0:02

This is a head gum podcast.

0:41

Welcome back to another so nice.

0:43

Byer It's me.

0:46

Yo boy. That's 391

0:48

one. Bye bye, Johnny.

0:51

G. Standing six foot two.

0:54

Three hundred and six pounds. It's been

0:56

a bad month 391 the south

0:58

shore of that saw a county law

1:01

391. It's John

1:03

Gabriel. All

1:09

you 391 do is trust me. 391

1:11

may make you an appearance live with 391 fantasy

1:13

typewriter. 391

1:16

is health care. I 391, but you're a dated

1:18

ref prince, sir, please keep it moving.

1:20

Also joining me in the high end of my series when the early silent

1:22

goes, Arthur 391 is not here.

1:24

He is not a service animal. He is

1:26

a senior dog. He is not allowed

1:28

in 391, so he is

1:31

at home. But

1:33

fuck my dog. Fuck my dog.

1:38

391 I keep getting in trouble for.

1:42

My dog's not the important guest. He's

1:45

never done any of these power hours.

1:48

There's been eight of these fucking

1:50

things can you believe it. We've

1:55

been live and not recorded. We've

1:57

been recorded and not live.

2:00

We've been live streamed from our

2:02

home tonight. We

2:04

are live in person at the Dynasty

2:06

typewriter, baby. And

2:11

also live stream to millions

2:13

of laptops. So for everyone

2:15

who's watching me on the same place that

2:17

they jack off, Thank you very

2:19

much. Oh,

2:22

yeah. I'm honored. Feel free to

2:24

crank it. Live stream only. Okay.

2:28

Sit goes. I mean, I'm hetero

2:30

normative enough if you want to finger yourself,

2:32

you can go nuts. That's

2:35

what I'm saying, guys, you can finger your own ass,

2:37

but no jerkin. Okay? Please.

2:40

I'm just straight dude. No

2:43

one believes me. Alright.

2:47

Speaking of Straight dudes, I barely have

2:49

any on this show. Let's

2:52

put our hands together for the motherfucking guests

2:55

of the eighth annual high in 391 power

2:57

hour. We

3:01

got from Tracker, and

3:03

we all got you. From

3:22

Novois and out of this dead place,

3:24

Internet. And

3:31

from loosely exactly 391. Still

3:34

call fire. Standby.

3:45

As I bring out our last guest.

3:49

Nicole Byer. Take

3:55

your time, baby.

4:06

Now how do we And I was thinking of shit.

4:10

391, perfect timing. 8th

4:12

seven twenty, you get on the toilet?

4:15

That's confidence, baby. I've

4:18

been on the toilet since one in the afternoon.

4:21

Just letting it slowly drop out

4:23

like candle wax.

4:26

391 just crossed me out.

4:29

Did it tell you what you're gonna be when you

4:31

grow up?

4:34

Is that what Candelax is supposed to do?

4:36

I feel isn't there a Simpsons thing

4:38

where

4:39

Right. Yeah. Oh, that you 391 just

4:41

a Simpsons

4:41

reference

4:42

to the old Roman thing. Is that an

4:44

old Roman thing?

4:44

An old Roman thing. Yeah. Oh,

4:47

this show is about to become an old Roman

4:49

thing, and that we're gonna be fucking

4:51

in puking, baby. Who

4:54

am I gonna fuck? Everybody.

4:59

When do we take this? Everybody.

5:01

Byer.

5:05

Sorry. Our

5:08

last guest 391, of course, Mike

5:10

391, who had to go home

5:12

because his mom had surgery a

5:14

couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Poor

5:16

missus Mitchell. I feel bad. I do, but I

5:18

don't give a fuck about Mitchell. 391

5:21

luckily, he's at a friend's Thanksgiving

5:23

Eve party in Quincy. And 391

5:30

gonna zoom in 391 I didn't bring a computer.

5:33

So he's gonna be

5:35

audio only, which is if you need to

5:37

just see a fat neck, look at mine.

5:41

Wow. There he is. Hi, Matt. Hi,

5:44

Matt.

5:44

Hello? Hi, Matt.

5:48

391, Mitch. My battery is gonna die in

5:50

a minute, but nice to have you.

5:52

It looks like you're back

5:53

through, Mitch. Yeah.

5:56

Where are you?

5:57

I I think your head is just too big for an iPhone

5:59

stream.

6:03

I'm at Remindy's house in Quincy. Of

6:05

course. Yes. Of course. Yes. I

6:07

remember you told me you had to go home and take care of

6:09

your mom this week, so you're at a friend's house

6:11

at a

6:12

party. That's fucking

6:14

great. You could have been at a show as

6:16

advertised.

6:19

But my mom had my mom had

6:22

hip surgery, I flew home, I

6:24

put on a 391 nurse's

6:25

outfit, and I've been helping out all week.

6:28

Was it 391 a sick senior's 391.

6:31

Of course. Yeah. Alright. Show

6:34

us.

6:36

Okay. I'm sorry that it's not visual

6:38

because he has, like, thigh

6:40

high white garters on. Yeah. Yeah.

6:43

There's Hitties around. Yeah. Hitties around,

6:45

but he has, like, of, like, latex

6:47

corset under I for a guy whose mom

6:49

and brother are nurses, I I should stop

6:51

talking about this nurse. And as

6:54

I unpack that? Oh,

6:56

I got a specific nurse. You're just wearing

6:58

fig scrubs and rocks. Deep

7:01

391

7:02

bitch. By

7:04

the way, my crew of 391 Friends

7:07

are they're I'm in the basement

7:09

watching the show right now

7:11

as as we speak, or possibly

7:14

watching the Kairi Erving 391.

7:18

391 weren't into Kairi until recently. Right?

7:20

Yeah.

7:22

They love 391 Or who's Brooklyn they're

7:24

Brooklyn fans. What's your

7:27

can you give us a rundown of the roster of of

7:29

Quincy Friends? Is SCOOP there. Shields

7:31

he's

7:31

there. Is a 391 is there? Is he We're

7:33

to analyze

7:34

here. Shields he's here. Shields he was just keeping company.

7:37

Campus here, Mike is here, Ramandy and

7:39

LD of or Who the

7:40

fourth day is people? Yeah. My

7:42

guess. Yeah. The least surprising thing is

7:44

that you need someone to know. Keep you company

7:46

while you're on 391

7:47

Zoom, Steamo's area. I do they all sound

7:49

like bullies from a Christmas story.

7:58

391 are real people. Fox Marcus is here.

8:03

Where's Fox do? Are

8:05

you talking so far? Alright. Moving on, Mitch. We

8:08

got Boston people joining from the

8:09

crowd, which scares oh, Ross,

8:11

scares everybody here. 391,

8:14

what's the vaccination rate at Miramondi's house

8:17

rate? Is

8:20

that why you're sitting by an open window

8:22

in the north question.

8:23

Or is

8:25

that because you have five layers on and are sweating

8:27

your ass off?

8:29

I did I did get someone to test earlier

8:32

today. That is the truth. And

8:34

that's

8:34

good. That's great. Thank you,

8:36

man. Thanks. Thank you

8:38

for your service,

8:39

Mitchell. Otherwise,

8:42

you have a a liquid death can in

8:44

front of my I can't

8:47

You don't need to I set you up in front Wiger

8:50

because I know you missed looking at him

8:52

over Zoom. You think

8:53

you're in the 391 contact from this guy. Come

8:56

on.

8:57

We're lucky

8:57

391 get him to laugh or smile. He can learn

9:00

how to fake it for the show.

9:03

Mitch, this is in a

9:05

weird set of circumstances, unusual for

9:07

me, common for you. I actually have some high

9:09

school friends at the show

9:11

tonight. My friends

9:13

Brandon and Leslie are here. Hi. I get you guys out

9:15

there. Hello. Get it

9:17

up for the rest of the trench coat

9:19

mafia. 391 Eric

9:23

stand up.

9:29

What? What are you 391 for me?

9:32

Mitch,

9:34

what are you drinking over there for the

9:36

power hour?

9:37

I got Bud Lights here, gamers. Wow. Bud Lights.

9:39

Oh, we got some

9:40

BLs here. We got some Modelos. We got

9:42

liquid deaths. And Nick, are you

9:44

gonna drink I know you're a tea total

9:46

in these

9:46

days. That's right. I'm trying I'm trying to

9:48

drink less. I will say that I am so

9:50

stunt drinking is a little tough for me, but

9:52

I will say that I am gonna participate

9:55

in a different way.

9:56

Yeah. We 391 a

9:58

huge pot of gravy. Last

10:04

year, I did do sixty shots of mushroom gravy.

10:06

Wasn't bad. This

10:08

year tripped balls. Yes.

10:11

This year I'm doing something a little bit more

10:14

palatable 391 I think also very

10:16

on brand for this particular

10:17

show. Yeah. I'm gonna do

10:19

sixty shots of Taco Bell

10:21

391 Dew baja blossom.

10:23

Oh, boy. Dude,

10:26

yes. Look out, dude, you're gonna

10:28

be so

10:28

high. You're bad. You're

10:31

gonna jaguar, like a park too

10:33

many. Lightweight. You're gonna leave

10:35

here and get gold in all the x games.

10:39

Oh, yes.

10:42

Oh, this

10:43

stuff is not good. No.

10:44

It's it's very bad, but

10:47

I did finish it.

10:48

391 one. And I spilled my first shot and we have

10:50

any surgery. Yeah.

10:51

At least I

10:51

have all the technical gear over here

10:54

by me. Are

10:54

you gonna take a are you gonna take a

10:57

morning recovery for the 391 blast? Is that

10:59

what you're saying? Yeah.

11:01

Maybe I

11:01

am. I'm not 391 lie.

11:04

I know alcohol is poison, and I'd rather

11:06

do sixty shots a beer than sixty shots

11:08

a

11:08

bottle. Yeah.

11:09

I think

11:10

a doctor would say to do beer 391

11:12

of blah blah blah. Well, how

11:14

much have you seen? Oh.

11:17

How much have

11:19

you

11:19

seen? How much

11:20

have you seen? A great question.

11:22

III think this is this

11:24

is effectively two large

11:26

baja glass, which doesn't sound

11:28

unmanageable, 391, you know, it's like, you know, 391, sixty

11:30

ounces of liquid.

11:32

I do know that this is all told about

11:35

a thousand calories of sugar.

11:39

Jesus. I'm not

11:39

sure what caffeine, probably a lot.

11:41

Oh, okay. Okay. Is there a twelve You're

11:44

about to Baja

11:45

blasts. I'm I'm

11:47

gonna do that later tonight, mostly.

11:51

Yeah.

11:52

Mitch is gonna do that power hour

11:54

alone later. Yeah.

11:56

Well, my other option I floated to you

11:58

guys was eggnog. Yeah.

12:01

No. Yeah. So

12:02

Natalie, Natalie, my lovely wife is very

12:04

tolerant of all the stupid shit I do

12:06

in my approximation of a prayer

12:08

391

12:08

business. at your house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shit.

12:11

But, no. I I told

12:12

her that and she's just like, don't do that.

12:14

So, like, alright. Bob, blast.

12:17

You know, like, when your wife lets you do all

12:19

391 stupidest shit in the world and actually puts the

12:21

kibosh on something 391- Yeah. -- that you have to take a moment

12:23

to go. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough.

12:25

I hear you. That makes sense. I'm I'm thinking

12:28

about it more. This was an

12:30

impulse purchase on the way out of BevMo. I'm like,

12:32

oh, yeah. You drink this while you drink and you

12:34

feel better. So I grabbed five and

12:36

it was thirty

12:37

dollars. So I was like, oh, we better.

12:39

What's up?

12:40

Narley. Definitely, if you don't wanna hang over, just

12:42

skip drinking and this and

12:45

put forty dollars. I

12:45

don't know. That's a

12:46

lot of money, so I think it works. Yeah.

12:48

And

12:49

here's that rich person thing, I'm like, well, the juice

12:51

was twelve dollars so I should be healthy.

12:53

Soon.

12:53

I mean kind of. It's like

12:56

they dumped crystal lightened chicken

12:58

broth.

13:04

That is disgustingly true.

13:06

So bad. So bad.

13:08

Yeah. So

13:09

true.

13:14

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13:17

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14:53

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14:55

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14:57

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14:59

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15:04

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15:08

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15:11

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15:13

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15:15

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15:21

use it literally every day.

15:23

It's a super easy buy 391 you've heard me

15:25

talk about it. The taste is fine.

15:28

I slam one down in the morning or I have

15:30

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15:32

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15:47

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16:36

guys, here's the thing about this show.

16:38

The longer we bullshit up here --

16:40

Yeah.

16:40

-- this is the easy part.

16:43

Right? So Are people

16:45

familiar with a power hour?

16:49

Sixty shots of beer or whatever

16:51

you're having? I'm not pushing I'm

16:53

forty. I don't need you to drink if you don't want

16:55

to. I can still have fun without it. So

16:57

I'm sure you got some liquid debts, some

16:59

391 beverage. Thanks shout out liquid 391 for doing a

17:02

drop off. Thank you at 391, mister

17:04

Murder. Yeah. Murder.

17:08

Further your Have

17:12

you ever been to their

17:13

website? I have been to their website. I like

17:16

the little story. What's the

17:18

story? What's the story of liquid

17:20

dad? They 391 take children in

17:22

the

17:22

woods. It is

17:24

like a Nordic folktale that

17:26

day. Oh, yeah. 391 the WiFi is

17:28

good. And I'll tell you what, when you're camping, you

17:30

can have six tall boys liquid depth, feel like

17:32

a drink of Byer, and not be hungover for the

17:34

hike in the morning. 391 cracking

17:36

the open is strong enough. Look, I'm

17:38

hosting a power hour coming up with reasons how

17:40

not to drink. So

17:43

I'm cool. And so and is everyone is Thanksgiving

17:45

Eve a tradition where everyone comes

17:47

from? Yay. Yeah.

17:48

Okay. So four Yeah. Got

17:51

it. Wow. Nobody. People call

17:53

it blackout Wednesday as opposed to 391 Friday.

17:55

I know there's like a lot of other names for it, but

17:57

we've always called it Thanksgiving Eve.

17:59

And as a matter of fact, we would go to the same bar in

18:01

my hometown called 391 Grovan,

18:04

which was like that 391 hippie bar

18:06

that didn't serve Bud Light and that Barton 391

18:08

wore t shirts that that they serve Bud

18:10

Light at Molkehi's with the Molkehi's

18:13

address, which was like a like a douche

18:15

bag Byer, like a mile away. 391 that's

18:17

why my first bar that let me in when I was

18:19

seventeen with my fake ID. So I

18:21

was drinking, like, chamet, white,

18:23

like, Belgian ten point

18:25

o. That's my first beers in a bar. And I was

18:27

391 pretend like I know what a oh, yeah. I

18:30

like the 391. It's

18:32

delicious.

18:34

I still do that. Like, accidentally

18:36

391 get hammered. I mean, like

18:38

Yeah. This seems fancy and nice 391

18:40

just choking it down and

18:42

then, like, can't get up from

18:45

my

18:45

seat. That's me with a red

18:48

wine. I'm like, oh, yeah. You got red wine with dinner and all of a

18:50

sudden it's like, this bottle's 391. Go to get another

18:52

one. You come back to the table. You're like, my face is

18:54

hot. My face is hot. My

18:56

teeth are red. My shit is

18:59

black. Drinking

19:01

up red Wiger, take 391 black

19:03

shit. Wait real.

19:04

Really? Wait real. Am I Wait. Hold on.

19:07

Wait.

19:07

I think you're just shit. Round

19:11

of applause, if you drink three bottles of red,

19:13

do you shit black? Okay.

19:15

Thanks. Hey, everyone's

19:18

fine with this. Some

19:22

people love it. Six

19:26

people are beyond fine and

19:28

seek it out, it sounds like.

19:31

Yeah. Fuck shit.

19:33

391

19:33

when you look at the toilet paper and you go, what?

19:36

That is problematic. Yeah.

19:39

391, look like giving a shit where you're

19:42

like, okay, next shit. If it gets I'm

19:44

fine. Yeah.

19:45

I didn't

19:46

know. Oh, yeah.

19:49

Yeah. You

19:49

can't panic every time you have like a

19:51

deer ball turd. Anyone

19:55

Can

19:55

we go for deer ball nerds?

19:57

Deer ball. You know where you

19:59

like? Have to really shit.

20:02

391 only, like, a roulette

20:02

ball falls out. Like, a

20:05

roulette ball lands in the

20:07

toilet. Everyone is

20:08

391. What? I

20:10

think it is not a good thing 8th

20:12

Not good. No. Means you don't yeah.

20:15

Yeah. Why wasn't it me? You don't have

20:17

391 shit once.

20:19

I if I sit in a public restroom, I go

20:22

over to the fucking Dyson 391 to

20:25

white.

20:27

Low shit off

20:29

my nuts back everywhere. 391

20:32

shits are using so black.

20:36

Sorry. I was gonna say 391 kids

20:39

are usually so black and condensed. 391 like they're

20:41

very close to 391.

20:42

Wait. What did

20:45

you say?

20:46

He sheds

20:47

black like a diamond.

20:49

Oh, die. I thought you said, you shit

20:52

so black. They can dance.

20:54

Oh

20:54

my god.

20:56

And I was like, This is my

20:58

friend.

20:58

Hey, fuck me. What's happened

21:00

to me?

21:00

So fucking

21:02

Mike. That

21:03

was a remind me of

21:06

that. That's

21:06

391 do it chime with 391. Like gold. I

21:09

shit so glad it talks to her in

21:11

the movie.

21:18

Again, it's yours.

21:23

No one.

21:24

391 dare you? Gosh. Why are you doing

21:26

about this? Opposed 391.

21:29

Wow, man.

21:30

I have a very rich

21:33

I was failing. Mitch is gonna say a lot of cancellable

21:35

things this hour.

21:37

We're gonna just

21:38

put him on mute and just give him

21:41

Okay. You

21:44

wanna do another January sixth.

21:49

You never found Pelosi's laptop

21:52

the first time ever. What

21:54

do you think

21:55

is a good date for the a chair. Like

21:57

February twelfth or something. I feel like you just

21:59

like to double multiple. Well,

22:05

don't schedule at the day of a patch game. You need

22:08

turnout. up.

22:13

Should

22:14

should we get

22:16

this thing You know, we should do it. Sixty shots

22:18

of beer starter. Jesus

22:21

Christ. So here's how it works.

22:23

We're gonna do a shot of beer every

22:25

minute 391 sixty minutes.

22:27

We're gonna forget a few we're

22:29

gonna remind each other few times and we're gonna burp a

22:32

bunch. Feel free to play along in the crowd.

22:34

Feel free to not at

22:36

all and just watch and go home

22:38

and go those people are

22:40

insane. Aren't isn't that one

22:42

guy forty? Why does he do this

22:44

to himself? 391

22:48

guy. Okay. So can

22:50

we get the clock pop? And do we have that

22:52

do we have a visual on that or

22:54

no? If not, is it just audio that

22:56

works? That's

22:57

for you guys. That's how I look at that. There we go.

23:00

Count down. Count

23:02

down for the first 391.

23:27

Hey. Yeah. So

23:30

this 391 the listeners,

23:33

Wiger is 391 the box

23:36

391. Poring it

23:39

would be

23:40

nuts. 391 don't know what your best

23:41

option. I think this

23:42

is my best option. Because of a port that's going

23:44

all over the table. It's

23:45

like a giant well of fucking

23:48

baja glass that you're gonna have to

23:49

talk to. Which by the way

23:52

-- 391.

23:52

--

23:52

wellbounces 391 fifty four

23:55

milligrams of caffeine. Wow.

23:57

Shit. So

23:58

do the 8th. That's what? Thirty two

24:00

ounces, thirty six? I think each

24:01

of these is thirty

24:02

two. Yeah. So six can't

24:04

do the math. What is

24:05

the number you said? Yeah.

24:06

Fifty four milligrams for twelve

24:09

ounces.

24:09

Oh, that's another shot. So

24:10

Oh. Oh, already? Why

24:12

is you gonna do if 391 gonna

24:14

move your liquid depth, I can't see the clock. It's

24:17

two hundred.

24:18

Is it? Which one is in the way, dude?

24:20

There we go. Perfect. He gave

24:22

it to them. He just 391 like, Yeah.

24:25

Now we're cooking. This

24:30

is so funny you're at a party and hang like,

24:32

this is the most I think I used

24:34

to think Nick had the weirdest social

24:35

anxiety. 391 think you I think

24:38

you just won, dude. You're like, oh, I have to go

24:40

upstairs and work on my laptop.

24:44

They're all like, you're nervous, hon. I was

24:47

nervous. It might my sister came over. It

24:49

was a fucking 391. But look, it's gonna

24:51

be

24:51

great. You were nervous. I

24:53

had to figure out how to get your ass over

24:55

here from Quincy. Shout

24:58

out 391 for nada.

25:01

Excuse me.

25:09

Okay. Alright.

25:11

We're doing it. I'm shaking

25:13

a little. 391.

25:17

391 just say working closely with both Mitch and Emma

25:20

over these past few years. I can say, well,

25:22

this is this is mostly Mitch's

25:24

fault. 391 might

25:27

need to do one of them 391. I can't make the show. I

25:29

have to go help my mom. Okay. Perfect. Can

25:31

you zoom in? Yeah. I'll be at my friend's house

25:33

at a party.

25:36

Okay. And how does mom feel about that?

25:38

Mother needed

25:39

help. Actually, I was making a

25:42

pie and

25:43

I just love that -- I 391

25:44

you helped. -- I was making a pie and I and

25:46

I actually left her with the pie. She had to

25:48

finish the pie.

25:51

You're making her eat the rest of it.

25:55

So after you I was

25:58

391 making a pie.

26:01

So

26:01

after this, you're gonna go home 391 to your mother 391

26:04

make sure the pie is 391 down her

26:06

gauntlet. 391 have

26:09

six sixteen hundred people here in the venue with

26:11

us, and we're all looking at this small

26:13

little screen and talking to you

26:14

today. Yeah.

26:15

Don't look

26:16

at me. I'm sorry.

26:19

Wait, Mitch, what are you

26:21

drinking? Bud Light.

26:24

Oh, okay. Sure.

26:27

We

26:27

haven't seen you drink anything. Can

26:29

you guys ask? 391

26:33

you

26:33

call shaky or whoever the fuck is watching

26:36

or whoever's holding your hand

26:38

while you do your job, you do two

26:40

days a

26:40

week, all the time. Okay. My 391 is Ramadi,

26:42

Daniel. 391 you wanna They'll watch. I'm doing

26:44

I'm doing shopper shot. I got I got five Byer

26:46

lined up right

26:47

now. Dano is

26:47

the only person I trust.

26:49

I do like 391. Dano's got

26:50

I 391 love Dano's Dan knows that friend that you feel

26:53

bad when you introduce him because everyone's like,

26:55

oh. Can we hang out

26:56

again? Mitch, you 391 out

26:59

of the way so I can talk to Dana.

27:02

The funniest guy I know from

27:04

Quincy. Oh,

27:07

shit.

27:07

Oh, I'm like just sipping it

27:09

casually. Mhmm.

27:11

Yum. Yum. Yum. Yum.

27:13

But, like, that

27:14

is medium good.

27:17

391 is fine. Oh. Okay.

27:19

How's everyone feeling five shots in?

27:22

You know?

27:23

I feel alright. Pretty good.

27:26

Yeah. Good. This is

27:28

when it starts to this is the only time

27:30

it feels Right. Yeah. I

27:32

feel normal now. I

27:33

took 391 took some antibiotics You

27:36

check out z bionic dot com. Use CoBoyd,

27:38

dough Boys, and a Code

27:40

Boy. And

27:41

the holy fuck. Code Boy. If you code

27:44

And boy.

27:45

I'm

27:45

a please bleep out there promo code.

27:50

I'm

27:51

a bleep everything, Mitch. So

27:53

then we we we blame him for

27:56

391. Hey, Bruce. Let me tell you. I wasn't recording

27:58

for a good five minutes, but I started

28:00

it at about five minutes

28:01

in. So we're good to go. Jesus.

28:04

You you you truly I'm

28:06

so happy you are such a that

28:08

I got

28:09

such a huge liability to do the show

28:11

with me. It's been a real honor.

28:13

Wait.

28:13

Did you start recording before or

28:16

after you said your shit was so black it

28:18

could dance?

28:23

Can't believe

28:24

I have to drive home tonight.

28:30

The most fucking Boston

28:32

sentence I ever

28:33

heard of a song. It's probably

28:35

three quarters of a 391, and it would

28:37

be safer for you to drive and

28:39

then

28:39

walk. You're built

28:42

like

28:43

a crash test dummy. You'll be

28:46

fine.

28:47

It looks

28:49

like

28:49

he crashed, but the helmet protected him. Holy

28:51

shit. That's not a helmet.

29:00

And Mitch Mitch, have

29:01

you been pre gaming?

29:04

had 391 made a

29:07

fantastic apple cider cocktail here.

29:09

Oh, there

29:09

you go. Oh, no.

29:12

Great. Which one of your childhood friends

29:15

served you? Graham Baubert.

29:22

We all

29:25

we all show our final

29:32

Mitch, I can't

29:35

believe he went to school, sheriff

29:38

jail.

29:38

That's 391. Up,

29:41

dude. You know, you know, back in the day,

29:43

he was a good guy.

29:48

But

29:49

God. This is the only thing 391 is

29:52

like a Thanksgiving tradition for me now,

29:54

and it's I'm embarrassed by

29:56

it. That I'm like I fucking love it. I love

29:58

it. You know what I'm literally That's

30:01

embarrassing part. You know what I love

30:02

it. My family really wanted me to

30:04

fly back today. 391 I

30:06

was like, no. I'll get on a plane tomorrow 391 six

30:08

AM. Yeah.

30:10

Six AM flight 391.

30:13

Six

30:13

AM ten. Will

30:16

see. Look

30:17

391. That's a look forward to the eight AM

30:19

text about how you missed it.

30:21

I didn't catch up.

30:22

Missed it. I I woke

30:24

up. I'm I'm

30:25

one beer down, by the way.

30:28

Nice.

30:28

Oh, shit,

30:30

man. I woke up today so

30:32

excited. Me

30:32

too, like, eight o'clock in the morning.

30:35

I was like, oh, today's

30:37

the 391, I get a drink of 391,

30:40

like, cheer for

30:44

Yeah. I agree. I ate a salad

30:47

in preparation.

30:49

I bought Gatorades, I put them in the

30:52

fridge. Like Tiff and her mom are

30:54

cooking shit for Thanksgiving, and

30:56

I'm

30:56

like, I need room for my blue gate or entrance.

30:58

It's for work.

31:03

It's so weird when this is your like, you

31:05

could you'd be like, for work, I have to go 8th

31:07

bed 391 Byer Peter. Okay?

31:11

I got

31:14

these custom shot classes made with a

31:16

little Arty logo on

31:16

them. They're very

31:18

cute. 391 I sent the text to the 391 hour chat

31:21

group, which is alive for

31:23

four years. I

31:26

love it. 391 sent the text,

31:28

like, oh, I got 391 custom shot. That's

31:30

his entire

31:30

response. I want mine and says, I

31:33

love

31:33

pussy. No. I think it

31:36

was sweet. Oh, 391. Sweet

31:39

pussy. I guess I misread

31:40

it. I thought you'll I thought you'll I thought you'll

31:42

read it too. I felt like I felt

31:44

like a dad

31:44

who just let down all his kids.

31:47

I was like, obviously, let's talk about

31:49

my pussy. I felt like

31:51

a dad

31:51

who just let down all his kids. He's like,

31:54

going to Disneyland's offshoot

31:57

restaurant right here in North

31:59

Carolina. 391

32:02

know what I realized? Oh, shit. We got a shot. Fuck.

32:07

Cheers. Cheers. 391

32:10

you realize? I realized when

32:11

I was last home, I

32:14

left a pair of, like, jack off,

32:16

boxers, but size my

32:17

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Wait.

32:20

What? What did you say? What did you

32:22

say?

32:22

I'm back. Wait.

32:24

Hold on. Alright. I'll break it down. When

32:27

I'm back home I need to jack off.

32:28

I pull out a a pair of boxers

32:30

and I jack off into them.

32:33

And so

32:34

Man, what are

32:34

you wearing

32:35

them? What? Are you wearing them or

32:37

holding them in front of your dick? I

32:41

hope I kind of hold them in front of my dick like a

32:43

like I'm like a Toro one away, but I don't move

32:45

8th I don't move it

32:46

ever. And

32:47

you can't use like toilet paper

32:49

or something

32:50

something disposable? The

32:52

boxers are

32:53

big. Thank you for those weird. Like Yeah.

32:56

It's a lot of that. We all 391 the

32:59

boxers were

33:00

big. Yeah.

33:01

Nobody thought they were doing little

33:04

bitching. 391 391,

33:08

oh, shit. Now,

33:11

Mitch, who does the laundry back east?

33:14

You're

33:14

poor mom. You come out 391 give her

33:17

crusty boxes.

33:18

Boxers that look like a fucking plaid

33:21

pizza box.

33:23

Wrong fucking solid rectum. Angle.

33:26

Your mom's gotta break it over her knee to

33:28

fit it in 391 washing

33:29

machine. I

33:32

beg my mom to do her longer, she won't

33:34

let but I do my own Well, because you kept

33:36

stealing

33:36

her underwear. Right? That's like an old problem.

33:41

My mom is

33:42

here at my 391, and this is what I'm screaming

33:44

8th. You have a weird 391. Alright,

33:46

miss Gabers. I

33:48

like how you told us the boxers were big as if you're shooting some

33:51

massive Peter North sized

33:53

loads. When

33:54

we know it's like an optometrist administering

33:57

an eye drop. Let

34:00

me tell

34:02

you, these are tiny loads,

34:04

baby.

34:05

Big boxers, tiny loads. That

34:08

only fans be selling.

34:11

Jack off box

34:13

Anyways, I realized it wasn't even your 391 boxers.

34:16

Sorry. Yeah. That was just

34:17

my mom's 391 up that

34:18

you had jack off boxers. Right. There

34:20

was story. My 391 my mom

34:22

has deaf definitely washed him when I

34:24

was away. 391 what I realized.

34:26

How dare

34:27

she? Yeah. You've mad or

34:29

The story is You have jerk off

34:31

boxers and your mom washes 391? That's

34:33

it, Mitch. That's

34:36

what you think. To call 391.

34:39

There's communication breaks down here. You're glad.

34:41

That is that is basically the

34:44

391,

34:45

but yes.

34:46

I got home and I realized that they were

34:48

gone. You know what I'm saying? Your mom stole your crusty

34:50

box. 391 I'm

34:54

guessing your mother the her surgery was related to cutting herself

34:57

on your rock hard

34:57

box. She got

35:01

you getting this. How

35:12

dare you bitch?

35:14

What the fuck man?

35:18

Sorry.

35:19

I think I

35:21

missed one. I had I

35:23

had like a little area next to my

35:25

headboard growing up 391 I would

35:27

have, like, crinkled old porn magazines

35:29

391 a bunch of, like, balled up tissues and

35:32

toilet paper because I wasn't flushing

35:34

it

35:34

yet. 391 I didn't know what

35:35

to do with it. And then I came home from school one day, and my dad had

35:38

rearranged my room. And I just

35:40

was like, 391 he said, you you

35:42

want you want 391 headboard from over there

35:44

to over there. Uh-huh. And

35:46

so the headboard is and he's

35:48

like, yeah. And

35:51

I'm like, oh my god. This is the worst thing in my life. And

35:53

all I could think about 391, like, wait.

35:56

Did you didn't throw out the

35:58

magazines? Before

35:59

that, if I I would never see

36:02

Bush 391. George.

36:04

My

36:05

mom, I

36:07

guess Oh,

36:09

thank you, 391.

36:11

My mom was looking at, like, the browser

36:14

history and she sat me down and she was

36:16

like, Nicole, were you

36:18

looking at playgirl

36:20

dot

36:20

com? 391 I was like, yeah. Why

36:22

not? And she was like, well, what were you looking for?

36:24

And I was like, is my mom stupid? And

36:26

I could, man, an

36:29

article about apparral surprises I

36:31

wanted to tell you. I truly

36:33

was, like, penises mom. They

36:35

have them there. And

36:37

she just said, well, just don't go

36:40

again and get to it 391 you'll be

36:42

sad.

36:43

And that's my obsession

36:46

that's when my obsession with penises ended.

36:48

Yeah.

36:48

Right. You're a liar. Yeah. I

36:50

don't like

36:51

dex 391 love

36:55

We do have anyone

36:56

know what Fredericks of Hollywood is.

36:58

Yeah. It's

36:59

like a lingerie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember, like,

37:01

the the little brochure the the

37:03

catalogs? The catalog That was my

37:05

entry point it like, dirty. Oh, shit. It was

37:08

dirty, but they had, like, a

37:10

male section in

37:12

the

37:12

back. And, like, none of the other

37:14

right letters in. Yeah.

37:17

The coupons came a

37:19

little mail back.

37:21

Dear Frederick, matter is precious.

37:24

But I I miss Manu.

37:29

More penises, please? No.

37:31

They they whatever it was dirty and 391, and

37:33

I got caught hoarding them in

37:36

my

37:36

room. 391,

37:37

like, burning all the lady

37:39

pages. Yeah.

37:40

Jungle 391 of course on

37:43

them. Seven. 391 together

37:45

last pages of Frederick of

37:46

homework. I missed one. I don't know. No. It was weird. Well, I

37:48

in fact, I was in

37:49

such gay denial that I would look at the men and

37:51

then try to finish to

37:54

the women. 391 I

37:58

thought I could trick

37:59

myself. Did it

38:02

work? No.

38:04

What? Yeah. Is it the

38:06

Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.

38:07

Okay. One of the many weird

38:10

things about jerking

38:12

off is choose like, masturbating is choosing a climax. Like, you're

38:14

like, oh,

38:14

wait. Hold on. I'm gonna go but you're 391 Tams.

38:16

So I'm just gonna hang

38:18

on. Well,

38:19

this is pretty sick.

38:21

This I'll come back to you,

38:24

baby. He RBG

38:26

animals,

38:27

you know. Why

38:28

good? I feel like my dad would have been

38:30

thrilled if you saw search history if,

38:33

like,

38:33

if you saw that I was

38:35

looking at porn, but 391 was

38:37

mostly, like, Mario

38:39

downloads. You were

38:41

jerking it

38:44

to Mario?

38:44

Mario 391 and shit. Yeah.

38:46

I remember the first

38:49

time

38:49

I saw a cartoon

38:52

of, like, margin homeroom or fucking? I think she the

38:54

blue

38:54

bush. And it, like, messed me

38:58

up.

39:00

Like, really was just like, oh my. It fucking

39:03

bummed me out. And

39:07

then

39:07

I 391 to fall.

39:11

Betsy, where

39:13

do you see Bart in

39:16

March fucking. Let me tell you it's even first.

39:17

Oh, no. Why is

39:19

that? Oh, I know why

39:21

you're looking that. Officer,

39:24

I'd like

39:30

to report a murder. Jessica

39:32

didn't get the fuck out

39:35

of his comps. Who

39:40

invited you? Oh, sick

39:43

full sleeve. Hey.

39:49

Lualize are gonna

39:53

Hey, I'm mad. Not angry. There's a

39:55

delay. I don't know what the fuck's

39:57

going

39:57

on, but He was watching

39:59

a watch for a few weeks 391 with

40:01

Avatar two. Wait, Nick is telling

40:03

8th story. He

40:06

told that 391 on the

40:08

train next door. So

40:11

you were recently

40:13

watching a pornographic film.

40:15

I was like an porno on recent memory. And I had, like, it on mute

40:17

because I didn't wanna We didn't know not November. Is that

40:19

over? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I'm not doing that

40:22

for real.

40:24

I was doing that by accident. Oh, alright. I was I

40:27

said this on Delbos. Was for Charity.

40:28

No. I said this on Delbos. It was,

40:29

like, November seventh.

40:30

Then he realized, wait. I'm doing no 391 November.

40:34

But but, no, this was this was a

40:36

while back, but I I had it on mute because

40:39

it was because I,

40:40

you know, I don't wanna wake my wife up. And

40:43

391 you can't wear headphones in

40:45

that scenario. So I was watching this part of

40:46

it. Nightmar,

40:47

you have noise canceling your headphones on, jerking 391. You'd

40:49

like someone like the

40:52

burglars, sneaking up. Wait,

40:56

nightmare. Hold

40:58

on. A stranger's murderer chokes.

41:01

Right. That would be 8th forensic detective has, like, a whole

41:04

a lot of homework you. Look

41:06

at me. Where that happens?

41:09

Oh, fuck. Okay.

41:10

391, whack. Tell us about your point of words.

41:12

So it's like, oh,

41:14

there's jacking off. This is

41:15

really hot. I gotta, you know,

41:18

I gotta watch this again with sound when I hit the

41:20

house myself. And and

41:22

391 it again with sound and the

41:24

the pornographic actress in it

41:26

had, like, the

41:27

strongest Jersey 391. Where she's, like,

41:29

literally, like,

41:30

the first line, the first line, the

41:31

first line is, like, 391 your cat

41:34

out. Like,

41:36

I

41:36

can't. This isn't gonna

41:37

work anymore. 391 and fucking

41:40

crazy. Completely

41:42

391

41:44

it. I'm trying

41:45

to do an enlargement like Eldon Ring, porno,

41:47

or whatever the fuck

41:49

you. I don't normally

41:50

say 391, but I

41:51

don't know. Why's billed? Oh, no. That's why we're doing

41:53

the ladle method. Well, what if you

41:56

do more

41:56

cups and

41:57

fill up a bunch? 391

42:00

though. Yeah. I

42:00

did. I got I got I got a trio. I'll try to have

42:02

a

42:03

Wait.

42:03

Why? Fuck.

42:03

I'm sorry. I

42:04

get fucked up. Fourteen. We're third Just

42:07

making it harder. Okay. Twenty

42:09

minutes in. Holy shit. You're only twenty minutes

42:11

in. 391 we're gonna run

42:13

out of Baja

42:14

Blast. 391 the

42:16

end of the first act, which means we're at the dark night of the soul according

42:19

to --

42:19

No. -- outsider. Wow. They

42:21

look at joke

42:23

like over well in You

42:25

guys know Blake Snyder, the

42:27

screenwriter behind blank

42:30

check? You

42:32

I literally saw a porn recently that

42:34

said 391 headline was headline. The title was

42:36

391. Actually,

42:41

trend. It

42:43

was the headline was,

42:46

improv class

42:47

gets naughty. Wow. Yes.

42:52

I love 391 watch. Probably.

42:56

Heterosexual, but it's underneath gay because

42:59

it's impromptu. My gosh.

43:01

I'm on a delay. 391. Gay.

43:05

Fucking gay. Wait. That's

43:08

oh, shit. Porn's gotten so

43:10

wildly

43:11

specific. Mhmm. Yeah.

43:13

My

43:13

favorite porn is bloopers.

43:16

And oh, I love

43:18

a surprise fun shot that

43:21

confuses everyone. Well, there is this one

43:24

lady. She was riding this guy and she 391 what?

43:26

What? Oh,

43:27

he's having conversations

43:29

391 other people. You're

43:31

doing a fucking show

43:33

niche. Hey. Well, fucking

43:36

pain. I just asked to do something. Who are you

43:38

talking to? Snappy. Who are you

43:40

talking to?

43:40

Hello, Sam. Sorry.

43:42

Go on Nicole.

43:43

Sorry. Thank you. I

43:45

would like to tell my asshole

43:48

story. 391 the lead

43:50

391 very looser. What

43:53

a

43:53

blueprint? Yep. So She's

43:55

riding this guy, and her

43:58

asshole falls out. Oh my

43:59

god. And then she

44:00

goes, no, my asshole fell

44:03

out.

44:03

Well, what do you

44:04

want her to say? And then she shoves

44:07

it. She shoves it. I mean, yeah.

44:08

And then she shoves it back

44:11

in falls out again. Okay.

44:14

And then they just stop. How did

44:16

you perform it? Did you just bark,

44:18

motto? They just spit 8th

44:20

Alright. Twenty two

44:23

minutes. Yeah. By the

44:26

way, if you do pro Byer you

44:28

do pro

44:30

labs urena's, put it in a bowl of cold water,

44:32

sit in a bowl of cold

44:34

water 391 call any empty. Yeah.

44:37

Trust

44:37

me. Did

44:40

you

44:40

think you were gonna get that advice tonight

44:42

when you left the

44:44

house? But I want

44:46

I know enough about 391 socks

44:48

to give you the answer.

44:53

That's gross. You know what? That's

44:56

way. You know what they

44:58

look like? They look like that toy from

45:00

391. Yes.

45:02

No. Yes. Yes. Do

45:04

you think the inventor

45:06

was

45:06

like, oh, shit. My asshole fell out.

45:08

I'm gonna be making a toy.

45:10

My asshole

45:11

fell out, but I had a lot of

45:13

fun playing with it. Maybe there's

45:15

a way to

45:18

monetize this. Yeah.

45:19

It was sort of just like an infinity loop. 8th just

45:21

went around and around.

45:24

391

45:25

sucks.

45:25

Oh, that sucks. 391 of

45:27

Pink Rock. I

45:28

just tried to I did I

45:31

did that. I did what's going on this

45:32

talk show. We redid 391 pilot of

45:36

8th. 391 they would like and I know what gonna happen. You you know

45:38

the setup. Yeah. 391 finish this story.

45:41

But

45:42

391 they they brought me like they were like,

45:45

we're bringing you the set up like a new movie 391 then

45:47

I was just on a porno

45:49

set. And they

45:50

391 so, like, they pulled I pulled my blindfold

45:52

off and a guy was just railing a lady

45:54

right in front of

45:55

me. Like,

45:56

just fucking a lady. 391

45:59

I didn't feel Did you grab

46:02

your big box? It was fucking cool. I'm gonna need

46:04

a triple XL pair.

46:08

Were you

46:09

were you able to catch your boxers, like, a few It was very awkward to

46:11

like, they were like, they were like, you

46:13

can be the scumbag. 391 they,

46:15

like, made me hold a bag filled

46:17

with, like, gummy toilet fakes.

46:20

Just come back. Oh, man, that's fun.

46:22

This was a TV pilot,

46:24

you said? Hollywood rules.

46:27

By

46:28

the way, there's

46:31

a

46:31

delay and 391 everything

46:34

I say, I can hear the Quincy basement be

46:36

silent. 391, yes,

46:38

there's a delay to that stream.

46:40

There's no delay here though. Just

46:42

so you know. The only delay

46:44

is, you know, your processing power.

46:50

You're fucking four megs a 391.

46:52

The spinning

46:53

Four megs a rant.

46:54

Ring a little. I look 391.

46:59

We're four

47:00

white curling, Megan, and

47:03

we are of ram.

47:05

I

47:05

have ram.

47:08

Fuck. These

47:09

come at you fast. Yeah.

47:11

Feels like minutes get shorter and

47:13

shorter. Yeah. Something I've

47:15

said

47:15

to my 391 couple of

47:17

times. I mean, it's move faster when you're

47:19

drunk. I swear to god. Are

47:23

people watching Andor? 391. And or fucking rules.

47:25

And or fucking I stayed up till one in

47:27

the 391, not a cuss not normal

47:30

for

47:31

me to watch the Andor finale

47:33

last night. What is Andor? It's a new

47:33

Star Wars TV. Yeah.

47:36

You're there. Hold on. Hold

47:38

on. I Actually,

47:42

wait. Guess what? You're gonna

47:44

shit on it now and then head comes

47:46

gonna offer you a hundred dollars

47:48

391 already

47:58

on free TV shows. You're telling me

48:01

you're offering a fifth podcast. 391

48:05

in.

48:06

Fucking heart it. Fuck James Brown. This

48:08

is the hardest working person in the 391. Yes.

48:14

Thank

48:14

you. That

48:14

was kind. And she

48:16

fucking shows up for the power hour.

48:18

I mean And

48:22

she's this. Yeah.

48:24

Yeah. Mitchell. Hard.

48:27

What do you do?

48:30

About the rest

48:30

of 391 life. I had to go back.

48:32

What? What'd you say? I had to come back. Her hip is well,

48:35

I

48:35

391 there was an issue

48:36

with her hip. I I had to come back. What happened

48:38

to her

48:39

hip? You're being vague. Yeah.

48:42

How are her neck, her

48:45

back? Her plus eating her

48:47

crack? Yeah. Specifically

48:50

the crack. 391

48:52

doctor gave her passing praise on all those. Very welcome. Passing

48:57

straight

48:57

days, baby. Was

49:00

it a pass fail? I'll I'll lose pass.

49:02

He eat that. I

49:04

broke my crack in fifth grade.

49:08

I feel like I knew this about you, but

49:10

I don't know how you did

49:11

it. A friend I stepped on

49:13

my mother's back.

49:16

391 friend pulled a chair out from under 391, and

49:18

I landed so hard that I

49:20

broke my Honestly 391.

49:23

That's very funny. I'm very

49:26

integral. I was shocked. A lot. And then I

49:27

was like, oh, I can't really

49:30

stand

49:31

up. You broke your caustics. Cactus.

49:34

8th. No. That's okay. What do they

49:36

do? Do

49:37

they 391 because they

49:38

can't put a

49:39

cast on it? 391 like,

49:42

for, like, a couple of

49:44

weeks 391, like, kinda

49:46

walking

49:46

around, 391 of just like this.

49:48

He passed. She didn't want a donut is another headline of

49:50

mine. Yeah.

49:52

Headline. Yeah. We do have

49:54

to poo through the 391.

49:57

Oh, for

49:59

391. Remember how? Yeah. For

50:00

fun. 391 are pooping through that camera.

50:02

I

50:03

will say I've never stopped pooping

50:05

through that camera. But I a

50:07

carnival game for

50:10

accuracy training.

50:14

Oh, man. How's the run feeling? Are 391 getting

50:16

better? Because that mine isn't is 391?

50:18

Is it? Or is I don't know,

50:22

actually. My I tell you what, they're

50:24

going down easier. This is, like, a problem with, like, drugs and alcohol in 391.

50:26

And then, specifically, it's, like, this is

50:28

bad. Can tell that this is bad.

50:30

Oh my god. This is the best. 391

50:32

Yeah.

50:32

God. This is the best. I'm getting

50:34

smarter. I'm getting smarter. I'm

50:36

getting smarter. I'm getting smarter. Drinking

50:40

is

50:41

tricky because I am.

50:44

I can't wait

50:47

to this Byer. I was like

50:50

flirting with the bartender. We

50:52

exchanged numbers and I was

50:53

like, oh, this man loves me. 391 then I was like,

50:55

do you wanna go out? He was like, I have a girlfriend

50:57

and I was like, wait.

50:58

What was our interaction? Yeah. What's

51:00

your time? And then I thought about it. And I was like,

51:02

it was just really friendly. And he kept being

51:05

like, let's be friends, and I was like,

51:07

yeah. Forget. I

51:12

think if you're giving your night 391 met them,

51:15

we're allowed to be

51:16

No. We're

51:16

allowed to miss We had met

51:20

before. A full blown year ago

51:22

391 he remembered me. Oh, no way. He didn't forget

51:25

391.

51:30

I'm sure they're loud fat, but the

51:32

crazy ladies came in screaming.

51:37

I don't think

51:40

it's that memorable. I guess I am

51:42

391, like, a loot nicole.

51:47

Getting frozen 391 the cold,

51:49

you're fucking tornado.

51:51

Yeah. 391

51:52

fighting to remember

51:54

you. Yes. You are fucking magical. I

51:57

am wearing a fucking 391

52:02

This is,

52:03

like, truly when I saw your sweater, I was, I'm gonna start searching. Plus

52:05

size women's. You should. 391

52:08

should.

52:09

That sweater I want Okay.

52:11

There's a 391. I think it's

52:14

called Coldwater Creek, and they

52:16

only yes. They only make

52:17

Yeah. You know you're 391 a

52:19

fucking show when a dozen plus 391 women

52:23

391. Yeah.

52:24

But they have so

52:26

many like, Martini Glass

52:29

sparkly sweaters. Yes. You should you

52:32

should look fine. Will be I'll send

52:34

you a link if I

52:35

remember. Gabriel's be shopping. Yeah.

52:37

You I'll You send us

52:40

that link. You send us

52:41

the improv manifest.

52:42

Yes. What happened to the improv

52:45

manifest? Did you watch it?

52:46

Yeah. Did they initiate the set here?

52:48

What happened in the

52:51

here's what upset me. The deal 391 closed marijuana.

52:58

That's so funny. Just go to different theaters fucking

53:01

jazz. 391. It took me

53:03

at And he

53:05

or the night, you could just watch a dozen entertaining

53:08

actors in the film though.

53:09

It did take place at the 391 Cox

53:11

Brigade. Wait, ma'am.

53:13

No. Oh, god.

53:16

No.

53:16

Man, they couldn't even get that pressed.

53:18

What

53:18

I hate was that

53:20

391 was

53:21

there was no, like, tension

53:23

They don't get dramatic tension in

53:25

391. Like --

53:26

Right. -- or impromptu Byer fair. Yeah.

53:29

It

53:29

was just that thing where it was, like,

53:32

there was bit of a class scenario and then an immediate cut to

53:34

a dick 391. Okay.

53:35

Yeah. This is

53:36

my biggest problem with pornography. Yeah.

53:39

Pacing.

53:39

Pacing. 391. Yes. Get

53:41

away from me. Yes, guys. This is this is when I

53:43

feel old, Mano. You're just doing shots twenty

53:45

seconds. 391 I I missed it. I missed

53:47

the last one. You

53:50

It's

53:50

enough. I

53:51

can't imagine you've missed this many times. 391

53:53

can absolutely 391 this.

54:00

Oh, I'm so drunk. Let's

54:02

do improv.

54:08

8th my god. Wow.

54:10

But did they, like, step out? Was

54:12

391, like, a

54:13

traditional, like, two person, like No. It

54:14

was, like, on a couch. It was, like, let me prepare you

54:16

for this audition in. Like

54:17

Oh, yeah. So

54:20

yeah. No. I want a back line. Again,

54:22

I want, like, a swinging door.

54:24

You know what to tag

54:26

out? It's The funny thing is it's

54:28

not written by someone who fell from

54:31

improv to adult film because in

54:33

the hierarchy at 8th old film is

54:35

above

54:35

it. Yes.

54:36

I got I got so fucking

54:37

dork from I O who told me

54:40

that

54:40

our jobs are less

54:43

exploited. Yes. We are

54:46

poorer

54:46

than anyone doing adult entertainment.

54:48

391 has

54:49

changed his

54:50

new background to 391 hand tied.

54:53

I'll tell

55:01

you about it. I'll tell you

55:03

where there's this artist stepping on a stool to fuck March. Yes.

55:06

Yeah.

55:06

Bard has a shirt on. Forty

55:10

style.

55:11

Famous little helper style. 391

55:13

lady likes open. Also,

55:15

is your microphone

55:16

I have my microphone 391 a coffee cup.

55:20

Why? I

55:21

think we also missed him in 8th. Because

55:24

because I I didn't have a stand

55:26

for it. So fuck.

55:29

Oh my

55:31

god. Man. You know what's

55:33

fun 391, Mitch? Put this funny, porno, 391 tied

55:35

background up and none of

55:37

us can see it.

55:38

It's just for me. Yeah. He's,

55:40

like, behind a human flag.

55:44

391

55:45

head blocks it all like Austin Powers. So

55:48

pacing in pornography. Yes. 391.

55:52

Thing. No. I would like to see a woman in her clothes

55:54

at the

55:55

beginning. Like,

55:56

that's how my experience, sex

56:00

frequently starts with someone also having clothes on. Yes. We

56:02

have a new sight heels and a

56:04

glitter

56:04

391. Yes. I'm a realist state

56:07

agent. 391, I'll tell you something. You gotta

56:10

look for 391 porn

56:12

because a lot of it starts,

56:13

like, with her being, like, mankind

56:15

is 391. And and my kids are heavy. And

56:17

then Yeah. Okay. So tell me

56:20

more about PPW, more

56:22

than that. All I

56:24

pretend

56:25

like don't know these

56:27

specifically. Do you know okay. It's

56:29

a red car. She's really pretty. And

56:31

they, like, tinker around for a

56:33

second. 391, like, go back

56:36

home. And then

56:38

it takes them like a minute to get into it.

56:40

I specifically look for porn where women look

56:42

exactly like me and the men look exactly

56:44

like the people I

56:45

fuck. I just

56:46

wanna see myself.

56:47

391 why I watch his bark

56:49

fucks on. I

56:54

I'm so funny. I I don't

56:55

mind watching I love watching big women

56:57

391 pornos, but if the dude is fat, I'm like, who would

56:59

fuck? Look at

57:01

fucking guy at it. I'm not even here

57:03

for

57:03

the guy, 391, like, can I at least get a

57:05

fucking nice hug on him?

57:08

Right.

57:09

Oh my

57:10

god. Alright.

57:10

We're about thirty

57:11

five minutes. Thirty five minutes. Thirty five minutes. Yeah. Thirty five

57:13

minutes. About. We're exactly

57:15

thirty five

57:17

minutes. It's a bit of a break time. Right? Well, not a break time. We

57:20

gotta keep 391 is Mitch doing?

57:21

I don't know he left. He

57:22

left. Which is Oh, too close.

57:25

This is, like, Blair 391

57:27

footage. We brought we

57:28

brought

57:29

some stuff to help the audience get through the

57:31

show. Mitch, are

57:31

you okay 391 the

57:34

fucking watch? So hold on one second while I if are you guys familiar

57:36

with take one, pass it on?

57:38

No. Yeah.

57:38

Sure. We are. Harrison

57:42

walking.

57:43

Behind the table 391 bringing

57:45

words of title

57:48

bell to the audience. Doc

57:53

go bell. Hello.

57:57

Taco Bell.

58:00

391. Taco Bell.

58:02

Love the taco bell. We don't have it here.

58:04

There's no way nearly enough people

58:06

get this, but we try

58:09

They are bean black beans,

58:11

soft and hard 391 year. Just black

58:13

beans, soft and hard, another headline

58:15

I look for. I like

58:18

that there there are

58:20

a lot of people being

58:23

responsible

58:23

and wearing masks in the audience and just also knowing the kind

58:26

of people who 391 come to see any of us. I'm just

58:28

seeing those masks being pulled down

58:30

immediately in Hale Taco

58:31

Bell. People

58:32

are did a risk it all. Yeah.

58:34

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And the people working here can't

58:36

wait to sweep up the not cheese.

58:39

That will fall.

58:41

From all these tacos. Yeah. I

58:43

got in my car, like,

58:45

years later, like, this would

58:48

I could still eat

58:49

this. Yeah. It's still good. The cheese 391

58:51

cheese stands alone. The

58:53

cheese stands 391

58:56

four every Wait. Really? If you drop taco I dropped

58:58

taco bell cheese

58:58

in, like, my dash one. Yes. It

59:01

doesn't melt. It doesn't melt.

59:03

It's not cheese.

59:05

It's not cheese.

59:06

It's not technically

59:07

cheese. It's

59:08

not technically cheese. It's closer

59:11

to mayonnaise. Most

59:13

surveys, another search. Yeah.

59:17

Whoa.

59:19

That makes sense.

59:22

Why

59:22

does 391

59:23

not appear? Oh, no. Oh, I

59:24

got some b l's over

59:25

here 391 you want. You start the audience

59:27

was being very, very quiet, and then you

59:29

391 very well 391 then you

59:31

distribute a 391 bell to them. And these

59:34

drunken maniacs are now, like We

59:36

love Byer

59:36

dabbling. Like, they're in a courtroom and

59:38

a surprise witness showed

59:40

up. We

59:41

lost him big time. Have you

59:43

ever had 391 jury duty? I have

59:46

I I'm waiting to see if I'm supposed to do

59:47

jury tests this

59:49

week.

59:49

Yeah. I might have it on Monday. 391. It's

59:51

That is

59:52

She make it find out. That's so

59:54

close. You gotta get teeth, though.

59:57

You're trying to fix it. Look at your dogs. Healthy. Yeah. Oh,

59:59

you

59:59

took an exercise.

1:00:00

Astrub that tongue. 391

1:00:02

just tongue looks great. I

1:00:06

he's 391 took he swallowed his lap, showing

1:00:08

us his uvula. He swallowed his laptop

1:00:11

like a pill. Are

1:00:15

we I'm

1:00:20

a giant. Laughing

1:00:22

like a fucking fairy tale sitting in the

1:00:23

head. I've

1:00:25

I've You're

1:00:28

making fun

1:00:29

of me. Oh.

1:00:31

When Nicole, are

1:00:32

you saying? I've just never

1:00:33

done jury duty. I don't answer the letters. Yeah.

1:00:35

I mean, neither. I

1:00:36

gotta start

1:00:37

doing 391. What are

1:00:38

they gonna do? Arrest me. No.

1:00:41

Yeah. If if you say you didn't get it, they have no way of proving you

1:00:43

did. Oh, hey. 391 same thing for

1:00:45

red light cameras. Yeah. You just keep

1:00:47

saying that wasn't me.

1:00:50

Yeah. Even if it looks like

1:00:51

you, I cut a specific image -- Yeah. -- you

1:00:53

just keep saying, no,

1:00:54

that's

1:00:54

a different guy with a beard and a mullet.

1:00:56

I Yeah. I'm listening. That

1:00:57

was me. I just

1:01:00

8th defense. 391?

1:01:02

The shaggy

1:01:03

defense. Yeah. It wasn't

1:01:04

it wasn't me. 391 wasn't

1:01:07

me. It's It's even funnier when I repeat the

1:01:09

391. Yeah. Oh,

1:01:13

I

1:01:13

also one time said

1:01:16

I had 391, impossible

1:01:19

391,

1:01:20

and then they left

1:01:22

me alone.

1:01:23

Wow. Really? Yeah. I was like, in a

1:01:25

response to jury duty.

1:01:26

I was like, yeah. Yeah. For George, I was like, I

1:01:29

can't sit on a chair.

1:01:31

Much. That's

1:01:32

funny. 391 then

1:01:34

they were like, okay. Send us your, like, doctor

1:01:36

note but then they never followed I just, who's coming to

1:01:38

my house to be, like, come to the jury? Do

1:01:40

you know what I'm saying? I'm never

1:01:42

fucking respond. Dude,

1:01:43

and, also, 391 show up and

1:01:46

be like, here I have eleven questions 391 they're

1:01:47

like, miss, you are released.

1:01:50

Show Now

1:01:50

I don't have Oh, you don't have time.

1:01:52

My god forbid you had to, all you

1:01:54

have do is sit there for five minutes and 391 go, you know what?

1:01:57

We should let this

1:01:57

lady. You know what?

1:01:58

I I've told this jury

1:02:00

duty story before 391 it's quick, but

1:02:02

I was on waiting to hear if I was gonna be a jury

1:02:05

member in a 391 is fun

1:02:07

for the show. Cheers. A

1:02:10

case where a a doctor was

1:02:12

molesting kids Yeah. Pretty. Hold on. It gets

1:02:14

super funny.

1:02:16

391 391

1:02:19

judge goes, 391 does anyone want to exclude

1:02:22

themselves because they're dealing with a similar case? A

1:02:24

guy raises his hand says, I don't think I

1:02:26

should be part of this case. I and they're like, oh,

1:02:28

why? He's like, I'm dealing with a similar case. I'm like, oh,

1:02:30

and who's the perpetrator? And he's

1:02:32

like, I am. And

1:02:34

the entire crowd is

1:02:37

like, 391 there's, like, a ton of people

1:02:39

were all, like, oh my

1:02:42

god. We, like, look away 391 like, yeah. Blah

1:02:44

blah blah. And people are, like, oh my god. And the

1:02:46

and the judge is, like, Well, you can

1:02:48

go and then another the next person is

1:02:50

standing up and the guy's like, the judge

1:02:52

goes, and why why do you wanna be recused?

1:02:54

He's like, May I approach the bench and speak to you privately about it? And

1:02:56

the judge 391, of course. Smarter.

1:02:58

And the other guys, 391 391,

1:03:02

like, Like, he sees that he could have gone up and talked it.

1:03:04

He was like, what? You can

1:03:06

talk privately about this 391 that's

1:03:09

A guy straight up

1:03:12

stood up in a roomful of people to get

1:03:14

out of jury duty and says, yes, I'm an

1:03:16

accused child

1:03:18

molester. That's how much jury

1:03:20

duty sucks.

1:03:21

It's good to know. God. Wiger

1:03:29

hack. I tried everything

1:03:32

to get out. I was

1:03:34

like, I don't believe in God. It says under God over there. Should I can I get out?

1:03:36

391 were like, no. I was like, I don't like the

1:03:38

police. I disagree with a lot of 391. But

1:03:41

then they were like, Sorry.

1:03:43

I was

1:03:43

struggling. Why are you showing

1:03:45

up? Because I felt like I had What

1:03:47

are

1:03:47

they gonna do? Drag you out of

1:03:50

your

1:03:50

No. No. Now that you're saying it by your apartment? No. You're too fucking

1:03:52

fan. 8th, 391. Take one. Look at

1:03:54

your mirror, like, 391 worth it. By your apartment couldn't

1:03:56

get me out of my house if they tried.

1:03:59

Full what's the 391 Death

1:04:01

movie? What's eating

1:04:02

391? I got

1:04:04

a car in back

1:04:05

to my seat to 391 in 8th car. Is

1:04:07

located by ankle. Six men

1:04:10

took me out of my house, and I've

1:04:12

never been more

1:04:13

embarrassed. I was like, sex,

1:04:15

is this necessary? And they were

1:04:17

like, man, look in

1:04:19

the mirror. I got kicked off the

1:04:21

fucking Harry Potter 391 8th

1:04:24

Universal Studios. Five. You're like, you're able to see to be all the color. Labor side

1:04:26

391. Really? Which? I

1:04:28

don't mean anything by

1:04:30

this, but thank fucking God.

1:04:32

If you were like, They look I

1:04:35

was able to close. Did they not have did they not have a fat seat? They

1:04:37

could not close --

1:04:38

Well, some guys have fat seat. -- favors. III

1:04:41

looked it up after the 391. Harry

1:04:44

Potterite is, like, notorious. Like like 391, thin

1:04:47

fat people get kicked off.

1:04:49

So it's, like,

1:04:51

you know, thin fat people

1:04:53

like us. I love the way

1:04:55

we talk about ourselves. Like, well, I mean,

1:04:57

I'm not absolutely

1:05:00

disgusting. I carry it

1:05:02

well since said a

1:05:04

high school girlfriend once. Well,

1:05:06

I'm so fat. I

1:05:08

feel like you're, like, medium fat.

1:05:10

Like, I'm medium fat because there's fats fatter than

1:05:12

me. Oh, yeah. You you're a touring

1:05:14

comedian. You're

1:05:15

-- Yeah. -- Dallas 391

1:05:18

ever go anywhere else? Where we are. We

1:05:21

are crossfitters. I

1:05:22

went to Dallas and I was

1:05:25

391, oh, I was getting I

1:05:27

391. I was like, oh, yeah. This

1:05:29

makes total

1:05:30

sense. Everyone here drinks seventy

1:05:32

ounces of Coca Cola. Hey.

1:05:35

Is that alcohol? 391 I was gonna go

1:05:37

to Vegas. I'm like, I'm doing

1:05:40

alright. Yeah.

1:05:41

I

1:05:42

think this is a

1:05:44

391 place to up your confidence when you

1:05:46

start seeing some other assholes. What do you need,

1:05:48

Mitch? Mitch wants us

1:05:49

to move something. What? What do you 391? I

1:05:51

just wanna move

1:05:51

the Bud Light. That's good.

1:05:53

That's all. Okay.

1:05:54

Okay. At least you could see better from Boston now and you could participate

1:05:56

in the show. They went

1:05:58

to Arlington I didn't I didn't I

1:06:00

didn't Harry Potter. I went to

1:06:05

Shit. Shit.

1:06:08

I just

1:06:09

391 his volume down. No.

1:06:12

He

1:06:12

can talk. Of

1:06:13

course. You went to HeartLink, Kentucky. I never

1:06:16

I was gonna let Mitch talk

1:06:17

391. 8th was some 391 friend.

1:06:19

He's on a mental delay. Don't worry about

1:06:21

it. No. I just say I was in

1:06:24

Arlington. I did, like, sick shows there. And

1:06:26

after I was done, they were, like, pay me out and

1:06:28

they went boy, your crowd eats. And I was like

1:06:32

And I thought about it. I was like, yes, a

1:06:34

bunch of fat women who

1:06:36

drag their

1:06:38

very thin 391. We're like, I'm getting

1:06:40

three dinners tonight.

1:06:42

I while we're going out, we might as well

1:06:44

have a couple of cases Uh-huh. So

1:06:46

here's here's a trick I'm gonna tell 391. Get a cut

1:06:49

of the food sales. Oh, wow. That's

1:06:51

how I So so it'll be like,

1:06:53

here's a bonus, and I'll go fuck

1:06:55

your bonus. Give me a cut of the food sales because my

1:06:57

people fucking 391. So I make bank

1:07:00

when I tour. Yeah.

1:07:03

Yeah. Shit, dude. Because 391 might

1:07:06

have one beanie banana,

1:07:08

but they'll have two fucking chicken

1:07:11

wing orders.

1:07:13

I brought a 391 show, I I brought a taco truck

1:07:16

onto the stage and, like, hired a taco

1:07:18

truck to be there on stage with

1:07:19

us, and people went ham for it.

1:07:21

And I 391, like, We

1:07:23

could

1:07:23

charge. I was like, I can start selling

1:07:26

food. Dude, when I when

1:07:28

I saw 8th

1:07:30

Octagon. One of my favorite rappers from my youth, I saw when

1:07:32

I finally saw him live and they

1:07:35

were selling merch from this

1:07:37

391, it was like so it was so

1:07:39

desperate and sad. But hindsight being twenty twenty,

1:07:41

it made to they were like, fuck. We're up here.

1:07:43

Yo. Who wants a

1:07:46

shirt? 391 people are like, oh, holding up money. And then,

1:07:47

like, one guy is wrapping 391 other guys are

1:07:50

391 selling fucking shirts around Marlboro.

1:07:52

Yeah.

1:07:53

Start. I love that. It's, like, the

1:07:54

indie wrestling shows. Like, the wrestlers will come out and,

1:07:56

like, just be selling their own merch and, like, people go Yeah.

1:07:58

You make it

1:07:59

to the fun

1:07:59

of mine selling merch. I did it

1:08:02

for, like, I don't know, five months till I was like, that does not the life for

1:08:04

me. Because you either 391 to ship

1:08:05

it ahead of time or take 391

1:08:08

oh, tequila.

1:08:10

Or

1:08:11

you have to To kill it. bottles of milk.

1:08:14

Timey. Fireball. Fireball. You want to kill it?

1:08:16

Fireball. 391 for

1:08:20

that ask us for the servers

1:08:22

and bartenders and then That's what I'll be

1:08:23

doing. Why how

1:08:27

are you feeling? Not

1:08:29

great.

1:08:30

I think that Here's the

1:08:31

thing. I've definitely taken a whole one of these to the dome before 391 a

1:08:33

straw. There's something about drinking

1:08:35

continuously in one hour portions

1:08:39

over the course of an hour. That's gradually reached me

1:08:41

to the point where I can see

1:08:43

through time. I

1:08:44

just, like, have,

1:08:45

like, a slummy

1:08:47

Can it happen to us man.

1:08:49

Yeah. Do I ever find love? I was able to see one year in advance, and

1:08:51

we look at

1:08:55

the Dynasty 391 Okay.

1:08:59

Honestly, great. That's fantastic.

1:09:01

So I'm still alive. I wonder if that

1:09:03

391. Right. I

1:09:04

so you can't even 391 is this?

1:09:07

What is this? 391

1:09:08

got it. For for now, Bianca

1:09:10

tastes like fucking Christmas trees, but

1:09:13

For now 391

1:09:14

actually awesome. I

1:09:15

love 8th. It's a digest, Steve, to

1:09:17

help you digest. So

1:09:20

Oh,

1:09:21

wow. We're

1:09:22

really growing up. Whoa. Oh, hi, Justine.

1:09:24

Why? 391. Yay.

1:09:27

I assume you were

1:09:31

saving this. Yeah. That's getting stronger. He's

1:09:36

getting stronger.

1:09:40

I just went super saying

1:09:42

it. Dude, your pink sock fell out.

1:09:47

She hasn't. you. Do not

1:09:49

shove it back in.

1:09:51

Trust me. Oh my

1:09:54

god. That was

1:09:56

regretful. Yeah. Why

1:09:57

go if you can soothe say 391 the future? What's the future mountain dew

1:09:59

flavor? Oh, yeah. Give it. I think they're

1:10:02

going to do a crossover with

1:10:04

the

1:10:06

from software games. We're

1:10:09

gonna get like a

1:10:11

a blood borne liquid

1:10:13

metal 391 or

1:10:15

some thing like that. What color will it be purple?

1:10:16

391, like 391 Black.

1:10:19

Okay. 8th.

1:10:21

Like 391 second, Jaya, a

1:10:24

line hangover, which is shit that he

1:10:26

keeps finding popping and locking in his

1:10:29

toilet. I got

1:10:32

it. Honestly, that's fucking funny. If I got

1:10:34

up, looked in the toilet before 391, and

1:10:37

they were having a

1:10:39

whole dance

1:10:40

party, Yes. Oh, I hope the next

1:10:42

time I take mushrooms off. That's what I see.

1:10:48

Mitch, please stop talking to people off

1:10:50

cameras, speech recognition, etcetera. Who are you talking to? Are they 391? Are

1:10:54

they single Let's 391 the

1:10:55

day. He's of the police. 391 and

1:10:58

pregnant. Are you single?

1:11:00

No. He's

1:11:01

married. She's asking

1:11:03

you single. Oh, Boo. You

1:11:05

wanna get flued out?

1:11:07

You wanna

1:11:11

get flued out? Oh,

1:11:13

he loves. Wow. You're trying

1:11:15

to

1:11:16

Amazon Prime some dick?

1:11:18

Yes. Next fucking day delivery.

1:11:20

Yes.

1:11:21

Hires fly Byer. Winzy

1:11:23

guys to Dubai.

1:11:28

Listen. Yo. Yo.

1:11:29

Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.

1:11:31

Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.

1:11:32

Yo. Yo. Yo.

1:11:34

Yo. 391. Yo. Tennessee 391.

1:11:36

Kinda see

1:11:37

a honey whiskey. You just

1:11:39

I just Oh, okay. Wait. Is his last name that's his

1:11:43

government fucking name? Or is

1:11:46

it

1:11:46

like, shit. Shield chili?

1:11:48

I gotta say this.

1:11:51

I've drank six beers.

1:11:54

Notch the question entirely. Wow.

1:11:57

I didn't even hear

1:11:59

the question. Wait.

1:12:01

Wait. Wait. Nicole's asking Shields he's actual

1:12:03

391. Is it

1:12:06

Shields he? It's Greg. Yeah.

1:12:11

I do. Holy

1:12:12

shit. The timing on

1:12:15

this video. Perfect.

1:12:17

Right before the

1:12:19

beep. Perfect. 391.

1:12:20

Gretz Shields. Yeah.

1:12:21

Figured. Okay. There you go. To

1:12:24

Nava. Uh-huh.

1:12:27

Oh, another? Yeezing

1:12:28

391 a beach.

1:12:29

Fine. Hello, guys. We got

1:12:30

about ten shots of your left. How's

1:12:32

everyone doing? 391, better than

1:12:34

I thought 8th was gonna be.

1:12:37

Found myself looking

1:12:38

at the phone for like a really and a half while nothing was and I was like, oh, I'm on stage.

1:12:41

391 was

1:12:46

like, oh, shit. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. I got it. And I was like, oh, on.

1:12:48

I forgot tomorrow's Thanksgiving

1:12:50

and

1:12:51

I almost forgot about my

1:12:56

flight. We're so And so sorry

1:12:58

to

1:12:58

reply. What day? What day, Nicole,

1:13:00

how

1:13:01

many flights have you missed?

1:13:09

The Quincy crew

1:13:11

just finished the Carriere ring documentary. They said it was pretty good. That should be

1:13:14

a

1:13:15

number you know. That

1:13:18

should be a There has been numerous times. I am spread Eagle naked in hotel

1:13:20

room. 391

1:13:25

was just like chinos everywhere. And it's two hours past the time I

1:13:27

was supposed to be on a plane.

1:13:33

391 luckily, I've flown enough and

1:13:35

I'm 391, what?

1:13:36

I I I'm just touching,

1:13:38

like, I'm tired of not working

1:13:42

391 your what's your late night hot food

1:13:44

go to when everything's closed down?

1:13:46

Everything's closed down and you need

1:13:48

some hot

1:13:49

food. What do you do? Do

1:13:51

you mean something you 391 prepare on your own? Because everything's closed down, so that

1:13:53

you have it around the house? Yes. Okay. Got

1:13:55

it. For me

1:13:55

for me, it's

1:13:58

it's it's White Castle frozen cheeseburger. Oh, that's

1:14:00

pretty good. For me, it's frozen

1:14:02

and possible nugs. We kinda always

1:14:04

have 391- Oh. -- and always

1:14:06

have those in the

1:14:07

freezer. 391, shit. I'm always trying something

1:14:10

fun, like carbonara and then, like, fucking it up. Mhmm. We're like,

1:14:12

391 chicken did that

1:14:15

one day

1:14:15

at, like, got

1:14:17

two AM, and I was fucking hammered. girl. You can tell me. Yeah. fucking

1:14:19

fucking white

1:14:20

apartment unit to carry the

1:14:23

house out of you. 391 kept

1:14:27

burning my hand so I

1:14:29

took my shirt off.

1:14:32

Alright. There's

1:14:34

There's no way you can know this, but this

1:14:37

is one of my

1:14:39

head rise. DDW

1:14:42

topless frying chicken. I am what turned

1:14:45

on.

1:14:46

It was not

1:14:49

a good choice and

1:14:51

I did a bet Like, 391. I

1:14:53

didn't know that, like, you can't just

1:14:55

put chicken and flour and 391 it. It

1:15:01

before? No. I have so many racist questions.

1:15:03

I know. I truly just

1:15:06

said, is she

1:15:08

black? No.

1:15:10

I was I saw people 391 for that. I

1:15:12

was like, no. Oh, they're cheering.

1:15:14

It's time to do a shot.

1:15:17

Byer the way, 391 just came up and

1:15:19

did the fuck motion and said, sorry for breaking

1:15:21

your mama's hip.

1:15:22

Oh. So

1:15:23

he's Wait. Who's in this?

1:15:25

Camp Campinelli. Yes. Camp Camp. Now,

1:15:27

Mitch, imagine we don't give

1:15:28

a fuck

1:15:29

about your personal life,

1:15:31

so we don't

1:15:34

Imagine we're not dose scored members. Like,

1:15:36

I'm gonna know everything about your personal

1:15:38

life. And Sounds like a

1:15:40

good crowd. Sounds like a dude. Is

1:15:43

Campinelli single? Does he wanna

1:15:45

get flute at? Dude. Someone's

1:15:47

getting floon

1:15:47

out. Yeah. You're making I got

1:15:50

fucking miles, my dude. What do you? United now?

1:15:52

Nicole delta is where you found

1:15:54

the do

1:15:54

you found the do do and delta.

1:15:59

Right? I did. I

1:15:59

found a piece of shit in

1:16:02

my blanket on Delta. I fly exclusively

1:16:04

Delta.

1:16:06

I'll tell

1:16:07

you why. I fucking

1:16:11

391

1:16:11

love delta. Two. They

1:16:14

gave

1:16:15

me 391, miles, and let

1:16:17

me talk about it

1:16:19

in my special.

1:16:20

Oh, wow. 391 the

1:16:22

poop. Yeah. They

1:16:22

were like, we'll give you more money. Press. They were

1:16:25

like, we'll give you more money. It's that book

1:16:27

again. Well, they were gonna offer me

1:16:29

more okay. First, every single person

1:16:31

up the chain laughed

1:16:33

at me. They kept

1:16:35

being

1:16:35

like, Tih. So, like,

1:16:38

you're the girl. I mean, to be fair, it's like

1:16:40

an insane thing that

1:16:41

It is. But, like, you

1:16:43

can't understand how. Like, you know what I

1:16:45

mean? Like, you go

1:16:46

all the way up like, hell We figured out how. Like, me

1:16:48

and this nice man who he

1:16:51

was like, what spitball? So 391 happens

1:16:55

with our blankets is nobody washes them.

1:16:57

They gather them off the plane. They

1:16:59

take them to a

1:17:01

facility. 391 I know. Someone holds them up, they eyeball

1:17:03

it, fold it, put it in a bag, vacuum seal it make

1:17:06

you think that it has been

1:17:08

washed.

1:17:10

Oh my god. I can't imagine that takes

1:17:12

much longer or much more money

1:17:14

than just cleaning

1:17:15

them. Yeah. No. It was crazy.

1:17:18

You pay, like, literally

1:17:19

So they hop they hop a pair 391 a doo

1:17:21

key into it? What? They hop So

1:17:23

they didn't think it did so he was,

1:17:25

like, I think it just 391 8th a work

1:17:27

or like, squatted shit -- Oh. -- folded it

1:17:29

up. She put it in a bag. He's

1:17:31

vacuum sealed in. No

1:17:34

way. 391 is disgruntled

1:17:36

from folding blanket. She's in a

1:17:38

folding dirty blanket in a factory golf bag. Or

1:17:40

they were like it

1:17:43

it should be shiny. What

1:17:46

is y'all black

1:17:50

my shit is?

1:17:53

It's dancing. Yeah.

1:17:54

It's dancing. We can't see all this. It's alive.

1:18:02

Holy shit. These last ones

1:18:04

are Yeah. And again, man.

1:18:06

Yeah.

1:18:07

I feel wild 391 I

1:18:09

keep drinking tequila. I feel good. I'm

1:18:11

out of baja 391. I think

1:18:13

that's spilled. Oh, no. Deplemented by

1:18:15

reserves. So I'm gonna I'm gonna say

1:18:18

391 there's anything

1:18:18

backstage in water. Watch you some liquid.

1:18:20

With a death.

1:18:21

There might be Coca Cola.

1:18:22

Good to We're shot some water. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Why not? Okay.

1:18:26

Did 391 just have fucking still water shock. 8th doesn't

1:18:28

fucking go. Why am I

1:18:31

so many

1:18:33

people with x x tattoos on their arm. And

1:18:35

and and and

1:18:36

and and and and and and

1:18:38

and and and and and 391

1:18:42

I wish Man,

1:18:44

this crowd. I wish

1:18:47

I

1:18:48

I don't get the

1:18:50

391 tattoos. Is it an o to the movie, triple 391? It's a

1:18:52

it's double

1:18:53

x. I mean, that'd be double x. Triple

1:18:55

x. Mitch boxer size.

1:18:59

No. I think it's straight a straight edge

1:19:02

out. Straight edge out. So yeah. Yeah. And all those dudes were straight edge until the fucking pandemic,

1:19:04

I bet. No. Who

1:19:06

stayed straight edge through the

1:19:09

391.

1:19:11

God bless. The pandemic was wild.

1:19:13

That's when I learned I could drink two

1:19:15

bottles of wine and

1:19:17

be

1:19:18

okay. Yeah.

1:19:18

Yeah. We can put

1:19:19

okay 391 quotes in quotes. I

1:19:22

wouldn't be hang on. I 391, like,

1:19:24

wake up and be like, Alright.

1:19:27

Back to the living room.

1:19:28

Yeah. That's when I stopped

1:19:30

drinking in the pandemic. I

1:19:32

like I was like, Okay. I think

1:19:35

I need to switch to weed because I am free

1:19:37

pouring bourbon at night 391 then

1:19:39

just waking up in the morning being

1:19:41

like, I go pick up another seventy dollar bottle

1:19:43

of bourbon. And I was just, like, not feeling good. And I was, like, oh, man. weird how depressed

1:19:46

I am about 8th 391.

1:19:49

Demic. Yeah. And then I was like, what

1:19:51

if I switched to weed and

1:19:51

mocktails? I'm like, I love video games. much extra time for

1:19:54

PS five. And

1:19:55

I was like, 391. The

1:19:58

pandemic rules. You're right.

1:19:59

It did turn around when I stopped drinking. It's not bad. She she got bleak for

1:20:01

me. Yeah. I was like, I don't know

1:20:03

if I should do already

1:20:07

ever again. Yeah. Same. I was like, we're in shy. Terrific. I

1:20:09

was getting drunk so often

1:20:10

and I was

1:20:11

like, oh, I

1:20:14

love dancing. Rude. This

1:20:15

audience is so rude.

1:20:17

No. No. No. No.

1:20:20

But it turned down

1:20:22

like

1:20:23

a black It turns out I no.

1:20:24

It turns out I just liked getting

1:20:26

drunk 391 I thought I liked dancing.

1:20:30

Well, that's the thing you're like, I love late night eating.

1:20:32

You're like, no. I'm 391

1:20:34

fucked up 391 being

1:20:36

late night. Yeah. That's why I can't

1:20:39

smoke weed anymore. Because I smoke then I'm like, I'll

1:20:41

eat everything in this

1:20:43

refrigerator. Damn me

1:20:46

not to. And then I do it, and then it's bad. I

1:20:48

will say I loved

1:20:49

weed so much that I told myself, if I don't

1:20:51

figure out food, I'm not allowed to

1:20:53

smoke weed. Yeah. And then I

1:20:55

figured out 391 I would say about seven

1:20:57

months ago, I forgot what I figured out, and things have been

1:20:59

bad. Wow. I I've

1:21:01

been taking a day off

1:21:04

weed in four years or something like

1:21:06

391. Like, I need to. Wow. Okay. Well, let me tell you about I think I just not starting

1:21:08

tonight by the way. It's almost our last

1:21:10

it's our last minute. Is it our last

1:21:12

minute? 391

1:21:14

think

1:21:15

so. Yeah. Is

1:21:15

it? How

1:21:16

do you know? So 391

1:21:18

it's the number

1:21:19

nine. 391 typewriter said they're gonna pull

1:21:21

their flow right now.

1:21:22

You want yeah. They're gonna pull the plug. 391 all dead

1:21:24

after this.

1:21:25

Yeah. We're all on life support. Wait. Does

1:21:27

that mean

1:21:28

391 everyone knows this. All of

1:21:30

our family signed some 391. Whatever

1:21:33

that

1:21:33

means. God. My wife

1:21:36

signed like

1:21:38

the fucking Elvis concert. She

1:21:40

gets, like, eighty five percent, 391 I think she

1:21:42

could pull the plug whenever she wants. Wait. That's an Elvis

1:21:44

contract. I

1:21:45

don't know. I know that guy

1:21:47

got fucked over by contracts. Kirlpool

1:21:49

parker. Yeah. Yeah. Colonel fucked him over. Are you one

1:21:51

of Mitch's friends?

1:21:51

One of Mitch's 391. Yeah.

1:21:53

What if he

1:21:56

didn't mean? 391 now,

1:21:58

missus Becky's only

1:22:01

Becky's you. Becky's you. Becky's only veteran friend

1:22:03

is colonel Sanders.

1:22:05

391, is

1:22:08

this it? Oh, my god.

1:22:10

We

1:22:10

got we got one more shot

1:22:12

left. I'm gonna do a full

1:22:14

391 another model of for

1:22:16

391. I get a shout

1:22:18

from

1:22:18

Wally Norman White pants. Whoa.

1:22:24

What shit?

1:22:25

We just she's all

1:22:27

that

1:22:28

wigger. Now I'm gonna take

1:22:30

them to

1:22:30

the prom. I didn't realize I

1:22:33

thought he was I thought he was ugly, but then he took his hair

1:22:35

down, and now I'm hard as a

1:22:40

rock. Jokes

1:22:42

inside. Your hair's luscious. Yeah. I understand. Don't touch his hair.

1:22:48

Wait.

1:22:49

Respect his

1:22:54

culture. Wiger.

1:22:59

Wiger. Can

1:23:02

you hear me? I'm

1:23:06

391 condo p, squared

1:23:09

p into my

1:23:12

underground. Yay.

1:23:15

Carter, can you

1:23:18

hear me? Wow. Yeah.

1:23:22

Yes, Mitch. We

1:23:23

can hear you. What what do you

1:23:25

have to say besides anti

1:23:27

climax? You look

1:23:29

like the bad guy

1:23:31

from kindergarten

1:23:32

cop. Yes. He does.

1:23:34

Wow. Guys.

1:23:35

Wolly shit. Good pull, Mitch.

1:23:39

391. Which guy? 391

1:23:43

bad guy. The other person

1:23:45

in the movie. Yeah. He's

1:23:47

hurt. Whoa.

1:23:48

Who's trying to get

1:23:50

that? Kid.

1:23:51

Yeah. Yeah. I drink

1:23:53

a weird 391. With

1:23:55

his mom.

1:23:56

If you rewatch

1:23:57

that movie as an adult, you're like,

1:23:59

this movie is fucking weird. Yeah.

1:24:01

Why are we

1:24:02

losing it so nice watching it

1:24:02

or Yay. And he plays a bad guy in other

1:24:04

ninety stuff. You

1:24:06

can't remember what it

1:24:08

is.

1:24:09

Can't remember. Yeah.

1:24:10

Remember? No. You remember? You know what's happening? I was trying

1:24:14

to go right now.

1:24:18

K. What did you just

1:24:20

say?

1:24:21

If you just said you're

1:24:23

so

1:24:23

wasted right now, that's how

1:24:26

I feel.

1:24:27

I was fine tuned right now. No, dude. You said

1:24:29

that and I was like, oh my 391, you

1:24:31

did not pay attention to the

1:24:33

last four

1:24:34

seconds. My brain I am wasted. 391.

1:24:36

It hit me right

1:24:39

now. I feel wild. Why

1:24:42

can't we We don't have to end the shape here. We

1:24:45

don't have

1:24:45

to end the shape. We do

1:24:48

it.

1:24:50

Let's go to Bye. Why.

1:24:52

I'm gonna

1:24:53

be at the Delta lounge

1:24:55

with 391 four

1:24:59

forty AM. Open it up for Nicole Beiner.

1:25:00

391 the chicken

1:25:03

sausage. 391 I tell you a

1:25:05

while? I

1:25:06

think I recently just did a Patel 391

1:25:08

Latch. So I

1:25:10

391, awesome is the new Delta

1:25:12

Lounge in Atlanta. She could watch the

1:25:14

floor. Yes. Okay. So I landed 391

1:25:18

Sushir was taking off. So we met at the Delta lounge for breakfast. Fine. You guys

1:25:24

are as French. Podcast.

1:25:25

Yeah. It's a podcast on your mouth. But Your

1:25:27

mouth. I think everyone 391 it.

1:25:33

Emma. Emma. Leave that out.

1:25:34

Yeah. Leave it out. Leave it out.

1:25:35

Just say what network it is. Don't don't

1:25:37

tell them. Don't

1:25:40

tell them. 391

1:25:42

I think everyone thought it

1:25:44

was, like, maybe not okay because we set

1:25:46

out your hair. We set up your hair.

1:25:50

We sat on your head. We sat

1:25:52

outside, and the minute we sat down,

1:25:55

it went, oh, planes. And

1:25:57

then just scribe what the

1:25:59

planes were doing too since year. Who see them? I

1:26:07

feel like you took

1:26:09

off your hat 391

1:26:12

I should take off my no.

1:26:14

You have to stay. I feel like

1:26:16

Byer have this

1:26:17

thing. I feel

1:26:18

like you took off your hat and I'm like, 8th, let's take my hat off, but my hat's my hair.

1:26:24

Wait.

1:26:24

391 I'm sorry to ask. Can

1:26:26

we improvise the beginning of an improv porn? Yes. 391. We

1:26:32

can. Yes. Yes.

1:26:39

Let's go. I run, I hate 391. Okay.

1:26:42

So

1:26:42

we gotta have four

1:26:44

games. You're one of

1:26:46

our favorite UCB performers. We're so stoked

1:26:48

to coaching our

1:26:50

practice group. Thanks for coming over to our weird living room in Los

1:26:55

Filas. Yeah. On it. No.

1:26:58

There's plenty of space. There's plenty of space. Is it done? No. Yeah. It's three eleven.

1:27:00

Yeah. Because that the three

1:27:02

feet in your fireplace

1:27:03

is plenty of 391

1:27:07

you, sir. Thank you. Okay. Yeah. Great. So

1:27:09

what So we're just gonna start

1:27:11

with some exercises. You

1:27:13

know, trust

1:27:14

is really

1:27:15

big in

1:27:15

him. Sure. So Oh, yeah. Guys,

1:27:18

I won't

1:27:18

I read

1:27:19

Impro by Kevin Johnstone. Good.

1:27:22

Is this the stuff are

1:27:24

looking

1:27:24

for you? Yeah.

1:27:25

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was So it was just the last section on Masters

1:27:27

in France, though. I prefer sharing

1:27:30

a Halpern's truth in

1:27:32

comedy.

1:27:33

391 read that one

1:27:34

too. Yeah. It's really nice. Supervised my Nick Napier. Yeah. I did. I read it.

1:27:39

Yeah. I did. 391 I'm

1:27:41

adding weed edibles. How do I know? Got a gun in this

1:27:43

fanny pack. How many milligrams?

1:27:46

Ten

1:27:46

milligrams. One fifth,

1:27:48

Nick's 391. You

1:27:52

got another one? Sure. Wait.

1:27:54

I might have Wow. Alright,

1:27:58

guys. And problem is serious. Listen. You're wrong, serious.

1:28:00

Who's a pirate?

1:28:03

Who's a

1:28:04

robot? 391 is

1:28:07

a big job. When do you want us

1:28:09

to stretch our assholes and share our

1:28:12

assholes?

1:28:12

Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah.

1:28:14

I want all of you to

1:28:17

start a scene where

1:28:19

391 best friends and you really like each

1:28:19

other. Really

1:28:23

like each other. Oh

1:28:26

my god. Oh my

1:28:31

god. This sucks.

1:28:35

That that was a crazy power hour, Haga.

1:28:37

That was wild. We're seeing

1:28:39

a

1:28:39

pain. Crazy power

1:28:42

hour. 391 Let's

1:28:45

name, 391 you

1:28:47

mind? Are you

1:28:50

just leaving? That was my

1:28:52

phone.

1:28:52

Byer. Thank

1:28:56

you to Mike

1:28:59

Mitchell for

1:29:03

doing this show. 391 you

1:29:04

all. Yeah. We're just gonna do 391

1:29:07

gonna just do a full blown herald for 391.

1:29:09

All lady, this

1:29:12

is just shouldn't have anything at

1:29:14

all. You

1:29:14

know, how much drunk or does everyone feel standing up? Yeah. I

1:29:17

391 immediately

1:29:20

got up. It was like, this is not

1:29:22

good. Not good. I got up. My brain is gone. You can't end the show like this,

1:29:24

and I was like, you

1:29:26

have to end the show. My brain

1:29:28

is doing two things at 391, one of which

1:29:30

is is this a strong ending and also get the fuck out of

1:29:33

391. Yeah. But

1:29:35

for real I 8th

1:29:38

a

1:29:39

shit again. Yeah. I ate a

1:29:40

salad. 391 every

1:29:44

once in a while, I'm like, my stomach hurts and tip my

1:29:46

wife Tiffany is like, why? And I was like, I think 391 I had, like, a

1:29:51

lot of vegetables and, like, I Is this most welcome.

1:29:52

My system is, like, we don't know what to

1:29:54

do with

1:29:54

this. Yeah. I worked out today

1:29:56

and ate a salad. My whole body

1:29:58

is, like, bitch. Oh, shit. Get it up.

1:30:01

391 things.

1:30:03

Great job. All my improv

1:30:05

students. Thank you for coming at

1:30:07

the same time.

1:30:10

391 shit.

1:30:14

Give

1:30:15

yourselves a

1:30:19

round of applause. Oh, man,

1:30:21

the only show that you gotta feel

1:30:24

even worse one

1:30:26

hour after it's over.

1:30:31

Just kidding. That's all of them. Can we cut

1:30:33

our fucking hands together

1:30:35

for Motto?

1:30:39

Vaccines. Wow. 391. Thank

1:30:51

whom safe. Thank

1:30:55

you so much for coming out. Imagine that

1:30:57

we all did like forty

1:30:59

minutes of drunk plugs.

1:31:00

391 shit

1:31:05

heads. III

1:31:11

am

1:31:18

That was a

1:31:19

hitbound podcast. In

1:31:21

a part of

1:31:23

the world where there

1:31:25

are no rules, Holy shit. Holy

1:31:27

shit, guys. I'm so funny. I definitely have not

1:31:29

watched this since I've rented it on 391

1:31:32

in

1:31:33

ninety two, 391 united by the breadth of death.

1:31:35

We got all the fucking major players

1:31:37

391. Vladimir Putin is a good

1:31:39

man. Arnold. Come. Give

1:31:41

it to me. I need you to crank.

1:31:43

I mean, now. Still long. Look at this 391. It's actually it's

1:31:45

got a lot of heart. Mentally

1:31:48

irregular. No.

1:31:52

Somewhere. Somehow.

1:31:53

Oh, shoddywall. Someone who's gonna pay. I would fucking love for my wife to, like, see

1:31:55

me rip a guy's throat 391, but

1:31:58

they didn't count on one

1:32:00

thing.

1:32:01

391 fucking

1:32:03

insane. It's how you know it's

1:32:04

a good movie. You have to do almost all the work

1:32:06

yourself to figure 391 out. Oh, there's a fantasy

1:32:09

component. There's some sword

1:32:11

391. There's some lightning. Bam. Bam.

1:32:13

Bam. Bam. Bam. It's a new

1:32:16

game in

1:32:19

town. You make up every few 391 you don't know you are anymore.

1:32:21

When you'll be making terminators, where you're gonna

1:32:23

make a really great

1:32:25

deal with this, you know. God.

1:32:26

We don't even pop in 391 room yet. Yes.

1:32:28

I understand. This is now the

1:32:30

twentieth ending of the movie. I'm

1:32:32

dumb. You're dumb. Action boys.

1:32:35

Boys will be

1:32:40

boys. Subscribe

1:32:42

here for bonus content and

1:32:44

more free stuff from behind the

1:32:46

pay wall. To get new

1:32:49

391, become a patron at

1:32:51

actionboys dot biz. Do it. Do

1:32:54

it. Come on. Do it now.