A lot of ladies are external processors. They need to talk things out in order to make sense of the emotions and thoughts they have in their mind. Sometimes ladies will bring up things from the past, not because they want to hurt their husband, but because it reminds them about something that is going on in the present and they are trying to make sense of it. 

A lot of husbands have a desire to be good at being a husband. When the wife comes to them to talk about a problem, they often feel like the wife is signaling that they are doing a bad job. This results in the husband getting instantly defensive. When this happens, the conversation goes awry and the wife is not able to talk through and organize her thoughts. 

If the husband can refrain from thinking that the wife is signaling that he is a bad husband, then he can do a better job at listening to his wife. If he can ask her questions about how she is feeling/thinking this can help her organize her thoughts. When she feels like her emotions are valid and her thoughts are organized, then she can put the thoughts to bed by coming up with a quick solution. 

This pattern of interaction doesn't apply to everyone. People are different. Not every lady is an external processor. This situation does happen enough that I thought I'd mention it on this podcast. 

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