S6 Episode 8: What is the Real Value of the Role You Play in a Relationship?

Episode Summary

When most people enter into a romantic relationship, they expect to take on the role of lover, companion and friend.  However, they are often surprised that there are many other hats they may end up wearing in the partnership, such as caregiver, therapist, parent, banker, housekeeper, teacher and police officer. Problems arise when the unexpected role assigned is either a poor fit or rejected by the person expected to fulfill that function. 

Resentment can take root in the relationship if one member of the couple feels pressured to perform tasks that were never explicitly discussed. Even when individuals are willing to shoulder additional responsibilities, there is always the possibility that their position can change over time due to necessity such as illness, children or economic pressures.

This is why it is critical to communicate with your partner about expectations and boundaries.  Every role should be valued and appreciated.  It is also important that both partners take on multiple roles in the partnership so that the physical, emotional or economic burden is shared in some capacity.  When both members of the couple carry the weight of the relationship, trust is built and empathy is reinforced.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss how toxic it can be when your partner does not prioritize your partnership over their family’s needs.

Show Notes

When we enter into relationships, we don’t always consider the multiple roles we will end up taking on. It’s important to assess your part in the relationship, and if you haven’t yet, now is better than never. Are you the caregiver? Are you the bank? Are you the therapist? These are all roles people commonly take on in a relationship.

If this topic makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. But knowing and acknowledging the roles you’ve taken on is the first step to deciding if it’s fulfilling for you. For example, if you’re naturally nurturing, taking on the caregiver role might feel just fine for you. But if you’ve been thrusted into the role unwillingly, issues and resentment can arise.

We also have to acknowledge that over time, roles can change. The role you took on when one person fell in love with you might not match with the person you are today. It’s also easy to get wrapped up in the roles society expects us to play, whether you’re comfortable with that role or not.

Your partner may appreciate all the roles you’ve taken on, but they could also resent it. If you become the primary nurturer and caregiver to your children, they may feel a greater financial burden. Or perhaps your partner was happy in their role as financial provider, but you started making more. No matter what roles you play, it’s important to share roles when possible and communicate effectively throughout your relationship.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When my partner does not realize our relationship comes before his family’s needs. Some partners bow down to domineering parents, but it’s completely unfair to expect you to do the same. Unless there is an emergency, non-primary family members need to realize they come after your romantic partner and children.

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