0:00

That's exactly what we hit is where the, where's the unresolved mental and emotional

0:04

baggage that is you're holding onto that's causing grief that is leading you to do, be, say,

0:13

you know, things that keep you in a stress mindset that keep you in overwhelm

0:18

and lead you to burnout for me figuring out how to talk to people about what

0:23

they were experiencing in a way that That helps them feel calmer about the darkness

0:28

that they might be experiencing. And, you know, I love the analogy of a cocoon. And so when I talk about a cocoon,

0:35

people are like, oh, warm and cozy and you're in your cocoon.

0:37

But also cocoon is grief. It is allowing that space, allowing a little bit of solitude and time to heal,

0:47

to integrate, to become anew. That was Katie Rossler, our guest today for the Vitality Series on Check the Energy podcast.

0:56

And in this episode, we explore the concept of hidden grief and how it impacts

1:04

our health and vitality. So many of us are walking around with unprocessed, unintegrated grief,

1:12

not even realizing how much it's influencing every area of our lives,

1:19

including when we hit a state of burnout.

1:24

Today, we get to go deeper into what hitting grief is all about and how to effectively

1:32

heal it, not just on your own, but within community.

1:36

So grateful Katie joined me today for this conversation.

1:39

If you'd love to learn more about her, simply go to katierossler.com.

1:44

And as always, you can find me at vasmith.com. With that, let's get started. Enjoy.

1:52

Welcome, welcome to Check the Energy podcast and the Vitality series,

1:57

which is hosted on YouTube. Today, I'm really pleased, happy, joyful, excited to be talking with Katie Rossler,

2:06

who I will share a little bit of how we're connected.

2:10

But of course, for those of you that don't know me, I'm Vanessa Smith and I

2:14

love to talk about energy and the paradigm shift in your purpose role within it all.

2:19

And so today we're gonna be exploring the topic of hidden grief and how that

2:26

relates to and impacts our vitality.

2:29

I've, through my own journey that I'll be sharing today, I've been able to share with you.

2:33

In addition to like really exploring with Katie and her specific background,

2:38

how hitting grief showed up for me and deeply, deeply influenced my vitality

2:44

this year in particular. So I'm, yeah, I'm just very looking forward to this conversation.

2:50

And as always, I want to give a little bit of story or context to how I know

2:55

Katie, because to me, that's like, that's the juice, right? Right.

2:59

It's it's always interesting to hear the bio and the training and the gifts

3:04

that people have. And I love that, too.

3:07

I'm like, how do you know each other? Like, how did that all come together?

3:11

And so I'll share a little bit and then I'm going to turn it over to Katie and

3:16

have her introduce herself in whatever way she sees fit.

3:20

And then we'll go from there. So the story, the story of how Katie and I met

3:25

is is actually in an online business.

3:29

Group. And we, I remember at the time, this was, was it 2018?

3:35

Yep. Holy cow, where? Right?

3:40

Prime moves in very strange ways. So in 2018, I feel like I've been about 500

3:47

different versions of myself since then.

3:49

Yeah. Right. Like who hasn't?

3:52

And so I remember that I had volunteered to kind of lead some meetups in the

3:58

group and you were on one of them.

4:00

And I remember, I distinctly remember that when Katie spoke.

4:04

I was like, she has got to be a speaker because I didn't want to actually speak,

4:10

even though I was the facilitator of the meeting and needed to keep talking

4:14

and inviting other people to share. I just remember thinking, please keep talking because you are so interesting

4:21

and I love your voice. And this is fascinating.

4:26

Can we just have a conversation with the two of us? So that was my first impression of Katie.

4:31

And honestly, it hasn't changed very much.

4:35

Like whenever you see her online, you're like, wow, that is so fascinating,

4:39

especially if you're interested in psychology and really creating balance in your life.

4:47

And, you know, I want to say creating healthy relationships,

4:51

like within within your family, within your marriage, and then of course,

4:54

the topic hitting grief. So I had the pleasure of being a mentor of Katie's for a couple of years,

5:01

worked with her as my client and seeing that transformation take place and then

5:07

having her business really bloom and continue to grow.

5:11

And I mean, it's just, it's phenomenal when you actually create relationships

5:14

with people to see the changes that take place in them over time.

5:19

It's really cool. So with all All that being said, really happy to have Katie here.

5:23

And with that, I'm going to turn it over to you.

5:27

Please, obviously, since I didn't illuminate your background with hitting grief,

5:31

share a little bit about your background and just anything else you want to share about your story.

5:36

Yeah. Thank you, Vanessa. I'm excited to be on here. And I know our conversation

5:40

is going to go quite deep. So those who are listening, you might want to grab a paper and pen because I

5:45

have a feeling some big things are going to come out.

5:47

So by profession, I'm a licensed therapist, originally from the USA.

5:52

I live in Munich, Germany. And my grief journey really started started after my mom died.

5:58

Well, I say it's where it started, but it's where my awareness really came to

6:01

light about it. And she died suddenly.

6:04

And it was one of those things where Vanessa and I talked actually a couple

6:09

months after I started working with you at that point. And I said, my compass is spinning.

6:13

I don't have direction anymore in my life.

6:16

And all the work I'd been doing up until then, I didn't realize was a way of

6:21

always trying to save my mom mom or save people who are like my mom.

6:26

And when she was gone, it was like, well, I don't need to do that anymore.

6:31

So I went on this, it was really a year long, over a year long journey of trying

6:38

to understand myself in the context of life without a mom on the planet,

6:43

really understanding grief. As a military kid growing up, I was uprooted constantly instantly.

6:50

And that had so much grief with it that I didn't realize I had not fully processed.

6:55

And so it was just this realization of like, oh, my parents divorced and this

6:59

and this and this, all of it had grief. And it felt different magnitudes to the loss of a parent, but the same grief.

7:07

And that was the point where I started to realize hidden grief isn't something

7:11

we're talking about enough. And as I started to talk more about grief, people were a little uncomfortable

7:17

uncomfortable because grief is not a fun topic for people, right?

7:21

Like it's like, oh God, she's talking about grief again.

7:24

I started to want to talk about stress and overwhelming burnout and.

7:30

It's caused by hidden grief. So it was very easy to talk about it in a way that

7:37

people understood and to say, you know, I'm a burnout specialist and I work also in hidden grief.

7:43

And as soon as someone starts to work with me, that's exactly what we hit is

7:47

where the, where's the unresolved mental and emotional baggage that is you're

7:52

holding onto that's causing grief that is leading you to do, be,

7:58

say, you know, things that keep you

8:01

in a stress mindset that keep you in overwhelm and lead you to burnout.

8:06

I've authored two books in the time working on a third, like I just sort of

8:11

spiraled into this beautiful way of like that compass didn't need to point north.

8:16

It could point anywhere it needed to, because there was just so many possibilities

8:20

to to go and helping people with this.

8:23

I've spoken at companies. I've spoken on stages internationally.

8:27

It's really grown since the time I worked with Vanessa of my story being the catalyst.

8:35

For me figuring out how to talk to people about what they were experiencing

8:39

in a way that helps them feel calmer about the darkness that they might be experiencing.

8:46

And I love the analogy of a cocoon. And so when I talk about a cocoon,

8:51

people are like, oh, warm and cozy, and you're in your cocoon,

8:53

but also cocoon is grief. It is allowing that space, allowing a little bit of solitude and time to heal,

9:03

to integrate, to become a new. And so, yeah. So one of my giftings is analogies, adding humor to everything

9:10

that I do and always smiling through a little bit.

9:13

And I've, I've been honored to work with so many people on their journey with

9:18

grief, with understanding their stress cycle.

9:21

And it all stemmed because I had to walk through my own fire.

9:25

And I like to think of it like bringing cold buckets of water,

9:29

not to make the fire go away for people, but to like soothe their feet as they're

9:33

walking through it. Yeah. So where are you at now with your own grief?

9:39

With my own grief, you know, it was interesting. We just hit the five-year mark of my mom's death.

9:43

And a couple months prior to that, a great uncle who was kind of like a pseudo

9:48

dad when my dad left, passed away.

9:50

And I went back home and I realized there's so much grief still around living

9:56

abroad and finding my, my identity of who am I based on my culture?

10:03

Who am I based on my family? Because I have changed so much. So that is something I'm still in the process

10:09

of integrating and understanding. The grief around my mom's death is still...

10:17

In progress, right? When somebody dies so suddenly, it allows for a lot of things

10:24

to come to the surface around your fears about dying early, right? I'm a mom of three girls.

10:29

I don't want to leave this planet early for them, but I understand my story

10:35

is able to develop because my mom passed in the way that she did and the things

10:40

that were able to happen afterwards words would not have happened in that way.

10:44

So I, I get that I'm, I'm a pivotal role for them, but I'm also just a part,

10:50

just like how I've started to understand that from my own life.

10:54

So, so I would say that, that whole thing.

10:58

And as you lose someone, especially someone who created part of your identity, right?

11:04

There is the, who am I without them, but who do I not not want to be because of them.

11:10

That's the piece I'm in right now is an understanding of looking at a parent

11:15

from a holistic human standpoint.

11:18

What are some of the habits or ways that she was, or my dad was,

11:22

or my grandmother, my aunt, whomever, that I don't want to be?

11:25

And what are the good things I want to pull? And I'd say that's where I am in

11:30

my grief journey is just integration and more awareness of what's coming up.

11:35

Thank you for asking though. Most people stay away from asking,

11:39

how's your grief? But it's actually a great question to ask people.

11:43

It seems like the most obvious route to go.

11:47

But yeah, it can be, you know, uncomfortable to actually look at what's happening in the present moment.

11:57

And I think that is one of the key factors in even identifying grief to begin

12:03

with is is because you just have this sense that you're holding something, right?

12:09

Like you might not even know to name it as grief, which I think is the terminology

12:14

that you use, hidden grief. It's so perfect because we really have a blind spot to all of these,

12:22

you know, whether you call them blocks or densities or just unresolved issues

12:26

that we're carrying around with us that impact our decision-making,

12:31

our clarity our confidence our our ability to be able to communicate effectively

12:37

with the people that we actually really care about you know there's all of these

12:42

different ways that you know.

12:45

Grief and fear and vitality are all just kind of underneath the surface in this

12:52

interconnected relationship with each other and i think it can be a really powerful

12:58

entry point to just Just how are you now, really?

13:03

You know, and I think I just actually want to commend you for being brave enough to be honest.

13:12

Because I think that is the, I want to say like the larger identity space that

13:18

we're all in right now is how can we be our most authentic expression in this

13:25

moment, knowing that it's always changing,

13:27

knowing that we're always growing, like, can we create a sense of safety and security within ourselves so we can

13:36

show up and just be the truth of who we are,

13:39

no matter how people receive us, right?

13:42

Like, there's that fear of, holy cow, if I bring grief to the dinner party,

13:46

like, Oh, God, you invited that kid?

13:49

Like, who's gonna want to talk to me? Or like, it's just there's a certain heaviness

13:55

associated with it, right? But like, if you can actually create space to honor it, and to allow it to be,

14:04

then we we can create

14:07

a lot of closeness with the

14:10

person that is witnessing or able to

14:14

receive where we actually are with deep

14:17

listening and without and I think that's what you provide for people I think

14:21

the fact that you're calling it out you're naming it you're creating this really

14:27

a secure container for people online and with everything that you offer up in

14:32

the world and and the way that you articulate the experience and the process of grief,

14:37

it helps it feel less scary, right? Yes.

14:43

What I want to ask you about is how is it connected to vitality?

14:48

Because you've mentioned burnout. And I think that's something that we're all, like anybody in this day and age,

14:55

is familiar with what that's about.

14:57

And we're reaching, like, how do we resolve burnout?

15:01

How can we create a different experience for us in life?

15:06

But it's a different question to say, how can I create vitality?

15:10

Yes. And because you're looking in a different direction, not bypassing necessarily,

15:16

but it's a kind of a different set of circumstances or a different perspective to look through.

15:21

So when you're looking at like, what do you see as the connection between the

15:26

grief that we carry with us and how vital we feel in the world? Yeah.

15:32

So I want you to imagine that everyone is walking around with like open wounds on them, right?

15:40

Like gashes and just like raw and festering and they bump into each other and

15:44

it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know, like, oh, don't touch me. Don't do that. Don't.

15:48

So vitality is not that. It is not like, oh, I'm like a walking,

15:54

you know, like injury constantly.

15:57

But grief work and healing is really cleaning those wounds and allowing them

16:05

to be stitched, which is painful.

16:09

And then allowing the scar to form. So giving it time, not saying not rushing it.

16:14

Why isn't this healed? Let me pick up the scab. No, like allowing it to heal

16:18

and having the scars there. So you learn from those scars. Anybody who has a scar from like a sport,

16:23

you're like, Like, oh, this time in 19, da, da, da, I've had this injury.

16:27

And we like to tell about our scars, how we got them.

16:31

And so we have these emotional and mental scars, if we allow it to heal,

16:36

that when bumped into, if you've had a deep scar, then you know it's still a little numb.

16:42

It's still a little like uncomfortable at times, but it's nothing like what

16:46

it was when it was an open wound. And so as people get a little bit close, you might still feel it,

16:51

but you don't run away from them. You don't flinch.

16:55

You just go like, oh, rub it on it. Okay, no, we're good. I know the coping skills to help.

17:01

And that is how we create vitality in our lives is to finally allow all those

17:06

wounds to close up, like clean them first, clean them, stitch them,

17:11

close them up, give the time, don't overdo it.

17:14

Like, oh, I'm going to jump back into doing this. It's like,

17:17

well, that hasn't healed. And then be able to walk confidently with these scars where we're like,

17:24

like, yeah, that happened. This is how it changed me. This is how it helped me grow.

17:28

That for me is vitality. So if we're not healing, if we're not working on the

17:32

hidden grief, vitality is an idea.

17:36

It's like a dream and we can all envision it. We can all embody the feeling of that vitality.

17:43

Anytime we want to manifest something, like for our lives, especially an internal

17:48

personal growth thing, that means you have to do the work.

17:53

A lot of people are like, well, I'll just wake up and it'll all be gone.

17:56

I'm like, it's not like wake up and there's money in your mailbox.

17:59

Healing and personal growth is like you still have to do it.

18:03

It's not manifesting money. It's like I want to feel more vital in my life. Okay, then let's do this.

18:09

Let's walk through the fire. I've got some buckets for you to help with your

18:12

feet, but you got to go on the journey still.

18:14

And that's the piece where I think people love the idea of vitality,

18:19

love the idea of that wholeness and alignment, but it serves them to stay walking

18:26

around with the wounds. It just, it does.

18:29

Yeah. I really love how you give a nod to integration and the,

18:34

this, like the space for that, how how important it is because I think, well,

18:42

I've noticed that in either the holistic health world or even the spiritual approach to things,

18:50

there's like, you don't have to stay in the wound so long or you can make it shift so fast.

18:56

And it's almost like a thinly disguised way of bypassing and sort of addiction

19:03

or attachment to a peak moment, like, oh, you could just move right through it.

19:08

Yeah, acknowledge it, but then get right back into the game of whatever it is you want to create.

19:15

It's about frequency. Keep your frequency at this certain level.

19:19

And I think that can be really confusing for a lot of people that are new to

19:25

the healing process and new to to specifically healing grief in particular, because it is...

19:34

It's so dynamic. Green, right? Like it isn't, it is that wound,

19:41

but it's also the identity.

19:44

It's also the burnout. It's also the indecision. It's also all the things unsaid

19:49

with a person or a situation.

19:52

And as you grow and change and evolve into these different versions of yourself,

19:56

it's like you meet grief again and you respond to it a little bit differently.

20:02

And it's almost like we're in this continuous dancer relationship with it.

20:06

And I think that's a new concept for people to really understand that it's not about making it go away.

20:16

It's just about these different levels of conversation and space for integration

20:24

and just allowing for the pause, allowing for the slowness, allowing for the rest.

20:32

Really trusting your, I'm going to say not just trusting your body,

20:36

but also trusting how your own unique energy wants to move with the process of grief, right?

20:44

We have this idea of, well, it's grief. It's heavy.

20:48

We should be doing this or that with it. And it's like, no, you can do art with

20:53

it. You can jump on a trampoline with it.

20:55

You can, you know, you know be intimate

20:58

with your partner about it like there's all of these

21:01

different ways and it's just really a matter of your your focus

21:05

and your intention that's what

21:08

all of what you said just brought up in me but i actually wanted to ask you

21:13

about something specific in relation to greek to my experience that i had this

21:17

year and because i'm curious your take on it as you know you know i'm I'm immersed

21:23

in the energy perspective, right? Like that's my wheelhouse.

21:28

It's how I view life and how I understand the underlying dynamics of all the things.

21:34

So this year I had some, I had a broken tooth earlier this year and I didn't

21:41

realize that it was broken, but it was really sapping my vitality,

21:45

which is like, okay, makes sense. It was broken. It was infected.

21:49

I didn't realize the degree. I just knew that I felt really bad physically,

21:54

like I felt very drained all the time.

21:57

And in the process of realizing it was broken,

22:01

I went up and I looked on a meridian chart of what the tooth was related to,

22:06

because one of the symptoms that I was having was a really overwhelming sense of grief.

22:13

And it did not feel like mine.

22:16

So it was a very odd experience for me because I was like,

22:19

this feels very strong, intense palpable it's it's draining and I also don't

22:28

feel like it I it's any of my stuff like I feel I feel.

22:34

Peace and I feel complete. And yet this wave of grief is washing over me.

22:39

And so to link it back to the meridian chart, that particular tooth was related

22:44

to holding grief in the body.

22:46

And so the tooth was broken and all this grief that actually wasn't mine was

22:53

leaking out of my system.

22:56

And I was experiencing it or kind of as if it was mine, but I knew intuitively this is not mine.

23:04

This belongs to either my lineage or the culture, or there's just all of these

23:10

other pieces of grief that I didn't realize I was holding that weren't my own.

23:16

And as soon as my tooth got fixed, it was so, I mean, honestly, it blew my mind.

23:22

The grief, it was just gone. Like literally right after my tooth was pulled

23:27

out of my mouth, I did not feel grief. I felt pain, but it did not feel like

23:32

physical pain, but I did not feel any grief.

23:36

And it has been since that point.

23:39

I mean, I'm feeling other things in general about like as we go through life,

23:44

but the intensity of that grief, you know, I'm really grateful now for the tooth

23:49

because I didn't it showed me what I was holding.

23:52

Right. Right. And so I'm just wanting your take on from an energy perspective,

23:59

how we hold on to other people's grief and how we can differentiate like what

24:05

really belongs to us and what doesn't.

24:07

What can we release from our system without without needing to process it because

24:13

it wasn't ours to begin with? Right. And not internalizing it like, is there something I've missed?

24:18

Like, is this like what, you know, it's easy for us to do the mind game of like,

24:22

there must be something. Let me go through all the past, right?

24:25

All the starts, the one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, 10.

24:28

So gosh, I have been studying more and more epigenetics and what is passed down

24:34

to us consciously or unconsciously.

24:37

And it's really powerful. You know, there's two sides of what you shared. We've got the science side of

24:42

inflammation in the body. Impacts depression and it's like

24:48

depression is a symptom of inflammation in the body it's

24:51

like if you have a cold and the sinus infection you're like i feel down

24:54

i don't feel good and stuff it's because the depressive nature

24:57

it's not depression itself the depressive nature of i'm sad i'm down which is

25:02

what we usually attribute degree can be activated on top of that you've got

25:07

you knowing i have an essay i constantly have really clear energy like i'm really

25:12

good i've been doing the work. I've been clearing things. So what is this?

25:15

And knowing it's somebody else's. And when it comes to your body,

25:20

that's epigenetics all the way, right?

25:22

And that's powerful. And I think so many people are waking up this year and last year,

25:29

and even going into 2024, realizing they are the missing link to the healing

25:34

process for their family lines. They're the ones that are going

25:38

going to say no more. I'm not doing this anymore. This is unacceptable.

25:42

I'm not showing up for this and I hand it back.

25:46

And it can be really hard actually. And I'm working with a client now that releasing

25:50

what she's held onto that she now realizes was her grandmothers and probably great grandmothers.

25:56

She doesn't want to hand it back to them even energetically because she's like,

25:59

this is heavy. I don't, I wouldn't want to put this on anybody.

26:02

Right. And I'm like, Like, but they're not even here. Like, not even here.

26:05

You can hand it back. So there's our identity gets wrapped up into it.

26:09

But also I desire not to hurt any family members when we need to release that grief.

26:15

But there's a piece where we have to respect it wasn't ours to carry from the beginning.

26:19

They were already carrying it. And so when we allow it to become theirs again

26:25

and thank them for all the lessons it gave us, it's closure.

26:30

And closure creates that vitality.

26:34

And that's uncomfortable. when we're, you know, I heard someone the other day

26:38

say, we will pick a comfortable hell to get away from an uncomfortable heaven.

26:45

And it was like, oh, you were right. Like we will stay with what we know,

26:51

even if it's not good for us, even if it's the wrong relationship or whatever,

26:55

because it's comfortable and feel safe because of the comfort rather than vitality,

27:01

which feels uncomfortable because our nervous system is not used

27:04

to that and how do you sit with that yeah and

27:07

so being able to release that with your tooth is like amazing that it's like

27:11

oh that was not even mine thank goodness that it like passed that quickly yeah

27:18

yeah yeah I was really grateful and and honestly quite astonished at how quick

27:23

the change was because I had been throwing.

27:27

Supplements at, you know, my levels of vitality.

27:31

I had been, yeah, I had been doing the healing work.

27:35

I'm like, okay, journal, you know, like, okay, ritual, like,

27:39

oh, we're doing the thing. We're digging in there to figure out like what this heaviness is.

27:46

And yeah, so to actually go go through, this is a nod also to the process,

27:52

like to go through the painful parts of whatever,

27:57

whatever it is you need to face so you can be free from it. Right.

28:02

And, and I, you know, I don't, okay, let's see. What is my question?

28:09

While you think, I'm going to point out, you kept using the word,

28:11

it's draining me. It was draining me. It was draining, draining, draining, draining.

28:15

That for me would be like, where in your family line did someone experience

28:20

either like a physical drain?

28:22

It's something occurred because you are already speaking the genetic line of where the trauma is.

28:29

Right. And so you asked like, well, how does somebody be aware of it?

28:33

If it's the words, the vocabulary that feels like, wow, I keep bringing this

28:37

up and it it doesn't always feel like my words yeah i'm feeling this and it doesn't feel like mine,

28:43

that's the time to go like let me go inward and go genetically like where's

28:47

that family line where does that make sense so i didn't mean to interrupt your

28:51

question but i was like oh let me know at this one thing yeah yeah yeah no i

28:55

think the language is it's an easy in that we often and overlook too.

29:00

And in my mind, I think, oh, right. Perfect.

29:04

Where do I need to seal up any drains, any leak?

29:09

And then also just as an examination, whether it's, you know,

29:14

reflecting on the family members I did know, or doing just a more intuitive check-in of like who was allowing allowing drains

29:22

in their own life and in what way.

29:25

Right. And, you know, it's interesting when you're talking about handing it back to them.

29:31

I'm like, do we need to do that? I mean, so here's the here's my question.

29:37

Like when we're talking about like resolving grief and vitality,

29:40

if we're going on the premise that we're coming in here to to transform and

29:46

alchemize the lineage, lineage, whatever the family line is and what we've been

29:50

carrying, and it stops with us. Instead of handing back, what can we work with our ancestors,

29:58

whether they're alive or not, but just energetically, intuitively,

30:02

and say, hey, here's what I discovered.

30:07

And have that sort of internal, creative, imaginative, intuitive conversation

30:13

with them and say, how did this show up in your life?

30:16

And let's hear.

30:19

I'm going to take mine off of me, what I discovered. You take yours off of you.

30:25

Let's put it just in the center out in front of us and bury it in the earth

30:31

or give it up to, you know, God or the universe or however you experience that.

30:37

But I feel like somehow that speaks to or feels more potent to me than passing it back.

30:47

I can imagine that they're like, I don't want this, you know.

30:53

And so, I mean, I love the idea of releasing what is not yours.

30:58

Absolutely. But I'm like, how can we, how can we liberate the,

31:02

not just ourselves, but the entire line?

31:06

There's, I mean, that's as well, you know, they have a choice point.

31:09

They have a choice point as to whether they accept what we pass back to them.

31:14

Right. But if we can work together, And I'm just at this moment a little personally

31:20

obsessed with that idea of togetherness.

31:23

Like, how can we work together as a collective or as a community or as a partnership to work?

31:32

To address, to become aware of, and to heal hidden grief so we can experience

31:39

vitality as a collective?

31:42

How can we have each other's backs in that way?

31:46

What is the new paradigm approach to having those hard conversations, right?

31:54

I feel like we have a very one-track mind

31:58

when it's when it's comes to healing

32:01

grief or addressing hitting grief because it

32:04

it's like it's heavy here's the one way to

32:07

do it and good luck like see you on the other side right cry it out yeah it

32:11

feels like isolating you know what i mean yeah totally and it's a very vulnerable

32:15

experience to even identify where you're carrying grief and so i'm just like

32:22

what do we do katie do Do we have grief circles?

32:25

Do we have, how do we bring it into a collective conversation where we're experiencing

32:31

the transformation together and we create like a safety of container for the community,

32:38

especially when there's some really crappy things going on in the broader context

32:45

that is bringing up a lot of grief for people, right?

32:50

It's like, I don't know, I popped off in a million different directions.

32:54

That's okay. I'm going to try to cover it all. First was, I do love the idea, you and the family member or the lineage together.

33:02

Putting it all together in one and then releasing that. I think that's an excellent

33:06

idea because we were all born on this earth and the way the world is created is there's a blame.

33:12

And there is a, like, if you're holding something, it's yours.

33:16

That's for your mind to go. I'm now releasing this.

33:19

So as long as even in that energetic exchange through a meditation,

33:23

you're like, I'm removing this from me and you're removing it from you too.

33:27

So it's no longer going up and down on our family lines and we're bearing it

33:31

we're you know whatever it might be going into fire into the flames yes absolutely

33:36

but for many it is that i need to like i need to give it back to them,

33:42

because especially if they passed on it's nothing to them it is not you know

33:47

it's like oh yeah you're right that was like when i was on earth that's what

33:51

i was doing like give that back it's It's like now it doesn't bother me. Whatever.

33:55

Yeah. But we still think earthfully like I'm giving that back to them.

34:00

They don't want it kind of thing. It's like, no. And you can, I do. I love that idea of coming together and joining together,

34:06

putting it in one place. I think that's a beautiful, beautiful way. And I agree.

34:10

And I really think 2024 is about, as you've seen, the way I'm talking about

34:15

things is more about couples and families. And I think it is about community and it is about relationships.

34:20

So how do we come together? together and normalize grieving,

34:25

normalize difficult conversations.

34:28

And a couple of years ago, I had wanted to start sacred grieving ceremonies

34:32

and it was just not the right time.

34:35

I was still getting people to look at hidden grief.

34:39

Nobody died. Yes, of course, but there can still be grief.

34:43

There's a change. You moved, you became a parent, you got a divorce.

34:48

All of this has grief in it. Even small identity changes have grief in them.

34:53

So I needed to open their eyes to that, to maybe 2024 is the sacred grieving

34:59

ceremony year, right? Bringing all that back.

35:03

We do need community. There is solitude and grief, but it quickly turns to isolation

35:09

when we're not careful and our brains will tell us nobody cares and it forgets

35:13

we're the ones that stepped back and people are being respectful of that.

35:17

They just don't know when it's time to come like, hi, we're still here.

35:20

So there is a little bit of a, I need time for myself.

35:23

But I think as As a society, the world is craving real connection,

35:30

craving being seen and heard.

35:33

And being able to offer that for other people, we've gotten really good about

35:37

talking about ourselves. We've gotten really good about that social media post, conversations.

35:42

When you hear about people dating now, you hear that one side of,

35:47

well, I did this and I did this and I did that and barely any questions.

35:50

And I just think, wow, wouldn't it be amazing to start being the person who

35:55

can have those powerful questions to ask and reflect what you hear and vice versa.

36:03

But we can't do that if we're not practicing it.

36:07

And that's off our phones and off the

36:10

computers and in person and getting

36:13

uncomfortable together and being like this you know this

36:16

is uncomfortable it totally is let's laugh it off okay let's

36:19

have the conversation I hope you

36:23

bring those circles down I mean obviously do whatever

36:26

is is right line for you but if

36:29

you don't do it I hope somebody does it I don't

36:32

want to do it but I would attend one

36:35

of those circles you know I just think there's that's that

36:40

that that is the kind of connection that we need there's like a deep not just

36:46

connection to other people but a deep sense of rootedness when you can stay

36:50

in this space I think it's of of of a grief focused focused conversation,

36:56

you know, it's like you, you completely slow down the rhythm of how life is moving.

37:05

And I, I really find that if you can stay in the conversation and walk away

37:11

with it, you'll actually feel profound sense of vitality afterwards.

37:16

And it's so interesting to me. I mean, just to talk about vitality and all the

37:20

pieces that it's related to, it's like, we've had this this very,

37:23

I'm going to say like just flat or two-dimensional approach that it equals,

37:28

you know, the self-care bubble bath or the, you know, the exercise and diet.

37:34

And those are factors in it, but there's this really incredible well of vitality

37:39

that's always running in our system.

37:42

And it's just waiting for this opportunity, honestly, to just be expressed.

37:46

Rest. And I have found, I mean, and I'm sure, you know, we both in our businesses, the.

37:55

I want to say that deep listening is really a huge component of it,

37:58

like to actually be a witness and create the space for somebody else to be really seen and heard.

38:07

And I can't tell you how many times I feel like the energetic life force has

38:14

increased exponentially when people really feel seen and heard.

38:21

And to be able to do that for somebody else helps you do it for yourself, right?

38:28

It's like, how much do we actually need to listen to ourselves and to what we've been holding,

38:36

the hidden grief that we've been holding in our system and how much more free

38:40

could we feel if we allowed for the space for it?

38:44

You know, it's that, like that is not the typical approach you would would think

38:49

of to creating vitality, right?

38:51

But I feel like it's a really important piece and it's a really important time

38:57

to be thinking about that because of,

39:00

you know, the bigness of the type of transformation and transition time that

39:06

we're in between the sort of old paradigm version of how we operate and a new

39:10

paradigm understanding of what

39:12

life is really about and choosing how we We want to show up in it, right?

39:17

And so thoughts, thoughts on hitting grief and vitality.

39:21

Yeah. Well, you just drew light that it's not just physical health,

39:25

that it's a mental and emotional health.

39:28

And I think the more we start to see emotional health a little bit separate

39:31

from mental health is the more holistic view of vitality. Yeah. Yeah.

39:38

So can you tell me from your personal experience, like before we wrap up our conversation today,

39:43

like how has your vitality changed

39:46

and shifted like do you like what helped

39:49

you especially in relation to the hidden

39:52

grief that that you have had and you know perhaps still have what have you done

39:59

to increase your vitality your and and before you answer that I do want to say

40:05

like my My definition of vitality is being a vital player in the game,

40:10

like being whatever that looks like. It's dynamic.

40:14

It's ever changing, but it's like, it's playing your role, you know,

40:18

like we all know when we're kind of hanging back and not investing in ourselves, et cetera, et cetera.

40:23

So, but I'm curious because you've, you've really dedicated a lot of your time,

40:31

energy focus to increasing your vitality. Thank you.

40:35

Yeah. So this year, looking at vitality from all the different angles,

40:42

this year needed to be more of a physical health vitality year for me.

40:46

Again, I shared I'm a mom of three young kids. So I was noticing the physical

40:51

draining experience of stress on me.

40:54

As much as I was working on balance and strategies and systems and productivity

40:58

and all of these things with a business going,

41:00

it was okay something's still

41:04

not helping my physical energy and so

41:07

I needed to go on that journey and that has been

41:10

amazing to learn so much about myself and not to be afraid to ask questions

41:16

and get tests done to get answers and looking at it from a holistic standpoint

41:22

you know on top of that is always continuing to do the emotional mental work

41:27

and for those of of you familiar with human design,

41:30

I'm a three, five manifesting generator and the three, five like learns by doing.

41:35

So everything I teach is just me learning to integrate it even more.

41:38

Every time I lead a workshop on emotional intelligence, it's,

41:42

you know, wiring it into my system even deeper.

41:45

Every time I talk about hidden grief, I'm having realizations of my own.

41:49

So if I am not out there doing stuff, if I'm not talking about it,

41:54

then my growth is stunted. And and I've realized that.

41:57

When I play small, when I'm quiet about things, when I don't talk honestly about

42:02

our relationships related to hidden grief or burnout or all of these things,

42:07

then I'm going through it. I'm going to get stunted. And once I realized that, it helped me understand

42:15

that me showing up in my work is an integral part of my personal growth as well.

42:22

And it took away the heaviness feeling of it because then it was fun.

42:27

Like I love personal growth. So I was like, Oh, this is fun.

42:29

Like when I say this, what do I think? I listened to my podcast.

42:34

I will listen to, I do. Cause I'm like, that was good. What does that?

42:37

Oh, it makes me think about this because it's one thing to speak it out.

42:41

And I'm like you, I don't script. I just talk.

42:44

There's a topic I know I need to talk on and I just talk.

42:46

But when you go back and listen to yourself, it's like you you kind of remove it. This is me.

42:52

And you just listen to the message and you're like, whoa, I need to hear that. Right.

42:57

So like I stopped with this. Oh, it's me. I don't want to see myself.

43:01

I don't want to watch myself. I don't want my kids know like mom's watching herself and they'll listen to,

43:07

but I'm like, told my husband, like, this is some, I'm channeling some good stuff here.

43:12

Like why not take it in for myself too? Because the three, five,

43:16

it's here to like trial and error and learn and grow and experience and learn

43:21

from themselves and you know. People that jokingly, some of my clients call me their guru.

43:27

And I'm always like, oh, you're funny. But I'm like, have I become my own guru?

43:30

Like I listened to my, you know, these things, but we kind of need to become

43:34

that if you're going to grow in any area of like, okay, like I want to know it so deep to my core.

43:41

I want to understand that. I want to continue to learn more that I feel like

43:45

I can be the master of it and teach others.

43:48

Even if you don't decide to to teach them those things. Yeah.

43:51

Like why not? I remember a long time ago when I see you, like,

43:54

I could talk on a lot of topics. There's a lot of things I know really good.

43:57

Like I'm really good at food and all this stuff. And, but you're like, but I choose to talk about this, but isn't it amazing

44:02

to have that toolkit of all those other things you could speak on?

44:05

Cause you know, it's so deep to yourself.

44:08

Yeah. That for me is also vitality is just having so many tools that you've

44:14

learned and not scratched the surface of it really dug deep into.

44:19

Yeah. So that they're, they're there, they're ingrained. When that grief comes

44:23

up, you're like, let me try this. That didn't work.

44:26

Let me try this. You know, instead of like, let me go grab the ice cream and

44:29

the potato chips. Like you might do that, but then you go, and now I'm going

44:33

to go for that walk. So I feel better after this. I'm going to do the things now. I know that helped me feel like the the grief

44:40

is being processed rather than keeping it stuck inside of me.

44:44

Yeah. So my mind has been mainly physical. And then just the realization that

44:48

I, yes, of course I need to take breaks, but for the most part,

44:52

I need to be out there speaking. I need to be talking about it because my growth is dependent on that too.

44:58

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, that was a total pleasure for me to hear You say all of

45:05

that for multiple reasons. One, that was a mirror because I totally watch my videos.

45:12

And I do, I love, I'm like, that was really good, right?

45:16

And my husband and my son do the same thing. They're like, okay,

45:20

she's listening to herself again. But at this point, my husband will also watch it. He's like,

45:25

you should watch this again. You should watch yourself again.

45:28

This is really good. So I really relate to that. And also I just,

45:32

I love that you articulated how vitality is so closely connected with doing

45:40

your purpose work, right? right? Doing the things that you feel called to do and doing the things that you feel called to learn.

45:47

That is, I'm going to say just very foundational to the core of my own values and standards.

45:54

And I want to say it's something that I, I'm losing my headset here,

45:59

something that I like to impress upon everyone that I work with,

46:03

like the importance of showing up and sharing, Not just because there are people

46:10

here to receive your transmissions,

46:13

but also because that energy is meant to move through you, right?

46:19

Like it enlivens you, it clears you out, it sets a new standard for yourself.

46:25

You are absorbing all of these incredibly profound messages that you are sharing.

46:30

You're literally engaging in the rewiring process. process.

46:34

And so, and I find too, that when we're operating at that level,

46:39

that that is both simultaneously addresses the vitality kind of like opens up.

46:46

It's like, I don't know, it's like taking a perfectly warm shower.

46:52

But on the inside or, you know, like it just, it opens the door for vitality,

46:56

but at the same time, it also, I find is very like our purpose work

47:00

is very potent for grief work too it's

47:04

just because it we feel so expansive in

47:08

the expression of you know

47:12

our own aligned calling that we then see these pockets of hidden grief we we

47:20

can see things that we didn't see before because we're operating at a different

47:24

perspective when we're in our purpose work right We're like, oh, that's there.

47:29

And oh, that doesn't mean this. That actually can mean something different.

47:34

We see it from these new points of view. And so.

47:37

That was a beautiful bridge is my bottom line between hitting grief and vitality

47:43

and how your purpose work and really allowing yourself to be in the grace of

47:48

that can be profoundly healing for vitality and for hitting grief.

47:54

So thank you for that. You're welcome. Yes.

47:58

And I really, I feel like I could very easily double the time of this conversation,

48:05

but I want to respect our time here. So say thank you, Katie,

48:08

for joining me today in this conversation.

48:10

I know it's been a bit in some change since we had any conversation.

48:15

So grateful that you said yes to coming here today.

48:18

And also tell all the people where they can find you, what you're up to, promote all the thing.

48:27

Thank you. Again, thank you for this conversation. Like I said,

48:30

I was like, this is going to be some good stuff that's going to come out.

48:33

So if you would like to connect, you can go to my website, katyrustler.com.

48:39

Instagram is katy.rustler. My podcast is The Balance Code. You can find it on

48:43

YouTube, Spotify, Apple. It's on all the places.

48:46

So you can go to katyrustler.com forward slash positive connections.

48:50

I'll make sure Vanessa has has a link to share. And that is a great way to,

48:54

you know, to do some work in your relationship.

48:58

There's lots of other things I always offer if people want to come and work

49:01

with me, but I would just say, find me on social media, on my website and connect. Thank you.

49:07

And thank you to everyone that tuned in today and listen to the conversation

49:13

around hitting grief and vitality and little bonus points on the power of your purpose work.

49:18

From these new paradigm perspectives and energetic contexts and doing healing

49:24

for our lineage, for ourselves, for the collective.

49:27

So this is a really powerful, potent work that I invite you to engage with because

49:33

it is there and it is real for us.

49:35

And our vitality is not just right around the corner.

49:40

It's actually existing within us right now. And when we can give space to releasing

49:45

what we are holding on to, that vitality can really move freely.

49:50

And having had that experience this year, I can't implore you more to take it for yourself.

49:57

So with that, I am going to end this conversation and we'll be back soon with

50:03

another wonderful guest like Katie. And please do check out her stuff.

50:08

Really, as you could see, you could sit there and listen to her talk Talk about

50:12

all of these things for a very long time. Telling you the truth there. So thanks again, Katie.

50:18

And I am going to sign off now. Take care. Moodly.