Welcome to SPECTRE etc. This is the James Bond podcast where we discuss the ins and the outs of each film. In this episode, we catch MacGuffin Mania in a quest to get back our ATAC! Join us for this Winter Games extravaganza, as we watch James Bond do stunt after stunt that are clearly beyond Roger Moore in “For Your Eyes Only”.

* We open with Please-Don’t-Call-Me-Blofeld hijacking a helicopter that is carrying Bond! This bald villain offers James a brand new delicatessen, but Bond is looking forward to a SPECTRE-free future.* Bond takes the morning train into Sheena Easton’s sleepy song, before being briefed on this film’s macguffin - the ATAC. Meanwhile, Melina meets her parents at sea - who are immediately slaughtered right in front of her. * A quintessential 1980s pool party - complete with totem tennis and awful music - brings Bond to Spain. He is captured, but Melina gatecrashes the party with her crossbow, allowing Bond to escape. The plan is to leave in the Lotus, but an explosive anti-theft device forces a change in plans.* Bond and Melina flee in the Definitely-A-Bond-Car Citroen. Once Bond has had his way with criticising her driving, his hands are free to take control of this canary-yellow car. They escape, and Bond hypocritically warns Melina against seeking revenge.* Bond and Q use the Identigraph to lock sights on Locke. This information sends Bond to Italy, where he meets Ferrara and Kristatos and Bibi. Kristatos tells Bond not to trust Columbo - but because Kristatos thinks Bond should chaperone Bibi, we know not to trust Kristatos.* Melina visits a local crossbow store - which, from how the coach driver “protected” her, seems like a smart purchase for a lady travelling alone in this part of the world. Bond gets a taste of the other side of sexual harassment when Bibi tries to seduce him. Thankfully (for all), Uncle James offers to buy her an ice-cream instead.* Eric the biathlete gives Bibi the stinkeye before a ski chase through a chalet and down a bobsled track. Then, an unnecessary scene at the ice hockey rink ensures all the Winter Games are covered.* The plot grinds to a halt as Bond and Melina walk us through some of Greece’s cultural heritage. The action kicks back in when Bond goes home with Contessa Brosnan - who he beds, of course. This turns out as well for this Contessa as bedding Bond did for Contessa Teresa in OHMSS.* Columbo brings Bond onside by poking fun at his physique, and these new partners head off to detonate the warehouse where Kristatos keeps his big spherical balls.. Bond tries a taste of raw opium and subsequently is able to zoom up a big flight of stairs at superhuman speed and kick Locke’s car off a cliff.* Bond and Melina meet underwater, then head for the shipwreck to retrieve the ATAC. In a clamp-heavy scene, Bond has to fight for freedom from a few foes. Kristatos captures and then keel-hauls the couple across the coral, but Bond is able to cut the cable. * Bond just happens to be an unbelievably impressive rock-climber for such an old man, so he is able to sneak up to the mountaintop monastery where Kristatos is waiting to meet Russian M. Bond ignores the big villain and instead has his big showdown with one of the henchman. Thankfully, Columbo is able to kill Kristatos, saving Melina from the satisfying resolution of avenging her parents’ murder.* Bond throws the ATAC off the cliff, then chooses skinny-dipping over taking a call from the Prime Minister.

And of course, keep checking back for a link to our petition to have Max the Parrot replace JW Pepper as Bond’s best-known sidekick!