought

26:16

that is getting you somewhere.

26:16

So Mental Hygiene, again, ask

26:19

yourself quality questions. And

26:19

with that, there's so many self

26:23

development and coaching books

26:23

out there who can provide good

26:28

quality questions. It's not just

26:28

about finding the answers is

26:30

often about yourself the better

26:30

question, and then dig in your

26:35

own mind? Not, you know, you

26:35

don't need to look at the

26:37

experts all the time at all the

26:37

answers. Take what's true for

26:40

you.

26:40

Yeah, yeah. So do

26:40

you think meditation has a part

26:45

to play in part of this, there

26:45

are many people that

26:48

does. And I

26:48

think and a lot of people that I

26:50

see are doing well are having a

26:50

meditation practice. I mean, you

26:53

know that my spiritual background, there is a meditation practice involved, I

26:55

must say, I'm not a big

26:58

meditator, I'm just finding it

26:58

very challenging to commit to

27:02

it. And at the same time,

27:02

whenever things get really

27:06

challenging, that's what I go

27:06

back home to. And that's whether

27:10

it's a walking meditation with I

27:10

sit in my chair on my little

27:13

veranda meditating, when really

27:13

things are out of whack. That's

27:18

what I go back to. And that's

27:18

what I do find really grounding.

27:21

I think that's fun. For a lot of

27:21

people. That's, that's a really

27:23

good practice, and then doesn't

27:23

like sometimes there's this

27:27

mistaken idea of that it is

27:27

like, sitting for hours, in an

27:31

uncomfortable position, trying

27:31

to not think of anything by

27:35

while being overwhelmed by all

27:35

the thoughts that come up.

27:37

There's a million different ways

27:37

of meditating. So to our

27:41

listeners, if you have found

27:41

meditation difficult because

27:43

that's the only way you've

27:43

tried. There's mindfulness

27:46

meditation, like, for example,

27:46

gazing at a candle, or taking a

27:51

walk and being really mindful of

27:51

looking at the little things by

27:55

the roadside. And there are

27:55

chanting meditations, mantra

27:59

meditations. That's what I

27:59

practice where you are engaging

28:01

your mind. In a specific mantra,

28:01

rather than trying to not engage

28:06

your mind. it's sometimes

28:06

difficult to not do something.

28:08

Yeah. So do something else

28:08

sometimes. Yes, right. There are

28:12

singing meditations. Like

28:12

there's a million different

28:14

ways. So if you find you would

28:14

like to start up a practice, but

28:18

whatever you have tried so far,

28:18

hasn't worked for you keep

28:20

looking. There's

28:21

Yeah, there's lots of podcasts. Yeah, absolutely. Good stuff, it was

28:23

really good stuff, I use one

28:27

that I've got that that's a

28:27

guided meditation, this varies

28:31

in so many out there, for sure,

28:31

they're really good to just do

28:34

it doesn't have to be long, it

28:34

can be 10 minutes or 15 minutes.

28:38

And it's

28:39

again about

28:39

controlling your own mind, not

28:42

so much about you know, Mind

28:42

Control, but about like learning

28:45

how to step away from your

28:45

thoughts enough for them not to

28:49

overrun you and run away with

28:49

you. But to be able to see them

28:54

with that little bit of

28:54

distance, a little bit of bird's

28:57

eye perspective, that will allow

28:57

you to emotionally detach from

29:01

the immediate drama, and take

29:01

that observer sort of mode that

29:06

often allows you to see things

29:06

for what they

29:08

really are. And

29:08

also for me, I find I breed so

29:13

well when I do them, you know,

29:13

because I find I don't know

29:16

about you but when I'm sitting

29:16

in front of a computer I really

29:19

realize how little I breathe

29:19

when I'm typing away so we know

29:23

we're so programmed to not

29:23

breathe is so concentrated and

29:27

so on that you know even if we

29:27

did go for a walk with breathe

29:30

better than sitting in front of a computer

29:32

so percent and

29:32

you know what's really sweet as

29:34

well as a couple breathing

29:34

together like either in an

29:38

embrace and actually consciously

29:38

both focusing on the in and out

29:41

breath. Yeah, or as you are

29:41

going out together but really

29:45

tuning into that slower

29:45

breathing energy and in that

29:48

into that conscious energy. Yes,

29:48

very beautiful practice.

29:52

Now I'm curious

29:52

whether you do NLP which is

29:55

neuro linguistic programming.

29:55

Yeah. I want to know a bit more

29:59

about Can you tell me what that's all about?

30:01

Yeah, so if we look at those three words, right and your linguistic and

30:03

programming, so neuro obviously

30:06

it's it's the brain linguistic

30:06

is through words through the

30:10

language that we use and

30:10

positive auto suggestions or

30:13

negative ones. And then

30:13

programming is basically how are

30:16

the programs designed that we

30:16

are running in our own brain,

30:19

because we are running in a lot

30:19

of unconscious automated

30:22

patterns. In the bigger picture,

30:22

though, NLP is actually

30:27

basically a study of excellent,

30:27

so the developers of NLP

30:31

bandler, and grinder, grinder

30:31

grinder. They, and that was a

30:38

bunch of years ago, they were

30:38

basically looking to find models

30:42

of excellence, people who are in

30:42

whichever field they are in

30:46

achieving outstanding results,

30:46

and then breaking down into

30:50

micro steps, what specifically

30:50

it is that they are doing, that

30:54

allows them to get those

30:54

amazing, consistent results. So

30:57

they would work with the best

30:57

hypnotherapist, Milton Erickson,

31:01

with amazing family therapists,

31:01

with sports people with sales

31:05

people, etc, etc, to elicit from

31:05

them what the patents are that

31:10

these people are using, and then

31:10

be able to do exactly the same

31:14

thing, following the same steps

31:14

to get the same results. So

31:17

it's, and this is, by the way,

31:17

why an MP sometimes has a bad

31:20

rap, because those sales

31:20

strategies are incredibly

31:23

successful. And it's can

31:23

sometimes feel really

31:26

frustrating when you're on the

31:26

receiving end of them. Because

31:28

you don't want to be talked into

31:28

buying, you know, this concept

31:31

of that one, but almost you're

31:31

feeling almost compelled to do

31:34

it. So obviously, that's not the

31:34

kind of NLP that I want to

31:38

practice. But you can use it for

31:38

good you can use it in like, for

31:42

example hypnotherapy really

31:42

successfully. And and so there's

31:46

a couple of really beautiful

31:46

principles that NLP is based on

31:49

which for me, personally, I find

31:49

ties really well into my

31:53

spiritual background as well as

31:53

for example, the like, one of

31:58

the basic assumptions in NLP is

31:58

your whole complete and able,

32:02

everything you need is within

32:02

you right now. That's basically

32:06

you know, your spirit soul, you

32:06

know, divine nature, if that's

32:10

what you believe in, it's like,

32:10

everything is within you

32:13

already. And it's almost like

32:13

peeling. And this is where

32:16

coaching comes in. It's like

32:16

peeling the layers of

32:18

forgetfulness of who you truly

32:18

are away so that you can come

32:22

back to your true essence to

32:22

that true whole complete enable

32:26

nature. So it's basically like

32:26

with a soul, you know, you've

32:29

got this tiny, mean minute

32:29

particle of amazingness. Yeah,

32:33

and then all these layers of

32:33

social conditioning of our

32:36

upbringing of the times and days

32:36

we live in, of the pain that

32:41

we've gone through. Do you know,

32:41

there's so many things? Yeah.

32:45

And we can often play such a

32:45

small game in comparison to what

32:50

we're truly capable of. So by

32:50

peeling away those layers, which

32:53

coaching and NLP and

32:53

hypnotherapy and other

32:56

therapies, I guess, can do?

32:56

Yeah, it's like, we're freeing

32:58

ourselves from everything that

32:58

we are not to come back to the

33:02

true essence of who we are, and

33:02

then shine that light into the

33:05

world. Talking about COVID

33:05

talking about what are important

33:09

things. Yeah, like more of us

33:09

need to come back

33:12

to shining our

33:12

light. Absolutely. So just to

33:15

clarify, so if, if I'm having

33:15

some sort of thought pattern,

33:21

think like, for example, I'm

33:21

thinking about COVID-19 as being

33:24

this terrible monster. Would

33:24

could using NLP help to reframe

33:31

that?

33:31

If that's what

33:31

you want? in Word? Yeah, if it's

33:34

not what you truly want, and you

33:34

want? Yeah, that's very much my

33:37

question would be okay, so if

33:37

that's your issue, how is this a

33:41

problem for you right now would

33:41

build enough awareness of that

33:45

this is a problem you want to

33:45

let go off, to be ready to let

33:48

it go? And then I would ask you,

33:48

so how would you want to see it

33:52

instead? What would be a way of

33:52

looking at it that will serve

33:55

you that's good for you? And we

33:55

look in NLP coaching, we look at

33:59

kind of a resourceful outlook.

33:59

And we call that ecology. So is

34:02

it good for you? Is it good for

34:02

the people around you? And is it

34:05

good for the greater good, if

34:05

those three criteria of ecology

34:08

are met, then a behavior is seen

34:08

to be positive seem to be

34:12

helpful, there seemed to be

34:12

something support worthy through

34:15

the coaching, right? So if you

34:15

were to say, Okay, I want to

34:17

frame it as something that is

34:17

happening that I can't change.

34:21

But that within the setting that

34:21

we are in, I want to be able to

34:25

see that there can also be

34:25

opportunities, because there's

34:28

plenty of people out there who

34:28

are doing just fine. Oh,

34:31

actually, potentially even

34:31

better than before. Some

34:33

businesses are thriving, not

34:33

despite but because of it. So I

34:37

want to see the world with its

34:37

opportunities, and I want to be

34:42

able to within the setting that

34:42

we are in that I can't change,

34:47

live my best life. So that has

34:47

ecology. So then we would look

34:51

at, okay, how can we make this

34:51

happen and how can we shift

34:53

those thought patterns in order

34:53

for you to be more resourceful

34:57

with what was going on? Yeah.

34:57

Okay.

34:59

So You, you do

34:59

NLP, you do hypnotherapy and you

35:04

also do live coaching.

35:06

Yeah, so it's

35:06

all pretty tied in together.

35:08

It's not like one thing or the

35:08

other, like, basically I'm a

35:11

coach and two of the modalities

35:11

that I'm using are NLP and

35:15

hypnotherapy. So it kind of was

35:15

all mashed up in there together.

35:18

Yeah. And you you

35:18

do coaching sessions via Skype

35:23

and zoom and also face to face.

35:26

Yeah, whatever

35:26

happens, like if somebody see in

35:28

the area, I'm super happy to see

35:28

them at my house in my little

35:30

office. Um, and I have people

35:30

like, on all different

35:35

continents that I'm working with

35:35

us. Well, maybe once we're in

35:37

Australia, or no, overseas, or,

35:37

yeah, there's people everywhere.

35:41

Yeah. Well,

35:41

that's great. Now Henrico, I

35:43

want to put on a you've done

35:43

some lovely videos as well. Is

35:47

that right?

35:47

Yeah, that's a

35:47

that's a project we've started a

35:49

couple of months ago. It's

35:49

really cool. And with an old

35:52

friend of mine, we used to start

35:52

and manage a yoga retreat center

35:55

together, and he's gone on to

35:55

create this beautiful heart and

35:58

soul media, yoga life channel.

35:58

And, like recording heaps and

36:03

heaps of coaching related videos

36:03

and put it out there, we can

36:06

drop a link and

36:07

that'd be great.

36:07

I'd love to share that. Henrico

36:10

I really appreciate your time.

36:10

And it's great to reconnect

36:14

again. Oh, yes. I mean, on on a

36:14

show called baling grain. But

36:18

we're, it's really nice to sort

36:18

of see where you're at and what

36:21

you're up to. Now, if anyone

36:21

wants to connect with you, I'll

36:24

be putting all of this

36:24

information on the show notes.

36:27

And well, thank you for joining

36:27

us on beaming green Henrike.

36:31

Happy Days

36:31

Thank you so much, Jeremy. See

36:33

you soon

36:35

Thank you for

36:35

being part of the Beaming Green

36:37

podcast. The music for this

36:37

podcast is produced by Dave

36:42

Weir. Now we need more people to

36:42

get on board and raise awareness

36:47

about sustainability and climate

36:47

change. The more of us that are

36:52

shining the light on these

36:52

issues, the more governments and

36:57

business leaders will listen. We

36:57

would love you to subscribe to

37:02

our podcast, and share and

37:02

engage in social media so that

37:08

we can get some traction. Let's

37:08

support one another and envision

37:12

a brighter future. Thanks for

37:12

listening, and see you next

37:16

week.