0:00

He's Joe Tasca,

0:01

and he's got a little friend in his eye called

0:03

Torbjorn. Hello. Yes, I do.

0:05

An easily hinged cliff, I'm actually bought spent

0:07

a night at a pet cemetery, it's a real

0:09

thing we got gossiped by a cat. And

0:12

together, we're bringing you it,

0:14

the podcast where we all the world's

0:16

biggest debates. Yes,

0:18

we do. And in each episode, we bring you

0:20

a definitive answer to

0:21

one big question. Live gotta know.

0:23

Should you brush your teeth before or after

0:25

you're braking? Obviously. Definitely. far

0:28

right. And is it okay to we in

0:30

the shower? I mean, if you've got a girl, then you've got a girl.

0:32

enough. And should you snooze or get up the first time?

0:35

Depends if you're on a lion. Good point. We might

0:37

not always have the same views, but we'll always

0:39

give you an answer. Here on Settle

0:41

it, the podcast from him, Jotascha, and

0:44

him Lee Hinchcliffe on Spotify, Apple

0:46

Podcasts, and anywhere else.

0:49

How's

0:49

married life? It's marvelous.

0:51

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we got the

0:53

green on your face. I'm insuffitable at the moment.

0:55

yeah. Yes. insufferable. Yeah.

0:58

That's not a good thing.

0:59

No more

1:00

you'll find out in the next forty minutes,

1:02

I'd say.

1:08

Hello, and welcome

1:09

to help by texted my boss, the

1:11

podcast where we help navigate the

1:13

challenges of modern life, answering

1:15

your twenty percent question and finding

1:18

solutions to those everyday dilemma

1:20

like Sid William put Jordan on producer

1:22

Ben's tender at his wedding and

1:24

Did Sarah Hanson drink too at Champagne.

1:27

And of course, What should you do if you've accidentally

1:29

texted your boss? But we're not

1:31

usual like to announce, Arie William Hanson,

1:34

a recently congratulations, married

1:37

man. thank you very much,

1:39

Jordan North, unmarried. I'm

1:41

more clearages, you're more clear

1:43

ups. Very good. Thank you. It's a nice

1:45

one. Which that bends?

1:47

Yes.

1:47

That was Ben's. Did did

1:50

you put me on Ben's table at last minute because

1:52

I asked to because I was worried that you might have

1:54

rearranged

1:55

techdigits. Then Well, you were on

1:57

Ben's

1:58

table. We should just tell the GNDs.

1:59

Yeah. I was on Ben's table.

2:02

That was the existing teaching plan

2:04

even before you pleaded to

2:06

be on Ben's tape. Oh, okay. Yeah.

2:08

Yeah. So were you happy with

2:10

the decision? Why wasn't sat next to Ben's

2:12

voice? No. Well, but equally Ben had

2:14

said to me I just

2:15

don't see me next time. because you did that.

2:18

Model those are a lot. Sorry. Bingled.

2:20

Yes. Well, you don't you don't sort of yeah.

2:22

So Benincap was with respect to So you think

2:24

Joe, on

2:25

my right side -- Yes. --

2:28

and

2:28

Sarah. Sarah on my left side.

2:30

Well, then

2:31

you can just remember it. No. Because I

2:33

was trying to think, Alex, I said to Joe, I had to do

2:35

the whole. I'm deaf in my right ear. So if I keep Oh,

2:37

no. If I miss any of the conversation,

2:39

I'm sorry, any thought. I was joking. Oh,

2:41

did you hear? Everybody does it ever laugh

2:43

because, oh, what you like? actually better

2:46

in my right hands. Oh my god. Are you on

2:48

so sorry? That's Yeah.

2:50

You probably couldn't hear what they were saying about. You're right.

2:53

Yeah. We have lots to catch up fun.

2:55

was I was on my best behavior. You

2:57

were very good. Right. Let me just say,

2:59

I was absolutely hammered.

3:02

can't remember getting home, but at the actual

3:04

wedding reception. Yes. I was

3:06

fine. Yeah.

3:07

And they had, like, literally had

3:09

two baby three glasses of wine before.

3:11

just gonna enjoy this. I don't want to be drunk especially

3:13

when you you you

3:14

mung up,

3:15

Scott. How gosh.

3:18

She she full on they've got to

3:20

her ambition. She got stretched it

3:22

out. It was hilarious. Like, I wanna

3:24

say, stretched it out. There

3:26

was four guys and one on each arm and

3:28

leg, and it was just get

3:29

off me a presence. Since

3:32

my son's wedding, get's off.

3:34

She's right up the stash, came back down off and I went lighter,

3:36

and she was fine. She was fine. Before you salander any

3:38

of my relatives anymore, should we have a a gin and

3:40

sipone? Yes. Let's do let's

3:42

do that. Did I do the sipone for us?

3:49

Someone's had a good week. Someone's

3:53

recently married. They've

3:56

made yourself laugh. Jeez. I've

3:58

thrown it out. They don't merge

3:59

each tunnel. Do you

4:02

think now that I'm married, we can end that joke?

4:04

think do you want me to? I think maybe we

4:06

rest it. Just for a bit.

4:09

Okay. Just a suggestion. Okay.

4:12

I'd like to propose a toast. Still echo and still

4:14

echo and Christian. I'd like

4:16

to propose a toast to love.

4:19

Love. Love

4:21

wins.

4:24

Oh, delish. I've

4:26

got dentists after this. Oh, are you? Yeah. I can't

4:29

just think of it, Juniper Bonnet. Have

4:31

a polo in to something before you go. Yeah.

4:33

Will do. have a two flags and a coffee

4:35

away. Yes. So some people

4:37

gonna be looking, Christie. Please,

4:39

Christie. Now, Christine, Christine? Yeah.

4:42

What? Christine, please. No. Are they gonna be Christine.

4:44

Christine. Christine. But

4:50

even gonna be looking christy and hello,

4:52

christy. Anyway,

4:54

as always, if you need a help or something, then we would

4:57

love get in touch. She can send you tales of trepidation

4:59

to help at section my boss dot com. Or

5:01

you can tweet us or send us message on Instagram

5:03

at section of my boss. or you can write to William,

5:05

who promises a handwritten reply and he's only tennepaper.

5:07

They're dressed on the website, sex with my boss

5:09

dot com before I forget. Mhmm. Do

5:12

you want to explain to the GMV as what was

5:14

specially arranged for me? Do you

5:16

want to do it in order or What we can do

5:18

is in order. But before we go into it,

5:21

minute by minute for the wedding.

5:23

We need some additional help, someone that

5:26

was also there -- Oh. -- to go

5:28

through this. As this is a semi special

5:30

episode, and it's not permanent everybody. So don't

5:32

panic. Please welcome Prudasha

5:34

Ben. Hi, guys. Hey.

5:37

Good guys. Ben

5:39

very much the face of the of

5:41

the church service or one of three. He

5:43

looked like a

5:46

boy about start year seven at the school

5:48

gates. But but yeah. But there's a lot of facial

5:50

hair with his three year seven. Laser

5:53

dangling over his it

5:55

I don't think it did in Ben's defense. It was

5:57

a very well fitting suit. That

5:59

suit is

5:59

a very nice suit, and it fits me very well.

6:03

I would like to just sort of maybe

6:06

sort of explain what we're about to do. Mhmm.

6:08

I I quite like this phrase that cat, who was

6:10

obviously at the wedding as well, and we might be able to

6:12

talk about a moment that happened at the wedding to do with

6:14

cat. They

6:16

say a cat and us say, right, we're going to

6:18

take you blow by blow. So let's

6:21

go blow by blow through

6:23

the wedding. Okay. I've

6:25

got notes. You've got

6:27

notes. Yes. So should we start with this

6:29

Well, shall I tell you about the stuff that happened before

6:31

that neither of you were there for? Yes.

6:34

Okay. So that was obviously Mike and I were

6:36

legally married

6:38

just in front of immediate family at

6:40

the hotel to begin with at ten o'clock in

6:42

the morning. Yeah. That was really nice that bit. Wasn't

6:44

it? Yeah. It was very nice, because there's a lot of you with that.

6:47

And it's so an idea if it happened

6:49

to me. And

6:52

that was very, very weepy. I'll

6:55

be honest. Like, we nearly I

6:57

nearly went during the speeches. I nearly

6:59

went during the the service in the church, but

7:02

the the actual bit where we were

7:04

exchanging rings and

7:06

saying, you know, all the all the phrases

7:08

that you're familiar with That

7:10

that was very weeping. Okay. And

7:12

it was beautiful. And thank you to Alison

7:14

and Todd, the two registrants from Westminster City

7:16

Council who officiated and

7:18

made that so so special, including

7:20

tod who when Nike completely went, managed

7:22

to find some tissues in his bag. Oh, did

7:24

he totally go? Oh, we both

7:27

totally went, but Mike Oh. Oh,

7:30

really? voo for a cat cop.

7:33

a cat, a little

7:35

smelter patient. I do.

7:37

I do. Check me. I do. Was

7:40

it like that? Just like that. What was

7:42

What was worse, of course, is that the mirror room

7:44

where we were having it in the hotel, funnily

7:46

enough, clues in the name, has mirrors all around

7:48

it for the ceremony,

7:50

which is just off the boar room. And

7:53

even though I had my back to everyone, I could see

7:55

everyone in the mirror that was ahead of me.

7:57

So even though I thought, originally, I thought, oh, good.

7:59

I had my back run. I won't really If they start crying,

8:02

I won't see it because I got them back to them. No.

8:04

No. I could I could see it, and

8:06

and that also then sets me off. Okay.

8:08

So that was a ten o'clock. That was a ten o'clock

8:11

short, and then we got in the cars

8:13

and went to the church. and

8:15

had the the blessing, which was lovely,

8:18

which we came to. Which you came to. Ben

8:20

did his ushering Ben, how did your ushering go?

8:22

Yeah. Any notes? because I wasn't

8:24

there.

8:25

moink I

8:27

yeah. It was I it was a complex

8:29

job. It wasn't as complex as obviously producing

8:31

Youtube, but Complex. How

8:33

was it complex? Well, just use the entrance

8:35

down there. You gave us a car. Oh, I was sent an

8:37

eight page PDF and that was an extensive

8:40

WhatsApp message. So Are you questioning

8:44

how how complex it is is quite

8:47

ironic, I'd say? Because

8:49

it basically boiled down saying, okay. you actually

8:51

use that door into the one that I'm selling in front of,

8:53

please. Can I just say, Yum! It's must

8:55

have been burning that before because he was messaging

8:57

me. And I cannot believe he sent him an eight

8:59

page PDF. everyone got that

9:02

that was part of the wedding team. Eight pages

9:04

of PDFs. Yeah. Of

9:06

of what? He only needed to tell people entrance

9:09

You don't need to put you'd I'd tell you what, you'd be

9:11

great at the BBC. You you'd fit in the

9:13

world. Your word, honestly. I'm

9:15

supposed to have a running bloody duggles into a

9:17

health and safety form. You would, honestly, middle

9:20

management at the BBC, you'd thrive. You

9:22

really would. And you can keep that in

9:24

III just felt that we should

9:27

have a PDF so far knew where they needed to

9:29

be the timings of the day, where to stand.

9:31

That's what the invites for. But

9:33

you know, but that's for

9:35

guests. But then for for sort of

9:38

the the family and for the ushers, it was

9:40

nice to know what what times and wear and

9:42

and special notes. So in the church

9:44

is beautiful. I cried. I cried when

9:46

the singers came on. The

9:47

quartet. The quartet. Yes.

9:50

Also, we need to talk about Tom

9:52

the vicar. Yes. He's a very talented

9:54

vicar. He is a very talented vicar. Very

9:56

funny. He's very, very funny. And

9:58

his sermon was Great. It

10:01

was amazing. It was fantastic. Few

10:04

people had a bit of a crush on Tomivica. Oh,

10:06

really? Who? I want to say nose, but

10:08

two people. Yeah. We were talking and

10:10

one went no.

10:11

No. No. No. No. Two girls. Oh.

10:14

One went, it's really fitting me for now. No girls.

10:16

for that. I think they're going to be busily disappointed.

10:19

Yeah. But it is

10:21

very funny, very dry. Mhmm. smokes

10:24

like a chimney for medium car very well.

10:26

He spent most of the day together. No.

10:31

He did a he did a very nice one. would have a vantage

10:33

point. I haven't actually told him this yet. So

10:37

he

10:37

ended his sermon beautifully with

10:39

quotes from WikiLeaks, Hercules,

10:41

and I think even

10:43

Mary Poppin' Oh, I think that that was references. No.

10:46

Anyway, he ended it with that. Go

10:48

the distance together, your unlimited etcetera.

10:52

That's how I was ending my wedding

10:54

speech. So in the

10:56

car on the way from the church

10:59

back to the hotel, I was in my head

11:01

rewriting it. Nike, of course, that triggered my

11:03

he was so nice and I was crying

11:05

too, but for different reasons, so type bloody

11:07

hell. The last minute of my speech

11:10

is now basically Tom Serlin.

11:12

So III did it and I because I was ending

11:14

with wicked. So I rewrote and I thought,

11:16

I'll just end with Mary Poppins. I say, Mike, you

11:18

together, we are practically perfect in every

11:20

way. Then my father gets up to

11:22

speak. And ends with practically

11:24

perfect in every way. So I am sitting home. Brodging.

11:27

This is on rewrite number three. in

11:29

the space of two hours. So

11:31

I've ended another Mary Poppins quote that I thought,

11:34

well, neither of them will have got because it's so niche and

11:36

no one will really understand it, which is why I had to

11:38

go. as a quote from Mary Poppins, the

11:40

musical. Anything can happen

11:42

if you let it. It's not actually my original

11:44

ending, but thanks

11:46

to Tom and my father. Well, come to the speeches.

11:49

I don't know. Before

11:51

before we do, can I just say

11:53

that I was very

11:55

nearly late for your service.

11:58

What? Is that not surprising? We need to write your

12:00

reading. Well, yes. Oh, yeah. I forgot

12:02

about that.

12:03

though So

12:04

I left the house -- Yep.

12:07

got

12:07

on the tube because

12:08

I thought I'd get there early. I'll be rushing.

12:11

I realized as I was on the

12:13

tube that had left my steamer on.

12:15

Oh. So

12:17

very 000 it

12:19

all happened. Right? Not just that. I left the

12:21

steam around and I thought, I've gotta go back.

12:23

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you on that. So I went

12:25

back and as I got back, the steam

12:27

was bubbling up like a kettle. And

12:30

I thought, thank god I went back to cut a burn

12:32

my flat down. Yeah. The night before yes.

12:35

Tell us about the yeah. I've been told about this, and it sounds

12:37

horrific. Can night before this?

12:39

and watching Kelly. And

12:43

a rat, not just a mouse. A rat

12:45

just came wandering in the living room.

12:47

I shit myself. was

12:50

stuck on my cell phone for an alpha, what I'm gonna do, what I'm

12:52

gonna do, and I was like, get a broom and kill it. I

12:54

won't. So like the big brave soldier that

12:56

I am, I called out an emergency pest

12:58

controller.

12:59

I'm going to come. Yeah.

13:01

Now, obviously, you're showing me I've got

13:03

into check under bed. I got into

13:05

check old

13:06

cupboards everything. And you tell

13:08

me you didn't you didn't find anything? No. I didn't find

13:10

anything directly. That would that would be more No. No.

13:12

No. No. No. They weren't directly, we've won

13:14

it out. So wander down.

13:16

Oh, wow. So I was very, very healing.

13:19

Then I got there. What did the rats say when you all came

13:21

in? It's nice on the inside.

13:24

that Told

13:26

you it's nice. It tracks around it. Yes.

13:29

And so we got that. Well, I was about

13:31

ten minutes before UK minifin. Mhmm.

13:33

And fifteen minutes. And then I start

13:35

to get really nervous for the speech.

13:38

Also -- Yes. -- you

13:40

shit out. Cheers

13:41

for giving Adam the bloody easy

13:43

speech. What one was his read and it

13:45

was No. No. No.

13:47

Laura Laura Hendrix love his friendship

13:49

set on fire. That was just a nice normal

13:51

poem. Yeah. But Adam is very,

13:53

very, very atheist. So I I thought

13:55

-- How is it? -- if there was no way that he

13:58

we could him to do the bible whereas you're more

13:59

compliant. So I thought, well, I'll

14:02

just give you that and you can, you

14:03

know, you'll submit. Yes. Well, I'd rather have a nice

14:05

little poll I had thighs and

14:07

knees and and also Fola.

14:10

Fola. Fola. Fola.

14:14

Fola. It's a follower of a follower of a follower

14:16

of a follower of a follower of a follower of a follower.

14:18

How was the reading, Ben, from your point? Right.

14:21

That's all. It was very good. You you

14:23

sped up to the altar from your seat. Yeah.

14:25

There's like little comedy walk. Oh, did

14:27

that. As by I bowed. I'm not

14:29

at my head. Yeah. You did bow. I mean, as Tom

14:31

as Tom said, your arm instead of stop.

14:33

Bau, continue,

14:34

whereas you sort of sped. What

14:36

bau is you as you determined? Because

14:38

I was You were nervous. so nervous. People think,

14:41

oh, it's funny that I was so

14:43

nervous all morning, really nervous. And I think

14:45

I'm rushing my way through it. No. No. I don't think

14:47

you did. A lot of people did notice the cheeky

14:49

wink gave you at the end. Yes. You did give us a week.

14:51

a wink at the end. Yes. I could just both a

14:53

wink as I walked off and a lot of people seen that.

14:56

Yeah. No. It was good. It was it was very sweet and

14:58

thank you so much for doing it because it was

15:00

just ended her. No. No. Thank you.

15:02

And then made the sermon seem even

15:04

better. And then

15:06

We

15:07

got to the oh,

15:09

can we show you what hotel it was out now?

15:11

We are now allowed to say. We got to

15:13

wait for this. We got the

15:15

collaborators. Now I was winging because there was

15:18

no bearing on top. So when I arrived,

15:20

I had my own special paint class with

15:23

my name on it and the Clarger's logo.

15:25

And the Clarger's logo because they'd

15:27

heard me win you on the podcast. But

15:30

then

15:30

You got up. Everyone have wine.

15:33

You got up and asked us to tell us the new king.

15:35

Yeah. I told us the king. We've letty pank glass.

15:38

Well, it's better than nothing. He looked like spot

15:40

the fellow from Burnley. I

15:42

was so I did not know about this pint glass

15:44

in advance. And I I still know.

15:46

Oh, I thought you was in on it. Absolutely

15:49

no no idea. I got a letter

15:51

as well from -- From Nicholas. -- Nicholas. Yeah.

15:53

The first point is something else or something. Then Mikey's

15:56

brother-in-law. Yeah. Came off and was like,

15:58

where'd you get Yeah. because then

15:59

and then all the northerners. Yeah.

16:02

All the northerners, Mackie's family, spotted

16:05

my pipe. Lots of light. I got it.

16:07

Let's have a pipe. So

16:10

don't eat the southern pikes.

16:11

Pikes pikes pikes. I don't know, like, right. So I

16:14

yeah. My vince my my cousin-in-law and

16:17

or not in law yet, but soon to be in law

16:19

and and Mike is brother-in-law,

16:22

both

16:22

when he's

16:23

got a paint glass. Why? And I said, oh, just answer

16:25

a paint glass. I was happy he's probably because he's asked for one.

16:27

I had no idea until later on

16:30

in the day, you said, this is what Nicholas

16:32

had done from for you. So and that,

16:34

ladies and gentlemen, shows the

16:37

attention to detail and perfection

16:39

that was Clarriages. So on behalf of Nike

16:42

and me, I would like to say thank you very much to

16:44

everybody at Clarriages. It truly was

16:46

an incredible day for

16:48

us. We are, of course,

16:50

we were going to have declarages. We are glad that

16:52

we did that. There was no other choice quite frankly.

16:55

So I'm glad they were free on the day we wanted. And

16:58

it was it was amazing. Hashtag ad.

17:01

Not a hashtag ad. but it could be,

17:03

let me know. And Yeah. It was

17:06

it was phenomenal. It was fun to I've

17:08

I've one

17:09

of the if not the best one I've ever been

17:11

to. It was fantastic. It's nice having us. It

17:13

was funny because at one point on

17:15

the table, we were like, oh god they've spent

17:17

a bit of mess on these, but We're, like, trying

17:19

to guess how much did spend on going out table.

17:22

got up to gossip, Tyler, and table

17:23

next to us referencing conversation. And

17:28

we're stuck in the spot on this order. I've got

17:30

a bit. So it's nice to know we're all gossiping.

17:32

It's all nice. Yes. Can we talk out of speeches?

17:35

We can talk about the speeches. Yes. Can I but

17:37

can I just go back to Professor Ben? What time

17:39

did you just what time did actually arrive at

17:41

the church? Just out of interest. quarter

17:43

to eleven. Oh, that's marvelous. Thank

17:45

you. I was doing it eleven. That's amazing.

17:47

didn't start arriving till Oh, well, because

17:50

I don't know anything that happened at that point.

17:52

So because, you know, I'm watching No. Everyone's

17:54

there. We all had a great time. What time does it matter if you've

17:56

got to tell a bloody church? One of the the funny

17:58

things of being in Usher

17:59

them was obviously,

18:01

we were taken from the church to collaborators

18:04

into very lovely buses. London

18:06

two old fashioned London buses. Oh, that's

18:09

about quarter to twelve. Well,

18:11

about maybe twenty to twelve, maybe even half eleven.

18:13

They arrived, and I was like, goodness. Me, they're early.

18:15

They need to very arrive here in about an an

18:17

hour's time. And it went about ten minutes later,

18:19

they one of them started getting a bug in

18:21

taking it. And I just imagined it. I was

18:24

like, god, don't know how to do with that situation.

18:26

Anyway, James, And

18:29

then I was just imagining what what William's

18:31

reaction would have been if you were there. But obviously,

18:33

you never had to worry about that. never had worry about that.

18:35

I was dealing with it. When you get a park, ticket.

18:37

Yeah. Oh, did you tell them to put it through the

18:39

wedding? No.

18:40

They're they're I think in their contract, they're responsible

18:43

for where they park. Oh. Brilliant. So

18:45

No. I think it turned up too early.

18:48

Parking tickets from our one hundred and twenty quid in London,

18:50

they I think oh, wow. Did it the plug

18:52

in I'm not gonna get into one. At least,

18:54

did did they give him a parking ticket? The

18:56

tight debts on wedding day. I'm

18:58

gonna shove up his ass sideways, man.

19:02

No bets. Sorry. If you are a truck

19:04

at traffic in space. Yeah. So it's any

19:06

Help at sext at my boss dot com. Sorry for

19:08

listening. And Paul, who

19:10

were you tuning to on the buses?

19:12

So I was

19:14

with robbery and he cracks me

19:16

up. Rob and poke. So it was like,

19:19

if you got in there, Robert, anyway.

19:22

A couple

19:22

of hip flasks. Oh, wait. You do got me

19:25

some free parties. Oh, yeah. You

19:27

went, oh, shit. I've been carrying these

19:29

down some snow coming. Yeah. It's

19:31

free bar. Right. So we've

19:33

got well, I want to know who he was on mixture

19:35

on the bus. Who

19:36

are you? Well, I I were you just

19:38

on your own? No. I was with Kat, but then

19:40

Jonathan was in front of me, and who

19:42

obviously Kat had met

19:44

at your place when we came for dinner. Yes.

19:47

So they Yeah. They re rekindored their

19:49

love and and then we sat next to each other as

19:51

well. on that. They were next to each other.

19:53

Everybody loves Jonathan. Okay. Yeah.

19:56

Jonathan's good fun. So can I

19:58

just say the speeches were excellent? Yeah.

20:00

As far as weddings go, and

20:02

I've been to a lot. That's the best speeches I've

20:04

ever heard of. I've seen that wedding. Well,

20:06

do you know all of them? I'm gonna Fantastic. And

20:08

very funny. His dad was brilliant.

20:12

James

20:12

was a great as an MC. Yeah. He

20:14

also was great. Mikey's was great. Mikey's

20:16

dad's. I was so funny.

20:18

Like, I'll be honest, that surprised

20:20

us all because Mike's dad had sent me his

20:22

speech in advance because I was just making

20:24

sure that we didn't all like, thank the same people.

20:27

No. No. No. No. But

20:29

then that was not the speech that Micah's Dad then

20:31

did. No. Other than the ending and the

20:33

tiny little few lines, and I so I was sitting

20:35

there going, this is phenomenal. I don't know what is coming

20:37

next, and that's really setting my OCD

20:39

off and my control being a control

20:41

freak, but this is phenomenal. The best

20:44

bit was when he then he was at the start,

20:46

and he you know, the the thing the whole routine is of

20:48

that little DeBrett's book. He was like, oh, I found a

20:50

DeBrett's book from whatever load rubbish.

20:52

I went up for an afternoon. Did you

20:54

realize the author of fifteen books of The Brexis

20:56

sitting on that table over there, which

20:58

is my colleague, Jay O'Brien. good

21:02

faith. She didn't write that particular one. But,

21:04

yeah, that was that was very funny.

21:07

Also, I might have might

21:09

have got a mic impression doing one

21:11

of the speech. You did do mic impression

21:13

doing one of the speech. It's just yes. My speech. But I've

21:15

did it was that a bit out of order? No. It was

21:17

fine. It got a laugh. So what did somebody say?

21:20

can't remember. Me, I had said, oh,

21:22

was it your speed? Yes. Oh, shit. What's

21:24

it? I can't remember. And I said, oh, thank

21:27

you know. Thank for those that don't know on a podcast.

21:29

Jordan has this thing, but, you know, Mikey

21:31

is a builder, blah blah blah. And I went, oh,

21:34

the local flower, blah. got

21:36

better like it was planned. Jordan

21:38

did get the most shout outs on the speeches out of

21:40

anyone. Well,

21:41

again, didn't know what was coming in the last

21:43

two. or in Mike implied or otherwise.

21:45

You got a bloody shout out. Yeah. I

21:47

was like, do you know do you know who actually makes this

21:49

podcast? You got a bloody shout out as

21:51

well.

21:53

So also, and and

21:55

I hope

21:56

I really hope because I love your moment,

21:58

Ivan. But Jeremy,

21:59

that's speech. We might have got a case of

22:02

Jonathan Vernon Smith giggles. I I'm

22:04

aware of the Jonathan anthem. But it wasn't

22:06

just me. You as well known. No.

22:08

No. That is not the case. So

22:11

basically, you dad told a very

22:13

funny joke. Yeah. I can't remember that.

22:15

And Luke, SNOR is yes.

22:17

Luxury Lou, because he still lives here.

22:19

And Jonathan. And if you've ever heard

22:22

Jonathan, he often loses it on his

22:24

radio show on BBC three.

22:26

Hill's Counties FM waves.

22:30

It sounds like that. Yeah. Three Hampshire

22:33

FM waves. Three counties right

22:35

free county's radio. So

22:38

he lost it. Mhmm. When I was trying to

22:40

keep it together, and

22:41

I couldn't over tables were looking

22:43

over, but we just

22:44

lost it. So so You see, and I wasn't

22:47

if people I knew I supposedly, there was that

22:49

and a few other tables were giggling at

22:51

at bits that were funny. I just

22:53

was so in the moment. I didn't even drop

22:55

that. It looked very beautiful. And then my key,

22:57

can we let's talk about Micah's speech, which

23:00

was without doing any impressions,

23:02

but Nike, up until, like, two weeks before,

23:04

was not going to speak. And I

23:06

said to him, I said, I'll be honest, I'm gonna

23:08

save this now. I said, darling, but

23:10

who's going talk about me? Like, I'm talking

23:12

about you. Who's talking about me? Anyway,

23:14

so he thought, okay. I'll I'll do something to talk.

23:16

about your, by the way, your dad's speech, everyone.

23:22

And when I sit in this beautiful boy born,

23:24

I thought maybe it'll be a high court George,

23:26

a member of parliament. Not an

23:28

educated expert. Anyway,

23:30

so And, yeah, Micah's speech

23:33

then was phenomenal. I'm

23:34

going to say it and I I'm not

23:36

saying this for for praise. I think I gave the

23:38

word speech. Yeah.

23:40

And that I think I did.

23:42

I thought honestly, I thought they were all fantastic.

23:45

Mike keys were so funny. Mike keys made

23:47

me cry out today.

23:48

Mike has made me cry. I'm

23:50

glad he did a speech. So

23:52

is he he I'm I didn't know enough other

23:54

than a couple of little sort of No. Many do

23:56

a speech because you wanted someone to talk about

23:59

-- Yeah. -- when I said I'm gonna be sort of gushing about

24:01

you, so you need to gush about me. So

24:03

other than his sort of few references to family,

24:05

I didn't know anything that was coming in his speech, he sat

24:07

there a couple of days before the wedding in the chair

24:09

going. I'm so funny. I'm loving

24:11

writing this. Which time the week before he sat, I can't

24:14

possibly speak. I won't be funny.

24:16

People won't laugh. I'll make a mess. We've

24:18

actually got a recording of the

24:20

whole loyalty we get. We

24:21

just gotta

24:23

Ladies and gentlemen, could

24:25

you please be upstanding in for my bookey,

24:27

full little flower pops? So I've had a few

24:29

wines. My

24:32

beautiful little flowerpot, William

24:34

Hanson. I first met William

24:36

when I went through a quarter on his

24:38

house because that's me. Michael

24:41

Laurel and Son's no job too big or

24:43

small. If any of his need and

24:45

he worked, oh, god, this is going on. fellow

24:47

of you need doing any work here. Speak to me,

24:49

dad, we'll sort you out. We'll get get up there.

24:51

It was it was lovely about it. It was

24:54

just so gorgeous. Shall we Should

24:56

we talk about the food? Yeah.

24:58

Did you like it? Fantastic.

25:00

Absolutely fantastic. And,

25:03

yeah,

25:04

I'm trying remember what I had. So for

25:06

starters, you add scallops? Yes.

25:09

Few of them add that big pepper.

25:12

think?

25:12

No. It was a it was

25:16

a beef tomato, a blanched and

25:18

skinned beef tomato stuff with burrito.

25:20

I

25:20

suppose a veggie option.

25:22

Yeah. But a beef tomato is just a term.

25:25

It's not doesn't mean there was beef in it.

25:27

Isn't that enough? No, Jeremy. Okay.

25:29

I thought it was a pepper anyway. So

25:32

we had that. And then for the main, I had the

25:34

beef.

25:34

Nice. And that's financial menu. And

25:36

the mesh was fantastic. Oh, no. Was was it

25:38

mesh? Was

25:40

it a celeryek? Who?

25:42

It was a celeryek. Yeah. Hang on. And

25:44

then for podying, can't remember what I had

25:46

for this what did I ask? Oh, here we

25:48

go. The first cause for those that want to

25:50

have them in full was some

25:52

flourages, roast, Portland, sea scallops

25:54

with daterini tomatoes, frigola, fennel,

25:57

and lemon fettina. Honestly, it was fettina.

25:59

Oh, my

25:59

god. Can we talk I are you not often

26:02

talking about this, but you know why I love me red wine?

26:04

Yes. You're sharply. on bottle

26:06

for

26:07

everyone. Yeah. But that cost you a fortune.

26:10

Well, the wine was was

26:11

it arranged? It was absolutely fantastic.

26:14

I've ordered two bottles. of you. Yeah.

26:16

Wow. That, honestly,

26:18

the wine, like, usually a wedding. This

26:20

is But it was bantha.

26:21

There was a lot of it. I was

26:24

very giddy after the main course. No

26:25

one that got sold their house.

26:27

Matt,

26:30

did

26:30

you have some of that shoveling?

26:33

Best

26:33

wine in the party there anyway. Mhmm.

26:35

Have I changed? No. I've always had been

26:37

red wine. Oh, yeah. William did come

26:39

over to me at one point and say, I'm pissed or something.

26:41

I I generally, during the red. It

26:44

was had I had to give my speech that

26:46

point? I didn't have to stop drinking because they

26:48

you the clargers, you never had an empty glass.

26:51

No. That was great. It it was phenomenal, but

26:53

not when you're meant to be speaking. I had I

26:55

had yeah. Fernando. On my way, it was

26:57

Fernando. Yeah. It was lovely. Lovely.

27:00

Watch me in the castle. Okay. Gotcha.

27:03

Main cause for those that had beef were

27:05

tornadoes of Aberdeen Angus beef. Bergundy

27:07

juice, celery, grass and pea purea and glaze

27:09

to be true. All the pea purea and ice. It was

27:12

just washy peas, but it was not pea

27:14

purea. And for putting, it was

27:17

Jevara milk chocolate, Dulise, or

27:19

Dulise -- I can't remember. -- with passion fruit

27:21

ice cream. It

27:22

was a sort of a line thing with the

27:24

dots. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

27:26

It's like yeah. That one nice. The cake went nice

27:28

as well. Have you still got some cake left? Well,

27:30

not much now. That was my weekend.

27:33

But I I hardly had any on the day, and thank

27:35

you to Evinik for the cake. It was exquisite, and

27:37

we will obviously be posting photos eventually. So

27:40

then we left at seven o'clock.

27:42

Yes. We should have goodbye to everyone.

27:45

Yeah.

27:45

And then we Oh, that little one. Well,

27:47

you had organized. I didn't know about this.

27:50

But you had organized just a few drinks.

27:52

I'd organized the night too. Yeah. I

27:54

mean, I think Stuart actually might have done more

27:56

organization than you've done. I don't know.

27:58

I I don't know.

27:59

So and then The

28:02

night do it. The night do was getting

28:04

out, word was getting out, people come going. And

28:06

you're going for a few drinks after wink,

28:09

wink. And I was like,

28:11

maybe. Maybe. So we

28:13

went and added a little we booked a

28:15

remodel, didn't we?

28:16

In Soho. Yes? Yeah.

28:19

Was

28:19

very kind of you. I I thought everything got

28:21

a bit quiet on that front. I just assumed it was

28:23

all that happening. So we got there.

28:25

when I ties up, sleeves rolled up.

28:28

It was like a

28:29

Tory party conference. Or

28:31

it was about it looked like it looked like

28:33

We were an old campaign. It was like a Tory

28:36

pie campaign, you know, when they got to They

28:38

got to a They got to a They're a hospital and

28:40

they rolled the sleeves up on day the tie or top of the

28:42

tie and so it's a bit like that. That's

28:44

what I got. I

28:45

would double fisting all night.

28:48

That's what the call it. I thought you were walking funny.

28:50

That's what the call it America. That's double

28:52

parked all night. Double parked. Yeah. But

28:54

the thing is that the service can be quite slow

28:56

in the place that we were at. So I

28:58

was like, I need to get my drinks orders in.

29:00

I I was double parked in America and clocked

29:03

above. It's freaking out. I can't remember getting home.

29:05

cannot remember leaving, really.

29:07

I can't

29:09

remember. Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. I think

29:12

I said goodbye. It's the only wedding I've been

29:14

to. We have not spent penny all day. can't

29:16

believe it. I got home on the on the underground

29:19

as well. Oh, so you spent about five quid orders? I spent

29:21

like five quid orders. was hammered. I had the

29:23

one of the best wines and meals that

29:25

I've had ever, and it's been a penny.

29:28

So who picked up the tab in there? Oh,

29:31

that's because

29:33

I'm worried about that, Stuart. Exactly.

29:36

Exactly. Exactly. When he

29:38

talk about we'll talk about that in the bonus. Yeah. Yeah. We

29:40

have news about Ben and his position here, but

29:42

Yep. We'll do a special goodbye.

29:45

Yeah. Anyway, this is Dragon lunch.

29:47

Zoom picked up the bell.

29:49

I did those a couple

29:51

of years ago. No. I'm recalibrating. I got

29:53

two properties. And then also, then so

29:57

got two ounces on hill. I've got two ounces

29:59

on a hill now.

29:59

I am. I've done well for Mountain Boy

30:02

and Wales. You know, I used to go down the pace when I

30:04

was sixteen. I was down the pick with my

30:06

father and then we set up our own business audio

30:08

always, Man and Boy.

30:10

So he picked up the tab and part of me is like,

30:12

Well,

30:12

thank you to Steward. Those old fashioned, I

30:14

were on. They're about twelve quid a pot. Oh,

30:17

yeah. A big time. And I had about four. Yeah.

30:19

And I noticed you were smashing back then pecantes.

30:22

Four

30:22

or five. Four or five. Four or five. Four

30:24

or five. Four or five. Four or five. Four

30:26

or five. Four or five. It was

30:28

it was a really quick one. Coffee and vodka shut

30:30

the fuck up. So I would

30:34

Who's for fifty feet? Yeah. No. Only

30:37

child can't look at it really. But, yeah, it it

30:39

was Listen to me. Did you have an economic the

30:41

final thing? Did you have any of the canopies?

30:43

Oh, I love the canopies. Oh my God. Yes.

30:46

Okay. They had because I had I had sausage

30:48

and mashed. put the mushroom, the sausage, the bangers

30:50

and masha clai. They had a bangers and masha

30:53

clai. They had that sauce. That was

30:55

my favorite one. When and so When are you

30:57

done? The sausage one. Oh, no. I'm being

30:59

horrible there. What were we eating on the

31:01

spring rolls? There were two. I loved the spring

31:03

rolls. I only had one. Stephen, but everything

31:06

else was, honestly, lucky me. Thank

31:08

you so much for letting us share your

31:10

special day of it. It was absolutely perfect.

31:12

was fantastic in

31:15

every way. Thank you. It was so good. Well,

31:17

thank you for being part of it. Thank you.

31:19

I've got couple of things to add. Okay.

31:21

that's alright. Firstly,

31:24

I had a lovely time speaking obviously,

31:26

you're you're getting to know some of your friends and and

31:28

family that was mostly friends I spoke to.

31:30

Yeah. Which was lovely. I'm very

31:32

popular with Mike. Sorry. Just bring it back then

31:34

to me. I spend a lot of time in Mike East

31:36

London. They were lovely.

31:37

Carry on. We obviously had the receiving

31:39

line. Yes. Which

31:41

was nice at the start when we

31:43

the, you

31:43

know, the Oh, yeah. That was nice. When you want

31:45

to turn you Well, it's a good way because it's a large wedding.

31:48

It is a good way. And I know there was a bit

31:50

of a q. But

31:51

it wasn't the q. It wasn't the q.

31:54

No. It's very That nearly brought me back. Wouldn't give

31:56

me a hug. God bless it. Lovely. God speech,

31:58

I'll chat. was like Stop.

31:59

When did me? But it's

32:02

a good way to to make sure you you see everybody.

32:04

So at least if by the end of the day, you haven't

32:06

seen a few people to have chats with, you have agreed

32:08

to them in the receipts. agree. III

32:11

think

32:11

we should not do more receiving lines at weddings.

32:13

Sorry, Ben, Carryon. The final thing I

32:15

I wanted to bring up was obviously is

32:18

to do with another impression. don't know if

32:20

either of you remember it or if if who was there

32:22

for it, but cat did find out about her

32:25

impression.

32:26

Of did she who brought that

32:28

up? I've blue question.

32:31

I just need to She might have

32:34

to do an impression. I think I did

32:36

a larger picture. Which I'll

32:39

be on this point down like That's why you've got that

32:41

black eye.

32:44

But

32:45

no. She now knows. she now knows, but

32:47

she had a lovely time as well. We both did. We all did.

32:49

Oh. Well, that's love, and thank you for for being

32:51

in Usher. That was so much appreciated. Just

32:54

before we go to Jordan's Johnny joke of the

32:56

week, Jordan? Yeah. Would

32:58

you like to see my ring?

32:59

Oh, yeah.

33:01

Oh, nice. Thank

33:03

you. I think I need to get it resized

33:05

after honeymoon because my ring's a bit loose.

33:07

Yeah. Your ring is bit My No.

33:14

Yeah. This is a bit Anyway, it's

33:16

a bit loose. But I am I'm a honeymoon, and we'll

33:18

talk about honeymoon maybe in the bonus, but the

33:21

I'm going to it's it's warmer,

33:23

so maybe my fingers will swell. So actually having

33:25

a a slightly loose ring may not be a bad thing.

33:27

You never know.

33:29

Right. Here's Jordan's jolly joke

33:31

of the week. Here's the jingle. wait.

33:44

What the cannibals do at a wedding?

33:46

And I'll

33:48

tell you the punch line after the break.

33:54

Alright, Gene Davis. Thanks for sticking with us.

33:56

Here's today's punch line for Jordan Shelly joke

33:58

of the week. What the cannibals do at a wedding?

34:00

I don't know. Toss the bride and groom.

34:05

I mean

34:07

Right. Well,

34:09

that's nice. Nice little. Continuing

34:11

it. We'll put in one

34:13

of Nike's dad's jokes, which was very

34:15

good. He

34:16

said it's an emotional day, even

34:18

the cakes in tears. Put them Very

34:21

good. The old ones are the best. Very good. Are we

34:23

doing some questions? Yes, sweetheart. Let's do it.

34:25

Let's not all talk about my wedding. Yeah.

34:27

Here he is. And again, can I also just say thank

34:30

you again, and this is what I was trying to say on on last

34:32

Friday's episode? Thank you again for all of the

34:34

messages. It was lovely to see so many

34:36

names. that we have seen

34:38

over the years that have sort

34:40

of become part of our Sexted family. So thank

34:42

you very much. And all of your messages pre

34:44

and post mean an awful lot. How

34:46

many of your couple

34:48

of them and your friends have only listened to a podcast?

34:50

Yeah.

34:50

They're basically the entire listenership. None

34:52

of my friends have found it. said, oh, I thought your

34:54

brothers listened. Mhmm. They just like to come to

34:56

sit in the halls

34:57

because it's got pissed off. Well,

35:00

you need to get on a number of a listen. But, yeah,

35:02

I can't believe how many.

35:05

Well, this listen's problem is from someone

35:07

called Let's call me Emma.

35:10

Dearest Ben Jordan and William.

35:14

My friend's gone to his head. My best

35:16

friend needs your help. So my

35:18

best friend, let's call her Tracy, has

35:20

been single for a little over year now. And at

35:22

the weekend, she had a little nose

35:24

strings attached rendezvous. Also,

35:26

she thought, dot dot dot. Tracy

35:28

called for a taxi the next morning to collect her

35:30

Saturday night takeout. taxi

35:33

firm had cash or credit to which she replied credit

35:35

and off he went like a ship in the night.

35:37

Until my best friend got an email from her CEO's

35:39

PA asking which company cost code she

35:41

would like her no strings attached Rondeau

35:44

taxi fare build to. So what

35:46

should she do? Fassup or hold firm?

35:49

So she's obviously called for a taxi,

35:51

the company that Tracy,

35:54

she's put on account. She's put on

35:56

account. Obviously, it's not a work. related

35:59

costs. Nice to eat up a rock effect. I

36:02

could say that, though. Gosh.

36:06

Is that

36:06

fair? Anyone

36:09

from Bawa Media, I'll see you in court. Emma,

36:14

I think your friend should mess up. Yes.

36:17

Yeah. I I think that's the best thing to

36:19

do. Off at least offer to pay, if work

36:21

go, no, it's fine, don't worry. It's all sorted. It's

36:23

a bit of an admin headache. I don't know how big the I mean,

36:25

also depends how long the fair was if he was just

36:27

driving from Bristol to Manchester. Absolutely.

36:30

If he was going sort of from one street to another,

36:33

you still set up, but actually

36:35

work might go. Don't do it again. It's

36:37

fine on this occasion, but

36:40

at least you should offer. Yes. That's all it's always

36:43

the

36:43

right thing to do. Yeah. This is from

36:45

anonymous. Hello, William Jordan and PB.

36:47

I'm listening back through all of the back catalogs,

36:49

so apologize if you already answered a similar question.

36:52

For a bit of background, I grew up on a council

36:54

estate and didn't even know what etiquette was until

36:56

I went to university. My partner is at

36:58

the other end of the spec room, and although he has

37:00

the most wonderful family, they can be quite

37:02

particular. We are getting there at next

37:04

summer, very grateful that the wedding is being funded

37:06

by his family and will be a larger fan. Anyway,

37:09

a French's message asking for a dress

37:11

code and send a picture of a dress she's thinking

37:13

of buying. It's nine months until we get married.

37:15

The dress is floor length, which believe is poor to

37:18

get to wear to a wedding. I'm sure

37:20

about that. And looks very much like

37:22

a bride's maid's dress. How do I gently

37:24

approach that she may feel too formal

37:26

compared to other guests after the wedding? On

37:28

a further note, my dress is quite informal,

37:31

blank cut more skin tone than white, but

37:33

holds its own while my partner will be wearing a

37:35

morning suit like the dress

37:37

with top hat. What would you recommend? The

37:39

dress code, you have meridol. And

37:42

how would you word it on invites? I

37:44

hope I haven't made any grammatical errors. You haven't

37:46

don't worry many things. Who's that?

37:49

Just as many things. Oh, well, yeah, you've

37:51

married up with the even digit of a top up.

37:53

Well, men don't normally wear top hands and doors,

37:55

so you'd only wear outside brief But if they're doing

37:57

an outdoors wedding, then yes, top hats would be

37:59

fine. But no,

38:00

I did not wear top hat because the trouble

38:02

that I, you know, I was outside for about thirty

38:04

seconds. getting

38:06

from the car -- Yeah. -- to the church.

38:09

To the car. That's about five grand. How many?

38:11

They're expensive. Yeah. Did you rent your

38:13

wedding suit? No. I did not rent my wedding

38:15

suit. I said, yeah, what's what we

38:17

rented as soon? Well, when

38:19

it's your your wedding, you might actually

38:22

potentially want to splash out.

38:24

No. A lot of weather has been too early for rented

38:26

it. Well, I didn't. because I've spilt

38:29

stuff down it and got charged the next day.

38:31

Well,

38:31

there's dry cleaners, one

38:33

wedding suit. are

38:36

rented. Yeah. Basically, there's

38:39

a massive I'm

38:40

I'm not proud of this. There was a massive brawl

38:43

on car park afterwards.

38:44

Right. This wasn't mine. Was that And I and

38:46

I've never had a fight in my life, and I was trying to

38:48

split. I don't wanna say it was

38:50

ridiculous. I was trying to stop me

38:52

brother from getting battered, basically. And

38:55

I got dragged around this car park --

38:57

Mhmm. -- through the mud, through the bifurcation

38:59

at wedding suit and I had to pay for wedding

39:02

suit. And

39:04

that was recently? Yours is the only wedding

39:06

I've been to where the word of sight. No.

39:08

I don't I think because

39:09

usually, there's a bit of a there's always someone kicking

39:11

off. The nicest thing someone said to me, and

39:13

it's my my colleague Alexandra, she

39:16

said to me, she went, I haven't been to a

39:18

proper wedding. for years, meaning,

39:20

you know, where you do it properly.

39:23

And that was nice because that's all we wanted to do.

39:26

So going back to this particular letter, I

39:29

think if, look, you can't really

39:31

control what people wear.

39:34

Okay? You can't

39:36

sort

39:37

of go no, you can't wear that, you can't wear this.

39:40

All I would suggest you perhaps say is

39:42

just so you know my my dress is not

39:45

floor length. for example. Now in

39:47

terms of you you said that you think floor

39:49

length is poor as to catch your wedding. I mean, it depends on what

39:51

the dress code is. I mean, for daytime wedding floor

39:53

length is is a bit much.

39:55

For an evening wedding, it could be fine. Wow.

39:58

I don't get a floor length. Floor length, you

39:59

know, where it touches the floor or just just

40:02

just just okay.

40:03

But I think you could you could say just

40:05

so you know and you feel comfortable, my

40:07

dress is ballerina length or my

40:09

length my dress is to my knees, whatever

40:12

it is. Mhmm. That's how I would communicate

40:14

it. And then it's up to your friend

40:17

to

40:17

then take the hint. But you cannot

40:19

control what each of the guests wear. but this

40:21

person sounds a bit more like me, so you could do

40:23

apply it or just say, don't

40:24

wear her floor length. She's, like, alright, what?

40:28

there is also the enterprise. Eventually, but,

40:30

oh, cheers. You sound like we're on the same

40:32

from the similar background. How you would word it on

40:35

the invitation? would say, what we did was

40:38

lounge suit, so guests were lounge suits,

40:40

we were in morning dress. So if

40:42

you're going for morning dress, then go morning

40:44

dress, lounge suit, or day dress with hat.

40:46

is literally that wording. That's how they did on royal weddings.

40:48

We just did lounge suit or day dress.

40:51

Bracket's

40:51

day dress with hat if you want everyone to wear

40:53

hats. Is it ever okay to wear black at a funeral

40:55

or black dress? Black at a funeral. Yeah. A wedding.

40:58

Generally a wedding.

40:59

I know a girl once. what? I have almost I

41:02

have almost been the bitchy belted. So you

41:04

can wear back as part of the outfit, but I wouldn't make

41:06

it the black color in it. No. It's my Even

41:08

a black suit. No. It

41:10

was a bit undertaking. Tell you what, there

41:13

was some nice suits at the wedding. They were.

41:15

It was very good tailoring. Very clear.

41:17

The gays know how to dress, don't they? They do.

41:20

They do. They do. They do. They

41:22

do. My my I knew my aunt, Joan.

41:25

She

41:25

went, Oh,

41:26

your friends are so gorgeous. She's

41:28

American. Oh. And yeah. We have

41:30

some very good looking friends. And

41:32

you have been with her as well. Dear William

41:35

Jordan, NPB. I've been listening to

41:37

your podcast for the last couple of weeks and I loved them

41:39

and wanted to get in touch about

41:41

a recent dilemma. I'm currently halfway

41:43

through a holiday in Cyprus. My boyfriend has messaged

41:45

me with some words he has regarding old pictures

41:47

of my ex partner on my social media

41:49

from three years ago. This has sparked

41:51

an argument via text. My question

41:53

is, do you wait until before the holiday or after

41:56

to bring up these words to avoid running

41:58

time away? Thank you, Dean.

41:59

Oh, guys, one of them

42:02

in it. In hindsight, it probably should

42:04

have brought it up after the holiday

42:06

or before, not during the holiday. Mhmm. but

42:08

you talk to someone here that can

42:10

tend to bring

42:12

shit up at the worst possible time.

42:14

So But

42:15

I so what I don't get is this Di's

42:18

boyfriend. And we don't know if Di

42:20

is Boerogas. It's basically it's ruined the holiday.

42:22

They've been arguing about on the holiday. It's brought it up

42:24

but on the holiday. If they're you know,

42:26

okay. If you were posting a photo from three years

42:28

ago with your ex boyfriend in

42:30

sort of contemporaneous No. No. No. No. Fair enough.

42:32

Yeah. You'd have a bit of I could say why.

42:34

Would you would you If they're photos

42:36

from three years ago that you posted three years ago,

42:38

you can't delete history. I I

42:41

can I know some people then go through their social

42:43

media and do it because they basically define that cathartic

42:45

and it's sort of a way of taking it. Yeah. think it's

42:47

yeah. But that was your life.

42:50

You cannot rewrite history. So, I mean,

42:52

obviously, I have no access. I now have a

42:54

husband and that's that's that's that. So I I appreciate

42:56

I've never I don't have any sort

42:59

of life experience to bring here.

43:01

But you can't if if that was your boyfriend

43:03

or girlfriend at the time or wife or husband,

43:06

That's that. That's history. You can't rewrite it. You

43:09

might be able to hide it or delete photo of Instagram,

43:11

but you can't delete history. So just relax. Yeah.

43:14

And I would tell your boyfriend to stop being so insecure.

43:18

Yeah. Maybe, to be honest,

43:20

he probably shouldn't have brought up during the wedding, but you

43:22

can't The holiday. The holiday. I've got

43:24

waited on the night. Final letter,

43:26

dear Will, Jordan, Ben. Please

43:29

keep my name quiet as I work for government agency.

43:32

That's all ready. I hope this English.

43:34

I hope this email finds you very well. I

43:37

am fairly new to the podcast, but I'm now completely

43:39

engrossed with it, and you join me on my

43:41

Dogwalk. and housecleans. I have

43:43

a dilemma and need advice. My partner and

43:45

I are

43:45

in a very happy twelve year relationship and things

43:47

are great. I however find myself an ill

43:49

financial bother. I work full time

43:51

and even do a couple of side hustles. I'm

43:53

trying to clear my debt so we can buy a house and

43:55

start a family. Now years ago, I used

43:57

to make some money through some unconvention

44:00

means. Oh my.

44:07

This person works for government agency. Just keep that

44:09

in mind when I read that next to this next sentence. As long

44:11

as every it'd be surprised he's got

44:14

only fans in that these days.

44:17

I sold my piss

44:23

and some other frigates.

44:28

It

44:28

was surprisingly easy. I

44:31

sell these lottery drivers, old men,

44:33

young men, and one man

44:35

I later found out was a vicar. I

44:39

got about ten or twenty quitter bottle, a

44:41

piss.

44:43

twenty quid bottle of piss. I'd

44:46

make a fortune. How often do I wait?

44:49

I would make a fortunate. I

44:52

could easily make. Make.

44:54

I love it. I could make. Make.

44:57

Two hundred quid a day easily on my

44:59

piss. Right. Right. This is

45:01

weird. I would simply find them

45:03

online and then meet meet them and

45:05

they would use Oh,

45:08

I can't even read this. This

45:11

is

45:11

This was meant to be a nice episode.

45:18

I

45:21

would simply find them online and meet them and they

45:23

would quench their thirst in front of me.

45:29

I mean, I'd like to think I'm a liberal purse.

45:31

Right. Let me just so we're all on the

45:33

same page here. Let me just get this right.

45:36

They would meet up with them.

45:41

pish in a bowl and

45:44

watch them drink it in front of them.

45:47

I

45:47

don't know, that's

45:49

what

45:49

I'm getting from this. Oh,

45:52

yeah. Okay.

45:54

Carry on.

45:57

I'm keen to stress that this does nothing

45:59

for

45:59

me. It does not give me a dickle in any

46:02

way whatsoever. It's purely and

46:04

someone else gets their jollers win win.

46:06

My dilemma is that I'm considering doing it

46:09

again. I

46:11

need to make couple of thousands to be debt free

46:13

and it really would help, but I kind

46:15

of feel like it might be a kind of cheating on my

46:17

partner. Is it? I'm not sure. It's

46:19

just urine and while my partner certainly

46:21

has vested

46:22

interest in my body. He doesn't change it.

46:24

I get no gratification from this. and it is

46:26

to contribute towards our future.

46:28

If William has managed to help

46:30

his doctor

46:31

now, just

46:32

and can continue, I'd love

46:34

some advice. Cheers, guys. It's a

46:36

nice advice. I will never judge anyone how

46:38

to make the money as long as it's up off board.

46:40

Like,

46:41

as long as it's like, oh, legal and above board.

46:43

But I think you should probably tell your partner.

46:46

You

46:46

have to tell your partner. Yeah. Particularly

46:48

if you're are you wanting to get married? No judgmentaire.

46:52

That speech should be funny. Put

46:55

the word in. Thanks for your buy a house and starter

46:57

family. But I like,

46:59

okay. If you got another job, for example, let's

47:01

just say a slightly more conventional

47:04

job -- Yeah. -- you probably would

47:06

tell your partner

47:08

If if

47:09

if Nike suddenly started breaking

47:11

loads of money, then you think

47:13

you'd think where's that coming from? you

47:16

probably want to know. If he started

47:18

selling bottles of piss, would you be okay

47:20

with that? No. Okay. But that's

47:23

our relationship. I appreciate there might be others.

47:25

definitely tell your partner and then,

47:28

you know,

47:30

I suppose if they did this a few years

47:32

ago, And it was how

47:34

much we sell it for? Too much a quid. Ten

47:36

no. No. Ten or twenty quid a bottle. Ten or twenty

47:38

quid inflation in that. No. I reckon before it

47:40

quid bottle easily. So

47:43

if you sold oh, where

47:45

we go?

47:46

Right. It's Martin Lewis over here. Okay.

47:48

Let

47:48

me look at this.

47:50

I

47:50

mean, each turned around, but

47:53

if you sold, oh, it's so disgusting.

47:55

Should we say third quarter bottleneck inflation?

47:59

But I mean, I mean,

47:59

well, that's it. I mean, inflation's huge,

48:02

but not that big. Huge.

48:03

so

48:06

ten

48:06

bottles a week, that's three hundred quid.

48:09

That that a month. You put also where

48:11

where? That's actually How do you think you're going to get this

48:13

past your partner? Where are you storing bottles

48:15

of your own urine in your house?

48:18

Are they see through?

48:20

I don't judge we do freaking

48:22

hard reads for anyone in anyone. It's only the

48:25

same.

48:26

It's not the day the

48:28

day we start advertising urine

48:31

in a bottle is the day I will quit. You

48:34

say that? You've got all emails paid

48:37

for.

48:38

True. Well, that was

48:40

lovely. Well, a way to

48:42

end this very lovely special wedding

48:44

episode.

48:44

No wonder Mike is father needs this

48:46

bottle of whiskey and strong paracetamol to

48:48

get through this podcast. We

48:50

send a speech. Yes. Slightly

48:52

more to find that they Please drink piss.

48:55

Why

48:55

would you drink piss? Like

48:58

Bear Grylls does it when he's supposedly,

49:00

you know, stuck on a desert island. And

49:02

there may be an incredibly extreme circumstances.

49:04

Yeah. I did it when I was about. What?

49:07

No. I don't need to know this. Oh, it's

49:09

not tell you. No. And I don't want it. It's about

49:11

eighteen ninety. Right. And leaving

49:13

any box room? No. And our

49:16

Ryan said, yeah. There's a whiskey barf here. I found it.

49:18

I found it, and it was his piss.

49:21

Disgust it.

49:23

Please just read the last bit before I throw.

49:26

Won't front it? No. It was Rubali's army

49:28

mates, and they thought it was hilarious. It's

49:31

always been a nightmare. Alright. You

49:33

can send your anonymous ad riddles to

49:35

help at sex at my boss dot com, or

49:37

you can tweet us or send us a message on Instagram

49:39

at sex with my boss. I mean, correct William,

49:41

he promises to rectify his own letter of

49:43

paper. He dresses on the website, sex

49:46

with my boss, that couple to you. on Friday.

49:52

Hi. I'm Ashley Stobar, and

49:55

welcome to my podcast, knits

49:57

excuse me. This is our

49:59

podcast.

49:59

I'm Lauren Harris, and on Nick Talk,

50:02

me and my best mate apparently are

50:04

creating a tribe of positive aspirational

50:07

women who never give a foreigner.

50:10

It's about being completely and unapologetically

50:13

yourself. If you wanna hear some

50:15

completely unfiltered girl chat,

50:17

the type of thing you talk about with your best friend,

50:20

then this is the podcast for you. Find

50:22

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50:24

Apple Podcasts. Give us a follow and

50:26

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50:29

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