0:00

Hi everyone, it's Kelsey McKinney. And

0:02

Alex Sujong-Loslin from Normal Gossip,

0:04

the podcast where we anonymize real

0:06

gossip and tell it back to you. And I'm

0:09

Kaitlin Pierce from Hang Up, a reality

0:11

dating show with no rings attached.

0:13

We're here together now because our shows are part

0:15

of Radiotopia from PRX, but the three

0:17

of us, we go way back. Oh yeah,

0:20

so Alex and I used to work together

0:22

and I actually produced the pilot

0:24

of Normal Gossip when it was just a twinkle

0:27

in her mother's eye. CBT.

0:29

We love it. So it's

0:32

no surprise that we ended up together in

0:34

the same place making fun, silly

0:37

little shows that we love. Radiotopia

0:40

supports us in making the exact shows

0:42

we wanna make on our own terms.

0:44

And that's why we're here, because we need you to support

0:47

Radiotopia so we can keep making the episodes

0:49

you can't wait to listen to. To do

0:51

that, visit radiotopia.fm

0:54

slash donate. And when you donate, you'll

0:56

get a link to a special mix tape. We

0:58

put all our favorite

0:59

songs together in a playlist just for you.

1:02

Again, that's radiotopia.fm

1:05

slash donate. Thank you so much

1:07

for your support.

1:08

Hi, and welcome to Normal

1:10

Gossip. I'm

1:17

Kelsey McKinney. In each episode of this

1:19

podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel

1:22

of gossip from the real world. I

1:24

am so excited to have with me today,

1:26

Amanda Montel. Amanda

1:29

Montel is a writer and linguist

1:31

from Baltimore. She is the author of the

1:33

acclaimed books, Word Slud and Cultish,

1:36

and the forthcoming, The Age of Magical

1:38

Overthinking. Along with hosting

1:40

the podcast Sounds Like a Cold, her writing has appeared

1:42

in the New York Times, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan

1:45

and

1:45

more. She holds a degree in linguistics

1:47

from NYU and lives in Los Angeles with her

1:50

partner, Plants and Pets. You can find

1:52

her on Instagram at at Amanda Montel. Amanda,

1:54

welcome. Oh my God. It's

1:58

been too long.

1:59

It's been what, a week since we were

2:03

on a Zoom together? Yeah,

2:05

and that was already too long because

2:07

the life that I spent

2:10

without knowing you wasn't

2:13

right likewise. Okay,

2:18

Amanda, can you tell

2:20

me, start me off with the classic first question, tell me what your

2:22

relationship with gossip is? Yeah,

2:25

oh my god. Well, my relationship with gossip

2:27

is actually a little bit formal. Because

2:30

I did write about it,

2:32

a kskosh, in my first book of

2:34

words. You sure fucking did. So

2:38

yeah, I would say there

2:40

are a lot of negative connotations

2:43

associated with gossip. I

2:45

think, I don't love

2:48

the concept of shit talking

2:50

for truly no reason because

2:53

something called, I'm sure you've heard of it, spontaneous

2:56

trade transfer insekers, where

2:59

you start to take on the qualities of the person

3:01

you're shit talking in the eyes of your interlocutor.

3:04

So I try to avoid it. But

3:06

I do love in general,

3:09

purposeful gossip for

3:12

the purposes of trading information,

3:16

establishing in group values. And

3:18

if there are some casualties

3:21

in the spirit of doing that, and

3:23

if people think you're a little bit of a bitch,

3:26

you know, who's to say

3:28

whether or not you're wrong? Well, that's just their

3:30

misogyny. Yeah, exactly.

3:32

I heard

3:34

that you brought a gossip

3:37

for me. Is that true? Oh my god, it is.

3:39

Oh my god. Oh, can I have it? Yeah,

3:42

of course. This is my favorite story

3:44

to tell. And if

3:47

I may, it's a piece

3:49

of gossip that reflects

3:52

actually like really, really, really well on

3:54

everyone in the story except me.

3:59

That

4:00

still counts as gossip. Gossip doesn't

4:03

have to be salty,

4:05

right? It can be flattering. I don't think

4:07

so. Yeah. So I worked

4:09

as a beauty editor for a very long time and

4:12

I interviewed a lot of celebrities about

4:14

their beauty routines and

4:16

I very smugly determined

4:19

that that had made me impervious

4:21

to being starstruck. I have this bias

4:23

about myself too and it's because I've never

4:25

felt

4:26

starstruck. And I think if you've never felt

4:28

starstruck, it's easy to be like, I'm

4:29

actually built different. Yeah.

4:32

This is what happened. At some point last

4:35

year, it was 2022, I attended

4:37

a dinner and a movie

4:40

at home party, very casual get

4:42

together at the home of

4:44

kind of like a famous director. Okay, famously

4:46

you live in Los Angeles. Yeah, exactly.

4:49

I live in LA, so it comes up, it comes up.

4:52

And so I show up to this party,

4:54

I'm feeling very chill. I'm wearing

4:57

literally leggings. I look full

4:59

millennial cringe. I'm just like, it's a casual

5:02

event and everyone's like putting

5:04

together a little dinner plate for themselves, sitting

5:06

at the table. I'm like, great, chill vibes.

5:09

I put together a plate for myself. I sit

5:11

at this fairly small glass table.

5:14

I look up and my

5:17

organs shut down because

5:19

who is right across from me, but

5:22

the father, the son, the Holy Spirit,

5:24

Daniel Radcliffe. Oh no, Alex

5:26

is gonna have a conniption fit when she hears

5:29

this. He's six inches from me. He's

5:31

six inches from me. And like, I loved

5:34

Harry Potter growing up. Okay. I'm

5:36

not like a Potter head, don't you

5:38

think? I also think Daniel Radcliffe

5:41

is a particularly jarring celebrity

5:43

to be confronted with because he's

5:45

so, so famous, but

5:48

also does not read the same way

5:50

as

5:50

some of these famous people, right? Like

5:52

he doesn't read as structured,

5:54

as serious as

5:57

all of these things. So you're like, he could maybe be

5:59

my friend.

5:59

Right? Totally.

6:02

And also we're size compatible.

6:04

I have a bias for people who are as short

6:06

as me. But

6:10

you're size compatible. Daniel

6:12

Radcliffe has seated himself in front of also

6:14

glass table makes this complicated because

6:17

if your hands are sweaty, you can't hide

6:19

them. Like you're in trouble. I know.

6:21

And also like glass tables don't

6:23

absorb any sound. So I'm like rickety

6:26

with my hair, you know? Well,

6:30

of course he's so fucking nice.

6:32

And he just looks up and he's like, hi, I'm Dan. And

6:34

I was like,

6:35

I don't think I said my name.

6:38

And I

6:40

like looked away. I looked into my food.

6:42

I was like eating cauliflower very quietly.

6:45

Like not in my body, like

6:47

not knowing what to do. So

6:50

now it's time

6:52

to put our plates in the sink and

6:55

go watch the movie. This is a liturgy

6:57

that I understand dinner is over. We

6:59

go to watch movie now. Yeah.

7:02

But I'm not I'm not. I'm not going on

7:04

your little date. Like

7:07

everyone else in the room, like completely

7:09

disappeared. Sorry,

7:12

a little sound effect for the fun. OK,

7:16

I'm like, OK, OK, OK. And I like pick up my

7:18

plate and I notice that Dan, OK,

7:20

first name, Dan,

7:24

he introduces up as Dan, Dan,

7:26

Dan. So he

7:28

is now standing in the

7:30

kitchen with his plus one

7:33

speaking to a fellow

7:35

guest who I guess was better at keeping

7:38

her shit together than me, because it seemed like they had just

7:40

met for the first time and we're now engaged in normal conversation,

7:42

which I was incapable of doing. Now, there's

7:45

a problem because they are

7:47

standing. Oh, no. I mean, the kitchen

7:50

island and the cabinet and I

7:52

need to throw your. Yeah, you

7:54

need to get rid of your plate. Yeah, I

7:56

need to walk by. So a normal

7:59

person. under normal circumstances

8:02

would walk by and say like, oh, excuse me. So

8:04

sorry, excuse me. Yeah, hey, sorry, like just

8:06

need to get to the sink or whatever. What did you say,

8:08

Amanda? But I walked by and

8:10

I,

8:12

first of all burst out in a jingle. No,

8:16

I don't know why my brain was like, sing

8:19

what you're gonna sing. I mean, just sing it.

8:22

I walked by, I'm like nervous

8:25

retelling this story. Like I'm having a hot seat. I

8:27

can tell. Oh fuck.

8:29

Okay. I walked by and

8:32

I go, boop, boop, boop, boop, potter

8:34

me. Ah. I

8:40

said, potter me. Potter

8:44

me. Potter me. No.

8:48

Yes.

8:48

I didn't just say, oh, pardon me.

8:50

I,

8:51

I, sorry.

8:54

I walked by and I burst

8:56

into song and I think

8:58

what actually happened too was that my

9:01

brain scrambled all the data

9:03

that it's gathered about Daniel Radcliffe. We

9:05

know he's Harry Potter and I have

9:07

seen him on Broadway twice. Yes. And

9:10

so you know that he can't, yes. You know he

9:12

sings. Yes. I know he sings, so I

9:14

burst out into song, much like characters

9:17

in a musical too. Nothing makes

9:19

me more relatable to someone than embodying

9:21

their career question

9:22

mark.

9:25

I was, I truly like single white

9:27

female of him. I like

9:30

effectively like stripped off his

9:32

skin and wearing it. I'm dying. By

9:35

reflecting his entire IMDB page

9:37

back then. I was like, you know, one line song. Yeah.

9:41

I went, oh, bop, bop, excuse me, potter

9:43

me. And it was kind of British. And it was kind

9:45

of British too. Yeah,

9:50

it was fucking British too. You

9:54

were just like, are there any shovels around here

9:56

I could dig myself a grave with?

9:59

Yeah, no, honestly, the sink

10:02

at this Hollywood director's house was

10:04

so large, I genuinely considered

10:06

crawling into it. Just die in there?

10:09

Yeah. I was like, fuck. Me.

10:15

Yeah, so I said, boop, boop, boop, excuse me, potter

10:17

me, in a British accent, no less. And

10:20

then I walked into the kitchen,

10:22

put my plate in the sink, face palms.

10:26

You know when you make a very sort of farcical, slapstick

10:29

gesture in real life? I face palmed,

10:31

I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, I

10:33

will never come back from this. But

10:37

I really do hope to cross paths with him again

10:39

someday to further redeem myself,

10:42

and also just because I really like him. Yeah,

10:44

I guess if you know Daniel Radcliffe, simply we'll

10:46

just send this to him. Here you go.

10:50

Do you remember this? Dan,

10:52

do you remember this? Do you remember?

10:55

I hope not, but I guess I

10:58

can't be that ashamed if I'm sharing it with

11:00

the normal gossip crowd. That's so true.

11:01

We thank you for your vulnerability

11:04

and honesty. Thank you so much.

11:07

It's really hard all year to be bony. Thank

11:09

you.

11:20

Room Abusive is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether

11:22

you love true crime or comedy, celebrity

11:25

interviews or news, you call the shots

11:27

on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what?

11:30

Now you can call them on your auto insurance too with

11:32

the Name Your Price tool from Progressive. It

11:34

works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive

11:36

how much you want

11:37

to pay for car insurance, and they'll show you coverage options

11:39

that fit your budget. Get your quote today

11:40

at Progressive.com to join the

11:43

over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Progressive

11:45

Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price

11:48

and coverage match, limited by state law.

11:59

Have you done your general health screening?

12:02

Have you done your like dermatology

12:04

appointment? And I was like, oh shit, I

12:07

haven't done my dermatology appointment.

12:09

And then I clicked on that and it was like, here, let us help

12:11

you find a dermatologist. And I was like, wow,

12:13

ZocDoc is my mother now. And I love

12:15

her very much. ZocDoc is a free

12:18

app where you can find amazing doctors and

12:20

book appointments online. We're talking about booking appointments

12:22

with thousands of top rated patient

12:25

reviewed doctors and specialists. You can filter

12:27

specifically for ones who take your insurance

12:29

are located near you and treat almost any

12:31

condition you're searching for. Once you find the desk

12:34

you want, you can book them immediately with

12:36

just a few tap taps. No more waiting

12:38

on hold with the receptionist, which is great because

12:40

that's very awkward. And

12:42

the way you can do that is by going to ZocDoc.com

12:45

slash gossip and download the ZocDoc app

12:47

for free, then find and book a

12:49

top rated doctor today. That's

12:52

Z-O-C-D-O-C.com

12:54

slash gossip. ZocDoc.com

12:57

slash gossip.

13:00

This story is taking place like pre-COVID.

13:03

We're talking

13:05

like mid 2010s. Fancy by Iggy and Zelia

13:07

at the top of the charts. It's that era of the

13:09

world. Holy shit. OK, so this

13:12

is not like the best era of time to graduate from

13:14

college. There are no jobs on the market. And

13:17

our friend of a friend, Adele, knows

13:18

that intimately. She

13:20

gets this like hourly, weekly, weekly,

13:22

weekly,

13:23

weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly,

13:26

weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly,

13:28

weekly, weekly, weekly, weekly,

13:30

weekly. And she's

13:33

like, I'm going to lose my fucking mind. Sure.

13:35

Sure. When you begin doing this, you often

13:38

create a fantasy life for yourself in the future

13:40

that you can obsess over. For some people, that

13:43

is grad school.

13:43

For Adele, it is Europe.

13:47

And she's like, if I could just move to Europe,

13:50

I could have anything I want. I still

13:52

believe that. Yeah,

13:54

exactly. And she's like, I don't have the money to

13:56

just go over there.

13:57

You know there are people after college who just go to Europe?

13:59

somehow in her there for like months. She's

14:02

like, I can't do that. But like, that's

14:04

what I want is to be in Europe. Do

14:06

you have any ideas

14:07

for how she could be in Europe?

14:10

Woofing? Okay. Do

14:13

they woof there? Do they woof? I'm sure they do.

14:15

Yeah, you can work on a farm and be put

14:17

up for free. So that

14:20

is one option. I can think of like

14:23

a sort of, no, you can't do an

14:25

exchange anymore by the time you've graduated.

14:30

Escorting? Great idea.

14:32

What you're doing this kind of iterative process

14:34

is what Adele is doing every single day when she

14:36

gets home from work, right? Like what are the ways

14:39

that I could go to Europe?

14:40

So one day she has a particularly bad day at

14:42

her shift. She has like two glasses of wine.

14:45

She's Googling on

14:46

her computer. Move to Europe American.

14:49

Europe grad school? Move

14:52

to Europe Visa? Yeah.

14:54

Find European spouse, how?

14:57

Well,

14:58

now all of a sudden she's like rearranging

15:00

her sentences with Yoda. Yeah.

15:03

She falls asleep on the couch

15:05

Googling. She wakes up in the morning and her computer

15:07

is open to a website.

15:09

On the website is

15:11

a like beautiful young woman

15:14

holding a kid on her hip. Behind

15:17

her, the most beautiful couple Adele has ever

15:19

seen in her entire life. Underneath

15:22

them is the tagline, simply,

15:24

safely, directly.

15:26

Okay. And a button

15:29

that says find your au pair family

15:32

today. Oh,

15:34

duh, duh. Fucking

15:38

duh. Because so many of my

15:40

friends established themselves

15:42

in Los Angeles by nannying

15:45

for the wealthy. Oh, yes. It's

15:48

a pretty good option

15:50

in some ways. But what do you think about au

15:52

pairing as an option for our girl, Lena, Adele?

15:55

Okay. I admittedly do not

15:58

fully understand the difference between. nannying,

16:01

au pairing. I'm not sure

16:03

like what you're truly signing

16:06

your name in the devil's book for. Okay,

16:08

so the big difference, nannies do

16:10

not live with you generally. Right,

16:13

right. Nannies live somewhere else. Au

16:15

pairs usually live with you. And

16:18

in the like international au

16:20

pair situation, you can

16:24

get visas

16:24

for au pairs, which you can't necessarily

16:26

do for nannies. Do I understand the

16:29

exact

16:29

legal requirements of this? No. Adele

16:33

fucks around on this website for a little while. She's

16:35

like, hmm, I don't really

16:37

love children, but I'm

16:39

like indifferent to them. Like I have

16:42

a younger sister. Like maybe

16:45

this would be fine. Mm-hmm. She's

16:47

like, would it be crazy to make a profile?

16:49

She's like, nah, I'll just I'll

16:51

do it anyway. I'll just do it as a bit. Once you make

16:53

a profile, you specify things like where

16:55

you're from, what your gender identity is,

16:58

what countries you want to au pair in and like

17:00

the start dates and how long you can stay. So

17:03

Adele makes a profile and kind of the way this works is

17:05

like people are searching

17:06

for each other. So like you can search

17:08

for families and families can search for you and

17:10

then you can message each other. Mm-hmm.

17:13

She's like, what countries do I want to go to? Checks

17:15

every single country in Western

17:17

Europe, except Austria, because

17:19

she didn't like the sound of music.

17:20

So she's like, these are the countries I would

17:22

like to go to. She

17:24

begins scrolling.

17:26

When you pick a family, you can see things

17:28

about what they're searching for. Like, do they want you to

17:30

do housework? Do their children have special

17:32

needs?

17:32

Do they have pets? Do they smoke?

17:34

Right. All these things. It's like for

17:37

Adele, it is essentially fulfilling the emotional

17:39

requirement that some people use Petfinder.com

17:42

for. Yeah. You're just like, oh, cute.

17:44

Look at this potential life I could have. It's

17:46

escapism. I am now going to share

17:50

something with you.

17:51

Oh, wow. Multimedia presentation.

17:54

Can you see this? Oh,

17:56

yes, I can. Okay.

17:58

Can you please describe

17:59

to the listener what it is that you're seeing.

18:03

I am seeing what looks to be

18:05

a stock image of

18:08

a white blonde

18:11

woman who looks like she

18:14

auditioned to be in the movie Get Out.

18:17

Uh huh. And her husband, who looks like he

18:19

is really

18:24

into celery juice. He's

18:27

a white man as well with a

18:30

hairline that's still doing the most. Great.

18:34

They are holding children

18:37

whose bodies suggest the ages of

18:39

one and a half and

18:42

four.

18:45

But their faces are

18:47

blocked out. So my data is limited.

18:50

Respect the blocking out of the faces. But

18:52

again, it looks like a stock photo. I've never

18:54

seen a genuine photo of a family that

18:56

is lit or posed this way.

18:59

And then the listing is

19:02

for a family of two children, one and six. What

19:04

does that fucking

19:07

mean? I don't know. Oh,

19:09

they're one and six. So my guesses were wrong. Well,

19:11

what am I getting this was right. Oh, that's a small six

19:13

year old.

19:15

Very height compatible with me. Um,

19:20

okay, they live in Germany. But

19:23

their nationality is Canadian and German.

19:25

I'm gonna guess that the wife is German.

19:28

That's what I'm looking at there. The duration

19:30

stays 12 months.

19:32

And should I read the ad? You

19:35

can read that. Yes. Okay. So

19:37

it says, Dear au pair, hello

19:40

potential au pairs. We are looking

19:42

to complete our family with a creative,

19:44

thoughtful English speaking au pair.

19:47

Our ideal au pair is genuine patient

19:49

led by her heart and possesses

19:51

an entrepreneurial spirit.

19:54

She should have a passion for cleaning, organizing

19:56

and young children. This doesn't seem like

19:58

the right fit for Adele, by the way. No,

20:02

not that

20:04

I'm suggesting that Adele is not creative and

20:06

thoughtful, and I'm pretty sure she's an English speaker,

20:09

but I don't know about the

20:11

patient and passion for

20:14

young children

20:16

parts because she's like, she

20:19

wants her life to fucking start already

20:21

and she doesn't even really like kids.

20:23

So I don't know. I don't know about this.

20:25

They say our son will be your main responsibility,

20:28

but his sister will sometimes be around.

20:30

It is our hope, sometimes be around, where else will

20:32

she be? It is our hope, me 36,

20:36

my husband 40, to find someone who

20:38

can support the whole household in all

20:40

our seasons, rhythms, and

20:42

endeavors. I wonder what kind of rhythms they're

20:45

referring to. Who can know? Do

20:47

you have any takeaways from this listing?

20:51

Any feelings or words that scare you?

20:53

Yeah,

20:53

so first of all, I

20:55

get a little scared whenever

20:58

people refer to phases

21:01

of their life as seasons because

21:03

it feels very New Age evangelical.

21:06

Yes. That

21:08

language is fully in the dialect

21:11

of contemporary evangelicalism. It's

21:13

giving like, this is on my heart.

21:16

This is the season for testifying. I

21:19

don't fucking know. I don't speak it. Exactly.

21:22

You're doing a good interpretation. Thank you. My

21:25

nitpicky thing about this listing is the phrase

21:27

complete our family. Oh,

21:29

complete our family. Oh my God, I totally missed it because it was so

21:32

early. Because I'm

21:34

like, you're hiring someone.

21:37

Right, right. People who work

21:39

for you are inherently not family.

21:42

Oh my God, I completely, I was so distracted

21:44

by the rest of it. Totally

21:48

that I forgot about the first line. Complete

21:51

our family is demonic. That

21:53

is inexcusable. Complete

21:55

our family. It sounds like the completion

21:58

process, which is a Tilswan cult. thing.

22:01

That's scary. I'm scared. Yeah, complete

22:03

our family. I'm totally scared. On the left side

22:05

of this page that you're looking at, there

22:08

are two sections. It's like what we're searching for

22:10

and related info. Can you

22:12

just scan that really quickly and see if there's anything

22:14

in there that you don't like?

22:17

I mean, they love smoking, which

22:19

like in Europe, a Sigi from time

22:21

to time. Classic. I can't knock

22:23

it. I can't knock it. They

22:26

want someone who's obsessed with cleaning,

22:29

but they smoke around their kids.

22:32

The household probably

22:35

smells a little. It sounds

22:37

tough to clean. Okay,

22:40

okay, okay. The left side. Housework required.

22:43

We've had au pairs before. I'm

22:46

so unfamiliar with like the au pair

22:50

industrial complex that I

22:52

don't make great job. Yeah, I don't even

22:54

know what red flags to look for necessarily, but I

22:56

am not as scared as you were during my

22:58

day on a Radcliffe story, but I'm starting to feel a chill.

23:01

Okay, great. Her only problem

23:03

with this is that it starts in

23:05

like two weeks. Okay,

23:08

quick turnaround is a quick turnaround, but

23:11

her pro is she's

23:13

like, I've always wanted

23:14

to go to Oktoberfest.

23:16

Sure. Germany, that sounds like a blast.

23:20

What do you think? Do you think she

23:22

should reach out? How are you feeling? No,

23:24

I think, again,

23:28

Adele, it's like no shade. But when

23:30

you're very internally

23:33

motivated

23:34

by your own sense

23:36

of adventure, your own

23:38

wanderlust, oh, God, what a cringy

23:41

word. I've never used that word in my entire

23:43

life.

23:45

But if you're motivated by like

23:47

a void you need to fill. And for

23:49

her, it feels like boredom,

23:51

listlessness, lack of purpose.

23:54

And someone's kids are involved.

23:57

And you're kind of just like, I want to go to Oktoberfest

23:59

and I want to go to the want to go right now. It's feeling

24:02

like a bad match. You know, those are all

24:04

great points. Adele is not going to heed

24:06

any of them. She is ignoring all of your good points.

24:08

She's like, well, what if I just message them and

24:11

we just see how it goes? Okay. This

24:14

is how I am with tattoos, by the

24:16

way. Like, I have a lot

24:18

of tattoos. And the reason for that

24:21

is because I get a little bug in my head. And I'm

24:23

like, what if I just like drove

24:25

past the tattoo place? And now

24:27

for your sake. Yeah. And

24:30

then without a doubt, the end

24:32

of the day rolls around and I have a fucking seashell

24:34

tattooed on myself. Yeah, that's I also

24:36

have that exact same brain disease, which is

24:39

nice for us. Adele

24:42

messages them and she's like getting

24:45

info about what they're going to do, what they're going to pay, what

24:47

her life would be like there. And she finds out

24:49

that she'll make more money per week than

24:51

her current

24:52

hourly job. Okay.

24:54

So she's like, okay, little more money. She

24:57

finds out that they'll provide her a bedroom

24:59

with like an ensuite bathroom

25:01

and food. I love that. I love food and

25:03

I love a convenient toilet.

25:06

She will do her au pair job for like 20 hours

25:08

a week

25:10

and tidy up and stuff.

25:11

Adele, you know, she's never had like a real full

25:14

time job. She has no sense of work life balance. So

25:16

she's like, this seems fine.

25:18

She learns that she'll only be in charge of the

25:20

older child because the baby has its

25:22

own au pair. Whoa.

25:25

And she's like, okay, great. I

25:27

love these parents are just like,

25:29

uh, we're gonna hire

25:33

some, we hire

25:35

some young people to take care of our individual babies

25:37

individually. And we're just gonna go off and

25:40

smoke some young Americans. Let's

25:42

get some young Americans in here. What could go wrong? Yeah.

25:45

The mom, we're gonna call her

25:47

Camille. Camille tells her on the phone that

25:49

she has a burgeoning yoga

25:51

business. And then

25:54

if Adele wants to make any extra money,

25:56

she is welcome to help out with that. So there's like

25:58

a second optional revenue stream.

26:01

Oh, God, no, no, this is really bad.

26:03

This is why. What is it about? What is

26:05

it about the yoga that has like turned you? No,

26:09

it's because if you're

26:11

a German white lady

26:13

who wants to start a cold, you're going to

26:16

fill it with yoga

26:18

and babies,

26:18

period. No,

26:21

that's really bad.

26:23

If you're a doll and you are

26:25

colorblind, so you can't see any red flags,

26:27

is there anything here that you would think to

26:30

check?

26:31

Anything you want to do while you're

26:33

on the phone with this woman.

26:35

So what would I do to check? I

26:37

mean, I really,

26:40

I don't, I'm out of luck. I would get fucked. I

26:42

would get fucked by this lady. Camille.

26:45

Adele has one smart thought and her

26:47

smart thought is, can I speak to

26:50

the previous au pair? Oh,

26:52

genius, genius. Camille is like,

26:55

absolutely. She gives her the number

26:57

of a Canadian au pair

26:59

that this family had when they lived in Canada.

27:01

And the Canadian au pair speaks really highly

27:03

of this family.

27:05

Okay. Adele's like, hey

27:07

now, hey now, this is what

27:08

dreams are made of. Like we're, let's go.

27:12

Do people warn her that this

27:14

might be bad?

27:15

Yes. Do people tell her that

27:17

child care is very hard and she has no

27:19

experience doing it? Also, yes,

27:22

she does not care. She is like, it

27:24

is my dream to go to Europe. It

27:26

is my dream to like post about

27:29

being in Europe. Oh no. It's

27:31

giving Emily in Paris meets parasites.

27:34

Yes, exactly. She's like, I'm

27:36

doing this for the plot. And

27:38

if the plot turns out to be a slasher,

27:40

like, whatever. I

27:43

do admire that and

27:45

I do a lot of shit in life for the plot.

27:48

I cannot lie. I love a delusional

27:51

self-narrativization. Yes. I

27:54

do not like that there are children involved. That's

27:56

the only thing is like that collateral

27:59

damage. could be really ugly. I

28:01

will promise you up top, this is a happy

28:03

podcast, not a sad podcast. So

28:05

no children will be hurt. Okay,

28:09

great point. No, like a prerequisite.

28:11

They're fine. What is?

28:21

For the past couple of months, every time,

28:23

I've asked one of my friends where they've gotten some

28:25

cute little thing that they're wearing, they say the same

28:28

thing. It doesn't matter if they're wearing a sundress that

28:30

has tinned fish on it or like an adorable

28:33

denim top. Every single time

28:35

they've told me that they've gotten these pieces of clothing

28:37

from Newlee. Newlee is a subscription

28:39

clothing rental that's all about helping you have fun

28:41

and get creative with your style. Newlee is just $98

28:43

a month. You get your

28:46

choice of any six styles per month

28:48

and that you just choose online what you want to rent

28:50

totally up to you. There are thousands of styles

28:53

to choose from for more than 400 brands. They

28:55

carry everything from party dresses to

28:57

premium denim and one of a kind vintage pieces.

29:00

They've got labels like Selkie, Farm Rio,

29:03

Anthropology, Madewell, and A-Gold,

29:05

and inclusive sizing up to 5X as well

29:08

as Petite and Maternity. It's fast,

29:10

free shipping and returns, and professional cleaning

29:12

in Newlee's state of the art laundering facility. So

29:14

you don't have to do any laundry yourself. And

29:16

if you love something that comes in your box,

29:19

you have the option to buy what you love, sometimes for up

29:21

to 70% off. I love Newlee

29:23

because it's fun. Everything that has

29:25

shown up in my box is so silly and great,

29:28

partly because I chose them that way and partly because there's

29:30

just a lot of great options on there. I got

29:32

this jumpsuit that's like long sleeve from

29:34

Farm Rio and it has like a crazy pattern

29:36

on it and a very deep V that I think is gonna be

29:39

really fun for fall. And Newlee lets

29:41

you love fashion in a way that's kinder on the planet. Orders

29:43

are shipped and recycled, recyclable, and reusable

29:46

totes with no plastic packaging, which

29:48

we love, and it's flexible. There are no fees,

29:50

late fees, damage fees, or fees to pause

29:53

or cancel. So it's no big deal if you lose a button, spill

29:55

something, or just need to take a break. Newlee is

29:57

a great value at $98 a month for

29:59

any six. styles. But right now you can get $20

30:02

off your first month of Nuuly when you sign

30:04

up with the code Gossip20. Just

30:06

go to nuuly.com,

30:09

that's Nuuly with two u's, and enter

30:11

the code Gossip20 and sign up to get $20

30:14

off your first month. That's nuuly.com,

30:17

Nuuly with

30:17

two u's, with code Gossip20. Nuuly

30:20

Subscription Clothing Rental. Change your clothes.

30:37

Okay, we're going to start with week one. Before

30:40

we move on, are you hearing any alarm

30:42

bells with me saying week one?

30:44

Yeah,

30:45

because now I'm thinking that there

30:47

will only be some weeks. Okay,

30:51

week one.

30:52

Adele arrives in Germany. She

30:54

is picked up by this beautiful family at the

30:56

airport. They are all very tall.

30:58

They are all very beautiful.

31:00

Oh no, I wouldn't do well. I would not do

31:02

well. You need size compatibility. Famous

31:04

me. She gets to this house. They show her her room.

31:09

It's beautiful, right? It's European. It has Italian

31:11

plaster walls. It has a linen comforter. It has

31:13

linen sheets. But downstairs,

31:16

the house is incredibly aesthetic,

31:19

but dirty. Kids' toys everywhere.

31:21

Sippy cups everywhere. Every

31:24

cabinet in the kitchen is open. Okay,

31:27

so now this family is suggesting

31:29

we love a facade.

31:31

Uh-huh. There are mountains of dishes

31:33

in the sink. And also, parts

31:35

of this house are under construction.

31:38

So there is tarp

31:41

in the doorways, and there's particulate dust

31:43

everywhere.

31:45

Oh no. Camille and her husband,

31:47

we're going to call him Florian, they

31:50

say that this is because this house

31:52

is a rental while their real house

31:54

is being renovated.

31:56

Oh god.

31:57

Once we start talking about real house, fake house...

32:00

Oh, it's

32:02

like what else is real and fake? It's

32:04

Sunday.

32:05

This family is like on Sunday we all have

32:07

family dinner. They're

32:09

like be downstairs at 1930.

32:12

Complete our family at 1930. Adele

32:15

comes down at 630.

32:17

They're like ma'am, you're an hour early.

32:19

And she's like, ah, ha, ha, I'm starving.

32:22

My dad, she goes back upstairs. Okay,

32:24

she's hungry. She wants a pretzel. She's hungry. She

32:27

comes out at the right time. It's beautiful. They

32:30

have this table all landscaped out, candles

32:33

it, they have like a nice bottle of Riesling.

32:36

Everything is lovely except the kids are like trying to

32:38

wreck shit. Like they're throwing

32:41

unpainted like wooden toys all over

32:43

the place. Oh, no, Montessori gone

32:45

wrong. The older one is like running in circles.

32:48

Adele is freaking out because she's like

32:50

in a weird spot. She's like, I want

32:52

to prove to the parents that I can manage

32:54

them. But also the parents are

32:57

here. So I don't want to overstep

32:59

on their toes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's

33:01

just kind of like, oh, haha, like sit

33:03

down to the kids. And because she's like a new person,

33:06

they do, which magic. Congratulations

33:08

to her. Right. They sit down for

33:11

dinner and she's like, OK, it's me Camille

33:13

Florian, the two kids.

33:15

Where's the baby's nanny? Yeah.

33:18

So she's like, will the other au pair

33:21

join us for dinner?

33:23

They're like, she shackled in the basement. Camille

33:26

and Florian are like,

33:28

listen, you're

33:30

part of the family now and we want to be honest with

33:32

you. Oh, God. The other au

33:34

pair. She had a personal emergency and

33:37

she had to go.

33:38

Uh huh. They're like, don't worry. If

33:40

you want, you can help with the baby and

33:42

we'll pay you extra. No, no,

33:45

no, no. The bait and switch

33:47

the bait and speech. Or

33:51

if you don't want to help with the baby, like Camille

33:55

works for herself and like she can find a way to

33:57

make it work. OK. I

33:59

know the right. thing to do, which would

34:01

be to set a boundary and have

34:03

a polite conversation about what

34:06

was discussed. Yes. But

34:08

I'm a pushover in these scenarios. So I

34:11

would be like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

34:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adele is like,

34:16

of course I'll help with the baby. And she's

34:18

like, she's also in the back of her head like,

34:20

this is extra money, right? Like I'm here anyway.

34:23

Extra money. If that'll give me more stuff

34:25

that I can do my little activities and

34:26

take photos and whatever.

34:29

They're like, great. They like have this

34:31

whole lovely dinner. It's beautiful. They pour

34:33

her a glass of the fancy Riesling. She's

34:35

like, this is the life I want. I wish I were them. After

34:37

dinner, Florian's like starting to do the dishes

34:40

and she's like, oh, let me help you. She

34:42

like brings them over there. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

34:44

I've got it. Okay. I think that I just

34:46

would like you to know in general is that au pairs

34:49

in many families are not allowed

34:51

to be alone with husbands.

34:53

Yeah. I mean, that only makes perfect sense. Yes.

34:56

True

34:56

law. Exactly. Exactly. So,

34:59

you know, but adults like this is

35:01

great for me. I don't have to do any dishes. She goes upstairs. She

35:04

goes to sleep the next morning. They show her where everything

35:06

is. They're like, here are the cleaning supplies. Here's the

35:08

kids bags. Here's what they need. And

35:10

they leave her for the day.

35:13

I don't like,

35:14

why would I clean? I'm going to take the kids

35:16

to school. I'm going to drop them off. I'm going to wander

35:18

around like these people clearly don't have

35:20

a high standard for cleanliness. And

35:23

I'm not very good at cleaning. So

35:25

she's like, not my problem. Maybe

35:29

they deserve each other Adele and his family. She

35:33

picks up the kids from school and she's like, what

35:35

do kids need to do? Let's see. I'll take

35:37

them to the museum.

35:38

There's like a little kid event. The kids are learning about

35:40

art. One of the kids is like, I'm hungry. I need a

35:42

snack. And she's like, okay, we can

35:44

get you a snack. And you know how museums have those little

35:46

cafes? Of course. I love

35:48

those. Yeah. She takes them to the

35:50

little cafe. She gets them, you know, like six euro cookie

35:53

to share. And she's like, I'm

35:55

happy. Adele's like her. I'm doing a great job.

35:58

They come home. She brings the kids home. She

36:01

decides she'll clean a little. She tidies up a little. And

36:03

while she's doing this, she notices that like one area

36:06

of the living room is a nachthalen.

36:09

It's full of knives. No, it's a nachthalen. The

36:11

opposite. It's so

36:14

clean.

36:15

Okay. Is that

36:16

where she shoots her vlogs? Yes.

36:20

The kids are like, we're not

36:22

allowed to go over there.

36:23

Mommy works over there.

36:24

Oh my fucking lord.

36:27

Oh my fucking lord. Mommy

36:29

works over there. Oh, I'm sad.

36:32

I'm sad. Adele's like,

36:34

okay. So I'll make sure not to make that

36:36

area messy. Camille arrives

36:38

home. The kids are so happy to see her. She's

36:41

like, how was your day? What did you do? The kids are

36:43

like, we went to the museum. She's like, that's so great.

36:46

What else did you do? And they're like, we had a cookie.

36:48

And Camille is like, Adele, can I see if you're in the kitchen?

36:51

Oh fuck. The children have

36:53

never had sugar before. What?

36:56

And this mom is like, you have polluted their

36:58

bodies with refined sugar.

37:00

And

37:01

the death penalty now will be for you? Adele

37:04

is like, I didn't know

37:06

that. And Camille is like, oh,

37:08

did you not read the binder? Oh

37:10

my fucking god. I also, I can't

37:13

get over, sorry. And again, I love a sweetie

37:15

on a night in Europe. I have no judgment. But

37:18

like the kids can't have sugar, but

37:20

our lungs are full of carcinogens. Doesn't make

37:22

sense. Listen, a lot of things

37:24

that people do, they don't make any sense.

37:26

I know. It's like the whole stereotype

37:28

in LA where like people spend $16 on the Haley

37:31

Bieber smoothie right before

37:33

they do a lot of coke. Yes, exactly. Yeah.

37:36

And Camille is like, there's a giant

37:38

binder in your room with like all the info on the

37:41

kids. Did you think that you were just

37:43

going to like do whatever you wanted with them? And

37:45

she's like, ooh, I did think

37:47

that. My

37:49

bad. Oh my

37:50

god. She's like, I'll read the binder. I

37:53

promise. And Camille's like, okay. So

37:55

she goes upstairs, she reads the binder and then so

37:57

much of the binder is like so picky.

37:59

sugar sure. But it's also like rules

38:02

about how to speak to them words

38:04

not to use. Yeah, it's like they

38:06

never see your phone screen. Never

38:09

say no to them only redirect them right like all

38:11

of these parenting things. Yes.

38:14

Adele is 22

38:15

years old. So

38:17

she's like, yeah, yeah, I got it.

38:20

Right. Oh, fuck. Oh, god.

38:22

Oh, no. Oh, no. How many weeks?

38:25

How many? weeks.

38:28

We're on day three. Day three things

38:30

go great. You know, she gets up, she takes the kids to their

38:32

little things, she goes and gets them

38:34

to take them to the park, she follows the rules in

38:37

the binder. After they eat their

38:39

snacks, she's like, I'm going to clean up all this, all

38:41

this stuff. I'm going to clean up all the dishes in the sink. I'm going

38:43

to clean up all their snacks. She puts

38:45

all the like, dirty food on the place

38:48

into the sink.

38:49

The problem is that Adele has put

38:51

a lot of food into the sink. And

38:53

this is a German house with 16th century

38:56

plumbing.

38:57

There are no garbage disposals here. This

39:00

is a

39:00

cultural problem. Got it. So

39:02

she has put a bunch of food into the sink, which

39:04

is now not draining.

39:06

And it's still not draining when Florian

39:09

gets home from work.

39:10

Oh, are they gonna fuck? No,

39:12

thank God. The opposite of that.

39:15

He's fucking pissed. He's

39:20

like, why would you put garbage down the

39:23

sink? Like, obviously, there's no garbage in

39:25

here. What are you doing? He is all a plumber.

39:27

He's like very stressed about

39:29

this. He's like, this is gonna be so expensive to fix.

39:33

Yeah, Adele in her head is like, I don't understand

39:35

what the real problem is here. I'm

39:37

sorry for backing up this. But

39:39

in her head, she's like, you have an au pair.

39:42

You live in this huge house.

39:44

Like how much of an expense could this really

39:46

be for you? Yeah, exactly. This

39:49

drama concludes. She goes

39:51

to sleep.

39:52

On Friday,

39:54

she wakes up and Camila's like, Hey, do you

39:57

want to go to the yoga class? I'm gonna

39:59

leave. Florian can take care of

40:01

the kids if you want to come with me instead. Oh,

40:03

no. Oh, no the beta speech

40:06

the beta speech Do you want to go to the

40:08

yoga class? Never? Why

40:12

because she's going to do she's

40:14

gonna do a spell she's gonna do an evil

40:16

spell Adele is like I want to go I'm

40:18

going to this yoga class. It seems way more fun than hanging

40:20

out with these kids. They drive to this

40:22

like fancy fancy park

40:25

Camille is wearing like a white athleisure

40:29

two-piece outfit

40:30

all white. Oh, no

40:32

Everyone who rolls up is wearing white.

40:34

They all have yoga mats that cost

40:36

like $250. Yeah. No, it's Midsommar It's

40:40

Midsommar but German Adele

40:42

is wearing a college t-shirt and leggings

40:45

that are like kind of transparent and she's like I

40:47

do not look like I belong

40:49

here. Oh No, her lady

40:52

are gonna be seen Yes, when

40:54

they arrive Camille is like do

40:56

you want to hear some hot gossips?

40:58

And it's all like yeah, of course

41:01

and Camille then reveals that several of

41:03

the other au pairs are sleeping

41:05

with various parents. Oh Yeah,

41:08

sorry. I scrambled that story when you first

41:10

told it to me I I changed it to

41:12

what I wanted to hear which is that all

41:15

these yoga moms are fucking I

41:17

wish I wish this is where this was

41:19

going No, she's

41:21

like don't sleep with my husband and

41:24

Adele is like OMG, I would never

41:26

do that like no offense Camille

41:29

then is like, oh my god. I'm so glad

41:31

you're here. Like I'm so glad we're bonding. This

41:33

is so great Like we're gossiping

41:36

you're here with me. We're about to start my yoga class

41:38

She's like see you. Can you take photos and

41:41

the delts like on my iPhone and

41:43

Camille's like, yeah Let me like log you in

41:45

and she takes it all phone and she goes to

41:47

her Instagram and she logs the del Into her

41:50

account Adele

41:52

looks in and she is like, oh

41:55

That is

41:56

a lot of followers.

41:58

Okay. Okay

41:59

A lot of momplants are

42:02

lots

42:02

of followers. Yeah.

42:05

And Adele is like, okay.

42:08

So she takes her photos.

42:10

She's running around. She's like, this is kind

42:12

of fun. She's like, this is way more fun than hanging out with

42:14

these kids. Like, I'm just taking these photos.

42:16

I'm in a yoga class. Everyone here

42:18

is hot. And then like a weird white

42:21

ass leisure, cold, like, sure, whatever.

42:25

She shows Camille the photos at the end of the yoga

42:27

and Camille is like, these are so good.

42:29

You're a natural talent.

42:31

Do you want to be my momfluencer

42:35

second banana? Basically,

42:37

she posts one of Adele's photos

42:39

to the grid. Tens of thousands of likes.

42:42

And Adele's like, who? Look at me.

42:45

Of course. Her brain chemistry is popping

42:47

off. It is now the end of

42:48

week one. How do you feel?

42:51

I feel scammed. I

42:53

feel ill. I feel

42:56

like Adele is the

42:58

perfect victim for this family.

43:02

She is the exact breed of

43:04

like vulnerable, but

43:06

also a little pick me. And

43:11

that positions her perfectly to be

43:13

this momfluencer's little victim.

43:16

I don't necessarily feel

43:18

super bad for her. I'm

43:22

excited to see what happens.

43:24

Week two, Adele begins

43:27

her own Instagram account, like a little travel

43:29

and stuff. Sure. Emily

43:31

in Paris. Every day she's taking pictures. Adele

43:34

in Dusseldorf. She's taking pictures. She's posting them.

43:36

She's writing little captions. Every day she's gaining followers.

43:38

She's like, this is going great. Her day off is supposed to be Wednesday

43:41

and she's like, okay, I'm

43:43

going

43:43

to go downtown.

43:47

I'm

43:52

going to go to these sites. I'm going to take my photo.

43:55

But Tuesday night Florian is like, Hey,

43:57

I know tomorrow's your day off. But you took

43:59

a photo.

43:59

last Friday off to go with Camille

44:02

to yoga.

44:03

So you didn't make it to 20 hours.

44:05

So you can work tomorrow,

44:07

right? And

44:09

it felt like I did not really realize that yoga

44:11

was optional. Right.

44:14

And I did work the whole time.

44:17

Yeah.

44:19

Okay. All right. Yes. I'm

44:21

seeing the subtle manipulation. But

44:24

she's like, fine, whatever. Like, I

44:26

can take the kids with me

44:27

to see the weird church. It'll be fine. She

44:30

does this. She works Wednesday. Do

44:32

you like this decision?

44:34

No, no, I don't like it at all. Because

44:36

it's a slippery little slope. It

44:39

starts with, Oh, actually,

44:41

you spent your day off doing

44:44

yoga photography, but

44:46

you still need to meet your quota. And who

44:49

knows where it could go from there. Yeah. Thursday

44:52

morning, Camille is like,

44:54

you did such a good job with the photos

44:56

at yoga on Friday. Like everyone loves them.

44:58

I've been posting them this week. They're getting so many

45:00

likes Adele in her head is like, I know because I've

45:02

been checking Camille is

45:04

like,

45:05

I was wondering if you would be willing to take more

45:07

photos of the kids.

45:10

And adults like, Oh my God,

45:12

I would love to.

45:13

So she's taking

45:16

photos of the kids. She's uploading them to like

45:18

a shared drive. Camille is posting

45:20

these photos at the end of every day with

45:23

captions about

45:23

how much she like loves being a mother.

45:26

Oh, gross. What do you

45:29

want to do here? No, I want

45:31

to, I want to, I want to

45:33

go hang out with Daniel Radcliffe and forget

45:36

about the entire universe.

45:38

I mean, the whole time, I'm just, it's

45:41

like the fakery and the fuckery of like

45:43

the pristine corner of the house while your kids

45:45

are playing in squalor and,

45:48

you know, exploiting their likeness. It's

45:51

very ugly. Yeah. And luckily, like the

45:53

level of Camille Florian bad is

45:56

like tradwife

45:57

influencer,

45:59

like they love their kids that are nice to them.

46:01

Yeah, but they also are like,

46:04

what if you took cuter photos of them, like

46:06

make sure that they look cute. Yeah,

46:08

you can't throw anyone in jail for that. Yeah,

46:10

exactly. You know, not wanting

46:12

to post

46:12

ugly photos of your kid, that's actually good parenting.

46:17

I know it's like protect the children and have sex

46:19

save them. Yeah. On Friday

46:22

of this

46:22

week of week two Camille offers

46:25

her to go to yoga again on her day off. Now

46:27

we're skeptical. Now we're skeptical. She's

46:29

like, come with me. I

46:31

have a like new sponsor,

46:33

new brand to promote.

46:35

I need photos. Okay. Con.

46:38

It's work. Right.

46:40

Pros.

46:41

You do maybe get some swag samples

46:45

and

46:46

you get to watch Camille

46:48

work and like see

46:50

how she poses.

46:51

Yeah, you're shadowing. What

46:54

do you want to do? Um, at this

46:56

point, anthropologically, I want to go

46:58

again for the plot for the plot. The

47:01

brand that Camille is newly sponsored by

47:03

is some natural deodorant.

47:05

And so Adele is taking all these

47:07

photos of her like applying deodorant

47:09

in the park. And she's like, wow, this is

47:12

so beautiful. I love my work. Adele

47:16

does get samples of the deodorant and she's

47:18

like, not the swag I was hoping for,

47:20

right? I was

47:21

hoping for something a little bit more expensive

47:23

than natural deodorant, but she's like, it is nice.

47:26

I like it. So she's like, things are

47:28

kind of working out.

47:30

She'll smell delish while she potentially

47:33

crashes and burns. I know there's no violence in the

47:35

story. I think maybe I just want there to be. She

47:40

watches Camille pose. And then over the

47:42

weekend when she goes to her little things and has strangers

47:44

take her photo, she poses the way Camille

47:46

poses

47:48

and she gains a bunch of followers.

47:52

Okay. Pop off one day. It's

47:55

literally like, uh, Walt

47:57

Whitman in Oscar Wilde.

47:59

She is amped.

48:02

She's like,

48:03

things are going great. I'm gaining

48:05

followers really rapidly. I look hot

48:07

in all these photos. And it's

48:09

almost October fest. Oh

48:12

my god. It's not even October fest

48:15

yet. Not even Jesus Christ. He's like

48:17

things are gonna be huge for me personally.

48:20

Yeah.

48:21

Sunday at family dinner Camille is like,

48:23

thank you so much for taking photos to seek like

48:26

we got so many brand deals. And

48:28

Adele stands up for herself. She's like,

48:30

I think I'm having a really great time. I love

48:32

taking photos of you. But I do think that I should be paid

48:34

for

48:34

the photo work. Okay.

48:37

And Florian is like, we can absolutely

48:39

discuss that. But we also need to discuss the

48:41

plumber.

48:42

He does not want to pay her extra

48:44

until she has paid off the plumbing bill. Adele

48:47

is like, I do not think that this is fair. She's

48:50

like, I don't want to pay the plumbing bill. Like

48:52

the price are old. I didn't know I'm sorry

48:55

that I'm from America. But like, I don't think

48:57

that this is fair. Right. And Florian

48:59

is like, well, you know, there's another thing,

49:01

which is that part of your

49:02

job is to clean.

49:04

And you aren't cleaning anything.

49:07

Okay. He's like, we're gonna have to hire

49:09

a cleaner to do your

49:12

job and not cost money to

49:14

so you're gonna pay for our cleaner basically. I

49:18

think he's using it more as an excuse to not

49:19

pay her for the photo. Which

49:21

is like, okay, we're in some like

49:23

really fucked up negotiations right now is

49:25

the point. Yeah. Adele is like, it

49:28

is true that I'm not cleaning. She's like, it's

49:30

so hard. I hate it. The kids

49:32

are messy.

49:32

I don't want to. She's

49:34

like, and Camille just crops

49:36

the mess out anyway. So what does

49:38

it matter? If a mess

49:41

falls in the woods and the influencers followers

49:43

aren't there to see it isn't even a mess. It's

49:45

not exactly. At dinner

49:47

that night they do not pour her any time. She

49:50

doesn't get to have any. No,

49:53

no, it's like, it was a bad

49:56

man. It is now week.

49:59

week three. The

50:02

house is a wreck.

50:04

So bad that even Adele notices it. And

50:06

she's like, wow, I should probably do

50:08

something about that. But she does not. That

50:11

night Florian Camille

50:12

are like, we need to talk to you. And

50:14

she's like, in her head, I am certain this is

50:16

about the fact that it is so messy.

50:19

And they're like, Oh, no, no,

50:21

no, this isn't about it being messy.

50:23

They're like, this coming weekend is October

50:25

1st. And Adele's like, Oh, yeah, I

50:27

know. I'm like, so excited.

50:29

And Camille's like, No, no, no, no, no, you don't want to be excited.

50:32

Like it's all tourists. It's always

50:34

a mess. We always leave. We're

50:36

going to the Alps this weekend.

50:38

Oh, no. And she's like, she's

50:40

like, you can buy your own ski pass and

50:43

like you can see too, you can come with us. You

50:46

can buy your own ski pass.

50:48

Fuck off Camille. Adele

50:51

is like, no, thanks. I'm

50:54

going to Octoberfest. Like, I've

50:56

got my little dress, my little dirndl.

50:59

I'm ready. And

51:01

Camille and Florian are like, Oh, no, no, no,

51:04

going to the Alps is a work

51:05

trip. Like

51:06

if you want a vacation, you need to

51:08

make other plans.

51:09

Devastating for Adele. What do you do

51:12

here? I don't know. I mean, like, we

51:15

make plans. God laughs.

51:18

I think she Adele probably

51:20

like didn't put the proper measures

51:23

in place to secure her Octoberfest

51:26

fantasy. So I don't know.

51:29

I mean, if it's me

51:31

genuinely, I'm like starting to plan

51:34

to cut my losses and head

51:36

back to the US of A and sort

51:38

of like take it on the chin, re

51:41

strategize how to get back to Europe under

51:43

better circumstances. Adele is like

51:45

putting her foot down. She's like, the only thing

51:48

I want is to

51:48

go to Octoberfest. Like I won't

51:50

be going to the Alps. And Camille

51:52

and Florian are like, we can't make you

51:54

come. But they're like clearly pissed and

51:57

clearly want

51:57

to make her go.

51:59

She doesn't know what to do. She goes to get the

52:02

kids from school. She takes them to the park

52:04

and she like can't hold it together, right? She's like crying

52:06

because she's like I want to go to October fest

52:08

so bad Like all I want to do is drink

52:11

beer out of a glass boot and kiss a tall

52:13

man like leave me alone

52:16

Relatable one of the

52:19

other au pairs one of the ones that

52:21

Camille had pointed out as like being a bad

52:23

au pair Comes over and

52:25

it's like your Camille and Florian's au pair,

52:27

right? And it's else like yeah

52:30

And she's like, are you okay? Like I know they can

52:32

be

52:32

hard on people

52:34

And it's all like what do you mean? And

52:36

this random au pair is like, I mean her

52:39

last au pair didn't even make it Two weeks like that's

52:41

not a good sign

52:42

Well,

52:43

it's very like Emily Gilmore's

52:46

maid Yes, and

52:49

she's like what like why did the other

52:51

au pair only last two weeks? So this girl's like,

52:53

I don't know like she didn't never talk to us Like Camille

52:55

does a really good job of making sure that her au pairs never

52:57

talk to anyone else

52:59

Adele is like well while I

53:01

have you here, I'm

53:01

having a bit of a situation She's

53:04

like they want me to go to the outs this weekend. I don't

53:06

want to go She's like trying

53:08

to take me away from this thing. I really want to do and

53:10

the other au pair is like well Do you have a contract?

53:14

And she's like, yeah, of course I have a contract and

53:16

the other au pairs like go look at your

53:17

contract a

53:18

Classic lesson to learn a classic

53:21

lesson to learn So Adele goes home and looks at her

53:23

contract and it explicitly

53:25

states that she has to be given a

53:26

month's notice for required travel

53:29

Oh

53:32

That checks so she's like I

53:35

Am bringing this contract to Camille

53:37

and she goes to Camille and she's like

53:39

my contract actually says that I have to be given Like

53:41

a month's notice And so

53:44

I can't go with you the outs and actually

53:46

I'll be staying here Thank you and

53:49

Camille is like, oh my god. Thank you for showing this to me I

53:51

also have something I need to share with you and she

53:53

brings up an Excel spreadsheet Where

53:55

she has kept tallies of every expense

53:58

Adele has allegedly cost them So it

54:00

is not only the plumber and the cleaner,

54:02

it is also the wine and

54:05

the yoga class. And this total is

54:07

like 285 euros.

54:10

That's that right now.

54:12

That is demonic. What

54:15

in fuck? What do you do? You're 22.

54:18

No, I if

54:20

I'm 22, I'm probably gonna call my mom. I'm

54:25

probably gonna use those. I'm probably gonna Skype

54:27

my mom. If I'm 22, I'm gonna

54:29

Skype my mom.

54:31

Adele is like,

54:33

I can't pay the stock. I don't have any money.

54:36

And Camila is like, we can take it out

54:38

of your pay. And she's

54:40

like, there's a huge opportunity. They make a lot of money by coming

54:42

to the Alps with us. And Adele is like, no.

54:44

Oh, my God, it's like lowkey blackmail. Yes.

54:48

And to her credit, she stays like

54:50

she posts all weekend about Octoberfest. The family

54:52

goes away. She's like, good, good luck.

54:55

No, she's investing in her influencer potential.

54:58

Her numbers are rocketing up.

55:01

Okay. Do you know what a Stein

55:03

holding competition is? Oh, can

55:05

I guess? Yeah. Does it have something

55:07

to do with beer and being upside down? It

55:10

has something to do with beer,

55:11

not upside down. They fill

55:13

up those giant liter glass

55:15

style. And then you just hold

55:17

it straight

55:18

out away from your body for as long as possible.

55:21

And whoever holds it the longest wins.

55:24

Oh, so she enters herself in the Stein holding

55:26

competition. Does she win? No. But

55:29

she does get a video of herself dropping

55:31

the Stein and all of the beer splashing

55:33

up into her face. And this video does extremely

55:36

well on socials.

55:37

Wow. Oh, my God. I should

55:39

take some marketing tips from Adele. Octoberfest

55:42

distracted her from

55:43

her terrible home life with her terrible work

55:45

family. Okay,

55:46

she followed her gut. She followed her gut.

55:49

The night before Camille and Florian return,

55:52

they message her and are like, we heard that you were

55:54

talking to the other au pairs at the park. Hmm.

55:57

Whisper network. Okay.

55:59

Adele's like, But yeah, I was.

56:02

And Camille's like, oh, did you get any gossip updates?

56:05

And Adele's like, oh no, sadly I was just like asking

56:08

to borrow something.

56:10

And Camille's like, oh yeah, okay, that

56:12

makes sense, thanks.

56:13

And she's like, okay, great. But this weird

56:16

text conversation after Oktoberfest

56:18

reminds her of what the other au pair said

56:20

about the

56:21

au pair before her. Of course.

56:23

If you wanted to know what happened

56:24

to that girl, what do you do?

56:25

I mean, I would probably get

56:28

back in touch with this au pair and see if she

56:30

had her info. Exactly. She

56:33

goes back to the park the next day. She's like, do you have the

56:35

intel for this au pair? And all

56:38

the other au pairs

56:38

were like, we don't have her phone number. She was here so

56:40

briefly. The only thing

56:42

we know is her first name.

56:45

Okay.

56:46

What do you want to do? You've got only a first

56:48

name.

56:49

I mean, if there is an office

56:51

at Shay, Camille and Florian, or oh

56:55

my God, me dating myself, I

56:57

would see if I could look at Camille's phone.

57:00

I'm like, is there an office? Is there a filing

57:02

cabinet? No, I would see if I could look

57:04

at her phone. Adele tries all of this. She

57:06

tries the office. She tries the phone.

57:08

She tries searching the first name of people who follow

57:12

Camille on Instagram. Right. Right.

57:15

Classic thing. She finds nothing.

57:16

Mm hmm.

57:17

And then finally she's like, let me just go

57:19

back to the au pair site.

57:21

She goes back to the au pair site. She creates a fake

57:23

family account. She finds

57:26

several people with the same first name

57:28

and the same qualifications that she had and she

57:30

messages all of them. Brilliant. Very

57:32

smart, investigative. Okay. Two

57:34

days later, one

57:35

of the messages her back. Holy

57:38

shit. She's like, can we talk on the phone?

57:40

So Nanny calls her and is

57:42

like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had an awful experience

57:45

working for them. I'm the one that

57:47

started Camille's yoga account.

57:49

I'm the one that did the bookkeeping. I

57:51

did the Pinterest board with the aesthetics.

57:54

And then when I asked for extra,

57:57

they said no.

57:58

Oh my God. Oh my God.

57:59

She's like, so I quit, I left.

58:03

I love a ghost writing

58:05

tale. Actually, one of my first, the

58:08

first byline I was ever proud of in

58:10

my entire life was a piece from Marie

58:12

Claire about the women who

58:14

ghost write for pennies for influencers.

58:18

And back then, when this

58:20

piece came out, it was like shocking that influencers

58:23

did not run their

58:23

own accounts or write their own blog. PBT.

58:26

Or whatever. I know, an innocent

58:28

era. But yeah,

58:30

wow. And this is talking for

58:32

Adele. She's like, I didn't know that

58:35

anyone ghost wrote these influencer accounts

58:37

until I was taking these photos. I didn't

58:40

realize other people were taking the photos. But

58:42

she's like, I don't really have enough to indict

58:44

this couple yet. I'm like trapped

58:47

in this weird indentured servitude.

58:49

She just like kind of goes about her day like

58:52

waiting to figure out what to do. But

58:54

that evening Camille is like,

58:56

hey, on Wednesday, like I know

58:58

it's your day off and I know you're gonna be downtown and

59:00

like taking photos but could you stop by

59:02

the post office for me and like pick up some

59:05

like

59:06

sponsor goods for me? And Adele's

59:08

like, yeah, of course. Like I'm happy to pick it up. What

59:10

is it? And she's like, it's six boxes

59:12

of like sports drinks. It's six

59:15

boxes of knives. It's

59:19

liquid death. Yeah, basically.

59:23

And this Adele's like, that

59:26

is so heavy. Like this is not like

59:28

run by the post office and pick up like

59:30

a natural deodorant. This is six

59:32

boxes of heavy sports drinks.

59:34

Oh no, oh no.

59:37

She decides

59:38

this is it.

59:39

Like this is the last straw. She's

59:42

sick of this. She's like Europe's not what I wanted.

59:44

I'm making so little money. But

59:46

the problem is she can't leave

59:48

the family and not leave Germany. Like her

59:50

visa is a work visa.

59:52

So do you wanna go home?

59:56

And if so, like how do you get out

59:58

of it? Like

59:58

how do you explain?

59:59

Camille and Florian?

1:00:01

I would fake

1:00:04

the death of a family member. Okay great

1:00:06

plan lovers. Germany's

1:00:09

a little scary Germany's not like southern Europe

1:00:11

where they'll kind of like where they're like

1:00:14

who are you stay forever for

1:00:16

a child help our birth rates yeah

1:00:18

totally totally but

1:00:21

I would like fudge I would fudge

1:00:23

my stay a little bit like

1:00:26

there's some wiggle room there visa wise

1:00:28

I would try to get like a good week-long

1:00:30

vacation out of it and then pop on

1:00:33

back to to the US of A and

1:00:35

restrategize that's what I would do mm-hmm

1:00:37

what I belle does is she books

1:00:39

a ticket home she waits for a day

1:00:42

that Camille and Florian are totally in charge of the

1:00:44

kids and then she ghosts

1:00:45

the country of Germany

1:00:47

she goes to Germany

1:00:48

oh I fucking love that she

1:00:50

gets on the plane she's like I'm going home

1:00:53

fuck these people she's looking at her Instagram

1:00:55

and she realizes she still has access to

1:00:57

Camille's

1:00:57

account

1:01:00

do you sabotage her mmm

1:01:05

subtly Adele

1:01:08

does not subtly

1:01:09

sabotage her she clicks new post

1:01:12

oh my god she scrolls through the photos

1:01:14

on her phone at the house she picks

1:01:16

some of like the kitchen being

1:01:18

the disaster the kids like

1:01:21

in the messy bedroom edits

1:01:24

all of this into Camille's like preferred

1:01:26

aesthetic

1:01:27

yes she captions it life

1:01:30

is messier than we pretend

1:01:32

oh I love

1:01:34

that oh that is good she hits

1:01:37

post

1:01:38

turns her phone on airplane mode takes off

1:01:42

ah that is divine well

1:01:44

done Adele I have to give you props

1:01:47

we are almost at the end how

1:01:49

do you feel whose side are you

1:01:51

on oh well now

1:01:53

I'm on the anti-hero side because

1:01:58

because because well

1:02:00

I won most certainly by default. I'm

1:02:03

on Adele's side. I feel like her behavior is

1:02:05

a little more excusable Just

1:02:07

due to like youthful hubris if nothing

1:02:09

else And

1:02:11

I gotta love a clever revenge plot.

1:02:13

So we stan she

1:02:15

lands her phone is blowing

1:02:18

up

1:02:19

Obviously, she has missed calls

1:02:21

from Camille. She's a bunch of techs She's

1:02:24

like I feel vindicated. I did it

1:02:27

Yes, she opens Instagram

1:02:28

on her phone The post

1:02:31

has gone

1:02:32

Mega-viral,

1:02:33

of course

1:02:35

Everyone love

1:02:36

it

1:02:38

They're like, oh my god,

1:02:40

you're so vulnerable. Oh my

1:02:43

god, literally that was my exact next

1:02:45

thought I was about to be like this is going

1:02:47

to do wonders for her brand. Yes

1:02:50

Everyone is like you're so vulnerable.

1:02:53

You're so brave Thank you for sharing

1:02:55

Camille every single day that week

1:02:58

is posting more photos of the mess And

1:03:00

being like I just wanted to shine a light on the everyday

1:03:02

struggles of working mothers. I

1:03:05

Would watch a look

1:03:07

I would watch a the founder style biopic

1:03:10

about the rise of this woman's brand accident

1:03:12

It's like the accidental invention of the sandwich. Yeah,

1:03:14

you know what I mean? Just rock

1:03:17

it to the sky Do

1:03:19

you have any final feelings

1:03:20

before I give you my final updates?

1:03:22

I just thank you so much for sharing this with me

1:03:25

This was the perfect story for me to hear because

1:03:27

I thought I thought it was gonna

1:03:29

go really south But

1:03:31

it went it went really it went really

1:03:34

east and then it went back really west Yeah, it's

1:03:36

actually kind of a wholesome story about like expectations.

1:03:39

Yeah The

1:03:41

updates I have for you are

1:03:43

that Adele? Saw

1:03:45

what it takes to be an influencer and

1:03:47

decided I do not want that That's

1:03:50

an important lesson to learn in 2013. Yeah,

1:03:53

and so after a couple of years in the US she like

1:03:56

Established a little career and found a

1:03:58

way to move back to Europe she's living

1:04:00

in Europe happily. Congratulations.

1:04:02

Oh my God.

1:04:04

A growth narrative. A growth narrative.

1:04:06

The final update I have on Camille and Florian

1:04:09

is that they run a psychedelic meditation

1:04:11

retreat in the Alps. That doesn't

1:04:14

surprise me one tiny little fucking bit. Where

1:04:16

you gather mushrooms and make tea. To

1:04:19

heal your inner child. No, now I wanna go.

1:04:22

I wanna go. This meditation

1:04:25

retreat does not offer childcare. Oh

1:04:28

sure, that tracks. I

1:04:30

feel like everyone benefited from this hijinks.

1:04:33

Everyone.

1:04:35

Everyone can win sometimes. Yeah.

1:04:38

And that, if anything, disproves

1:04:41

zero-sum bias. Wow,

1:04:43

look at that loop. Amanda,

1:04:45

thank you so much for coming on the show. It was a delight

1:04:48

to have you. Oh God, it was an honor

1:04:50

and a pledge. I never wanna leave. I

1:04:52

never wanna leave. I never wanna

1:04:55

leave.

1:04:59

Thank

1:05:01

you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a

1:05:03

gossip story to share with us, email

1:05:05

us at normalgossip at defector.com.

1:05:08

Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679-GOSSIP.

1:05:12

If you love this podcast and want us to keep making

1:05:14

it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at

1:05:16

supportnormalgossip.com. You

1:05:19

can follow the show on Instagram

1:05:20

and TikTok at normalgossip. You

1:05:23

can follow Kelsey on all social media at

1:05:25

McKinneyKelsey. This podcast is

1:05:27

produced by Alex Sujong-Loughlin. Justin

1:05:30

Ellis is the Defector's project editor. Jasper

1:05:33

Wang and Sean Coon are Defector's business

1:05:35

guides. Tom Le is our editor-in-chief.

1:05:39

Jay Polsierra is our associate

1:05:41

producer. Abigail

1:05:42

Siegel is our intern. Dan McQuaid

1:05:45

runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store.

1:05:48

Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank

1:05:51

you to Catherine Hsu for your help on this episode.

1:05:54

Thanks to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector

1:05:57

Media is a collectively owned, subscriber-based media company.

1:06:00

Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia.

1:06:03

Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKinney.

1:06:06

I'm Madison Canbore, and remember, you did

1:06:08

not hear this from me.