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opt into rewards. Can

1:00

you believe? Last podcast

1:02

on the left is going back on

1:04

tour. The road leads to here. JK

1:09

Ultra. It's coming

1:11

to these North American cities. We

1:14

got Denver, May 16th. Seattle,

1:16

June 8th. Washington,

1:18

D.C., July 13th. Chicago,

1:22

Illinois, September 14th. October

1:25

16th. We got Boston,

1:27

Massachusetts, November 2nd. Right here

1:29

in Los Angeles, California. And then on

1:31

December 7th, we're going home to Brooklyn for

1:33

a show at the King's Theater. Yeah,

1:36

Brooklyn, baby! It's

1:38

time for you to laugh again and

1:41

open your fucking eyes. Yeah,

1:43

at the same time. There's

1:56

no place to escape to. This is

1:58

the last stop. On

2:00

the left, I heard a side story. That's

2:04

when the cannibals started. Side

2:08

stories. Yeah. Oh,

2:11

yes! Oh,

2:15

yes! Noooooo! Yeah!

2:19

Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh!

2:22

Come on! Come on! Come

2:25

on! Who did that?

2:27

Come on! Yeah! Reminen!

2:29

Reminen! Reminen! Reminen! Man,

2:32

I just had the last like four or five days with

2:34

my mother-in-law in town. Wonderful lady. She was very nice.

2:36

Wonderful lady. I got the name of her there. Yeah,

2:38

she did a good job. You know,

2:40

but you just forgot a mother-in-law's view

2:42

of you is very specific.

2:44

Dude. I feel like I have a

2:46

new set of things I have to improve. You own a house. I

2:50

know, it doesn't matter. Not your mother-in-law. No. Because

2:53

I feel like if the mother- I love my mother-in-law. Yeah.

2:56

But I feel like they look at the house and even after like, but where's the second home?

2:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you

3:00

have a second home? I feel like I

3:02

have to remind my mother-in-law that I'm a

3:04

human. It's hard. That I'm like a person

3:06

who exists. But you- but she also- They

3:09

love the children. Yes. They

3:11

love your- they love your nieces and nephews. Do you have

3:13

nieces and nephews? Yeah, I guess I

3:15

got- well, I got Bella. Okay. No, I'm

3:17

talking about on the other side. No. No?

3:21

Wow. Natalie's brother is nothing.

3:23

It's just us. Wow. It's

3:25

just us. Maybe that's her problem. No, no, she's

3:27

not having a problem. It's just more just like

3:29

it's just so hard because I mean, obviously we

3:31

already have a college fund put aside for Carmi.

3:35

And it's hard to describe that to

3:37

her. Because she starts crying and

3:39

getting all weird about it. But I was like, no,

3:41

I mean like, do you want Carmi to go to

3:43

the army? Yeah, yeah. She want her to have to

3:45

go to Afghanistan or on the next fight that we

3:47

have? Like when we go to go fight France? Yeah,

3:50

she's gonna be an X-ray tech. Yeah. Like,

3:52

Al Chihuahua's. I mean, I wish. Honestly, it'd

3:54

also be nice if she could be on

3:57

the tank squad. The tank squad? The tank

3:59

destroyer. How's Rambo? You were

4:01

also like, Rambo ate an entire taxidermy

4:03

alligator head. Yes. Um,

4:05

my dog Rambo, Black Lab Pit Mix, ate

4:07

a entire taxidermy alligator head. I

4:11

have to say the thing was like a foot

4:14

long. I cannot even believe. I don't even know.

4:16

I have blamed myself. I bought this as a

4:18

gift. You literally can't. It smells like furniture. I

4:20

was supposed to mail it out a year ago

4:22

and I didn't. Shout out to April, the, um,

4:25

the ex editor of the brighter side. You know,

4:27

I appreciate it. It was, this was supposed to

4:29

be your alligator head. Oh, this is

4:31

for April. I bought this alligator head

4:33

for April. Oh, I thought you just

4:36

from your alligator expert that

4:38

you had on better side. No, that's

4:40

just a friend. I love Gators,

4:42

by the way, if you couldn't tell by

4:44

my demeanor, but, um, yeah, so I bought

4:46

as a gift to April for editing all

4:48

of the extra episodes of the brighter side

4:50

for Gator week last year. Yeah. I bought

4:52

her a Gator head. And you never sent

4:54

it to her. I never sent her cause

4:56

I'm lazy. And I kept asking her

4:58

for her address and she kept sending them in. I kept

5:01

not mailing her this Gator head, you know, cause like

5:03

part of it was like, maybe I'll keep it, but like

5:05

the other part of it, you know, but I never

5:07

got to it. No. And then now I'm moving and

5:10

Rambo, I don't know. We left them alone

5:12

when we went to dinner with Natalie's mom

5:15

and he ate the alligator head because his

5:17

dinner was a half hour late and he

5:19

ate the entire alligator head. I just can't

5:22

even believe I eat. It's, I

5:24

don't even know how we did this aside stories.

5:26

I'm Henry Ziprowski. I'm sitting with Ed Lars. How

5:28

are you doing? What's going on? We're dealing with

5:30

some personal trauma here. I just been sifting through

5:33

his shit. You just shit. You were literally sifting

5:35

through his shit, looking for alligator teeth. Like he

5:37

is. You don't have to look for them. They're

5:39

there. They're there. They're

5:41

like, they're like so much. And his shit

5:43

has gotten so rock hard because he ate all

5:46

like the whatever the fiberglass or whatever they'd stuff Taxes

5:48

or the alligator heads with. So It's like his

5:50

boobs are like dust. Whoa. And So it's like,

5:52

and like, that's all he has to do. Maybe

5:54

I Need to do that. Honestly, I went to,

5:56

I was, I Ate hard this weekend and I've

5:58

been having nothing but grease. Yeah but I'm

6:00

a bit the bleeding. a bunch of pumpkin

6:02

to arm. you know you got a little

6:04

little vaseline. you know the santa like help

6:07

though. did you do that? When was the

6:09

vaseline sandwich like Tyra Banks does is it

6:11

was usually eat that that helps like move

6:13

stuff through. I'm ah no blood you know

6:15

and I'm sure really get lots of com

6:17

and set my dogs in the died. So

6:19

far so good. I mean if he ended

6:21

I'd already some crazy shit. there's no blood

6:23

and abuse. Jesus is one as he's got

6:25

a why why homeowners like I really do

6:27

think he's got a white but is slowly

6:29

is why. Yeah this is the word about

6:32

was just of course but you know sort

6:34

of go to the I googled. Oh.

6:36

What to do if you dog? It's a

6:38

taxidermy to alligator head and it's a get

6:41

a better decorator. New

6:44

like a very much mister. First however unlike

6:46

for us as those that are able it

6:48

is a you know it's really hard. It

6:51

really could have killed them. Yes about alcohol

6:53

Early one wins Early Coast and Splinter and

6:55

should not have not out of the woods

6:57

said he's okay. I'm used to ride every

6:59

now is okay. James Buchanan iced idea of

7:02

course he keeps you can he ate an

7:04

entire taxidermy alligator had past two days alligator

7:06

to have come out of his mouth and

7:08

Adam is but whoa as they've come out

7:11

of both sides. guess where he's never going

7:13

again. Where. Lord High Floor I mean

7:15

as you can take him now is is

7:17

of Florida. Problem is is Florida following me

7:20

to kill my diet is literally better than

7:22

the surface of getting out of F F

7:24

F F is that has happened in the

7:26

Rambo. As does I will say he did.

7:29

He did do do this himself. Yes. It's.

7:31

Sad that he would be. I'm glad they right

7:33

now he's fine, is in lots of tampons, is

7:36

eating lots of stuff that should have to rise

7:38

out of the images go right. It is one

7:40

of the world to watch him do we call

7:42

it on. When. he gets his

7:44

spaghetti because as it seems a little

7:46

stirring and and them and idea lady

7:49

and the tramp i guess it's let

7:51

us watch that movie too much i

7:53

will we love it about either one

7:55

time with him i was so my

7:57

my cousin was visiting me and as

7:59

you just stayed with me for a

8:01

couple days. And then she went with her

8:03

boyfriend, her husband, and then went,

8:05

took a little trip to Santa Barbara, whatever, as you

8:07

do when you're on vacation in LA. Of course. She

8:10

left the house for, I think, a total of like

8:13

40 minutes. And then I'm just sitting there, I'm

8:15

in the living room with our buddy Adam Wertz, and

8:17

I'm just sitting there, and then he walks

8:20

out of the bathroom, and then in front

8:22

of Adam and I, just spits out my

8:24

little cousin's tampon that he found

8:26

in the trash. Did you make Adam pick it up and

8:28

throw it away? Because I would not

8:30

have done it. I mean, like, this is now, you

8:33

got, this is a buddy thing you're gonna have to

8:35

do. I did it, I did it. I was very

8:37

mad about it. Oh yeah, so it just, I'm sure

8:39

this will be a very interesting way for her to

8:41

find out about this story. But you know, what I

8:44

can do is, tag stories, l-p-o-t-l-n gmail.com, are you, Ed's

8:48

relative that have the

8:50

tampon come out of you and

8:53

go inside of Rambo. Oh man, that's a tough

8:55

situation. It really is all around. I got so

8:57

mad at him, I'm like, man, I was like,

8:59

out of everybody, like I'll juggle,

9:01

you know, strangers tampons. Oh yeah,

9:03

if it's Natalie's, I'll pick it up with my mouth.

9:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'll pick

9:07

it up with my teeth, if it's my mother's, you

9:09

know what I mean? First of all, it's like, how's

9:12

that happening? Yeah. Oh my mom's got nothing but rock

9:14

in there now. Yeah, no, I was my mom's last

9:16

period. Yeah, good work, bro. Drying

9:19

her up. Now we got,

9:21

we got a lot of show today. Rambo's

9:23

gonna be fine. Rambo's gonna be fine. Thank

9:26

you for your concern, pre many

9:28

emails, I'm sure. Yeah, and

9:30

also save those teeth. You know,

9:32

they're covered in shit or

9:34

puke. Can we wash them off? Do

9:37

you want, I will save you the next batch, sure.

9:40

I will bring them here and I'll

9:42

put them right next to your haunted Ouija board,

9:44

we'll conjure the fucking

9:46

dead alligator. That'd

9:48

be incredible. I would love

9:51

to know this alligator's story in his

9:53

unfinished business. I never got to eat

9:55

a giraffe. My name is Melissa. Yeah.

9:59

You've been mis- me this entire time.

10:02

Alright, we got some updates. First of

10:04

all, of course, Dungeons and Dragons brings out

10:06

a lot of ire. The

10:09

guy, the DM that wrote about

10:11

the breakdown of Godzilla, again

10:13

referring to our third decennial. Did

10:16

he write back again? No, but other DMs wrote

10:18

in response. His breaking down

10:20

of the scenario of Godzilla versus 500,

10:23

400 birds. And

10:26

what would happen? Because then one

10:28

DM said, oh, it was very possible for

10:30

the birds to defeat Godzilla. And then we

10:32

kind of talked about practically, like sure, yeah,

10:35

in your little child's game, the

10:37

birds can maybe get Godzilla. But how are they

10:39

going to get through the sin? We talked about

10:41

this in real life. We don't think it would

10:43

be practical. We didn't think it was going to

10:45

do it. But then a lot of DMs came

10:48

out. Because I appreciated our first response from

10:50

a DM. I love our DMs. I understand

10:52

that's your job is to have eye for

10:54

detail. You're supposed to come figure out a

10:56

way to tell these stories in a quantifiable

10:59

manner. So I thank you. But

11:01

you got a lot of flack. And I honestly

11:03

think that you as a DM need to go

11:05

and write your own little manifesto against other DMs.

11:07

Because this is the response you got. Because

11:10

they said that there was a lot of nerd rage. Not

11:12

at us. Not just us. It's not mad at

11:15

us. I mean, we're always, everyone's slightly

11:17

mad at us. But that's our job. Yeah.

11:20

You know, that's my job as a comedian. Yeah. And

11:22

I want to make sure that at least a portion

11:24

of the room is upset with me. Oh, of course.

11:26

At any given time. Oh, Henry Hoptakes. That's what I

11:28

got. I got to do it. Because we showed

11:30

up here for what? This is the

11:32

palate cleanser that is Henry Zabrowski? No,

11:35

no, no. Yeah. I'm an

11:37

overbearing sensation. Yeah. I am

11:39

the too much. You are over the

11:42

edge. But at the same time, if

11:44

it's the right amount, come

11:46

to pass. Now this guy, now what

11:48

they say here is the counter argument. Godzilla's

11:50

armor rating would be too high. Yeah,

11:53

exactly. Godzilla would have considerable

11:55

immunity to many types of

11:57

damage. Absolutely. Yeah. Because

11:59

he regenerates. feel like the deer birds

12:01

damage output would be too low to

12:03

pose any substantial threat to Godzilla and

12:06

Godzilla's atomic breath would wipe out all

12:08

birds no matter how numerous but according

12:10

to our main researcher Joel helps him

12:12

decide stories they wrote that in a

12:15

much harsher of mean way. Really? Towards

12:17

the person that we had gave his

12:19

original breakdown. Why are we sugarcoating it?

12:21

Because again I'm protecting. We

12:23

don't know any of these fuckers. I'm protecting people

12:26

okay because you have to understand this is what

12:28

we deal with is the internet. I know how

12:30

to code through. I see your rage every

12:32

day. I see people's rage writing in every day

12:34

and I also know so I know I have

12:36

to decode. You're just feeling this in the moment.

12:39

You obviously you got your penis caught in your

12:41

zipper this morning. Yeah. Anything could have happened. Anyone

12:43

who's actually mad can go fuck themselves. No one's

12:45

actually mad. Yeah. It's funny to do in a

12:47

full on... I love yelling for yelling sake. My

12:50

whole life. My whole life. It's my whole life.

12:52

I love it. So that was one little pushback

12:54

so but I you know we kind of broke

12:56

that down. DMs understand everybody

12:59

works with different rule sets. You know

13:01

I mean that was a bit of the big breakdown was

13:03

a lot of like oh but in

13:05

this edition it'd be different you know and then

13:07

this edition it would be different because D&D has

13:09

been kind of updated and mutated over the

13:11

years. Yeah. No I always think of like whenever I

13:14

hear DM I always think of like sliding into your

13:16

DMs and stuff like that. And then you know so

13:18

I was like mad that this like they kind of

13:20

like cross over and I get confused when they hear

13:22

it. But obviously no one is

13:25

sliding into a DMs DMs. You never know

13:27

because sometimes there's sexy ladies and there's sexy

13:29

dudes and you'd be surprised if people want

13:31

to get into a good campaign. Yeah. What

13:34

would happen to a DM? Side Story's [email protected].

13:36

What's the sexiest way someone tried to join

13:38

your D&D game? If anyone's hot and playing

13:40

D&D like it's got to be like a

13:42

boring game. No it's a lot of people

13:45

we're gonna get pushed back immediately. If you're

13:47

a track player I don't think you're a

13:49

third at it. A lot of people want

13:51

to see an LPN D&D game. We

13:54

one day. I think we're ugly

13:56

enough. We are. We are. But you'd be surprised

13:58

that a lot of attractive people. the game

14:00

shit has changed Eddie. Yeah. It's changed.

14:02

I think more powerful nerds across the

14:04

board. But if you're good looking you're

14:06

less interesting. Always. Yeah. But it

14:08

depends on how you're good looking. You know

14:11

what I mean? Where like I like you

14:13

always got to be 5% jacked

14:15

up. To me that's what makes

14:17

you sexy. Oh if you're just

14:19

like all fucked up on weird like creatine

14:21

and shit. No. I'm just saying like no

14:23

I think that's dumb. I'm saying that like

14:26

to be hot. You have

14:28

to have a to be truly hot

14:30

and sexy. Yeah. Versus beautiful. Is

14:32

you have to be 5% jacked up. Yeah. You

14:35

have to have a jacked up. And that's

14:37

what makes you happy. Hot got a six

14:39

pack beautiful has a flat belly right? No

14:41

opposite. Beautiful has a six pack. Absolutely. Hot

14:44

is more flawed but better. That's

14:46

how I view it. Wow. Hot and sexy

14:48

is more quote unquote flawed but you're better

14:50

you're more fun. Like someone with a snaggle

14:52

too. Yeah. Or like Trisha Arquette's hot. Yeah.

14:55

Or she's sexy. Sex both. I'm just saying but

14:57

also I view her as beautiful. She is beautiful.

14:59

But this is a great breakdown. People

15:01

are going to love this. Yeah. They're going to

15:04

be so excited about this. I'm just saying there's

15:06

a difference and obviously Eddie and I know. Yeah.

15:08

Because if you look at us and everyone always

15:10

asks me like how what's the taste level of

15:12

beauty in the room and you just see us

15:14

do like hi. Can

15:17

I come in from outside? But

15:21

yeah that's what we learned a lot today.

15:23

We both married giant redheads I can kick

15:25

the shit out of us. We both are

15:27

way we're both punching way outside of our

15:29

weight class when it comes to our significant

15:31

others and it's because again it's about being

15:33

funny and because guys it's about being funny

15:35

girls do you want to be it's like

15:37

to Mexico it's like a funny man is

15:39

on one side and like a hot lady

15:41

on the other side. Yeah. And then all

15:43

of them between whatever the fuck it is

15:45

you are. I don't know what you are.

15:48

So whatever you are somebody wants to fuck you congratulations.

15:50

All right. So let's go have another

15:53

fucking update. It's about sky shit. Oh thank God.

15:55

Now this is a this is another one. If

15:57

shit drop that up a flying plane. We

16:00

asked a question about physics. Would it

16:02

continue to travel at the same speed it was

16:04

traveling when it was ejected from the plane? Objects

16:06

in motion tend to stay in motion. That was

16:09

according to somebody, right? Now, the

16:11

shit would not be as aerodynamic as the

16:13

plane. And depending on the shit, it would

16:15

not have as much mass as the plane.

16:17

Therefore, it would encounter wind resistance and begin

16:19

to slow down immediately. Not keeping pace with

16:22

the flying plane. Yeah, because there'd be air

16:24

going, weapon past it. Yes, thus making it

16:26

look like it was shooting backwards. Because I

16:28

said it's a fly backwards. That's kind of

16:30

what I meant when it was a flying

16:32

backwards. So I'm smarter than the way I

16:34

sound. The same rules apply in the example.

16:36

If you are a passenger in a car

16:39

not wearing a seat belt and the car

16:41

suddenly stops from a high rate of speed,

16:43

you will fly forward through the windshield because

16:45

you are an object in motion and you

16:47

will stay in motion until external forces stop

16:49

that motion. Also, if you're in the backseat,

16:51

wear your seat belt. Wear your seat belt.

16:53

Because you're going to go over the seat

16:55

in front of you and bash the person

16:57

in the back of the head. Unfortunately, that

16:59

is one of my renegade David Ike stances

17:01

I have lost over the years. You got

17:03

to have to wear the seat belt. Unfortunately,

17:05

I wish I could be for freedom. I

17:11

wish I could be for freedom. It's not freedom

17:14

because you're taking away someone else's freedom by doing

17:16

it. But you're taking away your freedom to become

17:18

a ghost by putting on

17:20

a seat belt. So that's what we'll see

17:22

here at the last podcast. That's an official

17:25

message. F*** up, you f***. You f***ing pieces

17:27

of shit. Also, here we got some insider

17:29

knowledge on that a Buffalo-Nian house

17:31

getting hit with shit. Oh, because I don't

17:34

buy it. So my sister works for the

17:36

city and was slightly involved with

17:38

the poop mystery. So I asked her

17:40

about it. My sister said the

17:42

wastewater treatment department tested it to be sure

17:44

and it was poop. And

17:47

we're seeing that it was blue. Whoa.

17:50

Lastly, the lady was home the one time

17:52

it happened and heard the poop hitting her

17:54

house from above. So with info, does it

17:56

change your opinion on it actually being plain?

17:59

Poopoo. Sort of because also I

18:01

got a bit of a breakdown too because well we

18:03

I don't know because it's Rob right after we looked

18:05

It up. There's a bunch of other like I guess

18:07

right here. There's 27 documented incidences

18:09

of blue ice impact Yeah, so we

18:11

call last time we realized that shit

18:13

from a plane was called blue ice

18:16

Yeah now these incidents Typically happen under

18:18

airport landing pads as the mass warms

18:20

and sufficiently to detach from plane during

18:22

its descent So they do drum pit

18:24

because they don't they have like a

18:26

little lake before a lot of Runways

18:29

where they dump it is that they're

18:31

outside is that an airport outside toilet? Did

18:33

I just ruin everything? I don't know sites.

18:35

[email protected]. How do planes go to the bathroom?

18:40

And so but this is shit That's like, you

18:42

know in 1971 a chunk of ice from an airplane

18:44

tore a large hole in the roof of the Essex

18:47

Street Chapel That was huge trunk

18:49

of ice the size of an orange broke through the

18:51

roof of a private house in wrong

18:54

continues in Germany in

18:56

February 2013 a Football-sized

18:58

ball of blue ice smashed

19:00

through a conservatory roof in clan

19:03

field Hampshire causing around ten

19:05

thousand pounds worth of damage

19:07

now There's always just saying that it does happen

19:10

But these I would arm my mind when

19:12

I was thinking of blue ice catastrophes. Oh shit like

19:15

this like cuz you know, like Something

19:17

like five meteorites hit the earth

19:20

Yeah, that's always poo-poo No,

19:22

no, no, no, but like how like a meteorite

19:25

will fall from the sky Like we've ever seen

19:27

the stories of someone saying how like a rip

19:29

through their house or rip through their car like

19:31

a literal thing from spades Yeah That

19:34

happens a lot I was kind of assumed that damage

19:36

from blue ice would be more like that like this

19:38

But it seems like maybe maybe it could have just

19:41

been a screw was loose. Yeah, and

19:43

that meant the poo So

19:46

who knows I don't know what it means I

19:48

don't know anything else about the waste containment of

19:51

airplanes and what they do man

19:53

I would say that the chances

19:55

of an airplane shitting on this

19:57

woman's house three times is insane

20:00

Someone's playing a joke on her at

20:02

this point and if it is a pilot

20:04

that has that pinpoint accuracy I want to

20:06

meet him Sign

20:08

him up. That would be that's where he's

20:10

that's who's got to be going and doing

20:13

our strafing Yeah, I know over in that,

20:15

you know, last canistan. Yeah. No, we gotta

20:17

get him Yeah, dude, because we got it

20:19

because we need more accuracy. So we have

20:22

less citizen like this is what we need

20:24

Yeah smaller bombs smaller one bomb per person

20:26

Yeah, I think one bomb they can go down

20:29

and just blow up one guy. Yeah, we should

20:31

start dropping grenades instead of missiles I think that's

20:33

a fun idea. Yeah, I think it's a funny

20:35

You know what? I think would actually maybe help

20:37

us break some people down instead of bombs or

20:40

guns whatsoever altogether bones dropped Drop

20:42

bootleg copies of the damn web

20:47

Break them down they'll feel sorry for us eventually

20:49

they will be like maybe America's not so great

20:52

Maybe America actually we should actually give America a

20:54

break. So yeah, we have last last

20:57

canistan and cry rack We

21:02

gotta get that tattooed on it Um,

21:04

all right of that so there's a bit of

21:07

an update meteors have crashed through house. Yes multiple

21:09

times It has happened may oh just happened a

21:11

2.2 pound Meteorite

21:13

went through a house. It happens may

21:15

8th and where's this a jersey?

21:18

I don't know Beware the sky sign

21:21

even they I've could handle the

21:23

meteoritis from outer space estimated to

21:25

be 4.56

21:27

billion is actually a great thing that happened to this

21:29

person. I think it's cool that meteorite is worth more

21:31

than the entire house Oh very much so they're gonna

21:33

end up getting mobby You know, they're they're from Jersey

21:35

to sell it or would you keep it? Oh,

21:38

I'd sell it, right? Yeah, it's like, you

21:40

know, it's like the home run ball. Yeah, I

21:42

got like a Barry Bonds ball. You sell it

21:44

Yeah, I would love to sell that now does

21:46

she now this meteorite crashes through a house. She

21:48

now owns this meteorite Okay, it's probably worth we'll

21:51

just call it a million dollars. All right, it's

21:53

a 2.2 Uh

21:55

pound meteorite. Well, i'm gonna call it a million dollars

21:58

now deserve fucking immediately Not

22:00

only is it 50 cents per gram, per

22:02

gram, that's it? Yep. For

22:04

meteorite? Barely, it's a lot

22:06

more common than you think it is. Really? Yeah,

22:09

I thought so. It talks about our space everywhere? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

22:11

yeah, 50 cents per gram. 40, it's

22:13

like. And you go up to $40 per gram.

22:15

It's the price of wheat? Yep. Yeah.

22:18

It's fucking, yeah. It shakes from

22:20

the universe. Rare stones can fetch $1,000. So

22:23

that one's like billions of years old. But depends on what

22:25

the quality though, it's still funny. It's still about whether or

22:27

not you can turn it into a necklace. There's

22:30

16 grams in an ounce, and

22:33

there's 16 ounces in a pound. And that's

22:35

the math that being a drug

22:37

dealer teaches me. And that's

22:39

incredible, because I don't know anything about that thing.

22:42

Do you know what you're trying to recalibrate your weed

22:44

scale? You put 10 nickels on

22:46

it, because that's half an ounce. Wow,

22:51

he's practical. Yeah, or is it, I

22:53

forget what it was, but there was

22:55

exactly, that's how you, 10 nickels you

22:57

could recalibrate your weed scale. That's incredible.

23:01

Again, we're learning today. And so we

23:03

now know nothing else about the poop.

23:05

Five grams. Five grams. Okay. That's

23:08

incredible. Wow, good work. No problem. But now

23:10

we will get into it. So we did

23:12

these updates. I have one more

23:14

little update here. The poop

23:16

mystery is not solved. I think it's

23:18

probably closer to knowing. Because it doesn't

23:20

sound like it's a full on blue eyes dump, but

23:23

something happened. And I don't know where it came

23:25

from. Someone's pranking this woman. Can you shit in

23:27

a helicopter? Absolutely, you shit anywhere.

23:29

But I don't know, I'm not saying. Is

23:32

there a bathroom? Yeah,

23:35

I don't think so. I

23:38

don't think so. Cause I don't know whether or not, can

23:40

there be a small amount of shit? Maybe like a giant

23:42

helicopter that you put like 20, 30 people on. Like

23:46

something where you're taking like a fucking, like a

23:48

small battalion over to take over a city or

23:50

something. Oh, one of those might have it? Of

23:52

course. Most helicopters do not have toilets. Yeah,

23:54

yeah, yeah. I guess if you're over the ocean, it's just

23:56

one big toilet and you just hang your butt out the

23:58

side. Yeah, pee off the side. I wish I could shoot guns

24:00

off the side. That'd be so much fun. God, I wish I could. Shoot

24:03

a gun off the side of a helicopter? That's all I want to do. Fuck

24:05

you. I feel like, because recently

24:07

I've been sort of like down to the dumps,

24:09

and I think that would make me

24:11

feel better. Know what I would love to get my hands

24:14

on? A buddy of mine went to war when we were

24:16

in college, and he asked me to

24:18

make him a kill people play with. I

24:20

remember when you said that. And I made

24:22

him, yeah, I made a CD, yeah. I

24:24

do remember the first one was Children of

24:26

the Grave. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Children

24:29

of the Grave, and then you also did it with the, the,

24:31

I'm going to go to the air!

24:58

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26:53

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26:55

a lot of people, obviously

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this bit has been done, but

26:59

the Zendaya Centaur picks are not

27:01

going anywhere. And I've been trying

27:04

to get the Judge Reinhold sitting

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on the Clydesdale line. Ow.

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hop into rewards. Now

28:31

remember the lady that you said

28:33

you thought was nice? Yeah, she's

28:35

great. Now the jailed Ohio woman

28:37

explains why she drove a dead

28:39

man's body to bank to withdraw

28:41

cash but I will say it's

28:43

not really an explanation. This is

28:45

Karen Cashbombs. She's the one

28:47

with the beagle eyes, not the rat eyes.

28:49

From last week's story. Karen was a cool

28:52

woman. To

28:54

you. To me, yeah. Karen was-

28:56

You're gonna pick one to hang out with. Which

28:58

one would you pick? Honestly,

29:00

it would be- no, it is Karen. I'm seeing

29:02

the two of them together because the other one

29:04

was Laureen Ferrallo. Ferralla? Ferrallo.

29:08

And she- yeah, she is uh, she is frowning. The

29:10

other one, it just looks like she's kind of lost and scary.

29:14

They're both frightening. But they- these are the

29:16

two lovely women that

29:18

use the corpse of their living. I'm

29:20

gonna still say boyfriend Douglas Lehman, who

29:22

was 80 years fun. They use his

29:25

corpse to go and take the last

29:27

remaining $900 he had out of his

29:29

bank account. Because

29:32

the bank had let them do it before. I didn't realize it was

29:34

only $900. Just give

29:36

it to him. Nothing. Let me just put

29:38

it this way. This guy owes them $900 for dying in

29:40

their house. Do you ever think that one

29:42

of these relationships with an 80 year old and

29:45

two 65 year olds that he's maybe

29:48

doing some kind of throttle with

29:50

in a trailer role- Dude, all people live together. Do you

29:52

think that they have more- the $900 is his life savings.

29:57

Yeah. That's the most money he's ever had

29:59

ever. That's his money. None

30:01

of these people are ever going to turn out to be

30:03

worth a lot of money. Ever. Especially

30:06

if they tell you that they're worth a lot of money.

30:08

You don't think these ladies deserve that 900? I

30:11

think that they... No, I think for what they did,

30:13

they honestly, they put a lot of work in. So

30:16

she was immediately recorded.

30:19

So she was in the Ash Tabula

30:21

jail about her involvement in the death of the

30:23

80-year-old Douglas Lehman. And

30:26

so Stae asked her, they were kind of like, why did you

30:28

do that? An unidentified family

30:30

member asked Cosboem when Lehman

30:32

died. She responded, oh, he

30:34

died when I said he

30:36

died. Cosboem, who was

30:38

wheelchair bound, also allegedly told her family

30:40

member that Lehman's body was too heavy

30:42

for Frollo to hold, so the two

30:44

women decided to ask a male friend

30:46

to help them. So there's a

30:48

third person in here that we don't know where that person

30:50

is at. Why? The relative asked,

30:53

why Cosboem? Why, Karen? Why did you

30:55

not just go to the police when

30:57

your friend died? And Cosboem

30:59

says, I just figured I'd go to

31:01

the bank and then to the hospital

31:03

and drop him off. I just

31:05

forgot to leave his name. And

31:08

the family member said, he died before you

31:10

went to the bank, dude. I

31:13

know, Cosboem replied. Yeah. So

31:16

they, they're basically, there was

31:18

no explanation why. Essentially,

31:20

they said... She saved the EMT as a trip. She

31:23

brought the guy to the hospital. She was saying that

31:25

this is... How much is an ambulance ride? This is

31:27

a... $700 or $900. I'm

31:29

saying that much. She's saving money. I still

31:31

find it dubious. Um, oh, it's not, you

31:33

know, it's not good. No, I... Where

31:36

is this person? Where is this third person? I

31:38

want them to come forward. No. Um, they

31:40

are both being charged with gross abuse of a corpse. Uh,

31:48

yeah, she's looking like slob

31:50

zombie. She could use some

31:52

beach wave. You know what

31:54

I mean? at the beach.

31:57

Uh, they are not, uh, yeah. So she's... More

32:00

like Claudia Osborn They're

32:06

not really saying much and it does I still believe that they

32:09

We've had a lot of chatter from people sending emails And

32:11

I think all of us agree if

32:13

I am getting boned out that these last

32:15

two women on the fucking like Just let

32:17

them have the money are people I don't

32:19

read the emails are people mad at me.

32:21

No no no no no no Mostly people

32:23

are saying like they must have had they

32:25

probably had an arrangement. No one was looking

32:28

for this money It's like he probably said

32:30

at some point. He's like when I dad

32:32

take my corpse to the bank He probably

32:34

said those words Yeah at some point um

32:36

he should have just wrote down the fucking

32:38

pin code and they could have just taken

32:40

his gun He already did they've been they've

32:42

been going to the bank for him for months.

32:45

They still needed his face there I

32:47

guess they didn't because they actually they

32:49

were known quantities at the bank. Yeah,

32:51

so you know I you know I

32:54

feel like how do we put this? these

32:57

two Women

32:59

hmm were maybe there was

33:02

probably many opportunities for

33:04

there to be a conversation about boundaries Yeah,

33:06

and no one really sat Including

33:09

the bank manager. Yeah, they'll let

33:12

him sort of do banking for another man that they got

33:14

to know for a long We kind of bank of this

33:16

hi Like a Wells Fargo, or

33:18

is it like a is it like a credit

33:20

union where where is I? Don't

33:23

know I Don't think

33:25

we want the empty drive-through bank. That

33:27

was the where is this bank? Yeah?

33:29

Yeah, it doesn't say yeah Chaser

33:34

a bank of America they do not say

33:36

where the bank was yeah, I'm guessing

33:38

Bank of America Hey, you know, but

33:40

I do understand you're supposed to work

33:42

with their local people and help as

33:45

a bank She was a help. Mm-hmm, you

33:47

know But they

33:49

probably should have they They

33:52

basically said we put his corpse in the car took

33:54

him in a bank in a lack of days A

33:56

cool manner where they assumed they would eventually get him

33:58

to the hospital. Yeah So this

34:00

is the problem. And they did do that. No. They

34:03

brought him to the hospital. No, it's after they called

34:05

the police that they were like, we think he's dead

34:07

in the car when he, when they came to the

34:09

bank. Oh, I thought they just dropped him off at

34:11

the hospital. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And

34:13

what the cops were like bringing him to the hospital or they

34:16

were like, he's staying right there. They got

34:18

to the hospital and they're like, okay, we're going to need to check this out for a second.

34:21

All right. So let's get to some other stories.

34:23

Yeah. I mean, we're talking about

34:25

old ladies, so might as well talk about cats. Yeah,

34:27

sure. Yeah. There's

34:29

a lot of cat news this week.

34:31

You know, what's nice, truly

34:33

nice is that we do have several

34:35

animal crime related stories this

34:38

week. Not one of

34:40

them is about fucking them. None of them

34:42

are fucking these animals. I'm so happy. This

34:45

is so nice. Yeah. Because it's so

34:47

hard to not do one of these stories because

34:49

they're always, it always ends up and then he started

34:51

to fuck them the cat. It's so funny because like

34:53

you want to be like, I don't want to tell

34:55

this story. I'm sick of talking about people fucking. It's

34:57

always so interesting. But the thing and you're like, well,

34:59

I mean, well, now we're here. These details are kind

35:02

of fun. Yeah. Um,

35:04

but no one's just fucking these cats, but

35:06

people have been

35:09

shaving them. These, this is a really

35:12

weird story. The Phantom

35:14

cat shaver. This comes from daily mail.

35:16

The Phantom cat shaver. You know, it's

35:18

legit. Oh my God. It's so funny.

35:21

I read daily mail all day long and just

35:23

like yell at it. But

35:27

the Phantom cat shaver strikes again as

35:29

dozens of owners across the UK claim

35:31

that their pets have been targeted. I

35:33

want to hear from our UK listeners.

35:35

I'd love to know. I love to

35:37

know. Have you heard about

35:39

this happening? Um, but yeah, the

35:41

fans, it's a shocked residents

35:43

in Lamborn and hunger for

35:45

have been taken to social

35:47

media to warn the feline

35:49

haters return after claiming their

35:51

beloved pets have been mysteriously

35:53

shaved. Now it's really weird.

35:55

It happens in the night,

35:57

apparently. Yeah. waking

36:00

up to their, and one of

36:02

these, I would say like one's got a

36:04

stripe on his back that is shaved off, which

36:07

is really strange. It's bigger than like a razor,

36:09

so it looks like they've had to have like

36:11

got him a couple of times. A couple of

36:13

times. They have to be able to like,

36:16

a cat has to like him a

36:18

little bit for him to get this

36:20

much done. And the part that really

36:22

truly disturbs me is the

36:24

one where they shaved the pussy's pussy. Yeah,

36:27

they shaved its belly. No, see the pussy. If you

36:29

look the pussy's still hairy. I hate that. It's

36:31

the belly. I'm not looking. I mean, but

36:33

look right there. That's where the cat's vagina is. Still,

36:35

it shaved its pubic hair, essentially. It

36:38

shaved its belly hair. Put the nipples

36:40

free. I just want to see the

36:42

nipples. It shaved. This is just not

36:44

a way I want to see an

36:47

animal. Yeah. First of all, this

36:49

is a horrible picture that I'm looking at. This is

36:51

just a cat's open wide vagina. I

36:53

wish that it wasn't shaved because

36:56

again, I'm just looking at this.

36:58

I'm upset. You know, I

37:01

don't want you to be a Rosario Dawson.

37:03

Yeah. As my pet. No. You

37:06

know, I want to have, you know, and nothing

37:08

I think that this is sexy. I don't think

37:10

it's sexy that its vagina is shaved, but I

37:12

think that it's inappropriate because

37:14

then part of me wonders is the call coming from

37:16

inside the house. Well, I mean, if

37:19

you're in South East Britain, that's where it's

37:21

mostly happening. But no, I'm saying if you're

37:24

who can get close enough. I honestly,

37:26

I don't think I could get close enough

37:28

to shave Wendy's. But you got to, I

37:30

think we're like, we should be looking into

37:33

like people who work for like their version

37:35

of the ASPSA PCA. How do you say

37:37

those letters together? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

37:39

hey. Cats and

37:41

dogs people. Cats and dogs people. So

37:44

you're saying that it's an

37:46

inside job for one of the

37:48

very large animal welfare of

37:51

the business. You got to be good with cats in

37:53

order to get one to shave it. I

37:56

agree. I agree. I think

37:58

that you got to be the most gentle. Farber

38:01

that's ever been I couldn't imagine Cat

38:04

how hard that's the L a gmail.com if you've ever

38:06

shaved a cat do you live in the LA area?

38:09

Will you help me? shave

38:11

me How

38:14

do you do this so there's been like two hundred and

38:16

seventeen Incidents they think of

38:18

individual places and then recorded

38:21

a hundred incidents. So like a hundred

38:23

people have Reported it to

38:25

the police mostly in southeast Britain. There

38:27

has been one in Scotland.

38:30

There's been one rogue Maybe

38:34

he was on vacation People

38:37

carrying out these attacks are doing it

38:39

for their own self gratification or some

38:41

kind of cheap drill. Yeah, not running

38:43

on Camaro Personally,

38:46

I think they are sick and need to be caught

38:48

as quickly as possible because this is one of these

38:50

crimes What does it matter though? What do you mean?

38:52

What does it matter if you shave a cat? So

38:55

you would be fine if

38:57

someone broke into your house in the middle

38:59

of the night and shaved around Rambo's ass.

39:01

These people aren't breaking in the houses. These

39:04

are these are indoor outdoor cats So

39:07

this is part of like you're putting your cat out

39:09

there. What if you had a daughter? Uh-huh

39:12

and a man came in in the night while

39:15

she was in talking about a different thing here

39:17

I'm just saying if you had a daughter, uh-huh

39:19

and you're you you don't know what her

39:21

burst bush style is You're 69 years old

39:23

at this point. Yeah, right, you know, because

39:25

you haven't had a kid Not

39:28

yet And so she but she

39:30

goes off to college which is the same version of

39:32

being that's the human version of being an indoor outdoor

39:34

cat Yeah, right and so like in the middle of

39:36

the night someone just shaved a stripe or her bush

39:39

off I mean you slap them to death.

39:41

It's a human being it was a cat. It's

39:43

a totally different situation. It's someone goes

39:46

This this is a bigger issue. There's

39:48

something else going on. If I have

39:50

an indoor outdoor isn't a reality story

39:53

But it's right next to it It's

39:56

just it's definitely interesting. What if there's like

39:58

are we sure the shaving? Is there some kind

40:00

of like weird look at it? Yeah,

40:03

they look shaved. That's a shaved spot.

40:05

Yeah Another little patch

40:07

off. There's an old patch here that

40:09

shaved off. Mm-hmm Gizmo came

40:11

home and look like she's been shaved in the

40:13

top of her back leg Yeah, vet says there's

40:15

no chance that the bald patch occurred naturally people

40:18

If it says that she must have been involved

40:20

in a catfight, but the hair is out by

40:22

the roots So it's very blatant. She was shaved.

40:24

Yeah, there was a while ago There

40:26

was an incident when an elderly lady was

40:28

shaving cats going into her garden to punish

40:31

them She was spoken to

40:33

by police and said she stopped so it's

40:35

not her So

40:38

there is like this one comment cats for

40:40

coats are beautiful and make cats so nice

40:43

to stroke and cuddle I mean if

40:45

you if you there's one lady holding a shaved cat

40:47

that looks like what she looks like me She got

40:49

the haircut at the same place. Yeah I Yeah,

40:53

she's fine that's scary. It's a very bad

40:55

shape. That's a bad dad that one's bleeding.

40:58

So this person deserves to be beaten What

41:00

is going on here? Guys,

41:02

I don't know what the what the the

41:04

endgame is because whenever I hear these weird

41:06

stories That we talk about

41:09

on the show. I always like to like

41:11

envision the endgame, of course Like what's why

41:13

are we gonna we ask the question all

41:15

the time who benefits? Yeah in this scenario

41:17

Why would you shave the cat? I'd anyone

41:19

benefits. Is it like Banksy? Also,

41:21

it's like anyone who has like

41:23

a bunch of scratches on their arm suspect,

41:26

but I don't yeah, definitely You know, there's no

41:28

way there. These people are getting away scott-free especially

41:30

the wouldn't you hear the cat in the night?

41:33

Hey cats fucking fighting the night all the time

41:37

What are you talking about? Some

41:39

of these don't have balls. I'm looking at them.

41:41

Oh, they got neutered. Yeah, some reason rooted So

41:43

they're not they're fucking to fight. Will they fight?

41:46

Yeah, I'm sure Well, yeah

41:50

Someone else a Tammy calums cat

41:52

flow was shaved after going outside

41:54

and new costal costalary Norfolk. Perfect

42:00

She said that she came back looking like

42:02

she'd been shaved in a square shape. You

42:04

could tell it's not from being scratched or

42:06

bit. You can clearly see the square shape

42:08

where the clippers clipped her fur. I just

42:11

don't understand why people would do this to

42:13

her. Wow, it's all over coast to coast

42:15

AM. Wow, it mated to coast to coast

42:17

AM. Oh yeah. That's huge. Look

42:20

at that. Now you're showing of... What I

42:22

love is that the picture that they're using

42:24

as an example is a cat on a

42:26

newspaper. Yeah, it is a cat on a

42:29

newspaper and which he is demonstrating... He's holding

42:31

a razor next to it when you shave a

42:33

cat. Don't look at him, he'll talk to this

42:35

guy. It's a cat in a image. Who is...

42:37

Is there a cat in a image? Who is selling this?

42:40

For what premiere is this picture?

42:42

This is literally... It's just a

42:44

picture of a man shaving a

42:46

patch into a cat's back. What

42:49

does he do? Well,

42:51

the RSPCA is urging pet orders

42:54

to be vigilant and report any

42:56

incidents of the cat shaving to

42:58

the charity or the police. Now

43:01

what is the other cat story? We have this. This

43:04

is one cat crime. This is one cat crime.

43:06

There's three cat stories. Actually they

43:08

might even be like leaking in the four. This

43:11

one happened in... Just two, just two, two. This one,

43:14

it happened in East Haven. Armed

43:17

intruders. Which is also British. I

43:20

believe so. It just says East

43:22

Haven. This is Connecticut. Connecticut. Okay, go get

43:24

it. Connecticut, yeah. They all sound the same.

43:26

Well, they're all taken from the same names.

43:29

You know where old York is? Over

43:32

there. What's called York? Yes.

43:35

Armed intruders break into East Haven home looking

43:37

to steal an expensive cat. Now this is

43:39

apparently... This type of crime is on the

43:41

rise too. This is a crime. This is

43:44

a real crime. The other thing is that

43:46

it's a nuisance. It's not a crime.

43:49

It's not. It's

43:51

not a crime though. You know what I mean?

43:53

It's not a major crime. It's

43:55

not abuse, is it? It is. You

43:58

think so? It has... The

44:00

cat with blood and the clippers got the skin,

44:02

abuse. Sides stores

44:05

lpotlgmail.com. I think this is a very gray area.

44:07

There's a lot of people that are going to

44:09

attack and we're going to find out exactly why

44:11

the crime is. It's a very tabby area. But

44:13

it is. I

44:15

just think that straight up, I will

44:17

say, frowned upon. Oh, definitely

44:19

frowned upon. No one likes it, but

44:21

I'm talking about legal recourse.

44:24

So I want an barista out there. I want

44:27

to know what is the crime that you would...

44:29

I guess it would be abuse of an animal.

44:31

But we'll play out. It would be animal abuse.

44:33

But now the idea of stealing a very fancy

44:35

cat? Yeah. So this person, they live

44:37

in these apartment buildings. Bad stuff's always

44:39

happening in these apartment buildings, by the way. Half

44:42

of this article is about how awful these apartment

44:44

buildings are. Yeah, I don't think they're good. But

44:46

someone broke in. They didn't say what type of

44:48

cat it was. But someone broke

44:50

into someone's house around 3.45 p.m. last week.

44:54

And they told the victim, told police that two

44:57

males tried to get in through the rear sliding

44:59

door and attempted to get the suspects out. One

45:03

kicked through the glass. Jesus Christ. And

45:05

then once inside, the suspect pulled out

45:08

guns and demanded the resident's high dollar

45:10

value cat. Now I don't understand what

45:12

cat flipping is going to do. I

45:14

looked up cat breeds by most expensive

45:17

breeds. And I guess the one is,

45:19

I don't know how you pronounce it,

45:21

but the Ashera cat, which looks sort

45:24

of like a little leopard. And it's a mixture

45:26

of like it's like good looking cat. It's an

45:28

African serval, an Asian leopard cat, and domestic cat,

45:30

I guess all fuck. Yeah, it's a real good.

45:32

You got to take them to you got to

45:34

take them out to a nice restaurant. $75,000 to

45:36

$125,000. A

45:39

hundred and twenty five thousand dollar cat.

45:42

Now my question is, yeah, like

45:45

how you know, say the second that you drive off the

45:47

lot that card appreciates. Right.

45:49

So that's why, you know, like it's hard if you get a

45:51

fancy car, right. As soon as you drive it off a lot,

45:54

you're going to smell, you're going to end up selling it for

45:56

less. Yeah. And once you got it

45:58

for you got an Ashera Cat. shouldn't

46:00

your box and doing stuff like does not

46:02

lose money. On. You want a

46:04

fresh one? I think if it's under ten

46:06

and still go, gotta be pretty expensive fuel.

46:09

Think that if it's been paid a bunch

46:11

doesn't lose a bunch of doesn't lose some

46:13

quality. Know if anything a big gains quality

46:15

since better with humans you think? So Yeah,

46:17

I don't. I don't think people are buying

46:19

a because or did you're not. You're not

46:21

going to buy or hundred and twenty five

46:24

thousand our cat. This is good with kids.

46:26

That makes no sense Know you're doing, you're single,

46:28

you reward or you're just you just have too

46:31

much money. or Saudi yeah? millionaire or billionaire. You

46:33

just don't know what to do with your money

46:35

at it because they think they they were. They

46:37

let people like about the a share a cat

46:39

is it. It looks like a lemur or something

46:41

but it's got like a nice vibe and I

46:43

could see sales. Or. Whatever. But

46:45

still, it doesn't matter it. Hundred forty five

46:48

thousand dollars for a cat? So.

46:50

Do not doing it for practical reasons. Not,

46:52

they're showing the cattle know for sure. It's

46:54

like buying a Picasso. But I

46:56

think even Picasso's worth more. Than

46:59

one hundred twenty five thousand dollar cat?

47:01

I have no idea. I just what's

47:03

the difference between that cat? And.

47:05

A normal ass cat nothin. Reject.

47:08

It might be a little cooler, but hi buddy

47:10

are you get a hold of fuck Bullet Gap

47:12

But if you're taken a cat to go, hedge

47:14

it. right? You're not gonna cut

47:17

down to guide to launder the cat. Yeah,

47:19

you're not to lose money on the exchange.

47:21

It. Seems weird but like animals have served

47:24

to have pets as have gone up

47:26

know I remember this always being an

47:28

issue with dogs. You. Know people

47:30

who loves all the time. Lady Gaga

47:32

as dog walker, guts like shot and

47:34

robbed? Yes, so that for the dog?

47:36

Yeah like I just don't have stayed

47:38

in the cat looks and and dogs

47:40

flip and business. My. How. Does one

47:42

do that Like as I feel like their

47:44

trip to obviously that we know where they

47:46

are all cats or dogs except for unless

47:49

it's a bit the pure bred. if you

47:51

go I don't know sides to help your

47:53

children. You know they can lose value if

47:55

it is chipset but I I don't know

47:57

what does in a thera cat. New

47:59

type of cat. Oh that's what it.

48:01

It's a brand new path of only

48:03

the white. Expensive is a student lifestyle.

48:05

Pets. Which. Is based in California.

48:08

Leaders. Designer pet for

48:10

feline aficionados. On is

48:12

this shit. Oh Ia. only one hundred cats

48:14

are sold these year. And a secret domestic

48:16

cat? Bree. What is this? Kfc? A We

48:19

had a secret ingredient, half of the cancer

48:21

sold, the Americans in the other half are

48:23

sold overseas. Slow. And they said that The,

48:25

according to this website, it also claims to

48:28

be the largest domestic cat. These guys. The

48:30

way. as much as thirty to forty pow.

48:32

That's danger and good measure up to four

48:34

feet tall while standing on their hind legs.

48:37

That's. A lot Pussy cat a lot of

48:39

was ago as it is is that a variant

48:41

of as as area but the I got nothing

48:43

overt sad so big I could see a being

48:46

worth more money when he me like by the

48:48

pounds yeah like is we're going to take the

48:50

arts belly. I figured Great Dane is worth more

48:52

than a chihuahua know? yes I don't think so.

48:55

yeah that is why would a not. To.

48:57

Law was a fucking industry state for

48:59

de ville de i think reading to

49:01

be in a be in the streets

49:03

know we can and would just die

49:05

if woods die from eating tends to

49:07

the her hair earth as a cigar

49:09

and find the cat still. By the

49:11

way they got away Nigger com why

49:13

you know? so thousand to two thousand

49:15

dollars for breeding puppies. A purebred puppy.

49:18

On. A how much when he's

49:20

to on wood or this. Was. So much.

49:22

why was he will almost twice as long as a

49:24

Great Dane? Yeah, Because. Their. Hearts.

49:27

Are too strong. A

49:30

mirror Moo moo do I understand the church

49:32

who have owners will be nice but coming

49:34

from one will be doing this but the

49:36

same of their prospects him on money. At.

49:39

A bird designer to our. Is

49:42

also been thousand dollars Twenty five hundred is

49:44

anyone spends a thousand dollars and a free

49:46

to our i'm a fucking lose my mind

49:48

if anyone I know like how much was

49:51

farming. Nothing. Exactly. Yeah,

49:53

they're free will. Yeah, we can only save

49:55

their rescue. Zola was are free. For.

49:57

any dogs free not only dog will i

50:00

you're saying I mean but what is the point of a purebred but I just

50:02

to eat a

50:06

lot off because you're showing off or you're

50:08

watching it fuck a lot of like your

50:11

like your rec club salencio a lot of

50:13

purebreds are inbred of course a

50:15

lot of purebreds are in so they're worse

50:17

oh yeah they're all jacked up yeah bag

50:19

the bat leg bad legs you know I

50:22

mean they'll fucking they'll shoot up a school

50:24

yeah I'm on a catster calm right now

50:26

oh yeah and it's a cap reads that

50:28

gets stolen the most often with pictures and

50:31

number one bangle cat the

50:34

domestic short hair no one's

50:36

stealing these um these

50:38

what are they called again as shire

50:40

cats cash higher cats I know

50:42

you can't steal them because they are they still

50:45

in the enemy near in the imaginary world they

50:47

smoke a lot of we have the man coon

50:49

the ragdoll stolen a lot the Russian blue the

50:51

Siamese cats stolen a lot yeah people steal cat

50:53

I just thinks cat the hairless cat I just

50:55

want to know about and I want to know

50:57

more about animal flipping I want to

50:59

know it what why you do this where does

51:02

the money come from you tell us and because

51:04

like you you're the same though I honestly I

51:06

can see why we are dog people so I

51:08

cut but there are just as rare a lot

51:10

of time no one there aren't cat fighting rings

51:13

there are dog fighting there must be cat fighting

51:15

rings there has to be cat fighting

51:17

we know about cat juggling there has to be

51:19

about that in the jerk down in the lesbian

51:21

underground mm-hmm right amongst the like cuz I'm certain

51:24

that they have to get into the lesbian underground

51:26

nothing would make me more excited by the

51:28

way let me pick a lot of shit for being grumpy

51:30

and I love you lesbians I think

51:32

you're the best do they I love the party Eddie

51:35

is that true Rob is it Rob dude lesbians take

51:37

a lot of shit for being grumpy for being bad

51:39

I've heard it is that way I've heard it is

51:41

that way I don't know

51:45

I heard that I'm just saying that seems to

51:47

be almost like a backhanded compliment

51:52

no way oh I've heard

51:54

of these people but

51:56

it's more like saying oh like I'll

51:59

apologize for Henry for fucking being an asshole

52:01

even I'm just sitting here being nice I don't

52:03

apologize for you I'm just saying

52:05

it as an example but I think that down I'm not apologizing

52:09

for lesbians there are grumpy ones that

52:11

I've met but on a whole I'm

52:14

down with the community I want to go to your parties that's

52:16

all I'm trying to say I

52:19

know that having me around might ruin the party yes

52:27

there are illegal cat fighting rates of

52:29

course they're not common or no

52:34

not anymore yes now because that's

52:37

when them because the men found it yeah

52:39

but I will see the yeah I'm

52:41

staying down it'll be fun to

52:44

be amongst a bunch of lesbian

52:46

gangsters rolling dice hanging

52:48

on with the cats watching fucking

52:50

you for

52:53

you and then we had the for

52:56

you I don't know what they watch cooking

52:59

shows but yeah they watch what we watch

53:01

yeah no different glass blowing show they're just

53:03

as grumpy as us any pottery shows these

53:05

are just as grumpy as us golf they

53:09

do watch golf yeah which is

53:11

why they're grumpy got

53:24

sorry yeah you see now we're covered

53:27

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for the love of home. Well,

54:31

guys, there's another cat story. Oh

54:33

yeah? Yeah, there's a bunch of women

54:35

got attacked by a cougar. Well, this is a

54:37

great story. This is honestly

54:39

a really, really great story. This one's fucked

54:41

up. It's fucking bad ass. These four ladies

54:43

got attacked by a cougar. No, we're not

54:45

talking about Courtney Cox. We

54:48

are talking about an actual

54:50

cat. In Washington state, one

54:53

woman was blindsided while riding her bike.

54:55

There was a bike riding club and

54:58

she was blindsided by a cougar who tackled

55:00

her off of her bike and

55:03

then started biting her mouth like it was

55:05

giving her CPR. This shit was fucking scary.

55:07

So we're trying to kill her. So apparently

55:09

it is very often that, like people know

55:12

about cougars when they go and they go

55:14

on these trails. Cause most of the time

55:16

the way you can tell by those

55:18

nipple bras they buy from Skims. No,

55:21

it is an animal. Again, I keep doing this.

55:23

Well, this doesn't happen often. You

55:25

are more like, you are a thousand

55:28

times more likely to get struck by

55:30

lightning than get attacked by a cougar.

55:32

Yeah, something like 20 attacks happened like

55:34

over several years. Cause this happened in

55:36

Washington state. This happened in Washington state. It

55:39

hasn't happened that often in terms of being

55:41

attacked by cougars. And most of them like

55:43

a couple of people have died. But for

55:45

the most part, they leave us alone. So

55:48

this group of women were on a cycling

55:50

trip and they saw this cougar, I

55:52

guess they were two cougars. So what they're told is

55:54

that when they see a cougar you're supposed to get

55:56

big. You're supposed to go like, yeah, yeah,

55:58

yeah. I make them run away. All the

56:00

same shit some of them some bears right because there's

56:02

certain bears They'll kill you no matter what like a

56:04

polar bear or kill you know if at that point

56:07

you're dead anyway Yes, and so they saw the cougar,

56:09

but then it was like it looks like the younger

56:11

cougar decided to just attack And

56:14

they went right for her face. It's this

56:16

chomped in her face She said that like

56:18

according she could feel the jaws Snap

56:20

breaking her teeth in her mouth and she

56:23

felt the blood going down her and but

56:25

these ladies These like

56:27

just normal like just sure they

56:30

attacked this cougar they fucking do

56:32

one of them had like a two-inch knife and

56:34

was just And

56:38

they pinned it down with their bike until

56:40

for 45 minutes this cougar fight happened Oh,

56:42

yeah, they were this was a long drag-out

56:44

fight Yeah, kicking it punch it in the

56:46

head the other one was saying they were

56:48

trying to stick But it was like it's

56:50

kind of crazy because they said it was

56:52

clamped down in her face And

56:55

they were punching it in the side of the head and

56:57

they were sticking their fingers in its nostrils and its eyeballs

56:59

Yeah, and it wasn't letting go so the other lady

57:01

was like what's the heaviest thing I could lift

57:03

and she found a rock But she estimated about

57:06

25 pounds. She said she took all of her

57:08

strength, and she was dropping on the cougars back

57:10

Yeah, ready get it to really know still didn't

57:12

release and then I guess it just got tired

57:16

Yeah, I mean 45 minutes. I'll say God there

57:18

was five of them Well it released and then

57:20

finally when they released that was when they pinned

57:22

it to the side using the bikes They

57:25

basically piled the bikes on top of the

57:27

cougar And then it was really sad because

57:29

then they're all crying and stuff because of

57:31

course they're all like animal lovers Oh, I'm

57:33

not emotional as hell No one wants to

57:35

hurt the cougar Especially

57:38

because they had to pin it down while the Ranger

57:40

came and fucking shot it in the back of the

57:42

head execution They just shoot it right there in front

57:44

of them. They had to. This is a problem

57:46

cougar There's nothing they could do well think

57:48

one lady put it correct Which is like

57:51

I had to choose between myself and

57:54

the cougar yeah, and I chose myself Dude

57:57

one the wildest cougar had this

57:59

woman's back on like

58:01

in its mouth another one put her

58:03

hands in the cougars mouth and open

58:06

the fucking jaw yeah dude you should

58:08

they were not fucking around it

58:10

said it said I felt it shifting its

58:12

teeth like it wouldn't bite me too I

58:15

said no you're not gonna get both of

58:17

us no girl no and then Anna Teats

58:19

grabbed her leg yeah Wow

58:22

I guess they were right let's be in Zargruppy I

58:28

do love that this woman's name is Teats these

58:34

are this is one of those where

58:36

I I'm proud of these ladies

58:39

I one lady got jacked up she's

58:41

fucked up she's like these are my friends for life

58:43

I mean her face looks it's

58:45

crazy but that's a hardcore woman now and guess what

58:47

she gets to be in charge of now the

58:50

quilt group the quilt group she's deciding who's

58:52

doing if we're doing cabins or we're doing

58:54

dolls with weird faces this year she's the

58:56

one who's decided no we definitely dolls with

58:59

new faces yeah yes are we gonna go

59:01

to alabakurky this year are we gonna go

59:04

to Sedona she's choosing all right because she

59:06

almost beat a cougar to death and

59:08

if she can't that doesn't put her at the

59:10

top yeah of the fucking bake sale

59:13

this week I don't want to

59:15

tell any y'all man this is

59:17

fucking badass shout out to all you ladies for saving

59:19

your friend this woman definitely would have died if they

59:21

weren't there oh yeah they would have ripped that they

59:23

were it was ready to it was going through her

59:26

face and throat and shit I would have fucking killed

59:28

the shit out of her and if you know if

59:30

teats and the other ladies didn't get in there they

59:32

would have been fucked and sometimes it

59:34

takes a pair of teats to

59:37

save a woman I

59:40

don't think that's incredible is really

59:42

really really compelling and I'm glad

59:44

that they're all alive yeah all right let me

59:47

see what I got here I got the gross stuff what time oh

59:49

how much longer we got it's time

59:51

for mail oh wow we've got

59:53

to like nothing today we can't news

59:56

can't stuff we literally had so many other things

59:58

to talk about today We talked about people were

1:00:01

killed in anti-sorcery rituals. We just kind of we

1:00:03

just got Don't

1:00:05

believe these skip back that we skip back

1:00:07

the story the guy like good for us.

1:00:09

Oh, yes No, can we just talked about

1:00:11

cats? Yeah? Not even

1:00:14

in a bad way. I think

1:00:16

that I want to say we've grown up Yeah,

1:00:19

cuz we didn't attack cats. We didn't say cats

1:00:21

were stupid. What is me being? Pro

1:00:23

cat I like cats. I'm fine with cats. I

1:00:25

got a problem of cat No, we didn't even

1:00:27

get to the story of the Colorado grocery store

1:00:29

employee and cues of ejaculating on unsealed food items

1:00:31

And then a child bought a bunch of the

1:00:33

stuff that he would that he had splooged all

1:00:35

over and then he got 16 Child

1:00:38

16 accounts of like he's gonna be

1:00:40

a sex offender. I mean, of course

1:00:42

you jerking off on food in a grocery store

1:00:44

Honestly, I don't really understand who is sex offender.

1:00:46

What makes you hard about a sealed bag of

1:00:49

cereal? Honestly, I got a smell it to get

1:00:51

her. Oh, so he came unsealed stuff. I thought

1:00:53

you said unsealed. Oh Yeah,

1:00:55

yeah soon as you're gonna off on like grapefruit and stuff,

1:00:58

yeah, that's good. That's gonna

1:01:00

ruin it I've

1:01:04

got reached out to by a listener that was

1:01:07

like I want you to be the first one

1:01:09

to know I'm here I

1:01:11

can't tell you that Like

1:01:13

where I work or what I do But

1:01:16

I'd like I I needed you to

1:01:18

know that I'm on the ground floor And if you

1:01:20

want to reach out to somebody about this story Will

1:01:23

you like not mention me and say like

1:01:25

this is so you have you already mentioned

1:01:28

them too much? No, no No, no, not

1:01:30

at all. What's the story? Oh, we

1:01:32

also never covered. We never covered the Lude

1:01:36

moviegoer the guy who jerked off that

1:01:38

was found asleep with his dick out Should

1:01:44

be compliments to the chef. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:46

And that was for the the sexy the sexy

1:01:48

lesbian movie It's actually lesbian movie. I Don't

1:01:51

know who said that about them being grumpy I

1:01:53

don't remember what ever said I get these

1:01:55

people out there fucking hideous That

1:01:58

would say that no would say that Yeah, I can't believe

1:02:01

who would ever say that. Yeah,

1:02:03

can't even believe that. Love you people.

1:02:05

Thankfully this didn't happen on my day off. As

1:02:08

far as I can tell my co-workers are there that day

1:02:10

are more confused than anything and doing well. My

1:02:13

dad, mom and brother are also fans of the

1:02:15

show and in the off chance this would be

1:02:17

covered we would laugh our asses off. So it

1:02:19

just let you know that this the person here

1:02:21

we have front people we have people on the

1:02:23

front lines at the Camp Hill Chipotle. For

1:02:26

the guy the former

1:02:28

manager that just arrived naked.

1:02:30

Oh, and he just sat in the booth.

1:02:33

Former manager showed

1:02:35

up naked after he arrived.

1:02:37

Wow. Former manager. He was current manager. Oh

1:02:39

when he just showed up naked. Yeah, probably

1:02:41

on drugs or something. I don't know. I imagine

1:02:45

that's drugs. No,

1:02:47

yeah, you get so hot you take your clothes off.

1:02:49

No, you ever had a really great mint. Yeah.

1:02:52

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes that just drives

1:02:54

me up the wall. Okay, so

1:02:56

a manager exposed his generals and

1:02:59

masturbated publicly to Camp Hill Chipotle. Yeah Chipotle and

1:03:01

then yeah, we just say we got people out

1:03:03

there. You know, our front line. So one of

1:03:05

the co-workers hit you up and they're like, yo

1:03:07

my fucking boss jerked off in front of us.

1:03:09

I can tell you all about it. Yeah, and

1:03:12

I would say thank you. Yeah, so it's one out of

1:03:14

40 people there ratted out their manager. We would have never

1:03:16

known about them. I never would have

1:03:18

known. And now I know and I just want to say.

1:03:20

And it's on the show and a million people are going

1:03:22

to listen to it. Yes, and I just, you know, that's

1:03:24

why I want to reach out to our front line people

1:03:27

out there. Everybody always talks

1:03:29

about nurses and we don't even know. No, we

1:03:31

talk about it. But the

1:03:33

people that work at Chipotle, people who work at

1:03:35

these fast food restaurants, we know they're heroes and

1:03:38

how hard it is. I'm not a Chipotle guy. No, none

1:03:40

of us are. I don't like it. I don't like Chipotle

1:03:42

at all. But I still think that they're good people. Oh,

1:03:45

they are strong. They're the strongest of the

1:03:47

strong. People who work at fast food. My

1:03:49

God. Imagine how hard the people at Chipotle

1:03:51

get screamed at all day long. And

1:03:54

then you have your brother because then my partially thinks that

1:03:56

maybe it's because your boss didn't need to blow off steam.

1:04:00

You know, or maybe he decided I'm gonna have it

1:04:02

my way today. Mm-hmm, which is naked with my

1:04:04

dick out I'm gonna touch myself in front of

1:04:06

a bunch of customers. Yeah, and again, what do

1:04:08

you know as working at Chipotle? Customers always are

1:04:10

right. You know where this don't happen Jersey

1:04:12

Mike's That's hard because there's not a lot

1:04:14

of seats Jersey Mike

1:04:17

mostly is a takeaway sandwich So

1:04:20

it is not quite. Yeah, I mean so it

1:04:22

is we would be more difficult. Mm-hmm So

1:04:25

flutus oral skills On

1:04:28

the last episode of side stories you talked about whether or

1:04:30

not flutus Would be particularly adept at

1:04:32

cunnilingus and while I cannot speak to that I

1:04:34

can tell you about my time dating a trumpet

1:04:36

player in college at one point

1:04:39

I had to have a conversation with him banning him

1:04:41

from performing oral on me Because he

1:04:43

couldn't stop treating my clitoris like a

1:04:45

brass instrument And even I who played

1:04:47

trumpet for like two months in the sixth grade

1:04:49

before I quit Could tell that

1:04:51

he was using the same tongue motions and

1:04:53

it felt too ridiculous after that. Does

1:04:56

she feel kind of blue? Because

1:05:13

he was interleaving hickies But his insane

1:05:15

trumpet mouth muscles meant that half my

1:05:17

neck would be bruised to shit so

1:05:19

bad that I was mistaken for a

1:05:21

victim Of domestic abuse on multiple occasions

1:05:23

instead of just a lady who was

1:05:26

having what was otherwise pretty Okay sex

1:05:28

with a guy with chronic trumpet mouth. I

1:05:30

never understood the hickey thing. I

1:05:33

never did either It hurts. I could never

1:05:35

give a hickey because I could never suck

1:05:37

hard enough really I gave a hickey upon

1:05:39

request once in high school. Yeah, but

1:05:41

like it's just like weird I've never I'm

1:05:43

not a hickey person. I've never understood the

1:05:45

hickey thing. Yeah, I don't know why I

1:05:47

don't people like sucking on eggs I don't

1:05:49

like biting. I don't like hurting. I like

1:05:51

things to be pleasant and nice. Yeah, I

1:05:53

like it to be not I don't want

1:05:56

to be bit they can feel good look

1:05:58

good nor a sign of youthful reckless According

1:06:00

to BuzzFeed News, I mean of course

1:06:02

it's youthful recklessness. But what do you

1:06:04

mean they don't feel good? They hurt.

1:06:07

Yeah. Well they feel

1:06:09

good at all things. This is gross.

1:06:11

Hickeys can also be a sneaky fun

1:06:13

expression of sexuality for adults. What

1:06:16

does it even mean? A sneaky fun

1:06:18

expression. It's not sneaky fun. It's like a

1:06:21

hickey. Oh it's like you know, widows are

1:06:23

always getting hickeys. Does

1:06:26

this make me, does this make me a prude?

1:06:28

I mean like I like boobies out.

1:06:30

I like to see your butts. I'll see penises

1:06:32

and stuff. Like I like mesh. But

1:06:34

I don't want to see, I don't care about hickeys. I also

1:06:36

don't care if you have a hickey. I

1:06:38

think it's like saying I'm taking if you

1:06:40

have a hickey right? Not really. It

1:06:43

looks like you got taken last night. Yeah. But

1:06:45

then the rest of it's like you don't know where the

1:06:48

rest of your day is. It is always fun to see

1:06:50

someone with a hickey like working at a Chipotle or something.

1:06:52

Of course. Yeah. I

1:06:54

mean you're making it. I like to see a hickey.

1:06:56

That's a problem for me. Sometimes if you see a

1:06:58

high powered person with a hickey, looks

1:07:01

like you paid a sex worker. Maybe it says sex

1:07:03

worker's not alive anymore. If you're a high powered person

1:07:05

and you have a hickey, wear some makeup. Well

1:07:07

they do. Then why do you have a hickey?

1:07:10

If you don't want to show people the hickey. Well

1:07:12

that's someone else marking their territory. It's

1:07:16

called a wedding ring. Well that's free. I'll tell

1:07:18

you that much. Yeah. Tell

1:07:20

me about that brother. Yeah. That's

1:07:22

another fucking side story there,

1:07:24

friend. Look

1:07:27

at this. Hickeys can also be sort of a trophy. A

1:07:29

reminder of what you did last night at the Night before.

1:07:31

Yes they are. Of course.

1:07:33

But still, yeah. It's for children.

1:07:35

Hickeys can help release endorphins like oxycontin.

1:07:37

You know what else can endorphins like

1:07:39

oxytocin? Oxytocin. You

1:07:42

know what else releases endorphins like oxytocin? Kissing.

1:07:45

Having sex. Just normal sex. I

1:07:48

think spanks are bad. I like spanks better

1:07:50

than hickeys. Spanks like tight

1:07:52

underpants. That's

1:07:54

how I flatten my lines for acting. Yeah. But

1:07:57

I'm saying the action. Oh spanking. Yeah.

1:08:00

I don't even want to be spanked myself. I saw

1:08:02

spanks store at the airport. I was like, what?

1:08:04

It helps you want to see compression socks. I

1:08:07

do get the compression socks. Do we try these

1:08:09

compression masks? Oh,

1:08:12

they're great. They're just like, fuck it. They're so close

1:08:14

to being dead. Yeah. So nice. Such

1:08:17

a new welcome break. It's like peck of

1:08:19

the snowball. Yeah, right there. He just mashes

1:08:21

noses. I mean,

1:08:23

we're getting past Hickey's. I'm sure we're already getting

1:08:26

a lot of email on Hickey's. I'm

1:08:28

glad you read them. I'm not being without

1:08:31

a penis. Happening. It's happening. I'm ghost

1:08:33

story. I gotta go. Oh, here we go.

1:08:35

I'm here. I've had

1:08:37

a wild ride and seen the worst

1:08:39

of humanity for fun and profit. But

1:08:42

what follows is why I know without

1:08:44

question that ghosts are real. Okay.

1:08:47

I'm a divorce dad. Ugh. Ha

1:08:50

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:08:52

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. We

1:08:54

love you, buddy. Ha ha ha ha. We'll get there

1:08:56

soon. I had my kids for the weekend at a

1:08:59

new apartment. I wake up in

1:09:01

a full pull of gun mode in the middle

1:09:03

of the night, only to see my five-year-old son

1:09:05

sleepwalking the silhouetted in my doorway.

1:09:09

I catch my breath and I ask him if

1:09:11

everything is okay, thinking he's still asleep. He

1:09:14

responds with, the little kid

1:09:16

in my room won't stop laughing. And

1:09:19

I'm instantly on full alert. I

1:09:22

laugh nervously and get up to walking back to his room.

1:09:25

As we cross the threshold of his

1:09:27

door, every lizard brain danger instinct of

1:09:29

my body is fighting harder than I've

1:09:31

ever experienced. And it feels like I've

1:09:33

walked into a deep freezer. I

1:09:35

scooped up his brother, took them to

1:09:37

my room, and we sat up wide awake until daybreak.

1:09:39

Oh, I'm sure you were very comforting for them. Ha

1:09:41

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:09:43

ha. Were you divorced him because you jumped to conclusions?

1:09:45

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:09:47

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I

1:09:49

like this, Tom, with you. I'm

1:09:52

not a guy who spooked my bumps in the night.

1:09:54

Usually my job is to do the bumping.

1:09:56

Oh, come on. What does that mean? That's

1:09:58

fucking, cause he's saying. that he fucks a lot.

1:10:01

No, I don't know. Or does he fight? Are

1:10:04

you a divorce dab that's also a stripper

1:10:06

or a gigolo or something like that? Please,

1:10:08

side stories, LPOT, thegmail.com. We don't see enough

1:10:11

of that. You never see single male prostitute

1:10:13

with a heart of gold. I would love

1:10:15

that. Where is that? Where's it up? There

1:10:17

needs to be a reversed pretty woman. There

1:10:20

are some good men. Funny guy. There's

1:10:22

the Richard Gere movie. No, reverse it.

1:10:26

Lady with the guy. He played American Jigolo. No.

1:10:28

Yeah, but that was the joke. Wow, he was

1:10:30

in both of them. Whoa. I didn't think about

1:10:32

that. Crazy. Yeah, wow.

1:10:36

But still, I'd like this to be like, let a man be

1:10:38

treated nice. You know what I mean? Taking him out to

1:10:40

the mall so he wouldn't fit in his body. I don't know.

1:10:42

This guy seems like this is the last time he's going to

1:10:44

hang out with this kid. I like this. But

1:10:47

this had me shaking. Flash forward a

1:10:49

month or so. I'm taking the trash out

1:10:51

and the maintenance guy rolls up in his golf cart. He

1:10:53

asks if I want to have a beer. It's

1:10:55

not something I'd normally do, but there seemed

1:10:58

to be something familiar behind his dead eyes.

1:11:00

Yada, yada. He's a retired detective

1:11:04

and we swap fucked up life encounters. Drink

1:11:07

a case of Bud Heavies and smoke cheap cigars.

1:11:10

I get up to excuse myself for the evening and

1:11:12

the real ass gets blurted out. Hey,

1:11:14

do you mind if my

1:11:16

wife comes to look around your place? Confusion.

1:11:19

Do his bums what? I

1:11:21

replied. Turns out her

1:11:24

son is incarcerated along with his girlfriend because

1:11:26

the girlfriend's child aged three died

1:11:29

under unusual abusive circumstances

1:11:31

in my apartment. Specifically

1:11:33

what is now my kids room. Yeah,

1:11:36

sure. Thanks. Whatever I said. I fumbled as

1:11:38

I raced home to Google that shit. And

1:11:40

there it was all confirmed. I

1:11:42

haven't looked at things the same way again. It's

1:11:46

very interesting. It is interesting. I learned I made fun of

1:11:48

you buddy. It's a private job. No, no, no, he loves

1:11:50

it. Yeah. We'll all suck down beers together.

1:11:54

That makes a lot of sense. I love the idea

1:11:56

of getting to know your maintenance guy because that's how

1:11:58

you get leverage. Yeah, absolutely. And now

1:12:00

if you don't tip him, he's never gonna bring

1:12:02

beers back. No, you're gonna have to nag a

1:12:05

locked in for Christmas gift. Mm-hmm. You're locked in

1:12:07

for Thanksgiving mention. And that's fine, just

1:12:09

keep that up. Yeah. Um,

1:12:11

sorry about your haunted room. I think it's

1:12:13

awesome. So, congrats. Good work. Did

1:12:15

you ever think about shaving a cat, throwing it in

1:12:17

there, see what happens? Come on, let's try something new.

1:12:20

Be British for a while. Every

1:12:22

day. Love the fact that when I go and

1:12:25

I look at my dogs, I know if anybody's

1:12:27

shaving them, it's me. Mm-hmm. Right? And then I

1:12:29

laugh. Just think about someone coming to try to

1:12:31

shave their dogs against their will. Right? Just thinking

1:12:33

about what it'd be like because I know what

1:12:35

Wendy and Karmie might do. Just

1:12:38

let them do it. Oh my god, like

1:12:40

a full clockwork orange situation, but they just

1:12:42

shave your animals? We're

1:12:46

gonna live. Knowing

1:12:48

that that soon is gonna be real.

1:12:50

Try the wine! It's gonna happen. We're

1:12:53

gonna make it. Gonna

1:12:56

make it. Thank god. We learned a

1:12:58

lot today. What a

1:13:01

great episode. You want to see

1:13:03

us talk about and discover why lesbians are

1:13:05

grubby. Go to

1:13:07

patreon.com/last podcast on the left.

1:13:10

And you're gonna want to go and check

1:13:12

out TikTok at LP on the left. It's

1:13:14

almost gone, baby. We

1:13:16

might not have to plug this very much

1:13:18

longer. We'll find out hopefully soon. Why? You

1:13:20

just gonna eliminate the TikTok because no one

1:13:22

cares? No, TikTok might be going away. Oh,

1:13:24

TikTok might be going away. Yeah, I heard

1:13:26

about that. Bye-bye. We'll see

1:13:28

what happens. Oh, you want to go see

1:13:30

our show? We do it on

1:13:33

Twitch, twitch.tv slash LPNTV. It's

1:13:35

a lot of fun. And if you

1:13:37

want to go out there and see us

1:13:39

live, we're going to have a brand new

1:13:41

live show. I'm really excited for this. It's

1:13:43

gonna be amazing. We're gonna have a lot of fun. We're gonna

1:13:45

have some, just so you know, like on the lookout, we're gonna

1:13:47

have some tryout shows in LA. Kind

1:13:49

of like we've done in the past. So those will be

1:13:52

coming out. We're gonna be doing a little bit of a

1:13:54

run-up. We're gonna be doing some fun, special events. Look,

1:13:56

we're gonna look out for that. Not allowed to say

1:13:59

it yet. None of it has

1:14:01

been confirmed, but it is on its way.

1:14:03

But go and check out JK Ultra, the

1:14:05

tour, on Last Podcast on the left.com.

1:14:08

You can go to those live shows and go head it up wherever you're

1:14:11

going to be in your area. It's going to be fun. Yeah,

1:14:13

I can't wait to get the road with you guys. And

1:14:15

also just to write some new material with you, buddy. It's

1:14:17

been so long. I'm so happy to be doing

1:14:19

this shit. What do you think we did today? This

1:14:22

was Riff. This is Riff City.

1:14:24

What are you talking about? Each moment of

1:14:26

this show is so highly prepared.

1:14:29

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I gave away the

1:14:31

soup. Yeah. Yeah, no, nothing is different. Everything's

1:14:34

been scripted. I

1:14:36

get a Putin's guy sends

1:14:39

me a script each week. Yeah, he's

1:14:41

got two kids, one's in a haunted

1:14:43

bedroom. Love

1:14:46

this guy. New Brighterside

1:14:48

stories. Yes. Every

1:14:50

Wednesday coming out, you get done with this.

1:14:52

Go ahead and go over. And they have

1:14:55

the Brighterside stories. Every Wednesday, it's

1:14:57

going to start coming out. That's Amber Nelson and I

1:15:00

giving like a shorter episode where we go over

1:15:02

some of the week's good news and

1:15:04

things that made us happy. I love that.

1:15:06

Yeah, it was a nice short like 30 minute episodes. It

1:15:08

would be fun. I love it. And then this

1:15:11

Saturday, Tallahassee,

1:15:13

Florida. Oh, yeah, that's right. You're going to tell

1:15:15

them that. Yeah, I'm doing it, baby. This Saturday,

1:15:18

8 p.m., the

1:15:20

23rd of March, go

1:15:22

to Latter-day Night Fever

1:15:24

at Birds Afro-Dijiac. Oyster

1:15:26

Shack. I am so

1:15:28

excited to get sick on the oysters. Go

1:15:30

blow up this show. Seriously, if you're in

1:15:32

the Florida area, no one has any idea

1:15:35

that he's coming. The guy who... What? I'm

1:15:38

the host now. You got promoted to the host?

1:15:40

I got promoted to host. What? No, that's a

1:15:42

demotion. Well, I mean, you went from headlining. No,

1:15:44

I was never the headliner. John Strickland's always been

1:15:46

the headliner. It's his birthday. He's going to fucking

1:15:48

crush it. Got it. All right. And then I

1:15:50

know John Strickland. I have no idea. These people.

1:15:52

Okay, good, good, good. This is

1:15:54

going to blow up this show.

1:15:56

Yeah. Go show up at Birds

1:15:58

Afro-Dijiac Oyster Shack. It's got a big

1:16:01

pink sign our boy Evan Rossi did a set

1:16:03

there last week. He said it was awesome. Great

1:16:06

It's gonna be a lot of fun comedian Mitch

1:16:08

is also on the show and I like better

1:16:10

than finding out what you are with just your

1:16:12

name But

1:16:15

yeah, I can't wait to host this show we're gonna

1:16:17

have so much fun and just come

1:16:19

hang out me I'll give you a brighter

1:16:21

side sticker and maybe maybe if I remember

1:16:23

to put in my luggage Yeah, but I

1:16:25

love you guys. This has been so much

1:16:28

fun. He'll say hail Satan again,

1:16:30

thank you. Yeah sure. Fuck. Yeah, I guess it's

1:16:32

fine. I'm so excited I'm so excited to give

1:16:34

me funny and tell me honestly go to Gordo's

1:16:36

and tell me how I heard Gordo's dropped off

1:16:38

But I'm gonna go test it out. Anyway, yeah,

1:16:40

tell me no, and that's three still there Guthrie's

1:16:43

might be gone But Kings

1:16:45

barbecues. Oh The

1:16:47

Leon pub so you might catch me at those

1:16:49

places. All right cool sweet. All right. Well, see

1:16:52

you next week fuckers. Goodbye This

1:16:59

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