0:17

I'm Claire Parker. And I'm Ashley Hamilton,

0:20

and this is the Leverde Memoir

0:22

Book Club. The podcast where

0:24

we, Claire Parker and Ashley Hamilton,

0:27

are reading celebrity memoirs for

0:30

the juice, the pulp, and

0:32

not the garbage.

0:34

You don't even let me try at

0:36

this point. You could give me a shot at it. Go to

0:38

town. celebrity member book club.

0:40

The podcast where we read the books that you don't

0:43

have to and we tell you what we think.

0:45

I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. I think

0:47

that we are two expert readers who've put

0:49

a lot of effort into reading tens

0:51

of thousands of celebrity memoirs and

0:54

no better opinion than ours to go with

0:56

your afternoon cup of tea. Ashley, do you have

0:58

anyone to think this week? Yes. This week,

1:00

I would like to thank Bolen Branch for

1:02

supporting our show. Try the sheets

1:04

that will make Ball the coziest season of the

1:06

year. Get fifteen percent off your first set

1:08

of sheets and free shipping when you

1:10

use the promo code worm at bolland

1:12

ranch dot com. And Claire?

1:15

Yeah. Thinking of getting cozy, how's

1:17

the first week of your fall going? If you were to write

1:19

memoir about it, what would you title the chapter?

1:21

Oh my god. I will title it trust in the universe.

1:24

Oh my god. I love that. I've had such

1:26

as served by the universe day. I had a

1:28

kind of tough weekend. This is our first recording

1:30

since we did the DC and Billy shows.

1:32

I just wanna say they were amazing. Thank you so much for

1:34

everyone who came out. Thank you guys so much.

1:36

I love you. It was so fun to meet you. It was

1:38

so fun to chat with you. Thank you so much,

1:40

everyone, who came. I hope you had fun. We did our

1:42

best. And we had fun. Besides

1:45

the shows, I had two little things

1:47

that were making me feel not safe.

1:49

And then, today, I woke up

1:52

and I was gonna meet my mom in the Flower District

1:54

of Manhattan because I'm doing my own flowers for the

1:56

wedding, so we wanted to do a run through. but on my way

1:58

to meet up with her, I realized I forgot

1:59

my phone and we also had not

2:02

secured a location for where we would meet. And the

2:04

Flower District is just like a couple of streets.

2:06

So it's not obvious where you would

2:08

go. And I was on this train and

2:10

I was like, I think I left it at my coffee shop.

2:12

I could go back and get it and be late to my mom

2:15

or I could just assume it's there and it's

2:17

safe and hope that someone

2:19

on the train just lets me borrow their phone. And

2:21

I was like, I feel like it's gonna work out. I'm just gonna

2:23

go ahead with the schedule. I don't really have time to go

2:26

back, I believe. And you know

2:28

what happened? You just found your mom. I

2:30

was sitting on bench waiting for the train and a

2:32

woman goes, are you that girl with the podcast?

2:34

and I was like, I am a girl with a

2:36

podcast and she was a worm and

2:38

she said hello and I was like, thank you for

2:40

saying hello to me, can I use your phone?

2:43

and she let me which was so fucking nice of

2:45

her and I was able to sit in my mom like I don't have a

2:47

phone twenty six and six and

2:49

we met up. I found her. And I went back to the

2:51

coffee shop to find my phone. And was it there?

2:53

No. It wasn't. Where

2:55

was it? It was on the steps

2:57

in front of my apartment because I I had

2:59

to tie my shoes crazy,

3:02

but I got it back. And it all

3:04

worked out. I just said it's a beautiful day outside.

3:06

the universe is here for me. I had

3:08

faith. I was like, I think it's gonna be okay.

3:11

And as somebody who's lost two phones in two years,

3:13

I was like, this was not a good bet to make.

3:15

But Today, we survived. We live

3:17

to tell the tale, baby. So thank you to

3:19

that woman who helped me, and thank you to the

3:21

great weather.

3:21

Okay,

3:22

you guys. I am recording this on my phone. I

3:24

had to pop in and tell you that I am

3:26

so excited we're coming to motherfucking Boston

3:29

October twenty seventh. Jazelle may have

3:31

fled town, but she left a perfect little

3:33

hole for me and Claire to pop by

3:35

October twenty seventh at last Boston.

3:37

The link to tickets is in the show notes

3:39

of this episode. And I

3:41

cannot wait to see you there. It's gonna be so much fun.

3:43

Okay. Back to the episode.

3:45

Ashley. Yeah. If you are

3:48

a celebrity and you are having a memoir, what would you

3:50

name this chapter weekday life.

3:52

I would name this chapter. It's

3:55

all happening. What's happening?

3:57

Our lives that we

3:59

are having so much fun. We got

4:02

to spend last weekend doing live shows.

4:04

I come from a naturally anxious nature.

4:07

I have a quite anxious family. I

4:10

am often able to

4:12

beat my anxious family members to the

4:14

punch. When I think about things, I think

4:16

they're gonna be anxious about it. How can I

4:18

get in front of it by thinking all of the worst

4:20

case scenarios first?

4:22

And I've decided No. I'm just

4:24

gonna live. I'm gonna laugh. I'm

4:26

gonna love. And things are

4:28

working out. I feel like we

4:30

have live that we just did. We have some more

4:32

live shows coming up. This is everything we've ever

4:34

wanted to do with our entire fucking lives.

4:37

It's true. When we got to sleep in our hotel

4:39

the second night when we shut our own bed and I didn't have to

4:41

sleep in the little baby cot at your

4:43

feet. I was like, wow. I can't

4:45

believe my job is hanging up my best friend.

4:47

I'm so lucky. So thank you guys. It's so

4:49

lucky. It's so fun. We

4:51

have been very busy lately. We've

4:53

had meetings, and I just feel very hopeful

4:55

about the things that are coming out of

4:57

them and our futures. And

5:00

I just am excited. I'm excited for the

5:02

path for the journey. I've decided to

5:04

stop focusing so much on what I can't

5:06

change. And then just be like, wait. The

5:08

things that I can change are

5:10

going really well. So good job.

5:12

Yay. Look at us. I feel like there's a great

5:14

pepping the step of the era. I hope you guys are having a good day

5:16

too. And if not, maybe tomorrow. I know.

5:19

My step is Peppy. I almost tripped

5:21

a couple of times because bugs

5:23

also a puppy stepper, and she that's

5:25

exactly. Yeah. She's crazy

5:27

when she walks. Should we get into this week's

5:29

memoirist? Yes. you

5:31

guys in metric opposition to

5:33

last week. Last week, I would say it was a problematic

5:36

memoir, not for any of

5:38

two thousand twenty two's reasons, but because

5:40

it was so detailed, it sucked. So this

5:42

week, we found a memoir that had almost

5:44

not one detail in it. I definitely recommend

5:46

that you guys get out your easels

5:49

and prepared to take notes. Because

5:51

the secret learning lessons, giselle

5:54

Bunchkin has lessons for us to

5:56

live on she created a path to a

5:58

meaningful life. And she's gonna create

5:59

one for you too. Step number one

6:02

is be six feet tall with giant bizongos

6:04

and perfect hair. If you can't

6:06

manage that part, then she can't help you

6:08

with the rest. Can I say this

6:10

book was like an almost a vacuum.

6:12

In the same way that you were saying last week, you

6:14

were repelled by the book. It had like

6:16

a magic force filled, a force

6:18

filled around it. This book force filled in me.

6:20

Every time I felt like I went to reach for it,

6:22

I would be like, okay. my hand

6:24

is getting closer, but it's just

6:26

not grasping on. Maybe I better go

6:28

wash my face. I think I wash

6:30

my face three times today. could not

6:33

read this book. Your eyes don't stick to the

6:35

pages because there's nothing on them. It's an

6:37

impossible journey up

6:39

a mountain that doesn't

6:41

exist. Yeah. It's kind of like

6:43

if you try to walk up a bowling alley, there

6:45

is something about it that is just like

6:47

a sand dune, but on a whole

6:49

day and you're like trying to walk up the hill

6:51

and you just can't.

6:54

However, there's definitely

6:56

parts of it that I don't disagree with. I mean,

6:58

that's because when you're speaking in the broadest

7:00

generalizations to ever have existed,

7:03

your bounded trip on something that

7:05

is true. I think that eating

7:07

healthy will make you feel good, and I do

7:09

think that being beautiful is so

7:11

fun. I don't know. Like,

7:13

I'm okay. Can I say she actually makes being

7:15

beautiful seem not that fun, but not in

7:17

any specific sense just in a way where I

7:19

would I'm like, well, she is beautiful, but I don't

7:21

want her life. Should we dive

7:23

in, I guess. Jazelle

7:25

Caroline Bunchkin was

7:27

born July twentieth

7:29

nineteen eighty would like to point out

7:31

that she is a cancer and she says, you know,

7:33

because crabs love their food, which

7:35

was not something I'd ever actually heard about a crab.

7:38

I've never said crabs. They eat well.

7:40

I think they eat the bottom of the ocean.

7:42

I think they're like algae suckers. I've

7:44

never even considered what crabs eat. I

7:46

don't know that they eat anything. I think they are

7:48

born with sex full of nutrients in their

7:50

tummy when they suck up all the sack they die.

7:53

Nobody fact check Don't tell

7:55

me. I don't wanna know. I like

7:57

what I think. This book came out in twenty

7:59

eighteen so she was thirty eight years old

8:01

and she is currently forty

8:03

two years old. And in a

8:05

little bit of marital

8:08

dis, which is the opposite of marital bliss,

8:11

marital bliss. Sorry. She's in a little

8:13

bit of marital bliss, which

8:15

is the opposite of marital bliss. Should I keep that

8:17

entire journey that getting me to saying it right

8:19

in? Yeah. I like it when

8:21

you have marples in your mouth. My

8:23

tongue's too big. I think when Damon made him

8:25

allergic to something and it's gonna answer a lot

8:27

of the problems I have with speaking. one

8:29

day, I'm gonna find out that I actually have been deathly

8:31

allergic to, like, milk this whole time and my tongue is

8:33

two times as big as this should be. Okay. So this

8:35

introduction is

8:37

everything that should have been

8:39

the whole book? It's

8:41

just the story of her life

8:43

real quick. My name is Chisel Calin

8:45

Bunchin. I've worked as a fashion model for the past twenty three

8:47

years as born in nineteen eighty. Grew up in

8:49

horizontal Tina, which is a small town in

8:51

southern Brazil. She's a fifth generation

8:53

German descent on both sides, which I kinda wonder

8:55

how? How do you keep it so German

8:57

in Brazil? But she's one

8:59

of six. She's a twin. Her

9:01

and her twin are the middle too. When she

9:03

was thirteen years old, she was already five foot nine inches.

9:05

Her mom put her in a modeling class to help with

9:07

her posture, back it up, Her

9:09

mom put her and two sisters in

9:11

a modeling class to help with her

9:14

posture. Do you think of that's true or do you

9:16

think she said one of you could be a model I

9:18

can't just say it about only one. I do

9:20

think that that's true. Because I

9:22

do think of three sisters

9:24

in modeling school, one became

9:26

the model of the decade and two

9:29

became the proprietors of her

9:31

business. She came in

9:33

second, got to go to Sao Paulo,

9:35

where she came in top ten, and

9:37

then she got to go to a p she went to

9:39

Sao Paulo for a modeling contest. And

9:41

then she went to a pizza.

9:43

Yes. And she took a pill just kidding. She would

9:45

never. She would literally never. A year later in

9:47

nineteen ninety five, I moved to Sao Paulo to launch my

9:49

modeling career. I was fourteen. Then after a

9:51

few months working there, she moves to Japan,

9:53

Tokyo. She kind of hustles in the

9:55

general model houses all over the

9:57

world until she's nineteen years old

9:59

and she gets her big break walking

10:01

for Alexander McQueen in the London show.

10:03

Overnight, she becomes the IK girl. From

10:05

then on nineteen ninety nine, she models

10:07

For Versace, Ralph Lauren, Chloe,

10:10

Missoni, Valentino, Armani, Dolce and

10:12

Gabbana, she

10:14

was on the cover of Vogue to represent

10:16

that her body type was

10:18

now in trend. They literally

10:20

put her on the cover of vogue to be

10:22

like, this is the body that everyone

10:24

should have. She was on the cover of American folk

10:26

three times that year. And we all know, she became

10:28

one of the biggest models of all time.

10:30

And then she literally says, everything

10:33

above happened. Though I've left out all the details. I

10:35

will say never again in this book, does she go

10:37

back in to add the details? It's the story of

10:39

the public meme, but the I've lived in the public has

10:41

very little connection to who I really am or

10:43

what matters most to me. So she wants to

10:45

spend the rest of this book, the meat of

10:47

this book outside of the introduction,

10:49

Exploring what it means to truly be Jazelle

10:52

on the inside, and what that amounts

10:54

to is eight

10:56

chapters of completely disjointed

10:58

stories. Some of these lessons I

11:00

learned the hard way through personal experience,

11:02

others I learned through watching others over the years

11:04

and concluding what not to do and how not

11:06

to act, though she's gonna share those

11:08

with you. So she talks about how she

11:10

learned a lot through modeling. She

11:12

decided that she didn't necessarily

11:14

think modeling would be her job She

11:16

thought she'd be a veterinarian or a

11:18

professional volleyball player. And

11:20

then opportunities opened,

11:23

doors open, she walks through. She took

11:25

advantage of opportunities. She's very grateful

11:27

that she did. I love the way

11:29

models are like, it would have been crazy to

11:31

say no. even though I thought I was gonna be a

11:33

veterinarian. As soon as she said, she was gonna be a

11:35

veterinarian, I was like, we're not gonna stop hearing about how she could

11:37

have been a veterinarian for the rest of this book. Even

11:39

though it seems like she dropped into school at fourteen,

11:42

Yeah. When would she have become a better an area

11:44

then? Over the next two decades, I began the

11:46

process of discovering who I

11:48

was. As I said, that giselle is a

11:50

very different is very different from my public

11:52

self. I feel like it's just a really good example of

11:54

why I think people should go to high school.

11:56

She spends a lot of time figuring out

11:58

who she is, what the world means,

11:59

the ins

12:00

and outs of society and the way people

12:03

behave, and it's just like, I don't know, man, you could

12:05

have just talked to

12:05

your peers twice.

12:07

Can I say what this book were my me

12:09

up because she's about to get into her childhood. There's a very

12:11

specific way of talking about your childhood

12:13

where it was perfect completely that

12:15

reminds me of Priyanka Chopra. There's like a type

12:17

of woman who's like the way I live my life is the

12:19

best way you can live your life, and it stems from

12:22

generations of people living the best way of living

12:24

life. Everyone's childhood had something

12:26

in it. But she's like, no, it was

12:28

perfect. There was six of us, and my mom worked all the time,

12:30

and my dad worked all the time. And so we all had to

12:32

raise each other, and that's exactly how it

12:34

should go. I'm lucky that my

12:36

sister was my mother and my the other sister

12:38

was my daughter. That gave me

12:40

discipline. My parents were perfect till this day. I

12:42

take all their advice. she grew

12:43

up with fruit and that's the only

12:45

thing that really matters for a child is having

12:48

fruit. Yeah. It

12:49

really is just like an unwillingness to look

12:51

deeper and it is this belief

12:53

that any sort of like criticism or

12:56

analysis that leads to growth would

12:58

be like disrespectful to the work

13:00

your parents did? which

13:02

it isn't and it wouldn't be.

13:04

I would say this book reminds me more of

13:06

JLo's book in that there's

13:08

nothing in it. Yeah. There's nothing in

13:10

it, but there is a hotiness

13:12

of I mean, she is specifically

13:14

telling you how to live your life to to be like

13:16

her. Trish is coming from the perspective

13:18

of, well, I a perfect life.

13:21

Here's how you should be living.

13:23

So, whereas I didn't get that from JLo.

13:25

JLo's was just like, I have a boyfriend I swear.

13:27

Like, he lives in Canada. You don't know him. So

13:29

she's doing a lot of examination. This book

13:31

is not her life story, but

13:33

her emotional journey towards

13:35

discovering who she is It

13:37

started when she was younger and she was

13:39

questioning religion. She had a lot of questions

13:41

about spirituality and where people come from and

13:43

what it all means. and she was scolded for

13:45

asking these questions and she thought that is

13:47

silly. I should not be scolded for having

13:49

these grand philosophical questions.

13:51

At some point, I began believing that all of us live in

13:53

a world ruled by illusions and that my

13:56

hour job is to find out who we truly

13:58

are and discover our individual purpose.

14:00

She believes that God is energy. That's fine. I

14:02

mean, that's fine. She said that people

14:04

and things might seem unimportant at the time,

14:06

but then they become indispensable. our story.

14:08

She comes to the realization that our

14:10

lives affect other lives.

14:12

So that's important. I

14:14

know that I'm still relatively young, looking back at my

14:16

own life so far, I feel an enormous sense of

14:18

gratitude. Good. She's also a big

14:20

proponent of self awareness. If we make

14:22

choices more consciously and with greater self awareness,

14:25

We will find ourselves more closely aligned with our purpose

14:27

in life, whatever that may be. My life

14:29

didn't just happen to me. I chose to move to

14:31

Sao Paulo when I was fourteen. Many years later,

14:33

I chose to marry my husband. I chose to have

14:35

our two children. I could have I

14:37

could have never left Brazil. I could

14:39

have played professional volleyball. I was good

14:42

at it. or become a veterinarian, I could

14:44

have married somebody else or never

14:46

married or never had children. The life I

14:48

live today is an accumulation of dozens of

14:50

choices I've made. I mean,

14:52

that is words. Life can

14:54

be magical, but living at well takes work,

14:56

focus, patience, compassion, determination,

14:58

and discipline. Jealousy, you're comparing yourself

15:00

with anyone is a toxic recipe.

15:02

Many women I know are simply overwhelmed.

15:05

Whether they're in high school too many activities, or

15:07

in their thirties and forties being run ragged while trying

15:09

to be a good mom, a perfect wife, a star at work,

15:11

or all three. They spend almost no time

15:13

alone. They've lost a connection to nature and

15:15

to themselves. They're looking for answers outside

15:17

themselves, not realizing that the answers that matter most are

15:19

on the inside. Maybe these women are

15:21

busy. There was a time when I was that

15:23

person. busy? That's

15:25

what Giselle said, I've never been busy.

15:27

Don't you accuse me of that?

15:29

I've never been invited to go on a walk and

15:31

be like, can't. and freaking truth. So she

15:33

acknowledges that the modeling

15:35

industry shows unattainable images of

15:37

beauty and it can be quite shallow.

15:39

and these are things that factor in to

15:42

women being overwhelmed, but also

15:44

they factor into life being magical. The

15:46

point of this book that she has

15:48

learned a lot of lessons and that most people only

15:50

know her as an image, an object, a

15:52

blank canvas on which they can project their own stories or dreams

15:54

or fantasies. And she wants to let you

15:56

know who the real hurt is. The lessons in this book are

15:58

not rules. As someone who has always questioned the

16:00

status quo, I certainly don't want to become anyone's

16:02

status quo. Some of these lessons may come

16:04

across as common sense or familiar. My goal

16:06

is simply to interpret specific

16:08

beliefs in the context of my own life

16:10

and experiences. Alright. Chapter one, can we read the

16:12

titles together? Sure. Chapter

16:15

one. It all starts with discipline.

16:17

This is the most concisely titled

16:19

chapter. The rest of them she chapters like

16:21

we used to title podcasts. And

16:23

all sorts of discipline is a chapter about

16:26

how when you're achieving things, it

16:28

starts

16:28

with discipline.

16:31

it could be anything you're trying

16:33

to achieve. So it

16:34

starts with, you know, her childhood. She grew up

16:36

with five sisters, two parents, her

16:38

parents worked full time. Obviously,

16:40

they all had to contribute and pitch in.

16:42

They share two bathrooms and three bedrooms, and

16:44

everybody had to help. And she's always been

16:46

really into cleaning and keeping things organized.

16:48

It really helped her later when she signed a contract with

16:51

Victoria's Secret and she had to work three hundred and

16:53

fifty days a year. You can't do that

16:55

without discipline. Whether I was scrubbing bathroom

16:57

tiles, studying hard to do well in school

16:59

or playing sports, I always brought an intense focus

17:01

and motivation to everything I did. At age

17:03

ten, when I started playing volleyball, I

17:05

told myself to get good at it. So she practices a ton

17:07

and that's how she always feels. As time went on,

17:09

I became more disciplined. Probably because I

17:11

could see direct results. When she

17:13

talks about applying this discipline to modeling, she said in my

17:15

teens and twenties, I remember meeting one beautiful

17:17

model after another, there were so many. I

17:19

could barely believe it when somehow I

17:21

was the one who ended up getting hired for many of

17:23

the jobs. Why? I had to believe

17:25

that discipline played a big role. I worked

17:28

very hard, but I also tried to be fun to

17:30

be around. So she about how she studied modeling. She

17:32

studied lighting and angles and everything that it

17:34

takes to be a good collaborator on

17:36

set. She says, I do believe that

17:38

one reason I became good at modeling is that

17:40

I wasn't naturally photogenic. She doesn't look good

17:42

on film, she says. So she had to, like, learn

17:44

how to look which involves a movement, which made her

17:46

dynamic and interesting. I'm, like,

17:49

totally gisele, I've seen photos of you standing

17:51

and you're a big o, ugo. Ugo

17:53

was, like, capital u. And I

17:55

say, boom. She's

17:57

so freaking on go. And maybe if she's a little bit

17:59

more dedicated. Maybe if you jumped

18:01

around a little, I could see some

18:02

beauty in her. Okay.

18:04

So basically, she says that she's actually bad

18:06

at modeling, but she worked really hard to be good

18:08

at modeling. And that's how she ended up actually

18:10

good at modeling. one time on a job in Iceland, I was told to stand on

18:12

a floating fake iceberg in the middle of a glacier wearing

18:15

only a string dress. I was freezing and

18:17

afraid I might slip and fall into the frigid water, and yet I

18:19

just smiled. doing my best not to show how

18:21

panicked I felt. I told myself that it didn't matter if

18:23

I was shivering or if my lips were turning blue. I was

18:25

going to do the job well. Was she in America's

18:27

next top model? And why did that season

18:29

not air? That is something that Tyria

18:31

prepared those girls for. I have to give them credit.

18:33

She always said her emphasis was on to be

18:35

the best at what I do, which means

18:37

giving my best. I could have

18:39

been any number of professionals. Still, whatever I ended up doing,

18:41

I knew I would have to be the best at it. So

18:43

had she become a veterinarian? She would have been

18:45

a really good veterinarian. No.

18:48

She would have been the best veterinarian. I

18:50

do believe that dedication does matter.

18:52

I do think that showing up on time being

18:54

polite, being easy to work with, like that

18:57

does influence your overall reputation the

18:59

industry. But I unfortunately

19:02

cannot believe that's the only reason she

19:04

was getting chosen above

19:07

all these other girls. No. You don't know when

19:09

she was there, tits were

19:11

out. People hated them. Okay. So

19:13

if you guys want Jacelles recipe for

19:15

success, I'll give it to you. Four

19:17

easy steps. One, clarity comes

19:19

first. Figure out your dream

19:21

is. then you need focus. What

19:23

will it take for you to reach that goal? Do you need to

19:25

change your daily routine or eliminate certain behaviors or even

19:27

some people from your life? If you're gonna be suited and

19:29

want to get all a's, it might mean that you have to start getting up

19:31

an hour earlier to study or ask Rex for help from

19:33

a teacher or form a study group. Third

19:36

step is dedication. This

19:38

means staying on track over the long haul

19:40

and giving yourself credit for when you've

19:43

done well. but also concentrating on the areas where you need

19:45

improvement. You may set a number of

19:47

goals for yourself, but without

19:49

dedication, they won't be realized, and you have

19:51

to do them again. or they

19:53

were just goal. The fourth step is

19:55

humility. This is extremely important to

19:57

her. You don't deserve special

19:59

treatment and she says, Humility

20:01

allows you to grow from your mistakes to know that

20:03

everyone in every experience can teach you something. In

20:05

my experience, it opens the doors to a bigger, more meaningful

20:07

life. You know who had really good humility. Who? Remember

20:09

when Leah Michelle wasn't cast as a star on

20:11

Broadway when she was in high school? And she said, it's

20:13

a really good learning opportunity to learn that

20:16

sometimes you have to share a

20:18

dressing room and that sucks and that was like a good

20:20

lesson to her that sharing a dressing room was as bad as

20:22

she'd always hoped and then she quit, but she had learned that

20:24

lesson but never do anything lesser than the star.

20:27

Yeah. that's humility. Yeah. In

20:28

some ways. Okay. So basically, that sums it

20:30

up. If you guys wanna achieve anything and I

20:32

know that we've got some high achieving worries out

20:35

there who are really looking for just,

20:37

like, a path to reach their full potential.

20:39

You can do that by first having clarity

20:41

and then having focus and then having dedication

20:43

and then having humility. Okay.

20:46

You laugh. But this is what I mean where I'm like, is

20:48

she wrong? That's the thing if she's not

20:50

wrong. But when you say anything in

20:52

the most general terms possible, you,

20:54

like, hit something because you've

20:56

hit everything. The same discipline that has served me

20:58

my whole life, I now apply to being the best

21:00

wife and mother I can be. My relationship to

21:02

discipline has helped me create a daily routine and yet I am

21:04

constantly adopting to fit the ever changing details of

21:06

my life. And then she goes, I recognize that

21:08

I'm lucky because I have a support staff, and most

21:10

people don't have the day to day help that I get. But I still

21:12

have a long list of details and activities that can't

21:14

be delegated and demand my full attention.

21:16

I mean, yeah, but not cooking, not cleaning, not picking your kids up

21:18

from school. Like, nothing that sucks.

21:21

There's a full time chef that pulls

21:23

food from their garden that they grow in their backyard. Here's

21:25

my thing with books like this. You

21:27

can ask anyone in the world what is a recipe

21:30

for says and they'd be, like, working really hard at it and

21:32

achieving it. But, like, they don't have the

21:34

time to dedicate to whatever random thing

21:36

it is. and work really hard and then

21:38

achieve it. There is a real book that she could

21:40

have written. Okay? I'm sure that there were real

21:42

moments. I'm sure there are moments of vulnerability that she could

21:44

have discussed, that she could have blood that she

21:46

could have pulled from. I don't think she has that in

21:48

her. I think she has, like, a moments ever

21:50

interesting that she witnessed. I don't think she has

21:52

a lack of vulnerability in her that she could have pulled

21:54

from, I'll be honest. Okay. Well, then maybe she should

21:56

have found that before writing a fucking

21:58

book. It was so hard to read through

21:59

just like the generalities of a

22:02

supermodel being like don't know.

22:04

I do think that if you are having a hard

22:06

time, you could look within. I guess, I

22:08

just wonder, like, what the point of a

22:10

book was for her because this

22:12

book It's not like a lifestyle brand. It's not anything.

22:14

I really feel in my heart that she

22:16

thinks she's better than everyone. And

22:19

she just has the superiority. I feel like the way that

22:21

people hate Meghan Markle, I think, actually,

22:23

is Jezal Bunchan. That's

22:26

So true. Sorry. That's how I read this

22:28

book through those lens of what kind of person she

22:30

is. And I've just say, she kept it held

22:32

back until the end. After she talks about the

22:34

order that you need to achieve things. She talks

22:37

about discovering meditation and

22:39

her daily routine. Oh, yeah. Do you guys wanna

22:41

hear about her daily life? I

22:43

think you have to wake up from just

22:45

between five and six AM, she wakes up to

22:47

ocean sounds, and then she takes a deep breath.

22:49

She does a little stretch. She does oil

22:51

pulling for fifteen minutes, which is when you,

22:53

like, swash about coconut oil -- Yeah. --

22:55

to get the toxins. And

22:57

then she will work out,

22:59

take the kids to school. She

23:01

doesn't eat. then

23:03

she has maybe a green juice, and then she

23:05

goes to her little shed, her little she

23:07

shed, and works on her job, which is I don't

23:09

know what. because her job is

23:11

simultaneously taking meetings all day, but also

23:13

turning off her phone and never being on her phone.

23:15

So I don't know what it is that

23:17

she's doing. I it's

23:19

impossible to tell. Also, when she works

23:21

out, she likes to listen to the audio of a

23:23

YouTube video on a subject that fascinates

23:25

her. And I'm like just listen to

23:27

a podcast. Listen to this podcast. Also, her

23:29

and her kids love sun gazing, which is what

23:31

she calls looking outside. I think

23:33

that actually seems dangerous. She

23:36

also says that her kids have their own little chores

23:38

every morning. Vivienne has to

23:40

put her dishes away, and then

23:42

Benny feeds the dogs I'm the

23:44

one who puts the food in the bowls. Otherwise, Benny would

23:46

feel sorry for the dogs and give them too much

23:48

food. What is there to feeding a dog

23:50

besides putting the food in the bowl? They also have chart

23:52

because she also wants to teach her children

23:55

discipline. And she likes to live as lightly as

23:57

possible, so some of her daily

23:59

tasks

23:59

include not using lots of

24:02

plastic. For lunch,

24:02

we'll usually have a fresh salad or

24:05

big

24:05

bowl of soup. And then

24:06

later, they all have dinner at six PM where they

24:08

turn off their gadget always ask Tom

24:11

about his day, but usually the conversation

24:13

revolves around the kids. After dinner, we

24:15

usually FaceTime Jack, Tom's done from

24:17

a previous relationship. She

24:19

does not mention how previous here. She

24:22

does later a little bit about how their

24:24

world got turned upside down when she found out Jack's

24:26

was pregnant from him. I Here's

24:28

the thing. I would have loved some details

24:30

here. She would die before she would give you

24:32

a detail. When Tom Brady, for those of you

24:34

guys who don't know, was one month

24:36

into dating Jezala, he found out his

24:38

ex girlfriend was three months pregnant. So

24:41

no one he was two months overdue as well.

24:43

So the overlap between those relationships

24:46

was or minus one month.

24:48

But then she goes on to say, I always thought I was

24:50

disciplined because I grew up the middle child in a

24:52

twin and in a big family, but

24:54

really it's just Who I am? And I've always wanted to

24:56

be the best? I've never wanted to fall short of

24:58

my own expectations. If discipline

25:00

doesn't come easy to you, what's the best way to create it?

25:02

It begins with self awareness.

25:04

Let's try being more self aware. Yeah. That might help.

25:06

Then she finishes this chapter about discipline with a

25:08

story that makes a no fucking sense.

25:11

So she tells a story about how she was asked to

25:13

give a speech to a hundred thousand people at

25:15

rock and ria, which is a giant concert,

25:18

and she had recently found out that the rivers

25:20

in Brazil are poisoned and it really broke her heart.

25:22

So she decided she was gonna talk about it in

25:24

the speech and she'd never in a speech and she was so

25:26

nervous, but she used her discipline to force herself

25:28

to write the speech. And then she

25:31

says, I talked for several minutes. I didn't

25:33

talk about the Amazon or about mining or about

25:35

any of the other problems facing the country,

25:37

not directly that is. Instead,

25:39

I talked about the power of the collective,

25:41

about hope, and about all of us standing

25:43

together. At one point, my emotions

25:45

overtook me and I started crying Then

25:47

she finished off the speech with

25:49

a karaoke version of

25:51

Imagine by John Lennon.

25:53

she says to herself, you did it. You made it to the other side

25:56

and today, you're not only saying you're stronger, wiser,

25:58

and more confident. You did. What?

25:59

I cannot believe she did an entire two page write

26:02

up about how horrible the pollution Amazon is

26:04

and how she was finally gonna tackle it in this speech and

26:06

she goes, I mean, did I mention it? No.

26:08

But, you know, it was implied. Chapter

26:11

two, challenges, our opportunities

26:14

and disguise. I've always been

26:16

an intuitive person. When I

26:18

left home, I usually had a pretty good sense of how to

26:20

stay safe and make wise choices. She

26:22

makes a big deal in this book

26:24

and she never says it explicitly, but she's always

26:26

like nothing bad ever happened to me and I

26:28

was always safe. I always made good choices, and I was always safe. And

26:30

I'm like, okay, we get it. Yeah. And she's like, not everyone was

26:33

always safe. There are other models who parried

26:35

and went home with men. Which is like, you

26:37

don't understand, my dad wrote a

26:39

note to my modeling agency saying, make sure she's safe. And

26:41

because of that, nothing that ever happened to me

26:43

unlike anybody else. Except for this

26:45

one bad thing, where she

26:48

Wanted to potentially end her own life.

26:50

Well, we're not there yet. When I reflected

26:52

my life, I can sleep clearly the times I've learned

26:54

the most and made the most positive changes have also

26:56

been the most difficult times. These

26:58

were situations when I made poor choices, but I questioned

27:00

whether there were really mistakes or rather just

27:02

experiences and opportunities to learn. Did you know

27:04

that just helped bunions never made a mistake

27:06

in her life? She's just learned. So now she views all

27:08

those challenges and the

27:11

opportunities in disguise. I

27:14

was on a hamster wheel and yet I didn't even know it. I

27:16

was twenty three years old successful at what I did

27:18

and working three hundred and fifty days a year. That's a

27:21

lot of days per year, and she will tell you a lot

27:23

of times. She tells us maybe three hundred and fifty more

27:25

times in the book. So she was

27:27

obviously not doing great. She wasn't eating well.

27:29

She was always on planes. I mean, that

27:31

would burn anybody out. But it is a fucking lot of work.

27:33

I could never be a Victoria's Secret

27:35

Angel. I don't know how you guys

27:37

do it. It is not for me. Thank you

27:39

for asking, but no thank

27:41

you, not for me. We'll

27:43

be veterinarians or maybe a

27:45

professional volleyball player. So

27:47

she says, looking back, I now see that I'd gone so dumb. I couldn't

27:49

see what was happening. I was literally

27:51

killing myself. By that, she means she was

27:53

eating cheeseburgers a lot. you're

27:55

nineteen years old, maybe you can get away with working three hundred and fifty days a year,

27:57

but by the time you're twenty three and have been running on

27:59

Overdrive for

27:59

years well, your

28:00

body mind and soul begin breaking down. I

28:02

was trying my best to cope three

28:05

allergies in my life. She

28:06

was smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol

28:08

and drinking coffee and she was like those

28:10

kinds of unhealthy things. I mean cigarettes and

28:12

alcohol, I guess, are not good for you. But the way

28:14

she's like, the fact that I was doing all of

28:16

these hard hard substances was

28:19

running me rags good. And also

28:21

the physical truths of having to wear high heels a

28:24

lot were breaking her body

28:26

down. You said the hard part is that modeling

28:28

really constant traveling the promotional

28:30

obligations, including launch parties, and the fact

28:32

that with the exception of my dog, Vida, it

28:34

was difficult to make real friends. I

28:36

don't think that Giselle Bunion has

28:38

a friend. think she has a husband, I think she has

28:40

sisters, and I think she has

28:41

businesses as someone

28:43

who's close friend as a dog. I don't

28:45

think dogs necessarily out. didn't confront the

28:47

toll that this was taking until my panic attacks started.

28:49

I was experienced the first one in two thousand three and

28:51

they would last for the next nine months.

28:54

basically, they start when she's on a very small

28:56

plane. The plane hits bad,

28:58

turbulent weather. She has a panic attack, and then

29:00

the panic attacks don't go away, and she

29:02

develops like an intense fear of

29:04

elevators, subways. What was she doing on

29:06

the subway at

29:06

this point? I don't even know that. But

29:09

anything small, she gets very scared of

29:12

going into And then it comes to a head when

29:14

she's getting a massage in her own apartment building.

29:16

And she has such a bad panic attack because she

29:18

feels so trapped that

29:20

she says, everything had become a cage and I was

29:22

the animal trapped inside panning for air. I couldn't see

29:24

a way out. I couldn't stand another day of feeling this

29:26

way. The idea swept over me then. Maybe

29:28

it will be easier if I just jump. It will all

29:30

be over. There's a solution I can get out of

29:32

this. So then she goes to a doctor who

29:34

prescribes her Xanax and she was like

29:36

a pill You want me to take a

29:38

pill? And that gives her the motivation that

29:40

she needed to seek out

29:42

changing her life? And

29:44

here's the thing. I have had panic attacks before.

29:46

It is so scary.

29:49

And I don't put Gretzra. I'm not like, you

29:51

idiot. These aren't real problems. Like, it

29:53

is a real problem,

29:55

but when she has the time and the

29:57

resources to seek out every single

29:59

type of professional in every

30:02

single type of medicine to find a

30:04

holistic solution for her problems. And

30:06

then she's like, see, it's

30:07

not that hard hard. It's just like,

30:09

I don't know, man. She wasn't suicidal.

30:12

During a panic attack, she had, like, one

30:14

bleeding suicidal thought. because she's, like, the next time I went to the doctor,

30:16

I wasn't feeling that way at all anymore.

30:18

And I say that's not serious. I'm not saying panic attacks aren't

30:21

serious, but I do think she kind of milks this

30:23

suicide rock

30:23

bottom for all its worth. She kind of

30:25

acts like it was a full on suicide attempt.

30:27

It was In a moment, you felt panic and you're like,

30:29

oh, do I jump? And then you're like, no, of course not. It

30:31

was like a single intrusive thought one

30:33

time. Part of the reason it feels awkward to talk about

30:35

it all is because a question anybody's suicide is wrong,

30:37

but she wasn't suicidal. She had a single

30:40

thought one time that she had no way acted upon

30:42

him by the morning was gone. I just

30:44

find it, like, kind of, exploitive. I'm sure her life was

30:46

very overwhelming and stressful, and I'm sure

30:48

there there were a lot of contributing factors,

30:50

and she did needed to do

30:52

a one eighty. But without giving much,

30:54

she's like one time I had one bad thought. And you're just

30:56

like, okay. Welcome to New York, baby.

30:58

It's been waiting for you. She goes on this

31:00

journey to even out her life because she does

31:02

not like the idea of taking Xanax. She

31:04

discovers yoga, which she's like, it wasn't popular

31:06

at the time. I found

31:08

yoga. She goes, So I prayed. I

31:10

prayed for clarity and for guidance about what I should do next.

31:12

I asked to be shown the way. I did what I

31:14

always do when I pray. I asked the same question over and

31:16

over again until the answer appears. That

31:19

night, I got my answer, yoga. At the time,

31:21

I was looking for a thing. As I said, all I

31:23

asked was Visham the way, yoga. Where did

31:25

yoga come from? I couldn't explain it.

31:27

I still can't. little bit about yoga,

31:29

of course. Years early, I'd read an autobiography of a

31:32

yogi, but it wasn't as though yoga was a foreign

31:34

concept, but it still wasn't

31:36

mainstream. So where did it come from?

31:38

Could it help me? I mean, it came from the

31:40

book you read about it. No. She

31:42

kind of invented it. She discovered

31:44

yoga in her brain. So she finds a

31:46

yoga teacher to help her with a practice through

31:49

yoga. She gets more

31:52

interested in breath work and

31:54

breathing. She says, when my anxiety

31:56

tax started happening, people who knew me felt sorry

31:58

for me. It would have been easy to buy into

32:00

that way of thinking. Why is this happening to me? Poor me?

32:02

Why am I having anxiety attacks? I'm such

32:04

a good person. But if I did that, I

32:06

would have seen myself as a vic

32:08

and always believed that when you start seeing yourself as a

32:11

victim, you surrender your power and it could

32:13

be hard to get back. She says a lot of

32:15

other people should ask for help. And

32:17

that help is good. But for

32:19

her, she'd been in charge of herself since she was fourteen.

32:21

And as far as I was concerned, there was only one

32:23

person who could rescue me. Me. then

32:25

finds out that she has a bit of a hormonal

32:27

imbalance because her adrenal glands are a

32:29

bit out of whack. Though she

32:31

starts eating healthy, our body is the temple,

32:33

but it's also a vehicle. It's a

32:35

transportation device. It's no different

32:37

from a car or a bike. It only has one

32:39

passenger, the

32:40

soul. That's you. That's

32:42

me me. She cuts

32:43

out sugar to get her hormones more

32:46

balanced. She said for the first two weeks, I suffered from

32:48

terrible headaches. Blair. Yeah. I

32:50

feel you. But doesn't

32:52

just cut out, like, added sugar. She cuts out

32:54

all sugar and caffeine

32:56

and every combination of the

32:58

two. No

32:59

carbs, no alcohol, no fruit.

33:01

like

33:01

nothing with even naturally occurring

33:04

sugars. That's crazy. That can't be good for you.

33:06

She also breaks up with her boyfriend at the time

33:08

because she's like, Once I stopped drinking and

33:10

eating sugar, my mind was clear, like a

33:12

whistle. Just nothing but wind in

33:14

there. Once I could feel the wind between all my

33:16

bones, I thought and this guy have in

33:18

common? This guy being Leonardo De

33:20

Caprio? It wasn't my fault or his. We were just

33:22

in two very different periods of our lives. A wise friend

33:24

of mine once told me something I'd

33:26

never forgotten. Jazelle, he said, you have to give people the

33:28

dignity of their own process. Leo is still on

33:30

that process. I bet he still eats sugar. He

33:32

looks it. He looks sugared. He

33:34

looks like an uncooked Can you He's

33:36

a little dough boy. He's a little fellow

33:38

waiting for the oven. Waiting to

33:41

rise. And some day when he does rise, oh, it

33:43

will be powerful. I can't wait to see him

33:45

reach his full potential. That Leo, he's got

33:47

something to him. And one day, he's gonna realize it.

33:49

After three months of his new regime,

33:51

yoga, and Paranema breathing

33:53

every morning at sunrise,

33:56

meditation, exercise, no sugar and a

33:58

healthy diet, the panic attacks

33:59

went away. Sometimes you need to touch rock

34:02

bottom before realizing how far you have

34:04

fallen. Can I say, I have had

34:06

panic attacks and it is a really bad experience and I

34:08

don't want that. think I

34:10

had to choose between panic attacks or a

34:12

life where I have to do both yoga and

34:14

meditation every morning, no sugar,

34:17

the way she eats,

34:19

I think I would just do like a panic attack a

34:21

day. A panic attack a day keeps the

34:23

sad life away. She then goes on to she's

34:25

not just physically better than us. She's emotionally

34:28

better. Her desires always been living harmony

34:30

as lightly and with those she regrets as possible. So

34:32

that's why she doesn't get angry at

34:34

people anymore. She's learned that the anger only consumes her and not banned, so she just

34:36

doesn't feel angry. She also says she wants to do

34:38

good in this world. I've heard it said that we're

34:40

born with the face God

34:42

gives us. but end up with the faces we deserve. At the end of my life, the only

34:44

thing that will matter to me is whether or not I was a good

34:46

person. So I guess she's gonna look at

34:48

herself before she dies and say, if I'm

34:50

still hot, then I lived a good

34:52

life. And I feel like, you're setting

34:54

yourself up for an unfair success when you

34:56

started out as Jazelle Bunchan, and then also dedicated

34:58

your life to keeping your face

35:00

perfectly hot. You can't get Botox, then be like, tell me wrinkles, am

35:02

I good? So basically, she just sums it up

35:04

by saying, those panic

35:06

attacks were really

35:08

bad, but they led to something

35:10

better, which was a clean and healthy

35:12

lifestyle. because don't forget, there are no

35:14

mistakes. There's

35:16

only opportunities in disguise. Chapter

35:18

three. The the quality of

35:20

your life I don't think this is what we

35:22

can't do a game

35:24

choice style. which is really

35:26

normal. Don't know. The the quality of

35:28

your life. One more

35:30

time. The quality of your life

35:32

depends on your quality of your relationships. I

35:34

feel like I we did it in

35:36

harmony a bit. You took the melody and I took

35:39

the bass. So if you guys can't tell,

35:41

this is a chapter about how quality of

35:43

your life depends on the quality of your relationship. You know you said that

35:45

to her? Her dad. He has some

35:47

good ideas. She

35:50

talks about how there are many different kinds of relationships that people She

35:52

says relationships may be casual or

35:54

based on friendship. They may develop

35:56

from

35:57

a work related activity

35:59

or be

35:59

romantic. Some are short term.

36:02

It can last a lifetime.

36:04

Relationships can vary tremendously.

36:08

Some examples. Some are blue, some are green, some are tall, some are

36:10

mean, some are yellow, some are sad, some are

36:12

mom and some are dad. That's how

36:14

she feels about friends. I don't think she has

36:16

a friend.

36:18

I think this is all to say that she doesn't know a goddamn thing about

36:20

friendship. I do think though if you have five

36:22

sisters, you don't need a friend. That's true.

36:24

that's true enough It's enough.

36:27

Sometimes people change, sometimes

36:29

she's afraid to change,

36:32

sometimes the things that we haven't commented at a time

36:34

in our lives is now in the

36:36

past, friends move or change

36:38

jobs or get married. What the fuck is she

36:40

talking about? I don't know, man, but

36:42

only after I began meditating and practicing yoga, did I set off on the long

36:44

road of becoming a more compassionate

36:46

towards myself? The person he matters most.

36:48

Okay. So that's this is where the

36:50

chapter middles So as you

36:52

can tell by now, the chapters

36:54

often start middle and end with three

36:56

different concepts.

36:58

that

36:59

don't necessarily relate. So the first part of

37:01

this is how there are many kinds of

37:04

relationships. They look all different

37:06

types of ways. Sometimes you grow. Sometimes

37:08

you don't The middle part is how knowing people helps you

37:10

discover yourself. Can I also say one of the things

37:12

she discovered about herself is that she has

37:14

very high standards herself and it turns out not

37:16

everybody has standards, and she

37:18

has to let it go because she just

37:20

wants things better than other people.

37:22

Even when many conversations involved

37:24

other people, I was still in a

37:26

constant run on dialogue with myself.

37:28

You may think you're talking to Ghislain Bunchan, but

37:30

actually in that time, Ghislain Bunchan was still

37:32

talking to Ghislain Bunchan. never

37:34

known you. Who am I? What's the most

37:36

common one? Am I who other

37:38

people think I am? If I'm not, am I hiding

37:40

who I

37:42

really am? I mean, you're literally just talking to yourself while someone is trying to talk

37:44

at you talk to other people just out.

37:46

Having said this, learning about yourself through being

37:48

involved with other people is completely different than

37:50

comparing yourself to other people.

37:52

Then goes on to say that you shouldn't ever compare

37:54

yourself to someone else and that she's tried to be

37:56

really good friend to people, but she's actually

37:58

too good of a friend, and so now she can't

37:59

have friends. I wanted

38:02

only the best for people in my life and assumed that

38:04

this feeling would be mutual. Unfortunately, I learned a

38:06

hard way that that's not always the case. I've always

38:08

been a receptive, poorest person attuned

38:10

to the energy other will give off.

38:12

That's why over the years I've learned to be more

38:14

selective with my friendship. She just gives

38:16

too much and it's too hard. Does she

38:18

goes on to talk about her relationship with her

38:20

sisters and how it's hard to not

38:22

compare yourself all the time. She says as a twin, I

38:24

always used to wonder where do I begin and where does

38:26

Patty begin. She talks about how hard it was

38:28

one time when her sister was in the hospital and she

38:30

says growing up it was difficult because Patty was popular in social and being with friends

38:32

whereas I preferred spending time alone. Can

38:34

you imagine how hard it must be to be

38:38

a twin and growing up with your own personal measuring stick or And

38:40

then that other sister becomes the world's biggest

38:42

supermodel. I'm sorry,

38:44

Jazelle. I don't feel bad for

38:46

you. I don't feel bad for the comparison of having a twin. don't necessarily feel bad

38:48

for Patty either, but I do feel like if there's

38:50

one of you that's trying to measure up to the other one.

38:53

One of you guys is an internationally

38:56

famous supermodel, and one of you guys is an internationally

38:58

famous supermodel's sister. She talks

39:00

about this fight she had with

39:03

Patty and Hal. If anyone isn't treating her right, whether it's a friend or

39:05

one of her sisters, my response is always the

39:08

same. I am only going to be in relationships

39:10

that are loving

39:12

and respectful. When you are ready to resume

39:14

a loving respectful relationship, I am happy to talk to you. If you're not ready yet, it's

39:16

okay. I will be here when you are. If

39:20

my brother ever said to

39:22

me that when I'm ready to be in a loving

39:24

or psycho relationship, he'll be

39:26

back. I would punch him at the fucking

39:28

heart in the face. What if I said

39:30

that? Next time we got into an argument. I actually

39:32

think that would be quite healthy. I find that in our

39:34

dynamic, I often am looking for space and you

39:36

wanna hash it out right now. And I'm like, I need

39:38

a minute. shot myself in my own damn toes. I do

39:40

wanna say that if Thomas had ever said that to me

39:42

and then was also a supermodel,

39:44

I would kill

39:46

him. Anyway, she goes on to talk about her relationship with her husband,

39:48

Thomas Brady, and how their

39:50

values are very similar. And so that makes

39:53

for a good relationship. and

39:55

it makes for a quality life that on the quality of that

39:57

relationship. For example, they're both committed to

39:59

good health and nutrition. Although,

40:02

I'll eat a cookie if I want one and Tom usually won't. Then she goes

40:05

on to explain the most quality relationship she's ever

40:07

had in her life, which was with her dog

40:09

Vida. So when she was teen

40:11

years old and she moved to New York. She's walking down the street on

40:14

the upper east side and she sees a store called

40:16

American Canals with the cutest little

40:18

dog that she'd ever

40:20

bucking seen So she decides she

40:22

just can't leave without it. Okay. So the dog

40:24

was three hundred dollars. And she goes,

40:26

the price is very high, I thought, but I reminded

40:28

myself that American tunnels told pedigree

40:30

dogs to upper east diners and was as far

40:32

from a puppy mill as you could get. I

40:34

left the store with my new best

40:36

friend. Alright.

40:38

Can I say, a store that sells pedigree

40:40

dogs to upper east sideers is actually

40:42

what I would assume is as close to a

40:44

puppy mill as you

40:46

can get And this store was shut down in two thousand

40:48

twenty one after years of

40:50

protests because it was associated

40:52

with puppy mills, and

40:54

then they were able to find out that they were keeping

40:56

these dogs in deeply inhumane

40:58

conditions. The dogs were getting sick,

41:00

and then they got this place shut down by

41:02

the government. Also, it turns

41:04

out the dog was three thousand

41:06

dollars, which she charged to her mom's credit

41:08

card. I don't know what she's like. I didn't hear the

41:10

last zero. That's not how you pronounce numbers.

41:12

Also, she was making no money at this

41:14

point. She was still living in a model house and they couldn't have

41:16

dogs that she had to move into in SRO

41:18

where she shared bathrooms with strangers.

41:21

all worked out though because within a week, her agent was like, oh my god. Just move

41:23

into son's house and lost village. But it

41:25

it was fine. She ended up okay.

41:27

It was fine. like, one year later, she got, like,

41:29

a twenty five million dollar Victoria's Secret contract. So I'm pretty sure her

41:32

little dog, Vida had a nice

41:34

life. And then

41:36

Vida

41:36

died. But when

41:37

she was old, yeah, like a normal time. She

41:39

spends twelve pages talking about this

41:42

dog. The rest of

41:42

the chapter about relationships is like

41:45

another twelve pages. half of the relationships in our lives that have been meaningful to her

41:47

is this one dog VIDA that she got from

41:49

not a puppy mill, just the puppy store that buys

41:52

from a puppy mill. Okay.

41:54

Chapter four. Our

41:55

thoughts and words are

41:57

powerful. Use them wisely.

41:59

This

41:59

chapter opens with one

42:02

of the more important sentences in this

42:04

entire book. I think self awareness is one of

42:06

the most important things in life. But

42:09

of course, it isn't a goal as much

42:11

as it is an ongoing process. So

42:13

this is her exact about self awareness and how it's

42:15

important to be self aware and it's important to have

42:17

positive thoughts because then those lead to

42:19

positive things. And she

42:21

says, first thing you thought this morning was. If

42:23

your thoughts are positive, your words tend to be

42:25

positive too, and if your thoughts are negative, your words

42:27

have a higher probability of

42:30

doing harm, even that was never your attention. And so she's like, if you're thinking

42:32

negative things when you wake up, you're probably gonna have a

42:34

bad day and it was your own

42:36

fault. Exactly. feels gratitude when

42:38

she wakes up in the morning. And that's why she has a good

42:40

day. Think about that next time you wake up. So

42:42

if you wake up next to an awful

42:44

man in a

42:46

terrible home, with unhealthy

42:48

food, try being grateful. And I bet you'll be married

42:50

to one of the richest quarterbacks of all time with

42:52

a six foot tall body and

42:54

perfect hair. So then she goes on to talk

42:56

about how she was bullied growing up because she was

42:58

so tall and skinny. And then when she even

43:01

started modeling, she was bullied because she

43:03

was tall and skinny but had huge tits

43:05

and that wasn't like the hot look at the time. She said time a heroin chic

43:07

was all the rage, pale

43:10

androgynous looking models were getting all of the jobs. I was

43:12

close to

43:14

five feet somewhere between a hundred and

43:16

fifteen and a hundred and eighteen pounds and very skinny with massive boobs. They even

43:18

nicknamed me the boobs from Brazil.

43:22

At fittings, none of the sample sizes were made for women who were built like me,

43:24

and as a result, I wasn't feeling pretty

43:26

or worthy, never good enough.

43:29

Can I roll back the tape to that line

43:31

about self awareness? It must have been really hard to

43:33

be so, so skinny and tall and looking like a

43:35

model, but then also have just, like, giant

43:37

tips. I guess the thing is, I agree

43:39

that everyone has problems. It doesn't matter

43:41

if you're beautiful or whatever. Like, everyone is

43:43

self conscious. Everyone has these

43:46

issues, but self awareness means that you are aware of beauty

43:48

standards in society and you are aware of the way the

43:50

world works and you, like, have the self

43:52

awareness to say, like, maybe I shouldn't complain

43:54

about being

43:56

the tallest skittiest woman with the hugest boobs. Okay.

43:58

Well, maybe she shouldn't complain, but what about

43:59

her son who has his own problem?

44:02

Imagine being the son of a famous New

44:04

England page it's quarterback and going to school in New England. That's

44:06

hard. So her son has self awareness,

44:07

but she doesn't. She tries to figure

44:09

out ways to be good to people, and so she tells

44:11

a story about

44:14

how When her and Tom get into fights, which is rarely, they never But every

44:16

once in a while, I feel anger rising in me,

44:18

growing, growing, growing. I become aware of what's going

44:22

on. Instead of reacting in a way I'll regret later, I remember to breathe.

44:24

Then I'll tell Tom it's better if we talk later

44:26

and I leave the room. She meditates one

44:29

time she wrote, a letter. She was so angry. Yeah.

44:31

Sometimes, instead of verbally reacting, I'll write a letter

44:34

because this helps her, like, understand her tone

44:36

and where she's

44:38

coming from. He said one time when Tom and I were having a rough time, I got an

44:40

email from him that hurt my feelings. Instead of

44:42

retaliating by sending a hurtful email back, I took out

44:44

a pen and a piece of paper. And for

44:46

the next hour. I wrote

44:48

down my thoughts and emotions. The things that

44:50

made me angry, the things that made me frustrated,

44:52

everything I was feeling at the time. I didn't

44:54

censor myself. It was nonstop,

44:56

no restrictions. When I finished, I

44:58

was shocked to see I've written almost three

45:00

pages. I also felt

45:02

relief.

45:03

One hour non stop no

45:05

restrictions and she came out with three pages. That has not

45:07

a lot of pages. I wonder how

45:09

big the page was. Ashley,

45:11

you're being such a bitch. Maybe it was a

45:14

scroll. Yeah. Maybe she

45:15

wrote three scrolls. In an

45:17

hour, that's a

45:20

lot. Right.

45:20

Today, I'm

45:21

still relatively young and lack self awareness

45:23

I hope I all have in the future.

45:25

Me too. Oh my gosh. She keeps telling

45:28

stories about things

45:30

she's overcome. One of the things is, she's had wavy hair since

45:31

she was a child. When she started modeling, straight

45:34

hair was a trend, so a friend took me to get a

45:36

flat iron and that she used it every day.

45:38

At six

45:40

teen, I moved to New York. I was suddenly surrounded by a lot of girls who weren't straightening their

45:42

hair and I finally felt it was okay to stop. It

45:44

was a liberating feeling to let my hair be just

45:46

what it was and it's so funny that

45:48

today is something I'm known for is my natural hair texture. That is funny

45:50

that for two years of your life, you strained your hair.

45:52

And then at sixteen, you realize you're the best hair

45:54

in the world, and now you get paid millions

45:57

for that is a really good story of overcoming something horrible.

45:59

I'm glad you trusted your she

46:02

didn't even trust her gut. She strained her

46:04

hair until she saw that it was okay

46:06

not to. also, like, oh, congrats

46:08

on being fourteen. We all

46:10

straightened our hair. I still straightened my

46:12

hair. Okay. So then she tells the story about getting

46:14

a Victoria's Secret contract and how she had

46:16

to listen to her gut because because signing the

46:18

Victoria's Secret, not giving up

46:20

Victoria Runway shows, and she was like, oh, what

46:22

should I do? Get millions of dollars from Victoria's

46:24

Secret, or or

46:25

do these high profile fashion gigs, and then she went with

46:28

the twenty five million dollar contract. And then it

46:30

turns out that she could do both. So it literally didn't

46:32

matter. She says, I love the people I

46:34

worked with, especially my dear friend turn cupid Ed, Ed Rasek,

46:36

who has since been denounced and

46:38

disgrace, who had hired me and who

46:40

many years later set up Tom and me on a

46:42

blind date. then decided wanted

46:44

to make more millions, and she decided not to. And

46:46

I don't know. That was like a whole thing where she'd listen to

46:48

her inner voice and say, do I, somebody

46:50

who's worth so many millions, married to somebody

46:52

who's also worth so many millions. Do I

46:54

need

46:54

to keep making millions? And I guess she said

46:56

no. Yeah. I also wanna call in.

46:59

She keeps on mentioning how she met Tom via

47:01

a blind date. And as we know,

47:03

Tom was potentially several

47:06

days out of a relationship where he'd gotten his

47:09

ex girlfriend pregnant. And I know he

47:11

didn't know yet, but might God the

47:13

turnaround on that recommendation? because

47:15

Tom was with Bridget

47:17

Moynihan for a couple of years.

47:19

So Ed had just been sitting there being, like,

47:21

as soon as this relationship

47:24

breaks up, I'm sending Jazelle in or was that Jazelle working three

47:26

hundred and fifty days a year. So luckily,

47:28

right as he broke up with his

47:30

pregnant girlfriend, She had those

47:32

fifteen free days. I guess.

47:34

How did their schedules line up so

47:36

quickly? I don't

47:37

know. Something's

47:38

fishy in here. chapter

47:40

five, where your attention

47:41

goes is what grows.

47:44

This to me has the same rhyme

47:45

scheme as that Tyria

47:48

Banks chapter that made me upset. It's just like half a syllable wrong, but I don't

47:50

know how. Anyways, as she talks about how at the

47:52

end of every year, she likes to make a list

47:54

of all of the things in

47:57

her life when she hopes to a punch, up everything she's done in

47:59

the last twelve months and decide where

48:01

her attention should go in the next year

48:03

because that is what

48:06

will grow. much I do next year? Should I cut out sugar or should something

48:08

that scares me? How will I become a

48:10

better person, a better friend, a better mother,

48:13

a better at everything I do. She's gotta be the best

48:15

of everything. And let me tell you, you might be. What

48:17

we need to understand is that where we place our

48:20

attention is within our control.

48:22

From experience, I

48:24

know how easy it can be to allow others to define us or

48:27

limit our potential. But now

48:29

she randomly talks about

48:31

her big break, walking the Alexander McQueen show,

48:33

which is not really what I'd say falls out in this

48:35

chapter, but is actually one of the few

48:38

truly memory

48:41

chapters in this whole book where she gives you what

48:43

story and it's quite interesting. Yeah. So she

48:45

talks about her early modeling career, how

48:47

she wasn't very successful

48:49

because Once the heroin chic look was all the rage

48:52

and she didn't have that. She had nothing in

48:54

common with that look. I was healthy and talented

48:56

athletic and I had

48:58

big boobs she was also living in a models apartment in Central London where most

49:00

of the other girls either smoked, drank, took drugs,

49:02

or had piercings,

49:04

and tattoos. for three weeks and

49:06

forty three castings, most people had barely

49:08

booked me, but then she goes to

49:10

Alexander McQueen, he makes her walk in a fish

49:12

skirt. I don't really know what that is. skirt.

49:14

I think it's like a mermaid bottom costume.

49:16

Copy. Copy. And then she hears

49:18

back that she got it and she can't believe it,

49:21

so she goes. and they didn't color in for a fitting and she's like,

49:23

well, that's odd, but she just rolls with it.

49:25

She has three looks. The first one is really small.

49:27

It's like a bathing suit and she can't let's just wear it. She's

49:29

just wear a second one. And then For

49:31

the final look, she just has the fishtail skirt, and she's

49:33

like, what do I do next? Where's the top? And

49:36

there was no top. They're like you're

49:38

supposed to walk Pizongas to

49:40

the wind. And she said, oh, no, I won't. I began to

49:42

cry. I had no idea what to do. Mostly, I thought

49:44

about how disappointed it embarrassed my parents

49:46

would be. I tried to hold back my

49:48

tears, but they just kept coming down, and the black

49:50

feathers glued my lashes began coming on

49:52

stuck. I could hear the heavy crunching

49:54

industrial be coming from the runway thought about leaving, about

49:56

running away. There was no in the world that was gonna go

49:58

out there without a top. But if I left, I

49:59

knew

49:59

I'd probably never be given another opportunity.

50:02

I'd be called unprofessional. as if the casting

50:04

agents bothered to call me anything at all. But in

50:06

the end, it was my body's no one else's.

50:08

But then luckily, a

50:09

makeup artist comes over here's

50:11

what happens and decides that she would paint a white top on her. I can't believe that painted

50:13

top wasn't like part of the plan. So then paint the

50:15

top and then she's like, okay, I can

50:17

go back out. It's dark

50:19

anyway and then she notices that all the girls are coming back

50:21

from the stage soaking wet. It took me a

50:23

few seconds to grasp what was going on. I could

50:25

already barely move them my tight fishtail skirt and

50:27

high heels. Now I was about to go out there and have

50:29

painted on top and it was

50:31

raining. That

50:31

was probably the night I started

50:34

to disassociate. to begin thinking of my public self as her and she. Because

50:36

the girl who finally appeared on the

50:37

runway wasn't anyone familiar to me. A few minutes

50:39

earlier, I'd been crying so hard my tears were washed

50:41

off my makeup. I

50:43

was a good girl. I was a tomboy. I was someone whose big breasts that

50:46

embarrassed her, then she had hit puberty. I was a

50:48

girl, grit, by the fear that my family would feel so embarrassed

50:50

they would never talk to me again. I was

50:52

terrified, though she goes out and becomes her. She

50:54

was managing to walk in impossible heels on

50:56

an incredibly slippery stage. She didn't make any

50:58

mistakes. She

51:00

didn't fall. she gave off the impression that she didn't have a care in the world. The

51:02

rain made her black eye makeup run down her

51:04

face, so no one could tell that what was rain and what

51:06

was tears. They could tell you make it. I swear it

51:08

really does

51:10

work. I mean, this is scary. I have to say this is like

51:12

the interesting chapter. This reminds me a lot of

51:14

the Paris Hilton documentary about how when

51:16

she went to that high school,

51:18

the trauma meter dissociate. And then that dissess dissociation went

51:21

on to become the paracel and

51:23

we knew publicly. Yeah. And

51:26

that's exactly what she said she does here. She basically it was like, I'm I just had to

51:28

create an older ego. And I don't know that that's healthy,

51:30

but it's like why she's so successful

51:34

And I wonder if she knows what she's saying. I guess, I don't know if it's

51:36

healthy, but I also don't know if it's not. Like,

51:38

I I wonder I think doing it consciously

51:41

actually is healthy. because I think to

51:43

be able to do a lot of the things that mega celebrities do

51:45

is not like normal human behavior. So

51:48

to create a character for yourself that can do

51:50

those things

51:52

without blending effect here at home self. I think

51:54

maybe is the best way to do

51:56

it, but you can't do it

52:00

unconsciously. See, I yeah. because and

52:02

Tyria said a very similar thing when talking to

52:04

Anthony Crawford. They had the thing or

52:06

whatever -- Yeah. -- they called themselves. And that seemed like a

52:08

very conscious choice from

52:09

there telling about how do I survive this.

52:12

I'm going to just see myself, and I think

52:14

Beyoncé has Sasha Fears. A lot of

52:16

people have that sense of when I'm out there, I'm

52:18

doing a character. But for hers to

52:20

come out of this, like,

52:22

traumatic moment where she's being

52:24

pushed beyond what she's comfortable doing

52:26

and feels very afraid. I don't know that that's good. I don't think I don't

52:28

think this version of it is

52:30

good. However, it completely

52:33

changes her career. In one night, I

52:35

managed to claim a spot on the fashion world map. All of a sudden lots of people wanted to work with

52:37

me. People started calling me the girl of the moment. It

52:40

was somewhat overwhelming, though some people still felt

52:42

free to

52:44

size me to my face. So she put was put on

52:46

the cover of vogue, the return of the curve, she was

52:48

named model of the year. She also

52:51

then goes on to her next

52:53

big gig is being shot by Irving Penn completely naked and she did not

52:55

wanna do it. Frankly, I didn't feel like I had

52:57

much of a choice. So

52:59

then she writes about success after the

53:02

Alexander McQueen show and how she

53:04

worked on her modeling skills as much as she

53:06

could to

53:08

help rise With the moment, she began to learn about angles and

53:10

lighting. She says, I

53:12

began analyzing photos that were poorly lit. That

53:14

doesn't look

53:16

good. Why? Well, they were

53:18

poorly lit. You just

53:20

said that. She's the girl of

53:22

the day, but the model du jour

53:25

But how long will it last? And she says, I wasn't planning on

53:27

going home empty handed. If nothing else, I wanted to

53:29

own my own place. What was the point

53:30

of paying rent when I used that same money to

53:32

get a mortgage and buy my own apartment? I

53:34

began squirling away whatever funds were left over at the end of each

53:36

month.

53:36

I've never been interested in expensive clothes

53:38

or handbags or shoes. I would always

53:40

buy everything from the flea market.

53:43

When I got more successful and clients began sending me

53:45

first class airline tickets, I traded them in first seats

53:47

in economy and the money I saved went straight into

53:49

my savings account. That's how I was able

53:51

to buy my first ever apartment in New York on Beach Street in

53:54

TriBeCa.

53:54

It was a small apartment and I loved it.

53:55

A lot of

53:56

the girls couldn't believe it when I told them I bought my own

53:58

apartment. but

54:00

I always keep my eyes straight ahead, I always know what I was working for. So I

54:02

just want to say, she bought this apartment

54:04

in nineteen ninety nine. You know what else

54:06

she did

54:06

in nineteen ninety nine?

54:08

She

54:09

sent a five year twenty five million contract with Victoria's

54:11

Secret to be one of their angels which

54:13

was at the time the

54:16

largest fashion model contract

54:18

in the history of

54:20

America or the world. Do you think it was

54:22

scrimping and Scraving and only going to flea

54:25

markets or do you think it was the twenty five million dollar

54:27

check she got? I would

54:29

argue it was perhaps the twenty five

54:31

million dollar check. just can't believe

54:33

somebody who got the biggest fashion contract of all time is like,

54:35

I never got avocado toast and I made

54:37

my coffee at

54:40

home. shut up Jazelle. Don't fucking talk to me about

54:42

exchanging first class ticket. What are you

54:44

talking about? Then she talks about operating

54:46

on a set belief system.

54:49

and creating a better life for herself by altering her

54:51

belief system. She said when I was having my panic

54:53

attacks and drinking mocha frappuccinos, smoking a pack

54:56

of cigarettes today and drinking a bottle of wine

54:58

at night, It became a kind of belief system. The belief system told

55:00

me I was a person constantly on the go who

55:02

needed this smoke all day to keep moving and drink wine

55:04

every night

55:06

to relax. That was what I

55:08

believed I need to do to keep going. Smoking and

55:10

drinking wine were the actions I took based

55:12

on that belief system.

55:14

The cure meditating running every morning and changing my diet

55:16

were actions based on my new belief

55:18

system. I don't Oh, this is about We're

55:20

still on where your attention

55:22

goes is where it grows. I don't know what this fucking shout

55:24

out is about because

55:25

I just skipped ahead. And then she talks about

55:27

all of her attempts

55:28

to help

55:29

the environment. I not know. She

55:31

never lists the things she's accomplishment. She just, like, cares a

55:34

lot and gives a lot of speeches where she doesn't actually

55:36

ever say anything about the environment. And she says

55:38

after she had children, she got

55:40

her boobs done and regretted it. I guess these all

55:42

do go in under this

55:44

chapter umbrella, but none of the stories

55:46

relate to each other. And I

55:48

say it is really funny to

55:50

say where your attention goes

55:52

is what grows and be like, for example, I

55:54

was thinking about my boobs a lot. And when I got a

55:56

boob job, bigger. Anyway, so then she realizes

55:58

that the environment is, like, in

55:59

danger. Her and her dad combated

56:02

by coming up with a cartoon series

56:04

for kids called Jazelle in the

56:06

green team, about a group of teenage girls

56:08

who live double lives as supermodels and

56:10

environmental superheroes. She's really worried about

56:12

deforestation, and

56:14

can I say if that is a numerous unknown concern that you

56:16

should not have written the world's most useless

56:18

book. She made a cartoon about

56:20

superheroes who are also supermodel.

56:22

The Forrest Claire, I'm

56:24

holding it in my fucking hands right now.

56:26

Then she's asked to be a part of the two thousand

56:28

fourteen FIFA World Cup. I was torn like a lot of

56:30

Brazilians. I believe that Brazil could have used the

56:32

money being spent on stadiums and running

56:34

tracks for other more urgently needed things like

56:36

improving hospital schools and infrastructure. But

56:38

in the end, I said yes. So

56:40

that's really the giselle story

56:42

of like, I would love to help, but ultimately, I didn't. And

56:44

then she does the biggest runway for her

56:46

career. Her Chaska Field and Fix was to walk

56:48

more than four hundred feet

56:50

just myself. She was really scared,

56:52

but she did it. I will say that's a really

56:54

long way to walk, and that is so fucking awkward.

56:56

Four hundred feet. That's

56:57

over a football field.

56:58

yeah I mean, that's

56:59

like four football fields. No. And

57:02

a half? No. Oh, I'm

57:04

thinking

57:05

yards. Yeah. Oh.

57:06

The

57:07

important point is that we can choose to put our attention on

57:09

the areas of our life that will support us

57:11

being our best. I don't know.

57:13

I guess, like, When she needed to walk four hundred

57:15

feet, she was scared, but she put her attention to it. And when she put her mind

57:17

to walking, she walked. She wanted to support

57:20

the environment and

57:22

did it. And she didn't,

57:24

but she thought about it, and that'll grow

57:26

into something. I'm just always not over.

57:28

Chapter six, nature,

57:30

our greatest teacher. And this is just

57:32

another chapter about the environment. That's my favorite quote.

57:35

When I say nature is our greatest teacher, you

57:37

might wonder what exactly nature teaches us.

57:39

Maybe the better question to ask is,

57:41

what doesn't nature teach us? to me,

57:43

nature is everything. That is a real you got me gisele.

57:45

But how am I gonna argue with that? Can I

57:47

read my favorite quote?

57:50

Yeah. I'm a big believer in locally grown food and to

57:52

my way of thinking no two jobs are

57:54

as important and underappreciated

57:56

as farming and teaching. Once

58:00

again, I think I got caught. I don't

58:02

know. This chapter, I think we can skim. It's

58:04

mostly about how she grows her own

58:06

vegetables and the kids love

58:08

it, and sure they have a full time cook who also

58:10

tends to the garden, but that's I don't know. Another hair over

58:12

there that has a fantasy with it. They make their own

58:14

honey, which is good for allergies. She

58:16

loves using food

58:16

as vitamins. Have you ever thought about drinking water with a little bit of lemon?

58:18

Yeah. Then she had her babies at home in a

58:20

bathtub, and she said I shouldn't have

58:24

had first baby in the regular bathtub because I'm a little bit too tall for it.

58:26

But then for my second baby, I rented

58:29

a bigger bathtub.

58:31

Yes, she said doctors told her not to, but she didn't listen

58:33

and guess what? Giselle knew

58:35

better. Giselle

58:36

is better than a doctor seven.

58:38

Take

58:39

care of your body so it

58:41

can take care of you. So this chapter,

58:43

she starts out extremely self aware. She says, I

58:45

feel like I have to address something. I'll do

58:47

it fast because it makes me uncomfortable. I've been told

58:49

that many women wish they had a body like

58:52

mine. I also know that many

58:54

people are curious about my diet. I

58:56

must admit I find all of this a bit

58:58

strange. Do you find it strange? What do you

59:00

think a model is? Does

59:02

that all? What

59:04

do

59:04

you think a model is if not like the ideal person

59:08

strutting around to make

59:09

people want to

59:12

buy things? You think it's strange that people admire your body? Why would they have

59:14

hired you if no one admired your

59:16

body? I don't think I understand.

59:17

The body I

59:20

have is the one I was given. Remember, four of my sisters are about a head shorter

59:22

than I am, and all the kale and coconut milk

59:24

in the world won't make them taller. A lot of people seem

59:26

to be under the impression that I follow a special

59:29

a diet or a special exercise plan to look a

59:31

certain way. The truth is when I was younger, I

59:33

didn't have to do very much to keep my body

59:35

fit. I am a model after all. and

59:37

my natural body type is leaner

59:38

with smaller bones. But at

59:39

thirty eight, my metabolism has slowed and today I

59:41

am very thoughtful about what I eat. So even though

59:43

you may be under the impression that she follows a special

59:45

diet, she's here to tell that actually she does. She has a

59:47

lot of very specific things that she changed slowly

59:50

over time because of the panic attacks.

59:51

Do you guys remember the panic attacks

59:52

that she had fifteen years ago? She

59:56

doesn't eat anything now, but it's because of the photonic attacks. And

59:58

she likes to try and eat healthy wherever she is,

1:00:00

and it's inspired a lot of her friends and

1:00:04

family for instance, the inspiration that happened when she went

1:00:06

on a family trip and she made everyone

1:00:08

eat healthy and they said, please don't make

1:00:10

us eat healthy on this family trip.

1:00:12

she said, well, I'm not making anything else. So hopefully, it

1:00:14

inspires you to eat this or nothing. When she doesn't want to eat,

1:00:17

I think about energy and

1:00:18

balance. And

1:00:20

what that means is it turns out she actually feels better when she doesn't eat. And she says

1:00:22

that two days a week, she doesn't eat breakfast because

1:00:24

it's important to let your digestive

1:00:28

system rest. she's really of

1:00:30

this mindset that, like, eating is the biggest

1:00:32

way to make you sleepy,

1:00:34

that mostly food is a

1:00:36

sleepy agent. And the best thing you

1:00:38

could do is eat as little as possible so that you

1:00:40

feel light. So here's her

1:00:42

deal. Twice a month,

1:00:43

she eats meat. She

1:00:44

eats seafood once a week, but she eats smaller fish.

1:00:46

She also

1:00:47

does oil pulling.

1:00:48

She does mostly green juices.

1:00:52

She also eats seasonally based on her garden. Despite what you might

1:00:54

have read, I think about how we eat. Our

1:00:56

family isn't a hundred percent dairy free.

1:00:59

Every once in a while, she'll have goat cheese, but

1:01:01

not often. She also doesn't eat

1:01:03

sugars. They also don't ever eat dessert unless it's made out

1:01:05

of coconut or dates. They eat

1:01:07

pasta once a week, quinoa pasta,

1:01:10

which she thinks tastes better than regular

1:01:12

pasta. And on the weekends, Tom

1:01:14

will make gluten free pancakes for the

1:01:16

whole family. So she says, I'm

1:01:18

sure by now you realized, we're not

1:01:20

that strict. She

1:01:21

also works out a

1:01:23

ton. She doesn't drink all call

1:01:25

often, but when she does, she'll drink one glass

1:01:27

of red wine, two on special

1:01:30

occasions. She only does juicy

1:01:32

toxins in the summer, but she

1:01:34

loves it. because in the winter, you're chilly and so you should eat more. She

1:01:36

also recommends eating in silence and eating as

1:01:38

slow as you possibly can, though that you can

1:01:40

become more mindful during

1:01:42

meal time. because how you eat

1:01:44

is not just what you eat is who you are,

1:01:46

how you eat is who you are. So if you eat like

1:01:48

quickly, you're like a horrible person.

1:01:50

After dinner, I usually like to drink a cup of

1:01:52

chamomile tea and I make cups for the kids

1:01:54

too. Normally, I try not to drink anything

1:01:56

whether it's water, tea, or wine while I'm

1:01:58

eating, and for thirty minutes after she's

1:02:00

done eating because it disrupts the

1:02:02

digestive process. as you can see, Jazelle's actually really fun, not too

1:02:04

strict. After dinner, she's like a big dessert

1:02:06

hedge, she'll have a square of dark chocolate, and if she's

1:02:08

PMS ing,

1:02:10

I'll have a little bit more than a square of dark chocolate. Not dinner because

1:02:12

of the caffeine in the chocolate will keep her

1:02:14

up. Only after lunch. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

1:02:18

forgive me Jazelle for relaying this wrong. I know

1:02:20

how much it stresses you out that people

1:02:22

even care. Sometimes she'll do

1:02:24

a month or two without any sugars, including

1:02:26

fruit or anything, but that's only, like, once

1:02:28

in a while. Yeah. Once in a while. So overall,

1:02:30

you can see she's not that sure. She's actually

1:02:32

a very fun gal. She eats chocolate. She

1:02:34

has a glass of wine every now and then. She left her hair down. Her beautiful

1:02:37

perfect hair that was voted by the world

1:02:39

as the best hair. It's all very

1:02:41

easy to

1:02:41

beat Jazelle. chapter

1:02:43

a, the final chapter.

1:02:45

Know thyself. She starts with

1:02:47

a small story about a toad who looks up

1:02:49

and sees the sky and it turns out he's in

1:02:52

a well. You're in a well. Watch out. You're in

1:02:54

a while.

1:02:54

She says, you

1:02:55

need to explore the world.

1:02:56

You need to start by knowing yourself and

1:02:58

then look outside and see the

1:03:02

sky it's big. She then goes on to say that she's always been

1:03:04

reading about history, religion, metaphysics, mysticism,

1:03:06

and a lot of things that she kind

1:03:08

of thought she came up with have been around

1:03:12

forever. learned that there's some really popular notions that are actually quite For

1:03:14

example, the idea that all people have both male

1:03:16

and female and male energies inside of them and that

1:03:18

internal balances in these two forces are

1:03:20

in harmony comes from towards

1:03:22

them, which dates back to the sixth century. So basically, she

1:03:24

says what she's learned is aside from

1:03:27

the way that we view gender

1:03:29

and qualities and female qualities. The

1:03:32

truth is, male is

1:03:34

power and female is love and you

1:03:36

need to have both within you. The

1:03:38

problem is people abuse

1:03:40

power and they don't have power

1:03:42

with love and that's why

1:03:43

the world is bad.

1:03:45

Thank you, Jazelle. She says

1:03:47

power love bad it's unsustainable. We read

1:03:49

about this every day in headlines,

1:03:51

rampant inequality, cruelty towards

1:03:53

the less fortunate, floating

1:03:56

islands of plastic garbage in the ocean. This

1:03:58

dominance of masculine energy

1:03:59

has disconnected us from the feminine side

1:04:02

and from

1:04:04

mother earth. Our survival comes from our Earth's natural resources, so

1:04:06

wouldn't it be smart to use them wisely so we can

1:04:08

continue to utilize and enjoy them for many

1:04:10

generations? I guess that would

1:04:12

be smart.

1:04:14

She says that the Earth is sending us stronger and stronger messages,

1:04:16

tsunamis, floods, earthquakes strats,

1:04:18

erupting volcanoes. We freak that

1:04:21

when the earth gets thick, we do too. This is

1:04:23

all very insightful. It was

1:04:25

not until

1:04:25

I became a mother that I deeply connected to

1:04:27

my feminine energy. I felt like a lioness and that my

1:04:29

home had become a cave. I would do anything

1:04:31

to defend and preserve my cubbies.

1:04:33

So

1:04:34

at this

1:04:35

point, she talks about meeting Tom,

1:04:37

how they found out two months into

1:04:39

dating that he was I might have a baby.

1:04:41

She loves that baby. And she says before Tom and I were married,

1:04:43

we talked a lot about how we wanted a relationship to

1:04:45

develop and express that I wanted

1:04:47

an interdependent relationship. not

1:04:49

a codependent one. At this point, they come up with

1:04:51

a roadmap that he says, I want to work

1:04:53

for ten more years and then I'll retire and we'll

1:04:55

have kids and she says perfect.

1:04:57

This obviously is disrupted

1:04:57

by the fact that it turns out at this point he already

1:05:00

has a kid. So at the point that they're having this

1:05:02

conversation, which I guess is one month

1:05:04

into

1:05:06

them dating, he finds out that he's about to have a baby. So this kind

1:05:08

of threw a wrench into

1:05:10

everything. Because now that he's about to have a

1:05:12

family, they decide, well, we don't want our kids

1:05:14

to be

1:05:16

years and years apart. They don't wanna have one son be way older

1:05:18

than the rest of the kids, so they decide to have two children,

1:05:20

thinner than they were planning to. So this

1:05:22

required her to kind of pause her career

1:05:24

her career at a time that

1:05:25

she wasn't necessarily planning to pause her career, but

1:05:28

she says, now that I have a family,

1:05:30

it's about the family and not

1:05:32

necessarily me. Whereas

1:05:33

for Tom, it's kind of about Tom and

1:05:35

not necessarily the family as long as

1:05:37

the family comes along.

1:05:39

So

1:05:39

instead of waiting ten years to have kids, they

1:05:41

have kids kind of early. Yeah.

1:05:44

They have kids. They meet in two thousand six. They have

1:05:46

their first son in two thousand nine. Yeah. So it's not

1:05:48

like too soon on a normal timeline. It's just not

1:05:50

the timeline that they had discussed and agreed

1:05:52

upon. So then

1:05:54

she decides to put her career

1:05:56

in the back seat and just go to

1:05:58

Boston with him and be a mother With the

1:06:00

arrival of Betty and Vivi, I quickly found out that being a mother was lot more work than modeling.

1:06:03

And she says Tom scheduled during football season is so

1:06:05

demanding that I take most of

1:06:07

the family responsibilities. I think of

1:06:09

this stage of my life as the valley. Not

1:06:12

because it's in any way negative, but because once you've

1:06:14

been on top of the mountain, there's nowhere else to go

1:06:16

but back down. To me, this

1:06:18

feels negative. On top of the

1:06:20

mountain, it's always sunny and bright and you get a

1:06:22

big view. In contrast, life in the

1:06:24

valley is quieter

1:06:26

more contained. Perhaps dark and mossy. The valet gives you the opportunity

1:06:28

to understand a different set of my life and devote

1:06:30

myself to being the best wife and best mother I can be.

1:06:32

All while I get to experience, love

1:06:34

my children. then she goes on to be like, I

1:06:36

am very lucky, however, of course, that I'm so successful

1:06:38

already. But I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. So

1:06:40

whenever I feel like working I can,

1:06:42

but the Valley also reminds me of the importance of the feminine element in the life

1:06:44

of any family. If you're a manor of woman

1:06:46

who works out for the home, you lead two very

1:06:48

different lives. The first life your

1:06:50

outside life takes place in the outside world and

1:06:52

centers on driving achievement and making a living to

1:06:54

support your family. The second life is your inside

1:06:56

life. This one is focused on taking care of the house

1:06:58

and the children. Everything is

1:07:00

built on this foundation. Most men are

1:07:02

focused on their outside lives, but many women are too. But

1:07:04

for anyone to succeed and thrive in their outside life,

1:07:06

they need a strong inside life. That's why whenever someone says she's

1:07:08

just a mom, I get really mad because just a

1:07:10

mom is a foundation of everything. I

1:07:13

don't know, man. It

1:07:15

really does not seem like you loved the valley being woman is. She's like,

1:07:17

the worst time of your life is the valley. And the valley

1:07:19

is when you're really a woman. And when you're a

1:07:21

woman, you're a mom. It's

1:07:23

really fun. I really like it. It's really

1:07:26

good balance to being

1:07:28

outside and being on top of a mountain, which

1:07:30

is where I was. before Tom made

1:07:32

me have two babies and he said he was gonna

1:07:34

retire in ten years and he's not retiring

1:07:36

anytime soon. It's not been

1:07:38

sixteen years. Now that the kids are older in school, I know that soon I'll be ready to climbing

1:07:40

another mountain. I've learned I'm good at climbing

1:07:42

mountains. I've never lived in the valley for

1:07:46

this long. I wouldn't give back the time

1:07:48

I spent here for anything. Sure. Okay. I believe you.

1:07:50

Recently, Tom and I revisited

1:07:53

a conversation we had when we first got married, the one where he told me

1:07:55

he would play for ten more years and then retire. But

1:07:57

I acknowledge that it's better for both of us to think

1:07:59

of that conversation as a map. not

1:08:01

the destination. Today, Tom is playing better than he

1:08:04

ever has and he still loves what

1:08:06

he's doing. I don't know that I

1:08:08

could say he's playing better than he

1:08:10

ever has. Tom will retire

1:08:12

when he feels its time. The decision has to come

1:08:14

from him in the end if Tom's happy, we're all happy, and

1:08:16

that's what a

1:08:18

partnership is. God, she is miserable. She's this

1:08:20

book came out four years ago. She's been

1:08:22

so mad at him for so long. So

1:08:24

that's where the book ends. She explains her

1:08:26

wedding. They got married and church, and then in Costa Rica. Sounds very beautiful. So, actually, it sounds like

1:08:28

a very me wedding. She's like, I don't know. We just got mad and

1:08:30

then I'm gonna hang hang out and had a good time.

1:08:32

We're in Costa Rica,

1:08:34

whatever. Like, that sounds dope.

1:08:36

Jen's

1:08:36

the book saying wherever you choose to

1:08:38

go, I wish you a safe, exciting journey and that you may always be connected and guided by

1:08:43

love.

1:08:43

Thank you. Amen.

1:08:44

Wait. Oh my god. I'm looking

1:08:46

at the acknowledgement, and I'm not seeing a single fucking word of a person. It's

1:08:49

four more paragraphs

1:08:52

about herself. That's so

1:08:54

funny. She thinks herself, and she thinks someone named Anne. It takes for a while to get to thanking

1:08:59

anybody but herself. Thoughts, Ashley.

1:09:02

Well, I've learned

1:09:02

my lesson

1:09:03

and that's to never

1:09:05

read anything because

1:09:07

I'll bunch and write ever

1:09:10

a fucking gun. Got

1:09:11

it. What about you, Claire?

1:09:13

In this

1:09:13

book, she references another book, a coffee

1:09:16

table book by fashion that has three hundred photos

1:09:18

that represent her twenty years in the modeling career, and I wish we had read that book instead. And honestly, as much as

1:09:20

I didn't like this book, I would buy that

1:09:22

book to look at her. I am newly

1:09:26

obsessed with her face. I mean, she

1:09:29

is so beautiful. She

1:09:31

is really And I wish

1:09:33

that she would let the

1:09:34

pictures speak instead of her thought.

1:09:37

Because the

1:09:38

pictures aren't inspiring.

1:09:40

They are lovely.

1:09:43

They are unique. and her thoughts are

1:09:46

words

1:09:46

that are sentences to

1:09:48

some. We love

1:09:51

you guys so much. Don't forget the Patreon. We'll see a bunch of you at

1:09:53

our November twelfth show. I cannot freaking wait. I love

1:09:55

you all. Thank you so much you guys.

1:09:57

I adore you, and we will see

1:09:59

you next week.