0:39

This is Episode 75

0:42

, talking about selfishness

0:44

and how it affects you on a daily

0:46

life . What's up everybody

0:49

. Welcome back to Taiwanica Podcast

0:52

. My name is Eric , one of the hosts here

0:54

, and I am proud to announce

0:57

and celebrate the 75th

0:59

episode , a huge milestone

1:02

for Taiwanica . And

1:04

to celebrate it with me is the

1:07

other wonderful host , anita

1:09

. What's up .

1:10

Hello everybody , my name is Anita . Welcome

1:13

back to Taiwanica . Thank you all . So

1:15

much for all the listenings and support

1:17

. Without you we wouldn't make

1:19

it through 75

1:23

episodes . It's a big deal . Thank you all .

1:25

It is , it is . We have gone through a lot

1:27

in this journey a lot of changes , a lot of tears

1:30

, a lot of laughter . But here

1:32

is to the next 75 episodes

1:35

of Taiwanica . Yes

1:37

, we are proud to keep on going because

1:39

of all of your positive support

1:41

throughout all of this . So , now

1:44

that we have celebrated the change and

1:46

the big moments of Taiwanica

1:48

, we're going to stop being selfish

1:50

for a second

1:53

and go ahead and dive into today's

1:55

episode , which is all about

1:57

this key word that everyone

2:00

knows about but not

2:02

really know what it means

2:04

, right ?

2:06

Yes , the re will be a general

2:08

idea . Like we know , when we've been

2:10

called that we don't necessarily

2:13

happy about it . But today

2:15

we will be sharing some other aspects

2:17

, like from the deeper level . Yes . So

2:20

it's very inspiring my personal opinion

2:23

, so I can't wait to

2:25

share to all of you .

2:26

Absolutely . Me too . This word

2:29

has been something that growing

2:32

up has been difficult

2:34

for , I think , many people . But when

2:36

you really get a grasp of what actually

2:39

is selfishness and its

2:42

counterpart , its friend selflessness

2:44

, which we'll also be talking about in this episode

2:47

, you really get an idea that

2:49

selfishness actually has value , and also

2:52

selflessness has its value to

2:54

some degree , and

3:09

so we're going to help you understand

3:11

these points as best as we can

3:13

with the knowledge that we have learned . So

3:16

we're really excited for you to understand this information

3:18

, really

3:21

excited for you to understand this information . Make sure you stay tuned until the very end of

3:23

this episode , because one of the most important parts of understanding

3:25

this information will be explained

3:27

there by itself . So

3:29

we're really excited about this . Let's go

3:31

ahead and dive on in . We're

3:33

going to start broad with selfishness

3:36

. Anita , what do you

3:38

think , in your experience as

3:40

a Taiwanese and as a woman , what

3:42

is selfishness ?

3:45

Well , basically it's

3:47

do something for yourself . Only

3:49

that's selfish . Grew up

3:51

in a family that's all about

3:53

self being selfless . You know

3:55

the mother that you saw . The mother figure

3:57

devoted her entire life to the family

4:00

and she kept on repeating

4:02

, like when she was young she

4:04

had those dreams but she was

4:06

never able to achieve them because

4:09

she chose to be a mother

4:11

. So this idea

4:13

family values keep on repeating

4:16

in our head , just like a record playing

4:18

in our head , just automatically engraving in our brains , like

4:20

a record playing our heads , automatically engraving our brains like selfish is

4:23

bad , selfless

4:25

is good because

4:28

you serve others , you sacrifice yourself

4:30

. Okay , but when

4:32

I grew up , I've been called selfish

4:35

from my mother a few time

4:37

and I , when I was

4:39

being called selfish , I was actually

4:41

feel very guilty and

4:44

believe that I am a selfish

4:46

person , Right . So

4:48

selfish basically is just

4:50

do the things for yourself

4:52

.

4:53

Okay , what's an example of that ?

4:55

Okay , After I graduate from university

4:57

, I choose to move out from

4:59

my parents' house to raise

5:02

myself you know , like make the income

5:04

and raise myself and to live the lifestyle

5:07

that I want and

5:09

instead of stay home

5:11

, give money to my parents , raise

5:14

them , stay as a family . So

5:17

once I made a decision to do the

5:19

things I really want for myself

5:22

, my mother called me selfish . So

5:25

throughout the whole time I've been thinking selfish

5:28

is a bad thing . But now , at

5:30

this point , when I look at my life , I

5:32

had no regrets about

5:34

making those decisions and I

5:37

actually are doing the things

5:39

I really want and I put in an

5:41

effort to it . So for me

5:43

, selfish is

5:45

not necessarily a bad thing .

5:47

Okay , but in your society

5:49

, and especially in your

5:52

family , being

5:54

selfish in this way is

5:57

considered wrong .

5:58

It's wrong . So that's the broad idea

6:00

. Most people think about selfish as a

6:03

bad thing .

6:03

Okay , I just want to take that idea and

6:06

then bring it into an American point

6:08

of view and I'm going to

6:10

represent men in the United

6:12

States . Okay , so selfishness

6:14

in the United States is part

6:17

of our culture . It's being individualized

6:19

as a person

6:22

inside the United States is how we grow up

6:24

. We are designed to be

6:26

independent . That's what

6:28

our whole aspect of life is . But

6:31

and this is a big but being

6:34

individual and independent

6:36

has its benefits

6:39

as an American has

6:46

its benefits as an American . But we still have this idea that if we do too much on our own

6:48

, without considering others not specifically our family

6:50

, but more inside of our

6:52

circle of friends or

6:54

our work and the aspects

6:57

that we have to be involved

6:59

involved in we can easily

7:01

be afraid of being selfish , which

7:03

is taken to the aspect of , instead

7:06

of not being able to do the actions that

7:08

we want to do , it's more about

7:10

how do we represent ourselves

7:12

inside of those groups . So

7:15

, if I want to , for example in

7:17

the united states , if I'm in a circle of friends and

7:20

I want to do the only

7:22

like the activities that I want to do Like

7:24

, so , for example , when I was younger , I really

7:26

loved to skateboard longboard and

7:29

some of my friends really don't like

7:31

doing that . They said hey , Eric , let's

7:33

go like play video games or let's

7:35

go watch a movie . I'd be like , no , I

7:37

would rather longboard . I'd be like , no , I would rather longboard

7:40

. They would consider me selfish at some

7:42

point because if they

7:44

came and did longboarding with me many

7:46

times but I didn't go and do their

7:49

activity , then

7:51

I would be considered selfish . So

7:54

it's a give and take kind

7:56

of aspect with selfishness in

7:58

the United States , but

8:00

with family usually it's not that case

8:02

, which I think is a little bit different from Taiwan

8:04

. It's that in the United States generally we

8:07

want you to leave . We

8:10

want you to get out , yeah , and I think

8:12

the reason for that is because we want you to

8:15

grow , right . But

8:17

the thing is is , at the same time

8:19

, the parents want you out . So when's ? But the thing is is , at the same time , the parents

8:22

want you out . So when you consider the parents

8:24

selfish in this situation

8:26

because they're like I'm done being a parent , you

8:28

know , go out and do your own thing , right

8:30

. So this is the thing , though . Right is that ? Because

8:33

if you look at it from the perspective

8:35

of everyone , right ? You would

8:37

think that the parents are being selfish here

8:39

, throwing out an 18 year old kid

8:41

into the middle of nowhere . Yeah

8:46

, they don't have any ability , skills

8:48

or anything . You're like , you're on your own , but

8:50

mom , close the door . It's like

8:52

that . That's happened , you know

8:54

it's like you're 18 , you're done , and that's

8:57

in some people's points of view , on

8:59

a general level , that is selfish , exactly Right , and so that's a in some people's points

9:01

of view on a general level that is selfish . Exactly Right , and so that's a very

9:03

interesting perspective . That's a little bit

9:05

different .

9:06

Right yeah , Because you know Asian

9:08

family , like in Asian

9:10

culture , families , is everything

9:12

. It's the most important thing . So we always emphasize

9:15

the unity inside a family , right

9:17

? So you know , everybody

9:19

in the family is selfless and

9:21

that's good . If someone is doing something

9:24

for their own purpose

9:26

or for their own good , that's selfish

9:28

. Yeah , right . So after

9:31

we explained the general idea and the

9:33

broad idea , we wanted to dive

9:35

into the deeper level . Yeah

9:37

, right . So , based on my story

9:39

, like I said , if you do things in

9:42

your own way for your own happiness

9:44

, good . If

9:46

you should say that for your own good , then that's

9:49

selfish . So , based

9:51

on my understanding of this word

9:54

, my past experience and the culture I

9:56

grew up , I would say selfish is

9:58

not 100% the

10:01

bad thing and you should look at

10:03

selfish and selfless not

10:05

just black and white , not just right or

10:07

wrong . It's about how you

10:09

choose and how do we choose . It's

10:11

based on our personal value , would

10:13

you say so ?

10:15

Absolutely , and that's something that I think we should

10:17

definitely dive in deeper with the

10:19

self-value in a moment here , but

10:21

one of the things that I would like to bring up

10:23

is that separation of selfish

10:25

and selfless , that black and white that

10:28

you just mentioned . The big thing that

10:30

a lot of people think is that if

10:32

I'm not being selfish , therefore

10:34

I am selfless . Right , it's one

10:37

or another . You're jumping from that side to the

10:39

other side . There is nothing in between

10:41

, and that's just not the truth . The

10:43

truth is is that there's this huge

10:46

gray zone in the middle .

10:48

The two words itself is gray zones

10:50

. Two big gray zones .

10:52

Yes , exactly they are . They are

10:54

their own gray zones , right , but

10:56

in reality they are opposites

10:58

. In this point , and the

11:01

point that I'm trying to bring up here is that if

11:03

you believe that you are selfless

11:06

when someone else is being

11:08

selfish , this is not

11:10

necessarily the case . You have

11:12

to realize one big thing Selfishness

11:15

is about understanding your self-value

11:18

. Selflessness means that

11:20

you understand your self-value

11:22

to the point that you don't care about

11:25

it anymore and you

11:27

are doing something that might be outside

11:30

of yourself in order

11:32

to help the greater good , right

11:35

. So these two aspects

11:37

are very important to understand

11:40

holistically all around , because

11:42

in some situations , doing

11:44

one is going to be very

11:46

important and the other one is going to also

11:48

be very important . But you have

11:51

to know the root , and the root is

11:53

the self , right . That's why they're

11:55

in both of the words . It's

11:57

in selfish and selfless

12:00

. What's the key word here ? Self right

12:02

. So if we understand what the self is

12:04

, we'll be able to really understand

12:07

this on a greater value level . But

12:09

right now , I want to just dive in a

12:11

bit more of some examples that we can

12:13

share about when is

12:16

it okay to be selfish

12:18

? Okay , do you have any examples

12:20

that you'd like to share ?

12:21

Well , like we mentioned right

12:23

, For example , if my friend

12:25

has like a birthday party , you know

12:27

, as a good friend , I should be

12:29

joining their birthday

12:31

party , but it just so happened

12:33

that day . I don't feel like myself . I

12:35

would like to take some time just for myself

12:37

. Even I don't do anything , I just

12:39

stay home , you know , play

12:42

with my son or read some books

12:44

, drink a cup of tea . Just take some

12:46

time for myself . I just don't feel like I wanted

12:48

to go to my friend's

12:50

birthday . Is that selfish ? Yes

12:53

, it is , I would say so . Maybe

12:56

this friend was really , you know , very looking

12:58

forward to see me in his or

13:00

her birthday party . Well , maybe this friend

13:02

, you know , celebrated my birthday

13:05

party , celebrated my birthday

13:07

before , but on that day I

13:09

just made the decision to

13:11

be selfish because

13:14

I know if today I

13:16

force myself to do the things as unwillingly

13:20

which join the birthday party , I

13:22

wouldn't be engaged in

13:24

the way as authentic

13:27

self , I wouldn't be

13:29

as joyful as I should

13:31

be at that occasion

13:33

and I might just start

13:35

complaining about oh my God , why am I wasting my

13:37

time ? Or started

13:39

to pick up the things I can complain about ? Just

13:42

because this resentment

13:44

I have towards myself

13:46

, because I didn't make the decision for myself first

13:48

, I forced myself , against my personal

13:51

will , to do this thing , just

13:53

so I cannot be called selfish . Right

13:55

. And then I have the whole resentment

13:57

, maybe towards to my friends .

14:00

Yeah , you build this negativity towards them .

14:02

Exactly so . When you

14:04

started to feel the negative emotion

14:06

towards to either selfish or selfless

14:09

behavior , that's when you

14:11

started to pay more attention

14:13

to it .

14:15

So expanding on your example

14:18

, because I think it's very clear on understanding

14:20

what is selfishness , is that by

14:23

you not going to the

14:25

party or the occasion , that

14:27

you know that there is going to be a consequence

14:30

, but irregardless

14:33

of that consequence , you believe

14:35

that if you are being selfish

14:37

in this moment , you're actually doing

14:39

something that is more authentic

14:42

to yourself rather than

14:44

worrying about the result

14:46

that is going to happen to the other

14:48

person . Right ? So that's why I

14:50

think this is the word selfishness . Right

14:53

, because you're focusing completely

14:55

on the self . Right , you're

14:58

not worried about the other

15:00

person or the scenario

15:02

that happens there . Right , and that's a choice

15:04

. That's a choice that you made

15:06

. And so let's

15:09

say , on the other hand , you

15:11

do go to that party , even though you don't want

15:13

to go . This is an act of selflessness

15:16

, right ? Yeah , and so what would

15:18

be the benefit made

15:20

here ?

15:22

I showed up as my friend wanted and

15:25

I'd be part of the he's or

15:27

her birthday party , as

15:29

the other person wanted , and

15:32

that's it .

15:34

So the benefit is completely outside

15:36

of yourself . Exactly

15:39

, selflessness , yes , right , so

15:41

you are doing something completely

15:43

for someone else , irregardless

15:46

of how you feel within , exactly

15:49

. So there is a benefit

15:51

of doing that in some scenarios

15:54

not this scenario , not the one that you just

15:56

mentioned , but in other scenarios

15:58

there could be . Some examples that I

16:00

can think of are like being a doctor

16:02

, and especially doctors

16:04

who work in third world countries like Africa

16:07

. Okay , they are completely

16:09

doing that from a selfless point of view . They're not making

16:11

a lot of money , they're not gaining

16:13

a lot of benefits , they're not living in a nice house . The

16:16

thing that they're gaining in this selfless action

16:18

is to help others completely

16:21

. Firefighters is another great example

16:23

. They're risking their entire lives

16:26

to help other

16:28

people by saving them from fire

16:30

. Right , this is another selfless

16:32

act , right ? So in these examples

16:35

that we can see , there's no

16:37

sense of selfishness that we

16:40

can clearly see . Right , but

16:42

do you believe that inside

16:45

them there is any selfishness

16:47

at all ? Definitely , definitely . What is that

16:49

them ?

16:50

there is any selfishness at all . Definitely , Definitely

16:52

. What is that ? Our

16:58

actions , life choices , big , small career or

17:01

act on your self-preference . We have this selfish

17:03

tendency . Those people , you said it right selfless

17:05

behavior , but their intention

17:07

, what was their intention ? They must enjoy

17:10

what they were doing right , that's where the selfishness

17:12

comes in , exactly so

17:14

their life decision , for most

17:16

of people , which is general idea , is

17:18

selfless , but their intention

17:21

, they must have been enjoying doing

17:23

it and it's good . That's

17:25

good . They're being selfish about choosing those

17:28

life career they want , right

17:30

. So this is a perfect balance

17:33

, which is the idea I wanted to brought up . It's

17:35

no good or bad , it's just

17:38

about balance . So today , if

17:40

you , you know , being a doctor , firefighter

17:42

, for most people think it's selfless

17:44

because they put their life into , you

17:46

know , in other scenarios or

17:49

in other people's hands , like third world

17:51

country , you don't know what

17:54

would happen , but they act

17:56

on it because they can get self

17:58

, you know , sense of achievement or sense

18:01

of fulfillment , whatever that is . That's

18:03

their selfishness . So

18:06

this is a perfect balance . So , they

18:08

should coexist in

18:10

this case in this case , right .

18:12

So this is where the key

18:14

word that we're going to bring up is how

18:17

they understand themselves . Right

18:19

, the self once again , like

18:22

they , these kind of people who are doing

18:24

these actions , hopefully right like maybe

18:26

they don't know , but ideally they are

18:29

understanding who their

18:31

self is and that they understand

18:33

their self , then they are capable

18:35

of making actions that

18:38

will not only be beneficial for

18:40

themselves , but simultaneously

18:43

being helpful for others

18:46

, and this is the key word that I wanted

18:48

to bring up today , which is called a win-win-win

18:51

scenario . What's a

18:53

win-win-win scenario , anita ?

18:55

You know , we usually say win-win Right

18:58

. I said three though .

18:59

Yeah , it's not win-win

19:02

, it's a win-win-win Three

19:04

wins .

19:05

So basically , when we are having a conversation

19:07

that conflicts , like we have settled the idea

19:09

when . What is our next

19:11

vacation location , for example , yeah

19:14

, I want to go to France , you wanted to go

19:16

to Russia ?

19:18

God , I do not want to go to Russia , just

19:22

for the record . Yes , I do

19:24

not want to go .

19:26

Oh hey , russians are great . They are

19:28

great . I love Russians .

19:29

They just great . I love Russians . They just have a lot

19:31

of history .

19:31

I don't like cold places Okay

19:33

, and Russia , you are cold

19:35

Okay .

19:37

They have vodka .

19:37

That's my least favorite alcohol , so

19:41

it's not a suitable place for me .

19:43

Anyways , yes , so in this case

19:45

, if we say , oh , everyone's

19:47

go to Russia , I want to go to Paris , and finally

19:50

we made the conclusions is win

19:52

for Eric and win for me , then

19:54

will be the best situation , right , right , if

19:57

we just choose to go to Paris for

19:59

example , it will just be win for me , wouldn't

20:01

be win for Eric . Right

20:03

. Okay . So the basic win-win

20:06

situation you already know Win

20:08

for you , win for others . The other

20:10

one is win for the environment everyone

20:12

involved , exactly everything involved

20:14

, is also winning so , like

20:17

the doctors and firefighters situation

20:19

, win for themselves because they choose the life

20:21

paths they want , win

20:23

for others because they save others and

20:25

win for the world , the world country . They

20:27

need more than people like this Fire

20:30

. They need firefighters to save the

20:32

environment .

20:33

Right .

20:33

In this case , it's a win-win-win scenario

20:35

.

20:36

Exactly , and these are really good examples

20:38

of this , and that's why some of these people have

20:40

the biggest sense of fulfillment . According

20:47

to statistics , both of them are in the top 10 of the most happy

20:49

careers that you could have , and there's a reason

20:51

for it . It's because they have

20:54

the win-win-win scenario . But

20:56

this doesn't mean you have to go and quit

20:58

your job right now and go be a firefighter

21:00

or be a doctor .

21:01

Because that wouldn't be a win for yourself if it's not

21:03

authentic .

21:04

It's not authentic , right . So you need

21:06

to understand what is your self-value

21:09

, which ? Is what we're going to expand on . This is the key

21:11

word today and what

21:13

is it going to connect with ? With

21:15

other people , and how does that connection

21:18

with other people also relate

21:20

to the environment that you're

21:23

in three points

21:26

with yourself . Then

21:28

you have created the balance

21:30

of selflessness and selfishness , In

21:32

other words , the self right . So

21:34

that dives into something

21:37

that I wanted to touch a little bit before

21:39

we get into value . I

21:41

think we're kind of avoiding it a little bit . I

21:43

want to give it some attention , and that

21:45

is selflessness . Okay , so

21:47

let's talk about it . What is selflessness

21:50

, based on your perspective and perspective

21:53

of Taiwan ?

21:56

Selflessness is when you , as

21:58

a server , you give

22:01

, you serve others . Simple

22:03

as that , as a family I already

22:05

mentioned about . Like in Asian Taiwaneseese

22:07

culture , selfless is live

22:10

for others . When you

22:12

are , you choose your major in college

22:14

. You should choose the one

22:16

that makes the most money

22:19

, has the brighter future , hence

22:22

why you can support your family , which is the

22:24

original family again it's close

22:26

to the family aspect , because it's

22:28

the most important part of our culture . So

22:32

selflessness is

22:34

basically you made a decision for others

22:37

, serve others and

22:39

just put your purpose to

22:42

others . That's selfless

22:45

.

22:45

Back to the family aspect and

22:48

also , whatever decision

22:51

you're making , you are being

22:53

a good Taiwanese citizen

22:55

if you are considering a

22:58

future that relates to

23:00

or is no matter what connected to your family

23:03

in some way or another . And

23:05

this is just a general idea . Right , this isn't

23:07

for every Taiwanese , but this

23:09

is something that you can definitely see inside of Taiwanese

23:12

culture , right ? And so

23:14

now I want to ask you why

23:17

but I know we don't want to get too deep into that rabbit

23:19

hole , but what do you think is

23:21

something that really is

23:23

pushing this selflessness

23:25

? Is it because of family

23:27

saying if you don't do this , we'll all suffer

23:29

?

23:39

Or do you think it could be something

23:41

completely different ? Or what is your

23:43

opinion For others ? We

23:46

live for others .

23:47

Live for others .

23:48

Enhance why we can have a bigger

23:50

and stronger community , a group , any

23:53

kind of group that you can think about at school

23:56

family . If

23:58

the family is all strong and stick together

24:00

, that means they're good . And if

24:02

you need to stick together

24:05

and only stick together as a group

24:07

, it requires unified

24:10

everybody , meaning we

24:12

don't have much space for individual

24:15

to exist . So

24:17

most of the decision that we're making is for others

24:20

, like , oh , we moved to this country because

24:22

, oh , we moved to this city

24:24

. Or move here because

24:26

I live closer to my parents . I

24:28

can , you know , take care of them . Or

24:31

the parents move closer to their kids

24:33

because they wanted to be around

24:36

when the kids need them . Or

24:38

, you know , any kind of decision is based

24:41

on the belief that we believe . The value that

24:43

we believe is unity

24:45

.

24:46

And unity is not necessarily a bad thing , but

24:48

unity and selflessness

24:51

are kind of combined , yeah

24:53

, in this value that

24:55

you're talking about . So a root value

24:58

in taiwan , based on

25:00

your , your perspective of taiwan , is

25:02

that that if you want

25:04

to be a good taiwanese

25:06

, you need to have this

25:09

intertwined value of

25:11

selflessness and unification

25:14

with your family , no matter what

25:16

.

25:16

Yes .

25:17

So they are , no matter what , going

25:19

to basically be

25:22

one with each other , and

25:24

they can't live without each other .

25:27

And sacrifice is a very

25:29

big big part

25:32

of our culture . Sacrifice

25:35

is always good .

25:36

Yeah , it's similar to selflessness

25:38

right Right . Yeah , it makes sense

25:40

. So , yeah , I think if

25:42

I were to take that and bring it over to the United

25:44

States is that I would say that

25:46

selflessness is similar

25:49

to some phrases or terms that we have

25:51

in the United States . One of them is being a doormat

25:53

. That's really common to say towards

25:55

a lady . For men it's like

25:57

Mr Nice Guy or yes

25:59

, man . No . There's even a movie

26:02

by Jim Carrey about that kind

26:04

of perspective on life and these

26:07

kind of people , and I

26:09

know quite a few of them . One

26:11

of my dearest friends lives a life like

26:13

this , and this kind

26:15

of lifestyle is based on fear

26:18

in the United States , and

26:20

it's not because of the necessity

26:23

with family , it's more based on the

26:25

fear that if I don't , then

26:28

I will be alone , and this

26:30

is something that is a huge pandemic

26:33

inside as the opposite of selfishness

26:35

. Because of that , we're

26:53

thinking , okay , I must , I'll be a very

26:55

good american citizen if I say

26:57

yes to everything , and

27:00

so this is totally

27:02

not true . But then again

27:04

it just comes down to this root again of what

27:06

is what is self right ?

27:08

that reminds me of one thing like

27:10

selflessness

27:13

also give us the idea , like

27:15

we don't . We always think we

27:17

are not good enough if

27:20

we are not being selfless . So

27:22

, on the other hand , is we only depending

27:25

on other people's needs

27:27

, that if we can provide other people's

27:30

needs , then I am good ? Yes

27:32

I have value

27:34

, like you know mother

27:36

figure . If I sacrifice

27:39

enough , being selfless

27:41

to all of my kids

27:44

or all my family , I am a good

27:46

mom , right ? So this is

27:48

like our word , only depending

27:50

on . I I'm not saying serve others

27:52

is a bad thing , I'm just saying you only serve

27:55

that to gain self-value

27:58

. That's

28:00

where the problem is .

28:01

Right . You're trying to achieve

28:03

self-value from an outward

28:06

perspective , so

28:08

like doing things outside of your inner

28:11

body to achieve something

28:13

that only temporarily gives

28:15

you that sense of achievement . Right . But

28:17

in reality , the only way to

28:19

have value within is to know

28:22

what your values are and then following

28:24

those actions . Right , so sometimes

28:26

you know every day we're probably doing those

28:28

, you know . But the idea is that do

28:30

you know what actions you're doing each day

28:32

that are triggering those , are

28:35

activating those values inside

28:37

you ? Yeah , that's what we're going to talk about next

28:39

time . Okay , but yes , great

28:42

point , very great point . Uh

28:44

, is there something else that you want to mention here ?

28:46

yeah , because I think , now

28:48

that we were going down to this

28:50

, the biggest question

28:53

is like how you know , then , you

28:55

guys are talking about this so much

28:57

, so what should we do ? Right , right . It's

28:59

about some practice that you can apply

29:01

to your life , and I just wanted

29:03

to share one of my personal ideas

29:06

. Go ahead . Because

29:08

I grew up in a family selfless

29:11

is good , selfish is bad . So

29:14

I've seen my mother sacrifice herself all

29:16

the time constantly for children

29:19

. So right now I don't want to be

29:21

like that , right , because we are

29:23

both of us are searching for

29:25

self-value , and that

29:28

is about balance . So sometimes

29:30

, when I was taking care of our son

29:32

, I do everything for him first

29:34

in the morning , I prepare his

29:36

breakfast first , and when it's

29:38

my turn to eat , the moment

29:41

I sit down , he will start asking because he already

29:43

finished his breakfast , right , so he's ready to

29:45

like play or whatever he wants to do

29:47

. He will be like mama read or mama play

29:49

, my instant action

29:52

react . I would react . And will be like mama read or mama

29:54

play , my instant action react . I would reaction will be yes

29:56

, I , I shouldn't be eating right now my

29:58

baby needs me you know

30:00

. So that's what .

30:02

What we mentioned about earlier is that it's like a

30:04

you know , the broken record engraving your brain

30:06

that you should be this way right if

30:08

you're not , you are selfish

30:11

, you are bad , you're equals , you're a bad mother

30:13

so you already can see

30:15

right something that's happening

30:18

unconsciously exactly all

30:20

the time in your life .

30:21

Yeah , isn't that fascinating so fascinating

30:23

, scary at the same time .

30:25

But that's the thing is that you just had

30:27

a realization , yes , and now

30:29

that you have the realization , you can take action

30:31

on it , and that's what we're trying to achieve

30:34

for everyone listening right now is that what

30:36

is a moment in your daily life

30:38

it's happening , it's happening every day , and

30:40

what is it in your life that

30:43

is causing you to be selfless

30:45

, but not in a way that you

30:47

would enjoy ? Right ? If you

30:49

know what that is , then great

30:51

. Now you know where to start .

30:54

Yes . So again , we are

30:56

not convincing you to choose side , to

30:58

choose to be selfish all the time or selfless

31:00

all the time .

31:01

No , not at all .

31:01

It's about balance . So how do

31:03

we do this ? Just like the example

31:06

I just mentioned , two things With

31:08

your conscious effort , you can

31:10

change , meaning you can make

31:12

a better choice every

31:14

time . When you cultivate your attention

31:17

which , just like Eric mentioned , pay

31:19

attention to the

31:21

moment in your life that you are , just you know

31:23

switch to the reaction

31:25

. Actually , that's the point that you should be paying

31:28

attention to and that gives

31:30

you the second chance to change it . So

31:33

when I was just about

31:35

to jump to give up on my breakfast

31:37

to play with my son , I sit

31:39

back down because I caught the attention

31:42

saying no , if

31:44

I go play with my

31:47

son right now , I

31:49

will be fake

31:51

selfless ah and

31:53

I don't want that and you will build resentment

31:55

towards kaya , our son . Yes , our

31:58

son and I will be like , oh , I'm

32:00

sacrificing my , my breakfast

32:02

, and why you not acting the way I want

32:04

you to do ?

32:04

you know the whole judging the whole time

32:07

yeah , the whole bad , negative

32:09

cycle starts .

32:10

Yeah , what you can do is just simply

32:13

make the choice . Honey

32:15

, I'm sorry , you already finished your breakfast and

32:17

I think Mama deserves

32:19

a quiet time to finish my breakfast

32:21

, and when

32:23

I finish I'll play with you . Simply

32:26

just say that .

32:27

No matter what , there will be a consequence . Yes

32:29

, but the consequence here is temporary

32:33

discomfort for the other person

32:35

. However , you will be

32:37

in a state of satisfaction

32:39

and because of that , you will

32:41

be able to give more positivity

32:44

later .

32:45

So this is the interaction just between

32:48

you and your son and my

32:50

son and me . He will

32:52

learn a little bit discomfort , but

32:54

he builds respect

32:57

to others . Not

33:02

always about him , him , him , him , him , even though I'm the mother figure . So

33:04

he will learn self-value

33:06

. He will learn the characteristic

33:08

that he has to have to respect

33:11

others . And once you do

33:13

more not just in your family with

33:15

others , people will learn . The

33:19

previous example about my friend's

33:21

birthday I built this value

33:23

. Say , hey , that's the boundary . I need to be

33:25

who I am first . Then

33:28

the friend will learn . The next time

33:30

he will enforce himself to come

33:32

to my party and build a resentment towards

33:34

me . And the more you do it

33:36

, you bring more positive

33:39

energy to others . The people will start to

33:41

align with your self-value

33:43

. It's because you started doing

33:46

it .

33:46

Not only that , but people will also

33:48

understand your boundary , and

33:51

those who can respect the

33:53

boundary will be true

33:55

friends or true people that you

33:57

want in your life if they're not

33:59

yeah oh , I'm just . The last

34:01

thing I was just gonna say was uh , I know

34:03

we're both very excited about this . Yes

34:05

, yes , the only other thing

34:07

is that if they respect it , then you

34:10

are going to also start to have more

34:12

interactions with people who you actually want to spend

34:14

time with , because they are respecting

34:17

you , you're respecting them . You have created

34:19

this balance inside of

34:21

your life with people who actually care

34:24

Right , and so you have become

34:26

more aligned with not only yourself

34:29

, but the environment

34:31

. Your win , win

34:33

win right All

34:35

three .

34:36

This is a high five here .

34:37

Yes . So , that's

34:40

it right there . So I

34:42

want to dive into the last

34:44

topic of today's episode

34:46

and just keep in mind we're only

34:48

going to be touching it today . It's

34:50

going to be surface level . Okay

34:52

, we're not going to dive deep into this

34:54

, because it deserves its own

34:57

episode . And we respect it that much

34:59

where we're going to be giving you a

35:01

complete episode about it . That's

35:03

values . Okay , so

35:06

in order to understand

35:08

yourself , you have

35:11

to break the self down . Okay

35:13

, what is the self ? And

35:15

, in reality , self comes down to

35:17

a couple things , but the

35:19

biggest thing that we're going to talk about is

35:21

values , and how do you

35:24

understand what your values are

35:26

? And so we're going to bring to

35:28

another episode . What is

35:31

value ? What are ways for you

35:33

to understand your value and

35:35

how can you go about learning

35:37

more about your value as time goes

35:39

on ? Because it's not a one

35:41

day figure out solving

35:43

situation , because values , just

35:45

like the self , is huge

35:48

. Okay , it's in every aspect of your life

35:50

, and so if you start to understand

35:52

at least some of them , that means the other ones

35:54

will easily come to your attention

35:56

. So if you just practice

35:59

this and learn from what we're about to teach

36:01

you in the future episode , trust

36:03

me , it's totally worth it , because

36:05

it will completely redirect your life in

36:07

the direction that you believe inside

36:10

yourself to be authentic

36:13

, and that will make

36:15

this whole selfishness and

36:17

selflessness problem disappear

36:19

, because you're no longer looking

36:21

at the spectrum . The spectrum will disappear

36:23

, it will just be about what

36:26

is it that I value right

36:28

? And that means what is myself

36:30

? Who am I ? I

36:32

am my values .

36:33

Yes . So back to the topic

36:36

, the selfish and selfless . And then if

36:39

someone says I would also like

36:41

to serve others , it's definitely a good

36:43

behavior right , absolutely . So

36:45

back to my examples

36:48

. If I understand my self-value which

36:50

is the breakfast examples , my

36:54

examples if I understand my self-value , which is the breakfast examples

36:56

, then I will be giving more to my son later on because I satisfied myself

36:58

. I can have more

37:00

love , more positive

37:03

energy to give to

37:05

others . So this is the balance

37:07

of it . But if you are

37:09

seeing yourself having

37:11

a difficult time to

37:13

, for example , open up to others or

37:16

to serve others , there are some

37:18

ideas that you can . There's

37:20

some practice that you can do to your life

37:23

, because you know that's what we

37:25

are here for . We are , we're here to serve

37:27

. Right ? If today

37:29

, like I don't remember how many

37:31

times that , when we are not feeling ourselves

37:33

, we say we're not doing this episode

37:35

because we wouldn't be sending

37:38

out the positive energy

37:40

, absolutely because we'll be like , oh my god

37:42

, I'm so tired . Why am I doing this

37:44

? Right ? That's so many times

37:46

. That's the idea that I have in my head it'sless

37:49

. Yes , so there

37:51

are a few ways that you can do

37:53

which is keep yourself some inspiration

37:56

. There are a few things that you can do . The

37:58

first one is engaging the art , like

38:01

it just gives you a life

38:04

, different perspective

38:06

. Like , oh my God , I've never , because

38:09

most of the arts they are like beyond

38:11

the reality world . So

38:14

, they give you a different perspective

38:16

and learning something new , learning

38:19

a new language , learning a new language

38:21

, experience , exot ic food

38:23

.

38:24

Yes .

38:24

This kind of new experience .

38:26

Yes .

38:27

Right .

38:28

Absolutely .

38:29

Yes , and the last one is my personal favorite

38:31

when I don't , when

38:34

I just don't you know just when

38:36

I've noticed myself closed up , I

38:39

also act on selfish

38:41

behavior , but in

38:43

a negative way . Okay

38:45

, so this one I found myself like this

38:47

I will always go outside to nature , because

38:50

when you go to nature , you're just like we

38:53

are part of the world . And this world is so

38:56

big . What am I doing with

38:58

myself in my own room

39:00

?

39:00

your face is so funny . I love

39:02

it .

39:02

T hat's my realization face , that's

39:05

. That's always very quick fix

39:07

for this kind of closed up , narrow-mindedminded

39:11

idea about you know , like being

39:13

selfish or like have all

39:15

these questions about what is

39:17

my self-value . You know those kind of things . You

39:19

just go outside , have fresh

39:21

air , seeing some nature , and then , yeah

39:24

, you're given new life experience

39:27

and then those are all

39:29

beyond self . Then you started

39:31

to figure it out . Oh , you open up the possibility and

39:33

then you are all beyond self . Then you started to figure it out . Oh , you open up the possibility . Then you start thinking

39:35

about what is really self . So

39:38

keep in mind , this is not just like one-time homework

39:40

. It's not like you figure it out one time and

39:42

you're just going to do it for the rest of your

39:44

life . It's constantly changing

39:46

. Oh yeah . Constant practice . That's

39:49

why it's really beautiful , because you learn

39:51

new things all the time about

39:53

yourself .

39:54

That's so true and it's great

39:56

because , no matter what

39:58

, if you are waking up every day and you're learning

40:00

something new , that means you have grown

40:03

and involved just a

40:05

bit more to understanding yourself

40:07

on this deeper level . Our intention

40:09

here is for you to deep dive into the

40:11

self quickly so that you

40:13

can take a lot of those

40:15

extra steps out of the way , because if

40:18

you understand self first and you work from there

40:20

, then every other step afterwards

40:22

is going to be a piece of cake , because

40:24

you're going to be following the inner

40:26

map , your heart Right . And

40:28

so Hanina made some examples

40:30

. I just want to give you a clarification of

40:33

some that we would love . So

40:35

, if you want to do art , one of

40:37

our great listeners , fifi shout out

40:39

to her is an artist that

40:42

we will be doing a little video on Taiwanica

40:44

Instagram for everyone to see . If

40:46

you want to see some great art . That's a great example

40:49

for food , exotic

40:51

food . If you live in taichung , or if you

40:53

want to go to taichung , you gotta try

40:55

bella roma

40:59

as an example of exotic food

41:01

, authentic italian food made by

41:03

a local italian named

41:05

mario great guy

41:07

. You must drink in order to buy it

41:09

, though , so just keep in mind that you will have a have

41:12

to have a glass of wine with it , but totally

41:14

worth it .

41:16

Yes , One glass is not enough . Oh my gosh .

41:18

This lady , and she doesn't even drink , which is

41:20

surprising . And then , with languages

41:22

, you know where to look for Amazing Talker with

41:25

Anita and Eric . We're always here for you to improve

41:27

your language and your emotional healing skills

41:30

your

41:34

language and your emotional healing skills . So these are definitely avenues that you

41:36

can easily walk down to order to understand the self even more . If you want to

41:38

look for things that are free , oh

41:40

man , just make some great food yourself . Go

41:42

down to nature like . Anita said or paint

41:45

your own painting , because it's no

41:47

matter what , you will achieve this

41:49

self-realization . So

41:52

that's the only thing else I wanted

41:54

to say .

41:55

Yes , thank you so much , eric .

41:56

Yes , and thank you , anita . I think today was

41:58

a wonderful episode .

42:01

Definitely . I'm pretty sure this

42:03

will give you new ideas about how

42:05

to live your life , because our

42:07

main purpose for this episode is to break

42:09

free from those just two

42:11

.

42:14

you know , the gray area area , yeah , this whole spectrum right

42:16

, yes , the whole spectrum right , just get out of this

42:18

gray zone of like , what if I'm doing

42:20

this ? Am I doing that because this question

42:22

alone is worry in

42:25

other words , it's fear , and fear

42:27

is just false evidence appearing

42:29

real , and so if you're thinking

42:31

that that is actually you , let

42:34

me tell you it's not okay

42:36

so just realize that

42:38

you are trying your best to be

42:40

who you want to be figuring out

42:43

what your self-value is is

42:45

far more important than being

42:47

selfish or selfless exactly , and once

42:49

you know what that is then being selfish in some moments and selfless Exactly , and once you know

42:51

what that is , then being selfish in some moments and selfless

42:53

in other moments makes sense

42:56

, you know why you're doing

42:58

it which is realization

43:00

once again .

43:02

What a great episode .

43:03

Yes , great episode . Glad you're all

43:05

here to listen to it . If you liked it , definitely

43:08

give us a thumbs up on Spotify

43:10

or leave us a comment on Apple Podcasts

43:13

. That would be awesome . Yes . And

43:15

then , yeah , you know where to find us

43:17

on Instagram and buymeacoffeecom for

43:19

any support . We love coffee . We're actually

43:21

drinking bubble milk tea these days , so if you want

43:23

to help us get some boba in my belly

43:25

, you can still support us on buymeacoffeecom

43:28

. Forward slash Taiwanica . Okay

43:31

, we'll see you next time . Bye , bye-bye

43:34

.