0:00

Well, in the second half, very funny,

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0:41

The Adam Corolla show presents Kevin

0:44

Neland's birthday cocktail party.

0:46

For November eighteenth, look

0:48

seize invited. Just

0:52

in time for the upcoming election, here's

0:54

the inventor of the Gallup poll.

0:57

George Gallup. The first American

0:59

in space, Alan Sheppard is

1:02

here. Let's welcome American

1:04

rocker Hank Bauchner alert. From

1:06

the staple singer's purpose staples,

1:09

the author of the Handmaid's Tale, Margaret

1:11

Atwood, is here. From Dynasty,

1:14

Linda Evans. Let's welcome

1:16

British singer songwriter, The

1:19

Great Grand Parker. From

1:21

Quiet at riot and Aussie

1:23

Hasbourn's band, Rudy Sarzo.

1:27

The singer of St. Elmo's fire

1:29

and naughty, nod be. John

1:31

Parr. From the Houston oilers,

1:34

let's welcome Warren Moon. Pop

1:36

singer Kim Wilde is here. From

1:38

Metallica, Kirk camon.

1:41

Wow. Owen Wilson is

1:43

here. So is Megan Kelly?

1:46

David Ortiz. and

1:49

happy birthday Mickey Mouse.

1:52

Kevin Neilin is on the Adam Corolla

1:54

show. Wow. You share

1:56

a birthday with Grand Parker.

1:58

Yeah. I fucking love

1:59

Grand Park. He is the best. He is the best. We

2:02

we used to celebrate our birthdays together. actually.

2:04

You and Graham? Man, it would we would be

2:07

on the road in a bus. Oh. We'd

2:09

pick it up in some remote channel and we'd just

2:11

go out and we would just we would tear up the

2:13

town. Even if we weren't in a town, we tear it up.

2:15

You'd you'd create a town and then destroy

2:17

it. We would yeah. Exactly. That's

2:19

exactly what we do. No. I think Oprah is

2:21

also on the list, but maybe I'm wrong. Oh. Maybe

2:24

I'm wrong. Yeah. Well, they don't

2:26

miss anything. If they're going to Grand Parker, then they

2:28

must have they they probably know

2:30

that. Yeah. No. They've they've turned

2:32

over a bridge now. Obviously, I was close.

2:34

Mhmm. I have celebrated

2:36

my birthday with Owen Wilson before, though. Have

2:38

you? Yeah. Yeah.

2:40

We always kinda get together for a

2:42

drink, but I did have a party a couple years

2:44

ago when he came to that.

2:46

Really? I Well, let's

2:48

talk about the the book, by the way,

2:50

because I don't know if Owen Wilson is

2:53

in this book. No. He's not in this one. Dana

2:55

Carvey, Chris Farley, Robin Will am

2:57

Jim Carey of Steve Martin, Buzz

2:59

Aldren. Uh-huh. How are you doing? Any

3:02

better? Paint an E Line Manik? I

3:04

think Kevin Neilin is

3:07

quietly

3:08

how we say this? Quietly the funniest

3:11

guy I know, but also has

3:13

many, many celebrity friends but sort

3:16

of quietly. Like, doesn't like

3:18

I see on the red carpet. Yeah. Kevin doesn't like

3:20

to make a big splashing that stuff, you know. Yeah.

3:23

Kevin is very low key. Underrated, I

3:25

would say, is very underrated. I think that's what they'll

3:27

say at my memorial. Oh, yeah.

3:29

Very underrated. And this memorial is even

3:31

underrated. I mean, it should be a much bigger

3:33

one. So

3:35

let's talk about the book. it's

3:38

it's available wherever you find finer

3:40

books. It's coming on October twenty fifth,

3:42

October twenty fifth. But it could be preordered

3:44

now, of course. Yes. It's it's a it's a

3:46

collection of characters and

3:48

portraits and stories. I

3:50

didn't know you're an artist. A lot of people

3:52

apparently didn't because I never had a bookout

3:54

that showed my paintings. Yeah.

3:57

I everything I do is kind of under

3:59

under

3:59

the hood. Mhmm. Like, I I play

4:01

the band joining the guitar since I was ten.

4:03

Right. I only play my bedroom. You

4:05

and Steve Martin get together I have played with Steve

4:07

Martin before. We did the theme to a weeds. One of

4:09

the weeks we did that thing. Cool. And

4:12

and the same with drawing. I've I've grown since I

4:14

was a kid starting with drawing

4:16

maps in school.

4:17

And and then

4:18

I just progressed. I started doodling and,

4:20

you know, in high school I would draw people

4:22

and then I started live during the table, read.

4:24

if I wasn't in a sketch, which is often, I

4:27

would just be bored in a sketch, like, far away

4:29

across the way from me or or whoever, you

4:31

know, Sandler. And and

4:33

then I'd be in airplanes. and I'd be sketching

4:35

people in airplanes because I have I would

4:37

have claustrophobia. And if the plane got

4:39

stuck on the tarmac, I would

4:41

start getting a little hot on the collar and I

4:43

just take out a sketch pad or a barf bag when it

4:45

was available. Perfect will be an empty

4:47

barf bag. Sure. And I just sketched the people next

4:49

to me that are sleeping with their mouth open. Yeah.

4:53

Yeah. So that's kind of like the progress. And then

4:55

I just kind of evolved and I started

4:58

focusing more on, like, a year before the

5:00

pandemic. I knew that was coming, so I

5:02

wanted to make sure that I had something

5:04

to do. And and

5:06

and then I just took lessons from this guy in England

5:08

for five hundred euros, ten lessons. And -- Really? --

5:10

he kinda showed me the ins and outs

5:12

of it. And but I

5:14

already kinda knew and he was just kind

5:16

of, you know, reinforcing

5:20

there I

5:20

will attempt to find it, but Kevin

5:23

is a hundred percent right, obviously, he's talking

5:25

about himself. We're back in the radio show,

5:27

0607 so are around there. Kevin

5:29

came in. The morning was hanging out for couple segments.

5:32

And when you left, there was a sketch of

5:34

me on your on your notes. I did the

5:36

paper right in front of you. I kept it. And

5:38

I'll try and find it. It's worth a lot of money now.

5:40

Probably because paper's gone on. I value

5:42

it. Yeah.

5:44

pulp is up forty six percent Yeah.

5:47

Yeah. Well, that but I I am I'm

5:50

interested in this, in that

5:52

you

5:52

you play the banjo, you play the guitar,

5:54

you're an artist, I you play college

5:56

football quarterback. We've

5:59

talked about that.

5:59

That before, you have

6:02

many diverse interests

6:04

your stand up comedian and a very funny

6:06

stand up comedian.

6:07

But

6:08

your approach is sort of quiet,

6:11

which is seems to

6:13

flying the face of

6:15

performing stand up SNL.

6:17

You know what I mean? Like, look, they're guys like Kevin

6:19

Hart and that Kevin Hart's. Kevin Hart's.

6:21

Yeah. That's stand up and you would think he would do

6:23

stand up because he's that -- Sure. -- guy.

6:25

You know what I mean? But you

6:27

don't you feel sort of cerebral

6:30

and Physically

6:31

and vocally, that's the entire spectrum of

6:33

Kevin's.

6:33

It's all being lazy. And

6:35

and what? Energetic or ambitious.

6:39

yeah, no, you're right. I I've kinda taken

6:41

a lot not likes a day's ago, but a

6:43

very kind of calm laid back, which

6:45

is my personality. And when I first started

6:47

doing stand up, I heard some tapes I found.

6:49

It was kinda really laid back,

6:51

like, it was kinda like, you know,

6:54

read about these two guys that rubbed

6:57

the bank and they pulled an nylon stockings,

6:59

you know, over their head so they wouldn't

7:01

be recognized. Actually, these

7:03

pantyhos, so they walk really close together

7:05

you know. But

7:08

it was like that kind of energy. And then

7:10

I started like over the years I started

7:12

adding more energy to it because I was reaching out the crowd

7:14

and bring them in a little bit. And a friend of

7:16

mine hadn't seen me in a long time, and he came to

7:18

see me. And he

7:19

goes, wow, you're, like, really, like, up the

7:21

energy and your delivery. I

7:24

guess I have, but it's it's evolved over

7:26

time. I didn't really notice it. Dude,

7:28

dude, did we I was just

7:30

doing stand

7:31

up at the improv on Wednesday

7:33

night. And, like, I remember sort of

7:35

sitting up top, looking down, and, like,

7:37

one of the comedian said, like, kind of energy's

7:40

a little low in the room, and then

7:42

they went out there and they went, come on. Let's

7:44

get going here. Like, that's always a

7:46

funny cattle prod. Yeah. It's like

7:48

you're running a construct outfit

7:50

or something. Like, I've never I've

7:52

never did the give it up for --

7:54

Come on now. -- let's do it. I

7:56

did do a thing and I fucking forgot

7:58

to do it on Wednesday, but

7:59

it works. I

8:02

went

8:02

over my new thing when I walk out on

8:04

stage. I hold my phone over

8:06

my head, and I survey

8:08

the audience with the phone on it, and everyone goes

8:10

bananas. And then I go, the phone

8:13

wasn't on. I just wanted you guys

8:15

to really win big time.

8:17

I've done it three times. It works. It

8:19

always works. Big time. Anybody

8:21

walks out on stage just take your

8:23

phone. Yeah. Hold it. Landscape. Oh,

8:25

do a selfie. They throw it behind you. They

8:27

can't well, you can't let them see the screen. Oh,

8:30

yeah. No. That's right. So I was like Yeah. Yeah.

8:32

Do do the selfie and do the thing that I walk

8:34

out and I just hold it up on my head and I

8:36

slowly scan it as I scan

8:38

the the section that I pointed to

8:41

goes ballistic. Okay. And then I just put

8:43

the phone on to the best. I don't have it on. I

8:45

don't want it to ring her. Do you wanna

8:47

use the battery up? No. Here's the

8:49

thing that I hate. You

8:50

go to a comedy club somewhere and you get

8:53

these sound guys that wanna be

8:55

doing wrestling shows or something, you

8:57

know. And They want the song.

8:59

I'm gonna lay back, and they

9:01

go, ladies and gentlemen, put your

9:03

hands together for Cabana.

9:06

And then I'm the rap music booj.

9:08

And I get up there. I'm like, hey, man. How's

9:10

it going, man? It's alright. You know? But

9:12

the other thing is, like, you get that audience

9:14

going by holding your phone up. you're not again gonna

9:16

be quiet like at a corporate gig or something where they're

9:18

all million about, they haven't seen each other. Mhmm.

9:21

And somebody told me this, you

9:23

get

9:23

up there and you start a prayer.

9:25

Very softly. Sounds good.

9:28

Oh, that's good. That's

9:30

good. Heavenly Father. and

9:32

everybody just stops eating. They get sit

9:34

down and they take their place. Mhmm.

9:36

And yeah. So those are the two opposite things.

9:38

I love the phone. I love the phone thing. I don't

9:40

know. I was sitting I think we

9:42

were hanging out in Austin. I maybe it

9:44

was on oh, maybe Wisconsin. I

9:46

can't remember where it was, but I was,

9:48

like, I mean, Chris, you could

9:50

probably find a tape of it, by the way.

9:52

It well, if you had your

9:54

camera on me, you would have a I don't I

9:56

don't turn it on. I'm a weirdo with

9:58

my phone. I I turn it

10:00

off. I don't turn it to, like, airplane

10:02

or silent or whatever. I just turn

10:04

it off. and I never bring it

10:06

with me anywhere, like, in the

10:08

studio or on stage or anything. And

10:10

then people are, like, what

10:13

if there's an emergency? And I'm like, well,

10:15

I'm

10:15

not a paramedic. You know what

10:17

I mean? Like, they did so sick. What if your dad

10:19

had a heart attack? It's like, He

10:21

should then his wife should call him ambulance.

10:23

He says, what should be done. I

10:25

get it, man. My wife is like that too.

10:27

I get so annoyed like I'll go on the road.

10:30

and she just shuts down when she goes to

10:32

bed. She's got the mask on. Ear plugs, turns

10:34

her phone off. And so what if I gotta get a hold of

10:36

you? You know, how you're not even gonna my

10:38

phone's on all the time. you know,

10:40

in case somebody needs me for somebody. I do the

10:42

mask and the ear plugs too.

10:44

Does your wife have the hyper vigilance

10:46

that she bothered by like sound. No. No.

10:48

No. It's just that it's it's just that it's close to

10:50

Halloween. It's like AAA

10:52

mask. Yeah. It's a huge redness spirit of

10:54

things. No. She's got the whole

10:56

thing. She's got the series professional black

10:58

mask that goes over. She's got those

11:00

wax ear plugs. Mhmm. She's

11:02

stepping in the the the wax ones.

11:04

steering doctor just said those are not good. But

11:06

she likes to have stuff in her ears because

11:08

she went to see the urologist,

11:11

what do they call them? They they Yeah.

11:13

Not that you're all. Here knows. Threw out

11:15

of the year. Yeah. No. No. Sure. And he

11:17

was telling her about how insects

11:20

crawl into ears sometimes, and they'll get into

11:22

the eardrum, like a silverfish. My friend had a

11:24

silverfish crawling

11:25

to his ear about a year ago, and the

11:27

doctor had to pull it out. and

11:29

the doctor said, I've had all kinds of people coming.

11:31

Kids came out. Kids came in once with

11:33

a moth, went into his ear. And as

11:35

he was trying to get it out, the moth

11:38

spread its wings. Oh, and so

11:40

I think -- Wow. -- here. He said he almost he almost

11:42

passed out. So I said the

11:44

lambs. I'm telling you.

11:46

I understand that that's a

11:48

possibility. You know what I mean?

11:50

Like, I'll file that insects in

11:52

my ears. I'll file it under those

11:54

life hammers, the Sky Mall used to try

11:56

to sell you, that if in case your car

11:59

capsizes I have one. In case you drive your

12:01

car off a pier, we have a

12:03

special handover sticker. And it cuts your seat. Yeah.

12:05

You cut your sheet belt off and you

12:07

can bust the window. And I'm

12:09

like, Understood. But

12:11

you know what? I'm gonna risk it.

12:13

I'm gonna I'm gonna Well, but gonna

12:15

drive from Lockheed and the Glendale

12:17

without a hammer in

12:19

my car that will probably have a toolbox.

12:21

Knowing you, you're probably a toolbox in the back of your

12:23

car. That life hammer let

12:26

me explain how that life hammer

12:28

would go. I would say,

12:30

I would buy the life hammer. I

12:32

would put the life hammer in my car,

12:35

like, under my seat

12:37

or somewhere in the, you know, glove box

12:39

or something. then the

12:41

car would capsize into the

12:43

Meijer and I would open the

12:45

glove box and frantically feel under the

12:47

seat and it would be gone. and

12:49

then I would use my last

12:51

breath to make a phone

12:53

call to my wife. And I would

12:55

go, where is the life hammer? She'd

12:57

say, I put it in the trunk. And would the

12:59

last exchange. That would

13:01

be my last thought being

13:04

alive. And so that's why.

13:06

But, you know, too, I

13:08

think I've seen those hammers, and they're very

13:10

small. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know,

13:13

windows now are not easy to break. No.

13:15

There's a safety glass. Right. And you

13:17

just get it shattered so

13:18

you can't see through it.

13:19

Right. And then you don't see your escape route.

13:21

Oh, boy.

13:22

Yeah. You're right. So maybe the life hammer

13:24

is not worth it. don't know. I do you form

13:26

a death hammer. I think it's more of a death hammer. Do you

13:28

feel like yourself? Well,

13:30

water was rushing into your car at

13:33

night when you're anebriated and capsized in

13:35

a body of water. Do you really think you

13:37

could cut your seat belt off? Gosh,

13:39

you know. I

13:41

can't open the fucking string cheese

13:43

package. I the string cheese, I

13:45

can open the main package, but the

13:47

other string chicken peely part?

13:49

No. can't be done. I'm telling you, I

13:51

don't know if I'm getting weaker, but potato chip

13:53

bags. All those flags, I don't

13:55

know if they start up using superglue.

13:57

something. There is a move where

13:59

you try to open I

14:01

attempt to open the chip bag by

14:03

grabbing each side of it and pulling

14:05

it apart. And then at some

14:07

point, you realize you don't have enough

14:09

upper body to get into these lace

14:11

bank, actually. Chip. And then at

14:13

some point, you you grate your teeth and you

14:15

go, now I'm going for it and you hit

14:17

it hard and there's no

14:19

second gear. You don't go to that

14:21

gear. There used to be as a

14:23

man, you had a second

14:25

gear. The gear was, first,

14:28

I'm gonna just try to open this thing

14:30

without putting expending too much

14:32

energy. But if you ever had to go to

14:34

the second gear, you'd get there. Like, you

14:36

go now, I mean

14:38

it. But when you

14:38

get older, meaning it isn't enough.

14:41

This is the part of the show where you start going to the

14:43

car analogies. Yeah. I like it.

14:45

Oh, yeah. The gears. cars. Yeah. That's

14:47

right. Yeah. The and then try

14:50

really hard and it bursts. explodes. Well,

14:52

what I'll also, you know, you get stuff at these

14:54

electronic stores that they have

14:56

in a

14:56

clamshell. Yeah. And

14:57

they're just you can't get those up. You need,

14:59

like, scissors or those, like, plier

15:01

cutters. Yeah. Line many dikes. Lament

15:04

Dikes. That's what I was gonna say. Yeah. Yeah.

15:07

Our diagonal cutters. Yeah. Our need on this

15:09

plan. Yeah. We have a sketch that Kevin made of

15:11

me when came in here in two thousand and

15:13

thirteen. So it says, Chris. And why

15:15

is this not framed and

15:17

mounted on

15:18

the wall? get right done. somewhere

15:20

and wearing the same shirt. Wait.

15:23

Where was this? I wasn't that a

15:25

revered golf course. You guys did a a

15:27

live podcast there with, like, the general

15:29

analysis. That's what I used to do. That's right. I

15:31

used to do job kind of drawings. You know, I

15:33

wasn't totally committed to it. It's just quick. And

15:35

now I, like, put a lot of time into it. Mhmm.

15:38

And you like the title of that book?

15:40

Yes. I exaggerate. My brush

15:42

is the same. Yeah. My brush is

15:44

the same. of time. How is I

15:46

don't know. Well, let's

15:48

see. There's Chris Friend, there's Robin. I do

15:50

a story about each person too -- Yeah. -- in the book,

15:52

which is kind of fun because people it

15:54

kinda helps, kind of make that character

15:56

come alive. I don't know. I've

15:58

never met Steve Martin

15:59

for instance. You haven't met him? I

16:02

don't think so. He's got gray hair.

16:04

Usually wears a white suit.

16:06

Are these this is him. Yeah. These are

16:08

carves are great. We're looking at a great rrying at

16:10

that. State of Harvey? Yep.

16:13

Did you find me walking out on stage,

16:15

Chris? I'm I'm pulling it right now. We've

16:17

got a big clip, so I gotta I'm cutting

16:19

it. This should be at the

16:21

beginning part. I I understand where it is,

16:23

but the the the file I have your whole shell,

16:25

so I have to cut it through the birds. I would be

16:27

I would

16:27

I would judged the person

16:29

who judged it Dana Carvey if they said, oh, he's

16:31

an asshole. I'd be like, I think there might be something

16:33

wrong with you. He seems like the nicest guy

16:35

ever. I Can I

16:36

say this? This is not

16:38

connected to this, but it's

16:41

an interesting time. There was a

16:43

time when shit didn't

16:45

exist. Like, you'd go, like,

16:47

let's see some footage. If you playing

16:49

college football, quarterback, and you go, we

16:51

didn't roll on it. Like, we don't have it. Now

16:53

we have too much shit. That's true. Yeah.

16:55

Now I go. Could you pull the clip or

16:58

whatever? The fucking file's three hundred hours

17:00

long. I can't find that that twenty

17:02

seconds and then whatever. It's like we have too

17:04

much footage. I think every second has been

17:06

recorded, you know, since they came out with

17:08

this stuff. And in the future, there'll be no

17:10

question about any kind of historical

17:12

event because

17:12

it'll be on every single phone.

17:14

Yeah.

17:14

Everything anybody's done. But it

17:17

hasn't

17:17

so It hasn't stopped

17:20

us from fudging whatever

17:22

event happen or misinterpreting or

17:24

or giving our take

17:27

on whatever's happened. And it

17:29

hasn't put a dent in

17:31

crime. Remember, like, when

17:33

you're a kid, you'd go I wish we had a

17:36

camera. You wouldn't know. I would tell

17:38

you, you know, you would be apologizing

17:40

to me if we were filming this day.

17:43

Whatever every doorbell as a camera. Every door

17:46

every convenience store where a

17:48

guy reaches across the counter and starts

17:50

just smacking someone on the head with a

17:52

ball pain or a life

17:54

hammer. I wish you one of us has they're

17:56

all there. I know. I thought So it walks in,

17:58

knows they're being filmed during the pandemic.

18:01

We've been summer TV. We had a resort

18:03

to binge watching our ring doorbell. No. No.

18:05

No. No. A FedEx guy was hilarious. You

18:07

know, you can ask guy not so

18:09

much. But yeah. I mean, everybody's

18:11

got it. and you don't you ever do this, you walk into like

18:13

a Target

18:13

or Walmart,

18:14

and you're not gonna steal anything, but you kinda

18:17

look around where the cameras are. Mhmm.

18:19

Just to kinda see and they're

18:21

everywhere. Mhmm. Every every they're

18:24

everywhere and they've not put a

18:26

dent in preventing any

18:28

of the crime -- How do we got it? -- I'm gonna only catch people because

18:30

they're on camera? Well,

18:32

I think what we've figured

18:35

out is if two

18:37

people are stealing shit off your porch,

18:39

we we we will catch them. Yeah.

18:41

Once it gets to forty four percent

18:43

of the population is engaged in this

18:45

behavior, then the cops are like, well,

18:47

yeah, footage of it. God bless you. I like

18:49

it when they they see

18:51

running away from a crime, and they got a little bit

18:53

on the camera at the seven eleven. They got somebody

18:55

from somebody's house right here. I just like Yeah.

18:57

I like the montage of the montage.

19:00

Yes. So that's walking, turning the corner,

19:02

coming around. It's usually for now four of

19:04

a terrorist thing usually sort of yeah.

19:06

When we do that. Yeah. Yeah. So Steve

19:08

Martin, Bray Hair. Steve Martin's great.

19:11

I grew up watching him. He was like,

19:13

one of the inspirations for

19:15

me. Him, Andy Kaufman and Albert Brooks.

19:18

Mhmm. I kind of modeled myself

19:20

after the three of him. But, yeah, Steve

19:22

and I, we became friends over the

19:24

years. he I did Roxanne that will be

19:26

with him. Oh, that's right. It's truck number

19:28

two. Mhmm. And and

19:30

then yeah. So We started playing

19:32

the band show together. We yeah. I go

19:34

to his house. Who's better on the band show?

19:36

Oh, he's great. He's a really good band show

19:38

player. Yeah. He's fantastic. I talk about it

19:40

in the book. next to his

19:43

his painting. I

19:45

went to see

19:47

Steve Martin at the Universal Temple Theater with

19:49

the Blues Brothers opening forum. this must have

19:51

been back in the nineteen hundreds. Mhmm. Right? Right.

19:54

So that's alright. Yeah. And

19:56

and and to think that I would ever be, like, hanging

19:58

out with him or even having dinner at

19:59

his house? when I was in that

20:02

audience. It's crazy. He's

20:04

he's

20:04

an art collector. He is an art collector. Is he an

20:06

artist himself? Does he paint? No.

20:09

Just he just has your stuff, fine taste. He

20:11

did like my book. He he really

20:13

he emailed me. What was he gonna say? No. No.

20:15

He didn't have to email me. We

20:17

sent it to him. There's a couple hundred dollars to ask

20:19

to say something. I'm not saying it's not

20:21

fantastic. I'm just saying, what is he gonna It's

20:24

all together. Yeah.

20:27

I mean, that's the thing that when you come out with a book, you're

20:30

gonna get a book from somebody.

20:32

And I feel awkward sending somebody a book

20:34

and say, hey, would you post this?

20:36

you know, so I just sent it and I say, you know, do

20:39

whatever you want with this. I know, I'm not a fan of the

20:41

book, so whatever you wanna do. Who

20:43

I'm looking down, I'm seeing Howard

20:45

Stern's name here and strikes me, Howard can

20:47

be particular about his appearance. You

20:50

could draw an unflattering

20:53

portrait of Does anyone unflattered?

20:57

Yes. Yes. I'll I'll

20:59

be honest with you. I didn't

21:01

hear from anybody when I started posting them on Instagram,

21:04

Instagram. It's like Kevin

21:07

Neil in artwork on Instagram.

21:10

And I really didn't

21:11

want to know from anybody what they thought

21:13

of it because I'm

21:14

really sensitive

21:15

about that if I'm hurting somebody's feelings.

21:18

So I'd rather not know And then as

21:20

the book got closer, we had to get approval from people.

21:22

And most

21:23

people were cool with it, got Jim

21:25

Carey. you

21:27

know, carvey, any better

21:30

even,

21:30

you know. Mhmm. And but

21:32

and I won't tell you who he is, but one

21:35

person saw it. the

21:37

agent said, no. No. No. No.

21:39

No. You can't use this to promote your book.

21:41

Howard Star, and then they said, we

21:43

hate it. We hate it in no

21:45

manner or at all. You're gonna use

21:47

this. So it wasn't in the

21:49

book. It is in the book. Oh, it

21:51

is. Yeah. Wow. Because it's already in

21:53

the book. I never do have a copy. Can

21:55

we look at it?

21:55

I'm looking at the Instagram right now. All

21:57

the pictures are here. They're amazing. I would

21:59

say that's Howard Stern. No. when an

22:02

hour started. But I did I

22:04

called Gary Del Bonde

22:06

to see if he would give us permission to

22:08

use his throttle just to just

22:10

to use to promote the book on talk

22:12

shows, show it. And

22:14

so we I

22:16

we'll we'll ask his people. His people always take care of that.

22:19

You know, he doesn't go to him. So

22:21

when you hear don't hear back from somebody, you

22:23

know that's a no. Mhmm. So,

22:25

yeah, that was half right. But I

22:27

wager a guess by just showing it

22:29

to you. No.

22:31

Oh, okay. I know. But

22:33

Very sick. People said -- Yeah. -- they weren't

22:35

gonna use it. It's it's just very caricature. Oh,

22:38

very strange. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's

22:40

amazing art by the way, but

22:43

not flattering. No.

22:43

No. Characters are never flattering. Nobody ever looked

22:45

at a character and said, that's really

22:47

you captured me perfectly, you

22:50

know. And I'll tell you what else. I go

22:52

through life now looking at people. Everybody's a

22:54

caricature. It's like a fun house. Everybody has,

22:56

you know, exaggerated features.

23:00

And

23:00

you can do yourself. I did

23:02

myself just to show people that I could

23:04

take a joke to it.

23:06

It's really amazing. That

23:09

was great. And it's

23:11

it's it's interesting

23:15

what that is about the human

23:17

mind that kind of can

23:19

create a caricature even

23:22

beyond

23:23

what is a

23:25

feature of the person.

23:28

Like like, how how does it

23:30

go further than that? I mean, it's really

23:32

amazing stuff. Thanks, Meny. You should

23:34

sell these. These are great. Why

23:35

I'm having a a gallery showing

23:38

December eighth, ninth, and tenth, and Brentwood --

23:40

Oh, nice. -- will there be four by

23:42

four feet? big big paintings. There's

23:44

some there's some people who did an airplane right there.

23:46

Oh, yeah. See, I would get yeah. I would

23:48

get a little claustrophobic on the plane and I'll just

23:50

turn and and sketch these people that are usually

23:52

sleeping around their cellphones. You got Brad

23:54

Paisley? Brad Paisley. Yeah. Brad

23:56

Paisley. Yeah. And some great stories

23:58

from Lauren Hutton. I worked with her in a

24:00

film, like, near the end, And

24:02

she told me some great stories about Hunter Bogart because they

24:04

used to be married. Oh, really? Yeah.

24:06

She said What'd you work on with Lauren Hunton? It

24:08

was called all I want for Christmas. It was

24:10

a Christmas movie. Lauren

24:12

Hutton alive? No. It's not Lauren Hutton. It's

24:14

Lauren McCall. Oh, sorry. Lauren McCall. I'm

24:17

sorry. Yeah. So she said

24:19

that they got into

24:20

an argument once. and

24:22

he was a lot older than her. Something about not washing

24:24

the dishes or something. Something like that. You

24:26

know? Yeah. And he slammed the door

24:28

and

24:28

left, and he was gone

24:30

for two days and she started getting worried about.

24:33

So finally he called and

24:35

she was thankful that he called and said that

24:37

I wanted to know if she could come down and pick him up

24:39

on PCH down by Long Beach. She said

24:41

she was driving. The sun was coming

24:43

up. It was really early.

24:45

In addition, she saw him on the side of the road.

24:47

Just a solitary figure holding a red

24:49

rose for her. And she told

24:52

me that when he got sick later in life, he

24:54

was riddled with cancer. Cancer

24:56

is the only thing you could be riddled with. Right? That

24:59

bullets. And, yeah, he

25:01

was kind of frail, and he slept

25:03

upstairs. And he still wanted to see the company

25:05

when they came over. So they had a

25:07

dumb waiter in the past. That little thing you you pulled

25:09

out real elevator for food mostly. Oh,

25:11

they did

25:11

not. And so he

25:12

he wanted to come down. So he he

25:15

she would fold him into the dumb

25:17

waiter, lower him down. And then when

25:19

they open the door, she would say dinner has

25:21

arrived. More than crazy.

25:23

Yeah. So she had some great stories. So I put a lot of that

25:25

stuff in the book. I mean, I talk about Farley,

25:27

you know, Jim Carey,

25:30

I mean, it's just so many great. It

25:32

it is kinda like a memoir.

25:34

And, you know, it strikes me

25:37

that your a good listener

25:39

too. So you would have a lot of

25:41

these good stories that these people -- No.

25:43

-- conveyed because you're not

25:46

Kevin

25:47

Hart. You would just be you

25:49

would be talking the entire time you were

25:51

having a sit down with somebody.

25:54

We have the phone bit ready. It started in Salt Lake City.

25:56

Yeah. He started in Salt Lake

25:59

City. Chris.

26:16

I

26:21

love the wild war. Alright.

26:24

I I gotta remember. Chris, you gotta remind me

26:26

to bring the phone out or just give me a fake phone.

26:29

yeah, because styrofoam won't it? It's just a

26:31

case or something. I'll put a piece of black wood in

26:33

it. It's waving around.

26:35

That's not the

26:35

first time you use the phone as a prop when

26:37

you're on stage. You did that at my wedding.

26:39

Oh, no. No. You pretended that you were gonna read the

26:41

speech and you said, oh, good. The ramps covered the spread and

26:44

put

26:44

it away. the

26:47

best is when you left your phone on, by

26:50

accident, somebody calls you on stage, and then you take

26:52

the call in front of you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm

26:54

kind of at work now, hon. Mhmm. Yeah.

26:56

Now it's Yeah. I'm just I'm talking to

26:58

some people here. Do

27:00

you go out on stage with your

27:02

phone? Yeah. With

27:03

with your hands.

27:04

sometimes, unless I want to let them do that. Do

27:07

you do you do you

27:09

take

27:09

it personally that your wife

27:11

shuts the phone and puts on the

27:13

eye mask and tunes out you and the world. I

27:16

sort of did but not

27:18

anymore because I realized if I was in trouble

27:20

at nine eleven and hopefully they're not with the

27:22

mask and the ear plugs, You

27:24

know? But, you know, it would be nice to be able

27:26

to call and get a hold of somebody. But

27:28

now my son's old enough where I can call him

27:30

-- Mhmm. -- you know, and and

27:33

and get through. But I've never

27:35

needed that. I've never needed to get through.

27:38

Yeah. But like I said, I'm there. I'm always

27:40

there. My phone is on. I

27:41

leave it on at night. so it rings

27:44

and and I'm good to

27:46

go. Yeah. I

27:47

don't you feel some anxiety

27:49

like going to bed at night with the

27:51

phone on that it you misdial

27:54

someone wrong number text

27:56

from AT and T or something

27:58

at four in the morning.

27:59

No. I don't worry about that.

28:02

But it reminds me of I

28:04

did a radio show

28:05

once, you know, these young jockeys. And

28:09

they

28:09

have my phone number. So

28:11

they're trying to be kind of edgy and

28:13

stuff and they call me one

28:15

morning like at four in the morning.

28:17

to

28:17

get my reaction. They were, like, on the East Coast that I

28:19

was here. Right. And they just wanted to get some they

28:21

wanted to get me riled and stuff. And it's just, like

28:24

They wanted to build relationships, you

28:26

know. Yeah. When can I come into the studio?

28:30

But, yeah, III

28:33

would like to go a day without my

28:35

phone. but

28:35

it's hard. It's hard

28:37

because, you know, you got people calling and

28:39

agents and, you know,

28:42

charities and people know and be

28:44

with charity. Is there

28:44

see, I guess,

28:47

it's it's kind of a two way

28:49

street with the it sort

28:51

of falls under the heading

28:53

of Did you hear what

28:55

so and so said about you?

28:57

My impulse is like, no, and

28:59

I don't wanna know. many

29:01

others is like, I would like to

29:04

know. So the phone can be the

29:06

bringer of good news. It can be the

29:08

bringer of bad news, and I guess it's

29:10

sort of how you're wired, but

29:12

I look at the phone as sort of an

29:14

obligation. I'd rather not

29:17

have it. Yeah. By the way, III

29:19

hate the good news, bad news

29:21

scenario because

29:22

it's never gonna equal good news

29:25

at all. It's like, do you wanna hear the good news

29:27

first or the bad news? And I say, let

29:29

me hear the

29:29

good news first, and then I hang up on him.

29:32

more I do. Who wants to hear

29:34

bad news? Your on college just calls you

29:37

back. Everybody's alive.

29:39

Great. Thank you. I don't

29:41

like I don't like the choice. I

29:43

just feel like you have two pieces

29:45

of information. One is good. The

29:47

other is not deliver that info.

29:49

We don't need to pick the order. I I

29:52

just feel like I

29:55

feel like it's a you're you're

29:57

you're a waiter. You have a special.

30:00

You you have Medicini and

30:02

you have the Porterhouse

30:05

steak. Don't ask me what order I

30:07

want them in. Just spit it out. Yep.

30:10

Also, I I sometimes

30:12

I like to ask the waiter or server

30:14

what what what they would have. I mean,

30:16

what would you get? And then when they say that, I say, okay,

30:18

you get that, they will have to shout.

30:23

Why would somebody think that you gotta have a good taste. I

30:25

will order what you'll have because you know maybe

30:27

you know what's fresh in the kitchen

30:29

and what's not fresh. Well,

30:32

there is I I've noticed that the

30:34

waiters or waitresses, they will

30:36

never poo poo something that

30:38

they're serving, but they'll make

30:40

a noise or they'll have a faith or they'll they'll do

30:42

some delicate version

30:44

of not my favorite.

30:48

Right. I mean, if I

30:50

had a choice between the two, probably

30:53

the sirloin, but only because

30:55

so many

30:56

people want the other one. Okay.

30:59

They'll just sweat

30:59

the sweeping, John, well, I don't like salmon.

31:01

Yeah. Right now, it's a polar bear. Yeah.

31:04

Alright,

31:04

Joey. You'll take a break. We

31:06

got the news to do. Kevin's gonna hang with us, and we'll

31:08

do that right after this.

31:13

You can do

31:14

this with grass. New with

31:16

gina grass. Brake

31:18

being

31:18

viable. We are crime protest

31:21

tactics. Give me this

31:23

Regina grass stuff. It's on

31:25

TMC. Joe might

31:27

come up. It news with Gina,

31:30

Gina. The news

31:35

with Gina Brad. The

31:37

former

31:37

Trump adviser Steve Bannon has been

31:40

sentenced to four months in prison

31:42

in order to pay a sixty five

31:44

hundred dollar fine for his

31:46

contempt congress conviction. If you haven't

31:48

been following this closely, let me just kinda give

31:50

you the broad strokes. Bannon was found guilty

31:52

of contempt over the summer after he after

31:54

he reportedly ignored subpoena from the House Committee investigating

31:57

the January six attacks at the

31:59

Capitol, the judge allowed Bannon to remain

32:01

free pending his appeal If

32:03

he chooses not to appeal or loses the appeal, he will

32:05

be expected to surrender by November

32:08

fifteenth. Bannon addressed

32:10

reporters as he entered the court and

32:12

he said Remember, this

32:14

illegitimate regime, their judgment day,

32:16

is on eight November when the Biden

32:18

administration ends. Prosecutors

32:21

wanted six months and got

32:23

four, and he could have been fined two hundred thousand

32:25

dollars, but he was fined sixty five thousand dollars. I'd

32:26

like prison to work incrementally. Like, I

32:29

don't like the four months. You either

32:31

get sex or you get nothing. You

32:33

know what I mean? I don't I don't need the I

32:35

don't need the What the difference? there

32:37

for five weeks. Yeah. What about when they go?

32:39

You're he's received three

32:41

life term sentences. Yeah.

32:43

Unnecessary. Yeah. What do you bring two friends in with

32:45

you? About a year. You're corps

32:47

that sustain there for another month of the

32:49

year. Yeah. Yeah. I like I like when

32:51

they get seven or eight or they

32:54

should just go. We're gonna give you one. I know

32:56

you killed ten people, but we're

32:58

just gonna give you the one life sentence, and it

33:00

was the one who we like

33:02

the most. Who's gonna I know it's potential to

33:05

start grieving families. Do you wanna

33:07

do ten years in this prison over here? Or do you wanna

33:10

do one

33:10

year at Rykers? Beaujardins? That'd

33:13

be a good choice. Didn't they give Keith

33:15

or Sutherland that kind of choice? Remember

33:17

it was like a shorter term at

33:19

Twin Towers in downtown Los Angeles or

33:21

a longer term and like Pasadina.

33:23

Remember crime

33:25

kind of thing. Yeah. I don't

33:26

wanna do that. Because I feel like the twin

33:28

towers is, like, more overcrowded, and it's,

33:30

like, scarier.

33:31

I I don't think I'm making this up from

33:33

whole clock. Steve

33:35

Bannon's a guy you should do a caricature

33:37

of. I feel like that would not be

33:39

flattering. Oh, yeah. He's he

33:42

is there now. What is the

33:44

character? Yeah. Once the pen fires

33:46

up. Yeah. You know what? And

33:48

just in general, The well,

33:51

he he's got seven to nine

33:53

years, but with the

33:55

sixty percent sentencing

33:58

clause, he only has to do sixty percent of the

34:00

seventy. Let's just give a number.

34:02

We'll stick to it. And with good behavior

34:03

and good hair -- Yeah. -- he'll be

34:06

on too. And by the way, you let's

34:08

just assume the behavior. You you

34:10

know you know what I mean? Yeah. Like the the

34:14

good the good behavior. Oh, so you didn't stab

34:16

a guard. Yeah. So now you're gonna

34:18

get out three years earlier. It's like

34:20

when somebody's mean all the time.

34:23

and just not a nice person. But that

34:25

one, they're nice. Oh. One second. Everybody gets excited.

34:27

Hey. Hey. See what's really nice to me? He's he's

34:29

got that side of him. Yeah. No. He's a

34:31

mean guy. He's acting like a decent Yeah. Yeah. I don't I

34:34

don't accept the a a lot of

34:36

excuses for mean

34:38

people is Well,

34:40

that guy's miserable. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like It's

34:42

like that day. Yeah. Fine. Understood.

34:45

He's miserable. But now he's

34:47

making everyone around him. miserable. a

34:49

call. So knock that off. One time there was

34:52

this woman in line at

34:54

Starbucks. And I

34:55

guess I didn't see her,

34:56

and I went up to a thing. She was, excuse me,

34:59

I'm in line. and then she got

34:59

of ornery. And

35:02

I sent her on the way

35:03

out. I said, I'm sorry you're having a bad day.

35:05

I am serious. No. I'm not having a bad day. I'm

35:07

not having a bad So

35:09

I don't take

35:12

that approach anymore. You don't you

35:14

don't you

35:14

don't you don't? No. No. I don't fall into

35:16

that trap. No. No. Can't tell him what kind

35:19

of day. I just push him aside and walk over

35:21

him. It's kinda Yeah. With my Trai latte.

35:23

Mhmm. And when you're tall, you can do

35:25

that. Yeah. Yeah. Step right over. They had a

35:27

makeup artist ask me yesterday.

35:30

They they do a lot of having a

35:32

good day. and

35:34

not I don't really have much to compare.

35:36

Most days too other than the day before,

35:38

the day after, they're all sort of basically

35:42

the same. but I always say good. You know, I and

35:44

I don't like I don't like

35:46

when the people do the I'm

35:48

okay. You know what I mean? Like,

35:50

she's doing a question. Yeah. Fantastic. And

35:52

where she is when you go to somebody,

35:56

How

35:56

are you doing today? I will

35:58

see. I will see. Our, you know, you know

36:01

i'm

36:02

the Or if you ask anybody

36:04

over seventy, how they're doing? You're gonna do

36:06

a

36:06

home medical consultation. You know? Yeah. Don't

36:09

do that. But

36:12

yeah. you

36:12

wanna stay here from the negative people. I like positive people. When I

36:14

see an adult wearing braces, I smile. Okay. No.

36:16

I know they have hope for the future. Yeah.

36:20

Mhmm. And

36:20

I mean, mostly gay. Mostly gay. If I adult

36:22

male, is that

36:23

wearing braces? I think you're just thinking of the

36:25

movie MAGNOLIA

36:25

when William H.

36:27

Macy's is playing that forty

36:29

two year old heterosexual dudes. Yeah. They're

36:31

done they're done with their teeth out

36:33

of high school. They're Now

36:35

I think the Invisalign. Do you do

36:38

you support that on people? The

36:40

Invisalign. Is it called Invisalign? I think

36:42

I think my kids

36:44

have that. My wife's my son. Thank your kids. Takes

36:46

care of your kids. Oh, we got now. She

36:48

takes them through the orthodontists and stuff.

36:50

Yeah. I think my kids go to

36:52

school. I'm

36:54

not sure. But, yeah, I think people have this thing with

36:56

work. I have to explain to

36:58

many people in my life. I work,

37:00

like, all day. Like, I

37:04

I like people that go, like people had

37:06

jobs when I was a kid and there's no

37:08

way I would have said to

37:10

my dad in, you

37:12

know, nineteen seventy seven,

37:14

have a high school baseball

37:16

game at one:thirty. Afternoon. swing

37:19

by the high school, it'd be like, I wouldn't

37:21

ask because he said he said work. Without

37:23

happening? He has go

37:24

to work. People went to

37:26

work. They came home at a certain time. I'm sort of

37:28

that way too, but we've thrown the schedules

37:31

out the windows like everyone's to

37:33

sort of free form schedule

37:35

where they can just show up and beat

37:37

places and take the kid to the

37:40

Invisalign. I, you know, I say this sometimes in

37:42

my act. They say, you know, I bet I'd be a really

37:44

good dad. if I was home

37:46

more with my kid. But I don't

37:48

like that your

37:49

kids aren't in erector sets.

37:52

That's what you're supposed to be in when you're a teenager. You run a pub. Big

37:54

giant braces. Yeah. That's what you

37:56

you have to have the the band the

37:59

rubber

37:59

band. some head gear. I don't know. Well,

38:02

the head gear was always an

38:04

interesting choice because I never we never I

38:06

didn't one kid. couldn't afford you

38:08

know, straight teeth. But the choice was

38:10

headset to school or headset

38:13

at night. Yeah. I think that

38:15

was it. And I've always thought

38:17

it was interesting, the ones that chose

38:19

the school headset versus the -- Absolutely.

38:21

-- in your own bedroom headset. I

38:24

guess they were, you know, face sleepers

38:26

or something, but it there was a few

38:28

of the headsets in my -- Yeah. -- you

38:30

remember as a kid, did you sleep

38:32

on your stomach. Yes. Me too. I stick my stomach,

38:34

my head turned to the left, once I walk to the right --

38:36

Mhmm. -- him directly into the pillow. Yeah. But

38:38

now it's mostly him just a

38:40

side sleeper. Are you?

38:42

Yeah. Good. because I get that sleep apnea

38:44

if I'm on my back.

38:45

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will I will

38:48

definitely store it up. Although I wish I was

38:50

a back sleeper. That's the best way to

38:52

slice the best. Except for you gotta watch out for the

38:54

spiders. They crawl in your ears. No.

38:56

Not in the ear in the mouth. They say the average

38:58

person, I think, consumes

39:00

six spiders in their lifetime. Just crawling in. Really? Yeah. I just do

39:02

it all in the same night to do it all the

39:04

way. Home Free Resideo

39:06

Honeywell. Yep. Now I can sleep my mouth

39:10

open. and not to have a care in the world. Yeah.

39:12

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Right. The

39:14

only six you think you've eaten, including

39:16

apples, worms,

39:18

and apples. Well, if you're gonna include Apple

39:20

work, that's a

39:22

really different calculation. I

39:27

I don't think I've consumed

39:30

any worms and apples,

39:32

although I'm not a big apple guy. I gotta

39:34

be honest with you. But for

39:36

an Apple guy. No? I'm

39:38

I'm a nectarine guy. Oh, nectarine,

39:40

nice, citrus y stuff. Well, you

39:42

know, when when you were younger But, I mean,

39:45

insects ground up in food that

39:47

I've eaten. It's it's all yellow. I

39:49

got it. be endless. Yeah. What is

39:51

it that some kind of a color they put in

39:53

something is made some beetle --

39:55

Mhmm. -- redness or something. you know, when when we were all

39:58

like eighteen, nineteen, twenty,

39:59

and you went

40:02

to Mexico, you got the tequila with

40:04

a little warm at the bottom. And

40:05

that was the thing to drink as your coffee can

40:07

get the warm out of there. I never did

40:09

that, but some people I've done it.

40:11

You have? Oh, yeah. Alright. So there's some insects you got going in there. Okay. I've

40:13

done an insect. No.

40:16

Insect.

40:17

a grub. It's it's a worm, but it's

40:19

kind of a caterpillar. I don't feel like it's

40:21

And it was called we've gotten

40:23

to the mezcal debate

40:25

before, but that was called

40:27

mezcal tequila, that kind

40:30

of thing with the it's

40:32

a sorta looks like a little caterpillar. Not not a worm like an

40:34

earthworm. shell on it. Sorta. It's

40:36

not smooth. It's it's kinda little It's

40:39

a little crunchy. No.

40:41

And you have to watch out for the

40:44

bones. No. But, yes,

40:46

we've we've gotten we used to go to

40:48

Tijuana on a semi

40:50

regular basis, and we would get

40:52

a bottle of that tequila, which I think

40:54

was called mezcal tequila with the with

40:57

the worm in the bottom of it. And then

40:59

we would hang out in bars and

41:01

strip clubs and stuff like that.

41:03

You know, you think it's bad

41:05

for person drinking the worm, but how do you think it is for

41:07

the worm? When the worm is going

41:10

downstream and he sees teeth

41:12

and a tongue, get ready to

41:14

swallow them. Yeah. You should take a look on my

41:16

worm's face.

41:18

When is it when when is

41:20

that worm we say the worm, but it it

41:23

it doesn't look like a pupae. It

41:25

doesn't really look like a worm, at

41:27

least in the bottles that

41:29

I've that I've it's old. It looks like it's been sitting

41:31

in there for a long time. Kinda crusty cold. It

41:33

looks like Sano. You take it out and dry it out.

41:35

A butterfly is gonna jump out of it. It

41:37

looks more like a cocoon. That's right. A not a

41:39

maggie worm. Oh, now it

41:42

sounds good. Mhmm. Yeah.

41:44

They

41:44

And there's a lot of I

41:47

think there's a lot of t shirts that said, like, I hate

41:49

the worm on it or whatever. Yeah.

41:52

Speaking of

41:54

eating, at the Unicorn Strip club,

41:56

stripers have come have

41:58

come out

41:59

out and they'd put

42:02

their

42:02

foot up on the table, and guys

42:04

should bury their face down in

42:06

the -- Sure. -- foot tranche. Okay.

42:10

Oh, mhmm. You don't wear them? Yeah. There was there was there was there was there was an there

42:12

was an eating going on in that

42:14

place. Yeah. You know, I

42:16

stayed at a a hotel at

42:19

a gig in San Diego. This hotel,

42:21

I go into the room, I

42:23

kid you

42:24

not, there was a

42:26

King sized bunk bed that was held up by chains. King

42:29

sized bunk beds and at the end of the bunk

42:31

bed was a stripper pole.

42:34

Wow. Fun. And I can't imagine the parties that went out of

42:36

that room before I got there. Anyway,

42:39

I had five girls

42:41

come up that We had

42:44

a local party. Yeah. Sure.

42:46

Yeah. Well, speaking of terrifying

42:48

It's a larva of a moth.

42:50

Yeah. So it says, do you have

42:52

a picture of that

42:53

thing? See if it's the

42:55

one I remember being

42:58

t one, all that We all we all have that same image in our mind. It's

43:00

kind of a shell. I don't remember a

43:02

shell. I remember, like, a small

43:06

caterpillars when I sort of Liza is a great

43:08

word for it. That's -- Yeah. -- it's a baby

43:10

bug baby. You like to be no.

43:13

That's

43:13

not the

43:15

That's not

43:15

it. Well, there are a few like, a lot of

43:17

bottles do it. Like, that's the biggest one. Is there a

43:20

Mescale or one

43:22

called Mescale? to kilo. Anyway, sorry, go ahead you. Alright.

43:24

Well speaking of terrifying

43:25

things, this sounds funny, but once I show you

43:28

the video, you'll get why they they

43:30

got theirs.

43:32

four day care workers at a facility in Mississippi have

43:34

been fired and are facing possible jail

43:37

time for this stupid

43:40

prank where they put screen masks on and scare

43:42

the little ones like the toddlers.

43:44

Yeah. And I'm gonna

43:46

show you the video. It's

43:48

actually heartbreaking because the guy just sounded funny, but it's not. A video

43:51

inside the classroom shows the

43:54

terrified children estimated to be

43:56

like three years old,

43:58

frozen in fear, crying, screaming. The video

44:00

went viral and four women are now facing

44:02

three counts of felony

44:04

child abuse. HERE'S A CLIP

44:06

FROM THE DAY CARE SHOWN BY INSIGHT

44:08

ADDITION. DAY

44:08

CARE WORKERS SCARING

44:11

TODDLERS WITH A screen mask. The little ones shrinking

44:14

and crying in utter

44:16

terror. The mother of

44:18

this talk -- Yeah. -- gave insider

44:20

edition permission

44:22

to go her face. It's heartbreaking. I'd be in prison if they

44:24

did that to my steps on. Wow. You'd kill

44:26

them. Is that your camera? Yeah.

44:29

filled it from the stage and wise guys. But they're

44:32

they're they're absolutely frozen

44:34

thus far. That's okay. Let me say

44:38

this about scaring

44:38

people and or practical jokes.

44:40

They have to have some

44:44

angle that is clever. You

44:47

can't just I

44:49

can't just call Chris

44:52

and then go, hey man, bad

44:54

news. I was just driving up the

44:56

street, and so your car was totaled out in the street. then go, just

44:59

kidding. Gotcha. Yeah. That's not really a

45:01

thing. It's it's same with the

45:03

jumping out, like, you know, somebody

45:05

-- Jumping it. -- walking around the corner

45:08

at the house and boom, you know, it's like

45:10

Oh, man. Yeah. You gotta have something a little

45:12

more interesting. I'm guilty for that. I remember

45:14

when I was a kid at

45:16

my friend's house, he had an older

45:18

sister. And we were down the

45:20

the stairs down by the basement door.

45:23

It

45:23

was a little alcove there. And he had

45:25

her go down there to get something. Mhmm. And

45:27

I

45:27

had a mask out or something, you know, AA1

45:29

of those has to pull over the

45:32

eye holes. and she got down there. I jumped out at her. I jumped

45:34

out at her. I didn't jump I

45:36

didn't touch her. I just go And

45:38

she saw me and she couldn't

45:40

stop screaming. and

45:42

it scared me. And I took the hat off. I go to me. It's me. She

45:44

still couldn't stop breathing. Oh.

45:46

I mean, that was me.

45:49

I really felt bad about

45:50

that. Absolutely still working on that in therapy.

45:52

They're great. Tremetic.

45:54

Jimmy, when he terrorized Oh.

45:57

Richard cheese. Well, think

45:59

of

45:59

his name in a second.

46:02

From Kayrock.

46:03

You have to have

46:05

an angle to to to terrorize people, to scare them. Yeah. You

46:07

know? Yeah. You know. And we were sitting

46:10

outside at

46:12

Carney's hot dogs on Ventura Boulevard just after the

46:14

morning shown, like, you know, nineteen

46:16

ninety five or something. And

46:20

some guy went buying a Honda, they're

46:22

a soul or something.

46:24

It's this thing that's crazy. And

46:26

I understand cars. I study cars.

46:29

And then a guy he cut a guy off in

46:31

a big Cadillac, and the guy was just riding

46:33

the horn the whole time as they

46:36

passed by us. And

46:38

III look at him and that's I

46:40

the guy's in that kind of go, Jimmy. That guy the

46:42

horn, that's just a horn, and that's the guy. I

46:44

remember that horn from Kayrock. I know the

46:46

guy cut him

46:48

off, and and Jim was

46:50

like, okay, good enough. And then Jimmy called him, Mark

46:52

Davis, asked the guy the

46:55

Cadillac we cut off. He's like, hey, motherfucker. I

46:58

know where you live. It's a

47:00

serious voice. You cut my

47:02

shit off adventure of

47:04

Boulevard, and you thought you're gonna get away from

47:06

me. I ain't done with you, bitch. And

47:08

of course, she was locked

47:10

in because Who else needs? There'd be no way. There's

47:12

no possible way that this is

47:14

anybody but the guy who he cut off

47:16

on Ventura Boulevard who rode

47:18

the horn forty

47:20

minutes earlier. Calipria caller ID. It

47:22

could be nobody else. Then he terrorized

47:24

him for the next two months. Oh my god. Yeah. He

47:26

knew someone who worked for the DMV. He

47:30

got his guys address. He's coming from.

47:32

Awesome. It was awesome. The

47:34

worst is when you hurt somebody. You

47:37

know, light his roommate was lightning that -- Yeah. --

47:39

whatever it is, sir.

47:40

And Jimmy was

47:42

like, you cannot tell him.

47:45

Fucking can't tell him it's made. But

47:47

lightning had to live with the guy.

47:49

And every time lightning, like, came in, like,

47:51

if he left the downstairs door dead bolt

47:54

on that, it's like, lots the door,

47:56

lock it. Who are you with?

47:58

You know, who is it? You know, you live with an

48:00

insane paranoid guy. He can't live

48:02

with. So his he had to rat

48:04

him out. It lasted

48:06

a week or two, but eventually he had to

48:08

say something because lightning was going insane.

48:10

Living with a guy staring out of

48:12

the window. all the time. Yeah.

48:14

He lived in a fear of

48:16

that guy. Yeah. And now he was

48:20

he was he was

48:20

in a position where he could be really be scared. You know, the roommate could just do

48:22

you

48:22

all kinds of stuff? Do you hear something outside? Yeah. Do you

48:25

do you lock the back door? Oh,

48:27

he

48:27

was going who's nuts.

48:30

But again, things

48:32

have to live in some world. Just

48:34

jumping out with the ski mask. It's

48:37

It's not No. It's you know, I'm a I'm

48:39

the same way. I don't like those slash movies

48:41

where they jump out. I I rather have the

48:43

slow build, like, mattresses and the shining or

48:46

whatever. I I also So just the

48:48

music stab and then show

48:50

the cat. Yeah. That's

48:52

not creative to me. It helps. Sounds

48:54

scary. Yeah. Sounds scary.

48:56

It works. And also work if you

48:58

have a VW bus and it

49:00

backfires behind me. I will I will be

49:02

scared,

49:02

but that's not crap. You're

49:04

not that's the right story. You said There's a thing that scared

49:07

me the most of my life, and I did

49:09

it to myself. My buddy, Bill,

49:11

had a van that he

49:13

redid. He had it just had it painted. He was

49:15

sitting in his backyard. And I

49:17

had some smoke bombs.

49:20

And he loved that parents

49:22

so much. and I put two smoke bombs under the van near the

49:24

engine. Mhmm. And I forgot to

49:26

smoke bombs before they start smoking, they shoot

49:28

out a flame, like

49:30

a torch. Mhmm. And I had it right under the on the

49:32

engine, in the oil and all that

49:34

stuff. And

49:35

I never done a better

49:37

acting job because I ran up I

49:39

went to his house and Bill, Bill, your advance on fire. Your

49:41

advance on fire. And he believed me, of

49:43

course. And he went out there and he he

49:45

was but I was never so scared because I thought

49:47

that he was gonna blow up. And it would have been

49:49

my fault. I wouldn't have said anything, but it would have been my

49:52

fault. I had a friend who was an

49:54

artist. Name was

49:55

Carl. I painted like

49:58

you. Yeah. and I angered him once

50:00

because I push.

50:02

Firecrackers were fun, but

50:04

firecrackers in a lemon that

50:07

was on the ground. Mhmm. Much

50:10

better. I never heard of it. Just

50:12

take that lemon, shove that

50:14

firecracker into it. He was living

50:16

in a guest house in Studio City, and

50:18

I took the lemon

50:20

firecracker before I entered his

50:22

guest house. I just lit it and rolled

50:24

it in. shot

50:30

pulp everywhere in ruin all

50:32

in Spain. Oh, no. The painting. Yeah. I was like I was I was early

50:34

money like those climate activists. It's

50:36

through the soup on the van gogh.

50:38

No. I did that with

50:40

Karl's trainees.

50:42

What it did? What Carl could have been? Yeah. Well,

50:44

what did he offer you on your countdown

50:46

eleventh? He he

50:48

did

50:51

he

50:51

paid me back because I was

50:53

sitting doodling -- Yeah. -- in my in

50:56

in class

50:58

shortly thereafter. and I wrote this

51:00

note

51:01

about we

51:02

have it

51:03

somewhere. I was just sitting

51:06

board and Spanish class

51:08

and I was like doodling and I wrote

51:10

some long winded note about what I

51:12

wanted to do to my

51:14

prom date. which was

51:16

all just insane. Just

51:18

sitting in class. And I gave

51:20

it to him and and he read it

51:22

to her. Oh, man. And I said that's the most humiliating

51:24

thing. You know, I wanna drink the sweet

51:26

nectar of a regime. You know? It's like I said,

51:28

it's the most embarrassing. And

51:30

he goes, That way, you should have

51:32

rolled the lemon. Yeah. No. No. No.

51:34

No. No. No. No. No. No.

51:36

No. No. No.

51:38

No. Alright. Kevin's got a heart out. us do

51:40

half a half a bro. Well,

51:41

because we're talking about this stuff, we have to talk

51:43

about this. And Brian, maybe you have some clarity, and I

51:45

know it's not your genre.

51:48

Teraphyr too. this movie

51:50

starring this horrible character art

51:52

the clown, this this sequel

51:55

is apparently making people

51:57

throw up, making people pass

51:59

out in the theater, and the

52:01

director Damien Leone is

52:03

loving it. He's like, you know, we were

52:05

just hoping people be scared, but this is

52:07

fantastic. Now there's a warning that comes up. Viewers are who

52:09

are faint of heart, prone to light headedness, have weak stomachs, are

52:12

advised to take extreme caution. This is not

52:14

new. No.

52:14

That's good. But

52:17

This is the class. Doctor William Castle.

52:18

Can you hear the films? That'll

52:21

be a EKG outside. That'll

52:23

be a nurse station at the end of

52:25

the house. And

52:25

that's what I thought. And absolutely. And

52:27

I'm sure people make a big deal of it.

52:29

But apparently, it's so

52:31

grotesque just for grotesque --

52:34

Yeah. -- like horror horror horror horror horror stories. The

52:36

people are being, like, I heard it was a film. hundred thousand

52:38

to make. I'll show you forty

52:39

five seconds of the trailer. Nothing just

52:41

happens in the trailer.

52:42

don't know what

52:44

it is on rotten tomatoes, Chris, or what it

52:47

is. What it is? I've seen Head

52:49

of Elektor Fortunae to drink his own

52:51

brain. That was

52:51

the worst I've seen it

52:54

all been flayed alive. So I didn't realize that

52:56

whatever you've been thinking has been done worse.

52:59

Where do

53:01

you live? He's in Valley

53:04

Valley. Yeah. eighty

53:07

seven with the people oh, sorry. Eighty eight,

53:09

eighty seven with the critics. So it's

53:12

alright. Here's a

53:12

so wait. Let me just give you the premise. It's

53:16

After being resurrected by a

53:18

sinister entity, art the cloud

53:20

returns to the timid town of

53:22

Myles County where he targets a teenage girl and her younger brother on

53:24

Halloween night. For the environment,

53:26

speaking

53:26

of surprises

53:27

kids, we have a

53:29

very special guest with us

53:32

today all the way from

53:33

Myles County. Please welcome

53:35

Art the

53:38

Crown. Low torque.

53:42

People running the flag.

53:44

People went fired. Jason,

53:47

you could go What is

53:52

oh,

53:52

what is the key object

53:54

level content, you know? I've

53:56

heard

53:56

I looked it up.

53:58

And she's

53:59

in a tank. Someone has half a

54:02

face. Just led to humor. Okay.

54:04

So I've heard with one of

54:06

the most objectionable

54:07

parts is, apparently, a girl is hanging upside down with

54:09

her legs open and he saws her in half

54:11

starting at the vagina. people

54:14

really don't

54:15

mind. You know, you always started the forest. No. I

54:18

was like going to Omaha. This is the

54:20

salad for this is the

54:22

entrée for.

54:24

do not confuse the two when you splay a woman to start

54:26

from the forehead and you move down. Just

54:28

with the chainsaw, just the motion -- manner.

54:31

-- so with lower Difficult. Would

54:34

you saw a log from underneath the log or

54:36

would you drop it on top of it? Gravity

54:38

do the work. Right. It's

54:41

It's common knowledge. That's not a lot, but that's what I'm

54:43

telling you. There's victims

54:44

organs being pulled out. Somebody gets

54:46

their brain, young, yanked out, and the

54:49

people are upset.

54:49

You know? Sounds like the so. But I

54:51

I

54:51

don't know. Whatever. I I don't first

54:54

off, it's weird that

54:56

there's a lot of people wear this genre

54:59

just sorta out in the open, like, I love

55:01

this shit. I love this shit. Oh, love

55:03

I love pedophiles. You

55:06

know what I mean? I love misery.

55:08

Like, I love seeing people being

55:10

destroyed. You know, in in horrible,

55:12

horrible ways. Like, And then it becomes

55:14

a sort of weird batch of

55:16

honor. Like, oh, this is my

55:18

this is my shit.

55:20

I'm like,

55:23

Aren't you sort of saying

55:25

something about yourself where you go? You

55:27

said everything about yourself? I don't think

55:29

fellow humans destroyed with that.

55:31

That's that's what I enjoy. Yeah.

55:34

This isn't, you know, in

55:36

porn, knock yourself out. You know what I

55:38

mean? I like Asians. or like the big

55:40

booty or like the big titties,

55:42

knock yourself out. But you know you know what I was like, you

55:44

know, where people are being putting

55:46

wood shippers. Then you

55:48

enjoy it. That's that's what I like to do. I'd go to store ask

55:50

them

55:50

if they have a shovel

55:52

that will dig shallow grains. Shallocated

55:56

to Shallagraves. That's all I Shallage

55:58

Shovel. Shallage Shovel. Yeah.

56:00

Oh,

56:00

that's good. Alright. Perfect. yeah,

56:03

Kevin's got a hard nap. Like, that's alright. We're gonna play

56:05

the kids. We're bringing it home right now. Let's do

56:07

it. I'm Gina Grant, and that's the

56:09

news. In this house, Love

56:11

is welcome. Gina, Gina, Gina. That was the

56:13

news with Gina Grant.

56:16

Alright. Last but not least, there's the Jordan

56:18

harbinger show.

56:20

a different kind of sponsor for this podcast, the Jordan Harbinger

56:23

Show. It's a well, if you're

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a fan of fascinating podcast with

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interesting people, you should definitely

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check it out. There's an episode for

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everyone no matter what you're into. Jordan

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talks with Scott Adams about persuasion

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in a world where facts

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don't matter. or

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go inside the dark world of wildlife trafficking. You'll always

56:41

find something useful and you can apply

56:43

it to your own life. like

56:45

routine changes to boost productivity

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or slight

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mindset tweaks that change how you

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see the world. Jordan's an

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interesting dude. spoken to him on

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many occasions. We enjoy a show and I think you will too.

56:58

Search it out. The Jordan Harbinger

57:02

show that's HARB as in boy,

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i n as in Nancy, GER

57:06

and you can find Jordan Show on

57:10

Apple PodcastSpotify or

57:12

wherever you listen to finer podcasts, it's the Jordan

57:14

Harbinger show. Alright, Kevin.

57:16

You're making a flight. I

57:19

gotta catch Oh, okay. Well, it's a lot of controversy about

57:21

where you've landed and we're coming here. I landed

57:23

and now I'm going. Oh, you came in.

57:25

Oh, it's a lot. Crazy flying.

57:28

Love you, Kevin Neil. Well, for that, you get

57:30

a plug, my friend. I

57:32

exaggerate my brushes with

57:34

fame. It's available. Now

57:36

if you hear this or tomorrow, as you

57:39

as you hear this you find finer

57:42

bucks. Hanking with Kevin, October twenty seven.

57:44

Hanking with

57:46

Kevin. that's right on YouTube as well, very funny show.

57:48

And live dates everywhere.

57:50

Just you can visit

57:52

you can visit neilen

57:54

dot com for the dates, and

57:56

you can go to a CS mic

57:58

drop comedy in

57:59

San Diego, October twenty eight and

58:02

twenty nine. Vegas coming

58:04

up, Rialto theater coming up,

58:06

and Tucson Tempe coming up, just got

58:08

him call dot com for all that. Until next

58:10

time, Sam Crowe King Grant,

58:12

O'Brien, Kevin Neil and

58:14

Sam, Mahala.

58:18

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Kevin

58:22

Miller.

58:25

Make sure you get a copy of Adam's e

58:27

book. Everything reminds me of something that's available everywhere find

58:29

our books are sold. Leave us a voice mail at

58:31

8886241744

58:34

and get your tickets to ZVA's, man. Get them now at adam corolla

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dot com.

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