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Half Size Me episode 604 brought

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to you by the Half Size Me community. In order

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to join us, please go to halfsizeme.com

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forward slash join.

0:30

Hello and welcome

0:58

back to the Half Size Me show. I am your host,

1:00

Heather, and I am so honored to be

1:02

here with you today. And I have a wonderful

1:05

guest for you. You have heard me mention

1:07

her multiple times, Dr.

1:10

Amy Johnson. She hosts the podcast

1:12

Changeable. She wrote the book Just

1:14

A Thought, which I've recommended to various

1:17

coaching clients, one-on-one coaching

1:19

clients here on the show. I

1:21

mentioned it in some of my YouTube videos,

1:24

my Thinking Leads to Eating series.

1:26

So I know you've heard of her before because I've

1:29

mentioned her, but she has been so gracious with

1:31

her time and she has come on the show today to

1:33

talk about how the mind works

1:36

and how us knowing this could

1:38

be a game changer. If

1:41

you really can start to see your mind

1:43

for kind of how it behaves and what it does,

1:45

and you don't have to take it so personally,

1:48

and how that also can feed

1:50

into things like goals, a

1:53

sense of urgency around having to lose

1:55

weight, unhelpful eating behaviors

1:57

like binging or compulsive eating.

1:59

so we go into a lotta really good

2:02

topics and how the mind

2:04

spin stories and creates

2:06

seeming deadlines and pressure points

2:09

in half jews and i think after

2:11

this episode you have a much better understanding

2:14

as to how your mind is operating and

2:16

things to watch out for now before i

2:18

get to her interview i want

2:20

to give you a couple very important things

2:23

in october october twenty

2:25

twenty three i'm gonna have an exceptional

2:28

amount of open office

2:30

our calls that can be filled

2:32

for free coaching by you

2:35

many of our shows are from people who

2:37

have filled out the coaching

2:39

form that is in the vip

2:41

email so every thursday i send out

2:43

a vip email and you can go

2:45

and sign up for that it half size me dot com for slash

2:47

v i p and then go

2:50

in there and you click on the form and fill it out in

2:52

october i'm going to have probably

2:54

almost six times as many call spots

2:56

available as i would normally have

2:59

so your chances

2:59

of getting a spot or greatly improved

3:02

because they have so many available i'm only

3:04

doing this in october so if you are somebody

3:06

who has been struggling you like i could

3:08

use a little got his i hear heather tell everybody

3:10

else all these things and it sounds super

3:12

great but i really

3:14

need somebody to help me see

3:17

my bad like what i need to do

3:19

if you're in that kind of right new need some

3:21

help fill out the form if you

3:23

are a half size me community member

3:26

you can fill it out in the vip form

3:28

we're also gonna make the link available

3:30

to you in our community only

3:32

facebook group and in the forums

3:35

so i would say through september make sure

3:37

you get that form filled out or team

3:39

will be in touch with you to fill those spots

3:41

in october but this is a very

3:43

rare opportunity for me to do

3:45

a lot more free one on one coaching

3:48

or most these call spots last twenty to thirty

3:50

minutes we'll go through whatever the pressing

3:52

problem is you're struggling with and try

3:54

to get you on a path to getting

3:57

unstuck getting help any

3:59

can be yes you have all the quote unquote knowledge,

4:01

but if you're having a hard time putting it into application

4:04

for you, this could be extremely

4:07

helpful. I tend to see most

4:09

people who report back in, at least

4:11

once they go through the initial steps of whatever we

4:13

come to an agreement on, it seems to start

4:15

to propel them in a better direction. So

4:17

I would encourage you either do one of two things. If

4:20

you're a community member, look for the link on the Facebook

4:22

group or in the forums and or

4:24

go to your inbox on Thursday,

4:27

look for your VIP email and

4:29

fill out the form in that email. And

4:31

then if you would like to get episode 605, I

4:34

will be coaching Erica and Erica,

4:37

you will relate to her. She really

4:39

wants to lose weight. She

4:42

has really kind of gotten stuck in this yo-yo,

4:45

either I'm all in or I'm not doing anything.

4:48

And we had a real big breakthrough in Erica's

4:50

call because she thinks that

4:52

ultimately, if she doesn't go to

4:54

the restaurant and get her favorite meal, she thinks she has

4:57

to make the healthiest version of

4:59

that meal at home. I mean, more healthy

5:01

than I would ever make it. And we

5:03

kind of come to this settling in at this

5:06

middle place like where she's for the first time

5:08

is seeing a potential of

5:10

eating things that she really enjoys

5:13

in her weight loss journey, but she doesn't

5:15

have to eat the most calorie

5:18

dense version from the restaurant, but she also

5:20

doesn't need to come home and make a vegan equivalent

5:22

when she herself is not vegan. And

5:24

I just think she has such a relatable

5:27

story. So if you would like to get next week's episode 605

5:29

with Erica, hear how we

5:32

can break out of that extreme yo-yo back

5:34

and forth cycle, please go to halfsizeme.com

5:37

forward slash fan, F-A-N,

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and sign up for our podcast premium subscription.

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You will not be sorry you did.

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Not only will you have access to every

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single episode, 605 back

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to episode one, but you will

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also have access to the Carolina coaching

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series and the Sarah coaching series,

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which that one's still currently still going on.

5:59

So you would have access to a lot, plus we have

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the Ask Me Anything extra bonus that's

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released once a month where I actually answer

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the podcast premium subscribers questions.

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So this is all available as a podcast

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premium subscriber. So please go

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ahead, join, so you do not miss any

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of this valuable content. You guys have a

6:18

great day and take very good care of yourselves.

6:21

I'll talk to you soon.

6:22

All right, wonderful

6:26

listeners. We have a

6:28

wonderful treat today. We have Dr. Amy

6:30

Johnson on the line with us. I

6:33

have referenced her book, Just a Thought, several

6:35

times, and she has been gracious enough

6:38

to come on and talk with

6:40

us today. So Dr. Amy, I'm gonna go

6:42

ahead and let you introduce yourself, say hello,

6:44

and then maybe if you could just highlight

6:47

for the listeners when you can

6:49

recall noticing some issues around

6:52

eating body issues for you that

6:54

kind of led you to doing some of the

6:56

work that you've done as of recent. Sure,

6:59

well, thank you, Heather, for having me. I'm happy

7:01

to be here. So I am,

7:03

yeah, as you've mentioned, I've

7:05

written a few books. I'm trained

7:08

as a psychologist. I work primarily as a coach,

7:11

and I don't work specifically around

7:13

weight and food things, although that

7:16

is a big thing that kind of got me, and

7:18

I'll mention that in a minute, kind of got me into

7:20

this work, only because

7:22

I kind of just think a little more broadly

7:24

in terms of who we are and

7:26

how

7:26

our mind works and how our thoughts work and

7:29

how we as humans get so

7:31

caught up in really basically

7:34

just, we think or were our thoughts. It's

7:36

that simple. Like we think this nonstop

7:39

voice in our head is us. We think

7:41

it's giving us valuable, important

7:42

information about life, and

7:45

it's really not. And I think that's just the root

7:47

of all suffering and whether that looks

7:49

like food and weight issues or anything

7:52

really. So I like to kind of take that broader approach,

7:54

but it for sure applies to every

7:57

topic area that there could possibly be.

8:00

And I have had my own history of food

8:03

and weight issues. So kind of along

8:06

those lines, yeah, I grew up with a lot

8:08

of anxiety, just to like, I

8:10

don't know, my childhood, my family

8:12

and stuff, just a lot of warriors. And I

8:15

think I just picked that up from an early age and

8:17

started worrying and I was anxious and

8:19

I just felt like I was always in my head, either

8:22

worrying in my head, and I'm talking like as a little

8:24

kid, but for sure into early adulthood

8:26

as well.

8:27

Either in my head worrying, or

8:29

especially as a little kid in my head,

8:31

like escaping, you know, like making

8:33

up fantasy worlds and just

8:36

doing anything to not be here.

8:38

So the anxiety really kind

8:40

of changed shapes and

8:41

forms throughout my life and

8:44

got to a pretty bad point in my early twenties

8:47

when I was in graduate school. And it's

8:49

interesting, I mean, during that time, I also, my

8:51

mind would obsess on anything. So as

8:54

a woman in her early twenties, that for sure obsessed

8:57

on what I looked like and what I was eating and

8:59

managing all of that, but that wasn't like

9:01

front and center. There was all kinds of things that

9:03

worried about

9:04

until I got some help for the

9:06

panic attacks I was having. And

9:08

I really kind of, I don't know, somehow

9:11

the anxiety overall

9:14

kind of came down a few notches, but

9:16

the way I see it now is it's like almost

9:18

like my mind

9:19

still had a lot of energy to burn. It

9:21

still had these habits of just worrying

9:23

and thinking and obsessing. And

9:25

so however it happened,

9:28

it chose food. And before

9:30

I knew it, there was kind of this perfect storm of

9:32

the anxiety had ramped down. I

9:35

was a smoker at that time in college and

9:38

I was, I quit smoking. And

9:40

I remember having the thought like, okay,

9:42

I'm gonna, now that I quit smoking, I

9:44

don't wanna gain weight. That's what everyone said would happen.

9:47

So I decided, okay, I'm gonna go back to

9:49

working out. I was an athlete in high school and I'm

9:51

just naturally, I enjoy that, but I hadn't

9:53

done it much as a smoker. So I was

9:55

like, I'm gonna go back to working out. And then just

9:57

in my mind's way. working

10:00

out became like this obsession. And then

10:02

I'm gonna eat a little bit less and work out. And

10:04

ooh, look, it's working and I'm not gaining weight.

10:07

And then,

10:08

as many people could probably recognize,

10:10

it just took on this life of its

10:12

own. So before long,

10:15

I

10:15

didn't feel like I had anxiety, per

10:18

se, anymore, although I was certainly

10:20

very anxious. But it was all

10:22

that anxiety, energy was funneled

10:25

toward food and managing my weight and all

10:27

of that. And so I was diagnosed

10:30

with binge eating disorder and

10:33

I don't know, other

10:35

random kind of unspecified eating

10:37

issues. And that went

10:40

on for about eight years, off and on.

10:43

And then I, and I'll stop in a second,

10:45

but then I really

10:48

started to see, over eight years, I tried

10:50

everything. And

10:52

eventually I started to see more about

10:55

what I share now, which

10:57

is just how the mind works

10:59

and how we just don't have to be

11:02

so identified with it and listen to

11:04

it. It's not the source of

11:06

wisdom, it really isn't. And in

11:08

that, the binge eating that had been a huge

11:11

issue for so many years really

11:13

started to look very, very different and just

11:16

kind of went away pretty quickly. And

11:18

that's what kind of led me to a lot of this work

11:20

that I do now. So I did start working

11:23

with people who were suffering with binge eating,

11:26

but then many other

11:27

things as well.

11:28

And I like the fact that you addressed at the

11:30

beginning it's this holistic look at

11:32

everything. Cause what I've seen, and I'm

11:34

sure you've seen this too, it

11:36

can transfer from one thing to another. Like you said,

11:38

you know, you seem like your anxiety went

11:40

quote unquote away, but all that energy then

11:43

went into the eating issues. And it seems

11:45

like to the way I see it, it's kind

11:47

of just this constant movement of energy

11:50

from one thing to another. And

11:52

so when somebody wakes up and they think, okay,

11:54

today's the day I need to quote unquote lose weight and I'm going to

11:57

get restrictive with it.

11:58

It's kind of like they have tunnel vision.

11:59

and then it can lead to those

12:02

problematic behaviors. And so

12:04

what I would love to hear a little bit, cause you said

12:07

something about, you know, we don't have

12:09

to trust that our brain is always saying these things

12:11

of wisdom. I guess one of the questions a lot of people

12:13

might have is how do I start to see

12:15

through that? Because, you know,

12:18

they've been conditioned for so many years to think

12:20

what they're hearing in their head is logical, practical,

12:23

it's coming from the brain. How can they

12:25

start to see these patterns of it's just

12:27

this energy and it's creating these other seeming

12:29

problems?

12:29

Yeah, I mean that

12:32

really is the question. And it's something

12:34

that every single human

12:36

on earth is up against because we have

12:39

all been conditioned in that way. Like you

12:41

said, at some point early, early on, we

12:43

weren't so identified with thought. Thoughts

12:45

would come in and they were fine. And then also smells

12:47

and sights and sounds would come in. And

12:50

those, it was all just like objects

12:52

in our awareness. But at some

12:54

point around the age of two or three, we started

12:57

to really identify with thoughts.

12:59

And I like to put it in the category like

13:01

that of other sensory inputs because

13:03

that really is the same. But

13:06

it really highlights like we don't smell

13:08

something and then think, oh my God, like I

13:10

smell fire burning, like what's wrong with me?

13:13

You know, but we

13:14

do think something and think, oh

13:16

no, I think this, what's wrong with me? Like

13:18

we're so identified with

13:20

that thought stream,

13:21

but we're not so identified

13:23

with the other sensory streams. And truly,

13:26

I would just have people, you know, this

13:28

might sound unbelievable at this point, but just

13:30

kind of consider that the thought stream is no

13:32

different than any other sensory input.

13:35

It's just that over time, see

13:38

it talks in first person. It says I

13:41

and me and it refers to us all the time.

13:43

So obviously we've

13:45

come to really think that voice is

13:47

us and that it's telling us something about life.

13:50

And then before we know

13:51

it, that's like almost

13:54

all we listen to. Obviously

13:56

see and smell and feel and hear things,

13:59

but that's... just kind of like background

14:01

and it's almost like this narrative and these thoughts

14:04

and beliefs and all of that become 100%

14:08

our identity or who we think we are. And

14:11

that's where things kind of go awry. So how

14:14

to start it? I mean, it's,

14:16

it's awesome to just kind of

14:19

be in a place where you're just open

14:21

to, like, what if that's true?

14:24

What if, what if it's true that this

14:26

mind has been talking since we

14:28

were two or three years old, at least, saying

14:32

I and me and, and creating

14:34

this sense of a solid me that

14:36

it's giving information about. And,

14:39

and because that has been so constant

14:42

for that long, we've just

14:44

come to really identify

14:46

with that and hook into that. But,

14:49

but to just kind of like, it's a huge

14:52

step to even just kind of start there and

14:54

say and like, consider, wow,

14:56

what if that's not really

14:58

who and what we are, though, what if it really

15:00

is just kind of like a mind talking

15:03

and kind of a machine going and, and

15:05

then we can start to see all

15:07

kinds of examples that we've been blind to

15:09

forever that kind of confirm

15:11

that, you know, like just the way that our mind

15:14

is constantly changing.

15:17

Like we can be so all

15:19

about something in one minute. And

15:21

then the next minute, where is that? Where

15:23

is that

15:23

idea or that goal or that, that

15:26

thing that we were just all about in our mind?

15:29

If our mind changes and goes somewhere else, now

15:31

there's something else that it's all about. And

15:33

often those things contradict each other.

15:36

So it's like, you know, to see

15:38

that, to start to watch how

15:40

repetitive the mind is, but

15:43

then also how it contradicts

15:44

itself and how it's all over

15:47

the place. Then you people

15:49

can kind of start to see, oh, wow, yeah,

15:51

this is kind of a mess in there. And maybe

15:54

it isn't

15:54

telling me the truth.

15:56

That's kind of what started me on this journey. I kept

15:58

getting questions and

15:59

from listeners and people and they were like, how

16:02

is it, Heather, that one minute I'm

16:04

saying I want this thing so badly and

16:06

then I'm doing things that are so counter

16:08

the opposite or one minute I'm hearing

16:11

in my head, oh, you know, you had a really

16:13

rough day today. You deserve to have all that

16:15

chocolate or whatever. And then no sooner

16:17

do I eat it all. But I'm now hearing in my

16:20

head, what are you crazy? How

16:22

are we ever going to get to our goal if you're eating all this chocolate?

16:24

That's ridiculous. Now you need to go do X, Y,

16:26

and Z. It's like, it's almost like you

16:28

feel like you could be a little insane. I

16:30

know I felt that many a day in my

16:33

own journey until I learned this. And

16:35

so I guess the best way

16:37

to ask this question is for somebody

16:39

who's trying to make logical sense, it's like they're saying, okay,

16:41

everything I'm hearing right now makes sense. I

16:43

hear that for myself often. How

16:46

could they begin to by

16:49

hearing those opposing thoughts constantly,

16:52

you know, would you think maybe a journaling activity

16:54

or something might be good just to maybe start to process

16:57

that? Or how do you help somebody maybe

16:59

start

16:59

to see the holes in that

17:02

logic more and more to where they stop

17:04

trusting that voice more frequently?

17:06

Yeah,

17:07

I think the the form

17:09

that it takes is going to be a little bit different for

17:12

everyone. And it doesn't matter. There's no right

17:14

way to do it. You know, it's just kind of more

17:16

led by our intuition. But the what's helpful,

17:19

the basis is kind of what you're saying is

17:21

just recognizing just

17:24

starting to see like for me, and this

17:27

hasn't always been so

17:27

easy. I have a lot of years of practice of this.

17:30

But at this point, I'm really

17:32

tuned into what my mind is saying

17:34

most of the time, like I'll just notice

17:36

something and I just know that's a thought. It

17:39

doesn't look true. It doesn't

17:41

look real. It's like, oh, there's a thought. Oh,

17:43

there's another thought. And so

17:46

if someone can kind of play with that.

17:48

And

17:48

again, you don't have there's no right way to do it. You

17:50

don't have to be perfect at this. If it helps

17:52

to write it down, I think that can be really helpful,

17:55

especially initially, because there's

17:57

so much thinking. There's

17:59

like

17:59

But that thought stream is really thick. So

18:02

sometimes just the act of writing some of this

18:04

stuff down

18:04

can be really helpful because

18:06

it helps

18:08

kind of slow it down and get it out of your head. And

18:10

then you see on paper exactly

18:12

the kind of thing you said, oh wow, it's judging

18:14

me for this, but then it's giving me this solution,

18:17

but then it's telling me about this problem. And

18:19

sometimes just seeing that on paper is

18:21

like, wow, it's all over the place. So

18:24

whether you're just doing that by noticing

18:26

or you're writing it or whatever works is

18:28

awesome. But that's kind of the point that I think is

18:30

so helpful is just start to see it as

18:33

thought.

18:34

Going back to something you said earlier, you said when

18:36

we're like two, it starts to talk to us in

18:38

the I me story and it's borrowing

18:40

your voice. So it sounds like you right in your

18:42

head, but think of it logically.

18:45

If anybody you knew came to your

18:47

house and one minute was telling you to devour

18:49

all this chocolate, but then getting on you for

18:51

doing that very thing or saying this sounded like

18:53

a good idea in the moment. And then when it doesn't work out,

18:55

what are you an idiot? Why did you do that? Like

18:58

you would not inherently trust this person

19:00

because you would see them as a separate them

19:03

versus you and you

19:05

would begin to understand this person's

19:07

obviously not super logical in their approach.

19:10

But yet in our head, it sounds

19:12

logical to us in the moment. That's

19:14

the hard part.

19:16

Yeah. And we're just so used

19:19

to

19:19

going there and listen, like it's become so

19:22

automatic. So even if it

19:24

even if we can back up a tiny bit and sort

19:26

of see maybe it's not so logical, we

19:29

kind of don't even get that chance

19:30

a lot of the times because it's just going

19:33

and going and it and I mean important to

19:35

mention too that

19:37

like emotion is all wrapped up in this.

19:39

So

19:40

it's like you can just like I used

19:42

to just wake up

19:44

instantly have this like pit in my stomach

19:46

and feel bad and then my mind would

19:49

jump to what I had eaten and

19:51

what I'm not going to eat today and how I'm

19:53

going to make up for it. It's like it instantly

19:55

perceives some discomfort

19:58

and calls that a problem.

19:59

And then in an instant comes up with

20:02

a solution. And that's where I think the

20:04

dieting food stuff really just goes

20:06

off the rails. Because we don't

20:08

feel well. Like, there's just some discomfort.

20:11

It's not a problem necessarily. But there's some

20:13

level of discomfort, which there is for all humans.

20:16

That's not a problem.

20:16

But the mind is very, very

20:19

quick to diagnose that as

20:21

that's because you weigh too much or because

20:23

of whatever. And so, hey, don't worry.

20:26

We're going to help you fix this.

20:27

And I have a question for you. Like

20:29

I said, I share your book and your resources frequently

20:32

with my community members, coaching clients

20:34

as a way to start making sense of all this

20:36

for themselves. And I have had the

20:38

occasional person say to me, I

20:41

don't hear anything in my head. I see

20:43

myself doing these habitual

20:45

habits that are not helpful for me.

20:48

But I'm not hearing any of this, quote unquote,

20:50

talking in my head. I'm just seeing

20:53

myself doing it almost after the fact.

20:55

How might it be playing out for somebody like that?

20:58

And then is there a way for them to maybe

21:00

become more cognizant of what's happening

21:03

in the moment if they truly aren't hearing

21:05

a voice talking to them?

21:07

Yeah, that's a great question. And I think that's

21:08

really common. And even for

21:10

those of us who do sometimes hear it in our

21:13

heads, there's still a whole lot that we don't necessarily

21:15

hear in our heads, you know, that we're

21:17

just kind of swept away by

21:19

it. So I think that's where

21:21

these kind of practices that we mentioned

21:24

before can be really helpful. Like there

21:26

is thought happening, for sure, for

21:28

everyone nearly all the time. So

21:32

if you don't hear it, you kind of just notice

21:34

yourself going. It might just be a slightly

21:36

little different, like a tweak on that practice where

21:39

maybe even afterward,

21:41

maybe as you notice you're walking to

21:43

the refrigerator or you're sitting there feeling bad

21:45

about yourself, it just takes

21:47

that extra little step to be like, huh, is there

21:49

a thought here? Can I identify a

21:51

thought? And this is not about identifying

21:55

every single thought and doing anything with them.

21:57

I want to be really clear about that. You don't need

21:59

that. need to know

22:01

what you're thinking because

22:03

the content matters. This is just

22:05

more about waking up to the fact

22:07

that there is a ton of thought being

22:10

believed, being identified with, and

22:12

we just want to start to see it. So it's

22:14

not about changing thoughts. It's

22:16

not at all about talking yourself out of any thoughts.

22:19

In fact, I would not try

22:20

to do that whatsoever because why? Thought

22:24

comes, it's not true. It

22:26

shows up and then it goes away and then a new

22:28

thought replaces it. There's no more work needed.

22:31

We don't need to manage any of that and we can't

22:33

manage it. So it's really just

22:35

about recognizing it. But yeah,

22:37

when it's so thick and we're so in

22:39

it that we kind of don't, we can't even pick

22:42

it out, it just takes a little more

22:44

discernment. It's just like, let

22:46

me slow this down and see if I can notice

22:48

anything. And maybe those people would

22:50

benefit more from the writing and things

22:53

that kind of seem to help slow

22:54

that flow down a little bit. Yeah. And as

22:56

I had mentioned before we hit record, I had done

22:58

your little school big change and I was, I'm in the

23:00

graduate community. And one of the things I've

23:03

seen be true for some of the people I exposed

23:05

to this information is they'll see

23:07

improvements in other areas of their

23:09

life. Like they're taking this content in and they're

23:11

like, oh, I see I've gotten

23:14

a little bit more calm at work or

23:16

I'm a little less anxious about X, Y, and

23:18

Z. But maybe it still feels

23:20

like the food, the binge

23:22

eating, the compulsive eating still feels

23:25

very problematic. And they're kind of wondering

23:28

when will that resolve? Like

23:30

when will that problem resolve? Because that's been the

23:32

primary one that they've been seeking to get

23:34

help for. In your practice,

23:36

is that do you see that kind of normal

23:38

that there's like this delay in getting

23:41

to that bigger, quote unquote, problem area

23:43

because of the way the mind sees it? And

23:46

do people just find that they have

23:48

to keep kind of spinning around it before they

23:50

it really lands for them in that area?

23:53

Yeah, I think it's I think it's common.

23:55

And I think, again, if we

23:57

kind of look at the only.

23:59

reason that anything is kind of

24:02

quote unquote an issue for any of us,

24:05

anything that feels to you like your issue

24:07

or your sticking point,

24:07

all that really means

24:10

is that's a place where your mind is spinning

24:12

a lot of stories and you're very identified

24:15

with them. That's all a problem is. There's

24:17

no like other problem and you

24:19

know, there's no other way that we would classify something

24:21

as a problem and I know that might even sound kind

24:23

of shocking to people like, wait a minute,

24:26

if I have no money in the bank, then I clearly have

24:28

a real financial problem or if I'm 200 pounds

24:30

overweight, I clearly have a real weight problem. Well,

24:33

I mean, yeah, there's

24:35

circumstantial stuff there, but

24:38

when we feel stuck in it and

24:40

we know we have blind spots and

24:41

we know that, you know, we're kind of in our own way

24:44

around it, all of that is just pointing to

24:46

a thought problem. And again, it's not

24:48

even a problem so much,

24:50

it's just the fact that the

24:52

mind has a lot going on around

24:54

that topic and it is largely

24:57

invisible to us. So

24:59

it kind of makes sense then that something that

25:01

doesn't feel like such a problem like your annoying

25:04

boss at work or this other thing in your relationship,

25:07

you know, that stuff just doesn't have as much

25:09

going on around it. So I think that's why a lot

25:12

of that falls away a little quicker.

25:13

Yeah, and often we can

25:15

get things from external sources which our

25:17

thinking might use to reinforce it. Like

25:20

a lot of times I'll have

25:21

a person who just came back from the doctor and

25:23

the doctor has said, I want you to lose weight and

25:25

you have these medical conditions going on.

25:28

And right away the thinking gets cranked

25:30

up about that. They might start to overthink

25:32

restrictive thoughts and then they're

25:34

hitting the drive through on the way home. When

25:37

people are really seeming to be struggling

25:39

with this and they get that external validation

25:41

that says, yes, you in fact do have a problem

25:44

and this needs to be dealt with, it can actually sometimes

25:46

put a lot of gasoline on an already existing fire.

25:49

Is there any way that

25:51

they could start to maybe, you know,

25:53

see that a little bit differently even though

25:55

it's coming from an external source?

25:57

Yeah, I mean, I think this is exactly what I'm talking

25:59

about. where starting to

26:01

really notice the thinking that's

26:04

showing up and again not not

26:07

every single thought necessarily but

26:09

just being on to like these Directions

26:12

that the mind takes us in is so

26:14

helpful

26:14

So if someone in that situation,

26:17

I mean, you know, you can have two people in a situation

26:19

both of them Their doctor said hey, you should lose

26:21

some weight Well, I

26:23

mean just like you in your example

26:26

is very common. I'm sure all of a sudden

26:28

it's like, oh my gosh I have to lose I have

26:30

to lose weight. This is so important. It came

26:32

from my doctor. What am I gonna do? I'm

26:34

not

26:34

gonna eat for the rest of the day. Oh look McDonald's

26:37

like that's so you know, but if

26:39

you can you can kind of

26:41

notice that that pressure

26:44

and that that Kind

26:46

of urgency around it and

26:49

it kind of stops that snowball a little

26:51

bit or at least you're on to it Or you can even see

26:53

the snowball playing out and

26:55

kind of see Wow Look at my mind then

26:57

it went here then it went there and it

27:00

just gives us that opportunity to watch

27:02

how the mind

27:04

Does all this stuff and not feel

27:06

like we need to jump in there and listen

27:08

to it. I think you

27:11

know, it's just I can't think of anything

27:13

more important for anyone

27:16

in Whatever you're

27:18

going through in life just as a human being And

27:21

to start to kind of just notice how your

27:23

mind talks to you because you know I don't

27:25

want to make it sound negative But we literally are like

27:27

puppets to all this condition thinking we

27:30

don't even know what's there half the time And

27:32

then we're like I can't believe I did this and what's wrong

27:34

with me

27:35

and it and it all turns itself

27:37

back and makes Us the enemy somehow

27:39

or like the bad guy or like we're the weak one

27:41

and

27:41

we're not weak We're just identified

27:44

with a machine. That's that's dramatic.

27:46

It's like changing its mind all

27:49

the time,

27:49

you know So just to start to see

27:51

that it like it's just there's nothing more

27:53

important. I don't think oh a hundred percent

27:55

agree And what I have learned for myself

27:57

and and I don't know if this makes any sense

27:59

but when I start to feel that sense of urgency,

28:02

that sense of anxiousness, like I have to do

28:04

something right now, whether it's this weight-related

28:07

thing, whether it's the doctor, whether it's a

28:09

tax issue, I started

28:12

to notice, I said to myself, well, was this problem

28:14

here before? Like meaning you just became

28:16

aware of it in this instance, but was

28:18

that email already in there? Yes. Was

28:21

this information already existing? Yes. Your

28:24

brain just now became aware of it, and

28:26

now it's spinning it into being a problem.

28:28

But the information was already there. I

28:31

just have taken on awareness of it.

28:33

And because I see it that way, it really helps

28:35

calm me back down from it feeling

28:38

so urgent, so pressing, like I have to

28:40

come up with a solution right now. Would

28:42

things like that maybe be helpful for people just as

28:44

far as questioning their mind

28:47

when they become aware of something and it feels frantic

28:49

in the moment?

28:50

Yeah, because it points you back to like, oh,

28:53

this is a thought thing. And it points

28:55

you a little bit away from like, no, this is a

28:57

major life issue that must be handled

28:59

right now. Because to your point,

29:01

like it was a major life issue five minutes

29:03

ago too, maybe, but it wasn't in your

29:06

consciousness. So there's nothing to do. So

29:08

I think it's great because it just keeps pointing

29:10

to like all

29:11

we ever feel

29:13

is this moment to moment thinking.

29:16

And yeah, there's stuff to do, but people handle

29:18

things all the time. And we don't, you

29:20

know, the more pressure we're feeling and the more

29:22

caught up in urgency, the worse we're gonna be

29:24

at handling anything.

29:26

And I just wanna talk about your

29:28

book for a second because I have referenced this

29:30

out in numerous webinars, coaching

29:32

clients. A lot of times I'll ask them to read it as one

29:34

of their first assignments, but the book

29:36

is called Just a Thought, a Willpower

29:39

Approach to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Making Peace

29:41

with Your Mind. And one of the things,

29:43

the reason I love the book, the entire

29:45

book, but there's one specific part of it where

29:47

you talk about what all minds do

29:50

and you kind of break it down into classifications.

29:52

And the reason that I love this book is

29:54

because I think once we can see that universal

29:57

nature of what all minds do, it helps

29:59

us not take. it so personally. So

30:02

what I'd love for you to do is just maybe give us

30:04

a little bit of insight as to who you wrote that

30:06

book for, like what was the inspiration to write

30:08

it, and how did you come to

30:10

really be able to classify what all minds

30:12

do into those categories?

30:15

Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there are many, many

30:17

other things that all minds do, but the ones

30:19

that just popped out at me

30:21

like compare, all minds compare,

30:23

all minds

30:25

worry, all minds are dramatic,

30:27

right? Like just the flavors of things

30:30

that our minds do, it was very easy

30:32

for me to see those because I'm just like

30:34

you, I've just coached people for a really long

30:36

time, and I've just been around groups of people

30:38

and individual people and myself, my

30:40

own thoughts, watching them the way we've

30:43

been talking about, and there is

30:45

enormous freedom in that. Like, oh,

30:47

just just

30:48

like you said, like, it's like, oh my god, this

30:50

is not true. This is not

30:52

about me. Literally everyone

30:55

on Earth's mind

30:55

goes through these exact same things,

30:58

finding problems, trying to solve those problems,

31:01

worrying and projecting about what's coming

31:03

next, comparing us to other people,

31:06

judging, you know, like just whatever. Moving

31:08

the goal post, I think, was one of them. That

31:10

one is so true. Ever,

31:13

ever satisfied, ever. And every

31:16

one of us will sit there and say

31:18

like, what's wrong? I mean, I spent years in this,

31:20

I'm like beating myself up of like,

31:22

I have such a good life. What

31:24

the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I ever

31:27

just be satisfied and nothing is good

31:29

enough? And I, I do

31:31

something that is, was a big thing

31:33

for me and then I feel amazing, even like,

31:35

you know, the end of my binge eating disorder.

31:38

I mean, when I found freedom from that, no, I

31:40

was very happy

31:41

and very free and that was amazing,

31:44

but it didn't take much before my mind

31:46

was now looking for the next problem to solve, for the

31:48

next thing to achieve. And, and

31:51

that will always happen. Always, always,

31:53

always. We're never, ever, ever going to have,

31:56

you're never going to be the right weight. You're never going

31:58

to have the right amount of money in the bank.

31:59

your relationship in the right place

32:01

to where your mind isn't gonna do that ever.

32:04

And I know that's, like this is not new, it's

32:07

kinda cliche.

32:08

I feel like some 90s self-help

32:11

book that has been, this

32:13

is not new stuff at all, this is not unique.

32:16

But we don't, no one hears it. No one really

32:18

hears it until we really do. And for me,

32:20

and this is where I think this came

32:22

into that book, is it's like, no seriously,

32:26

come on, okay, let's huddle here. People, seriously,

32:29

this is just a mind.

32:32

This is not you, this is not about your

32:34

life, it's not about your weight.

32:36

This is a machine in your head that does the same

32:38

thing as all other eight billion machines

32:40

and heads are doing. And you,

32:43

we are all just taking it personally,

32:45

and it is so not personal. And I think

32:48

that section

32:49

and that book that you mentioned and

32:52

just, I've seen that lead to a real, actual

32:57

awakening from this for more people

32:59

than anything else, because just

33:01

to your point, it's like, wow, at

33:03

some point it just really dawns,

33:05

oh my gosh, I really

33:07

don't have to listen to this

33:10

and it really is just what that machine

33:12

does.

33:13

And that's what keyed me in was because I would talk

33:15

to one person in Ireland and they were having

33:18

this problem, and then I would talk to somebody in California

33:20

and they were having the same problem, and they would say almost,

33:23

sometimes verbatim, the exact

33:25

same phrases. And it was showing

33:28

up for them exactly the same way. And I'm like,

33:30

if all of us are supposed to be having

33:33

original thoughts and creative

33:35

thoughts and these really deep,

33:37

meaningful philosophical thoughts, then

33:39

why do they all sound so repetitive

33:43

and xeroxed? Why do they all sound

33:45

that way? And that's what really made me start to think,

33:47

well, wait a minute, maybe it isn't

33:50

like that. Maybe our thinking isn't

33:52

what we've always thought it is. And

33:55

so it kind of gets the wheels cranking about

33:57

that. But yeah, your book is fantastic. And

33:59

I think-

33:59

I think just even that section

34:02

alone could bring so much relief to

34:04

so many people. Yeah, thank

34:06

you.

34:06

Yeah, me too. And that's the beauty for us

34:08

in doing this work. I mean, other people can get these

34:10

benefits too. But I think we

34:13

have a really unique position when we're like you

34:15

said, you're hearing the same I would do the same

34:17

thing like my nine o'clock client and my 10

34:19

o'clock client would literally be like

34:21

the same person. Like what is going on here?

34:24

Yeah, absolutely. And so so

34:26

what I was going to do is I had a couple of questions

34:28

that were submitted from community members

34:30

that have read your book or taken in your

34:33

content. And they just had a couple of questions. Would

34:35

you mind if I read those to you?

34:37

Sure. OK, so this one comes from Megan.

34:39

She says my question,

34:41

how do you balance these two things? Not

34:44

efforting so much. And that's

34:46

in quotes, accepting thought as

34:48

it pops up. And number two,

34:51

not letting unhelpful thoughts hang around for

34:53

too long. She says, I try to look

34:55

at the unhelpful and anxious thoughts that

34:57

have led to binge behavior in the past, accepting

35:00

that they are there and that they might hang

35:02

around a while and remind myself that there's

35:04

a bigger picture I'm not currently focusing

35:07

on, too. But it's something that

35:09

gets exhausting, just having them being

35:11

present for too long. Sometimes I recognize

35:13

periods of five or six weeks where

35:16

those thoughts are much more likely before

35:18

my overall mood turns. So

35:20

that is Megan's question.

35:22

Yeah, it's a great question.

35:25

I think it gets a little tricky and it turns

35:27

on us

35:28

when we're having a lot of preferences

35:31

for like, oh, it's been around too long

35:33

and I wish it wasn't here and

35:36

that type of thing. And I don't think we

35:38

have any say in how long something

35:40

is around. So it's kind

35:42

of a different question. Like I'd have you kind of look

35:45

in a slightly different direction, Megan.

35:47

And that is like, how can you

35:50

totally welcome these thoughts?

35:52

Like I know, I know, it feels

35:54

like this is a burden and I don't

35:56

like it and it's a painful

35:57

thought, but I want you to kind of.

36:00

see that that is thinking as well. That

36:02

is more thinking that comes in and says, this

36:04

stuff over here shouldn't be here. It's been long enough.

36:06

I know how this goes. All that is is more thought.

36:09

So what if everything, because

36:12

it is not who you are, it is totally

36:15

self-correcting, meaning it comes and goes

36:17

on its own. And even while it's there,

36:19

it can't hurt us. It's

36:21

just there. Like kind of

36:23

be in this place where you're just the awareness

36:26

of it.

36:26

These thoughts mean nothing about you. So

36:29

why would they even drain us? Now,

36:31

I know as a human,

36:32

they do because we're so identified

36:35

with them. That's the conditioning coming in.

36:37

But kind of the bigger stance is like, hey,

36:40

I'm just the screen. If there's a murder

36:42

scene showing on this screen or a love

36:44

scene showing on this screen, I'm the screen.

36:47

Either anything can show up. So kind

36:49

of play with that sort of perspective.

36:52

Like, oh, this one's here again. Here it

36:54

is again. And truly like

36:56

these thoughts are coming up to be seen

36:58

and acknowledged. And I think it's very

37:01

easy sometimes to be like, okay, I saw you, now go.

37:04

And that's,

37:04

you know, that's understandable.

37:07

It's very human, but it's kind of counterproductive.

37:09

Yeah, and tell me what your thoughts are

37:12

on this. So when she made the comment, you know, five

37:14

to six weeks, my experience,

37:16

this is something I'll often tell my coaching clients,

37:18

is that even true? We say

37:21

it's been five or six weeks and our brain wants

37:23

to do that or he wants to throw kind of a lump over

37:26

the entire time period. But

37:28

if you really went hour by hour, minute

37:30

by minute, are those thoughts

37:32

pervasive of every second of every

37:34

day? Because one of my sons struggles

37:36

with anxiety sometimes. And I'll tell him,

37:39

I say, you know, if you have a fire alarm, we're to go off right

37:41

now. Would you be paying attention to

37:43

your anxiety thoughts? And his answer is always

37:45

like, no, I'd stop focusing and get

37:47

out of the building, right? But in those

37:49

moments of distraction, we have relief

37:52

from the thinking. And sometimes we don't notice

37:54

the negation of the thought. Do you ever see that?

37:57

Yeah, definitely. I mean, it really

37:59

is.

37:59

is more thought that saying here's

38:02

how long it's been here and I don't think there's

38:04

much accuracy to that at all. But not

38:06

that it's not our experience. I mean, I'm, you

38:08

know, yeah, like she legitimately probably

38:11

feels like they're there all the time for five or six

38:13

weeks, but right, I

38:15

think that's not really accurate.

38:17

And it's also helpful to see like

38:19

what's behind that. When someone tells me something

38:21

like that, oh, it's been here for this long, like

38:24

why does that matter? What's usually behind that

38:26

is fear. Fear like this is gonna

38:28

be here forever

38:29

or it really is a problem. Or they're

38:31

trying to prove in a sense that like, no,

38:33

this is different. And so it's just

38:35

good to kind of recognize that fear. And it's like,

38:38

okay, if your mind says it's been there for too

38:40

long, whatever timeframe that is,

38:42

just see that as a thought and notice

38:44

the fear behind it. And like

38:47

all thought is safe, all of it is. No

38:49

one has ever been

38:50

stuck in a thought.

38:51

I love that. Now I like this next question

38:54

because I think it actually opens up a

38:56

slightly separate topic. This one

38:58

is how do you sort all the thoughts? How

39:00

do you prioritize them and give them a

39:02

sequence of importance? Also,

39:05

how do you know when to move on to the next

39:07

goal? And the reason I like this question

39:09

is because what I think often people

39:12

maybe are also kind of lumping

39:14

into thought or not realizing it that's

39:16

coming maybe from thought are goals, like deciding

39:19

what goals we're gonna strive for. So I

39:21

guess based on this question, how

39:24

do you sort them? How do you prioritize them

39:26

to give them a sequence of importance? And

39:28

then how do you know whether goals

39:30

are thought generated or are

39:33

legitimate? Like how would somebody start to make

39:35

sense of that?

39:36

Yeah, I think goals are always

39:38

thought. I mean, what else would they be? It's a thought.

39:41

So you can have

39:44

goals, but just know as

39:46

you're holding those goals, that those are thoughts

39:48

that you're tending to. They're not inherently true.

39:51

It's not inherently true that some

39:53

goal that you're really excited about is

39:56

gonna do anything for you. Like all of

39:58

that is thought. That's the way that

39:59

the mind. just tries to bolster

40:01

this me, the sense of self, and helps

40:04

it feel better and worthy and safe

40:06

and all of that stuff often is by coming

40:08

up with goals and attaching to those

40:10

goals. So in

40:12

terms of like the first part

40:14

of the question about prioritizing thought

40:16

and like I wouldn't do any

40:19

of that. I don't know, that feels exhausting. You

40:22

don't have to do any of that. Thought's

40:24

not true. So there's nothing that needs

40:26

to be done with it. Just maybe recognize

40:29

it, see wow, there's another thought. There's

40:31

another one. But there's no order

40:33

of importance

40:33

because none

40:35

of it's important. So I think what

40:38

this kind of brings in is a really important

40:40

point though because often people

40:42

will say,

40:43

okay if I'm not relying on thoughts, then

40:46

what guides me? Like then what the heck,

40:48

right? Like what do I do in life? And how

40:51

will anything ever get done? And

40:53

how will I get healthy and all of that stuff? And

40:56

that's where it's really big to kind of see that,

40:59

yes there's lifetimes of conditioning

41:01

that have had us identified with thoughts

41:03

and listening to what our mind says

41:06

and letting that seemingly

41:07

be our guide. But

41:10

when our mind is quiet, like we don't

41:12

need that. And I would argue that

41:14

those thoughts, those goal thoughts haven't

41:17

really even done for us what

41:19

we think they've done. So

41:21

there are all kinds of things in

41:23

life that have happened that get done

41:26

every single moment of every single day

41:28

without thought being there necessary

41:31

for it to happen. Thought doesn't actually accomplish

41:33

anything. Thought isn't needed. Now it's

41:35

great if for some practical purposes

41:38

and it can help kind of,

41:40

I don't know, do some practical things for us

41:42

in life. It's not like it's a bad

41:44

thing or a mistake or something.

41:46

But

41:47

there's a lot that happens without

41:49

a goal in place and without needing

41:51

to kind of prioritize and sift through thought.

41:54

So it's a

41:56

very foreign direction sometimes when

41:58

we've been so identified with thoughts.

41:59

to kind of consider that we're actually lived

42:02

more by something you might call instinct

42:05

or just by life itself,

42:07

I don't know, like life moves

42:09

us forward and we just do

42:12

things and things get accomplished and they get

42:14

done without our mind having

42:16

to be the guiding force in that.

42:18

Yeah, and I have to imagine that

42:21

to a certain degree you've run up against people

42:23

who probably just came to you and said, I hear

42:26

what you're saying and maybe that

42:28

logically could be true, but

42:30

I'm really attached to the goal and

42:32

the striving and I feel identified

42:35

with that and even though it could cause

42:37

suffering, I'm choosing to go that direction.

42:39

Have you ever run into anyone who has

42:42

kind of shared that idea or no?

42:45

Yeah, I mean, and

42:46

that's fine. Like we'll do whatever

42:48

we do, but if someone wants to see what's

42:51

really going on, like

42:53

all the time, I've done this thousands

42:55

of times, like you just kind of put the blinders

42:57

on and you're like, well, whatever, I'll just suffer for

42:59

a while because right now, this is the thing,

43:01

right now, losing

43:02

five pounds is what looks most important. So

43:05

even if I have to deprive and I'll suffer

43:07

and even if I gain it all back plus some,

43:10

like this is what I'm signed up for, this is what I'm

43:12

gonna do and that's

43:13

maybe a more extreme way than how it shows up

43:15

in our head, but that's kind of the sentiment, I think.

43:18

So I mean, I think that happens all the time

43:21

and that's all just part of life. It's all

43:23

just kind of part of the learning.

43:24

Yes, and often that

43:27

will backfire. Like if you go on a really restrictive

43:29

diet, it's gonna backfire and maybe

43:31

that has to happen 20 times before

43:33

your brain kind of figures out or you kind of

43:35

figure out, hey, this isn't what I wanna

43:37

keep doing. So there's no judgment

43:40

on it and there's no kind of race for perfection.

43:42

It's all working itself out. Just

43:45

think if someone wants to kind of really get

43:47

insightful about this and kind of see the bigger

43:49

picture, it's just great to have that sense of

43:51

like,

43:53

okay, I see that this is what's happening.

43:55

So even if someone's doing what you said, just

43:58

watch that that's what you're doing. Just see.

43:59

You know, just see that that's what you're doing

44:02

and that's okay.

44:02

I say this often. I say, you

44:04

know, sometimes we have to fall in the same pit

44:07

for some people might be 10 times, for some people might be

44:09

five. You know, I know I fell in the same pit

44:11

many, many times until I finally

44:13

had a moment where I'm like, I had no idea about any

44:16

of this stuff. But I just knew that the voice that

44:18

was talking to me in my head kept

44:20

leading me down the same path

44:23

over and over again. So I just kind

44:25

of decided one day, I'm just going to do the opposite.

44:27

Whatever it says, I'm just going to do the opposite

44:30

because every time I listen

44:32

to it, I just keep ending up in the same

44:34

kind of miserable situation. And so

44:37

we become, you know, we have to sometimes have

44:39

that life experience to say,

44:41

wow, this isn't working for me and I'm

44:43

willing to listen to something else. I'm

44:45

willing to take something else in. Yeah, yeah,

44:48

definitely. Susie's question

44:51

is, I really enjoyed her book. She

44:53

had a lot of resources and extra, extra

44:55

information in the book linked to online.

44:58

I really want to dive in, but was overwhelmed

45:00

with where to start and prioritize. I

45:03

knew that could happen. So I deliberately

45:05

read the book slowly. I'll

45:07

slowly implement strategies, but would like

45:10

to work on focusing and improving

45:12

so I can continue to notice the thoughts

45:14

that are actually helpful. Do I go back

45:17

and reread the book using it more as a

45:19

workbook this time or go chapter by

45:21

chapter through the online resources or

45:23

a little of both?

45:26

So

45:27

I think this is really important to recognize. It's

45:29

something that a mind does all the time,

45:32

which is

45:34

it starts to, it's kind of weird

45:36

and kind of weird to talk about, but it's

45:39

almost like the mind, the mind is used to

45:41

just constantly talking. And for most

45:43

of us being trusted as who we are

45:45

and the authority. So then

45:47

there's something like enough suffering happens

45:50

usually, but there's many, many, many ways this might happen

45:52

where

45:52

it's almost like we get onto

45:55

our mind. So anybody listening to this is there, right?

45:57

You're onto your mind. You're at least to some

45:59

degree.

47:59

notice that the brain, the thinking mind

48:02

is constantly looking for steps and

48:04

to-dos. It's almost like it needs to

48:06

kind of keep us perpetually busy doing

48:09

something. Is that true?

48:11

Yeah, that's just how it operates,

48:13

I think. Yes, for

48:15

sure. And so at this stage,

48:17

a lot of people would hear you talking and

48:19

they would say, Oh my gosh, she's totally

48:22

got this. She knows all about thought,

48:24

how this all manifests, how this goes

48:26

on day to day and might be under

48:28

the misconception, and I'm assuming it's a

48:30

misconception that you never get caught up in

48:32

thought, that you're just above all of that

48:35

and or you can see it 100%

48:38

for what it is. Do you still feel as a

48:40

person you every once in a while do get

48:42

caught up in thought? And if so,

48:45

just have you found that it's a quicker timeframe

48:47

to pulling yourself back or how

48:50

does that show up for you?

48:51

Yeah, I think,

48:54

I mean, I don't think, I think everybody has

48:56

thought and even the phrase of like getting

48:59

caught up in it, like that just looks a little

49:01

different. I don't, I don't see it as

49:03

a problem. It's just, you

49:05

know, I don't think the goal isn't necessarily

49:08

to, to never think

49:10

or to always see thought

49:13

for what it is. I just

49:15

don't, I don't know, even know why one

49:17

would want that or if that's even helpful. Like I

49:19

think, but again, that's the thing a mind

49:21

would say, oh, okay, so here's the

49:24

end all be all of this. Like here's where I'd

49:26

end up, you know, and I just don't think

49:28

that's

49:28

true. I think, I think, yeah,

49:30

for sure, as we're in this practice

49:33

more and more of seeing thought

49:34

as thought when it arises, you

49:37

tend to get a lot

49:38

of space between thought, which

49:41

is which can be a new thing, you know, and it can take

49:43

a little bit to get there. But the space where

49:45

there's not a lot of thought, and for

49:47

sure, thoughts kind of pop out of

49:49

the woodwork

49:50

for me much more than they

49:52

used to like something that I would just go act on

49:54

before kind of pops out now and it's like,

49:56

Oh, that's interesting. I'm not going to do that. So that

49:59

all

49:59

happens but then there's tons of thought that

50:02

isn't seen and that isn't a problem.

50:04

It's just it's just how we are. Excuse

50:06

me condition. So would you say it's more like

50:09

your emotions have shifted about it because I

50:11

often hear when people kind of start to realize

50:13

all this is even going on there can be a

50:15

lot of frustration and anger like why

50:18

is my mind doing this or a sense

50:20

of like okay I just need to get this fixed so

50:22

it stops doing this but when I heard

50:25

you say what you just said it's kind of like interesting

50:27

yeah I'm not gonna do that. It's not like you're

50:29

taking it

50:29

as seriously or there's as much heaviness

50:32

around it.

50:33

I think the biggest thing is there's nothing personal

50:35

going on. There's

50:37

absolutely nothing personal going on so why would I

50:39

be offended by that and you

50:41

know sometimes it feels personal and that's

50:43

fine too.

50:44

So you know but

50:46

there's a bigger sense of

50:48

like it's just like we were kind of saying earlier

50:50

like what you and I can see for our clients we

50:53

can see that for them very clearly on now for

50:55

ourselves not always as clearly for sure

50:57

but like you know if you have

50:59

one client that's like oh my gosh I can't believe

51:01

I ate this I'm a total failure and then the next

51:03

hour your next client says the exact

51:05

same thing you're not really phased by that.

51:07

You're like yeah no this means nothing about you. That's

51:11

it's so so I think that's for sure

51:13

what starts to happen for us too

51:16

for everybody. It just

51:18

I don't know it just the maybe it

51:21

is kind of the emotional piece changes but it just

51:23

doesn't look so personal. It just on

51:26

the screen and all kinds of stuff

51:29

is showing up. Now again I don't mean that

51:31

in a 100% kind of way at

51:33

all but even when it does look personal

51:35

so what that's not personal either. Yeah

51:38

it leaves you a lot more space to be kind

51:40

to yourself because you realize that

51:43

at all moments of the day these things

51:45

can be showing up and if you're just trying

51:47

to give yourself the grace to figure it

51:49

out as you go it doesn't

51:50

all feel so heavy. Yeah

51:53

exactly. Well awesome well I have

51:55

thoroughly appreciate every moment of your time and I'd

51:57

love for you to share with the list.

51:59

listeners, how they can

52:02

connect with you more or what it is

52:04

that you offer so that way people

52:07

can go a little deeper with this. The book is

52:09

an awesome resource, but I know you have so many other

52:11

things to offer as well.

52:13

Yeah, thank you. So I have another

52:15

book as well called The Little Book, A Big Change. I have

52:17

a few other books, but relevant to

52:19

this audience, The Little Book, A Big Change

52:21

is a book that I wrote

52:23

shortly after my binge eating disorder ended.

52:26

So it's more around habits and

52:28

uses a lot of those

52:29

examples. So that might be of

52:31

interest as well. And really my flagship

52:34

thing is The

52:34

Little School, A Big Change. So that's

52:36

a six week course that's actually

52:38

starting in mid-September. It's

52:41

where there's video lessons and

52:44

I guide people through. There's a lot of coaching,

52:46

a lot of support, and you get kind

52:48

of guided through for six weeks this understanding.

52:51

So it isn't specific to any

52:53

issue or habit. It's really about

52:56

what we've been talking about here, noticing

52:58

how the mind works and then how that pulls

53:01

us into things and really starting to disidentify

53:03

with that.

53:04

So that's for sure what I would

53:06

recommend and that's coming up in a few weeks. Perfect.

53:10

And you run that school twice, correct? Once in the fall

53:12

and then once in the spring? I

53:14

have historically. I don't know if that's going

53:16

to continue, but yeah, this fall time

53:18

it's pretty infrequent. So yeah,

53:21

you want to jump on it when it's available.

53:22

Awesome. Thank you so much

53:24

for your time and for your wisdom and just

53:26

your willingness to share. And you have a great YouTube

53:29

channel as well for those people who like YouTube.

53:31

I just want to mention that too.

53:32

Yeah. Thank you, Heather. Thanks

53:35

for having me and thanks so much for recommending

53:37

the book and for all

53:38

the work that you do. Thank you for listening.

53:40

Be sure to visit halfsizeme.com. Check

53:43

back often for your daily dose of inspiration

53:46

because you are

53:47

worth it. The information you hear on this

53:49

podcast is for informational purposes only.

53:51

The host is not a medical professional. You

53:54

should always consult with your doctor, nurse, or other

53:56

certified health professional before beginning any

53:58

diet or fitness program. ALL-ielding