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With the Democrats maintaining their senate majority

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GOP led house, we also have a newly

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1:36

Same. You know what? I love the the all

1:38

purpose, like, surface spray that they have.

1:41

It comes in different. Yes. It doesn't streak.

1:43

Or it doesn't streak on my counters anyway?

1:45

Yeah. It doesn't streak on mine either, and it

1:47

smells good without having that kind of

1:50

fakie --

1:50

Yeah. --

1:51

you know when you smell like a fake fragrance

1:53

and you're like, oh, this is not natural. I

1:55

am

1:56

repelled. Like, it is like fake

1:58

fragrance toxicity to me. And this

2:00

just like nice and mellow. It just smells clean.

2:02

Mhmm. Also, like, my

2:05

garbage can contains a lot less

2:07

empty containers because, you know, the little cons

2:09

and traded. Oh, yeah. Detergent stuff is

2:11

like it comes in just like it honestly

2:14

sounds really this is gonna sound very dysfunctional. But

2:16

it's like the size of one of those little

2:19

airport rum things that you

2:21

take on a plane. That's

2:23

a very good description. Yes. They're

2:25

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2:27

space in your recycling bin. They take up less

2:30

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2:32

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3:35

Hello, and welcome to hysteria. I'm

3:37

Erin Ryan, and I'm Alyssa Mastermonico.

3:40

Alyssa?

3:41

Mhmm. It is a bad

3:43

day to be a Jewish space

3:45

laser. Is

3:46

it? Yeah. Marjorie Taylor

3:48

Green, but named to the homeland

3:51

security committee in

3:53

the House of Representatives justice

3:56

for all victims of the space lasers.

3:59

God help us. This

4:05

week, we are joined by Mikaela Watkins

4:07

and Karak Link to take on the following question Why

4:10

are Republicans suddenly so worried

4:12

about stopes? Why do

4:14

men who hate women complain when

4:17

we don't want to hang out with them? Where

4:19

do you draw the line between supportive friend

4:21

and unwitting enabler? And what

4:23

kind of chocolate should go directly into

4:25

the trash? All this and more

4:28

right now. And welcome

4:34

to the show, Alyssa, so excited to be

4:36

here with you today. I wanna just

4:39

start news this week by getting

4:42

something kind of off my chest, I think elephant

4:44

in the room, something we've all been

4:46

talking about. Maybe the most important

4:48

issue facing America right now

4:50

Gas Stoves. Oh,

4:52

gas Stoves. Yeah.

4:54

A few weeks ago, there was

4:56

information bandied about a quote

4:59

from a commissioner at the Consumer Products

5:01

Safety Commission

5:02

suggested that gas stoves

5:05

actually have some harmful health

5:07

effects -- Mhmm. --

5:08

if you

5:08

have them in your home and it can

5:11

produce like a hidden hazard. And since

5:13

then that's been like the only thing that

5:15

people like your former doc

5:17

Ronnie. Congressman, Ronnie

5:20

Jackson wanna talk about it has become

5:22

this huge thing in the culture where I just wanna

5:24

point something out. I

5:26

had no idea so

5:29

many Republican men were

5:31

such great

5:31

chefs. Oh, I had no

5:34

idea. So many conservative

5:36

men. They're preparing their own

5:39

food. Erin, listen.

5:43

It's not just them. Forever

5:45

boyfriend, Joe Manchin, also waited

5:47

on this one. Very anti

5:49

clutching the gastro from his

5:51

dead hands. I gotta say, if

5:53

anyone gives me a vibe, I

5:55

prepare my own meals and have always

5:57

prepared meals for myself. It's

6:00

not Joe Manchin. I really think

6:02

that if I had a morning

6:04

TV show or even like a that

6:06

was like an Anderson Cooper type figure,

6:08

I would invite some of

6:10

these dudes into studio and

6:12

then surprise. Be like, guys, we're gonna

6:14

cook today. Look,

6:17

we're gonna cook. What's your favorite

6:19

recipe? Let's do it. Let's do

6:21

this. Because not only are you chefs, you

6:23

are such picky chefs because

6:25

you know the more you cook, the more you develop, like,

6:27

habits around, like, what you like

6:29

to use. You're like, I like this pan.

6:31

Yes. True. I like

6:33

using this tool, whatever, and

6:35

you get more and more and more in your habits

6:37

as you get better at at cooking, I think.

6:39

Mhmm. I didn't know that they were just

6:41

like so so

6:43

into cooking, that they

6:45

just had this deep attachment

6:47

to their stopes. They feel

6:49

strongly about their stoves. Yeah.

6:52

Maybe we should ask your mommies what

6:54

they think about their stoves because I don't

6:56

really think that these people honestly

6:58

are. Don't think they're using their gas

7:00

stopes. I don't think they know how

7:01

to turn on their gas stopes. No.

7:05

No. And maybe the fact that they don't know how to

7:07

turn it in or turn it on is, maybe that's

7:09

why they all seem like they've been huffing gas

7:11

for years and years. Yeah.

7:13

I I don't know. I just I find the whole debate

7:15

strange. I like using a gas stove,

7:17

but information is coming out that's like,

7:19

hey, this is actually bad. I'll be like, oh,

7:21

cool. I'll use that information to make more informed

7:23

choices.

7:25

About how I cook.

7:26

Right. What's wrong with being informed?

7:29

Everything, Alyssa. There are two parties in

7:31

this country and one values information

7:34

and taking information and incorporating it

7:36

into the way that we live our lives.

7:37

And the other one is anti

7:39

the information. Also, the

7:42

same group of people who are,

7:44

like, getting information that

7:46

almost all mass shootings are

7:48

accomplished. With AK-15s and

7:50

AR-15s and all

7:51

these, like, terrible guns that you don't need for hunting.

7:53

And they're like, yeah. But you're not gonna take

7:55

away my rights. Aaron is a Gastrover right

7:58

No. I don't think they had gas stoves

8:00

at the beginning of this country. Although, I do

8:02

have another question, and this is a little bit of

8:04

a troll question. You know how,

8:06

like, contracts cannot be

8:08

legally enforced if

8:10

you were, like, under duress

8:13

or you're impaired when you sign the

8:15

contract? Right? Yeah.

8:17

Where did all the founding fathers like

8:20

really drunk all the time? All the time

8:22

on all kinds of stuff? Right.

8:24

So like, were they all drunk when,

8:26

like, the constitution was voted on

8:28

and

8:28

stuff? Like, is it a legally enforceable document?

8:31

I don't know. It's a very good

8:34

question. We should bring that up. I am

8:36

cooking with gas today.

8:40

Callback. Okay. Let's talk a little bit more

8:42

about another thing that might be

8:44

banned. This is something that Republicans

8:46

want to ban, and that is

8:48

the app TikTok.

8:49

Alyssa, what do you make of the proposed

8:51

TikTok band? And what do you think is really going

8:53

on behind the scenes? I don't know. It all

8:55

seems like very dramatic except

8:57

I will say that when China has gotten

9:00

involved in things, we

9:02

do tend to get a little bit skittish years

9:04

ago, the Chinese bought the Waldorf

9:06

Hotel and then the Chinese government took it

9:08

over. And presidents

9:10

don't stay at the Waldorf anymore. So,

9:13

I mean, TikTok is

9:15

so I mean, in America

9:17

alone, I think they're over a hundred

9:19

million

9:19

users. Right. So it

9:20

seems like there would be utter outrage

9:23

if it were banned, I'd say to me,

9:25

you know, because I'm a real business

9:27

person, Erin. I'd say if

9:29

it were me, the Chinese company

9:31

should just sell it to an American

9:33

company if Push came to shove because

9:35

it feels like they'd get a lot more money than

9:37

it being outright banned in the US.

9:39

It feels hard to ban, but I don't know

9:42

why everything's taking so long

9:44

with this sort of process that

9:46

they're going through with foreign

9:48

regulators. But, I mean,

9:50

it seems very dramatic

9:52

like something that would cause an outright

9:54

revolution if it happens, so I feel like there's gonna be

9:56

some middle ground. Right. And,

9:57

you know, I I think that there are legitimate

10:00

concerns. Like you said -- Yeah. -- a

10:02

company ByteDance, which

10:04

is the the parent company

10:06

of TikTok. ByteDance's

10:08

cozy relationship with the

10:10

Chinese government and the

10:12

ability of ByteDance employees to

10:14

access data -- Right.

10:16

-- is troubling. But

10:18

I still don't see

10:20

how ByteDance,

10:23

apart from the whole the whole China connection.

10:25

How ByteDance is any different from any

10:27

social media company. Mhmm. There have been some

10:29

kind of Alarmous stories that are,

10:31

like, oh, well, it accessed

10:33

some user data or like it, you know, people

10:35

were improperly looking things up,

10:37

but employees at other social media

10:39

companies have done the same thing.

10:41

Yeah, law enforcement employees

10:43

have improperly accessed information

10:45

on people that had nothing to

10:47

do with cases that they were actually to getting,

10:49

like, romantic partners. So

10:51

I I just feel as though I

10:54

don't know. And also, Facebook

10:56

right now is really flailing. It

10:58

is on its heels. And part of the reason it's

11:00

on its heels is because people under

11:03

thirty don't use Facebook. Right. People

11:05

don't wanna use it anymore. They're all in TikTok.

11:07

I think that it let's take a look

11:09

at who would benefit

11:11

the most from a TikTok ban,

11:13

and that's people who are

11:15

part of more traditional quote

11:17

unquote or older

11:20

social media companies that older

11:22

Americans tend to

11:22

use. And yeah, but I

11:24

don't think generation z will let this happen. I

11:26

don't think they'll let it happen, though I do

11:29

think not to be you

11:31

know, overly dramatic. There

11:33

are issues just because ByteDance is

11:35

in China. There are lots of

11:37

issues with the kind of access the

11:39

Chinese government has to check the information

11:41

Chinese companies

11:42

possess. Mhmm. So

11:44

I do put as little as possible

11:46

on TikTok. Yeah.

11:48

I mean, another thing that I

11:50

think I mean, this is sort of a

11:53

bipartisan issue. You know, it's not necessarily

11:55

Republicans -- Yeah. -- want to ban

11:57

to talk, and Democrats don't want to be anti talk.

11:59

But I do think that there

12:01

is kind of bolstering

12:04

this reasonable

12:06

apprehension about the Chinese government's

12:09

close ties with companies within China.

12:11

I think underneath it, there's

12:13

also a little bit of fear

12:16

and concern

12:18

about the fact that

12:20

information that spreads on

12:22

TikTok isn't necessarily something

12:24

that anybody knows how to control. Like

12:27

Facebook sold itself as something that could be

12:29

manipulated and targeted ads

12:31

and and that gives, like, some sort of

12:33

government entity or somebody who

12:35

whose career is made partly on messaging,

12:37

it gives them, like, a viable it's like,

12:39

okay, this is a partner that

12:41

I can use to get my message out. Or

12:44

to reach people that I wanna reach.

12:46

TikTok is chaotic compared

12:48

to Facebook's ability

12:50

to, like, deliberately reach

12:52

people or to, like, juice numbers and and

12:54

things like that. Yes. True. And so there's a

12:56

part of that thinks, like, it would be

12:58

way easier for

13:00

Republicans, for Democrats, for

13:02

anybody running a political campaign

13:05

if TikTok wasn't around to just

13:07

be this giant question mark, they could just

13:09

totally fuck them up with,

13:11

like, young voters. All it would take

13:13

is, like, one piece

13:15

of viral bad info,

13:17

whether or not it's true on

13:19

TikTok. And TikTok doesn't really have the

13:21

mechanisms to be like, hey, guys, this is just

13:23

info. So there's something that's kind of

13:25

scary about that giant question mark.

13:27

Right. So we'll see what

13:29

happens. You know, a TikTok ban wouldn't

13:31

necessarily mean that TikTok would, like, be

13:33

deleted from your phone. It would just mean you can't

13:35

find it in the app store anymore. Right. And

13:37

if there's anything I've learned about

13:39

what happens when old people try to control

13:42

technology that young people like to use. It's that

13:44

the young people have figured out a way

13:46

around whatever blockades old people

13:48

will put on -- Yeah. -- before

13:50

the blockades are even in

13:51

place. Like me sitting in my

13:53

basement understanding how to, like, break

13:55

through the parental control and watch

13:58

MTV constantly when I was in high school. Yeah. I

14:00

never figured that out. But I'm an oldie.

14:02

Yeah.

14:03

Well, here's the thing. Like, you're

14:05

older, you're trying to keep someone young from

14:07

accessing technology they like. The young

14:09

person already knows it way better than you. They're gonna figure

14:11

a way around it. It's very true?

14:13

It's true. We also

14:15

have an update on the

14:18

murders in Idaho

14:21

and it is sort of what I mean,

14:23

look, I don't like to be one of

14:25

those people that's just speculating

14:27

into a microphone about

14:29

what definitely happened, especially when

14:31

it comes to this sort of true

14:33

crime type stuff. But

14:36

privately, when this first

14:39

broke, there was some chatter among,

14:41

like, friends, people that I would talk to

14:43

about this stuff that it this guy gave

14:45

off some kind of in cell vibes. Mhmm.

14:48

And we're getting information now

14:50

that that vibe might

14:52

have been Correct. You might have been

14:54

witching? Yeah. I mean, a lot of

14:56

people got those vibes from him. I'm not the only

14:58

one in any way, shape or

15:00

form. There's a lot of people saw

15:02

and read stuff about him and they were like, oh,

15:04

yeah. This guy is giving me strong

15:07

in cell angry Internet in

15:09

cell vibes. Two weeks before

15:11

the four University of

15:13

Idaho students were murdered last November.

15:15

The man accused of killing

15:17

them sent a series of messages to one of the

15:19

victims on Instagram according to

15:21

an investigator that is familiar

15:23

with the case. Apparently,

15:25

he sent her a few messages

15:27

that they probably would have gone to

15:29

her drafts folder or

15:31

request yet not drafts. Yeah.

15:34

Like, if you don't follow somebody and they send you a message,

15:36

you don't see it unless you deliberately look

15:38

at your requests. Right.

15:40

So he didn't get a response to those

15:43

messages. She might not have seen them,

15:45

but it seems like he

15:47

was interested in contacting at

15:49

least one of the

15:51

victims. And that is

15:54

man, well, I don't know. What what do you make of

15:56

this

15:56

information, Alyssa? I mean, well, it's

15:59

it's very weird because we got this

16:01

information on the heels

16:03

of that mega politician

16:05

in Albuquerque who

16:08

also was trying to target Liberals'

16:11

Democrats. And he

16:13

too now there's video that he tried to

16:15

contact all of these people before

16:17

he went after them. And,

16:19

I mean, it's just fucking it's

16:22

creepy. It's just I mean, it's just it's

16:24

just fucking

16:24

creepy. There's no other way to really put

16:27

it. Right. It's like a what is it a

16:29

violent, like, entitlement? To

16:31

people's attention and time. Right.

16:33

And proximity and

16:34

space. I mean, it's it's like

16:37

this guy because, like, by learning this

16:39

information, you're

16:40

like, was he trying to

16:42

stop? Mhmm. Her? Or was did

16:44

he go kill them? Because she didn't reply to

16:46

his fucking message that

16:48

she probably never saw. Man, you know,

16:51

I feel for

16:54

Ryan coworkers family. Because

16:56

I it just Yeah. It

16:58

my heart breaks for for them. It

17:01

it just must be so devastating. And

17:03

so I don't wanna put this on his family, but I just want to

17:05

say in general more widely,

17:07

I think it's really important to teach

17:09

boys and young men that they

17:11

are not entitled to anybody's time

17:14

or attention. You're not

17:16

entitled to anybody. Totally.

17:18

Like and it it doesn't

17:20

matter if you feel as though

17:22

you were wronged by them not giving you

17:24

romantic attention. It doesn't matter

17:26

if you feel like you were wronged by

17:28

them not treating you like an

17:30

important

17:30

politician. It doesn't matter you're not

17:33

entitled to anybody's

17:34

time or attention. And, you know,

17:36

on the flip side, nobody is entitled to your

17:38

time and attention. So, you know, it cuts

17:40

both ways. Right. Yeah.

17:42

The story, the more that comes out about it, the more I'm just like,

17:44

this is everything that I was

17:47

afraid that it would

17:48

be. And Yeah. What

17:50

a gross story top to bottom. Speaking

17:52

of gross, we haven't really talked about this guy

17:54

on the show. Oh. But

17:57

and rotate the bald

17:59

influencer. Okay. Because I think it's really important

18:01

to look, bald men can

18:03

be very attractive and and and, you know,

18:06

own it. They can own it, you know?

18:08

Yes. And then sometimes if a

18:10

bad man is bald and feels bad

18:13

about

18:13

it, it's okay to make fun of him, I think. Right?

18:15

The

18:15

man is a self described misogynist. We

18:17

can say whatever the fuck we want about him.

18:20

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's been

18:22

accused of raping multiple

18:24

women. He's been in

18:26

Romanian custody now for

18:29

several weeks, not long enough, in my

18:31

opinion, details have emerged

18:33

from the original case where

18:35

he was accused of raping a

18:37

woman, and it's really stomach churning.

18:39

It's really awful. And apparently,

18:42

the the new evidence in this case

18:45

includes WhatsApp messages that

18:47

Andrea Tate sent to the woman that basically

18:49

are

18:49

like, yeah, I raped you and it

18:52

was great. And I loved

18:54

it. It made me feel great. It turned me on.

18:56

He you know,

18:58

he's a

18:58

disgusting person.

19:02

And he deserves

19:04

everything bad that could possibly

19:06

happen to him. But I

19:07

I think the reason that we can't

19:10

just ignore him forever even

19:12

though it would be great if we

19:13

could, is that there's a lot of young men who are

19:15

really into him, who think

19:16

he's great. And

19:17

this is kind of happening at the same time that

19:19

a bunch of other things are

19:22

happening. Young men are

19:24

having less sex

19:26

than -- Mhmm. -- you know, in

19:28

recent history for as long as we've been keeping, I don't

19:30

know, sex tabs on everybody. Young men

19:33

aren't having sex and they're really mad at

19:35

women because they're not having sex. And the people who are

19:37

mad at women for not having sex are the same

19:39

people that are sort

19:41

of championing laws

19:44

that make it

19:46

less safe for women to have sex that

19:48

make the cost really high.

19:50

So at the same time that the cost of having sex as a young

19:52

woman is getting higher and higher with a

19:54

lack of access to abortion threatened

19:57

access to

19:58

contraception, a complete lack of a social

20:01

safety net, at least in the US,

20:03

as the cost is

20:04

getting high, the quality of men is

20:06

like getting lower. And

20:09

lower and lower people are like, what

20:11

is wrong with these women? It's like,

20:13

I don't know, basic

20:16

economic principles.

20:16

Supply and demand baby. But this

20:19

so this guy, when the Greta Thunberg

20:21

of it all happened, I was like, who

20:23

is this person? Erin, I had never heard

20:26

lucky you. I had to look up

20:28

his Wikipedia page. And

20:30

let me tell you something. Let me just

20:32

revisit the Wikipedia page for a

20:34

minute because Honestly, how

20:36

he's not in jail yet when this is his Wikipedia

20:38

page? Okay. Following his

20:41

kickboxing career, he began

20:43

offering paid forces and memberships through his

20:45

website and later rose to fame

20:47

promoting an ultra masculine, ultra

20:49

luxurious lifestyle, a self

20:51

described misogynist Tate's

20:53

controversial commentary has resulted in

20:55

his suspension from all social

20:57

media platforms. The

20:59

Romanian police This is why how

21:01

Greta got him, and this is what they got him

21:03

for. Romanian police alleged that the

21:05

group coerced victims into

21:07

creating paid pornography

21:09

for social media. Wait a second. So can

21:11

I just pause

21:12

and say it was an MLM for dudes?

21:14

It's a Tupperware party

21:16

of sex trafficking. Yes. And this

21:18

is his Wikipedia page.

21:21

This isn't anything but his

21:23

Wikipedia page. He's a bad fucking

21:25

dude. And there are so many people and

21:27

of course them because I didn't know who he

21:28

was. I went down the rabbit hole. And

21:32

he's like, a global Joe

21:34

Rogen, but worse. Oh, no.

21:36

He makes Joe Rogen look

21:39

like Oprah Win Yeah. I mean, I

21:41

don't think they're in the same. Maybe they have some,

21:43

like, overlap of fans. I would

21:45

prefer if it's between but

21:47

like, yeah. That's what I mean. His

21:49

fans. He's such a bad guy. But so

21:51

many young men think he's he's really

21:53

cool and great. And

21:56

I just gotta say, you know,

21:59

guys, if you hate

22:01

women so

22:01

much, like, you don't

22:03

have to hang out with us.

22:05

Yeah. Find other people. A

22:07

lot of us don't want to hang out with you.

22:09

You can hang out with other dudes.

22:11

It's okay. Like, especially in

22:14

Europe, Close male friendships are less stigmatized

22:16

than they are in in the US. Like,

22:18

it is oh, hang out with

22:20

each other and just like leave

22:23

women alone.

22:26

Like, leave us alone. Go

22:28

away. Yeah. Do your

22:30

own

22:30

thing. Do your own thing. Do your own

22:32

things. My own people. Drive your dumb

22:34

cars off your own dumb clips. I

22:36

don't give a fuck what you do.

22:38

Just like I don't understand why

22:42

like not only

22:44

I hate women. Why won't these

22:46

dumb bitches fuck me? It

22:48

it's like, well, because you don't like them.

22:51

And they don't like you. Right? So

22:53

stay away. Anyway. Anyway,

22:55

oh, one quick more thing that about

22:57

Andrew Tait and and why, whatever happens

22:59

to him he deserves. He

23:01

moved to Romania originally

23:03

because he thought that post

23:05

Me too Western

23:07

society took rape too

23:09

seriously. Yeah.

23:12

So that's that's that. I hope he

23:14

has the day he deserves Anyway,

23:16

let's take a quick break. When we

23:18

come back, we are gonna talk about

23:21

some of the ins and outs of friendship.

23:23

Do you want your friends

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to Give it to you straight or do you want

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31:15

welcome back. You're listening to

31:18

hysteria. I'm still here. Alyssa's still here. We're

31:20

gonna bring in two more people. But first, I'm gonna

31:22

ask Alyssa a question. Alyssa, has this ever

31:24

happened to you? You are having

31:26

a conversation with a friend

31:28

and you realize that

31:30

your friend is

31:32

the

31:32

problem. Like,

31:33

yeah, I'm just

31:33

asking you for advice and it's like

31:36

your Hundred percent.

31:38

Hundred percent. How do you

31:40

react when that happens when I

31:42

know they're the problem? Yeah.

31:45

So, like, ever since the Taylor Swift

31:47

song came out, I tried to be funny about

31:49

it, and be

31:49

like, hi. It's

31:51

me. I'm the problem. I'm like, if you heard that song, it's

31:53

so funny. I try so

31:56

here's the thing. If they have come to

31:58

me for advice, and

32:00

I'm listening. And I'm like, you're the problem.

32:03

I tried to very nicely be

32:05

like, have you thought about what

32:07

your actions might have,

32:10

you know, elicited from this

32:12

person. Like, how did you

32:14

think how did you think what you said was

32:16

gonna play

32:17

out? How would you feel if I said that to you? That's how

32:19

I try to do it. I'd

32:22

imagine it doesn't always go

32:25

well. Like, I'd imagine that

32:27

sometimes the person hearing that is like they that's not what

32:29

they wanna hear. We're gonna talk about

32:31

that today. Like, the

32:33

slipperiness between being

32:35

a good friend, quote unquote,

32:37

and being honest, and whether

32:39

those two things always

32:42

coexist. So I'm gonna bring in the

32:44

rest of our panel. Our first panelist is

32:46

bringing her pod onto her in

32:48

the northeast this weekend. Get

32:50

your tickets to any of the shows

32:52

that aren't sold out. Oh, big time. Yeah.

32:54

That's messed up live dot

32:55

com. Kara Klick, welcome to

32:58

hysteria. Hello.

32:58

It's great to be back. How

33:00

are you guys? We're

33:02

great. It's good to see your face. I

33:04

know you've been

33:05

touring around. I know. I've

33:07

been touring around and when I'm not, I'm sick in

33:10

a house with my children. No.

33:12

Have you and your family

33:14

invented any new strains

33:16

of virus that you can tell us

33:18

about? Oh,

33:19

yeah. Oh, yeah. My

33:22

son is doing a thing where if he

33:24

gets upset for two seconds, he throws

33:26

up. He doesn't even have to work himself into

33:28

too much of a lather. He just literally will

33:30

be like, And it's

33:31

like, the doctor goes, yeah, he's just got

33:33

a crazy gag reflex. And I'm like,

33:35

okay. What? Like, I've

33:36

never heard of this. Heard

33:39

of them before either.

33:41

So it's like

33:42

and he gets upset. I'm like, you're fine. You're

33:44

okay. You're okay. Like, boys don't roll

33:47

up.

33:47

Oh my goodness. So

33:49

that's that's what I thought you would

33:52

know. Okay. Well, I'm glad that you get

33:54

to be tour and not in the same house

33:56

as the vamed for, like, a

33:58

little bit of time. Man,

34:01

it's a good thing he's so cute. By

34:04

now. And rounding

34:07

out the panel. You can catch our next panelist in the new

34:09

film. You hurt my feelings, which co

34:11

star's Julia Louie Dreyfus, and is

34:14

premiering this week at

34:15

Sundance, Mikayla Watkins. Welcome to

34:17

hysteria. Well, it's stars Julia Louie

34:19

Dreyfus. I love that Yeah. It's it's another Nicole

34:21

House that are Filvin. They're that two of them

34:23

got together. It's so good you guys.

34:26

I cannot

34:28

standing. I cannot wait for you to see

34:29

it. Wait. Did you know you're gonna be at Sundance

34:31

with one, Alyssa Master Monaco? I'm

34:34

not going.

34:35

I'm I'm sad. I

34:37

know. Shit. Let Alyssa. I What

34:40

are you going for? I'm going

34:42

because our documentary pretty

34:44

baby Brooke Shields is a

34:47

select and later on

34:49

Friday, and I could not

34:51

get tickets to you or my

34:53

feelings. You're all It's already it

34:55

was already sold out. It's great.

34:58

No. It's nothing but good

35:00

news. When we were sold

35:01

out, we were like, we'll take it. Thank you

35:04

so much. No. But I I congratulations on the Brooke

35:06

Shields stock. I hear it's amazing.

35:08

That's fantastic. I

35:12

yeah. No. I'm in England and

35:14

and so I'm I'm gonna watch it

35:16

here with three people. They've

35:19

done a little they're they're setting up a

35:21

little mini Sundance where hopefully

35:24

I won't be able to get in because someone

35:26

spelled my name wrong. And the big

35:28

DJ and tiny

35:30

crab rolls that are going

35:32

to be passed around. Oh, that's sounds

35:35

amazing. Can

35:35

you tell us anything that that won't happen?

35:38

That's that's Sundance. That's the Yeah.

35:40

I was gonna say that the name being spelled

35:42

wrong is something I live in fear of every

35:44

time I go someplace. Yeah.

35:46

Oh, wait. Gosh. Mikaela, just

35:48

for our listeners and some

35:51

some BTS behind the scenes.

35:54

Mikaela is in England and she has been

35:56

talking about sweaters for, like, the last ten

35:58

minutes. Yeah. Because that's what you

36:00

that's what what happens to you when you live in

36:02

English? That should probably be my sanity

36:05

corner. Can you tell us anything about

36:08

the film?

36:08

You've heard my feelings as actually right on par with what

36:11

we're talking about today. It's about

36:13

a acceptance in a

36:16

romantic couple. When two

36:18

people are creative and or

36:20

or when one person is at least creative.

36:22

And it turns out that their partner

36:26

doesn't think that their latest creative achievement

36:28

is very

36:29

good. And yeah. Oh,

36:32

wow. And

36:34

what happens?

36:34

Oh.

36:35

So yeah. Oh, man. I don't know if I

36:36

can watch this movie. I know. I know.

36:39

When I when

36:42

I called When I called the

36:44

director who wrote it, I said, you

36:46

know, to Nicole, I was like, oh my god.

36:48

I love it, but now I think Fred is lying to

36:50

me all the

36:51

time. Of course, he is. I think

36:53

you're lying to me right

36:56

now. So, yeah, it

36:58

it does dovetail really well

37:00

with what we're talking about today, which is like how

37:02

do you navigate the murky waters of friendship when your friend

37:05

is telling you something and you're not sure

37:07

if what you should do is

37:10

be honest with them or be supportive of them.

37:13

Kara, are you good at giving advice

37:15

in those situations and why

37:17

or why not?

37:19

Well, I mean, I think it really

37:22

depends on the friendship

37:24

specifically. Like, I have a

37:26

friend who It's been my for

37:28

instance third grade and

37:30

recently was broken up with

37:32

again. Mhmm. And

37:34

I said, She's somebody I can just go out and say. I was like,

37:36

you need to work on yourself. Like, you need

37:38

to figure out why this is happening because you

37:40

are being too selfish in

37:42

these relationships. And you are

37:44

turning people away and she's like, I know. You

37:46

know, she can accept that for me because we

37:48

are friends from

37:50

childhood and I know how to talk to are some would

37:52

rather die and say something like

37:54

that today. You know? So I

37:56

think it depends on the friendship. I

37:59

do I do try to give good advice.

38:02

I I think I try to, like,

38:04

gently say, well, is it

38:06

possible they thought this or whatever when you're

38:08

like, yes. It's you high. the

38:10

problem. It's you. Like, you know, like,

38:12

I I definitely try to do that, but then,

38:14

you know, you have those friends that are like, no. But,

38:16

you know, and are so defensive. So

38:19

it is so tricky. It is such a

38:21

slippery friendship area. But -- Yeah. --

38:23

I I definitely just think

38:25

it's so case by case. Who I

38:27

say

38:27

friends? Mikaela, what is

38:30

your

38:30

take on

38:31

that? Are you good at giving advice? And

38:33

have you ever kind

38:36

of accidentally given advice on what someone wanted was, like, support

38:38

and affirmation. Oh, yeah. Sure. I

38:40

mean, that's how you learn

38:41

to be a good friend, I guess.

38:43

Right? It's, like, getting

38:46

reprimanded for that. But I'd like

38:48

to think I'd give pretty good advice, and

38:50

I think the older I get, the better

38:52

friend I am, and the better advice giver

38:54

I am. And I think the reason for that is I

38:56

try to suss out real quick

38:58

what it is they want from

39:02

me. Are they wanting advice? Are they wanting an ally? Are

39:04

they wanting someone to say you did nothing wrong?

39:06

Are they just wanting love? Like,

39:09

are they just a wounded person who

39:12

just wants someone to say

39:14

that they just love them and just to

39:16

hear

39:17

them? So Are they in a household where nobody listens to

39:19

them and they just need a ear?

39:21

So I think that

39:23

there's that and also if you are

39:26

coming to me, you are gonna

39:28

get that all those

39:30

things plus a dose of some honesty

39:32

because I don't I'm just not a good liar.

39:34

So, you know, don't go to Starbucks if

39:36

you wanna buy vacuum cleaner.

39:39

Like, don't come to don't come

39:41

to me if you want. Absolutely.

39:44

No honesty sprinkled in. But

39:47

I am very thoughtful now

39:49

about how I do it.

39:51

I remember I was doing

39:53

some acting job and Amy Poehler was

39:56

next to me. And she

39:58

said, you know, I have a pact

40:00

with my friends

40:02

that for It was either ten days, ten months, or ten years. I can't remember, but

40:04

it was something like that. She said, I'm

40:06

not going to give any advice unless

40:08

somebody asked. I'm gonna,

40:10

like, really stick to this. I'm not gonna

40:12

give advice unless somebody asked. And I was

40:14

like, oh, that's so interesting. And I

40:16

lasted about

40:18

ten You know, before I was like, you know, you shouldn't do.

40:20

And so,

40:22

you know, of course, we will give somebody

40:24

advice if they weren't asking for

40:27

it. But you gotta vibe what

40:29

the person wants. Mhmm.

40:31

Okay. Yeah.

40:32

Mhmm. Alyssa, how do you

40:34

assess that out? That's I

40:37

think, Mikaela's, like, just spot on.

40:39

It's, like, if someone's

40:41

coming to me, and you can

40:44

tell by the way they approach you.

40:46

If it's like a list, I got

40:48

this problem, what do you

40:50

think? And they lay it out

40:52

for you, That's one thing. Then there's

40:54

forum shopping. When you can tell they've talked

40:56

to a bunch of other people and they just

40:58

want you as like notch in their

41:00

toeboard that's like, see, Alyssa agreed with

41:02

me. I do not engage in that.

41:04

That to me is a waste of

41:06

my time. And because

41:08

when people it's always funny. I don't know if

41:10

you guys find this. The people who come

41:12

to me, like, when you're dearest

41:14

closest friends that you know you can have real talk with come to you. It starts

41:16

very much as a conversation. Like, this

41:18

is what happened. This is what I did. What

41:20

do you think it meant when this

41:23

person responded that way or something like that.

41:25

Then there are the people who come there, like, you're not

41:27

gonna believe what happened. What do you think? And they,

41:29

like, kind of shouted you, and it's like, here's everything I

41:31

did and why I was right. Like, if they

41:33

position themselves as having been right,

41:36

they're not looking for anything, but

41:38

maybe, like, you're a

41:40

genius. That is brilliant. Of

41:42

course. And the truth is, that's

41:44

maybe where I'm a bad friend because I'll just

41:46

give them what they want. I'm not

41:48

going to Like, there is nothing more well, there are many

41:50

things more. But it is highly

41:52

upsetting when you really dig into

41:54

someone's problem

41:56

with them, And then you realized that you were they were just foreign shopping,

41:58

and they do the opposite of what you suggested

42:00

anyway. And you're like, well, fuck you.

42:02

Yeah. I'll get a hold of it away from me.

42:04

So I

42:06

think it to me. I really it's all I think so much of it

42:08

is in how they come to you

42:10

with the problem. But you can really

42:12

kinda sense in a minute. Do they really

42:15

want some real talk. Like, if someone I have a friend who came

42:17

to me and she's like, a less look at my

42:20

job. Here's what I

42:22

said. You know, and they kinda know. They're like,

42:24

here's what

42:26

I said. Here's how they responded. And what do you think? I'm like, well, I think you put your

42:28

fucking foot in your mouth is what I think. They're like, yeah.

42:30

That's what I was afraid of. You know, that's one

42:32

thing. But then when the person comes to you, and

42:34

like Mikayla

42:36

said in suddenly you're like, well, in what tone did you say?

42:38

Well, what do you mean? In what tone did I say? I was

42:40

like, okay. We're good. Never mind. I'm sure you

42:42

were

42:42

right. I'm sure you

42:43

were right. Carrie, you're

42:46

nodding. What is what's coming up for you? Oh,

42:48

no. I just I know exactly what you're talking about.

42:50

And it it does make me crazy what because I

42:52

feel as though those different reactions that you're

42:54

talking talking about, Alyssa, for me, it tends to be the same thing

42:56

that the same friend is always. Like, the to

42:58

me a friend doesn't come to me one

43:02

pattern. Yes. It's like a pattern. I don't have a friend that's like one day I want your

43:04

sincere advice and the next day I know I'm

43:06

right. Like, it's usually the same. I know I'm

43:08

right friend comes to you over and over

43:10

so you know how to deal

43:12

that friend. So I have so many friends that

43:14

are like, they come to you with that, like and

43:16

I did this and this is like and and what do

43:19

you think? And you're like, Yeah.

43:21

Wow. That sounds tough.

43:24

You can't give advice. And if you do, they

43:26

never take it. Right. And that makes me

43:28

crazy. See. If I spend, like, the emotional labor to, like, help you come up with a plan and

43:30

think of something and then you go the opposite way and

43:32

it it annoys me. Me too. I'm not saying you have

43:34

to take all my advice. I'm not, like, a

43:38

guru. But, like, you know, don't you feel I feel

43:40

like a

43:40

little used -- Yes. -- when I look

43:42

back on those conversations, like, I

43:45

am being weaponized in

43:47

this person's mind. Like, they

43:50

just needed me to make them

43:52

feel empowered to continue

43:54

their behavior with other people. So in a like,

43:56

I am being used against my will

43:58

to hurt other people by

44:00

this person who is

44:02

annoying. And wrong.

44:03

Do you know who I think of Erin in those times? I have like

44:05

a when people come at you

44:07

over, like, text for

44:10

advice -- Mhmm. -- and you know that they're the people who aren't really looking

44:12

for real thoughts. I call them the

44:14

hard emojis. They just get the little

44:17

emoji on whatever they said, that's all they get for

44:19

me. That sounds good.

44:20

Sounds great. Yeah.

44:23

So

44:23

if you're

44:24

if you're a list sending and all you ever get from me

44:26

as heart emoji, you should stop asking

44:29

questions. Oh, I am now

44:32

newly paranoid that

44:33

you're good. No one here has ever gotten that word

44:35

of a few years since he's an

44:38

LOL. Mikaela, have you

44:40

ever been

44:42

on the other side of an interaction like where you've gone to a

44:44

friend and what you really want is

44:46

support and they've been

44:46

like, listen. You're fucking up and

44:49

you're like, whoa. Like, Has that ever

44:51

happened? How did it go? Yeah. There was

44:52

a few years where I was going to break up

44:54

and it's what one of my friends

44:58

has coined the my crazy

45:00

time. And I

45:02

I pulled everybody in the entire planet

45:04

of whether I should stay in my relationship

45:06

or not. And and

45:09

I just had one

45:11

friend who kinda

45:14

just was

45:15

like, you're you're being crazy,

45:17

and I I can't take

45:19

I can't attach it. How

45:23

are you being crazy? Like, what I my emotions were so

45:25

heightened. You know, I just

45:27

I I thought just

45:29

didn't I I was out of my mind. In

45:32

honesty, like, I didn't think it at the time.

45:34

At the time, I thought I was asking a

45:36

friend for help. And that I was

45:38

being thoroughly rejected, and I

45:40

was so hurt and I was so

45:42

debilitatingly, heartbroken, because

45:46

I felt like I would never have

45:48

done that to you. If you came to me

45:50

in a time of need, I never

45:52

ever would have rejected you. And

45:54

you just did you just

45:56

did

45:56

it. In

45:56

retrospect, and, like, five years later, whatever, when

45:58

we came back together again, I

46:02

I apologize. And I was like,

46:04

I was a I was a

46:06

crazy pain in the ass,

46:08

and you were putting up

46:11

a boundary. And your boundary was really tough

46:13

and really mean. And

46:16

I was really tender and really

46:18

sensitive and we weren't a match at

46:20

the time. But she was going through something and didn't

46:22

wanna deal with my shit. And

46:24

I was

46:26

confounded at how anybody could

46:29

look to a friend and say, III

46:32

can't deal with you right now. Like, that's

46:34

just not in my emotional

46:36

vocabulary. So we weren't a fit at

46:38

the time. We were a

46:40

great fit before it, and we were a great fit

46:42

after it. We weren't a friendship that

46:44

couldn't endure that kind of duress. You

46:46

know what I mean? So

46:48

that was telling, you know. But

46:50

a solid, solid person, and

46:52

I love this person dearly, we're

46:54

just we weren't compatible in, you

46:57

know, in in a crunch

46:58

time. I'm the kind of guy,

47:02

like,

47:03

Find me. If you're in pain,

47:05

if you're upset, if you're anything,

47:07

I'm your gal. Like, come get

47:09

me because I

47:12

I I'm there for you, you know. And that's what I

47:14

mean. Like, know where you're going for

47:16

what you're going for, you know. Mhmm.

47:18

I thought this friend was so

47:20

smart, which is why I was like, tell me tell me

47:22

this, tell me that. And she she was

47:24

so smart that she was like, doesn't

47:27

matter what I say, you're out of your ever

47:30

loving mind right now. Mhmm.

47:32

So so I I

47:34

respect her. I love her.

47:36

But but But I'm the guy that you come to if

47:38

you're really just feeling

47:40

unborn. Because I can handle

47:42

a a friendship crisis. I can handle

47:44

like anything

47:46

you you come to me with. Like, I if you if you tell

47:48

me you're dying, I can be there. I

47:50

don't shut down. Like, these are not the things I'm

47:52

like, oh, I got to get out of here. This is too

47:54

heavy. Nothing's too heavy. It's

47:56

fine. Sounds good. You you process

47:58

people's problems like Assamlei. You're

48:00

like, mhmm, notes of

48:03

needing me to and

48:06

a nice little finish of pep

48:08

talk is is what

48:09

I'm It's a friendship. It's

48:11

a great vintage.

48:13

Yeah. It's

48:14

a it's it's a little dry. Yeah.

48:16

Fruity. Fruity. Mhmm.

48:19

This one's Fruity. No. That's

48:22

it it just it does sound like

48:24

there's a lot of subtleties that it

48:26

takes a long time to learn

48:27

about. Well, this is the key. You

48:30

got it take it in without taking it on. And I know that sounds

48:32

like some brené brown bullshit or

48:34

something. I just mean,

48:36

like, you

48:38

really gotta let let it wash over you so that you can

48:40

hear the person. But don't

48:42

don't feel like you have to go fight their battle.

48:44

I don't feel like I have to go fight any of

48:46

my friend's

48:48

battles for them. So it's very easy to to

48:50

to be there for them because it's just like

48:52

loving, but I don't get that thing where

48:55

I get, like, I'm gonna go

48:57

with you tomorrow and yell at your kid's

49:00

teacher.

49:00

Karen, is it

49:03

easy for you to take it in without

49:05

taking it on, or do you find that your experience with it is different? Yeah. I was gonna

49:07

say, you know, who's so good at taking it in

49:09

and not taking it on as

49:11

men? There are so good

49:13

at that. My husband will be like, wow, that sounds tough. What are

49:15

we having for dinner? Yeah.

49:18

So, like, no,

49:20

I I

49:22

think that that is the but with that sometimes because I

49:25

will be, like, I won't be, like, I'm coming

49:27

with you, like, on the crusade, but

49:29

I will feel, like, so

49:32

horrible for somebody going through something that it'll,

49:34

like, bum me out. Like, if, you know, I'll just

49:36

be thinking of someone a lot. And maybe that's a

49:38

different thing.

49:40

But Yeah. I that's it's so important because, like, to

49:42

you have to just be there, like, yeah, you're

49:44

listening to someone. You can offer

49:47

output if that's what they want,

49:49

but, like, you have you you

49:52

can't take on everybody's and

49:54

I have friends that do that, and

49:56

it it just like, they spiral. It weight they every single

49:58

person's little thing they have going on. They're like,

50:00

well, and did you hear what's going on with her and everything at work?

50:02

And it's

50:04

like, Is it your thing at work? I don't understand why we're we're at

50:06

a ten right

50:06

now. And you don't even work at this

50:09

company. Like, it's so you

50:12

know,

50:13

sometimes I get the impression, you

50:15

know, there are and this is,

50:17

like, a very small number of people,

50:19

small but dangerous. Like, the kind of emotional

50:22

vampire type people who

50:24

will share, like, overshare

50:26

problems because they want you to join

50:28

them in feeling

50:29

bad. Mhmm. Have you ever had that?

50:32

Alyssa, you're nodding. I'd love to hear your

50:34

thoughts. I do. I have a a

50:36

friend who

50:38

really she likes to just unload

50:40

it all to the point that I'm just

50:42

fucking beat down. You know, that,

50:46

like, this is everything that's how it's kind of like a

50:48

she sets it up in such

50:50

a

50:50

way, and I've I have it's funny

50:53

because I'm not great

50:56

I

50:56

take it on. You know, if someone really

50:58

unloads on me, you will get

51:00

an email follow-up from me that's like, here are

51:02

five articles you should read about what you just told me,

51:05

or here are a couple products that might help

51:07

you with what you just told me.

51:09

And then it's this one

51:11

person who just specifically doesn't have

51:13

a lot of friends in her life. And so for that, I feel sad because I feel

51:15

like my life is so rich. It took me a

51:17

while to realize She

51:20

didn't have a lot of people in her life because she

51:22

is very toxic in how she engages her friends. And she

51:25

would just unload everything

51:28

on me health things,

51:30

all this stuff, and then I

51:32

wouldn't hear from her for two weeks.

51:34

And I'd be like, hey, dude, like,

51:36

you just told me all this stuff. How did the trip to the doctor go?

51:38

How is this? How are you feeling? I'm fine. Why

51:40

are you being so dramatic? I was like, why am

51:42

I being

51:44

dramatic? Because you basically sounded like you were gonna die laughing.

51:46

And so, like, to

51:48

me, I I have really tried

51:52

to stop. Like, I I consider that a very one-sided friendship.

51:54

She is actually one of the people who

51:56

gets the heart emoji now.

52:00

Because because I realized that the validation that

52:02

everything she wanted from me really was

52:05

validation and attention, and

52:07

there was nothing And and

52:09

the heart emoji gave attention almost in the

52:12

same way as me FaceTiming back for

52:14

forty five minutes

52:14

wood. So heart emoji, it is. I think

52:17

that's a really important point because I

52:19

have friends that they like they

52:21

like being pityed. They they feel

52:23

that they love the feeling of people

52:25

pitying them. And so it is,

52:27

like, a little bit of an, like, emotional

52:29

vampire thing and Yeah.

52:32

Yeah. Yeah. But that's that's what

52:34

I mean, like, you gotta go to the right friendship

52:36

store for that. Like, if I wanna be if I want somebody to tell

52:38

me I'm right, I know who I'm right. But

52:46

the but the thing, you know, I think what I hear from

52:48

you and listen is, like, here's

52:50

me giving unsolicited. No, please. Is

52:53

about safe space. We're on a show where we all give

52:56

unsolicited advice.

52:58

But I think that it's

53:00

about boundaries. Right? Yeah. I've

53:03

been so that. Like, I remember I worked with

53:05

this girl who was half my

53:07

age and she came

53:10

in crying so upset

53:12

over this guy. And I

53:14

was like, oh, you know what I got on

53:16

you? Years of breakups.

53:18

Let me let's roll up our

53:20

sleeves and let's get in there. And I'm just

53:22

like, I'm sharing to show

53:24

that I'm dating and

53:26

I'm, you know, giving her, like,

53:28

personal stories. And she's,

53:30

like, starting to feel better. We

53:32

order some french

53:32

fries, and we're tucking into those, and we're

53:34

having this great thing. And the next day, she doesn't

53:36

even like this guy anymore. She likes a new guy.

53:39

And I was like, oh, well,

53:41

fuck this. You know and you know

53:43

one of the things that these many

53:45

years of my own mental

53:47

health journey figuring out what makes me tick, made me realize about

53:49

people like that, is that I have

53:52

an issue when it comes to these

53:54

friendships, I like to

53:56

be needed. I like it when

53:58

people come to me. I like, you

54:00

know, for people to be like, you know

54:02

what? Alyssa will know.

54:04

Right? And so the problem is I

54:06

opened myself up to too many people who will

54:08

just abuse that access.

54:10

And the more I realized it just the

54:12

more cats I got because guess what they need me all the

54:14

time. I know how to deal with them, and

54:16

it's fine. But no, that was and

54:18

it was a meeting. You know, for I love a lot of

54:20

these very

54:22

toxic people in because they needed me. And I loved to be needed, and I just

54:24

needed to find other outlets. You know? That

54:26

was and

54:26

and once I realized that, that's

54:29

when she started getting a lot of

54:31

heart emoji. You know, one thing that is

54:34

that is really tough is

54:36

when a person, when

54:38

a friend, is

54:40

constantly having crises about a

54:42

romantic partner and coming to you

54:44

with all of the stuff that the romantic

54:46

partner did.

54:48

And then you just end up

54:50

having this, like, very bad opinion of

54:52

the romantic partner. Like, everybody's got

54:54

problems in their romantic relationship.

54:56

If you don't have problems then, you

54:58

know, and it's really hard when somebody is like in

55:01

an emotionally abusive relationship and

55:03

they keep coming to you and you

55:05

keep giving them

55:07

the you know,

55:09

and they're ready

55:10

to go out there

55:13

and break up with them and then they

55:15

just get back together. Over

55:18

and over and over

55:20

again. And that's another time where I had to learn

55:22

to, like, okay, boundaries. I gotta pull it

55:24

up. Like, if they come to me and start

55:26

complaining about this person, Now they get,

55:28

like, a a heartfelt,

55:30

a lot of heavy eye contact,

55:32

nodding, and just going,

55:34

yeah, that's gotta be hard. And no

55:36

more no more of my energy

55:38

is gonna be going

55:40

there because, you know, as you

55:42

realize, like, you're just on and you've

55:44

got to figure it out and, you know, you just want someone to listen. So if

55:46

you really want my advice, he'll let

55:48

me know, but I think I

55:51

don't think you

55:52

do. Yeah. They don't get the full Carly Simon. They don't get the full. Yeah. Yeah.

55:56

Yeah.

55:59

Yeah. There's something also that's really rough about

56:02

a person who you're close to who do

56:04

you have, like, do you have any friends

56:06

who are just, like, that person's fuck up?

56:09

They're fuck up. I love them, but they're

56:11

a fuck up. And you have a

56:13

person who is close to you, who comes to

56:15

you after making a big fuck

56:17

up, And they're like, I made a big fuck up. How do

56:19

I do? What do I do? And you're

56:21

like, okay. Cool. We're on that honesty level.

56:24

I'm gonna tell you, you did

56:26

fuck up. And here's what you need to do and then just don't fuck up again. And then come

56:28

back to you and they're

56:29

like, guess what? How did it fuck

56:31

up? And you're like,

56:33

how many times do I like, I feel as

56:35

though once you open up that fire hose

56:38

of just completely

56:40

honest advice, that's sort of

56:42

like the limit to where your

56:44

friendship can go. And

56:45

eventually, you get to a point where you're

56:48

like, I can't do anything

56:49

for you anymore, and it's like hurting

56:52

me to watch you hurt

56:54

yourself. You're like step on a rake

56:56

over and over

56:57

again. Mikaela, you're nodding. Well, I

56:59

was gonna say, Erin, you know what's the best that you

57:01

just made me think of as I have

57:03

a couple of friends that were all like on

57:05

a text chain and, you know, video chat

57:08

chain and everything like that. And

57:10

I have two friends, two of them are in

57:13

AA. AA people

57:15

are the most

57:18

brutally honest and self aware people

57:20

I've ever known. And they

57:22

to hear them talk to each other,

57:24

there's a saying for everything. Like,

57:27

no matter what is going on, they're like, well, you know what

57:30

it is. If you're picking up the rock, then

57:32

you're putting down the spot.

57:34

And it's just

57:36

like, what? Well, I

57:38

what does that mean? Well, today I express

57:40

it. It really was like, basically,

57:42

if you're carrying someone else's love,

57:44

then you're wasting your time. I just made that up.

57:46

That's pretty good though, But but

57:49

but it's like, how did you

57:51

guys do that? You just you

57:54

just gave each other

57:56

the best advice in real time so

57:58

fast, so brutally and said,

58:00

now you're doing to that person

58:03

exactly that thing that you said that they're doing to you. And

58:05

they could take it. They could take it because

58:07

they've made lists on men. It's all kinds of

58:09

shit. Yeah. So -- Mhmm. -- they're

58:12

they're like while

58:14

they're it may feel like they're

58:16

the the the the the the nerves are

58:19

a little more exposed and

58:21

probably processing a lot more stuff than maybe other

58:23

friends. Like, it is

58:26

astonishing to to see people in

58:28

twelve

58:28

steps. Like Oh, yeah. People in

58:31

recovery are a a very

58:33

specific type of friend. In my

58:36

experience, anecdotally, Uh-huh. We have to wrap up this

58:38

part of the conversation to take a break because we

58:40

need to do sanity corner slash I feel petty. I

58:42

feel like it's very important

58:44

this week. So if you're listening, stick around. will

58:47

be right back. Hysteria

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1:05:21

We have almost reached the end of the show, but we're not quite there

1:05:23

yet. We have to tell you what is keeping us sane or what

1:05:26

we're feeling petty

1:05:27

about this week. Sandy,

1:05:30

petty. Alyssa, why did you go

1:05:32

first? You

1:05:33

guys, I'm feeling a little petty

1:05:36

and I'm waiting for

1:05:38

icons and text chat messages to pop up

1:05:40

from our producer Caroline

1:05:42

because, guys, I had

1:05:44

never watched homeland before and I

1:05:46

started binging it last week.

1:05:48

And, guys, what the

1:05:50

fuck? What has everybody

1:05:52

been talking about? Showing

1:05:56

that face. Hockers. Caroline hates

1:05:58

this already. Now look, I

1:06:00

appreciate Carrie is always right.

1:06:02

I'm up to

1:06:04

season

1:06:04

four. Carrie is always

1:06:07

right.

1:06:07

However, I am tired

1:06:10

whether it's Emily in Paris

1:06:12

or homeland of watching people

1:06:14

continue to make bad decisions.

1:06:16

Bad decision after bad decision.

1:06:18

It stresses me out. I'm still watching

1:06:20

the show. I'm keeping an

1:06:22

open mind. Caroline has told me everything that's good about this show, but I'm

1:06:24

just saying, right now, the only person I give a shit about

1:06:26

is Saw. Saw.

1:06:27

Yeah. So we

1:06:28

have to protect Saw. Listen. In

1:06:31

my opinion, the first two seasons were good and after that it

1:06:33

goes completely off the fucking

1:06:35

rails, that show. That is why

1:06:37

is everyone so miserable? Why do

1:06:39

we have to spend so much time on the daughter. I get

1:06:41

what she's a disaster, but do I have to be involved in

1:06:43

it? Oh, the daughter's the worst. She's

1:06:45

maybe one of the most needed

1:06:47

color over here. She's one of

1:06:49

the most hated television

1:06:50

characters. Like, even one daughter.

1:06:54

Up.

1:06:54

Shut up.

1:06:54

No. It's do you know how I

1:06:56

feel like a lot about, and Caroline says season four

1:06:58

redeems. I just started it last night.

1:07:01

Okay? And Caroline, I started it, and I was

1:07:03

like, you know what? I'm a

1:07:05

little sleepy. I'm gonna pause and pick it up tomorrow,

1:07:07

so I start on a totally fresh

1:07:09

note, but I'm

1:07:12

just saying, there's a lot wrong with this

1:07:13

Well, what do you one

1:07:14

daughters or season two daughters? The

1:07:16

story just changes. And so, like, we're

1:07:18

not on that family anymore. But,

1:07:22

like, Oh, okay. But, like, the daughter is I

1:07:24

was thinking the other day, I saw such an annoying

1:07:26

character and my husband and I were, like,

1:07:29

she rivals season one homeland daughter. Like, we were talking

1:07:32

about her. Like, she's one of the worst

1:07:34

characters. Like but I

1:07:36

am open minded and I'm gonna see where

1:07:38

it goes and Season

1:07:40

one was very

1:07:40

interesting, and I enjoyed it, but I'm

1:07:43

just saying, oh my god. This show went on

1:07:45

for a long time. And speaking of

1:07:46

going on for a long time, how about that opening

1:07:49

credit sequence? My god. And

1:07:50

you get out of here.

1:07:51

So these parameters will be asked for

1:07:54

two minutes. Get out of here. Skip

1:07:56

function. It's

1:07:58

like, Maybe that's why they invented the skip from. Yeah.

1:08:00

It is entirely possible. So

1:08:02

anyway, I'm gonna keep at it, and I

1:08:04

will give my final assessment after

1:08:07

season fucking

1:08:08

eight. But -- Yeah. -- right now,

1:08:10

shit went on for a long time.

1:08:12

Wow. Sounds like you should stick with it for

1:08:14

eight seasons. Yeah. Sunken cost. I think the thing is when you sink cost

1:08:17

into something, you should continue to spend

1:08:19

your time and energy. And I think

1:08:21

that's what the sunken cost --

1:08:23

fallacy. -- principle. Friends.

1:08:25

It's mostly for Caroline because she and I have very similar taste in TV and

1:08:27

she was repelled by my

1:08:31

take on homeland. So I wanna

1:08:33

give her the benefit of the doubt, and I'm gonna keep watching. Yeah. I think okay.

1:08:35

So I watched all of

1:08:40

it during like, the height of pandemic twenty

1:08:42

twenty. So there's, like, these very close associations between that show and, like, feeling

1:08:46

sad for me. Yes. But the scene there's like a scene

1:08:48

when she's like in

1:08:50

Germany and she's like

1:08:55

snorting, crushed, drugs to be like back to their bed. It's

1:08:57

just

1:08:57

like Cision. She's like, I gotta use

1:09:00

this,

1:09:01

like, popeye with a spinach. She's like,

1:09:04

you know what? But we should've had

1:09:06

her her TV sister on for the for

1:09:08

the

1:09:10

help and advice section of this

1:09:11

conversation. Mhmm. Because that poor

1:09:13

bitch, that dragged into more shit.

1:09:16

I swear to God. Jesse Wade.

1:09:18

Jesse Wade. I mean, that's sister and

1:09:20

ends up doing a lot. So one thing

1:09:22

about homeland is I watched it live, like,

1:09:25

as it came on, and they kind

1:09:27

of really predicted the Russia stuff way

1:09:29

in advance. They yeah. They, like,

1:09:31

talked about Russia content

1:09:33

farms and, like, like, bots and stuff, like, way

1:09:36

before that was, like, being talked about. Anyway, Jared,

1:09:38

do you wanna go next? Oh, sure. I would

1:09:40

love to go next.

1:09:42

I'm gonna do a sanity

1:09:44

corner. Listen. I was stuck inside my

1:09:46

house for seventeen full days with my children while

1:09:48

they were sick and or Los

1:09:50

Angeles was being deluged in rain.

1:09:54

And so I was going absolutely insane

1:09:56

in the last part of twenty twenty

1:09:58

two. And the only thing that got

1:10:01

me through it was Coke, not

1:10:03

Coke, I was like, okay. I was

1:10:05

like, well, can you imagine how

1:10:07

fun that would be if I

1:10:09

was just like, guys, I'm blowing rails and I'm living

1:10:11

my best life. No. Full fat

1:10:14

Coca Cola is really getting

1:10:17

me through the day so time.

1:10:19

It's such a nice little treat. I know it's horrible for you and it's full of sugar

1:10:21

and I just love it. I'm not a diet coke

1:10:23

person. I'm a full coke. You

1:10:25

can call it full fat,

1:10:28

original recipe, whatever you cook heavy,

1:10:30

whatever you wanna call it. It's just I see the red can

1:10:32

with the silver

1:10:35

writing, and I'm like, that's

1:10:37

gonna make me feel so uncomfortable because I don't the other thing,

1:10:39

I don't drink coffee. I don't drink any coffee or caffeine really.

1:10:41

So it's the only thing that

1:10:43

kind of, like, one

1:10:45

if I'm really, like, dragging, I'm

1:10:47

like, oh, yeah, baby. Like so that's

1:10:49

my Wait till you try coffee. I

1:10:52

know. Yeah.

1:10:54

It's like Coke without bubbles and it

1:10:56

doesn't taste good and it's hot. I know

1:10:58

that's what I I don't like the taste of coffee.

1:11:00

Yeah. So I'd never drank it. Yeah. It's

1:11:02

I mean, it's, you know, whatever. I like

1:11:05

it because it's sort of, like, halfway in

1:11:07

between Coca Cola and

1:11:08

cocaine. Yeah. In terms of

1:11:10

of what can we do? I'm trying to say also even I'm having

1:11:12

a candidate, it's really a treat and it's

1:11:14

really just carrying me through some

1:11:18

of these long stretches of life and parenthood that I'd rather just not

1:11:20

be participating in. Yeah. You gotta get where

1:11:22

you could find it. You gotta get

1:11:24

it where you

1:11:27

could find it. Yeah. We just got our Christmas boxes

1:11:29

shipped from the relatives because we we went on a road trip for

1:11:32

Christmas and so all of the

1:11:34

toys that both sets of families

1:11:36

got for the baby

1:11:38

are just arriving in the house, and her house is just a I'm barely in infant toys. We

1:11:40

have had too too many toys.

1:11:42

I finally understand now why, like,

1:11:47

most little kid birthday invitations are like, please please do not bring presents.

1:11:49

I say no gifts. I'm like, we

1:11:51

cannot candle

1:11:53

another stuffy in this house. Like another stuffed animal

1:11:55

cannot cross the threshold of this

1:11:58

home. I'm gonna do,

1:12:01

I guess, a bit of a

1:12:03

sanity corner and how it has kind

1:12:05

of reached its run its course. Right?

1:12:07

I just saw a friend the

1:12:09

other day Francesca Freantini, friend of the show,

1:12:11

but on the show a few times, she

1:12:13

just had a baby, like, three months ago.

1:12:15

So she was wearing she was wearing a

1:12:17

flight suit and she awesome because everybody looks

1:12:20

awesome in a flight suit. We live in

1:12:22

a flight suit, heavy neighborhood in Los Angeles.

1:12:24

And, you know, I was like, you

1:12:26

look great. This is such a cool outfit. She's like, I know it's

1:12:28

less to think about. We're so lucky to be

1:12:30

moms in a time of flight suits. And

1:12:32

I completely agree. It's like

1:12:34

the mom uniform of like cool

1:12:37

moms and it it looks cool, but it's also like less work than

1:12:39

actually picking out an outfit because it's one

1:12:43

item of clothing. I thought that maybe the

1:12:45

flight suits thing could extend to overalls. Like, can I

1:12:48

wear an overall? Because you see

1:12:50

moms wearing overalls and where where I

1:12:52

live, lot

1:12:54

of moms, a lot of overalls.

1:12:56

Can I do it? The answer is

1:12:58

no. I look I look like

1:13:00

miss Rachel when I wear lot

1:13:02

like full overall, miss Rachel, if you don't have kids

1:13:05

or you're not around kids, is

1:13:07

an early childhood educator who makes

1:13:09

these videos on YouTube that

1:13:11

are aimed at very young kids.

1:13:13

And she uses this voice that an early childhood

1:13:16

educator would

1:13:19

use Can you say mama? Anyway, she wears overalls all

1:13:21

the time. And when I put overalls

1:13:24

on, I look like miss Rachel. And

1:13:26

so that is the limit of the,

1:13:28

like, cover all flight

1:13:30

suit aesthetic that has brought me so much joy and satisfaction in

1:13:32

the haze of the first, you

1:13:35

know, year plus of parenting.

1:13:39

Overall's are my limit. And that is a

1:13:41

little emotional.

1:13:42

I know. I wish

1:13:44

I wish I could pull off

1:13:46

overall's but I do look like miss Rachel, and and this is where

1:13:48

I tap

1:13:49

out. Other people look fine in them. I just

1:13:51

can't do it. No. Wait. Can I suggest

1:13:53

though that I think you would look

1:13:55

good in, like, one of those blaucy linen overalls

1:13:58

that are like at a a store

1:14:00

that begins with a Dean. You're where we live.

1:14:02

I think you probably know what I'm talking about.

1:14:04

Oh, Yep. And

1:14:06

I do, like, that whole vibe, I think you could pull off. Let's maybe not close the door. I think on, like, a car

1:14:08

hard, overall, we

1:14:11

cannot do that. But

1:14:14

I think let's not close the door on a blousey linen overall.

1:14:16

Like, where you wear a tank top underneath

1:14:18

and, like, it's for the summer. Yeah.

1:14:21

You

1:14:21

already I have those I have all kinds of overalls,

1:14:23

and I'll say the blousey linen is a totally

1:14:26

different It's okay. When you're back in

1:14:28

town and you're

1:14:28

free and not none of our

1:14:31

none of our family is are ill. We

1:14:32

will go together

1:14:33

and put together a a montage of me trying to

1:14:35

see Linnin overalls in the store that started

1:14:38

No. I need You need to

1:14:40

ask cricket if you can take

1:14:42

over the live for the day, and we're

1:14:44

gonna, like, that'll just

1:14:45

be the whole thing. Yeah. Like, this mom a pair

1:14:47

of overall. Shop. Shop. Shop. Sure.

1:14:52

Shop. Shop. Mikaela, what is the sanity

1:14:54

corner? Or I feel petty today? I

1:14:56

think this is a petty.

1:14:58

Okay. Although, could be a sanity.

1:15:00

If you do it

1:15:02

right, guys.

1:15:03

This just did. Sorry.

1:15:05

I really hyphen this

1:15:07

up. We've been lied to, buy

1:15:10

the American corporate

1:15:12

chocolate makers. Okay.

1:15:15

I am in great Britain right

1:15:17

now. And I'm eating chocolate that you buy at a,

1:15:20

like, their version of

1:15:22

a seven eleven. And it

1:15:24

is truly

1:15:26

the most exquisite, delightful, prepackaged, mass produced chocolate

1:15:29

I've ever had in

1:15:31

my life. This is not,

1:15:35

this is chocolate. We don't have

1:15:38

chocolate in the United

1:15:40

States. But when you eat

1:15:42

an m and m, or a Hershey's or a Nestlé

1:15:44

or any kind of

1:15:46

Halloween candy. Reading bullshit.

1:15:51

Reading class Melted brown candle

1:15:54

wax. We're not eating

1:15:56

chocolate. I know that.

1:15:58

We are not eating chocolate.

1:16:01

The categories that you can that I know are our British brand

1:16:03

that you can buy in the United States. It's delicious. I'm not even they're made in

1:16:05

the United States and they're

1:16:08

also

1:16:08

shitty. Oh,

1:16:10

no. My mini eggs? Yeah. Very mini

1:16:13

eggs. What? They're BSI

1:16:15

love You have a Cadbury

1:16:17

Cream Act, which is something that

1:16:19

I used love. And now all of a sudden I was did these become gross?

1:16:21

Because they became gross. I didn't

1:16:23

outgrow them. They

1:16:26

they became gross. Not my ability to

1:16:28

eat crappy candy. That that's

1:16:31

still firmly intact. It's

1:16:33

that they became bad. When you

1:16:35

come to England and you eat the Cadbury

1:16:38

creme eggs

1:16:38

here, it's a whole other

1:16:43

experience. Like, the the Cadbury flake.

1:16:45

I am so desperate

1:16:47

for a

1:16:49

real cadbury trilogy. So

1:16:51

Yeah. I have gotten emails. The caramel eggs used to

1:16:53

be I mean, I'm not a cream

1:16:55

egg. I'm team I'm

1:16:58

not team cream. I'm team caramel. But

1:17:00

they got bad in the last few years, and I

1:17:02

thought it was just like, oh, I guess I just

1:17:05

don't like these anymore.

1:17:06

But no. No. It turns out it's their

1:17:07

problem. They're not the problem. Not

1:17:09

me. Yes. I just

1:17:10

I just had this conversation with

1:17:13

an Irish person last summer, he was like, your

1:17:16

candy here is so disgusting. It tastes sour. And I

1:17:18

was like, what are you talking about? I love her

1:17:20

she. Let me chocolate. And

1:17:22

then but I have been to the

1:17:24

UK

1:17:24

where, like, lion bars are

1:17:25

so good. As lighting is good. All these different candies. Triple dot

1:17:27

com. Cambury flake. Have you had buttons Yeah.

1:17:31

Buttons are like hershey kisses,

1:17:31

except they taste like chocolate

1:17:34

instead of, you know, a a

1:17:36

potholder.

1:17:39

Oh, so good. It sounds so good.

1:17:42

I'm so jealous. And

1:17:43

I haven't eaten yet today. And now

1:17:45

all I wanna do is just bury

1:17:48

my face And

1:17:50

so

1:17:50

Just go online and import some some chocolate. I'll send you some. now I

1:17:52

know what I'm about to

1:17:55

say. Okay. Alright. Awesome. You

1:17:59

can also get it. I think some stores will sell like

1:18:01

British No. No. No.

1:18:02

No. No. That's my point.

1:18:05

Thank you for bringing Got it here.

1:18:07

There that's my point. Is that some of the some of the places

1:18:09

that you can buy it are not real? Now, there

1:18:11

is a place I think

1:18:14

near Silver Lake in Los Angeles that

1:18:16

is a British -- Yeah. -- specifically a British

1:18:18

import store. And if you could find one of those, for sure. But

1:18:20

if it just is like,

1:18:22

oh, we have British candy, Don't

1:18:25

fall for it. Make sure you have

1:18:27

a lot of due diligence.

1:18:28

Check the butt check

1:18:30

the wrapper and if it says made in the

1:18:32

USA. Throw it

1:18:34

right in the trash. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Run over it with your card and solidarity. Because

1:18:36

it's gonna It's just

1:18:38

gonna taste like a tire anyway.

1:18:42

So Oh my gosh. Well, that

1:18:44

is all the time we have for this

1:18:46

episode because we all have to rush

1:18:48

to our nearest we Britain or British

1:18:51

import store or whatever and buy some real chocolate because Mikaela really sold

1:18:55

all of us Cara and Mikaela, thank

1:18:57

you so much for joining this week. This was a lot of fun. Alyssa, thank you for being my

1:18:59

ride or die. And thanks to

1:19:02

all of you, the listeners.

1:19:04

If you like

1:19:06

what you're hearing, tell your friends, write us a nice review, and there will be more hysteria for you next

1:19:12

week. And

1:19:19

don't your furnace. Historia is a crooked media

1:19:22

production. Caroline Reston is our senior

1:19:24

producer. Our executive producer

1:19:27

is me, Erin Ryan. Alissa

1:19:29

MasterMonica is our co producer and Fiona Postana is

1:19:31

our associate producer. Kyle Segment and Charlotte Landis are the sound

1:19:33

engineers and our editor is

1:19:36

Sarah Gavellaska and

1:19:38

the folks at chapter four. Thank you to our digital

1:19:41

team, Narmal Konyin, Mia Kelman, Milo

1:19:43

Kim and Matt DeGroupe.