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terms apply. Hello

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and welcome to Happier, a podcast

0:40

where we talk about strategies, research,

0:42

hacks, and suggestions for making our

0:44

lives happier, healthier, more productive, and more

0:46

creative. This week, we'll talk

0:48

about why it's a good idea to beware

0:51

of our vent to

0:54

non-vent ratio in conversation,

0:56

and we will answer a

0:59

listener's question about why smart

1:01

goals don't work for everyone,

1:03

especially rebels. I'm

1:18

Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness,

1:20

good habits, the five senses, human nature.

1:23

I am here in my little home

1:25

office in New York City, and joining

1:27

me today is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft,

1:29

to whom I often vent. That's

1:31

me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer

1:33

living in LA. And yeah, Gretchen, you took

1:36

the words right out of my mouth. If

1:39

I'm in a vent, you're often the person

1:41

I'm venting to. Yeah, what are sisters for?

1:43

We have a high vent to non-vent ratio.

1:46

But before we jump in, I want to remind

1:48

everybody that my most recent book,

1:50

Life in Five Senses, is coming

1:52

out in paperback. As

1:54

a thank you for people who pre-order,

1:57

because as I often say, pre-orders do

1:59

a lot. To help above by

2:01

creating buys among booksellers and readers

2:03

and. Everybody. I decided

2:05

to create a little treat for people

2:08

who preorder and this is a secret.

2:10

Sapped said this is a chapter that

2:12

did not end up in that the

2:14

final version of the book though I

2:17

experienced it and broad all about it.

2:19

And. That, of course we wrote it for the purposes.

2:21

Of this because I cannot help rewriting

2:23

everything that much. but it isn't. make

2:26

an end to the bugs and I

2:28

think it's an interesting story, Olazabal, you

2:30

think? Absolutely It was in that draft

2:32

I read and I probably wouldn't cut

2:34

it by I wasn't making the editorial

2:37

choices. Yeah. I love the

2:39

chapter felt Well when you read it you'll

2:41

know if you might be surprised by it.

2:43

I will just leave it at that. It's

2:45

a little that outside my comfort zone and

2:48

right as your sister. Of course I have

2:50

to mention that this book was a New

2:52

York Times bestseller. Ah well, Thank you What

2:54

and a sister if you are interested in

2:57

getting it. Got a happier cast.coms Last Secret

2:59

Softer This is for people who prefer to

3:01

the paperback but have you ordered the hardback?

3:04

That's okay, you can so that the secret

3:06

chapter yet. So all the information is. There

3:08

as off your chest accomplice secrets after.

3:10

And thank you very much for preorders.

3:13

They do. A. Lot to help the

3:15

books. And now is with

3:17

this week or try to sit

3:19

home and suggestion is to be

3:21

were of our then it's to

3:23

non thence ratio Now what do

3:25

we mean by that Yes so

3:28

we all vents it's part of

3:30

our allies or most of us

3:32

events. I would say the vast

3:34

majority of us events and they

3:36

can be get events. It's a

3:38

necessary. But. Sometimes there are certain

3:40

people in our allies who take the

3:43

brunt of the venting. yes and it

3:45

can get to a point where every

3:47

time you talked at his first and

3:49

all you're doing is venting and it

3:51

it can be a lot for someone

3:53

to listen to. It also can give

3:56

a kind of false impression of your

3:58

life, so we think it's. The to

4:00

be aware of how much are you venting

4:02

vs not bad thing with different people in

4:05

your life right? and this is especially with

4:07

if it's low level than same because he

4:09

may be innocent as were going through some

4:11

huge challenge. And. We need to

4:13

talk yet rails that centers is this

4:16

like oh these petty annoyances, these little

4:18

grievances out this bug me so lies

4:20

or disperse and always as as and

4:22

so it's not that is this d

4:25

need to confide or really processing something

4:27

big but you just consistently than to

4:29

get to me grudge. The word venting

4:31

sort of means that. It's. Not.

4:34

A level that see our it's you

4:37

know what I mean If it's yes,

4:39

if it they're not going to a

4:41

child's having a real problem. I have

4:43

cancer that venting. That's a really good

4:46

point. Just the very definition of that

4:48

means I were. Talking about those.

4:50

More minor grievances: But.

4:52

The thing is is straining or the person

4:55

that your dad's listening to you if you

4:57

come home every night from work and your

4:59

does grousing about this little annoying thing and

5:01

that annoying thing that happened that day. You

5:04

can really and of draining other people and

5:06

then also they could have a complete misperception

5:08

of your experience they might think oh wow

5:10

this person really dislikes. Her. Job Were

5:12

In fact you like your job, You

5:14

just venting, inventing, inventing. Yes, I think

5:16

that's funny. I think all the time

5:18

that happened for one person thinks the

5:20

other doesn't like their job and they'll

5:22

say oh no, it's it's the best

5:24

job I could possibly have. It's it's

5:26

like you reminding yourself it's a fun

5:28

job and I enjoyed. That is why

5:30

we have that as armada of rats

5:32

the A has listening to us sometimes

5:34

you would have been. There

5:37

is something called emotional contagion. We

5:39

literally insect each other with our.

5:41

Moods and this happens in a flash. Like.

5:44

You. Can transfer your mood to somebody

5:46

over the phone in a few moments.

5:48

You can pick up in a most

5:50

and from even looking at a photograph

5:53

and so on. Because of this emotional

5:55

contagion, we really affect each other. For.

5:57

The better or for the worse.

5:59

And research so that if you're

6:01

hearing some one griping consistently A

6:03

can bring down your own mood

6:05

and give you negative emotions so

6:07

you're venting to somebody, but there

6:09

a cost to them. If. It's

6:12

bringing them down and one way this

6:14

comes up is with kids in college.

6:16

I hear this from friends all the

6:18

time and we all remind ourselves like

6:20

words as hearing the events in part

6:22

because what'll happen is a child will

6:24

call and it's like. This. Is heroin

6:26

have eldest conflict with my roommate or you know I'm

6:28

having all this problem with this class and like this

6:30

is that in this is that in this is bad.

6:33

And. They hang up and then they go

6:35

skipping off and have fun with their friends

6:37

or half exists or to relieve their feelings

6:39

and then the parent is left there thinking

6:42

like oh my guys, are they okay, Is

6:44

this gonna work out Said they've picked up.mood

6:46

I'm from the vans and they're hanging on

6:49

to it even when that child maybe is

6:51

moving on. And so again, if you're if

6:53

you're the child. In college? Remember this

6:55

or if you're hearing it. I

6:58

always remind myself and other people. Is

7:00

entitled. I'm always like known as is

7:02

good news. Probably if they're not calling,

7:04

everything's fine because we'd send a year

7:06

when something's going wrong and so the

7:08

ratio is automatically skewed. Yeah, and I

7:10

think this is why camps don't want

7:12

parents to talk to their kids. You

7:14

know that's the thing about campy don't

7:16

gets a call your child's and I

7:18

think it's because they know if the

7:20

parent calls the kid is automatically gonna

7:22

be like I don't like the food.

7:24

I don't like this. I don't like

7:26

that, but as they don't talk to

7:28

their parents. Are. Here far right? So

7:31

it's is that parents automatically bring that out.

7:33

I mean I know I have you a

7:35

grudge. I feel like I then to mom

7:37

and dad still all the time and I

7:40

try not to bread. You know they are

7:42

my natural home people to go to. Shattered

7:44

of Anti. I think about this because a

7:47

I'm exactly the same way if I'm going

7:49

to vent about something I call or parents

7:51

and so I always try to remember. Well

7:53

I also want to. Another way to guard

7:56

your ratio is to make sure that you're

7:58

bringing up good news or interesting. things

8:00

or funny things, not to be

8:02

a Pollyanna-ish, not to be fake, but just

8:04

to remember, oh, it's just as fun to

8:06

hear about, oh my gosh, the

8:09

dogs did something incredibly mischievous or

8:11

this interesting thing happened in New

8:13

York City or whatever. And

8:16

we do our update, which is, it's okay

8:18

to be boring and you write those emails

8:20

among ourselves. I just try to make sure

8:22

that I'm including funny or happy or interesting

8:24

things as well as things like, this

8:27

is a worry or we're dealing

8:29

with this, just to watch that

8:32

ratio. And it's interesting with my friends, Gretchen,

8:34

a lot of times people will text each

8:36

other or call and say, can I just

8:38

vent for a minute? Yes. And

8:41

I do think it's helpful when you frame it that

8:43

way because then the other person knows, okay,

8:45

they're going to get something off their chest, but

8:48

this isn't necessarily that deep. Well, and

8:51

it kind of, you're like, okay, that's

8:53

what's coming now and this is the

8:55

role that I'm playing is being that

8:57

sounding board. But the fact is,

8:59

if there's too much venting, it can be

9:02

hard on a relationship because it could bring

9:04

that other person down consistently. So that could

9:06

be hard on them. And also it might

9:08

make you feel worse because one of the

9:10

things research shows is that we think of

9:13

it as something that relieves our feelings, but

9:15

often people who complain experience deterioration in their

9:17

mood afterward. And like there's

9:19

other research that suggests that people who

9:22

share negative emotions on social media experience

9:24

lower levels of well-being afterward. Maybe

9:27

this is because you're sort of directing your attention

9:29

to the negative. So that's just what you're paying

9:31

attention to. And again, it's not

9:33

that there's never a right time to do this or

9:35

right way to do it or that we all have

9:37

to be fake or, you know, only talk about how

9:39

the glass is half full. There's

9:42

definitely a place where it's the right thing

9:44

to do, but every medicine can become poison

9:47

and you just want to keep an eye on it.

9:49

An eye on the venting to non-venting

9:51

ratio. Well, the final thing is, you know,

9:53

we often talk about we should act the way we want

9:55

to feel because our actions spark

9:58

our emotions. we think that we

10:00

act because of the way that we feel, but in fact, we

10:02

feel because of the way that we act. So

10:05

if you're feeling reserved, you act friendly. If

10:07

you're feeling listless, you act energetic, and in

10:09

that way, you spark those emotions in yourself.

10:12

But if you act quarrelsome, you're

10:14

gonna feel more quarrelsome. If you

10:17

act annoyed, you're gonna feel more annoyed. And

10:19

so it's just good to keep an eye

10:21

on it. Yes, absolutely.

10:24

So let us know if you do try this

10:26

at home and how watching your venting to non-venting

10:28

ratio works for you. Let

10:30

us know on Instagram, threads,

10:33

TikTok, Facebook, or drop us

10:35

an email at podcastatgretchandmoving.com. Or as always,

10:37

you can go to the show notes.

10:39

This is happiercast.com slash 474 for

10:42

everything related to this episode. Coming up,

10:44

we have an app hack. But first,

10:46

this one. LinkedIn

10:54

isn't just another job board. LinkedIn has

10:57

a vast network of more than a

10:59

billion professionals, which makes it the best

11:01

place to hire because it

11:03

gives you access to professionals you can't find

11:06

anywhere else. And you know,

11:08

Elizabeth, I now work with a

11:10

team and hiring the right people

11:12

is so important. It's maybe the

11:14

most important thing. And LinkedIn makes

11:16

the process of identifying and hiring

11:18

people easy and intuitive. Hiring is

11:20

easy when you have that many

11:23

quality candidates. It's so easy, in

11:25

fact, that 86% of small businesses

11:27

get a qualified candidate within 24

11:29

hours. And

11:32

LinkedIn is constantly finding ways to

11:34

make the process easier. They even

11:37

just launched a feature that helps

11:39

you write job descriptions, making the

11:41

process even easier and quicker. Post

11:44

your job for free

11:46

at linkedin.com/Gretchen. That's linkedin.com/Gretchen

11:49

to post your job

11:51

for free. Terms and

11:53

conditions apply. Okay,

11:55

Gretchen, we are back with this week's

11:57

happiness hack and it is from Google.

12:00

Google. Yes. Okay. So for this,

12:02

you need the Google app. This isn't something you

12:04

can just do when you're searching in Google. You

12:06

have to be in the app. So say you're

12:08

on your phone, you're in the Google app, which

12:11

you can download. And if you open it at

12:13

the top, you will see a search bar that

12:15

has two icons in it. One is a microphone

12:18

and one is a camera and they're both in this

12:20

sort of Google colors. So this

12:22

is what you do. You click on the

12:24

camera and it will let you take a

12:26

picture of something. And then once you've taken

12:28

a picture of it, it will pull information

12:31

about it, which is bananas.

12:33

So if you take a picture of

12:35

an artwork, it will tell you this

12:38

is the name of that artwork. Here's the

12:40

artist with links to things related to it.

12:42

My daughter, Eliza, does it with items of clothing.

12:45

If she sees somebody wearing an item of clothing

12:47

that she admired, she'll take a picture of it

12:49

and then she'll know who made it. And I

12:51

think people do this with birds a

12:53

lot. Oh, of course. Yes.

12:55

And trees. That makes perfect

12:57

sense. Yes. Absolutely. I mean,

12:59

there's so many things that

13:01

you just you're like, what

13:04

is that thing? Or, you know, who made

13:06

that thing or where that thing come from?

13:08

And now you can just take a picture of

13:10

it. Yeah, Gretchen, I've mentioned before that

13:12

I'm in a Facebook group called

13:14

Beautiful Table Settings and people use

13:17

this all the time to identify

13:19

China patterns because, you know, there are thousands

13:21

of China patterns. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or what

13:24

an item is. Sometimes someone gets something they

13:26

don't even know what it's used for. Right.

13:30

They'll use this feature to figure out, oh,

13:32

it's a butter dish. Well, that's the thing.

13:34

A lot of times with our own possessions,

13:36

you're like, wow, my grandmother gave me this

13:38

to me. I like what I didn't even

13:40

know what the story is. Right. Yeah. So it's

13:42

a way to do it that way. There

13:45

are a lot of cool tools there. So if you

13:47

open it up, like kind of poke around and see

13:50

what other things you can do. Like if

13:52

you hit the microphone, you could just speak

13:54

a question and it will provide the answer.

13:56

That's very useful. So it's a it's a

13:59

great hack. Yeah. Moving on

14:01

to the Four Tendencies tip this

14:03

week, we got a question related

14:05

to the Four Tendencies from a

14:07

listener. It's

14:30

a different method within corporate America.

14:32

So Gretchen, explain what a smart goal is.

14:36

Yeah, and before I explain what a smart

14:38

goal is, if you don't know what a

14:40

rebel is or the Four Tendencies quiz that

14:42

Heather's talking about, go to gretchenrueben.com/quiz. You can

14:44

take the quiz and learn a little bit

14:46

about the Four Tendencies. But this is the

14:48

Four Tendencies tip, so we're assuming that everybody

14:50

knows their Four Tendencies. OK, so rebels,

14:52

of course, resist expectations, outer and inner alike.

14:55

They want to do what they want to

14:57

do in their own way, in their own

14:59

time. So

15:02

keep that in mind when I explain

15:04

what a smart goal is. So SMART

15:06

is S-M-A-R-T. It stands for specific,

15:10

measurable, achievable,

15:14

relevant, and time

15:16

bound. So you're

15:19

getting a sense, specific, measurable,

15:21

achievable, relevant, and time bound.

15:24

OK, map that on

15:26

to rebels who like

15:28

spontaneity, challenge, doing

15:32

things in their own way, surprising

15:34

people, feeling their way. And

15:36

it's just it's not the

15:39

way they approach big goals. Yeah,

15:42

the only thing that I could apply to

15:44

a rebel maybe is relevant. But specific,

15:47

measurable, achievable, and time bound are not

15:49

things that are going to appeal most

15:51

likely to a rebel. Well, and I

15:53

should also say this doesn't say anything

15:55

about accountability Or supervision, but it's sort of

15:58

implied there that there's sort of a. A

16:00

lot of seconds or deliverables and Rebels

16:02

had not to like that. they don't

16:04

like people looking over their shoulder, they

16:06

don't like to feel micromanaged on and

16:08

I don't want to. Success by the

16:11

set of Rebels aren't good at achieving

16:13

goals. They're amazing. It's even goals. They're

16:15

sort of unstoppable. Once. They decided

16:17

they wanted do something They're often extremely

16:19

and the into a big as whether

16:21

you're ambitious has nothing to do with

16:23

whether. You're rubble or not. Some rebels are in been. Some

16:25

rebels are not ambitious.is kind of

16:27

not part of being a rubble.

16:29

Some rebels who are innocent do

16:31

most of that and sells the

16:33

goals that like. It's funny about

16:36

rebels often like the fact that

16:38

something is achievable. They want something

16:40

that everybody thinks is unachievable. They're

16:42

like music. I can't turn this

16:44

around by the end of the

16:46

month. Watch me, Ryan. So just

16:48

the whole flame work of this

16:50

is not the kind of way

16:52

to get a rebel excited about

16:54

something silicon. Others boyfriend say Toolbars.

16:56

Or co workers that they won't

16:58

take offense to to explain that

17:00

this is not a good method

17:02

for him. This is something that

17:04

rebels often talk about. Many rebels

17:06

have of said to be that

17:08

they don't like smart goals which

17:10

is of the rebel tendency is

17:12

the most different from the other

17:15

three upholders. questioners and blinders are

17:17

more similar to each other and

17:19

they often don't understand of rubble

17:21

perspective until it can be frustrating.

17:23

When you're trying to explain to a to give. You

17:25

can be like oh you know and so

17:27

special. Everything has to be different for me.

17:29

Even if you are thinking well you know

17:31

what I am successful every city to confirm

17:33

for recess so dainty for to do is

17:35

a rebel is to just say hey you

17:37

know I know myself. I know you can

17:39

count on me to get stuff done. I've

17:41

got its Op's I've got to drive. You

17:43

know I can do this but if you

17:45

just let me do it in my own

17:47

way let's talk about what the ultimate aim

17:49

is and like I promise you I will

17:51

get there for just you know. Hands off

17:53

the wheel and leave it to me. And you

17:55

know you would hope that somebody would say let's try

17:58

this out here and if you can do it. Fine

18:00

in your own way then fine because if it

18:02

works real, all I care about is are we

18:04

getting done what we need to get done and

18:06

allow you to that? None of course the things

18:09

that Rubble as they do have to follow through

18:11

without because otherwise they're not going to have the

18:13

trust that they can do it in their own

18:15

way and be counted on to follow through. If

18:17

a rebel wants to follow through than they can.

18:20

Now it's gets a little tricky when you're in

18:22

a team and the team is having a deliverables

18:24

in this at Nc. Sort of have to think

18:26

about that. I'm wondering you might remind to Rubble

18:28

is, well, You. Need to do this

18:31

part of that overall thing by x date because

18:33

of i don't have your numbers I can't run

18:35

my numbers but again it's like this is information

18:37

consequences choice right? I'm gonna give you the information

18:39

that you need to make a decision to tell

18:42

you the consequences of your acts are axe and

18:44

and then I'm gonna let you to. So I'd

18:46

say something like. Hey Bill, if

18:48

you don't get me the weekly numbers in

18:50

Cel Wednesday than I can hand in my

18:52

report and then I get in. Trouble.

18:54

And so. Which. Doesn't seem

18:56

fair to me because that's just the only

18:59

piece of holding me up. So then it's

19:01

like oh I understand if I don't get

19:03

you this number than you'd get unfairly penalize

19:05

and a want that. So that makes sense

19:07

to me about why would do that But

19:09

again you just you have to think about

19:12

spontaneity choice, freedom. Explain. To

19:14

your supervisor, these are the things they

19:16

get you going and you can be

19:18

counted on to meet those goals in

19:20

your own way. They are not smart

19:22

goals but that chemicals the work for

19:24

you. So good luck or a grudge.

19:26

Now we have some listener answer's yes

19:28

I have by have it for happiness

19:30

quiz yards. This is like a very

19:32

quick has a conversation again Gretchen Rubin.coms

19:34

less clothes and is tell people what

19:36

is the one new habit that they

19:38

should work on to boost their happiness.

19:40

Oh sort of like of everything that

19:42

you could. Choose where would you start? This

19:44

quiz will tell you where to start and is.

19:46

so it's been fascinated now the tens of thousands

19:49

of people have taken it to see what, what

19:51

are the clusters of answers, you know, what are

19:53

scoring high and lower, and to hear. What?

19:56

People think of the result and what

19:58

are they doing with that results. How

20:00

are they turn the and into a

20:02

habit? So here are just some interesting

20:04

responses from listeners. Yes, this is from

20:06

Banks. I got the result of boost

20:08

your energy by creating systems that improved

20:11

daily life which is so relevant untimely

20:13

because what am i? Twenty four for

20:15

Twenty four aims to set up a

20:17

home system with. My husband said that

20:19

we can free up mental space and

20:21

have more space to enjoy life outside

20:23

of home. Administration tasks. We.

20:25

Are actively. Applying this now

20:27

by listing out all the task

20:29

we do to maintain our home

20:31

and life starts delegating those house

20:33

and creating a system to track

20:35

this weekly bi weekly and monthly.

20:37

That sauce glades Amazing Sentelle Read:

20:39

I got make mindful choices to

20:42

spend money on valuable experiences and

20:44

this answer really resonated with me.

20:46

So much so that you inspired

20:48

me to invest in a cabin

20:50

weekend getaway organized through my graduate

20:52

and be a program. I wanted

20:54

to share this because I. Ended

20:56

up having one of the most enjoyable

20:58

experiences of my life. We went hiking,

21:00

visited wineries, sing along to the Celtic

21:02

music mates Moore's Around the Fire Under

21:05

the Stars. It was perfect And if

21:07

it were not for your quiz I

21:09

never would have signed up to go.

21:11

So thank you for inspiring me to

21:13

invest in my own happiness. Alphonse Now

21:16

when ago and that weekends? yeah Polly's

21:18

said I'd sit your habits for Happiness

21:20

quiz. The moment I heard about it

21:22

my result was to cultivate and existing

21:24

practice. I immediately knew. Exactly what that

21:27

meant. It was time to double down

21:29

on my interests and watercolor. I love

21:31

hearing you talk about your own growing

21:33

in the house. And watercolor, Gretchen, they're

21:35

doing more. A watercolor painting has been

21:38

on my annual list of aims for

21:40

years. Since my nineteen for twenty nineteen

21:42

list, at least I made some halting

21:44

progress buying supplies, watching a beautiful series

21:47

of lessons painting every now and then

21:49

been formed. It's really satisfying. Have it.

21:51

Until I got my quiz result. One

21:53

of the suggestions was to make it

21:55

more. Convenient to engage in that

21:58

activity regularly by dedicating. They

22:00

threw and I had a hunch this

22:02

would be true for me. So I

22:04

tracked down to my basement and lived

22:06

up in Odessa was stashed away. I

22:08

succeeded in a corner my dining room

22:10

and set my brushes and pain on

22:12

top notches. Is Floyd qualifies as a

22:14

strategy convenience. For. Removing that one

22:16

bit of friction has made a tremendous

22:18

difference. I now sit down to pay

22:20

for a few minutes here and there

22:22

are no pressure to commit a big

22:25

chunk of time to it. And seeing

22:27

the space it's I pass by reminds

22:29

me how much the light I get

22:31

from sitting there by Chris result and

22:33

the accompanying suggestions were spot on. A

22:35

few weeks in I am indeed much

22:37

happier for having worked on this habit

22:39

of that. So great. Yes, that is

22:41

exactly how the strategy of convenience words

22:43

just a little bit more convenience health.

22:46

And a have as I was

22:48

surprised by how high creativity related

22:50

answers gourd. More people than I

22:52

expected. I said say had creativity

22:54

and is interesting Kelly wrote for

22:56

your newest quiz My answer was

22:58

deep a new relationships by making

23:00

regular connection. This. Is in line with

23:02

my twenty four and twenty four. One of my

23:04

tasks is twenty four dates with friends, along with

23:06

a hike with a friend and dogs, family and

23:08

friends, game nights, making a day to meet up

23:10

with a friend who lives ninety minutes away at

23:12

her place, and twelve date nights with my husband.

23:15

Is. Interesting how often. They

23:17

see this reflected in their twenty four

23:19

for twenty four. So it's you know

23:21

people see seems, guess. And finally Betsy

23:23

said when I took your have a

23:25

quiz I got make meaningful progress by

23:27

taking consistent action which is a one

23:29

hundred percent who I am one politics

23:31

and I'm already cultivating As a habit

23:33

is every day when I find a

23:35

couple spare minute I searched my photo

23:37

roles in today's date. I then go

23:40

through all the photos and either put

23:42

them in photo albums, delete them, or

23:44

leave them. It's not a perfect way

23:46

to go through my photos been I

23:48

delete a few photos every day and

23:50

a slow motion project to go through.

23:52

this is officer photos of my phone

23:54

and cut some of my digital clutter.

23:56

It would be overwhelming if I expected

23:58

myself to sit down and do it

24:00

all at once. I would not do

24:02

a great way to use this little

24:04

interest this among us and by the

24:06

way this answer was is one of

24:08

the most popular answers to the causes.

24:10

Make meaningful progress by taking consistent as

24:12

and so that's a great solution. It.

24:14

Is fascinating. Keep them com in. It

24:16

is fascinating to see what answer people

24:18

got to the quiz and how they

24:20

are putting that into action. In the

24:23

world people are doing so many different

24:25

things again that quizzes a Gretchen Rubin

24:27

not Conflict quiz if you want to

24:29

take get love these answers. Yeah right

24:31

Coming out I give myself a reading

24:33

the Man the First as. I

24:42

don't know that you, but I'm

24:44

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24:46

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24:49

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Okay, Blizzard, it's time for demands and

27:56

gold stars and this is an numbered

27:59

episode. Was it means it's your turn

28:01

to talk about a dozen merits? Yes

28:03

Okay Gretchen. So recently Sarah and I

28:05

am I writing partner and co host

28:07

of Happier in Hollywood set a trip

28:09

to Seattle to do research. We are

28:12

Oh Yeah project. It takes place in

28:14

the late eighteen hundreds and Seattle so

28:16

he wanted to do some research and

28:18

we had each got a few books

28:20

to read about Seattle history before our

28:22

trip and you may see where this

28:25

the marriage is a serious and I

28:27

are. We are all of my research

28:29

reading done before the trap. yeah which

28:31

I should haves So that is my

28:33

dad merits. Well I have that every

28:36

some I travel and like why didn't

28:38

they learn more about the history of

28:40

Paris? Because you're a big is one

28:42

of my secrets of adulthood is the

28:44

more you know the more you notice.

28:46

Yeah and you you're like oh I

28:49

read about that old bag her own

28:51

that mountain is where X Y Z

28:53

thing happened. but it's hard to do

28:55

all that reading sometimes. Yes and you

28:57

know I'm so used to listening to

28:59

books. Now than I have a shorter

29:02

attention span when I'm reading actual pages.

29:04

This is one of the and you

29:06

know I love audio books, but I

29:09

am almost too dependent now and Audio

29:11

book insists, so I think that might

29:13

have something to do with it. So

29:16

anyway, I you know. Luckily Sarah did

29:18

more reading than I did, so upset

29:20

he could fill in the blanks, but

29:22

for sure I would have thought that

29:25

much more out of it had I

29:27

done more reading cel. Neto.

29:29

Time. I mean, you know, put the

29:31

nose to the pages. That's another secret

29:33

of adulthood. The more you put in

29:35

the more you get out his own

29:38

true. but it was a great research

29:40

trips despite that despite my dinner. Yes,

29:42

Okay, great what is your gold star?

29:44

Or I want to give a gold

29:46

started my daughter Eleanor because okay, rewind

29:48

back to when Eleanor was small set

29:50

of really tough time learning to ride

29:52

a bike. and I think Jamie my

29:54

husband would say that helping her to

29:56

learn to ride a bike is probably

29:58

one of. His least. The red aspects of

30:01

fatherhood in that in that era. Neither one

30:03

of them enjoyed it. One that, but he

30:05

didn't learn to ride a. Bike said there were

30:07

there was a day where cigarette away. So.

30:09

Then she was killing off on this.

30:11

Trip where she deserves to be bike riding and.

30:13

see: sad. I. Need

30:16

to get back into riding a bike as

30:18

that I don't even remember how to ride

30:20

a bike and I was like literally riding

30:22

a bike is the thing that the as

30:24

use as the reference point of something that

30:26

you don't forget that it is. It's like

30:28

riding a bike and she's like yes that

30:30

I would be the excess misses the offense

30:32

since he got herself access to a bike

30:34

and see persisted and did ads and got

30:36

back comfortable on a bike and into the

30:38

one where she felt like oh i enjoy

30:41

riding a bike and then see actually like

30:43

as part of the strip She went on

30:45

like a really long. Arduous. Demanding.

30:48

By trip and she was so happy

30:50

with herself. Ah that's to read At

30:53

a one point she did surprise to

30:55

see. Loss that

30:57

you know in the mines is just

30:59

you Think I could save myself so

31:01

much pain and frustration than and discomfort

31:03

and embarrassing just by saying like, you

31:05

know I'm not going to do it.

31:07

Know this is another secret of adulthood.

31:10

We need to accept ourselves and also

31:12

expect more from ourselves. and I could

31:14

have imagined Eleanor does being like, you

31:16

know what bike riding is. Just not

31:18

my thing. But. Instead she's like I'm

31:20

in expect this of myself and now she's so

31:22

happy he's having some and minds he's like i

31:24

mean it it is that resume like she really

31:27

has gain something from it and it worth reading

31:29

about the something that if you enjoy it. You.

31:31

Really get it. You know it's not like playing ice

31:33

hockey where it's kind of a lot of trouble to

31:36

get yourself in the place until it is like

31:38

and even really enjoy. So anyway I really admire his.

31:40

He was very good spirit about it. She was not.

31:42

Zen. Saying about and like I'm

31:45

gonna do this so I'm just

31:47

full of admiration because as somebody

31:49

who is ugly, extremely physically awkward

31:51

and really bad at things like

31:53

riding a bike I saw identified

31:55

the negative part of it and

31:57

not boss is a perfect yes.

31:59

Rights in. Reminded of you and

32:01

I used to with mom and Dad

32:03

we said summer trips and and suck

32:05

at and we would buy to the

32:07

beaches and I think you and I

32:09

did a lot of sensing and complaining

32:11

about biking. That are we glad we

32:13

did that because a darkly politely lot

32:15

of biking experience. Dell we did Law.

32:17

I'm inspired by Eleanor for forget to

32:19

do some have hard yes to do

32:21

something hard because you may end up

32:23

adding it's the atmosphere of growth. Yeah,

32:25

we get so much France the resource

32:27

for this week. Again, if you want

32:29

the secrets. After they got left

32:31

out from Life and Five Senses,

32:33

it is as happier cast.com/secret chapter.

32:35

I'm offering that as a thank

32:37

you to everyone who has ordered

32:40

or pre ordered the book. And

32:42

speaking of books, Elizabeth, what are

32:44

you read? And I am reading

32:46

The Heiress by Rachel Hawkins and

32:48

I am reading Splinters by Leslie

32:50

Jamison. And that's it

32:52

for this up a. Set. Of happier Remember to. Try.

32:55

This at home and watch your events

32:57

and non then they yell at us

32:59

now have you tried it and if

33:01

it were for you taste or executive

33:04

producer circle each and every one at

33:06

Odyssey get in touch. Prices on Instagram

33:08

threads, Facebook and Six Och Act March

33:10

and Van and I am on Instagram

33:12

and threads Atlas class and I feel

33:15

like this so please this or to

33:17

tell a friend tell one friend told

33:19

says and self to a plan that

33:21

is homeless people Discover until no Sleep

33:24

On Elizabeth. Crap in a dozen or

33:26

than. Thanks for joining us. On need

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a. Crutch.

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Your hair looks amazing so there's a

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