Love, Unboxed: for the Hopeful Romantic

Hopeful Romantic Call of the Week is from Teddy 

Subject: Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships

Do you ever worry you could scare someone off if you tell them what you feel too early in a relationship? Our Hopeful Romantic Call of the Week is from Teddy.  He expresses concerned that his girlfriend could end the relaitonship if he shares how he feels too soon. Dr. Colleen provides some information on anxious attachment styles and then gives Teddy some advice on how he can be more secure in his relationship. 

I recorded this episode on Valentine's Day so I started the episode with a special message for you. 

The Unboxing! 

Today, we're delving into a crucial question: How soon is too soon to express your feelings in a new relationship? To explore this, we'll examine attachment styles, particularly focusing on the anxious-ambivalent attachment style.

Attachment styles, rooted in our early experiences, shape how we connect with others. John Bowlby's pioneering work highlighted four main attachment styles: secure, anxious-ambivalent, anxious-avoidant, and disorganized. These styles influence how we perceive and form relationships throughout our lives.

Anxious-ambivalent individuals often fear abandonment and rejection, seeking reassurance from their partners. They may struggle with self-esteem and fear being perceived as clingy. Our caller, Teddy, exemplifies this attachment style, expressing concerns about expressing his feelings too soon and potentially driving his partner away.

For Teddy and others navigating similar feelings, it's essential to understand that expressing emotions early in a relationship isn't inherently wrong. However, it's crucial to assess whether these feelings stem from genuine connection or anxious attachment.

Building a secure attachment takes time and self-awareness. It involves being patient, allowing the relationship to evolve naturally, and giving space for mutual growth. Constant contact and seeking reassurance may hinder rather than nurture the bond.

Effective communication is key. Expressing your feelings authentically while respecting your partner's pace fosters a healthy dynamic. Remember, it's okay for your partner's response to differ from yours. What matters is creating a safe space for open dialogue and mutual understanding.

Ultimately, Teddy and anyone navigating anxious attachment can cultivate security by challenging fears, managing emotions, and fostering trust over time. Self-awareness and patience are powerful tools on the journey to a fulfilling, secure relationship.

More Resources from Dr. Colleen 

• My Mindful Reflections: A Daily Journal for Better Mental Health (get it on Amazon) -  This is a journal designed by Dr. Colleen.  You can use it to track your emotions, highlight  special moments, learn from difficult ones , let go of daily steam through daily narrative pages , and even learn to give yourself permission to take a break.
• Do you want to hire Dr. Colleen to help you?  Please check out her therapy & consulting page at CoachingThroughChaos.com

Upcoming Workshops in 2024

Date Differently  - for the singlles who want to break free from past relationship obstacles. 

Love Them More  - for those in committed relationships who  want to  protect their relationship from future obstacles. 

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Disclaimer

This show exists only for educational and/or entertainment purposes.  Although Dr. Mullen is a licensed therapist, in the capacity of  her show hosting duties, she is not your therapist. This show is not meant as a replacement for therapy.  

Resources for Finding a Mental Health Professional in the U.S. 

1. Therapy Den
2. Psychology Today
3. Mental Health Matters
4. Therapy for Black Girls
5. Dial 211 to be connected to a Social Services Helpline in your area that can provide you with information on menatl health resources in your area.
6. The National Suicide Prevention Helpline.  or call 988    If you, or someone you love is thinking about suicide, they are there to help.

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