Transforming broken relationships using mindfulness is the topic today because my listener, Monica, responded to my request on a previous show. I asked listeners to send in show topic requests and then I'd send out a Mindfulness Mode mug to the person who submitted the topic I chose. That is Monica.
Having interviewed over 600 guests for Mindfulness Mode, I’ve certainly gained a lot of expertise on how mindfulness can help a lot of aspects of your life. I don’t consider myself a relationship expert, but I do know that mindfulness can make a huge difference when interacting with people and when building and growing relationships.
Thinking way back, I remember my first wife getting really angry with me and taking off her ring, dropping it in my shirt pocket, and then telling me in no uncertain terms what I could do and where I could go.
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If I had known then what I know now, I would have handled the situation completely differently. What led up to that emotional explosion, would have been different too. I would have used my mindfulness skills to be better connected so that she knew I had no intention of being a schmuck.
In spite of that memory, the marriage was mostly positive with very few disagreements. The reason the marriage ended was not because we didn’t get along.
I’ve now been married over 20 years to an amazing woman and the mother of our son. She’s taught me a lot about relationships and, interestingly, so has my son.
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Mindfulness definitely takes a central role in what I’ve learned about making relationships work.
Here are seven important points about using mindfulness to improve broken relationships.
1/ Believe in You - You are enough, you are a gift, you are meant to be here, you are talented and valuable. Learn to love yourself and your relationships will prosper.
2/ Listen with your whole self – Listen with your eyes, with your body language, with your words. Repeat things back, practice every day being a great listener.
3/ Be A Giver (Give 110%) - Giving is what feeds us. Have you ever noticed that if you are feeling down and you decide to help someone or be a giver, then you immediately start to feel better? It’s true. Being a giver helps you and the other person.
Learn To Forgive
4/ Forgive – If you’re not able to forgive people for things, you probably aren’t able to forgive yourself for some of the things you’ve done. We traditionally think that forgiving is for the other person, but it is actually a huge benefit to you. Forgiveness allows you to let go of anger and pain that has been holding you back.
5/ View others with compassion. – If you pay attention to your inner voice, you will notice that you sometimes judge others or situations and you may be missing some compassion at times. If you practice viewing everyone and everything with compassion, your relationships will begin to change. The way you think will begin to change. You will start to feel more fulfilled, more content, and happier.
6/ Honesty – Be honest with yourself. When making commitments to yourself, don’t cheat. Be true to yourself. Being truly honest with others will help your relationships as well. Practice being more honest in your life and it will have huge benefits.
7/ Practice Gratitude – Be grateful, even for the little things. Sometimes we dwell on what is going wrong, or what is holding us back, and we might say to ourselves, I don’t have anything to be grateful for right now. Step back a bit and be thankful. Consider using a gratitude journal. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for every morning when you first wake up.
If I had known these seven Mindfulness Tips about relationships, my ex-wife would never have dropped her ring in my shirt pocket, and life would have been different. But it’s not too late for YOU to make a difference with your relationships and start practicing these tips every day.
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