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2:05

marriage is in the air. We saw 50

2:07

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2:10

what that means. People

3:04

of both mandalins!

3:10

We are here at Margo

3:12

4, the second part of

3:14

the 50 shades of grey trilogy.

3:17

That's right, 50 shades

3:19

darker. Wow,

3:22

oh wow. If you thought nothing

3:24

happened in the first movie, get

3:29

ready. Because

3:32

somehow even less happens

3:34

in this movie. It

3:40

starts off with anastasia, longing

3:42

or missing or broken up from

3:45

Christian, and then immediately they're back

3:47

together. And

3:49

then all the S&M stuff, that kind

3:51

of goes by the wayside. And

3:54

it just becomes a straight up romance movie

3:56

with a little kinky shit in it. with

4:00

a proposal, two,

4:02

three maybe proposals,

4:05

and finally

4:07

a twist that

4:09

makes no fucking sense. But

4:12

we need that twist because we

4:15

have to get to the final

4:17

chapter. We're gonna break it all

4:19

down tonight. Every bit of

4:21

this movie, all two hours

4:23

and 11 minutes of it, depending

4:26

whether or not if you

4:29

watch the unrated cut, which

4:31

I did because I like

4:34

understanding the publishing industry. That's

4:38

all the extra scenes are just in

4:40

the world of publishing. More meetings! Here

4:46

to break down tonight's episode

4:48

is my co-host. Please

4:50

welcome to the stage Mr. Jason

4:53

Manzukas. What

5:01

the jesus! Let's

5:04

go, Wargo! We're

5:07

here for the Empire Strikes Back

5:09

of the Fifty Shades of Grey

5:11

series! Cut

5:14

Christian open! Put

5:16

Anastasia in his belly! Now,

5:23

last night we both made some predictions

5:26

about where we thought the

5:28

second film was going. Boy, I

5:30

would say we're kind of right and kind of wrong.

5:32

Kind of right, kind of wrong. There was, I

5:35

did not expect at all that there would

5:37

be gunplay. I

5:40

didn't expect there to be a helicopter accident.

5:43

When, at what point in the

5:45

second movie do you introduce three

5:48

villains? Movie

5:50

one! The only villain? Christian Grey.

5:53

Movie two? Three new villains?

5:56

Okay, when Joel Schumacher took

5:58

over Batman. Enough! There's

6:00

too many villains here. Too many villains?

6:02

Too many nipples! Although...

6:05

Just like this movie. So

6:08

many nipples! I would love

6:10

it if she was like, are those burns? And he was like, they're all

6:12

nipples. By

6:14

the way, Joel Schumacher would have been a great choice to

6:16

direct this film. I would

6:19

have been into this movie if it

6:21

was... Joel Schumacher... Imagine these movies done

6:23

by Joel Schumacher or Adrian Limes. Oh,

6:25

well that... That... They're very differently.

6:28

Wow. Then it's actually horny, and

6:30

I'm not like during the sex

6:32

scenes actively folding laundry. I

6:36

wrote it in my notes. I was like, there's tits

6:39

on screen and I'm folding

6:41

towels. Something's

6:43

wrong. I felt the

6:45

same way. When a sex scene came on, I

6:47

was like, oh, time to get a snack. It

6:51

was like a commercial break. I was like, ah. I've

6:55

never in my life been

6:57

less interested in sex scenes. It's

7:00

so... Like, I

7:02

don't know. Well,

7:05

we'll get it. We'll break it all down. Will we?

7:07

I hope. And I

7:09

hope by the end of this episode, we get

7:11

some justice for Roz. We

7:15

introduce Roz. Like, and Roz. Like, what

7:17

the fuck is Roz? Roz.

7:19

Talked about Roz. Like, Roz is the character

7:22

that we know. I

7:24

mean, at what point are they like, we're going to introduce 30

7:27

new characters in this movie. You

7:29

got to follow all of them. My favorite

7:31

thing was that they introduce the

7:33

sister who's changed her hair color, but she's

7:36

wearing a mask. They're like, oh, you look

7:38

different, but you're in a mask. And

7:40

then she drops like five minutes of exposition in

7:42

the walks off camera. It's like even the people

7:44

we know, it's confusing to

7:46

re-meet them. And I'm

7:49

not sure the Jack we meet at the beginning

7:51

of the episode is the Jack at the end

7:53

of the movie. The Jack at the end of

7:55

the movie. I don't know who this guy is.

7:57

You've got a smoky eye? I'm like, what is

7:59

happening? I am confused. Well,

8:01

luckily... Let's do it. Let's fucking do it.

8:04

Luckily tonight, we have an How Did This Get

8:06

Made All-Star joining us to break

8:09

down this film. He has

8:12

joined us once before in a movie that

8:14

was also kind of sexy with

8:16

David Duchovny and

8:18

his... The Secret? Yes. Oh,

8:21

no. Oh,

8:23

we're not bringing out that movie. Oh,

8:26

no. Oh, no. Are they gonna... The

8:28

movie isn't here. The guest

8:31

is The Movie The Secret, which

8:33

we also will watch again. Oh,

8:37

no. I

8:39

feel like everybody in the audience just

8:41

sympathetically shared my experience with the catalog

8:44

of our movies, which

8:46

is, why have I watched all of these?

8:49

So they're reminded of the nightmare that

8:51

is this podcast. Our guest

8:53

tonight is the writer and star of

8:56

the hit film, Fire Island. He

8:59

is now currently on Chrissy and Dave's

9:01

Die Now. Please welcome

9:03

Joel Tarrant-Booster. Look

9:11

at that. Oh,

9:13

my goodness. Hello,

9:15

you guys. Wow,

9:18

wow, wow. You got an

9:20

almost standing ovation before jumping out of there. I

9:23

was a little nervous when everyone... You

9:26

said the name and everyone was like, oh, no. I

9:28

got nervous too. I was like, no, this is gonna

9:30

be a good guest. And yet another episode without June.

9:34

The way I almost turned the car around. I

9:37

told him on the way here, and I do have some bad

9:39

news. June is not gonna be here again after

9:42

assuring you that she would be. I

9:45

know she'll never listen to this, but she is... And

9:48

I'm not exaggerating. She is one of

9:51

the reasons I started doing comedy. Really?

9:54

And so I cannot wait to

9:56

meet her. You

10:02

don't understand. I was so

10:04

nervous about meeting June tonight that my boyfriend

10:06

got stressed out about what he was going

10:08

to wear. Because

10:11

he was like, well, I'm going to meet June tonight. So

10:15

that's where I'm at. But

10:18

it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. Well,

10:20

I will tell you, there is nothing

10:22

sweeter than watching June just

10:24

sick trying to muscle through this

10:27

movie. Oh,

10:29

she watched it? I

10:31

watched her. She's like coughing. Like

10:33

writing, you like work. That's

10:36

all I saw. That's all

10:38

I saw. I was

10:40

like, do you think the movies made her

10:42

sick? That's what

10:44

I was thinking. I do feel like there's

10:46

something about these films that is contagious. People

10:50

are getting a fever, a 50 shades fever.

10:52

All right. So we last night

10:55

spoke about our connection to

10:57

this movie, which was we didn't have. We understood culturally or

10:59

it was. We didn't see it before. Did you, where

11:01

did you come into on the 50 shades scale? Like

11:03

where do you do the books, the

11:06

Twilight fan fiction that it began as or

11:08

the movie of the universe? So

11:10

this is crazy. I actually, I've never seen

11:12

any of the other 50 shades movies. I've

11:14

seen this one three times. I

11:18

saw it as a joke when it was in

11:21

theaters that it turns out it was a joke.

11:23

I played on myself and

11:26

then I watched it on the plane flying back from

11:28

New York today. And then I decided to watch it

11:30

a third time with my boyfriend today. So

11:34

we had since broken up. You

11:37

watched it twice in 24 hours. My brain

11:39

is mush. It

11:41

is, it did not make any more sense.

11:43

And it makes actually less sense the more

11:45

you watch it. I

11:48

feel dumber. Yeah. It's a weird

11:50

movie because you're like, wow, I just

11:52

spent two hours. What happened? This

11:55

movie isn't interested in explaining anything

11:57

that happens as we find out

11:59

when Christian Grey and

12:01

Roz are in a helicopter crash

12:03

and never explained to anyone how

12:05

they got away alive. Performance

12:09

of a lifetime from Roz who says no

12:11

less than five times while the helicopter

12:13

is going down, what's going on Christian?

12:15

What's going on? And it's like, bitch,

12:17

look around! You're going

12:19

down! And

12:22

if you are that confused then you

12:24

are not taking helicopter flying seriously. If

12:26

I'm in a helicopter I'm assuming I

12:28

might die. Like that's the choice I've

12:30

made. Like I might die here, this is

12:33

it. I gotta say too there's something really

12:36

despicable about the fact that this takes

12:38

place in the Pacific Northwest. That like

12:40

the helicopter goes down in Portland and

12:43

then he walks in the door in

12:45

Vancouver seconds later. The

12:47

way that he walks in is, I mean

12:50

there's a lot of shit that makes no sense, but

12:53

the way he walks in so angry like, yeah what? What?

12:56

Yeah my helicopter crashed. Why are you all here?

12:59

Why are you crying? Why are you upset? Get

13:01

out of here! Yeah, Lee! Lee! Yes

13:04

my birthday whatever, go! He had

13:06

taken that he was in a

13:08

crash. He has the attitude of

13:10

someone who was like, oh actually

13:12

I wasn't in the helicopter. Right.

13:14

The news is mistaken, I've been

13:16

at the gym, so

13:19

why are you guys, you don't need to

13:21

be this upset. No, I lost my phone

13:23

in the helicopter crash. The helicopter crashes and

13:25

he and Roz are both 100% fine. It

13:28

seems like they crashed. I was like hey

13:31

I'm late for my birthday dinner can I just

13:33

hitch ride with you? He called an Uber from

13:35

the crash site. Yeah, yeah. They let him home.

13:37

He didn't even go to a hospital and get

13:39

checked out. What's his driver's name? Taylor Tyler? Yeah,

13:41

he's there. Taylor. Mr. Grey? Taylor, Taylor.

13:46

I'm going down. I'm going. Taylor. What is going on? Just

13:48

shut up. Taylor, pick me up in the middle of the

13:50

words that you can give me. Give me a carefully wrapped box of Apple

13:52

products that

13:57

are already set up for me. I kept

13:59

I kept getting confused because he kept like texting

14:01

or saying, hey I'm here with Taylor or

14:03

Taylor and I are downstairs or Taylor and

14:05

I are going to dinner and I was

14:08

like is that the sister? Like why he's

14:10

so close to Taylor? Taylor

14:12

is a body man but Taylor is a little

14:14

sidelined in this movie and seems like Taylor

14:17

was sent to go kick the shit out of the editor

14:19

who worked. Like that was some new

14:21

information. He's like go up there, go beat the shit out of

14:23

that guy. That guy's

14:25

getting punched in the face like why are you doing this? Well

14:27

you upset my boss. What

14:33

I will say about this which

14:35

I loved is the

14:37

opening sequence where we're getting

14:39

a shoeless, rural, southern,

14:43

like this is his life. Like

14:45

and he's in this like like very like

14:47

log cabin he was an abusive dad. His

14:50

trauma flashback? It's a Dolly Parton music video

14:52

at the beginning is what it is. That

14:55

would be harsher. That dad

14:57

is saying you silly fucking

14:59

twit. What?

15:04

Twit? Come on. And

15:07

that's all we get. You

15:09

think like oh maybe that's gonna be we're

15:11

gonna get more. No that's all we need

15:13

is that little sliver of him hiding under

15:15

a bed and then it's like

15:17

and we got we got it. Now you get it.

15:19

I think they're trying to soften the edges though. I

15:22

feel like this movie and I know

15:24

it is like based on Twilight fanfiction but so

15:26

much of it is Mormon coded. I feel like

15:28

this whole movie is just

15:32

a series of vignettes between

15:34

sex scenes that are like Mormon

15:36

lady wish

15:39

fulfillment basically. Everything

15:42

happens exactly like it's exactly as sexy

15:44

as like the dirtiest Mormon lady you

15:46

know could conjure. Well

15:48

that's it. It's like the most deviant

15:50

sex fight. And everybody think of the

15:53

dirtiest Mormon lady. Picture

15:55

it in your head. Ooh. She's

15:59

drinking a coke. When

16:05

I was a kid,

16:08

you heard these stories of what

16:10

different sex acts were, and they

16:13

primarily only had very vanilla sex.

16:15

I've heard some dirty stuff. And

16:17

if it's kind of wrong in the translation, the

16:19

way I heard what a blowjob was when I

16:21

was a kid was... You

16:24

mean... Is this in the book? This

16:27

is in the book. I was like, maybe

16:29

that's why it's like... Maybe

16:32

it isn't. I don't remember. You have to

16:34

bring some ice with you. You put ice in your

16:37

mouth, you get it real cold, and then you also

16:39

have a hair dryer. And then you put

16:42

your mouth... Take the ice out,

16:44

now your mouth is cold, and then you blow

16:46

on the dick, and then you take the hair

16:48

dryer and make it hot. And you're

16:50

kind of doing an icy hot thing. That's

16:52

how I heard what a blowjob was. I

16:54

was like, whoa. But

16:56

temperature's not even a remote part

16:59

of it. But

17:01

I'm learning this in fifth grade. I'm

17:03

like, God, a blowjob. Need

17:06

the hair dryer, need ice. Wow.

17:08

It's interesting, because it's

17:11

interesting you were learning so much about the giving

17:13

of a blowjob. I'm

17:15

sorry. It's like

17:17

that's just something a lady would bring

17:19

to the screen. I

17:22

know, yeah. This is a bunch of guys sitting around talking

17:24

about... What you need. I didn't

17:26

even think about it in that way, yeah. I

17:29

gotta say... Hey, mom, I got a big date tonight. Can

17:31

I borrow your hair dryer? Well,

17:35

I think I got in trouble with my mom, because

17:37

I said, like, oh, what are you going to use

17:39

a hair dryer on him? And my mom was like,

17:42

what are you talking about? You said that to your

17:44

mom? Yeah, I don't have any... Put it in the

17:46

book. Who's your mom blowing? What's happening? How did this

17:48

get made? How did this get made?

17:51

How did this get made? We'll be going

17:54

to the UK in March and April, not

17:56

just the UK. We're also going to Ireland.

17:58

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18:00

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no, you're completely right about the sex in this movie.

21:09

And I'm going to say this and I

21:12

might be able to explain it by the time the

21:14

episode is done. But watching this movie and specifically watching

21:16

the sex in this movie, all I kept thinking is

21:18

like, oh, God, straight

21:21

people have to do all that just to be

21:23

gay. You know? Like, it's

21:25

just like the whole time I kept watching it, I

21:27

was like, just be gay. You

21:30

want to be a freak? Like, I don't know. It's

21:32

just like, and so much so that this movie like

21:34

takes back the premise of the first movie. The first

21:36

movie is like, Christian Grey, he's dominant

21:38

and he's going to fuck her. He doesn't

21:40

fuck. He fucks hard. He doesn't sleep in

21:43

the same bed. And everything about these movies

21:45

is like just making him into

21:47

a boyfriend. Like in this movie, he's

21:49

just a straight up boyfriend who like

21:51

maybe has like a handcuffs. Like

21:53

they finally. Like just love going down

21:55

on women. For two full movies, we

21:57

are like, is she going to fuck?

21:59

gonna wanna go to the red room, is she gonna

22:01

wanna go to the red room? And then finally she's like,

22:04

take me to the red room. At the end of this

22:06

week, take me to the red room. They go in, he

22:08

puts cups on her for like 10 seconds, and

22:10

then they're just having like passionate love making.

22:13

Which he has explicitly said is not what the

22:15

room is for. So

22:18

I'm like, what is this? Is this just

22:21

a room for sex next? I didn't realize

22:23

that they hadn't gone to the room yet.

22:25

The movie makes no indication that it is

22:28

a special thing. Well, the first movie ends

22:30

on the cliffhanger that he brings her into the room and

22:34

uses like a writing prop on her and

22:36

whips her in the butt. And she

22:38

is upset about that because he's taking

22:40

pleasure in her pain. Which

22:43

seems like that's what we

22:45

were to understand the whole thing was.

22:48

And then she's like, I'm outta here. And

22:50

then this movie seems to pick up two

22:53

days later. And

22:55

they're back, they're back. How long is it between

22:57

movies? Do we know? Because I've

22:59

asked that too. Because I was like, they're acting

23:02

like it was three nights ago, but then also

23:04

feeling like, was it six months ago? I don't

23:06

know, but either way, it's like, he sends her

23:08

flowers, he's like, good luck on your new job.

23:10

So he's still stalking her. Like

23:13

he knows that she's getting a job. She goes to

23:15

throw it out. And I was so happy she didn't

23:18

try to cram all the flowers. Yeah. I

23:22

was like, at least save the vase. Yeah.

23:27

And then she gets her job in,

23:29

this is 2017. She gets

23:32

a job in a place where I've seen

23:34

more paper products than ever.

23:36

Like there's one of the assistants

23:38

there is next to like

23:40

a Gutenberg press. It's like, why

23:43

do they have so much paper in this publishing

23:45

industry? They're not like, this is

23:47

not the past. Well, and when she later

23:49

on, when she takes over for the boss

23:51

and the other boss lady is like, you

23:53

have to go to the meeting. She hands

23:56

her a stack of manuscripts as though what

23:58

is she doing at the meeting? She

24:00

needs all the manuscripts. That

24:02

woman is from HR. Her

24:07

job doesn't interact at all

24:09

with the content of the

24:11

manuscript. She's like, well, then

24:13

you're in charge now. The

24:16

guy I really could talk about

24:19

Jake, Jake, right? Yeah. Jake

24:21

Arc Jack. Right? The boss?

24:24

The boss. Well, wait, we have to shout out. My

24:26

boyfriend pointed this out. His name is Jack Hyde. Oh,

24:29

like Jekyll and Hyde. Yeah, I saw that too. Like

24:32

Jekyll and Hyde. Ooh, I like that. Yeah.

24:35

And that fits perfectly with the amount of

24:37

cleverness in his books.

24:40

I would think that was clever

24:42

if he had a kind side

24:44

and then a mean side, but

24:46

from the jump he's a piece

24:48

of shit. And I'm like,

24:51

Anastasia Steele is

24:53

like just attracting the worst, most toxic people.

24:55

He does get her coffee. Yeah, he does

24:57

get her coffee. Yeah, he does get her

24:59

coffee. Well, he's got something I like that.

25:01

I like, oh, but then I thought we

25:03

were going to get like a little secretary

25:05

action, like the movie secretary. The movie secretary?

25:07

I was like, ooh, this will be fun.

25:09

Like she's going to have that relationship here.

25:11

Nope. Like it's nothing. An actual sexy movie.

25:14

Well, and to defend Jack Hyde a

25:16

little bit. Okay. A Jack

25:18

Hyde apology? Yeah. And

25:21

I believe he's a doctor of literature, so it's

25:23

Doctor Jack Hyde. Doctor.

25:25

Doctor Jack. Doctor Jack.

25:29

I'm sorry, but like he did have a

25:31

point. She should have gone to New York.

25:33

I'm sorry. That's your job.

25:36

And by the way, this movie

25:38

is all about like, I don't want to be controlled, but

25:40

then he invites her out for a drink

25:43

and Christian comes in and is like, go, let's

25:46

go. And they leave. And it's not

25:48

even like that weird. And it's

25:50

like, no, that's bad etiquette. Like she's bad

25:52

for leaving. He's bad for taking her. Like

25:54

he should be pissed at that. Like, well,

25:56

and it is the movie like is unwilling

25:59

to be complicated. at all. This is why

26:01

it's like Mormon Lady Wish Film it because like

26:04

yes you need to do your job and

26:06

go to New York but then the movie

26:08

immediately is like well actually he's a rapist

26:10

though. Right if you would have been raped. Thank

26:13

God you listened to Christian and didn't

26:15

go. I was

26:17

protecting you. I really I mean I also

26:21

want to talk about Jose's photo

26:24

exhibit. So Jose.

26:27

On every level. I want to talk about it

26:29

on every level. Jose. The shears portrait

26:31

studio. That she didn't know that there

26:34

was gonna be Jeevars. The movie's got

26:36

it every way. She wants to be

26:38

like a demure virgin but like almost

26:40

Mormon as person but also a model

26:43

like in like all of these pictures

26:45

and also like there the movie is

26:47

trying to have all of the pieces

26:50

in place and then none of it

26:52

makes sense. Well it's so interesting

26:54

because you know his photo

26:57

exhibit seems like arty photos and then

26:59

you're right the Sears Portrait Center. Yeah.

27:02

That are like headshot outtakes. It's

27:04

like oh I don't know I don't want that

27:06

one. I don't want that one and

27:08

and they're giant and she's like I

27:11

didn't know you took these like you

27:13

didn't. Yeah. Because you're fucking posing for

27:15

headshots. Like there's no

27:17

way that those were selfily taken

27:20

like that's a lit environment like

27:23

biting my sweater. Covering

27:25

my hair. Like the only thing I didn't see

27:28

in her is like she's like you know wearing

27:30

like a contractor jacket like mom could be a

27:32

construction worker. I'm not gonna be a bartender. I'm

27:34

a sailor. Like a

27:36

composite. Yeah. I didn't know these were gonna be

27:38

here. What did you think was happening? Well

27:45

and then when she was like who bought them and

27:47

it's like I don't know who bought the six like

27:49

portraits of you the guy who's stalking you. Who

27:52

then comes takes her to dinner and

27:54

orders her a steak. A steak with

27:56

fries. A steak with fries. What the

27:58

fuck eh. Don't order. order for someone

28:00

and then don't just get the mistake. Well,

28:03

it's two steaks with fries. I

28:06

also was thinking about them fucking on that. That's

28:08

the thing. That's the thing is she said no

28:10

sex, no sex. And a steak with fries is

28:12

a no sex meal. She's

28:15

sending mixed signals because then she gets a

28:17

quinoa salad. That's fucking food if I ever

28:19

heard it. Oh, yeah. Oh,

28:21

that's messaging. She's saying that's

28:23

a choice. That's like I'm open

28:25

for biz. Both

28:27

of them. Both of them. And this was

28:30

true in the previous movie, but even more

28:32

so here. Both of them are sending mixed

28:34

signals in every conversation they have with each

28:36

other. They're saying one thing, doing the opposite,

28:39

constantly. Flip, flip, flip, flip. It's absolutely

28:41

insane and makes the movie impossible

28:44

to follow because none of it adds

28:46

up to any, I don't know what

28:48

anybody wants. And why they say

28:50

they want it. I wrote down this thing. I was

28:52

like, what is he getting from her? Like

28:54

he's like, oh, I can't get you out of

28:56

my mind. You obsessed me. Why?

29:00

She's not funny. She doesn't make

29:02

them laugh. She doesn't do anything.

29:05

Doesn't have any interesting opinions about

29:07

anything. Boring. Boring. She

29:09

keeps trying to touch him in

29:12

the red zone. OK. That was

29:14

new information that I couldn't unpack that. I

29:17

didn't understand. I didn't understand it. And then

29:19

40 minutes after she draws the red zone,

29:21

he takes his shirt off and it's still

29:23

there. I

29:25

was like, what? What

29:27

was this drawn with? I

29:30

want to see that housekeeper doing the laundry the

29:32

next day and being like, what the fuck is

29:34

going on inside this shirt? Every

29:36

shirt is. No, but like, so he

29:39

can't be touched just

29:41

slightly. Like

29:43

torso. But it's like, it's

29:46

weird. The hardest place not

29:48

to touch a human. It's

29:50

like, don't touch here. And

29:53

she's only like, they're taking a shower and

29:55

she's managing not to touch there,

29:57

which I was impressed. That's probably the most impressive.

30:00

thing a movie does. No, when she washes

30:02

it up, she's fully in the red zone.

30:04

Yeah. It's why

30:06

the red zone. To answer your question,

30:08

Paul, I think, which you're asking is,

30:10

what does he see in her? It's

30:13

his mother. That

30:17

question is answered in the text of

30:19

the movie, which is

30:22

he sees in all of these

30:25

women that he's been involved with, his

30:27

mother, that he is acting out some

30:29

sort of something with, right? It

30:32

is crazy. I know

30:34

that this would sort of ruin the movie.

30:36

There wouldn't be three movies, three books, if

30:38

this were the case. But the fact that

30:40

therapy is never brought up one time, not

30:45

once does Anastasia Steele say, I get

30:47

that. I mean, it's hot to me,

30:49

but also let's get... call BetterHelp or

30:52

something. It's

30:54

easy if you don't like your therapist, you can change it.

30:58

Promo code bonkers. I have talked

31:01

to BetterHelp about that. I'm like, you

31:04

realize that you're giving the promo code

31:07

bonkers to

31:09

a mental health hotline.

31:12

Like we're fine with it. I'm like, okay. Far

31:17

be it for me to critique

31:19

your promo code, but it seems

31:21

slightly problematic. It is odd.

31:24

It's like, because

31:32

then we reveal, and again, you probably have putting this

31:34

stuff together, but if you haven't, I'll just show you

31:36

some things that we know that Kim

31:38

Basinger, which is a surprise. I was

31:41

like, ooh, yeah. I said Kim Cattrall.

31:43

I was close. I

31:45

said Melanie Griffith. I

31:47

thought Kim Basinger was great. She's got

31:50

a great look and I wanted

31:52

her to do more, but she's his

31:55

Dom. And

31:57

I don't quite understand the relationship. This

32:00

is the thing about the movie too,

32:02

there are like three interesting movies that

32:04

it almost becomes in the movie and that is

32:07

one of the interesting movies where it's like she's

32:09

the final boss. You

32:12

thought he was a dumb, well get ready for this

32:14

bitch. And then like... Oh, how

32:16

bad did you want her to tell

32:18

him to kneel when she was upset

32:20

the way that he did to the

32:22

woman who had the gun? You

32:25

know, at the end when they're having

32:27

their confrontation with Kim

32:29

Basier, I wanted her to say to him, kneel,

32:31

and for him to just immediately do it. I

32:33

would have loved that, but instead, Marsha Gay

32:35

Harden seems like she's in on it too.

32:38

She's like, get the fuck out of my house. And

32:40

I'm like, first of all, I'm confused about

32:42

Marsha Gay Harden. Because she seems

32:44

like a great stepmom. Like she actually, I'm

32:46

like, the first one, I'm like, oh, she's a little controlling too?

32:49

What? Adopted mom. Oh,

32:51

adopted mom, yeah. Sorry. When I

32:53

first meet her in episode one, I'm like, okay, I don't

32:56

trust her. Now I'm like, I think she's pretty great.

32:58

I feel like he's coming from a pretty healthy family.

33:01

Which is odd, because we're constantly told

33:03

that he's all fucked up. But

33:05

then, when Marsha Gay Harden's like, get the fuck out

33:07

of here, she's revealing to

33:09

me that she knows that Kim Basinger raped

33:12

him, right? No, she's overheard. Yeah,

33:15

our book reader... You're

33:18

wrong. I believe she has just

33:20

overheard him say to Kim Basinger.

33:22

You taught me how to fuck,

33:24

she taught me meaning how to

33:26

love. And now I'm really

33:28

concerned... Which is a tattoo I have. It's

33:32

way too big. And you're not supposed

33:34

to be touching that area. This

33:38

must have been from the book, but

33:40

I'm really concerned about the business they

33:42

apparently share too. Yeah. He drops

33:44

it at one point, he's like, she's my business

33:46

partner. And she owns the salon. Did

33:48

he invest in the salon? Did he own Drybar? Like,

33:51

what is it? Yes, that must be

33:53

what it is. This man

33:56

owns anything. He's like, I bought

33:58

the publication company. I'm

34:01

like he's buying anything to diversify When

34:09

they cut into when he's having

34:11

the passive-aggressive text conversation with Anastasia

34:14

And he's in a business meeting if

34:16

you just listen to the business

34:19

that is being talked about while he's

34:23

The the jargon doesn't add up

34:26

anything at all It's

34:28

kind of like third quarter earnings are

34:30

off on environmental statistics It's like that

34:32

are pushing into you know, and she

34:34

literally says like something about like quantum

34:37

physics at one point And

34:39

it's like you work for stark industry

34:43

But also own a publishing company

34:46

and a salon I mean

34:49

it really like this company

34:51

does everything and also he

34:53

does and it's not a god And it's all

34:56

run from the Pacific Northwest the hub

34:58

the hub of big business, but it's

35:01

not tech Now

35:07

here's a question I we're gonna get into it one

35:09

point and I don't if anyone has

35:11

any examples I don't want to get too gross about

35:13

it But you know, obviously we gotta get

35:15

back to the sex stuff because you know, that's

35:17

what the movies about Okay for a long time.

35:19

We're like, oh is this gonna be a movie

35:21

where it's like sexiest time the ended not until

35:24

He introduces these like these vaginal

35:26

beads Whatever Ben Wabal,

35:29

whatever they are of a Kegel beads,

35:31

whatever They don't

35:33

really name them. I had to go looking online to

35:35

find the exact name All

35:38

you have to do is say what's it called? Kegel

35:40

ball Kegel. Okay, but you're fucking So

35:45

they're the ball horny Mormons in the audience

35:47

said I watch got him in right now

35:49

I watched a lot of there's a lot

35:52

of like videos online of

35:54

people going I tried the balls From

35:56

50 shades darker and this is what I

35:58

found and honestly everyone thought Everyone

36:00

is like, they're all in. Are

36:02

there 50 Shades Darker

36:05

branded giggle balls? I

36:07

think the balls in the movie are a brand that people...

36:11

If you went to the theater in

36:13

the popcorn... First,

36:20

you have to get them salty.

36:22

I love that you

36:25

went to Salt-N-Hot Butter. This

36:30

is a real about face from

36:32

Las Sango in Paris. But

36:35

it was odd to me. I like that this

36:37

movie finally introduces some humor. It does? Well,

36:41

she goes, I want you to wear these.

36:43

And she's like, in my butt? And I'm

36:45

like, alright. It was a

36:47

little as a lady does protest too much,

36:50

I think. And

36:52

she was like, no, I won't stick that in my butt.

36:55

Oh, you don't want it in my butt. And

36:58

I guess I know the answer

37:00

to this. I

37:03

don't want to see it, but it seemed like it went

37:05

in so quickly. It was like, bend over? Okay. So,

37:08

it didn't seem like those just

37:10

fly in. You wanted

37:12

a Foley artist to be like... Go!

37:21

First one's in. First one is in. I

37:23

think I just audibly heard

37:25

her vagina swallow those beans. Well, it

37:28

made me have questions because I was like, how did

37:30

they go in so quickly? It just seemed like it

37:32

was like... I'm really... Like she was

37:35

like a jet engine or something. So,

37:37

this is the thing, I was also

37:39

similarly confused, but I was like chalking

37:42

that up to my ignorance about female

37:44

anatomy, but it feels

37:46

like you should know. I

37:50

just think that it seemed... Well,

37:53

to the audience. Did

37:57

it keep way... No

38:06

These pussies are gobbling these Balls

38:19

in right now By

38:21

the way, that's the t-shirt like a

38:24

vagina pac-man chasing Like

38:27

those those balls I

38:29

if people this is the thing people

38:31

don't buy our more sexual stuff No,

38:33

yeah being stuff because I was gonna

38:35

say we should put out how did

38:37

this get made branded Kegel balls? But

38:40

you assholes wouldn't buy them. Oh my

38:44

gosh, I mean I've

38:46

got a man right now that sounds like I'm

38:48

sorry, but how did this get made Kegel

38:50

ball sounds like recipe for talk? it shocks

38:52

the drum I have ever Absolutely.

38:56

Well, are fans gonna go bad? Yeah

38:59

So this movie is really like led

39:01

by the masquerade ball. We're going to

39:03

the masquerade ball, which I'm hoping is gonna

39:06

be sexy I'm like waiting for like

39:08

an eyes wide show thing. No, it's

39:10

like a boring ass like But

39:12

it's an option. Oh, I'm sure it e-op. Yeah,

39:14

you know and we're and you know And you

39:16

know, but that's the thing the scariest mask is

39:19

Kim Bae sojour's mask Yeah, did you when she

39:21

like forgets that she's not wearing she's like, oh,

39:23

I better put this Pinocchio mask Well, I feel

39:25

like she's the only person in the movie that

39:27

said a sexy man. Yeah ball She's the only

39:30

one that's good that gets it. Everybody else is

39:32

like sexy masquerade ball. Just kidding charity auction Yeah,

39:36

there is it. There are some odd things about

39:38

like so I've but they're in this, you

39:40

know, they're in this auction They're they're they're

39:42

they're doing this stuff and we

39:44

get this moment, you know after he they they fuck

39:47

in his room or whatever and This

39:49

guy on the staircase taking a

39:51

picture of the family

39:54

and They're like, ooh, who

39:56

is that? But it's so clear because of

39:58

his hair. Yeah. Okay For a minute

40:00

I saw him from the back, I was like, well

40:02

here's Jack at the party, fucking asshole.

40:04

So Jack, I mean, and this is I

40:07

guess the question, because Jack seems

40:09

to not know Christian. But no,

40:11

this is the other thing, I don't

40:13

know why he took the photo of

40:15

the family, because they're like a wealthy,

40:17

famous family, just Google that. Well,

40:20

in the first movie it was established, there's

40:22

only three pictures of Christian Grey on

40:24

Google, and two of them were from later

40:26

in the movie. But here, yeah, I was

40:29

just gonna say, we've now seen him take

40:31

and be photographed dozens of times. He

40:33

is not someone who doesn't want his photo

40:35

taken. He is out and about, he's getting

40:38

his photo snapped, and but he takes

40:40

that picture, and I also like, what,

40:42

like it's not like evidence, it

40:45

seems to be simply so that he can

40:47

burn the cigarette in it in the last

40:49

scene. So he took a picture of

40:51

his iPhone, went

40:55

to like a Target, found one of those

40:57

machines, printed out a four

40:59

by six, so got it, and then.

41:01

Yeah, something like that, and that's how

41:03

absurd it is. Can I ask, and

41:06

somebody maybe will know from the

41:08

book readers or something like that, was

41:10

Jack meant to be, this

41:12

series is Jacob? Are

41:14

we supposed to be choosing between, like the way

41:16

that Bella, you were either Team Edward or Team

41:18

Jacob? No, don't even finish, don't even finish. Are

41:20

you just as supposed to? No, no, I wanna

41:23

keep asking. Let me explain myself. No, no. Do

41:25

you remember Team Edward and

41:29

Team Jacob? But

41:34

Taylor Lautner? But

41:36

this is why, like to your point, this

41:38

is why this movie is kind of missing the mark,

41:40

because in my mind, I'm

41:43

like, wouldn't it have been interesting if

41:45

they break up and

41:47

she actually finds this guy kind of

41:49

sexy? He's in her field, he likes

41:51

literature, they get together, they find each

41:53

other on a different level. They have

41:55

sex, like there's something interesting, and then

41:57

Christian Grey comes back. But this movie

41:59

doesn't allow... anyone to literally

42:02

be in a scene with her more than 35

42:04

seconds even when the helicopter crash is like

42:07

I'm back guys why are

42:09

you with my girlfriend yeah that's

42:11

my girlfriend mom he

42:13

doesn't even want his family spending time with

42:15

her get the fuck out of here so

42:17

I can be with my girl and he

42:19

like says it at one point when he's

42:21

like trying to assault her he's like I

42:24

could I could fuck you and make you

42:26

smarter too and it's like well let her

42:28

get to that conclusion you know like I

42:30

also don't want anyone to say they're gonna fuck the

42:33

smart and like

42:36

I don't want to be smarter after you fuck that

42:38

feels weird thing which is like

42:41

dumber I want to I want to

42:43

forget some go-kap words afterwards you know

42:45

I also was like really she

42:47

cannot exist in the world

42:50

without somehow being with the

42:52

most toxic individuals like Jose

42:55

was creepy to

42:57

her like Jack spirals into like

43:00

a like mustache twirling

43:02

villain just by somehow being

43:04

closer and then like Christian comes in and

43:06

they have done he's like now I'm really

43:08

pissed well it's also like fuck

43:11

is this I think that she's some sort

43:13

of like demon that just

43:15

is possessing people because we see

43:17

nothing that makes her like appealing

43:19

she's a person who's watching like

43:22

a video on her own computer like this

43:27

passion she

43:30

and she doesn't like this is another thing

43:32

that I overheard when she's explaining one of

43:34

the books that she likes at one point

43:36

she describes it as it's a political thriller

43:38

told through the lens of Dante's Inferno and

43:43

then she gets cut off but I'm like I want to know

43:45

more yeah I love that because

43:49

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James going like let me talk about publishing

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how fucked up it is you

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they're only popular online. And she's like,

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I know, and that's where the readers

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are. And you need to be publishing

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47:19

my gosh, but we did reveal a question.

47:21

An answer has been given now

47:24

that the cleaning lady does clean up that red room. Yeah.

47:26

And that was a pedagogy. She

47:29

makes an acting choice. One of

47:31

the most difficult thing acting moments in the

47:33

movie is when he's carrying her out of

47:36

the room and the cleaning lady sees her

47:38

and she has to give a face that

47:40

says like, oh you kids, but at the

47:42

same time, like I know what you're doing,

47:45

but she's like not judgmental, but she's happy

47:47

about it. It is like, I wish you

47:49

could pull it up because it is honestly,

47:51

give her an Emmy. I

47:53

know it's a movie, but seriously. Who

47:56

is it? Mrs. Johnson, is that her

47:58

name? Mrs. Johnson, she turning in. the

48:00

best performance in the entire series so

48:02

far. I really, and some of the

48:04

best performances here are in these smaller

48:06

side characters. They just pop in, they

48:08

do their little business, but I also

48:10

feel like Mrs. Johnson is like, maybe

48:13

he's in that room too. Yeah, Mrs. Jones?

48:16

I love that, Jones. I

48:19

feel like, I just feel like,

48:21

what she's experienced. A very decoded Johnson delivery,

48:24

Jones. What you've experienced in

48:27

this house has been weird, and I

48:29

feel like, Jones.

48:37

I'm biting my lip. I've actually seen a lot of this. There

48:39

was a lot less lip biting in this movie. Oh yeah, she

48:41

hasn't lip bite that much, although she did bite that sweater's lip,

48:43

or the neck. No,

48:46

no, the neck hole is the mouth of a

48:48

sweater. I

48:54

like the pommel horse scene, and

48:56

I found that. Holy shit. Is

48:59

that a standard piece of gym equipment? When

49:02

I saw that, I wrote in

49:04

my notes, holy shit, he has

49:06

a pommel horse in his home

49:08

gym, which he then used. And

49:11

I was like, wait, does this guy know how

49:13

to do gymnastics? All

49:21

right, so he's doing an adorable. I love that everybody

49:23

in the crowd is like getting horned up. This

49:26

section right here, we really

49:29

need to put a tarp down. Now

49:33

this is what I love, because I can't tell

49:35

if this is wire work, or

49:38

this is real. This is real, this

49:40

looks real. This

49:42

is gymnastics. Wow.

49:46

Did you work on this movie? Are you

49:48

the script supervisor? Why are you, did you

49:50

play the pommel horse? Only

49:53

could do four takes, but it was real.

49:55

Only do four takes, and then he was

49:57

done, but it's real. I'm sorry, but who

49:59

set up... appear that he uses the

50:01

pommel horse correctly because he just you

50:04

could do that on anything I guess right but you

50:06

don't need a pommel horse to me I was like

50:11

oh this is set decoration gone

50:13

why like he's never

50:15

gonna use the pommel horse but then

50:17

he does and I was like okay

50:20

but it looks like so he's somebody who's

50:22

who doesn't know what it is right I

50:24

would love it there's a pommel horse correctly

50:27

he is just using it like

50:30

using it correctly would be like you know

50:32

hands you know awesome like

50:34

Jim Cada yeah Jim Cada that's what

50:36

I would want to see but

50:41

I feel like this movie is unanswered

50:44

questions after an answer questions and to

50:46

me the biggest question in this movie

50:49

is she stops the newsstand and

50:52

we don't see what she's buying and she goes give a

50:55

gift box which makes

50:57

me think she's insane

51:01

I listen New York for many a year

51:03

I've been to many newsstands give

51:05

a gift box I think the

51:07

person would look at me like the fuck

51:09

are you they would take it back if

51:12

you if you ask like a bodega person

51:14

for a gift box they would pull a

51:16

gun on you like there's and honestly they

51:18

would have every right yeah and

51:21

here's what's even more mind

51:23

scrambling apparently they do right

51:26

apparently she's right he does and

51:28

it works and not only that

51:30

she gives him Christian grade the

51:32

box and it's still in

51:35

his pocket after the helicopter crash

51:37

so people phone was lost nothing

51:39

else what's

51:43

up lost birthday

51:45

gift stayed intact and

51:47

that to me feels like a moment where no

51:50

one on set questioned it it was like

51:52

you know they have your thoughts yeah they

51:54

definitely multiple size gift boxes yeah no to

51:56

me a funnier choice would have been like

51:59

he like Pulls like an old

52:01

candy like here's a twix spot Yeah, yeah, so those

52:03

twixes, but you could put it in here, and it

52:05

would be awkwardly sized But yeah, like that's

52:07

why I like this movie does feel like there's no

52:10

Complication like that isn't even a cop Well, that's

52:13

the thing is like the whole beginning of the

52:15

movie is like her being like we

52:17

can date again as long as you're not a

52:19

fucking sex weirdo, right and Then

52:21

she does all the fucking sex weirdo shit that

52:24

he wants so he gets everything he wants anyway

52:26

So I don't understand what the problem is coming

52:28

into the second movie I don't

52:30

understand what anybody's problem is anywhere in the movie

52:36

To not just are her eyes

52:39

being opened to a world of sexual

52:41

discovery But she's being her world is

52:43

being opened up to like the mega

52:45

wealthy She is a billionaire this movie

52:47

should feel as though. It's sexy princess

52:50

diaries right like she should be like

52:52

whoa What? Everything

52:54

should be shocking and every step of the

52:56

way she's a chubby Should be like Annie

52:58

like I think I'm gonna like it. Yeah,

53:00

I can't believe this but every step of

53:02

the way She's unfazed and it's like yep

53:04

pretty much I thought I mean I mean

53:06

the and in fact I'll take more the

53:09

the biggest moment that the most reaction we

53:11

have is when the car that he gave

53:13

her is like Paint I

53:15

don't know if she was pink paint was thrown on

53:17

it like she's like oh my car like

53:20

that Yeah, like she's upset about that and then

53:22

when the woman with the gun comes in and

53:24

Christian makes her kneel She goes

53:26

six a long walk. Yeah, and then she

53:28

comes back everyone just comes back like it From

53:31

it's from that scene the gun

53:33

scene and the helicopter crash the

53:35

rest of these people's lives Would

53:38

be focused on overcoming that trauma. Well,

53:40

and they instead are like let's go

53:42

get a steak Again

53:45

with the more interesting movie. I thought the

53:47

first time I saw this movie I thought

53:49

okay, this girl is stalking her This girl

53:52

is like appearing popping up and you think

53:54

she's gonna be bad But she's really there

53:56

to warn her about Christian and then Christian is

53:58

gonna be bad. But no the movie is

54:00

like, no, no, no, no, she's

54:03

just jealous. Uh, she's just jealous.

54:06

Yeah, you know what? Like, he's like, hey,

54:08

look. And it's also, who's the

54:10

narrator? Because like, she had a mental breakdown,

54:12

you know? I cut it off, broke up

54:14

with her husband. Dicks so good she had to go crazy. She's

54:18

nuts. I don't know about you. She's fucking crazy.

54:20

But that whole scene, when he comes in and

54:22

she calls him master and is like, master lets

54:24

you sleep in his bed, or whatever, that whole

54:27

thing is. And then he comes in and is

54:29

like, Neil, and that whole thing unfolds. The

54:31

rest of the movie should be them unpacking

54:33

those 20 seconds

54:36

of time. And instead, the rest

54:38

of the movie is masquerade balls,

54:40

helicopter, everything else. And not

54:43

a single examination of the absolute

54:45

bat shit insanity. Where did she

54:47

go? Did he just? She's

54:49

never heard of these guys. Oh, she is. Disappear.

54:52

PILLAR. I can't

54:54

remember. She is in the

54:56

French foreign legion. She is done though. I mean,

54:58

again, and we didn't even, I want to go

55:00

to the crowd, but we didn't even get into

55:03

the fact that she gets

55:05

a job and within two weeks

55:07

is now running the company. Running

55:09

it. And it's stated

55:13

very clearly, he didn't make that

55:15

happen. She's good. She read

55:17

that Dante Di Pernod book and, wow.

55:20

Make her the head. I got to

55:22

say, it wasn't there in the performance.

55:25

But if I were directing this movie,

55:27

her one person of color coworker who

55:29

has been there longer than her, the

55:33

way she's like, so do I have to call you

55:35

Miss Steele now? She says

55:37

it in a normal kind way. But

55:39

in my head, if I were that

55:41

girl reading that script, I'd be like, so

55:44

am I supposed to call you Miss Steele

55:46

now? Like,

55:48

it's crazy. I think it's

55:50

the only person of color, depending on how

55:52

you count Rita Ora, is the only one

55:54

in the movie. Rita

55:56

Ora is the biggest jump scare in the movie for

55:58

me. I realized

56:01

it was her. I was like, that's the

56:03

lady who was the villain in the Pikachu

56:05

movie. You know? Um. She,

56:07

I mean, again, she pops in and we see her.

56:10

Boom, it's like, we go, let's see if this will

56:12

work. Oh, there she is. Yeah. There

56:15

she is. Yeah. Boom. And

56:17

again, Was she a brunette in the first

56:19

movie? That's what I'm saying. She popped in.

56:21

So that's why they justify her blonde hair

56:23

here because she's both masked and blonde? So

56:25

she does a character in a mask that

56:28

we know, they have to say, hey, she looks

56:30

different, but she looks doubly different because she's wearing a mask.

56:32

And then she's like, did he ever tell you about the

56:34

time he used to fight people? He got kicked out of

56:36

school a lot. I'm just dropping exposition for no apparent reason.

56:39

See you later. Like, but it doesn't

56:41

seem to bear out in any way, shape or

56:43

form. He's not a brawler here, unless it's him

56:45

that beat Jack up and we just didn't see

56:47

that scene. I mean, is he in the sequel?

56:49

I don't know. Again, nothing much happened.

56:51

I do just want to remind both of you

56:55

that we haven't talked at all about their

56:57

time on the boat. This

57:00

is crazy. Your

57:02

apartment isn't safe. Our apartments aren't safe. Let's

57:04

go to this very minimally

57:06

guarded boat. Let's

57:10

go to the docks. The

57:12

rest of the crew will be here in

57:14

the morning. She wakes up in international water?

57:18

What? You are being

57:20

trafficked. What's happening? There is so

57:22

much kidnapping going on in this

57:24

movie. There are so many red

57:27

flags for the entire Grey family.

57:30

And Anastasia Steele, again, a name that is

57:32

in no way, shape or form real, is

57:35

always like, I'm into it. I'm

57:37

into it. I mean, look, whatever this is, I'm

57:39

fucking into it. I mean, this is a scene

57:41

of red flags. Here we go. It's

57:43

all wrong. All of this is wrong.

57:49

You put money into my account that I

57:51

don't want it. Red flags. You

57:53

bought the company I work for. Red flag.

57:56

This isn't a relationship, Christian. It's

57:58

ownership. Red flag. I'm

58:02

trying to understand you. I

58:05

am just wanting

58:07

to get close to you. But

58:11

it's really difficult to do that when you keep

58:13

doing bizarre things like this. And

58:16

it's really difficult to do that when you won't let me

58:18

touch you. Red flag. What?

58:23

And it is but maybe 48 hours

58:25

later that she agrees to marry this man.

58:29

Because he says it in his sleep but

58:31

then he doesn't say it in his sleep.

58:33

He knew he was awake. I have to

58:35

ask really quickly because this is something I'm

58:37

genuinely confused about. Because Dakota

58:39

Johnson actually is one of my favorite actresses.

58:41

I love Suspiria. I love Suspiria. It's one

58:43

of my favorite movies. Is

58:46

she good in this movie? Is

58:50

she elevating the terrible script or is she right

58:53

on par with... Thank you. We

58:57

have another...we have a fourth member tonight. This

58:59

row is in the movie. Here's

59:01

what I will say. I have a

59:03

conflicted relationship with her. This

59:06

movie is leaps and bounds better

59:08

than the first one. From a visual point... What? Oh.

59:12

Oh. Joel, do yourself a

59:15

favor and do not ever

59:17

watch that movie. I mean,

59:19

the first one looked like a

59:21

student film. And this is

59:23

like well lit. I feel like acting is

59:25

better. That is crazy. Acting in the first

59:27

one you're like, oh. I

59:29

thought for sure this must have been a significant

59:31

dip in quality in all quadrants. No.

59:35

And as a matter of fact, this movie was

59:37

shot so differently that I was Googling, is it

59:39

the same actor who played Christian Grey because he

59:41

looks...I think he's lit different or he gained weight in

59:43

a good way. He just looks

59:46

better. The movie is failing everyone. The

59:48

movie is actively working...because there are so

59:50

many good actors in this movie and

59:52

it's working against all of them. Nobody

59:54

can make a choice that is helpful

59:57

for the movie even remotely. Yeah, I

59:59

just like... There's something about me that respects

1:00:01

Dakota Johnson even more now after seeing this

1:00:03

show Because there's something about

1:00:06

an actress of her caliber that will take

1:00:08

these shitty ass parts like Madame web girl

1:00:10

What are you doing and the line the

1:00:12

line that she says that Madame webb trailer?

1:00:14

Oh, I love it was with my mother

1:00:16

when she was studying spiders in the air

1:00:22

I am like, yeah, we will be

1:00:24

seated. That is our Valentine's Day Oh,

1:00:26

I am all in on Madame webb.

1:00:28

Give me the three. Oh, we'll be here. Well, that's

1:00:30

when you'll meet June. Yeah The

1:00:33

movie is so not interested

1:00:36

in compelling sex scenes so much

1:00:38

so that when she Enters and

1:00:40

has her first interaction with mrs.

1:00:43

Jones. It's to Jeff Buckley, which

1:00:45

we should all be fucking to tonight,

1:00:47

right? But then when

1:00:49

they do go and fuck it's to

1:00:52

like absolute insane rap rock Yeah, and

1:00:54

I'm like what is fucking happening here?

1:00:56

This is very bizarre. Let's go to

1:00:58

the crowd Let's see what you have

1:01:00

questions for obviously. There's a lot of

1:01:02

opinions out here Alright,

1:01:04

so the one thing that

1:01:07

we didn't mention was there was a

1:01:09

lot of issues in the first film

1:01:11

The director and the screenwriter did not

1:01:13

return because they had trouble with EL

1:01:15

James because EL James is very Controlling

1:01:17

of the script and wanted to make sure that

1:01:19

nothing deviated from her books. So

1:01:21

we have like Right

1:01:24

of refusal on cast and sir. Yeah Yeah

1:01:26

quite a bit of our control Yeah, so

1:01:28

much so that the studio trusted EL and

1:01:30

not the director and writer So for the

1:01:32

second film they got this new director and

1:01:35

they hired EL James's husband

1:01:38

to write the script. Oh, whoa Both

1:01:41

scripts because they shot two and

1:01:43

three back-to-back. They did not care

1:01:45

like Avengers Yeah, well,

1:01:48

this is the biggest this is the Lord of

1:01:50

the ring The big of

1:01:52

erotic nonsense these books

1:01:55

have been gigantic the trailers reviewed

1:01:58

more times than Star Wars The

1:02:00

Force Awakens, like it was in this thing

1:02:02

that was insane and the studio was like

1:02:05

did not commit to a sequel until The

1:02:07

first movie opened and made like 85

1:02:09

million dollars on the first weekend. So

1:02:11

they're oh shit We got

1:02:13

to finish these like they already had three and

1:02:16

so then they rushed them into production to get them

1:02:18

out So it's an interesting

1:02:21

thing. But e.l. James his husband or e.l. Whatever

1:02:23

wrote these things who had their hand up over? Yes.

1:02:25

Okay. Yes. All right. What's your question? So

1:02:28

y'all have yet to comment on the fact

1:02:30

that she took her panties off while at

1:02:32

a restaurant Jason I know germs are not

1:02:34

your thing. So I'd like to know how

1:02:36

you would for knowing that of course I'd

1:02:39

like to know how you would react and I

1:02:41

must add I took these notes on my old

1:02:43

company's letterhead. So Do

1:02:46

you want to shout the company out? Yeah,

1:02:49

I companies I thought she did a pretty

1:02:52

good subtle job of it, but like I

1:02:55

Was like if I looked I would be the person

1:02:57

who would be like Yeah,

1:03:03

you know what I have to say, you know what I

1:03:05

had to say when I saw that try doing that in

1:03:08

pants lady, okay Then

1:03:10

I'll be impressed then I'll be impressed when you

1:03:12

can do that in pants He

1:03:16

pulled up boxer breeze I I Would

1:03:19

have loved it if this movie had

1:03:21

transitioned into being and like a Zucker

1:03:24

brothers movie like air long

1:03:26

underwear By

1:03:30

the way save it we could make a whole parody series.

1:03:32

Um, I I was a little

1:03:35

confused I'm

1:03:37

gonna open myself up to be idiot But

1:03:39

maybe I was fucked stupid. Did he do it? Well,

1:03:41

what was he doing in the elevator? I was just

1:03:43

gonna say he asked her to take them off so

1:03:46

that he could finger her in the elevator Right,

1:03:48

but I mean everybody she is I don't

1:03:51

get the angles that I don't get close

1:03:53

Elevator cuz he would ask it kind of like

1:03:55

well, he's doing one of these he's doing one

1:03:58

of these like but it's like really He's

1:04:00

like, all right, he's like... He does the old... No,

1:04:02

no, I'm done with that. Yeah. He does one of

1:04:04

those. That's why he needs to

1:04:06

be on the pommel horse to get those angles.

1:04:10

But I think why

1:04:12

you thought it was confusing, Paulie, is because you

1:04:14

assumed everybody in the elevator heard... Sucking

1:04:19

in those fingers like a jet engine. But

1:04:24

she is actively music. And

1:04:29

everybody must be like, what the fuck is

1:04:31

going on? Well, even at the start of

1:04:34

it, when he goes down to tie his

1:04:36

shoe, that one lady is like, why hear

1:04:38

her? You know? Well, then let

1:04:40

me ask... All right, then I'm

1:04:42

going to continue to ask my dumb questions to

1:04:44

the people who are very active about the... Can

1:04:46

I ask... I'm starting to interrupt you, Paul.

1:04:48

Do you think he asked her to take

1:04:50

off her panties in the restaurant knowing that

1:04:52

he was going to finger her in the

1:04:54

elevator later? Yes. Yes.

1:04:58

By the way, he's fucking

1:05:00

lame. Don't

1:05:02

plan it all out like that. Let

1:05:04

there be surprise and discovery. This is

1:05:06

what I thought was happening. And

1:05:09

again, I'm revealing myself here because I trust you

1:05:11

all. I thought he was pulling

1:05:13

a hunchback of Notre Dame thing where he's

1:05:15

kind of pulling... I'm sorry, what now? I

1:05:19

thought he was doing a hunchback of Notre Dame

1:05:21

thing where... or Notre Dame, where he's doing... where

1:05:23

he's going to kind of pull on the bells.

1:05:26

Like... On the ball? What? The

1:05:30

balls. The Kegel balls. Oh! I

1:05:32

was like, wow,

1:05:35

there's a lot more going

1:05:37

on down there than I

1:05:39

thought. I thought

1:05:42

he was like... Well,

1:05:44

you're right. You're

1:05:46

right in the sense that when she's in

1:05:48

the red room, she does pick up like

1:05:51

a bell that is on like a cat's...

1:05:53

you know, there is a bell, but no,

1:05:55

no, I don't... There's

1:05:58

two of them in there and it's thinkers. I

1:06:00

think he's singing the bell. Oh my

1:06:02

god. Was

1:06:04

that leaving the restaurant? That

1:06:07

was in the elevator going up to his apartment,

1:06:09

which seemingly was a long elevator ride. And

1:06:12

he seems, oh, I don't know who was above

1:06:14

him. Yes. Hi. Hi. What's your question? Hi. Hi,

1:06:16

um, I might- Hold the mic. Okay,

1:06:18

thank God. My

1:06:21

question is we haven't really talked

1:06:23

about how the charity event was

1:06:25

for parents of drug- or

1:06:28

parents that were drug addicts.

1:06:30

Right. And

1:06:32

it was also a sexy ball, so. Well,

1:06:35

you know, look, you can help out kids and also

1:06:37

have a good time, right? I mean, you know, I

1:06:39

forget I wrote down the name of the charity. It

1:06:41

was like- Do we feel like the charity has anything

1:06:43

to do with Christian Grey? Oh, wait a minute. He's

1:06:45

told us 30,000 times that his mother was

1:06:47

a crack addict. I

1:06:50

guess that's his heart? What he says is, my

1:06:53

mother is a crack addict. You know how it goes.

1:06:55

Like, well, no, let's look at some- Like,

1:06:58

you know, she could be a- I mean, I guess there's not functioning crack

1:07:00

addicts. When she says that you've never

1:07:02

told me that before and he says, I told you when

1:07:05

you were asleep. Yeah. When

1:07:08

you were asleep. Oh, I can't wait

1:07:10

till I have a relationship and I

1:07:12

can use that one. What

1:07:14

do you mean? I told you you were just

1:07:17

asleep. The ultimate

1:07:19

gas- You're fault for not being awake. Of

1:07:22

course I told you. You were just sleeping. Hey,

1:07:26

how you doing? What's your name? Nick. Nick,

1:07:28

what's your question? In the

1:07:30

first movie, Jose says that I just got-

1:07:32

my art's gonna be shown at the Portland

1:07:34

Place. And

1:07:36

I'm wondering if the gallery at the beginning of

1:07:38

this movie is the Portland Place. Oh,

1:07:41

so this is how close the first two movies are

1:07:43

together or is- I thought this is like maybe later

1:07:45

on. I didn't think that his

1:07:47

art was gonna be shown in more than one spot. Good

1:07:52

call. I'm more wondering if that- Savage-

1:07:54

Savage dig on Jose's heart. I have

1:07:56

a question about the first one. Is

1:07:59

Jose- Is Jose in love with

1:08:01

her a little bit too? OK. So in

1:08:03

the first movie, he's her friend, and then

1:08:06

he makes a pass, an aggressive pass at

1:08:08

her. I only understood that because at the

1:08:10

end of the movie, when he's announcing that

1:08:12

they're getting married, he gives the best face.

1:08:16

It really does tell the whole story

1:08:18

of the first movie and their relationship.

1:08:20

Because he goes, huh, huh. Jose,

1:08:23

give me a question. By the way, that was great. Thank

1:08:25

you. Yes, your question. Name

1:08:27

is John. My question is, did you guys catch

1:08:29

the Vin Diesel reference in the film? Ooh, tell

1:08:31

us. Where is it? Well, throughout the movie, while

1:08:34

they're fucking in the bedroom, one

1:08:36

of the last shots is the

1:08:38

wall they haven't shown. And on the

1:08:40

wall, there's a Chronicles of Riddick poster.

1:08:42

What? Oh, I can't see that. That

1:08:45

was fucking crazy. Because what was so

1:08:48

crazy? What are you fucking talking about?

1:08:50

Oh my god. This is so incongruous

1:08:52

to everything in his life. He lives

1:08:54

in a stainless steel apartment, but he's

1:08:57

like, like Chronicles of Riddick. Wait, that's

1:08:59

a Christian Grey's apartment? I was really

1:09:01

hoping you were going to say. His

1:09:05

bedroom, right? Oh, his child. OK. It's

1:09:07

in his childhood bedroom. So that only

1:09:10

serves to prove to me that Christian

1:09:12

Grey is a fucking idiot. And

1:09:16

when she should walk into the room and be

1:09:18

like, Chronicles of Riddick, I'm done. Done. You're

1:09:21

dumped. I'm out of here. Because

1:09:23

if that's your taste, you're out of your

1:09:25

mind. We know he's a sadist. So

1:09:27

obviously, we have an opinion about this

1:09:30

movie. But there are

1:09:32

people out there with a different opinion. It is

1:09:34

now time for Second Opinion. My

1:09:37

name is Ian. Yeah.

1:09:44

You're all his, girl. But you know it don't

1:09:47

matter, because you know he's going to stock you

1:09:49

anyway. You can rely

1:09:51

on all his money. You can rely on

1:09:53

all his money. It's a great film. And

1:09:55

I'm going to review it, because I'm going

1:09:58

to be a five star fan. down.

1:10:02

That's it. That was

1:10:06

amazing. Just for you know,

1:10:08

great work. No

1:10:10

one volunteered for a song. He took a

1:10:12

bullet for us all. That was amazing. Great

1:10:14

job. That's deeply impressive. That's

1:10:17

how it's done short and sweet.

1:10:19

Yeah. With a big old mustache.

1:10:21

44,000 reviews. No. For

1:10:24

this movie. I never

1:10:28

read them all read them all

1:10:30

read them. All right, let's do

1:10:32

it. But that's

1:10:34

a significant decline because the first movie had

1:10:36

75,000 reviews. So this is 44,000 reviews on

1:10:39

Amazon. 82% are

1:10:43

five stars. So this is actually higher five

1:10:46

star rating than the last one. It's an

1:10:48

it's empire, baby. So

1:10:50

this is from I would have loved it

1:10:52

if Christian Grey had ended this movie

1:10:55

frozen in carbonite. I

1:10:59

did write in my notes that I wish he died in the

1:11:01

helicopter crash. Please go. I still

1:11:03

want to understand how he got those fireworks

1:11:06

to go off exactly right because he didn't

1:11:08

cue anybody. Like unless he was wearing a

1:11:10

wire or something. Alright, so Gabe writes this

1:11:13

bought this from my wife. She's

1:11:15

now watched it like seven times. This

1:11:18

is not a movie about sex. It's

1:11:20

about character traits, environmental behavior impacts

1:11:22

on the human mind and the

1:11:25

needs which are derived from such

1:11:27

impacts as both a

1:11:29

sociologist and a clinical behavioralist.

1:11:32

Having practiced for over a decade in

1:11:35

the clinical setting and over three decades

1:11:37

within field work, I can say the

1:11:39

characters are much more realistic than many

1:11:41

may realize. Watching from

1:11:44

this perspective makes the movie much more

1:11:46

complete as an experience. Well, extremely well

1:11:48

done. This is not about

1:11:50

sex. It's about so

1:11:52

much more. Sex is

1:11:55

a byproduct. The title

1:11:58

watch for the human behavior. perspective and

1:12:00

look for a deeper point. Much to

1:12:03

be gained. Excellent writing, directing, and acting.

1:12:05

Five stars. Okay. I'm

1:12:09

an abolitionist but march

1:12:11

him directly to jail.

1:12:13

If my therapist ever said

1:12:15

that they wrote reviews of

1:12:17

things on Amazon, I

1:12:20

would lose my mind. This person's license should be revoked.

1:12:25

Three decades of field

1:12:27

experience? Where? Kristen

1:12:32

Allen or Chrissy as she writes. Thank

1:12:34

God we have her full name. And

1:12:37

nickname. And nickname. Right. Movie is definitely

1:12:39

darker. It's best to go back and

1:12:41

watch the first one so everything makes

1:12:44

sense. Otherwise you'll be in the dark

1:12:46

or interrupting the movie to ask questions

1:12:48

which can get bothersome after a while.

1:12:50

I guess

1:12:52

that's maybe a note to someone she watched this movie with.

1:12:55

There is a lot of sex in

1:12:57

it but I expect that from this movie.

1:13:00

It will make you both want to get

1:13:02

something hot started so

1:13:04

that's just a little warning for you. If

1:13:06

you don't know anything about sex before

1:13:08

watching this movie you will learn something

1:13:11

by the end. I wonder what? Definitely

1:13:15

a girls night or date night

1:13:17

or maybe pick up some tips

1:13:19

and tricks kind of movie. The

1:13:23

title? Make you want a dot

1:13:25

dot dot five star. And that was

1:13:31

such a passive-aggressive review. It

1:13:34

really was. And this was my favorite one

1:13:36

from Brenda. Brenda's name

1:13:39

is Brenda I gave it a five. And

1:13:43

Brenda I gave it a five. The

1:13:46

title is Not for

1:13:48

Teenage Children. Found

1:13:51

out the hard way. My

1:13:53

granddaughter accidentally ordered this

1:13:56

and of course was not allowed to watch it.

1:13:58

She didn't know it was a movie. was

1:14:00

about they didn't get my money back either and

1:14:03

I guess it was our fault for

1:14:05

ordering it not for teenage

1:14:07

children five stars wait how

1:14:10

is it how is that a five-star

1:14:12

review because it arrived

1:14:15

on time she

1:14:17

did not accidentally order that oh my

1:14:20

god no way that

1:14:22

granddaughter accidentally I accidentally googled men

1:14:24

kissing when I was nine years

1:14:26

old come on I swear to

1:14:28

God guys I rented it this

1:14:31

weekend I tried to watch it but my mana found

1:14:33

it and said I couldn't I

1:14:36

I've been going to one-star reviews too because

1:14:38

I I just want to see what's going on

1:14:40

and Michelle Dennis wrote this it's

1:14:43

pretty clear that EL James had

1:14:45

all these fantasies in her head and she was

1:14:47

just dying to share them with the world but

1:14:50

it didn't sit well with her so she

1:14:52

had to spin it in a way to

1:14:54

make it look like a moral lesson or

1:14:56

an explanation for people's bedroom behavior the only

1:14:58

reason her books made the bottom shelf of

1:15:00

the grocery store is because we're in a

1:15:02

climate that shames everyone in order to justify

1:15:04

stripping people of their privacy and her juvenile

1:15:07

fantasy books are yet another tool to point

1:15:09

out what needs to be shamed what a

1:15:11

hypocrisy if you're gonna play rough

1:15:13

with your consenting partner own it don't

1:15:16

make up excuses and act ashamed of

1:15:18

your twisted fantasies EL James

1:15:22

no

1:15:26

one's really taking it to the EL James would

1:15:29

you recommend this

1:15:31

movie absolutely no

1:15:34

you know I'm in for a penny in for a pound yep

1:15:36

I'm in having now

1:15:38

watch last night's and tonight's I'll

1:15:41

be honest none of this is good

1:15:43

this is a absolute nightmare to be

1:15:45

inside of I'm dreading my day tomorrow

1:15:47

can I that is a thing though

1:15:49

I would never recommend someone and even

1:15:51

having watched it three times of my

1:15:53

own volition I am weirdly

1:15:55

curious to see oh I can't wait I

1:15:58

can't wait I'm in I'm all All

1:16:00

in. I'm curious, you guys are

1:16:02

enormously into the movie, yes? Well,

1:16:05

I read the book. Okay.

1:16:07

Okay. I do not even touch

1:16:09

what the movie is like. Give us, like, can

1:16:11

you give us like two or three little highlights that

1:16:13

you wanna say you wish X had made it in?

1:16:15

Hold on, let me get. I'm gonna read you the

1:16:18

last movie. She's loud enough. She's getting close. I'm not

1:16:20

getting that close. She's loud

1:16:22

enough, it's okay. I read the movie when they were in the

1:16:24

same thing and actually wrote a movie as them, which is

1:16:27

like, he did the shit out of it. Oh, that makes more sense,

1:16:29

okay. At

1:16:35

the end of the first movie, yeah, yeah. Don't

1:16:40

spoil it. No, no, no, no, no, no. No spoilers. No

1:16:43

spoilers. Will you be here tomorrow night?

1:16:45

Will this role be here tomorrow night? You're

1:16:50

invited. It

1:16:53

feels like a Christian Grey scenario. I

1:16:56

just was here submissive. I

1:16:59

feel like you're the Christian Grey, though. Yeah, all

1:17:01

right, well, I wanna quickly just, quickly

1:17:03

just go around real quick. What do you think is gonna happen in the third

1:17:05

one? Oh, oh, wow,

1:17:07

wow. I mean, now

1:17:09

that it's been introduced, again,

1:17:12

the first movie, Joel, you'll be shocked

1:17:14

to find out has no thriller elements,

1:17:16

nothing but like sexual discovery. So now

1:17:18

that there's been gunplay and helicopter crashes

1:17:20

and all the rest, I'm assuming there's

1:17:22

gonna be like murder? We're definitely gonna

1:17:25

have a murder. And my prediction is

1:17:27

that somehow Kim Basinger might need to

1:17:29

be the big bad, like what you

1:17:31

were saying, like maybe she murders.

1:17:33

She's gonna get shot. Or gets murdered, you think? I

1:17:35

think she's gonna get shot. I think we're gonna

1:17:37

see babies. I think there's gonna be a time jump.

1:17:39

Whoa, how many, like what do you

1:17:41

think, 40 years? It's

1:17:45

gonna end like Harry Potter. We're gonna see

1:17:47

their kids doing S&M. Like

1:17:53

Muppet babies. Harry.

1:17:55

Sorry if I'm not good but they're gonna be aliens.

1:17:57

So wait forals. Will be gotta be.

1:18:03

50 shades of baby. That's

1:18:07

the t-shirt. And it says Nana

1:18:09

stocking. You just see

1:18:11

the teagull balls hanging out from the... I

1:18:18

think that Jack is going to kidnap her.

1:18:21

Okay. And I think he's going to have

1:18:23

to put together a team. Diaper

1:18:27

guy. Ross. Piss guy. It's

1:18:29

an eventual play guy. It's

1:18:33

an eventual play guy. It's an

1:18:36

eventual team of all kink people. Yeah,

1:18:38

kinksters. I'm into it. Put together

1:18:40

a kinkster team. Anal fister. I love it. The

1:18:43

expendables. That's what the fisters call these. Captain

1:18:45

cock and ball torture. Nipple clamps. Get over

1:18:47

here. All right. I bet they

1:18:49

had nipples. I bet they had nipples. I bet they had. I

1:18:52

bet they had. I bet they had. I bet they had.

1:18:55

I bet they had. I bet they had. I

1:18:57

bet they had. I bet they had nipple clamps,

1:18:59

but they were only used on the finger. Sexy.

1:19:03

The movie is not as horny

1:19:05

as it wants to be. Thank

1:19:08

you for coming out. This has been How Did This Get

1:19:10

Made. You

1:19:12

all are fantastic. Thank

1:19:14

you to Joel Kim Booster and our always amazing staff

1:19:17

at Largo. If you want to feel

1:19:19

like you were a part of our

1:19:21

50 Shades Darker Live show, you can

1:19:24

buy yourself a shirt that we designed

1:19:26

for Christian Grey's nonsensical company. The shirt

1:19:28

says Grey Enterprises, Colon, Business, Telecommunications, Independent

1:19:31

Publishing, Blow Dry Bars, and Charity. You

1:19:33

can buy that shirt and more at

1:19:35

tbowbook.com/stores slash HDTGM. And

1:19:37

if you've been dying to attend one of

1:19:40

our live shows, well, we have a couple

1:19:42

tickets left for our European tour. That's right.

1:19:44

We're going to be in London, Glasgow, and

1:19:46

Belfast. Go get your

1:19:48

tickets at hdtgm.com. That's

1:19:51

hdtgm.com. My book, Joyful Recollections of Trauma,

1:19:54

is available for pre-order in Canada, the

1:19:56

UK, and the United States. Go to

1:19:58

your local bookstore. Go to... any

1:20:00

of your online retailers get it as an e-book

1:20:02

or you can get it as an audio book.

1:20:04

I will be reading it. There'll be special things,

1:20:07

treats and twists in it. And if you

1:20:09

buy it now, you can sign up for

1:20:11

a very special part of my website. It's

1:20:13

kind of like the DVD special features of

1:20:15

my book on my website. Go to paulsheer.com

1:20:17

to find out more about that. And if

1:20:20

you have any corrections and omissions from this

1:20:22

episode, let us know. Go on our Discord

1:20:24

at Discord.GG slash HDTGM and leave me a

1:20:26

voicemail at 619-PAUL-ASK. Then

1:20:30

make sure to tune into next week's episode

1:20:32

of Last Books to hear me respond to

1:20:34

your messages. Plus, June will be joining me

1:20:36

next week on Last Books to talk to

1:20:38

a very special guest. That's right. Jake Johnson will

1:20:40

be stopping by the chat. And as always, we

1:20:42

will announce our next film, which is a doozy.

1:20:45

Remember, you can find us everywhere online at HDTGM.

1:20:47

And if you love the show, please tell your

1:20:49

friends about it. That's right. Word of mouth helps

1:20:51

us and it's a lot more fun watching these

1:20:53

bad movies with a friend. And last but not

1:20:56

least, I gotta say thank you to all of

1:20:58

our listeners who support this show every week and

1:21:00

our entire behind the scenes team who keeps this

1:21:02

show running. I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sonney,

1:21:04

Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avril Hally, and

1:21:06

our associate producer, Jess Cisneros, and our engineers,

1:21:09

Casey Holford and Rich Garcia. That's all I

1:21:11

got. Bye for now.