0:00

All week. All week.

0:02

Right? Mhmm. I have been looking forward to those

0:05

brownies. Yeah. We've talked about it before Gene Davis.

0:07

Sorry. We'll start the episode in a minute. All

0:09

week. Well, I think recording

0:12

on Friday, I've been good this week. I

0:14

love one of the amazing peanut butter brownies

0:16

that do. We get there and

0:18

some greedy greedy barge

0:21

to it has bought

0:23

all the brownies for his office. So

0:26

that could, all week, I've been looking forward

0:28

to now pissing brownies, and we weren't

0:30

told which office so we can gun ram raid it.

0:32

No. All week, Instead,

0:34

we've got banana bread. What

0:36

is it? Lock down twenty twenty. Banana bread.

0:39

Anyway, moment, unleaded trevor on the hips.

0:47

Hello, and welcome to help by Sexted

0:49

my boss. The podcast we help

0:51

you navigate the challenges of modern

0:53

life. Christ, man. How big is this fun today?

0:56

Tiny. It is

0:58

quite small. The podcast where I help you navigate the challenges

1:01

of modern life, answering your twenty first century

1:03

questions and finding solutions to those everyday

1:05

die levers. Like, should I tell my neighbor,

1:07

I can see free the blinds am I going

1:09

blind? And

1:12

how do I ever get in an equally ever

1:14

again? I mean, I can't

1:16

say ever been in an igloo. Wow. Yeah. How does an

1:18

igloo get a new? Yeah. And what did

1:20

you do? Factoring that this Sexted your bus, but

1:23

Theres not your usual

1:25

aggregates. Sorry. Ben's printed off the script

1:27

in a tiny format font today.

1:30

We're not usual aggregates. Are we? William

1:33

Hanson. William Hanson, the UK's leading

1:35

etiquette expert. No. We're not

1:37

Jordan North, radio one

1:39

presenter. I'm more down than Abby.

1:41

You're more downright shabby.

1:43

That's that. From

1:44

Jen Merchant. That's a shabby chic. Shabby

1:47

shirt. Well,

1:49

Shelby, she I'm sorry. But if you

1:51

describe yourself or

1:54

your interior shabby

1:56

chic. It's the same per it's the same time people

1:58

cut themselves at foodie. I'm on

2:00

the other right, foodie me. Oh, you're really

2:02

on one today. I love it. His

2:05

stuff because of the brownie. Oh, yeah.

2:07

We're proper foodies, me and Bob. Oh,

2:09

piss up. Oh, no. Tell

2:11

you what tell you what annoys me on Twitter. Coffee

2:13

lover. Great.

2:16

Oh, lover of gin.

2:18

Gin lover.

2:18

I mean, I like it. You're saying, you're wrong, but I

2:20

it's not my entire identity. Coffee.

2:23

Yeah. So our interiors, Shopee Shake,

2:25

oh, piss off. Anyway,

2:28

talk to the witch. let's let's

2:30

have a splash. You

2:34

know, we've said that we should do a tiddly episode.

2:37

Yeah. Well, obviously, next week, it's our live

2:39

stream episode. It's all good. And it's all in

2:41

the evening. We'll get it's slightly more

2:43

social acceptable time. I think we

2:45

But, yeah, we've got a pop after it. Can you remember

2:47

in our last slide? Loud in there. Like, what

2:49

time is it open till there? We'll break the rules.

2:52

I think you don't have to kick the bloody door and

2:54

again, Anna, people are lost. Can

2:56

you

2:57

remember the last time you called Willie? Jesus.

2:59

Is everything alright? Oh, It's

3:02

just pouring yourself a pint of gin and lemonade.

3:05

I'm tired of getting a pint. That's a full pint

3:07

of gin and lemonade. Alrighty.

3:11

You're your mother son on. Right? You

3:15

get

3:15

that. You quit that

3:17

out right now. You know

3:19

in our last livestream -- Mhmm. -- which we did I think

3:22

in twenty twenty one,

3:25

maybe it was sort of kind of COVIDy time.

3:27

We did live stream. Can you remember, I won't go

3:29

over it now. But I I said

3:31

something

3:32

that got us into the site a bit above

3:35

them. Mainly

3:35

you. Well, what did you say? Someone

3:37

had written in a letter about relationships

3:40

at work. And I

3:43

innocently turned to you and said, have you ever had

3:45

a relationship with someone at work? Anyway, and it all got

3:47

a little bit awkward. An ice generally

3:49

said that hand on

3:50

heart. Forgetting.

3:51

Yeah. Forget forgetting

3:53

what. And

3:54

then the papers phoned you up and said, is

3:56

it true that you're a generation with x, which is not

3:58

true at all?

3:58

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I remember you

4:00

found when you said, oh, they think I'm in a Basically,

4:03

before I was in a a relation to the

4:05

papers one

4:06

paper in particular was gonna run a story that

4:08

as a relationship with Parade. I've had

4:10

from work. I've never lost an odd

4:12

amount. You've ever met Parade. You

4:14

all realize that Parade is lesbian. Well,

4:17

you don't won't realize that she's a lesbian.

4:19

No. Is that really harsh? But if

4:21

she I mean I mean, that said she last

4:23

time I met

4:23

her. Told me she was on a fingering band.

4:26

So you're back with an about thirty seconds. Wait.

4:28

Wait. So, Murray, anyway,

4:30

a later on girl than I say. Thought it was really

4:33

funny. I was like, oh, apparently, we're in a relationship

4:35

together. What that paper's been associated, Jordan,

4:37

you need to get that story buried in May.

4:40

They've got friends and family in

4:41

Belfast. They don't want them breathing now.

4:44

So yeah, I forgot about that.

4:46

So I wonder what I'll say this year.

4:49

God. Can I just say that?

4:51

Live unfiltered and unedited. I

4:53

did a interview. We are a national

4:55

newspaper a couple of weeks ago. Mhmm. The

4:57

sun. And when

5:00

you've got the journalists from them.

5:02

And I was quite worried because they were

5:05

asking if I was worried I was gonna get counseling

5:07

because of some of the stuff subjects and things

5:09

we talk about on this podcast. Oh,

5:11

right. Which is quite unnerving. And

5:13

I did say, and that quote, I

5:16

think we'll go as far as

5:17

iglooing. I don't think we'll cut.

5:19

I hope there's nowhere further to do. No. I don't think

5:21

there is. I don't think there is. And I say, like, you

5:23

don't hear what gets cut out of the episodes. We would

5:25

have been canceled years ago. We didn't

5:27

cut and edit this episodes. don't see

5:29

we get into this really that much. We

5:31

did it the

5:31

start. We did it this year bizarrely. Now

5:34

look at us. Anyway,

5:37

let's do a toast. I'd like to toast Rachel

5:39

on TikTok who commented on our referee.

5:41

What are you doing post? Which is a video

5:43

from twenty nineteen when you took me up the turf

5:46

maw. And she

5:48

said that Wendy, can I borrow your potato

5:50

peeler? Needs to be a burnley chant.

5:53

So can you make that happen?

5:57

Wait. No. One

6:00

day. Cut out burps. Take a peeler.

6:02

One

6:03

day. Cut out burps are welcome.

6:05

Right. That's

6:06

why I did it. A copy of it. Rachel.

6:09

Rachel. Thank you.

6:10

We'll we'll see what we can do. Come

6:13

kick. As always, if you need our touch

6:16

I'm sorry. See,

6:19

bloody

6:20

fuck. Jesus Christ.

6:23

Printed it out. This bit, Jordan, Moss

6:25

Cole. In Theres defense, this bit

6:27

has been the same for five years.

6:30

Nearly. As always, if you need our help or

6:32

something, then we would love it if you get in touch. You can

6:34

send your Theres of trepidation. Do you remember what I can't

6:36

say trepidation? Yeah. For

6:39

about two series. You can send me details

6:41

of trepidation to help at Sexted my boss dot

6:43

com or you can tweet us or send us a message on

6:45

Instagram at section my boss or you can write

6:47

to William He promises handwritten reply and

6:49

he's on the sheet of paper. Probably about a year later, the

6:52

address is on the website, Sexted my boss

6:54

dot com. I hope if it comes

6:56

a full

6:56

year, I think we've really something's

6:58

gone wrong. Mine just a couple of months.

7:00

I'm so annoyed about that was brown. Okay.

7:03

Good. Thank you not going. Make yourself

7:05

useful, and city. What office has got those

7:07

brownies?

7:09

Can you not? We

7:10

can't send him off to -- Why are we? -- on a

7:12

brownie mercy dash. Press record.

7:14

What else does he need to do? Seriously. How

7:18

should be on my laptop

7:19

there? No, don't. I don't like it. You're gonna get that

7:21

tough. I'm joking. He does a lot more than that. Can

7:23

we talk about your backwax? What?

7:26

Really? And how was it? Because Jordan sent me a photograph

7:29

which really the papers would love

7:31

of you lying on the bed. Should we put it

7:33

off?

7:34

On social. Yeah. Sorry. On socials

7:36

gone. It was I won't read out the message

7:38

that came after that. When I asked

7:40

how it

7:40

was. But what did I say?

7:46

I think your reply

7:47

was, this is why I love you.

7:49

Yeah. I can't

7:51

say it, Jordan.

7:55

No. We can say it. That's not like a thing of that,

7:57

you say. No.

7:59

I can't say it. Why?

8:01

I'll say it on the livestream. The How

8:03

does Did

8:06

they really make you laugh about?

8:07

It really made me laugh. didn't get my back waxed.

8:10

What you did? I got my back lasered. Oh,

8:12

let that was it. Sorry. I am

8:14

currently going through laser therapy because

8:16

William's been telling me your face looks a lot bad.

8:19

Is it work for you? Wow.

8:29

Your face looks a lot better since you've gotten because

8:31

William used to William looked like that

8:33

guy from the

8:34

Dundee. What was he called? Dundee.

8:36

What was it? Dundee. I

8:38

know who you mean.

8:39

Yeah. And you Yeah. I would have a lot of man leads

8:41

because I'm full a sole strain. I would have quite a

8:43

lot of manly stubble. I would shave at nine

8:45

o'clock in the morning, for example, and by ten o'clock,

8:48

there was stubble. Wow. And I'll

8:50

be honest, I'm gonna call it out now. I

8:52

was teaching at a very well known private

8:54

school many years ago. I won't say which

8:56

one begins with r. And I

8:59

was doing a class and at three o'clock, one of the sort

9:01

of fifteen year old weeks probably now in

9:03

his twenty five, twenty six. Put his hand, if you're

9:05

listening to this, you've cost me a lot of money.

9:07

Put his hand up and went, if

9:10

you're talking about etiquette, you're not thinking it would have

9:12

nice if you'd shaved this morning. And

9:15

of course, I had shaved that

9:16

morning.

9:16

Oh my god. not really got any idea.

9:18

I actually cannot tell you how

9:20

I'm sort of making sunlight about it, but

9:22

it really affected me to point where I have then

9:24

invested in laser hair surgery

9:27

on my chin and

9:28

stubble. Area so

9:30

that that doesn't happen again. I also find

9:32

shaving a bit of a boar. I hate I hate I hate

9:35

I hate I hate hate I hate last

9:37

night and thirty razzy when I was had to finish

9:39

it off this morning. As I've shaven.

9:42

I looked like and you don't need done one bullock.

9:44

Look like You're

9:48

really enjoying that. just gonna look like I look like

9:50

Tommy Cooper in that sketchy video. Certainly.

9:53

Is that drama that's current? But

9:56

yeah. Anyway, so I'm going through laser

9:59

Oh my god. Have you you only had one session?

10:01

Oh, it's agony. Absolutely. It gets

10:03

better. was biting down on my

10:05

pillow. No. Baked

10:41

out on a jumper. Right.

10:43

It's backed out on that, and she was like,

10:45

whatever works for you. She was so

10:47

funny. She's like, oh, you guys

10:49

top so soft, the only place. Always

10:51

the guys are coming in to girls, fannies,

10:54

and they're all the time and they're not bothered. Mhmm.

10:56

That look. This is agony. So

10:58

I've got another

10:59

one. I've got ten sessions.

11:01

Ten. Got it's Theres. Should I put the

11:03

picture up -- Yeah. -- of you

11:05

lying on the bed? Yeah.

11:06

I send it yeah. You

11:07

just I can send it on to Ben. We'll put it off as

11:09

well. It's fun.

11:10

So do you since you've bagged your face

11:12

Oh, it's hardly a

11:13

problem now. I mean, I'm just having sort of must have been

11:15

agony on your face.

11:16

Oh, yeah. To begin with. But it's it's I

11:18

just have top up sessions now.

11:20

What about when you you got your ass sold on?

11:23

My key request. That and he shut

11:25

up. Did

11:27

I how was that? Was it more bump

11:30

was it more so on your Bumble your face?

11:33

I haven't had anywhere other than my face

11:35

done. You

11:36

know what? I gotta sweetheart. Right.

11:38

Anyway, can we first start a new feature

11:40

on this? You know, if you want to Stephen, if you're

11:42

listening to this, you can borrow me and create a jingle

11:44

for this. William's pillar of the week. Oh,

11:46

okay. Okay? I was in I'm not gonna

11:48

name the department store, but it's a well known department

11:51

store. And I was buying some more Irish breakfast

11:53

tea for Nike. No.

11:54

Actually, like Irish breakfast tea.

11:57

Just that's what he likes. And

12:00

he's not hard with that. Sure. Yes.

12:05

But every relationship you have to work hard

12:07

for. Anyway, and and that department store has gone

12:09

through a lot of sort of change and there was move things about,

12:12

etcetera, where Boggs me when they do that.

12:14

Yeah. Test dollars and stuff. And the men's laboratories

12:16

are not where the men's laboratories used

12:18

to be from

12:19

anywhere. And laboratories. You and toilets.

12:21

He needs to stop hanging around and I've told you this.

12:25

Yes. So it works off about him.

12:26

Anyway, I finished buying the Irish breakfast

12:29

stay at the tea counter. And I say to the lovely

12:31

lady, I

12:32

said, oh, where are you nearest laboratories? I

12:34

would love to go cottage in. Theres

12:36

are you nearest laboratories? And she goes, Oh,

12:38

they're in the basement now. I said, okay.

12:40

And off I go to the basement. Anyway, I

12:42

can only find the latest saboteurs. There are no gentlemen

12:45

saboteurs. I find another member staff

12:47

who sees that I'm not Sorry, the men's losers. They're

12:49

down here. Shoot. They went, no, no, they're

12:51

on the Sexted floor. Sound the second floor? No. I was

12:53

told Theres some down here. Shoot. No. We haven't got female

12:55

lavatories. No. No. I go back up the Theres.

12:57

Tea counter woman sees me and she goes, oh,

12:59

you know, can I help you with anything else? And I said,

13:02

there are no losers. She went, well, not

13:04

for men. And I said, but what?

13:06

She said, where are your nearest leverage? I don't

13:08

want to know where your nearest leverage are.

13:11

I don't care where you go. I want

13:13

to know where my blues are. What

13:15

a pill look to interpret?

13:18

Where are your nearest lavatories?

13:20

Oh, right. I'm with

13:23

Right. No. I want to know. It was a my

13:25

nice way of saying Theres where are the men's

13:27

loot? Did you

13:27

write a letter to Harrods? Because changed the toilets

13:30

as well. Let me just put this into perspective.

13:32

This man here is thirty three years old and

13:34

actually wrote letter to Harrods because they'd

13:36

changed a sign on the title. So something Well,

13:39

it was an

13:40

email. And they still haven't in the hair

13:42

and beauty department, they still haven't corrected it.

13:44

I wish I had as much time when my answers you.

13:47

I really do. Anyway Any

13:49

more pillar to the

13:50

week? Well, no. But I do I'd like to apologize

13:52

to Alex, our video editor. Who

13:54

came a few months ago when we talked about afternoon

13:57

tea. Alex Podcast. Sorry to interrupt.

13:59

Alex, our video editor who keeps sending me pictures

14:01

of wild snakes videos of wild

14:03

snakes in Australia on

14:04

Instagram. Cheers Alex. Alex

14:07

don't send you snake on Instagram. Yeah. Stop

14:09

sending me pictures of these snakes. Something in this was on

14:11

hike in Australia, but just made me think of you just

14:14

this big snake went past you. Yeah.

14:16

Disgusting. Coming

14:20

through. Today night. I've got

14:22

depression on this snake. Today night, I'm just

14:24

gonna slip her through here. Oh. Little

14:27

camp snakes.

14:30

Diego. Anyway, excellent

14:32

for options. Or slap me on the barbie. Come

14:36

on. Alex

14:38

went for afternoon tea in Manchester

14:40

at a at an night hotel, and I have

14:42

previously said that at good afternoon

14:45

teas in London, they will

14:47

everything is replenishable. So if you finish your

14:49

plate of sandwiches and you take a lot more sandwiches,

14:51

it comes as included in the price. Well,

14:54

I need your caveat, my advice, because it turns out

14:56

not in Manchester, but because

14:58

Alex asked for several more plates of sandwiches thinking,

15:00

fantastic. They're free and then got presented

15:02

with the bill. For additional

15:06

percentage. Because he was

15:08

following my advice. So I I

15:10

owe Alex some standards.

15:11

Can I just say in my favorite

15:13

city? I love Manchester.

15:15

Yeah. But that's it's getting I I think

15:17

Manchester is getting ridiculous now.

15:19

It's the same price as a pint in Central

15:21

Manchester. As in London. It never used to

15:23

be like I mean, Manchester is always a bit dealing with them

15:25

like, Preston and burning surrounded areas.

15:28

Apparently, in Manchester now, in Central Manchester,

15:30

it's just pretty much same as wanting London,

15:33

really. And I don't think like rent and everything.

15:36

Just yeah. It's my favorite city.

15:38

I always wanna move back there. Bye.

15:40

I'm sorry. It just ran over. That doesn't surprise

15:43

me that they're charging people for Well,

15:45

the giant in London. So that instance,

15:47

London's got got one up on Manchester. But, yes,

15:49

Manchester is a lovely city. I I do

15:50

agree. And any any more for anymore?

15:53

I think I'm I'm

15:55

I'm done there. Are you?

15:57

Yeah. What was it

15:59

gonna win? Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm done.

16:02

Shall we go to Williams Eticket what the bloody

16:04

hell? It's

16:04

just getting my ticket technology of the week.

16:06

Oh, it's on a piece of paper I thought you'd do it off like

16:08

that. Excuse me. You got a whole book

16:11

A joke. Yes. I'm not

16:13

comedian. I'm trying to be a little bit

16:15

expert.

16:18

It's the it's I'm sorry. It's the brownies.

16:20

If they just have the all back in week, they

16:22

look for ten brownies. We'll

16:23

see if we can get some for the live show. No.

16:25

Yes, please. More on Earth in a minute. It's just

16:27

a peanut butter on it. Right. Sorry. That was

16:30

really arsey. I do love you. I love you to

16:32

bitch. I love you to bitch.

16:33

It's time for Metacolor bump.

16:37

Oh, the day of the week. Jingle. It's

16:39

William. William, me etiquette, speak

16:42

his knowledge. Knowledge is quite

16:44

unique. You'll give your manners, status,

16:46

subtle tweak. It's time for williams

16:48

at ticket emeticetic terminology of

16:50

the

16:51

week. And

16:51

this week, we're going to talk about the origins of the

16:53

expression. Spend a penny. Oh,

16:55

well, I can tell you that. Wonderful. Alright then.

16:57

Used to cost a penny to go to public lavatories.

17:00

Well, that that's a large part of it, but we're

17:02

we're going. There's

17:05

a bit God. Everyone

17:08

knows that. There's a bit more to it.

17:10

Oh, alright.

17:10

Well, we'll find out what spend the time he means.

17:13

That's not being a knob today,

17:15

Anna. Because I would just just

17:17

if if everyone could leave what they think of Jordan's

17:19

performance name and reviews of that old boy

17:21

characters, you Yeah. If you think Jordan's being a bit

17:23

r c, please write in the review. No,

17:26

don't. I don't mean to be As long as you put fines

17:28

down. Okay. Right. We'll find out what

17:30

Rameset's technology means after this break.

17:38

Okay. Gene Davis. Thanks for sticking with us. It's

17:40

now tied to find out the meaning of this

17:42

week's etiquette analogy with William

17:44

Manson.

17:45

Well, so why why I have chosen particularly to

17:47

do the spend of anything is because actually

17:49

in research, Theres. What we found

17:52

was that before public laboratories has

17:54

sort of made available and actually when do

17:56

you think public lose became a

17:57

thing? Absolutely.

17:59

When did you become obsessed with him?

18:01

In eighteen fifty one. Okay. That's

18:03

just before seven o'clock. Well, people have

18:05

needed to wear since Yes.

18:09

Since Theres

18:10

like, since we were private. Okay.

18:14

Yeah. Since humans walked walked away.

18:17

Yes. But at places like Fersai during

18:19

the quarter through the fourteenth, fifteenth, and sixteenth,

18:21

they just used to go in the corridors.

18:24

Public lavatories were not a thing. Yep.

18:26

This is what you just out the wall.

18:28

Oh, you know, book it. Or just if you were a lady in

18:30

a dress, you just in fact, there are there are

18:32

records of aristocrats, and of course, sadly,

18:35

they had lots of staff who were then

18:37

expected to clear it up. So it's pretty

18:39

No. You see, this is

18:41

why I thought I'd do this one because it's interesting.

18:43

It's not just spend a penny.

18:44

Imagine being so arrogant to just have

18:46

a pissing on her. It's disgusting. Yeah.

18:50

I used to at at grandmother's

18:52

house. Well, scared to go Theres and lounge.

18:54

She slept with me in the

18:55

backyard. Right.

18:57

What's that outside? Did

18:58

anyone else She's

18:59

like, how old were you? Twenty two. No.

19:01

Did anyone else? She's scared to go upstairs on

19:03

their own. So my grandma,

19:05

like, I'm not going up downstairs. Bless her. She's like,

19:07

a couple of because she went she'd open back up back

19:10

the yard for me. Yeah.

19:12

She was like was a dog, and I've been great.

19:14

And -- Right. -- don't drag

19:16

anyway. Anyway, back to the history. So as I say,

19:18

the first lose with a great exhibition in

19:20

Hyde Park in eighteen fifty one, but and this

19:22

is where we go all a

19:22

bit. A friend of that kind of

19:25

There are are there are leverages in

19:28

Hyde Park. Guess. This is what we all go bit feminist

19:30

because those

19:31

laws, however, were only

19:33

four men.

19:35

That's a bit odd. There was no provision for later. Women

19:37

had to wait until the eighteen Sexted, so

19:39

ten years later. Never way. Yeah. In in

19:42

a in a private in a public laboratory. It

19:45

was the first ABC tea room that

19:47

had a new innovation, which was aloof for ladies. And

19:49

obviously, yes, you would all, whether you were a man or woman,

19:51

you would spend a penny, which is nothing to us

19:53

now, but was quite a lot of money back then

19:55

in order to go to the

19:57

loop. And the and a penny was there to to designed

19:59

to keep out the riffraff. So it was it's not a lot

20:01

to us now, but it was a

20:02

lot. But then so

20:04

But you'd say I've gotta go spend a penny. Yeah. And

20:06

it was department stores like, Harrods, Selfridges,

20:08

etcetera. That brought in laboratories

20:11

for for ladies and then sort of it became fairly

20:13

common practice to have loo lose for all

20:15

genders.

20:16

Oh, okay.

20:17

So there we go. That's the origin to spend a penny

20:19

and lavatories.

20:20

Wow. That's interesting. You

20:23

see, we this is the journey we go on every

20:25

time by doing it at a technology. You slide

20:28

it off at the

20:28

start?

20:29

Slag it off.

20:30

Yes. You oh, we're all more, that picture,

20:32

and more at Roman times.

20:34

And Theres, make me sound like

20:36

Sean Daege.

20:37

Lovely, Sean. And then we get

20:39

onto Well,

20:40

it's interesting. Thank you. Why

20:43

do we say number two? That

20:45

I that I don't know. Oh,

20:47

was it? Because it needed two flushes, I think, because

20:49

one -- Oh, no. -- number one was you needed

20:51

to pull the chain once. Number two is think you had to

20:53

pull

20:54

two. think I'm going to research that

20:55

now. Oh, okay. But that's an

20:56

educated guess. Yeah.

20:58

That's what we call it. Crap as well, don't

21:00

we? Because it was

21:01

invented by Thomas Capper. I'm gonna use a Capper.

21:03

Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Urban kit.

21:05

No. He was just she was a singer. Yeah. It's got your

21:07

violin. Oh, was it? Sorry for that. Rights.

21:10

Drop the kids off. Okay.

21:13

Yeah. It's a lot of slang for

21:15

touring. Sure. That's all the dictionary. Mhmm.

21:17

Lovely. Well, look last week, Gene Davis, we told

21:19

you all about our exciting fifth birthday

21:22

which is now thank you, which is now only

21:24

a week away if you're listening to this in

21:26

real time. We will be

21:28

live streaming a full episode next

21:30

week and we'll be revealing the top

21:32

five moments as voted

21:35

for you in the weekend

21:36

release. So you can join us for the livestream

21:38

event of the year, apparently, on TikTok

21:41

and YouTube. Is

21:42

it on TikTok as well? TikTok

21:44

and YouTube, you set your alarms,

21:46

put a reminder in for Monday, the twentieth

21:48

of March at seven thirty

21:49

PM, UK time. You

21:52

don't want to miss it. Have we checked, like, there's nothing

21:54

big out in an inquiry that week? Or

21:56

there's a big like, if it's like a happy

21:58

valley

21:58

finale. Well, no. think happy that is off.

22:00

Yeah. But is there a big yes.

22:03

What are the one on the show doing on the twentieth of March

22:05

at seven o'clock? I've got

22:06

a funny feeling that we might be playing Sydney at

22:08

eight o'clock that day. I have a funny feeling you

22:10

won't be watching it. This

22:14

is this is how most of our arguments

22:16

start to do this. But

22:19

look, we're we're going to hell because, obviously, a

22:21

big thing of your life and the

22:23

G and D is is a big

22:25

red bar is a

22:29

is a picky t. Oh,

22:31

we do it picky t.

22:32

Yes. So I thought we could have a picky t g. And dealers

22:34

could have a picky t yesterday, fish and watch. That's

22:36

a great idea. So next Monday, we're going live.

22:38

Make sure you get yourself a picky tea. And I'll

22:40

make it we'll do a picky tea as well, shall we. And

22:42

hopefully, we'll have some brownies. Me

22:46

thirty three year old and throwing a paddy

22:48

over

22:48

brownies.

22:49

Yeah. Just

22:49

looking forward to more wheat, William. Oh,

22:51

I'm sorry. It's fine.

22:54

Should we go into the business

22:55

problems? Yes, please. This is from Saskia

22:58

from the whittle. Dear William and

23:00

Jordan. Never normally see count advice. However,

23:02

I feel like an outsider's perspective might

23:04

be useful on this. I've recently moved

23:06

to Oxford to start a new teaching post.

23:09

My partner of two years was working in Spain

23:11

and we were trying long distance. Despite

23:13

feeling the relationship had come to a natural

23:15

end, he decided to uproot himself and

23:18

move to ox with me. I wasn't thrilled

23:20

at this as I felt it was a lot of pressure.

23:22

However, he decided to move anyway. He

23:24

did not have accommodation organized, so

23:27

ended up staying with me for two weeks until he

23:29

found somewhere to live. During this day,

23:31

I found one of my expensive clay

23:33

face masks, smudged all over

23:35

a bath towel, I thought it odd as he's

23:37

not often one to practice self care,

23:39

holding the towel and inspecting it

23:41

further. I decided to

23:44

take a sniff, only to find out it was human

23:46

feces. Jesus Christ.

23:49

Is this now I'm

23:52

Theres much aware of Spanish

23:53

culture. I don't no. They don't use towels

23:55

to wipe them out. No. The

23:57

man had pooed on my towel and then hung it

23:59

back up as if exerting his dominance.

24:02

Upon confrontation, he denied it, despite

24:05

me holding a skid stained bath rack

24:07

clutched in my angry fist. The man

24:09

had no shame, any fury. When I

24:11

throw it into the laundry basket and went to

24:13

do a wash, he grew furious and said

24:15

that he could wait until morning. I didn't

24:17

have a wink that night. I think he

24:19

has wink that night knowing there were

24:21

human faces touching my various other

24:24

delicate garments waiting to be washed.

24:26

Every time I now see him, I can't stop thinking

24:28

about it, and I feel it has highlighted various

24:30

other hygiene issues that he may have. I

24:32

get aside from leading to vent, my question is

24:34

this. Is it over when you can't be intimate

24:36

with someone because they've shit on your bath

24:38

towel, Saskia from the world? Right. In

24:40

in his defense. No. There's no defense.

24:43

Listen. Listen. Listen. They said There's no

24:45

reference. She's made it out.

24:47

Like, he he's he's wiped

24:49

his ass out of towel, and I think

24:52

all he's done is left little skidmar after

24:54

dragging himself. And that's happened to

24:56

me before. I had me and me

24:58

and Ryan had our mate around to stay over,

25:00

and we give him a towel. And he said, come

25:02

look one. That's got a skid mark on it, and my dad

25:04

had used it before him. So that does

25:06

happen. Little little skitties do happen

25:09

on towels. Like, if you've,

25:11

you know, that But she'd

25:13

made it sound Saski, tell me if I'm wrong

25:15

here, but she made it sound like he'd literally wiped

25:18

his ass a little skid stain. Blinking

25:20

wash.

25:22

No. It don't it don't sound are you telling

25:24

me Mike he's never left little skippy on a towel?

25:26

No.

25:29

It happens, Ben? No.

25:31

I don't really need to know this about Ben.

25:33

No. I don't I'm not say I'm not saying I've ever done

25:35

it, but you just put your wash Saskia

25:38

dump him. No. If he's right.

25:41

Saskia, if he said it, it

25:43

I'm putting it

25:44

bluntly. If he's out of shit and then you you

25:46

towel to us. They also don't like how he reacted.

25:48

Even if you take or if even if you excuse

25:51

the accidental book. Just

25:53

got out of a shower. I think

25:55

it sounds like more than Dry

25:56

himself. Don't have floss. I've got a bit of shit on towel. They

25:58

should put it in wash basket. No. You

26:00

were having second downs before he even moved over

26:02

to the scantry. Get rid of him.

26:04

Come

26:04

on. Come on Saskia. Your

26:07

only young ones. Going through

26:09

divorce procedures, I've risk getting I don't think

26:11

they're divorced. My mom would have got to be separated twenty

26:13

times over by now if that was

26:14

them. Good. This is from Duncan.

26:17

Dear William and Jordan,

26:18

I'm writing that an incident that happened. Watch

26:20

change, Betty, and he did it. I'm

26:23

just not convinced you're parents. I'm

26:25

not gonna love this.

26:26

I should love it. Then, anyway,

26:30

Jim's up bad in the room. Can

26:33

I go? Yeah. Dear William

26:35

and Jordan, I'm writing in about an incident

26:37

that happened to wound back that still haunts me to

26:39

this day. I have regular blood tests

26:41

for health reasons and although I'm a big fan of having

26:43

a prick in my hand most of the time, I'm

26:45

not that keen on needles. My

26:48

MO is usually to look away when

26:50

the needle goes in and then once I get

26:52

told to unclench my hand, I look back

26:54

towards the phlebotomist. On this

26:56

particular occasion, the phlebotomist was a

26:58

man and we seemed to be getting on quite well.

27:00

I did my easy wall trick of looking away as the

27:02

needle went in and as it instructed I

27:05

unclench my hand. Bearing in mind,

27:07

I was still looking away at this point. Imagine

27:09

my surprise when unbeknownst

27:12

to me, the phlebotomist had taken a step

27:14

forward, and my hand opened to encounter

27:16

not empty

27:17

air, but what felt like an unexpected

27:19

pair of Plums. She

27:23

comes with me. Very well, it's

27:25

from Dunkin'. I can tell

27:27

you I

27:30

can tell you from bitter experience that try to

27:32

move your hand away from someone's testicles

27:34

while they have a needle jammed in your forearm

27:36

is quite

27:37

tricky. But

27:39

it's not as tricky as trying to take a blood sample

27:41

from someone who is now blushing so hard

27:43

that every drop of blood in their body is now in their

27:45

face. I was mortified, but he was

27:48

very kind about it. Sorry,

27:50

bloody well should be. Is there a polite

27:52

or tactful way to extract yourself from such

27:54

a situation or is your only option

27:56

to limit the damage and try to avoid, ending

27:58

up on some kind of register. Keep up

28:00

the good work, all the best, Duncan, Duncan,

28:03

that that is him not

28:04

you. Why you? Don't blame

28:05

yourselves. I think he's gone to grab his hand.

28:08

And he's gone to his oh, I've I know.

28:11

The floorboard dressers. There's a royal

28:13

day. I'm not grabbing his buttocks.

28:15

No chance. Draw the line Theres, and

28:17

he's not grabbing

28:18

mine. Right. So the flip blub blub

28:20

blub blub blub blub blub blub

28:21

blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub

28:22

blub blub blub blub blub blub blub

28:24

blub blub blub blub blub blub. He's

28:27

gone like 00I

28:29

see. Oh, I thought the footballist has.

28:31

Oh, yeah. Like, almost. Love

28:32

it. Love it. Love it. In the album, Ben's big.

28:35

From bottom

28:35

left. Anyway, don't get my advice here.

28:38

It's simple. Right? Oh, I see.

28:41

Now I see. I know many nurses

28:43

couple of doctors and they've all got stories

28:46

and they love sharing stories that things

28:48

they find up people's asses and stuff like

28:50

that. So it'll just be one of those stories

28:52

that he tells for years to come and everyone

28:54

I love it.

28:55

Why wasn't he just whip him out while Duncan was

28:57

looking the other way? No. He wasn't whipping him out.

28:59

Oh, no. Find bloody hell. Your

29:01

fantasies. Oh.

29:03

And he's scrubbed square there. He's bulks.

29:05

Oh. He'd love that with little boopa

29:07

logo over his breast pocket. Yes.

29:15

Are you with boomer? No. I'm not actually. I

29:17

have no private medical insurance. Good unless

29:19

I go abroad.

29:20

Because we've got the NHS. It's fantastic.

29:22

Exactly. Wonderful. This one

29:24

is from cat.

29:28

Is it from this camp? Do

29:31

one of them. Oh, no. That's a bit.

29:33

No. That's a bit of a ticker Tom. Margaret statue.

29:36

William. There's not a lot

29:38

of nuance.

29:40

And Jordan and

29:43

EPB, the ladies, not for

29:45

turning. Hello, friends. I was

29:47

visiting my parents for couple of days

29:49

when which can be frustrating at times.

29:51

Now I'm more about women keeping themselves frustrated

29:53

free if you get what I mean. There's nothing

29:56

wrong with packing in a little BOSP

29:59

battery operated side

30:01

piece. Okay.

30:03

Go

30:03

ahead and see your mother.

30:04

Toy is all charged up. What is it in the water yesterday?

30:07

Couldn't you couldn't you wait until the year?

30:09

Toy is all charged up. I was at my parents and

30:11

on night I was ready to climb out of my skin.

30:14

My dad had gone to bed and I told my mom

30:16

I was going to go to bed too. But when I got into

30:18

bed, I found myself not tired enough. And

30:20

thought this would be a good opportunity to release the

30:23

stress. Now, I'm a twenty first century

30:25

woman and I like myself a little spot of

30:27

porn, but the video alone doesn't do

30:29

it. It has to have the sound

30:31

on as well. So

30:32

I put away this is going. So I put my hair

30:34

friend on and started pursuing the

30:36

different categories. Online shopping

30:38

that bitch until I found the one

30:40

that helped the inspiration along. Okay.

30:43

By this time, I'd gotten off the bed

30:45

and was sitting on the floor. Now I know

30:47

this is weird, but my parents had installed

30:50

the softest carpest ever and I have ADHD.

30:53

We do weird stuff. Mhmm. There

30:56

I was on the floor getting really into it,

30:58

loud moaning in my ears and trying to be as

31:00

quiet as I could. The combination was

31:02

working. Let's just say the train was coming into

31:04

the station. Luckily, in the throes of

31:06

enjoyment, my headphones had slipped off slightly,

31:08

and I heard my mom approach my room.

31:11

Next thing, she bursts into the room, I throw

31:13

my headphones off and sit upright, trying to get

31:15

the vibrator to shut off and the loud moaning

31:17

on the headphones to stop. The vibrator

31:19

doesn't want to stop vibrating and suddenly this quiet

31:21

and greet vibrator is not so quiet and

31:24

not so discreet, but the moaning over the headphones

31:26

is even louder. Luckily, she was talking

31:28

to me about something I left

31:30

and was bringing it to me so I finally managed

31:32

to shut off the horn and get the vibrator

31:35

off. You don't want to come around the

31:37

bed, you don't want to see this. I yell at her.

31:39

She's around the bed and there I am stuck on

31:41

the floor with the vibrator inside

31:43

me waiting and wishing for the world to swallow

31:45

me whole. She got a right turned around

31:47

left, what she was bringing on the bed and said,

31:50

you do weird shit. She leaves the

31:52

room and I'm dying of embarrassment and needless

31:54

to say the train died as it was about to reach

31:56

the station. Could I have avoided this

31:58

very embarrassing ordeal? Maybe I should have

32:00

left my BSB0SP at

32:02

home. Lots of love from cat. And the

32:04

answer to your question is, yes, you should. That's

32:06

dramatic. That's absolutely dramatic.

32:10

She was speaking to a mommiles, the vibrate,

32:12

or still inside her. It's disgusting.

32:15

I will be

32:15

done. Just

32:18

give us something.

32:21

You've got a very powerful one. Let's do it that

32:23

way. Thanks fatigue. I'll see you

32:25

at the morning. Jesus Christ.

32:29

Oh my gosh. Yes.

32:31

The moral story is don't detect any sex

32:33

ties when you got to a visit at mom and

32:35

dad. You know, you could've just yeah.

32:38

Look, there's the time in place. I

32:40

don't think doing stuff at your parents. I think

32:42

you you were asking for trouble

32:43

cat. You've only got yourself to blame. Hopefully, you

32:45

ever talk about it again. Your own

32:48

fault. Lesson

32:48

learned. Jesus. Okay. Oh.

32:51

Well, it's not her fault, but

32:54

equally, you put your head red light. And

32:56

is there a lock on the door? Could you have locked

32:58

the door? Could you have put a chair

33:00

against the door? Come on. All

33:02

sorts of other things. And we did that one? This

33:05

is from Harry. Do William drawn

33:07

an EPB. I've recently returned

33:09

from living in Sweden. I

33:15

can't remember the Swedish fellow. Hello?

33:19

With my partner of five years, We

33:21

are from New label. Uh-huh.

33:25

Uh-huh. Oh, we need to go and see that. We need

33:27

to get tickets for AbbaVoyage. AbbaVoyage.

33:29

Yes. Two hundred quid a

33:31

ticket. They're not even there. What? Well,

33:33

hundred and twenty quid it's not better.

33:35

Not for hologram. That's what I'm hearing. They're not even

33:37

there. No. Hello, London. Can

33:40

now Soon did you quit it? Oh, no. then you quit

33:42

a ticket. You're not even here? Hang on.

33:44

When you die and we're still toric. No. When I

33:46

die, I'm throwing

33:47

up in my heart like I'm on it. Listen, you might not

33:49

even turn up on the Theres. It's actually good investment.

33:52

What's that

33:52

mean? Could be on holiday. Let

33:55

it go. We are from the UK

33:57

but moved to Sweden for a little every year

33:59

for work. Yeah. We came back last

34:01

month and we have been living with my partner's mother,

34:03

Ruth, and stepfather Mike. We have

34:05

a deposit ready and are looking to buy a place of

34:07

our own as soon as possible. Oh, good luck. I

34:10

get on well with both of our hosts and they have been

34:12

nothing but kind and accommodating. However,

34:15

on Friday morning, something happened that I've not

34:17

been able to stop thinking about. My partner's

34:20

temp father starts work early in the morning

34:22

and is up and about at around the same time

34:24

as me. I woke up that morning and went into

34:26

the kitchen to make a coffee. Mike was seemingly

34:29

up, but he wasn't in the kitchen. As I entered

34:31

the kitchen, I heard something playing on the Alexa

34:33

that sits on the breakfast bar. It was quite

34:35

faint, so I turned it up and realized it was the sound

34:38

of a woman enthusiastically

34:40

getting bit roasted

34:43

by two men. Jesus. What is going

34:45

on this week? One of whom sounded a bit

34:47

like hot

34:47

Hogan. There's a lot of detail

34:48

in this. Any any dead. No.

34:51

With hindsight, what I should have done

34:53

was at this point made a u-turn and him

34:56

straight back

34:56

upstairs.

34:56

Yes. Pretend I had nothing. Yes, absolutely.

34:59

But in my panic, I quite loudly said

35:02

Alexa stop. The soundtrack

35:04

intermediately and then was faintly audible through

35:06

the door of the downstairs Lou. It

35:08

then quickly stopped and there was a deathly

35:10

silence that probably lasted of ten seconds,

35:13

but it felt like an eternity. It was at this

35:15

point that I went upstairs to hide in the bathroom

35:17

until Mike left for work. Clearly,

35:19

I had interrupted Mike having an eye time in

35:21

the downstairs Lou before work while

35:24

Ruth was in bed. No problem with

35:26

that per se, we all have needs. Now,

35:28

though, he will know that I know what he was up to.

35:30

This makes me cringe so hard. I feel like I'm going

35:32

to turn him inside out. He's been acting completely

35:34

normal as if nothing has happened and so vyme.

35:37

That's why I haven't told a soul what he'd

35:39

written into us. Not even my partner.

35:41

I don't even know if I should. Should I

35:43

bring it up discreetly and say his secret is

35:45

safe? Should I say nothing to anyone take

35:48

this to my grave? Should I cut all contact with

35:50

them and leave the country for a motile and

35:52

never return? Please help from Harry.

35:54

Never happened It never erase

35:56

it from your memory. I mean, I love the fact

35:58

that you've said you've told nobody and and,

36:00

you know, you're trying to keep the secret safe. You said

36:02

the mother's name is Ruth, the stepfather's called

36:04

Mike, and you're called Harry. Have

36:07

just lived in Sweden for a year. So, I mean, it's quite

36:09

I mean, if there's anyone listening that can work that one

36:11

out. Theres, after the five,

36:14

raise it from your line. 54321

36:20

never happened. Yeah. I I do

36:22

agree you had to pretend it didn't happen. I

36:24

carry on, it's awful.

36:26

As

36:26

is awful.

36:27

What is we have what is we are? We've got

36:29

some horny, g and d as well. Can for

36:31

the livestream, can we just just do nice, you know, just

36:33

the napkin girl on the left or the right? Which

36:35

which is my Roofing the old saying in it, the

36:37

difference between an egg and a wink. You

36:40

can't beat her when you can beat her neck.

36:42

Remove the gels on

36:43

it. You can beat her neck. Alright.

36:47

Yes. Yeah.

36:49

With a knife if you want to make an omelette

36:51

because that you It's a Dealyus

36:53

mythic. Oh, Dealyus. Yeah.

36:56

Well, I

36:56

beat the eggs with a knife because then it doesn't blend

36:58

the egg quite so much, which is what produces a fluffy

37:01

egg. Read Didilla and you all know

37:02

them. Oh,

37:03

well, there we go. Next week, we'll do nice

37:05

letters. And

37:06

now we'll try and make an egg with an knife next

37:08

time. Yes. So

37:10

what's just a table knife? You don't just use a knife.

37:12

Yeah. What if you haven't a white four colored knife?

37:14

Neither. And

37:16

next week, I'll tell you a good use for the rolling pin.

37:19

Now, should we talk about what's coming up on the weekend

37:21

release? Roll

37:22

them, Ted. Crush Theres

37:24

live. What's coming up on the weekend release?

37:27

We've been sending some more artwork. Oh,

37:29

lovely. So you'll be able to hear

37:32

how that sounds looks sounds.

37:36

Better work on an audio based podcast. And

37:38

we'll discuss if the podcast requires

37:40

an upgrade to them. Mhmm. Which we think

37:43

it definitely

37:43

means. Don't be letting you in the kids listen

37:45

It's a lower age limit as well. Yeah.

37:47

Anyway, okay. Listen up a Tuesday and

37:49

Friday. We're back on Friday with our bonus. You

37:51

can watch us on YouTube every weekend, and

37:54

get us on week on your socials. We're at with

37:56

my boss, and we'll be back on Friday. Goodbye.