0:04

Countdown with Keith Olderman is a

0:06

production of iHeartRadio.

0:21

Justice Juan Mershon has to send

0:23

Trump to Rikers Island for violating

0:26

the gag order or he is going to lose

0:28

control of this trial after what happened yesterday.

0:31

Mershon has to jail Trump.

0:33

He has to. Trump tried

0:35

to finesse the gag order by quoting

0:38

somebody else that worm waters

0:41

from Fox, quoting somebody

0:43

else, denigrating the jurors and the

0:46

judge, and adding to the pile of stochastic

0:48

inducements to violence against anyone

0:50

who thwarts Trump here or anywhere

0:53

else. And by morning, one

0:56

of the jurors, the silhouette of

0:58

their name and the vague depiction of

1:00

their home revealed,

1:02

was quitting out of fear. Because

1:05

what Trump sought by denigrating the jury

1:08

works, because Trump's intimidation

1:10

works, because Trump's terrorism

1:14

works. He has

1:16

to see the inside of a

1:18

jail cell.

1:20

I don't care if it's for life, I

1:22

don't care if it's for one hour. Trump's

1:26

conviction that he will break Mayor

1:28

Sean, and break the New York

1:30

State Supreme Court, and break the

1:32

American justice system must

1:34

itself be broken now,

1:37

or it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

1:40

It is Trump who must be broken.

1:44

Prosecutors began day three

1:46

of the trial yesterday by noting he had

1:48

violated the gag order seven

1:51

different times just

1:53

since jury selection began Monday,

1:55

and they actually undersold the

1:58

most egregious of Trump's crimes,

2:00

with Joshua Steinlass saying quote

2:03

the defendant reposts about

2:05

liberals lying to try to get on the

2:08

jury. A post by Jesse Waters that

2:10

was not a repost. Trump

2:13

does dozens of reposts a

2:15

day. You hit a repost

2:17

icon, a couple of rounded arrows,

2:19

maybe you add a comment. Trump knows

2:22

what a repost is. That

2:25

is not what Trump or someone

2:27

in control of the social media

2:29

account bearing his name did. What

2:32

Trump did was to make a new

2:35

post quoting Waters.

2:37

It read, it still reads, It's

2:39

still live, quotation marks.

2:42

They are catching undercover liberal

2:45

activists lying to the judge

2:47

in order to get on the Trump jury,

2:50

and quotation marks Jesse

2:53

Waters. It is

2:55

in Trump's own electronic

2:58

hand. It is not a repost.

3:00

It is not technically okay within

3:02

the gag order, because Trump is an lying

3:05

about the judge and the jurors and endangering

3:07

them all he's just quoting Jesse Waters,

3:09

lying about the judge and the jurors and endangering

3:12

them all. Trump wrote

3:14

that it is Trump himself violating

3:16

the gag order in that way, and the

3:18

prosecution believes the other

3:21

examples, posting articles about

3:23

Michael Cohen on his social media feed

3:25

at his campaign website are also violations.

3:28

And the longer we wait to break

3:30

Trump, the less our ability

3:33

to contain him will be. At

3:37

this rate, it is just a matter of time until

3:39

Trump has somebody on his team leak

3:42

the name of a juror in this

3:44

case and provoke another

3:46

delay, more fear of

3:49

retribution for the jurors

3:51

who do not ask out, or maybe

3:53

even a mistrial. Trump's

3:56

team is working full time scouring

3:59

the histories and the social media histories

4:01

of those already on the jury. What do you think

4:03

that is? For Trump

4:07

is a wounded, cornered animal

4:10

in a case of life or death.

4:13

Think of him always as

4:15

a cockroach with thumbs

4:21

and for good insulting measure. Trump also used

4:23

his phone in court and took a

4:25

call, also a violation of court

4:27

rules everywhere, and

4:29

he didn't stand when the jurors and prospective

4:32

jurors came in even though everybody

4:34

else officially in court did so. And

4:36

he muttered and gestured at the jurors

4:39

on Tuesday, and he brought Jason Miller

4:42

and his ex wrestler thug Stephen

4:44

Chung into court to

4:47

lend a further air of intimidation.

4:49

And he not only tried to intimidate the jurors

4:52

and the potential jurors and the witnesses,

4:54

he did intimidate them. One

4:57

of them quit. And

4:59

if you or I, or anybody who is not

5:02

Trump did any one of those

5:04

things, and repeatedly lied

5:06

by promising we would stop, we

5:08

would see the inside of a

5:10

jail cell. And Trump must

5:14

just for one hour, Justice

5:16

meyr Sean, just long enough

5:18

for Trump to soil his pants.

5:25

The other part of the standard Trump

5:27

court practice did not go so

5:29

well. The Trump post in which

5:32

he quoted Waters also served

5:34

it seemed to delay

5:36

the court process, because nothing

5:38

slows down a trial more than when instead

5:40

of filling up the jury pool, you start

5:43

draining it. Before lunch, they

5:45

were down from seven seated jurors

5:47

to five, and by late afternoon

5:49

I heard an expert on CNN explained he'd always

5:52

known the judge's statement on Tuesday

5:54

that opening statements in the actual trial

5:56

would be next Monday at nine thirty was impossible.

5:59

And then an hour later the judge announced they

6:01

had seated the twelve jurors and

6:04

one al t and we're just five

6:06

alternates shy of the complete

6:08

set, so we

6:10

likely will start on Monday morning. And then

6:12

Tuesday comes the hearing on Trump

6:15

violating the gag order again and again

6:17

and again. Slightly wide

6:20

range of possible outcomes at that hearing.

6:23

For him might be as little

6:25

as one thousand dollars fine per

6:27

offense. For you, it

6:30

would be jail. The

6:34

rest of it yesterday was mere detail,

6:36

though some of it was funny or entertaining or

6:38

stupid or all. There seemed

6:40

to be consensus that for once, Trump did not fall

6:43

asleep. But one NBC

6:45

analyst wrote that while Justice Mershawn was

6:47

giving instructions to the new crowd of ninety six

6:49

would be jurors, quote, Trump rests

6:52

his eyes. There

6:55

was a reminder that, like finding a bunch of

6:57

people in a large crowded room who share your

6:59

birthday, is way easier than

7:01

the math would at first suggest, there

7:03

are coins. One

7:05

of Trump's lawyers asked for a prospective

7:08

juror to be dismissed for cause why

7:12

she and her husband had

7:14

stayed at the lawyer's house fifteen

7:17

years ago. Oh and the husband reviewed

7:20

Maggie Haberman's book. Another

7:23

would be juror was born in Italy and immediately

7:25

noted that there they compare Trump

7:27

to the corrupt prime minister and media baron Silvio

7:30

Bert Lasconi, an excellent comp One

7:34

of the jurors, also dismissed from

7:36

the pool, gave Trump the most

7:38

backhanded compliment imaginable quote,

7:41

he looked less orange than

7:44

I imagined. We

7:47

had one post courtroom unintentional

7:49

revelation from Trump that he is as has been

7:51

speculated, panicking both

7:53

over this case and the sudden reversal of

7:55

the polling winds. The

7:58

first thing Trump did after leaving one hundred

8:00

Center Street yesterday was to post a

8:02

graphic on his social media reading

8:06

Trump dominates Biden in new national

8:08

poll, along

8:10

with the numbers and the bar graphs.

8:13

What were the numbers? Trump forty six

8:15

Biden forty three.

8:18

Lead is three points, margin

8:21

of error is two point seven points. When

8:24

the word Trump uses for an outlier

8:26

poll with an effective lead of zero

8:29

point three percent is dominates.

8:32

He's panicking. And

8:34

after the day ended, we had two more reminders

8:36

that occasionally it is impossible to believe

8:40

that Trump is actually

8:42

smart enough, actually ever made

8:45

enough money despite his stupidity, to

8:47

ensure that he did not starve to death,

8:50

let alone lasts long enough to take over the

8:52

government. To prove his innocence,

8:55

he marched out of court and

8:58

held in his hands a

9:00

stack of right wing media

9:03

bleatings, insisting

9:05

on his martyrdom. It

9:08

looked like a small telephone book printed

9:11

out computer stories. At one point he

9:13

read off the names of the authors, Greg Jarrett,

9:15

Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Turley, as

9:18

if these names do not provoke laughter from

9:20

at least as many Americans as they would impress

9:23

Jonathan Turley, I mean Trump,

9:25

why not Kanye West.

9:28

He also said the stories were just from the last

9:30

few days, while at least one print out

9:33

was done in such a large font that

9:36

reporters could tell the story

9:38

was in fact from twenty twenty three.

9:41

And lastly, the World's

9:44

toughest man, the

9:46

symbol of masculinity for

9:48

Maga millions, the

9:51

man who is going through all this

9:53

for America and for

9:55

you, a greater

9:58

martyr than Abraham

10:00

Lincoln, that

10:03

superman. It's

10:06

really cold. I'm sitting here for

10:09

days now, from morning till

10:11

ninety and then freezing from

10:13

freezing. Everybody was freezing

10:15

in there. Okay, I got two for this

10:18

one. One

10:21

Trump, it's that cold, so you

10:23

won't freaking fall asleep

10:25

again, moron. And

10:29

two don't worry defendant

10:31

Jay Trump. It'll be much warmer

10:34

in hell. All

10:43

right, let's run some of the other headlines.

10:46

This is what Congress is like at the moment.

10:48

In case you didn't know for a

10:50

time yesterday, the controversy was

10:52

not about whether or not a

10:55

Republican congressman had called another Republican

10:57

congressman Quote Tubby in

11:00

an argument. It was about which

11:03

congressman the first congressman

11:05

had called Tubby. NBC

11:07

News quoted two sources

11:10

saying that during a heated argument

11:13

in the House about the upcoming

11:15

foreign aid bills, Derek

11:17

Van Orden of Wisconsin, the

11:20

whirling dervish of the House,

11:23

had called the Speaker

11:25

of the House Mike Johnson. I mean

11:27

he's still the speaker. We'll see about

11:29

next week. Van Orden had

11:31

called Speaker Mike Johnson Tubby. Van

11:34

Orden has all kinds of problems. But

11:37

one thing Johnson is not is

11:40

tubby. And Van Orden

11:42

was outraged by this report because

11:44

he didn't call Johnson tubby. He called

11:47

Matt Gates tubby that he

11:49

said was directed directly at Matt

11:51

Gates, directed directly anything

11:54

further. Father, he felt like he

11:56

should call me a squish, And

11:59

I wanted to remind anybody who has not been

12:01

in combat and held his friend's

12:03

hand as the died being shot

12:06

by the enemy, really doesn't have any business

12:08

calling someone else a squish.

12:10

And so in fact I did call

12:12

him tubby, and I stand

12:14

by that. As

12:17

difficult as it is to criticize

12:20

anybody who would call Matt Gates

12:23

anything, particularly tubby,

12:27

Van Orden is nuts. He

12:30

was seen at the January sixth coup

12:33

attempt. He was heard

12:35

telling Robert Reisch, who spells

12:37

his name r eic h but pronounces

12:40

it Reisch, telling Robert Reisch that

12:42

he should change his first name to third, leaving

12:45

millions confused, what the hell's the third

12:48

Reisch. He

12:50

was seen swearing at and threatening a

12:52

bunch of teenage senate pages

12:54

because they were lying on the floor taking pictures

12:57

on their last day defiling

12:59

his house. He

13:02

reportedly was swearing her.

13:04

We'd swearing at a bunch of briefers from the

13:06

White House who were updating a large

13:08

group of congressmen about Israel.

13:12

The last time I had him on this show, he

13:14

was heard claiming that Senator

13:17

Warren makes seven hundred thousand

13:19

dollars a month. Those

13:22

Senate pay raises have gotten out of hand. When

13:24

the Democratic Congressman Dean Phillips

13:26

of Minnesota, who is Jewish and we remember

13:29

him from his ill fated career ending

13:31

attempt to unseat President

13:33

Biden. When Phillips heard about

13:36

this remark about the briefers

13:39

from the White House about Israel, he

13:42

replied, shame on you to

13:45

Van Orden, and Van Orden promptly dropped an F

13:47

bomb on him. And

13:49

then there is this thing again, this automatic

13:52

reverting to I served in the military,

13:54

therefore I am a god. I mean, listen

13:56

to this again. I wanted to remind anybody

13:58

who has not been in combat and held his

14:00

friend's hand as they died being shot

14:03

by the enemy really doesn't have any business

14:05

calling someone else as squish.

14:08

My god, what did we start doing

14:11

this for electing people

14:13

who were in the military at a time when it appears

14:16

that merely holding one of our

14:18

weapons and firing it can

14:20

cause brain damage. Why are

14:22

we electing these people to Congress because they're louder

14:25

than everybody else. I served

14:27

in the military, therefore I am a human deity.

14:31

Mister van Orton, it looks like all you got in the military

14:33

was PTSD. I

14:36

mean, I know the House has this great multi

14:39

century tradition having

14:41

sent one of its members physically

14:43

into the Senate to try to beat

14:45

a senator to death, Senator Charles

14:48

Sumner, and the congressman was pressed

14:50

in Brooks and he used his cane, and

14:52

it was several minutes, and Sumner was already

14:55

seriously brain damaged by the time anybody

14:57

pulled him off. Sumner and

15:00

the response from his home constituents when

15:02

they found out that he broke his cane on Senator's there

15:05

was to send him more canes. But the

15:07

stupidity of this Congress of twenty

15:09

twenty four burns

15:12

Marjorie Taylor Green, who has responded

15:14

to almost everything

15:16

in some really stupid way

15:18

that suggests maybe she was in

15:21

the service to and got PTSD and has forgotten

15:23

her entire service because she doesn't make a point of

15:25

it. Marjorie Taylor Green responded

15:27

to the Ukraine Funding Bill to be

15:29

voted on tomorrow Saturday,

15:32

with an amendment that would

15:34

make anybody who votes for Ukraine

15:37

aid conscripted

15:39

into the Ukrainian Army.

15:43

Somehow, I don't think that was going to be adopted or

15:45

is possibly legal. Then

15:50

Congressman Norman and Congressman Perry and

15:52

Congressman Biggs, they offered

15:55

a Ukraine amendment. It would delete

15:57

line one of the Ukraine Funding Bill

15:59

and all that follows quote all

16:01

that follows. In other words, the amendment

16:04

would eliminate everything in

16:06

the Ukraine Funding Bill. Now,

16:08

on the other hand, there is a

16:10

slight ray of hope we already know about

16:12

what Jamie Raskin can do to Congressman

16:14

Comer, which is almost

16:16

worth the price of this NonStop

16:19

performative act in which they pretend

16:22

to impeach people. It's almost

16:24

worth it. But maybe the bright

16:26

light of this House, maybe the

16:28

bright light of this Congress, is Jared

16:30

Moskowitz of Florida, because he responded

16:33

to Marge Green's amendment about conscription

16:35

in the Ukraine Army like she

16:37

could spell army.

16:40

Moskowitz offered amendment to

16:43

this renaming Cannon

16:45

House Office building, Room four

16:47

to three, the Neville

16:49

Chamberlain Room. Who

16:54

occupies room four oh three in

16:56

the Canon House of Oh, it's Congresswoman

16:59

Green of Georgia. That's a

17:01

coincidence. Wait a minute, Moscowitz

17:03

was busy yesterday another

17:06

amendment urging that

17:08

Congresswoman Green quote should be appointed

17:11

Vladimir Putin's special envoy

17:14

to the United States Congress.

17:18

We need an official

17:20

Democratic House troll.

17:24

I nominate Jared Moskowitz, to

17:27

paraphrase Groucho Marks. Okay,

17:30

mister Moskowitz, And

17:33

there is hope coming in a bipartisan

17:35

fashion in the House coming

17:37

from the other side from

17:40

Sean Davis, CEO

17:42

of the Federalist, former executive

17:44

at the Daily Caller, economic

17:47

policy advisor to the dumbest man

17:51

ever to serve Rick

17:53

Perry, and somebody

17:55

who blocked me on Twitter. I don't know how long

17:57

ago. He

17:59

has the greatest idea ever, the

18:02

greatest idea ever,

18:04

the most effective burn against

18:07

the Liberals, the most damaging

18:09

thing to the Democratic Party. And I think we need

18:11

to tell mister Davis. I think we all need

18:13

to go on Twitter. Those of you who have not been blocked by

18:15

him need to go on to Twitter and say,

18:17

Sean Davis. I believe he Seawan

18:20

M. Dave, Shawn M.

18:22

Dave because he ran out of planning.

18:25

I don't know what I just didn't write Sean

18:27

Davis or S M. Davis. He wrote, Shawn

18:29

M. Dev you

18:31

need to tell him not to do this

18:33

because it would be so damaging to the Democratic

18:35

Party. It would destroy Joe Biden's chances

18:38

of reelection. This is what

18:40

he wrote, Sean Davis,

18:43

CEO of the Federalist one of the

18:45

great intellects on the right. The

18:50

four smarter people on the right are

18:53

all seven years old. If four

18:55

Republicans, write Sean Davis, were to

18:57

resign from Congress in protests

19:00

of Mike Johnson's indefensible

19:02

betrayal of the country and her borders,

19:05

it would deadlock the House two hundred and thirteen

19:08

to two hundred and thirteen, lead to

19:10

Mike Johnson's ouster, prevent

19:13

the election of a new speaker, prevent

19:15

new members from being sworn in following

19:18

special elections, and also prevent

19:20

any more Biden priorities

19:22

from being enacted this Congress,

19:24

including Ukraine. It would be the

19:27

ultimate nuclear option. In response

19:29

to Johnson's threats to punish

19:31

Republicans refuse

19:34

to bless his border betrayal.

19:40

Yes, do this. I

19:44

can't tell you how much damage it would do to me. I

19:47

am so impressed by this idea, mister

19:49

Davis. This is you must push

19:51

for this, you

19:54

must. You

19:56

heard it. This far right fascist

19:58

maga Republican wants enough Republican congressman

20:00

to resign to own the Libs

20:03

by giving up the republ book and majority.

20:08

You know, Sean

20:10

Davis, there's an even better

20:13

plan. And truly

20:16

this would hurt us on the left, those

20:19

of us who consider ourselves democrats or liberals

20:22

or communists. By

20:25

the way, years ago, at a high school reunion, I had a friend

20:27

of mine who I'd known since nineteen sixty

20:29

seven come up to me and go, I'm offended that they

20:31

call you a communist. I said,

20:33

why, he goes, I'm an actual communist.

20:36

I'm a labor organizer in San Francisco.

20:38

You're not a communist, Sean

20:40

Davis, This would destroy all of us on the left.

20:43

Many of us would actually vaporize,

20:46

self vaporized. Just we'd turn

20:48

into a pile of salt like

20:50

Locke's wife. Yes, I made a biblical

20:52

reference. Now you can turn into a pile of salt,

20:55

Sean Davis. But here's the better plan.

20:57

You're not thinking big enough for

21:00

resignations to deadlock the

21:02

House at two hundred and thirteen. All

21:05

that's not big enough to own the Libs giving

21:08

up the majority. Well, that's not enough. This

21:13

other idea I have would hurt us so

21:16

much. I am probably going

21:18

to be thrown out of the

21:20

communist, socialist liberal

21:23

plot to destroy America. I

21:25

will have my membership card withdrawn

21:27

and they will not even refund my twelve

21:29

hours dollar annual dues. I

21:33

will be destroyed for saying this. But

21:36

say it. I

21:38

must four

21:40

resignations from Congress. No.

21:44

Five Republican congressmen

21:47

must resign, Sean Davis.

21:50

Five. Think big,

21:53

be big, my friend, give

22:00

up their majority to own the Libs

22:03

again. Sometime, you wonder. But

22:06

I'll go back to my cliche of cliches.

22:08

The democracy is not preserved by the efforts

22:10

of those of us who are hoping to preserve it.

22:12

It is preserved by the stupidity of those who

22:15

would destroy it. Sure,

22:17

give up the leader, Jess, Yeah, resign. Absolutely.

22:21

A couple of more headlines, and

22:24

they are, of course about political violence.

22:27

You probably heard about the Kennedy family

22:30

on Moss endorsing Joe Biden yesterday

22:32

rather than Robert F. Junior, who is nuts.

22:35

Well, it was quite a press conference because

22:37

fifty four thousand members of the Kennedy

22:40

family, as you know, practicing Catholics,

22:42

and boy do they practice a lot. Fifty four

22:44

thousand members of the Kennedy family endorsed Biden

22:47

yesterday and said,

22:49

yeah, Bob Junior's out of his mind.

22:53

But this was more interesting. Nicole

22:55

Shanahan, who is the vice

22:57

president on the RFK Junior Crazy

23:00

Train ticket. The day

23:02

before her appointment, RK

23:04

campaign got a two million dollar

23:06

donation from

23:09

Nicole Shanahan. Nicole

23:11

Shanahan, Why that's

23:14

Nicole Shanahan's name, But

23:16

an amazing coincidence. There

23:20

is a reason to believe that, apart from the two million

23:23

dollars, Kennedy chose

23:25

her because she is the only

23:27

rich person in America crazier than

23:29

he is, quoting

23:32

the Midas Network. Since

23:34

becoming RFK Junior's running mate, Nicole

23:36

Shanahan has liked a tweet

23:39

depicting herself and her

23:41

running mate unleashing violence

23:44

on their political opponents in

23:46

the Matrix style video Shanahan

23:49

can be seen striking President Joe

23:51

Biden while RFK Junior

23:54

fires an automatic weapon, shooting

23:57

Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren before

23:59

kicking Trump in the head. Yes,

24:03

I know, I know it's political violence

24:06

and we should not publicize nor glorify

24:08

it. But on the other hand, to be optimistic,

24:10

and I'm, as you know, a glass half full

24:13

guy, I'll just point out that at least

24:15

this political violence is bipartisan. Kicker

24:20

Punchline who posted the video that

24:22

Nicole Shanahan liked, in which Shanahan

24:26

strikes Biden and RFK Jr.

24:29

Kicks Trump in the head and shoots Liz

24:31

Warren who posted this video. The

24:33

Midas Group did some digging and says it's

24:36

a guy who claims to be a national security

24:38

advisor to ORFK Junior. Once

24:43

again, it's the campaign

24:45

for the people who are too crazy even for Trump.

24:48

And speaking of which, there's Carrie

24:51

Lake. And we close

24:53

our jaunty breezy review

24:55

of the other headlines today with

24:58

this from Carrie Lake campaign

25:01

speech in Arizona. I

25:04

have been debate reading the

25:06

whole time since I first read

25:08

this early in this week, how

25:10

to present this and whether or not to do the joke,

25:12

and I've decided yes, I

25:15

have to do the joke. She

25:18

said. Trump is willing

25:20

to sacrifice everything I am. That's

25:23

why they're coming after us with law

25:25

fair. This is the fired

25:27

weather woman from a station in Phoenix. That's

25:29

why they're coming after us with law fair.

25:32

They're going to come after us with everything.

25:36

She's never won an election, never came close.

25:40

Running for Senate makes

25:42

Kirsten Cinema look good as

25:45

a candidate. That's

25:48

why the next six months is going to be intense.

25:50

And we need to strap on our

25:53

Let's see, she said, what

25:55

do we want to strap on? We're

25:59

going to strap on our our

26:03

seat belt. We're going

26:05

to put on our helmet or

26:07

your Carrie Lake ball cap.

26:10

We're going to put on the armor of God,

26:13

and maybe strap

26:16

on a

26:18

glock on the side of us just

26:20

in case. I

26:27

hate to say this, but

26:30

my God, even for somebody

26:33

running as a Republican for the US Senate,

26:35

this person is spending an extraordinary

26:39

and an inordinate amount of time saying

26:42

the words strap

26:44

on. Also

26:51

of interest, here, history does not repeat itself

26:54

carry Lake, but it does rhyme. Twain

26:57

said, Now, what did Twain?

26:59

No? Sometimes it does repeat

27:02

itself. The ex MSNBC

27:04

host fired for homophobic

27:06

comments about a reporter that he made

27:09

live on his two thousand and five show

27:11

that only lasted two episodes,

27:14

is now fired by an arm

27:16

of the campaign of New York Mayor Eric

27:18

Adams. Four homophobic

27:21

comments about a reporter. Yes,

27:24

it's happened. Worst persons

27:27

in the world has gone into reruns.

27:30

That's next. This is countdown.

27:34

This is Countdown. With Keith Oberman

27:58

still ahead of us. On this edition of Countdown,

28:00

we will close out the week with a dog you

28:02

can help and the story of another dog

28:05

who was alive when Teddy Roosevelt

28:07

was president, yet who

28:09

you will recognize immediately. Mugs

28:12

is one dog from

28:14

one hundred and fifty dog generations

28:16

ago, and yet he's all dogs. His

28:19

humans defended him to the last, even

28:21

though Mugs was James

28:23

Thurber's the Dog that

28:26

bit people. Coming up first,

28:28

Still more new idiots to talk about

28:30

and at length. These are some special

28:34

contenders in the daily roundup of the

28:36

miss grants, morons and Dunning Kruger

28:38

effect specimens, including the NYPD

28:41

mugging decoy and the guy

28:43

on the all pudding diet. Among

28:46

those who constitute two days worst

28:49

persons in the world, the

28:51

bronze worse Clay Travis,

28:55

ex lawyer, ex sportswriter, now

28:57

branching out and soon to be ex

28:59

political commentator. And guess what he

29:02

sucks at all of it. I

29:04

can tell you from personal experience the conversion

29:07

from sports to politics is tougher

29:09

than it looks. But it ain't this tough.

29:12

He co hosts a podcast with an ex cop

29:15

with one of those Stephen King hair

29:17

problems where his hair grows

29:19

like a werewolf. I think the name

29:21

is bunk sex Bump Buck

29:25

Sex sex Bunk Bump. Anyway,

29:28

his hair keeps growing further

29:30

and further down his forehead every

29:33

new picture of him. The hairline is a little

29:35

lower. He must have to shave it twice

29:37

an hour or it's going to grow off his body

29:40

and take over the world. Anyway,

29:42

So it's the Clay Travis and Bunk Sex Bump

29:45

Show, and on it, surprise, surprise, Clay

29:47

Travis, a little fascist attacked women's

29:49

basketball and the WNBA.

29:52

And the attention being paid to the college

29:54

star turning pro Caitlin Clark,

29:57

and the shock that her salary

29:59

will be seventy five thousand dollars,

30:02

although she's got an eight figure endorsement

30:04

deal, so she's not going to be you know,

30:06

in need of shoes figuratively or literally.

30:09

This is what he said. The revenue produced

30:11

by the NBA is ten billion dollars

30:14

a year. The revenue produced by the WNBA

30:17

is around sixty million. And if you actually

30:19

do the math as a percentage

30:21

of revenue, WNBA players

30:24

actually make more than NBA

30:26

players, just nobody

30:28

cares about their profession unquote.

30:31

So this goes on for a while, and it's,

30:34

you know, textbook for

30:36

the right attack on women's sports,

30:38

particularly as it grows, and

30:41

the rights attack on women in general. Of

30:43

Course, women should not be paid as much as men

30:45

in sports their women. Of course, women

30:48

should not be paid as much as men not in sports

30:50

their women. Of Course, women should not have the vote

30:52

or rights their women. Of course, they should

30:54

wear handmade tail costumes

30:57

their women. On

30:59

the other hand, in December twenty twenty one,

31:01

when a mediocre college swimmer named Gains

31:04

began to complain that a transgender woman named

31:06

Leah Thomas was winning college

31:09

swimming races, Clay Travis

31:11

went on Fox quote news unquote and announced

31:13

that Thomas quote threatens to destroy

31:16

all of women's sports. That's

31:19

the very sanctity of the sporting universe.

31:22

Travis self righteously continued, where

31:24

we believe in a meritocracy, the best

31:27

man or woman wins. So

31:30

in one case, this Travis idiot cares

31:32

about the sanctity of women's sports, and

31:35

in this case he says, nobody

31:37

cares about the sanctity of women's sports

31:39

or anything about women's sports. Even

31:42

though the NCAA Women's championship game had

31:44

more TV viewers this year than did the

31:46

men's championship game. It must

31:48

be nice for Travis

31:50

to be so simple minded that he can

31:52

turn his ethics on and off

31:54

like that to defend women's sports

31:57

and then to utterly dismiss women's

31:59

sports. But wait, there's

32:02

more. Travis was not done

32:05

bickling. I asked this

32:07

question, and I bet the answer is no. Can you

32:09

think of any business that has existed for twenty

32:11

five years? By the way, I've left out his more

32:14

on southern accent, can you think of any

32:16

business that has existed for twenty five years

32:19

and never made a profit and still exists.

32:21

The fact that the WNBA exists

32:24

at all is a testament in many

32:26

ways too well.

32:30

The government, I guess you could say,

32:32

unquote Klay Travis

32:35

never explains how the government made

32:37

the WNBA happen, probably because

32:40

there's no explanation. It's nonsense.

32:42

But his rhetorical question

32:44

has a real answer about

32:47

any business that has existed for twenty five years

32:49

and never made a profit, and he clearly

32:51

does not know it. There

32:53

was a sports league founded in nineteen forty

32:56

six, and at one point it had grown to twenty

32:58

four teams, but it was so unsuccessful

33:01

over its first two decades, first

33:03

twenty years, not twenty five, but close

33:06

enough that in that time literally seventeen

33:08

of its franchises went bankrupt.

33:11

Two of them went bankrupt in the middle of the

33:13

season. How's Baltimore

33:16

doing? They went out of business? Oh? It

33:18

had three different teams in Chicago, each

33:21

of them failed, three in Indianapolis.

33:23

And by nineteen sixty six this league was now

33:26

to just nine teams, and the league

33:28

had never made any money, and had even

33:30

stopped bleeding cash in the late sixties

33:33

to expand a little, but

33:36

its championship games were still only

33:38

shown on television on tape

33:40

delay at eleven thirty at night.

33:43

In its twenty fifth year. And that

33:45

league that was a complete failure for its

33:47

first twenty five years was the

33:49

National Basketball Association, the

33:52

NBA, the men's National

33:55

Basketball Association. Oh

33:57

what would this guy Travis know about the history of American

34:00

sports leagues? His idea

34:02

of sports is twenty years ago, when he couldn't see

34:04

NFL game on his TV in the Virgin Islands,

34:06

he went on a hunger strike, demanding that they

34:08

may make them available to him. There

34:11

no, no, no, not a hunger strike, a

34:13

pudding strike. For fifty

34:16

days, Clay Travis ate nothing

34:19

but pudding, something

34:22

from which he has clearly yet to recover. The

34:25

runner up worser, the Republican

34:27

Party of Charlotte, North Carolina could

34:29

be run by Clay Travis. I'm not sure. Somebody

34:33

claiming to be a first time history teacher

34:35

hosted what they mockingly pretended was

34:37

a paper about the Battle of Gettysburg.

34:40

Teaching my first history course. This

34:42

semester has been rewarding, but I don't know

34:45

what to do with this student. They

34:47

wrote, and the paper, a photograph

34:49

was provided of it, began quote how our

34:52

union was saved by the immortal heroes

34:54

at Gettysburg. Gettysburg What an

34:56

unbelievable battle that was the Battle

34:58

of Gettysburg. What an unbelievable

35:00

I mean, it was so much and so interesting

35:03

and so vicious, and it's so beautiful in

35:05

so many different ways. Gettysburg.

35:08

Wow. The paper is

35:10

of course littered with red marks and notes

35:12

from the teacher. I count twelve

35:15

and it's only one paragraph. Of

35:17

course, it's not an actual school paper about

35:19

Gettysburg. It was a transcript of Trump

35:22

trying to speak normally and

35:24

trying to express whatever little he remembered from

35:26

studying Gettysburg in like nineteen

35:28

sixty one.

35:31

This is where the idiots from the Charlotte

35:33

Republican Party come in. They replied

35:35

to that tweet with quote that's probably

35:38

from a student in Charlotte Mecklenburg schools

35:40

led by your Mecklenburg Democrats. That

35:42

totally tracks. We can't read, or

35:44

spell, or add or locate countries

35:47

on grade level, but we can make sure your feelings

35:49

aren't hurt during social and emotional

35:51

learning. Well,

35:53

yes, somebody here didn't learn how to read.

35:56

The photo of the paper literally has Trump's

35:58

name typed in the upper left hand

36:00

corner next to the big red fo

36:04

The Publican Party whoever handles

36:06

their Twitter account didn't notice, hasn't

36:09

noticed. The reply is still live. Maybe

36:12

Trump won't find out how

36:14

the Charlotte Republican Party has

36:17

dissed him. But

36:20

our winner the worst,

36:24

Bo Dietel Bo

36:27

Dietel di Etl is

36:30

the former World Trade Center ironworker,

36:32

New York City cop, New York City detective,

36:35

failed congressional candidate, failed

36:37

mayoralty candidate, failed radio

36:39

host, failed TV host, security

36:42

consultant, and frequent guest on The

36:44

Don I'm a Show. The Years

36:47

of Deterioration. Bo

36:49

Didal also has a problem. He's not just

36:51

a homophobe. There are lots of homophobes.

36:54

He's a homophobe who has to express it by

36:57

insisting he's not homophobic towards

36:59

people who he then calls really

37:01

unfortunate names. And

37:03

it's happened to yea and the Legal

37:06

Defense Fund for New York Mayor Eric

37:08

Adams. Yeah, yeah, that's

37:11

a whole, whole different story. I

37:13

only have infinity here. I don't have time for

37:15

the Eric Adams Legal Defense Fund

37:17

story. Anyway, The Eric

37:20

Adams Legal Defense Fund hired Bo

37:22

Deedle's company to vet donors.

37:25

It is now fired. Bo Deetle's company

37:28

to vet donors because first, when the New

37:30

York Daily News reported that the Eric Adams

37:32

Defense Fund had paid Bo Deedle and his

37:34

company thirteen grand Bo Deedle

37:36

responded to the paper's request for comment by

37:38

saying, quote, I wouldn't effing tell

37:41

you any effing tang bad.

37:44

But again, we're in New York.

37:47

Priests talk like that. But then

37:50

Politico called for comment about the

37:52

story, and Diedel told that

37:54

guy, quote, why don't you do me a favor,

37:57

Go suck somebody's blank, because

37:59

I don't want to talk to you. Okay, you like to

38:01

suck blank? Go suck blank

38:03

somewhere fired two

38:06

hours later. A

38:08

few of us who are alive

38:10

still to remember, who are

38:13

like Ishmael at the end of Moby

38:15

Dick, those

38:18

of us left alive to tell

38:20

thee we saw this

38:22

story. We laughed, we

38:24

cried, we shuddered. On

38:28

Friday, April eighth, two thousand and five,

38:30

at four pm Eastern daylight time,

38:33

they are premiered on MSNBC at

38:35

the best of the new network president

38:37

Rick Kaplan, a little show called

38:40

Dietel and Daniels. It

38:43

was one of Kaplan's many show ideas that

38:45

got launched because he

38:47

liked the title of the show.

38:50

He wanted me to co host with Tucker Carlson

38:52

because then he could have called a show TKO.

38:55

You get it. That's how

38:57

he made his decisions. Here in

39:00

Dietel and Daniels, he also saw

39:02

some of the content he saw a

39:05

contrasting buddy show. Lisa

39:07

Daniels was a Magna cum Laudy graduate

39:09

of Harvard Law who preferred television

39:12

and was very good at anchoring it smart.

39:14

Yet, as they say in TV circles,

39:17

accessible and Boddel

39:19

bo Dedel was a go suck somebody's

39:22

blank guy. So

39:24

I can't remember if it was the premiere episode

39:27

of Deal and Daniels on MSNBC or

39:29

the farewell episode two

39:31

weeks later. There were only the two episodes,

39:35

but one of the guests was a man named

39:37

James Guckert, who

39:39

was at a couple of steps removed,

39:42

hired by the Bush administration to portray

39:45

a character named Jeff

39:47

Gannon who would get White House press

39:49

credentials for a made up news

39:51

website called Talon News, and

39:54

he would go to Bush's Press

39:56

Secretary's press conferences and ask

39:58

tough questions like is George

40:00

Bush the greatest president ever or the

40:03

greatest American ever? And

40:05

do liberals like Osama bin Laden

40:07

or do they love Osama bin Laden? I'm

40:10

not exaggerating by very much here. Well,

40:13

it soon turned out that Jeff Gannon was

40:15

actually James Guckert, former nude

40:18

model and male

40:21

escort, although he

40:24

had been editor of his high school newspaper.

40:27

Must have been some newspaper. So

40:29

this is two thousand and five, and he was basically

40:31

the prototype for the entirety

40:34

of today's right wing media and streaming

40:36

shows. I mean, think about it. Fake

40:38

website, fake name,

40:41

connected to the people he's covering, and

40:44

he has a whole sort of sordid

40:46

history that he thinks nobody's ever gonna notice,

40:48

even though there are pictures of him naked with

40:50

other Okay, anyway, any who,

40:53

Didel and Daniels had mister Gucker's

40:56

and or Gannon on. I think

40:58

it was supposed to be half the show half an hour,

41:00

or it was supposed to be half an hour except Bo

41:03

Diedle got kind of excited

41:05

during the introduction, so he started,

41:07

I got no problem with you. And

41:10

I'm going to quote him here word for word because

41:12

the words themselves are not obscenities.

41:14

Just the implication here, so brace

41:17

for impact here. Quoting Boddle

41:20

Premiere, I think of Deedel and Daniels

41:22

quote, I got no problem with you being

41:24

a fudge packa.

41:27

Honestly, I don't remember what happened after

41:30

that. They did take Diedel

41:32

and Daniels off the air for a week to retool

41:35

it, although they left Deedel

41:37

on as chief tool. I

41:40

do remember Lisa Daniels, a truly

41:42

lovely person in all aspects

41:44

of that word, coming into my office

41:46

either before or after what turned

41:49

out to be the farewell episode of

41:51

Deedel and Daniels and bursting into

41:53

tears. And I said, you've

41:55

substituted on the early morning news on the

41:57

big network. They love you. Here.

42:00

Go call the president of NBC News

42:02

who hired you, and explain to him

42:04

this is making you burst into

42:07

tears into Olberman's office.

42:10

So she did, and the next thing you knew, she had

42:12

been plucked out of MSNBC and

42:15

they let her go work in thirty Rock and

42:17

they made her an NBC News correspondent, and

42:19

then like a year later, still haunted

42:21

by Bo Didel, she left

42:24

the business. She didn't even go

42:26

back into lawyering. I can't find

42:28

anything further about her more recently than

42:30

from twenty fourteen, when she

42:32

wrote a piece for Huffington Post about quitting

42:35

television and going home and having four

42:37

kids. Four kids

42:40

good for her anyway.

42:42

That's what Lisa Daniels learned in

42:45

the years since two thousand and five. What

42:47

has Boddel learned? Well?

42:50

Not to say fudge paka on TV just

42:52

to ask about sucking

42:55

to a reporter. Bo

42:59

did I mention that he proudly tells people

43:01

that when he was a copy his specialty was to be a

43:03

decoy for violent crime. So he was

43:05

mugged more than five hundred times, and he had

43:08

thirty line of duty injuries. And I'm just

43:10

thinking maybe this made a bad situation.

43:13

Mooie Deedle. Two

43:15

days weist Pyson

43:18

find the world just

43:32

to head on this editionive Countdown Fridays

43:34

with Thurber. Since I got good news

43:36

about my pups this week, let's finish the week

43:38

helping another dog and then hearing Thurber's

43:40

epic biography of a pup the

43:43

dog that bit people. As

43:45

mentioned first, a dog in need you can help. Every

43:47

dog has its day. This is about Snowy,

43:49

and Snowy is maybe a big ish Maltese

43:52

or a Havinese or a Bijeon or some

43:54

kind of mix with that big Maltese

43:57

like smile. She was rushed

43:59

to the er at the end of last month with pancreatitis

44:02

and cato acidosis. It

44:05

was touch and go. She needed three different ives

44:08

and twenty four hour care. Because

44:10

she's a rescue she's about eight, she has diabetes.

44:13

She was in there for a couple of weeks. Well, she's

44:15

doing marvelously now she's home,

44:18

but she'll have to be tested all the time for

44:20

a recurrence of the pancreatitis. And here's

44:22

the problem. The total bill is

44:25

thirty four thousand dollars. Now Snowy's

44:27

people don't want us to cover the entirety

44:30

of the thirty four thousand, but anything will

44:32

help. I put in five hundred. If you have five

44:34

dollars, I'll tweet out the link, or

44:36

you can just go to go fund me and search

44:38

for Snowe with an ie Snowie

44:43

and she'll be the first one to pop up among

44:45

the results. If you can't donate, just

44:48

a retweet can help. And

44:50

as I always say, Snowy thanks you, and

44:53

I thank you to

45:01

the number one story on the Countdown and Fridays

45:04

with Thurber. And it's amazing to me in retrospect

45:06

how I read all of his wonderful,

45:09

realistic, not goopy

45:11

writing about dogs and

45:13

enjoyed it thoroughly years

45:16

before I was ever adopted by

45:18

a dog. Now reading

45:21

his dog stories and anecdotes

45:24

is like reading about a bunch of friends, even

45:27

that one surly friend for

45:30

whom we must continuously make excuses

45:35

the dog that bit people

45:38

by James Thurber. Probably

45:42

no one man should have as many

45:44

dogs in this life as I have had,

45:46

but there was more pleasure

45:49

than distress in them for me, except

45:51

in the case of an Airdale

45:53

named Mugs. He gave

45:56

me more trouble than all the other fifty

45:58

four or five put together. Although

46:01

my moment of keenest embarrassment was

46:04

the time I a Scotch Terrier named Jeanie,

46:06

who had just had six puppies in the clothes

46:08

closet of a fourth floor apartment in New York,

46:11

had the unexpected seventh and last

46:14

at the corner of Eleventh Street and Fifth Avenue

46:17

during a walk she had insisted on taking.

46:20

Then two there was the prize winning French

46:22

poodle, a giant, big black poodle,

46:25

none of your little, untroublesome white miniatures,

46:27

who got sick riding in the

46:29

rumble seat of a car with me on

46:32

her way to the Greenwich Dog Show. She

46:34

had a red rubber bib tucked

46:36

around her throat, and since a rain storm

46:38

came up when we were halfway through the Bronx,

46:41

I had to hold over her a

46:44

small green umbrella, really

46:47

more of a parasol. The

46:49

rain beat down fearfully, and suddenly the

46:51

driver of the car drove into a big garage

46:53

filled with mechanics. It happened so

46:55

quickly that I forgot to put the umbrella

46:57

down, and I will always remember

47:00

with sickening distress

47:03

the look of incredula he mixed with

47:05

hatred that came over the face

47:07

of the particular hardened garage

47:09

man that came over to see what we wanted when

47:11

he took a look at me and the poodle. All

47:15

garage men and people of that intolerant

47:18

stripe hate poodles

47:20

with their curious haircuts, especially

47:23

the pom poms that you got to leave on their

47:25

hips if you expect the dogs to win a

47:27

prize. But

47:31

the Airdale, as I have said,

47:33

was the worst of all my dogs. He really

47:35

wasn't my dog. Matter of fact, I

47:37

came home from a vacation one summer to find that

47:39

my brother Roy had bought him while

47:41

I was away. The big, burly,

47:45

choleric dog. He always acted as if

47:47

he thought I wasn't

47:49

one of the family. There was

47:51

a slight advantage in being one of the

47:53

family, for he didn't bite the family as often

47:55

as a bit strangers.

47:57

Still, in the years that we had him, he bit

48:00

everybody but Mother, and

48:02

he made a pass at her once

48:04

missed. It was during

48:06

the month when we suddenly had mice, and

48:09

mugs refused to do anything about

48:11

them. Nobody ever had mice exactly

48:14

like the mice we had that month. They acted like pet

48:16

mice, almost like mice

48:18

somebody had trained. They

48:21

were so friendly that one night, when Mother entertained

48:24

at dinner the Freer Realilras,

48:26

a club she and my father had belonged to for

48:28

twenty years, she put down a lot of little

48:30

dishes with food in them on the pantry

48:32

floor so that the mice would be satisfied

48:35

with that and would not come into the dining room.

48:38

Mugs stayed out in the

48:41

pantry with the mice lying on the floor,

48:43

growling to himself, not at

48:45

the mice, but about all the people

48:47

in the next room that he would have liked to get

48:49

at. Mother

48:52

slipped out into the pantry once to see how everything

48:54

was going. Everything was going fine.

48:57

It made her so mad to see Mugs

48:59

lying there oblivious of the mice.

49:02

They came running up to her that

49:04

she slapped him, and

49:06

he slashed at her, but didn't make it. He

49:09

was sorry immediately. Mother said.

49:12

He was always sorry, she said after

49:14

he bit someone. But we could not understand how

49:16

she figured this out. He didn't act

49:19

sorry.

49:21

Mother used to send a box of candy every

49:23

Christmas to the people the Airdale bit. The

49:25

list finally contained

49:28

forty or more names. Nobody

49:30

could understand why we did not get rid of the dog.

49:32

I didn't understand it very well myself, but we

49:35

didn't get rid of him. I

49:37

think that one or two people

49:39

tried to poison Mugs. He

49:41

acted poisoned once in a while,

49:44

and old Major Moberly fired

49:47

at him once with his service revolver near

49:49

the Seneca Hotel and He's Broad Street. But

49:52

Muggs lived to almost eleven years

49:54

old, and even when he could hardly get around, he

49:56

bit a congressman who had

49:58

called to see my father on business.

50:02

My mother had never liked the congressman. She

50:05

said the signs of his horoscope showed

50:07

he couldn't be trusted. He was Saturn

50:10

with the moon and Virgo. But

50:12

she sent him a box of candy that Christmas. Anyway,

50:15

he sent it right back, probably

50:17

because he suspected it was trick candy.

50:21

Mother persuaded herself that it was all for

50:23

the best that the dog had bitten him, even though father

50:25

lost an important business association because

50:27

of it. I wouldn't be associated with such

50:29

a man, Mother said. Mugs

50:32

could read him lack a book. We

50:35

used to take turns feeding Mugs

50:37

to be on his good side, but that didn't

50:40

always work. He was never in a very

50:42

good humor even after a meal. Nobody

50:44

knew exactly what was the matter with him,

50:47

but whatever it was, it made him irascible,

50:50

especially in the mornings. Roy

50:52

my brother, never felt very well

50:54

in the morning either, especially before breakfast, and

50:57

once when he came downstairs and found

50:59

that Mugs had moodily chewed

51:01

up the morning paper, he

51:03

hit him in the face with the grapefruit,

51:06

and then jumped up on the dining room

51:08

table, scattering dishes and silverware

51:11

and spilling the coffee. Mugg's

51:13

first free leap carried him

51:15

all the way across the table and into

51:17

a brass fire screen in front of the gas

51:20

grate. But he was back on his feet

51:22

in a moment, and in the end he got roy and gave him

51:24

a pretty vicious bite in the leg. Then

51:27

he was all over it. He never bid anyone

51:29

more than once at a time. Mother

51:32

always mentioned that as an argument

51:34

in his favor. She said he had a quick

51:36

temper, but that he didn't hold a grudge.

51:39

She was forever defending him.

51:42

I think she liked him because he wasn't well.

51:44

He's not strong, she

51:47

would say, pityingly, But

51:49

that was inaccurate. He

51:51

may not have been well, but he was terribly

51:54

strong. One

51:57

time my mother went to the Chittenden Hotel

51:59

to call on a woman mental healer

52:02

who was lecturing in Columbus on the subject

52:04

of harmonious vibrations.

52:06

She wanted to find out if it was possible

52:08

to get harmonious vibrations into

52:11

a dog. He's a large, tan

52:13

colored airdale. Mother

52:15

explained. The woman said that she

52:17

had never treated a dog, but she

52:19

advised my mother to hold the thought

52:22

that he did not bite and would

52:24

not bite. Mother was

52:26

holding the thought the very next morning when Muggs

52:29

got the iceman, but she blamed

52:31

that slip up on the iceman. If

52:33

you didn't think he would bite you, he wouldn't,

52:36

Mother told him. He stomped

52:38

out of the house in a terrible jangle of

52:40

vibrations. One

52:43

morning, when Mugs bit me slightly

52:45

more or less in passing, I reached down and grabbed

52:48

his short, stumpy tail and hoisted

52:50

him into the air. It

52:52

was a foolhardy thing to do,

52:55

and the last time I saw my mother, about

52:57

six months ago, she said she didn't know what

52:59

possessed me. I

53:01

don't either, except that I was pretty mad. As

53:04

long as I held the dog off the floor

53:06

by his tail, he couldn't get at me. But he twisted

53:08

and jerked so snarling all the

53:10

time that I realized I

53:13

couldn't hold him that way very long, and

53:16

I carried him into the kitchen and flung him

53:18

onto the floor and shut the door on him just

53:20

as he crashed against it. But

53:23

I forgot about the backstairs. Mugs

53:26

went up the backstairs and down

53:28

the front stairs and had me cornered in the

53:30

living room. I managed

53:32

to get up out of the mantelpiece above the fireplace,

53:35

but it gave way and came down

53:37

with a tremendous crash, throwing

53:39

a large marble clock, several

53:41

vases, and myself heavily to

53:43

the floor. Muggs

53:46

was so alarmed by the racket that when I picked

53:49

myself up, he had disappeared. We

53:51

couldn't find him anywhere, although we

53:53

whistled and shouted until

53:55

old Missus Dettweiler called after

53:57

dinner that night. Muggs

53:59

had bitten her once in the leg, and

54:01

she came into the living room only after we assured

54:04

her that Mugs had run away. She

54:07

had just seated herself when with great

54:09

growling and scratching of claws, Mugs

54:12

emerged from under

54:14

a davenport where he had been quietly

54:16

hiding all the time and

54:19

bit her again. Mother

54:22

examined the bite and put arnica on it

54:24

and told Missus Detwiler that it was only a bruise.

54:27

He just bumped you, she said.

54:30

But Missus Dettwiler left our house

54:32

in a nasty state of mind. Lots

54:36

of people reported our Airdale to the police,

54:38

but my father held a municipal office

54:40

at the time and was on friendly terms with the police.

54:43

Even so, the cops had been out

54:45

a couple of times, once when Mugs

54:48

bit missus rufus Sturtevent and

54:50

again when he bit Lieutenant Governor Molloy.

54:53

But mother told him it hadn't been Muggs's fault,

54:55

but the fault of the people who were bitten. When

54:58

he starts for them, they scream, she

55:01

explained, and that excites

55:03

him. The suggested

55:05

that it might be a good idea to tie the dog up,

55:07

but Mother said that it mortified

55:09

him to be tied up, and that he wouldn't eat

55:12

when he was tied up. Mugs

55:15

at his meals was an unusual sight because

55:17

of the fact that if you reached toward the floor,

55:20

he would bite you. We

55:23

usually put his food plate on top of an old

55:25

kitchen table with a bench alongside

55:27

the table. Mugs would stand on the bench

55:29

and eat. I remember

55:31

that my mother's uncle, Horatio, who

55:34

boasted that he was the third man

55:36

up Missionary Ridge, was

55:39

flutteringly indignant when he found

55:41

out that we fed the dog on a table because

55:43

we were afraid to put his plate

55:45

on the floor. He said he wasn't afraid

55:48

of any dog that ever lived, and that he would put

55:50

the dog's plate on the floor if we would give it to him.

55:53

Roy said that if Uncle Horatio had fed

55:55

mugs on the ground just before the battle,

55:58

he would have been the first man up Missionary

56:00

ridge. Uncle Horatio

56:03

was furious. Ray amen,

56:05

bray amen, now, he shouted,

56:08

I'll feed them

56:10

on the floor. Roy

56:13

was all forgiving him a chance. But my father wouldn't

56:15

hear of it. He said that mugs had already been

56:17

fed. I'll feed them again, bawled

56:21

Uncle Horatio. We

56:23

had quite a time quieting him. In

56:26

his last year, Muggs used

56:28

to spend practically all of his time outdoors.

56:32

He didn't like to stay in the house for some reason or

56:34

other. Perhaps it held too many unpleasant

56:36

memories for him. Anyway,

56:38

it was hard to get him to come in, and as a result,

56:40

the garbage man, the iceman, and the laundryman

56:43

would not come near our house. We

56:46

had to haul the garbage down to the corner, take

56:48

the laundry out and bring it back and meet

56:50

the iceman a block from home. After

56:54

this had gone on for some time. We hit on an

56:56

ingenious arrangement for getting the dog in

56:58

the house, so that we could lock him up

57:00

while the gas meter was red,

57:03

and so on. Mugs

57:05

was afraid of only one

57:08

thing, an

57:11

electrical storm. Thunder

57:13

and lightning frightened him out of

57:15

his senses. I think

57:18

he thought a storm had broken the day the

57:20

mantelpiece fell. He would

57:22

rush into the house and hide under a bed

57:24

or in a clothes closet. So we

57:27

fixed up a thunder machine out

57:29

of a long, narrow piece of sheet iron

57:31

with a wooden handle on one end. Mother

57:33

would shake this vigorously when she

57:36

wanted to get Mugs into the house. It made

57:38

an excellent imitation of thunder, but I

57:40

suppose it was the most roundabout system

57:42

for running a household that was ever

57:44

devised. It took a lot

57:46

out of mother. A

57:49

few months before Mugs died, he got

57:51

to seeing things.

57:54

He would rise slowly from

57:56

the floor, growling low

57:59

and stalk, stiff legged and

58:01

menacing toward thing

58:04

at all. Sometimes

58:06

the thing would be just a little to

58:09

the right or left of a visitor.

58:11

Once a fuller brush salesman got

58:13

hysterics, Muggs

58:15

came wandering into the room like Hamlet, following

58:18

his father's ghosts. His eyes were fixed

58:20

on a spot just to the left of

58:22

the fuller brush man, who stood it

58:24

until Muggs was about three slow

58:27

creeping paces from him. Then he

58:29

shouted, Mugs

58:32

wavered on pass him into the hallway, grumbling

58:34

to himself, but the fuller man went on shouting.

58:37

I think Mother had to throw a pan of cold

58:39

water on him before he stopped. That

58:42

was the way she used to stop us boys when we got

58:44

into fights. Mugs

58:46

died quite suddenly one night. Mother

58:49

wanted to bury him in the family lot

58:51

under a marble stone with some such inscription

58:53

as flights of angels sing thee to

58:56

thy rest, but we persuaded

58:58

her it was against the law. In

59:01

the end, we just put up a smooth board above

59:03

his grave along the way lonely road.

59:06

On the board I wrote with an indelible pencil,

59:09

kave Kanam. Mother

59:12

was quite pleased with the simple classic

59:15

dignity of the old Latin

59:17

epitaph

59:19

The Dog that Bit People

59:23

by James Thurber. Mugs.

59:39

I've done all the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.

59:41

Countdown Musical Directors Brian Ray and John

59:43

Phillip Schaneil arranged, produced,

59:45

and performed most of our music. Mister

59:47

Ray was on the guitars, the bass, and the drums, and mister

59:50

Shanelle handled orchestration and keyboards. It

59:52

was produced by Tko Brothers. Other

59:54

music, including some of the Beethoven compositions,

59:57

were arranged and performed by the group No Horns

59:59

Allowed. The sports music is the

1:00:01

Olberman theme from ESPN two. It

1:00:03

was written by Mitch Larren Davis courtesy of ESPN

1:00:06

Inc. Our satirical and fifthy musical

1:00:08

comments are by Nancy Faust. The best

1:00:10

baseball stadium organist ever. Our

1:00:13

announcer today is my friend Howard Feinneman,

1:00:15

and everything else was pretty much my

1:00:17

fault. That's countdown for this the

1:00:19

two hundred and first day until

1:00:22

the twenty twenty four presidential election,

1:00:24

Yes Saturday, two

1:00:26

hundred days. Also

1:00:29

the twelve hundredth day since

1:00:31

Defendant Jay Trump's first attempted

1:00:33

coup against the democratically elected government of

1:00:35

the United States. Use the fourteenth

1:00:38

Amendment and the not regularly given

1:00:40

elector objection option. Use the

1:00:42

Insurrection Act. Use the justice

1:00:44

system in New York and elsewhere.

1:00:47

Use the mental health system to stop

1:00:50

him from doing it again while

1:00:52

we still can.

1:00:55

The next scheduled countdown is Tuesday. Bulletins

1:00:58

as the news warrants. Until then, I'm

1:01:00

Keith Olberman. Good morning, good afternoon, good night,

1:01:03

and good luck and

1:01:12

then Freezing grow Freezing. Everybody

1:01:14

was freezing in the Countdown with

1:01:17

Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio.

1:01:20

For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1:01:22

visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

1:01:25

or wherever you get your podcasts.