0:00

we show for other

0:00

people and we're already and so

0:02

gung ho about helping other

0:02

people but when it comes to us

0:07

to ourselves, like it's so hard

0:07

to ask for that help. And when

0:11

you are someone who is

0:11

struggling with depression, or

0:15

substance use disorder, or PTSD

0:15

or even suicidal ideation,

0:21

that's the last thing you want

0:21

to talk about or sell it out

0:24

loud, especially to your co

0:24

workers or even your family

0:28

members, right? Because you

0:28

know, you're afraid of the

0:31

repercussions afraid of like

0:31

losing your job, afraid of

0:35

getting a desk job like or

0:35

having that diagnosis that oh,

0:39

that person is depressed or that

0:39

person has suffers from anxiety.

0:43

Before we begin,

0:43

we want to issue a trigger

0:46

warning. Today's episode

0:46

includes a discussion of suicide

0:49

and suicidal ideation. We

0:49

understand these topics can be

0:53

difficult to hear for some

0:53

listeners, and we want to make

0:55

sure everyone is aware before

0:55

continuing. If you or someone

0:59

you know is struggling with

0:59

suicidal thoughts or behaviors,

1:02

please know that you're not

1:02

alone. There are resources

1:05

available to you including the

1:05

National Suicide Prevention

1:08

Lifeline, which is available

1:08

24/7 at 1-800-273-Talk.

1:21

Hi, I'm Kira Yakubov Licensed

1:21

Marriage and Family Therapist

1:25

and founder of Heal Your Roots

1:25

Wellness practice. Every

1:28

episode, we talk with a

1:28

professional from the mental

1:31

health field to learn more about

1:31

their approaches and

1:34

specialties, and also their

1:34

journey of becoming a therapist.

1:38

In this podcast, we'll uncover a

1:38

deeper look at the world of

1:41

therapy from new perspectives.

1:41

You'll meet the therapist of

1:44

Heal Your Roots Wellness

1:44

practice, and trusted colleagues

1:47

from the community tackling

1:47

mental wellbeing. We're your go

1:51

to Network for practical and

1:51

professional insight and mental

1:54

health. Subscribe for new

1:54

episode releases every other

1:57

Wednesday. I'm so thrilled to have our

2:03

guests Majet Reyes on for today.

2:07

She is a psychotherapist and

2:07

owner of resilient mind works.

2:11

Majet thank you so much for

2:11

being on today. Welcome.

2:14

Thank you so much.

2:14

I'm so excited to be here and to

2:17

connect with you again. So thank

2:17

you for having me. Absolutely.

2:20

I know you do a

2:20

lot of work in the community,

2:22

you have a lot of organizations,

2:22

you're a therapist, you have

2:25

phenomenal experience, so I'm

2:25

really excited to hear your

2:28

story for today. So I always

2:28

like to start with diving into

2:32

how did you become a therapist?

2:32

Like can you walk us through

2:34

that journey of how that started

2:34

for you?

2:37

Yeah, definitely.

2:37

So this is actually my second

2:39

career. I was a paramedic for 13

2:39

years before and before I was a

2:45

paramedic, I was going to

2:45

nursing school, and then it and

2:48

then before that, obviously I

2:48

was in high school and you know,

2:51

and hoping to be in the medical

2:51

field. And even before that we

2:54

go way, way back like I was

2:54

really, I was born and raised in

2:58

the Philippines. So I came into

2:58

the United States when I was 16.

3:02

And I saw my parents struggle

3:02

through you know, studying over

3:06

and then here. And then the

3:06

struggle of like being new to a

3:08

country and then going to I went

3:08

to four different high schools.

3:12

And we're all that transitions

3:12

and all that adjustment that I

3:15

experienced being an immigrant

3:15

at 16 years old. And then And

3:20

then, you know, navigating my

3:20

way into college. And then when

3:24

I was in college, I was gonna go

3:24

for nursing school. And then 911

3:28

happened. So 911, September

3:28

2001. Yeah. And then I saw, you

3:34

know, we all saw the burning

3:34

buildings in New York, and I saw

3:38

this people running into burning

3:38

buildings, and they were in

3:42

uniform, obviously, there were

3:42

firefighters, and there were

3:44

cops. And I was wondering,

3:44

right, who are the other group

3:47

of people going in there. And I

3:47

was like, I definitely don't

3:51

want to be a firefighter. I

3:51

definitely don't want to be a

3:55

cop. But what is that other

3:55

group of people there? And I was

3:58

like they're paramedics, and you

3:58

know, nowadays, we can just

4:02

google the paramedics and know

4:02

what it is. But back then, like

4:04

I went into a phonebook and

4:04

checked out paramedic schools,

4:09

and I looked found a paramedic

4:09

school, went into EMT schools

4:13

first. So that's like a two to

4:13

three month program, and then

4:17

two years of paramedic school.

4:17

So there's a difference between

4:20

EMTs and a difference between

4:20

paramedics. so..

4:24

Ok, good to know.

4:25

Yeah, so I did that

4:25

hoping that my goal is to retire

4:30

as a fire service paramedic.

4:30

Right, let's just say giving

4:33

back to this country that I have

4:33

adopted that American dream like

4:37

you know, the what a lot of

4:37

immigrants are aiming for. So I

4:40

became a paramedic. Thinking

4:40

that I'm gonna retire as a

4:42

paramedic. And then I was

4:42

assaulted by my co workers when

4:46

I was working as a paramedic,

4:46

and then that kinda like helped

4:50

me grow through the healing

4:50

journey. That was the start of

4:54

it. But it took like another 10

4:54

years, before I started that

4:57

healing journey, right. So if we

4:57

fast forward, oh gosh, more than

5:01

10 years after that event

5:01

happened, I became a mom.

5:05

And when I became a mom, I said,

5:05

Okay, well, I'm working as a

5:08

paramedic, the hours is awful,

5:08

the work is rough, and you know

5:14

I have this daughter, and all I

5:14

want for my daughter is to be

5:16

happy. And how am I going to,

5:16

you know, ask her to be or want

5:21

her to be happy, if I'm

5:21

miserable, right? And I said it

5:25

was my job that was making me

5:25

miserable. Everything else in my

5:28

life, but my focus was work. I'm

5:28

like, I need to change jobs.

5:33

Right? And I didn't know what I should

5:33

become, oh, maybe I should try

5:37

to go back to nursing school or

5:37

become a PA or become ER doctor.

5:42

But that's not really my grand

5:42

goal. But the PA and nursing

5:45

school are the two options for

5:45

paramedics there's really two

5:49

obvious options that they

5:49

usually go for. Basically I

5:52

tried of becoming a paramedic so

5:52

I applied to nursing school and,

5:57

and PA school. And I you know, I was rejected

5:58

to this right. And I was like,

6:03

Okay, I am. I know for a fact

6:03

that I don't want to be a

6:07

paramedic anymore. but, I'm also

6:07

not sure what I should go for

6:12

it. only in my mind, nursing or

6:12

PA school. So I prayed, I'm not

6:19

very religious but I'm spiritual

6:19

in a way, that you know, like,I

6:23

believe in a higher power. And

6:23

I'm like, Yo, you tell me what

6:25

you want me to do? How do you

6:25

want me to serve? But help me

6:29

how do you want me to save your people? A few days later, I got a

6:31

postcard from Philadelphia

6:35

University, which is Jefferson

6:35

now. And it says community and

6:38

trauma counseling program. It's

6:38

new. I was in the second cohort

6:43

of that program. And I'm like,

6:43

alright, I'm gonna check it out.

6:47

And I went to Philly U for my

6:47

bachelor's, so I'm like, I'll

6:50

check it out. Right. I love the

6:50

school that maybe it's time for

6:53

me to get my master's. So I went

6:53

to the orientation fell in love

6:57

with the teachers fell in love

6:57

with the other students. Yeah,

7:01

I'm supposed to be here, right?

7:03

Wow

7:03

Now, all on our own

7:03

stuff. So I was learning about

7:07

trauma, I was learning about

7:07

counseling, and realized that I

7:10

got a lot of work to do. My own

7:10

inner healing. So

7:15

Yea

7:16

So you know, as I

7:16

was going through the program of

7:18

becoming a counselor a trauma

7:18

counselor, I was going through

7:21

my own healing as well. And

7:21

that's when I started looking

7:24

for therapists and processing my

7:24

traumas, my trauma from myself,

7:29

trauma from becoming a mom

7:29

trauma, from becoming, you know,

7:33

an immigrant and then the

7:33

childhood traumas that, you

7:36

know, that were never processed

7:36

at all. They didn't even

7:39

acknowledge when I was growing

7:39

up, and then I just fell in love

7:43

with the field of counseling.

7:43

And then and now and that's how

7:46

I became a trauma therapist, and

7:46

it's been sven years, and I

7:50

love, Kira, I love love love

7:50

what I do. That's what I love

7:54

talking about. It's like, self

7:54

love. It's like taking care of

7:57

yourself, so you can continue

7:57

doing what you love. And for me,

8:01

that's, that's what I do. I need

8:01

rest. I'm gonna rest. I'm gonna

8:04

give myself love because I love

8:04

what I do so much. I want to be

8:07

my best when I take care of my

8:07

clients. Right, so said they

8:12

love songs

8:16

I love your story

8:18

That's the story of

8:18

how I became a counselor, yeah.

8:20

Wow, that is

8:20

honestly that is inspiring from

8:23

the beginning to the end. I'm

8:23

also an immigrant, but I

8:26

emigrated when I was very young,

8:26

so to know, as a teenager coming

8:29

in, I mean, that's its own

8:29

journey, then you're going

8:32

through all these experiences of

8:32

being a paramedic, like life and

8:36

death situations. And then

8:36

having that feeling of a

8:39

crossroad. It sounds like you

8:39

had a lot to figure out and very

8:43

brave of you to, you know, allow

8:43

yourself to see what comes to

8:47

you like trust it and, you know,

8:47

prayed and manifested and then

8:50

it showed up it literally showed

8:50

up on your doorstep to say, hey,

8:54

try this out. Wow, that's

8:54

incredible.

8:57

Yeah, it's really

8:57

interesting, because my mindset

8:59

was not there. My mindset was

8:59

about I need to take control.

9:03

Right back then, my mindset were

9:03

about was all about, you know,

9:07

like, I gotta control it. I

9:07

gotta do doo doo. And, you know,

9:11

I had so many maladaptive coping

9:11

mechanisms, like I didn't know

9:15

that they were maladaptive back

9:15

then. But it was normal, like

9:19

they were normal. And they were

9:19

just part of my culture as

9:22

Filipino American, and part of

9:22

the culture of American culture,

9:27

and also culture of EMS,

9:27

emergency medical services, like

9:32

Yeah, I was working a lot. I was

9:32

drinking and exercising a lot.

9:36

Right? And those were like, just

9:36

part of the culture and I was

9:40

working, working, working,

9:40

working, not understanding that

9:43

yo, if you really want to make

9:43

some changes, and start a

9:46

healing journey, sometimes you

9:46

just got to stay still. Right?

9:49

And just be and, and let go of

9:49

control. You know, but that

9:54

really took me a very, very long

9:54

time to understand. And I'm

9:58

still learning Yeah,

10:00

sure, I appreciate

10:00

you being vulnerable and sharing

10:03

that insight. I didn't know all

10:03

of those ins and outs of that

10:06

and how that came up. I mean,

10:06

grad school is incredible,

10:09

right? I mean, to be able to

10:09

heal and learn all this, like,

10:13

we go in trying to help other

10:13

people. And it's like a mirror

10:17

to the face of all the work that

10:17

we have to do, which I think in

10:21

a lot of ways, that's kind of

10:21

how we choose who we're going to

10:24

work with is it's almost like

10:24

simultaneously helping ourselves

10:28

heal while we're helping someone

10:28

in a somewhat of a similar way,

10:32

or some relatability in that. So

10:32

it makes sense that you've been

10:35

really focusing on first

10:35

responders, because that's a lot

10:39

to carry for anybody. Yeah.

10:42

And so can you share a little

10:42

bit about kind of specifically

10:45

the unique struggles that a

10:45

first responder might have and

10:49

how that shows up in therapy, or

10:49

what they bring to therapy when

10:53

they do decide to go?

10:54

It's very

10:54

interesting, right, like, so

10:56

when I, you know, when I started

10:56

my practice, like, I really

11:00

focused on helping first

11:00

responders and medical

11:03

professionals like having been

11:03

in the field, like, there's so

11:07

much stigma when it comes to

11:07

mental health. Yeah, right.

11:11

We're helpers, right? We're

11:11

saviors. And I put air quotes

11:16

there. Because you know, like,

11:16

we go into work knowing that

11:18

we're going to save someone, or

11:18

we're going to help, right, it's

11:21

not save but help someone,

11:21

right, that's part of the job.

11:24

And but when it comes to us

11:24

asking for help, right and

11:29

needing to be saved, and again,

11:29

quote, unquote, it's looked down

11:33

upon, right, and it says, it's a

11:33

culture that glorifies self

11:39

neglect, right, and we put a

11:39

badge of honor when we're

11:44

neglecting ourselves, and we

11:44

show up for other people. And

11:48

we're all ready, and so gung ho

11:48

about helping other people, but

11:51

when it comes to us to

11:51

ourselves, like it's so hard to

11:56

ask for that help. And when you are someone who is

11:57

struggling with depression, or

12:02

substance use disorder, or PTSD,

12:02

or even suicidal ideation,

12:08

that's the last thing you want

12:08

to talk about, or say it out

12:11

loud, especially to your co

12:11

workers or even your family

12:15

members, right? Because you

12:15

know, you're afraid of the

12:18

repercussions, afraid of like

12:18

losing your job, afraid of

12:21

getting a desk job right, or

12:21

having that diagnosis, that oh,

12:26

that person is depressed, or

12:26

that person has suffers from

12:28

anxiety, or even not recognizing

12:28

that the numbing activities that

12:35

we do, such as drinking, right?

12:37

That's very accepted in the

12:37

culture drinking, and you want

12:41

to be part of the team part of

12:41

the groups, you know, after

12:44

work, you know, you go out and

12:44

drink. And that's part of the

12:48

culture and not understanding

12:48

that, oh, I'm actually using

12:52

this to numb and not process,

12:52

the emotions or the feelings or

12:56

the traumas that I see, you

12:56

know, or experienced when I'd go

13:01

into work and not knowing that

13:01

that's actually a problem. It's

13:04

a disorder, substance use disorder. And also not realizing that a

13:06

lot of first responders actually

13:11

85% of first responders have

13:11

PTSD, because going into work

13:18

and meeting people on the worst

13:18

day of their lives, right a lot

13:22

of times, it's like the worst

13:22

day of their lives, and then

13:24

coming in and you were helping

13:24

them in one of the days that you

13:29

know, when they're having a bad

13:29

day, and either there was an

13:31

accident or somebody you know,

13:31

their loved one is you know, is

13:35

dying or you know, or death and

13:35

be and having to

13:39

compartmentalize everything that

13:39

you just witnessed, so you can

13:42

go on to the next call, right?

13:42

And they become really good,

13:46

right first responders become

13:46

really good at

13:49

compartmentalizing because they

13:49

have to right?

13:52

sure it's part of the job,

13:53

Exactly, it is part

13:53

of the job, and I then you know

13:56

so that you can go ahead and and

13:56

help and calls can come and back

14:00

the back back to back and not

14:00

having the time to take a

14:02

breather, and process and feel.

14:02

Right what just went on in your

14:08

body in your mind let it in your

14:08

heart, like remember this trauma

14:12

is not necessarily the actual

14:12

event. Right. It's the felt

14:17

experience. For the general

14:17

public, It's like that

14:21

experience right, that traumatic

14:21

event that we have the big tears

14:24

could be probably one out of

14:24

five but with first responders

14:28

t's like three out of five

14:28

first responders, right,

14:31

experienced that witnessing a

14:31

traumatic event and then having

14:35

that trauma that they carry in

14:35

their bodies that that you know

14:40

that stuff experienced that they

14:40

weren't able to process. He just

14:43

had to go to the next call. So and then

14:46

that's every day

14:48

and now it's every

14:48

day that they go into work.

14:50

holy shit

14:51

So, Right! it's

14:51

something that needs to be

14:55

talked about more. A lot of the

14:55

first responders a lot of my

14:57

clients who come to me , they,

14:57

It's usually you know, oh my,

15:02

my significant other asked me to

15:02

go see a therapist, right? Then,

15:08

you know, my there was fighting

15:08

with my significant other, or my

15:12

children, I don't have a real

15:12

connection with like children or

15:18

I'm just burned out and I don't

15:18

want to go to work anymore. But

15:21

I need my job and not realizing

15:21

that they could be struggling

15:25

with depression, or anxiety or a

15:25

CPTSD, like complex trauma, that

15:31

complex for Post Traumatic

15:31

Stress Disorder, or PTSD. Those

15:35

are some of the you know, things

15:35

that I see a lot in my in my

15:40

practice and some of the

15:40

struggles that comes to my

15:43

office. So I don't know if I

15:43

answered your question.

15:46

You answered it.

15:46

Wow. I mean, it seems almost

15:52

inevitable, right? At some

15:52

point, that if you're a

15:55

paramedic, or you're an EMS

15:55

worker that you will experience

15:58

trauma, depression, anxiety,

15:58

numbing, right? Like all of the

16:03

it almost seems inevitable,

16:03

like, we're human beings, right?

16:06

Some people have this happen

16:06

maybe once or twice in their

16:09

life. And this is someone's job

16:09

that they go in every single

16:12

day. So I can't imagine having

16:12

to hold so much of that in our

16:17

body with nowhere to go or to be

16:17

acknowledged, and then wake up

16:21

and do it again the next day.

16:22

Yeah, I mean,

16:22

that's why we can't blame them

16:25

if they use substance, right.

16:27

No, I mean, it

16:27

makes sense. I would, I mean,

16:31

just thinking about that now,

16:31

like, you have to find a way to

16:35

manage through it. And if

16:35

there's no space or time, and if

16:39

it's stigmatized. I mean, it

16:39

seems like the options are

16:42

pretty slim.

16:44

Yeah, yeah, talking

16:44

about it. It's like, you know,

16:47

it's stigmatized, you can talk

16:47

about everything else, like, you

16:51

know, they talk about politics,

16:51

and race and religion and all

16:54

that stuff. When it comes to

16:54

emotions, it's the F word nobody

16:58

wants to talk about, right? And

16:58

let's, and I tell my clients

17:03

this, I'm like, I'm not gonna

17:03

force you in the beginning of

17:06

our work together, part of your

17:06

healing journey wisely, is being

17:10

comfortable with this F word.

17:10

And they're like, what F word.

17:13

And I'm like, feelings. And then

17:13

like, ha, ha, you know, like,

17:16

it's, it's the emotions, there's

17:16

something about emotions or

17:20

feelings that is also

17:20

stigmatized in our culture.

17:23

Right?

17:24

Yeah.

17:24

And even that word

17:24

and I don't let this term on

17:27

these, Oh, you're so emotional,

17:27

like what's wrong with emotion?

17:31

Right? It's such a [inaudible]

17:31

to be the emotional. like your

17:35

emotions are not wrong, it's

17:35

like a fire alarm for you to

17:40

pause and, and reflect, okay,

17:40

why am I feeling this way?

17:45

Right. And being comfortable

17:45

with knowing that you have to

17:48

pause and feel and not judge

17:48

your feelings, right and

17:52

actually give it space so that

17:52

it can pass. Right? I'm gonna

17:57

pause and I'm feeling really sad

17:57

right now. I just saw a teenager

18:02

died. Right? And I'm like that's

18:02

horrible. I mean, I think you

18:08

had to compartmentalize that.

18:10

And so you can go on to the next

18:10

call. But what if that call is

18:13

another death or maybe no, let's

18:13

not even say it's another death,

18:16

It's just a car accident, a

18:16

fender bender. Now you're going

18:19

into that call pissed off.

18:19

Right? Like, oh, you called us

18:24

for this. Right? You could have

18:24

just called triple A, and it's

18:27

like, you didn't get to process

18:27

that sadness, right. But then

18:32

you're comfortable with feeling

18:32

anger? Because that's something

18:35

that's kind of normalized to an

18:35

OK, right? that aggression, the

18:40

fight mode. But when it comes to

18:40

feeling sad, right, or confused,

18:46

or, or even anxious. Anxiety

18:46

has, you know, shows up in many

18:50

different ways, but not being

18:50

able to understand that and

18:54

judging it and shaming those

18:54

feelings. It's not helpful.

18:59

You know, and my work with first

18:59

responders is really helping

19:03

them understand their feelings,

19:03

becoming aware of them and being

19:07

comfortable with that F word.

19:07

Right? So they can talk about

19:11

it, express how they feel. So

19:11

they'll know what they need.

19:16

Right? If they continue to

19:16

suppress this emotions, these

19:20

feelings, then how would they

19:20

know what they need? How would

19:23

we know? Right? If we're just

19:23

going glaring and suppressing

19:28

suppressing the feelings because

19:28

we're so uncomfortable with

19:30

feeling, then how are we going

19:30

to be aware of what we need in

19:34

our lives? Right? I'm gonna

19:34

digress.

19:38

Yeah. Yeah, I

19:38

mean, it sounds like there's no

19:41

there's no time or space to

19:41

reassess or feel anything. It's

19:45

just kind of continuously going

19:45

through the motions. You know,

19:48

it's interesting because these

19:48

are the some of the bravest

19:50

people I mean, I consider this

19:50

super brave. Like, I'm inspired

19:54

by the fact that you did that

19:54

and went through that whole

19:56

process, but like, how brave

19:56

that this is your job every day.

20:00

And you go into danger, physical

20:00

danger, and then the emotional

20:05

internal part that can't

20:05

necessarily I mean, it can hurt

20:09

us, obviously, but not in the

20:09

same way that physical harm can

20:11

get us that that's more feared.

20:11

Right. And that as it compiles

20:15

on and on, I can imagine like,

20:15

well, if I open the lid, who

20:20

knows how much is going to come

20:20

out, I can even imagine like

20:22

people who want to start talking

20:22

about feelings are scared, how

20:26

much is going to come through,

20:26

and if they're able to manage or

20:29

control them,

20:30

unfortunately,

20:30

because not knowing that there

20:33

is a safe space to express those

20:33

feelings and emotions and that

20:37

fear of how much of that like

20:37

what you're saying, how much of

20:40

that is going to come out. And

20:40

it's so scary, like, they don't

20:42

know how that would look like.

20:42

And what we don't know, it's

20:45

very scary. So unfortunately,

20:45

there's a high rate of suicide

20:51

in first responders and that's

20:51

the reality it's the truth, it's

20:54

something that, you know, these

20:54

departments, the organizations

20:59

are not really putting a lot of

20:59

effort into looking into this,

21:03

right. And if we had provided a

21:03

safe space, or normalize,

21:09

talking about feelings,

21:09

especially sadness, then we

21:12

could have prevented those

21:12

suicides.

21:15

Yeah, it's really

21:15

heavy. And it's a shame to think

21:17

about the people who take care

21:17

of us, right, when we need to be

21:21

taken care of when the community

21:21

needs that help, they show up,

21:24

but they're not being helped,

21:24

right? Like there isn't this

21:27

already built into that job or

21:27

to that system, and that

21:31

structure to make sure that

21:31

they're taking care of

21:33

consistently moving forward

21:33

instead of having to be very

21:36

stoic and keep it moving, and

21:36

not be impacted, because the

21:40

role is hero and strong. And you

21:40

have to hold it together for

21:44

everyone else, so they can be

21:44

sad, so they can feel

21:48

vulnerable.

21:49

Wow, I love that

21:49

you brought that up, because

21:51

that idea of being a hero,

21:51

right? Like a superhero.

21:55

Superheroes are

21:56

Yeah

21:56

superheroes, you

21:56

know, are brave, superheroes,

21:59

you know, they don't talk about

21:59

their feelings but again, like,

22:03

these are human beings we're

22:03

talking about right? First

22:05

responders are human beings, and

22:05

they do have feelings, just like

22:08

a lot of us, just like all of

22:08

us. Right? And, and you brought

22:13

that up like and I love that you

22:13

brought that up, like, we want

22:15

this first responder and this

22:15

medical professionals right to

22:18

take care of themselves and to

22:18

love themselves, because they

22:21

are the people who's going to be

22:21

protecting and saving our

22:23

communities you know?

22:25

Yeah

22:26

And if we don't

22:26

take care of them, and you know,

22:28

and we don't see them with

22:28

empathetic eyes, there's gonna

22:31

be a lot more hate. They're

22:31

spreading hate, we're spreading

22:34

hate, and then we're not

22:34

understanding each other. I

22:37

hope. And you know, if like,

22:37

there will be normalized for

22:41

organizations to promote self

22:41

love, right? Self love, self

22:47

care for first responders so

22:47

that they're not burned out. And

22:51

then so that they're not

22:51

depressed, and they're not

22:54

anxious or always in survival

22:54

mode, and they can show up for

22:58

our communities who need them

22:58

with a lot of love, and really

23:03

ready and willing and full of

23:03

compassion, showing up in these

23:07

communities and helping out,

23:07

right?

23:10

Sure, absolutely.

23:10

And I can imagine, you know, if

23:13

there's a lot of stigma you're

23:13

getting within your group of

23:16

people in your organization. And

23:16

then when you go out to help,

23:19

your job is literally to help

23:19

people and you're getting

23:22

negative feedback or this

23:22

negative association with what

23:25

you're doing. While you're

23:25

trying to help. I can see that

23:28

anger coming through, right?

23:28

Like, that all trickles

23:31

together, right. It's all part

23:31

of a system. And it all plays a

23:34

part. And so I love that you

23:34

talk about this community, and I

23:37

know you're so involved in the

23:37

community. And I love you have

23:41

this phrase on your website.

23:41

It's like bridging the gap with

23:43

empathy with the community,

23:43

would you be able to speak to

23:46

that a little bit how to bring

23:46

that a little bit closer.

23:49

One of my dream was

23:49

right in my professional life to

23:52

build this empathy bridge to

23:52

close the gap between first

23:57

responders and communities,

23:57

communities that they serve,

24:01

like. So I was a brown, you

24:01

know, like immigrant female

24:05

right and part of me. Part of my

24:05

identity is ,like, I'm a former

24:08

first responder, and I

24:08

understand, you know, like, what

24:11

goes on, like inside that life.

24:11

Right, but then also as a brown

24:18

individual, and being a member

24:18

of the community. I also

24:21

understand the struggles and the

24:21

traumas, right, and of living in

24:26

my community and living in the

24:26

community here as a brown

24:29

female, immigrant. And I feel

24:29

like, you know, there's a need

24:34

for us to understand each other.

24:34

Right, this two groups, for the

24:38

first responders to understand

24:38

and know, the journeys, the

24:42

challenges and the struggles as

24:42

being a number of communities,

24:46

especially the communities of

24:46

brown and black individuals,

24:49

right. And then also The

24:49

community white and brown to see

24:55

with empathetic eyes did joys

24:55

and the struggles and the

24:58

challenges of being a first

24:58

responder and when we understand

25:02

each other, we can't help. But,

25:02

you know, start building that

25:06

bridge of like connecting,

25:06

right? And to make sure this

25:11

deepest longing, and our deepest

25:11

fear, right as human beings,

25:16

right? It's like, you know, we

25:16

are wired for connection. But

25:20

then also we're so afraid of

25:20

connecting with people who seem

25:23

to be so different from us. But

25:23

in reality, we're not that

25:27

different. I'm wish that someday

25:27

and I have, you know, I've sent

25:33

proposals where those that I've

25:33

said, when I did presentations

25:36

as like, you know, this building

25:36

this empathy bridge between

25:39

first responders and the

25:39

communities because it would be

25:42

nice to live in a world where

25:42

in, you know, first responders

25:46

and people in the community

25:46

understand each other. There we

25:51

can live in a world where in

25:51

our, our offsprings, right, the

25:55

future, can can live a life

25:55

where they can trust each other.

25:59

And with that comes love.

26:03

I love the passion

26:03

you have for this. No, really,

26:05

it's so needed. And it's so

26:05

heartfelt. And it's so

26:09

important, because I think what

26:09

you're talking about is huge,

26:11

right? This takes a community,

26:11

it takes a lot of people to be

26:14

vulnerable, and willing to hear

26:14

other people side. And the tough

26:18

part is when there is so much

26:18

trauma right within the

26:22

community and first responders

26:22

who are dealing with vicarious

26:25

trauma, but their own, we

26:25

isolate, like the last thing we

26:29

want to do is be vulnerable and

26:29

reach out and feel closer. So

26:33

it's like another block another

26:33

layer, kind of getting in the

26:36

way of that. And that sounds

26:36

like really hard work.

26:40

Yeah. And I'm glad

26:40

that you brought that up the

26:43

vulnerability part. In our black

26:43

and brown communities like we

26:46

really love our resilience,

26:46

right? Like, we've been through

26:50

a lot, and then we're strong.

26:50

And then when you look at the

26:53

first responders, like you know,

26:53

it's like also they're very

26:56

resilient. Like bouncing back

26:56

pretty quickly to go to the next

26:59

call. But then when it comes to

26:59

being vulnerable, it's super

27:01

scary. But sometimes we do need

27:01

to take that's step. Right? To

27:08

be vulnerable. Cause with

27:08

vulnerability comes connection,

27:11

right. And then when we're

27:11

deeply connected then there's,

27:14

you know, there's intimacy, with

27:14

intimacy, love can grow. So,

27:18

yea, vulnerability is it's a

27:18

hard but necessary step that

27:23

first responders can start

27:23

practicing.

27:27

Yeah. And I love

27:27

that you say that because it is

27:29

from vulnerability comes

27:29

everything else, right? It's

27:32

that trust, the respect, the

27:32

understanding, the empathy, and

27:36

then we can start to grow and

27:36

make moves from there and

27:38

hearing all these different

27:38

perspectives. I'm just so amazed

27:41

by your work. I'm just, I'm like

27:41

thinking about it, like, day to

27:45

day how much that would be. And so when you are working with

27:47

individuals who are first

27:50

responders, and are in these

27:50

circumstances, how do you help

27:54

them look at self love and self

27:54

care in a way that works for

27:58

their schedules in their life,

27:58

right, because that's gonna look

28:00

a little bit different from

28:00

someone who just has a regular

28:03

nine to five in front of a

28:03

computer and wants to take care

28:05

of themselves.

28:07

There's

28:07

interesting, right? Like, that

28:09

term self care and self love.

28:09

It's like hashtag self care,

28:12

right? And automatic, lets their

28:12

mind goes into mani pedi massage

28:16

or spa day. No no no, that can

28:16

be self care, right? Like people

28:25

can find joy in that. But let's,

28:25

let's figure out what self care

28:30

is for you. And it's more on

28:30

like, what brings you joy? And

28:35

what does that mean? And

28:35

sometimes even that question of

28:38

like, what activities bring you

28:38

joy is something that they

28:40

struggle with? Because a lot of

28:40

times they don't have the time

28:43

to think and do things that

28:43

bring them joy, or they forgot

28:46

it. Right? They knew it when

28:46

they were, you know, a child or

28:49

when they were younger. And then

28:49

as we start, you know, living as

28:53

a grown ups, it's supressed

28:53

because you're busy surviving,

28:56

and then being in survival mode

28:56

becomes normal and familiar.

29:01

And I asked them to pause,

29:01

right, that's the first thing we

29:05

practice, like, let's pause and

29:05

just being able to sit for a few

29:11

minutes, it's better than better

29:11

than nothing, then, you know,

29:14

then expecting to have a full

29:14

day of spa day. Right, it's

29:18

because rest is important. And

29:18

so first responders like they

29:22

have you know, four days on four

29:22

days off the rotating shift of

29:26

like, two-day day shift, two

29:26

days night shift, and it's like,

29:28

there's very confusing and very,

29:28

they're pretty much

29:33

unpredictable time or schedule.

29:33

And so therefore, I asked them

29:39

to practice to pause, the

29:39

practice of pausing and sitting

29:43

still for a minute. We start

29:43

with that and being able to just

29:47

ground themselves and breathe

29:47

and that's self care. We start

29:51

with that normalizing pausing

29:51

and resting for one minute. And

29:55

showing self compassion we start

29:55

with that

29:58

Cause like once I tell them to

29:58

sit down for ten minutes. That's

30:00

a lot, it's so unnerving for

30:00

them. So instead of like

30:04

grounding, you know, helping

30:04

them ground their nervous, it

30:07

gets they get more anxious,

30:07

because they trying to do

30:10

something that they're not

30:10

familiar with. So I asked him to

30:13

pause and practice pausing for

30:13

one minute and breathing. And

30:16

when that like that moment that

30:16

they pause for one minute, I

30:21

remind them that, that's self

30:21

love, and it's better to love

30:25

yourself, and show yourself a

30:25

lot of love. So that in that one

30:29

minute, you know, you can reset

30:29

ground your nervous system, and

30:33

then go share that love to other

30:33

people, right, the public needs

30:37

you. So if you want to keep helping

30:38

other people, and continue

30:41

loving what you do, give

30:41

yourself that one minute. We

30:43

start with that. And they love a

30:43

challenge. So they're like,

30:47

Well, I'm gonna sit for like two

30:47

minutes. So it's that and I tell

30:53

them that mindfulness right

30:53

there and mindful, being

30:56

mindful, it's not meditation.

30:56

it's a practice of being in the

31:00

here and now. And with that

31:00

practice of one minute pausing

31:04

and breathing, you're practicing

31:04

being in the here and now. And

31:08

with that, like, I also try to

31:08

explain to them that being in

31:12

the present moment, and doing

31:12

what you need, at this moment,

31:17

right, just staying present,

31:17

right, just we can get stuck.

31:21

And I see this with a lot of

31:21

them. And a lot of my clients,

31:23

even the the not first

31:23

responders, we get stuck in the

31:27

future, right? You understand

31:27

this, like you would get stuck

31:30

in the field, we get down, we

31:30

get anxious, and we can't do

31:32

anything about the future. But

31:32

because it's in the future, so

31:35

we can't do anything about that.

31:35

And then we get stuck and

31:39

ruminate about the past, right?

31:39

And didn't do anything about

31:44

that, because it had already

31:44

happened. And that only just

31:46

make us sad. Right? So let's

31:46

focus on the here and now. Once

31:51

they find themselves, and I tell

31:51

them this, like notice, once you

31:54

find yourself geetting antcy or

31:54

anxious because you're thinking

31:58

about the future. It hasn't

31:58

happened yet, reel yourself back

32:01

into the present moment, ask

32:01

yourself, what do we need right

32:03

now? And right now, does that

32:03

mean you need to take a nap? you

32:08

need to take a bathroom break?

32:08

You need to rest or go outside

32:13

and take a breather for two

32:13

minutes? What do you mean that

32:15

now? Oh, my belly hurts. Or

32:15

maybe you need to see a doctor.

32:18

Let me just go make that one

32:18

thing like in the like bring

32:21

yourself back into the present

32:21

moment. That's self love. Right?

32:25

Like being mindful of what I

32:25

need in this very moment in this

32:29

very present moment. Right?

32:29

That's self love. And then we're

32:34

able to practice that on a

32:34

regular basis, you know, then we

32:36

go into like, okay, let's tap

32:36

into making a list of activities

32:40

that bring you joy, like, what

32:40

are the things that bring you

32:43

joy, because once you know how

32:43

to pause for one minute or two

32:47

minutes, and then be able to

32:47

stay in the present moment, then

32:51

you'll be able to recognize, oh,

32:51

I enjoy hiking, right? And then

32:58

you tend to remember those

32:58

activities that bring you some

33:02

happiness, because you're not

33:02

caught up in survival mode

33:05

anymore. You get glimmers of

33:05

living and life is meant to be

33:10

lived. Right? And that again.

33:10

That is if you allow yourself,

33:15

love. It sounds so simple. It

33:15

doesn't have to be hard. Right?

33:20

Yeah.

33:20

But sometimes for

33:20

this professionals who are

33:22

always on the go, that practice

33:22

of pausing, staying in the

33:28

present moment. And then, you

33:28

know, going back to

33:33

understanding what made them

33:33

happy in the past and bringing

33:36

that back into their lives,

33:36

that's a big thing for them. It

33:40

seems so simple, but with

33:40

stillness comes wisdom, and

33:44

sitting still for one minute and

33:44

breathing, you know, and

33:47

increasing that time every

33:47

month, up to a point where you

33:51

can sit still for 20 minutes and

33:51

reflect and just breathe, right?

33:55

It looks like living, that's

33:55

your self love. That's your self

34:00

care. And we start with that.

34:00

Not like okay, let's travel to

34:04

Puerto Rico for a week like or

34:04

go to a retreat, because that's

34:08

self care or go to a spa for one

34:08

whole day. Those are great.

34:13

Right? But then sometimes even

34:13

when you find yourself in those

34:17

places on vacation in the spot,

34:17

your mind is in some other

34:19

places right, you're not

34:19

present. You're anxious about

34:23

work, you're anxious about

34:23

somebody else. It's like, you

34:26

know, like so let's let's talk

34:26

this, the one minute for

34:30

yourself, right and live in that

34:30

one minute, not just survive.

34:35

Because again, life is meant to

34:35

be lived not to be not to be

34:39

survival mode for the rest of

34:39

our lives.

34:41

Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're helping them build sustainable practices over

34:42

time that they can call on

34:47

themselves anywhere at any time.

34:47

Right? Like all of you going on

34:52

these trips, taking these

34:52

breaks, like they're wonderful.

34:54

It's beautiful to have some of

34:54

these experiences. And they go

34:57

by, right like we can't hold on

34:57

to them the same way that You

35:00

can teach somebody to have that.

35:00

I mean, I'm hearing you're

35:03

giving them back control over

35:03

the time that they're being

35:06

intentional about, like, I'm

35:06

gonna give myself one minute of

35:10

my own focus and attention to

35:10

recenter my nervous system,

35:14

build this practice so that in a

35:14

month, I can sustain this for 20

35:18

minutes and do something that

35:18

brings me joy that I haven't

35:21

even thought about in years.

35:23

Yes, exactly. As

35:23

you wrap it up. Perfect. Yes,

35:30

exactly.

35:31

And you know, like you said, it's like the basics, right, like just giving the

35:33

basics of giving ourselves time.

35:36

But when you're somebody who

35:36

spends your whole career and

35:39

time and energy thinking and

35:39

caring about other people, doing

35:43

that for one minute does sound

35:43

hard, it does sound kind of

35:45

uncomfortable. And building that

35:45

tolerance over time is something

35:49

that's going to be a life skill,

35:49

right? Like that's a life skill

35:53

to be able to tap into your own

35:53

nervous system and breathe for a

35:56

little bit so that you can reset.

35:58

Yeah, exactly.

35:59

That's incredible.

35:59

You do phenomenal work. Thank

36:01

you for what you do. I mean, and

36:01

with so much passion, I imagine

36:05

your clients are very happy with

36:05

you. The experience that they

36:08

have for this safe place,

36:10

Cause I've been

36:10

there. I remember after I was

36:13

assaulted, you know, like, the

36:13

lawyers wanted me to go see

36:15

therapists, and I tried those.

36:15

And I didn't understand what

36:18

they were telling me. They were

36:18

throwing me CBT. I didn't know

36:20

it was CBT back then. Right. And

36:20

I'm just like, that doesn't

36:25

work. No that doesn't this like,

36:25

you know, and I went through two

36:28

different therapists back then.

36:28

it didn't resonate with me,

36:31

right? I've learned so much how

36:31

to just go go go.

36:35

I had my own suicidal thoughts,

36:35

right. And like, at one point in

36:39

my life, like all I wanted was

36:39

to sleep. Right. But I was so

36:43

busy. And I was just like, you

36:43

know, I had so many things in my

36:46

mind. I couldn't relax my

36:46

nervous system. And I was just

36:50

like, I wanted to sleep. At one

36:50

point, I was like, I had weed. I

36:54

had marijuana back then. And I

36:54

took smoked all my marijuana, I

36:58

drank like this bottle of

36:58

disgusting, vanilla vodka, and I

37:03

took all my sleeping pills.

37:03

Because I was like, I just want

37:06

to sleep, right? Not

37:06

understanding that, God, I'm

37:09

tired. I don't want to do this

37:09

anymore, right. But I just

37:11

wanted to sleep. And then I woke

37:11

up the next day with a really

37:14

bad hangover. But , I'm just

37:14

like, Oh, I'm alive. Like, I can

37:19

do something. And what did I do

37:19

like after that incident, I went

37:23

to Barnes and Noble and started

37:23

devouring self help stuff,

37:27

right. And those are great,

37:27

like, self help is great. And we

37:32

have to understand it. But what

37:32

we truly need is to be able to

37:35

process those feelings that we

37:35

had been holding on to. And you

37:40

know, instead of numbing it, and

37:40

suppressing them, and

37:44

distracting ourselves from it.

37:44

So that's why I like I say I do

37:49

it, I do, because like I've been

37:49

there, I understand it. And also

37:53

know the power of like the inner

37:53

work the inner healing and

37:57

opening ourselves up in a safe

37:57

environment, right in a safe

38:01

space where we can process and

38:01

unpack the events and also the

38:05

feelings, the felt experiences

38:05

that we had.

38:09

Absolutely, thank

38:09

you for sharing that I really

38:11

appreciate your vulnerability, I

38:11

think it's going to really allow

38:14

people to really resonate and

38:14

not feel alone and have hope.

38:18

There's a lot more you can do.

38:18

And you don't have to stay in

38:21

this position. There's a lot of

38:21

help out there, we just have to

38:24

be open to seeking it and giving

38:24

ourselves that attention. So I

38:28

really appreciate that, Majet.

38:29

Yea, no, you're welcome. And you know, and things are changing right Kira.

38:31

Like it's,

38:33

Yea

38:34

it's, um, the

38:34

stigma of mental health is

38:37

lessening, right. I mean, we

38:37

still have a lot of work to do

38:40

with that to really make it

38:40

normal or normalize to talking

38:44

about it, but it's changing.

38:44

There's a lot of hope.

38:46

Yeah, it's going in the right direction. I mean, this is the best time for us to

38:48

be alive in all of history,

38:51

right?

38:52

Yes, I like that.

38:52

Exactly.

38:54

And so I what's

38:54

coming up next for you and your

38:57

practice? I know you have a lot

38:57

of organizations if you can kind

39:00

of share with the listeners more

39:00

about what you do and what

39:02

you're offering.

39:03

So what's coming up

39:03

for me? So I have support

39:08

groups, so for first responders

39:08

and medical professionals, and

39:12

that's normally in the fall in

39:12

September. So right now I'm

39:17

trying to get more people to

39:17

into the fall support group and

39:21

I am planning on getting

39:21

certified or licensed to do

39:26

psychedelic assisted therapy.

39:28

Oh, Majet, Oh, you

39:28

just hit my heart because that

39:33

is my life goal. That is

39:33

phenomenal. Where are you doing

39:36

this at?

39:38

There is a

39:38

Philadelphia organization called

39:41

Sound Mind

39:42

Yes! Yes!

39:44

You know it?

39:45

Yea!

39:47

Yeah, I'm a big fan

39:48

Oh I love this.

39:49

It's not everywhere

39:49

yet but people are like talking

39:52

about it. Programs are out

39:52

there. So I'm super excited

39:54

about that. It's really

39:54

expensive but also it's worth it.

40:00

Yeah,

40:01

But it's such a

40:01

beautiful tool, I guess you can

40:04

call plant medicine or like

40:04

psilocybin. It's something that

40:08

I really change mental health

40:08

and really help people talk

40:13

about emotions and feelings. And

40:13

yeah, that's what I want, then,

40:17

you know, sometimes I'm gonna

40:17

need some help from, you know,

40:19

plant medicine that can help

40:19

people take off all the blocks

40:24

or the walls, I talked about

40:24

feelings. So that's, that's

40:27

what's coming up.

40:32

That's super exciting. Oh, my God, we're gonna definitely have to have

40:34

you back on for another episode

40:37

just talking about psychedelics

40:37

and trauma, and different things

40:40

that is so near and dear to my

40:40

heart. And I know that program,

40:44

and I was actually going to do it. I'm going to do it actually, I think in a year or two, it was

40:45

just not the right timing in my

40:48

life right now. But that is

40:48

definitely I truly believe the

40:52

wave of mental health is just

40:52

finding plant medicine and

40:56

healing in that way. I am so

40:56

thrilled I wish I knew this an

40:59

hour ago. We could have talked

40:59

about that more. That's super

41:04

exciting, though. Can you share

41:04

with the listeners where they

41:07

can reach out to you how they

41:07

can get in touch with you if

41:09

they want to work with you?

41:11

Sure, you can find

41:11

me on social media

41:14

@phillytraumacounselor, and if

41:14

you want to hear all about

41:18

mental health and first

41:18

responders so you can follow me

41:20

there. And if you are interested

41:20

in women empowerment, women

41:25

education and women events, I

41:25

own diva girl tribe and you can

41:29

follow us on social media at

41:29

@divagirlcommunity. And we're

41:33

having a conference coming up in

41:33

May. So I hope we see some of

41:37

you there.

41:37

Awesome. And I

41:37

have been to one of your events

41:40

called she means biz. It was

41:40

like a business conference for

41:44

women entrepreneurs and having

41:44

that. So it was incredible. I

41:46

mean, you do so much amazing

41:46

things in the community in all

41:51

these different ways. So thank

41:51

you for being you. I think it's

41:54

just incredible all of the work

41:54

that you do. And really thank

41:57

you so much for being on today.

41:57

It's been a pleasure talking to

41:59

you and like learning more about

41:59

your story.

42:01

Thank you for

42:01

giving me the space to share my

42:04

story to show up as my true

42:04

authentic self. And you're

42:07

appreciating it and accepting me

42:07

for who I am so thank you Kira

42:13

for allowing me to be me in your

42:13

space. A safe space.

42:17

Absolutely. Oh,

42:17

thank you so much.

42:20

Thank you.

42:20

So I think we're good. I think it's a warp that was awesome.